We Stopped Checking for Monsters in the Everfree...

Chapters

CHAPTER I: Celestia's Corner.
CHAPTER II: Upset the Established Order...
2a: Discussion
CHAPTER III: Everything Becomes... CHAOS!
3a: Just Another Mare
CHAPTER IV: Joker's Debut
4a: Practice
CHAPTER V: Please, Dash...
CHAPTER VI: Explosions, Meat-Puppets, and Horns
CHAPTER VII: Are you Real?
CHAPTER VIII: Found A Lead, and Still Feel Lost
CHAPTER IX: Selfish?
CHAPTER X: Chaotic Harmony
11a: the Journey Home, Part I
CHAPTER XII: Celestia's Very Bad Week I
CHAPTER XI: A Nice Place for Ouchies and Giggles

CHAPTER I: Celestia's Corner.

“Greetings, my loyal subjects,” Celestia smiled nervously into the camera. It was certainly different from public speaking, this was. While the concept was the same, there was something strangely unsettling about talking to an inanimate object. She realized that she had spent a bit to long saying nothing, and so continued on. “My name is Princess Celestia.”

Twilight watched the grainy picture on the television from the comfy couch of the guest suite that her mentor given her as a headquarters. In truth, Twilight didn't exactly need to watch this show; Celestia had already given the Mane Six all the information they needed when she was gave them the job of identifying the criminal responsible for the heinous acts. Regrettably, Twilight had gotten nowhere in her investigation.

“I have started this program with the intentions of giving you all, the People, the unaltered truth as we understand it today, as well as stopping all possible misinformation. This program will put an end to the rumor circulation, and, hopefully, give relief in this troubled time. I promise to give you no lies.” She cleared her throat.

“First, I would like to thank the Flimflam brothers, as well as the mysterious 'Jack White', for such a lovely invention as television. Even six months ago, nopony could have imagined such an innovation. Now, every third household has one. Due to this, a new forum for information and discussion has been created, allowing for unprecedented communication far more efficient than ever before. You all deserve your fortunes. Good luck.

Second, I would like to personally thank Queen Chrysalis and her forces.” she smiled a genuine smile. She could practically hear the ponies at home gasping. I must remind them that Changeling are ponies too.

The Mane Six gasped in unison. The ponies (except for Fluttershy, who was busy staring at a very haunting photograph) looked to Twilight, the closest pony to the Princess. Twilight racked her brain for an explanation. “Don't worry, girls. The Princess's probably making a little fun of Chrysalis.” Twilight didn't know about the morality of such a game, but the Princess always had the answers.

After a small silence, the Princess continued. “Peace between Equestria and the Changeling Colonies still seems unlikely still, but I have to thank Chrysalis and her ponies for the fact that there have only been 31 injuries in the past three years and no deaths, and for the fact the fighting has been reserved for the soldiers with no intentional civilian injuries and minimal kidnappings. To summarize, I thank the Changlings for their civility.”

She gave the ponies at home some time to take in the admittedly stunning message. But newscasters would not be talking about the appreciation shown to the Changling for months to come. No, there was a far more pressing matter that need mentioning. Celestia dreaded this part And now, here it was. “I timed this broadcast as late as possible to spare you parents the headache, but now it's time to go to more serious matters. If you have younger children, you may want to send them to bed.”

After several moments, Celestia drew a breath. “Today, there resulted 55 deaths because of factory explosions. As you no doubt know by now, one explosion occurred when the Blast Mining factories' explosives went off. The other was the result of a fireworks factory's fireworks going off, causing significant fire damages.”

Celestia wiped her eye with a hoof. “As for the rumors that these were set of by some criminal,” when she spoke again, her voice wavered a small bit. “Those rumors... are true.” She took a moment to compose herself.

“It cannot be a coincidence that two explosions went off on the same day, despite all the fail-safe measures. Beyond this, a Dough Brand's Buns's bun was left at each of the scenes. Dough Brand's Buns was robbed yesterday. It is safe to say that the bun thief and the... arsonist... is the same pony.

We are following all leads, so rest assured that we will find the murderer. If the culprit is listening: turn yourself in. I don't believe you meant anypony harm. Surrender, and I promise you will face much lighter penalties. I will also make sure you are protected from mob justice. Please.”

She calmed her voice a bit, and cleared her throat once more. “I'm Princess Celestia. Have a good night”

The program ended then. Fluttershy was sobbing quietly, the thought of the deaths heavy on her back. In her hooves was a photograph. The worst photograph she could have imagined. And she couldn't stop staring at it. You see, Twilight had to go through each of the victims to make sure there was no possible clue to the criminal's identity, but, with 55 victims, the culprit had covered his tracks well. Twilight had still went through the pictures, though, just because she had to see if it was true. Just to prove to herself that the deaths did occur.

Fluttershy had happened to see one of the photos. It was of a filly (a colt, maybe?) burnt to a crisp, presumably caught in one of the fires. Such a terrible thing. Such a terrible death! Surely this was an accident. Nopony could actually do that on purpose. Nopony was that heartless. Not even Gilda.

Applejack new in her gut that this was an intentional attack. It had to be. And she hoped to Faust that Fluttershy knew it was intentional. She silently cursed this job. She had nothing against Fluttershy, but Applejack privately thought that Fluttershy was too delicate for this kind of work. But Fluttershy insisted...

Fluttershy broke the silence, her sobs still in her voice. “I'm sure this'll all be over in the morning. The criminal will turn himself in. And he'll apologize, and then I'll help him. And we'll be friends. And he'll be my friend and we'll be happy and he'll tell me how it was an accident...” her voice got more and more slurred as she went. “He'll tell us how it was an accident. It was an accident. It has to have been an accident! Nopony would ever do anything like that! It must have been some kind of accident!” Fluttershy broke down crying now. She started wailing in grief, tears falling like her morale. It was strange hearing the pony crying so loudly.

The group moved in for a group hug. “Don't worry, Sugarcube.” sniffed Twilight. “It'll be over in the morning'.”

The next morning, Canterlot Mends 'n Hay General Hospital exploded. There were 67 deaths.

CHAPTER II: Upset the Established Order...

Everypony sat around the television, except for the children. This episode of Celestia's corner was advertised as less-than-kid friendly. The later aire-time was evidence of this, but nopony would sleep through this announcement. Ponies went to their friends' houses to see this.

"Greetings, my little ponies. I am Celestia." Princess Celestia didn't sound so... Celestia-y. She certainly sounded more motherly, and a lot more sad. She seemed to feel just as bad as the ponies at home did.

"As I warned, this episode is not for kids. Please. Send them to bed. This... Well, you'll have to explain this n your own terms..." she took a deep breath, and you could now hear the sorrow. "I have failed you. I'm so, so sorry. I... I should not have been so arrogant. Let me explain.

A few days ago, my student and her friends discovered that the crimes were based on puns. Bunday. Twosday. Mendshay. Her'sday. You see? So then, with the famous Flamables Company, it seemed obvious that the villain was going to use it in someday on Fri-day just the same as famous establishments were used.

Instead of acting as predicted, the criminal instead..." a tear slid down her face. "shot up a school full of teachers and students. There were no survivors..." Celestia paused, eyes clearly full of tears. She opened her mouth to speak, but was found herself unable to make intelligible words. "In respon---" she stopped. She sounded like a frog, and with the low quality audio of the new televisions, she knew that the ponies at home could not understand her raspy voice.

The Princess had planned for this, and so Princess Luna trotted over and took over the announcement. Celestia briefly nuzzled her sister, and then went off stage to her bedroom. Luna spoke in a quiet voice, almost a whisper. In truth, it was all she could do not to rage in frustration and destroy the Everfree. "Our subjects, please forgive Sister. She was hit hard..." Luna took a deep breath. The subjects would, and did, hate this news.

"In response to the deaths... we will enact martial law in Canterlot. To curb any criminal activity, there will be an 8 o'clock curfew in effect for the next week. Also, some citizens, particularly those with criminal associates and histories, will face searches of property... We may also, possibly, to search those known to have a degree in high explosives, known experts in toxicology, the magically gifted, and those with knowledge of high sciences. We are sorry..." You're sorry? Is that all you have to say? She knew she couldn't leave it at this, so she went on. "We are sorry that it has come to this, but we must catch this criminal, and a few injustices are a small price to pay to catch a mass murderer. Stay strong, Canterlot. We will see you again tomorrow." The program ended.

For older ponies, their emotions ran the gambit of emotions. First, a deep shock. Searches? Then to confusion. Surely, warants will be needed. Next came optimism. This is the Princess we're talking about! She wouldn't put out searches on civilians unwarranted. After all, its only explosives experts, chemists, toxicologists, scientists, and unicorns... Wait... Most ponies hid their rage with silent faith in Celestia. This faith ended when word got around about warrantless searches...

Throughout most ponies' houses, younger ponies were jumping out of their seats. "You're sorry?! YOU'RE SORRY!?" The teenagers would not have this. Very soon, a thing music genre called "Punk Rock" would be invented in response. Not that it mattered. "Dark and edgy and not-at-all-for-kids" was about to take on a new meaning anyways.

2a: Discussion

This was not only shocking to the average citizen. This was shocking to the Mane Six as well. Princess Celestia had declined to give Twilight a heads up, and now Twilight understood why.

"Why didn't she tell us. She's told us everything up till now. Why'd she stop here?" Applejack asked. Applejack was always first to think of this kinda thing. It was up to Twilight to answer, of course, as she was Celestia's protege. It unsettled Twilight when she couldn't answer immediately.

"Well," Twilight started slowly, trying to ignore her friends' eyes staring into her. "I think she is nervous. What if we told her she was wrong? She's probably affected by all this more than even we are." Her friends nodded sympathetically.

Rarity talked next. "She maybe shaken, but... I do think she made a mistake. She's illegally searching many innocent ponies to find maybe three criminals. It just... It seems like an overreaction. I understand she is hurt, but---" Twilight interrupted.

"There's not much else to do... We may not be used to this kind of thing, but... I think it's necessary... And... I don't know if I should say this, but... Princess Celestia told me that she's getting uncertain. She says that it's getting harder to plan. She said something like, 'When ever I move against this monster... I see all the bodies I failed.' She... she needs friends."

Rainbow Dash, however, stopped, and looked at Twilight in confusion. "Is that possible? Can Princess Celestia be shaken? I mean... she's like a god! Her father was a god!"

It was Applejack who answered, almost crying. "She saw the bodies first hoof, Dash... She probably dug out half of 'em."

This wasn't right for Dash. Dash wasn't yelling, but there was clear desperation in her voice. "But she's a god! You're telling me that she's just a normal pony?!"

"I know, Dash. It hit me hard, too. Like a hoof to the gut... But I understand now that she's not some... god... to tremble in front of. She's... she's" Twilight gulped in preparation of saying the phrase that felt so blasphemous. "Dash, she's just a pony... Like us... And she needs... she needs us..."

"No. This isn't right..." Rainbow was mumbling now. She always knew that Princess Celestia was a pony like them. But there's no way that Princess Celestia was a pony like them. She was so much more! So much better! She made the sun rise, the crops grow, the floods subside... She was older than anypony, and she was above death. It didn't effect her. At least, not in the way Twilight was describing. Princess Celestia had the nerves of Daring Do. The bravery of a Wonderbolt. Princess Celestia couldn't be a pony like every other pony. The only similarity between any given pony and Princess Celestia was that they shared a species. That's it. Princess Celestia didn't make mistakes like searching random citizens. Wait, what?

"Dash? Dash?!" Pinkie was yelling, and this shook Rainbow Dash out of whatever thought she was having.

"Wha?" she mumbled looking around the empty room. Any normal pony wouldn't have heard Dash's mumble, but Pinkie responded immediately.

"You stared off for a reeeally long time! Its been like two hours and you've barely even blinked once!" Pinkie was being Pinkie, waving a hoof, speaking loudly, standing on her hind hooves, appearing out of nowhere, moving faster than most ponies could see, and generally doing Pinkie things. But her friends could tell the truth. It was an act. Pinkie might have been doing Pinkie things, but she didn't have Pinkie in her voice. It was devoid of its normal joy. "I say we should throw the Princess a biiig party, an---" She was interrupted by Fluttershy.

