Equestria Zero

by isjor1

Rating: teen
Tags: Anthro, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure, Gore, Diamond Tiara, Princess Celestia, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 11926

My name is Nathaniel, or at least it used to be, and I was sent to equestria after buying gentek pendent at Comicon. Now I am a statue of everyone's favorite prototype James Heller. Let's just hope everypony can also say that as I break out

My name is Nathaniel, or at least it used to be, and I was sent to equestria after buying gentek pendent at Comicon. Now I am a statue of everyone's favorite prototype James Heller. Let's just hope everypony can also say that as I break out
Inspired by many of the league of humans acting villainous stories.
This is my first story and i am just doing it for fun. All forms of criticism to help improve my abilities as a writer will be appreciated

Published 2014-05-22 02:00:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-27 23:18:25 UTC

One hell of a trip

(Present, Canterlot statue gardens, POV James).

It was a nice shinning day in the gardens. The wind was blowing, the sun was shinning, and the birds were getting crap all over me.

"I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life. I hate my life."

After contemplating my life choices, I hear a group of tourist approaching.

"Mrs. Cheerilee, what is that statue?"

"That statue, Pip, is called Blacklight."

Blacklight, really princess, you so racist.

Legend has it that, 1000 years ago a strange being who called himself James Heller appeared in what is now known as the Everfree Forest. Blacklight destroyed many old villages and caused those inhabitants to go insane.

In my defense, those villagers tried to kill me and I barely had any control of my powers. Sheesh, ya think the princesses would give a brother a chance to explain himself.

"In his final moments, he fought against both princesses and was defeated and sealed in stone."

"He doesn't look that tough, I bet Rainbow Dash could have beat him easy."

Why don't you say that to my face kid, I could use some extra bio-mass.

"Come on children it’s time to move on to the next statue."

"Come on Scoots, we're gonna see teh weird lookin one"

At this point the young, orange adolescent was in my face. Staring at me intently.

What the f*** is wrong with this kid.

A squeaky voice then yelled. "Scootaloo hurry up. You're falling behind,"

"Coming, WOAH!"

The one named Scootaloo had just tripped on her own two hooves. As she got up, she noticed that she scrapped her knee.

As she ran away I could already feel something change. The blood that landed on me had already disappeared.

No f****** way. The stone is breaking!

A large rumble overtook the gardens as random tentacles exploded in the air. Then as quickly as they appeared they returned to the point of origin.

"Guess whose back b****es."

(1000 years ago, location: POV: James)

"So come aboard and bring along all your hopes and dreams. Together we will find adrifting what were looking for. There's always room for you, if you wanna be my friend. We are. We are on the cruise!!!!!!!!!!!"

WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE F*** I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!"

My name is Nathaniel Janes and I am currently on a trip to Comicon with my best friend Josh and his sister Jen.

This will be my first convention. This is my first because I don't really like to attend those geek traps. The only reason I am going is because I lost a stupid bet to Josh. "Quit complaining James, if you didn't want to come, you shouldn't have tried to beat me in drunk smash bros."

My two idiot friends are huge fans of prototype. So much that they decided to dress up as the Mercer siblings. Josh was wearing a button-up white shirt kept partially buttoned, a plain gray hoodie, and a black leather jacket with a red tribal design on the back, plain blue jeans and black shoes. Jen was wearing a grey hoodie with a grey and black striped shirt underneath, a short denim skirt with a pair of black tights and a pair of red sneakers. Her brown hair was spiked and she was wearing silver blue contacts. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that they were the real deal. Since I lost the bet, I have to dress up as James Heller. I had my perfect afro shaved off because if I was gonna be forced into this, then I was gonna commit to the character and prove that I can enjoy myself even though I am being forced to do something. I am wearing black boots, dark blue jeans with a black leather belt, a black shirt, fingerless black gloves and finally James Heller's signature jacket. I have to say that I looked bad ass.

"Better not antagonize him Alex or he may consume you."

"Oh ha-ha, Dana."

Gosh those two can be annoying sometimes. "How far away are we from the convention?"

"We will be there in about an hour or two."

F*** my life.

(Comicon)

This place is huge. Comicon, the place where every geek and nerd can spend a life time’s fortune on things that will collect dust unless they are in a case. I think I may be a little bit excited. That was when I saw the hungry look in my friends' eyes. Far towards the back was a booth selling nothing but prototype merchandise. Of course being the suckers we are, we quickly run up and gaze at the prototype glory. They had clothes, action figures, and even realistic looking weapons. The vendor was a tall, had short hair, and was wearing sunglasses and a black t-shirt.

“Ah yes welcome Mercer family and James. See anything you like.”

I still don’t know why but there was something that did catch my eye. In one of the cases towards the back was a locket with the forever bad guy’s Gentek symbol. 3 black hexagons forming a triangle. I…. I just had to buy it.

“Hey merch what’s that over there.”

“Can you be more specific please?”

“In the case, the Gentek locket.”

“Oh this my friend.” He says as he pulls out the trinket. “Not for sale.”

OH HAAAAAAILLL NAH. I IS GETTIN THAT LOCKET.

“Oh come on dude, please you have sell me it.”

That’s when Josh decides to butt in.

“Um Nate, do you really need that thing. Why are you so obsessed over it?”

“Because it’s shiny and I want it. Now please sell it, I will pay anything.”

“Tree Fiddy.”

HE CHANGED HIS MIND THAT FAST!! If life was an anime, this would be the part where everyone falls over.

“Fine. Take yo dang tree fiddy you dang loch ness monster.” I say as I fish out my glorious torn apart wallet and pull out 3 dollars and fifty cents.

My "friends" , really questioning my life choices, gathered around me to look at this epix sh1ny pl0x.

He hands me the locket and as I put it on he says the weirdest thing.

“Enjoy the drug trip bros.”

A strange sensation suddenly came over me. The world was spinning. The pain was enormous. It felt like every cell in my body was being torn apart and remade. Tendrils were coming out of me. Jen backed up and Josh went to who knows where. I remember trying to scream at one point but nothing would come out.

“What...” was all I had enough time to say before life puked rainbows in my face.

Author's Note

My first time writing a story. All forms of criticisms are appreciated. Also if anyone wants to be an editor then plz help me. I don't care if people like this story or not, i won't give up on it.

Lost and Found

(Present) P.O.V: Celestia. A few minutes before Heller's escape.

