From Your Crooked Eyes
By PB
Dedicated to Edd Gould; I’ll miss you, buddy, you brightened up my day.
Ever have that feeling when you can just let the world go, when your hooves just let go of the ground, and you can soar, without wings, without anything?
I felt that, I have felt it many times before, when I was with her. She brightened up my day, even at night. She filled my heart with joy, even in the saddest of times. She was always by my side, and I at hers, we would walk through the fields, and the pollen would crinkle her snout.
The dandelions would float around, and she would be inches off the ground, gently flying next to me, as I trotted next to her. I looked at the ground, it was dirt, but then the reality rushed in, and it was tile, color coated.
I wasn’t in a field anymore, I was in a hospital, alone, and I shut my eyes, just
to get away from it all.
She would make me breakfast, sometimes in bed, and, pat me on the forehead, jokingly. I would laugh, she would laugh, and the everything seemed like it was going to turn out okay. My Silly Little Filly, I used to call her, whenever she needed a friend close by, and I would hold her as close as possible. I would whisper in her ear; “I’ll never let go,” and she would whisper back; “You promise?”
My answer was always the same; “I promise,” and we would watch the clouds move across the sky.
Every afternoon, I would come home from my stroll, greeting everypony, and I would walk in the front door, hearing the same three words for over four years, “I love you,”. It’s amazing what those three words mean, it unlocks a whole new life, all its gifts, its glories, and all of its pains.
Lunch was probably the best part of the day, besides the night of course. We would sit down at the table, and we would talk about what we did. She would sit next to me, and I would name everypony I greeted. She liked to hear my stories, and I could tell one hay of a story. She was such a good listener. I could tell she was listening, I mean, actually listening, by the way she looked at me. She would have that intrigued look on her face, she was my own little journal, and I was hers.
When the nights came, it was usually peaceful, but then there were ‘those’ nights, where she would get those feelings of doubt, so she would turn to me.
“Do you love me, truly?” she asked me.
“Of course I do, I always will,” I hushed.
“How much do you love me?” She started to smile a bit, the corners of her lips tightening upwards.
“To the bottom of your hooves, from your crooked eyes,” I said, already smiling, and tears were beginning to swell in her eyes.
I would pull the covers over us, and we would drift off to sleep, this time, the world melted into water, and we would sail the never ending ocean of the world, watching the creamy colors and salty air blow around, her golden blonde hair whipping around. Her laugh was like an angel’s hoofsteps. I smiled harder, then before I knew it, it was morning, and I had come to realize, it was just a dream.
My love for her was stronger than any bond, nothing would come between us. The beginning of the day, when life would move on. I woke up to breakfast in bed, and a smiling face, warm as the Sun’s glow.
I greeted her, and she said; “Hey there, sleepyhead!” rubbing my mane into a more rustled fashion.
I find it terribly odd, waking up, thinking that you could have the best day of your life, maybe you could do something big, like win a million bits, or maybe something small, like saving an ant or caterpillar from being stepped on. I was planning on taking her out for a stroll in the fields again. After she laid down my plate, I noticed her cough, a small cough, followed by a sneeze. It was in that same order, the one cough, then the one sneeze. No more.
Now, a few days later, or now, I’m sitting in a chair, waiting room, a doctor rushes by me, and a bed with a very sick patient is being pushed through the door, into emergency operating. I couldn’t get a glimpse of who it was, but I could have sworn, it was somepony I knew. Not my Silly Little Filly friend, but somepony I knew.
It was getting late, and I looked at the clock, very late. She was probably sleeping know, trying to get better, and the rest of the room has empty chairs, except for a few ponies who were also asleep. I tried to drift off, and wanted to go back to a simpler time, like when I met her.
I fell asleep, and vivid pictures flashed through my mind, the most important memories.
I was younger, and I was at the pictures, waiting for my feature, the room crowded with other ponies. I had my drink, and an empty seat next to me. I didn’t have any friends back then, and I still don’t have a lot know. The empty seat was inviting, so I kicked my hind legs up, stretching out. That’s when she walked in.
She bumped into the aisles, trying to find a seat, but nopony would let her sit. She wasn’t carrying anything, she couldn’t have been too much of a burden to sit next to, so I spoke up; “Hey you! You can come sit here!” and I pointed down to the seat I kicked my hind legs off of. She grinned, and floated her way down. She sat next to me, and thanked me.
“I’m Derpy, by the way,” she said, and I noticed her off centered eyes.
“Derpy? Well, nice to meet you, Derpy,” and I notched my head.
