Blue Bacchanal

by Fanfic Fetishist

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Romance, Comedy
Length: 6179

Blueblood doesn't like Twilight being Princess. So he makes a deal with Discord. Sexy hilarity ensues.

Prince Blueblood, as many know, is a self-entitled elitist snob. He's never liked Twilight Sparkle and resented how close she was to Princess Celestia. After airing his complaints and getting no results, he turns to Discord and makes a deal.

It goes about as well as you could expect.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-08 05:20:04 UTC

A Stupid Deal

**Blue Bacchanal

Chapter 1: A Stupid Deal

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic clopfic.

by Jonathan “Fanfic Fetishist” Spires**

Disclaimer: All characters save those who are my own creations copyrighted to Hasbro and any other relevant sources and used for non-profit amusement reasons.  All characters who ARE my own creations are copyrighted to me.  So no stealz and no use without permission, plzkthanx.

I apologize in advance.

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Canterlot...

Six days after Twilight Sparkle's coronation...

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“You cannot POSSIBLY expect me to accept this, Auntie!” Prince Blueblood shouted, the handsome white unicorn's face contorted with anger.

In the royal throne room, Princess Celestia discreetly passed Princess Luna twenty bits.  Luna smirked.  She'd spend her bet winnings later.  Between the two of them, the newly minted Princess Twilight Sparkle sat, looking shocked at Blueblood's reaction to her.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle has more than earned her place at our side,” Celestia said, scowling at him.  “She has created new magic, that...”

Blueblood scoffed.  “She probably stole the idea from some noblepony.  Maybe Fancypants, he was always gave the commoners more respect than they deserved...”

“Now listen,” Twilight started to say.

“Be silent in front of your superiors, commoner!” Blueblood snapped.

“NEVER, EVER YELL AT HER AGAIN, BLUEBLOOD!” Celestia snarled, startling everypony by shouting in the Royal Canterlot Tone.  Blueblood shivered, slowly backing away as Celestia stood up, her mane and tail, normally like a springtime dawn, radiating the heat and light of summer at high noon.

“Do you have any idea how much of an embarrassment you are to the royal house?” Celestia asked, visibly furious.

“W-What?!  Auntie...” Blueblood stammered.

“BE SILENT!” Celestia roared, the walls rumbling.  “I have grown tired of constantly having to cover for your blunders, for the embarrassments you have heaped upon the royal house!  I will NOT tolerate you insulting one of the greatest ponies in Equestrian history!”

“Auntie...  She is a commoner!  And a mare at that!  Why elevate her and not me?” Blueblood said, trying and failing miserably not to whine jealously.

Celestia sneered.  “Because she's earned it.  She and her comrades saved Equestria from Discord.  She was able to reawaken the Elements of Harmony and save my sister from the Nightmare.  She saved Princess Cadence from Chrysalis's grasp when I MYSELF did not notice anything wrong!  She has created NEW MAGIC, which hasn't been done since... well, EVER!  What, precisely, have you done with your life?”

Blueblood had no answer.  He just glared at Twilight and stormed out of the room.

Twilight fluffed her wings nervously.  “A little harsh, weren't you Prin... Celestia?” she said, giggling a little.  She still wasn't used to being thought of as an equal to her mentor and her sister.

Celestia just harrumphed.  Luna smirked.  “Let me explain to you everything Blueblood has done to earn that rant just since I have returned,” the Night Princess said.  She began to go into every sordid detail, Twilight's sympathy for Blueblood dissolving like a drop of water on a hot teakettle.

A pair of eyes appeared on the tapestry behind them, along with a smirking face.  The face emerged from the tapestry, turning into Discord as he coiled around the three Princesses.

“So who won the bet?” he asked casually.

“I did,” Luna said, smirking.  “I guessed that Blueblood would do something stupid the instant he found out about Twilight's coronation.  Celestia thought he'd wait until proper court to make a complaint.”

“I am the eternal optimist, I suppose...” Celestia said, sighing.  Twilight nuzzled her comfortingly.

Discord shook his head.  “You do realize he's going to be trouble now, don't you?” the Chaos God asked.

Twilight frowned.  “What do you mean?”

“I mean he's going to do something to try and prove himself,” he said, looking in the direction Blueblood went.  “And if I'm guessing right, one of two things are going to happen.  One, he'll fail spectacularly and remove himself as a problem, in a most hilarious fashion.  Two, he'll cause the kind of havoc that I approve of.”

Celestia frowned.  “I'll have him watched,” she said.

“You aren't leaving anything else he might do out, are you?” Twilight asked him suspiciously.

A halo appeared over Discord's head.  “I'm behaving!” he insisted.  Luna noticed that the halo was made of chocolate cookies and ate it.

Celestia facehoofed as Discord giggled.

