Relatives, Reactions, and One Irate Prince

by CircuitChaser

Rating: teen
Tags: Prince Blueblood, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna, Comedy, Shining Armor
Length: 6257

Cadence and Shining Armor have been called to an important meeting, with The Princesses. Prince Blueblood also seems rather cross about something.

Princess Cadence and Prince Consort Shining Armor have been called to a secret meeting with the Princesses of Equestria. To say they're a bit anxious is an understatement.
Meanwhile, Prince Blueblood is quite angry about something.

Will we find out what happens?

Probably.
----------------------------------
Author here. I'm trying something with the description here. Tell me what you think in the comments.

Thanks to Serafina and The Letter J, and PetuTheViewer for prereading and suggestions.

6/6/14: minor story modifications
6/29/14: Major story reconstruction

Published 2014-06-06 03:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-10 05:37:38 UTC

Relatives, Reactions

Princess Celestia sat up as she heard the knock at her door. She nudged her sleeping sister. "Wake up Lulu, we have company," she whispered.

The Princess of the Moon rose slowly from her nap, and stretched. "So he is the other?" Popping noises were heard as her wings reached full extension. She quickly ran a hoof through her ethereal mane.

"Yes," replied Celestia. "Come in," she called to the couple outside her door. The door creaked open, and they stepped inside.

"Auntie Celestia, is there something wrong?" asked Cadance. Fearing the worst, she asked, "Has something happened to Twilight?"

"Twilight Sparkle is well, Princess Cadance," said Luna. "In fact, she has helped us with a quandary Tia and I have had for the past thousand years." As Luna said that, Celestia brought out the scroll Twilight had come in with a few weeks ago, and gave it to Cadance.

"Shiny's family tree?" Cadance asked, staring at it in befuddlement. Waving it around for effect, she asked, "What does this have to do with Twilight?"

"Twilight came in with this scroll at the suggestion of her friend Pinkie Pie," Celestia replied. "She was looking for her ancestors who had came before Stone Wall and Flower Power, and Pinkie figured that I might have known them." At this, she smiled warmly, lost in memories from long past.

"Needless to say, she found them," Luna said, taking up the slack in the conversation. "They were our foals," she said in an offhand manner.

Shining Armor's and Cadance's jaws almost hit the floor at that revelation. They both looked at each other, and managed a "WHAT?!", before they fainted and faceplanted, one in fear, another in bliss.

Celestia admonished her sister. "Lulu, I thought we agreed that we would tell them gently."

"My apologies. In my excitement, I forgot." As she said that, a wry smile spread across her face.

A while later...

'An hour. Why is it always an hour for this family to awaken from such a shock? Why never fifteen minutes?' Luna thought to herself. She noticed a few minute movements under Celestia's bedspread. "Sister, they awaken," Luna said just a little too loudly.

"Shh. You'll scare them," Celestia said, gently admonishing her sister. Luna still had yet to master speaking without the Royal Canterlot Voice.

"What happened?" asked Shining Armor. He looked at his wife, who was starting to stir. "Honey, I had the strangest dream," he said to her as he sat up. "The Princesses said Twily and I were related to them through their foals, who, for some reason, hadn't been listed on the family's tree."

"Shiny, I think that actually happened." Cadance groggily pointed to the cushions in one corner of the room, upon which the Princesses of the Sun and Moon sat. The couple looked at each other, then immediately scrambled to get out of the bed, but they just ended up tying themselves up in each other's limbs. The Princesses then stepped in to untangle them, which took all of five minutes when they found the right limb to pull.

"Princess Cadance is correct, Captain," Luna said to the now untangled couple. Then, without warning, she brought them into a hug much like the one Twilight had experienced three weeks prior. Eventually, she let them out of her death-grip of a hug, and settled back onto her seat.

"If you want, we could tell you the stories we told to Twilight a while back", Celestia said, the reassuring smile on her alabaster face calming the young couple. She and Luna then settled onto their cushions, motioning for the two to take a seat near them. Eventually, the couple's muscles complied with the orders their brains had given them, and sat down opposite the Royal Sisters.

