The Hunt for Hannik

by a guy with many hats

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Human, Dark
Length: 13189

When several factions clash for possession of an ancient desert artifact, Daring Do and a human named Hannik Acco meet, sparking a chain of betrayal and fleeing from both parties.

A local desert wastrel, treasure hunter, and traitor to Equestria, flees the country in favor of Saddle Arabia. But an ancient artifact in his pack sparks Daring Do to find this man and take back what is rightfully Equestria's. Along the way the man will cause nothing but trouble for the strange desert civilization, and uncover the seedy underbelly that waits beneath.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-12-24 09:16:41 UTC

Before the Hunt

I watched from a distance while the yellow mare fought off a load of bandits. Humans and ponies, all fighting for whatever was in this temple, and me sitting on the sidelines waiting to swoop in and take it for myself. It was nice. No wasting crossbow bolts on idiots, no sweat, no getting punched or shot. Just waiting, waiting for one side to win, bloodied and bruised, and just take them out.

A loud scream broke the bustle. "Fuck you! Get the-get the fuck off of me!"

I peeked over the dune I was hiding behind and lifted my goggles. Things were wrapping up. The yellow pony was caught, a few people were unconcious, and someone was dead, head cracked open on a stone step. I had to laugh at the misfortune. The pony had managed to find the one stone, jutting out of the feet of soft small grain sand that surrounded it.

I pulled my crossbow up and rested it across my arm. I lined up my sights with the last man standing, aiming for his calf before slowly squeezing the trigger. The steel cabled contraption snapped forward, launching a short bolt straight into the man's leg, crumpling him and sending the battered yellow mare flailing.

I reloaded, hopping over the dune and running down the the scene of the fight. "Ha, bugger!" I ran over to the downed man, giving him a swift kick to the head and running past. With my momentum burned away I turned to look at the carnage. One dead, one gravly injured but alive, and a bunch of unconscious folk. "Damn I'm good."

The yellow mare spat out a mouthful of sand. "Wait! Who the hell are you!?" She cried out, crawling over to me. "Who are you working for!?"

I made my crossbow safe and hung if off my pack. "I work for myself babe--"

"Then help me! I can get you whatever you want if you help me!" The yellow pony tried to stand, completely unable, stumbling each time. "Name your price!"

I rubbed my chin. "Hmm, I'm guessing whatever's in there is gold...going rate would be good...five hundred K."

"Done!"

"Really? Well then, I think I could use something else too...."

The yellow pony climbed to her hooves. "No, come on, this isn't a game damn it!"

"Hey, I was just gonna ask for a little company. You seem like a fine mare, nice body, flexible," I tugged her ear. "Strong. I'd be an idiot to pass this up."

The mare got flustered. "Are you kidding me!? You're willing to trade valuable artifacts that are centuries, if not millennia, old for sex!?"

I pulled my scarf off my face, smiling and nodding like a pervert. "Damn straight, now we got a deal?"

The yellow mare let out a long groan. "Maybe! We'll see. Now, you got a name?"

"Acco, Hannik Acco."

"That your real name?"

"Hell no! Now, you gonna return the favor?"

The yellow mare shook her head. "Daring Do, now come on- we have a--" she tripped on herself, "Damn it! ...A little help?"

"Ha, can't even walk. I'd make a joke, but I haven't had my turn yet." I scooped the mare up, hefting her over my shoulder and stepping towards the entrance to the temple. "So, don't these places usually have traps?"

"Traps or--" A loud, woosh, filled the air. I spotted a huge pendulum swinging towards me, a quick dip out of the way and the pendulum slammed into the wall, denting it and cracking the stone work. "...Saddle Arabia...."

"I was gonna say! Usually they're less...deadly!" I hurried down the musty sandstone corridor. I watched my steps carefully, making sure to avoid any plates or wires. "So...you know this place? You know where to head?"

"It's not a maze...this was a temple. Just head towards the center." Daring whispered, looking behind her to grew a forward view. "So...is there a reason you picked me up like this?"

"Eh, back end's better than the front. Less bruised."

"Charming, I bet you get all the lad--" I cut her off, slapping her flank. "Ass!"

"I always get the temple searching, cavern crawling, sand loving woman. I mean admit it, where would you be without me?" I joked, keeping to the biggest path. The way was slowly growing more and more tight as it lead into a pitch black room. "You got a light or something?"

Daring shifted around, flicking on an electric lantern and holding it out with her wing. "There, bet- whoa...."

I stared out over the terraced pit, water flowing down towards a pulpit in the center. The dull light could barely do it justice. "Whoa, indeed." I walked slowly towards the steps down into the pit. "Ponies...are...weird...folk. But I love it." I looked around the sand stone room, carvings and worn paint amazing in the dim light. Even the steps were carved, bright red paint poured into the cracks and solidified into an amazingly glossy look.

I took a deep breath as I reached the bottom of the pit. I spotted my prize, a bright red crystal obelisk, bordered with black and gold engraved metal. "Well...it's not gold, but it's a hell of a hood ornament." I started reaching my sand caked gloves towards the obelisk.

"Careful! That's more valuable than you can even imagine!"

I yanked the ornament off the pedestal to spite her. "It's fine, it's lasted this long, It's--" A loud rumble stopped me dead. I froze in place for a long time as the temple settled. "...This is some Jones shit...." I tucked the crystal into my pack and started backtracking. A loud crack broke my nerve, making me jump. I bolted towards the entrance, feeling like an action hero as I charged out of the temple and out into the arid air of the southern desert.

I made sure Daring wasn't going to fall and kept running. I didn't know what was happening in the temple, I wasn't about to figure out, I had what I wanted, saved the girl, and escaped unscathed. I rolled down a dune with Daring, screaming like an overjoyed idiot as I did.

"Oh my god! Woooo! That was fucking awesome!"

Daring coughed up a bit of sand. "You idiot! It wasn't collapsing or something! The building shifted- pheuw- dumb ass!"

"Shut up! It was awesome either way!" I crawled to my feet and pulled my scarf off my head. I waved it out, clearing it of dust and tying it back around my head and face. "Now...you got a tent?"

"We can't stop here! We're out in the middle of--"

I ignored her and started staking out areas for my tent. "Those yuppies from the temple are gonna be out for hours. We got time to spare." I set my pup tent up in mere seconds, rushing inside and laying out.

Daring peeked inside before crawling in next to me. "So hey...we need to talk about--"

"Payment. Yeah, you can get started right now."

Daring scrunched up her muzzle. "I'm not about to spread my legs for you! I need to take that key to--"

"Man, can you hear that?" I put my hand to my ear. "The sound of me not caring is so fucking loud!"

Daring's face went a bit red. "You don't care about centuries of culture!?"

I shook my head. Daring snapped, kicking my across the jaw. I snapped back, slapping her and nearly knocking down the tent. "Fucking bitch!"

"Pig!" Daring snarled, kicking me in the stomach. I managed to pin her legs, staring her down. "You think this is funny!?"

"The famous Daring Do miles in the desert, alone, injured, completely helpless to the infamous Acco!" I leaned nose to nose with her. "Yeah, I think that's pretty funny."

Daring let out a sharp huff. "Awfully full of yourself."

I took my gloved off and pressed them against her side. "You love it." I felt her body heat up under my touch. "Come on...say it."

She started growing red as I slid my hands up and down her sides. "Oh yeah!? What the hell do you want me to say!? That some damn idiot's gonna rape me in a tent?"

"Rape!? No...you're gonna ask me to." I leaned my head down and breathed down her neck. "Desert makes people crazy Daring...you know that, I know that. Come on...I can feel it, you want it."

"Every- two bit adventurer can talk big- you ran out of that temple like an idiot!" She let out a soft groan as I rubbed just above her sex, running my fingers across her stomach. "Celestia damn you...god damn idiot- you think--"

"Daring, just ask--"

"I'm not gonna ask for shit!" Daring wiggled underneath me. "You're not gonna--"

I cut her off forcing our mouths together. Daring pushed back hard, forcing her tongue out and getting into it. I thanked god for my false heroics and adrenaline as I rubbed down her body. Once again, wait, adventure, seduce and profit. Like every other time.

