“mmm…” Pinkie said, drooling as she stared at the slice of cake in front of her. It had chocolate filling, and creamy vanilla frosting coating the outside, dotted with sprinkles. There was even a little candle upon it.
“You look delicious.” Pinkie said to the cake, smiling. Then she opened her mouth, and took a big bite…
Of air.
“Huh?” Pinkie asked, focusing. The cake was a bit further away then she’d imagined. “My bad.” She giggled, and went to take another bite.
This time she saw it: the cake actually moved away from her, across the table.
“Huh?” She said, looking around. “Pumpkin, are you moving things around with your magic again?”
Then she remembered: Pumpkin and Pound were out at day care today. “That’s odd.” Pinkie mumbled. She leaned way across the table, and tried to take another bite, but the cake slid all the way to the opposite side of the table, out of her reach.
“Grr…” Pinkie growled, getting off of her chair and walking around the table. As soon as she reached the cake, though, the delectable delicacy whizzed back to the original side of the table.
“That’s it!” Pinkie said, and she leapt onto the table. She stalked towards the cake, which scurried away, still on its plate, to the other side of the table. “Nowhere to go now!” Pinkie stated triumphantly as she cornered the cake.
The slice of cake then darted under her and between her legs. Her eyes followed it, causing her head to go under her legs and get all tangled up.
Pinkie stood back up, and then got into a prone position on top of the table. She slithered towards the cake, forelegs wide; it surely couldn’t slide past her now!
She was wrong again, as the cake leapt up, bounced off of her head, and once again fled to the opposite corner of the table.
“Why you little…” Pinkie growled, giving the slice of cake the stink-eye. The little slice sat on its plate, looking perfectly innocent, but Pinkie wasn’t fooled.
Slowly, Pinkie walked forward. She feinted left, then right, trying to confuse the cake. Then, with a victorious cry, she dived forward and gripped the plate in her hooves.
Pinkie smiled and licked her lips, but the cake was nowhere near done. The delicious dish slipped out of Pinkie’s hooves and landed on the ground, whizzing away, the plate skittering on the wooden floorboards.
“Oh come on!” Pinkie said, watching the cake whizz away into the kitchen. “I spend half the day making you! I am NOT letting you get away that easily!” The party pony leapt off of the table and galloped into the kitchen, through the double doors.
She spotted the cake, still on its plate. It laid on the floor, pristine and perfect. Pinkie growled. “No other way out of this kitchen, buddy.” She said, stalking forward. “Give up, and I shall devour you quickly and mercifully.”
Then Pinkie saw something. The blue candle had a blue aura around it, similar to that of a unicorn’s horn. Then, to Pinkie’s amazement, the cake gripped a frying pan in an aura of magic, levitating it into the air.
“Oh come on! That’s not fair!” Pinkie cried out loud. Then she was smacked upside the head with the cast-iron frying pan.
“Yowie, that smarts…” Pinkie said, slowly getting back up. “It’s a good thing Ponies have rubber bones.”
Then Pinkie saw the cake had opened the silverware drawer, and held dozens of knives and forks in its magical grasp.
“Oh, for the love of pink…”
XXXXXXXX
Pinkie Pie was a common sight on the streets of Ponyville.
It was also common that she was running.
She even screamed at the top of her lungs on a regular basis.
What made the citizens look twice, though, was the slice of chocolate cake that was skittering along after her on a plate, various metal kitchen utensils gripped in an aura of magic.
“SOOO NOOOTT FAAAIIRRR!!!” Pinkie squealed, scampering away from the vicious cake. “Look, I’m sorry about eating so many of your brothers in the past! Can’t we just bury the hatchet?!”
A large, magically-gripped hatchet buried itself in the brick wall, a few inches from Pinkie’s face. She squeaked, and ran faster. “Where’d you even GET that?!” Pinkie cried out loud.
She glanced back, and saw the slice of cake levitating a bag of bits to a salespony. In return, the salespony gave the cake a bundle of large, sharp objects. The cake then resumed its chase, hurling the various weapons.
“You gotta be KIDDING me!” Pinkie screamed, a huge claymore whizzing by her, barely missing her. “HELP!” She cried. “CAKE ON THE LOOSE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”
XXXXXXXX
“Class,” Cherilee said, “Can anyone tell me the fifth letter of the alphabet? Sweetie Belle, how about you?”
“Um…” The young filly said, wracking her brains. “Uh… the letter is…”
An enormous medieval flail came crashing through the window, and embedded itself in Sweetie’s desk.
“EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” Sweetie shrieked, leaping ten feet into the air.
