No Escape From Yourself

by alarajrogers

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Spike, Suicide / Self Harm, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Main 6
Length: 77935

Discord is afraid that he'll fall again.

Chaos is inconsistent by nature... even when it would prefer to be consistent.

Discord is afraid that his nature ensures he'll inevitably betray those he cares about again, someday, and he can't figure out how to stop himself. (Spoilers season 4 finale.)

Cover art is from the comics, edited and with background color changed by me. Progress Bar at my writing journal.

Published 2014-05-11 00:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2020-09-18 15:41:16 UTC

No Exit

I'm not safe.

I mean I'm not safe for others to deal with, not that I'm personally in danger. Although I suppose perhaps I am. It's hard to feel threatened when the danger is yourself; it's much easier for me to recognize the danger to others, mainly because whatever I do, I know I'll think it's a good idea at the time. Which is the problem, you see.

I'm going to do it again. Sooner or later. I don't want to, I'd do anything to prevent it, but I can't figure out how. Because I never saw it coming that I was going to do it the first time, before I did it, and then it seemed like a good idea so I did it, because that's what I do. I'm Chaos. I'm inconsistent. It's not at all difficult to convince me to change my mind, but it's impossible to get my mind to stay changed, because I am change. The only thing constant about me is my inconstancy.

I used to think that was a good thing.

Something else that's changed, I suppose.

I have poor impulse control. I'm self-centered. Narcissistic. Poor attention to detail. Short attention span. I go with my gut, pretty much all the time. And I'm much moodier than I look. I try to never let anypony know that they got to me, so I'm laughing all the time, but inside my feelings are frequently... well, chaotic. I know, I know, shocking.

I'm smart enough that I know all these things about myself. (Full disclosure: I am also creative, intelligent, and funny. I have good qualities. Just... none of them matter. My good qualities are all tools, like my magic, that I could use to do wonderful things if I felt like it, except I usually don't feel like it, because of my bad qualities. Which, I suppose, makes me fundamentally... bad. Which would be all right, except I don't want to be anymore. But I don't know how to stop myself.)

I mean, common sense and basic logic should have said Tirek was manipulating me. Of course I don't have any common sense and logic and I have been arguing on and off for centuries, but my own experience should have told me better, because it's my own trick! I'd have done exactly what Tirek did, if I was relatively weak and trying to recharge my powers and someone vastly more powerful than me turned up to take me captive and they had as blatantly obvious a weakness as the fact that they'd just switched sides. How did I not know this? How wasn't it instantly obvious to me that it was a scam?

But he called me powerful. Legendary. Fluttershy calls me sweet. Which feels nice at times, but diminishing. I wanted to be intimidating when I went to face Tirek in the first place, and what he was saying made me feel like he'd have no respect for me if I was on the ponies' side, and the thought of being seen as a weak sap by someone so infamous himself hurt my pride. I mean, who am I? Fluttershy's goofy friend who is roundly disliked by almost all of her other friends, almost all of the time? Or Discord, Master of Chaos, the terror of ponykind? I could be Fluttershy's friend and have her love, but nopony else's and no respect either. Or I could be Tirek's friend and ally, have his friendship, which is considerably less sappy and sweet than Fluttershy's but made me feel strong, and have the respect and fear of all ponykind.

It was the wrong decision. It makes me sick to remember it. But I know why I did it. I know what the feelings he played on were, I know exactly how he manipulated me. And I don't know how to guarantee that it won't happen again, because I don't think much about yesterday or tomorrow. I live in the moment and I do what my whims tell me to do. Because I'm Chaos, and that's how it is.

I was in my element when I was hated. I knew exactly what I was doing, I was on top of my game. I was an expert at being hated and at making ponies frightened or miserable, I was good at it and I enjoyed it. They respected and feared me, they did what I told them to do, and nopony ever tried to stop me. Well, except for Celestia and Luna... who I betrayed. I spent centuries thinking to myself they were the ones who betrayed me, they were the ones who turned on me, but no, that was never right, was it? I could have had Celestia's forgiveness if I'd ever admitted I was wrong... but I liked being evil. Because being good hurts.

Because no matter how much I ever tried to make friends, no matter how much I ever tried to fit in with the ponies, it wasn't possible. I'm not like them. I'm less like them than the majority of the other beings on this planet. They don't understand how beautiful Chaos is, and they want to shackle themselves to routines and traditions and all that stupid stuff, and I don't get them and they don't get me and they would never be my friends. I'll give Tia credit, she tried to get me to make friends, but I knew it wasn't going to happen so I wasn't having any. She and Luna were like family to me, and I always felt that was all I needed, because even if family doesn't understand you and you don't fit in, they still love you.

Turns out I was wrong about that.

Ponies don't like me. They don't want to be my friend. They're afraid of me, or annoyed by me. And when I want to be their friend, when I want to be good and to have a place in their society, that hurts. Whereas when I want to terrify them and make them obey me and entertain me with their suffering, well, then that works great! I can have exactly the kind of relationship with ponies I want, as long as what I want is a relationship where I make them cry or grovel to me.

Fluttershy told me I could have real friends. Sometimes I hate her because it's not true. But I love her because it's true for her. I can have one real friend. The others still can't stand me. Well, mostly. I have no idea about Twilight, she'll go to the ends of Equestria for me and she'll spend a week researching how exactly did I manage to get myself sick and she'll declare me to be her friend even though I betrayed her... but she never wanted to be around me. That's changed now, but I don't think it's changed for the right reasons. I think she still can't stand me but she tries to keep me close because she's afraid of what I'll do if I go off by myself, and it hurts and it makes me angry but the thing that hurts the worst is that I can't blame her. Who would trust me? Who would want to be my friend?

Fluttershy's an idiot. She never saw it coming that I would betray her. She believed in me. Who could possibly be stupid enough to believe in me? Why would she ever...

I don't deserve a friend like her.

I wish I could be worthy of her. I wish I could be what she thinks I am, what she wants me to be. But I'm not. And I don't see any way to make myself be. And that's the problem.

Ponies will never like me and want to be my friend, in general, because I am unlikeable and untrustworthy. And this will always make part of me wish to be evil again. Because when I was working with Tirek, up to the point where I first got a faint inkling that he was using me, I loved every minute of it. I was in my element again, finally. Ponies weren't running in fear from me because I asked them the price of the pear sandwiches, they were running in fear from me because I was trying to catch them and hand them over to my ally to be drained of their magic. They were supposed to fear me.

It felt good. It felt right. It felt like this was always who I was supposed to be.

I'm terrified that it is who I'm supposed to be. And the fact that I don't want it doesn't change the fact that that's who I am, and who I'll always be. And every time I'm offered the temptation to turn evil again, strongly enough... I don't know how I won't fall.

Because the fact that I despise myself now and I think I'm horrible and I wish I was dead won't change the fact that at some point, that will change and I'll resent having friends and caring about ponies, because when I'm evil I don't have a conscience and therefore my conscience can't hurt me, and when I'm evil I don't have friends and therefore I don't miss having friends or wish I had some, and it's empty and it's hollow and there's no real joy in it but there's no pain either. It feels good the way scarfing down twenty-seven cupcakes or having a foursome with three hot ponies whose names you don't know feels good. It satisfies your needs right now, and if it can't satisfy anything deeper or more meaningful, well who needed deep meaning anyway? Live in the now, and you'll never have to care that your life is totally meaningless! Besides, why does Chaos incarnate want meaning in his life anyway?

I don't want to go back there but when I was offered a chance to go back there I took it without even thinking about it much because I do want to go back there, and I hate myself for wanting it but I know that if I did go back all the way, if I hardened myself the way I did when Celestia and Luna were fighting me and I made myself stop caring, then I wouldn't hate myself anymore and it wouldn't hurt, and I hate myself even more knowing that. I want friendship but I don't deserve it and if I didn't want it it wouldn't hurt that I don't deserve it. Right now it hurts when they hate me because I want them to like me, and it hurts when they like me because I know I'm not worthy of that.

I'm going to fall again. I don't want to. The me that I am now hates that guy, and hates myself because I know that someday I'll be that guy again and the me that I am now doesn't know how to stop it, because the me that I am now is totally and completely miserable and the evil guy won't be, and I'll break under the pain. I know I will.

So I've been thinking about how to protect my friends, and the world, from what will happen when I fall again. Because it's inevitable. Because I'm horrible and it will always hurt less to embrace being horrible and revel in it than it is to feel guilt and self-doubt and self-hatred over it.

I can't give up my powers. They have to go to someone, just like the alicorns' powers did. Mine don't work quite like theirs; theoretically I could disperse my power, just drain it into the world, but the world absorbing that much Chaos energy would probably have worse effects in the long run than anything I might consciously decide to do. So getting rid of the power either screws over the whole planet, or transfers them to someone else who has much less experience with controlling them than I do, and they're as likely to corrupt anyone I transferred them to as they were to corrupt me. I wasn't always evil. I remember that.

I can't kill myself either, for the same reason. Chaos will simply choose a new avatar and dump the power on them. Fluttershy and Twilight and Celestia will have to deal with someone they don't know, someone who possibly started out a lot more evil than I started out, or who thinks death and killing is funny, or at the very least who was never their friend and never had anything deep down inside that wanted to be. It'd solve the problem of my suffering, but so would turning evil. I'm trying to come up with a way to save the ponies who actually call me a friend, not hurt them.

I can't split off my dark side so I can be good. That trick never works. It'd inevitably result in me, or my friends, fighting my evil avatar, who'd be more ruthless and more chaotic and therefore more powerful, so we'd lose. Besides, if I got rid of the parts of me that make me likely to turn evil again, what's left of me? Chaos isn't inherently either good or evil, but the fact that the ponies don't understand it and don't like it isolates me from them, which hurts, which makes me want to turn off my conscience so I can just do whatever I want without hurting. I can't take my chaos out of me and have anything at all left.

I once tried discording myself. I turned into a kind of pathetic, emotionally needy wretch who'd do anything at all to be loved or at least liked. Quite aside from the fact that I despise that guy even more than I despise Evil Me, that isn't likely to make me less vulnerable to being emotionally manipulated into doing the wrong thing. I mean... part of the reason I worked with Tirek was... I'm embarrassed to say this even to myself but... I thought we were friends. I thought he liked me. I wasn't ever going to say so in so many words (although I think maybe at the end when he drained me, and I was so shocked at his betrayal that I couldn't even think to teleport or run until it was too late, I might actually have said so in so many words), but... yeah. I thought I'd found a friend who'd appreciate me for myself, who wouldn't try to restrain my chaos but who reveled in it as much as I did.

Yes. I should have known better. I'm stupid, all right? I mean I am very, very intelligent, but sometimes I'm incredibly stupid.

So what am I supposed to do? I can't die, I can't get rid of my powers, I can't make myself less likely to turn evil again. I try to enjoy Fluttershy's friendship but I know that even though she says she's forgiven me, I hurt her badly and I don't think I can ever really make it right. And I don't feel like I should even hope to make it right because she shouldn't trust me or even like me, and I'm just being selfish in wanting her to be my friend because I don't deserve friends. Twilight's always in my face, asking me about abstruse points of magical theory, making me help her translate ancient tomes or getting me to give her hints about some fine point of magic, and I admit I enjoy that. When we're talking about magic, it's abstract enough that for a little while I can forget my guilt and shame. But she never did it before. She says she's doing it because I was helpful in the whole thing with the keys to the box but I don't believe her. I think she's doing it to keep me close by and keep me emotionally invested in the ponies so I don't fall again. And I can't blame her, it's the smart thing to do and I don't deserve anything better, but it hurts to think she's just acting like a friend to make me stay good and she doesn't really care.

I've tried a few times to just leave. Disappear into the Everfree or some other wild, distant place. I went to the moon for a little while because without the Elements, not even Luna can get there. But it turns out that Luna may not be able to get there, but she can send communication. She located me and started dumping "Please come home” letters from Fluttershy all over me until I couldn't take the guilt trip anymore and came home. They won't let me go off by myself for any significant length of time. They tell me it's because they're worried about me but they were never worried about me before. It's the same thing. They're afraid I'm going to fall again. I don't even know why that hurts, I'm afraid of the same thing.

It hurts that they don't trust me. But that's stupid. I don't trust me. I wouldn't have any respect for their intelligence if they did trust me. So why does it hurt?

I even tried convincing the Tree to put me back in stone. Spent half an hour arguing with the damned thing. I realize it probably would have looked ridiculous, a fully grown draconequus arguing with a crystalline tree that doesn't talk, but I've never been ashamed of looking ridiculous. Not only did it refuse to do it, it summoned Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. It doesn't talk, even to them, so when they showed up they had no idea I'd just spent half an hour trying to commit suicide by tree; Fluttershy just had this feeling that a friend who needed help was by the Tree, and Pinkie had her Pinkie Sense thing telling her something similar. I didn't tell them what I was doing there, and I pretended nothing was wrong, and they didn't believe me but they didn't press it too hard, since I think they're well aware that absolutely nothing they say will get me to tell them the truth if I don't want to.

They took me out to dinner and fed me tea and cupcakes.

I was going to have cucumber sandwiches and then I remembered bringing the cucumber sandwiches just before I captured all of them for Tirek and I lost my appetite completely. I ate a couple of cupcakes anyway because when Pinkie demands that you eat cupcakes, it's just easier to do it than to fight with her about it, but I could barely taste them.

I haven't done anything particularly chaotic in a week. Or even used my magic much, aside from being asked to do favors. I feel awful. I feel like there's nothing worthwhile in my existence and if I can't create chaos there's nothing that gives me any joy at all. I'm doing it because I want to feel this way. I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be entertained. And it makes me feel like, maybe there's some hope for me to not be an evil monster if I can control the desire for chaos. Except I can't, because it's the only thing I like to do, the only thing I want to do, and the desire to do it nags at me constantly, and the only reason I don't do it is, I feel too awful to want to do anything I actually want to do because I shouldn't be happy.

There were some moments, right after the girls saved the day, when I felt like it was all going to be all right. Like they'd forgiven me and well, what's past is past, right? Can't change it, so you might as well move forward! Sure, I got the impression that maybe Fluttershy was just a little bit more reticent around me than I was used to, and Rainbow Dash was scowling at me even more than she used to, but, well, learning experience all around, now let's move on! Let it go already.

But I can't let it go because it's still there. I didn't do it because I was mind controlled. I didn't do it because I made a silly mistake. I did it because it's in my nature, because part of me would rather be feared and hated than have friends because at least then the lack of friends won't hurt, and I don't know how to change my nature so it's not a part of me anymore. So I'm afraid it's going to happen again. And right now, the me that I am now doesn't know how to keep the me that I will be from betraying everypony I care about, again, one of these days, because the me that I will be won't care about the opinion of the me that I am now. Any more than the me that I was when I faced Tirek cared about the opinion of the me that I was when Fluttershy took care of me when I was sick.

I don't know what to do. I'd do anything to protect her from the me that I will be, but nothing I've thought of can possibly work, and most of it will just make matters worse. I'd even give my life, right now, except that that would almost certainly make matters worse.

I don't know what to do.

Author's Note

Yeah, you didn't think I was going to let that episode go without a reaction, did you?

I don't think this is complete. I think this needs a resolution in one direction or another, so I'm leaving it incomplete for now.

1: An Idea So Crazy It Just Might Work

As Discord leaned up against the wall, sipping an endless glass of garlic cider and wishing that the field harmonics radiating throughout the castle allowed him to turn into a flower growing out of the wall, Rarity approached him. Discord raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why, Rarity! What brings you to my humble corner?"

Rarity smiled at him. "Well, darling, Twilight called Pinkie into an important conversation of some sort, so Pinkie deputized me to make sure that every partygoer is having fun. And it does look to me as if you aren't. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I expected you to be more, mmm, outgoing at a party."

He looked down at his garlic cider. There was no alcohol in it -- Discord neither needed nor wanted the senses-dulling crutch of alcohol to enjoy chaos, and if there wasn't any chaos, it was probably because he'd decided that all things considered, he should lay low, which wouldn't be particularly compatible with getting drunk. But he felt strange -- wrung out from the events of the day, from the emotional roller coaster he'd been on since he'd betrayed his friends, and been betrayed by Tirek in turn, and spent what had felt like a very long time believing he was going to die, putting all of his effort into trying to save the ones he'd betrayed, and failing at that as well. If it hadn't been for Twilight...

"Truth be told," he admitted, and wondered why he was admitting it, and to Rarity of all ponies, "I don't much like parties. I keep thinking I should, because of all the things you ponies do with some frequency it's the one activity I'd expect to generate a good bit of chaos, but... Well, it's easy to see that I don't really belong here, do I."

"Of course you do! Our success today was as much through your aid as anypony else's. I will admit, I thought you a perfect beast for betraying us as you did, and I can't say I will soon forget Fluttershy's tears--"

"I can't either." He sighed. "She was spending some time with me for a while before she had to go home to feed the animals, but... it felt... wrong. We were simply... not talking. I mean I've gone hours in Fluttershy's presence where neither of us are talking before and it didn't feel wrong, but... I felt like we should be talking but I didn't know what to say."

"It will take some time," Rarity said. "She's forgiven you, I know, but... it will take her some time to put this behind her. You did break her heart, you know."

"I didn't," he said, staring at his cider as if he expected great revelations to come bubbling out of it. "I didn't think she'd take it that hard. I didn't think she really, truly trusted me." Discord slumped against the wall. "I've probably lost that trust forever, now."

"She had far less reason to trust you when she first reformed you," Rarity said. "Focus on doing the right thing, on living your life in a way that she can be proud of you and regain her trust in you, and eventually, you will have it back. I know Fluttershy, she's very, very forgiving."

"But you're not. So what are you doing over here?"

"Why, I've come to ask you to dance," Rarity said. "This is your party too... and while I fear it will be some time before our fellow citizens regain their trust in you--" she glanced around at the various Ponyville residents and other Equestrians who were either not looking at her and Discord, or who were shooting glares at Discord -- "--I'm sure it will go faster if we remind them that this was your victory too. Without you, we'd never have gained the last key to defeat Tirek, and the box would remain unopened. Twilight feels certain that in the future we will be able to access the Rainbow Powers of Harmony anytime we truly need to, so in a sense, by betraying us you restored to us the power we lost earlier this year when your vines forced us to return the Elements to the Tree. And these powers are better than the Elements were, in the sense that they're part of us and can't be removed. So for all your chaos, in the end you've made Harmony stronger." She smiled brightly at him.

Discord wished he knew how he felt about that. He'd wanted the mares to open the box. He'd wanted them to have this power, before he'd changed sides and thrown in with Tirek. He'd certainly wanted them to have it when that power was the only thing he could imagine to undo his mistake and restore Equestria from Tirek's grasp... not to mention the only thing that might save his own life. But now that they had it, it was sinking in that in a sense he had betrayed himself by siding with Harmony, just as Tirek had been claiming all along. And yet, on the third paw, he felt bad about himself, about his nature, about chaos itself, right now. If he was betraying a true nature that had made him throw away every chance he'd ever had in the past at happiness, was that really wrong?

"How does asking me to dance accomplish any of this?" he asked.

"Well, I am one of the Bearers of the Elements. Twilight and I personally ensured that all the unicorns of Equestria had their powers restored to them--"

"How'd you do that?"

"Astral travel of some sort, I believe, and it's rude to interrupt, darling. The point I was making is that my standing, right now, is impeccable. If I am seen dancing with you, it will reassure any ponies who see it that you have been accepted by the Bearers. Twilight and Pinkie can't do it because they are the Princess of Friendship and Ponyville's party pony, respectively; they're expected to extend a hoof in friendship to, well, nearly anyone. Fluttershy's gone home and the poor dear would simply die out on a dance floor anyway. Not that she has justification, she has wonderful grace and I've seen superb dance moves from her when she's just with us, but you know how she is."

"So you want to dance with me to prove to the ponies here at the party that I can be trusted."

"Exactly!"

A rush of some emotion he couldn't entirely identify went through him. Rarity had never been one of his favorite ponies; he still thought her love affair with Tom was one of his best jokes ever, and her pretentious ways annoyed him. But here she was, placing her reputation on the line to try to save his.

If he did this, maybe he'd fit in better. The reason he didn't like parties, despite the potential for chaos, was how obvious it was when he attended one that nopony wanted him there. This hadn't been an exception; nearly every pony in the room, aside from the Bearers, the Princesses, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders, looked at him with fear or hate in their eyes or avoided looking at him at all. Including Financial Security, the insurance salesman who'd been using his presence to drum up business and had always been friendly with him as a result, and Filthy Rich, whose cutie mark probably should have been in "sucking up to powerful ponies and other entities for potential personal gain". Even the selfish ponies who'd been friendly with him because they saw potential benefit in it for them hated him now.

Twilight and Pinkie had both made a few sporadic attempts to draw him away from the wall, but they had the whole party to entertain, and the time Fluttershy had spent over here with him had been painful in its awkwardness. The Cutie Mark Crusaders had been cheerful and friendly with him as they raced madly around the party, but they were too energetic to stay in one place and he wasn't sure they even knew of his role in events. Celestia and Cadance had been friendly enough, and Luna had pretended to be civil -- at least she hadn't attacked him in public -- but they didn't have time to make for him either. Maybe if he danced with Rarity ponies would get the idea that he hadn't really betrayed them, that it had all been part of an elaborate plan to ensure Tirek's defeat and grant the Rainbow Powers to his friends.

But of course that was a lie. He had betrayed them. And on any other day a lie that made him look better would have seemed like a great idea, but not today. "What makes you think I can be trusted? Maybe they're right." He sighed heavily. "Luna certainly thinks so."

"Princess Luna? Why would you say that?"

"Because she gave the bouquet I gave her as an apology to Pinkie, and Pinkie ate it."