“Oh yeah, this is gonna be interesting,” Twilight muttered, thinking of her future.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Blueblood's private chambers...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Blueblood paced angrily.  He couldn't allow this.  He COULDN'T!  There had to be something he could do...

He paced back and forth, trying desperately to think of something that would prove his superiority over Twilight Sparkle and convince his Auntie to elevate him to alicornhood.  After all, he was more handsome, more dashing, more wonderful all around... why shouldn't he be made an alicorn?

“Because you're a selfish boor, offend everypony you meet, and nopony likes you?” suggested Discord as he levitated a quill out of Blueblood's desk and drew himself onto a sheet of paper.

“You keep out of this, wretch,” Blueblood said.  “I have plans to plan.”

Discord snickered, drawing himself a pair of palm trees and a cloud hammock on the paper.  He draped himself over the hammock, relaxing.  “Oh, believe me, I'm not interfering.  Self-destruction needs no help from me.”

Blueblood snarled.  “Curse you, chaos bringer!  Why don't you go...” he started, trailing off as a thought occurred to him.

Discord frowned, staring up at the prince from the paper he was on.  “What are you up to?”

“It is said...” Blueblood said, “That in the old days... before you were bested by the Elements... That you made deals with ponies... granted them a wish, in exchange for an amusement...”

Discord blinked, and scowled.  He emerged from the paper, towering over Blueblood as he assumed his true form.  His eyes glowed brightly, Blueblood backing up in fear at the intensity the draconequus was radiating.

“Have a care, princey-poo,” Discord said.  “Those deals always ended badly.  My idea of 'amusement' back then was rather cruel.”

“I am prepared for the risk,” Blueblood said.  After all, how bad could it be? he thought.

Discord shook his head, snickering.  “Very well, oh Blue Bozo,” he said.  “Let's make this official: Do you invoke the Chaos Bargain?”

Blueblood puffed his chest out, standing tall.  “I do, Lord Discord.”

Discord smirked, stroking his beard thoughtfully.  “Do you accept the responsibility for accepting this wish?”

“I do,” Blueblood said, keeping his haughty, confident pose.

“Do you accept the consequences?” Discord intoned, staring right into Blueblood's eyes.

Blueblood met his gaze without fail.  “Yes.”

Discord stared at Blueblood a moment longer, and shook his head, snickering.  “Very well then,” he said.  “The Chaos Bargain has been invoked.  I have one caveat, though – no physical or mental harm must come to any of Fluttershy's friends.  And that includes Twilight Sparkle.”

Well, that kills off seven-tenths of my wish list, Blueblood thought, although from what he had seen of the surprisingly well-behaved draconequus in recent days, this didn't surprise him.  He had something else in mind anyway.

“My wish is this,” Blueblood said.  “I wish that a massive, week-long celebration would be held every year in honor of my House, a celebration of lust, and good food, and other hedonistic pleasures, all taboos set aside for the entire time.  I wish that the world, for that one week, would move by itself, nopony having to do anything as it would take care of itself for that week.  And I wish that it would be spread across the world, to all races!  Let my House and the greatest members of its family be honored for its rightful glory!”

Discord went wide-eyed at the phrasing, and cackled.  “S-Seriously?!  That's what you're going with?!”

Blueblood glared at him.  “It's a perfectly good wish,” he said.

“Oh that it is, but... really, it's just too EASY!!” Discord said, laughing.  “Very well, Blueblood.  I will grant you this wish.  Since tomorrow is the start of the week, the celebration will start then, and happen every year.  I'll make the arrangements myself.  And as for my amusement... eheh...” A wicked grin crossed Discord's face.  “Let me put it this way: when you wake up tomorrow, you will be of similar station as Twilight Sparkle.”

Blueblood frowned, thinking this over in his head, came to the wrong conclusion, and smiled.  “Ah!  Well, this will work out for me, then.  Thank you.”

Discord facepalmed, snickering.  “Too, too easy...” he said, vanishing in a flash and reappearing outside the castle.  He debated just doing it, but decided to keep to the deal he had going, and informed Celestia, Luna, and Twilight of the overall plan.

To his surprise, they decided to let him go through with it.

Ah, the delights chaos could bring sometime when you followed the path of Harmony.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Later that evening...

Ponyville...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“...Are you buckin' serious, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash said, grinning widely.  “An entire week dedicated to nothing but sex and having fun?”

Twilight nodded.  “Yeah.  Blueblood made a deal with Discord to try and have himself get put over me, but naturally he's going to turn it around.”

Rarity shook her head, sighing.  “Yes, that sounds like him all right... I knew that professionalism he showed the last time we met couldn't last...”

“Anyway, Celestia's making the political arrangements.  Instead of Blueblood being honored, we'll mainly be honoring a member of his family named Casanova, who was legendary for fighting against Discord in the battle that imprisoned him and saved the world the first time...” Twilight started.