“Very good, Sweetie!” Cherilee said happily, writing the letter “E” on the board. “Now, can anyone tell me-“
A pink blur leapt through the window. “Sorry, sorry, excuse me, sorry!” Pinkie yelped as she bounced across desks and fillies, leaping across the room and through another window on the other side. Another, smaller figure followed her – was that a cake?
The cake stopped out on the playground, actually swiveling its plate around, as if looking around. Pinkie had seemingly vanished.
“achoo!”
The cake immediately smashed a giant battleaxe into the yellow slide on the playground. Pinkie came sliding out, wiping her nose.
“Sniff… sorry, but do you have a tissue on you?” Pinkie asked the cake. The cake levitated a handkerchief over to her. “Thanks.” Pinkie blew her nose with a noise like a foghorn, handing the handkerchief back. “Now, where were we?”
An enormous steel sword buried itself in the ground at her hooves.
“Oh yeah. AAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!” Pinkie fled once more, the cake in hot pursuit.
XXXXXXXX
“Mail’s here!” Spike said, walking into the library. Twilight levitated it away from him, nodding her thanks, and flipped through the letters.
“Junk mail… junk mail… another damn love letter from Flash Sentry… junk mail… huh?” Twilight noticed one of the envelopes was bright pink. “What’s this then?” Twilight said, opening the pink envelope.
Inside there was a piece of paper, emblazoned with two words:
“HIDE ME!”
Just as Twilight read the letter, Pinkie Pie came bursting through the library door, bowling over Spike. “angry-cake-swords-chasing-HIDE-ME!” She stated, before rushing upstairs.
Twilight blinked, trying to figure out what the heck was going on here. She was only further confused when a slice of cake on a plate skittered through the door and leapt up the stairs, followed promptly by a half dozen sharp, bladed objects.
“Spike, can you bring me my meds?” Twilight called to her servant.
“Oogh…” Spike grunted from the floor.
XXXXXXXX
The cake entered the upstairs floor of the library. It swiveled around, searching.
From her hiding spot, Pinkie was silent, not even daring to breathe.
Then the cake gripped a book with its magic, and pulled it off of the shelf. “AAAAGH!” Pinkie howled, her hiding spot revealed. She leapt out from the gap between the books, and out the window, the cake once more in pursuit.
XXXXXXXX
“Apples! Apples!” Applejack cried from her marketplace stall.
“Applejack, help me!” Pinkie cried out, running up to her.
“What – HEY!” Applejack cried out as Pinkie promptly devoured an entire barrel of apples, not even stopping to chew. Then she leapt on top of the “Apples” sign, and waited.
Soon the cake appeared, and as soon as it did, Pinkie fired. With a noise like a machine gun, Pinkie spat the apple seeds out of her mouth at the speed of light. The cake was forced to retreat under the barrage of unborn produce.
“Hold still!” Pinkie yelled at the cake, still firing. She leapt off of the sign and dashed after the cake, leaving a bewildered Applejack behind.
“That gal still manages to surprise me.” Applejack stated. “YOU OWE ME TWO HUNDRED BITS, PINKS!” She then called after her fellow earth pony.
Pinkie didn’t hear; she was too busy chasing after the cake. She constantly fired seeds at it as she ran, keeping it on the defensive. Soon enough, she had the cake cornered. Pinkie grinned, and pursed her lips to finish it off.
“Click! Click! Click!”
The combatants awkwardly stared at each other, as the only thing that came out of Pinkie’s mouth was the clicking noise of a gun out of ammunition. “Ah, heh heh…” Pinkie said, grinning sheepishly. Then she ducked as a javelin flew right over her head, and began to flee once more.
XXXXXXXX
Pinkie soon disappeared around a corner. The cake followed her quickly, only to find that Pinkie had disappeared. Slowly, the cake slid down a long street, which was lined with glass windows and display cases.
Pinkie kept perfectly still, holding a tennis racket in an action pose. She was hiding in one of the display cases, next to another ponyquin with a baseball bat. She watched nervously, sweat beading her forehead, as the cake passed her display, then paused and skittered backwards. Her eyes widened as the cake swiveled to face her.
Then an enormous bastard sword flew out, and impaled the ponyquin next to her in the head. The cake paused, and Pinkie could almost see it shrugging, then it went on its way. Pinkie quickly slipped out from behind it, and began to flee in the other direction.
“Hey, Pinkie, how’s it going?” Rainbow Dash said, swooping down to say hello. The cake whirled around at the mention of her name, and slid towards her over the sidewalk.
“DARNIT, RAINBOW DASH!” Pinkie screamed, as the chase was on once more.
XXXXXXXX
Pinkie gasped with exhaustion; she was so tired, she was starting to lose track of where she was going. She turned yet another corner into an alley, and skidded to a halt: she was trapped in a dead end!