Rarity's hoof flew to her mouth. "Oh dear! I'm sure Pinkie didn't mean anything by that!"

"They were candy flowers." He'd made them for Celestia millennia ago, a field that just the two of them would visit, and later on Luna had joined them; he remembered it like it was only a short while ago, the babbling brook that had literally babbled like a foal, the meadow and the hill covered completely with candy daisies in different colors and flavors. When he'd given the bouquet to Celestia, to apologize to her and thank her for his second chance, and winked at her, trying to evoke her memories of that time, she'd blushed, thanked him, and eaten the bouquet with apparent delight. When he'd given the second bouquet to Luna, she had accepted with glowering bad grace and then promptly regifted it to Pinkie without telling her where it was from. "I'd hardly expect anything from Pinkie other than eating them. I know Luna didn't tell her where they came from. It'd be one thing if she had, and she gave it to Pinkie because she didn't want the sweets or because she wanted to share, but she said nothing. She was just trying to get rid of it."

"I'm honestly quite surprised. I would expect Princess Luna, of all ponies, to understand the desire for redemption after committing a betrayal..."

"She thinks I'm faking it. And for all you know she could be right."

Rarity shook her head. "Discord, the draconequus who drew a target on his chest and asked us to hurry up and shoot him because you had entirely failed to notice that we'd resisted your magical corruption is not the great liar and manipulator that so many have tried to claim you to be. Sweetie Belle does a better job of pretending to be sorry than you do. So I am thoroughly convinced of your sincerity, right now."

"Why, thank you, Rarity. I believe that's the most backhooved compliment I've ever received," Discord said sardonically.

"Oh, you're quite welcome, darling," Rarity said sweetly. "So, about that dance?"

He shook his head. "Another time, perhaps. For tonight, I'd rather be a spectator than a spectacle." He considered transforming into a giant pair of glasses, but the harmonics were interfering with his magic and to tell the truth, he just wasn't feeling very funny right now.

"Ah, well. I do understand, but if you change your mind, simply come find me." She left his side, and within minutes was dancing with another stallion. By his count, she had danced with every male creature besides him, the younger colts, and Owlowliscious at least one time, and Spike three times, and a few of the stallions twice. Discord sighed. The incongruity of a large draconequus dancing with a small elegant pony would have been hilarious, but he didn't need the pity right now, and he was telling the truth about wanting to hang back and watch, for once.

To be honest, he hadn't thought Luna would accept his apology. He was just grateful that Celestia had.

Cadance had left already, she and Shining Armor having taken off to head back to the Crystal Empire shortly after the Bearers had performed an impromptu joint dance and song about friendship and rainbows, or something... he hadn't really been paying attention to the lyrics. He hadn't had a chance to even begin to think about giving her an apology gift, even though he owed her one more than he owed one to Luna... Luna had never trusted him, and Luna had never done anything for him, not since she and Celestia had begun fighting him anyway. Cadance had helped to take care of him when he was sick, and had spoken on his behalf to Celestia before they'd come here to Twilight's new castle. He'd have to come up with something for her, eventually. Not flowers, Shining Armor might misunderstand and while normally that would be hilarious, he wasn't in the mood for generating disharmony right now. Which might mean there was something seriously wrong with him, but he didn't feel like thinking about it.

He owed all of the Bearers some sort of apology, too. The thought of what that could possibly be paralyzed him, though. What could he possibly give to Fluttershy to even begin to make up for what he'd done? And if he couldn't give something to Fluttershy, how could he give anything to any of the Bearers?

So he was left with nothing to do but watch the party, which refused to degenerate into entertaining chaos, and under the circumstances he didn't feel comfortable trying to give it a push. He wanted to leave and go find something entertaining to do, or something, but he didn't know what he could possibly do when the idea of creating even minor chaos made him feel so very uncomfortable. What was wrong with him? Chaos was his life, his raison d'etre; was he afraid of what would happen to him if he stepped out of line? No, he could blow off some steam making the apples in Applejack's orchard into zap apples -- she'd actually probably appreciate that -- or give wings to rabbits (except for Angel Bunny, who was insufferable already), or some other kind of chaos that wouldn't cause anypony any harm, and that certainly wouldn't result in anything terrible happening to him. And yet he didn't want to do it. He didn't feel safe doing it, but he didn't know what the danger filling him with such anxiety actually was.

If he could go somewhere that nopony could see him, he could create chaos and not feel bad about it. But Celestia had sentenced him to remain in Ponyville for the indefinite future. As punishments went, given the scale of the betrayal he'd committed and how horrible the consequences of his actions had almost been, it was a mere slap on the wrist, but he didn't dare violate it; Celestia had been deadly serious when she'd told him this was his last chance. And there was nowhere in Ponyville proper he could go that didn't belong to some pony or another, or the town itself, so there was nowhere he could go that his chaos wouldn't be noticed. Theoretically he could leave, if accompanied by one of the Bearers or a princess, but all the ones that were still here at the party were partying and he didn't want to ask anypony for help anyway, not now especially.

And at some point he was going to have to figure out where he was going to stay tonight. Judging from the glares he was getting, he wasn't going to have an easy time finding a place to sleep. He didn't want to go to Fluttershy's house and ask her if he could stay there; he felt certain she'd say yes, but he felt equally certain that she'd be doing it out of obligation and not out of affection, not right now, and he could cheerfully impose on any pony for what he wanted any other day but not today, not Fluttershy, not if it would make her angry with him for doing it. But it wasn't as if he had a lot of other options.

The anger and fear and hatred the ponies of Ponyville were directing his way would normally delight him. Such emotions fed disharmony, and disharmony was his bread and butter. And it was hardly as if he wasn't used to it. Ponies disliked chaos, what a shocking new development! It would have broken him centuries ago if he hadn't learned to love it.

Except he wasn't loving it, not right now. They didn't hate him because they just hated chaos like mindless golems of harmony. They hated him because he'd rounded them up or held them down and let Tirek steal their powers, and after Tirek had done the same to him, he knew exactly how horrible that was. He'd been proud of himself for keeping them all alive, making sure Tirek didn't kill any of his victims, but now that he'd been through it himself he wasn't entirely sure that death wouldn't have been preferable... obviously not in the long run, now that everything was resolved and he had his powers back, but if he'd had to live indefinitely that way? And his magic would have eventually returned to him. The ponies' magic would never have.

He deserved to be hated, right now.

And isn't this what you wanted? he thought to himself bitterly. You wanted ponies to hate and fear you for good reasons, instead of spooking even when you were trying to be nice. So congratulations! You gave them a great reason! Have a cupcake and celebrate, every pony in Equestria's been reminded that you're a villain and why! Isn't that what you wanted? You wanted to be evil because it hurt too much to try to be good and be rejected for it? So now you can be rejected for being evil! Isn't this a big improvement?

Maybe he'd ask Rarity if he could crash at her place. If she'd been willing to dance with him to help him salvage his reputation, she might be willing to let him sleep above her boutique. Or maybe he'd just sleep in one of Applejack's trees so he didn't have to lower himself to begging anypony for a place to stay the night. Or in the branches of Twilight's treehou -- oh, right.

He could find a cloud to spend the night on -- quite aside from the magic of chaos, his body held the inherent magic of each of his component species, so his pegasus wing gave him the ability to sleep on and walk on clouds just as a pegasus could. But given what he'd done to the local pegasi, he'd have to sleep with one eye open if he didn't want to find his cloud towed out to sea while he was asleep, or dumped over in the heart of the Everfree, or maybe in one of the volcanos down in Mexicavallo.

"Hiya, Discord! What's with the frowny face?"

Discord looked up, startled. He hadn't realized he had been intently staring at the floor. Given that he hadn't been looking up, it was perhaps not wholly surprising that Pinkie had been able to bounce right up to him without him noticing, but he was surprised that he hadn't been looking. "Oh, it's nothing, my dear. This is just... one of your more sedate parties, all things considered. I could use a bit more chaos... but under the circumstances, I can certainly understand why."

"Yeah, it's not as boring as the Gala but it does have to be one of the slower parties because of all the nobility and stuff that Celestia said had to come so they'd recognize that Twilight's really and truly and for sure a princess now, instead of just princess-y or something. Sorry about that! We could kick things up a notch now that most of the nobles have gone back to Canterlot!"

He smiled wanly. "That's quite all right, Pinkie. It's been a long day. Eventually your friends will need to sleep, even if you don't."

"Yeah, Spike already went to sleep! It's funny because he's sleeping right under the stage with the band! Like you would think loud noises would wake up a pony but because he's a dragon he likes to sleep with loud noises, or something! Maybe because dragons are really really loud when they snore!"

"Or possibly because if he's sleeping under the band he can't possibly hear Twilight calling him if she wants him to help with something."

Pinkie giggled. "That could be it! Which reminds me of the TOTALLY MOST AWESOME NEWS EVER! I was talking to Twilight and guess what? Guess what?"

"Hmm. A little hint, please? Is it bigger than a breadbox?"

"It's the BIGGEST THING EVER!" Pinkie started bouncing as if the ground beneath her feet was a trampoline. "Twilight picked me to be her first Minister! Not her First Minister like Prime Minister which is apparently a kind of ruler like a princess except they won a popularity contest sort of like a mayor except what if the mayor got elected by the city council and it was for an ENTIRE COUNTRY, but the first Minister she's picked for her cabinet, which is not where she keeps her plates and cups but is apparently where she keeps her advisors! I'm not sure I would like staying in a cabinet all day but she says it's not like that kind of cabinet and she's made me the Minister of Events! Do you know what this MEANS?"

"That if you win a popularity contest you can rule Friendship with an iron hoof?" Discord asked dryly.

"No, it means PARTIES! Because she's the Princess of Friendship and the best way to make friends with new ponies and new griffons and dragons and zebras and everybody is to have parties for them! So I get to plan all the official parties for the Friendship Outreach which is what she is calling her mission to spread friendship! WHEEEEEE!" She grabbed Discord's paws in her hooves and with surprising strength swung him around in a circle. Her intent was probably simply to swing him like a dance partner, but Discord deliberately let go of gravity so that Pinkie ended up swinging him around through the air with his full length stretched out behind him, causing his tail to barely miss whacking a few ponies in the face. At the same time she was spinning herself away from the wall, so by the time she came around to the completion of the circle, they had managed to get slightly more than Discord's full length away from the wall, allowing her to complete the arc without letting any part of him smack the wall. Which was good, because given the fact that the walls were made of pure Harmonic crystal, Discord wasn't sure he could have phased himself through them as he'd originally planned. "Isn't this the BEST NEWS EVER?"

Discord landed on his hoof as Pinkie released him, spun around once like a ballet dancer, and then set his dragon foot down and pulled his tail in. "It certainly does seem exciting, though I have to admit that on a personal level the news that I was being let out of my stone prison has it beat in the best news competition."

"Oh yeah, that was pretty good news for you too! But anyway! So I had to quit my job which is sad because I love to bake things and the Cakes have been really great friends and bosses but they understand I won't have time to bake at a bakery when I'm the Minister of Events for the Friendship Outreach! And I'm going to be moving in here at the castle because how can Twilight be the Princess of Friendship if she doesn't even live with any of her friends? I mean she lives with Spike and he's a friend, but she lived with him anyway and he's really more like family, which is not exactly the same thing as a friend!"

"Trust me, Pinkie, I'm well aware of the distinction."

"But Fluttershy can't do it because she has to live near the Everfree because of all the animals, and Rarity can't because she has to stay with her shop, and Applejack can't because the farm, and Dashie could but she would be sad if she couldn't live in a cloud house anymore! So I'm the only one of Twilight's best friends who can move in with her!"

"I cannot see any possible way this could go wrong," Discord murmured.

"But I can!" Pinkie's eyes grew very big. "What if I bug Twilight? Because Twilight loves her friends but she likes to sit and be quiet and read, and I like to always be talking to ponies or anyone really and always moving around and doing stuff! And I could talk to Spike but he sleeps a lot because he's a dragon and besides he reads too even if most of the time it's just comic books because comic books are fun! And also he has to help Twilight! So what if I'm bored and I want to talk to somepony but Twilight and Spike want to be quiet and read! That would annoy Twilight or else it would make me sad and lonely, but annoying Twilight would also make me sad! So you have to move in with us!"

Discord had been following Pinkie's monologue, despite her high pitch and speed, up until that point. "What."

"Because you always like to do things that are fun and exciting and especially with ponies! Some of the things you like are mean but some things are just fun so if you moved in with us, then if I was bored and lonely and Twilight didn't want to talk to me because she was reading I could hang out with you! And Princess Celestia says you're supposed to live in Ponyville now anyway so if you came and lived with us you would have a place to live!"

"Let me see if I understand you properly, Pinkie. You want me to move into the Castle of Extreme Purpleness with you, Twilight and Spike, in order to avoid annoying Twilight."

"Yup!"

"Have you run this plan past Twilight, by any chance?"

"No, I didn't even think of it until I saw you all lonely and bored looking up against the wall and I started thinking about what if I was lonely and bored because I never get lonely and bored when I'm selling cupcakes because there are always more customers, but if I'm not selling cupcakes to customers anymore then maybe I would be lonely, and Twilight won't always have time for me because she's an introvert and I'm an extravert, but you're an extravert too! Which by the way what is a vert and why does being an extra one mean that we have a lot of energy and we like to be around other ponies?" Before he could even begin to answer the question, she continued. "So then I realized that if I was living with you I wouldn't get lonely and bored and neither would you and that way we don't bug Twilight so much! But sometimes we have to bug Twilight because if she spends all her time with her books then she'll miss out on fun with her friends!"

Discord resisted the urge to create extra paws to facepalm with. Pinkie was either astonishingly naïve, or deep down inside really did want to torment Twilight at least just a little bit for being such an introvert. Or, possibly, against all odds, her plan would actually work, but Discord rather doubted it.

That being said, he didn't actually care. He had just been invited by a friend to live with her. Not because she was trying to reform him, the way Fluttershy had been when she'd first invited him to be a houseguest. Not because she felt some sense of obligation, as Celestia obviously had when she'd offered him a room in the palace (an offer he'd declined, although the portal to his personal chaos dimension that served as his home did usually anchor in Canterlot someplace.) But because she actually wanted him there. Not for his magic, not for unspecified things he could do with his powers, but because she thought he was fun.

This had never happened before. He was frankly stunned.

A few minutes ago he'd have said there were no possible circumstances that would keep him inside this castle any longer than necessary. It had been made by the Tree of Harmony; it resonated with energies that dampened his powers. But Pinkie had invited him to live with her. And Twilight. And if this did in fact result in annoying the living daylights out of Twilight, well, how could that possibly be his fault? He hadn't asked Pinkie to extend him the invitation, and how could he turn down a heartfelt plea from a friend?

"Well, if you want me here so badly, who am I to tell you no? I accept, Pinkie." He squeezed her in a sideways hug. "Roomies!"

"Technically castle-ies, because we aren't gonna share a room but we are all sharing a castle, but I guess that sounds kind of weird!" She squirmed free of him. "C'mere, c'mere! I picked out a room for you already!"

She bounced off, out of the main hall and down one of the corridors. Discord followed her all the way to a side door leading out of the castle. "This is gonna be the garden for Fluttershy! We're going to wall it in with a magic field thingy that lets the animals go in and out if they want to but it blocks mean animals who want to eat the other animals from coming in so they'll be safe! And anypony in Ponyville or from anywhere or even like griffons and things can come into the garden and walk around and it's going to be kind of wild but also safe, like the Whitetail Woods, and no statues, we promise! But maybe some fountains!"

Right now there was nothing there but a grassy field, exactly like the other grassy fields all around the castle. Discord took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air and lack of harmonic restraint on his magic. "Perhaps you'd like my help with it? I dare say I have some talent at creating a chaotically natural space, and I've gained some experience with Fluttershy at making natural environments that are safe."

"I bet that would be good! She'd like that!"

Pinkie bounced back in through the side door, and pointed to the room nearest the door. "Tadaaa! Right next to the garden 'cause I knew you would want to be near where Fluttershy will probably be when she comes to visit!"

Discord opened the door and surveyed the room. "It's a trifle... small, don't you think?"

"Well, I figured you could make it bigger on the inside with your powers so you wouldn't mind it being small... is that okay? You don't hate it, do you? Please tell me you don't hate it!" She grabbed his chest fur and pulled him toward her, eyes wide and pleading as if she were some romance heroine from a threebit opera begging her objet d'amour for a token of love rather than a party pony arranging logistics.

"No, Pinkie, I don't hate it. It's... fine." It wasn't fine. The harmonics wouldn't allow him to do what she was suggesting, so it really was a tiny room and it really would remain so. But it was wide enough for him to stretch out fully in any of the three basic spatial dimensions, and really, he'd been planning on sleeping in a tree. This would suffice. Otherwise he'd have to admit to Pinkie that his powers were drastically reduced in the castle. He trusted his friends, to some extent, but it was too ingrained in him to never admit to a weakness if he could avoid it; the thought of letting Pinkie know that the castle weakened him made him feel profoundly anxious and unsafe.

Oh, how far he had fallen for the sake of friendship. To even consider living in a place that weakened his powers!... but he'd nearly lost both his powers and his friends today, and of the two, the loss of the friends had hurt the most. He could compromise, if it meant that somepony actually wanted him here.

"Great! Now we just have to go get your things! Princess Celestia said you have to stay in Ponyville unless me or one of the others or one of the princesses is with you, and I know you live in some weird chaosy place that isn't in Ponyville, so I will totally go with you and help you move! Why don't we do it right now?"

"I don't really have anything to move, Pinkie. I make what I want with my powers when I want it."

"But don't you even have any furniture? Or pictures or something? Or I know! Your thinking tree! We totally have to go get your thinking tree and put it in the garden!"

Discord stared at her. "Your memory frightens me sometimes, my dear."

"Did you think I would forget your thinking tree? What kind of a friend would I be if I forgot something important like that?" Pinkie demanded. "Come on, let's go get it!"

He sighed. "I... may possibly no longer have a thinking tree."

"You don't? What happened to it?"

"Well, I got tired of thinking."

"So what did you do with it?"

Discord squirmed slightly. Really, it had been his tree, and he could always make another; why did he feel guilty over the disposition of his own possession? "It, um, might conceivably have... exploded?"

"Exploded?" Pinkie's eyes went impossibly wide.

"I confess it, I was really tired of thinking."

"Poor tree!" For a moment it looked as if Pinkie was about to cry. Then she brightened. "Well, I guess that makes two trees we need to grow back!"

"What do you mean two trees?"

"Well, duh! We have to grow Twilight's tree back!"

Discord raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Because oak trees are well known for their tendency to grow back to their former glory within a reasonable pony lifetime, of course."

"Hello? Earth ponies? I was talking to Applejack and she's gonna have teams of her family members and other farmers come out in shifts. Three earth ponies focusing on growing a tree every day and the oak should be as big as Twilight's tree was in three or four years! Which is a lot longer than I wish it would take but even farming ponies with tree experience can't speed it up any more than that!" Her face drooped. "The sad part is we can't grow back the books. We're gonna be gathering up as many book donations as we can but there's some books she had that she can't ever get back 'cause she had the only copy or they were sentimental like the books she scribbled all over when she was a foal but I guess there's not much we can do about that! At least she and Spike and Owlowliscious are all okay, and that's what's important!"

Guilt hit him like a sledgehammer to the gut. He'd been thinking, at least there were no long-term consequences to his betrayal; ponies all had their magic back, none had died, none had been seriously hurt. He'd made sure of that. But Twilight's books were gone. Discord often found it hard to quite understand ponies having sentimental attachments to things; with his powers and with his level of chronic disorganization, he found it much more convenient to own nothing, but just use his magic to manifest whatever he needed, because anything that he actually owned that he hadn't made himself, he'd inevitably lose.

He did, however, understand the value of information. He'd actually read over half the books in Twilight's library himself, in the months after he'd been released from stone, trying to catch up to the modern era without revealing any part of his own ignorance. Being able to hear ponies speaking, and walk in their dreams while he himself was asleep, had left him much better adjusted to today's age than Luna, but it wasn't a substitute for actual immersion in pony culture, and good comedy needed cultural immersion. There was a time in his life when the idea of information being lost forever would have delighted him, because he'd seen knowledge of the past as a chain, an anchor to Order, but he was too old now to be quite so ideologically pure about Chaos. Knowledge was power. The loss of knowledge was the loss of power. And as he had been brutally reminded today, the loss of power hurt.

Twilight had saved him. She hadn't had to. She'd offered her power to Tirek in exchange for her friends, and when Tirek had released the five mares and Spike, she'd demanded that he release Discord as well. If she hadn't done that, Discord would have died; Tirek had told him, flat out, that his mistake in revealing to Tirek that chaos would rebuild his magic had doomed him. Tirek needed to kill him to prevent Discord from becoming powerful again. Twilight had known of his betrayal, but not of his crisis of conscience; she hadn't seen how Tirek's betrayal had broken him, she hadn't been there when he'd been struggling to break open the cage he'd made and free her friends. She couldn't possibly have known how horribly sorry he was for what he'd done. And she hadn't known that Tirek intended to kill him, either. But she'd demanded his release anyway, because he was one of her friends.

Every moment he drew breath, now, he owed to Twilight. And it was his fault her books, as precious to her as a hoard of gems was to a dragon, were gone forever.

Or were they?

An incredibly stupid and dangerous idea was forming in his mind. A manic grin spread across his face. "Pinkie, what would you say if I told you there was a way we could save Twilight's books?"

"There is? Oh, what is it, what is it, what is it? We gotta do it! Poor Twilight, if we can save her books she'll be so happy!"

"Well... it does involve a slight possibility of destabilizing the space-time continuum. But not if we're careful!"

