Hail Discord! Best Princess!
Author's Note
Three Words:
ALICORN
PRINCESS
DISCORD
Prepare yourselves for a story that will make absolutely no sense! A story so silly, so absurd, that your brain will break!
Have fun rotting your brain cells!
Hail Discord! Best Princess!
Twilight woke up one morning.
"ugh.." Twilight groaned.
She was still tired because she defeated Tirek just yesterday. She decided to have an early start today. The Ponyville kingdom was her responsibility after all! She headed to the bathroom, but as she used her magic to open the door to her bedroom and left, the door didn't open, and Twilight slammed into the door.
"what!?" She shouted, "Why isn't my magic working!?"
"Maybe because your horn is missing?" Replied Spike, who just woke up.
"pfft. Yeah ri- wait... I.. I.. I w-WHAT!!!!!"
She touched her forehead. she could even feel her horn. Then Spike said that her wings were missing too. Twilight asked herself why her wings and horn were missing. Suddenly, it came to her.
"DISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!" She shouted, though it was obvious that is was Discord.
Twilight Stormed the castle until she found Discord, who was obviously sitting on Twilight's throne, wearing Twilight's horn and wings, and a banner saying "best princess" above him.
"Discord! What the heck!?" Twilight shouted.
"Hello there, Princess." Discord said with a smug grin on his face.
"Discord, why did you take my horn and wings!?" Twilight screamed.
"You know," Discord replied, "I remembered you said that being a princess was hard work! Right?"
"Ummm.... yeah?"
"Well, I decided to help you rule your new kingdom!"
"Seriously? You won't last a minute!"
"I ruled all of Equestria for a few hundred years! Do you call that a minute?"
"well.... no."
"Then I can rule your kingdom for a week!"
"Okay," Twilight said, " How about a bet?"
Twilight was certain she could win. Discord's reign was a long time ago! He couldn't possibly handle ruling ponyville kingdom now!
"Here is the deal. Discord, if you win the bet, you-"
"I get my own throne, and, here is a list of all the things I want!" He said, and an incredibly long list of items appeared in his claw.
"Fine." Twilight signed, annoyingly.
"Also, you will have to serve me for 83,496 years! or you know, less than that."
"And, if I win, well, let's just say I have something planned for you." Twilight said with a smirk.
The two stared at each other in silence.
"It's a bet." Discord finally said, and the two shook hands in agreement.
"Discord! Discord wake up!"
Discord literally jumped out of bed after the voice screamed at him. He wondered why an earth pony Twilight Sparkle was trying to wake him up, since he usually woke up when he wanted to.
"Good morning Discord!" the lavender earth pony said, "Today is you first day of your one week as a princess!"
"What?"
"Remember? The bet?"
"Oh! The princess bet! I - I forgot about that!"
"Well, what are you waiting for, Discord? Everypony's waiting!"
"What do you mean everpony's waiting!?"
"Here is a list of responsibilities that you have! Make sure to complete every single one of them by the end of the week!" and with that, Twilight left the room.
Discord sighed. This was certainly going to be a long week!
Discord read the list out loud.
"Let's see," he started, "I have to meet up with the other princesses, establish the laws of the new kingdom, pass taxes, donate to charity, fund the other kingdoms, visit my friends on weekends when I have the day off, and serve and cook Twilight and Spike delicious meals and clean the entire castle with a toothbrush every da - wait WHAT!?"
Discord looked at the list again, noticing a P.S. from Twilight.
"P.S. If you don't do the last two things on the list you will automatically lose the bet. Ugh. Very funny Twilight! Real mature!"
Discord knew that it wasn't a good idea to argue with Twilight. She would probably find a loophole anyway. He decided to do things in order, even if he was temped to do it randomly.
Day One
Discord cooked Twilight and Spike pancakes for breakfast, and by cook, he conjured them up from thin air, and he cleaned the castle just by animating an army of toothbrushes; lucky for him there were no rules against using magic to get the job done!
"Well, now that that's done, time to meet with the princesses!" He said, posing heroically before winking out to Canterlot Castle.