Please let day court end soon. Princess Celestia, wise, noble, majestic and bored out of her mind was being forced by her royal duties to sit and listen to her subjects complain about trivial things.
"So you see, this is why I should have to pay less on taxes then the...common folk of downtown Canterlot."

Dear ancestors please let something happen so I don't have to listen to this any longer.
As if tempted by faith, the room started to shake. Vases were falling off of there stands, ponies were doing all they can to stay standing, and Princess Celestia had a look of shock hiding her look of relief.An earthquake? When I asked for something to happen I didn't mean quite that.
"On account of the earthquake I am ending day court. If still wish to be heard, return later tonight." Celestia was cut off as the entrance door slammed open from random guard #46. He runs up to the throne and tries to calm himself to get a word out.
"What is the meaning of this."

He bows and says, "My apologies your highness, but there was an eruption of some kind in the gardens. The only thing I know is that two statues are missing."
Two statues are missing? Please don't it let it be either of those two. "Tell me, which statues are missing."

"Black light and Discord your highness."

Why do you hate me ancestors "Gather the rest of the guards and prepare a chariot to pick up the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Also if you spot anything suspicious report it immediately."
The guard salutes and runs off.
Everyone has left and now Celestia is alone. She uses her magic and summons a quill and parchment. "My dearest and most faithful student, Twilight..."

(P.O.V. James location: Royal Garden

"Ah it's good to be free. I wonder how long it will take the guard to respo..." I was cut off as a laser shot past my head.
"Eh they were faster 1000 years ago.... and better shots." I slowly turn to face the guard. Kids, this is why you don't try to be a hero.

"Stand down monster." I just stare blankly at him.

"And if I don't."

"Then I will be forced to remove you." After saying this he runs at me. The fool never stood a chance. He shot another magic beam at me and I didn't even try to block it. It hits me and then he pulls out a sword and stabs me through the abdomen. It tickled.

"Psst.Hey buddy." The guard looks at me in horror.

"You just f'ed up." I b**** slapped the guard off of me and pull the sword out. Deciding that I wasted enough time, I ran out of the gardens just to be teleported to a random tower of the castle.

"What the."

"Oh my what is this." I turn around and I gaze upon something I can't explain. This thing was like a kid who couldn't choose a favorite animal and just threw a bunch of them together. It had a green dragon leg, a regular horse leg, a long, brown slender body, a red dragon tail, a lion's foreleg, the arm of a griffin, a weirdly shaped head of a horse, one fang, a deer antler on the right of his head and a blue goat horn on the left, a bat and Pegasus wing on his back and overall ugliness everywhere. This guy just looks like a pain. So in response I transform my right arm into a blade and jump back.
"Who are you and why did you bring me here."

"And who said I brought you here, hmm."

"Stop playing games and answer me."

"Oh poo your no fun. Well anyway." He makes a lawn chair appear out of no where and lays back. "My name is Discord and I just wanted to thank you." He then makes two glasses of chocolate milk appear out of thin air. "Would you like some." I swat the glass to the side and it explodes as it hit the ground. The milk then dissolved the floor like acid

"You sure do have a funny way of thanking me." I say as I continue to stare at the hole in the ground. "Why thank me anyway?"

"Simple young James. It was the chaos you caused with your little show that allowed me to escape. So let me give you a gift." He snapped his fingers as he said this and I felt a foreign feeling. I felt like I was being drained of something. What that something was is the question. I didn't even notice that my arm turned back to normal.

"What...did....you.....do?" I saw in between pants.

"Oh I just made the game more interesting." Game? What the hell is he talking about.

"What are you even going on about. Is this just a game to you?"

"Yes and no James. It's a game that I am watching and you are in the middle of. Consider this a fresh start for you. Now I must be going, I have a group of ponies to entertain." He snapped his fingers and left me. I never felt so weak before. Standing just seems like a challenge now. I look around the room and found my exit. Man that was weird. What exactly did he mean by in the middle of a game. I haven't felt this confused since I first arrived in this place.

(1000 years ago Location: ??? P.O.V James

All I could see was darkness. Not a single sound was heard. I was falling. No, that's not quite right. I was floating. I couldn't feel anything. My whole body was numb. I stayed in this state for a while until something brushed up against my entire backside. I opened my eyes and then was assaulted by the harsh rays of the bright sun.
Ah s*** that hurt. Why is there a sun? The convention was inside. Bracing my self, I slowly opened my eyes and waited for them to adjust. What the hell? I was not at the convention. As far as I could tell I was nowhere near civilization. I was in the middle of a forest.
"Where am I? Jen! Josh! If this is some type of prank then ha ha you win please come out. Hello!? Is anyone there?"

Now let me ask yall a question. If you are alone in the woods and you scream, will someone hear it. Sometimes you don't want the answer to that question. *rustle rustle*
I turned my head to the east and see nothing but trees at my side. I turned and looked towards the west. Just another place where trees abide. *rustle rustle*. I looked in front of me and saw a row of bushes that were shaking.
"Jen? Josh? Is that you two?" I asked with totally no fear. Ignore the sounds of knees shaking and teeth chattering. I grab a stick laying near by and step towards the bush.
"Come out. I'm a wanted man with a death sentence in 12 countries."
The bush shakes one last time before going still. A rabbit jumps out. I fall on my back and just lay there with my eyes closed and a look of relief on my face. I lay there for a few minutes and open my eyes again. There is a set of fangs getting ready to close around my face.
"OH S#@%" I roll out of the way and get up and make a mad dash in a random direction. I chance a look behind me to see the wolf chasing me. A few of its friends decided to join the chase.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" I continue to scream at the top of my lungs as they chase me. In fact it seems that I am running faster then I ever could. I chanced another look. The wolves were lagging behind. *Thwack* I ran into a tree. Shaking the pain away I scurry up the tree and started praying for help to arrive.

(P.O.V Change to ??/)

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"What?" It was small but I thought I heard someone shouting.

"Help meeeeeeeee someoneeeeeee!!!!!!!!"

Okay I definitely head that one. Grabbing my walking staff, I turn and ran in the direction of the screams.

