Applejack's Has A Very Bad Day

by Silver Melodies

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 1969

Drugs, cider, Iron Will, secrecy, what will become of Applejack's day?

Applejack wakes up one day to find she can't move. And then Iron Will shows up and paints himself red. Then Apple Bloom is caught... just read the story and find out.

My SECOND attempt at a comedy after my first one turned out to be utter and complete trash. Sorry any one who read that had to see it, I hope this one makes up for it!

Enjoy!

Published 2014-05-06 23:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-06 23:20:02 UTC

Cider and Red Bulls

Applejack awoke to the sound of a rooster crowing. Darn rooster. It always woke her up this early, when she clearly needed those five extra minutes. Somehow the darn bird knew when she was up and about and when she tried to stay in bed. Oh well. Thanksgiving was coming up. After that, that rooster would never bother her again. And the Apple Family would have a good meal. It was a win-win situation.

She tried to roll onto her back, so she could sit up, but found no will power to move. So she lay there groaning, trying to move as the annoying bird squawked it's head off. She finally managed to get her legs on her right side to move, straightening them out, rolling her body over.

And onto the floor. She groaned in pain and attempted to stand. Her limbs felt like they were made of lead. She managed to get them beneath her, then managed to flex them. But she didn't rise even an inch. She delved deep into her minds and drew upon the last reserves of strength she could find, channeling all her energy into her legs, forcing them to move to her will, so she could stand and get that darn bird to shut up. With a deep breath and a sudden thrust of her legs, she forced herself to stand.

She didn't move. Maybe she shouldn't have stayed up all night bucking trees and drinking cider. Oh well. This wasn't the first time this had happened.

"Apple Bloom!" She called out from her position on the floor. She rolled her eyes when she heard a little bit of crashing and some swearing. That little filly, she should know better than to curse. Oh well... she'd just end up with all the farm work for today. That sounded fair.

The yellow filly stumbled into the room looking like a wreck. Her mane was disheveled and her eyes drooped. She bore a fierce scowl on her face, she growled a bit as she entered the room. She looked ready to kill. And she was holding frying pan. Where did she get that? She had this habit of waking up with strange items in her bed. One day, she woke up holding a pair of pants. That was really weird.

"What. Do. You. Want?" Apple Bloom asked, each word punctual, the pan in her hoof trembling.

Applejack flinched back, but just fell over, unable to keep her body upright from her lack of muscle strength. "Uh... I need ya to fetch the adrenaline shots."

Apple Bloom growled again, looking more like a feral beast with a frying pan than a normal pony with a frying pan. She pawed the ground, flaring her nostrils. Applejack closed her eyes, waiting for the blow, but instead felt a sharp prick on her flank, then another, then another. She opened her eyes slowly and looked down to see Apple Bloom repeatedly stabbing her flank with a syringe, injecting a green fluid into her. That really hurt. Applejack felt relief as her muscles began to regain strength. She tried once more to move, and this time managed to flop onto her side.

"Darn it! I thought that'd work fer sure..." She looked back to see Apple Bloom had gone back to her room, judging from the crashing noises coming from her room. Maybe she should call for somepony else's aid.

Well Granny Smith was likely lying in bed, paralyzed for the nest few hours like every morning, and Big Mac was likely working in the fields right now. That left only one option. One last, desperate effort to mobilize herself. One option that would either get her running or leave her alone on the floor forever.

"Winnona!"

The dog happily jumped into the room at the sound of it's name. It ran over to Applejack and began licking her face with long, slobbery licks. Applejack tried to flail her hooves, but couldn't move.

"Winnona! Stop! you need to go get - ACK! - Big Mac!" She called out, but the dog ignored her, practically drowning her in slobber. Applejack took in deep breaths for air, but got a mouth full of slobber. Where did all this spit come from? This dogs saliva glands must be working quadruple time!

Then she heard the strangest thing. It sounded like... heavy metal music. And it was coming from the front of her house. What in tarnation was going on? She had to see! She needed Big Mac's help! But this blasted dog wouldn't get off her. It was like the dog was trying to kill her!

She did the only thing she could think of. She bit the dog's face, hard and firmly. The dog yelped and leaped back, ceasing it's sticky assault. Applejack rubbed her face on the wooden floor in an attempt to get the wetness off of her face. It's a wood floor, of course it didn't help much. She rubbed away but only got several splinters as a reward. "Dumb dog..."

The music outside had died down slightly and she heard a voice over the music. "Welcome all, to Iron Will's seminar, were I'll teach you how to ROCK!!!" An uproarious applause greeted Applejack's ears. "Soon, you'll be changed, from the lowly, pathetic pushovers you are into a ponies with the strength of an IRON WILL!!!!" Again, more cheering and stomping of hooves. What was going on out there?

She was about to call for Big Mac when he stormed into her room. "Sis we gotta..." He stopped when he saw her lying on the floor. "Um..."

She shook her head. "Just sling me over yer back and tell me what the hay is goin' on!"