“...and for being the biggest letch in history,” Rainbow Dash said, snickering.

Twilight looked at her in surprise.  “...Since when do you know history?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged.  “Saw a book about him in the library.  The cover and the title made it sound like a Daring Do novel, so I picked it up, gave it a shot.  Dude was a PERV, but oh my Celestia he was talented,” she said, blushing and fanning herself, her wings pomfing out slightly.

The girls all chuckled.  A thought occurred to Rarity.  “Oh! What about the foals, though?  Surely not ALL taboos will be thrust aside,” she asked, thinking of her sister.  Applejack and Rainbow Dash, thinking of their own members of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, blinked and gave Twilight worried looks.

“All taken care of,” Twilight said.  “Foals are untouchable for this week.  Nopony is allowed to initiate sexual contact with them under penalty of summary gelding.  The foals themselves are only allowed to do kissing and cuddling.  Oh, and rapists will still be prosecuted.  Discord's made an arrangement so that anyone who tries to have non-consensual sex will become limp and unable to get it up, going numb all along their parts.”

Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash relaxed visibly.  “That's good for both of those things,” the pegasus said.  “I mean, I love Scoots but not like that.  Plus the thought of her doin' it with anypony is just... yeah, no.”

“Indeed,” Rarity said, she and Applejack nodding in agreement.

Pinkie Pie bounced up and down.  “But this is gonna be so fun!  Mr. and Mrs. Cake can have some alone time and have a second honeymoon and cakes and pies will bake themselves and we can have sex anywhere and anywhen and with anypony we want and I've never had sex before and this is gonna be SO COOL!” she said excitedly.

Rainbow Dash blinked.  “Wait... YOU, of all ponies, are a virgin?”

Pinkie Pie blushed a little, not losing her cheery grin.  “I'm not that kinda party girl, Dashie.  I've just... well, never had any of those kinda thoughts about ponies... Well, except for you girls.”

The others all blushed, grinning.

“Still... ah don't know about all this,” Applejack said finally, having been quiet for the most part.  “Ah'm not used to the idea of bein' all lazy, and havin' mah work do itself...”

“Aw, geez, Applejack!” Rainbow Dash said, frustrated.  “Just give it a chance, will you?  Hard work's fine, but even an Apple needs to rest sometimes, you know?”

“Indeed, Applejack,” Rarity said, smiling.  “Too much exercise is bad for the complexion.  Plus, it's a celebration!  A true blue bacchanal!”  The unicorn blinked, and giggled.  “Oh, I like that.  Perhaps that should be the official name for the celebration.  The Blue Bacchanal.”

Rainbow Dash  cackled.  “Yeah, sounds cool to me!  Applejack, you really need to take a break.  Find yourself a nice mare or stallion to have some fun with.”

“Indeed.  Like that handsome brother of yours,” Rarity said, licking her lips.  Twilight and Fluttershy both blushed while Rainbow Dash shivered in delight, Pinkie Pie bouncing around obliviously.

“MMM!  Yeah, Big Macintosh.  Whatta stud he is, eh?” the rainbow-maned pegasus said, blushing.

“Oh indeed.  I wonder if he's really as big as they say!” Rarity tittered.

“For cryin' out loud, y'all!” Applejack shouted, blushing.  “This is mah BROTHER you're talking about!”

“He is...” Fluttershy said softly.  “That big, I mean...”

Everypony turned to stare at Fluttershy, who eeped and shied away, blushing.

“REALLY now,” Rainbow Dash and Rarity said.

“Um... I've... seen it...” Fluttershy said softly, twiddling her hooves and blushing so hard her cheeks were bruising.

Applejack's jaw dropped.  The other girls crowded in, both cutting off Fluttershy's chance at retreating and getting a conspiratorial position around her.

“Details, my dear,” Rarity insisted, giggling at Fluttershy's nervous squeak.

“Yeah yeah, 'Shy!  How big IS his Macintosh, anyway?  And where did our resident wallflower ever get a look it?” Rainbow Dash asked, grinning widely.

Fluttershy trailed off into a nervous mumble, grinning and blushing.

Applejack shook her head, saying, “Fluttershy, darlin,' y'all don't have to...”

“It... it was shortly after Sweet Apple Acres got approved to till that dead chunk of Everfree to put in more Zap Apple Trees... Y'know the one, near those foothills, with that nifty waterfall?” Fluttershy said, finding her courage.

The girls nodded, and Fluttershy, giggling nervously and blushing brightly, continued her story.  “Well... um... sometimes I like to go there to bathe, and while I was, I saw Big Macintosh there, trying to pretend he didn't see me and... um... it was... already partly out...”

Rarity and Rainbow Dash traded excited looks.  “Do go on, dear,” Rarity insisted, gently stroking Fluttershy's mane to encourage her.