Pinkie turned around nervously, watching the cake enter the alleyway. She winced, preparing for the inevitable, before noticing something.
“Hey, where’s your weapons?” Pinkie asked the cake. The cake swiveled around, looking for its various sharp objects.
A grin began to grow on Pinkie’s face. “You used them all up, didn’t you?” She said. “Well isn’t that just a darned shame.”
The cake slowly began to back up, then skittered away, out of the alley and down the street. Pinkie immediately began to chase after it. “Get back here so I can eat you!” Pinkie yelled at the fleeing dessert.
The two happened to run by the Carousel Boutique. In a surprise maneuver, the cake juked right, and darted through the door, into the boutique. Pinkie followed it, licking her lips.
The pink pony entered the door, and looked around. “Grr…” she said. “I can smell you!” She said menacingly, taking a deep whiff. Then she leapt into a clothesrack, toppling it.
The cake darted out from under the rack, and zipped under another one. Pinkie toppled that one too. Together, the two duelists managed to noisily wreck the entire lower level of Rarity’s shop, sending every last dress crashing to the floor.
“Get back here, you mouthwatering morsel!” Pinkie roared, grabbing a chair from Rarity’s kitchen. She smashed the chair onto the ground, missing the cake by inches, but shattering the chair.
“WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN?!” Pinkie and the slice both froze, and looked towards the staircase leading upstairs. At the top stood a very groggy Rarity.
“I am TRYING to get my beauty sleep, and I cannot do so with this HORRIFIC racket!” Rarity screamed.
Pinkie and the cake looked at each other, then back at the furious pony at the top of the stairs. The two of them quietly made their way back out the door of the carousel boutique, and Pinkie quietly closed it behind them. Then the two continued their chase off to another part of town.
XXXXXXXX
Pinkie wheezed as she followed the cake. She looked to the sky, and saw that it was already sundown. “Give it a rest, will you?!” she yelled at the cake.
The cake didn’t listen, though; it continued skittering forward.
Pinkie had been chasing the cake so long, she had a case of tunnel vision. Therefore, she accidentally bumped into a big stallion.
Falling backwards, Pinkie’s eyes spun in her head. She shook her head, and looked forward. “Big Mac, what’ja do that for?” She asked.
“Sorry.” Said the Clydesdale, shrugging and chewing on his stalk of wheat. Then he walked away, revealing what was behind him: a large banner.
The banner read “ANNUAL PONYVILLE CAKE TASTING COMPETITION 2014!” Under the banner there were dozens of long tables, each of them lined with sugary goodness.
“OH COME ON!” Pinkie yelled. “How am I supposed to find my cake out of all these other cakes?!”
Then Pinkie grinned evilly. “Looks like I’ll have to eat every last cake here!”
“Or you could just, I don’t know, actually look for the cake.” Big Mac said, standing nearby.
“Where’s the fun in that?” Pinkie said, leaping forward and beginning to cram as much cake as possible into her mouth.
XXXXXXXX
10 minutes later…
XXXXXXXX
“Gotta… keep… eating…” Pinkie stated, still stuffing her face full of desserts. Her face and hooves were smeared with the blood frosting of a thousand cakes, but she still searched desperately for her own sugary treat.
She wasn’t even bloated, of course. She was freaking Pinkie Pie, after all.
Pinkie grabbed for yet another slice of cake, only to see it leap off of the table and skitter away. “A-HA!” Pinkie cried, and the chase was on again as Pinkie ran from the scene of destruction she had created.
“Every single year… one way or another…” One of the judges muttered.
XXXXXXXX
Pinkie wheezed, and finally slowed to a halt. Even her energy had its limits.
The cake sat still, mocking her, barely twenty feet away. She knew, though, that it’d just run again if she tried to catch it.
“How… how am I gonna…” Pinkie mumbled, sweat glistening in her fur.
As long as she was taking a break, Pinkie decided to enjoy the view. She looked to one side, and saw a small pond. In the pond were frogs sitting on lily pads. Pinkie watched as one of the frogs casually shot out its tongue to catch a fly.
Pinkie gasped. “That’s IT!” She cried. Then she yelled out. “Hey, cake, guess what?”
The cake stared at her, sitting still.
“SMOKER!” Pinkie screamed, then shot out her elastic tongue. Before the cake could move, it was ensnared in the tongue, and was dragged, at long last, into Pinkie’s mouth.
Pinkie chewed slowly, savoring the taste of victory. With a triumphant swallow, she grinned. “I did it… I beat you…” She panted.
For a few moments, she held a dramatic pose, head held up to the sky.
Then she flopped down onto the sidewalk, fast asleep.
