The Mind of a Pony Writer: the Story of an Abomination
1st Warning: This piece may induce the effects of LSD, viewer discretion is advised.
2nd Warning: You’re reading a random comedy/ trollfic, so you probably deserve those effects anyway.
3rd Warning: You’re going to die~~!
It was a glorious day in the land of Ponyville, and the land was filled with self-inserts and random rainbows which caused massive seizures for everypony. One of these self-inserts was Bard Clop, dancing the tango with Ponyville’s number one party pony, Pinkie Pie.
“Oh my love,” said Bard Clop, "how many memes can we do before the End of Days?”
“I don’t know!” yelled Pinkie Pie, before exploding.
Because of the explosion, the self-insert named Bard Clop passed out and dreamed of sexy time with Fluttershy and praising Jesus Pony because he was a Christian. Just then, Twilight came out of her tree house and looked down at the passed out pony.
“You’re a douche,” said Twilight, out of character of course.
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash fell from the sky with the light of a million angels, dancing hobos, and sexy kittens (I.E. furries). Oh, and rainbows too, but those are kind of gay nowadays.
As she fell, she screamed:
“MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE COMING OF THE END; IT WAS, AND IS, A GLORIOUS SIGHT TO BEHOLD!” Then she fell to the ground, near Twilight’s hoofs.
“Oh you silly filly,” said Twilight. “Didn’t I tell you to not fly to the edge of the universe?”
Just then, acid rain fell from the sky mixed with the blood of ponies, self-inserts, and sexy angels (A type of furry). Rainbow Dash stood from where she crashed and drank the rain with relish. Just then, Trixie came along and spoke in the 3rd person.
“the great and powerful Trixie just made Sesthio have the most wonderful day of his life!”
“Oh Trixie,” said Twilight, out of character once again. “You know well that Pinkie Pie is the only one who can break the fourth wall!”
After these words were spoken, Pinkie Pie was resurrected. This can happen because the term “fourth wall” always brings Pinkie Pie back to life and because this is a story, the author can do that.
“I saw Jesus!” cried Pinkie Pie.
“That’s great,” said Rainbow, still drinking the bloody --not to be confused with the term weird British people use-- acid rain. “But you know well that Jesus isn’t a pony.”
“Then who was Jesus?!” and because of this meme realization, she exploded once again.
Just then, Fluttershy came into the scene with the blood of her enemies on her flank.
“I just killed a bear,” whispered Fluttershy. “And I made love to a self-insert named Bard Clop.”
Suddenly, Bard Clop woke up.
“wow,” he cried. “I just had a bilocation, sexy time dream! Also, I saw Pinkie Pie partying with Jesus as I made love.”
“Bard Clop,” shouted Rarity, who just poofed out of nowhere because she was in the eleventh dimension. “You damn self-insert, this is a kid show! One does not simply make love in a kid show.”
Then the world exploded then de-exploded because of this meme and fourth wall breakage from the 3rd person narrator.
“I’m proud of you, 3rd person narrator,” said Pinkie Pie, who was now alive again.
Since this is a 3rd person narrator, this narrator cannot use the tense “I” without making the cries of a thousand demons come into the world and destroy it with fire and brimstone. Because of this, we turn to a different scene after the de-explosion of Equestria.
“You just used the first person plur--” began Pinkie Pie, before I cut her off with a tag.
The dawn of light came into the world, and the glory of its lights stretched throughout the earth. The curtains were ablaze with glory and shone their infinitesimal pieces of fine cloth to the world and they dance in elegant strides with the wind of God. The sun’s light was but a little lamplight now, and the many hearts of ponies flew into forever! The vast expanse of heaven were cut into pieces, the mane of celestia shown across the precipices of old and new, the peripheries shown the glory of the earth, and Discord was being placed in 5,000 rule 34 picture because everypony thinks he’s hot.
Beyond this example of purple prose, Pinkie Pie was having a party.
“Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall shot Fizzball cans into Celestia's heart, making her explode into The Fanfic Itself. The Fanfic Itself then died, and the resulting sauce made the greatest tacos in all of Generation 27. Stephen Magnate, with all of his awesomeness, tried to revive The Fanfic Itself and turn it into a classy, well-written, and artistic story. We can't have that, can we? The invisible Atuhor's Nose flicked him into space. Yes, , because this fic hasn't had enough references yet. Seeing a certain spherical object while in space, Trixie said "NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I MUST STOP THIS MADNESS!" (Let it be know, that Trixie sometimes uses the first person) and exploded. Her hat landed on Stephen, which made him team up with Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall to destroy Derpzilla, who was STILL fighting for the RETARDIS. But, they weren't fast enough. Cthulu, Turtle, Derpzilla, and Sodalegs Spike merged into Soderpthulubuu. Happily, the author isn't annoying enough to keep adding words to THAT name. So, he just added them to Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall. Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall, who will TRULY stop getting new names in this chapter, but will in future chapters to be released sometime next month, turned Autocorrect on. Then, Doctor Whooves got his RETARDIS back, and getting tired of the long name being repeated over and over again, sent Princess Flutterpsychoicedream-freakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, of the Fourth Wall into a time machine, setting her back to Fluttericefreakfire-starsolarplasmafreeze-beamshark, and removing her from the rest of this chapter. Soderpthulubuu started smashing multiple fanfics into this one, letting Rainbow Sparkle take over the story.”