"Umm... Pinkie... I think that maybe we should wait till this whole thing blow over to party. I mean, she's busy, and we have work..."

"Okey dokey lokey smokey pokey!" Pinkie was overplaying it now. Her smile was in-equine. Any moment now she would be rambling on about cupcakes. And that was just okay with the rest of the Mane Six. If that was what Pinkie needed to cope, who were they to stop her.

Dash browsed books in the suite library. Why the a suite had a library, Dash didn't know, but it was very possible that Celestia had added them explicitly for Twilight's stay.

CHAPTER III: Everything Becomes... CHAOS!

Princess Celestia stood at the podium, eyeing her speech. In truth, she had memorized it, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't good enough. For the first time in a long while, she felt uncertain. This speech would be televised, but she hoped that doing the speech live in Canterlot Square would ease the epicenter of chaos.

"Hello. My name is Celestia. The past week have been... hectic to say the least." She prepared for the crowd's backlash that was going to come. And it came immediately.

"Hectic?! Is that what you're calling it?" yelled a pony.

"My house was invaded!" another pony screamed.

"My colt was killed because you couldn't stop one single pony!" a mare hollered.

"Some princess you are!" a younger colt said.

Celestia almost lost herself in the words of the crowd. She had been thinking the same things to herself for the last week. Twilight and her friends, though the tried, could do nothing to stop it. The crowd's words stuck like a stain in her coat. What if? No! She had to be strong. She had to be the symbol of harmony. An incorruptible symbol.

"I understand your problems, and I will..." she was cut off by more yelling from the crowd. She was starting to fear a riot was coming, but the crowd finally calmed down enough for her to speak.

"We now know that when the murderer went to steal the buns, he also came to collect a favor. Rising Dough was responsible for the fiasco yesterday... He is now missing. It has become increasingly clear that the murderer, whomever he may be, is doing these things to create panic. That is why he cause the two explosions on Tuesday. That is why he blew up Mends 'n Hay Hospital on Wednesday. That is why he poisoned Her Days's spa products. He wishes to cause strife. We must not let him.

His actions are why I saw the need for martial law." She paused a moment and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I really am. It was wrong on me to impose such measures on citizens. It was wrong of me to invade your homes in search for criminals. However, I don't know what to do. I don't know how to catch this pony. He is far less predictable than we thought he was.

We are checking Rising Dough's connections to see if we can find the killer, but it seems unlikely that we will find him anytime soon. We are also checking famous establishments for bombs, but... After Saturday's mass prison escape... we have realized that we are far too ill-equipped for protecting Canterlot. Because of this we are calling over police from other provinces to help protect you, the people."

Cookie Dough shook a tiny bit, though no one in the large crowd seemed to notice. Sweat was collecting in her bubblegum pink coat. Could she really do this?

"Hello, my name is Celestia" the Princess said. A real-life princess! Cookie Dough always wanted be a princess. Maybe, once she was reunited with her dad, she would get to be one. Ah, her dad.

She willed herself not to cry. She would see her dad again. All she had to do is this one thing. All she had to do was this ONE thing, and she would see her daddy again. The Joker had promised her that. A pinkie promise. Nopony could brake a pinkie promise.

The crowd seemed to hate Celestia. Cookie thought that that was silly. Princess Celestia was perfect and beautiful and good. Even the Joker said so. Why does he want me to do this, then? She shook her head. You shouldn't try to understand the Joker. Trying to understand the Joker was like trying to broadcast TV in color. It couldn't be done.

When she had asked him to (please) not hurt her daddy, the Joker responded with a whole spiel about some pony named "Sigmund Frued" and made a "yo mama" joke. That joke also involved several beatings...

The time was coming. Could she do it? She started tearing up. This was not right. Good ponies didn't do this kind of thing. But it was to save her daddy. She clenched her eyes shut and got ready.

She stood on her hind hooves to get a better angle. Levitating a tiny metal ball up, she opened her eyes to aim. Through her blurry vision, she saw her. The Princess. Beautiful. Powerful. Amazing. Hesitation only a moment further, she fired.

"Do not lose hope. Canterlot, I---" Celestia did not get to finish her sentence. A boom sounded as the smell of magic filled the air, and Celestia was hit in the chest with a spell. She collapsed as ponies scattered in panic.

3a: Just Another Mare

Just another mare... She's just another mare... Rainbow Dash watched the program with this in mind. Celestia made mistakes. She is just another mare, after all. When you realize that Celestia is in fact (to quote Rainbow Dash's internal monologue) "Just another mare", you see details you missed before. You notice that Celestia's voice quivers when she introduces herself. You see the twinge in her eye as she looks to the crowd. You notice how her wings shake. Of course, you don't have to pay close attention to notice a blast of magenta hit Celestia in the chest.

As Celestia fell to the ground, Dash tried to make sense of it. In Daring Do, the evil alicorn Queen was a formidable foe, practically undefeatable by brute force. That is what made that particular book a best-seller; Daring had to use her wits to defeat the Queen. Dash remembered a particular exgange in that book, one of Dash's favorites in the series. The time where Daring first met the evil Queen for battle.

I walked through the corridor, onto a narrow bridge as the gates closed behind me. At the other end was Queen Assimulator, her sheer height astonishing. She was one-and-a-half my height, every inch of her sculpted out of perfect Earth Pony muscle.

"You'll never win!" I cried.

The Queen had a smirk, a new addition to her face designed to add salt to my wounds. I intended to wipe that smirk off her face. "I must win; without free-will, Equestria will prosper! AND I'LL RULE!" She threw her head back into an evil laugh.

"There will always be ponies to stop you!"

"Alicorns do not feel pain. We do not distinguish the heat of the sun from the cool of the moon. We can cause earthquakes with our hooves, hurricanes with our wings, eruptions with our horns. You are just another mare..."

Dash had just assumed that that was an accurate discription of alicorn abilities. Celestia only showed her power in rare moments. Luna was a bit more extravagent, easily beating the world champion hoof wrestler just to do it, winning a nation wide drinking contest (and remaining completely sober!) for charity, going for cross-country (or cross-world!) flights, challenging Hermes to a race and nearly winning, and several other impossible feats.

But now Dash knew that alicorns had their limits, but she wanted to know what they are. Seeing as she didn't have an alicorn to test on, she decided to read one of Twilight's books. "Hey, Twilight?" Dash asked. Twilight turned her head slowly, her eyes hesitant to leave the screen for even a moment.

"Yeah, Dash?"

"Do you have any books on the limits of alicorn phys-phys---magic?"

"Sure. The Verified Record on Alicorn Feats of Power as Collected by Guinness the Study."

"Thanks." Dash scooted off the couch and trotted towards the study. She turned back, and said in a slightly lower voice, "Oh, keep me posted. Tell me if Celestia dies or something..." She felt happy saying that with such relative impunity. It was somehow freeing. It was also terrifying being able to say something so terrible like that...

Our soveriegn Princess is modest about her physical capabilities, but I did manage to get audience with her Majesty and asked her about the truth about some stories. She has given verification to these reports, and has given her blessing for the publishing of this book.

Dash read the reports carefully. She read a story of Celestia carrying a three ton carriage on her back to civilization. How Celestia was the first pony to break Mach 1. How she and her sister broke Old Canterlot with their fight. The 13 deaths that occurred from this. The 187 deaths she's caused by her weakness this week.

What? That's not her fault. She's just another mare, like me! Rainbow Dash's thoughts came to an abrupt stop. And her mind tumbled. What did I just say? I-I'm just another mare? Of course I am... As she thought that, she instinctively started arguing.

What am I talking about? I'm the flastest flier in Equestria, a prodigous athlete! I'm an Element of Harmony, for Pete's sake! I'm among the best of equinity, with the best friends a pony could ask for! And I'm the most loyal pony around, with friends who are just as loyal to me. Like the Mare-Do-W----

Dash winced and shook her head. She couldn't think about that incident without the wince. She'd been too arrogant when saving lives. She should have been less depressed when everyone turned on her; that was her fault. She had no right to sulk. No right to be angry at her friends for subjecting her to the horror of being just another mare...

I understand now! I'm afreaid! I have to be the best, or else I feel generic! I understand now! Dash was overjoyed with that discovery. Things finally made sense. She now knew why she's had to be confrontational; being anyhting else would miss the opportunity to prove that she's special. Then horror came. Am I special?

She started feeling sick as soon as she realized that "YES!" didn't spring to her mind. Do I have low self-esteem? Me? This she sat thinking, when Pinkie knocked on her door.

"Dash?!" Pinkie burst through the door, hopping up and down on the fallen slab of wood. "You won't believe it!" She suddenly appeared beside Dash in a puff of confetti. "Princess Celestia lives!" Pinkie screamed and waited for a reaction.

Dash, after a moment of awkward silence, realized that she didn't really care. And so she started to cry. What kind of monster was she, to not care that the Princess---her friend---was alive?

"Dashie?" Pinkie stopped bouncing, and she placed a hoof on her friend's shoulder. "Are those happy tears or---"

"No, Pinkie..." Rainbow tried vainly to stop the waterfall. "I'm fine."

"Rainie, stop. Let me help you." She gave Dash a few pats. Dash thought about it, and then went through with it.

"I don't care..." she said, looking to her friend.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't care if the Princess dies..." Pinkie didn't know how to respond and just stared.

"Dashie..."

"I know. I feel terrible about it. I don't understand... Why---Why don't I care? I was chosen for my loyalty, but when my friend..."

Pinkie let Dash cry into her shoulder, and then asked quietly "Sh-should we tell the girls. They might be able to---"

"No! I don't---I want to figure this out, but---"

"Friends can help you..."

"Yeah, but---You see... Um... Pinkie, I think I need your---I have a secret." She told Pinkie about her fear, about her need.

"Oh, Dashie, of course you're special! You're super duper uber special!"

"How?"

"How?" Pinkie echoed. "You're Rainbow Miriam Dash! Of course you're special. You have a good heart, and are a great flyer and friend and---"

"Heart? I didn't care that a friend might have died..."

Pinkie was losing, she could feel it. "Don't worry. You're just confused. You care..."

"No, I didn't..."

"Well, don't you now."

Dash thought about it, and burst back into tears. "NO! I think I'm going crazy!"

"No, Dash. You aren't crazy. You're just confused. And---"

"And I'm generic..." Rainbow's heart skipped a beat. And then she resumed crying.

"No... You're a great flyer! You're..."

"I'm lucky. That's luck."

"You worked hard; that choice---"

"Wait..." Rainbow couldn't think anymore. It took to much effort. She could only cry. When she could finally talk, "Why can't we catch him? Why can't Celestia catch him?"

"She's needs time. The pony is---"

"We don't have time! Ponies have died---and will continue to die---until he's caught!"

"I'm sorry. We're trying as best we can---"

"And we're all failures! I haven't been able to help at all. You've figured out the pun thing, but it didn't do us a feathering thing!" Dash immediately regretted saying that.

"Dash... I'm sorry..."

"No, I'm sorry..." she said lighter. "I'm just frustrated, that's all. With laws being broken, and some random pony killing others, I just don't know---I want to stop him. I wan't him to be stopped without the line being crossed. I just want the criminal to be caught, but civilians are searched, and we can't stop it. I need to stop him..."

"We will catch him, Dash. Don’t you worry!"

"I dunno... Listen, on the party you're planning, can you keep me out of it?"

"Sure thing! Wait... How did you know I was throwing a party?"

"It's you, Pinks. Anyways, I'll be reading a book, OK."

“Hmm... OK! See ya!” Dash nodded, and Pinkie left out the miraculously fixed door. After a moment or two, Dash remembered a book she saw in the library. It seemed quite interesting, making oneself immortal, and that would be good to take her mind off this horror. She sauntered down the stairs to that floor and found it. It turned out to be a philosophy book, but Dash didn't have the will to stop reading to find another book. And so, for the next few hours, she read Beyond Equinity: On Legends and Ideas. Written by Ra’s al Ghul 600 years ago.