Drugged

I woke up with a loud grunt. My entire body was sweaty, the tent smelled like sex, even the light filtering through the tan tent seemed disgustingly saturated. "Every time...I gotta stop picking up desert chicks."

I found Daring sleeping, back to me and hips nicely framed. I put my hand on her side, making her tail jump as I pushed off her and got to my feet. I found my shirt, tucked myself back into my pants, and took my canteen off my pack. I tossed a tablet in and shook it around.

"What are you doing?" Daring asked, rolling over and watching me. "Gonna poison me?"

"No, babe I couldn't do that to you." I finished and passed her the water. "Just a purification tablet is all." Daring grabbed the canteen, sniffing it a bit before taking a swig. I started smiling like a prick. "Dumb ass." I started crawling out as Daring started to panic.

"What, what did you do!?" She dropped the Canteen and tried to scramble after me. "Wh-whaa...--" She tripped on the floor of the tent and rolled onto her side.

"Just something to help you relax. Don't worry about it." I peeked out of my tent and into the great expansive desert. "Just stay calm, we're only about a mile from the city, but a few hours to get lost should help." I tied my scarf around my head and left Daring flailing on the floor.

She sounded like a stroke victim as the fast acting drug knocked her out hard. "Yooou, fuck...traatur...." She flopped out of the tent and stared at me.

I pushed her back in the tent and zipped it up. "Take a nap Daring, you'll wake up nice and refreshed." I smiled as I walked off, climbing a dune and starting my walk to Tall Tail, the last pony city until you hit Saddle Arabia. It was a cesspool. A horrid seedy little shit hole that sprung up when humans started heading south into the desert.

People were always attracted to the idea of freedom, anarchy, violence, and the desert was the prefect place. No one would stop you, and all types flourished out here. From the bandits, to the adventurers, mercenaries, to shop keeps. It was a raw land, made worse by the introduction of guns and humanity. The normal folk always stayed back in the temperate lands, but we, the outliers, thrive in the harshest locations.

It didn't matter to me. I just needed money, and with this, I think I was good.

Minutes turned to hours as I trudged through the sand, foot after foot, step after step. I slowly made my way through the desert, over the dunes and towards the town on the horizon. My body went from refreshed and calm from my romp last nigh, to exhausted and drained as I walked through the sand.

But little by little, past the dunes and the scorching sun, I made it into the town limits. Greeted with peddlers and thieves I felt amazing at home. The smell of urban decay, sweat, and the sight of the scum of both races, filled the streets. Ponies, humans, men and women, the worst of the worst ended up here, straddling the line between two nations' jurisdiction.

I walked through the worn down road and headed towards the usual place. A worn down desert bar, offering everything from fine gin to cheap whores. But best of all, they offered rooms for cheap. I hurried over, passing a local group of thugs I knew and stepping inside. "Sand Blast, hey! How's the hoof."

One of the thugs looked up and flipped his muzzle to me. "Ey, Acco, goin' good man!"

"Glad to hear it! Should grab a drink when you're liver's not shit!" I jeered the gang, walking inside the bar and getting a whiff of body odor that could knock over a rhino. "Holy shit- stank shit!"

I Pulled my scarf over my mouth and pushed my way past the general trash to get to the bar. A girl with a cropped haircut walked over. "Hey Hannik, what's going on?"

I pulled over a stool and took my place. "Snagged something and got laid. Some dumb mare in a hat thought she was worth giving up a damn good score." I grabbed a glass from behind the counter. "I mean...she was a damn good score, but still, money is king."

The girl handed a glass to a couple ponies and leaned towards me. "Good pussy, good pay, sweaty ponies. Gotta love this place."

"Pffff, I guess. I think I'm finally gonna head out to Saddle Arabia and hock this thing." I dug my prize out of my pack and sneaked a peek to the barmaid. "Nice eh? It'd make a nice codpiece."

The barmaid let out a short laugh. "Careful, you'll hurt a girl like that." She poured me a drink and stepped back. "Well, send me something when ya get there. I heard they have flowers in pots and stuff."

I laughed and finished my drink. "Sure, flowers in the desert. How dumb." I threw the glass on the ground and stood up. "Listen you you scummy fuckers! I'm hiring Wire Tread to take me to Saddle, who want's to come along!?"

A group of ponies and humans cheered as I lead a group of the worst of the worst towards the edge of town. A graveyard of machines, brought to Equestria and abandoned, filled the back end of the town.

I felt like a parade leader as a horde of thirty thugs, thieves and heartless mercenaries towards the only working truck in town. "Wire! Get the thing started!"

A grey unicorn with a huge bruised eye looked over. "Hannik? The hell you want?!"

"You can get us into Saddle, right? You know the way?" I walked over, jumping into the bed of his truck. "I can pay, and everything this time!"

Wire looked at the crowd behind me. "Fine, cash up front, and only four a ya."

I turned to the crowd. "Alright! Sand, Tulip, and...whoever the fuck you are!" I grabbed a pony out of the group and pulled him into the truck. I settled in and pulled out a few bits. "Wire, here ya go man!" I threw the cash into his seat and settled in.

Wire started up the truck and settled in. "Right then, settle--'

"Wait!" A bright white mare ran through the crowd. "Can I come?"

I peered at the mare. "You wanna blow me?"

The mare put her hooves on the gate of the truck. "If that's what it takes!"

I smiled like a fool and kicked the unnamed stallion out. "Get the fuck in here then!" I helped the mare into the truck and started slapping the cabin. "Let's go, we're wasting daylight!"

The truck lurched forward, spitting sand into the crowd as we started off. "Ha, fucking shithole!" I screamed, leaving the town for good. "Fuck all y'all!"

Sand Blast stood up. "Fucking yeah- couhgn- fuck you!"

I turned to him, shaking my head. "Jesus man, you gotta get that cough checked out."

Sand sat down and relaxed. "We're going to Saddle Arabia man! Finally, gonna get all the mares, all the cash, we're gonna run that pl--" He stopped dead, hacking like he caught a lung full of dirt.

I laughed lightly and undid my belt. "One step at a time man, one step at a time." I grabbed the mare I had snagged by the back of the head and pulled her over. "Come on babe...let's get this started...."

The mare took her place between my legs and started teasing me upright. I relaxed, resting my hand on her head and watching the dunes rush past. "Wire, keep it steady man. Rough road head is god awful!"

I ran my hand through the mare's mane as her tongue teased my shaft, providing a pleasant ambient feeling to go with the desert passing by. It was making the other passengers a bit uneasy but I was reveling in the mare's sloppy tongue slathering my cock in saliva and sending a squishy heat pulsating from my head to my base.

I rubbed the mare's ears and closed my eyes as she hit a hot spot, making me groan a little as the tip of her tongue traced around the rim of my head. "Damn...way better than some wanderer."

The mare let out a soft hum, sucking at my shaft and pulling back. The feeling of her lips passing over my head was amazing. I let out a pleased sigh as she gently dipped back down and shook her head, slapping my cock against the inside of her mouth.

I held her head down, pinning her tongue with my tip. She closed her eyes and suckled softly, swishing her tongue around the bottom of my head before taking a decent load across her tongue.

I fell into a blissful haze as the dunes slowly got less and less violent and the sun started setting in the west. "Ladies and gentle men, whores, thieves, thugs and looters. Welcome to Saddle Arabia." Wire grumbled, taking us over a dune and into yet another vast expanse of desert. "Is it nice yet?"

I let out a soft groan as the mare squirmed away from me. "Fuck yeah man, it's fucking beautiful."

Border Crossing

I slowly awoke to a bright white sun hanging overhead. The ride to Saddle Arabia must have taken longer than normal. "Acco...Acco get up!" Wire started shouting, turning off the truck and staring at me through the window of the truck. "Acco get the hell up!"

I pushed the mare I fucked off of my lap and crawled to the window. "What's up--"

"Passport?" A man in a beige jacket and a kepi walked over to the side of the truck. "You have passport?"

"Jesus Christ." I groaned loudly, reaching into my pack as I realized what was going on. "Hey friend, there any way money can make this go away?"