“Hey, wait a minute!” cried Rainbow Sparkle/Dash. “This is plagiarism! You stole this from 29P’s, and it’s not even relevant to the story! You should burn in hell, you self-insert, horrible author!”
Let it be known that the author of this story was lazy and wanted to increase his word count, and show the wonderful religion of plagiarism. Also, Rainbow Dash is now the new Pinkie Pie wall breaker.
“Damn you Rainbow Dash,” shouted Pinkie Pie from her party. “You must die!”
Because of this meme, Rainbow Dash did die.
After all this, the party commenced once again.
It was the best of times, it was the poniest of times; it was rest of this quote, it was not the rest of this quote. In summary, the party was awesome.
As the self-insert Bard Clop danced, another self-insert named Gallant Hatter came in. Though they had the same bloody ideas, they were completely different in the way they partied. Also, Gallant Hatter was just weirder because he represents to dark side of the author.
That dark side is the abuse of ponies. And since he was already a pony, humans. Also, he watches way too much porn, but no one cares about all this because he's a damned self-insert who will burn in hell forever so let's continue onward, shall we?
After a few moments of random dancing, the film flam brothers came in looking drunk off apple cider.
“hahahahaha,” laughed Film. “Let’s have gay incest sex, because there’s way too many fics with lesbian mare on mare sex and not enough stallion on stallion sex!”
“But wouldn’t that make us gay?” asked Flam.
“Yes!”
"Well damn... but I guess we should do it for the perverts out there (like a certain someone who is reading this), since everypony has thought of shipping us two for hot incest romance."
So they made passionate love on the dance floor, but the gruesome details of the event cannot be said because then the author would truly be gay and we cannot have none of that now, can we? Heck, the author is a Christian and should never delight in such matters as these!
(damn it, looks like it’s back to lesbian clopfics for me!)
“Bees!” cried Pinkie Pie.
oh shut up Pinkie Pie, and make cupcakes.
“Ok! HEY RAINBOW DASH~~!”
Thus the fic cupcakes ensued once again and Sergeant Sprinkles joined the party and used the word “self-insert” a billion times during the course of the party. Just then, Sethsio came in with Trixie and started to cast rainbows on the entire party.
“Fear me,” cried the pony from another dimension. “For I am God!”
Thus the ponies worshipped him and Trixie made love to him. Just then, just then, just then, just then... then... then... then... SPIKE CAME IN WITH CASES OF BEER AND APPLE JUICE.
Everypony drank the apple juice because everypony was Applejack and it was a kids show.
Blueblood came in though and drank the beer and then became gay (though he already was gay). He had sexy time with the film flam brothers on the dance floor, who were partying hard.
Then the world died
and the word “then” died.
-John 1:1 from the Book of Mormons
Indeed, not even the effects of LSD can comprehend the mass colors of the party and its many event.
That’s why writing was invented.
So the party went like this: after the gay stallion random orgy, the three of them then turn straight for no apparent reason and started to dance with the mares who turned back into their original form and were not Applejack anymore (though Applejack was at the party, drinking apple juice). Rainbow Dash came back to life and started to make out with every mare in the part. Except Lyra, because Rainbow Dash is against the gay community even though she herself was a lesbian and Lyra was gay in her eyes for some reason. The fever pitch of music increased and Derpy rolled into the back of the house from the utter glory of the music. Let it be known that the ponies were listening to all of Beethoven’s music, because it only helps makes this story WTF level increase because Beethoven is not in the ponyverse.
“Then who was Beethoven!?” Cried Twilight.
Seconds later, Twilight was shipped with Beethoven in over five million fics, because everypony is a pervert.
“Even I!” cried Bard Clop.
Shut up myself, only Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash and other ponies except you can break the fourth wall.
“Damn it....” So Bard Clop took a nap on the dance floor.
“I like to dance!”
“What? ME TOO!”
“Oh my gosh, like let’s do it in a non-sexual way!”
“Like, heck yeah!”
The above is an example on why you place tags in dialogue.