CHAPTER IV: Joker's Debut

Author's Note

I tried to keep this as T as possible, what with the torture of a filly going on. Though of course, I'm not the best writer, so it may come off as so stupid. However, if I did my job right, this would make you angry and scared, while also keeping this from being too graphic.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Bj9d4obKvU

CHAPTER IV: Joker's Debut

Twilight looked at the chart, her mane unwashed, matted, and tangled. She'd been at this for almost a week. Niether she nor her friends could figure it out the pattern. Fluttershy had even gotten Discord to help. He had proposed a very unsettling idea: "There is no pattern". Twilight had pushed that aside. There was a pattern. There had to be. Only Discord would act randomly. No pony else could. Only Discord. Discord was the exception. But what if?

Twilight shook her head and looked back to the charts and lists.

Monday: Bun theft by unknown criminal.
Criminal has past with Rising Dough.
Tuesday: Multiple explosions. 55 deaths.
A group of criminals, perhaps. One criminal must have history with explosives. How does this relate to Rising Dough?
Wednesday: Mends 'n Hay Hospital explodes. 67 deaths
Criminal(s) again show comfort with explosives. Must have planted explosives over a few days.
Thursday: Her Day Spa is poisoned. 27 deaths.
Criminal(s) show comfort with high-level chemistry. Chemicals react 3 hours after application.
Note: Her Day Spa has subsequently been burned down by rioters.
Friday: Everypony in Sound Trot's Educational School was shot with tiny nails. 38 deaths.
Criminal(s) must have either Level 6 Magic Blast, Level 7 Levitation, or have exceptional accuracy. Possible ex-guard.
Note: Memorial service put off due to bomb threat.
Saturday: Mass prison escape caused by Rising Dough who was disguised as a gaurd.
Note: Both Rising and Cookie Dough are missing.
Sunday: Assassination attempt, followed by bomb threat.
Assassin disappeared in panic. Level 2 Levitation required
Note: Upon Investigation, bombs turned out to be marzipan. Made out of dead kittens. View illustration cautiously.
Note: Celestia is fine. Shot was non-fatal, fired by weak magic.

Suspects:
Swift Clean, Janitor of Mends 'n Hay.
Rising Dough (Missing)
Soft Hoof, CEO of Perfect Massage, competitor of Her Day Spa.
Straight Kane, old friend of Dough, convicted of illegal corporate sabotage under Soft Hoof ten years ago.

Twilight looked over the list again. And again. No one stood out. No obvious motive. "Any ideas?"

"C-Could this all have been an accident?" Fluttershy asked with a twitch of the eye. Discord, try as he may, could not distract her. He had thrown her into a veritable paradise, and she still demanded to go help the others find the criminal.

Twilight frowned. "No, Fluttershy. This is certainly intentional."

Fluttershy simply nodded silently.

After a moment, Rainbow spoke. "Discord, if you were a pony, without cool magic, what would you do next?"

Discord look taken-aback. "Well," he said, clearing his throat. "I would make myself known soon. Some way I couldn't be stopped. Through television, perhaps?" As if on you cue, Spike knocked on the door.

"Uh, can I come in? The Princess sent a letter." He asked through the door, uncertain. He was young, but he saw Fluttershy when she took a break in the living room, and she didn't look very happy. She kept muttering about bodies. So many bodies. He was still shook.

"Err... Yes, Spike." she said, covering the photos with a sheet. Spike handed her the letter, which Twilight scanned quickly.

"The Princess says there is a new channel up, one not registered. Go to channel 40."

Rarity twisted the nob with her magic. The channel popped up, a garish purple contrasting the green numbers(?) in the center. A logo in the right signified this channel as "Joker TV".

"What're those symbols?"

"That's the..." Twilight rubbed her temple for memory. "Changeling numbers. It's counting down from 19." The countdown reached down to zero, the screen going black. A tone sounded[1], and it started.

"Hello, Joker here!" the voice was just as joyous as Pinkie Pie's voice. Perhaps even moreso. In the center of the feed was a curtain, or rather a sheet, that was doing a terrible job of obscuring what was behind it. Somepony in a chair. "Now, we've all been wondering what has been going on this last week. Who's responsible for these... 187 deaths (Is my body-count really that high?)? Well, I wanted to find out, too. So, let's find out from somepony with first-hoof information: Princess Celestia Apollo de Sol's would-be assassin, RISI... err... COOKIE DOUGH!"

The pony pushed the curtain aside, revealing the thing behind it: a filly tied to a chair. The Six gasped. Cookie held her head low, not seeming to notice the camera. Her fur was disheveled, she was shaking profusely, and a close up on her face revealed that she was crying. Importantly, she was covered in bruises and had pieces of something in her coat.

"Hello, kid." Joker beamed. The filly didn't react. She hung loosely to her chair, whimpering softly.

"This is sick," muttered Rainbow Dash. The others nodded in silent agreement.

"Kid?" the Joker asked holding her head up. She slid her head out of his hoof, moving it back to looking down. "Come on kid!" Joker encouraged. She still didn't respond, instead quaking in her seat. "Kid, am I gonna have to get the rubber chicken again?"

"N-no. Please don't." the kid whispered, wincing as if expecting to be struck. Her voice was ragged, as if she hadn't had a drink in a long time. She probably hadn't, judging by a stain in her over-sized chair that proved she hadn't been let out of the chair for bathroom breaks. "W-what do you want?"

"What do I want?" the Joker beamed loudly. Cookie winced at the noise. "Why, I'm just trying to figure out what happened!" He stopped for a second, then went on in a casual, gossipy voice. "Sooooooo, do you know who killed Princess Celestia?"

The filly whispered something. Her shaking increased, as did her tears.

"What did ya say?" The filly whispered it again.

"Come on, spit it out!"

The filly whispered it again, and this time the words were audible. "I k-killed Princess Celestia."

The Six and Spike gasped. Surely this wasn't true. Surely the Joker was making her say this.

The Joker either didn't hear the confession or was feeling sadistic. "One more time!"

"I killed Princess Celestia!" Cookie screamed. Behind the camera, the Joker chuckled.

"I'm sorry! Let me get the microphone!" On cue, a microphone fell on to the filly, it hitting her face, leaving yet another bruise visible through her coat. A pony off-screen maneuvered it so that she could talk into it. "There ya go!" the Joker said around the microphone.

"I k-killed Princess Celestia!" Cookie was in full emotional breakdown mode. Crying, shaking, wailing. It was a terrible sight,

"Only bad ponies kill Princess Celestia..." the Joker said matter-of-factly, in a tone that a kinder-gardener would use.

"I-I-I I I'm s-s-s-s-o-o-rry-y!" Cookie was hyperventilating now.

The Mane Six were worried that Cookie might die of heart attack. But, then, that might have been merciful for the filly.

"We have to stop this!" Rainbow Dash proclaimed, already in the air.

"How, Dash? They could be broadcasting from outside of Equestria." Applejack said miserably. She was crying, as thoughts of Applebloom filled her mind.

"We'll go on a..." Pinkie stopped immediately when the Joker continued.

Cookie was still in terrible shape, but the Joker had managed to calm her down. Singing a nice little ditty about an unfortunate grandparent who had gotten trampled by a stampede of reindeer. This was somehow calming.

Cookie gasped a few more times before saying something.

"K-kill me." she asked, or rather squealed. "Kill me, please."

The Joker broke out into a peal of laughter that went on for almost a minute. The small room they were in made it echo.

"Haha, heh, heh, w-whatdya say." he asked, laughing. Cookie opened her mouth again, but was cut off when the Joker started laughing. "Haha, heh, OK, w-what?"

"Kill me! I'm a bad pony! Kill me pl..." Cookie stopped as she started wail and hyperventilate again.

"But don't you want to see your dad again?" he asked in a tempting voice.

"D-daddy?" she asked, desperate.

The Joker sat the camera down, presumably on a tripod. He trotted a bit, opened a door (a closet?), and pulled out something. By the way it rustled, it was probable a sack, but the Six couldn't be sure because it was off camera. There was a sound, like 200 pounds hitting the ground, and Cookie screamed.

"Your dad has a chest cavity the size of a baseball. He'll need a good dental-insurance for that! Not to mention Life Insurance!" The Joker burst once more into laughter a horrible sound that somehow seemed to fit with Cookie's terrible screaming. "And! And, and," Joker said, panting. "Look what I found!"

The Joker pulled the camera back, allowing the shot to widen. A pony stepped it frame. His back was turned, but you could tell a lot about this pony anyway. He wore a terrible purple suit that, for once, Rarity didn't comment on. He sported a green mane that had probable never saw cleaning. And it seemed that he had no fur on his face and neck, exposing pale white flesh. He was holding a rubber chicken in his mouth.

He threw his head back, and struck Cookie in the head, the chicken producing a squeak. There probably wasn't much force behind it, but she was a filly, and she was experience a complete breakdown. Wailing, shaking, crying, they all increased to inpony levels.

"Show us your face, you..." Twilight muttered, and called him a very mean string of words. Ponies almost never cursed, but this time she allowed herself the exception.

But, of course, he would never show his face. Why would he incriminate himself? It was rule number 1: never expose your face. And then the Joker broke rule number 1.

After the 5th hit at the little girl, he stopped and dropped the chicken. He turned to the camera an said over his captive's screams: "Originally, I was going to beat her with an actual chicken corpse, but it took 30 seconds just to pull it out of my sleeve! And it also made a strange squishing noise when it hit. Oh well. That's why we have rehearsals!" He went off into laughter again, despite the rubber chicken being in his mouth again.

In that brief moment, they saw the face of evil itself. He smiled wide, with yellow teeth. He wore lipstick to enhance his clown-like features. And he had eyes. Evil eyes. But they weren't soulless like Discord's used to be. They weren't like Tirek's. He had the eyes of a pony. A normal pony.

After the 23rd hit contacted her, Cookie started bleeding. And around the 168th strike, she died.

4a: Practice

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

CHAPTER V: Please, Dash...

When Rainbow Dash awoke, she couldn't move. Laying on her back, she strained hard to move, and managed to flip a hoof onto her chest. Since moving was not going to work, she tried talking. "What...?"

"Oh, Dash. Thank goodness you're OK." It was Fluttershy. "Try not to move. You might shake the needles."

"Needles?" strained Rainbow Dash. She was in a room, lit by candle light, the smell of alchohol in the air.

"Acupuncture." Fluttershy clarified, adjusting Rainbow's leg. "Your muscles were so tense, and I thought that was the best idea. We would have taken you to a hospital... but... after Mends 'n Hay, we didn't trust hospitals. I hope you don't mind..."

"It's fine..." Rainbow's speech was kind of slurred. "Where are we? What time is it?"

"We're in the suite. Do you remember coming to Canterlot last week?"

"Yeah, I remember this week..."

"... Well, you've been asleep almost two days. We were worried..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "Pinkie told us... about your problem. You do know that we love you, right? You're completely spe---"

"It doesn't matter anymore..." Rainbow sounded a little aggressive, and so Fluttershy flinched. "All that matters is that we stop him, for Harmony. For Cookie Dough..."

There was a long silence, which Fluttershy broke. "How... How can he exist?" She sounded almost tearful, but Dash couldn't see anything but the ceiling from this angle.

But the Joker's existence had been on everypony's mind since he showed up. Rainbow strained for an answer. "I---It's not important. He's just a pony who made bad decisions. He's like Discord. We'll stop him just the same."

"But... He seems... worse, somehow... Discord was bad, but... Well, he never killed anypony... And he had a... reason... for what he did; he was the Spirit of Chaos... Why does the Joker... Why does he hurt ponies?"

"He's just another pony. Like Nightmare Moon or Sombra."

"You didn't act this way when we fought them... And they were crazy... This pony... He seems... aware... that what he's doing is wrong..."

"Acting what way? And Discord knew what he was doing---"

"You 'practiced' for four hours straight and nearly broke every muscle in your body!" Fluttershy was... screaming. Crying now, too. It was unsettling seeing her switch from sad to angry so quickly. "And Discord quit when he was shown what friendship was like! This pony will too! I'll show you... I'll show him... Ponies are good... But... How? How did... I don't understand!" Fluttershy was crying loudly, muttering, "I'll show you. He's a good pony... Inside... He's just... confused... I'll show you..."