The man reached for his radio. "W--"

I grabbed the man by his jacket, slamming him against the truck and knocking the radio from his hand. He grabbed me, pulling me out of the truck. We tussled on the ground, exchanging blows until I ended up on my back. "Yu son of bitch!" The soldier pulled a gun and pinned me.

I struggled a little as the man tried to keep me pinned. The man brought his hand up, threatening to clock me with the pistol. He stopped dead, falling to the side and revealing Sand Blast holding a part of the truck over his head. "Saddle bastard!"

I got to my feet in a hurry, stepping back and watching as we overwhelmed the two guards. One pony, one human, taken down by a truck load of bandits. "Dude!" I walked over and grabbed Sand Blast by the head. "Fucking-" I slammed my forehead against his own. "-Awesome!"

Sand Blast started laughing like an idiot. "Fuck yeah man, fuck yeah!" He wandered around, trying to get over the sudden headbutt. "But- we- what now!?"

I walked over to door of the truck and leaned into the window. "Wire, how far are we?"

Wire crawled over. "Uh...a mile from a border village. Why?"

I turned back to Sand Blast. "Blast, grab that guard's outfit." Blast nodded, pillaging the pony soldier and pulling off his outfit. I started stripping the human guard, comparing his clothes to mine. "Huh...skinny prick." I yanked off his pants, leaving him in a pair of boxers and a wife beater. I tore off my old outfit, adorning the guard's rather crisp and well fitting uniform. "Ha, bastards!"

I finished up, checking my cuffs and fixing the kepi. I looked like an old french foreign legionnaire. "Sand, you done?"

Sand walked out from behind the truck. "Yeah dude, it barely fits thought!"

I finished with my disguise and started dragging the man towards the back of the truck. "You two, out." I pulled the two mares in the truck out and started pulling the KO'd man into the truck bed. "We're gonna walk the rest of the way."

"What!?" One of the mares shrieked. "That's nuts!"

"Too bad!" I pulled the man into the truck and handcuffed him to a hole in the truck. I helped Sand as he replicated it with the other guard. Once the two men were trapped in the truck bed. With everything ready I walked over to window and leaned inside. "Wire, take em back to Tall Tail. Drop em off in the center of--"

"Don't tell me how to dump a pair of drifters! Remember how you got here...." Wire put the machine in reverse and started moving on. "Stay safe you psychotic asshole!"

"Yeah, sure will! Be banging Arab pussy in hours...." I muttered to myself, picking up a mare and giving her a piggyback. "Come on stupid, let's get going!" I started off south, hoping that our uniforms would help in whatever town we ended up in. At any rate, they weren't about to find those two, and I was new in town, a new life would be nothing this early on.

"Hey Sand!?"

Sand hefted the other mare over his back and ran over. "Yeah!?"

"How's, Liam Kennedy, sound?"

"Huh?"

"Can't keep going on as Acco. Too many loose ends, too many bastard children." I lead everyone over a hill and spotted the town a mile out.

"Dude, you have kids!?" Sand Blast asked, joining me in my march through the soft sand.

"I don't know...maybe?"

"That's fucked up man...you don't leave kids...." Blast scolded, setting the mare down and letting her walk with us.

"Fucker, you've killed people!" I snapped, adjusting the mare I'd fucked as she squirmed on my back.

"Yeah...but you don't just leave kids man...they don't deserve it!"

"He's right you know." The mare on my back added, shifting around.

"I guess, that's why I blew away my generation into your mouth! Ha!" I jeered loudly, jostling the mare on my back. "How's genocide taste?"

"Salty...."

"Ha-haha...eww...." I shut up, walking quietly towards the distant village. It already looked better than Tall Tail. It looked cleaner, the buildings looked taller, and there was a small collection of ponies waiting for us at the main road. "Hey, listen up! If anyone asks we're transfers, and you two were lost in the desert, got it!?"

My group bustled their replies, leaving me to work out the rest. Little by little the clean sand grew less and less steep. The dunes turned into hills, the hills into soft sloping plains, and eventually everything went flat as we reached the road out of town. But this time, I was greeted by curious ponies, all seeming a bit taller than the ones in Equestria. Most wore nothing, but the few that had anything wore light colors, nothing too extravagant or eye catching. simple turbans, head clothes, robes or tunics.

This place was rural. Something you would see in a nat geo special on untouched villages in the middle east. The rustic charm grew greater still when a small herd of kids ran out, circling around my group as we walked over. They seemed so calm, so happy, and here I was going to fuck it up.

I set down the mare on my back and scooted everyone into a huddle. "Alright kids, this is where we part ways. Blast, you can tag along with me if you want, but you two, scatter, got me?"

Tulip, some scrawny mare I'd met a long time ago, nodded. "Sure, I'll lift a few bit- err whatever they have, and get out of your mane." She turned away smacking me with her tail.

"Hey!" I yanked her back by her mane and pulled some of my loot from her tail. "Why ya gotta play me like that!? I worked hard desecrating those alters!"

Tulip smiled and released her grip. "Acco, would you really respect me if I didn't try?"

"Did I respect you before?" I stuffed the golden idol back in my pack and kicked her away. The nameless mare was already gone, faded into the distance, taking with her a stomach of my cream as a memento. I turned to Blast. "Hey, aren't you wanted back in Equestria?"

"Yep, assault n' battery."

"Pick a new name...quickly!" I slammed the back of his head. "Come on dumb ass, before I pick for you!"

"But I like being Sand Blast! Fine...Tom."

"Tom!? A pony named Tom?! You're an idiot--"

"Hello!" A jolly voice boomed, coming from a stallion with a curly beard. "Welcome to you, please, please come!" The stallion started waving his hoof at us, his hat jostling on his head. "Come, it is far too hot outside."

I watched, Tom, get taken away. Gently washed away by another family. "Sand Blast, southern road out of this place at dawn, got it!?"

"What!?"

"South road, dawn!" I managed to shout before being pulled aside by a group of locals and lead after the bearded stallion. Normally I would feel horribly worried, but these ponies were far too happy, too laid back to seem threatening. I'd visited places like this back in Equestria, and they were always way too friendly for my taste.

But as I was whisked through the crowd I spotted a few nice looking mares. A old joke about humans in the desert was they always found mares more attractive. It wasn't wrong, but I always loved exploring foreign cultures. And more than that, I loved exploring their women.

I joined the bustling crowd as we headed towards a brick of a building. A two story box made out of sandstone brick and mortar. I watched as the sun disappeared, giving way to a sun filtered room, a large rug in the center with a collection of cushions around.

"Ah, you my friend, welcome!" The bearded stallion walked over, a herd of ponies rushing past. "Welcome to my home! You look tired, water perhaps?" He whispered to a blue maned mare, the mare quickly ran off, leaving me alone with the man and about five others. "Sir, might I ask your name, my guest?"

I smiled, taking my hat off, covering my face and giving a dirty gesture to one of the mares. The girl in question grew a bit flustered and covered her face. "Name's Hannik, but everyone calls me Acco." there was no use using a new alias this soon, once in a big city where that name might be known I would have to change it.

"Acco, Acco, Acco, haha my friend I like you. Come sit." The stallion lead me into the obvious sitting area and sat the herd down. "Mr. Acco, these are my children, and...." The mare came back in with a pair of jugs of water. "My beautiful mate."

I took a jug and looked into it. "Good god man, you drink like a camel."

The room roared into laughter. A bigger colt leaned over. "There are no camels this far north!"

"Figure of speech kid.... So...all these yours?"

The bearded stallion smiled wide. "Fertility is taken advantage of." He lifted his jug up and took a long drink. "My name is Emerald Dust, welcome to my home, to my town. May the guard of our king be always healthy!"

The crowd of ponies lit up. "Health to all!"

"Helthtuah...." I muttered, taking a drink. "So...awfully nice to just...take me inside."

The bearded stallion smiled wide. "For the king's men, any time, any day!"

I could feel the pretty mare's eyes on me as I set the jug down. "So listen, they sent me to stay the night. They're afraid a group of bandits might come through."

"Oh dear! How dreadful!" The stallion stood. "Well of course the king's guard may stay under my roof!"

"Mumtaaz, thank you! I promise I won't stay long, only for the night!" I stood and walked over to the stallion, giving him a hearty hug.