Two stories, and 15 minutes of staring in disbelief later...

"Do either of you have any questions?" Celestia asked after concluding the stories.

"Yeah. Uh, how'd either of you have foals without stallions in the mix?" asked Shining Armor. Unlike his sister, he didn't do well outside of his magical niche.

"Let us answer your question with one of our own. Tell me, Captain Armor, have you ever heard of the Amniomorphic Spell?" asked Luna, hoof raised for effect. You could take the evil spirit out of her, but not the theatrical way she did things.

"Yeah, Twily had said something about it being some dead unicorn's most famous spell." He did not remember how that conversation had went due to him falling asleep halfway through her three-hour-long lecture on Starswirl the Bearded. Although, when he'd awoken, he'd found an F stamped on his forehead in red ink.

"What my sister is trying to say is that Starswirl the Bearded had found a way for an egg and any source of pony genetic material could be combined, and it would produce a viable offspring, once implanted," She repeated almost exactly as she'd heard it from Twilight. She then silently thanked the universe for her very good memory.

"Honey, could you please translate that for me?" asked Shining, looking to his wife for some help. He was a geek, not a genetic biologist.

"What she's saying is that a long-dead unicorn created a spell that could help a couple to have a foal of their own." Luckily for Cadance, it fell within the purview of her title as the Alicorn of Love. Having a nebulous title had its perks.

"Then why isn't it common knowledge?" he asked. "Wouldn't those effects make it a fairly commonly used spell?" He was confused about why he hadn't more about this spell.

"There were a few 'bugs', for want of a better term, when the spell came to be," replied Celestia. "These included a higher chance of stillbirth, or negative mutations, some diseases, even problems having foals of their own. We had this spell suppressed until these bugs had been stamped out, which has only recently happened." Celestia motioned to Luna, then to herself as she said this. "The spell in its current state is now undergoing testing. We will then determine if it is safe for public use."

"Ah. Okay, next question: Do either of us have to worry about suddenly sprouting wings? Because I have trouble fitting through narrow doors as it is" -Shining motioned towards his wide shoulders- "and Twily would hate the added attention. Besides, Cady tells me its a hassle having to fix those wings every week."

"Hey. I like those shoulders of yours. They make you look strong, and tough. Ready to throw the next stallion who looks at me funny right out the door." Cadance really should stop reading so many romance novels. Its starting to affect her brain. "Besides, if you did sprout wings, I could always help you 'preen'," she said as she sidled up to him. Eeyup, definitely needs to find a new genre to read.

"I can honestly say it is a possibility, given the spell we used was intended for use on normal ponies, as opposed to us. There have also been a few documented cases of ponies sprouting new appendages over the years, mostly earth ponies growing semi-functional wings or horns," said Celestia. Shining's smile faltered. He then asked a very odd question.

"Next-to-last question: Should I worry about, uh, turning into a mare if that happens?" he asked sheepishly.

"Begging your pardon?" Luna wanted to be sure she'd heard him correctly. She made a point of cleaning out an ear with her hoof. Somehow she ended up holding a huge ball of fluff, then tossed it aside.

Shining Armor really regretted asking that question, but he knew the Princesses would continue to ask until he repeated it. He gathered all of his courage. "Do I need to worry about turning into a mare if I somehow sprout wings?" At this, Luna fell to the ground, laughing. Cadance soon followed suit. Celestia held out for as long as she could (a whole forty-five seconds!), screwing up her eyes in the process, but to no avail. The entire room resounded with the laughter of the three mares, as Shining's face silently radiated enough heat to melt the great Northern Ice Fields from sheer embarassment, saying, "It's not that funny."

Eventually things calmed down. "No, Shining Armor. I don't think so," came Celestia's response, dopey grin still on her face. Her face returned to it's calm stoicism. "In all seriousness, where did you get that idea?" she asked, eyebrow quirked upwards.

