The Phoenix

by Uberdeathninja

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Human, Dark, Comedy
Length: 3041

A dazed and confused undead goes on a delusional quest to 'save' Equestria, along with his witty-but-deceitful 'pet', Shalquoir, and his persistent foil, The Pursuer.

It was so dark down there… so cold… I don't even remember why I was down there… I don't even remember my own name anymore. I've been hollow for so long… so long without a soul to eat, or a fire to warm my rotting, cursed bones… but that's the fun part, I guess: Figuring it all out again. Besides, let's look on the bright side: I know that I'm not from here… I think. I also know that I'm in a dying world, and I'm the only one who can save it… If that damned pursuer would stop following me. Also, I'm not entirely alone down here; I get to spend my days in the company of a creepy, bitchy cat who apparently loves the smell of death and butthurt. And now that I'm finally free, I'm going to complete what I think I was probably destined to maybe do: reignite the flame of this world, and save it from the agent of The Abyss herself; Princess Celestia!

… At least, that's what Shalquoir keeps telling me.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-13 02:15:30 UTC

1: Light of hope

The sun was finally nearing the peak of it's orbit, one sunny day, and under this sun, the Griffon Kingdom's excavation of some derelict ruins was fully under way. The miners had been working on these ruins, which were on the direct border between their country and the ponies', for many day, and had worked tirelessly to clear it of its many dangers so that they could see what untold tresures the ruins held. Early on, though, the miners ran into trouble with blind, dark beasts of unknown origin and foul temperament, grandiose, highly lethal traps of every shape and size, and worst of all, strange golems of unknown alloy that had already cost the excavation team a lot of time and resources to clear out.

The alloy the aggressive constructs were composed of was heavy, light gray/greenish blue, like tarnished cobalt, and it was unnaturally resistant to temperature change of any kind or variation. The golems had been lined up along the long corridor that made up the entire ruins, which was, in turn, armed with an array of lethal traps and alcoves from which the dark-lurking creatures inhabiting the ruins constantly assailed them, forcing them to leave a trail of torches and bodies as the kingdom's troops and scholars advanced. However, though, the archaeologists still made it through the halls intact... more or less. And now, finally, after two long weeks of adversity, the small army had made it to the end of the strange, dangerous crypt, before to giant doors that seemed to block their way further.

Strangely enough, though, the double doors were inward opening, and had no methods of being opened from the inside... or at all, for that matter. At first they assumed the ruins were some kind of a crypt, but a lack of ancient bodies, bones, or sarcophagi told them otherwise. Also, the ruin doors sported an early griffon royal crest, even though the ruins themselves dated back even earlier... way earlier than recorded history. But, with the golems down and the squints studying them, they could get down to business with the structure, at last.

A lone house cat, dusty grey in color and haughty in gait, strutted across one of the many tree roots that penetrated the tomb-like prison on the other side of the colossal double doors, peering side to side cautiously, and gazing at her and her friend's prison with clear, strikingly blue eyes. The root was too thin for the original prisoner of the ruinous dungeon to cross, and even if they could, the hole in the wall was barely enough for herself, much less a full-grown, armored human... sort of. after taking in the all-too-familiar scenery, The cat stepped off the root and onto the large platform in the center of the room. There was a ten foot wide trench ringing it, running half a mile deep. She walked over to the hunched, sitting figure of the ruin's prisoner... a being known only to a select few, and to them is known only as "The Phoenix".

The cat, seeing The Phoenix, then walked over with a distinct swagger to the armored figure, who sat facing the door on the far side of the almost dead fire. She then stopped by the still corpse, and took a deep whiff of the stench of rot and damnation emanating from the hunched, seemingly dead being.

"Ooh... You smell wonderful, my friend." She said, and a second of silence passed, before a soft, drawn-out sigh escaped from the corpse, though the house cat did not seem to be startled.

