A Crossover

Chapter Twelve: Taking the Watercourse

As we sit around the table in Twilight's castle, a loud burp echoes against the crystal walls. There is a flash of light, and I look over to see that Spike has broken the law of conservation of mass. The princess picks up the scroll with a magic spell and reads it quite quickly, thankfully choosing not to keep us in suspense for too long as she exclaims, "Baltimare is under attack!" I chuckle quietly at the peculiar naming conventions these ponies use. She glares at me, then turns her attention to her dragon "assistant." She briskly orders him to prepare the balloon.

"Have ya ever flown in a balloon before Olde?" Applejack asks.

I attempt to shrug, instead almost loosing my balance. "Perhaps, a very long time ago. Or maybe that was just a ride at an amusement park. In any case, do balloons work the same way in this dimension?"

She laughs. "I don't think a balloon's gonna be all that differnt. Just ask Twi to explain it." Said pony is currently packing some saddlebags full of books and other items. I decide to leave her be for now. I allow my thoughts to float about like chocolate chips in a mixing bowl. Mostly, I am eager to learn how to use unicorn magic. It will allow me to defeat the siren faster and help me to escape Celestia's punishment even sooner. There is, however, the question of who to enlist to teach me, hopefully in secret, to harness these energies and perhaps even return home under my own power. I think I have the greatest chance at getting help from-

"Helloooooooooo?!" Dawn says, dragging out the word until she runs out of breath.

"Ah, Dawn. I would like to ask a small favor of you," I begin.

"Est-ce que tu veut apprend magique? Do you want magic lessons?" she hits the nail on the head.

I nod, "Indeed I do. How is it that you already knew my request?" It has taken me several years to minimize my habit of speaking my thoughts aloud, and I truly hope said habit isn't returning.

"Your face, c'est comme une miroir! You remind me of a younger me. I can look at your visage and see exactly what you're thinking," she replies.

"Do you mean that metaphorically or literally?"

Before she can answer, Twilight taps me on the shoulder. "It's time to go."

I am annoyed, but I'll hide it for now. "Well then, Princess of Stares, please lead the way!" Said Princess glares at me, then takes a breath in and out before heading towards the balloon.

***

"This looks purty bad," Applejacks states obviously. She too has noticed that a massive argument has broken out throughout Baltimare, creating more toxic gas than all the cars in LA. I wonder if there's a pony equivalent to that city?

Twilight interrupts my thoughts, "Where's Aria?"

I comb the ground with my eyes. It's quite difficult to locate her from our vantage point in the sky. "Could you lower the balloon please? I cannot see through the fog from up here."

"That's a bad idea. We'll be in danger down there! Up in the sky, Aria's song can't reach us, so we're safe," she explains.

I sigh, "Very well, but I very much doubt that this venture will succeed."

***

It took us two hours of searching, but we've found Aria lurking just around the river bend near Baltimare's south side. The smoothest course (and the one we just took) was directly above the undulating water. Spike speaks up, "How are we going to fight her?"

"I'm glad you asked that!" Twilight replies, opening a saddlebag to reveal a pile of kazoos in different colors. I hope she doesn't expect me to play one of them. Firstly, I lack any sense of rhythm or note, and secondly my lack of hands will make holding such an instrument quite difficult.

"Qu'est-ce que c'est? How are kazoos going to help us defeat Aria?" Dawn asks.

"If we play better music than her, the spell breaks!" Twilight proclaims.

"Can the sounds produced by these so-called instruments actually be classified as music?" I wonder. Before anyone can respnd, the princess' magic throws a kazoo at each occupant of the balloon. I catch mine with a single hoof. She signals for quiet and lowers us towards the villain. I drop my kazoo. It's orange and as slippery as citrus scented soap. As the balloon gets closer to the ground, I feel the siren's song trying to influence me again. This time, the urge to be a horrible person is stronger, so I hastily look away from the rest of the group. I feel a tap on my shoulder. It is with great effort that I turn around without yelling at whoever is to blame for the tap. It seems to have been Twilight. She holds up a scroll with the words "come by here" written on it. If we have to defeat evil with kazoos, it might as well be with the best song in this world and my own. After a few attempts at picking it up, I am ready to play the kazoo. We're only eight feet from the water.