Fluttershy gulped, not losing her grin.  “I... ah... He didn't seem to notice that I had noticed him, and it was... oh my my my...” she giggled.  She coughed and continued.  “I... um... I wanted to see more, so I... ah... may have given him a little bit of a show...”

Rainbow Dash laughed wildly.

Rarity tittered.  “Dear me.  I guess you weren't feeling so shy in that moment, were you dear?” she said.

Fluttershy blushed, nodding.  “Believe me girls, I was just as surprised as you...” she said.  “I... ah... was touching myself and stroking myself and... Big's thing came all the way out and... oh my my my...”

“That's twice we got an 'oh my my my,'” Rainbow Dash said, grinning.  “I gotta know... HOW BIG?!”

Fluttershy blushed and pantomimed the length and thickness with her hooves.

The other five mares were left dumbstruck by it.

“Holy Luna's horn...” Rainbow Dash said softly, a wide grin spreading over her face.

Pinkie Pie found herself unable to stop giggling.

“Well now...” Rarity said.  “Applejack, your brother certainly is... healthy.”

Applejack just grumbled incoherently.

“Oh come now, Applejack,” Rarity said.  “Yes, he's your brother, but he's also a handsome, virile stallion.  And while we do feel attraction to each other because of our friendship, we are mostly heterosexual.”

“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash said.  “And since your brother is one of the most freakin' hung stallions we know of, of course we're gonna be interested!”

“It ain't that...” Applejack said, blushing and scowling.

“Then what is it?” Rainbow Dash and Rarity said.  Twilight found the odd kinship the two had developed over this to be somewhat disturbing.

Applejack blushed even brighter.  “Ah've... ah've had fantasies about mah brother before...” she muttered.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity traded amused looks.  Fluttershy blushed brightly, and Pinkie Pie just looked curious.

Twilight chuckled.  “Nothing wrong with fantasizing,” Twilight said.  “And for this coming week, it won't matter.”

Applejack cringed.  “Ah know, ah know,” she said.  “But it still ain't right.”

“Applejack, how often do you think people have had erotic fantasies?  Or fantasies about murdering their bosses?  Or power fantasies?” Twilight said.  “I've talked to Luna about this, and she says she encounters at least a thousand erotic dreams of varying degrees of kinky and disturbing just about HER, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.”

“Good heavens,” Rarity said, grinning.

“Oh wow,” Rainbow Dash said, laughing.

/

Pinkie Pie giggled, blushing.  “I guess she doesn't have to worry about ponies liking her anymore.”

“According to her,” Twilight said, “going into dreams again and finding people's thoughts about her was the biggest thing that helped her relax and become more comfortable with this era.  But I'm getting off the point.  What I'm saying, Applejack, is that it's okay to fantasize about anything, so long as you don't act on the more extreme ones, and don't mention it where inappropriate.”

“Like mentioning that you've dreamed about being fucked by your own brother,” Rainbow Dash said, making Applejack blush even more.  “Fine to tell your friends, but not exactly the best thing to mention to said brother.”

“...” Applejack said.  Twilight's words did help her, but it was still worrisome to her.

Twilight sighed, smiling.  “Applejack, I've fantasized about Shining Armor,” she said.

“Oh my,” Fluttershy said, blushing and giggling.

Rainbow Dash giggled.  “That was my next question,” she said, laughing.

“Seriously?” Applejack asked, incredulous.

Twilight nodded, blushing.  “Mom's always encouraged us to be open with each other,” she said.  “Plus Cadence is... surprisingly open about this sort of thing.  I first started having said fantasies around my teen years, after I accidentally walked in on Cadence and Shiny while they were... well, y'know.”

“It could always be worse, darling,” Rarity said.  “It could have been your parents you walked in on.”  She shuddered, giggling.

Twilight rolled her eyes and laughed.  “True, true...” she said.  “Anyway, I admitted it to Mom, who got Dad, Shiny, Cadence and I together to talk about it.  Shiny seemed to take it in stride, while Cadence just smiled and said it was, and I quote, 'kinky.'”

The other girls just stared at her.

“S-Seriously?” Rainbow Dash said, fighting off the urge to collapse in a fit of laughter.  “The pretty pink princess said that?”

“Like I said, she's... surprisingly open.  Oh!  One more thing.  Since hypnotic magic won't work for this week because of the anti-rape magic Discord's putting in place, Cadence has told me she plans to visit Queen Chrysalis and get tips on how to be a better seductress,” Twilight said.

The other girls stared at her again.

Twilight nodded.  “It's true,” she said.  “Apparently Chrysalis and Shiny engaged in some 'pre-marital bliss,' and Shiny confessed it to her on the wedding night.  Cadence took it in stride and forgave him.”

