“Hey there, blank flank!”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes as she heard the shrill, piercing voice that belonged to her long-standing rival, Diamond Tiara. Not looking towards the direction from which the annoying noise had originated, the earth pony filly took a sip from her box of apple juice.
Ignoring her didn't seem to work, and Apple Bloom heard two sets of pony hooves clop up next to her. Giving the source of the sound a bored, sideways glance, it was confirmed that both Diamond Tiara and her lackey, Silver Spoon, were standing beside her.
“Hey there, Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara spoke with a sneer, her voice dripping with toxic amounts of fake sincerity. “How’s your day going?”
“Fine, Diamond Tiara,” Apple Bloom said with a monotone, staring straight ahead with a blank, unamused expression.
“Oh no!” Diamond Tiara continued to speak in her mock-concerned voice. “You don’t sound like everything’s fine! Tell Mamma Tiara what’s wrong, baby!”
Apple Bloom turned to face Diamond Tiara, who was visibly struggling to keep a straight face. “Whatya want, Diamond?”
“Well, I want to know how you’re feeling, of course,” Diamond simpered, sticking her bottom lip out. Silver Spoon giggled upon hearing this, seemingly unable to contain herself anymore. Diamond turned her head and shot a glance at Silver, who stopped giggling immediately.
“Honestly, though,” Diamond said, her false sympathy dropping from her tone, much to Apple Bloom’s relief. “I’ve come to talk to you about a much more pressing matter. Believe it or not, I’m actually here to inform you; to make your life easier.”
Apple Bloom shot Tiara an apprehensive look. “Sorry if Ah find that a bit...impossible to believe, Diamond, but you’ve never been helpful to me. Ever.”
Diamond looked as though she had just eaten something intensely sour for a moment, and then smiled, her eyes narrowing. “Well, better late than never, am I right? Sounds like something your hick older sister would say, so you’d be used to it.”
“Hey!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, frowning. “Leave Applejack outta this!” Furrowing her brow, she then said “I don’t even know what ‘this’ is!”
“If you’d let me explain...” Diamond Tiara rolled her eyes. Apple Bloom sighed, and swiveled her body so that it faced Diamond and Silver Spoon.
The little filly crossed her forelegs. “Ah’m listenin’...”
Diamond Tiara smiled a cold, knowing smile. “See, I knew you’d come around. As I said before, this is quite important news I’m telling you; I wouldn’t want you getting your hopes up just to have them slammed down into the ground...” The filly smirked malevolently, as if she’d love nothing more than to watch Apple Bloom’s hopes be dangled and then thrown from the proverbial window.
“What in Equestria are you yammerin’ on about?” Apple Bloom demanded, getting more and more peeved by the moment. “Get to the point already!”
“Ah ah ah, Apple Bloom,” Diamond Tiara chided, closing her eyes and shaking her head daintily, assuming a haughty and slightly-scolding demeanor. “That’s no way to talk to somepony doing you a favor!”
“You haven’t actually done anything yet,” Apple Bloom growled.
“She’s doing things at her own pace!” Silver Spoon spat.
Diamond Tiara shrugged. “It’s fine, Silver. I guess the blank one here just doesn't have any penchant for dramatic buildup.” She heaved an enormous, grandiose sigh. “Whatever. I suppose it’ll just be more fun for me to get on with it.”
Diamond pointed a hoof out at the schoolyard, where the colts of the class were galloping about the field, playing a rousing game of hoofball. Scootaloo was too in their midst, and was in fact the only filly on the whole field. “I couldn't help but notice that you were looking out at the colts today.”
Apple Bloom cocked an eyebrow incredulously. “Yeah? So?”
Diamond Tiara giggled maliciously. Turning to Silver Spoon, she snorted, and said “Listen to her!” She scrunched up her face, and poorly imitated Apple Bloom's accent. “‘Yeah? So?’” Silver Spoon joined in on the mirth, laughing rudely. Diamond turned back to Apple Bloom, and sighed. “Oh, you are so naive!”
“If you’re just gonna insult me—”
Diamond lifted a hoof. “Shush! It’s a good thing I’m here to alleviate your ignorance. Now, I've also seen you staring at Rumble from time to time in class, and I've noticed the way you act around him. You blush when he asks you for something, you’re extra careful when giving him a paper Miss Cheerilee tells you to pass over to him...” the filly grinned evilly. “The notes you've written in the margins of your work,only to erase them moments later...”