"Piss off, Shalquoir." The corpse slowly replied with a drawn-out, hissing voice, stirring to life for the first time in centuries as it hesitantly raised its old, dusty, rotten head. The being itself was clad in falconer's armor, with a longsword, a morningstar and a bastard sword within reach of one hand, and an eagle kite shield, a cleric's chime, and a staff in reach of the other. It's long, dusty plume stretched into the shadows behind him. The creature resembled nothing this world had ever seen before, a member of a race thought nonexistent in Equestria... though here he was, still moving and breathing... more or less. The creature that was The Pheonix, with no physical protrusions on it's body such as horns or wings, was vastly different than the small, quadruped ponies of this land, the major difference between he and they being the lack of hair, It's two  monograded legs, which ended in long, multi-toed feet, and it's skin was sickly green with rot and disease, like something out of a horror novel. It was a wonder how the abominable thing even moved, with such rot and decay proliferating its every muscle and joint, but it yet sat, looking right at Shalquoir with white, glazed eyes that reflected the fire before them, giving them a soft, dead glow about them.

"Had enough of the silent treatment, I presume?" The cat laughed merrily, trying to evoke a response from the undead creature. But alas, no response arose from the zombie-like being, whom had resumed it's original pose; One knee up and an arm resting on that knee.

"Hmph... Spoil sport. Well, I guess you don't want to hear about the excavation outside?" The cat, apparently named 'Sweet Shalquoir', harrumphed playfully, turning her head to the side in a display of mock offense. This gathered the Phoenix's attention, though, and the rotten head of the creature quickly rose and turned to the talking house cat, an expression of surprise and confusion etched onto his near-skeletal features.

"What? Excavation? You had better not be fucking with me, cat." The Phoenix hastily declared, his glare becoming cold as it locked onto Shalquoir, who only laughed sweetly before turning back to him, mischief in her blue eyes.

"No joke, master, the griffons finally found this place. They finally dealt with the Blue-Steel sentinels, but, unfortunately, they don't know how to open the door." Shalquoir said disinterestedly. The Phoenix then looked at the door, roots covered the gap between him and the back of it.

"Go give them this... This will get their rears in gear." The Phoenix said coldly as he gave the cat the key to the antechamber of his prison. The key itself was a simple disk with a hoof-shaped indentation to grip and turn it, and three holes in the back to grasp the pegs of the door's lock and turn the latch, opening the massive doors. Shalquoir then took the key, making sure to bow slightly in a gesture of subservience, and quickly made her way to the hole in the wall, which was still quite a squeeze for the cat. Now alone, The Phoenix took and crushed a small human effigy within his hand without a second look at the idol, restoring his body to a young, fleshier state in but a second, and then rekindled the bonfire in front of him with a discarded branch. After all was done, he rested and began to wait for the doors to open. At long last, after so many countless years of waiting and waiting, his emancipation was, at last, within his reach. All he had to do now... was wait.

THE NEXT DAY

Twilight Sparkle and her friends finally arrived at the ruined site,a place right between the border of griffon country and Equestria. They were sent by Celestia to a small griffon excavation of her highest interest nearby, to oversee the procedure, and the King of The Griffon Kingdom was alright with this. Still, the newly-coronated princess was curious as to why her mentor was so interested in this particular excavation; Surely, other places would be more suitable to dig for history than some forlorn mountains? Finally, after a long trip through wind and snow and terrain unfitted to ponykind, Twilight arrived at the scene and met with the people in charge.

"So... what exactly do we know about this place?" Twilight asked, curious to the ruin's workings.

"Not much, other than it's older than the crest on the door would have you believe." The griffon in charge said as they walked down the long corridor, toward where the team claimed to have met the one obstacle they could not overcome, hence why they requested royalty to be sent, even if it was only Twilight.

"So... What do you think's on the other side?" Rainbow Dash asked, curious as to what lay at the end of the long, dusty, blood-stained hall, the stains of battle still present, though the bodies were long removed.