"Fluttershy... We'll catch him." Rainbow Dash said in her best comforting voice.

"I DON'T CARE IF WE CATCH HIM!" Fluttershy yelled as loudly as she could. "I JUST WANT TO GET HIM HELP!"

"... What if we can't help him...?"

"Then we've devoted our lives to garbage!" Fluttershy screamed, flipping the coffee-table over. Dash managed to flinch.

"Harmony, huh?" Fluttershy snorted. "What good is harmony if we can't help everyone?! Where's our reward?! What do we get for all our hard work?!" She kicked the downed coffee-table, splintering the impacted part.

Fluttershy was shaking, breathing deeply, raggedly. She wiped her face and looked down to her bleeding hoof before saying in a lighter voice "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on you... I'm just... frustrated. Yesterday was hard, and... We'll help him, Dash. Friendship will work its magic... Oh, please forgive me for yelling at you!" Fluttershy was crying sadly now. It was better than when she was angry, at least.

"It's OK, Fluttershy... Where are the others?"

"Oh, well..." Fluttershy bit her lip. "You see, after you went up to your room, we all cried together, for support. I'm surprised you didn't hear it... A few qaurds stopped by with Celestia, but she broke down during her visit and had to leave. The guards stayed though. When Twilight found you, she took you down here. We cared for you, I gave you a massage, and got some alcohol for your cracked hooves; we didn't want you to get a fungal infection. Applejack also got the drinking alcohol, but... That didn't come out till later." Rainbow Dash had managed to sit up slightly now. She could see the contemplative and anxious look on Fluttershy's face.

"What is it, Fluttershy?"

After a moment longer of hesitation, Fluttershy answered. "The next morning... The Joker... He made another... performance... It was... terrible..."

"What did he do?" Rainbow Dash asked again, noting the fear in her voice. Huh. She felt fear...

"We... We recorded it... But please... Don't watch it... The girls... I don't want you to go through what we did..."

Rainbow Dash was going to see that tape if it killed her, and she suspected it might. But her inner instincts argued with her mind. Her instincts wanted her to see the tape immediately to search for clues. Her mind wanted to ask about her friends... She felt oddly regretful when she asked for what happened to her friends. And she hated that regret.

"... Rarity's fine, we think... She's been playing with knives... Looking into the mirror... But she says she's fine, just... She understands the mindset of the depressed now... She says she doesn't find it as selfish anymore..." Dash understood. She felt the same during the Mare-do-Well incident. She winced at the memory. If her experiences were anything to judge by, Rarity would be fine, with her friends' help.

Fluttershy continued. "Applejack revealed that she'd bought liquor while we were out... She and Rarity got black-out drunk... We all had a few drinks, I think... Except for Pinkie..."

Alarm-bells went off in Dash's head. The way she said Pinkie. The tone. "What hap---"

Fluttershy quickly interrupted. Her voice got sadder and sadder as she talked. "Oh! And Spike! We gave him alcohol, too. Twilight was hesitant to let him, and we had to coax her, but she agreed it would help him forget the day. He was going into shock before that. He's mellowed out now, though, I think because of the alcohol. He was actually one of the most responsible drinkers. I think I had the least, and Twilight only really started drinking until later. Oh! Twilight tried to make out with a guard. But he was a gentlecolt, and reminded her that she was probably just traumatized. Twilight agreed and apologized, and that's when she started drinking. An---"

"Fluttershy!" Dash said interrupted, worried. Fluttershy stopped, looking down. Tears dropped to the floor. "What happened to Pinkie Pie?"

Fluttershy looked up, crying. "She broke a mirror and tried to stab herself. She said that the Joker had made parties evil... She... She denounced friendship... We were worried for her, but she calmed down later. We still have guards watching her, though, just in case... She's just depressed now... She needs to see you soon."

"I'll see her as soon as I can move. How are you holding up?"

"Oh, fine. I'll feel better when we help the Joker. He's really a nice soul, I think. Deep down He just needs love and tolerance to bring that out. He was probably bullied as a filly. I know what that can do to a pony... Everything's fine." Fluttershy gave a big smile, not unlike the Joker's smile that Dash would constantly see in her nightmares.

"Fluttershy..." Dash said, sitting up, with sorrow in her voice. She was crashing her friendships. What was she doing?

"What?" Fluttershy had caution in her voice. She knew what was coming.

"Turn on---"

"Please, Dash, just go back to sleep or just---just forget this. Please!"

"I have to..."

"Please, Rainbow! I'm begging you..." She's begging me...

"I have to, Fluttershy..." Dash was crying. Fluttershy was crying harder.

"Please..." She's on her knees...

"I'm sorry..." What kind of friend am I?

Fluttershy looked up at Dash. She asked one more time. "Please?" She was unintelligible, but Dash understood.

"I... I have to... I'm sorry."
Fluttershy hesitated, and then nodded. She got off the floor, off her knees. She went to the TV, flipped a certain switch, pressed a certain button.

She went to the door, and she turned to Dash. Dash stared back. She opened the door, looking back at Dash. Dash stared back. Fluttershy went out the door, and looked in one more time at the blue-and-rainbow-colored blotch inside. Rainbow Dash stared back at the yellow-and-pinke blotch. The door closed. Probably taking the friendship with it.

At that same moment, the countdown on TV also ended. And then it started.

Author's Note

I really, really hope I conveyed emotion well. If not, well, you all have something to make fun of. And feel free to mock it. I only ask that you be either constructive or hilarious when doing it...

PS. I decided this chapter worked best without the demented puppet show... That will be next chapter.

CHAPTER VI: Explosions, Meat-Puppets, and Horns

The tone sounded. "Hello! Joker here! I was originally just going to give out my demands and play chess with a corpse, but then something interesting happened..." The Joker turned the camera, until three ponies came into focus.

Though bruised, battered, and despite the fact that one seemed to have a broken leg, they seemed to be happy, considering the big smiles on their faces. They stared into the camera vacantly, silently. "Now, I know psychiatry is a profession taken up mostly by ducks, but I can't help but ask... What the hay did I do to the people?" He waved a hoof in front of them ("Hello? IRS! Open up! Well, I guess I wouldn't open to them, but still..."), but they didn't move. "I mean, yes, cheeseballs-up-the-nose will ruin anyone's day, but... Do they normally do this or did I just find the off button?" He chuckled. A mare chuckled quietly in response, while the ponies beside her just stare vacantly.

"I tried calling customer support, but..." The Joker walked up to a table and pressed a button on a tape recorder.

There was the sound of a chainsaw and a stallion's terrible, blood-curtling scream. In the background, you could hear the Joker talking over the mayhem. "Hello, hello?" The screaming and chainsawing didn't stop. "Can I... Yes, can you---?" The screaming was still going on, as the chainsaw was still going. In fact, the screaming increased as a strange crunching sound was introduced. "Do y---DOES ANYONE SPEAK EQUESTRIAN!?" The crunching reached a crescendo, and the screaming stopped. The chainsaw's soft hum was the only sound except for a quiet chuckle. The chainsaw soon turned off, and the Joker muttered to himself, "He hung up on me!"

When the tape turned off, the Joker turned away from the tape recorder, laughing loudly, and turned back to the ponies. "The full thing was funny enough to warrant it's own episode, don't you think?" The ponies didn't respond, except for one mare that chuckled. She was good at chuckling. "It's a good thing I got it all on tape!" He started laughing again, and this went on for several moments. When he finally calmed down, he handed the camera to an offscreen pony, and he came into the frame.

"Now, since I have so many guests, you know what happens next! DANCE PARTY!" Disco light turned on, along with strange technofunk. The Joker started doing old 70s dances, when two ponies fell into frame with wires attached to them. The wires soon went taut, and then they started started dancing too. It was clear now that the ponies were Rising and Cookie Dough, or rather their corpses, being manipulated from the rafters. Meanwhile, the poor other ponies stood still in the background, except for one mare who marched slowly in place.

While the Joker danced, flashing strobe lights filled the room along with the disco ball. Dash was sure this gave some ponies at home seizures.

The music slowed, and Joker pointed towards Cookie Dough's corpse/meat-puppet. She bounded slightly side to side, and spun. You could hear the puppeteer offscreen struggling to move the filly gracefully. The Joker payed it no mind, clapping about at Cookie Dough's (corpse's) pathetic dancing. "Oh I do love interprative dance!" he chuckled.

He went up to Cookie, and despite her smaller size, started to tango with her. This ended when the pony in the rafters dropped the controls on the Joker's head. "Sorry!" the pony called.

"You're not supposed to talk!" the Joker screamed, almost angrily, though still smiling. He bent down, ripped off Cookie Dough's foreleg, and threw it at the rafters. He started walking to the ponies, and several feet behind him, you could see a stallion fall off the rafter, and promptly explode. The Joker quickly spun back to the poor... chunks of a stallion, his eyebrow raised. "When... When did I strap explosives to him?" he mused almost serious, though a smirk betrayed his true emotion. He finally just shrugged. "Oh well. I should just be glad her arm came off so easily after so little decomposition, or the joke might have been ruined!" He chuckled.

"Well, anyways. Time to get to the demands, eh, buddy?" He tapped Rising's corpse. In response, the corpse's head rolled off its shoulders with a thud. The Joker stared at it, mouth agape. "Well, at least I have a new bowling ball now." He chuckled. "I'll be back..."

The screen cut to a pony with a vacuum cleaner through in its chest cavaty and a nozzle coming out its mouth. The caption read "Life sucks..." In the background was elevator music.

Soon, the page changed back to the torture-chamber/dancefloor, on the mare who had chuckled before. "The Joker demands that the Royal Sisters comes on TV. Celestia dressed in gothwear, Luna wearing a bag on her head. At this point My Little Pony, as sung by the Mane Six, should play in the background as Luna saws off Celestia's horn on camera. The Joker further demands that a linguist be present to name the new creature; there are pegacorns, alicorns, and nilicorns, but there are no earth pony/pegasi mixes. We demand this name has the letter 'X' in it, for better recognition of the letter." The mare giggled. "E veryday that this doesn't happen, ponies will die. If this does happen, the Joker will not kill anymore innocent ponies." She paused. "The Joker also demands that everyone present at the show wear clown shoes."

And the program ended. Dash didn't know what to make of it. Besides the obvious... She would think about it later. She had a friend to comfort. She could move now anyways. She just hoped she could stop shaking.

Author's Note

I think I pushed the limits of T...

CHAPTER VII: Are you Real?

Dash entered the room. Dark. Low light. She immediately noted the guards by the sides of the door. "You guys can leave." Dash said.

"They won't listen. They think I'm suicidal." Pinkie replied, and Dash now saw her. Her mane was flat, her face wet, her colors muted. Her normally joyous tone almost deadpan. Almost.

"Ms. Twilight Sparkle has asked that we guard Ms. Pie." one gaurd responded, not moving.

"Well, I say you can go."

"I'm sorry."

"I saved Equestria several times. Pinkie did too. Two heroes' orders outway one hero's order."

The guards thought about it. "If you need anything, come and get us. We'll be in the main room." They left. "Take care, Pinkie." Pinkie didn't react.

"Hey, Pinks."

"Hi."

"What's going on?"

"Not much..."

Dash bit her lip. "Pinkie... I heard about..."

"My episode?" Pinkie hadn't change tones at all. Still nearly deadpan. Just a hint of sorrow.

"Yeah... Are you OK?"

"I don't know what that means anymore." Pinkie wasn't looking at Dash. She didn't change tone. She wasn't even crying.

"... Do you want a hug?"

"It doesn't matter." So familiar... Dash hugged Pinkie, but Pinkie didn't react.

"Do you feel better?"

"I... can't feel anything... I think I've gone insane..."

"Oh, Pinkie, you haven't gone insane!" Dash opened her mouth to go on, but couldn't find the words. So she repeated "You're not insane." Several minutes passed, with only the friends imbracing.

"Are you real...?" Dash felt a tear on her foreleg.

"Wha...? Of course I'm real!" Dash felt Pinkie shudder in her grasp.

