Big Macintosh took off his yoke and put it back in its usual spot in the barn. Now that the day was over, there wasn't any need to wear it anymore. Besides, he had a date with the most wonderful, amazing mare in the history of Ponyville: Fluttershy! Fluttershy's sweet pink locks gracefully blew in the wind whenever she walked by Big Macintosh, and Big Macintosh really liked how graceful she was. She was a good strong mare, and he knew that if he married her and had lots of foals with her, then that would be the best thing ever! It would be really cool for his sisters too, because they knew that they would be the best aunts ever, and Granny Smith wanted great-grandfoals as well.
So Big Macintosh put on his best tuxedo and the cologne that his sister Apple Bloom gave him last Hearth's Warming Eve, and picked some nice flowers from the garden before walking to Fluttershy's cottage. When he reached it, he knocked on the door, and waited for Fluttershy to answer it. Instead, it was that nasty rabbit of hers, Angel, who glared at Big Macintosh. He didn't want anypony dating his Fluttershy, but Big Mac was undeterred! He glared right back at that nasty rabbit, and stomped his hoof!
"I'm here to see Ms. Fluttershy. She's the most beautifulest mare ever, and when she walks by me, she's very graceful and beautiful! You're not going to stop me you varmint!"
Angel rolled his eyes, and was about to respond with rabbity squeaks, but then Fluttershy the Amazingly Beautiful flew up behind Angel and smiled at Big Macintosh. "Oh, Big Macintosh, it's a pleasure to see you here. Um... do come in! I was about to put on my cocktail dress for the date."
Big Macintosh smiled at Fluttershy and bowed low to her. "Thank you kindly, Miss Fluttershy. That sounds lovely."
Big Macintosh walked into the cottage while Fluttershy flew upstairs to change. Big Macintosh watched her fly up the stairs. She was so graceful and beautiful. She would make a wonderful wife, Big Macintosh decided. But he needed to slow down. It was only the fifth date, after all. No need to rush her. But at the same time he didn't want to be too slow in case another stallion wanted to try to take her. That would be really, really bad.
Fluttershy came down, graceful and beautiful as ever, wearing a sparkly teal cocktail dress and her wonderful smile. She took the flowers from Big Macintosh and put them in a vase on her table. Big Mac then escorted Fluttershy out of her cottage towards the place where he had booked dinner.
Suddenly, before they could reach the restaurant, a group of griffin ninjas jumped out of the bushes with their swords and dastardly expressions! Fluttershy gasped, but Big Mac wasn't scared at all. He had been waiting to show Fluttershy how amazing he was. He took a smoke pelet out of his jacket and tossed it at the claws of the griffin ninjas! All of the griffins were unveloped in green smoke, and they fell to the ground, knocked out. All except one, who attacked Big Mac with his sword. Before the sword could strike home, Fluttershy took two knives out of her cocktail dress and blocked the assult! The griffin was shocked, but before he could strike again, Big Mac bucked him in the face, knocking him out.
Fluttershy gave Big Mac a soltry grin, and licked her lips. "You know how to show a mare a good time, Big Mac. I haven't been attacked by ninjas since before Nightmare Moon!"
"We aren't out of the woods yet, Ms. Fluttershy," Big Mac said, pointing to the street. "More of 'em, coming this way."
"Well, then..." Fluttershy cracked her neck and twerled her knives. "We'd best fight them if we want to make our resurvation!"
"Eeyup."
Big Mac took out a crossbow from a hidden pocket in his tuxedo and fired into the crowd of griffin ninjas, striking one, and scattering the rest. Fluttershy charged into the crowd and rammed into the nearest one, which sent him flying. She swiped with knives, and Big Mac kept firing his crossbow. Slowly, the crowd of griffins began parting, and they made ground to the restaurant. It was ten minutes until their resurvation!
"We may just make it!" Fluttershy cried.
"Eeyup," said Big Mac.