"Probably royal tombs. We honestly have no clues except for the crests and the golems guarding it. Honestly though, it looks more like they were trying to keep something in, rather than out, judging by all this firepower." The griffon said, casting odd glances at the remaining statues, as if afraid that they, too, would spring to life and end their journey here.

"That is odd." Twilight noted. Normally, royal tombs didn't even have golems. This tomb was looking more like a prison the longer she thought about it. The group came to the door.

"As a foreign dignitary, I believe you should have the honor of opening it." The griffon said as he gave Twilight the key.

"Why thank you." Twilight said as she took the key in a magical aura, bowing slightly in a gesture of thanks. She then turned toward the massive, intimidating doors before her, and placed the key in the socket and turned it clockwise, her hoof in the indentation as was instructed. Finally, the key stopped turning, and as soon as it rested it sunk into the door, becoming level with it's surface... Yet, the doors did nothing at first for a few moments, confusing Twilight and her friends. But soon they began to stumble as the double doors rumbled loudly, shaking the entire ruins with their force, and slowly slid backward and down, into the floor. So, with one obstacle gone, all that stood before them now was a curious wall of fog, which shifted and thinned in places, but ultimately did not move, as if it in itself was a solid barrier in itself. Curious, Twilight did a scan of the fog wall, looking it up and down, but she could find no reason for such a phenomenon..

"Huh... It seems to be some sort of fog-based barrier of some kind." Twilight explained, then, she tapped the barrier, and as she thought, her hoof made no sound, but simply stopped in place as the foreleg made contact with the obstruction. " Just as I thought... It's one-way, and we have the sending end, it seems." Twilight finally said, instigating several groans from both most of her friends, and most of the griffon workforce.

"Aw, what?! That's stupid! You're a princess now! Can't you just, like, un-magic it, or something?" Rainbow dash quickly asked, irritation present, and Twilight pondered this, prodding the unique barrier one last time.

"Well...It may be ruptured and destroyed if we force our way through it though it..." Twilight said ponderously, and she began to reach for the wall hesitantly with her right foreleg, almost hesitant to destroy such a unique, but effective magical barrier. Her hoof then passed through, churning the fog in a violent fashion. Suddenly, something on the far side quickly seized her ankle, though, causing Twilight to scream out in shock, and she yanked her hoof back toward her, though something was wrong: Some force withing the barrier was pulling her in... And it was emerging! Indeed, from where her appendage was, a new one assumed it's place... and an odd one, at that.

The new limb, as far as she could see, was gloved, giant, almost as big as her head, and ended in little... tentacles, sort of, judging by how they bent and wrapped around her hoof to grip in with force enough to crush her skull. Finally, after a brief struggling match, the horrifying limb lurched forward as she pulled back, revealing more of the forelimb, which seemed to be cloaked in tough, red leather, and soon, Twilight found herself unwittingly bringing it's body with it, until, at last, the limb let go of her, sending the indignant princess tumbling backward comically.

And then, before their eyes, to the horror of all in the room, the owner of the rogue limb emerged from the fog, completely dispelling it at last, and revealing the horror to all, the thing that had lain in these crypts for all these years: A tall, armored being, roughly ten hooves tall, almost, nay, MORE THAN twice Twilight's height, with an upright body, standing on two legs that ended in tapered points instead of hooves, and two powerful-looking arms, one gloved, and one bare, and atop its metallic, shining head, was the single longest bird feather Twilight had ever seen, trailing behind him like a luxurious status symbol of some kind. In short, this thing was taller, stronger, and more menacing than anything the princess had ever seen before, short of an ursa minor... and it did NOT look happy to see them.