Twilight checks that everyone has a kazoo. "One, two, three, four!" she counts off, waving a hoof. The kazoos rob the song of some of its grace, but all things considered I'd say we sound pretty good. Spike's playing is definitely the best, though. Aria looks up from the water, continuing to sing her own melody, but shifting it so that it sounds kind of like what we're playing. The words of her song are as follows:

Everybody thinks I am the second best

Everything I do, at my sisters' behest

But they don't see who I truly am

I'm a fire and a battering ram

Spike starts a slick kazoo solo, and suddenly there is a flash of light from his direction. I watch in astonishment as a glowing, green version of him floats from his kazoo like a genie from a lamp. It dive-bombs Aria. She sings a long, scream like note and produces a large red wall of sound to repel her foe. Twilight launches an unassuming ball of magic the size of a grapefruit at the shield. Aria smirks at it, only to be pushed back in the water as the projectile explodes and destroys the shield. We're on the offensive now, and Applejack sees fit to send forth a cloud of magical apples. The siren coughs up a disco ball that sends shards into the apples, neutralizing them. I attempt my own kazoo solo. Nothing happens. If only I had known that it would be important for defeating evil, I would have learned music in an instant.

"See ya," Aria says, bringing my attention back to the present. She dives beneath the waves. Twilight urges the balloon onward in a chase, but it becomes clear rather quickly that this vehicle was not designed with speed in mind. I really wish there were cars in Equestria.

***

I need an excuse to escape Twlight's staring eyes, and one quickly forms in my mind. As we leave the balloon landing, (sans Applejack, who headed back home citing chores) I speak up, "In my world it is normal to wear clothes. Is there a shop nearby for fine suits?" I can only hope that Dawn knows enough about subtlety to pick up on my idea.

Twlight grins broadly. "My friend Rarity has a shop nearby! I'm sure she'd be happy to help a friend of a friend. When friends share gifts with each other, it strengthens the bonds that they already have. That's why generosity is an important part of friendship and an element of harmony." She seems quite enamored with the idea of friendship. Of course having friends is important, but the way she's talking about it one would think friendship was some kind of Deus Ex Machina in the plot of life.

"It's always fun to see the fashions of the places I visit," Dawn enthuses, "est-ce que je peut aller avec vous?"

"Of course! The more the merrier!" Twlight agrees. Now I just need a reason to go without her. Good heavens, this is easy. I feel like the world is bending to my will when I realize that my own arrival here presents a perfect reason for the Princess of Stares to stay home.

I speak confidently. "Actually, doesn't your duty as Princess require you to remain in your castle in case Celestia sends another "villain" to Equestria?"

"Not exactly. She'll send a message through Spike if so." The dragon beams at the mention of his importance. This may be harder than I thought. Then Spike burps out another paradoxical message. Twilight catches it in a seemingly instinctive flash of magic. Upon reading the message, she frowns. "It says Princess Séparés Cheveux of Prance is coming here and it's my job to welcome her today!" Well, when there's a free lunch, expect it to be taken.

I mask my happiness. "It's a terrible shame that you have such a duty. But as a CEO, I understand." (No need to tell anyone I was fired)

"Yeah, it's too bad. I was really looking forward to catching up with Rarity. Well, the boutique is right there," she points, "so I'll just pop in quickly to say hi." It's all coming together. This Rarity sounds quite civilized, as a business owner and lover of clothing.

The door opens upon Twilight's knock to reveal-"Hello Twlight darling, how are you doing on this lovely day!"-another pony with an accent. This is getting tiresome.