Equestrian Nine/Elolven

by Granpappy

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Romance, Comedy, Tragedy
Length: 1412

Sorry 4 ani offence corsed, not intentional luv u all ;)

Ho. Ly. Shit this has taken me forever to get to a publishable state. I've simply been starved for ideas since this story's conception in the womb of a succubus. Anyway, I present to you my Magnum Opus. This story jumps perspective between a bunch of fucking losers, and tells the heartfelt story of their struggles to survive the Kekworthy disaster.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-07-07 12:47:37 UTC

Prologue: In Medias Res Because I'm a Smart Cookie

Meaty M8 was tired. He was ready to go home, it was well past noon and he wanted to get the day over and done with. it'd been a long day, as he had to attend several meetings, and he was looking forward to seeing his family. The withered, grey workhorse cantered over to his desk, He then proceeded to cross off another day on his calendar.

"Two more days," his whispered to himself, "then I am retire."

Meaty M8 was giddier than an American in a candy convention, he was looking forward to spending all his time with his wife and children, he could think of nothing better. Due to his imagining of retired life, he didn't hear his coworker, sneak up behind him. The blue mule put a hoof on Meaty M8's shoulder, causing him to jump.

"Ehhhyyyy," grunted the donkey from Brayston, "watch'a doiinnnn eh? I used to be cowp, in th' mowb' caaaaeeers."

(This is what Bostoners sound like, trust me, I'm a doctor.)

Meaty couldn't deal with the surprise of being friendlyly tapped on the shoulder and voided his bowels and his urethra contracted causing him to piss himself as well, the Grey horse turned around and glared his colleague, this was the last thing he needed, he couldn't handle walking home covered in piss and shit for a fourth time. His wife would make him wear that diaper again, the very thought of it threw Meaty M8 Blaze It into hysterics.

"Eh man, be cool, I didn't mean ta mahk ya piss yaself der shanksy boy eeeehhhyyy" the donkey grunted.

"We'll I'm fucking covered in my own excrement, I demand compensation in the form of your donkey tongue on my soiled undergarments," the riled up old timer remarked, not unlike an aristocrat would.

"We'll eh I uh ehh cahn't help ya with that bud" the threatened donkey threatened.

Meaty M8 Blaze It retorted by smacking the flamboyant donkey on the head with his stapler, he looked out the window to stop the blood and grey matter from getting in his, when he saw something that made his blood run cold. A large aircraft heading directly towards the tower. Grand Shanks took cover and began to cry.

It was at this point that Meaty woke up from his reoccurring nightmare.

"Phew, it was all a dream," thought Meaty M8 with a sigh of relief, as he woke from his stupor, "I'm sure glad, that I am not a pony, I am in fact a Boeing 737, carrying several extremely nice and reasonable Saddle Arabian passengers, who had this lovely new kind of jewellery that the other ponies called box cutter knives."

The plane looked towards the Manehatten skyline, he felt free.

Then he nose dived violently and crashed into the World Trot Centre, the blast killing him instantly.

Omgggggg Plot Twist ahead?

Twilight Sprongles awoke from her recurring nightmare. Cold sweat ran down her brow as she looked around her bedroom.

"Wow, that was scary!" She said to herself because she's a loser, "I sure am glad that I'm actually a horse, and not a plane dreaming of being a faggot, who then awakes and slams into a building."

Twilight cantered through her poo smeared upper Manehatten apartment with realistic looking veins and arteries. She fixed herself a breakfast of whiskey with asbestos and sat down to enjoy her meal. It was the  that she started wondering where spike was. She looked high and low for her friend, but couldn't find him. She quickly decided that he was sort of a cunt anyway and she set out to work.

Over the course of the long walk from her apartment to the World Trot Centre, Twinlel Sprinkle stopped to abuse several minorities, because as previously stated, she is a massive loser. She looked down at her watch, because horses wear watches, and glanced at the time.

"Holy balls!" Blowtorch Spandex remarked, "I'm going to be late for work, at the World Trot Centre! Meaning that I'll be fired and forced to live on the street with about fifty percent of the American population!"

She galloped to work, knocking over a cacophony of orphaned Vietnam veterans on the way, when she arrived at the door she looked up and saw a plane hitting her workplace.

"Holy buals, the sequel!" Yelled Tickle me Elmo, "I was 10 minutes late for work, resulting in my survival!"

The crowd around her turned to face her in unison, they turned their heads mechanically and chanted.

"I don't think you realise how lucky you were missy, don't you think you could be offending the people whose family are locked in the building! I died in the twin towers, and so did my son and daughter, named billy and Jim. Check your privilege."

"lolocaust" said Bubblebutt Sprango.

"Woah man, that's not cool, I'm a lolocaust survivor you know." Said an 18 year old pony in the crowd.

The lolocaust survivor hit her with the underside of a plane. Big Mac woke up from his recurring nightmare.

"Wow, that was 2 spooky 4 me!" He thought to himself because he was dropped on his head as a child and as a result is unable to form words other than Eeyup and nope, "I sure am glad that I'm actually a horse, and not a plane dreaming of being a faggot, who then awakes and slams into a building, who then awakes as a racially insensitive horse and arrives ten minutes late to work and survives the bombing of the twin towers, and I am in fact Big Mac! A cosmically endowed horse on a plane flight over Manehatten."

He leaned back in his chair, content with life.

It was then that his plane nose dived into the World Trot Centre, killing him and all the passengers instantly.

Deep Throat

Spike didn't awake from his reoccurring nightmare, as he was in fact already awake.

"Wow, that was shit scary," remarked the dragon, "I thought for sure I was going to have a reoccurring nightmare, but the author is evidently to much of a lazy shit to write the massive fuck you paragraph describing the previous nightmares again."

"O shit." thought the author, as he knew that one of his characters had become self aware and had seen through his clever and dastardly ruse.

Anyway, spike leaned forward in his plane seat and started rustling though his bag, he moved slowly as not to attract attention to his movements, until he finally found the items he was looking for.

His turban and a box cutter knife.

He then threw those aside, wondering how they got on this plane, they certainly weren't his, spike planned to crash this plane into the World Trot Centre using his fucking dragon fire, because he's pretty much the only person in this cannon who isn't inbred. Spike continued to rummage through his luggage to see if there were any more undesirable objects, when he found and pulled out a double-ended, flesh coloured, rotating, self lubricating, double action, Co-Op, fifty percent off dido with new and improved real looking veins.

"He's got a bomb!" Said the old mare sitting next to him.

The whole plane full of perplexed ponies laughed and unanimously decided to euthanise her. That's when spike actually pulled out a bomb.

"She was right all along!" screamed a stallion, "You blew it all up! All up! You filthy, god damn animals!"

Spike kekked and then set the bastard on fire with his dragon breath. Spike ran through the corridor, periodically setting old mares and stallions on fire, as Spike believed that they were a drain on the perfect communist society of Equestria, and that if they were unable to contribute to the growth and development of the motherland, they should not be allowed to live in the motherland. He also set a down syndrome baby on fire, because Spike's a cunt.

Spike burst through the door to find the captain receiving, pretty amazing head actually, from one of the flight attendants. This confused and infuriated spike, so he glassed them. Spike took the controls and set e plane in a nose dive heading straight for the World Trot Centre. Spike looked peacefully at his demise, he let out a sigh and muttered one final sentence.

"Hitler was an ok guy."

The plane careened into the building and killed him instantly.