"Careful is my middle name!"

"I thought your middle name was Diane."

"That's my other middle name! You can have more than one name in the middle! What are we gonna do?"

"Well... I'm going to need your help." Destroying the space-time continuum would be bad; Fluttershy and Twilight definitely preferred living in linear time. So he couldn't do this the easy way. For a moment the thought of the scope of the project he wanted to undertake daunted him. But Pinkie was so excited, and the thought of how happy Twilight, Twilight who had called him friend and saved his life, would be if he could do this for her, and how happy Fluttershy would be that he did this for Twilight if he succeeded... He took a deep breath. This was going to be very very hard, but worth it. "We're going to go back in time, to moments when Twilight and Spike weren't in the library, and copy the books, and bring the copies to the present. We can't take the risk of actually taking the books; for all I know, Twilight was in her library moments before Tirek blew it up, and she'd notice even a single book missing if it wasn't supposed to be. But if we make copies of all of them, then there's no change to the timestream, no risk to spacetime, and Twilight gets her books back." And never mind how hard it would be to use Chaos to make accurate copies of anything. He'd just have to try his hardest.

"Wow! But how can we do it? When Twilight went back in time she could only go back a week! Maybe if we went back during the Equestria Games? Nopony was in the library then! But that was more than a week ago and Twilight could only go back for a few minutes! We'd need more than that to copy a lot of books!"

"There you go, Pinkie. That's part of what I need your help for." He grinned at her. "Let us not forget that when she's not carrying around the power of four alicorns, I'm much more powerful than Twilight. And Harmonic magic has difficulty with something as unnatural as violating the flow of time, anyway; that's a job for Chaos if there ever was one. So we won't have a hard time going back. The thing we'll have to be very careful about is making sure we don't change anything in the past."

"Okay! Technically going to the past in Ponyville is still Ponyville so you're allowed to do it and besides you're allowed to do it anyway if I'm with you, so let's do it! Let me just write a note for my friends first so they don't get worried, and what time will you bring us back?"

"I have no idea; I have to make sure we don't come back before we left, and most likely we'd cause a great deal of worry if we were gone longer than a day, so let's shoot for sometime tomorrow? Maybe in the afternoon. Maybe morning. It's not as if chaos is exactly predictable."

"Okie dokie lokie! Let's do this!" She removed a purple glitter crayon and sheet of paper from a fold in reality and scribbled a quick note with her hoof. "Note's written, let's go! LEEEROY JENKINS!"

Discord chimed in with her on the second part of her battle cry, and snapped his talon. A moment later there was nothing where he and Pinkie had been standing but a hastily scribbled and very purple note.

"Sorry to wake you, Twilight, but I figure we might have a problem here."

Twilight rolled over and moaned. There was no furniture in the castle yet; Rarity had brought over a giant pile of blankets so that anypony who felt too tired to head home after the party could crash at the castle, so she was lying on the floor in a pile of very attractive lavender-scented down comforters. "Spike, take a le'r to Princelestia, ask her to turn down the sun..."

Applejack snorted, took off her hat and laid it on Twilight's face. "There ya go, nice and dark. You ready to wake up now? Nopony can find Pinkie."

Twilight groaned and got to her knees, knocking the hat off her face. "She's probably cleaning up. We had a big party last night. Remember?"

"I sure do, which is why it's so surprisin' that she ain't cleaned up a darned thing. That's not like Pinkie Pie at all."

No. It wasn't. Twilight came fully to her hooves. "Did we check Sugarcube Corner?"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "First place I checked when I couldn't find her here. I woke up Dash and she's gettin' Fluttershy, and also she's supposed to be searchin' town once she does that. Figure you can wake up Spike and Rarity."

"She's probably just gone for a walk or out to pick up pastries for breakfast or something..." Twilight trailed off. If Pinkie had gone to pick up pastries, she'd have gone to her former employers, most especially to reinforce that there were no hard feelings about her departure from the job. "Wait! She said something about maybe trying to find a replacement for herself at Sugarcube Corner; maybe she's gone off to interview another baker, or something?"

"Before cleanin' up after the party?" Applejack asked skeptically.

Twilight drooped. Applejack was right. Pinkie took her party responsibilities very, very seriously; there were potential positive events that could distract her so badly that she'd forget about cleanup, but not many. "Okay, have Cheese Sandwich or any of Pinkie's relatives come into town?"

"None of 'em were at the party so far as I know, but Rarity was up a heck of a lot later than I was, so we'd best ask her."

"Right." Twilight trotted over to the bathroom, realized she had no washcloths, soap outside of dish soap, toothpaste, or toothbrush in her new castle, and facehooved. It was hitting her again... everything she owned was gone. Everything. Not just the books. The books had hit her hard, and had kept hitting her even throughout the party, and she had had to struggle to keep a smile on her face sometimes when the thought came back, Your books are all gone, again and again. But it was so much more than the books. Spike's baby bed, from when he'd been a tiny dragonet barely bigger than his egg had been. The dresses Rarity had made for her over the years, such as her Gala dress or her coronation dress. All of her equipment for her research. The fruit basket of exotic cold-weather fruit that Cadance and Shining had sent her back home with after her trip to the Crystal Empire, that she hadn't gotten around to eating yet. Her wing scrubby.

No. She couldn't wallow in it right now. Not if Pinkie might be missing. She used her magic to make the water from the tap blast her teeth in a high-powered stream to substitute for the toothbrush she didn't have, swished and spat in the sink, then took a big drink and turned the tap off. That was the best she was going to be able to do until she had a chance to go out for toiletries, or send Spike.

Spike and Rarity looked positively adorable. Rarity had been up late enough to see off the last of the partygoers, and had been too tired to go home, not after she'd already made an evening trip back to the Boutique to pick up blankets for everypony who was going to sleep over. She had made herself a nest of silken comforters and arranged herself on them elegantly, her mane tied back in a scarf to protect it from bed head. And she had obviously found Spike under the stage for the band and carried him to his own little blanket nest, near where she and Twilight were sleeping. Except that at some point during the night Spike had apparently woken up just enough to drag his blanket nest onto Rarity's and pass out next to her. If he were older or Rarity less honorable, Twilight might actually be bothered to see his proximity to Rarity in her sleep, but she knew Rarity would do all she could to avoid either taking advantage of Spike or breaking his heart, and Spike was a teenager by Pony standards but still a very, very young dragon.

"Spike! Rarity! You need to wake up!" She hated to do this when they were adorable and her own head was pounding, but Pinkie might be in danger. "Pinkie's gone missing!"

"Huh, what?" Spike lifted his head blearily. The stereotype of dragons was that they slept deeply unless something threatened their hoard, but Spike had always been quick to rouse if there was a potential threat to any of his friends. "Wait, Pinkie's missing?"

"Really? Oh dear," Rarity mumbled. "Spike, if you could be a dear and move so I can get up...?"

"Oh, sure thing, Rarity!" Spike said, and then apparently realized where he was. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh I wasn't bothering you while I was sleeping, was I? I don't even remember how I got here!"

Rarity smiled wanly at him. "Quite all right. I'm the one who tucked you in so close to me; I might have expected you to slide over in your sleep. Think nothing of it." She got to her hooves. "I absolutely must wash up. What is the situation with Pinkie?"

"Well, she didn't clean up after the party, she's not here, she's not at Sugarcube Corner, and nopony can find her."

Rarity sighed. "That does sound as if she might be in trouble, the poor dear. I promise I will keep my toilette to a minimum, but I simply cannot leave this room until I at the least have the opportunity to brush my mane."

"I don't have any hairbrushes," Twilight admitted.

"Oh, of course you don't, darling, you lost everything when that beast destroyed your home," Rarity said. "That's why I brought over brushes and shampoo and soap when I brought the blankets. I do regret that I didn't happen to have any spare toothbrushes, and of course the apothecary was not open that late, so I couldn't buy any."

"You brought over brushes and shampoo and soap?" Twilight's eyes went wide. "I love you. In a deeply friendshippy way."

Rarity patted her on the head. "I know you do, Twilight, and you know it's entirely mutual. Now let's get our minimal morning washing done so we can find Pinkie."

Once everypony was gathered back at the castle, Twilight went over what they knew.

"So the last anypony remembers seeing Pinkie was when I talked with her about being Minister of Events, and she went and gave the Cakes notice. The Cakes told her to take today off, and then she'd be working for them for the next two weeks while they look for a replacement, and she said she'd try to find somepony for them. Then they went home, and Pinkie told me she had to go tell everypony about her new position. But at that point, Fluttershy had gone home, Applejack and Spike had both been asleep, and Princess Celestia had already said good night and returned to Canterlot."

"She told me," Rainbow Dash said, her voice even hoarser than usual; Twilight recalled Rainbow still being up when Twilight herself had gone to sleep. "I told her that was great and I was excited for her, and then she went bouncing off to tell somepony else."

"And she did indeed tell me," Rarity said. "Shortly after I had a conversation with Discord." She looked around. "Now that I'm mentioning him... where is Discord, do you think?"

"Who cares?" Rainbow said. "Pinkie's what's important here."

"Um, but what if he knows where she went?" Fluttershy pointed out.

Rarity suddenly looked uncomfortable. "Oh, dear. You don't think... they wouldn't have... surely Pinkie wouldn't..."

"Wouldn't what?" Twilight asked.

"Oh, I really don't think so!" Fluttershy said. "Because... because... well, I hope they wouldn't..."

"We talkin' about Pinkie and Discord hooking up, or something else?" Applejack said. "'Cause you get misunderstandin's if you can't just plainly say what you mean."

Rarity blushed. "I, well, yes, I was wondering about that possibility... given the understandable excitement of the day, mares have certainly been known to... make impromptu decisions about romance that are perhaps not examples of good judgment..."

"No way!" Rainbow Dash burst out laughing, harshly. "Pinkie and Discord? Not a chance! Pinkie and Cheese are like practically the next best thing to special someponies, and besides who the heck would want to get snuggly with Discord?"

Fluttershy visibly cringed. Twilight took a deep breath. "There's an easy way to find out if Discord knows where Pinkie is, or if he's with her," she said. "They don't have to be, uh, romantic to fall asleep together. I've seen firsthoof, Pinkie goes full blast until she gets too tired and then she just goes out like a light, wherever she is. And Discord's not allowed to leave Ponyville without one of us, so if he got Pinkie to go somewhere with him out of Ponyville, and then she fell asleep... well, he has to stay with her. Assuming he's going to stick with his parole, but after yesterday..."

She'd been so angry with Discord for betraying them. The whole time she'd been fighting Tirek, she'd wanted to find him and blast him, as hard as she'd been trying to blast Tirek, to pay him back for his betrayal. And then she'd seen him in one of the bubbles with her friends, slumped over, all the restless energy and annoying humor he usually demonstrated gone, and her anger had drained away, just like that. Maybe Discord had been playing some kind of deeper game against Tirek, pretending to ally with him for some reason, and Tirek had found out. Maybe he really had betrayed all of them, only to be betrayed by Tirek in turn. She hadn't known. All she'd known was that he looked miserable and broken, and she couldn't feel any trace of the Chaos magic that normally boiled out of him every moment. Tirek had been roiling with so much pony magic, she wouldn't have been able to detect Chaos magic inside him anyway, but she'd definitely been able to feel its absence from Discord. And when Tirek had released the others, but not him, and he'd said nothing, just turned away in silence with his head hung low as if he felt too sad or too guilty to even ask for his freedom... she'd felt deeply sorry for him, and she'd demanded that Tirek release him as well.

She hadn't had much of a chance to talk to him since then. He'd thanked her, given her the amulet -- which provided the final key, and from the way he'd been enunciating, as if he were on a stage, she was sure he'd known it would -- and he'd helped prepare for the party, with a bare minimum of magic use. If she hadn't felt the Chaos in him when her three fellow princesses, Discord, and Spike had all come to join them outside the castle, she might have suspected that he never got his magic back. Then he'd spent most of the party leaning against the wall, and the few efforts she'd made to draw him out had failed. He'd looked depressed, and while he'd sounded almost normal when he spoke, simply the fact that his motions and body language had been subdued suggested that he was hurting inside. She'd felt torn. The part of her that believed in justice said that he should feel sad, he should feel guilty; but the part of her that believed in compassion wanted him to be happier. He'd made a horrible mistake, but he'd made up for it as well as anyone could.

After yesterday, she truly couldn't believe that Discord would actually do something to hurt any of Fluttershy's friends, or deliberately break the one restriction Celestia had placed on him. Not this soon, anyway.

Rarity nodded. "I agree," she said, sounding relieved. "I doubt Discord would want to violate his parole this soon under any circumstances. So perhaps he's just staying with Pinkie somewhere until she wakes up."

"Uh, but if he can teleport, why would he be stuck somewhere? He could just take himself and Pinkie back to Ponyville," Spike pointed out.

"You said there's an easy way to find out, sugarcube?" Applejack asked Twilight.

"I can just scry for Discord," Twilight said confidently. "His Chaos magic shows up like a beacon. If he's anywhere in Equestria, I ought to be able to find him, and if he's not in Ponyville, odds are he's with Pinkie."

The scrying spell was one she'd used before, so thankfully she didn't need to look it up... without her books, she wouldn't have been able to. She concentrated, focused on the feel of Chaos, and fired up the spell.

There was no echo, no feeling of Chaos magic ghosting against her horn. There was no resonance anywhere. The Everfree pulsed erratically with chaos magic, but no more than normal; Discord wasn't hiding in there. And without Discord, they'd lost their best clue to Pinkie's location. It was too bad she couldn't scry for Pinkie directly...

...Wait! Maybe she could! "Girls, I want to try something," she said. "Gather around, and focus on your element."

"Are we going to try that summoning spell?" Applejack asked.

"No, it wouldn't work without all six of us, and I don't think the Rainbow Powers work exactly the same way the Elements did anyway. I have something else in mind. Focus on your element, and when you have it firmly in mind... reach out to Pinkie."

She felt the rainbow of magic building up inside each one of them, felt it pulse and grow. It wouldn't be a large enough pulse to cause a phaseshift; they wouldn't transform to their more garishly colored forms. But it should be powerful enough that she could focus and guide it out and let it lead them directly to their missing sixth.

Except, when she did, it fizzled completely.

"It didn't work," Rainbow Dash said, sounding nervous. "How come it didn't work? Is it something Discord did?"

"Or perhaps something left over from what Tirek did to us?" Rarity asked, sounding close to the edge of panic.

"Has... has something bad happened to Pinkie and Discord?" Fluttershy asked.

"I don't know," Twilight said, feeling lost. Why hadn't it worked? She'd felt the resonance, she'd felt it building. It should have worked.

"Well, I'm guessing it just plain didn't work somehow," Applejack said. "Because the only other explanation is that Pinkie and Discord ain't anywhere, and that don't make sense either."

"Wait!" Sudden excitement swept through Twilight. "Wait, that's it! I know exactly where they are!"

"Are they okay?" Fluttershy asked.

"Do tell us, Twilight!" Rarity urged.

"Well, okay, I don't know exactly where they are, but I have a really good hypothesis. Princess Celestia told me, when she told me that Discord was under town arrest, that normally he lives in a pocket dimension of chaos that he made himself. But he's not allowed to live there anymore; he's not even allowed to go there without one of us. So he must have gone with Pinkie to get his stuff, because he's been ordered to move into Ponyville!"

"But why wouldn't you be able to find them, then?" Rainbow asked.

"Because they're not anywhere! Just like Applejack said. They're outside of this plane of existence, and that means the magic can't find them. If they're in a pocket dimension, then they're not strictly speaking inside our universe at all, exactly."

"Oh, that is such a relief," Rarity said. "I can picture it perfectly, too. If he was tired and wanted to retrieve his possessions before going to wherever he planned to stay the night, of course he would ask Pinkie, and then undoubtedly the two of them must have fallen asleep there because of the late hour. And without the sun or an alarm clock to wake her, and after all the excitement and the length of the party, Pinkie must simply have overslept! And certainly Discord wouldn't be responsible enough to even think about the fact that she'd like to wake up early and return here to clean up." She sighed happily. "It all makes perfect sense."

That phrase bothered Twilight. Things almost never made perfect sense around Discord. On the other hoof, it was the best explanation. What else could it be? She felt certain Pinkie couldn't be dead; the resonance she felt from Laughter still felt Pinkie-shaped. And if she wasn't dead and she wasn't anywhere, then where else could she be but outside the universe?

"Well, if Pinkie's oversleepin' cause she went to help Discord, then it's plain to see we're gonna have to pick up the slack and clean up the party for her," Applejack said. "Can't say I mind it much; I never did feel right leaving Pinkie to do all the work cleaning up after, but she'd always say it was her job, bein' that she planned the party. Maybe we can do something nice for her this time, since she ain't around to tell us no."

"As long as all you ponies are helping out and nopony's leaving me stuck with the whole thing, I'm game for it," Spike said.

Rainbow Dash sighed. "I guess so. It's a nice thing to do for Pinkie, but I'm worried about what might've been going on with the weather while Tirek was taking all our magic. It wasn't like he was trying to make any of the rain come out on schedule."

"Oh, but you're so fast, Rainbow, surely you can put some time in to help us and then go catch up with the weather later today? I'm sure the crops won't die if the rainfall comes a few hours late," Rarity said encouragingly.

"Don't even know as that we need rain right now," Applejack said. "Last I checked, the cisterns weren't low. So I'm pretty sure you've got time to pitch in."

"Fine," Rainbow said, sighing. "But only a few hours! I really do have to check up with the rest of the weather team!"

It was less than half an hour after they started cleaning up the castle from the party that Spike found Pinkie's note.

In large, blocky hoofwriting, written in glittery purple wax from what appeared to be a wide crayon, it said, "Me and Discord went to do something really really nice for Twilight but it's a surprise so I can't say what! See you tomorrow afternoon or something like that!" What followed was a rows of X's, O's, and smiley faces.

Twilight blinked as she read it over. Going to get Discord's stuff was not what she would call something really, really nice for herself. So she'd been right that Pinkie was with Discord, but possibly wrong about where they'd gone. Except, where else could they have gone? Did Discord have some sort of present for her at his home in his pocket dimension? She cringed at the thought of what Pinkie and Discord might consider an appropriate present for her. Well, Pinkie's taste in presents was usually okay, but if Discord was in the mix, who knew what he could talk Pinkie into? She didn't think he'd do anything actively malicious, not right now, but he was still Discord.

"She could have put this somewhere that one of us would have seen it, instead of leaving it lying on the floor near an exterior door," Rarity complained. "I swear, after the terrible fright she put us through, I most certainly intend to have some words with her."

"Yeah, but you know she didn't mean no harm by it," Applejack said. "And anyway, it'd be just like Discord to drag her off the moment her note's written without waitin' for her to actually put it someplace that makes sense."

"Well, I certainly intend to have words with him as well," Rarity said. "I was almost certainly awake when he and Pinkie left, and I believe Twilight was as well; perhaps if the goal was to arrange for a present for Twilight, I can see why they wouldn't have wanted to speak to her, but what could possibly have been the problem with telling me personally before they left?"

Rainbow looked uncomfortable, probably because she was placed in the position of either defending Discord at the same time as defending Pinkie, or failing to defend Pinkie. Apparently she came down on the side of friend defense. "I, uh, I gotta say, when Pinkie gets an idea in her head that she thinks is gonna make somepony happy... she doesn't normally think about stuff like checking in. I mean she forgot she had to do party cleanup. This idea of hers must've been a big one. She wouldn't forget party cleanup for just any old reason."

"I wonder what it is?" Fluttershy asked. "If Pinkie is involved, it must be something Twilight will really like, but with Discord involved... oh, it could be anything!"

"Which reminds me," Rarity said. "Twilight, once we finish the party cleanup, the four of us simply must take you out shopping to replace your toiletries and kitchen supplies! And perhaps some furniture would not go amiss. Oh, but we'll have to put thought into what sorts of furniture would match the castle's décor! It can't be just anything. Perhaps we'll have to have custom-made furniture brought in! Or at least go shopping in Canterlot!"

Twilight put on a weary smile. "Thanks, Rarity, but... I'm not up to picking out furniture yet. I'm... still kind of reeling over what's gone. The food and the toiletries, yes, that's a good idea. Especially healthy food, because once Pinkie moves in, she's probably going to try to fill the pantries with party food." She sighed. "Spike, you and I ought to go out to what's left of the tree to try to recover your gem hoard... gems don't get destroyed by fire, so we might recover most of it. And maybe some of what was in the basement survived."

"Oh! I can help with that!" Rarity volunteered.

"That'd be great!" Spike sounded much more enthusiastic than Twilight felt. "And we kept some of my baby toys in a fireproof box, remember? 'Cause I kept setting them on fire?"

"Good point, we might be able to find those as well." At least maybe some of the sentimental mementos of Spike's babyhood might have survived. And some of Twilight's own childhood memories were still at her parents' home, never having moved with her to either the School for Gifted Unicorns or Ponyville. But there was so much gone... all the books...

Well. There was no sense crying over it. Even though she really kind of wanted to.

By late afternoon, toiletries had been purchased, and the remains of the tree had been thoroughly searched. The gems Spike had kept stashed in the wall turned up, but none of the ones from the kitchen or from under his bed, nor did the fireproof box of baby toys. Tiny fragments of paper, too small to possibly piece back together into anything, floated on top of piles of ash, and all of them were completely covered with soot by the time the search was done. The things that had been in the basement hadn't blown up, but they'd ended up completely covered in dirt, buried when the roots of the tree caved in and brought the entire dirt ceiling of the basement down on top of everything that had been in there. This included Twilight's box of books that she'd originally planned on trading at Rainbow Falls; when she pulled them out of the dirt and brushed them off enough with her magic to confirm what they were, she almost cried, and only the need to keep her princess face on and be strong, particularly in front of Spike, stopped her. Some of her most precious books had survived. But so very, very few. The contrast between the happiness at finding them intact, if dirty, and the grief over all of the rest of them, gone, was making hay out of her equilibrium.