"Sorry, ma'am," he said, his face still as pink as Cadance's. "Some of the other guards, well, they tell some pretty crazy stories. Things like how you're secretly in love with Twily; or how Princess Luna treats an abacus like her foal; or that Cady is seeing somepony else on the side, possibly even my sister (ick, by the way); or that the reason all of the princesses are alicorns is because only mares can be alicorns." Shining suddenly squeaked in fear as Celestia walked over to him. She stooped down, pulled him over, and drew him into a hug.

"Those guards have wild imaginations. You are not going to turn into a mare, nor will you 'sprout wings'," she said in the same voice she used to comfort Twilight when she'd had a bad dream.

After Celestia had let go of him, a POOF was heard, a plume of smoke, and a Celestia with Shining's mark and coloration appeared in his place. "Shiny, is that you?" asked Cadance.

"Well who else would it be?" He clapped both hooves over his mouth, unsure of the sounds that had come out of it. He got up to look in a mirror. If he wasn't stark white before, he was now. "Get 'em off me! GET 'EM OFF ME! GET THESE WINGS OFF OF ME-HEE-HEEE!" screamed Shining with Celestia's voice, as he ran helter skelter.

Then the doors opened with a thunderous crash. "Princess Celestia, are you alright?" Asked the guards who'd been stationed outside the doors. They then saw who really had caused the commotion. "Captain? Ma'am, Is that Captain Armor? What happened to him? And if I may ask, why does he look like you?" Then, Shining Armor, Captain of the Royal Guard, dove under the bed like a scared little filly, as he started to cry 'why does this always happen to me?'.

"Luna decided it was a good idea to pull a prank upon our mutual grandson, and she overdid it. By quite a bit I should say." The guards left, snickering at what they'd just heard. She heard them mutter about how 'the rest of the company's gonna flip'. Celestia put a hoof to her face in exasperation, thinking, 'I knew teaching her that spell would lead to trouble.' She sighed and said, "Luna, the idea of this session was to welcome him to the family. Not traumatize him. Or make his subordinates laugh at him."

"My apologies dearest sister, but that prank was set up perfectly!" She then stuck her head under the bed. "I wish to apologize, Captain Armor, I should not have gone so far. Especially to one so new to our family." A second POOF, and the illusory guise vanished.

He crawled out, wiping away a tear. "Okay. Now the last question: Are either of us related to Blueblood? Because that would be seriously disturbing." He cringed as he waited for this bit of news to crash on him.

"As fair Twilight Sparkle has asked before, Captain, no. You are not related to that buffoon 'Prince' Blueblood at all," said Luna, somehow making the air-quotes gesture. "Tia tells me his family fabricated the charts proving their relation to her some 900 years ago, and the rest of the lineage has believed the lie."

"No, I think Twilight dispelled that belief a few days ago," said a grinning Celestia.

"Auntie Celestia!" cried a by-now-familiar blond unicorn stallion.

"Oh, not today! Twilight, I thought you were joking when you said you wanted to tell him!" Celestia cursed her grand-daughter's sense of timing.

Blueblood opened the door, and stepped in. "A most rude mare has been telling lies about you!"

Author's Note

Commentary: I originally had it so that Cadance got tied up in the sheets and Shining Armor hanging from the ceiling by his horn. I'd also intended for Luna to make the second most powerful set of puppy-dog eyes in the world, and her description to read:"Luna had yet to master speaking without using the Royal caps-lock." Also, I would have added some more explanations, but I couldn't get them to flow right.

Note: In this 'verse, the Changelings never attacked, nor did they steal Cadance. Because of this, Cadance was that much closer to Shining, and she got him to loosen up a little bit. The Royal Guard has been (literally) singing her praises once a month ever since.

Seriously. They gather on the steps of the palace. White robes and everything.

Enter One Irate Prince

"And what lies were these, Blueblood?" asked Celestia. She looked almost excited by what was going on.