He let out a hefty laugh and settled back. "My friend, it is my pleasure. Jet, please show our guest to a room."

The mare I'd been flirting with stood up. "With pleasure." An amazing stress of her s made me jump a little in place. I strolled calmly after her, bowing to the stallion of the house and walking with the mare to a rather wide hallway. I watched her tail whip around as she pushed into a room. She held the door for me, revealing a simple room with a rather large cushion in place of a bed. "Should you need anything, do not hesitate to ask."

She turned towards the door and started tip toeing away. "Hey- hey- hey...hold on." I stopped her, gently putting my hand on her neck. "Hey...hey there...such a pretty girl, you wanna stick around, have a little fun?"

The mare grew a little red and pulled away. "Perhaps, we shall see in the darkness."

"Aw come on, I like it with the lights on!" I let her leave, accepting the off chance of a young mate for the night. For now I set my bag down on the cushion and started sorting out my pilfered treasure.

A golden idol from an ancient tomb.

Coins, in copper, brass, silver and gold.

An assortment of golden keys and trinkets.

A large silver pitcher.

A staff of pure platinum, encrusted with jewels.

And of course, the massive red jewel I nabbed from Daring.

I looked over the strange obelisk, taking off my gloves and running my thumb over the engravings. I had no idea what this was, I had no idea why Daring wanted it, but I knew it would sell, and that's all that mattered. Daring would probably come after me, but I'd be long gone in some famous desert city, living the high life off of my ill gotten gains.

But for all my looting, pillaging and deflowering, I had still worked just as hard as a construction worker or a painter. What I did was art, illegal, immoral art. People would work for years to get a fraction of what I would get for even one of these ornaments, why should I have to be poor just because someone once thought these things sacred.

Anyone who thought of these things as holy, was long dead, it was time for someone new to have them, and live well because of it. I looked outside, watching the villagers go about the last few moments of their day before night fell. It warmed my heart, and gave me a plan for the money I would make off these treasures. I packed everything up and stuffed my pack under the cushion.

I relaxed in the strangely clean room, marveling at the complete lack of sand. In a land covered with it, I always assumed these places would be covered in it. The day went by quickly, turning into night. "Sir!" The bearded stallion popped into my room. "Care to join us, a dinner, as you say."

I jumped up. "Why not, I'd be rude if I refused!"

The bearded stallion lead me into a large dining room, same deal as before. A short table, spanning the room, with cushions all around it. I found a seat, across from the mare I was trying to bang. I tried to seem uninterested as she sneakily pursed her lips and tried to entice me. She stopped cold as a few plates full of fruit were brought out. The family started grabbing unceremoniously.

The stallion noted my concern. "In a land of many children, you find keeping them from stuffing themselves is rather difficult."

I laughed heartily as the mare across from me swirled her tongue around a sliced bit of melon. "They do seem pretty, hungry."

Things grew loud as the bickering over food started. I grabbed something that looked good and dug in. The texture was rather supple, good to bite into, but with a slightly sweet finish. "Cactus." A colt stated, leaning over and peering at my plate. "Is very good."

"Very." I enjoyed the organic taste, getting my fill and standing up. "Sorry to leave the table like this, but I need to get to bed. Patrol in the morning, you know how it is. And I'm not feeling great."

"Then eat! You will feel better!"

I let out a small chuckle. "I would love to, but I really should rest. Thank you for your hospitality." I hurried to my room, settling in and waiting a few minutes. Just like I expected the mare I'd been toying with peeked in.

She smiled and walked inside. "They sent me to make sure you are healthy...well?"

I let out a short laugh and sat upright. "Well, I'm a little pent up. Care to help me with that?"

The mare danced her way into the room. "Would you care to show me a kind night?" She stood proud before my bed. "A first night?"

I grew a wicked smile. "First night?"

The mare shook her blue mane out. "With a true stallion, yes." She let out a shaky breath as she walked over. "Forgive me if--"

I cut her off, pulled her onto the large cushion. "Babe...let me show you how men ride." I tumbled her, keeping her stomach pinned against the bed as I got behind her. "Oooooh, baby I'm gonna show you a hell of a night."

I could feel her breathing pick up as I straddled her, rubbing her sides and peeking my fingers around to her underbelly. "Sir...please, be gentle...."

"No babe, no, I'm gonna ride that ass so hard, you won't be able to walk straight!" I crawled over her, grinding myself against her rear. "Mmmm, you're gonna love it...you're gonna be begging for more." I laid my body against her back and took a whiff of her mane. She smelled like flowers and musk, exciting me further.

I couldn't take it any longer, and popping this mare was far too enticing. I undid my pants, pulling myself through the hole in my boxers and pressing myself against her virgin slit. I slathered myself in her fluids, taking in the scent of sex and nuzzling against her mane. "Ready?"

The mare buried her face in the cushion and moaned. I took that as an okay and parted her lips. I felt my member press against her fleshy entrance immediately, sparking something primal. I pulled at her lips, spreading her open and slowly pressing against her. There was only a short bit of resistance before I pressed past her entrance and buried my cock deep in her juicy pink pussy. I felt a fleshy lump pulse around the bottom of my penis, running past it made the mare shriek and let out a drawn out guttural moan, muffled by the cushion.

I held myself up with one hand and reached down to her sex with my free hand. I felt a winking nub soak with juice as I started slowly pumping her. I tweaked her love nub with my fingers, making the mare's back legs go stiff and raise her rump. With the new angle I started pounding her, slamming my hips against her flank and pushing her into the cushion. I kept my back arched downward, kissing her neck and mane as I skewered her.

The pressure was amazing, her unused entrance a perfect little hole, ripe for me to splatter my seed into. I finished playing with her nub and focused on pushing my thick rod into her narrow slit. "Oh baby...." I leaned my head next to her ear and started panting, making the mare pull her head out of the cushion. She rest her chin on the cushion and tried to control her breath. "Babe...how's it feel, bet it- feels great." I pushed hard, feeling myself swell inside her, squeezed tight and hard pressed by her sopping wet insides. "Bet you love that nice thick human *cock*, slamming deep in that little virgin pussy, huh?"

The mare let out a short squeak as I continued to pound her into the cushion. "Come on...I wanna hear you...I wanna hear that pretty voice crack. I want you to scream yourself raw. All from the sweaty human dick, filling you up, making you feel nice and full, come on- let's hear it...worship this cock...love it." I whispered viciously, never ceasing my hard thrusts and keeping to a steady rhythm along with her breath.

The mare was babbling and moaning, stopping dead and letting out a little grunt each time I slammed my rod into her fertile little hole. "Sir...Sir...I--"

"No, let me hear it. Let's hear how good it feels with me on top of you, pounding away at your little hole, making a mare out of you--"

"Sir...I'm--" I nipped at her ear, panting heavily as her legs trembled. I felt her pulse and squeeze my member, her body arching up and pressing against my new shirt. Each thrust send more and more of her creamy juices dripping out of her and onto the cushion. I never let up, keeping her going through the orgasm and breaking her mind.

Each pump into her overstimulated body made her voice crack, body shake and mind lock up. She started slipping forward, body tired from the first release from a real cock. I moved my hands back, lifting her hips and continuing my onslaught. Her voice was reduced to a single continual moan, popping each time I rammed into her fleshy rear.

I could feel her contract as she hit another peak, not saying a word, only moaning at a slightly higher pitch as I fucked her brains out. The room smelled of sweat and sex, the dim light matching the mood perfectly. And as long as I could usually last with a mare, she was rather tight and I was reaching my limit.

I took a final drag along her velvety insides, dragging myself out along her walls. I flicked her clit with my head as I pulled out, a wet pop signifying my freedom. I let the mare go, her flank falling to the cushion. I flipped her over and sat beside her head.

I swept her mane out of the way and cradled her head as I brought myself to my release. "Come on babe, open up." I held her head with my hand, letting her other cheek fall against my leg. My other hand pointed my rod straight at her dazed face.

I slid my finger past her lips, pulling her mouth open just in time.

With a final shaky grunt I shot a load of white hot spunk at her, streaking across her face. Another shot was let out, aimed true, it flew straight into her mouth with a small bit dribbling from her chin. I shifted my aim a little, painting the mare in white streaks and letting the final spurt shoot across her muzzle, splattering her lips with my seed. I dipped myself into her mouth a few times, letting her get a real taste for what I just did.