We sat through the first half of the movie, then the slightest thing happened, but I would remember it always, she spilled my drink all over me. I tried to use the napkins from the holsters at the back of the room, but I couldn’t get to them.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get them!” she said, and floated up, grabbed a hooffull, and raced back, little did she know, she forgot to rip the napkins, seeing that they were actually all attached to each other, so she was pulling the whole roll out, drapping the moviegoers.
I chuckled as she wiped me down, and we got back to watching the movie.
Once it was over, I turned, and said; “It was...’ I paused, she looked at me, her eyebrows tilted, and her expression vague and beautiful, “nice meeting you,”.
She agreed, and said that maybe we would see each other again one day. I agreed, and we parted. That was when my first memory ended. My vision was obscured, and I was pulled into a white light, and I skipped over a few months.
I was eating dinner, I could tell what it was, a sunflower sandwich, over done and burned to a crisp, but I was nopony for complaining, as the waitress was very nice and filled my mug up four and a half times.
I had a slight head ache from the night before, I was studying too hard to pass my final exams, I was just finishing school, and I was soon to be a free stallion. My stuff was already packed, and I was counting the days off like the crumpled up pieces of paper in my waste bin back at the house.
Then I heard the door open, and the little bell on the top rang.
I turned around.
“Hey there, long time no see!” she said, floating down. She sat next to me, in the same booth. She quickly ordered before I got settled, and we were having dinner together in a matter of minutes. I felt kind of awkward sitting next to her, seeing that I barely knew this mare, this fascinating mare. I started talking;
“So, Derpy, was it?”
“Yup, Derpy,” she laughed, it hadn’t changed at all. She pushed her mane out of the way and tried getting closer, which only made me more uncomfortable, as would anypony, but something was different with this one. She wasn’t afraid to push her luck.
“So, where do you hail from?”
“Me? Oh, anywhere,” she said, eating away at what she ordered. So, she didn’t actually live anywhere, permanent.
“What do you do for money?” I asked, curious of how she got by without a home, no help at all.
“I lift things, like moving, and I deliver mail, but they haven’t been giving me enough to hold up an apartment yet” she answered. I felt bad, really bad to hear this. A mare like this shouldn’t have to find a bad job and try to make ends meet just so they can get by. I got a thought in my head, a risky one, but a good one.
“Look, Derpy, I’m not making any promises, and I have only met you twice... but.... maybe I could let you... I don’t know, sleep on my couch or something,” my voice trailed off.
Derpy looked at me, then thought, she was deciding what to do, and I thought it was getting to her, and it was. She agreed, very thankfully, and I paid the tab, plus tip. It felt like a ‘not a date’ kind of date. We were both obviously enjoying ourselves, and we had dinner together, I paid. I just let it lay on my shoulders, and soon got over it.
When we arrived to my house, which wasn’t as nice as it is, when I left it, this morning, outside of my memories, she took a look around, and I was sure that she would describe it as messy, drab, etcetera, etcetera, but no.
“Thanks!” she yelled, and clumsily floated over to hug me. She had a firm grip, and strong arms, probably from all the lifting. Her grin was a wide as a mile, and she let go to hop on the sofa, snug as a bug.
“Let me get you some blankets and a pillow,” I said, rummaging through the closet. I got the higher quality pillows and the softer blankets for my guest, and I gave them to ger. She laid down in a funny way, but I didn’t judge.
She fell asleep a few after, and I poked my head in to make sure she was okay. I lived alone, and to think I had a mare, sleeping on my couch. I felt exhilarated, but horrible at the same time. I was living in my own fantasy world within a fantasy world. I watched her sleep for a few seconds, her body sprawled out, the blankets, mostly on the floor, the pillow under her back, and head up against the arm of the chair.
I went back into my room, but I didn’t get a wink of sleep.
Now, I could remember the first date, the real date. After the night I took her in, I decided to let her stay another day, until she got her money, but it never happened. I finished school, and she was still with me, but I did get to know her better. She stayed one night, then it was two, three, four. A few months, and I registered her as a roommate.
I was under a spell, maybe, but I couldn’t let her leave, she had no place else. When I sprung up the question; “Want to grab some dinner?” even though we had gone to dinner before, but not the ‘date’ kind of dinner, she said, “Okay!” excitedly.
I took her to a nice place, we walked, it was probably around Hearth Warming’s Eve, and we had a reservation. The place was nice, from what I had heard, and I hadn’t gone there before, so the night could have gone great, or very bad. The Moon was rising, and the snow was mild, it was fluttery, and it was a few inches piled up.