"Some purple mare told me you weren't really my aunt! I laughed in her face, but then, then she had the audacity to show me an obviously faked scroll of lineages." He then began to get huffy. Well, huffier. "She even faked your signatures!" He crossed his forelegs in anger as he ended that sentence.

"Blueblood, she did not forge the scroll. We signed it. Luna was with me when we signed it. Right Luna?" Luna nodded in agreement, enjoying the unfolding comedy, wishing she had popcorn.

"Auntie Luna, is she telling the truth?" Another nod from Luna. Blueblood's face assumed a look of pure horror. He sputtered incoherently for a few moments before he regained some form of calm. "So my lineage is a lie?" he asked, before he fell onto his side, and curled into a little ball. He then began crying.

15 minutes of incoherent blubbering, one guard patrol dismissal, two handkerchiefs and one nap later...

"You're sure this spell is temporary?" asked the first voice.

"Yes. Tia has used it on herself many times before, and has told me of its abilities and limitations," said the second.

"Quiet now. He's waking up," said the third.

"I'll go hide," said the last as she giggled. A click was heard.

Blueblood woke up. "Did you have a good nap, Blueblood?" asked Celestia. Blueblood couldn't place what was off about his aunt. "Here, come sit with me." Celestia patted the cushion in front of her. Cadance and Luna were sitting on either side of her, snickering about something. He thought to himself about how curious that was. He then wondered where that stallion who'd been with them had gone. Celestia poured herself some tea, then took a sip.

He sat down in front of her. "I had the most horrible nightmare, Auntie. You had said I wasn't related to you at all! Even Auntie Luna was in it!" A wicked grin appeared on his Aunt's face. It then dawned on him what was off about her. The coloration of her ethereal mane and tail, which were normally tricolor, were now different shades of blue, and her solar cutie mark was replaced by a blue shield with a purple star on it. "Where is Auntie Celestia?" he asked with fear in his voice.

"That wasn't a nightmare, Blueblood." The guise vanished with a poof, and instead of the facsimile of Celestia, sat the stallion from his nightmare. He said in a rather gruff voice, "That was reality. You can come out of the closet now, Princess. How'd you like my impression?"

A click, and the closet door opened, revealing the real Celestia, who had been watching through a keyhole. "All in All, Shining, your impression was very good. You even got the way I sip tea correct. You just need to work on your posture. I'm usually more relaxed, save for when I deal with the nobles of House Telvanni." She shuddered at the thought of dealing with those ponies. "Still, well done."

"Thank you, Ma'am." Shining had a wry smile, and his face challenged Cadance's in terms of pinkness.

"You're family now. It's alright to call me Grandma." Celestia smiled more warmly than Blueblood had ever seen her smile in his presence. "Just don't say it in front of the guards, or we'll never hear the end of it," she said as she giggled to herself.

"I would prefer the term 'granny', however." Everypony looked to Luna with confusion. "Think about it: 'Granny Luna'. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" They conceded it did roll off the tongue.

"May we get back to how I'm not related to Auntie Celestia?" Everypony then looked forward, toward the former prince whose life had been shattered.

"I'm sorry Blueblood, but what Twilight told you is, indeed, the truth. She and Shining Armor, not you, are the descendants of our foals.' She looked at him, and smiled. "Your family, while it is noble, never saw me marry into it. Nor were any foals they claimed were of Luna's line truly part of it. Our foals more preferred the laid-back, fun-loving, salt-of-the-earth, as opposed to the comparatively stuffy, boring, and wasteful nobles of the time."

She started to tell a story. "I remember this one guard Luna's daughter Starry Sky fell in love with. He was part of the same guard company as her, and they exchanged stories about who had the tougher job. Six months of dating in secret later, she invited him to meet the family. Needless to say, he was awestruck when he saw us in all our 'majestic glory'. The best part? The story she'd told him is that she had to guard the throne while both her Mother and her Aunt were right next to her." Celestia had been steadily losing her composure as she recited the story. She eventually started rolling on the carpeted floor, laughing like a madmare.