"... I'm sorry. I... just wanted to be sure... I... I was worried that I made you up... I've been doing that lately. Cookie Dough came to visit. I was going to throw her the bestest party ever... Then I realized that I was in Canterlot... And that she was dead... She still talks to me, sometimes. The Joker does, too, but I never see him." Pinkie was back into deadpan. It scared Dash to think that Pinkie was this far gone. She had to get Pinkie help, but she needed to convince Pinkie first to stop resentment from forming, right? Oh, Dash was so unequipped for this.

"Pinkie...?" Dash asked lightly. Maybe if she could alleviate the despair...

"Yes?"

"... Why... do you feel sad?"

"Oh, I don't feel sad... I just feel empty."

"Why?"

"... Harmony has... Friendship is meaningless..."

"No," whispered Dash.

"I heard what Discord said after the first tape... He was right that we all have plans... And they all end with the same fate..."

"No, no, Pin---" Dash started but was interrupted by Pinkie. Deadpan still.

"Death... It's always death. Unless you happen to be born an immortal... Unless you're lucky."

"Pinkie, Friendship is there to get you through hard times. Friends give you something to hold on to when you can't take it by yourself..."

"Until they die, like everypony else... I... I didn't expect that. I've had friends die before... But now I realize they're all gonna die... I'm gonna die... I guess it is kinda funny." she chuckled woodenly. No joy.

"Pinkie... You're PINKIE PIE! How... How could you think like that?! You used to live for your friends! You of all ponies should know that Now is all we have!"

"180 of my friends died. I hadn't even met them yet... It's like you said. We spent a week doing the hardest of work... and it didn't give us a feather..."

"Pinkie... What about now? You have ponies that love you! We love you! Let us help you..."

"Why?"

"We don't want you to hurt yourself! We want you to be happy." Desperation in Dash's voice...

Pinkie somehow snorted joylessly. "It's about what you want, then. Not about what I want..." There was no animosity in the tone.

"Don't you want to be happy?"

"I don't care..."

"... Pinkie... You're confused... Traumatized..."

Pinkie started crying. Lightly. "If Friendship and Harmony are so good... Why does he exist? Why... why don't the Elements just turn the Joker to stone? Why is harmony worth wasting our lives on?"

"Don't you see? Now is all we have. We have to make the best of it! Make friends while we still can!" It was the most obvious thing in the world to Dash.

"... Where is my happiness? I can't find it. I can't even tell what's real." Alarm bells in Dash's head started flashing brighter.

"We have each other..."

"I know. That used to be enough before, but... knowing you'll all leave me... Or that I'll leave you... At a random time... I can't feel happy knowing that..."

"You used to be able to..."

"I used to... How did I do it?" Dash had wondered that a thousand times. Now she knew.

"You lived in the Now. You didn't worry about the future."

"But the Now hurts... So badly..."

"I'm here. I'll help you."

"I... I know you can. But that just makes it harder when you go. It just prolongs the inevitable... I... I have to accept it. That's the only way I'll be able to be happy..."

"Accept what?"

"We're all gonna die. Everyone's gonna die. It'll hurt. And we only make friends because we can't deal with the world around us... It feels so deceptive to make friends just to feel better."

"That's the point of friendship!"

"So it is a farce..."

"No..." Dash realized that Pinkie was gone... What should she do now?

"I... I don't think we can stop the chaos..."

"We can stop him!"

"Dash... Even if we stop him... He's shown us a side of equinity that we can't deny... We can all become like him... He's... He's us."

"He made a choice. We can all make it. That's what makes us special... We can choose to do good and love each other."

"Why should we? Why is love good? I used to know... Can you remind me? I... I need to know." Dash stopped to think, and was about to respond, Pinkie interrupted. "You should leave..." Pinkie said. "I shouldn't be caught talking to myself..."

"P-Pinkie... I'm real! I promise..."

"The real Dash would be able to convince me I'm wrong. Just go. I'll wait here for the real Dash to come. Thank you, me, for trying." She gave Dash a small smile. A sad one.

Dash could have argued, but... Her friend needed more help then she could give.

"Well... Pinkie..." Dash said, fighting back tears. "I'm sure she'll be here soon..."

"I'm sure she will... Close the door on your way out. And send her in if you see her. She's kept me waiting for a few weeks now..." Dash left, shaking. Crying. This wasn't write.

As she came into the main room, she stepped on one of the discarded acupuncture needles she had haphazardly thrown off. By chance or by fate, two drops of blood escaped her hoof. Two drops of blood. Dash named them Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. They were both gone now, soaked into the floor.

CHAPTER VIII: Found A Lead, and Still Feel Lost

How am I going to get Pinkie help? She shook her head, trying to clear out the sadness inside her. She struck a loss. Maybe Twilight could help? I wonder how she's doing? She left to check on Twilight, trying and failing to forget Pinkie's insan---illness.

She came to Twilight's door. She was about to enter, when she heard the Joker's voice. "Now I realize..." Dash didn't waste time bursting through the door. She looked around for the subject of her hatred. He found him on the television. Standing there, he was waving his hoof in front of the insane ponies, talking about the IRS.

"Dash?" Twilight seemed slightly startled. She was sitting up, staring at Dash.

"Twilight...?" Dash looked at Twilight, and then to the TV where Joker was about to throw his dance party. "You're... You're watching it again?"

Twilight looked down, a tear in her eye. "... I have to find clues..."

"Twilight... Are you OK?"

"... I... I think so... Are you?"

"Yes."

"A-Are you sure?"

"Twilight, I'm sure... Why wouldn't I be OK?" Twilight didn't respond; she just put her head down. "Twilight, I'm not insane..." Twilight still did not answer. "Twilight..."

"..." After a moment, Twilight responded "Have you... Have you practiced anymore?"

Rainbow Dash answered in nearly a growl. "I'm not crazy!"

"I-I'm not saying you are! I'm just... I'm just worried, is all."

"..."

"Pinkie's... She's gone..." Rainbow Dash felt a tear down her face.

"I know..." Twilight had yet to start crying yet, but her voice held kept the her sadness evident.

"I think Fluttershy is, too." Dash said, miserably, as she sat down beside her friend..

"... I think so... Gosh, it sounds like we've given up on them."

"We can't give up. We haven't."

Twilight nodded. She looked to the video. The Joker was remarking upon Rising Dough's rolling head. "... I've saw this tape three times..."

"Twilight... You shouldn't do that..."

"No, it's... I know I shouldn't... But... I have to find clues..."

"Yes, but you shouldn't traumatize yours---Where'd you get this TV?"

"... The Princess gave it to me. I think she... she wants do distract us."

"Distract us?"

"From the case..."

"Why would she do that. It's our job to try..."

Twilight looked down. "... Promise you won't stop me from doing this..."

"... You can't... You should stop while you still can..." While you still can.

"Well, then..."

"What's wrong?"

"... I can't tell you unless you promise not to tell anyone."

"... I can't..."

Twilight blinked back a tear. "Please..."

"I can't let you hurt yourself."

Twilight nodded. "I have to do this. Like you had to practice... Do... Do you still feel compelled to stop him like you did?"

"We have to stop him. But... I don't want another of my friends to destroy themselves."

"... I won't Dash. I can---I will stay strong... W-will you?"

"..."

"... How are Applejack and Rarity?"

"I haven't checked. I think they're asleep. They had a lot of liquor."

"..."

"Every time I watched the tape, I can't pay attention to detail. I... I'm too emotional... I get too scared..."

"I'm not scared. I'm angry."

"... It's OK to be scared, Rainbow." Twilight tried to rub Dash's foreleg, but the pegasus pulled her hoof out of her grasp.

"I told you." Dash said, almost in a growl. "I'm not afraid."

Twilight nodded, not really believing Dash but unwilling to argue. "What will we do about Pinkie? Fluttershy... a hug or two might help, but Pinkie..."

Dash started crying. "She thinks she made me up inside her head..."

"... She thinks she made me up, too." Twilight started crying. They started hugging, and cried for what felt like a lifetime of warmth and friendship.

"..."

"... I think I hurt Fluttershy..." Rainbow cried.

"How?" Twilight asked, sadly.

"... She... When I found out the Joker made another tape... I... sh-she begged me not to watch it... Begged! And I watched it anyways... I... Why did I do that?"

"Shh... It's---" Twilight started, but Dash interrupted the comforting words and broke out of the hug.

"She got on her knees, Twilight... 'Don't do this, Rainbow Dash. I'm begging you!' She got on her knees and begged! And I did it anyways..."

"... Dash... it's OK. We would---we would've all done the same thing."

"What good ponies we are..." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"We are all good ponies, Dash. We just..." Twilight paused, then became far more animated. Her voice rising, her tears of sadness became tears of resolve. "Our friendship is being tested, Rainbow Dash. We have to stay strong. This attack against Equestria is an attack against Harmony itself. To invite doubt into our friendship is to invite doubt into our lives, our souls, into everything we stand for! Harmony will prevail!"

"It will prevail..." Dash echoed quietly.

"It will! Harmony always prevails!"

"You're right!" Dash said, confidence restored. She wiped her face and sniffed. "So, have you found any clues?"

"Not yet!" Twilight said, and her confidence was contagious. She took a dangerous tone. "But I will!"

"I'll help..."

"OK." Twilight was pumped. "Let's count what we know! The Joker has knowledge in explosive, chemicals, and technology. He has a custom suit that seems to parody 2004 formal fashion. No fur on his face. Has at least three minions. Got it?"

Dash nodded, and Twilight restarted the video. "Hello, Joker here!" the TV beamed. They watched the show, until Dash spotted something. "You're not supposed to talk!" the Joker yelled in mock-anger and threw Cookie's arm at the rafters. The puppeteer pony fell, and exploded.

"Rewind that bit!" exploded Rainbow Dash. Twilight complied. The show went backwards.

"Sorry! said the clearly terrified puppeteer. Twilight's ear perked up. His voice sounded familiar.

"You're not supposed to talk!" the Joker ripped off Cookie's arm, the pony fell, you know how it went. But Twilight felt a twinge of recognition at the fallen stallion. So did Dash. But the two couldn't tell exactly who it was because he exploded almost the instant he fell in frame.

Twilight rewound it again, starting the tape right before the explosion. "Am I the only one who knows that pony from somewhere?"

"No, Dash. You aren't." Twilight's horn went aglow as she started fiddling with the TV.

"Maybe it's somepony we saw on the street?"

"No, Dash. It isn't." The screen stopped. It jumped a bit, and then progressed forward and jumped back and progressed forward, all faster than the pony eye could see. It was effectively slow motion.

And there, onscreen, to the very right of the frame was a pony. "Is... Is that one of the Flimflam brothers?"

Twilight's smile lit up. A dangerous smile. "Yes. Yes it is." Flim (or Flam) looked odd without their signature apparel, but it was still clearly them. Twilight didn't flinch as the pony exploded outward in slow motion. She only smiled wider. "Wouldn't be interesting if the Joker was a business partner of the Flimflam brothers? One who knew how to manipulate the TV signals to broadcast his message of disharmony?"

Rainbow didn't know whether to be overjoyed that they had a lead or if she should be terrified by her friend's tone. It somehow felt uncannily like the Joker's tone. The sick joy...

CHAPTER IX: Selfish?

Twilight had no hesitation in sending a letter to Celestia. Spike had been in Rarity's room, for Twilight did not want to re-traumatize him with the tape. A letter came back from the Princess saying that the Flimflam brothers had a facility on Canterlot Mountain, above and almost opposite Canterlot itself. She said it was dangerous to go too gung-ho, and so the guards would arrive in several hours due to the precuations needed for safe transport of the several guards and possible surviving victims.

Dash hopped up and down, and Twilight had a dangerous grin. Spike looked vaguely hopeful. Dash had to tell somepony. She bound through the house. "We've found him!" Dash called into Fluttershy's room. She looked up from her bed, crying. Maybe from the week's harships. Maybe from what Dash had done.

Dash ducked into Applejack's room. "We've found him!" Applejack didn't respond, so Dash bounded over, shaking her friend. "We've found him!"

"Who?" she mumbled, only partially awake.

"The Joker!" Applejack shot awake now.

"Wait, what?"

"We found the Joker!"