(P.O.V change James )

"Okay calm down Nate. You are up here and the wolves are down there." I look down and see that a pack of 8 wolves have surrounded the tree. Then I realized something. The wolves were made of wood. What are those things? As if some divine force decided that I wasn't in a bad enough situation, the branch I was sitting on started to creak and slowly started breaking.
I'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI'MGONNADIEI
MGONNADIEEEEEEEEEE
With one last and totally full of courage shout I yelled, "Someone HEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPP!!!!!"
*thwack thwack thwack crash thwack*
I looked down again and saw the wolves were no where to be seen. Instead all I saw were piles of leaves and sticks. In the middle of it all was a....... girl? Starting from the bottom I saw she was wearing brown leather work boots. Worn and torn pants. A tail. A red and white checkered...........A TAIL?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Focusing on my savior I noticed that she wasn't a human. I had no idea what the hell she was. She had the figure of a human girl but that's about it. Her face was horse-ish. Is that even a word. We just continue to stare at each other. In unison we both say, "What are you?" Then the branch breaks and I fall. Welcome back darkness my old friend.

Power of the Sun.

Power of the Sun.

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTOR the writer was rudely interrupted by a brick being smashed against the back of his head. Moving to my chair and throwing the corpse out my window, I started typing.

(Present Canterlot Royal Statue Gardens P.O.V James Heller)

"About time you showed up Celestia."
I stared at her with no emotion on my face. Here was the one who caused me to suffer. Here is the one who couldn't see reason. Here is the one who thinks that her own kind are so pure and innocent. She has no idea of what she let happened. All she saw were destroyed towns. All she saw was me by the bodies with blood on my hands. All she saw was me fighting her guards. All she saw of me was a monster. A monster that almost killed her sister.

"Celestia I know why you are here, but you must listen to me. Let me leave. You know what happens when I stay in an area to long."

"I'm sorry, but I can not allow you to do as you please. If I risk the infection spreading. Then so be it. It is better to have it where it can be easily contained than letting you run and spreading it in your path. Now I give you one chance. Come with me quietly or I will force you to come."
She finishes her statement by pulling out her sword. This sword had a golden, diamond studded hilt. The blade was covered in many runes that glowed with power. The sword itself emitted a powerful aura. Looking at it will make anyone feel the power the sword possessed and the fear that it wrought. I however know better. The sword was in my possession a time long ago.

"Using my own toy against me Celestia. No matter for it won't help you. But you are making a grave mistake. Another one that will cause hundreds to die."

"I don't like it either but you must be contained. You are just too dangerous to be allowed to roam free. Please understand. It is only what's best for everyone."

"Don't give me that. You only care about your subjects. You only see the light in them. And it's that light that blinds you."

"Very well. You leave me no choice." She finished her statement by using her magic. Celestia was covered in a blinding light. It took all of my will power to not look away. Deciding to not be a dragon ball z character I rushed at her. I brought my arm out and swung at her. The light died down and her fist met my own. Celestia was decked out in golden armor from head to waist. Around her legs was a white skirt with her cutie mark covering most of it. She had armored leggings that spiked at the knee. Her wings ended in more rune covered blades. And she had a shit eating grin. She took my arm and through me back. On landing I skidded a few feet.

She looked at her mangled hand and then with a rush of magic started healing it. We just stood there glaring at each other. Sizing the other up. Watching for the slightest of movement. The tension in the air only continued to grow. The guards were smart and left the area. Maybe even evacuate Canterlot if need be. Celestia and I just continued to glare at each other. We stayed like that for 1 minutes.
2 minutes.
3 minutes.
Then we charged.
I reached out and grabbed a nearby statue. It was a statue of a mare carrying a flag. I think it was called victory or whatever.
Focusing power into my legs I propelled myself into the air. At the peak of my jump I used all the strength I could bring forth and hurled the thing at her. She dodged then flew up at me readying her sword. I quickly changed my dive into a flying kick. Sword met foot in a mid-air clash. The collision caused both the air and the entire garden to shake. The ground beneath us cracked from the power Celestia and I put out. Celestia then spun and tried to strike me with her wings. I jumped back and saw the blade slash the air a few inches away from my face. When I landed I jumped back to put some distance in between me and the all but goddess.

Okay lets do a quick check of the situation. She has that unbreakable sword. Somehow she is meeting me for blow to blow. She has the home field advantage, and I can't use my blades. I am going to need to be creative if I want to survive this. Focusing, I called upon every memory I had of Celestia. All the times we met and fought. Every spell she casted. Every weapon she used. Every stance she made. Everything having to deal with Celestia came to me in perfect clarity. It was at this point that day and night got drunk and started square dancing. One second the sun is up and the next the moon comes out.
"Hey Celestia, me thinks you have bigger problems than dealing with myself."

"Don't worry. I have some who is more than capable handling him. You are the only one I have to deal with." She raised her sword and started to charge a spell. Searching my memory, from the stance and way she is holding her sword can only mean one thing.

SOLAR STORM!!!!!!1
Celestia eyes went completely white as she swung her sword in an arc. What came next can be called a b**** to deal with. Volley after Volley of flaming arrows of light came at me. I was barely able to dodge the first wave. For those who don't know, this spell will incinerate anything it pierces from the inside out.
The attack was relentless, but in a few more burst and it was done. Everything the arrows hit were burning. The arrow above my head made me glad I shaved my glorious afro off.
"Hey Celestia! At this rate you're going to burn down Canterlot. You sure you don't want me to leave!"
Celestia then put on a look of deep concentration. She channeled magic into both her arms and legs. With a speed almost close to mine she appeared in front of me and swung. I dodged it and the fight was back on again. We kept trying to hit each other, but in was futile. She was matching me move for move. She use her sword and I would dodge it. I would try to land a blow and she would side step it. This was our dance of death and it was beautiful. Neither opponent was leaving much room for an opening. Any one dumb enough to still be in the area was looking at us in awe. Any mistake made would be fatal. I needed to see an opening.
Okay focus. I need to focus. Now!!!!! I slammed my knuckles together and created a shockwave that sent Celestia back. Then I rushed up to her and delivered a jaw breaking uppercut

. I couldn't tell you how far she flew up. The only thing I could tell you is that she was pissed. Her face was covered in blood. She knew better then to let me get near it and quickly used magic to restore herself. She was starting to look exhausted. I am not even surprised.
"You've gotten better since the last time we did this."