Pinkie and Discord had not reappeared. This was making Twilight very, very nervous.

The party had been cleaned up hours ago, the weather team had brought a brief shower to compensate for several days without Tirek bothering to bring rain or pegasi who still had magic feeling safe enough to do it themselves, and Twilight now had an assortment of towels, washcloths, blankets, kitchen supplies and soaps. Also, three different ponies had turned up at the castle asking for jobs as cooks or maids. She had to turn them down, for now, until she had time to discuss with Celestia where the funding for the Friendship Outreach was going to come from. And Ponyville residents had been wandering in with library books that they'd had checked out before Tirek's reign of terror, all day, returning them to her so she could at least record which ones survived.

Filthy Rich dropped off five boxes of donated books from his affiliated bookstores; while the Barnyard Bargains in Ponyville didn't sell any such thing, apparently the franchises in Manehattan, Canterlot, Fillydelphia and Baltimare had book sections. Admittedly they consisted almost entirely of mass-produced crappy best sellers from last year, beach thrillers and cheesy romances and the like, and there was a lot more duplication than she normally thought the Ponyville library could really support, but right now beggars couldn't be choosers. Several other ponies had delivered book donations as well. She felt so proud of her town, of her fellow ponies and how much they stood behind her. But the combination of happiness and pride twined around grief and loss was stretching her tighter and tighter, and her worries for Pinkie (and to a lesser extent for Discord) were putting enough pressure on her that she thought she would snap.

Her namesake had fallen upon Equestria, the last rays of Celestia's sun fading below the horizon and Luna's stars rising on the other side of the sky, and she was pacing anxiously. She shouldn't be so nervous, she knew. While Pinkie was punctual, Discord was not, and he was probably responsible for their transportation. She imagined Pinkie whining at Discord that it was time to go, and Discord laughing her off, claiming that keeping to a schedule was no fun. Pointing out that after all, she hadn't promised to be back by afternoon. Wearing Pinkie down, because Pinkie did like to have fun. Sometimes Twilight thought Discord would have had more success in the long run if he'd seduced Pinkie to the chaos side of life than by discording her. Well, not literally seduced, she'd never seen Pinkie show an even slightly romantic interest in anypony until Cheese Sandwich came along. But he'd had her halfway to his side already with the chocolate rain, and then he'd ruined it by messing with her mind. She knew that Pinkie's feelings regarding Discord seemed to be wildly variable; sometimes she treated him like one of her best buddies, like she had when he'd gotten sick, and sometimes she did things like declaring that he wasn't her friend, although he also wasn't not her friend.

What if he had done something to her? Pinkie was the only one who might be talked into helping Discord with one of his schemes, if she thought ponies would find it fun...

No. No, she couldn't believe it. She remembered the moment when Tirek had released all her other friends, and Discord, still trapped in his bubble, had turned away, slumped, his body language speaking silently of grief and resignation. He hadn't begged for his freedom, hadn't even tried to remind her of his existence... and according to Rarity, Discord had possibly saved all their lives by bargaining with Tirek, betting him, with their continued life as his stake in the game, that Tirek would need them as hostages to obtain Twilight's magic. But he'd said that Tirek wouldn't let him go one way or the other. If Twilight hadn't saved him, Discord would have been dragged off to a dungeon somewhere or thrown in Tartarus or something... but he'd said nothing.

Twilight thought a lot about pony body language, and tone of voice, and the meanings of what wasn't said, because she didn't instinctively understand it the way other ponies did. She'd suffered a good bit of pain in her childhood from being unable to tell what ponies thought of what she was doing or saying until it was too late; part of the reason she'd decided to forego friendship in favor of her studies was that ponies just didn't want to be her friend anyway, and while the teasing had stopped when she'd become Princess Celestia's personal student, few had bothered to reach out to her, and some of what she'd thought were attempts to reach out had turned out to be attempts to humiliate her, or get social status by pretending to be her friend. Now that she was an adult and had studied numerous works on pony psychology, she had learned to read ponies almost as well as those born with the ability could... she'd never match a Fluttershy or an Applejack or Rarity, but she thought she might be better at it than Rainbow Dash.

She could point to the exact things Discord had done, or said, or had failed to do or say, that made her think he was genuinely remorseful... and she still felt her logic was sound. If he'd been a villain still, frightened by the loss of his power into pretending remorse... he'd have begged. Or ostentatiously failed to beg, in some way that drew him to her attention. Discord was almost never silent, almost never missed an opportunity to insert himself into pretty much any discourse possible. The fact that he'd been silent spoke volumes that no words of apology could ever match. He was unpredictable, but she found it impossible to believe that he'd betray them again this soon, not after the genuine sorrow and guilt she'd seen in him yesterday.

But what could be keeping them?

And then, as if summoned by Twilight's fears for her, Pinkie bounded in.

"Twilight! Twilight Twilight Twilight! Come on, come on! You have to see this!"

"PINKIE!" Twilight grabbed the bouncing pink pony in her magic, pulled her close, and gave her a hug. "I was so worried!"

"Worried? Oh my gosh did you not get my note? I knew I should've hung it on the fridge!"

"No, we got your note, but it said you'd be back this afternoon!"

"What time is it? Oh no, did we come back next month? Or a year? Please tell me we weren't gone for a year!" She grabbed Twilight's face in both hooves and pulled her close, eyes wide.

"Um, no, you've only been gone a day."

Pinkie relaxed. "Whew, what a relief! So why were you worried, silly filly? I said afternoon or something like that, and evening is something like afternoon!"

"Yeah, but you went somewhere with Discord. Of course we were worried. I have to go tell everypony you're back and safe!"

"No, you have to see your present first! I don't know how much longer Discord can stay awake!"

Twilight frowned. "Why does Discord need to stay awake?"

"Because! When you work super-duper hard to make somepony a present, you don't want to be asleep when they get it!"

A present. From Discord. Twilight sighed. "Spike, please go get Rarity. Owlowliscious, can you get Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy? I'll write a note to have Rainbow get Applejack--"

"Twilight, we have to go! Come on! I'll let all our friends know later but this is for you!"

"How about they meet us?" Twilight offered, not particularly enamored of the prospect of facing whatever Discord thought was an appropriate present without the backup of as many friends as she could get.

"Okay! We'll be out near Fluttershy's house!"

"Near?" There wasn't much near Fluttershy's, aside from the Everfree.

"Well, that's where the present is!"

By now Twilight was curious, though she still had serious misgivings. What exactly would Discord consider an appropriate gift? Well, the flowers he'd given Princess Celestia had been tasteful (literally, so she'd heard), if perhaps a trifle forward, given that half the gossip columnists in Canterlot were now speculating on a romantic involvement between the two. But he could hardly have worked hard on flowers. She had a hard time imagining what Discord could possibly work hard on, or what in fact constituted him working hard.

She followed Pinkie out, with Spike and Owlowliscious dispatched to summon their friends. As soon as they were outside, Pinkie broke into a full-out gallop. "Hurry, hurry!" Twilight had to fly to keep up with her, given the dangers of letting Ponyville citizens see a princess galloping... that would probably start a panic. Whereas Pinkie galloping was just Pinkie being Pinkie.

They headed out of town, in the direction of Fluttershy's house, then veered off in the direction of the land between Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy's property. As Pinkie slowed down, Twilight looked at what was up ahead, puzzled. That was a very large oak tree. Had she really never come this way before? She felt sure she'd never seen that tree before, but it was much too big and well rooted to be a transplant.

As they got close, she could see that it was a treehouse, similar to Fluttershy's or the one she'd lost. Nothing hung from the branches, suggesting that it was unoccupied; ponies tended to decorate their tree houses. She'd been quite sure there were no unoccupied tree homes in Ponyville, certainly none of this size. Well, that gave her a clue as to what this was about. She smiled wanly. Her tree was dead, no new tree could ever replace it, and she had a lovely new place to live; she didn't need a new tree. But it had certainly been thoughtful of Discord to make it for her, at least, if that was what this was.

The sight of Discord sprawled on the ground in front of the door seemed to verify her belief. She landed neatly beside him. "You guys grew me a new tree? That's really nice!" she said, wearing her princess face. She really was pleased they'd thought of her, even if what they'd come up with was kind of useless. Well, Ponyville could use a new library, anyway; the Friendship Palace wasn't an appropriately cozy place for reading like the Golden Oaks library had been.

"Uh-uh!" Pinkie said, shaking her head. "Well, we did, or to be totally exact Discord did, but that's not the really important thing!"

"Oh, my head," Discord moaned. "Pinkie, can I have a new head?"

"I dunno, can you concentrate enough to make one?"

"Chaos, no. I couldn't conjure orange juice right now."

"Then nope! Can't have a new head!"

"Maybe Twilight would make me a new head?" he asked plaintively, raising the offending organ to look at Twilight with improbably large eyes.

"Sorry, I can't make new heads," Twilight said. "Did you guys really grow me a new tree, or did you just snap it up?"

"It's a real tree," Discord said, his voice hoarse and weak, with a distinct whine in it, but steady. "Made from a real acorn and everything. It might be a little twisty in some places inside and of course I couldn't make it grow exactly like your original tree and I do apologize, Chaos magic doesn't do anything perfectly, but it is 100% real tree, even though I wanted to put in glass and stone but I decided against it. And I didn't make the tree sap into soda pop even though I wanted to."

"We couldn't agree on what flavor soda pop!" Pinkie said. "Discord thought root beer, and I said, 'Root beer? Are you crazy?' So it's just all normal tree stuff!" She hopped over Discord. "Come in, Twilight, come in! Come see!"

Twilight flew over Discord, who looked entirely too wrecked to move from where he was flopped on the ground. There were visible bags under his eyes, which were badly bloodshot to the point where she couldn't make out his tiny pupil in the web of red blood vessels covering his eye, and his large pupil was looking like a spider. She didn't think it would take him so much effort just to grow a tree; had the Rainbow Power failed to give him back most of the chaos power Tirek took? "Okay, Pinkie, I'll have a look at... oh my..."

All over the inside of the treehouse, stacked in wobbly, disorganized piles on the oak floor, were books. Hundreds of books. Maybe thousands. Twilight staggered slightly, staring around herself. "What..."

"I can't guarantee all the copies are perfect," Discord said anxiously. "In fact I know they aren't. There are probably a lot with a few pages missing, or with some pages rearranged, and one came out tasting like bacon, I do apologize. But I tried, I did my best-"

"He really did! He had to super concentrate because chaos doesn't like making copies, so it was really really hard for him, like trying to do the Cakes' taxes! I checked a lot of them but I couldn't check them all and I couldn't check every single page but we did our best, I promise!"

"How-- how did you--"

"Time travel," Discord said, dragging himself partway into the treehouse, head and neck coming over the threshold and then flopping there.

"But... you can't go back long enough to do something like this! You can only go back like a week, or with your level of power maybe a month, and you can only stay for a few minutes!"

"Those are rules, Twilight," Discord said, his voice a little stronger. "My magic can't easily make copies, but there's nothing it does so well as break rules. In fact I dare say I could never have managed to make any copies with any level of accuracy if I weren't flagrantly violating causality while I was doing it." He put a paw over his eyes. "Pinkie, be a dear and ask Luna to turn down the moon for me?"

"I think the lamps are probably a bigger problem," Pinkie said. For the first time Twilight noticed that the light in the room was coming from Fluttershy-shaped sconces on the wall, depicting Fluttershy smiling and playing with a large ball, where the ball was a globe of light. "Lamps! Can you turn down a little bit?"

"They only speak Prench," Discord said apologetically.

"So how do you say it in Prench?"

"I forget. My head really hurts."

"You... copied... all these?"

"Not all of the things! On the first run we went back to right after Spike left the library, to get the stuff that isn't books!" Pinkie hopped over to an area Twilight hadn't noticed before. As if in a dream, Twilight drifted over to join her. "We knew if you went in the library before Tirek blew it up you would notice missing books, and that would make a paradox or something, which is bad, but we figured you didn't have time to go upstairs to your bedroom and check out stuff, so we cleaned out your closet and took all your personal stuff and Spike's, too!"

Her dresses, from the Gala, the wedding, the coronation, all lying in a pile on the floor, unharmed. Spike's baby bed. Spike's actual, current bed. The fireproof box of baby toys that they hadn't found. The books she'd been reading when the crisis came up, that she'd thought she would never finish. "My stuff..."

"And the kitchen too! We didn't have time to take all the stuff in the fridge or all the pantry stuff but we got the spice rack and Spike's dragon tea and his gems and a box of cookies! And then we went in the book sorting room, where you sort the books that ponies return, because we figure you wouldn't have gone in there either, and we took all the books there!" Pinkie pointed dramatically at a pile of about 50 books, not even stacked, and any other day Twilight would have been incensed at the treatment of her books but she'd thought they were gone and there they were. "And then we took the magic books from the top shelf, the ones you keep up high where foals can't get them, which was a little risky because maybe you'd notice that, so Discord put up an illusion so you wouldn't notice they were gone. Then we dropped off all the stuff here and went back to when you and Spike were at the Equestria Games because we knew you wouldn't be in the library then!"

"We assumed you'd notice any missing books," Discord said tiredly. "And I thought you might not appreciate it if I broke the space-time continuum with a paradox, even to save your books." He grinned, though it was a weak shadow of his usual broad smile. "So I copied them. I apologize if some are missing pages or they sing or they're in foreign languages but I did try as hard as I could..."

"We had to go back over and over, 'cause you can only stay in one time so long even if you're doing it with chaos and you can only overlap yourself once, so if we did a time and we ran out of it then we couldn't do that time again, and we've been doing it for like... three days? Four?"

"Don't ask me, I can't count even when my head isn't about to explode."

"And we didn't even sleep!" This, Twilight thought, might explain why Pinkie was even more manic and loud than usual. "But by the end Discord couldn't drink any more coffee and when I tried to give him a pastry he almost threw up and we didn't want that--"

"Please do not mention food..." Discord moaned.

"And I was keeping the checklist of all the copies 'cause we also took the card catalog, not the drawers, just the cards, so I drew smiley faces on all the ones we copied, see?" Pinkie displayed her handiwork. There were indeed smiley faces on all the cards Twilight could see. "So finally we had all the cards with smiley faces, or balloons, I put balloons on the ones we took the real book of, and some of them are stamped that they were out so obviously we weren't going to copy them, but it was lots and lots and lots of books and it didn't matter how many times I did dominoes with the books and then knocked them all over or made jello and then dumped it on his head, it wasn't chaosy enough to make up for making copies and poor Discord was getting sicker and sicker but I said it would be okay if we just got most of the books, and he said, he said you saved his life and if his life is worth anything it's worth doing the job right for you and he made me Pinkie Promise not to let him stop until it was done, which was hard because I am running out of coffee, and chocolate, Discord stopped being able to do chocolate milk yesterday and I really need chocolate, and meringue, and maybe a ton of pecan snowball cookies, but it's okay because now we're done and we copied them all!" Pinkie took a deep breath, having delivered that entire monologue without apparently drawing one.

"I really tried," Discord said. "I know a lot of the copies are going to have problems and I tried to fix it, I did, but chaos just can't do that, but if I'm the master of chaos then I should be able to make chaos do what it can't do because that doesn't make any sense, so I made it. But a lot of them are wrong. I'm sorry, I really tried, I'm sorry..."

Discord apologizing once again for not perfectly copying the books that were supposed to be lost forever, had been lost forever except that he'd set out to do something as impossible for him as applebucking had been for Pinkie and dressmaking had been for Applejack, and done it despite it causing him physical pain and illness, and now her books that were lost forever were back and she'd never thought for a moment this could happen and it had... It was the last straw, the final bit of emotional turmoil, and she broke. Twilight's knees folded out from under her and she collapsed to the floor. A wail escaped her throat as she put her forehooves to her face, still kneeling on her back legs but almost flat on the floor, too overwhelmed to get up.

"Oh no!" Pinkie knelt down next to her. "Twilight, I'm sorry, we thought you'd be happy! What's wrong, please? We tried so hard because we thought you'd be happy--"

"I am happy!" Twilight sobbed. "I am... I'm happy..."

"Oh, boy," she heard Spike's voice. "I haven't seen this in a while." She felt his small claws on the back of her neck, stroking her mane. "It's okay, Twi, it's okay. Let it all out. It's gonna be okay."

"I shouldn't be crying when I'm happy!" Twilight cried, her vision now blurred with tears. "I shouldn't! I'm, I'm happy, I'm so happy, I'm so stupid to be crying like this..."

"It's okay." His hand released her. "Can anypony get Twilight a drink?"

Even through the blur, she saw Discord raise his talon, slightly, then let it flop to the floor again without snapping. "Not it," he said in an exhausted tone.

"Don't worry, I got this!" Pinkie presented her with a tall glass of lemonade. Twilight tried not to think about how impossible that was, and drank it, using it to fight down the sobs.

"Oh my dear. You're so overwhelmed. I understand. I daresay, I would have fainted, darling." She felt Rarity next to her, and then a quick hug.

"She's not sad?" Pinkie asked. "I don't want her to be sad! We tried so hard--"

"No, no, Pinkie, she's not sad," Rarity said. "Simply overwhelmed."

"This used to happen to her all the time," Spike said. "She couldn't handle it when she had strong emotions changing really fast, mostly from sad or angry to happy or relieved; she'd just fold over and start crying."

Twilight lifted her head, slightly ashamed that her friends had seen her like this. She'd thought she'd outgrown this reaction. "Rarity? Spike? When did you get here?" she asked, her voice hoarse.

"Right at the tail end, my dear. When Pinkie was talking about the card catalogue. Your eyes were a bit glazed by then, so I'm not surprised you didn't notice." She got up from beside Twilight. "Oh, Spike, look! Your gem hoard!"

"Oh, wow!" Twilight looked over at Spike, who had gone from competent and assured assistant to kid in a candy store. "And my comic books! You guys found my comic books!"

"Yeah, they were with your stuff! Which is good because if they'd been in the library we'd have had to make copies and that could have turned weird!"

"No, these are my collection, they're not part of the circulating collection. I don't let anypony read them unless they're my friends and I don't let anypony take them out of the library at all."

"Hoarding comics," Discord said, his voice so hoarse it was cracked. "Could be worse, I suppose. He could be hoarding Hummel figurines, or postage stamps."

"And you got my old toys... Thank you!" He grabbed Pinkie in a hug and squeezed her hard enough to lift her off the ground, despite the size difference between the two of them. "You're the best, Pinkie!"

"Oh, thanks, it was no problem!" Pinkie said, grinning. "But thank Discord too, the whole thing was his idea!"

Discord held up a paw, looking slightly alarmed. "No hugs."

Spike grinned mischievously, and then grabbed Discord around the neck and hugged him anyway. "You saved my stuff, you're getting a hug, dude."

"Can I die now?" Discord groaned. "I promise to resurrect myself. Eventually. After I've grown a new head. I think I wore a hole in this one."

"Nuh-uh, you have to go to bed!"

"I'll just sleep right here."

"No you won't! 'Cause Twilight's gonna want to be all organizy with the books and you are way too low on vitamin chaos to be here for that so I am taking you home! And feeding you like ten glasses of water because I don't even think you had anything to drink all day!"

"Oh my," Fluttershy's voice came. Twilight turned her head to see the yellow pegasus in the doorway. "Discord, what happened to you?"

"He copied all of Twilight's books in the past and brought them here for her so she could have them without making a tympanic paradox!"

"That is temporal paradox," Discord said. "Tympanic paradox is how you have not rendered yourself deaf with all the shouting you do. Oh, my head. Fluttershy?"

"Um, yes?"

"I didn't get you a present yet. I'm sorry," Discord said. "I wanted to get you a present but now I don't know what to get because Twilight saved my life, but you saved my soul, and I wanted to tell you how sorry I am but I don't know how I can beat going back in time and copying six thousand books..."

"Oh my," Fluttershy said again.

"Pinkie, dear, I think Discord is becoming just a little bit delirious from exhaustion," Rarity said. "Where is he staying?"

"With us! In the Palace! I found him a room right near the door where the garden's going to be!"

That broke Twilight out of her stupor. "Wait, what?"

"Isn't it a great idea?" Pinkie said, beaming. "Now if I get bored and lonely and you wanna be left alone I won't bother you!"

Twilight's mouth opened and closed, silently, more than once, at the implication that Pinkie genuinely thought having Discord as a housemate was a good idea. Although... it might not be a terrible idea to keep an eye on him. And while now that Rarity had pointed it out, she realized that his anxiety and guilt were probably only showing this strongly because of how exhausted he was, that didn't mean his feelings weren't genuine... it just meant that hopefully after he'd gotten some sleep he'd stop apologizing for stupid things like not being able to use the magic of making things different to make identical things.

Pinkie slung Discord over her back like a rolled-up rug, then picked up his head and somehow managed to wind his neck around hers as if he were a scarf, so his head was now lying on her back and not dangling on the ground. Having experienced how heavy Discord was when he wasn't using magic to lighten himself, Twilight was impressed; Pinkie was an earth pony, they were strong, but she herself had been an alicorn when Discord had been clinging to her after they'd all encountered the tatzlwurm, and alicorns had earth pony strength also. Discord made faces to express his distaste for this treatment, but didn't verbally protest or physically resist.