The massive creature finally emerged from the fog wall with a grunt, pulling himself through, thanks to the kind helping hand, or more like helping hoof, of the little, purple stranger before him. Twilight, though, stared in horror and curiosity at the newly freed being, and as if sensing her distress, the creature laughed merrily, and began to speak to the princess... but it only frightened her more as it tried to calm her, for, instead of speaking some alien language as she thought it would, the massive thing began to apologize in perfect Equiish:

"Sorry for the jump-scare, girl; It was the only way to gain my freedom. But hey, thanks for the help!" The thing finally said, loudly, and  he turned for the exit, and proceeded to walk away, as though nothing happened.

"Where do you think you're going, pal?" Rainbow finally said as she placed herself between the towering, armored creature and the exit to the ruins, her brashness shocking even her friends as she met the thing in what appeared to be no less than an outright challenge, despite the measures obviously taken to contain this creature... whatever it was. However, though she made it clear she wanted to fight this creature, he seemed completely oblivious to her intent, and answered Rainbow as honestly as he could:

"Where ever my endless road takes me, I suppose." He retorted aloofly, and he simply walked on, only stopping to spin around the egotistical pegasus when she tried to block him further. Finally having enough, Rainbow Dash tacked and pinned the massive creature to the ground... or, at least, she tried to. She managed to get her forelegs around the armored, plumed beast's legs, slowing him, and causing great irritation on his part,

"You're not going anywhere, pal. Not 'til you answer some questions."

"Not with that attitude, I'm not." The creature said nonchalantly, and he quickly unpinned himself and pinned her by her barrel with his sword hand. And then, in a bold move, he got off her, letting Rainbow Dash free, to everyone's confusion.

"And that, my friend, is how you pin someone."

"Oogh... I think you broke something..." Rainbow complained.

"Walk a mile in my shoes. You'll learn to walk it off. Good first fight, by the way, got my mojo flowing, it did." The towering figure replied, dusting himself off as he got away from the downed pegasus.

"Who are you, and why were you in there?" Twilight finally asked, once she had recovered from the shock of this absolute alien in the ruins.

"I don't know, little miss. But, as for who I am, you may call me the Phoenix. Now, if you all will excuse me, I got places to be, things to do, the whole shtick." He said. and turned to leave. As he did, though, Twilight suddenly noticed the battle-scarred shield baring the same crest as the door in his left hand.

"Hey! You can't take those artifacts! They're excavation property!" The Head of the excavation squawked as he saw the ancient shield.

"By that same logic, so am I, you glorified tomb-raider." The Phoenix retorted. That got the Head's blood boiling.

"Guards! arrest this thief!" Two Elite Royal Guards charged the Phoenix. So, faced with few options but to fight, He grabbed the first guard, and flipped him over his shoulder, then broke his ribs with a mighty stomp. The Pheonix then spun around while drawing his longsword, which had been infused with the essence of flames, effectively giving the second guard a cauterized sucking wound by slicing through the chest, piercing the lungs. Then, in an unusual display of mercy, The Phoenix produced a sacred chime of some sort, and began reciting something in a tongue none of them had ever heard before. But, as soon as he was done, a healing golden light enveloped him, then spread to the injured guards, healing broken bones and burnt gashes almost immediately. Twilight was stunned by the displays of violence and mercy performed by this creature, the Pheonix, as it said. But even more so, he had not only done these things with surprising ease, but with complete randomness and abandon. Here before her was a trained killer, tempered by a lifetime and a half of war, and untold centuries of silent rage. Here was also a magicless alien who had just cast a complex healing spell with the ease of a master unicorn.

"How did you do that?" Twilight asked, staring at the chime the Phoenix held with great interest.

"What, the heal excerpt? It was nothing, I do that all the time." The Phoenix said.

"No. That defies all laws of nature and magic. No ordinary being should be capable of directly using magic, especially nothing as complex as that." Twilight retorted, dumbfounded. But still, The Phoenix only shrugged, his aloofness seemingly untouchable.

"Believe what you will." The Phoenix said as he turned and walked way. This time, hopefully, no one would stop him.