"Yes and I am giving you one last chance. Turn yourself in now or I will end this myself."
She is almost as stubborn as I am. "Enough talking Celestia. It's obvious that neither of us is going to give up.
She used her magic and this time I was taken by surprise. She just made 4 clones of herself. And they all ganged rushed me.
I dodged the first lunge, but the second one was waiting for it and took a swing at me with the sword. I caught it and then went and threw her at the third one. While I did this the fourth one came up at me and got a stab in. The sword went through me and then I knew something wasn't right. The sword should of stopped as soon as it hit my back. Heck, I didn't even feel it go through me. The four were soon in front of me again. But this time i was ready. I closed my eyes and cleared my mind.Time to show you why I am the top predator. Hunter Sense!
I could see everything in my minds eye. The buildings in the distance, the surrounding hedges, and the opponents in front of me. Which is why I was surprised when I gained a response from behind me. Quickly stepping to the side, the real Celestia swung her sword and hit the spot where I was. Quickly, I put all my power and falcon kicked the b**** away from the sword. Once again the air rippled and it seam Celestia's whole body shook with it as she was sent flying and tumbling into the distance. As she hit the ground the armor she wore shattered. She stood up spat out a few teeth. Her nose was broken and bleeding nonstop. One of her eyes was black. And she looked incredibly pissed. Why does it feel like I said that before? Also I am kind of surprised she was still able to stand. I take what I said back earlier. She is more stubborn then I am.
Celestia stood up and brought her arms to her side. Once again she started channeling her magic. This time it was into her entire being. She started to glow with a mesmerizing aura. Her eyes went completely white and seemed to shine with a light of their own. She started floating as her mane changed from its regular colors to the colors of a flame. Every injury she sustained started to slowly heal.
I picked up the sword and got ready for what she had next. I jumped into the air and prepared to end it.
Celestia just raised her arm at me and gathered the remainder of her magic. SUPERNOVA!!!
She hurled a freakin mini sun at me. It was so bright and so very hot. I swear I could smell my ass cooking. I quickly turned my attack into a block. The attack connected and I gave a smirk. "Just as planned."
The attack hit me and I was launched clear into the sky. Dashing and entering into a glide I began my escape. Celestia saw what I was doing and panicked. "Oh no you don't." She spread her wings and quickly took off after me. Luckily I was prepared. I decided that the sword was no longer needed so I raised it in front of my locket and watch it disappear. Man I love the hammer space. Too bad I lost everything I had when they turned me into a statue. Now with my hands free I took the gun I stole from the guard and aimed it at her. I was too far for her to see what I was doing. I pulled the trigger. She screamed. The first few shots missed. The next directly hit her wings. The final rounds broke her armor and hit her in the chest. She fell. I set the gun from stun and back to lock as I continued my glide out of Canterlot and over the cliff. I landed into the forest and took off into a dead sprint. Where I was going only time could tell. All I know is that any place was better than here. In the distance I saw a giant rainbow dome appear out and expand. A wall of light was quickly approaching me. I met it head on and it phased through me. I looked around and everything was normal. Even the sun and moon stopped their dancing. Curiosity got the best of me one more time. "Guess I know where I am heading." With that said I took off.

(Few hours later Canterlot Castle Medical Wing P.O.V Celestia)

"She's in critical condi....... Hurry and get her stabil...... That eye has to come ou......She's waking up."
incess... lestia............. Sister!!......everyone give her som......
Where am I? Ugh my head. I tried to sit up, but the pain knocks me back down then.

The nurse quickly comes to my side and eases me back down. "Princess, can you hear me?"
I looked around the room or at least I would if my eyes weren't blocked by my hair. "What happened? Where is Blacklight?"
The nurse was about to respond when the door to the room burst open for the 3rd time that day.
"SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My hands immediately shot up to my head. God damn it Luna. My ears were ringing the my headache became much worse thanks to the ever helpful royal voice. "Lulu please, inside voice."
Luna blushed and put on a sheepish look. "We are sorry dear sister, but thou had us quite worried. Especially when we saw thy condition."
My condition? I brushed the lock of hair out of my face to get a good look at myself. For starters, my entire chest was rapped. My jaw was sore, and I could only see out one eye. I started to panic at that point for one main reason. My eye wasn't being blocked by hair.
"I reached up and this time really felt my head. The entire right side was wrapped. I was really panicking. The heart monitor can atone to that. Both the nurse and Luna were at my side again.
"Sister, calm down."

"Nurse please tell me what happened. How did I get here? What happened to Blacklight?"

"Well, you were..um..shot out of the sky your highness."

Shot out of the sky? "What do you mean?"

"Just that your majesty. You were shot by an assault rifle. You were burned at the wings and most of your chest by the shots. Thankfully it was set to stun or who knows what might have happened. After you fell, a party was sent out and located you in the woods outside of Canterlot. You were brought here and rushed to the E.R" She grabbed a chart at the end of my bed. The bed was surprisingly getting less and less comfortable as she went on. "You suffered from a dislocated shoulder, a few broken ribs, a dislocated jaw, you are missing a few molars, and." The nurse stopped and seem to shudder a little. This worried me greatly.
"Please tell me nurse. I believe I haven't gotten your name."

"Herbal Remedy, your majesty."

"Miss Remedy, you do not need to feel nervous. Please tell me what you were trying to say."

The nurse took a gulp and then tried to calm herself down. "The doctors did everything they could, but they couldn't save your eye your highness."

And now the bandages around my head make sense. I sat there to let the shock past. Why isn't it passing. The lights green, shock, please get moving.

"And Blacklight?"

Both the nurse and Luna didn't want to answer that one. How can you tell a person who tried their hardest and ended up in the hospital that their efforts were worthless. That they failed. Celestia's pleading and hope filled eyes er eye was making it harder. In the end it was Luna who spoke up.
"Blacklight hath, escaped dear Sister. He was no where to be found. As if he vanished without a trace."

"That is most unfortunate then. What about Discord?"

"Thy guard hath returned with his statue and are awaiting for thy return."

"At least one thing went right today. Luna please deliver this message to the captain Shining Armor. He is to alert every guard about Blacklight and has my consent to use any thing he deems fit to complete this task. It should go without saying that he needs to be discreet about this. If the press gets word of this who knows what chaos it will cause."
"Don't worry sister, we will capture that fiend once again. We won't let that disaster happen a second time."

"I only pray that it won't happen a second time. With each second he is free is a second where that hope is dashed a little. I just hope we can capture him before things get out of hand." I then looked out the window and gazed into the distance thinking about all the lives that were lost to capture that monster. So many innocent lives ended from his rampage. So many more ended from that plague that came with him. Thinking about this made my anger rise and my will stronger.
Luna seeing as nothing else could be said decided to take the message to the guard. "Sister please rest and get well. Blacklight can't hide forever." She left and closed the door.
"If only that were true Luna. If only that were true." I laid down and let sleep take hold of me once more. Freeing me from the headache that was James Heller.