"Oh baby...you're gonna make some man so happy...." I cooed, petting her cum stained head. "Such a pretty mare, does the new mare like the taste?" I wiggled my head around her saliva coated mouth. "Oh babe...you make me just wanna ruin you."

"Sir...you...I feel...hazy...."

"Shh-shh...daddy'll take care of you." I traced my head over her lips, moving her into place and guiding her up and down my shaft. "Round two...gonna just fill you up...gonna fill that pretty mouth so full." I went at it, the process slow dispite her sticky mouth.

The rest of the night was filled with finishing up my impromptu blowjob and settling down to sleep with my sweaty and exhausted mate. It was good to be lying about my job, came with all the trust, but none of the commitment.

Crackdown

I woke up to a loud banging. "Siran, Siran!?" The bearded stallion's voice rang through the door. I shot upright and pulled my pack from under the cushion.

The mare I'd slammed was slowly coming to. "Father?"

The banging grew louder and louder. "You open this door, you open this now!"

"Ha-haha...oh shit." I pulled my pack on and bashed the window open. "Well, it's been fun." I climbed into position. "I fucked your daughter!" I yelled, jumping out of the building and into a small pile of sand. I rolled down, finding myself in a small side yard to the short Saddle home. I hopped a wall and met the street running, booking it towards the main road out of the town..

"Blast!? Blast, come on we're leaving!" I screamed, running through the streets of the small village, trying to get my bearings and shifting the weight of my bag onto my shoulder.

A loud crack caught my attention, followed by Blast throwing himself out a broken shudder and into the street. "Go, go, go, go!" He yelled, running past me and down the street towards the south. I joined him in his sprint, running towards the desert road that would lead us towards the oasis cities that comprised the heartlands of Saddle Arabia.

"Fuck me, I--stole--this." Blast stopped at the edge of the town and pulled a golden idol from his jacket. "Take it!" He skidded to a stop at the edge of the town, trotting in place with the golden statuette.

I dropped down and undid my pack. "Make it fit, you retard!"

Blast jammed the golden trinket into my bag and zipped it up. With our loot secured we started running back towards the southern road. The town behind us was slowly lighting up, shouts and clatter crying out as a small mob centered around a pair of screaming stallions started searching for us. "Go, run dude, run!" I grabbed Blast by his collar, dragging him towards the waiting dunes that surrounded the remote village.

"Oh, wait!" I shouted, slowing my run and fishing the guard's ID I'd stolen. I turned around, chucking the wallet as hard as I could. "Take it up with me later!" I shouted, watching the wallet go sailing towards the herd of ponies threatening to run us down. I turned to the road, my lungs starting to ache as me and my accomplice fled the town for the waiting dunes.

The sun rose slowly, bouncing off our new outfits and blinding everything that stood before us. Life went south as we traveled the same. "Blast...does it strike you as odd that the guards didn't have a car of some sort?" I patted down my pockets, searching the guard's uniform. "Like...we're stuck out here," I stopped and twirled around a large dune on my heel. We'd been walking for some time, and the far off town had given way to a completely barren set of rolling sand hills. "but they would have been stuck too."

Blast nodded, "Yeah, it just doesn't make--" He went to wave his hoof at the way we came, a small silver key flying out of his cuff and landing in the sand. Time went still as we both stared at the bright thing stuck in the sand. "Oh...."

I licked my lips, my eyelids lifting up and letting the sun scorch my eyes fully. "Oh? Oh!? Blast, you're a fucking retard!" I screamed, my accent still lessening the impact. "You don't fucking say, oh! Oh, I forgot my coffee! Oh, I stubbed my toe! Not, oh, I didn't realize we probably needed a way to get around! Oh, I didn't realize they probably had a car! Oh, we're gonna die out here because I didn't check my fucking pockets!" I screamed, storming up to Blast and towering over him. "Don't fucking, oh, me!"

"Well you should have--"

I cut blast off. "No, listen to me! I'm not the one who didn't check the fucking pockets! Maybe I'm not the one who thought about it, but I got to fuck a mare's face, what did you get to do!?"

"I stole something!" Blast shouted, trying to push back against me. "I--"

"So I get to die with a wet dick, and you get to die with some shitty trinket!" I turned to the dune, watching as a storm starting to appear on the edge of the far dunes. "And here we go! No tent, no water, nothing! And now a sandstorm is here to- holy shit that's a carriage." I stated, dropping my arms and watching the pony pulled cart sail across the dunes, a bright purple flag waving in it's wake. "Hey, hey!" I shouted, jumping in the air and waving my arms like mad.

The cart of the gods veered off it's course, heading towards us and spitting sand like crazy. "Oh thank god." I cooed, falling to my knees and tracking the carriage as it popped up and over the dunes, swiftly tearing across the desert. I felt like crying, watching the gilded creation pull up to us, the ponies left to pull jangling. My guts twisted as the cart drew to a stop over the dune. The ponies pulling were chained up, metal yokes locked around their heads. "Oh god no...." I groaned, wiping off my face and looking up into the cabin.

I could see a Saddle pony in a bright purple sun hat peeking out. "Hello, are you in need of help?" The pony asked, Saddle Arabian remarkably close to French. Sadly enough I couldn't speak the language, understanding it was hard enough. "Shouldn't you be in Scolard?"

I let out a tried groan, "A noble, a slaver, and a prick." I stood up, walking over the the four ponies chained to the cart. "How the hell do you...free?" I asked, "You want...free?"

The closest pony looked up at me, eyes broken and tired. "Monarchist scum...leave me--"

"Does anyone here speak English, Equestrian, German?" I asked, grabbing the chains that the slaves were attached to and rattling them. "Hello, anyone--"

"I do." A soft voice from inside the cart cried out, followed by another pony poking out of the carriage window. "...What did you want to say?"

I licked my lips, looking from the pulling slave to the smiling noble pony in the back. "I- oh fuck it." I pulled my crossbow from my pack, aiming it dead on the purple hatted pony. The pony froze, hooves digging in against the side of the carriage. "How about you tell him to get out."

The mare in the window scooted away from the stallion, muttering softly before actually speaking. "He wants you...to get out."

The stallion in the hat slowly pulled his hooves inside, opening the door and stepping out. He was a short little ass, half the size of a normal Saddle Arabian. "Well, look at the napoleon complex on you." I danced around the pony, Blast following me as I commandeered the carriage. "Your contribution to the cause is most generous." I mumbled, Blast scrambling into the cart. "Now if you start running, you'll make it to that town before noon. Wouldn't want to be stuck out here around then." I holstered my crossbow and climbed inside the luxury carriage. The mare was leashed to the side, the ponies pulling the cart visible through a small screened window in the front.

The mare in the cabin looked on with awe. "Who are you!?" She asked, pushing herself against the side and holding her hooves out defensively.

I shrugged. "I'm so murdering, slave driving, desert wastrel. But right now I need a ride, and freedom for travel sounds good, right?" I stretched out, resting my feet on the opposite side of the benches. "And if you don't understand what I'm saying, mostly because you're an idiot probably, this is a rescue." I pulled a small knife from my boot, wiping the dried beans off it and reaching towards the mare.

"Wait, no!" She squealed, tucking her hooves up against her face and shivering.

"Oh calm down." I sliced through the leash tying her to the carriage. "I'm on a murder break. And a rape break for that matter...and...no, I can't take a break from thievery." I chopped up the leather leash, throwing it out the window and sitting back. "Hey, so can we get moving? No offense, but looking at your pretty face isn't going to keep us from dying of dehydration."

The mare held the tattered bit of her leash in her hooves. "I don't...what?"

I shook my head, "Tell them to head back towards the big cities! Jesus, I'm trying to be a nice guy and you're just pissing about!" The mare sat there, continuing to gormlessly stare at me. "Tell them!" I shouted, causing the mare to jump towards the window at the front of the carriage.

"Go, to Blackwater!" The mare shouted, her tail bumping up slightly as she leaned against the wall, her flank wobbling pleasingly. "We're free! We're-- Ow!" The mare spun around, glaring at me for the squishy slap I gave her flank. "...I- why?!"