When we got to our table, after the very long wait, we ordered. The small talk we had was always a good time, like what our New Year’s Resolution would be, and mine was to... then I come up blank, because it had already come true. Mine was to have a friend, and Derpy’s was to hold down a good job, which the chances were slim.
We got our food, cooked right this time, and we ate, continuing our conversation;
“What do you want to do for New Year’s?” I asked.
“I dunno’, maybe we could do something special,” she suggested. That’s when I got a plan, something big, a surprise. Why hadn’t I thought of it before. I knew exactly what we were going to do, and it was going to be great.
After we finished eating, we waited another thirty minutes or so, and we were asked to leave because it was closing time. I paid, and we exited. It was very dark, and it took us a bit to find our way home. We told jokes as we walked.
I unlocked the door, and sat down on the couch, her next to me. She started;
“Thanks, that was fun,”
“No problem,” my voice cool and crisp.
“So, what did you want to do for New Year’s?” she asked, now wanting to know what we were going to do.
“Well, it was going to be a surprise, but... I thought maybe we could go to Manehatten and watch the clock strike twelve. The Princess will be there, but we probably won’t get close,”
Her heart fluttered, and she burst out in joy, “What a great idea! I can’t wait!” and then a thousand ‘thank you’s’ and hugs came in.
So, that date, was majorly successful, but small time, nothing too big.
Then I woke up.
The doctor was shaking me, whispering like; “Sir, wake up, please,”. He didn’t want to disturb the other sleeping ponies, nice of him. He informed me off what went down, and how it happened.
“Tell me, is she okay,” I asked, my heart in my throat.
The doctor took his glasses off, and inhaled. He looked at me, shaking his head; “Uh... No, she isn’t. It’s like nothing we haven’t seen before, and I’m sorry to tell you this, but there is no other way,” his voice was grave.
I felt something deep inside me, something pulling on my heartstrings, and I looked at him. I didn’t cry, I didn’t tear up, not even a sniffle.
“How long, Doctor?” I asked, this was like a movie. The main character would get in an accident, and the supporting one would say ‘how long’ or something, then the doctor would say;
“I’m sorry sir, but we don’t know,”
“You don’t know? Can you estimate?” I wanted to know the exact number of minutes I had, maybe days.
The only difference is that in the movie, the main character gets better. That wasn’t the story with Derpy.
“She has the choice, but the time we gave her a few hours. She knows already, and she asked for you, before she goes. The fever reached a high temperature, then her body began shutting down. You can see her, but she can give out at anytime,” he said, and helped me up out of my chair. I was shaking at this point, and they escorted me down the hall. I could hear sobs, from the other rooms, and I peered into one as we walked by.
Somepony’s friend had passed away, it was the one I saw before, he didn’t make it.
I walked into the room, we were on the first floor, her room had three numbers on it, in big black paint.
Room 143
I entered, and the doctor shut the door on me, it would be the last time I saw him .
She was in her bed, and had all these tubes stuck in her fore legs. Her wings were curled up, she was sweating, and the heart monitor was going slowly, very quietly. There was a chair next to the bed, and I sat down in it. Once I did, she woke up, and turned her head towards me, her smile grew. She tried to turn over fully, but couldn’t. I opened my mouth, chocking on my words;
“Hey there, sleepyhead,” like how she would greet me whenever I woke up. She giggled, then coughed. Why?
I leaned over, and calmed her, “Don’t worry, I’m here now,”
“I knew you would be,” she said, turning back to the ceiling.
“You get your rest, I’ll be right next to you,” I calmed, and she shut her eyes. She looked so peaceful, and I started to drift to. I didn’t know how long I was out before.
I dreamt of when we went to Manehatten, for the New Year’s Eve celebration. Thousands of ponies, everywhere, celebrating for the new year. That was three years ago, but I will always remember it.
We were about halfway through the crowd, and we really did get a good view of the Princess. She was beautiful, but nothing compared to my Silly Little Filly. Confetti was floating everywhere, and the time was drawing near, only a few minutes left. Derpy was having fun, cheering, waving to everybody, smiling. So was I, this was the time to let go, and have fun, no matter what, nothing could ruin this night.
During the thirty second mark where everypony was getting ready to count down, Derpy leaned in closer to me, and hugged me for a good ten seconds, I was taking it as a thank you, but it was something else. It was an ‘I love you’ hug, and at the last ten seconds, she broke the hug, looked at me, and planted her lips onto mine.
Each second felt like five of them. I was succumbed to it, and I closed my eyes, and I could no longer see her crooked ones. Her tongue was warm on the inside of my mouth, and her air from her snout rushed upon my face. I didn’t want it to end.
