Tales by Balefirelight (a Fallout: Equestria Group Collab)

Train

by Sophos

“Why do they call her the Conductor?” Asked the new puller, a lanky green Earth Pony with ridiculously large farmer's hat and gown. “Ah mean, shucks, Ah don't know where she'ad keep a band.”

“You must be joking.” I wished with every fiber of my being.

“Oh, it has sumthin' to do with the pre-wastes right? They'ad worked that E-let-tree-city.”

“You green-horn piece of...work.”

“Ah thank ya!” She blushed as she gandered at her own coat. “But Ah'm an Earth Pony, not a Unicorn silly.” She giggled.

I fixed my eyes straight ahead and waited for the whistle, in an attempt to ignore the pullers behind and to either side of me. It was one of the luxuries of being the lead.

I say,that is a lovely dress, Miss Hoof.” Rail cooed in his mimicry of a gentlestallion's voice; I seriously had no idea who he was trying to fool. He didn't have that much to inherit, and a long while to do so.

“It's a lovely safety hazard.” I muttered under my breath.

“Ahhh, y'all are SO nice! It's from the pre-wastes too, Ah wanted to look good for my first day.”

“ But of course Miss, first impressions and such; but you do mean pre-WAR, don't you?”

“Well, that'ad be silly. The war went on for like, twenty years 'fore them bombs dropped.”

“Oh indeed, that is quite the observation lass. I do believe ''pre-wastes'' is a more accurate term.”

“Except trains were a pre-war technology.” I spat to my side.

“Mr. Catcher! There is a lady present.”

“Don't remind me. I'm trying really hard not to mind either of you.”

*WHISTLESOUNDEFFECT*

“Alright,” *Huff* “...let's get going.” *Puff* “Woo, I need to get back to pulling.” Said our hefty Conductor, after putting all her lung power into her whistle.

“Finally.” I walked forward, until my straps were taut, and started pulling. This was always the hardest part, unless we had to make a sudden stop, but it's just a matter of picking up momentum. Once we got started it was smooth sailing, just like when I had traversed these tracks as a colt; now that I had grown, it was just a workout, a stroll, and a paycheck. An hour went by, then another, and then-

“AHHHHHHHH!”

“Hit the breaks!” Rail shouted as loudly as possible while staying in character.

“Horse.” I stomped my forehooves into the dirt between the tracks. “Feathers.” I bucked at the train. My back hooves rested against the face of the locomotive, while my forehooves skidded across the dirt; I angled them upwards, allowing the tracks to come under heel. Forget to do that last part, and you'll wind up under the train or hung at the front of it. Both pictures weren't pretty but the second had the most potential, in fact, I once saw a Pegasus get their spine broken and innards squeezed out them; the straps aren't quite thin enough to cut, so they just hung over top of them like a soggy sack. That image in mind, I turned to what had befell our newest addition. She was clinging on the railing on the face of train, fighting against her dress; which was caught in the wheels and attempting to drag her with it. As the train slowed, my eyes wandered across her flank; a pistol over a bag of ''$,'' not what I expected.

“What's going on out here!?” Cried the Conductor.

“Oh DUDE, thanks, well I wanna say thanks but also ''screw you!'' 'cause now I'm gonna feel bad about this and I really don't wanna feel bad about-” She rambled as she hopped off the railing and undid her straps.

“What happened to your accent?”

“...right now, you know? Especially after all this excitement but a plan's a plan's a plan, right?” A maroon glow spilled from under her hat, as it was lifted overhead and discarded to the wind; in it's place was a horn and a beat up .357 revolver. “Normally this is where I would shoot one of you, you know, to get the point across ''I am mean and dangerous!'' but given the circumstances just mind the noise.” She fired a shot into the air, forcing my hooves to my ears; it sounded like the pistol had exploded. My ears ringing, a mess of ill-looking characters trotted over the hill and spared not a moment to beleaguer the train. The mare's coat shined, and became a deep indigo. She continued talking as a few of her cohorts kept rifles trained on us, or maybe she was just mouthing words.

“What!?”

“...and that's why we wear ankhs, so it really is for a good cause but I'm sure that doesn't make much of a difference for you but thanks for your contributions anyway. Oh, y'all got all of it already? Okay, well I guess this is goodbye stay easy to mug bye.” She galloped to the top of the hill, waved, and trotted off with her partners in crime.

“What just happened?” Cried the Conductor.

“We got robbed, now get in these straps; those wares have our stamp on them and we can beat them there-”

“How do you propose we do that!? Even if we abandon the train-”

“I DON'T CARE! I'm going to try! And your fat ass will at least be helping by getting off the damn train. Speaking of which, it feels a whole lot lighter now that they're toting the goods. Let's go, now.”

“Fine.” She strapped herself in. “You don't have to be a dick about it.”

“Going now!” I ran against the straps, and in little time at all the both of them were struggling to keep up. We still had four hours to go when I saw a Brahmin on the tracks.

“Mr. Catcher, I believe this your domain of-” *WEEZE* “...expertise.”

“Just keep pulling, I'll run ahead and handle this.” I undid my straps on the run and tossed them to Rail. “Here hold this.”

“EWWW, it's all sweaty and shiii.”

“Hey, you.” I called as I approached the Brahmin. It kicked over a rock and grumbled. “If you don't move I'll move you!”

“wh-Moo.”

“Son of a-” I got under the Brahmin and hoisted it off the ground.

“MOOO!”

“Shut up, it'll be over soon.” I walked off the tracks. I heard laughter nearby. “What?”

“MOOOOO, MOOOVE, MOOOOO!” I threw the Brahmin off of me.

“What the, just what?” There sat four Brahmin around a table littered with cards and clumps of black rocks.

“Holy shit! It's the feds- I mean, MOO! Run, MOO!” They all took off, leaving where I stood for who knows how long.

“Mr. Catcher, what are you staring at?” Rail called from somewhere behind me. “I thought we were in a hurry.”

“Yeah, just give a second to think.” I walked up to the table. It I was a betting stallion, they were playing poker. “Huh?” I picked up one of the bargaining chip from the massive pile.

“What is it Mr. Catcher?”

“Coal.”