She regained her air of calm contentment. "Dearest Posey on the other hoof, fell for the caretaker of her gardens. She would fly her beloved up to the highest treetops to help her keep the top branches from becoming a bother. After that, they'd cuddle in a little alcove, and watch the animals that would skitter about the treetops. I don't know how many times I found them napping in each other's embrace as I walked through the garden."

"It seems our foals took after us more than we thought, Sister." Luna was crying tears of joy after hearing that story. She took out a handkerchief and blew into it with a rather unprincess-like HONK.

"Both of them went on to have three foals each. However, I have little information on what happened to them. I'll have to consult the charts." Celestia put a hoof to her chin.

Luna looked at Blueblood. "Unfortunately for you, Sister has suffered numerous indignities at your family's hooves. Most notable is your behavior. Examples would include your heavy drinking, the effects of which make you surprisingly spiteful and vitriolic, your catcalls, your terrorizing of the staff (some of whom fear you'll throw them from a balcony should they speak up), at both the palace and your mansion, not to mention the numerous counts of crass behavior with your dates, including the mistreatment of one of the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, who rid me of the Nightmare, on whom you also wasted an entire cake at the Gala." At that, Celestia looked mildly perturbed.

"Ah yes, I remember that Gala. Rarity, the mare you had taken as a date, called you the 'Most Uncharming Prince she's ever met' and that the only thing royal about you was that 'you are a royal pain'. She also related to me how you used her as a shield against a cake flying towards you. You did so because you'd 'Just had your coat cleaned'. A Proper gentlecolt would have used himself to shield his date against the projectile. If recall correctly, however, you got your just deserts." She snickered at the pun she'd made, then became very serious. "You're actually very lucky it was a cake you shielded against; had it been stone, you would very easily have broken her ribs, or worse. Then we'd be having this conversation in a very different location. You're also very lucky I decided to pay for her medical bills." Her anger reached it's zenith. "I can tolerate drinking. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't 'indulged' myself more than a fair amount. I can tolerate catcalling, provided the party in question apologizes if they cross a line. But when a 'Prince' just stands in the path of a projectile and pulls an equine shield in front of them instead of attempting to dodge it..." Celestia's eyes were like fireballs. "I sincerely hope this is just the first time you've done that. I will admit, while I should never have let your family associate with my name, they seemed harmless enough. These events, as well as your family's previous actions, have shown me your family will continue to degrade whilst their names are associated with mine." She calmed down a bit. "I shudder to think where that will lead."

Shining knew where this was going. "May I say it, Grandma?" Celestia nodded, anger cooling a bit at hearing Shining refer to her as family. "Blueblood, you are hereby stripped of your title of Prince, and any priveleges and rights provided therein, by order of Princesses Celestia and Luna of Equestria. May their reign be eternal," said Prince Shining Armor. "Not that you were technically a prince to begin with, but that felt good. No more Blueblood terrorizing my guys, or sending them on mead runs. And deifinitely no more 'Prince' terrorizing the citizens scot-free." Shining took a deep breath, and let out a sigh of contentment.

"I do believe this has gone on long enough," said the second, different Luna. "You would honestly think this is how the meeting would go? And 'Auntie' Luna? If you were descended from me, It would be Grandma Luna."

"This is a dream?" asked Blueblood with much shakiness still in his tone, his eyes filled with such fright.

"Most certainly. Tia, while not very pleased with your past actions, would not be this harsh to somepony whose life was destroyed by a lie told centuries ago, nevermind uprooting it if it served no purpose. Shall we move this discussion to the land of the waking?" Luna then disappeared. The world looked like it was melting, flowing down a drain, swirling as it went...

"Wait! What about... the.... lie?" He quickly realized Luna was gone. As the world melted, he nervously sang to himself, 'Night-mares are made of the-ese, Who am IIIII to dis-aaaa-gree-ee...'

Author's Note

For those of you who don't know House Telvanni (shudders), Look up The Elder Scrolls III
As for the fluff, I regret nothing.