“Well, of course,” Rarity said.  “He was under the influence of that horrible creature's magic.”

“Still, a changeling?  Those freaky bug things?” Rainbow Dash said, doubtful.

Twilight quirked an eyebrow, amused.  “Luna reported that there were at least a thousand sexual fantasies about changelings, mainly Queen Chrysalis, the night after the attack.  And even more since then.”

The six girls just sat there for a moment, contemplating.  Fluttershy suddenly blushed, letting out a small squeak.

“Okay, anypony else other than Fluttershy suddenly start wondering what it's like to do it with a changeling?” Rainbow Dash said, shaking her head and chuckling.

Nervous giggles came from the entire group.

“So how is this being handled so far?” Rarity said.

“Word is being spread throughout Equestria and all neighboring countries,” Twilight said.  “Derpy's delivering announcement messages across town as we speak, with all the relevant information I've mentioned.  There have been some complaints, but surprisingly few of them, the protection assurances for the foals a big part of why nopony's questioning this.”  She thought for a moment, and added, “...In fact, the only ones complaining really are the conspiracy groups who think Discord is secretly controlling the princesses and moral guardian groups.”

“That's really just silly,” Discord said, startling the girls by appearing among them.  “I don't have to control Luna and Celestia to cause chaos.  Those two are surprisingly adept at causing it on their own.”

“Don't do that,” Rarity said, patting her chest to help recover from the imagined heart palpitations she had.

Discord snickered.  “My apologies,” he said insincerely.  “But I'm just enjoying myself far too much.  So many people are agreeing to this inane holiday without a fight... Who knew this planet was so sexually pent up?”

Fluttershy smiled, nuzzling Discord, the draconequus blushing.

Rainbow Dash laughed.  “Well, when two goddesses and world leaders start promising no consequences sex for everypony and a week where work does itself...”

“True, true,” Discord said.  “A little slice of Heaven in the Hell of daily life.  I know I'm enjoying it.”

“What do you have planned for Blueblood anyway?” Pinkie Pie asked.  “I mean, does it involve chocolate?  Because I've heard that sometimes ponies use food in the bedroom for things other than snacks, and I've always wondered if chocolate off of a hot guy's body would taste different from regular candy bars.  Which brings to mind some interesting uses for candy bars, and...”

Discord traced a finger across her lips, sealing them shut with a zipper as she continued her rant unabated.  “Anyway,” Discord said, “My plans for Blueblood are just going to have to be a surprise.”  He snapped his fingers, removing the zipper from Pinkie Pie's lips.

“...and really, oatmeal just isn't appropriate for that sort of situation,” she concluded.  “Ooh, I like surprises!”

Discord snickered.  “This surprise I think Rarity in particular will like,” he said.

Rarity smirked.  “Oh now I'm definitely looking forward to the start of things tomorrow,” she said.

Discord nodded.  “So what are you girls planning for the coming week?” he asked conversationally.  He blinked, realizing the unintentional pun, and giggled.

Pinkie Pie blushed and said, “I... I was kinda hoping that my first times would be with the girls...”

Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight Sparkle all smiled and hugged her, planning on indulging that desire for her.

Fluttershy blushed, twiddling her hooves, and tried to speak, only for it to come out as a squeak.

“Fluttershy, it helps if you actually speak in a voice that can be heard by regular folks instead of just dogs,” Discord said.

Fluttershy giggled nervously, and said, “Um... I was hoping... that you'd by MY first...”

This, needless to say, took everyone off guard.

Rarity and Rainbow Dash bit their tongues to stave off a rude response.  Applejack and Twilight were too dumbstruck to even say anything.  And Discord...

“M-Me?” he stammered, taken aback, “R-Really?”

Fluttershy nodded.  “This is gonna sound strange, especially because of our pre-friendship history, but... you're the first stallion I've ever felt... safe around...”

Five jaws dropped to the ground (literally, in Pinkie Pie's case), as Discord just blushed, looking surprisingly sheepish.  “Well... um... you see... it'd be the first time for me as well...” he admitted.

Now it was Discord's turned to be stared at.

“...That's it, I quit,” Rainbow Dash.  “I retire from life, because I have officially heard everything.”

“Ah... Well, forgive us if this seems hard to believe... Plus, there's those rumors that you and Celestia used to date...” Rarity said, grinning weakly.

“Pft,” Discord snorted.  “Completely untrue.  She was as lovely then as she is now, I'll give her that much, but we could barely stand each other in the best of times.  Plus, I've always been an instigator and an observer, rather than an active participant.”  Discord thought a moment, and said, “Which reminds me...  Pinkie Pie, I know your birthday's next week, so here's an early present.”  He snapped his fingers, creating a pink cloud made of cotton candy.  The sweet smell of chocolate came from inside it, and a dollop of whipped cream was on top.