I shrugged, "Got a nice booty...now are we gonna- oh, there we go." The carriage pulled away, leaving the noble stallion screaming his head off on the top of our dune. "Ah, serendipity and a hot mare."

The mare continued to look at me, starting to blush slightly. "Why are you--"

"Because you're cute. Now sit down...I just got laid, so I'm really not in the- uh...I'm gonna be nice and just shut up." I crossed my legs, sliding against the side of the carriage. "Sandy tan flank...squishy."

Things got quiet. The mare slowly wandered to her corner, sitting as far from me as possible. Blast tapped his hooves together. "So...could I--"

"Shut up Blast! You dropped the ball!" I shouted, kicking at him and spitting sand in his face. "Just...sit there and be quiet."

The beating of hooves took over, the sandy hills passing quickly as the ponies worked hard to get us to a new desert home. "So, who are you?" The mare asked, still pressed against the corner of the carriage. "Are you actually going to--"

"I'm a murderer, a thief, a rapist, slaver, and all around shitty person. But I'm on a break, and I need a ride. So...yes, you can go free, those boys out there can go do what they want, all I want is to get out of this stupid ass desert, and get drunk."

The mare scratched at the wall of the carriage. "I'm not sure if I can--"

"I face fucked a mare in the last town, I stole golden treasure from long buried temples, I screwed over Daring do, and now I just want to sell what I have, and take a nap. Taking a nap on a mare's flank or on a pair of bouncing breasts would be ideal, but I'm really just looking forward to an actual bed." I tapped my knuckle against the wall. "And a bunch of Saddle Arabian slaves is just gonna make things more complicated." I turned to the mare with a smile, "Unless you're voulenteering to be my butt pillow."

The mare's ears went flat. "No.... I have a family to get back--"

"You're a slave right?" I asked, uncrossing my legs. "How'd that happen?"

The mare looked uneasy. "Not...a slave, just...arranged marriage...."

I scoffed, "Well that fucker is lost in the desert!" I stood up, switching up seats and sliding up against the mare. "Now stick with me...we will wreck shop all across Saddle Arabia!"

The mare tried to escape. "Is that a command?"

I slid back, giving the mare some room. "No...but you're cute, and I'd hate to see someone like you ending up under some gross, sweaty stallion."

The mare's face contorted up into a hard frown. "It's not like I have much choice...my family needs the mon--"

I let out an angry groan. "Bitch, what did I just say about being a thief!?" I set my bag down, rummaging around and finding a sizable chunk of gold statue. "Here, down payment."

The mare fumbled with the statuette, "What- I- what?!"

I put my arm around the mare. "Girl...come with me and my-" I looked towards blast, finding him half asleep and laying across the bench seat, "-uh.... Actually...just come with me, you could replace him. Hang out with me, steal, live the life, get that sandy flank some bits and make you a star!"

The mare stared angrily at the gold in her hooves. "...But I'm not--"

"You can be a thief, or a belly dancing cock sleeve for old men." I patted her foreleg. "Now come on, I promise I won't hurt you...or...rape you, or any of that stuff."

The mare looked up at me, face contorted with an unreadable confounded expression. "You are a terrible person...aren't you?"

I laughed jauntily. "I worked in human trafficking in Wales, ran drugs into Ireland, am a legal citizen of fucking Sealand, and just shot my load into a sweet country mare's mouth." I jostled the mare's mane. "I'm a rotten person, on a break from being rotten."

The mare looked me up and down. "My name is Emerald, and I have no want to be passed about from colt to colt like a harem mare!"

I smiled extremely wide. "Oh god...that fire-" I poked the mare's chest, causing her to giggle. "-right- oh my god! You're like the biscuit man!" I laughed sharply, my accent causing the laugh to cascade out of control. "Oh dear god.... Devil of Cardiff, giggling with a pony mare in my arm.... Mother would be proud."

Friendship Is Anarchy

I hung my head out of the carriage, watching the dunes speed by. "Oi, water ho!" I shouted, my rich accent still ruining my credibility as a bandit. I tucked my head back into the carriage, spotting Emerald half asleep next to Blast. "Hey, pretty eyes, wake up!" I reached over, grabbing the mare by the inside of her thigh and pulling her over. "Come on!"

Emerald flipped out, whipping me with her green mane. "Bah- what?!"

I grabbed her by her forelegs. "Jesus, what the hell!? Why are you speaking French!?" I shouted, shaking her awake. "Stop speaking that devil language!"

Emerald's eyes snapped open. "What!?" She looked around the carriage like mad. "Where is he!?"

I held Emerald still. "Who?"

Emerald's eyes slowly calmed down, settling on me. "Oh...oh thank the sun." She let out a deep sigh. "I thought it was going to happen...oh thank the gods, the sun, moon, thank it all." She sighed, melting in my grip.

I cocked my head. "Sweaty stallion, stuffing supple...mare plot, with...god damn I suck at alliteration." I shook my head, carefully pulling her towards the doors of the carriage. "Did you think you were gonna get abused? And by abused, I mean fucked. That thing I kicked out of here sexing up something like you is abuse against god!"

The mare just babbled. "I'm just so happy right now." She wore a dumb smile, "You're a bandit right? Well...you're not--"

"Are you drunk?" I asked, holding the mare against my side. "Wake up ya twit!"

Emerald slowly came to. "Oh- oh!" She shook her head hard. "You--"

"Hannik, I'm Hannik...how are you?"

"Right." the mare nodded, "Apologies, things have been rather hectic."

I shrugged, "Sure, but I'm the hero, rescuing you from the life of a sexy, sexy cock sleeve. Now go tell those pullers to take us to the water." I switched seats with her, leaving her to talk with the ponies pulling the cart. I looked around the swanky carriage, still buzzing with anticipation. It was finally happening, I was going to head to a desert jewel. I was going to sell off everything I stole, everything I looted and pillaged, and I was finally going to live the life I wanted.

The mare pulled her head back in. "We're going to stop. Can I ask--"

"It's water." I stated, finding my boots on the floor of the carriage. "That and I need to bathe before we go to...Black Water? Is that where we're headed?"

Emerald shrugged. "To be honest, I don't remember much from yesterday. I've been trying to block out my time with that stallion- but...but he's gone." She grew a soft smile. "I hope he dies out there, oh by the sun let him die."

I chuckled haughtily. "So dark, I love it." I hugged the mare with my right arm, "Such an evil little bitch, wrapped up in such a pretty body. Seriously, I love it."

The mare tried to shove me free. "You love me, yet called me a bitch?"

"I call myself a horrid bastard, so don't take it too hard. Or take it hard...real hard, just-" I held the mare hard against my side, "-so hard." I let out a soft coo, "Gonna bruise that flank I get the chance, just you wait."

Emerald stared at me, cheeks puffed out. "I thought you said--"

"I'm not a rapist. But you say the word and I'll show you a night you'll never forget." I rubbed the mare's foreleg, "And don't start getting mad at me. You're too hot for your own good."

Emerald relaxed, leaning against my right. "You know, I do believe you. I'd imagine I'd be on the floor if you intended to rape me."

The carriage slowly rolled to a stop. "Truly. I'm a thief, a desert rat, a psychotic and an arbitrary twat, but I'm not a rapist. I have standards, even if they don't make sense!" I let the mare go, shoving the door open and flinging myself out of the carriage. "Now let's unchain you yokel fucks!" I cheered, landing heavily on the sand surrounding a small oasis. "Woo!"

The slaves chained up at the front of the carriage were nearly dead, heaving and huffing from the long pull. I hurried around to the side of the carriage. "Blast, wake the hell up!" I slammed the door, causing a loud thud on the inside. "Keys!?"

Blast grumbled loudly from inside, a small keyring flinging out the window. "Celestia damn you...too loud."

I yanked the keys from the sand, leaning back and adopting an excellent posture. "Slavers, rapists and torturers beware!" I jammed they keys into place on one of the stallion's harnesses. "An whirlwind of debauched freedom approaches!" I slammed the key to the side, opening up the massive yoke from the first stallion's neck. "Anarchy and gold, coming to your fucked up little lives!" I went on to the next stallion, freeing him just the same. "Freedom." I stated, calm and perfectly juxtaposed against my otherwise manic sermon. "Freedom, from a bloody great Welsh dragon!" I cheered, my posh accent still bugging me to no end.