Reality

"Blueblood..." Celestia nudged him again. "Blueblood, please wake up," said Celestia. After he'd burst into the room, Blueblood just collapsed in a heap. This was the third time this month.

"I was never trained as a medic, but, um, are you sure his heart hasn't stopped?" Shining stopped Celestia from poking Blueblood a third time. While Shining didn't necessarily like Blueblood, he didn't like casualties either. It didn't help that Twilight had caught Blueblood staring at her rump a few times, and had told Shining about it.

A blue aura surrounded Blueblood. "He is fine. He just requires rest." Luna would know this, considering she helped invent a few of the triage spells in common use today. The aura would have turned red if their were anything seriously wrong with him, and yellow if he had a moderate injury.

One guise-impression, two stories, and one dream-surf later....

"What's wrong with him?" Blueblood was curled into a ball, whimpering and shaking in his sleep.

"He is fearful about what he will awaken to," said Luna, who'd spent the last eight minutes watching Blueblood's dream. She gently put a hoof on his shoulder, and he stopped his shaking.

"Why? What would he have to fear here, of all places? A mad Mane-stylist that only does mullets?" Cadance snickered. "Ruining his hooficure?" she asked playfully. The things she knew the rather vain Blueblood was afraid of were numerous: dirt, debris, running out of mane-care products, his gym membership being revoked; really, the list itself could be a small chapter on its own. Shining, Cadance, and Celestia laughed raucously. Luna however, was silent, face as grim as can be.

"In his dream, we treated him cruelly, laughing at his cries. We had even pulled a prank on him: Captain Armor sat in the guise I used on him, with you and I on either side of him, while Tia sat in the closet, watching through a keyhole. I believe that was the Captain's guise-impression of you. In the dream, we toyed with him, then proceeded to laugh at him." Luna paused. "He also incorporated the stories told to Captain Armor about our daughters into his nightmare." Luna felt like she was forgetting something. "Oh, and after that, Tia and I proceeded to rip into him, then Prince Armor stripped him of his title, then his bow-tie. And from the looks of it, dream!Cadance would have kicked him in a place stallions ought not be kicked, had I not intervened." The other three stood there, mouths agape.

Blueblood then awoke. "He never touched my bow-tie," he said angrily. "But what that mare said was true, wasn't it?" He hung limply at the side of the bed, looking on the verge of tears. He barely lifted his head. Blueblood was not a pony who often inspired sympathy, but at that moment, everypony in the room felt bad for him.

"I'm sorry you learned about it this way, Blue," Celestia said, her eyes were downcast. Shining, however, was staring daggers at him. 'That mare's name is Twilight Sparkle' he wanted to say. "When Twilight said she wanted to tell you, I'd thought she'd meant it in jest. Apparently I was wrong." Celestia placed him on a cushion in front of her, and sighed.

"Your ancestors, some 900 years back, presented themselves as descendants of Luna. Considering I was half-in-the-barrel from grief for the first century of her banishment, it was easy to 'pull a fast one' on me. Which also explains some of the odd decrees from the early days." The tax breaks implemented for heavy metal bands during the 680's came to mind, as did the declaration stating Royalty had the right to commission a battle-golem league, as well as be a contestant. Celestia's Heavy-Handed Highlander had gotten fairly far along before it was pounded to pieces in the last round of the tournament.

As for Blueblood, he hung his head in sorrow. "I feel sick," he said.

"Hmph," said Luna, crossing her forelegs. "Had I been here, this would not have happened. Accursed Nightmare spirits." Luna pulled Blueblood over to her. "I do not hate you, Blueblood. Surely you know this. You are as much the victim of this lie as I, maybe even more so. To not even tell the younger generations about this charade..." Luna made a face showing intense disgust. Her face regained its gentle look. She embraced Blueblood in a hug. "If you feel the need to cry, just, ah, 'let it out'." Blueblood reciprocated the hug, and cried into her shoulder.

Thirty minutes later....

