Tales by Balefirelight (a Fallout: Equestria Group Collab)

Chainsaw

by G-man64

I saw the unicorn walk into the store that I used to peddle my goods, “Alright, stick ‘em up,” he said obviously inebriated. There was a flower pot on his head and he was waving a chainsaw, “I know how to use this, I think.”

Honestly, it got to the point that I didn’t care anymore, this seemed to happen every other week, the local drunk would come in with a pot on his head in a vain attempt to conceal his identity, wave his chainsaw, and I’d give him about a hundred caps to make him feel better. But this was just getting tiresome.

“Come on man,” I told him, “This was funny the first couple times, a nice break from monotony but now this is just getting sad,” I told him.

“Wha, who said that?” he asked trying to locate me by my voice.

“This is the last time,” I said pulling out a small leather pouch with some caps, “Come here again and I’m using that chainsaw on you got it!?” I asked forcibly.

After getting his ill-gotten gain, he left only to return not minutes later sans the pot and chainsaw, “Hey man, got anything to drink?”

“You know I do, we do this every couple of weeks!” I yelled, “Why don’t you just trade the chainsaw to me for some booze? Wouldn’t it be a lot easier?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he responded, “I don’t own a chainsaw.”

“Yes you do, you rob me every couple of weeks with it and a flower pot, I knew it was you the first time you did it!”

“But if I sold the chainsaw, how would I make more caps?” he asked wholeheartedly.

“Come on, that’s like a thousand caps easy, you only get a hundred every two weeks, just listen to me it’s simpler and won’t annoy the whole settlement,” I said very seriously.

“Could you just give me the booze for the chainsaw?” he asked.

“Probably,” I replied, “That’s what would happen in the end anyway,” I told him.

“Alright, I’ll go get it!” he said.

He returned with the saw and the flower pot, “So how much for these?” he asked.

“Thousand for the saw sixty for the pot sound good?” I asked.

“Sure,” he replied hurriedly as he ran over and grabbed equal value in booze.

“Great,” I told him, “Now, get out, and if you try and rob me again I now have a means to fight back,” I said lifting the saw.

To put it simply, that was the last time anyone stole from my store, yeah others tried but they never made it out the door.

Can’t say I can complain to much, after all griffons walk in here sometimes, and they’re carnivores.