James woke from his sleep. He immediately tore into a fit of rage. He jumped out of his small bed in his small room. Tears flew from his eyes as screams sang from his throat. He tugged at his long brown hair and slammed head against the wall as some of his hair started to come out of his head.
He fell to the ground and wrapped himself up in the fetal position, his fingernails digging into his arms. He was shaking all over and his throat was sore from screaming his pain out. His head was in a condition he had never felt before. He was unsure what to believe. If any of what he had experienced was real. The dreams he was having. They made him so happy. So happy that being torn from them and being brought back into his painful life made his mind find hell.
He hated knowing that it wasn’t real. That these dreams were just a product of his imagination and that he would have to go back to the loneliness his life held. Not only the loneliness, but the neglect of his dad and the constant beatings from him. He was alone at school. Everyday he had to face a long day of school, with people hating him for being different and then come home to find a drunken parent. A parent, who when drunk, is extremely violent. James usually retreated to his room and opened his laptop. There he could escape from the pain in his world by watching ponies.
He never interacted with other bronies lest they treat him like everyone else did. Why should they act any different than the kids at school? No, he just watched the show constantly. Eventually he started living for the ponies. Pinkie Pie was always his favorite, mostly because she was everything he wasn’t. Fun, outgoing, and excitable.
James sat shaking on his floor. His arms were bleeding from scratching at them with his nails. His hair lay on the floor with bloody tips. The screams had finally stopped, but his head was no better. He had no idea how to cope with what he was dealing with. He got the experience the joys of Equestria when he was sleeping, but when he woke he realized that it wasn’t real, and that his times with Pinkie Pie and the other five were just in his head.
He spoke to himself, with his head between his knees and his voice shaking. “W-why does this have to happen? Why can’t it be real!? Why do I have to live through this abuse!?!? Why can’t it be real!? Why is my head fucking with my like this!? I can’t stand living like this! Being taken away from happiness! I fucking hate everybody! They are the reason my life is like this!”
That night James Montague was driven past his breaking point. The people who made his life a living hell and having glimpses of happiness, knowing it could be better, drove James to insanity.
He walked out of his room. His father was passed out on the couch. James went to the gun cabinet and opened the door. He put a shell into his dad’s 12 gauge shotgun and pointed it at his abusive father. He gave a squeeze of the trigger and a red mist puffed in front of him. The couch was stained with what was inside his father’s head.
James calmly went back to his room and grabbed his MP3 filled with only pony music. He put the headphones in his ears and pulled a hoodie over his head. He walked down the dirt road in front of his house for miles. The police later found him passed out in a ditch.
I went to bed as late as usual that night, around 3:00 AM. I couldn’t force myself to stay up and watch more ponies. I was on the verge of passing out due the the loss of strength caused by my father’s abuse. I fell onto my bed and quickly fell asleep.
I began to dream, which was odd for me. Of course I didn’t realize it was a dream, but I still recall it so vividly. It seems almost like it actually did happen. I woke up in my bed. I was a blue pegasus colt in Ponyville. . .
“Are you ready for school Swift Foot? It’s going to be starting soon and you know how Cheerilee is about tardiness!” My mom called from downstairs. Of course I was ready! I couldn’t wait to see my friends again! I threw my saddlebags on my back and flew down the stairs. My mom was standing at the bottom, with wide eyes when she noticed that I had thrown my body at her to give her a huge hug. I squeezed her tight and rubbed my head up against her chest.
“I love you, mom! I’ll see you at the party after school!” I fluttered my small wings and run out of the door. It was another bright sunny day in Ponyville! The small village was filled with the life of different ponies on their way to different activities and errands. I met the rest of the Cutie Mark Crusaders under a tree near the schoolhouse.
“Hey, guys! What’s up?” I asked as I ran up to the three others. I hadn’t ever told anypony, but I had a huge crush on Scootaloo.
She was the first to speak, “We are coming up with new ideas to get our cutie marks! If only we could fly! That would be so awesome! Maybe that’s our special talent!”
Sweetie Belle spoke up, “Yeah, but you guys won’t be able to fly for a long time! We should focus on the basics for now. Stuff that everypony can do!”
The bell rang for us to go inside before we could continue our conversation. We rushed inside and I took a seat in the back with the other crusaders. The school day passed as usually. I was one of the star students in the class and always had good grades. It was something that set me apart from the rest of the class. I always wondered it learning was my special talent, but I really didn’t want that. That was extremely lame!
We generally didn’t learn anything new in today’s class. Just reviewing the stuff we had already learned yesterday. Honestly, I was eager to get out of class and spend time with my friends. I loved crusading with them, even if we did girly things once and awhile. Although Scootaloo usually seemed as displeased with me as them as I was.
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle usually preferred to crusade in safe ways, while Scootaloo and I loved exciting things. It wasn’t uncommon for pegasi to be more rough than other ponies. Especially unicorns.
Finally the bell sang its freedom tone and we all rushed outside. The day was still young and we had plenty of time before Pinkie’s party. We stopped outside the same tree we had met at that morning.
“So what do we have planned today?” I asked under the cooling shade of that tree.