He picked her up and slung her over his back and carried her downstairs. "Well, ya see, we have a little... problem outside."

"Yes, Ah can hear it. That lousy Iron Will character. Why is he on our farm?"

"Ah have no idea, Ah figured you'd want ta talk ta him..."

Applejack nodded her head. "Ya got that right! Show me too him!"

The two walked out the door, but Big Mac wasn't careful and rammed Applejack's head into the door frame. She let loose a mouthful of colorful words before she was soon standing (or lying across her brother's back) before a large group of ponies, all craning to hear Stuck-Up Bull S*** speak. They wove their way through the crowd, finding themselves standing before the stage upon which stood Lord Of All Things Rude, who paused his speech to speak to the two ponies before him. He was holding a can of paint and a brush dripping with said paint, painting himself red.

"The great Iron Will thanks you for allowing him to use you're property for Iron Will's training seminar!" He flashed a thumbs up to them. "Iron Will appreciates it."

Applejack shook her head, which was hanging upside down. "No, Ah never said ya could use this land! This is our land, ya here! Now get out! And why are ya red?!"

High And Haughty shook his head. "Iron Will signed a contract with a member of the Apple Family saying Iron Will could use your farm for one training seminar." He nodded to his goats, who produced a piece of paper for Applejack to read. The held it in front of her face, chewing on their ties. "And Iron Will is red because Iron Will is tough, and red is tough."

'Ah'm upside down, can't ya flip it over?"

They did. She read it carefully. Sure enough, the contract stated that Iron Will was entitled to one free use of her farm for a training seminar, because everypony liked Apple Jack's farm, so he'd get a bigger crowd. She tried to read it all, but the words confused her brain. What did 'irrelevant' mean? And who the hay signed this contract?

Then she saw the signature.

Her face curled up into a snarl to end all snarls. She spoke in deep, menacing voice, rumbling the ground and scaring everypony, even Iron Will. "Apple Bloom."

She looked over to Iron Will. "Fine, y'all can stay for today, but after that, no makin' deals with ma sis! Why would she even sign this piece a paper?"

"Iron Will gave her three mugs of cider in exchange."

"WHAT?!" Big Mac and Applejack shouted in unison. "Ya exposed our sis ta drinkin'?!"

Big Mac bounded towards the house. Unfortunately, he forgot to hold onto Applejack, who fell of his back and onto her face. She mumbled some words before turning her head so she could breath. "Darn it Mac, grab me and take me ta Apple Bloom!"

He did just that. They found her in her room, drinking the last mug of cider she had. She choked on her drink when she saw her brother and sister in her room. Big Mac was furious, and Applejack might have been furious, but Apple Bloom couldn't see her face. She was laying sideways across Big Mac's back. And he had just banged her head against the door frame, so she looked more in pain than anything else.

Big Mac spoke up, his voice shaking the very core of the earth. "WHY DID YA DRINK TWO MUGS OF CIDER?!?!"

Apple Bloom was still choking on her cider, but Big Mac ignored her and went on. "No wonder ya look like your drunk! Yer little body can't handle that kind of alcohol! I'll bet yer pretty much hammered!"

Apple Bloom dropped her mug and fell on the floor, hacking and choking to death.

"Why, it only takes me five mugs before Ah get tipsy, yer way smaller, and younger! And this is illegal! Why would ya do such a thing?!"

He paused his speech to look at Apple Bloom, who was near death now, not being able to breath. He dove forward, dropping Applejack on her face again. He grabbed Apple Bloom and gave her the heimlich. After a few squeezes, she coughed up a large amount of cider, spitting it all over Applejack' face.

Applejack cried. This day was terrible. She couldn't move, she was covered in slobber and spit-up, her head hurt really badly, and Iron Will was outside making all this terrible noise.

"Apple Bloom, do ya know why Ah can't move?" She asked, trying to turn her head to look at her sister, the tears on her cheeks already drying up.

"Um..." Apple Bloom looked away, sheepishly. "Ah mighta slipped a drug into yer food last night? Because Ah wanted to see how funny it would be... and so you wouldn't catch me."

"Where did ya get the drug? And how did ya know how ta use it?" Big Mac asked.

"Iron Will."

Big Mac growled. "That bull is in fer a real whoopin'." He stormed out the room, aiming to teach that Red Bull S*** Face a lesson or two.

Applejac scrunched her face in confusion. "Why didn't ya drug Big mac? Wasn't it likely he'd catch ya too?"

Apple Bloom shook her head. "Nah, he's too dumb fer that... and Ah only had one drug."

Applejack shook her head. "How do Ah get my movement back?"

"Ah think it'll wear off... in a day or so..." Apple Bloom smiled. "Looks like Ah don't have ta do chores today! Ah'll just hang out with Sweetie and Scoots." She bounded off, wearing the biggest smile ever seen by ponies. Applejack lay on the floor, fuming. This was a terrible day. The most terrible day ever. Of all time.

Author's Note

Poor Applejack... oh well... once Applejack can move, Apple Bloom will be the new household slave. And I hope Iron will has medical insurance...