“Why are you spending so much time watching me?” Apple Bloom asked, perturbed. “That’s not right.”
Diamond Tiara ignored this. “Anyway, this brings me to my next point; as every filly...” she paused, her tongue pausing at her lips as though the nextword tasted bad in her mouth “‘matures’, they find themselves attracting to other ponies, be it stallions or mares, I’m not one to judge.” Silver Spoon snorted at this, and Diamond turned her head, giving her lackey a menacing stare. “And every filly gets a crush sooner or later, and it just so happens that Rumble is your crush.”
“Who’s your crush, Diamond?” Apple Bloom inquired, her voice dripping with the same false sweetness that Diamond tiara had displayed earlier.
Diamond paused, her face frozen. Silver spoon quickly stepped in. “She doesn't need to tell you that,” she told Apple Bloom hastily. “This isn’t about her.”
“That’s right,” Diamond said, recovering. She blinked hard a few times, then scowled at Apple Bloom. “This is about you, and this is about Rumble. He won’t go for you. You won’t get him.”
Apple Bloom tensed. “And just how do you know that? You want Rumble for yourself?”
Diamond Tiara laughed, as though Apple Bloom were telling a joke. “Him? Please. I could net much better fish than that sickly salmon. No, I was talking about ponies in general, Apple Bloom. You won’t get them.”
Apple Bloom stared blankly at Diamond Tiara. “What?”
“You heard me.” Diamond’s smile was akin to one a hungry wolverine gave right before it messily devoured a rabbit. “And you want to know why?”
Apple Bloom wanted to yell at Diamond. she wanted to tell her to go away, to go fall of a bridge and drown somewhere. She wanted to grab a rock and pound her head in, do anything to make her go away.
“Why?” Her voice came out distorted, as though somepony stronger than her was forcing their hooves against her throat.
Diamond’s shark smile grew. Taking a hoof up from the bench, she pointed at Apple Bloom’s lower body. “Blank flank..”
Apple Bloom sighed. “Is that all? Come on, Diamond—”
“And you want to know why your blank flank is going to keep you from landing anypony, Apple Bloom?” Diamond Tiara interrupted. “It’s because it’s simply biology. It’s a sign of real maturity. Colts like those who’ve got a nice cutie mark on their flanks. It’s deep wired into their minds. So as long as there’s a filly with a cutie mark, you won’t stand a chance.”
Apple Bloom glared at Diamond Tiara. “That’s not true! Colts like mares and fillies for other reasons!”
“Yup,” Diamond Tiara agreed.
“They do too—” Apple Bloom paused, jaw dropping. “Wait. You’re agreein’ with me?”
“Of course, I’m not stupid.” Diamond rolled her eyes. “But you haven’t got either of the other two reasons colts go for fillies. Your family has to rely on a crop year to year for monetary reasons, and my father’s generous partnership. Without either of those, you’d be dirt poor! nopony coming to you for the money.”
“I don’t want a relationship like that with somepony, anyway...” Apple Bloom muttered, staring at the ground.
“Good, because you’re not getting one,” Diamond tiara said savagely. “And the last one is... giving something back.”
Apple Bloom looked up. “Whatya mean by that? Ah can give things back!”
Diamond Tiara snorted. “I’m talking about creative content. Your other blank flank friends have got a chance because they’ve got something to give back. Sweetie Belle can... ‘sing’, and Scootaloo is always ready for a rough and tumble with the colts. not really... creative content, but their dumb male brains could care less.” Tiara sighed wistfully. “I suppose it’s not their fault though. They were built to be strong and dumb.”
Apple Bloom glared at Diamond Tiara. “I’ve got stuff to give back! I’m a nice pony! Mah friends like me, so they’ll—”
“Be your friends,” Diamond finished. “That’s all they’ll ever be, until you get a cutie mark.” She glanced down at Apple bloom’s blank yellow flank. “And honestly? I doubt that’ll be coming anytime soon.”
With that, the two ponies left Apple bloom, cackling to themselves all the way across the schoolyard.
Apple Bloom looked down at the ground, and slumped down in her spot, her head slowly coming to rest on the wooden table beside her half empty juice box.
“Hey, Apple Bloom!”came the cheery, squeaky voice of Sweetie Belle. “I saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon come over here. Were they giving you trouble? We can go get Miss Cheerilee and get them detention!”
Apple Bloom stared off into the distance, something inside her gut feeling as though she had been kicked.
“Apple Bloom?”