“Well, Applejack and Big Macintosh said that they could use some extra hooves at the orchard! We finally get a chance to buck some apples! This could easily be one of our cutie marks!”
“Especially you, Applebloom. I don’t think any member of your family has ever been something not related to apples!” Scootaloo said with excitement.
“Cutie Mark Crusader Apple Buckers! Yay!” We all sang out before we began to run towards the orchard.
Turns out apple bucking wasn’t as fun as I had thought. Although Applebloom seemed to find it easy, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and I weren’t having that easy of a time. I didn’t like doing this hard work! Although it was still fun to spend that time with my friends. The three of us snuck off, but Applebloom didn’t seem to notice. We ventured deep into the trees. Eventually we found an open plain where we all laid down. We soaked in the afternoon sun and watched clouds pass peacefully overhead.
Applebloom came running out of the trees. “You guys! You left me back there! I was really scared!” She gave me a playful kick and fell to the ground with the rest of us. We all knew that she didn’t really mind. She took it as a joke, because that’s what it was.
We found pictures in the passing clouds. I pointed my hoof up at one, “That one looks like a manticore!”
“No way! It looks more like a gryphon!” Scootaloo interjected. She pointed her hoof at a different cloud. “That one looks like a manticore!”
“Y’all are crazy! That looks like a giant cockathingy! You know! That thing Fluttershy saved us from!”
Sweetie Belle had a very serious face, “I don’t see anything. Just clouds!”
We all laughed in unison. We laid there for the rest of the afternoon, watching the clouds pass until they turned to a flaming orange, a sign that the sun was setting.
“Oh, snapisnoo! We should probably head to Pinkie’s party! We’re going to be late!” I jumped up quickly, followed by Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo still remained on the grass.
“Ugh, I don’t want to get up! Help me Swift!” I rolled my eyes and pulled her to a standing position. I raced the others to get to the party. It was located on the riverside. We had to slow down when we ran into the orchard or else we would have ran straight into one of the many apple trees. I was completely out of breath when we came out of the orchard.
I wasn’t about to run anymore so I slowed down once we got to the barn. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle seemed to be full of energy and ran past me. Scootaloo, on the other hand, seemed to be just as tired as I was. She slowed to a walk next to me.
“Those two are crazy! If I had my scooter I’d be flying past everypony!” She gave me a playful shove. “Being stuck back here with you isn’t so bad though.” The sun was nearing its set. I was glad because it was gleaming right in my eyes as we walked west back to Ponyville. I should have really told her about the crush I had on her, but I didn’t have near that much courage.
“I don’t understand where they get all that energy. How is it that two pegasi are being beaten by an earth pony and even a unicorn!?” By then I had recovered my energy, but I wasn’t about to run off now.
We had been walking for a bit when Scootaloo broke the silence. “I’ll be honest with you Swift. I didn’t slow down so much that I was tired, more that I wanted to talk to you.” She kept the same expression. I was extremely glad that she wanted to spend time with me like this though. “You’re like the only other pegasus around in school! Well, except for Feather Weight, but he can get annoying. Having another pony my age who can’t fly makes me feel more normal. You’re like my best friend, well besides the other crusaders anyway!”
No! Not The Friend Zone! I mean I was already pretty much in it only this was much worse! This was The Best Friend Zone! I had to act, but when I tried to do something to counter her evil plot my stomach twisted into a knot.
By some miracle I didn’t have to act. She acted for me. She leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wasn’t expecting it at all. A huge, giddy smile went across my face.
Scootaloo paused for a second before she said, “Come on! We are going to be late for the party if we don’t hurry!”
I just stood there for a second stunned. I forced myself back into reality and chased after her. I couldn’t wait for Pinkie’s party! She always had the best ones.
I jerked up in bed. I realized where I was and a burst of happiness spilled through me. “Whoa! That was like the coolest dream ever! Wow! I just dreamt ponies! It was so vivid!”
My extreme happiness was short lived when I realized that I had to go back to this non-happy life. My smile faded and the warm feeling in my chest with it. I was so happy in the dream. It seemed like that is where I was meant to be. I got to hug my mom and hold her close. I had friends who I played with and had fun with. I even had a small romantic interest. But now I’m back here. Again I have nothing. I sat on my bed and cried for a duration of that night.
I had never really wished for anything like that before. I had eventually accepted that this unhappiness was just meant for me. Of course I didn’t want it, but I didn’t believe that happiness really existed for me. That dream showed me how nice it was to be with people, or rather ponies, who really cared about me. The fact that the dream took place in Equestria only made it that much worse on my emotions. That was something I dearly longed for even before the dream. I think that every brony does.
I should have been grateful that I had experienced Equestria like that, but all I felt was that longing to go back. I knew none of it was real, but I felt connected to it still. I felt like who I was in the dream, was actually me. Like the person I was in real life wasn’t actually me and the young colt in my dream was actually who I was. I know I’d rather be the young colt.
I fell back onto my bed. My mind was plagued with all these thoughts. It was extremely early in the morning still. Eventually I fell back asleep. This time with no dreams. When I woke, I was unsure whether to be grateful or disappointed.