Meanwhile in Canterlot Castle, Princess Celestia was giving a role call to see if all four princesses were present.
"Alright! Role Call!" She said, "Princess Celestia, Present! Princess Luna?"
"Present!"
"Princess Cadance?"
"Present!"
"Princess Twilight?"
The princesses waited for a response.
"Princess Twilight?" Celestia said again.
"Present!" Discord shouted at the top of his lungs just as he appeared.
"Discord! What art thou doing here!?" Luna shouted.
"Why Princess! I am taking Twilight's place this week! I bet princess Twilight that I could be a better alicorn princess than her!"
There was a moment of silence. Then Cadance spoke.
"You shouldn't even be here, Discord! We will excuse Twilight for not being present! You, on the other hand,"
Discord was back in Twilight's castle. Apparently it was Twilight that had to be present, not him! He wondered, why didn't Twilight tell him about this? He might as well cook for her, since he had nothing to do.
Day Two
Time to make the laws! It was quite easy to carry them out. The first one being "free puppies, ice cram, candy, and cake for everypony!"
"That was the first rule, now what?" he said to himself.
Just then, it hit him.
"ooooooh! Ideas!" he said in a sing-song voice, "Twilight won't mind at all anyway! This is my country for the week!"
He laughed maniacally as he wrote down the laws he would pass out immediately.
Day Three
"Taxes, eh?" Discord thought. He was quite fond of taxes. He always knew that they caused rebellions, outbursts, and best of all, chaos. Discord smirked. he thought of all the taxes he could impose.
"Ah, yes." he said, "A breathing tax, an eating and drinking tax, a walking tax, and more!"
He taxed his already chaotic kingdom for the most absurd things! It wasn't long until Spike had filed in complaints from the civilians. Discord knew he would sleep peacefully, and happily that night.
Day Four
Today, Discord was to donate to charity! He wondered what he would donate. He pondered about it for a long hour! Sparks jumped in his mind. Twilight would certainly be angry when she found out!
"Donating all of Twilight Sparkle's belongings to charity. I can imagine the rampage Twilight would cause!" He said to himself.
He donated Twilight's books to a new library! After that, he donated Twilight's furniture and all the thrones (minus Fluttershy's) to a new "Furniture Row" he had built! Discord even donated Spike and Owluicious to a circus! Immediately after that, he replace the furniture with the old decor he owned when he ruled Equestria, and it included his throne! He even replaced Twilight's pet owl with a parasprite, and Spike with his daughter, Screwball!
Day Five
Apparently he had to fund the other kingdoms as the list said. Thinking that was a bad idea, he instead he sold Applejack and Rainbow Dash's belongings to fund a group called "The New Lunar Republic," that intended to overthrow Celestia! This, to Discord, was good because the group could help him rule Equestria, and he would then rule two kingdoms! He also sold Apple, Bloom, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, Wilona, Scootaloo, and Tank to the sane circus that he sold Spike and Owluicious to!
Day Six (day off!)
Discord had spent the entire day having a tea party with Fluttershy! They talked, they laughed, they had so much fun! Discord had always enjoyed the company of the shy pegasus ever since they became friends! The friends watched the sun set bellow the horizon, and Discord looked into Fluttershy's eyes, and said that he loved her, and that nopony in the world meant as much to him as she did.
Day Seven (Final Day!)
"Discord!"
"What is it Princess Twilight?"
"There are parasprites eating everything, and chaos all over the kingdom! Applejack, Rainbow Dash and I don't have any of our belongings, and our pets and families are missing! To make matters worse, a group called "The New Lunar Republic" has tried to make Luna the ruler of Equestria, AND ponies here are causing an uproar about a revolution because of taxes!"
"Congratulations Twilight! You are the ruler of the chaos capital of the world!" He said, and snapped his fingers, and Twilight got her wings, horn, and tiara back!
"Why the angry eyes, Princess?" he asked, "It's not because I have you a bad reputation? Is it?"
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr........"
With that, Twilight Sparkle literally burst into flames along with the entire kingdom, and then (literally again) exploded!
The End!