“What the hell type of fic is this, author?” cried Rainbow Dash, after breaking a kiss with a mare.
It’s everything you want it to be; that, and the story is called “The Mind of a Pony Writer: the Story of an Abomination,” so everything goes. Now kiss the mare!
And so she did.
Finally, the party ended after everypony finished the beer and apple juice. Suddenly, the self-inserts began to read the Pony Games and started to cry because a little black kid died because a douche tried to kill the main character.
“HAHAHAHAHA,” laughed Twilight, once again out of character and pretending to be Pinkie Pie. “Spoilers are hot!”
Shut up Twilight, everypony is still shipping you with Beethoven.
She cried in a corner after this revelation, though I don’t know why because i think Beethoven is a pretty cool guy. eh plays music and doesn’t afraid of anything. /shameless meme insert.
Dance to the frolicking bells, which are the epitome of love.
-Rarity on drugs.
To end this tale forevermore and get back to our daily lives and forget this ever happen, we move to a brothe-- I mean, Twilight’s treehouse and witness the fellowship of the Mane Six to end the abomination, which is Sweetie Belle and her stallion whores, which are the self-inserts.
“Wow, you just love to make fun of yourself,” said Pinkie Pie, breaking the fourth wall. “You don’t have a lot of self-esteem, do you?”
Shut up Pinkie Pie, I just need to end this story somehow while going over the 2.5k word count requirement so Sethsio may see his sexy time with Trixie. It’s a publicity stunt, really.
“Right...” said Rainbow Dash. “Pinkie Pie, stop talking to the author, who is the god of this story, and get over here so we can kill Sweetie Belle for some reason not known to us.”
Suddenly a pony named Ion-Sturm came in and then disappeared. Then Sweetie Belle came in, with sex’d up stallion whores behind her: Gallant Hatter and Bard Clop.
“Hello, fools,” said Sweetie Belle, who was wearing steampunk clothes for some reason unknown to the author. “Want to try out my hookers, they’re new!”
“Why the hell am I a whore now?” asked Bard Clop.
“same here!” cried Gallant Hatter.
“Because you owe me for all the cocaine you all borrowed!” cried Sweetie Belle.
Let the reader understand that Sweetie Belle was also a drug baron, while also a pimp. She owned the most drug cartels in all of equestria and sometimes handed out "samples" to her friends or some silly filly (like the reader) who wanted to try some. People who "sampled" too many of her goods became her whores to pay off the debt, which meant an eternity because drugs are very addicting and you should never ever use them (I'm talking to you, reader. You must be on a lot of drugs to read this, honestly).
The mane six looked at each other with questionable looks, then shrugged; hey, now they could kill Sweetie Belle now. So they took her by the hooves and fed her to the high god, Derpzilla. Derpzilla was so pleased with this, she gave them the power of derping and power to party with Jesus Pony (He and Pinkie Pie make really good parties).
Thus ends the chronicles of the madness of Discord, who for some reason never appears in the entire fic at all. But since the author wants to increase the word count by a little bit, we shall find out whatever happened to the stallion self-insert whores from a distant dimension and a little origin story of why the hell there’s a Derpzilla.
You see, the stallion whores decided to run their own rainbow shop and cupcake shop; this started the fanfics of Cupcakes and the Rainbow Factory. (This has just been told because the two authors of those fics don’t think I’m sexy enough in their fics.)
Derpzilla, the god of derpins’, was born when Spike, with his beer bottle feet, kicked Pinkie Pie into the sun where she danced with the sun people.
This is canon, and should be thought as such. A quote from the 29P’s of canon lore:
““I must find out where this is coming from!" Spike said, as he punched Pinkie Pie into the sun. Derpy Hooves yelled,
"NO! SHE WAS MY COUSIN! THIS HAS NO PARDON!" and turned into Derpzilla, who derped up the moon, which was now made of LAZERS and 4CHAN, (but it still counts as a moon) and threw it at Fluttershy, who turned into a shark from the impact.””
Thus also begins the legacy of Fluttershark.
You see, fluttershy was a shark all along in this fic, that’s why she had the blood of her enemies and she was able to kill that bear (though should could’ve done that in her normal state). After Sweetie Belle died, Fluttershark ate her body and rejoiced in a thousands suns, which she did eat later. Blueblood then died from a tree, which was the Fluttershark. Flutterhshark would then become the ruler of all of equestria, since she loved to eat powerful alicorns for their lean white meat.
What the hell... why am I rambling about a Fluttershark now! Why are you still reading this abomination? Go on get, the fic is over and I want to clear my mind on why I wrote this. I should go to a church and ask for God’s forgiveness because of this, woe is me!
Then everypony died!
-Revelations from the Book of Mormons
The End