Author's Note

And the winner is JAMES HELLER. But we all knew that. My first chapter over 3000. I think I just accomplished something. Also I want to apologize for the late update. This was supposed to be up on Friday, but things happen. Any way see you all next week.

Meeting new people

(1000 years ago P.O.V James Heller)

"This place has a bar!"
At the sound of my outburst everyone in the area turned to look at me.
Oh look. More pastel colored horse people. South Park almost had it right. Half of the crowd went bugged eyed and ran while the rest just seemed to stare. This lasted all but 5 seconds before the reason I was here made it self known. There were 3 guys towering over a dark blue mare with an emerald green mane in a waitress outfit holding her arm up as if to protect herself. 2 of them were in silver armor with white coats and dark blue manes. The other one had his fist raised. He was dressed in a royal blue suit, had a white coat and blond mane, and was ready to smack a bitch. If this was just your average fight I would of stood to the side and recorded it. But it's not so instead of watching I walked over in hopes of stopping this guy.
"Thou little slut! Thou think that thou can mess with a member of the royal family and get away from it. We protect sorry whores like you and not even receive a little appreciation. Now thou art coming with us and will learn to appreciate the work we royals do for ungrateful wenches like thyself."
Yeah I heard enough I grabbed the asshole's arm before he could torment the girl farther. The reaction I wasn't expecting was for him to quickly turn around and hit me. An audible crack was heard and it didn't come from me. The guy yelled out in pain and gripped what I assume was his now broken hand. I just stood their staring at the bloody appendage. "Damn man you is weak. How in the hell did you hurt yourself from punching me. I do nothing but sit on my ass all day." I don't think he heard anything I said as he was still yelling in pain. His friends turned toward me and both of them pulled out a sword. Me totally not being an idiot like usual stepped back.

"Whoa guys calm down. Can we talk about this. There is no need to go cutting arms off right."
Rule 5 of my rules of life. Never tell a man who is raging to calm down. The one on the left charge me with his weapon raised. I tried to turn and run but he was on me. I raised my arms like the mare on the floor in an attempt to protect myself even though I knew it wouldn't do me any good. He brought the sword down. Then it shattered completely, not even leaving a single cut on my jacket.
Words could not begin to describe the what I was feeling after witnessing that. Both me and the guard just continued to stare. Him at his now useless sword hilt and me at my perfectly fine arms. 3 words were running through my mind. Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck.

The guard finally regaining some of his senses drops what's left of his sword and backs away from me. "Monster. Thou art a monster!"
The two guards grabbed their busted hand prince and took of running. I honestly don't even know what to say. I couldn't get the past the thought of me still having an arm. I was pulled out of my thoughts when Annie came up to me.

"Mr. Heller, what happened?" I didn't respond. I just pointed at the mare on the floor. She was staring at me with a look that said she didn't know whether to thank me or run away from me. Good thing Annie was here or we would of just kept like this for who knows how long. Ann went to the mare's side and helped her up.
"Light dear, art thou alright?" Seriously? What is with this girl and asking people if they are okay?
Light looked at Ann and started tearing up. "Oh Annie it was just terrible. Prince Egocentrique came back and threatened to have the tavern close if." The mare was really tearing up now. "If I didn't lay with him."
I am usually a nice guy. There is really only one thing that will piss me off more then someone hurting people close to me and that's people who force their will onto others.
"I don't know anything about this prince douchebag or whatever his name is, but if he stops by again I will make sure it will be his last."
Light just stared at me in horror. "Art thou insane! Thou can't fight a royal. Especially him. It will only cause the rest of us trouble. Maybe even killed."
"Yeah, I don't think I caught your name. Mind telling me it before I decide whether or not an ass needs kicking."

"My name is Light Dancer. I am the owner of this bar. Also I want to thank thee for helping me."

"The names Bond. James Bond." Annie shot me a look that more or less said what the hell are you going on about. Seeing as no one laughed at my stupid attempt of a joke I decided to tell a half truth. "Nah just kidding. I'm James Heller and you don't need to thank me. I can't just stand around when someone abuses another."

"Well thou helped me and I want to thank thee. How would you like to try our house special."
Free food. I need to play hero more often. I took her offer and she led me inside. Inside the building was nothing special. The bar counter with a few drunkards sleeping. A couple tables and booths against the walls. Pictures of random horse people on the walls and a few newspaper clippings in a language I couldn't even read. How in the hell do we speak the same language but not write the same.
Overall the tavern looked no different than any of the ones back home. Minus the pool table and T.V. Oh god I miss TV. How long have I been here? How many of my shows have I missed. Forgive me Daniel Tosh. I got bored of looking at decorations so I took a seat at the counter. Light went in the back to prepare my payment while Annie took a seat next to me.
"Hey Ann. Mind filling me in on what happened back there. Who was that guy?

"He was Prince Egocentrique et Grossier. He's the princesses' nephew. He is also the duke of our town. He uses his title to do what ever he wants and there is nothing we can do to stop him. If we harm him, then who knows what her majesties will do. If today is anything to go by, then Light might lose the tavern."

"If she is worried then you can tell her to stop. I told her before that people like him are the ones I can't stand. If he comes back then I will personally handle him." I stuck my thumb up "Believe it." Did I really just do that. I thank who ever is the deity of this world that they won't get the reference.
"Thou means like how thou handled the Timberwolves." Smugness couldn't even begin to describe the shit eating grin she gave me.

"Hey those wolves caught me by surprise. And that was before I knew that my arms could break a sword. Or did you forget that."

"Okay I will give you that one. Just know that I won't save you next time."

We chatted back and forth like that for a while. She told me about her family, her job, and a little about the town. I told her about my home and family and friends. Eventually Light came back with a plate in her hands.
"Okay what smells good."
"Our special for the night." She put the plate down and I stared in horror. Flowers and Hay. Things I would never eat. Smelling like they were made in heaven's kitchen. Ann was staring longingly at my plate. I can take a hint.
"Um that's okay, I am not that hungry. You can have it Ann." As soon as the words left my mouth my plate was gone. The culprit was stuffing her face.
"What do you have to drink here."
Light grabbed a mug and filled it under the counter. She brought it up and it was filled with foam and what looked like pieces of apples.

"Enjoy the apple family cider."

"I never really had cider before. First time for everything." I grabbed the cup and took a sip. Then I took another. Then I acted like Annie and just shoved the whole thing in my mouth. I drained the tankard and slammed it down. "That has got to be the best damn thing I ever drank."
"I am glad thou liked it cause only the food was free." I fell over anime style. Light and Ann just laughed and soon I joined them.
Yeah I am going to like it here.

