Celestia's Inferno

by InfinitySlayer

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1053

Twilight discovers one of Celestia's most closely guarded secrets. She also discovers Celestia's rather comedic ineptitude in torturing Equestria's greatest villains.

I AM THE WAY INTO THE CITY OF WOE.
I AM THE WAY TO A FORSAKEN PEOPLE.
I AM THE WAY INTO ETERNAL SORROW.

SACRED JUSTICE MOVED MY ARCHITECT
I WAS RAISED HERE BY DIVINE OMNIPOTENCE,
PRIMORDIAL LOVE AND ULTIMATE INTELLECT.

ONLY THOSE ELEMENTS TIME CANNOT WEAR
WERE MADE BEFORE ME, AND BEYOND TIME I STAND.
ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE.

Published 2014-05-08 01:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-08 01:20:02 UTC

Canto I: The Descent

Twilight was walking down one of the many huge hallways in Canterlot Castle when she felt a familiar feeling. Hunger. It hurt in her stomach and caused her to think of only one thing. Food.

It had been a couple of days since she had eaten last. She simply didn't have the time to take a break from her most pressing duty ever. The Changelings had come back just a week ago, this time not asking for war, but peace. The Changeling Queen appeared to be at least passively sorry for what she did, and she obviously knew that trying to attack Equestria again was rather foolish. Instead of stewing over her rage, she decided to come to terms with Princess Celestia. After days upon days of arguing, both sides eventually agreed that the Changelings were allowed free passage in and out of Equestria, as long as they didn't suck the love out of the ponies they came across, without their permission. Obviously, you might be thinking why any pony would let a Changeling draw the love out of them like a vacuum cleaner. The answer is obvious.

The Changelings have to pay 100 gold pieces for just 30 seconds of love draining. A fair trade indeed. Perhaps not for the Changelings, but the Changeling Queen agreed readily enough. Obviously, even in Equestria, money is at least as important as love.

At last, the diplomatic talks were over, and everypony in Canterlot could go about their "normal" lives again. Most of all, Twilight could get a bite to eat.

Even after many years navigating the huge castle, Twilight could never find the dining hall. It was the one thing she could never find. That all important room filled with all the food that Twilight's heart could desire evaded her as if it were hell bound on avoiding her presence.

After five minutes of senseless wandering, Twilight came upon a Royal Guard. Came upon is a kind word. Violently crashed into would better suffice. Both of them hadn't seen the other come around the corner of the hallway, and collided into each other like two speeding trains. Both of them were seeing stars for seconds after the crash.

After Twilight was able to recoup her senses, she hurriedly rose to her hooves. The guard shakily did the same. His helmet was knocked clean of his head by the force of the impact, and sat upon the stone head of one the the many creepy statues that inhabited Canterlot. Twilight was quick to apologize for her rude impact. She didn't recognize the guard, and hoped she hadn't come on to strongly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so totally sorry, I didn't see you there..."

Twilight blushed slightly in embarrassment as she analyzed the guard. His coat was an unusual speckled black and white. His mane was gray, almost silver, but he couldn't have been more than twenty or thirty years old. His silver armor shone in the torchlight of the hallway.

"No, no, you're fine, my fault."

The guard, a unicorn, levitated his helmet from the stone statue back onto his head. At the same time, he was trying to keep his head from exploding. He had just ran into Princess Twilight Sparkle. It took him a few seconds to soak it in. Ever since her royal coronation, Twilight had every single stallion's eye in Canterlot fixed on her. This included the Royal Guard, especially so. Two of his fellow soldiers made a 2000 bit bet that one of them would be first to marry her. Twilight, of course, was completely oblivious to the feud around her. She was naturally clueless to everything else as well. The guard decided he would play it cool and see what happened next.

Twilight, though astonished, still had only one chief thought on her mind. Food.

"Excuse me, would you happen to know where the cafeteria is, Mr..."

"Silver Spear. I can take you there, but the only hallway to get inside is under reconstruction. You probably heard of the recent incident when a Changeling tried to eat real food. It wasn't pretty."

Silver Spear was passing on the chance of a lifetime, and he knew it. He had to think of some way to get Twilight to the cafeteria. Then he remembered. The detour. What a perfect opportunity to spend extra time with the Princess.

"Well, there is another way to get to the cafeteria. It isn't entirely safe though. Or pretty. Or nice. We have to take a detour through hell."

Twilight stood completely silent.

"Excuse me?"

Silver Spear suddenly realized the severity of what he just said.

"Sorry. Let me explain. Celestia, as supreme and ultimate ruler of Equestria, decided she would build her own personal hell for the creatures in the world she really didn't like. This includes pretty much everypony not from Equestria, and many within. I'll explain more once we get there. It will make much more sense then."

"And you're positive that ponies are just...allowed in?"

Silver Spear nodded swiftly. "It's not as bad as it sounds. Celestia may hold grudges against ponies, but she is also rather inept when it comes to actually punishing them. You'll see what I mean."

Twilight found herself again completely speechless. Her stomach still hurt though. At this point, she would do anything to get some food, including going through hell and back.

"Lead the way, Silver Spear."

I AM THE WAY INTO THE CITY OF WOE.
I AM THE WAY TO A FORSAKEN PEOPLE.
I AM THE WAY INTO ETERNAL SORROW.

SACRED JUSTICE MOVED MY ARCHITECT.
I WAS RAISED HERE BY DIVINE OMNIPOTENCE,
PRIMORDIAL LOVE AND ULTIMATE INTELLECT.

ONLY THOSE ELEMENTS TIME CANNOT WEAR
WERE MADE BEFORE ME, AND BEYOND TIME I STAND.
ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE.

Twilight was a little bit dumbfounded by the writing above the door into what Silver Spear called hell. It was menacing and mysterious, to say the least. It didn't really encourage Twilight at all. However, her stomach still ached. Nothing would stop her. Not even hell.

"You sure about this, Princess Twilight? This is hell we're talking about detouring through."

Twilight put her hoof on the handle of the heavy iron door.

"I'm hungry. We sure as hay are doing this."