Pinkie Pie cheered and buried herself in the cloud, as the others of the group contemplated what Discord said.  He did seem content to stand back and watch the chaos he caused rather than actively join in on it, barring skating around in amusement.  They eventually conceded the point, deciding to believe him.

“Anyway, that covers Pinkie Pie and I,” Discord said.  “What about the rest of you?”

“Me and Rare both have some old coltfriends we wouldn't mind visiting again,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Plus the idea of a romantic encounter with our friends does sound appealing,” Rarity said, thinking of Pinkie Pie's wish.

Applejack pawed the ground nervously.  “Ah'm... thinkin' about havin' sex with my brother...” she admitted.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity snickered.  “Look at it this way, darling.  Your first stallion will be someone you KNOW you can trust!” Rarity said, Rainbow Dash nodding.

Applejack huffed.  “Now, just because ah don't flaunt it like you two, that don't mean ah ain't had somepony over for some fun in m'barn!” she said indignantly.

Rainbow Dash and Rarity traded amused looks, Twilight noting again how disturbing it was that the two of them shared a kinship in this.

“So much chaos, and I didn't have to cause any of it,” Discord said, chuckling as he reclined in midair.

“Hnh,” Twilight said, barely acknowledging him.

“Oh really?” Rainbow Dash teased.  “The farmer's daughter?  I doubt it.”

Applejack nodded, stomping the ground for emphasis.  “Ah have so!  And ah found out a little somethin' interestin' about unicorns, too!”

Rarity and Twilight both blushed, realizing where she was going with this.  Rainbow Dash just smirked.  “Oh yeah, what's that?”

Applejack cast a wicked look at Rarity.  “Ah know about their horns,” she said, licking her lips.

Rarity gulped, shying away unknowingly.  Applejack grinned and stalked towards her.  Twilight fidgeted nervously, while Fluttershy watched with a blush.  Discord produced a box of popcorn, while Pinkie Pie happily nommed away at her cotton candy cloud.

“O-Oh?” Rarity said, forcing a grin.

Rainbow Dash looked from Rarity to Applejack and back again in confusion.  “What's going on?”

Applejack looked up at Rainbow Dash, Rarity, to her credit, keeping her composure for the most part.  “Y'know how pegasi have that little 'spot' where their wings meet their body?  How if y'all stroke it JUUUST right, you can make them practically melt right into you?”

Rainbow Dash grinned, visibly impressed.  Apparently their farm girl was more experienced than she let on.  “Oh yeah,” she said, having been recipient and giver of several spectacular massages to that particular spot as well.  “So it's the same for unicorn horns?”

Applejack grabbed Rarity, the designer letting out a surprised yelp as the Earth pony held her close to her muscular body.  “Just lemme show you,” she said.

“Applejack, what are you... OooOOhh...” Rarity moaned, shuddering in delight as Applejack ran her tongue across the length of her horn.  She squirmed lightly as Applejack to slowly, sensuously lick and suckle at her horn, gently tracing along its swirl.

Twilight's wings pomfed out almost after the first moan, the alicorn swallowing hard as she watched Applejack openly pleasure Rarity, the silky white unicorn quivering in the farm pony's grasp.

Rarity groaned, a hind leg kicking convulsively as Applejack took her full horn in her mouth.  Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she began panting, all pretense of gentility gone as Applejack soft lips stroked the sensitive appendage.

Rarity, for her part, was in rapture.  Sparks of pleasure flittered throughout her entire body, the sensations coming from her horn leaving her in a state of sheer bliss.  Applejack's tongue and lips felt extraordinary on her sensitive horn, a thin magical secretion starting to flow from the tip.

“Aahnn... Oh Applejack, darling...” Rarity moaned, Applejack's tongue almost dancing over her horn, her strong forelegs caressing the fashion designer's soft-furred chest.  “I'm going... I'm gonna... Anh...”

Applejack smirked, glancing over to the others, who were watching with full attention, Pinkie Pie's head poking out of her cotton candy cloud.  The farmer gently traced her tongue around the spiral that lined Rarity's horn, and gently bit down on the tip, her teeth brushing along the sensitive surface of the horn.

It was too much.  With a loud, unladylike cry, Rarity's body convulsed as she climaxed, her horn shooting out a soft, glowing substance that resembled clear glitter glue into Applejack's mouth.  Applejack pulled her head back slightly, letting the gooey substance spray all over her face.

Rarity, panting with her tongue hanging out, slumped over in Applejack's grasp.  Applejack licked her lips, grinning at her awestruck friends, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy all with their wings pomfed out fully.  Applejack smirked.  “Ah rushed that a little, but...  Believe me now, Dash?”

Rainbow Dash nodded, her voice hoarse.  “Yeah... Damn, Jackie,” she said.  “This pretty much explains why I saw that one stallion in town the other day get all flustered when you were licking at that caramel apple.”

