This Is Full Of Deus Ex Machina's

by MisterBlonde

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Discord, Princess Celestia, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 1205

Nothing goes right, then everything does.

This story is exactly what it says on the tin. Deus. Ex. Machina's. It wasn't made to be serious, it was made to be horribly stupid.

So it's basically me (stupid). •sad trombone•

Have fun. Or don't. I don't care.

This was made to battle writers block. It's meant to be both an example of what NOT to do when writing (of which I suffer from the lack of details), and to possibly supply some ideas to those of you who want ideas. Feel free to take them.

I can't believe I posted this.

Published 2014-05-13 23:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-16 01:27:47 UTC

Some Stupid Tree

A small herd of miniature polychromatic equines race through a dark, dense forest, not wasting a moment on their way to an unknown destination. As they gallop between trunks and branches, they converse about the target location.

"Applejack, what do you think this 'artifact' will look like?" Asks a lavender Alicorn. She looks like a bitch.

"Twi, ah think it's gonna be shiny an' pointy. Rares, you?" An Orange Earth-pony says. She looks like a hick.

"I think it will have many, many gems on it. What about you, Fluttershy?" A white unicorn says. She looks like a greedy whore.

"I'm sure it will look beautiful. Pinkie, what do you think?" A yellow Pegasus says. She looks like a pussy. Actually, she is a pussy.

"It'll have lots of sparkles and balloons, obviously! Rainbow?" A pink Earth-pony says. She looks insane. Or retarded. Both, possibly.

"It'll be--" The cyan Pegasus (who looks like a lesbian) is cut off when her friends (including the other Pegasus) fall down into a valley.

They stop right in front of the Artifact.

The herd all stand and stare at their prize, when the cyan Pegasus says,

"It's just some stupid tree..."

What Should We Do Today?

"Should we skydive?" Says Scootaloo.

"Hmm...nah. How about make a movie?" States Sweetie Belle.

"Or how 'bout writin' terrible stories on tha internet?" Suggests Apple Bloom.

"What's 'the internet?'" Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle both reply.

"...never mind..." Says Apple Bloom, after a moments hesitation.

"There's nothing we can do today! WHY IS TODAY SO BORING?!" Shouts Scootaloo.

And then their cutie marks appeared and they became famous for nothing. Just like Kim.

Fuck Kim.

Cliff

Spike was running faster than he ever has in his entire life, trying to get away from the psychedelic sea of pastel coloured mares currently chasing him. Twilight just HAD to check how powerful her spells could be. She just HAD to use the Want-It-Need-It spell on him.

"TWILIGHT, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!!!" Spike yells. He knows Twilight can hear him.

He really does, because a moment after, Twilight yelled out, "I LOVE YOU TOO, SPIKE!!!!"

As he runs, he quickly realizes he's running out of land to run on. He can't stop running, so he can only do one thing.

Jump.

He continues running, only slightly slower than the sea of mares, until he reaches the cliff edge. He takes a deep breath, and dives off.

He enters freefall for ten seconds, before an LSD based creature catches the small drake.

"Oh, hello Spike! If you needed a lift, you should have just said so!" Discord says, smiling.

Prison Break

A small, white, school aged unicorn stands outside of the large building which contained one of her closest allies. She has been in this building many times, almost daily. As a result, she knows the layout of the building, and the room containing the pony she seeks.

She is known as "Sonata" during this mission, and she is the mastermind of this operation.

A slightly larger, yellow, school aged Earth-pony stands beside her. She knows the building's structural integrity, and has the strength to tear it apart.

She is currently known as "Skeleton," and she is the "tank" of this operation.

And a smaller, orange, school aged Pegasus sits within the building, serving time for punishments. She may not know the building well, but she knows the blind spots of the building's security guards, and has the speed to slip past them.

She is called "Sonet" during this course of events, and she is the "getaway driver" of this campaign.

Sonata glances at Skeleton, who nods in return.

Operation Ghoti is a go.

Sonata and Skeleton rush into the alleyway between the Building and an unimportant shop, where Sonata powers up her horn, and shoots a beam of magic into the wall. After twenty seconds, a perfect circle of concrete and metal lies on the ground in the alleyway.

Skeleton takes point, staying close to the walls to reduce sounds, when they come across two guards. The guards enter defensive positions, when one of them says, "What are you two doing here? You were released!"

The guards are promptly knocked unconscious by Sonet, who then leaves the Building with her two comrades. The trio are walking away from the Building when they hear an authoritative voice yell.

"APPLE BLOOM! SWEETIE BELLE! SCOOTALOO! ONE MONTH OF DETENTION, AND LETTERS SENT HOME FOR THIS!" Screams Cheerilee, standing in front of the Ponyville school house.

Why Is It Night Time?

One goddess, and one harbinger of chaos are standing in the castle of the City of the Mountain, Canterlot. But the world outside is acting odd, with the night sky not leaving it's post.

"Discord?" Celestia says to the Chaos spirit . She looks at him with an accusing glare.

"Yes, Sunbutt?" Discord says back to the Goddess of the Sun. He looks back at her with a confused expression on his face.

"Could you please explain what has happened here? It seems that my magic can't affect the Moon." States Celestia, slightly upset over Discord's calling her "Sunbutt," but choosing not to express it.

"I'm terribly sorry, my dear, but I have no idea what's happening." Replies Discord.

"Well, there's only one thing to do." Says Celestia.

"Attention, my little ponies! Attention!" Announces Celestia.

"I know that you are frightened that the Moon has not lowered, that I cannot affect this. But do not fear these things! We must learn to adapt until a solution is found. We must learn to--"

She is cut off when the Moon lowers and the Sun raises. Her sister, Luna, walks sluggishly towards her sister.

When the diarchy meet, only three words are said.

"Tired. Sorry, Tia."

And with that, the Lunar Princess walks towards the kitchens to get herself some coffee and waffles.

Cut Them Down

Six ponies are currently chasing one down a dead-end alleyway. That one pony is dressed in a dark blue, full-body outfit, with it's face mostly covered. And of what little of this pony's face you can see, it's covered in dark blue makeup, effectively masking it's identity completely.

This one pony is known as The Gambler, after their dangerous heists, which were a gamble, on their part.

The six ponies currently chasing The Gambler, leading them into a trap, are not the Elements of Harmony, as I know you were expecting. No, these six ponies are a specialized team, created by the diarchy to capture The Gambler. They are known as Back-Biters.

The Gambler has run to the end of the alleyway. They are trapped, and they know this. They only have one trick left unemployed, and it's a gamble.

So, they throw down a smoke bomb, throw down an incendiary bomb, and buck the wall behind them, destroying it. As they turn to make their escape, a hoof grasps their hood, and pulls back.

It was Applejack.

And she bucked the Back-Biters out of existence.

Author's Note

This one actually has a source. It's this. I've been listening to it on repeat.

So yeah.

Don't make things like this. It's hell.