Applejack's eye twitched. "Who's that?" There was anxiety in her voice.

"The Joker!" Dash was still excited, but there was a small amount of fear in her voice.

"I don't know who that is. You joking, Dash?"

"No, I'm not joking! We caught that filly-torturing clown freak!"

"Dash I, ain't got no time for humor. I had a lot to drink and you're giving me a headache. I don't know of no Joker. And it's terrible to bring up filly-torture. Even though it will never happen." Applejack's eye twitched as she got back into sleeping position. Dash desperately hoped that Applejack's memory was just off because of the alcohol. Don't tell me Applejack's----sick too.

Pinkie's door was next in the hall. Dash hesitated, and went on to Rarity's room. Dash just couldn't take talking to Pinkie. That would break Dash.

She entered Rarity's room a little more sad from thinking about Pinkie and the possibility that Applejack needed help. Rarity was sitting up, a bottle of liquor on the nightstand.

"What do you---" she talked with a slur, sounding as if she was tired. Probably the liquor.

"We've found the Joker." Dash half exclaimed.

"Wow... That's... Maybe Nightmare Night Ball will be put back on."

"Yeah... Luna deserves the recognition... But... I don't think it will go on."

"I hope it does, or the Mare-Do-Well costumes might go to waste." Dash winced.

"Wouldn't that be a bit more of an inside reference?" Dash's voice said, but she was thinking about other things.

"Well, yes. But a lot of ponies dress as inside references at the Ball. It would be a reminder of our friendship. To keep us together. And the costumes do still look fabulous."

Dash just stared, thinking. I can stop him! I know where he is! I have a disguise now! He won't know what hit him, and he can't hit back! Several images of herself beating the Joker to a pulp surfaced. After several moments, Rarity interrupted Dash's thoughts. "Dash?" Rainbow shook herself lucid.

"I'm going to borrow a suit, OK?" Dash didn't wait for Rarity to respond. She went to Rarity's closet and started looking through the bags.

"Umm... Dash?" she wasn't quite lucid enough to raise her voice.

"Where is it?" Dash sounded anxious. She was tossing bags over her shoulder, strewing clothes around. She found the costume in a suitcase. She was twitching every muscle, her wings extended. She was reasonably sure that this costume was hers. She stared down at the perfect stitching, smiling.

Rarity felt fear in her stomach. Has Dash gone insane? "Are you---"

"Thanks, Rarity." Dash interrupted, leaving in an instant. Rarity just stared at the spot Dash used to be standing.

Dash was in her room. The costume fit just right. Dash wasn't sure what material it was made out of. It showed off her physique perfectly. Despite the definition it gave, it didn't feel tight and didn't show enough to be embarrassing to wear. It was the right shade for stealth, and the wings didn't stand out as wings. The hat fit perfect, and, despite several test maneuvers, never fell off. There was just one thing missing.

This train of thought ended when it hit her. She could die. No I can't! I'm Rainbow Dash!. She nodded, but the thought dug into her brain. She stared into the mirror. To her face. She liked her face. Soft cyan fur. Beautiful eyes. Nice muzzle. She had a bit of sweat, which only accentuated the lighter blue. Her mane fell well over her head. She was secretly happy that she was not a unicorn, because then she would have to part her mane. A rainbow was not meant to be parted. Her friends weren't meant to be parted. Should I do this? I could die and leave my friends and...

Dash stopped as the voice in her head pulled on her mind. She put a hoof behind her head. She felt the hood there. As soon as she put that hood on, she---she couldn't be Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash couldn't be known, or the Joker might come after her or her friends. She couldn't be famous for it. She would be some pony in a mask. Just another mare. Just some psycho who stopped another psycho. Dash flinched. I'm not crazy! I can get to the Joker before anyone else can. I'm in peak physical condition. I can stop him from killing ponies before the guards get there. I have to stop him. We don't know what he's doing. I have to go!

Dash moved her hat, ready to put the mask on. She smiled wide at the thought of pounding the Joker. Leaving him to the police. She shivered. She saw a thousand fights, all where the Joker end up unconscious and bleeding. The cops would show up and arrest the Joker. And Dash would have saved harmony. Nopony would ever know. But she would. She would know how she personally stopped the attack on Harmony. Then she thought of dying.

At that last thought, Rainbow Dash started crying. Loudly. She didn't want to leave her friends. They were falling apart. They needed her. She couldn't abandon her friends. What kind of Loyalty would she be?

Oh, but the thought of fighting the Joker! Of winning! But her friends... It was too selfish to risk leaving her friends behind. She tried to convince herself that she wouldn't die. She was Rainbow Dash! She couldn't die! But the doubt crept into her mind.

I... It's not selfish. I'll stop the Joker before he can hurt anyone. I'm not doing this for myself! She didn't feel convinced. Really! The---the Joker's attacking harmony itself! Twilight's right! I'll stop him. I'll save harmony! It'll be a secret, but... It's my duty as a bearer of the Elements! There was a long pause where Dash stood convinced... But my friends...

She looked at her flank. Though covered, she could practically see the mark there. "Why? Why do I have to choose? Can't I be loyal to my friends and harmony? Didn't friendship use to be the same thing as harmony?" But she couldn't be loyal to all. Her friends would stop her. She remembered earlier when Fluttershy had got on her knees and begged her to stop. On her knees. And I didn't stop!

I---I'll stop after capturing the Joker! she thought, as if she'd considered fighting every evil. She continued to cry as she shot down every argument against this course of action. "I am Loyalty. I... I have to care about Harmony... At the expense of my friendship... Just this once." She tried to stop crying. Dash... Maybe you've gone crazy. Like Pinkie. "I'M NOT CRAZY!" Dash screamed, every muscle in her body writhing at the concept.

After that loud noise, she became aware of the surrounding silence, her deep breathing and shaking. And she became aware that she had been talking to herself. She became aware of one voice in her head. You're being selfish! You're risking death just because you want to be the one to--- "I'm not selfish!" Dash screamed as she punched the wall mirror.

Shards of glass fell to the ground, the soft tinks the only sound in the now true silence. Dash's internal thoughts were gone. No voices. No chaotic ruckus that she only noticed now that's it's gone. She looked at herself in the mirror, a few shards gone and a spiderweb across the surface of her. "I'll at least say goodbye..."

CHAPTER X: Chaotic Harmony

After Dash took off the suit, she entered Twilight's room. Twilight was writing in her journal while Spike looked introspectively at the ground.

"Hey, Spike." Dash said.

"Hey." It was hard to tell what he felt. His tone was... odd.

"How's it going?"

"Good, I think. Twilight's busy writing a book about this whole event."

"I didn't think Twilight would be one to look for fame in this case." Dash chuckled, but she didn't mean it.

"She says it's for the future. So that, when we have to deal with people like this again, our descendants won't ever feel alone. It sounds like a nice idea."

"It does..." Dash said. When we have to deal with people like this again.

"...Dash?" Spike almost whispered. "Have you...? What's been going on? I only hear Twilight mumbling about you 'practicing'... Are you OK?"

"... I think so, Spike... I just really want to stop the Joker..." Spike looked at her, unsteady.

"So... everything's alright?"

"... It's hard..." Dash said, and she suddenly became aware of the pain in her joints from yesterday, from sleeping through all that day.

"I understand... At least it's over..."

"... It... I came here to talk about that..."

"Isn't it over?" Spike's voice raised with a hint of anxiety.

"I think so Spike. It's over."

"That's great..." Spike said, still with a hint of emotion Dash couldn't identify.

"..."

"It's over." Was Spike crying.

"... Yes." Rainbow had a tear of two in her eye.

"I'm going to the main room... You might have to get Twilight's attention when you tell her." Spike said, leaving, already at the door.

"I love you, Spike." Dash all but whispered. She wouldn't have known he heard her if not for the slight halt in the door's motion before closing. Maybe Spike had whispered something back. If he did, Dash didn't hear it.

Presently, Dash looked over at Twilight, who was writing at very highspeeds. After a few moments of trying to get Twilight's attention, Dash finally succeeded. "What do you want, Rainbow?" Twilight didn't sound irritated, though Dash was certain she was.

"I... I came to tell you... I..." Dash felt a catch in her throat. What words should she use? "... I'm very happy to have a friend like you... I... Just thank you. My friends are the best ones ever... So..." She looked to her friend for what she knew wouldn't be the last time, but it still seemed so final.

"You're a good friend, too." Twilight wasn't looking directly at Dash anymore. She kept her head down, which caused tears to drip from her eyes and stained her lavender fur.

"Are... are you OK?"

"..." Twilight bit her lip. In an act of trust in Dash's sanity, Twilight looked up and said: "I---There have to be more out there." She started crying now.

"What do you mean?" Dash's voice shook.

"The Joker... He can't be the only one of his kind... I must have been blind to it... Must not have wanted to see it... But I'm going to stop all of them!

No, no, no, no, no The voices in Dash's head were back, whispering and conspiring together in an unconscious orchestra of madness. It showed in her voice. "What do you mean?" To Dash, her own voice sounded as if it were under water. To Twilight, she could only hear what she feared. But Twilight already started with the truth, and couldn't stop here. She just hoped her friend remained sane.

"I... Where did the Joker come from? I--I can't believe that he's just there... He's... He must be a secret part of equine nature we've hidden---hidden from ourselves. The Joker can't be the only manifestation of... evil. I was blind to it all this time..." When Twilight talked again, her sadness was clear. "I have to stop them."

"That's dangerous!" Dash couldn't hear her own voice over the chaos in her head. The voices were speaking to fast for her to understand, in languages Dash didn't know. They all said the same thing to her. There's more of him. Flashes of the Joker's demonic smile made Dash shiver, as his voice joined the fray.

"I'll be fine, Dash. I promise." Dash somehow heard Twilight, though she was almost whispering.

"Why haven't the police stopped him?" Dash's body said independent of her mind, for her mind was incomprehensible.

"I don't know."

"Maybe... Maybe the law on it's own isn't good enough." Dash's head seemed to agree. That seemed like a translation of her thoughts. That and You can't stop them all.

"I've been... thinking... A sort of utilitarian idea. That one pony sacrifices their personal harmony for others... It seems like a sad idea... Do you want to help with my book? It would be a group effort, and would reinforce harmony and friendship for the next trial we face."

"Maybe... Yeah..." Dash said in a deadpan voice that reminded her of Pinkie Pie. And the mere memory of Pinkie sent the chaos in her mind into even greater overflow. It hurt. The voices, never saying anything but somehow still sending a clear message. Dash put her front hooves to her ears, wincing as she fell to the ground from lack of support. She felt tears escape from eyes despite, or perhaps because her eyelids were squeezed so tightly shut.

"... Are you OK?" Was that Twilight's voice, or one of Dash's own?

"Yeah... I think so." Dash got to her hooves robotically. Dash watched helplessly as she went through motions she couldn't understand.

"Do you need any help?" That voice was from Twilight.

"No, I'm fine." Rainbow answered, deadpan. The voices were gone. It was all silence, but not of Dash's volition. She couldn't send her own thought into the empty void in her head, and she couldn't feel anything at the fact that the voices were gone.

The next thing she new, cold air was pushing against her in the windy skies of Canterlot as her wings ached from yesterday and the practice she'd subjected them to. She soared through the sky, only now in control. Over the city, slower than normal due to the pain. She felt tears in her eyes, from the wind, she thought.

Over the edge of the city, she dived. Several hundred feet, the pegasus fell, the stress threatening to rip her apart. She broke the sound barrier, and so a million droplets of water shot off of her. The starry light reflected and refracted into a rainbow disk that spread from her, cracking the mountain near her. She wound up the mountain, which seemed purple to her. At last she arrived at a chateau that must have been regal-looking at some point, but was now dilapidated and had an garish purple and green paint job.

A voice in Dash's head, Pinkie Pie's voice, said Purple and Green, the Colors of Evil! Except for Twilight and Lyra a--- Dash banished whatever abomination in her head thought that it could imitate Pinkie Pie, and dived through a window.