"Goodbye, everypony!" Pinkie said. "I'm taking Discord back to the Palace to get some sleep, and then either I will go zzzz myself or I will bake a coconut meringue layer cake and eat the whole thing, one or the other! Twilight, enjoy your books! Spike, enjoy your comics! Fluttershy, enjoy having a new tree in the neighborhood! Rarity, enjoy that we didn't let the dresses you made go explody! Applejack and Dashie, enjoy getting the explanation you were gonna ask me for about why I am carrying Discord on my back and where the tree came from, 'cause now Twilight can tell you! Bye!"

She started to bound off, prompting a shriek from Discord. "Ahh! Pinkie, no bouncing, please!"

"Oh, okay, sorry!" This time she left at a sedate trot, which was probably still too jarring for Discord's comfort, judging from his face.

Twilight got to her hooves, noting that Applejack and Rainbow Dash were, in fact, standing near the door, right behind where Pinkie had been working to sling Discord onto her back. "Well? What's going on?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Where did it turn out they were?"

"This is going to take a bit of explanation..."

Author's Note

The one time it helps to have a whole host of mental issues is when writing, because that makes them available to draw on. :-) Twilight is really autobiographical in this chapter; her reaction to lost stuff (I have, thankfully, never lost stuff to the degree she has, because I am worse than any dragon about my hoard), her need to reason out what pony body language means because it's not instinctive, and her sudden cataplexy and emotional breakdown from being overwhelmed... those are all me. Discord's headache from going without sleep to work on something that his brain simply isn't designed to do well is also personal experience. He's probably going to have nightmares all night about endlessly checking copies for accuracy. Whereas poor Pinkie won't be able to get to sleep at all for hours because she's pushed herself almost into clinical mania, and has certainly overdosed on caffeine; her best shot for sleep tonight is to put herself into a carb coma. :-)

Yes, I deliberately made the flowers intentionally edible. I don't know why anyone ever thought Discord would have found Celestia eating the bouquet offensive; when your ex is a pony, you can give her flowers and sweets at the same time, with the same gift! :-)

What relationship is there between the first chapter and the second? Well, I have decided that the way to proceed here is to treat the first chapter as "in media res", describing Discord's emotional state sometime after Tirek's defeat, and then roll back to the party to begin showing how he got there.

Few of my stories have big roles for Rarity; she's not a character I "get" as easily as some of the others, because she's very socially adept and almost a slave to public opinion, which represents about as close to my opposite as possible. But the very fact that she's socially adept, highly aware of the feelings of others, and very willing to use that knowledge to try to improve her friends' emotional states, gave her an unusually large role in this story, which will probably continue.

You Cannot Go Against Nature

So I've been thinking, if your nature is to constantly change, can you change your nature?

There's a poem I picked up somewhere, I forget where, that goes:

"You cannot go against nature
Because when you do
Go against nature
That's part of nature too"

So I'm up against a contradiction, which are normally enormous fun, but... not today. The question is, if what you are is the engine of change, can you turn that on yourself to cease to be the engine of change, and if you do, does that create a paradox? Also, realistically speaking, what are the consequences?

I can't believe I care about consequences. Maybe I have changed.

I don't want to do it anymore. I want to give it up. I want to have what "normal" creatures have in their lives, at least to the extent of the basic consistency of their own selves so they know that barring magical interference they aren't going to sell out their friends. But I hate myself for wanting this because I promised myself millennia ago I would never be ashamed of who I am and I would never let anything make me want to be "normal", because normal is boring and boring is the worst possible thing in the universe. Except that I've just found out there are worse fates. It's not exactly boring to be a traitor who nearly gets your closest friends killed (and who, let's not forget, stands around and does nothing while the first being you ever loved and a being who helped take care of you when you were sick and never did you any harm and a being who hates you now but used to look up to you as a big brother... all get thrown into Tartarus. Why, that's not boring at all. It's just completely reprehensible.)

Am I allowed to get tired of it? Why do I have no sacred principles except the principle of "never give up chaos"? I mean, if I really had no sacred principles, then giving up chaos would be an option, wouldn't it? And if I'm going to have one sacred principle, then why not two, or several? And if I hate myself for betraying my one sacred principle, but I hate myself for who I am if I don't, well...

Now I really regret blowing up my thinking tree.

I wonder sometimes if this is the end. Chaos avatars are immortal and yet every past one of them died or had something happen to them, because otherwise I wouldn't be here. I never put a lot of thought before into the contradiction of being the heir to a position that makes you immortal. If chaos avatars don't die of old age and are incredibly hard to kill, what happened to the ones before me?

Well, I actually know what happened to most of them. Mayhem: Luna's mom killed him (technically Celestia's mom too but I always think of her as Luna's mom for some reason.) Which I strongly suspect was suicide-by-pony, given what I know about his last few years and what he did. Ar: may actually still be alive, for moderate values of "life". Dragons don't commit suicide, they just go to sleep. Forever, maybe. Pan: went worldwalking, never came back. Set: got possessed by Apep, killed the lover he'd spent centuries protecting, and... no idea what happened to him after that but given that he's not still around I suspect someone killed him. And he probably let it happen, if he managed to wrestle any control back from Apep (who I strongly suspect is responsible for Nightmare Moon as well, though to be fair, pretty sure neither I nor Sombra helped matters.) Completely unaware of what happened to Eris or Loki, mostly because up until now I didn't really care. If there were any before that, I'm not sure.

None of them lasted over two millennia. Congratulations, Discord, you're the first Chaos avatar to make it this far! Yay! I should tell Pinkie, have a party. Is there a prize? What do I win?

I am starting to think I've lasted this long only because of the millennium-plus as a garden gnome.

If the essence of chaos is change, then chaos must change, but if you change who you are so you're not chaos, then you can't really represent chaos anymore. So you do something stupid, and you die. Or you more or less kill yourself, even if you use proxies to do it. And then some other poor schmuck gets the job.

But I don't want someone else to get the job because quite frankly Chaos avatars are little shits and we could end up with another Mayhem. Or Ar. I'm the only one I trust with this, but since I don't trust myself anymore...

...this is wrong, this is all wrong, I'm not supposed to be like this. I'm not supposed to be thinking this way. Doing something chaotic and stupid is what I do, I shouldn't want to give up my powers or my life because I betrayed someone. Chaos has no loyalty. I used to want to be loyal but I gave it up for Chaos because Chaos is where my first loyalty has always been, but then logically speaking because Chaos has no loyalty that should mean I can betray it if I feel like it, right? But I'm not supposed to want to. But when have I ever cared what I'm supposed to do?

Ar wanted to save the world from what she thought was the worst thing ever, and instead she set it on fire and made matters infinitely worse for a lot of the ones she wanted to protect.

Set tried for centuries to protect Ra from Apep and ended up being the one that killed him.

On the other hand Mayhem had no loyalty to anyone or anything until he got us all killed, when all of a sudden he remembered he was a draconequus and wow, did that stunt ever backfire or what? At which point he killed himself. Well, came up with an enormously stupid plan to destroy all the ponies in Equestria with a volcanic eruption combined with an inland hurricane, which led to him getting killed, but I'm pretty sure it's the same thing.

So I guess the moral of the story is, don't be loyal to anything if you're a Chaos avatar, and if there's something you're actually loyal to that you don't recognize, you'll end up destroying it and wanting to die, but hey, the same thing will happen to you if you do recognize your loyalties, so the point is, don't be loyal to anything. Or viewed from another perspective, Fluttershy's killed me by making me want to have friends. Except I can't even hate her for that, because I actually do want friends. Maybe I was better off not knowing what it felt like, because I didn't know what I was missing, but now that I do know...

I don't want to live if I have to be alone and loyal to no one and care about no one and have no one care about me, for the rest of my life, ever again. I don't want to live that way. Chaos isn't worth it. Nothing's worth it.

But because of what I am, I'm going to destroy anything I care about sooner or later. As demonstrated by the fact that I just almost did.

...I need them to stop me. I need them to make it so I can't hurt them, without passing on the mantle of Chaos to someone else. Can't keep living like this, it'll break me and I'll change and I'll do something awful because I can't stand being like this anymore and maybe I won't even care by then. Can't lose my powers, they'll go to someone else. Can't die, they'll go to someone else. Can't become something else... that's the same thing as giving it up, they'll go to someone else. Can't get the Tree to turn me to stone.

I need to make my friends do it instead.

Author's Note

Yes, I was supposed to be working on something else. So I worked on this instead. Funny how that's working out for me lately.

The "poem" is actually from a song by Love and Rockets, "No New Tale to Tell".

Ar was the goddess of Chaos in C. S, Friedman's "In Conquest Born". All the others are from mythology, except Mayhem, who is a character I created.

2: The Cracks Begin To Show

Discord's head felt like cotton – not cotton candy, unfortunately, which might have had some pleasant aspects to it, but the ordinary stuff. There were pillows underneath him, and an unexpected weight on his back, heavier than a blanket, and warmer. He'd woken up after enough drug-fueled orgies, back in the days when he'd unruled Equestria, to know what it felt like to wake up with a random pony on top of him, or two, or six, but since he was fairly certain he hadn't done anything nearly so fun anytime recently, the sensation surprised him.

Carefully, because the cotton in his head seemed to have changed to gun cotton the moment he moved and now his head felt like it might explode, he craned his neck back to see why it felt like a pony was lying on top of him, and saw something very pink. Memory began to trickle back, of collapsing on the cold, crystalline floor of the room that had been chosen for him, of waking up repeatedly despite his exhaustion with nightmares of turning to stone and numbness in whatever part of his body he'd been lying on, of Pinkie coming in and him saying something delirious and incoherent with exhaustion about not wanting to be stone. And then he remembered her picking him up and dropping him on a pile of pillows, and then nothing.

"Pinkie?" he said hoarsely.

She opened one bleary blue eye. "Hi, Discord," she said, sounding much less cheerfully energetic than she usually did. "Did you stop having bad dreams or was I just too asleep to notice you waking up?"

"I don't remember any. Why are you lying on me?"

"'Cause I gave you all my pillows 'cause you were having nightmares about turning to stone and I thought well the floor is cold and hard and maybe that's why so I brought you in all the pillows I could find but you're very big and I couldn't take anypony else's pillows, and Twilight hasn't gotten mattresses or beds yet, so I gave you all my pillows and then I didn't have any and then I thought, Discord has really fluffy fur in his middle! He might make a good pillow! So I tried it but I forgot how big you are and I was getting a crick in my neck from trying to lean my head on you but then I thought what if you were a body pillow? So I climbed on top of you and you were so warm and fluffy I fell asleep even though I kicked my blankets off and it's chilly in here."

"Ah." He nodded his head sagely. "I was a convenient substitute for a mattress, in other words?"

"Mostly but mattresses aren't this fluffy. When you were pretending to have blue flu you weren't so fluffy! And then when you got the green pox I couldn't sleep on you anyway so I have no idea if you were fluffy or not." She wrapped her hooves around him and nuzzled her head against the fur of his midsection. "Sooo fluffy..."

"Well, the last time I took a shower I used Celestia's mane conditioner. Although quite a few things have happened since then. Like Tirek taking my powers, and the two of us nearly destroying the space-time continuum. So I'm not really sure why I'd be any fluffier than usual."

"Maybe you're always this fluffy and I just never noticed," Pinkie said dreamily. "I could sleep on you for a week."

"Since I'm getting up, you may need to find a way to solve gravity if you want to do that."

"You could fix gravity so I stay on you."

"Yes, but it would be much funnier to see what you come up with." He levitated Pinkie off his back and plopped her onto the pillows.

"Aww. These aren't warm! And they're fluffy pillows but they're not furry fluffy pillows."

He considered conjuring her a lifesize plushie replica of himself, but between the headache that still hadn't gone fully away and the harmonics of the castle, he didn't think he had the strength. "I'm so very sorry, my dear. I know that sleeping on top of me must have been one of the most delightful experiences of your life, due to my magnificent fur texture, wonderful scent and all-around perfection, but I'm too hungry to continue to play the role of your mattress. Perhaps if you cause enough chaos for me today, I may consider letting you use me as a body pillow again tonight."

"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie got to her hooves, wobbling. "Let's go have pancakes!"

"I thought you wanted to sleep."

"But you're hungry! Which reminds me that I'm hungry! Which reminds me that Twilight will be hungry, and Spike! Which tells me I should make pancakes!"

"Well, who am I to turn down pancakes? Lead the way, o Minister of Parties!"

Spike was already making waffles.

"Welcome back to the land of the living!" he said. "Boy, when you sleep, you really sleep, don't you? I was starting to wonder if you were going to sleep for a hundred years or something like an adult dragon!"

"Was I asleep a long long time too?" Pinkie asked.

"No, I think you crashed out like twelve hours ago or something, but Discord's been down for more than two days."

"That's hardly a hundred years," Discord said. "And draconequui are not dragons."

"Well, yeah, obviously, but you've got dragon in your name so you must be sort of like dragons."

"Ooh! Are those blueberries? Are you making fresh blueberry waffles? I hope you're making a lot because I am super hungry! Can I help?"

"Uh, sure, if you mix the batter I can keep pouring it on the waffle iron and making more waffles and Discord that pile is for everypony and also me, not just you!"

"I wasn't going to eat all of them," Discord complained. "Just most of them."

"You can have two. And then every time I make four you can have one of them."

Discord made a face. "Ugh, I have to do math to get breakfast?"

"You can just snap up your own breakfast, can't you?"

He couldn't. Snapping up two bouquets of flowers had taken a good bit out of him, if he recalled correctly. After how heavily he'd exerted his powers in ways they were not designed for, he was quite certain that even two days of sleep hadn't gotten him back to a place where he was strong enough to resist the harmonics. If he stepped outside, he could do it, but if he stepped outside, he might be advertising his weakness. "Yes, but I want to eat yours. The breakfast you made, I mean, not the breakfast you intend to eat, that would be the height of rudeness and now that I am fully and completely reformed, I would never be so rude to a friend."

Spike sighed. "You rescued my comic books. And my old toys. I guess I owe you more than a few waffles. No, Pinkie! Get away from the coffee pot!"

"But I could get so much more done," Pinkie wheedled.

"Why are you not allowing Pinkie to drink coffee?"

"Do you have any idea what Pinkie does when she drinks coffee? She turns into like a whirlwind maniac!"

"That only happened one time," Pinkie said.

Discord pulled a mug out of the shining crystalline cabinet with telekinesis, and poured coffee into it with his tail. So his telekinesis worked, but was drastically weaker than it ought to be. He was probably at the level of a unicorn like Rarity. "So what you're telling me," he said as he mixed enough sugar and cream to turn the coffee into coffee-flavored cream sludge, "is that when Pinkie drinks coffee, she causes total chaos?"

"Not total," Pinkie said.

"Yeah," Spike said. "That's exactly the prob—" He caught what was going on a split second too late, spinning around just in time to watch Pinkie's hoof take the coffee mug from Discord's tail as Discord passed it to her. "No!"

He belched flame at the coffee mug, but Discord slid Pinkie sideways with his telekinesis, freeing her to quickly gulp the coffee'd sugar. Discord grinned.

"Why did you do that? You're supposed to be reformed!" Spike shouted.

"Of course I'm reformed. How could you even question that, after I rescued your comic books for you?" Discord said, putting on an ostentatious hurt expression. "My dear little friend Pinkie wanted some coffee, so I poured her a cup. Isn't friendship all about doing favors for your friends and giving them what they want when you can?"

"That's right!" Pinkie said. "That's why friendship is all about MAKING TONS OF BREAKFAST FOR EVERYPONY!"

"Oh no," Spike said.

"Step aside, Spike! Let me show you how a real master of the craft of baking does it!"

Discord sat on the floor, well out of Pinkie's way, and munched on blueberry waffles as in short order Pinkie covered the entire kitchen with flour, sugar, batter, blueberries, bananas, cherries, peanut butter, cream, milk, half-cooked pancake bits, eggshells, eggs, vanilla extract, chocolate chips, hay, and dandelions, most of which she pulled out of her mane. Spike just moaned, paws covering his eyes, for most of the event, though he didn't refrain from munching on waffles himself.

The truth was that as much of a mess as Pinkie was making, she wasn't being truly chaotic. She was actually moving with hyper-efficiency, doing things like flipping pancakes in the air and while they were still in the air, slicing a banana with impossible speed and tossing it into the frying pan for the pancakes to land on and cook into themselves. It wasn't pure chaos, but it was complex enough and impossible enough that it was entertaining to watch, and a mess was always fun.

Especially when Twilight Sparkle, with bed head, stumbled into the room. "What – what is going on? Pinkie! What are you doing to my KITCHEN?!"

"I'm making pancakes!" Pinkie chirped. "Also waffles, scrambled eggs, hay bacon, and cherry pastries!"

"...Somepony gave you my coffee, didn't they."

"Nope!"

"Then what—"

"Somedraconequus gave me coffee!"

"In my defense," Discord said, "I was promised that she would turn chaotic if I gave her coffee. I am somewhat disappointed. Though I got pancakes out of it, so it wasn't completely pointless."

"Aren't you supposed to be reformed?" Twilight asked, glaring.

"I am completely reformed! I even refilled the coffee pot. And paid attention to Spike's instructions on proper coffee making!" This called for a halo over his head. If only he had the strength to do it.

"He did," Spike admitted. "I tasted the coffee myself, it's great."

"Get me some please," Twilight said. "I am going outside. To enjoy the fresh air. That is not covered in pancake batter."

"That sounds like a splendid idea! I'll join you."

"Me too! Pinkie isn't even letting me help anymore," Spike said, handing Twilight a full coffee mug.

"Me too after I'm done cooking all the breakfast things! And then after breakfast I will clean up the kitchen for you! And everywhere else! I bet a shiny crystal castle like this needs a lot of dusting!"

Twilight tromped off, the various plates of already cooked breakfast foods held in her telekinetic field. Discord followed her, eager to get out of the castle's harmonics and test to make sure his powers were working properly. Quite aside from all the other reasons he had to want his powers back at full strength, if he remained this weak even after leaving the castle, he'd actually have to use a bathroom. He was somewhat surprised that that hadn't happened already, given his dim memories of Pinkie forcing him to wake up so she could pour apple juice down his throat.

Outside, Twilight stuffed her face with three waffles and an egg, and finished a second cup of coffee, while Discord confirmed silently to himself that his entire problem had been the castle and that his two days' worth of sleep had fully restored him otherwise. Spike ate the rest of the eggs.

"Spike, my boy," Discord said. "How would you like to undertake a culinary adventure?"

"If anypony but you was asking, I'd probably like it fine," Spike said. "But with you..."

"My dear child, I keep telling you, I'm reformed!" He snapped up a plate full of actual bacon. "If you're going to eat so many eggs, you should eat them the way the creators intended them to be eaten."

Spike's eyes went wide. "What is that and why does it smell so good?"

"Ugh," Twilight said, staring at the juicy strips. "I saw this when I was looking through the library in the other world, while you were sleeping. That's bacon!"

"Indeed it is. A keen eye you have, Princess!"

Twilight looked up at him. "Discord... for there to be bacon, there needs to be a dead pig."

"Not for me! I assure you, Twilight, this bacon is a pure construct of chaos, albeit a deliciously edible one. No pigs died to provide this repast, I can promise you this." He picked up a piece of bacon and ate it. The salt and fats were just what he needed after what he'd done to his head, working with Pinkie. "Why don't you try some, Twilight? Did you know that alicorns are actually omnivores? You can get by without eating meat as long as you eat your eggs and cheese and beans, just as I do most of the time, but a small quantity of meat in your diet is actually good for you." He turned to Spike. "And dragons, I'm sure you know, are obligate omnivores. You wouldn't need to eat quite so many gems if you ate some meat."

"But I love gems."

"Of course you do, and I'm sure you also love ice cream, but eating nothing but ice cream won't actually satisfy your nutritional needs."

"Well, it smells good..." Spike picked up a bacon strip. "Do you Pinkie Promise that this isn't from a dead pig?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a pancake in my eye." He picked up a pancake and stuffed it into his eyeball, which grew teeth and ate it.

"Dude, that is so many kinds of disturbing, just never do that again please." Spike sighed. "Also, it's cross my heart and hope to fly."

"Well, we are discussing the death or lack thereof of sentient beings, so I thought the stronger sentiment was warranted."

Spike tried the bacon. A huge smile spread across his face. "Oh... wow. Twilight, if alicorns are omnivores then you really need to try this!" He ate three more strips, stuffing them all into his mouth.

Twilight looked askance at the bacon strips. "I think I should ask Princess Celestia if it's safe for alicorns to eat bacon," she said.

"I'm wounded, Twilight! Don't you trust me?"

"Frankly? No," Twilight said. "No, I don't. Do I trust that you've learned the value of friendship and you won't betray your friends for power again? Yes. Do I trust that you feel genuine remorse for what you did and you sincerely want to make amends? Yes. Do I trust that you won't feed me something that makes me turn green, or gives me horrible gas, or makes my horn start shooting off random spells like I've just been turned into the living incarnation of poison joke? No. Not even slightly."

Discord forced a grin onto his face as something crumpled inside him. Of course she didn't trust him. Why would she trust him? He was a traitor, wasn't he? "Oh, by all means, let it all out, Princess. Tell me how you really feel."

"You're still the spirit of chaos and disharmony," Twilight said. "You gave coffee to Pinkie because you wanted to see her disrupt everything. Why should I assume that you aren't playing some kind of prank on me with the bacon?"

"Because you saved my life," Discord snapped, unable to keep up the pretense of good cheer anymore.

Twilight blinked. "When?"

"When you demanded that Tirek let me go. I know what I deserved, Twilight. And I know what you should have done. The smart thing to have done, the just thing to have done, would have been to leave me. He only brought me there so I could see the conclusion of our wager; I wasn't intended to be one of his hostages, because he didn't think you'd want me back, and I didn't either. You could have scuttled the whole deal and put your friends in danger if he'd decided he wasn't going to go along with your demands and a fight broke out again. But you did it anyway. For me. Even though I betrayed all of you, and I didn't deserve it, you still got him to let me go."