He ht another griffin with his crossbow, but didn't notice one coming up behind him. Fluttershy did, though, and she screamed. "Look out Big Mac!" Big Mac whirled around, but he was out of arrows! Fluttershy charged forward, as Big Mac whirled around again. Fluttershy leaped onto Big Mac's back, and he kicked out with his hind legs, propelling Fluttershy towards the griffin faster than the griffin could say "oh no." Fluttershy slashed him with her knife, and he was still.
She landed, and the two realized that they were almost late! They ran to the restaurant after putting their bloody weapons away, and made it just in time. The Matre D bowed to them, and sat them down.
Big Mac and Fluttershy smiled lovingly at each other, the romantic candles on their table flickering romantically. Fluttershy slowly put her hoof on the table, and Big Mac gently placed his own on it. Fluttershy looked down at the floor, her cheeks flushing.
"You're more beautiful than a ripe, red apple, Ms. Fluttershy. It has been my honor getting to know you."
"Oh Big Macintosh," Fluttershy whispered breathlessly.
"My love for you will never extinguish. If we went out on a romantic moonlight walk, and the moon was more beautiful than anything, it still wouldn't be more beautiful than you are."
"And you are handsome and rugged, Big Mac," Fluttershy giggled as Big Mac kissed her hoof. "I've never loved anypony like I've loved you."
"You're so beautiful, and I'm so in love with you, Ms. Fluttershy. I don't care what life throws at us. I won't ever leave you." Suddenly, a pony with a violin came, and began playing romantic music, while another one began spreading around rose petals. Big Mac kissed Fluttershy's hoof again, and slid off of his chair. "Ms. Fluttershy. I don't ever want to let you get away from me. You're the love of my life, and you complete me like even apples can't." Then, he took a small black box out of his pocket, and Fluttershy gasped, tears welling up in her eyes. "Ms. Fluttershy, will you marry me?"
Big Mac..." Fluttershy reached out and touched the offered ring. "Yes! Yes I will!"
The restaurant began clapping.
After the new bride-and-groom-to-be finished their dinner, they went back to Big Mac's house. Thankfully, the two were alone, so they would not be disturbed. They went up to Big Mac's room, and laid down on his bed, Big Mac on top. He passionately kissed his new soon-to-be wife, and Fluttershy moaned passionately. But then she gasped and pushed him off.
"Wait! What if you kiss me too passionately and it's considered sex! You could get me pregnant before the wedding!"
Big Mac smiled at her, and shook his head. "No, I will kiss you passionately, but not so passionately that it is considered sex. I will not get you pregnant tonight. However, rest assured, I will kiss you that passionately after we are married."
Fluttershy giggled and ran her hoof through his hair. "Ooh, I'd like that. I'd like kissing that passionate, and foals too. Apple Bloom would make a wonderful aunt, I think."
"I think so too."
Then they got back to kissing.
Suddenly, an explosion rocketed the house. The two shot up out of bed, and leaped out of the window together, just as the house exploded behind them! Big Mac looked back at the ruins of his home, and glared when he saw who it was. Discord! He had dinamite in his claws, and threw them at the apple orchard. He was the one behind the griffin ninjas all along!
"Oho! With you gone, the Elements can never trap me again!"
"Run, Big Mac!" Fluttershy cried. "I have a boat!"
Big Mac and Fluttershy ran towards the river, Discord in pursuit. When they reached it, they saw a speedboat called the SS Big Mac. Big Mac blushed, but didn't comment, as they hopped on. Big Mac started the boat, and Fluttershy got on the repeating crossbow that she had on the back. Big Mac got the boat going, and Fluttershy began firing at Discord, her hair mussed up now, making her look like a comic book heroine, which was awesome. Discord dodged all of the bolts, but Big Mac dodged all of the dinamite.
Finally one hit, and the boat exploded! Big Mac and Fluttershy were thrown into the water, and Discord hovered over them. "It's over now! I'll get you."
"It looks like the end for us," Fluttershy said sadly. "I love you, Big Mac."
"I love you."
With that, the two of them passionately kissed again. Maybe close enough to be considered sex, and Discord gasped. It was true love! The power of their love radiated off of them, and blasted Discord away, turning him into stone once more. Ponyville was saved!