Applejack snickered.  Rarity was almost purring, nuzzling her happily.  Soft pulses of light flowed over from her horn, a literal afterglow.

“Have fun, Rare?” Rainbow Dash asked, snickering.

“Mmm, the number you are dialing is temporarily out of service,” Rarity said, nuzzling into Applejack's chest.  “Please hang up and try again later.”

Rainbow Dash snickered.  Fluttershy just blushed, focusing on trying to get her wings to fold up.  Discord laughed, polishing off his popcorn.  Pinkie Pie popped out of her cloud, shaking chocolate milk off as Twilight licked her lips, chuckling softly.

Rainbow Dash looked at Applejack, at the goo covering her face as she tried to clean it up, and smirked.  “'Scuse me a sec, I just gotta try this.”

Before Applejack could protest, Rainbow Dash leaned in with a deep, passionate kiss.  The farmer felt the stunt-flier's tongue push into her mouth and didn't resist, the two making out for a brief moment for Rarity, finally coming out of her afterglow, pushed them apart.

“As much as I'd enjoy being sandwiched between two ponies I adore,” Rarity said, smirking, “I'd prefer to be able to breath.”

Applejack giggled and kissed her.  Rainbow Dash slowly licked over the taste in her mouth she had gotten from the gooey magic Rarity had produced.

“...Hazelnut?” Rainbow Dash said, confused and amused.  “I'm tasting... chocolate hazelnut?”

Rarity blushed.

Twilight just nodded.  “It's... ah... magiculation, for lack of a more couth term.  It usually tastes like whatever the unicorn in question's favorite treat is.”

Applejack smirked.  “Lyra's tastes like mint ice cream,” she said.

Rainbow Dash blinked.  “Wait, when did you...”

Rarity, however, understood.  “Rainbow, remember last March, when Lyra and Bonbon were propositioning every mare in town for threesomes?” she said, Rainbow Dash blushing and grinning in remembrance.

“Note to self:” Discord said, another Discord in a secretary's outfit appearing to write it down.  “Talk to these Lyra and Bonbon characters.”  The other Discord vanished as soon as the note was taken.

Twilight huffed, finally managing to get her wings to stay down.  “Anyway... unicorn horns, and by extension alicorn horns, are a sensitive appendage.  Yes, it's a bony protrusion, but it's also a focus for magic, controlled by thoughts.  Violent thoughts create violent magic, such as fire casting or lasers.  Joyful thoughts produce joyful magic, such as harmless fireworks or a stream of bubbles.  And... ah...” Twilight giggled nervously.  “Thoughts of sexual pleasure, especially when caused by stimulation, can produce... well... tasty love cream.”

Rainbow Dash shook her head, facehoofing.  Applejack found herself unable to stop herself from laughing.  Fluttershy meeped, blushing and giggling.  Rarity just gave Twilight an incredulous look.  “'Tasty love cream?'  Really, Twilight,” she said.

Twilight just blushed.  Pinkie Pie had a surprisingly thoughtful look on her face, coming over and slurping Rarity's horn.  Rarity shuddered, pushing her away as Pinkie Pie smacked her lips from the taste of the remaining fluids.

“That reminds me,” Pinkie Pie said.  “There was this chocolate hazelnut pastry recipe the Cakes wanted to try...”

“Pinkie gets a taste of my desire and it makes her think of baking,” Rarity said, shaking her head and chuckling.  “Oh, Pinkie my love, never change.”

An evil grin came to Rainbow Dash's face.  “Hey AJ?” she asked.  “Are there any particular 'G-Spots' on Earth ponies we should know about?”

“Well...” Applejack said, blushing, “there's the thighs on the back legs.  Those tend t'get a lot o'work, so a nice massage there can really get a mare in the mood...”

Rainbow Dash's grin was becoming downright sinister.  “It just occurred to me that Twilight is an alicorn now, and that alicorns have traits of all three species of pony...”

Pinkie Pie suddenly tittered, sinister grins coming to Rarity and Applejack's faces.

Every single one of Twilight's alarm bells were going off.  “Um... girls...” she said, slowly backing away as Applejack and Rarity got up, the two of them, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash stalking towards her.

She felt someone poke her in the neck, and looked to see Discord standing behind her, smirking.  A collar formed around her neck, a long leash appearing and going right to Discord's hands.  He handed it to Fluttershy, who meeped softly.

“Anti-teleportation collar,” Discord said.  “Have fun, ladies!  I have some last minute legalized chaos to wreak before the big day tomorrow.”

Twilight's wings flapped fearfully as Fluttershy stared at the leash she now held.  She gave Fluttershy a pleading look, only for the canary yellow pegasus to bite her lip, clenching the leash tightly as a mischievous smile came to her face.

