The Hunt for Hannik

I watched from a distance while the yellow mare fought off a load of bandits. Humans and ponies, all fighting for whatever was in this temple, and me sitting on the sidelines waiting to swoop in and take it for myself. It was nice. No wasting crossbow bolts on idiots, no sweat, no getting punched or shot. Just waiting, waiting for one side to win, bloodied and bruised, and just take them out.

A loud scream broke the bustle. "Fuck you! Get the-get the fuck off of me!"

I peeked over the dune I was hiding behind and lifted my goggles. Things were wrapping up. The yellow pony was caught, a few people were unconcious, and someone was dead, head cracked open on a stone step. I had to laugh at the misfortune. The pony had managed to find the one stone, jutting out of the feet of soft small grain sand that surrounded it.

I pulled my crossbow up and rested it across my arm. I lined up my sights with the last man standing, aiming for his calf before slowly squeezing the trigger. The steel cabled contraption snapped forward, launching a short bolt straight into the man's leg, crumpling him and sending the battered yellow mare flailing.

I reloaded, hopping over the dune and running down the the scene of the fight. "Ha, bugger!" I ran over to the downed man, giving him a swift kick to the head and running past. With my momentum burned away I turned to look at the carnage. One dead, one gravly injured but alive, and a bunch of unconscious folk. "Damn I'm good."

The yellow mare spat out a mouthful of sand. "Wait! Who the hell are you!?" She cried out, crawling over to me. "Who are you working for!?"

I made my crossbow safe and hung if off my pack. "I work for myself babe--"

"Then help me! I can get you whatever you want if you help me!" The yellow pony tried to stand, completely unable, stumbling each time. "Name your price!"

I rubbed my chin. "Hmm, I'm guessing whatever's in there is gold...going rate would be good...five hundred K."

"Done!"

"Really? Well then, I think I could use something else too...."

The yellow pony climbed to her hooves. "No, come on, this isn't a game damn it!"

"Hey, I was just gonna ask for a little company. You seem like a fine mare, nice body, flexible," I tugged her ear. "Strong. I'd be an idiot to pass this up."

The mare got flustered. "Are you kidding me!? You're willing to trade valuable artifacts that are centuries, if not millennia, old for sex!?"

I pulled my scarf off my face, smiling and nodding like a pervert. "Damn straight, now we got a deal?"

The yellow mare let out a long groan. "Maybe! We'll see. Now, you got a name?"

"Acco, Hannik Acco."

"That your real name?"

"Hell no! Now, you gonna return the favor?"

The yellow mare shook her head. "Daring Do, now come on- we have a--" she tripped on herself, "Damn it! ...A little help?"

"Ha, can't even walk. I'd make a joke, but I haven't had my turn yet." I scooped the mare up, hefting her over my shoulder and stepping towards the entrance to the temple. "So, don't these places usually have traps?"

"Traps or--" A loud, woosh, filled the air. I spotted a huge pendulum swinging towards me, a quick dip out of the way and the pendulum slammed into the wall, denting it and cracking the stone work. "...Saddle Arabia...."

"I was gonna say! Usually they're less...deadly!" I hurried down the musty sandstone corridor. I watched my steps carefully, making sure to avoid any plates or wires. "So...you know this place? You know where to head?"

"It's not a maze...this was a temple. Just head towards the center." Daring whispered, looking behind her to grew a forward view. "So...is there a reason you picked me up like this?"

"Eh, back end's better than the front. Less bruised."

"Charming, I bet you get all the lad--" I cut her off, slapping her flank. "Ass!"

"I always get the temple searching, cavern crawling, sand loving woman. I mean admit it, where would you be without me?" I joked, keeping to the biggest path. The way was slowly growing more and more tight as it lead into a pitch black room. "You got a light or something?"

Daring shifted around, flicking on an electric lantern and holding it out with her wing. "There, bet- whoa...."

I stared out over the terraced pit, water flowing down towards a pulpit in the center. The dull light could barely do it justice. "Whoa, indeed." I walked slowly towards the steps down into the pit. "Ponies...are...weird...folk. But I love it." I looked around the sand stone room, carvings and worn paint amazing in the dim light. Even the steps were carved, bright red paint poured into the cracks and solidified into an amazingly glossy look.

I took a deep breath as I reached the bottom of the pit. I spotted my prize, a bright red crystal obelisk, bordered with black and gold engraved metal. "Well...it's not gold, but it's a hell of a hood ornament." I started reaching my sand caked gloves towards the obelisk.

"Careful! That's more valuable than you can even imagine!"

I yanked the ornament off the pedestal to spite her. "It's fine, it's lasted this long, It's--" A loud rumble stopped me dead. I froze in place for a long time as the temple settled. "...This is some Jones shit...." I tucked the crystal into my pack and started backtracking. A loud crack broke my nerve, making me jump. I bolted towards the entrance, feeling like an action hero as I charged out of the temple and out into the arid air of the southern desert.

I made sure Daring wasn't going to fall and kept running. I didn't know what was happening in the temple, I wasn't about to figure out, I had what I wanted, saved the girl, and escaped unscathed. I rolled down a dune with Daring, screaming like an overjoyed idiot as I did.

"Oh my god! Woooo! That was fucking awesome!"

Daring coughed up a bit of sand. "You idiot! It wasn't collapsing or something! The building shifted- pheuw- dumb ass!"

"Shut up! It was awesome either way!" I crawled to my feet and pulled my scarf off my head. I waved it out, clearing it of dust and tying it back around my head and face. "Now...you got a tent?"

"We can't stop here! We're out in the middle of--"

I ignored her and started staking out areas for my tent. "Those yuppies from the temple are gonna be out for hours. We got time to spare." I set my pup tent up in mere seconds, rushing inside and laying out.

Daring peeked inside before crawling in next to me. "So hey...we need to talk about--"

"Payment. Yeah, you can get started right now."

Daring scrunched up her muzzle. "I'm not about to spread my legs for you! I need to take that key to--"

"Man, can you hear that?" I put my hand to my ear. "The sound of me not caring is so fucking loud!"

Daring's face went a bit red. "You don't care about centuries of culture!?"

I shook my head. Daring snapped, kicking my across the jaw. I snapped back, slapping her and nearly knocking down the tent. "Fucking bitch!"

"Pig!" Daring snarled, kicking me in the stomach. I managed to pin her legs, staring her down. "You think this is funny!?"

"The famous Daring Do miles in the desert, alone, injured, completely helpless to the infamous Acco!" I leaned nose to nose with her. "Yeah, I think that's pretty funny."

Daring let out a sharp huff. "Awfully full of yourself."

I took my gloved off and pressed them against her side. "You love it." I felt her body heat up under my touch. "Come on...say it."

She started growing red as I slid my hands up and down her sides. "Oh yeah!? What the hell do you want me to say!? That some damn idiot's gonna rape me in a tent?"

"Rape!? No...you're gonna ask me to." I leaned my head down and breathed down her neck. "Desert makes people crazy Daring...you know that, I know that. Come on...I can feel it, you want it."

"Every- two bit adventurer can talk big- you ran out of that temple like an idiot!" She let out a soft groan as I rubbed just above her sex, running my fingers across her stomach. "Celestia damn you...god damn idiot- you think--"

"Daring, just ask--"

"I'm not gonna ask for shit!" Daring wiggled underneath me. "You're not gonna--"

I cut her off forcing our mouths together. Daring pushed back hard, forcing her tongue out and getting into it. I thanked god for my false heroics and adrenaline as I rubbed down her body. Once again, wait, adventure, seduce and profit. Like every other time.