11a: the Journey Home, Part I

Rainbow Dash awoke, head spinning, back aching. The cold floor was hard to her face, and a swinging chain was all she heard. Tiredly, she turned her face up towards the sound. The bulb initially blinded her, but it wore off, and she nearly surrendered her self to the circling motion of the shining light, which swayed back and forth with a draft. The shadows expanded and contracted in tandem with the warming light, and the lighting and darkening of the room had a calming, hypnotic effect that inspired Dash to just lay there till death and let the cold and the light rush her away from her pain, from the nightmare of a day, and to let herself abandon her friends and the Joker.

The Joker's long gone now. I've failed. I'm not good enough. Dash sighed raggedly as a chill ran down her spine from the cold. After laying there for an age, Dash remembered her friends, but mostly Pinkie and her---old Pinkie's Dash reminded herself----smiling face. The friendship they'd shared during the last few years. I couldn't save her. I had a chance, but I couldn't convince her... A tear left Dash's eye. Another. I hurt my friends... I wanted to be the hero... For nothing...

And then a tiny thought. For Cookie Dough. Dash blinked. Cookie Dough was still dead, and Joker was free. For Cookie Dough. She nodded, and with that, Mare-Do-Well positioned her hooves under her and pushed off the ground, using her wings as support. Incredible pain deadened Mare-Do-Well's mind as she screamed in absolute agony.

After that scream, she stood there, breathing heavily. Her back played a pattern of pain down each joint of her spine in a rhythm. Mare-Do-Well's face muscles contracted as the aches as her injuries played a song of pain.

Darkness started to invade her vision, but she shook off the looming unconsciousness as she took a step forward. The pain hurt so much that she had to move, or the pain would consume her. And so, she took another step, and then another.

She made it down the hallway, nearly collapsing in the doorway. After another precious moment of rest, she forced herself up, forced herself forward. She made her way through the window she'd entered from, and flew, winding around the mountain, her body threatening to tear from the conditions.

And after 17 seconds of pushing against the hard wall of wind, enduring the seething cold, ignoring the unbearable pain, her body finally gave out. She tried to push her wings to flap a few more times, but it was like she was under water. I'm falling. The thoughts failed to instigate panic. She was thinking in an even tone. I can't even fly.

That last thought shook her lucid a little bit. She shook her head, and managed to spread her wings. I am not going to just die on my friends! She caught an air current and so slowed a bit, but it wasn't quite enough. She couldn't steer herself upward. Though she kept herself in the air a few seconds longer, the ground was still coming closer as her wings nearly bent backwards from the sprain. There was no more that she could do, so she had to hope it was enough to save her life.

She wouldn't have time to figured the odds. The ground was now within reaching distance, and her already numbed hoof scraped against the mountain. Before she collided with the mountain, she had time to make a prediction: Ow. It might have only been a prediction, but it was spot on.

She plowed into the side of the mountain, her body carving a path in any loose dirt. The mountain was hard, but her sheer momentum dragged her body along it, pebbles puncturing the fabric and embedding themselves into her skin. The whole thing was like a cheese-grater and served to elevate her pain. Whether by the pain or by a concussion, she was unconscious before she stopped skidding.

CHAPTER XII: Celestia's Very Bad Week I

By Princess Celestia's decree, there were 43 different ponies sent to the Joker's suspected hideout. 33 were "the Fielders", three platoons of ponies for if the Joker miraculously managed to exit his house.

Another 11 ponies of the Night Gaurd were sent as "the Infiltration Team". These were the most battle-hardened ponies in Equestria. Their families had spent generations living in the darkest parts of the Everfree Forest until Princess Luna's return. These ponies were likely the only ponies in the group who had seen corpses before the Joker had appeared.

6 of these ponies were social workers. They were the brave ponies who, despite lacking much experience in seeing such a grim place as Flimflam Chatuea, had helped ponies through traumatic experiences (though those experiences usually involved wild animals or sick parents, as opposed to torture). They were counselors, comforters, and were among the most compassionate ponies in Equestria.

The last 4 were for transporting the victims and a few gaurds.

***

After 4 hours, they had arrived back at the castle. Apparently, the Joker had disappeared. There were clear signs that the Joker had been there just hours before. The Joker had even left a note that apparently proved somehow knew they were coming.

That note, as well as a detailed report, was now on Celestia's desk (she was in her study. Luna was still having court). She looked down at it, and dreaded reading it. She thought back to the terrible week, and the memorize took her.

She still had to remind herself not to be angry at the police for not telling her about the bun theft when this had all began. It was, after all, a bun theft. That is not the kind of thing a Princess should normally be worried about. However, since Tuesday, all crimes were reported directly to her as well to the proper police co-ordinaters.

She had previously learned to forgive her own mistakes. Sometimes, you can't help it. But there were a grand total of four times in her entire 2,500 year long life that she truly wished she could have known better, and one of those times was when she was coordinating the fire teams (every Level-3 threat to Canterlot was directly brought to her for orders, and the fire were one of those threats). She would trade the castle just for her past self to know that, when that Mining Explosive's factory exploded, that fire would pale in comparison to the fires caused by the Firework's Factory's explosion.

But, she didn't know, and so she sent most of the Fire-squad to deal with the very-much-smaller-than-expected fire caused by the Mining Factory's explosions. Meanwhile, on the other side of town, the much bigger fires started from the Firework's explosions, but the Fire-Squad were already across town, and busy. It took valuable minutes to re-coordinate that many ponies to work on the other side of the city, especially with communication limited in the chaos. Of course, the Princess knew immediately of the consequences of having to re-organizing the force. She could see the East Canterlot burning from the castle.

So, that night, she'd known it was an attack. Every magical and mechanical safety system, all failing in the exact most spectacular and dangerous way? On two seperate buildings? With stolen buns left in the smoldering wreckage? Not possible. Not coincidence.

So, now, she was co-ordinating bomb squads to check factories for explosives, and urging everypony to be very careful. That's when a hospital exploded.

That was quite shocking for her. It just seemed different. At that point, she suspected that the criminal was a sad pyromaniac, maybe a teenager, feeling guilty for indirectly causing 50 deaths. She never considered (not seriously, at least. After all, most villains prefered long speeches and invasions) that the murders had been intentional.

But, a hospital gone, several dead. This wasn't some sad, troubled kid. This was a full-blown terrorist attack. She had silently wished Chrysalis invaded instead. Sure, people were kidnapped and somewhat traumitized, but the Changelings were civilized (if less-so that Equestrians). Their Queen had a sadistic streak, but even she wouldn't go this far.

So then, bomb-squads from all over Equestria had come to help search every establishment they legally could for bombs. They did not check for strange chemicals in hooficure healing gels. After all, all other attacks had been explosions. Because the killer had switched MOs, no one expected for such an attack.

Then Friday came. I should have known by then. I should have known better than to keep looking for explosives. The killer had moved on from that method. I should have declared martial law then. The citizens would have been unhappy, but they would forgive it, surely.. But no, martial law was not declared, and schools were not temporarily suspended. And, seeing as the schools were still in session, the criminal was given a prime target. What does it take to kill a child in cold blood? How could anyone do that?

Fun fact: the amount of premeditated murders in Equestria per decade is almost exactly 1. The amount of accidental, repentent murders is not much higher.

And then, after she had announced the memorial service, there was the bomb threat to stop that from happening. There were also riots in a small backwoods town. There was also a riot in Canterlot (The rioters blamed Her's Day Spa for the poisoning). She was running out of options, and she called martial law.

It had been a stressful decision, not because she doubted it was the best idea, but because she was furious at herself and the circumstances. She had made one mistake, and it had cost her the lives of a school. If she had just suspended school, if she had just declared martial law earlier, those children would be alive, and many ponies angrily pointed that out again and again.

Then there was a prison escape. Truth be told, she was not hugely worried about that in-and-of-itself; it was the reaction she feared. The people would constantly be on the look out for some terrible monsters that really only existed in their minds.

Fun fact: 20% of all Equestrian prisoners were convicted for commiting grand (but not violent) theft. 72% of all Equestrian prisoners were convicted for tax evasion or espionage. 8% were there for other (non-violent) crimes. 86% of prisoners spend less than 2 years incarcerated.

So there she was, trying to spread the word that nopony was out to prey on the innocent, that the prisoners were not violent, and that there was absolutely no danger. And, while most ponies believed her, a small-but-vocal minority claimed that the opposite was true. They claimed that innocent civilians were, in fact, sitting ducks for homicidal madponies and even rapists to attack. She couldn't even refute their claims, because they claimed that she was doctoring the evidence to further her "totalitarian agenda"! She would have arrested them for disturbing the peace (some were calling for total insurrections, assassinations, riots, etc.), but that would just cause an underground movement that would be much harder to control. It was best to just let them prove their own lack of logic and hope it doesn't catch on.

On Sunday, it was time to comfort the ponies with a speech. And an apology. They'd trusted her with their childrens' lives, and she'd let a madpony take them. She found that the sad part was that they'd probably forgive her. And during that speech, she got shot in the chest with some metal scrap. As she fell to the ground, there was screaming and chaos. Throughout it all, though, one thought stayed in her mind: Nopony's came to help me. Oh, her, guards were there, but no one from the crowd was. The civilians... they'd just ran. She felt both sad and oddly comforted by the lack of help from the crowd.

She was admitted into a medical wing of the Castle (she was certain she'd never been in that room in her life). She'd insisted to be taken to a normal hospital, but the gaurds insisted that they couldn't do that. They'd claimed that "both Princess Luna and the Council of Nobles ordered that you be brought back here, and to deny any requests to be admitted into a normal hospital". Celestia didn't remember much of that night because she was on so much medication (they stuck the IV in as soon as she got to the castle. She was impressed by the efficiency, despite the circumstances).

She awoke early to bright rays of light pouring through the window. Most normal ponies would have just rolled over and went back to sleep, but Celestia ony had one urgent thought going through her head: But I didn't raise the sun yet! She shot up, but immediately regretted it when her middle shot pain back at her. "OW!"

"Celestia!" a mare exclaimed. Her voice was too loud it went right to the center of Celestia's headache. The mare, wearing nurse uniform, trotted to her, gently pushing Celestia back onto her back. "You're injured! Be careful!" As she layed back down, Celestia noticed the medical decour and that her own chest was wrapped in bandages From the surgery! Everything came together.

The nurse closed the curtains, then turned back to Celestia nervously. She stood near her bed, an uneasy smile on her face. Celestia took a breath to calm down. "Oh, yes. I'm sorry for worrying you. I was shot, wasn't I?"

The nurse nodded slightly. She was almost shaking. The mare was obviously nervous, but not in a good way. "Y-yes, Princess," her voice was now very quiet. "But we operated on you last night. D-do you feel OK?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Did Luna raise the sun?"

"Y-yes, Princess." The mare was almost crying.

"I knew she could do it." Celestia smiled, then looked at the shaking mare in front of her. "Are you OK, miss...?"

The mare jumped when Celestia adressed her. "I-I'm fine, it's just... I'm sorry for calling you 'Celestia', and I shouldn't have spoken like that to you."

Celestia nearly chuckled. "But my name is Celestia. Why shouldn't you call me that? And besides. You were worried for my condition. Thank you."

The mare didn't seem comforted (she had her head down), and she didn't answer. Celestia broke the silence. "What's your name?"

The mare looked up. "M-my name?"

"Of course."

"I-I'm Mendy. W-why?"

"I just wanted to know your name. So, while I was on whatever you guys put me on, did I say anything embarrassing?" Celestia smiled, hoping the question would ease the tension. It seemed to work as Mendy visibly relaxed and almost stopped shaking. "I've heard that people on anesthesia often say hilarious things."

"I-it wasn't that kind of anesthesia..." Mendy gave a nervous chuckle, and then stiffened as if startled. "H-how much do you remember from last night?"

Celestia thought. "Hmm... I don't remember much of anything... Last night was a blurr, really. There's..." She remembered being shot. "Not much I can remember after I was shot. Why?"

Mendy kept her eyes to the floor. "W-well..." Uncertainty was in her voice.

"Whatever is wrong? You can tell me." Celestia's motherly voice was on now.

"When... When we were rushing you here, and you were on the---the medicine... You said..." Mendy bit her lip, almost crying.

"What is it?" Celestia used a gentle voice, trying to comfort this pony.