"Discord, friendship isn't about giving ponies what they deserve. Neither is forgiveness." Twilight sighed. "You're right, you hadn't done anything I knew of to deserve being released. I found out later that you kept the others alive by making a wager with Tirek, and that you tried to let them out of the cage, but I didn't know any of that. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to leave you with him and let him throw you in a dungeon or something. That wouldn't be justice; justice is carried out in an orderly way, not willy-nilly because some villain doesn't like some other villain. And besides... we were friends. It hurt to hear you'd betrayed us, and I wanted to hear from you what your side of the story was, why you decided to do it, because that's what you do for friends. Even if they do something so terrible that you can't be friends with them anymore, you at least owe them listening to their reasons why."

"You knew my reasons why. I wanted chaos. I wanted freedom to do whatever I wanted. But I didn't want to be alone. I thought Tirek... I thought he was my friend. He acted like he liked me. Like he wanted to see me unleash chaos. He thought I was funny." He looked down at his plate. "But it was all a lie. And I used to be able to tell when ponies were lying, because lying produces disharmony, but there was so much disharmony in his heart... it'd be like staring at the sun trying to identify one single flare within it."

"I had friends who just wanted to use me," Twilight said. "Admittedly, they just wanted to use me because I was Princess Celestia's student and they were social climbers, not because they wanted to steal all the magic in Equestria, but I know how it feels. It made me give up on having friends, for several years. I told myself it was because I had to dedicate myself to my studies and I didn't have time for friends, but it was really because I couldn't tell who was sincere and who was fake. It seemed like everypony turned out to be fake, in the end, and it hurt. So I do understand that part."

"They weren't all fake," Spike said. "I went to a lot of those things you were invited to that you didn't want to go to. Some ponies said you were too stuck up to want to go to parties with lowly ponies that weren't associated with the Princess, but some were really sad and disappointed that you couldn't make it. I'm pretty sure Twinkleshine really did want you to go to Moon Dancer's party with her."

"Maybe so, Spike, but you only have to get burned a few times to be afraid of going anywhere near fire."

"Wouldn't know. Dragon, immune to fire." Spike ate another of Discord's bacon strips.

"Tirek was going to kill me," Discord said.

Twilight looked shocked. "Really? I mean... he didn't kill any ponies during his rampage... are you sure? He was evil, but a killer?"

"Twilight, he blew up our tree with you in it," Spike said. "I'm pretty sure he was trying to kill you."

"That was all me, anyway," Discord said. "He kept wanting to kill ponies and I kept talking him out of it. The whole reason we captured your friends, and you, Spike, was that Tirek wanted to take you on directly – which he did anyway after he stole my powers – but I was worried that Ponyville would be destroyed or that one of you two would kill the other one, so I came up with the idea of taking hostages." He wished this conversation hadn't started. It had ruined his appetite. Listlessly he picked at his pancake with his talons. "Trust me, Twilight, he was more than willing to kill."

"Then why did you want to be – never mind." She sighed. "Discord, I know you wanted the freedom to create chaos, but... didn't it ever occur to you that a friend who wants to kill ponies is a terrible friend to have?"

"I thought... I was more powerful than he was, right up until the end... I thought I'd be able to stop him. And it's not as if I'd missed the fact that siding with him made me a villain. I wasn't willing to let him kill ponies, but... I wasn't going to reject his offer and turn on him just because he wanted to. I thought to myself, I'd just stop him."

"But why was he going to kill you? You helped him!"

"Because I made the mistake of telling him, early on, that my magic regenerates from chaos if it's taken away. He said, he knew I'd get my power back after he stole it, so he couldn't let me live." He swallowed. "I was... I was sure he wouldn't let me go, even after you made that part of the deal. I didn't expect you to ask for my freedom, and I certainly didn't expect him to agree."

"Maybe he was looking for an excuse," Twilight said. "Not to kill you. I mean... stealing your magic, well, maybe he'd planned to do that from the very beginning, but if he was acting like your friend... maybe part of him wanted to be friends, but he didn't believe in friendship. He thought it was a weakness. He said so."

"I know. Which admittedly makes me look like an enormous idiot for believing he'd be my friend, but... I thought it was just talk."

"So maybe if he didn't want to be weak, but part of him wanted to be your friend... maybe he was looking for an excuse not to kill you. Maybe he really didn't want to but he thought he had to."

"Why are you even saying this? It's not exactly as if we're going to pull him out of the depths of Tartarus and hand him over to Fluttershy to be reformed."

"I don't know." Twilight shook her head slightly. "I guess... maybe I thought it would make you feel a little bit better. A little less stupid for falling for it."

"It... doesn't, Twilight. Tartarus is a horrible place. Even after all he did, even after he nearly killed me, I still can't feel good about anyone being confined to Tartarus. It would just make it worse if there was any part of him that cared about me." He picked up a bacon strip. "Listen, I didn't tell you any of this so you would feel sorry for me. I wanted to explain... I'm not going to play a malicious prank on you. Not today. Maybe not ever. Probably it won't be the not ever; you're a lot of fun to tease." He smiled weakly. "But definitely not today, and I'd never give you something that actually caused you pain. I didn't go back and retrieve all those books just because I felt bad about selling you all out to Tirek. You're the one I wanted to apologize to, you're the one who lost something permanently and I wanted to do whatever I could to make that up to you... because I'm alive right now because you insisted on freeing me. You didn't have to. It wasn't a wise thing to do, it wasn't what I deserved, it wasn't even really safe for you, though I suppose you didn't know that since you didn't know he had reasons to want to kill me." Discord looked into Twilight's eyes. "But you did it anyway. For me."

"I also went to the ends of Equestria to get a flower to cure a disease you didn't have, and then spent a week stressing out trying to cure the disease you got after that."

"Yes, yes, but you thought I might be contagious. You had reasons to want to cure me that had nothing to do with me. This was the first time you did something for me when it wasn't the right thing to do to help or protect someone else as well." He plucked another bacon strip. "I don't really care if you eat it or not, honestly. I made the bacon for myself, and then I offered it to Spike because he's a fellow omnivore, and then I remembered that alicorns are technically omnivorous as well. So I offered to share. But you're right, you shouldn't trust me. I've done nothing to earn any sort of trust. It's just... you saved my life, Twilight. I can't honestly remember anypony else doing that for me. Freeing me from captivity, yes, but not when being imprisoned meant I would die. I don't prank Fluttershy... and I don't think I'm going to be pranking you. Much, anyway. Certainly not right now."

Twilight looked down at the bacon, then up at Discord again. "All right. I'll try it."

She levitated a piece to her mouth and bit into it. "Tastes... kind of strange. Not bad, exactly. Very salty, and... kind of... heavy? Heavy flavor? Does that even make sense?"

Discord chuckled. "Why are you asking me if it makes sense?"

"He's got a point," Spike said, grinning. "Do you like it? 'Cause it's delicious!"

"Well, I wouldn't call it 'delicious', but... I guess it's not bad. But don't get used to it, Spike, the only ethical way we can get this stuff is if Discord conjures it up for us."

Discord mentally filled in the rest of the sentence with And Discord can't be trusted. It hurt. He wanted it to just be over; why hadn't his penance, the restoration of her books, won her over? He'd given her the key to the power that could imprison him, so it was now a part of her and her friends and could never be taken from them again. He'd hurt himself trying to restore as much as possible of what she'd lost forever due to his betrayal. Why wasn't it enough? Would it ever be enough? Did he even have the right to want it to be enough? And why did he suddenly care if he had the right or not? He'd never second-guessed his right to have emotions, before.

At this point Pinkie bounced out to the meadow where they were holding their impromptu picnic, on the side of the castle. She was carrying an improbable number of plates of food. "Hope everypony's still hungry! And everydragon and everydraconequus! 'Cause I've got more yummies!"

"I'm still hungry," Spike said.

"Sure, Pinkie, I guess I could eat something," Twilight said.

Pinkie lowered her plates to the ground in a feat of rapid precision movement that impressed even Discord – not that he couldn't do the same thing, but Pinkie was a pony and limited to hooves, not paws or tail or wingclaw. "Come on, folks, eat up!" Her eyes fell on the plate of bacon strips. "Is that bacon?"

"Yes, but Discord says it's not from a real pig," Twilight said.

"Which means I can eat some and I don't have to be sad over a poor dead piggy?"

"By all means! Twilight won't eat my bacon, she thinks I'm going to play a terrible prank on her if she does."

"I just did eat a bacon," Twilight said indignantly, and ungrammatically, which was surprising for Twilight but revealed to Discord how thoroughly the ponies had rejected meat-eating since his childhood. Ponies had never eaten a lot of meat, but two generations after the windigos had nearly destroyed the world with ice, occasional meat was still part of the pony diet, a leftover from grandparents who'd only managed to live through the second coming of Fimbulwinter by being willing to hunt and kill for food. He couldn't really blame them; his own kind had been eating ponies to survive those days, and other sapient beings, which was part of why the ponies had harried them to extinction shortly afterward and he was now the last one. And during his Age of Chaos, he'd grown steaks, ribs and chicken legs from trees and bushes, so plenty of ponies had eaten no-kill meat because it was one of the foods he made widely available. But now, they'd rejected meat-eating so thoroughly that a supremely well-educated genius pony had never managed to pick up that there was no such expression as "a bacon".

"Let me try!" Pinkie picked up a bacon strip and munched it. "Mmm, yummy!"

"Pinkie!" Twilight's magic snatched the bacon strip away from Pinkie. "Do you even know if eating meat is healthy for a pony?"

"Oh, Twilight, as if I would have let Pinkie eat bacon if it would harm her?" Discord said with mock, exaggerated indignation to cover up the actual indignation he felt. "After she gave me all her pillows? How low an opinion you have of me!"

"Besides I'm probably going to use him as a pillow again tonight so if I throw up it will probably be on him," Pinkie said. "And if it gives me bad gas he's gonna have to smell it!"

Twilight blinked. "Wait, you two... you're sleeping together?"

"You make it sound so sordid," Discord said.

Pinkie giggled. "It's not like that, silly filly! I gave him all my pillows so he has to be my pillow! It's just like a sleepover, we're not having sex or anything!"

Twilight spluttered and choked on her coffee at Pinkie's unexpected bluntness, while Spike's eyes went impossibly wide and Discord just chuckled. When Twilight got control of herself, she managed to stammer out, "D-do you really think that's proper, Pinkie?"

Pinkie shrugged. "I don't even know what proper is. But what I do with my body is my business and also the business of whoever I'm doing things with my body to their body so that makes it their business too, but it's not anypony else's business so who cares? But you're my friend and Discord is your friend so I would tell you if we were having sex because if your friends are friends with benefits with each other then that's kind of your business because otherwise things might get awkward sometimes, but we're not, so that's okay!"

"Now I wonder if we should," Discord said. "It seems to cause such entertaining reactions in ponies when they contemplate the possibility."

"Naah, that's not a good reason to have sex with your friends," Pinkie said. "Pranks are funny, but having sex with a friend just so you can make your other friends' brains go explody is not a funny prank and it's kind of mean to do to the friend you're having sex with because then it's like you're using them for pranking your other friends and not because you actually want to do it with them because you like them. Anyway you are kind of like a giant talking teddy bear, except with dragon parts and a pony-ish sort of face, but still kind of like a big fun plushie who's alive, so you're a lot of fun to have as a friend but I don't think I would want any benefits because plushies aren't my thing, sorry."

"Oh, Pinkie! Are you friendzoning me?" Discord put his paw against his eyes. "Say it isn't so!"

"No, I'm plushie zoning you," Pinkie said. "Sorry but it's your own fault for being so fluffy!"

"Could we not talk about this in front of Spike? Or me? Ever? Please?" Twilight was turning slightly green. Discord had to struggle not to visibly laugh at her.

"Why don't we make a deal? Pinkie and I won't discuss the intimate details of our lack of intimate relations in front of you, and you give Pinkie back her bacon. Which is perfectly healthy for a pony to eat in moderation, though if she'd eaten all the bacon Spike has, she might make herself ill."

"I'll make sure Pinkie doesn't eat too much bacon and get sick!" Spike volunteered.

"By eating it yourself?" Discord asked, grinning.

"Yup! It's a tough job, but if it's the only way to protect Pinkie, I'm up for it!" Spike said cheerfully.

"Can I eat three bacons?"

"Oh, four or five bacons at least should be perfectly safe," Discord said, grinning even wider at the fact that apparently Pinkie didn't know the proper grammar for bacon either.

"So I'm supposed to have a conference with Mayor Mare later today, and we're going to hash out the details of what it means that there's a princess in Ponyville, now that I'm an official princess," Twilight said. "Spike, I'll need you with me to take notes, and Pinkie, will you come too?"

"Okie dokie!"

"I'm a little bit worried about it because I don't want to seem like I'm intruding on the democratic local leadership, and Mayor Mare really is much better suited to run Ponyville proper than I am..."

Discord listened with interest to the conversation about politics for only a minute or two before remembering that he wasn't going to be allowed to try to monkeywrench this, deliberately create problems for either Twilight or the mayor, or pretty much do anything to increase the anarchy around here, at which point the discussion ceased to hold his attention and he picked at his food listlessly again. What was he actually going to do with his life? It was all very well to say he was reformed, and to try to be helpful, but he was so used to analyzing every situation for an opportunity to cause chaos, disharmony and general mischief, what was he going to do if doing those things was off the table?

Before any of this had happened, he'd been perfectly willing to continue causing chaos in the small, indirect ways he felt he could get away with without making Fluttershy angry at him. It hadn't been as much fun as turning the world upside down in every way he wanted, but he'd taken it as a challenge – how much disharmony could he cause before Fluttershy got mad? How much chaos could he trick ponies into causing, without actually using his powers, just words? In some ways, he'd thought to himself, it was even better this way – being able to do anything he liked any way he liked was fun, but no way to keep his wits sharp. Having potential consequences he had to avoid added spice to the game, sharpened him up and made him work for it. It was strangely satisfying to make chaos that way, with restrictions he had to overcome and a limited toolset, because when he succeeded he'd felt genuine accomplishment.

Now, though... now he wanted all of them to be friends with him. He wanted Twilight to trust him when he offered her bacon. He wanted Pinkie to continue treating him as a fluffy pillow; he hadn't slept beside anypony since the first time he'd been turned to stone, and he hadn't realized how much he'd missed it until he'd woken up this morning with a Pinkie blanket. Even more than sex, he craved simple contact; he could create full-tactile constructs to have sex with, or go to bars for xenophiles and let some lucky pony with a taste for strange pick him up, but the tactile constructs tended to disappear while he was sleeping and he didn't trust strangers enough to let himself be vulnerable around them. Pinkie had been the first pony to, literally and simply, sleep with him in over a millennium, and he wanted it. He wanted Rainbow Dash to stop acting like he was going to turn on them any minute now, even though he just had. He wanted Rarity and Applejack to at least not try to get in the way of him being friends with their little sisters, and if they'd accept him as a friend themselves, that would be best. He wanted to earn Celestia's forgiveness. Maybe even Luna's someday.

So he couldn't make chaos that would make any of them angry at him. Which meant no disharmony among ponies. Which was about half of the things in life he found entertaining were now things he didn't dare do. What was he going to do instead?

An earth stallion poked his head around the side of the building. "Is Princess Twilight here?"

"Oh, that's me!" Twilight got to her hooves. "What is it?"

"I got a delivery of books to drop off with you."

"Yes! Wonderful! Thanks so much! Where do I sign?"

Discord stood up. "Twilight, why are you getting shipments of books when I went to so much effort to recover yours?"

"Because I'm taking my personal collection to the castle, which means I've got to replace about half the books that are going to the new library you built me, and then I've also got to replace all the library books that I used to treat as part of my personal collection that really belonged to the library, so I still need just as many book donations as before you rescued my books, except now, I'm making a library for Ponyville that someone else can take over and I'm making a library for the Friendship Palace!" Twilight grinned at him with excitement.

"Whoa," the earth stallion said, and took a step back. "Princess, what's he doing here?"

"Who – you mean Discord? He lives here now. After he helped us defeat Tirek and return everypony's magic, I've made a place for him here at the castle."

"Beggin' pardon, Your Highness, but that's not how I remember it going down," the stallion said. "I remember that thing rounding us all up so his partner could steal our magic."

"Yes... well..."

Discord took a deep breath, forcing his paws to unclench, and stepped forward. The stallion immediately took another step backward. The same sick feeling he used to get, the mixture of anger and grief that they feared him, mingled with shame and guilt, because this time he knew he deserved it. "That did happen," Discord said. "Tirek lied to me and tricked me into helping him. It was a terrible mistake on my part, and I've sworn to try to make amends for doing it."

The stallion scowled at him, and then looked at Twilight. "Princess, I'd like to get unloaded fast as I can, if you don't mind. Can I just leave the cart for your staff to unpack, and I'll send someone back for it later?"

Twilight sighed. "That would be fine. I'll have the cart brought to Sweet Apple Acres so you can pick it up there after we unload it."

"That would be mighty appreciated, Your Highness. Thank you kindly."

He left. "Well, that went well," Spike said. "Kind of."

"Let's unpack the books, Spike." Twilight went around the corner. Discord didn't follow her.

"It's never going to be enough, will it?" he whispered to himself.

"Don't feel so bad!" Pinkie said. "You did a bad thing and now everypony's mad at you but just do good things that help everypony and they'll get over it!"

How am I going to just do good things when almost everything I want to do is something ponies think is bad? He didn't say it, just stared at the ground. Pinkie was so cheerful, so optimistic. She'd never lived a life like his. As strange as she was to her family, they still accepted her. They still loved her. And she had no problem making as many friends as she wanted.

"Wait for me!" Pinkie caroled at Twilight and Spike. "I'm going to help with the books! And then I'm gonna CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" She looked back at Discord. "Are you coming? You could help!"

"Ah, no," he said. "I, um, I'm going to visit Fluttershy."

"Okie dokie! But come back tonight, I still need a pillow! I'm going to make a huuuuuge pot of spaghetti and I'll put peanut butter and hot chilis and pineapple in yours!"

He smiled wryly. "Pinkie, sometimes I think the only reason you want to spend time with me is that it gives you an excuse to cook things that literally no other pony would be willing to eat."

"I like to cook different things! But not baked bads, because even you would have thought those were yucky, I think." She hopped off after Twilight and Spike. "See you later, Discord!"

At first he didn't actually go to see Fluttershy. What he really wanted was to be alone, to think. The problem was the lack of anywhere to go. When he walked out onto the street, ponies glared at him, or ran away. One enterprising foal even threw a rock, and Discord considered the possibility of turning the rock into a roc and terrorizing the colt with it, but not today. Some other time, maybe. He wanted to go to the Everfree, where he usually went if he wanted to think about something and he didn't want to go back to his private pocket dimension, but he wasn't allowed to without an escort, which would completely miss the point.

Why did he even care, he wondered? He used to thrive on hatred. It had been his bread and butter, a source of sweet, sweet disharmony. When had it changed? Why was their hatred hurting him now?

Because you never thought you deserved it, before. You added unpredictability and spice to their lives and they hated you for it. Why not enjoy their suffering, then? But now you know you've done something terrible to them. Now you know you deserve to be hated.

That was what hurt. Not their hatred, but the fact that he couldn't blithely ignore it on the grounds that ponies were simply haters and whatchagonnado? After Tirek took his power, he finally felt empathy for the ponies he'd helped Tirek attack... far too late, of course, but he knew now that what he'd done was horrible. They were justified in hating him, so he couldn't make himself simply not care, like he usually did. He could either revel in being outright evil or he could squirm with guilt. And while he'd been called evil many, many times, Discord had never thought of himself as evil. Selfish, sure, he was willing to own that, and disharmonious, certainly, but it was his role in existence to spread disharmony and counterbalance the Tree, so how could that be truly evil? The world needed him to do it, whether ponies liked it or not.

This was different. He hadn't needed to help Tirek steal pony magic. In fact, given what his role was in Equestria and the world, it had honestly been a terrible idea from the beginning and a violation of what he existed for. The chaos avatars existed to preserve magic and keep it distributed, not to let it superconcentrate to one vessel. Of course he hadn't thought about that at the time, but now that he was regretting his actions anyway, he could see it. He'd violated his purpose in life, and he'd inflicted something so awful on ponies, it fell close to the range of murder... he'd deprived them of possibilities, cut down the world's complexity, allowed power to gravitate to a single point and promoted the loss of Chaos in the long run. The only reason it wasn't as bad as killing them was that they'd recovered from it.

He deserved their hatred.

Sighing, he decided that he would, in fact, go visit Fluttershy. Her home was out of the way, where no ponies would be likely to come by and give him the stinkeye.

Fluttershy was bustling around, packing a suitcase and setting aside animal feeders. "Fluttershy! How is my favorite little pegasus today?" Discord asked, his tone cheerful.

"Oh, hello, Discord." She glanced at him once, head dipping low and her mane half over one eye, and then returned to what she was doing. "You were asleep for a long time. Are you feeling better?"

"Much better, thank you. What's all the hustle and bustle about here?"

"Oh, um, the Manehattan Zoo wants me to come in and help calm the animals down," she said. "Tirek smashed a lot of the zoo and the animals all ran away, but it's Manehattan so they don't really have anywhere to go? So they want my help in persuading them to come home. I said I was sure they have animal speakers in Manehattan but they really want me to help them, specifically, so of course I said I'd go."

"Oh." There had been so many buildings. Discord had animated trees and sent them in to hold up structures that were collapsing, because when Tirek had taken a lot of magic, he'd had to expel it violently, by blasting things. "I, uh. Was that one of the ones I sent the trees in?"

