Insufficient Postage

by RazgrizS57

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1155

Derpy is delivering the mail when she encounters a small problem, and she's determined to figure out what it is.

Derpy is delivering the mail when she encounters a small problem, and she's determined to figure out what it is.

Third place winner in the "One Little Mistake" minific write-off

Published 2014-05-05 03:10:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-05 03:10:03 UTC

One Little Mistake

Humming a sweet tune, Derpy trotted up to one of the many residences on her daily route. It was a typical townhouse with a white picket fence, and a simple mailbox stood in front of the gate. She expertly flicked her wing and twirled the mailbag around her by the strap, sending the exact letter she needed flying up into the air. She skipped in place, doing a playful little dance to accompany her song, and pulled open the door of the mailbox in a fluid motion. She closed her eyes and rocked on her hooves, waiting for the letter to flutter down to the right height, where she then blew it into the mailbox with a little puff of air.

The letter bounced off something inside and fell out and onto the ground. That wasn’t supposed to happen. She wrinkled her nose and stared down at it for a second, baffled, before picking it back up and trying to shove it inside. But her hoof hit something solid and flew back, smacking herself on the nose. There was no way she hit the back of the mailbox so soon! She furrowed her brow and huffed, lowering her head to peer inside and found that there was, in fact, something in the way.

Her mind drew a blank and she smiled, giggling at herself. She stashed the letter back into her mailbag and reached for the obstruction in the mailbox, only to discover that it was a box! A pretty big one, as a matter of fact, as it took up practically all the space inside the mailbox. And it was a bit heavy. But no matter! This was her job, after all. She just had to take this box with her back to the postoffice and...

She blinked. She couldn’t quite put her hoof on it, but there was definitely something off about this box. Something strange. It didn’t look weird, but it was somehow so utterly different than all the boxes she’s encountered before. It irritated her, and she knew it’d drive her insane if she didn’t figure out what. So she stood there in stony silence, staring down at the box in her hooves, deciding that she wouldn’t budge an inch until she knew what was wrong.

Lyra stuck her head in the kitchen. “Hey, Bon Bon! What’s for dinner?”

Bon Bon stood in front of the counter, their entire pantry and refrigerator emptied out and their contents on display. She was darting her eyes between all sorts of boxes and cans and the various cookwares just waiting to be used. Her legs buckled.

“I don’t know!” she cried, falling back onto her rump. “I’ve been taking part in that year-long, a-new-dish-a-day challenge, but I’ve run out of ideas! A friend was supposed to lend me her cookbook so I can keep going, but we haven’t gotten our mail yet!”

Lyra rolled her eyes. “Jeez, Bon Bon, calm down. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”

“Bon Bon dropped out of the cooking club?!” came the startled gasps of several members.

At the center of the group, Mrs. Cake hanged her head. “She had to for... health reasons, or so I’ve been told,” she said, giving them all solemn glances. “And as you all know, our funding comes from the city, so long as we keep an active membership. But now we don’t have enough ponies to fill that minimum requirement, so it comes with a heavy heart that I must suspend all club activities until further notice.”

“Hey, Rarity!” Applejack quipped, walking into the boutique. “Did you hear? Cooking club’s looking for a new member, and I’d say they seem pretty darn desperate.”

“Please, Applejack,” Rarity said with a sigh. “Cooking isn’t exactly my forté, especially after the noodle incident. But I appreciate the news nonetheless.”

Applejack chuckled. “Alrighty then. Just thought you’d be interested is all.”

From across the room, Sweetie Belle’s ears twitched.

“I just think it’d be so cool to have a cooking cutie mark!” Sweetie Belle chirped. “Go ahead! Try it!”

Mrs. Cake looked down at the bubbling tar in front of her.

Pinkie Pie sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I don’t get it!” she wailed, falling onto her back. “The health inspector came and this is the lowest score Sugarcube Corner has ever gotten!”

“I think you’re stressing over nothing,” Twilight said with a gentle smile, glancing up from her book. “These sort of mistakes happen all the time to everypony. I’m sure nothing ill will come of one bad grade.”

The head chef frowned. “A ‘B+’?” He scoffed and threw his newspaper into a nearby garbage can. “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this level of degeneracy. We’ll no longer be allowing this establishment’s cuisine inside Canterlot Castle.”

Princess Luna quietly opened the bedroom door. “Oh, sister,” she singsonged. “I have a surprise for you...”

Princess Celestia buried her head in her pillows. “Unless it’s my favorite cake, I’m not interested!”

Luna frowned. “You are acting like a foal!” she barked.

Celestia’s stomach growled in protest. “Cake first, sun second!”

“I’ve never seen Princess Celestia like this!” one of the staff members exclaimed. “If she wants something, then go get it!”

“We don’t have the time for this,” said another. “Dawn is coming and as far as I’m concerned, right now she’s unfit to raise the sun. We’re on the brink of a catastrophe!”

Another turned to her side. “Princess Luna, you can raise the sun, right?”

Princess Luna gazed out a nearby window. She gulped.

“That’s the last time I marathon through some four-hundred thousand word book,” Carrot Top said to herself. She walked out of her house and yawned. She blearily looked up to the sky, a little confused to see it was still dark out. She could hear the distant screams of panicking ponies, but what stole her attention was Derpy standing out in front of her house like a statue. As if this day—or night, rather—couldn’t get any weirder, she briefly thought, rolling her eyes. With nothing else on the mind, she walked up to her friend and saw her holding a box.

“Derpy?” she asked. She looked down. “Huh? I thought I sent that out a few days ago.”

Derpy blinked. “Oh!” she exclaimed with sudden insight. “You only used one stamp, but you need two! I can’t take this without another one of those!”

Carrot Top tilted her head, but before she could speak the box was thrusted into her hooves. She frowned at it. “Uh, I suppose I could have used a smaller box...”

“Oh, and you’ve got some mail!” Derpy added. She dug into her mailbag and produced a letter. “Looks like an invitation to join the Ponyville Cooking Club!”

Author's Note

Alternate chapter title: "For Want Of A Book"