You know when you have your first kiss? Me? That was my first one, it’s special, right? You’re supposed to remember it, always, and never forget, even if you find out you hate the person you shared it with, you want nothing to do with them, but you still have sympathy for them, because of that kiss. It was magical, and the sound around us was muffled out, even as the clock was striking twelve.
I was so happy, that was the first time I cried in a long time. We both cried for joy, happiness. New Year’s Eve, the night where anything is possible, right?
That night, we shared the same bed, the one we had shared for four years straight. It was a new year, a new time, a start over, one with Derpy, my love. I was a really easy fellow, more of a push over, she was more of a leader than I would ever be. We hadn’t planned on having fillies, but there was no time.
She leaned in closer, holding onto my back, her forearms wrapped around, and she kissed the back of my head, and whispered something important;
“Promise me, no matter what happens, you won’t let me drag you down with you,”
“What do you mean?” I asked, worried of what she was thinking.
“I get a lot of criticism, me being clumsy, I can deal with all the name calling, and that stuff, but please, don’t try and make it too obvious, please,” she said, hugging me tighter.
“I promise, I won’t,” that was the first time I had ever heard her explain this to me, I must have been the worst listener ever, she lived with me for more than a month, and I hadn’t noticed. I practically forgot about her eyes, but that was one of the many things I loved about her. She was different from everypony, and I loved her so much more than the world.
In reality, my mouth opened, sucking in air. She would have wanted me to go on, to live life, without a care in the world, like she had always done, with me. I didn’t want to let her go, it was too soon, but she needed me to. I had an epiphany, a truth finally realized by me, her truth, what she wanted.
She would always live on in me, forever.
I woke up again. It would be the last time I would sleep in days.
Derpy was lying in her bed. The doctor said there was no hope of getting better. I didn’t know what else to do, I looked at the time, and I implanted it in my brain, the last seconds of my love. We had fallen asleep for only ten minutes, and she was getting weaker, her heart was slowing down.
This was it..
“Hey, I’m still here,” I said.
“I don’t have too long,” she started, coughing, “so I’d better make this quick,”
I waited for her to begin, and my heart was being torn from my chest as she stated;
“Don’t feel bad after I’m gone. Even if we didn’t see this coming, I never meant to put you through this,”
“Please, don’t blame yourself for this, I’m always right beside you,” I held onto her hoof.
“All I need is to know that-,” she hacked up violently, “- that this won’t change who you are, you were the best friend I could ask for,” and I started breaking down, hot streams of tears rolled down my face, and tears began filling up in hers too.
“I promise, Derpy,”
Her smile grew, then died down.
“I promise, you were the best friend I had too,” then her grasp released, and her heart monitor came upon a slow, steady hum, nonstop.
Her eyes shut, and I could no longer see her crooked eyes no more.
The doctor came in, and I hugged him, he was startled, but then understood, holding me. I just needed somepony to hug, and we both left the room, as he signaled for the nurses.
I had to go to this room, where the members of the recently deceased were to have physiatrist talk to them. It was the fastest way to ‘calm you down’ after such a tragic loss. I was up first.
He asked me some questions and I laid down in the big chair made of velvet. I didn’t pay attention to him, I didn’t think I needed a doctor. It was unavoidable, it was bound in time to happen. Nopony could have stopped it, not even me. I explained to the doctor that I didn’t need his help, and I said that I would go home. He was shocked.
He said that it was dangerous to be on my own, in case I tried to kill myself over it, but I told him I wouldn’t, I promised him, and my word is my bond.
I told the doctor I would be okay, saying; “I gave her what she wanted, a friend,” and I wiped my tears.
I feel down in my bed, four years gone by so fast, but you know what? They were the best four years of my life, me and my Silly Little Filly.
I looked out the window, and I saw the busy streets of Ponyville, but over that, I could see the fields we roamed, and I think it was still a ‘happy’ ending to my movie of life, everybody got what they wanted. I still wanted my Derpy back, but at least she left knowing exactly what she wanted, and I could see the credits start rolling over my eyelids, but I still would never give up on life, for her sake, for my sake.
Past Ponyville, somewhere in the fields, the dandelions were floating. I shut my eyes for a moment so I could escape reality, go someplace else, where she would be waiting for my arrival, and I could see her, her hair whipping around, dandelions floating around her, and her laugh was so clear.
Then she turned to reveal her eyes, her beautiful, crooked eyes.
The End
- I’ll miss you, Edd, you will live on in our hearts forever.
