Another Tale of Coffee

by totallynotaunicorn

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1069

Twilight drinks a bad cup of coffee.

Coffee. The single most important element in the periodic chair. The most intoxicating of all non-intoxicating beverages. The most glorious of all black drinks.
Twilight understands all of this. She knows that coffe is special. However, what will our favorite purple, magical, student-of-PrincessCelestia, librarian do when she is confronted with a less than stellar cup of coffee?

(Not Twilicorn cause it's past midnight and I wrote this in half an hour. I. Too tired to care about wings. Sue me. Actually, don't. I can't afford it)

Published 2014-05-09 05:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-09 05:50:03 UTC

Forgive me

It was an early in the morning when Twilight unceremoniously sloughed down the stairs in her library/home. Despite hating morning with all her being, she was dedicated to her schedule and she need to wake up early every morning and go to sleep at designated hours, or she wouldn't have the energy to do the work she needed to do. Being unable to function properly in the mornings caused to Twilight to rely heavily on one particular thing: coffee.

Ah yes, coffee. The drink of the gods. The gods of sleep deprivation. The gods of winners.

Despite the nigh religious feelings that our dear Twilight held toward coffee, she had no qualms with consuming. You see, the food pyramid actually has another level underneath grains, an even larger, more important level. Can you guess what it is? That's right! Tuna!

No. That's wrong. The small people in my head are telling me that the lower level is, in fact, coffee. If You have guessed right, please enter the nearest bathroom, stare into the mirror, and ask yourself: "just what am I doing with my life?"

Long story short, Twilight liked coffee. She was under the impression that coffee was so inherently good, so amazing, that it was impossible to mess up making it.

And she was dead wrong.

This is where our story begins.

*dramatic camera movement while orchestral score starts*

As Twilight enters the kitchen, and by "enter" I mean uncoordinatedly stumble up to the coffee pot, she was pleasantly surprised to find that coffee had already been made! What a day this was shaping up to be! She fired up the ol' magic stick attached to forehead and simultaneously grabbed a mug and the coffee pot. She poured herself a nice cuppa joe and set herself down at the simple oaken table.

Twilight took the mug between her hooves, slowly lifting it up to her muzzle as she savor end the gentle heat that radiated from the coffee. Smiling, she brought the mug to her lips, took a sip...

And promptly spat the coffee out of her mouth and into a fine mist in the air. With the sudden shock having woken her up, Twilight stared in disbelief at the coffee in her hooves. How? How could something so perfect be so disgusting?! Her face contorted into one of rage as she turned to face the coffee maker.

As her eyes settle on the little machine, she realized, the pot was plastic. It was plastic. How could this have happened? Also, when the buck did they get a coffee machine?! Twilight had always made her coffee from scratch in the metal coffee pot that had been a gag gift from her brother when she first went under the tutelage of the Princess.

"SPIKE!", she yelled furiously. "GET IN HERE!"

There was a loud crash from upstairs as the offending dragon stumbled over everything in the house in his hurry to report. With a final series of bumps and bops, he tumbled down the stairs, landing upside down but still managing to keep a rigid posture as he saluted her without righting himself.

"Spike! I don't know where on Faust's holy yoga pants you found this abomination of a coffee maker, but it needs to go! This is without a doubt the worst cup of coffee ever made! I bet even Discord himself would ban this coffee for being to horrible! I want it disposed of, and I want it done yesterday! And I want my coffee! Caaaaaaauussssse....
All I want is a proper cup of coffee
Made in a proper copper coffee pot!
I may be off my dot, but I want a proper coffee
In a proper copper pot!
Iron coffee pots and tin coffee pots;
They are no use to me!
If I can't have a proper cup of coffee
In a proper copper coffee pot I'll have a cup of tea!"

With her rant finished, Twilight stormed upstairs to thoroughly brush her teeth and tongue to try rid her mouth of the awful taste.
Spike merely rolled his eyes, stood up, and made his way to the diabolically box of evil that was currently disguised as a coffee maker. Sighing, he unplugged it and dumped it in the trash can. As he did, he mumbled quietly to himself. "I thought the coffee was pretty good."

Apparently, this is too short to be published, however, I have finished to little story and will repeat the word "cat" until it reaches to 1,000 word mark. I hope this gets published anyway. I thought it was funny.
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Author's Note

It's late, I should go to bed. I have tests and crao tomorrow/today. Whichever.

Inspired by Trout Fishing in America
I miss their music. I think I still have an old cd with them on it...