(Present P.O.V ??? Location ???)

"Dad, can't you stay a little bit longer?" asked a young filly.
"I would love to princess, but you know I have to go to work. How about this. When I come back I will get you what ever you want. Now be good and remember daddy loves you." With that said he walked off.

"But all I want is you daddy."

Author's Note

Pardon my French but I know jack shit about the language. If you speak French or are French then I am sorry if I butchered the language a little. You may or may not know what I am talking about.

This would of been up faster but storms have left me without an internet connection so I couldn't get it in to my editor who is probably going to kill me one day.

Welcome to Ponyville.

(Present location: outside Ponyville p.o.v James Heller)

Finally I made it.

After spending a total of 5 minutes running through the forest. I have came out into an urban town. The streets were filled with confused ponies. "Is that one covered in jelly? What the fuck happened here."
I waited until the coast was clear to make a run for the alley. Once there I scaled the building to get a better look knowing that whoever owned the place can pay for the broken bricks. On the roof I was able to get a clear view of everything. There was a gingerbread house in one direction. A carousel in another direction. What looks like a farm out on the horizon. A bigger building then the one I was on which I guess what this place's town hall. Ponies were everywhere and they were celebrating for a reason I couldn't even guess.Why am I even here. Come on ,Nate, your not being rational here. You know what happens when you stay in an area for too long. You would put these people's lives in danger just to satisfy your curiosity. The real James Heller would never do something so damn stupid. I just sighed. "But I'm not the real James Heller am I? The real James Heller wouldn't be afraid. Look at me scolding myself. I must really be going insane. If that's even possible for someone like me." I took a step and part of the roof gave away.Damn it! The building took more damage than I thought. I sighed. "Well, It's probably best if I leave before I get caught." Without even thinking I dropped back down into the alley. Only this time my landing gained someone's attention. A brown stallion with a greased back, dark grey mane in a black tux with a red tie that had a dollar symbol on it was staring at me from the alley entrance. His eyes shrunk to pinpricks and he started to back up. Once again without even thinking of the consequences I rushed the stallion and pulled him into the alleyway with my hand over his maw so he couldn't scream. I may have grabbed it a little too hard as he was trying to scream in pain and/or fright. Okay I panicked a little. Can you blame me for what happened next.
In a whisper I told him, "I am going to let you go. Don't scream. Just cooperate with me and you can go about your day like this never happened. Understood."
He tried to shake his head but I was just holding on too tight. I let go of him. He ran to the other end of the alley. At least he didn't scream. The dumbass instead pulls out a gun. "Okay man you definitely don't want to do that."
"Stay away from me agent of Discord." He aims it directly at me and was ready to fire. I put my hands up.
"Look just calm down. A lot has happened today and you are probably stressed, but I am not an agent of whatever." I took a step towards him. "Just lower the gun. No one needs to get hurt. I just want to stay hidden okay. I'm sorry i pulled you in here, but I need you to just stay calm." He wasn't listening to me. He pulled the trigger. I was hit in the eye and then everything went red. He didn't have enough time to scream. I lost control of myself and crushed his skull. Then the tendrils came out of my hand to consume the body. Nothing was left of him. Not even the blood that was sprayed on the wall was spared. Then I clutched my head from the pain as memories flooded my mind.

Web of Intrigue Sequences 1 Filthy Rich

Diamond, where are you? I was running for my life. This all started when the clouds turned pink and rained chocolate. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but now I wish I did. The roads had turned to soap. That's not even the worst of it. Animals have been acting crazy and either growing extra limbs, or growing longer ones. Buildings were being flipped upside down with earth ponies and unicorns who couldn't teleport being trapped inside. The town had become completely covered in chaos. Those who weren't as lucky as me were caught by that monster Discord. Saying his name brings fear and hatred to my being. Those who were caught started acted very strange. My old friend Big Macintosh was one of the first to be caught. When he was let go he started acting like a dog. I know earth ponies have power over the soil, but the way he dug was anything but natural. Next was Granny Smith. She sure did put up a fight for an old lady, but she suffered the same fate as her grandson. She was put down and just started dancing in a horrifying manner. I say horrifying because she was stripping as she danced. She used her cane like it was a pole. We all ran. Only one thing was on my mind. Get to my daughter. I didn't get far because of the one thing I heard. Her voice. My little girl's voice. I turned around. That monster had her in his grip.

"My aren't you a cute one." She tried to swing at him. "And a feisty one as well. Yes you will do perfectly."

"Let me go! Somepony help." She kept struggling. I started running back. I had to protect her. Discord snapped his fingers again. Diamond Tiara's irises turned into swirls. Her mane went puffy like Pinkie Pie's. Her yellow jacket turned solid pink and the Tiara that she always wore, the last gift she ever received from her mother, turned into a beanie.
"Hello Screw Ball."

Web of Intrigue Sequence 1 Filthy Rich Part 2

"Dad, can't you stay a little bit longer?" asked a young pink filly in a yellow and black Jacket with a tiara.

Please don't look at me like that "I would love to princess, but you know I have to go to work. How about this. When I come back I will get you what ever you want. Now be good and remember daddy loves you." I left and closed the door. Leaving my daughter once again. I will never let them have you Diamond. Please forgive me for ignoring you for so long
I say this every time I leave. *Equestria Girls ring tone*
"Hello. Mr. Rich speaking."

"Filthy, we need more of the samples delivered. You already know where to send them. Make sure they are here by noon tomorrow. This time I will be there personally. And for Celeista's sake change that god damned ring tone."

"Understood Sir."

"Also remember. The family appreciates the sacrifices you make so don't disappoint. More than one head will be had if you mess up.*hangs up* *Memory end*.