"You... You said,"----Mendy through on a Celestia impression----"'It's my fault. I couldn't save them, and now it's my turn. Let me take the risk! let me take the risk!'... A-are you OK? D-do you want to talk about it?"

Celestia vaguely remembered that. She looked up to the nurse, who was staring at her through concerned eyes. She considered telling Mendy how she was feeling, but she immediately recoilled against that thought. This isn't Mendy's burden to bear. But then Celestia immediately recoilled against not telling Mendy, because, if she didn't tell Mendy, she'd end up telling everything to Twilight. It was just so easy to dump all her problems on Twilight; Twilight was very intelligent, strong, and she was the best student she could have wished for. A true friend, and sometimes a friend is easier to talk to than a sister.

And so, with reluctance she felt every time she decided to trust her friend with all her problems, and yet always ignored, Celestia thought something thought up. She chuckled as best she could, and the deception came regretfully easily.

"Oh, it was just the medicine. I'm fine." Celestia explained. Mendy didn't look convinced. "I am very old, and I've made many mistakes in my lifetime. But I've learned a long time ago that I have to forgive myself. I made a mistake when handling this fiasco, but I did the best I could. I wasn't prepared for this kind of attack, and I could have never been prepared for it. I made a mistake, and I'll fix it by catching anyone responsible."

The logic was good. Celestia knew that she should forgive herself, but that was awful hard given her recent failure.

Mendy seemed to buy the explanation. "O-oh. OK. That's good. I-I'm sorry if I overstepped my bounds by asking---I know you have Luna and the Bearers---"

"Don't worry. There's nothing wrong with feeling concern for someone else. Thank you very much." Celestia was sincere about that. With the explanation, the nurse nodded, and then hesitantly trotted off to do who knows what.

I really should forgive myself Celestia thought. But she resolved to go to sleep for now.

CHAPTER XI: A Nice Place for Ouchies and Giggles

After crashing headfirst into a window, you can't just get up. Your head swirls a bit; you wonder where you are; you wonder how much glass you got in you. If you were Rainbow Dash, you'd wonder how you got there. She remembered talking to Twilight, and leaving, and putting on a Mare-Do-Well costu---Dash shuddered.

She lifted her head, ignoring a small headache. Her head swiveled a bit, and she saw that she was in a dark room, with a rusting washing machine that wasn't attached to anything. The walls were various dark grays, and grime covered every concrete wall. There was a smothering darkness, but that may have been because the only light was the moonlight streaming in from the broken window.

Dash looked some more, still not rising. She took note of the muted red clothes-basket. In it was a large pile of dark blue fur. Why would there be fur in---? The thought left immediately when she remembered where she was.

Mare-Do-Well rose to her hooves, her bones popping under her weight. She shook, dislodging a bit of dust and a few shards of glass. Still though, the suit's undercarriage was grayed and greasy from lying on the floor. She stepped out of the last tentacles of light and paid no mind to the shards of glass she'd been laying on.

She pushed the door, and it swung out with a sickly creak. She stepped onto the hallway's tiled floor. It creaked under her, and so she remembered that she was a pegasus. With slightly more air displacement than she wanted, she rose a few feet off the ground. The ceiling was too low to go higher.

This place was wrong. On the outside, it was a full chateau, albeit a small one. To be inside it, one would assume that you were in a small house. Who would design a chateau like this?

To her right was a small bathroom. Moonlight streamed in, revealing it to be the cleanest bathroom in existence. To her left was a claustrophobic hallway with a half-dead, flickering light-bulb swinging from a thin golden chain that was too long. Down the hallway.

She got the first door. Gently pushing it in, the door opened to a small room. It was half-cleaned, more maintained than the hallway leading to it. The only thing in the room was a line of costumes, and one in particular that made Mare-Do-Well snarl. A purple suit. She backed away in disgust.

Further down the hall she went. She was careful to avoid the swinging light, which was about head-level to a walking pony. It was flickering as if it had been on for eternity, so it would definitely be hot. She came to the next door. Opening it carefully, she was disappointed that the hinges squeaked.

She recognized the room. There was a tripod in the center of the room, one leg held up by a stack of books. There was a closet to her left. The rafters had studio lights attached to them. There was burn marks where Flim exploded. There were colorful splatter stains from the unknowable tortures that had taken place.

There was a metal bed to the side of the room, a new addition. In the corner of the room was a blob of... something. Fat? What has happened here?

She backed away in rage at the thought of what had happened in this room. With the door closed, Mare-Do-Well turned, only to stare right into the eyes of a mare previously hidden by the door. Mare-Do-Well involuntarily jumped back, falling on her rear from trotting backwards.

Mare-Do-Well tensed for an attack, but one didn't come. Mare-Do-Well slowly got to her hooves, while also getting a good look at the pony who had sneaked up on her.

The pony had a wide smile, her huge blue eyes sparkling. She stood in place, breathing deeply and erratically. There was always a chuckle under her breath, but it could be mistaken for sobbing.

Mare-Do-Well recognized the mare as the one who had voiced the Joker's demand. But now, the mare didn't seem in good condition to talk. Her beautiful muted red coat was covered in splotches. She smelt like sweat and death, but she didn't care.

"Heh...Heheh...H-Help me..." the mare stuttered, as if she had to decide whether to chuckle or to talk. She was still whimpering under her breath, shaking as if cold, and yet she was standing as straight as she could.

Mare-Do-Well tensed her muscles, and felt a tinge of happiness at her own plan. Mare-Do-Well was going to tackle this criminal, when some rational part of her brain stopped her. This wasn't a criminal; this was a victim.

With a strange disappointment that Mare-Do-Well immediately ignored, she trotted slowly to the victim. The mare flinched as Dash wrapped a foreleg around her.

"What's your name?" a gentle tone.

The mare paused, thinking. That thinking process ended when the mare burst into laughter that made Dash jump back. The laughter sounded so much like the laughter Dash would hear in her nightmares. Dash backed away slowly as another set of laughter joined the mare's. This laughter was the laughter Dash would hear in her nightmares.

Into the hallway strutted in the Joker, wearing his full suit. The Joker must have had multiple suits, all identical. Mare-Do-Well snapped into the present and remembered why she was there. She sprung over to the Joker, tackling him at high speed. She felt every joint of herself buckle as she flew into the Joker.

"Oof..." he grunted, stunned temporarily. His breath smelt like peppermint. "I didn't even get to say hello!" complained the Joker, smiling as always.

"Shut up, you're going to jail." growled Mare-Do-Well, coolly. Her muscles tensed.

She relinquished one of her hooves from the task of holding the Joker down, and threw a punch right to his jaw. She punched again. And again. "Oooo..." He grunted each time, sometimes throwing in girlish shrieks in, sometimes calling for his mommy before a punch landed. Another punch. Another. Each of his cries of pain felt good to Mare-Do-Well.

The images of the atrocities the Joker had committed filled her mind each time. The sound of Cookie's screams echoed in her brain, and the unknown mare's disturbed chuckling added into that, each horrid sound giving more ammunition for Mare-Do-Well's assaults. After several punches, after some eye gouging, after slamming the Joker's head onto the ground, the Joker grunts took up the space in her mind where the sounds of torture were.

Rainbow Dash vaguely heard herself yelling, as if she was in another room of the chateau listening in on the beat-down. Her yelling was only somewhat coherently. She heard what loosely sounded like "I hate you". She heard general accusations of evil, and slurred insults that lost their meaning by the third word.

She would have kept on beating him, but she heard a slurred word come out of her own mouth. The utterance was completely incoherent (the word was "P-fll-ngih"), but Rainbow Dash knew what it meant. It meant "Pinkie". Did I make this personal? She looked down at the mass under her. The Joker was moaning under his breath, his muzzle was broken, his eye already becoming purple.

Mare-Do-Well slowly crawled off of the Joker. Her body ached from her practice, from flying down a mountain, from slamming through windows, from tackling a pony. Her legs hurt, and her front left hoof hurt to stand on. She'd sprained it from punching. She stood beside the Joker drowsily. "You're under arrest." she gasped, only now noticing she was out of breath. But as a thought intruded upon her, she shut her eyes tightly. She felt shame scathing her body. Her inner monologue said the beat-down was justice, but she refused to deceive her self right now. It was vengeance.

"I th-think..." a joyfull, but rasped voice said. Mare-Do-Well flung her eyes open. He can't--- "you enj-joyed that-t". It was the Joker, somehow still conscious. Even after the assault she'd just made. He's still conscious. He's still conscious. He's still conscious. Using the wall for support, he slicked his rustled-up mane back a bit. He winced as he touched his forehead. "I think you enjoyed that too much." He chuckled, and moaned.

Mare-Do-Well stepped back despite herself. She was too shocked to start a new attack. The Joker got steady, standing a few feet away from Mare-Do-Well. "Ah, look! You've messed up my suit!" He gestured to his now greasy purple suit, frowning in a false-pout. He nearly fell forward, due to his drowsiness. "I stole that from a rich orphan guy. Do you know how hard it is to find an rich orphan guy with a suit this awesome?!"

"I-I hit you... So many times..." was all Mare-Do-Well could say. The Joker chuckled.

"I'd certainly hope so! I'd hate to find out that I imagined all that!"

"H-how... How are you----" Mare-Do-Well started, but she was interrupted by the Joker.

"I'm doing fine, thanks." he chuckled. Though he was swaying slightly as he stood, and despite the weakness in his voice and the squint in his eye, he seemed to care very little that he had gotten a variable beating.

Mare-Do-Well started to get more lucid. Noticing her change in posture and breathing pattern, he started a new monologue. "Well, now. I think it's time to get this start----" he interrupted himself. He moved his head to the side to look behind Mare-Do-Well. "Are you all right, dear?"

Slowly, cautiously, Mare-Do-Well turned to look behind herself. The mare from before was standing there. She wasn't moving towards or away from Mare-Do-Well. She just stared, not even blinking. She was staring in fear.

Mare-Do-Well was stunned by mare's stare. It was a terrible stare. One that a child would give when they caught its parents in a murder. Guilt immediately overtook Mare-Do-Well as she became focused on the mare. She doesn't trust that I won't hurt her! "Don't worry!" Mare-Do-Well said, trying to sound calm. The mare whimpered, and backed away slowly. Her eyes were shimmering with tears. "I'm not gonna----" Mare-Do-Well was interrupted by something hard hitting her spine.

The attack repeated itself, and now Mare-Do-Well found it too painful to stand. She tried anyway. After a third strike, she lost the will to try. A kick in the ribs caused her to roll over with a yelp. Her spine, her ribs, they all hurt. Do I have a broken back? She wanted to cry at that thought.

The Joker stood over her, a large piece of wood balanced in his hooves. He was using the nearby wall for balance as he stood on his hind legs. "It's a good thing to keep this kind of thing in your pants!" He looked to the weapon. "It's kind of hard to walk normally in public, though!" he chuckled.

Mare-Do-Well was in aching pain, and all that ran through her mind was I am going to die. Despite all that, Mare-Do-Well heard the bad joke, and so she chuckled. It could be her last chuckle, after all. The chuckle evolved into a laugh, and lost its orderliness. It started sounding deranged, and it sounded familiar.

The Joker paused, a big smile on his face. "Your laughing... Do you see what I do?! Do you see the invisible flamingo that alwa----" the Joker stopped talking, because Mare-Do-Well stopped laughing. Slowly at first, then more as she gained resolved.

"I'm not like you..." she moaned in gasped through her giggles. "I'm not insane." She steeled herself, and she stopped laughing. She would have gotten up, but that would have hurt far too much, and so she laid there on her back.

The Joker almost frowned. Almost. "Well, since you found me, it's only a matter of time before the police arrive. I better get out of here. See ya soon?"

"I'll always stop people like you." Mare-Do-Well gasped through clenched teeth. She tried to roll over to get up, but her back protested. It felt like her back was aflame. She was almost on her side, but it only took 35 seconds.

"Oh, let me help!" the Joker said smiling, and he pushed her onto he stomach in one kick to the back. Mare-Do-Well screamed as the pain became too much, and she lost consciousness.

Author's Note

Sorry this took so long. School really drains it all from you.