I could swear, curse, scream and yell, but I'd never make a convincing chav or renegade. "So who's gonna blow me?" I continued to undo the chains, "Freedom aside, one of ya should pay a little respect." I laughed, knowing not a soul there would agree. I laughed loudly. "Oh god, they don't even speak English, do they?"

I finished up with the locks, watching the carriage team bolt into the water. Emerald strolled out, sandy brown coat nearly blending in with the sand. "I don't believe so. Wait, you don't speak Saddle?"

I turned to the rather tall mare. "I didn't even know they had their own language!" I laughed, all too pleased with myself to feel serious. "Is that what you were speaking earlier?"

Emerald nodded, "You mean this?" She asked, speaking fluent French.

"Gaugh- Frenchy, cheesy prick." I groaned, "Saddle Arabians speak bloody French? Oh god...I knew I should have gone north." I fell to the sand, the warm grains pleasant against my back. "Smell that?" I asked, kicking my legs. "That's the smell of regret and freedom. Mostly regret though."

Emerald walked over, "Um, wha--"

"Speak pony to me, not that devil talk." I hissed, "Can't stand the French."

Emerald just looked at me as I laid in the sand. "Alright, I think." She looked down at the stallions playing in the water. "Are you sure you're a bandit? I don't think that was very--"

"I'm a bandit with arbitrary ass morals and a boner the size of the royal navy."

Emerald cocked her head, "The what?"

"The royal navy. And what I mean by that is, it's shrinking by the hour." I started to laugh, it felt forced and dry. "Oh god...and people wondered why I wanted to leave that place." I sat up in the sand. "So, you know anyone high up in Black Water?"

Emerald nodded, "I might. Who are you looking for?"

I smiled wide. "I need someone rich, and willing to spend lots of money on stupid artifacts." I turned to the mare with a smile. "We're gonna be rich, powerful, and you're gonna wear the skimpiest clothing I can find."

Emerald frowned. "But I don't wear clothes."

I scratched my head. "Good point." I grabbed the zipper on my pants, "I'll take your advice--"

"I wasn't saying you shouldn't!"

"Too late, pants are off!"

Dare

I walked through the sands, hair dripping wet, mare at my side, pack on my back. I was shirtless, the guard pants soggy at the ankle and far too tight around the groin. "We're going to die out here...." Emerald mumbled, lurching along the dunes. "Why didn't we go farther before stopping?!"

I growled loudly, "Because if we strolled into a city with a stolen carriage, four freed slaves and two fake guards, nothing good would happen!" I shouted down at her. "At least if we show up like this people will think we're homeless!"

"You say that like it's a good thing!" She shouted, falling into a coughing fit. "We are actually going to die out here, how is that--"

"I see it." I cut her off, storming up a dune, the sand soft under my bare feet. "Buildings, I see buildings!" I stared out at the gleaming glass city, life springing up amongst a huge oasis, tall crags marking the boundary of the desert, the far off mountains somehow warding something from the sands that separated Saddle Arabia and Equestria. "Oh wow...I thought the whole country was desert."

Emerald looked up at me. "Foreigners often do. The north is mostly desert. The eastern coast is temperate, scrub land and beaches. Saddle Arabia is more than a match for your idiotic nations of Earth." She strolled past me, flopping down onto the warm dune. "Idiots...they think we're savages...you think we're--"

"No, I'm a savage." I clarified, sitting upright. "You're the filthy desert heathen. You paganite mongrel." I laughed to myself, slowly getting behind her and spooning the half dead mare. "Oh god...do I make you wet?"

Emerald groaned loudly. "We're going to die a few meters from the city, is now really the time for your jokes?"

I buried my head in her mane, sniffing her sweet kiwi scented mane. "Shut up.... God, I could really just fuck you right here...." I let go of the mare and flopped onto my back. Sand clung to my damp skin, rubbing painfully against me as it started to dig into my clothes. "I sound too rich to die out here.... This is like if King Richard died in Palestine.... Fucking...cocks, big meaty dick flavored cocks." It really did hurt my ears to hear such a proper, rich, voice so vulgar and angry. "I should be a king...not some desert wasteoid steam fried in the sun."

Emerald flicked her ear against my hand. "...I'm going to die a virgin.... Oh gods...I'm going to die a virgin...."

I turned to her with a worn out laugh. "I could fix that."

Emerald let out a long sigh, her voice ringing softly in my ears. "You know...it was either die a virgin...or live my life under some sweaty pig.... Honestly...and I'm not suicidal, but death is a bit more preferable."

I started to laugh, first softly then with a hearty chuckle. "Oh come on...that pony looked alright. You didn't want that fat gut pressing against your back? That... fat shit's pencil sticking you, wiggling around, oh man...that watery cum inside you. Oh my god, that beard on the back of your head while he mount--"

"Stop!" Emerald sat upright. "Honestly... I could have lived my entire life without thinking about that and I would have been fine."

I closed my eyes as the fatigue settled in my back, fusing me to the sand. "God...all the things I've stolen, the people I've killed, the women I've seduced, Daring Do...getting a load of my cum right up her hot little slit...." I crossed my arm over my chest, resting my fingers along my heart. "Oh.... I fucking pumped Daring Do with cum.... I fuckin- man.... She was...she- holy shit...." I could feel breath on my lips. I opened my eyes, already sure of what I'd find. "Daring Do!" I smiled wide at the mare. "Oh god...that scowl.... Do you not like me talking about how I bent you over?"

Daring grimaced hard. "You know... I thought maybe you helped me to be nice, or just to help. I wanted to believe you weren't like--"

"Daring...darling, I do care about you." I slowly sat upright, my body half sprinkled with sand. "I mean...no offense, but I wouldn't have save you if I didn't think you looked good, and I would have left you in the tent if I didn't know you." I let out a long sigh. "Are you kidding me? I mean...babe, there was something there--"

Daring frowned at me, a shadow cast by her hat over my chin. "You know, I could break your jaw. Wouldn't be so good with ladies if--"

I huffed softly. "Look, can we cut to the chase?" I stared at the angry yellow mare with a tired feeling running across my eyes. "Are you here to kill me, to save me, or to.... Look, why are you here?"

Daring frowned at me. "You have--"

"In my bag, just take it." I rolled onto my front, laying my cheek against the sand as Emerald squirmed in the dune. "Really, I'm sorry, had a lot of time to think, and yeah I was a little fucked up leaving you in that tent. If you followed me this far it must be so--"

"Are you serious?" Daring asked, poking me in the ribs. "That easy?"

I turned my chin to look up at her. "Daring, I'm just gonna say this now. Money means more to me than you, but you're pretty high up there." I stared up at the mare. "Your bloody stories are the reason I came out her--"

Daring shook her head. "How delirious are you right now?"

"Oh extremely."

Daring cocked an eyebrow. "And you're just--"

"Are you here to save me and the mare, or are you just gonna leave us to die?" I turned back around, laying on my back once again. "Remember...I did leave you handcuffed, but I made sure you were safe and I left you in shelter."

Daring frowned at me, her vision quickly shifting to Emerald. "Hey, you, how do you know him?"

Emerald lifted her head just enough to look over at me. "Him? He...train...slaves--"

Daring snapped her head back down to me. "That carriage back there was you?"

I closed my eyes and shrugged. "I don't like slavery...sick, sick little practice." I smiled and laid there blind. "I have a strange shitlist. Rape, slavery, slave rape, and petty theft."

Daring stared at me, eyes half closed, eyebrows sharp and annoyed. "Petty theft?"

I cringed and shook my head. "I've only ever committed grand theft and larceny. And I mean...after you've stolen several millions, if you can't buy a fucking Cornetto for a pound you're just an asshole." I sighed loudly. "I'm weird...I know."