"I didn't hear about any trees." Fluttershy still hadn't looked at him since the one brief glance when he arrived. She flitted out of the house carrying a bag of birdseed and started pouring it into bird feeders. "They don't think any of the animals were killed, though. At least they didn't find any bodies under the wreckage."

"That's good to hear."

"Yes, it is."

This was unbearably awkward. "Fluttershy, is there anything I can do to help you? I could fill those bird feeders for you..." He raised his talon.

Now she looked at him. "Oh, no, you don't have to do that. I have everything under control here. Just a few more feeders and a little conversation with Angel Bunny to remind him, and then I can grab my bag and head for the train."

"I could go with you... maybe help with the repairs..."

Fluttershy looked him directly in the eyes. "Discord... that's not a good idea, and I think you know why."

"But I want to help."

"Sometimes if you hurt somepony, you can't help them right away except by giving them space, because just thinking about you reminds them of how they were hurt. I think probably every pony at the zoo lost their powers to Tirek. They aren't going to want to be reminded of that." She looked away again. "I'm sorry. But I think you should find places around Ponyville to help, if you're trying to make amends. You and Tirek didn't get all the ponies in Ponyville, so maybe some of them won't be afraid of you."

It was true – they'd saved Ponyville for last, at Discord's insistence, and Tirek had been focused enough on coming after the Bearers, he'd only pulled the magic from the ponies he'd happened to see out on the streets. Anyone who'd been out on a farm, like Applejack's family, or inside a building, like the Cakes, or Cheerilee and the school foals, had been spared. But it had been a nice day, and there had been quite a few ponies walking the streets or sitting at tables at outdoor cafes. When Discord had given flowers to Celestia, there had been relatively few ponies on the dance floor, most of them from Ponyville, and many of them apparently hadn't yet heard the details of his role in events – several had even smiled at him. It hadn't lasted. As ponies from Canterlot had filtered in and as the Ponyville ponies had shared gossip with each other, he'd felt the wave of anger and fear toward him building, rippling through them; he could sense disharmony, and the presence of a frightening enemy who'd hurt them at what was supposed to be a victory celebration had upset more than a few ponies and even sown a bit of dissension toward Celestia and toward Twilight. Which he might have enjoyed, another time, but not when Twilight had saved his life, and not when the dissent was all about hating and mistrusting him.

"You're in Ponyville. Can I at least take care of your animals while you're gone?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "Angel Bunny has it all in hoof. Or in paw, I guess. And you and he don't get along, so it would probably be better if you didn't try to help out this time. Maybe some other time."

She wasn't looking at him. She wasn't letting him help. She had flat out said that he needed to give the ponies he'd hurt some space. Discord swallowed. "Fluttershy... are – are we still friends?"

She stopped filling the feeders for a moment, setting her bag down. Slowly she turned. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "We're still friends," she said. "I... I'm not going to let one mistake ruin our friendship forever. But..."

"But you want me to go."

"I just... need some time. To think about things. I... I promise you we'll still be friends. But I have to be alone for a little while, Discord. That's why I agreed to go to Manehattan right now."

"When will you be back?"

"Um, I guess after we've rounded up all the missing animals. Maybe two or three days, I'm not sure. We can talk then, maybe, if, if you want to. I think."

"I'm sorry," he said helplessly.

"I know," Fluttershy said softly.

She flew to the door of the cottage. "I... have to go in and talk to Angel Bunny and get my bag. I'll see you in a few days?"

"Of course." He forced a bright smile onto his face. "Auf wiedersehen!"

Then he teleported before she could see the tears starting to well up in his eyes.

The Cutie Mark Crusader clubhouse was hardly the finest accommodation possible, but it was in Ponyville and technically speaking he had every right to be here, since the fillies had made him an honorary member of their club. He wouldn't have tried it if they'd been there, though. The day of the party – however long ago that was, he'd been asleep or time traveling through most of the intervening time so he had no idea – the Crusaders hadn't seemed to have any idea of what he'd done, and had been friendly with him. By now, though, he was sure they knew. And the thought of the little girls who'd opened their hearts to him and trusted him to help them with their increasingly outrageous quest for cutie marks now looking at him with fear, or hate, made him hurt inside, the same way he was hurting over the conversation he'd just had with Fluttershy.

I'm going to lose her. She doesn't want to be friends anymore. She's angry with me. She hates me. He lay sprawled on the wooden floor of the clubhouse, staring emptily at the grain of the wood. Tears wanted to well up, but he used his powers to block them. I have to fix this. But how? She doesn't want me to help. She doesn't want me to make amends to her, because she doesn't even want to see me.

Oh, how he wished he was capable of initiating a time loop that he himself was the focus of. That was impossible, sadly; he'd inflicted time loops on ponies on occasion, and he could step sideways out of time to monitor the loop, but he couldn't start a loop that included himself because for him to run a loop, he couldn't be in linear time himself at all. And nopony else had the power to start a time loop. In theory, he could trigger one that would run on its own, which would allow him to be the focus of it because no one would be monitoring it. In practice, that was so horrifyingly dangerous he didn't dare; a loop with no one monitoring it could theoretically run forever without ever ending, a prospect that horrified him more than death, stone or losing his powers.

There was no way to change what he'd done; he couldn't loop, and to travel in time and have any hope of affecting the outcome of anything, he'd have to do it the chaotic way, which involved exactly no precision whatsoever as to when he would end up. He was capable of pulling off pseudo-harmonic time travel, what he'd just done with Pinkie, where he could control exactly when he'd appear and how long he could stay there, but that one had rules, such as the inability to overlap himself more than once and more importantly the inability to change any events that a sentient being had observed. He couldn't go back and warn himself not to trust Tirek and make all of this have never happened. There was no time travel method available to him where that would work.

So he couldn't fix it. He couldn't change the past. He couldn't change the facts of his betrayal. He couldn't make Fluttershy forget his betrayal without running the risk of erasing much more of her memory than he wanted to. He could deharmonize her, unbalance her personality in such a way as to foreground her trust and minimize her hurt, but from experience he knew that trying that particular combination on a pony usually resulted in a pony having a childlike trust in everything that quickly got them killed or seriously harmed. Fluttershy was already too vulnerable for his tastes, too likely to trust the wrong individual. Of course. She trusted me, after all.

There wasn't anything he could do with his powers to fix this, and he didn't know nearly enough about friendship to fix it any other way. Again the tears tried to burn their way out of his eyes. This time he let them, though he wouldn't let himself sob or otherwise make a sound. I'm going to lose her. My best friend and she doesn't trust me anymore. And I deserve it.

Cucumber sandwiches, falling to the ground with tiny little thumps.

He lost it then, his magic's ability to restrain his emotions failing completely, more from a lack of will than a lack of magic. Discord curled up on the floor and sobbed, burying his face in his paws. Should have stayed in Tartarus. Should have let them turn me to stone.

It was not the nature of chaos to restrain itself. It was also not the nature of chaos to dwell on the past, or to hold still on any emotional state.

Once the tears finally stopped, Discord actually felt better. He wiped his face and sat up on his hind legs, sitting more like a pony than a biped, tail curling around himself. Fluttershy hadn't actually said she hated him or that she would never trust him again. She'd said he hurt her and she needed space. Well, strictly speaking, she hadn't even said that; she'd made it a more generic statement about ponies and how they handled being hurt, but he could read between the lines, especially after she admitted she wanted some time alone, away from him and her other friends.

Maybe if he gave her the space she'd asked for, everything would be all right. Maybe she'd come back and she'd be recovered from this, the way it had seemed right after the formation of the castle when she'd joked with him and seemed to be comfortable with him and happy, and it would all go back to the way it was before.

Or maybe he'd ask Twilight for advice. She was the Princess of Friendship, after all. Of course, she didn't trust him either. But at least she looked at him, she talked to him, she didn't hide her face from him. Not that hiding was at all in character for Twilight anyway. But she seemed... friendlier, at least, than Fluttershy was being right now. Maybe because of the last key, or all the books he'd saved and the tree he'd grown for her. Maybe she could give him some advice on getting Fluttershy back to the way she was before. Pinkie probably would be no help, she'd likely just suggest throwing a party. And he wasn't sure any of the others would give him advice. Maybe Rarity; she'd seemed oddly sympathetic to him yesterday. But it was Twilight's job to solve friendship problems, right? Wasn't that what her new title meant? He should ask her.

On the other hand, asking Twilight involved admitting to Twilight that he was having problems.

No. He'd wait for Fluttershy to come back and see how things were then. If everything just came back to normal, then great. If it didn't, then he'd swallow his pride, expose his weakness to Twilight and ask for advice.

Twilight wasn't even at the castle when he came back. Pinkie and Spike were cleaning the place and organizing it; not that there was much to organize, Twilight apparently hadn't even bought furniture yet. Rarity had brought over more pillows and blankets to make pseudo-beds with, but Pinkie hadn't apparently put any in her own room, which gave Discord a sense of relief. He couldn't ask Pinkie to sleep on top of him – that would make him look far too weak and needy – but he really wanted her there. Anypony, really, but he wanted someone who'd sleep beside him without the complication of sex – he knew from experience that anypony he repeatedly had sex with, especially one who slept in his bed and showed him physical affection outside of sex, was someone who'd gain an emotional hold on him that they could use to influence him unduly, and he felt as if he had too many ponies who had emotional influence over him already. Pinkie had made it clear that she wasn't interested in him that way – which was unfortunate in one way, as he knew Pinkie's philosophies of sex and romance were close to his own, mostly that life was too short to limit oneself to one sex partner, and she'd probably be a lot of fun, but on the other hand, it made her safe to solicit physical contact from without the emotional complications he'd end up with if he had sex with her. He wasn't sure how he felt about being defined as a giant plushie, but to the best of his knowledge Pinkie wasn't a xenophile, so her lack of interest in him that way was understandable without being insulting, and besides, why did he go to all the work to set her up with Cheese Sandwich if he was going to want her for himself?

He was so bored.

What Pinkie and Spike were doing was literally anathema to him. Figuring out the structure they wanted to use to organize what few non-book items were in the castle, putting the things away in those places... they were turning chaos into order. He couldn't even stand to watch them. But Twilight was having meetings, and doing politics, and what he really wanted to do was go find her and do something hilarious to interrupt the proceedings, because even the thought of Twilight being in long boring meetings with the mayor made him want to crumple ostentatiously to the floor and pretend to be dead of ennui. But he knew better. He was trying to be good, he was trying to prove that he really had reformed this time, that his heart was in it and he was trying to make amends. So, basically, everything he could think of to do that was fun was off limits.

What had he done before chaos? As far back as he could remember, he'd enjoyed messing with ponies (or, if he went back far enough in his memory, draconequui), and he'd enjoyed being creative and altering the world with his powers (or pretending to do it, back before he'd had his powers, when he was very small), but there had been a time when chaos and disharmony hadn't been the most important things in his life, when he'd known how to have fun without necessarily annoying others. What had he done back then?

He thought of his teen years, in the old castle with Celestia and Luna. He'd played a lot of pranks, he remembered that. And fantasized a lot about Celestia... ah, teenage hormones. What else had he done? There had been studying magic – he'd been obsessed, desperate to learn as much as he possibly could, as driven as Twilight actually, though it had manifested in different ways. He'd practiced, constantly. There had been books; he remembered setting a spell on a book so it would read itself to him, and lying back in his bed, paws behind his head and eyes closed, letting himself be drawn in by the story. There had been running around playing with Luna, because Celestia even then was starting to be crushed by the weight of the decorum demanded of the Crown Princess and hadn't been allowed to play foolish games with her little sister anymore, so Discord had played with her instead. The memory was bittersweet now, given how bad his relationship with Luna had become.

"Do not begin to compare me to you. I did terrible things, things that were arguably worse than anything you had done, yes. But I repent of them. No one but I can fight my nightmares, and they are always, always of my own actions, always of the monster I became. You have no remorse. I don't know what you dream of, but when I glimpse bits and pieces through the shield you built around your mind, I can see that your dreams of chaos and tormenting ponies are pleasant ones to you. Tia thinks you can again be the Discord we grew up with, someday... but I think you never were. I think you are a monster that rose from the grave wearing his face and his voice and his memories, and perhaps you even think you are the Discord we once knew, but you aren't. You can't be. He wielded chaos, but you are chaos. And that is all you are and all you will ever choose to be, and that is why I will not forgive you."

Discord pushed the memory away. He wasn't trying to make himself more depressed here. There had to have been something he used to do that he'd liked, before chaos became his everything.

A different memory surfaced out of nowhere, from so far back he usually couldn't even remember. "Someday I'm gonna fly like you!" "Pretty unlikely, little bro, I'm the Principle of Speed. But hey, it's a goal worth shooting for!"

His mouth twisted in a wry grin. Normally he never even thought about his older brothers, or any of the draconequui in his clan besides his mother; few of them had given him the time of day. But he'd hero-worshipped his closest-in-age brother the way Scootaloo worshipped Rainbow Dash, and for some of the same reasons. And even after he'd ended up alone, he'd wanted to fly, fast and strong; he'd worked at it harder than anything except practicing his magic and learning to speak pony.

After his wings had been bound and crippled, he'd focused on learning levitation so he could fly anyway, even with wings that would forevermore be naturally small and weak. And then he'd learned body transformation so he could make his wings temporarily larger, expand his natural flight field, and truly fly the way a draconequus ought to be able to do, without assistance from chaos magic. And then he'd practiced a lot. Why had he lost interest in it, anyway? Oh, right, because it had had nothing to do with chaos.

Heh. Well, now he had an idea for something he could do, anyway.

Rainbow Dash was napping on a cloud.

Normally Discord preferred it when there was a little bit of unpredictability to life, but right now, he was pleased that she was exactly where he expected her to be, because it meant a lot less work, and a lot less exposure to angry pegasi, that he didn't have to fly around looking for her. He plopped himself down on the cloud next to her. "Who's a cute little Dashie? Yes you are, yes you are. You want an ear scritch, girl? Ear scritch?"

Rainbow Dash murmured in her sleep, smiling, and snuggled against his ear-scritching talon. "Mmm."

"Hang on, let me get a picture of this." He spawned a second self. The second him ostentatiously posed a camera. "Gute, gute, iz perfecto!" Second Discord said in a parody accent, and snapped a few pictures, then pulled out a film camera and started rolling. "And action!"

"Huh? Whuh—Discord!" Rainbow Dash kicked outward and flapped, putting distance between herself and Discord immediately. Her eyes fell on Second Discord. "You perv! What the hay were you doing, filming me while I was sleeping?"

"Blackmail material," Discord said cheerfully. "You'd never have believed me if I'd just told you that you were trying to snuggle against me in your sleep—"

"I was not!"

"There, you see?" He rolled down a small movie screen and had Second Discord start projecting the film, showing Rainbow's unconscious form mumbling happily and leaning her head back against the scritching.

"That did not happen! Everypony knows what a liar you are, Dipcord!"

"Well, then today's your lucky day! If you're as awesome as you think you are, maybe you might just get a chance to pay me back for that."

"I am 20% more awesome than I think I am. Whattya mean, a chance for payback?"

"How would you like the chance to take one free shot? One kick, anywhere, with my sworn word that I won't dodge it or try to block."

Rainbow scowled. "Why would you let me kick you? That doesn't make any sense. And don't tell me it's no fun to make sense or something stupid like that. You've got a reason and it's probably a bad one."

"Of course I have a reason, and the reason is that I am mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly, devastatingly bored. And I want you to entertain me."

She huffed. "First off, you being bored is my problem why? Second, do I even wanna know why getting kicked in the face or something is entertainment for you?"

"No, no, that's not the entertainment. That's the stakes if I lose, which I don't intend to."

"I'm not playing any games with you, Discord!"

"Oh, what a shame. And here I thought you'd welcome the opportunity to use your awesome flying skills and do what you do best – well, what you do second best next to bragging about yourself – to try to defeat me in a game of aerial Tag. But, I suppose, it's only natural; you recognize that no pegasus, however awesome, could possibly compete against the magnificent flying talents of a draconequus."

Her scowl was pure entertainment in and of itself. "Like you wouldn't totally cheat."

"I'll Pinkie Promise if you like," he wheedled.

Rainbow flitted to his other side, restlessly. Discord simply morphed his front into his back to follow her. "Don't do that, that's creepy," she said.

"Then don't fly behind my head. That's rude."

"I'm rude? After you—" She stopped herself and took a deep breath. "You trying to provoke me into a fight or something?"

"No, I'm trying to provoke you into a flying competition, because I can't cause chaos if I'm trying to make amends for... for what I did, and if I can't cause chaos, I need some kind of adrenaline rush to distract me from wanting to turn the grass blue and the sky green."

"You know this Rainbow Power stuff we got from the Tree is like the Elements, except you can't take it off us, right? You do anything like that and we can turn you to stone so fast you won't even know it's happening until the birds start pooping on you again."

Now it was his turn to take a deep breath. "I know that. I knew that when I gave Twilight the last key. I knew that when I bookmarked the pages to show you how to unlock the box. But I don't want to make Fluttershy have to break her promise, to say nothing of the fact that I really don't want to be a statue again, so I need something to do! If I can't find something exciting and fun to do so I don't think about chaos, I'm going to snap, Rainbow. And by snap I mean both my sanity and my fingers."

"You... really want to play some kind of game instead of making chaos?"

"It's not 'instead of'; wreaking chaos isn't an option. Not now. Not if I..." He sat down on the cloud, heavily. "I did something terrible, Rainbow. You know it, I know it, everypony in Equestria knows it. And I'm sorry. But sorry isn't good enough all by itself. If I just go back to doing what I want to do, this fast, it does nothing to prove that I'm sorry. I'm trying to make sacrifices to show ponies I'm sincere... but it's so hard. Fluttershy wouldn't let me do anything to help and I can't find anything to do."

"Fluttershy's gone to Manehattan. I went with her to the train station."

"I know, I went to visit her and she told me."

"So how did you think you were gonna help her in Manehattan when you were the one that caused the problem?"

"Isn't the one who caused the problem usually supposed to be the one who has to fix it? But she says... they wouldn't want to see me, after what I helped Tirek do. And I suppose she's right." He sighed, and then forced energy back into his tone. "So! I remembered that I used to like to fly, once upon a time, so I figured that trying to dodge you might be thrilling enough to occupy my attention."

"You can teleport and use magic and stuff."

"Yes, but I don't even want to. I want to fly for once. If I Pinkie Promise not to use my magic during the game, will you do it?"

"Discord, your wings are tinier than Scoots' when you think about how big your body is. How the hay are you gonna fly against any pegasus without using your magic to levitate or something?"

Discord grinned broadly and unfolded his wings, which, considering that they hadn't been folded, drew a very amusing expression from Rainbow Dash. His wingspan was now three times what it had been, a normal ratio to his body size for a flying serpentine dragonoid. "Like this."

"Wow." Rainbow stared at his wings as he extended them fully. "Why don't you keep them like this all the time? They're, like, a hundred percent cooler this way."

Discord posed as if he were a pegasus model in a cheesecake shot. "Oh, Rainbow, I knew that eventually you'd see my true beauty!"

Rainbow turned red. "As if," she snorted. "I'm a pegasus, 'course I appreciate nice wings. Doesn't mean the rest of you doesn't still make me wanna grab a barf bag."

"You always say such romantic things to me," Discord said, sighing with his paws clasped in front of him and his eyes improbably large.

"So how do I get you to stand still and let me kick you again?"

Discord grinned. "By catching me!"

He shot upward as, predictably, Rainbow lunged for him. She followed.

This was fun. Why had he stopped doing things like this? He'd used wings to fly during the dragon wars, quite a lot, because he had to conserve his magic in those days and a single spell to give him powerful flying wings burned a lot less of it than constant levitation did. Discord, like any flying creature over a certain size and weight, had a magical flight field, which was a property of his body and entirely separate from his chaos magic. It was still magic – Tirek had taken it too when he'd taken the rest of Discord's magic – but it came from a different magical pool. And like other winged creatures with a magical flight field, he still needed his wings to have a certain minimum of size and muscle strength in order to use them. While the injuries that had been inflicted on him in his childhood had healed millennia ago, they'd prevented his wings from growing with the rest of his body, so in his natural, default state, they were not large enough to easily get a full-grown draconequus off the ground. He could use them without levitation magic, he could even outfly Fluttershy with them for a few minutes, but then, almost anyone who could fly at all could outfly Fluttershy, and the physical effort it took him to use them left his muscles burning and his lungs short of breath within a quarter hour of flight.

Most of the time he barely used them at all, relying on his levitation, but when he expected to have to conserve magic or when he was up against chaos-suppression fields, he could transform them to the size they should have been, and they'd stay that way for a few days if he didn't turn them back. They got in his way on the ground at this size – he was used to having the small wings that easily tucked away against his back – so he didn't usually keep them like this any longer than he needed to. But he'd forgotten how good it felt to fly on wingpower and his flight field with full-size wings.

He spent several minutes performing simple dodges, ducking and weaving and using clouds for cover as Rainbow chased him. Then she started getting creative, performing acrobatic flips to let herself change vector rapidly, flying in tight spirals so she could shoot off at him in whichever direction he dodged in, so he did the same, demonstrating how much more acrobatic a serpentine dragon's body could be than a pony's. It was a lot harder to use his muscles to sling his midsection sideways, out of parallel with his head and tail, than it was to use chaos magic to do it, but the sense of satisfaction when Rainbow Dash flew right past him without being able to touch him, too fast to change her direction to hit him above or below, was tremendous. His own vector change stunts were faster and more flexible than hers, because a pegasus couldn't double her body over and shift her flight field to point in the opposite direction more or less instantly; a pegasus had to do a flip to accomplish what Discord could do just by bending. He could also spiral himself, contorting into coils wide enough that Rainbow would fly straight through them, and then snap back into a straight line and arrow himself away.

