Twilight gets AIDS

by Gone with the wind

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1346

We all knew this was coming. When twilight gets turned into an alicorn she gets more than just wings.

From the he or she that gave cubed twilights descent come this atrocious story! During Twilights transformation an odd genetic code mutated and gave her, AIDS. Why do I even bother writing this.

Published 2014-05-06 05:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-06 05:40:02 UTC

Twilight gets AIDS

The night of Twilights transformation was a happy time and everything was good. Twilight got wings too, but more importantly Celestia could finally retire and go somewhere to fulfill her dream of being a night club owner. (Not the good kind either.) so as the night ended and coronation day had passed twilight began to feel funny.

"Hey twilight!" The optimistic pink pony said, "Yoy feeling okay! You like your about to pass out of a meth overdose! Trust me, I've experienced it! It feels really bad!"

"Shut up pinky! Nobody can know about the drug empire!" The farmer pony Applejack quietly threatened her.

"You know I actually don't feel good." The recently crowned princess stated," I just need some, some sleep that's all." To tell the truth she felt like she was coming down with something, maybe the flu. She never really got sick but hey, she didn't get much sleep. She quickly bid goodbye and went inside. She really didn't feel good, like the time she drank four bottles of scotch thinking they were not alcohol. That was also the night her brother got grounded for keeping alcohol out in plain sight. She turned off the lights and fell asleep but what the following morning brought was not any better.

The next morning was worse she was coughing up a storm and temperature was higher than pinky pie in an alley with a bag of cocaine. She knew she had to visit a doctor, stumbling to the door she went on the long walk to the doctors.

"This isn't like any disease I've ever seen." The doctor said. "This is an incredibly odd one too were you going by any areas potentially biologically contaminated?" The doctor questioned looking at another specimen in a Petri dish.

"Not anyplace I know of." (Not mentioning the wierd star place she had briefly went to.) "I stayed here two days ago and then visited Canterlot and came back. Unless the train conductor once really was a bio terrorist I couldn't have been contaminated." She said that in such a calm tone the doctor looked at her funny for a second. She loved those kind of reactions.

"Symptoms?" The doctor said ruining her train of thought.

"Coughing, fever, insomnia and lots of red ribbons appearing in an odd shape everywhere. Like its about to tie a knot."

Maybe the Canterlot medical society will know about this disease, check by next week and ill have an answer. If I'm not here at the scheduled time I'm probably drunk as heck so give an hour or too okay?"

"Okay?" Now it was Twilights turn to be surprised. And with that she went out the door still stumbling like a blind pony all the way too the library.

Celestia was still in the castle, she was concerned. Her favorite bar ran out of scotch, scotch was her favorite. Other than the more important matter it seemed twilight had some disease judging by her at her coronation. She also learned she had gone to the doctors, it was only worse upon examining her parents medical history. But the scotch matter couldn't wait because seriously? Alcohol related problems first. She would talk to twilight tomorrow, unless she got wasted then the day after tomorrow.

Twilight received a message from Celestia, two days later stating they needed to talk. She felt like garbage but she had to go or else. She would be denied more scotch. Scotch was also her favorite. She hastily boarded the biologically safe train bound for Canterlot. When she got to the castle the princess was waiting for her, among a mountain of scotch. It was almost unbearable with it all being right there.

"Twilight I need to tell you something." Celestia remarked, "upon looking at your family's medical history I know what the disease you suffer from is."

"You do?" Twilight stated excitedly.

"Yes you see your parents were always slightly irresponsible. As you know you were born from your parents jacking off randomly at a party. Well this type of pony birth can give you genetic cells that are dormant yet dangerous. So when you transformed a lesser cell kind of mutated and gave you. HIV.

"I have AIDS now?" Twilight remarked in a mischievous tone.

"Only slightly, you only half got as much as gained the power of AIDS!

"This all seems like a half baked idea some he or she thought of one night and decided to apply to our universe through online social media."

"Ha ha very funny." Celestia said, "You know that's all fake!"

"What do I do with these newfound abilities?" Twilight said.

"Anything you want." Celestia explained," I'm off to start a naughty nightclub in some other place and Equestria is yours. Ruin it or whatever and when there is nothing left come visit me. Then it happens all over!" Celestia said in an oddly optimistic tone.

Twilight did not know what to do now but then she knew what to do with her AIDS. She then set off to find the cutie mark crusaders.

The CMC were sitting under a tree thinking if ways to get their cutie marks that didnt involve dresses, apples or Celestia's new nightclub somewhere out on another floating island. Suddenly Twilight appeared.

"Hey can you do something for me?" She cranked infectivity up to high and noticed Scootooloo coughing.

"What is it (Cough)." The crusaders said in sync. Suddenly their cutie marks all appeared at once. Depicting a red ribbon in a position like a knot was about to be tied.

"Your cutie marks! She exclaimed as they noticed they're the same! Also they have to do with my task! Yoy have AIDS now, so fulfill your destiny and run through town and tell everyone the great news!

As they scurried through the town receiving worried glances from many of the ponies they pondered on what AIDS was. Probably helped because aiding someone was helping so yeah.

The grown ups and big sisters gathered for a meeting on the fact that every single filly and colt had AIDS. Applejack and Rarity were in a deep discussion as were many others. Then the speakers kicked in and the mayor began to speak.

"I know you are all aware of the current situation with the young ones. I have no idea how that could have happened, unless they were jacking off in some isolated area but really? They do not even understand that concept much less perform it! Someone must have persuaded them, but what kind of cruel cruel pony could this."

"Me" the lavender pony said quietly in the way back, "diseases spread best in confined areas." She also said quietly holding an empty hypodermic needle with her magic. Taking note of the unfortunate mail mare who had received the injection.

Soon the town was infected, then came other towns and cities. Until AIDS was in every pony. It killed them, all of them. Twilight as the sole survivor of the pandemic smiled a big smile. She had wiped out equestrian population. Celestia would be very proud. Where did she say that nightclub would be? She thought.

A day later she walked through a dark building late at night trying to force the vulgar sights around her out of her head.

"Hi" the large alicorn at the counter said, "how may I, oh are they gone?"

"Yep, all if them."

"Ready to do it again?" Not even seeing the approving nod twilight gave her she grabbed a microphone and said, "everybody get in close to each other so the HIV can begin!" Then turned to twilight and whispered, "go wild." As twilight started walking towards the massive crowd ahead of her.

Author's Note

This is not a story to be taken seriously it took me an hour and half to right so read it for the lols! Not my demented story.
Pst(Twilight) this is not making fun of anyone with AIDS and started with a what if situation in my horrible mind.