Blueblood let go, and wiped his eyes, which were now red-rimmed, his flawlessly-styled mane a shambles. Luna, meanwhile, looked not so much like a Princess as an equine snot-rag. She poked her head out from between the double doors, and asked of the guards, "Would one of you would be so kind as to bring me a damp washcloth?" Both guards left posthaste, not wanting an explanation as to why Luna had requested such an item; or why she was covered in what they presumed to be tears and mucus.

"What ever happened to the mare who'd followed me around at the Gala? She wasn't injured, was she?" Blueblood asked out of nowhere. One of his hooves drew circles on the floor as he waited for a response.

"Oh, you mean Rarity!" Celestia put her hoof to her forehead. It had finally dawned on her what he'd meant. "She is perfectly fine, Blue. She was cleaning cake from her mane for the next week or two, but other than that, she's fine," Celestia said. "In truth, she'd told me that her plans at the Gala were to get you to try and 'woo' her, and (provided that worked out) eventually take you as her husband." Celestia's voice grew slightly quieter. "You however, played the part of Prince Charmless, and inverted all of the usual chivalry tropes, when you could have politely said no. However, both of you got your just desserts." She started to laugh, but Blueblood scurried under the bed upon hearing that phrase.

"Not again!" he'd screamed from his hiding place. Eventually, the whole bed frame started shaking. Meanwhile, the washcloth Luna had requested had arrived, along with an extra bucket of water. She headed into the attached bathroom, cleaning supplies in tow.

"Lulu, why did he just do that?" Celestia asked confusedly. Unlike her sister, she could not enter the dreams of her subjects. Unassisted, at least. She had tagged along with Luna to enter one of their chef's dreams a few weeks back, but let's just say neither party can look at each other in the eye ever again...

"You had used that exact phrase just before you had started ripping into him, Tia. Starting with 'You're actually quite lucky it was a cake you'd shielded against'. Then it degenerated into threats against him if he hurt another of our subjects. He also had dream!Me suggest that the staff, as well as some of the guards, were afraid of him. Specifically, what he would do if they angered him, or told anypony about what went on out of our eyesight." She exited the bathroom, clean as can be, then whispered into Celestia's ear. The whispering went on for a full five minutes.

"Oh my." Celestia held a hoof to her mouth, eyes wide with shock. She looked slightly green. "Blue, your imagination frightens me." She lurched forward a bit, head bowing a few inches. Shining rushed over to comfort her. "The story Luna has told me, is any of this true?"

Blueblood nodded. "The part about threatening to throw anypony who displeased me from the balconies is true." Blueblood braced himself for Celestia to smack him, closing his eyes. The tension was killing him. He opened an eye, and asked, "Aren't you going to do something?"

"I'm waiting for you to explain your actions. Then, we will decide what to do," she told him. Celestia's gaze made Blueblood shiver.He winced as he gathered the energy. It took all his strength for what he was about to do.

"One time, when I was drunk off my rump on scrumpy, I thought it a good idea to angrily dangle a subpar window-washer from the second-story balcony. When I came to my senses, I apologized profusely. But by then, word of the event had spread throughout the whole of the staff. Even to the ponies who worked at the palace. They never told you, either for fear of retaliation from me, or that you'd never believe them and subsequently fire them for slandering my name." He threw himself before his former aunt. "Have mercy." He did not know how Celestia would react, but he feared it would be like his dream, if not worse. He shut his eyes tightly, grabbing onto one of her legs. He hoped for a swift disintegration. She, instead, spoke up.

"Blue, I do not know what to feel. On one hoof, you have such greatness locked inside you. On the other, however, your drunken decision could have gravely injured somepony. Or worse." She turned to Luna. "Lulu, what do you think we should do?"

"I do not know, Tia. He appears remorseful for his past actions," Luna said. She put her hoof to her chin in thought. "We will put him in the dungeon, considering he has just admitted to having committed a crime. We should also consider signing him up for therapy, considering his actions have obviously scarred him."