Daring rolled her eyes. "You're also half dead." Daring looked off towards the city. "... I'm going to say this, and I want you to remember this while I drag you and your friend into town. I hate you, I hate you so much, I have something I need you for, but I hate--"

I threw my hands up and wrapped my hands around her ears, pulling her down and locking lips with the soft pouty mare. It was sweet, soft and sudden enough to leave me a bit tired. "I love you--"

Daring's glare burned into my head as I laid back down. "... Charm will do a lot, but you're really--"

"If you haven't killed me by now, you're not going to." I laughed and hung my hands on Daring's ears. "I'm touched that you came for me...twice."

"You're a--"

"Yes yes, pig, disgusting creature, asshole. But admit it, you love me...." I smiled up at her. "Hey...you looking for a partner, I promise that I'll behave. Just better keep me fed--"

"Hannik!" Emerald jumped up. "Shut up! Fuck you, fuck you!"

I let my hands flop into the dust as I felt her words hit me with a hearty stab. "Emerald... I don't want to bang you anymore...." I turned my head to Daring. "Daring...you--"

"You keep pushing your luck!" Daring pressed her forehead against my own.

I stared at her with a smile. "I'm not hearing a no. That's really sweet of you." I let my eyes flutter close as I watched the mare. "You keep this up...I might just keep you around."

Cuff

I snapped awake. "Fucking pants!" I yanked my hands up, finding one handcuffed to a bedpost. "What the balls!? Where am I? ... What day is it?" I looked down my body, the guard's uniform I'd stolen replaced by absolutely nothing. "...Why am I naked?"

Emerald sighed loudly, drawing my attention across the clean white room, to a bed across from me. "Your friend brought us to town.... She stripped off your clothes so we wouldn't get caught for impersonation." She tugged at her foreleg, cuffed as well. "The gold is gone...."

I looked down at my cock laid against my side. "Hmm... she took it?" I looked around, the room we were bound in was far too nice. Clean white walls, modern furniture, minimalistic with a bit of a French flair to it. Gold trim lined everything, and the temperature was cool at worst. "Are we in a harem? You have those here don't--"

"Really?!" Emerald yanked on her cuff. "You know, prisons in Saddle Arabia usually end with death, not rape!"

"Hmm, that so?" I leaned back, resting my back against the ultra soft sheets I was laid upon. "You know...I think I'm going to marry that mare." I nestled deep into the pillow so carefully placed between my neck and the headboard. "Daring, I mean. I'm going to push that mare onto her knees, and I'm going to cuddle the fuck out of her."

Emerald yanked at her binds. "That's not the direction I thought you would take that...."

I nodded, looking towards the door. "I've yet to meet a mare that could tolerate me, let alone actually save me." I snuggled into the bed. "I mean-" I looked up at my hand, my wrist bound up by my old handcuffs, "-she used my own handcuffs on me." I started to laugh. "I mean, that's just mean. And I love it." I slid myself back, sitting upright in the bright white lounge. "Never had anyone toss my shit back, and she fucking did it in style!"

Emerald glared at me. "You're deranged."

"I know. But I have fun." I pulled at my cuffs, the sturdy pair with one major flaw. "And really, that mare.... I don't care if I die doing it, that mare is gonna say yes."

"We're fine." A sharp voice cut in, flooding the lounge with Daring's voice. "We're safe for a--"

"Daring, marry me!" I shouted, utterly sincere.

Daring peeked her head into the room, swinging around until she landed on me. "Uh... no."

"Alright, I'll ask again later!" I pointed to her with my free hand. "Gonna say yes one day, Daring, you wait! You'll say yes, and the kids will be beautiful!"

Daring stared at me, a single hoof raised into the air. "What were you two--"

"About how I'm going to marry you." I stated, puffing my cheeks out and laying flat. "Also, it's really sweet of you to use my old pair." I hung my cuffed hand in the air, the half trapped on the bedpost hanging loose. "Love ya."

Daring's hoof slowly fell to the ground. "...So you know they're broken?"

"Oh yeah." I pulled a sheet over my shins, keeping my groin uncovered. "You thought I'd leave someone trapped in the desert handcuffed to a pole? God...I'm not- I'm not that terrible in that regard." I shrugged. "Murder aside, that would be a bit terrible to leave someone to die like that. Just shoot him or som- him or her, or something."

Daring stood smack dab between our beds, staring at me, glaring. "Equal opportunity murder?"

"Equal opportunity murder, exactly." I smiled at her. "So... marry me?"

Daring shook her head. "Are you gonna stop?"

"I don't see you leaving!" I smiled at her. "You're just standing there, shoot me down, and it's making me so god damn hard." I sat back, letting my rod stand tall. "Daring...can I--"

"I'll bite that off--"

I felt a shiver run through my body. "Uuuuh, that was a disappointing." I shook myself hard, my cock already starting to droop. "Daring, you really can't talk to me like that. I need to keep some of my pants clean."

Daring's eyes narrowed hard. "Really? Are you screwing around or did you really--"

I laughed. "Almost like I pulled you into a tent just to get a shot at that body. Almost like I just proposed to you, and by the way I mean it, you say yes and I'll find a ring quick as shit."

Daring huffed. "Knock it off--"

I drew in a deep breath through my teeth. "You want me to be serious? I'm not fun when I'm serious." I slowly exhaled, letting myself sink into the bed. "I'm going to marry you, why? Because no mare before you has pushed back, so you shut your mouth and you tell me the plan."

The raven maned mare shook her head. "The plan? There is no plan. The artifact you stole is in the sultan's hooves, I'm going to ship you back to Equestria for trial, and--"

Emerald sighed loudly. "Which artifact?"

Daring slowly turned around. "Hawk's Nail."

Emerald hummed loudly, her green mane flipping softly. "Which sultan?"

Daring Do turned around, flashing me with her tight ass, her slit barely covered by a pair of panties that matched her coat. "Oh god...that plot...."

"Sultan Tanner." Daring flicked her tail, making me jump. "Why?"

Emerald laughed. "That probably wasn't a good idea.... You just handed control over the weather to a stallion who openly questioned the Great King." She shook her head. "This is why foreigners should stay behind their borders."

Daring locked up, her legs snapping apart before going rock solid. "What?"

Emerald's face was amazing, pulled up into an unimpressed frown. "You had to, help." She shook her head. "Civil war has been brewing for some years now, and with no pegasus and that artifact...you very well may have just installed a new Great King."

Daring's head slowly turned up. "No...."

"Saddle Arabia is a bit different from your bird fed homeland, yes?" Emerald smiled softly. "I suppose I'll find out, because I'm not staying for this." Emerald looked past Daring. "Hannik, your wife might have caused a war. How does that--"

"Rock hard!"

"Charming." Emerald laughed. "Hannik, do you know anyplace I could stay? I'd rather not sit around for a war, poor, left to fend for myself in the--"

"Oh--my--god! You can come live with me in prison!" I turned to Daring. "I mean...unless maybe we could undo this.... With the help of a few mares...maybe instal a dictator of my own...." I smiled, and I made sure it was obnoxiously wide. "I've always wanted to start a civil war! Oh this is so much fun, and, Daring, you made it all possible!"

A soft whimper flitted through the room. "Damn." Daring hung her head, her hat falling off and tapping loudly against the ground. "How long do we have?"

Emerald waved a hoof in the air. "I don't know, probably long enough to figure out how to run."

Daring sighed loudly and hobbled over to me. "Hannik...."

"Oh god...."

"I-"

"Yes!"

"-need-"

"Oh please!"

"-your-"

"I'm gonna cum!"

"-help."

Everything went black. I snapped back to in mere moments. "Oh...my god.... Did I just faint!?" I looked down at my lap, my cock damp, my sheets stained. "Yes! And yes, Daring, I'll help you take over Saddle Arabia."

Daring glared at me. "First off, I'm not taking over. Second, we just need to fix--"

"No!" I sat upright, my fingertips sticky. "We're picking sides, and we're gonna fucking save the god damn world!" I raised my cum splattered hand up. "Team...Emerald!"

Emerald leaned her head to the side. "Team me?"

"Sure. You wanna be a queen?"

Emerald rolled her eyes. "I think maybe we should start by getting somewhere safe, maybe save the plotting for later."

"Then someone find me some fucking pants! We're tear shit up!" I slid my legs off the bed, landing cold against a marble floor. "I'm so excited. Are you two excited? No? Probably not...what with the impending doom and what not."