"We did it," Fluttershy whispered.
"Because I love you," Big Mac replied. "Nothing can stop our love."
"Nothing."
* * * *
Today marked the day when science would finally discover if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
At least, that's what the Cutie Mark Crusaders surmised as they sat in front of their siblings in Sweet Apple Acres, their heads drooped, and their faces red.
The moment when Rainbow Dash flew into their clubhouse, and came across their unattended story marked the beginning of a chain reaction of horror, the likes of which few had ever seen before, and now Rainbow, Rarity, Big Mac, Applejack, and Fluttershy had read the story.
Rainbow Dash comforted Fluttershy with a wing over her shoulders, both pegasi looking down at the ground. Big Mac and Applejack both glared at the Crusaders, while Rarity stared at the story, her hoof tapping her lower jaw, and a slight frown on her face. Silence filled the home; nopony having talked for a good twenty minutes now.
Rarity took a deep breath, and blinked once before clearing her throat and putting her hoof down on the story. "Well, er... I cannot say that aspects of it were not... typical of some of the other romance novels that I have read."
"Uh... yeah," Sweetie Belle mumbled, "I got some of the dialogue from your romance novels."
"Indeed." Rarity glanced over at Fluttershy, who put had put her hooves over her eyes, and gave her a sympathetic look. "Fluttershy, darling? Are you okay?"
Fluttershy whimpered and shook her head. "I've never fought griffin ninjas," she said in a small voice, "even before Nightmare Moon."
"Yes, I would, er, imagine not," Rarity muttered.
Rainbow Dash deeply exhaled and looked up at the story, then up at Scootaloo. "Squirt, at least tell me that you were the one who wrote the action stuff."
Scootaloo slowly raised her head to look up at Rainbow, a small, cautious smile on her face. "Well, yeah. I thought that it could use a dash of action to make it more exciting and less..." Scootaloo stuck out her tongue. "Mushy."
"Right." Rainbow nodded once, then went back to staring at the floor. "That's good, I guess."
"And Ah take it you were the one who was talkin' 'bout you bein' an aunt, Apple Bloom?" Applejack guessed.
Apple Bloom gulped and nodded. "Yeah. That's kinda what this was all about. Hearts and Hooves is comin' up, and we thought that since Big Mac and Ms. Fluttershy are such good friends and all--"
"Kissing. Kissing for sex." Fluttershy whimpered and slid down to the floor, covering her head with her wings.
"Yeah, we might have to talk about that," Applejack muttered. "You girls don't actually know what that is, do you?"
"Uh..." The three Crusaders raised their eyebrows and exchanged a confused look. "I guess not," Apple Bloom said.
"Yeah." Applejack sighed and pushed her hat back on her head. "Yeah." She took a deep breath and rubbed one of her temples. "Well, girls, Ah think y'all had better go up to Apple Bloom's room. We've gotta talk."
The Crusaders nodded, stood up, and silently filed up the stairs of the farmhouse to Apple Bloom's room, leaving the adults alone. Rainbow Dash spoke up first after a few moments of silence.
"Well, I guess the action scenes weren't too bad. When they were on the boat with the repeating crossbow... that was pretty cool, I guess."
"Tactful, Rainbow," Rarity said dryly, "but we aren't going to be discussing the literary qualities of this story, or, lack thereof. We're here to decide what to do with them."
"Ah dunno, about the long term, Ms. Rarity, but in the short term, Ah have an idea that would make me feel better." The other ponies looked over at Big Macintosh, who stood up and left the room. When he returned, he had a pencil and paper in his mouth, which he deposited on the floor next to the story. Rarity's eyes narrowed for a moment before they widened in realization.
"No! Surely you don't intend to..."
Big Mac nodded. He took the pencil in his mouth, and began writing on the paper. The other four ponies stood up and walked behind him to read over his shoulder.
"One fine day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders sat in their clubhouse, wondering what to do to get their cutie marks next..."
Author's Note
Just a for fun story.