The pain left when the memories ended. I was standing there except it wasn't me standing. I had become Filthy Rich and if his memories are anything to go by. I am now filthy FUCKING rich. My eyes turned to dollar signs at the thought of what I would buy. I am so buying me a car, a boat, a shark tank, a hotdog, and the most important thing, my own pizzeria. "Okay James get a hold of yourself. If you are going to stay like this then you need to play the role. Filthy was here because he had to deliver something. Just find the cart and get the goods and get paid. Then go waste it all on ill advised purchases." Lets see. His first piano recital, buying zap apple jam from Granny Smith, the day his daughter was born, the day his wife died, watching My Little Gecko and buying it's merchandise... The fuck? Seriously? What kind of guy watches a show meant for little girls and buys it's toys for himself. On second thought I can look through the memories later I got business to attend to.I left the alley and found where he had left his "Holy fucking shit that car shines." Anyway I got the containers out of the trunk and waited. Ten minutes later, the guy Filthy was waiting for pulled up. He was tall, dark grey threstral with a blue and black stripped mane. We nodded at each other. Like usually when Filthy delivers we got out of the cars and exchanged the keys. I was hoping to get away but he stopped me.
"Leaving so soon Filthy. After all we been through I don't even get a good bye." Okay here goes. Identity theft powers activate.

"You have what you came for. What else is there left to say? Both our times are valuable so stop wasting mine. I just hope the family appreciates the sacrifices you make Tight Lip."
He nodded in approval and left. Fucking passwords are annoying as hell. I stepped into the car and found my payment. The dollar signs were back. "I may be new to town, but this is the best damned welcome I ever got." With that said I sped off to waste another person's money. "I am so happy right now. Fuck it I am going to sing. I want to see someone try to take my man card."

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

In the club on the late night, feelin right
Lookin tryin to spot somethin real nice
Lookin for a little shorty hot and horny so that I can take home
I can take home
She can be 18 wit an attitude
or 19 kinda snotty actin real rude
Boo, as long as you a thicky thicky thick girl you know that it's on
(Know that it's on)
I peep something comin towards me up the dance floor
Sexy and real slow hey
Sayin she was peepin and I dig the last video
So when Nelly, can we go; how could I tell her no?
Her measurements were 36-25-34
Yellin I like the way you brush your hair
And I like those stylish clothes you wear
I like the way the light hit the ice and glare
And I can see you moving way over there

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

Face and body front and back, don't know how to act
Without no vouchers or boozers she's bringin nuttin back
You should feel the impact, shop on plastic
when the sky's the limit and them haters can't get past that
Watch me as I gas that, 4.6 Range
Watch the candy paint change, everytime I switch lanes
It feel strange now
Makin a livin off my brain, instead of 'caine now
I got the title from my momma put the whip in my own name now
Damn shit done changed now
Runnin credit checks with no shame now
I feel the fame now come on, I can't complain now no more
Shit I'm the mayne now, in and out my own town
I'm gettin pages out of New Jersey, from Courtney B.
Tellin me about a party up in NYC
Can I make it? Damn right, I be on the next flight
Payin cash; first class - sittin next to Vanna White
Come on If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!
If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

Check, check -- yo, I know somethin you don't know
And I got somethin to tell ya
You won't believe how many people, straight doubted the flow
Most said that I was a failure
But now the same motherfuckers askin me fo' dough
And I'm yellin, "I can't help ya"
"But Nelly can we get tickets to the next show?"
Hell no what's witchu?! you for real?!

Hey yo, now that I'm a fly guy, and I fly high
Niggaz wanna know why, why I fly by
But yo it's all good, Range Rover all wood
Do me like you should - fuck me good, suck me good
We be no stud niggaz, wishin you was niggaz
Poppin like we drug dealers, sippin Crissy, bubb' mackin
Honey in the club, me in the Benz
Icy grip, tellin me to leave wit you and your friends
So if shorty wanna... knock, we knockin to this
And if shorty wanna... rock, we rockin to this
And if shorty wanna... pop, we poppin the Crist'
Shorty wanna see the ice, then I ice the wrist
City talk, Nelly listen; Nelly talk, city listen
When I fuck fly bitches; when I walk pay attention
See the ice and the glist'; niggaz starin or they diss
Honies lookin all they wish - come on boo, gimme kiss

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

Hey, must be the money!
Hey, must be the money!
Hey, must be the money!
Must be the money!

If you wanna go and take a ride wit me
We three-wheelin in the fo' with the gold D's
Oh why do I live this way? Hey, must be the money!

If you wanna go and get high wit me
Smoke a L in the back of the Benz-y
Oh why must I feel this way? Hey, must be the money!

Author's Note

I regret nothing.

I first heard this song when watching a movie called Soul Plane
I wanted an excuse to bring this song into the story

Escape from Canterlot, Why cant it ever be easy

(Present P.O.V James Heller)

Where the Frick am I? I've been wandering these halls for what seems like hours.

I swear they intentionally make castle's like mazes. Even with my perfect memory these halls still go on and on. Okay if I meet disco or whatever his name was again, then I am going to kill him. This is just ridiculous. Using the power of my rage, Iface the wall and unleash my unholy wrath.

"Oh look. A window. How convenient." Of course my actions didn't go unnoticed as dozens of pegasus guards appeared.

"Crap. Okay look, I don't want any trouble. I just want to leave and get out of your hai err manes."

The guards are still glaring at me and then one raises a f****** assault rifle. Now they are smiling at me. I smiled back. Raising my arms, I shout, "Have it your way. Bring it on!" I hate myself for saying that. They opened fired and it hurt. Thinking faster then the bullets firing at me, I decided that fighting this many guards with firearms was a bad idea. So I ran. Ah Damnit! Why did that work on me? The bullets should of bounced off. A WILD REALIZATION APPEARED. What did that circus freak do to me. Bullets continued to rain from behind me.

Okay less thinking more running. I came to a sudden halt. I had ran into a dead end. I hate this castle. The sound of pounding hooves were getting closer. I had 2 options to choose from. Break another wall or fight. "I was tired of running anyway."

The guards finally caught up and the ring leader spoke.

"We have you cornered. Surrender now or we will open fire"

"I choose option c."

The leader looked amused. "C?"

Swinging my arms to the side I shouted. "For claws!"

......Nothing happened.

*continued awkward silence.*

I started to shake my arms wildly. "Claws, Claws, Claws, COME OUT ALREADY!!!!" The guards just continue to stare at me. I'm sure one was trying hard not to snicker. "I am so sorry. I swear this has never happened to me before. Just give me a minute and I will have it working again."

Okay why aren't my abilities working. Oh well. If I can't use a blade. Then I will do this the old fashion way.
Faster then the guards could react. I run up to the leader, take his gun out of his hand and with all the strength i could bring up. I kick the captain in the chest with enough force to ripple the air. He was sent flying into the other guards knocking them all away and clearing my path. I sling the gun over my back and made a run for it. The guards won't be getting up anytime soon. Turning around the corner I come back to the hole I made.
"Lets try this again." I jumped out and started my glide.