"Okay." She turned to face Blueblood, whom she'd shaken off of her hoof. With a heavy heart, she said, "Blue, you'll receive at least 2 years in the dungeon for dangling that window washer off of the balcony, which qualifies as an assault charge. And you'll definitely be meeting with a psychologist to prove you pose no threat to anypony after that, along with about 2 years of community service. However, we might bring you a book every once in a while, provided you haven't caused any trouble. Hopefully, we'll have figured out what to do with you by the end of your stay."

"Thank you," He said. He sighed with relief. He'd thought this would go very differently.

Celestia sighed, then clapped her hooves together. "Now, I know this is an inopportune time, but do you want us to tell the world about your ancestry?"

"Tell them. I see no good for any of us if your name is still attached to my family," he said with remarkable awareness, considering his past. He paused. "Can I still call you 'Auntie', though?"

"Of course, dear." Blue and Celestia hugged.

The next day, in the castle dungeon...

Two guards flanked Blueblood, who had brought himself down to the dungeon. "Ah, Blueblood. 'Bout time. Throw 'im in the holdin' tank till we find an open cell." The holding tank was surprisingly roomy (a whole 144 square feet!). 5 minutes later, the warden came back. "Ho-kay. You'll be in cell 5, you disgusting piece of filth," Lieutenant Iron Bar said in a conversational manner. In truth, there were only 20 cells. And 15 of those had remained empty for the past 225.5 years. The others, of course, were used for the occasional high-profile case: dishonest lawyers, false advertisers, or mad scientists. "Sorry about calling you that, it's part of the job. I'm told I'm quite nice when I'm off duty."

"Thank you, Ma'am," Blueblood said to his rather scruffy, but jovial warden.

"Ah, yer just lucky the Captain put in a few good words fer ya," Iron said. "He don't do that, unless they're good ponies at heart." She pointed to her own heart to illustrate. "Oh, by the way, yer 'Aunt' dropped off a book fer ya." The title was: Princess Luna and the Metal Behemoth. Its description blurb purported it to be a comedy.

"Thank you." With book in tow, he stepped quietly into Cell 5. The orichalcum gate clanked shut behind him. 'Let's get comfy. The first session won't be until next Friday.' He sat on the wooden bench, with its old, musty cot, and cracked open his book. He immediately regretted it. He dug a spring out of his back, and decided the floor was more comfortable. They really need to replace those mattresses more often. A century is too long. He'd bring it up tomorrow.

Blueblood put down the book, and hatched a plan to regain his princely status. 'Now. If I were to try to attract Auntie's granddaughter... No. Wait. That could never work; she's the one who tipped me off to the lie. Obviously she dislikes me, at the least. Odds are she has other grandfoals, not to mention nieces and nephews...." He figured he'd have to wait till after his sentence.

The same morning, at Sweet Apple Acres...

"Hey AB," Applejack said as she passed Apple Bloom's room. She descended the stairs of the familial dwelling. "Mornin' Granny," She half-said, half-yawned to the still sleeping Apple Family matriarch; who had long ago earned the right to sleep until noon. Then she walked out to the kitchen. Her brother Mac and his fiance were sitting at the table. "Mornin' Mac, Cara." Mac had taken the liberty of pouring Applejack a cup of coffee, then putting the paper next to it. She brought the coffee to her lips, as she read the paper. She did a spit-take in Mac's face. "Princess Twilight Sparkle?!?! What in the High Hay?"

"Thanks fer that, Sis," Mac deadpanned as Caramel rolled on the floor, laughing his rump off. Mac then squeezed the coffee out of his mane, and flipped it about like a commercial for hair care products. "Y'know how long it takes fer me ta get this ta sit out of mah eyes? Not long, really, but it's the principle." She put the paper in front of him. His jaw dropped, eyes wide open. "What. In. High. Hay."

Author's Note

Note: the date as of this story is June 5th, 1614 A.L.C.

And before anyone quips, yes, there are more honest lawyers than dishonest ones in Equestria.

As for why I didn't make a Daring Do novel instead of a Princess Luna one... Eh, the poor mare needs a vacation as it is.