“Eeep...” Twilight said softly as her friends jumped her, her protests quickly turning to moans of pleasure as they went to work on her.

Discord watched for just a moment before shaking his head.  “Silly ponies,” he said, teleporting away to finish his work.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next day...

Canterlot...

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Blueblood mumbled softly as the sound of a loud, thundering voice echoed throughout the castle, waking him up.

The fact that the sun was in his eyes didn't help any.

Mumbling and smacking his lips, he lifted his head up from the pile of blankets he was under to listen.

“...And on this week of leisure and delights, we celebrate the greatest member of the Royal House of Blue,” Celestia said to a cheering crowd.  Blueblood smirked, waiting for the announcement of his name.

Which never came, as Celestia said.  “This week, we honor Blue Danube, known better to history as the legendary lover Casanova!  This stallion, who's prowess as a lover was legendary, was also well known as one of the few ponies ever to face mighty Discord in fair combat and win!”

“Indeed!” Discord proclaimed.  “A worthy opponent, worth lifting a glass to!”

The crowd cheered again.  Blueblood scowled.  Why not me?  Why some pony from history, who's long dead and doesn't matter anymore?  He shook his head, scowling.  Figures that Discord would get it wrong.  Probably got it wrong on purpose.  He yawned.  Ah well, at least my house is having tribute paid to it.  I can live with that, I think.

He stretched, listening to the last of the speech as Celestia reminded everypony of the rules for this week and then entreated the kingdom to enjoy itself.  He thought about the day today, about his duties, remembered that they'd take care of themselves this week because of Discord's influence, and chuckled, laying back down.

At which point Discord burst in, singing brightly.

“Good morning, good MORNing! You've slept the whole night through!  Good morning, good morning, to you!” the draconequus sang, throwing open the curtains, Blueblood groaning and covering his face.

“Go'way...” he muttered.

Discord snickered.  “Not a chance, Blueblood.  I did as you asked.  I made a holiday to honor the greatest of your family, and I did.  You just never specified that YOU wanted to be the one you wanted honored.”

Blueblood made an annoyed noise from beneath the covers.

Discord grinned wickedly.   “Now get up, Blueblood.  It's time for my amusement.  And oh boy is it going to be a  fun one.”

Blueblood sighed, and slowly pulled himself upright.  “Very well,” he said.  “What shall...” He froze when he noticed how light and feathery his voice had become.  He threw off the covers, noticing that his once fit, muscular body was now more slender and lithe.  He looked in the mirror, seeing a shorter, feminine muzzle and rounder eyes.

“No...” Blueblood said softly.  Shaking, a hoof went down to between his legs... and when she found a slit instead of a furred sheath and balls, she let out a scream.  “NO!!  What did you do to me?!”

“Exactly what I said I would,” Discord said.  “Not my fault you're the only pony in the universe too dumb to see what I was planning.”

“W-What!?  I don't...” Blueblood stammered, the newly minted mare staring at her reflection in horror.

“I specifically said that you'd have a similar station to Princess Twilight Sparkle today.  And now you do,” Discord said, bowing.  “For the duration of the week, you are Princess Blueblood, and only a small handful of ponies will remember you as male.”

“This... this isn't what I wanted!” Blueblood shrieked, her voice almost a whine.

“You made the Chaos Bargain.  You accepted the risks inherent in it,” Discord said, a trace of the old wicked god of madness he used to be in his expression.  “I have NEVER given a pony exactly what they wanted when they made a deal with me.  NEVER.  Consider yourself lucky.”

“How is this lucky!?” Blueblood demanded, hating how weak she sounded.

“Back in the old days, when I was actively evil,” Discord said, “ponies I made deals with would frequently end up the playthings of Tirek, or Grogar.  Or worse.”

Blueblood paled visibly, whimpering.  Discord sneered at him.  “Consider it a lesson.  Write a friendship report about it.  From what I've heard, you're something of a chauvinist, too.”

“What does that have to do with anything?!” Blueblood insisted.  “You didn't honor our deal!”

“I granted the wish as I heard it.  As for you, you're pretty much fucked,” Discord said, folding his arms.  He blinked, and began laughing.  “Rather appropriate for this week, don't you agree?!”

“Damn you,” Blueblood said.  “You can't expect me to go out like this!!”

“Can too,” Discord said, flicking his finger in Blueblood's direction, the mare flying out of her room.  Discord then shut the door and sealed it as Blueblood galloped back to it.  “I'll let you back into your room at week's end, Bluebabe.  In the meantime, have fun!”

Blueblood pounded on the door futilely.  “At least let me bathe!” she whined, looking around the hallway at the startled servants.

Eventually, a maid got the courage to come forward.  “Princess?  Is anything wrong?” she asked.

Blueblood groaned softly, her head drooping against the door.

TO BE CONTINUED...