I love gliding. Nothing can beat the feeling of the air running past my face. I will never understand why some people are afraid of falling out of the sky. The adrenaline rush feels great and its almost euphoric. I mean they will be fine if they have a parachute right. Right? Anyway back to my tale. I was gliding out of my tower and surprise surprise I landed back in the statue garden.
Back to square one. But with more guards.
The area was surrounded by guards and they all spotted me. Before I could even get in a fighting position I was surrounded by a pink wall.

"What?'

"Finally caught you Blacklight."

Turning around I looked at my captor. He was the typical white guard with blue mane but that is where the similarities end. He was wearing a purple, sleeve-less metal tunic with metal plates covering his thighs and wrists.

His face was glowing in confidence. Guess I just have to shatter it. Readying my self. I punch the shield. Nothing happened. He is good.

"You!" *hit* nothing still happened.

"Can't!" *hit* cracks started to form. The guard's face look strained

"Contain!" *hit* The shield started fading slightly as more cracks appeared.

"Me!" With one final swing the shield completely shatters. Dust was thrown up from the force of my swing and the shield's destruction. All I can say is that I looked like a bada** coming out of the debris.

"Congratulations. You had me trapped for a few seconds. Aren't you a special one."

Saying this seemed to piss of a few of the guards. Why not taunt them further. "So tell me what rank are you?"

Glaring at me the guard responds, "Open fire!"

Deciding I didn't want to get shot I run up to the guard and take him hostage. If I am lucky I will get away and have a little snack for the trip.

"Put the guns down or this one loses a life." I had my arms locked around his head and horn ready to end him at any moment while blocking off his magic. Of course this one wants to be the sacrificial hero.

He shouts,"I gave you all an order!!! Shoot him and forget about me!!"

Ah so this one is the captain. Looks like this just became a test of loyalty.

The guards all faltered. The looks of conflict ran across all of their faces. In the end they each dropped their weapon.

Look like things are finally going right for me.
Of course I spoke too soon as the bane of my existence appeared behind me with a familiar looking guard captain. I turned to address her.

"About time you showed up Celestia."

(1000 years ago P.O.V James Heller)

Darkness is all around me. Am I floating or falling. I can't even tell. I feel nothing at all. In the darkness I am no one. I am nothing. I am everything.... Being dead or alive is irrelevant here.
I stayed like this for hours just floating in the darkness when I came upon a light. It was blinding. I felt warm inside just being near it. Like I was safe. I closed my eyes in bliss. Then I started to feel something soft. I opened my eyes. I wasn't dead nor was I in some strange realm. I was laying on the ground with that strange girl staring at me. Continuing on with her description, she was wearing a red and white checkered shirt. Had a green coat and a red mane and her oversized eyes were amethyst. She opens her mouth and what comes out can only be explained as this girl being Shakespeare's b****.

"Art thou well?" High school English don't fail me now.

I stand up and turned to address her. I am still put off by her appearance and still can't wrap my head around her. All I know is that this is definitely not earth anymore. Dorothy be damned.

As calmly as I can be, I addressed her. *high pitched voice* "I'mfineandthanksforsavingmeandpleasedon'tdisectmemissalienma'am."

"Thou have a unique way of speaking."

Deep breaths Nate. You need to calm down. Taking my own advise I try a second attempt at communication. "Can you understand me?"

"I can. May I ask thy name."

Okay she wants my name. Do I tell her the truth or make one up? On one hand she just saved me. On the other she is a total stranger who I know nothing about. Eh lets just roll with it.

"I am James Heller." I stuck my hand out for her to shake. After a slight hesitation she does the same.

"Annie Elizabeth Apple." Her last name is apple? Eh I heard stranger.

Before I could respond the leaves and twigs on the ground started rising.

"Maybe we should continue this talk later."

"Agreed." And with that we started running towards the town where Annie came from. When we were a good distance away from the NOPE situation did we start talking again

"Okay, can you please tell what those things were back there and what was going on."

"Timberwolves. Nasty little varmints. Strike one and it will revive."

"Okay now how about where are we,"

"On the path to my home village, Friesinatty."

I would say something about that name, but I don't want to offend the girl with the giant stick and just decided to stay quiet about the name. "No, I mean where are we. What country, continent, etc."

She just stares at me. "Thou art a strange one. We reside in Equestria." I give up with these names.

The walk was shorter than expected as we arrived at the small farm town and I get ran over by something furry.

"Run big sis! I will handle the monster!" I couldn't believe I let myself get knocked over by a munchkin. This kid was the shortest person I ever seen. His pounding on my chest only increased my annoyance. When it came to appearances, this kid was the inverse of his sister.

Red coat with a green mane, blue overalls and a white t-shirt.

"Adam Pearmain Apple! What has gotten into you! Hath thou forgotten thy manners!" She shouts as she pulls the brat off me.My kids will never be that wild. I make sure they behave mmm hmm.

"But he was about to attack. I had to protect everyone."

First visit into a town and I meet a racist. Please don't let this reflect on this place's parenting.

"He wasn't going to attack our home. Now apologies to the man."

I'm sorry Seriously. This kid is mumbling now.

"What was that?"

I'm sorry. Ann having enough of this smacks the kid upside the head.

"Ah, I'm sorry, but if he isn't a monster then why does he talk funny." He is just a kid. Don't think about putting your hands around his tiny neck. Bad brain. Bad. I said stop. No get rid of the chainsaw. Don't you dare throw him into a lion pit.

"Say one more rude thing and thou will not be having dinner tonight. Now return home and tell ma that we are having a guest tonight."

The kid gave me one final glare and left.

"I am sorry about that. Art though alright?"

"You've been asking me that for a while now. And I still don't know the answer." I mean seriously. I was taken from my friends and thrown into this Equestria or whatever in the middle of no where. Was chased by a pack of wooden dogs. And was saved by some alien. Got reminded of how I failed my English class sophomore year and was attacked by said alien's little brother. How can this get any more weird. Throw the universe a bone and it will throw it back harder. There was a crash and then people started shouting. Being the curious person I am, I decided to investigate. I ran off and Anne followed shortly after. Using my well trained ears and detective skills I followed the commotion to a.... I think I am going to like this town for one reason.
"This place has a bar!"

Author's Note

Next time the first real fight. Celstia vs James Heller. Taking all Bets.
The monarch of the sun vs the powered locked prototype.
Also I feel the need to apologise for this chapter was written while loopy from my meds. stomach virus and what not.