Despite all his physical advantages over Rainbow, however, he had two major disadvantages: his technique was rusty after so long depending on nothing but chaos magic to accomplish what he was now trying to do with his body, and also, his wings had gotten very, very little exercise in a very long time. Making them bigger had made them naturally stronger, but hadn't improved their endurance any. They started to ache, and then to burn, and then they were hurting enough that it forced him to slow down... which meant that when Rainbow barreled into him, he couldn't dodge quickly enough to keep her from smashing them both down onto a cloud.

"I win," she said, standing on his chest and looking down at him with a huge grin on her face.

Discord panted. "So you did. Let me catch... my breath."

Rainbow got off of him and flitted above him. Amazingly, at least from his perspective, she didn't even seem to be winded much, and certainly there was no sign that her wings ached like his did. "Take your time. I still haven't figured out where I wanna boot you."

He sat up, breathing deeply, folding his wings against his back. They still hurt a lot, but he didn't transform them back, not yet. The pain reminded him of when he was mortal, when Celestia had been his lover and Luna had practically been his sister-in-law. He wouldn't give up his role as the chaos avatar for anything, but he was starting to feel like he had been happier before.

"I am impressed," he said, trying not to wheeze. "You are good. If you'd been alive at the age and skill level you have now when I was a child, and I'd known you, I might have been as bad as Scootaloo."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I was obsessed with being a better flyer, when I was a child. Practiced constantly. And it began because I wanted to be like my older brother, though I kept up my interest in flying long after he was gone."

"You had an older brother?" Rainbow asked, sounding skeptical. "Was he as chaotic as you are?"

"No, no." Discord shook his head. "Draconequus magic wasn't inherently chaotic anymore than alicorn magic is inherently about moving the sun. We had something that was... well, I suppose halfway between cutie marks and your Elements. We called them Principles, and when you found what yours was, you found your magic, because your magic was bound to your Principle. I was the Principle of Chaos, so, chaos magic. My brother was the Principle of Speed. You'd probably have gotten along with him... well, if ponies and draconequui had been getting along, which they weren't, but if you'd known each other in a different time, maybe."

"What was his name?" Rainbow asked, the skepticism gone from her voice. "And how fast was he?"

"You know, I don't remember? I usually addressed him as Big Brother, but I think I used to know what his actual name was. He died a very, very long time ago." Discord looked out at the horizon, a wistful note in his voice. "I don't actually know how fast he was because I was too young to be able to measure such things, but he was fast in the air, on the ground, climbing trees, swimming... he could do anything fast. He could speed other things up, too, like cooking. When we found potatoes or other vegetables that really aren't edible until you cook them, he could cook them in a few minutes, whereas anyone else it'd have taken an hour or so."

"I'm... sorry about him being dead," Rainbow said awkwardly, hovering.

"Oh, he'd be dead by now anyway; draconequui aren't naturally immortal. He wouldn't have lasted through my millennium in stone." He sighed. "I can't even remember his face, you know. But he was my hero, the way you are to Scootaloo. Somewhere along the way... I forgot how much I used to love to fly."

"Did you always do that wing change thing?"

"After I had enough magic to pull it off, yes. My wings weren't always this small in proportion to my body, but they didn't grow properly." He wasn't going to explain to her why not. Rainbow Dash was the last pony in the universe he wanted to pity him. "I flew without magical aid – well, without aid from my chaos powers, obviously I was using magic to fly but it was a flight field, like a pegasus – for a good bit of my childhood. Then I outgrew my wings, so first I mastered levitation, and then I figured out how to make them bigger."

"Huh." She folded her forelegs over each other as she hovered. "Why exactly are you telling me all this?"

Discord chuckled. "You think I know?"

"Well, it's not like anypony else would know why you did something."

"True, but it doesn't follow that that means I do know. I tend to follow my whims without thinking about it much. You might have noticed this."

"Yeah, you might want to think about doing less of that." She landed on the cloud next to him. "So are you seriously planning to let me kick you?"

"You won, didn't you? It would hardly be fair for me to go back on it now."

"Yeah, but since when did you care about being fair?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps I'm feeling masochistic."

Rainbow scowled. "If this is a sex thing I am so totally outta here."

Discord burst out laughing. "Oh, Rainbow, if I was inclined to get myself locked up in somepony's play dungeon, you are quite possibly the last pony I would choose. No, this has absolutely nothing to do with sex." He got the laughter under control, and then lost it again, giggling. "But your face when you said that! Oh, if only I'd still been running my film!"

She lifted off the cloud again, hovering, scowling even harder. Finally Discord stopped laughing. "Ah, well, I suppose it's time to take my medicine. Where have you decided to grace my flesh with your firm, shapely hooves?" He snickered a bit.

"You know what? I'm not gonna." She grinned at him, with a tiny touch of malice in her smile. "I just proved that I can kick your flank in a flight competition anytime I want to, even though you're like ten zillion years old and a chaos god and you've got, like, awesome dragon wings, well, except one of them has feathers but you know what I mean. And you just told me that you used to be really into flying and you were really good at it, and I gotta admit, your moves are slick. I've never seen anypony pull off some of the stunts you did. And I still kicked your flank. So here's what I want. I'm not gonna literally kick you, but you're going to admit to all my friends how I totally kicked you in the flank, like, not literally."

"Metaphorically."

"Yeah, that sounds like a Twilight word, so I guess it's right."

Discord shrugged. "Fair enough."

This was why a banner showing a smiling Rainbow Dash, with a hoof up in a victory gesture and a medal around her neck, standing next to a smiling Discord who was waving, presumably at the camera, ended up wrapped around the entire exterior of the Friendship Castle, bearing the legend "LOYALTY DEFEATS CHAOS 1-0; RAINBOW DASH CONFIRMED CHAMPION OF FLIGHT COMPETITION AGAINST DISCORD, SPIRIT OF CHAOS". Because the location of the banner, up high and all around the circumference of the castle, meant it could have been placed by a pegasus, and Twilight would at least have to spend a few minutes figuring out if the culprit was Discord or Rainbow Dash. Discord could play at being humble, if it was funny.

Rainbow Dash denied putting it up, of course, since she didn't, but she did express great disappointment when Twilight insisted on taking it down on the grounds that no sports victory, however profound, could possibly justify wrapping the Friendship Palace in a banner. Especially, Rarity pointed out, one with a garish orange, blue and neon green background. Discord just grinned. Making a banner that would resist the castle's harmonics and not instantly fall apart had been an effort, so when Twilight peeled the banner off, he let it start dissolving... in a way that caused it to split in half, dropping one of the halves on Twilight.

Maybe friendship would allow him to get away with a little, tiny bit of pranking and disharmony-stirring, after all.

That night, after he discovered that a whoopee cushion had been inserted under one of the pillows near the middle of his makeshift bed, where his lower body was likely to be, he just laughed. And carried the deflated whoopee cushion to Twilight's room, knocked on her door, and returned it to her. "A very good effort for a beginner!" he said cheerfully. "Keep trying, and you may graduate to intermediate pranking within a year or two!"

"Oh, I don't know," Twilight said. "If I'm stuck living with you, don't you think that would count as an accelerated course?"

He laughed. "If you're willing to take lessons from the master, I'd be happy to teach."

"Maybe. But don't teach Pinkie or Rainbow. They don't need help."

It was a pleasant end to the day, at least. When he went to bed, he was in good spirits. There was a bit of jostling because apparently Pinkie wanted him to be her teddy bear and not the other way around, so she had a mild objection to him spooning around her and hugging her to his chest like a plush toy, but eventually she ended up draped over his midsection like a small but heavy pink blanket, and he supposed that was good enough.

It didn't last, though.

"Your friends, in exchange for all the alicorn magic in Equestria!" Tirek boomed, and Discord knew exactly what Twilight would do, exactly how she would respond to this. And then she didn't.

"I can't give you all the alicorn magic!" she shouted, and teleported away.

Discord stared at the place where she'd been in horror. But he knew what she'd do. She would never abandon her friends. This couldn't be happening.

"It seems you were wrong, Discord," Tirek chuckled. He was so huge, dwarfing almost everything else in the landscape. "Do you remember our wager?"

The ponies' lives were forfeit if Twilight didn't surrender. Discord looked at Fluttershy, helplessly, trapped as he was in a bubble of magic the same as she was. "This isn't right," he said. "She couldn't really have left us."

"Oh, but apparently, she did." Tirek smiled, with far too many teeth. "And now I'm afraid it's time for you to pay up."

Discord's bubble moved, so that it was directly in front of Tirek. "Wait, wait!" Discord shouted. "I know Twilight too well! She would never abandon her friends! You need to keep them alive as hostages, because she'll be back!"

"What if you don't know her as well as you think you do?" Tirek asked, sneering.

Discord shook his head frantically. "Twilight would never do this," he said. "This isn't real! That's it, I must be dreaming! None of this is happening!" He tried to force himself to wake up, or take lucid control of the dream, certain that that was what it had to be. Neither one happened.

"Ah, but you were wrong about her once," Tirek said. "You thought you'd defeated her when you hadn't. Couldn't you easily be wrong about her again?"

"No, we're friends now, I know her, she wouldn't leave us—"

"She'd leave you."

"She wouldn't leave them!"

"You were wrong about Celestia, too, weren't you? And you thought you knew her. You thought she would never harden herself enough to you to use the Tree against you, and you were wrong. And you were wrong about Fluttershy, when you assumed she expected you to betray her. And weren't you wrong about me as well? Tell me, Discord, when have you ever been right about anypony you thought you knew well?"

Discord kept shaking his head. "This isn't right," he said again, helplessly. "She wouldn't leave her friends."

"She might if it was the only way to save the whole world, sugarcube," Applejack said. "She's led us into danger before. You think she couldn't sacrifice us to save Equestria? It was Celestia who taught her everything she knows, and you know who Celestia was willin' to sacrifice."

"We're not worth all the ponies in Equestria," Fluttershy said.

"That's wrong. You're the only ponies worth anything. The only ones that matter," Discord said. "You're the only ponies to accept me."

"But you can't have everything you want the way you want it if your magic doesn't work," Fluttershy said patiently. "Without your magic, you're nothing, Discord. You can't protect us or yourself because you let Tirek take your power away."

"This isn't real! This is a dream! Let me wake up, please let me wake up..."

"Silly, how can it be a dream if you can't make yourself wake up?" Pinkie said. "If you're always a lucid dreamer and you can take control of a dream as soon as you figure out what it is, and you can't control this, then it's not a dream! Sheesh!"

"The truth is you failed at everything, Discord," Tirek chuckled. "I played you like a harp, and you gave me everything I wanted. And now I'm going to kill you. But first, I promised that you'd get to watch your friends die."

Then Fluttershy, no longer in a bubble, was floating between Discord and Tirek, caught in Tirek's magic. "This is the one who was special to you, isn't it? Your little Fluttershy?"

"Not her, please not her," Discord begged, paws pressed against the bubble like he could break it if he just pushed hard enough. "Please. You don't need to kill them, please."

"But I want to," Tirek said. "Aren't you the one who believed that having the power to do what you want means you have the right to do it?"

He began pulling on Fluttershy's head and body, separately, tugging them in opposite directions. She screamed. "Discord! Help me, please!"

"Don't! Tirek, no, don't do this! Please, I'll do anything!"

"There's nothing you can do," Tirek said. "You're magicless, and that makes you worthless and useless. You have nothing to bargain with."

"DISCORD! Please, Discord, make him stop! Please, he's hurting me!"

"No, please, don't do this to her, t-take me instead if you have to kill someone, please let her go, please—"

Tirek just grinned and kept pulling, and Fluttershy just kept screaming, and nothing Discord could say or do stopped any of it. And then her head popped off her body in a spray of blood. And he couldn't do anything but scream, and scream.

"Wake up! Discord, you're dreaming, wake up!"

He opened his eyes to find Pinkie Pie, hooves practically glued to the sides of his head and her eyes directly in front of his. He was gasping for breath. "Wh—Pinkie?"

"You were having a bad dream, silly billy! I kept shaking you and shaking you but you wouldn't wake up!"

"How... did you know?"

"That you weren't waking up? It was because your eyes were still closed and—"

"No, how did you know I was having a bad dream?"

"Well, first you got all wiggly and restless and woke me up. And then you were mumbling, but that could've been a good dream, but then you started making this whiny noise and your paws were all clenched up and your head was tossing back and forth and that was how I knew!"

"For future reference," Discord said, getting his breathing back under control with some effort, "if a dreamer sleeps through the end of their dream and goes back into deep sleep, they won't remember that the dream ever even happened. You only remember dreams if you wake up during or right after them. So you should never wake someone from a nightmare; you're just ensuring that they'll remember it forever."

Pinkie's eyes went wide. "Oh no, I'm sorry! I thought I was helping you but if you would've just slept through it and forgotten about it but instead I woke you up and now you remember it that must be awful! But at least you're awake now and not having a bad dream!" She plopped herself onto his lap, looking up at him. "Wanna talk about it? Were there giant flying sharks eating all the pastries? Because when I have nightmares it's usually about giant flying sharks eating all the pastries! Or sometimes it's about baked bads!"

Despite himself, he chuckled slightly. "It wasn't about giant flying sharks, no. And to be honest, no, I don't want to talk about it."

"How come? Talking about my dreams always makes me feel better! Maybe it would make you feel better too!"

He plucked Pinkie off his lap and deposited her on the pillows. "I strongly doubt it," he said, and got to his feet.

"Where are you going? You want me to come with you?"

"You need your sleep, little miss pony. I don't have any parties to minister to in the morning." He grinned at her. "Really, I'm just going to go get some fresh air. Take a little walk, enjoy the moon – it is nighttime, right?"

"Uh-huh." Her eyes narrowed. "Are you sure you're not gonna leave Ponyville?"

"Now why would I want to do that? There's plenty of fresh air right here. Besides, if I were going to break my parole it would not be while Luna is in charge." He shuddered.

"How come she doesn't like you? She was a big meanie pants too who had to get Elements of Harmonized, and now she's all better! You'd think she'd know what it's like!"

"She doesn't think I'm sufficiently remorseful," he said disdainfully. "Apparently I haven't made enough mea culpas and genuflections at the altar of guilt for her to forgive me."

"Well, you weren't really sorry before, you just wanted friends. But now you're really truly sorry so maybe now you and Princess Luna will get along!"

"Stranger things have happened," he said, shrugging. "But it doesn't exactly seem likely." He opened the door to his room. "Get some sleep, Pinkie. I'll be back before long."

Pinkie spread herself out snow angel style. "I'm taking your pillows..." she sing-songed.

Discord grinned. "Good night."

Outside, without the harmonics to interfere, he summoned a scrying spell, allowing a clear, transparent crystal pineapple to form in his hand, each of the facets swirling with potential. Find Fluttershy, he commanded the spell.

Two dozen images formed, from every angle, of a hotel room – presumably, in Manehattan – and Fluttershy asleep in bed, mouth open, mane every which way all over the pillows. It'll just be for a moment. Luna won't even notice, she's busy at night, and Celestia's asleep. He pinched off the ward that would detect if he left Ponyville – the pinching itself would trigger the ward if he left it that way for more than a few minutes, but it wouldn't notice him leaving if he came back quickly enough – and teleported, silently, into the hotel room.

She was snoring slightly, a sound more adorable than annoying, little squeaks coming out of her as she breathed out. Her chest rose and fell. When he ran his talon through her mane, she mumbled and shifted in her sleep.

Alive. She was alive. It had all been a dream. Not a prophecy, not a memory, not a vision into an alternate reality. Just a horror movie his brain had decided to make up and make him watch while he was sleeping.

The ward couldn't be fooled much longer than this. He teleported back into Ponyville, to the vast tract of apple trees that was Sweet Apple Acres, wrapped himself around the upper branches of an apple tree, and let himself sob with relief for a few minutes, paws to his face and a silencing spell around him so no one, including Winona the dog, could hear him.

Eventually he lowered himself onto the branch completely, no longer keeping his head lifted, and wrapped his arms around it the way his tail and legs already were. It was a thick branch, suitable for sleeping on, and the smell of fresh air and apples and the feel of the chaos of the Everfree, so close by, was much more pleasant than a room full of harmony smelling of nothing but pillows and sweat. The pillows were comfier than a tree branch, and Pinkie made a nice blanket, but he couldn't bear to lock himself away from the majority of his power, not right now. Sleep claimed him, and with his full power at his disposal, this time there were no dreams.

Author's Note

I don't really want to add a gore tag, because it's misleading -- one dream image with blood in it doesn't make the story actually gory -- but if anyone disagrees and thinks Discord's dream requires the tag to be put on the story, let me know.

I seem to be sort of fixated on Discord trying to get ponies to hit him. Admittedly the last two times it was Q, not this version of Discord, but it felt as if it made sense here, so I put it in.

Discord's brother was very briefly mentioned in the first chapter of The Last Draconequus -- his name was actually Hermes. But since it was draconequus custom to address your siblings by family position because they are originally from the Terra Fabula equivalent of Asia (and because young children didn't actually have names), Discord didn't use the name often enough to remember it two thousand years later. He probably doesn't know his mother's name either (or if he does, it's for a weird and disturbing reason involving the inherited memories of the chaos avatars.)

My headcanon for Pinkie is that she's polygamous, and finds a lot of ponies attractive, and is willing to have sex just to be friendly with a lot of ponies. But I wanted to make sure she did indeed have some boundaries, because when a female character literally has none, and will sleep with whoever might want them just to be nice, they come across as a male wish-fulfillment character. Pinkie acts on her desires, balanced against her ethics -- so she would refrain from sleeping with a pony she wanted if she felt that someone was going to get emotionally hurt if she did, and she's not a xenophile, so she is not attracted to non-ponies. Whereas Discord really will go to bed with anyone who wants him, as long as they convey to him strongly enough that they want him and as long as they're not obviously out to hurt him or use him, but Pinkie doesn't want him, so their relationship in my shared universe fics will remain strictly platonic, albeit with a lot more nonsexual physical affection than platonic friends of the opposite sex usually share, mostly because they both crave that. So no, I am not trying to hint at a Discopie ship, unless you count "friends who treat each other as body pillows" as a ship.

Who Will Bell The Cat?

The only question I have left then is, how do I do it?

I can't just tell them my problems and ask them to turn me to stone. They won't do it. Twilight has incredible naïve faith in the power of harmony and friendship to solve everything. To be fair, pretty much everything she's come up against so far, that's exactly how she solved it, so I can see where she gets that idea, but... I'm the spirit of disharmony. Nopony's going to be able to solve my problems with friendship and harmony. Those are, in fact, the reason I'm having problems. If I didn't have friends I wouldn't feel bad about betraying them and I wouldn't hate myself and I wouldn't worry about hurting them if I turn evil, and honestly every part of not having friends sounds better except for the part where now that I've had them I'd rather die than live without anypony caring about me ever. I mean, Tirek was right, when you think about it. It is a weakness. For me. For the ponies it's a strength, but they run on harmony. For me, having friends is killing me, but I want it so badly that even though I know it's killing me I don't want to give it up.

I'm more resilient than that, of course. Sooner or later, if I don't do anything about it, my self-preservation instincts will kick in and make me decide that friendship isn't really all that, and at that point, I'll hurt them. I know their weaknesses even better now than I did before. I know how to destroy each and every one of them, so they'd never be able to wield harmonic power against me or anyone else, ever again. The last time, I just turned them against their elements, but their elements aren't what they live for. I know who they are as ponies now, not just exemplars of their elements, and I know how to destroy them.

No. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to think about how easy it would be to do it. They're my friends. I don't want to hurt them. I don't want to fall.

That's why I need them to turn me to stone. But if I just asked them to do it, the way I just asked the Tree, they wouldn't, because they'd be certain they could save me with friendship and harmony, right up until the point I turn on them all and I make Applejack's temper uncontrollable so she hurts a family member gravely in a moment of rage, and I make Rainbow Dash miscalculate where the ground is and break her back so she'll never fly or walk again, and I—

No. I already said I wasn't going to think about that. I don't want to do it. I have to stop myself before I do do it, and thinking about it is exactly the wrong thing to do.

So. Can't just ask them. I have to make them think they have to do it.

The obvious way to do that is to make them think I've already turned evil. Don't do anything to hurt them, I don't want to hurt them, I want them to stop me. But unleash a good old storm of chaos on everypony else. Make it rain frogs! Turn flowers carnivorous! Turn the sun dark purple and the moon bright yellow! Teach houses to roller skate! Swap the minds of foals and their parents! Make rabbits think they are dragons! Oh, the things I could do, if I cut loose!

That would convince them that I've betrayed them, again, and that their only choice is to turn me to stone. Twilight said she didn't want to do it because she isn't even sure the Rainbow Power can be used against one of the key bringers without breaking it, but I'm pretty sure she's wrong. Celestia broke the Elements by turning them on a fellow Bearer, with anguish and disharmony in her heart, and forcing all six of them to operate for her by inflicting the power of Order on Harmony. Harmony comes about from wanting to do the right thing, from more or less spontaneously choosing to work together out of a desire for shared happiness. When you do what you don't want to do, what you hate doing with every fiber of your being, what you will never forgive yourself for, because you believe that you have to do it to maintain things the way they "should" be or to remake the world in the image you believe it should be in... that's Order at work, not Harmony. And Harmony doesn't like being forced by Order any more than Chaos does. Creating disharmony to save the world is Order's job, or sometimes mine, and either way it's inimical to harmony, and that's how the elements broke.

If I make my friends hate me and believe I betrayed them (again), they could use Harmony against me with clear consciences. Maybe... maybe not Fluttershy. Maybe it would cause her pain. But not like the pain Celestia suffered from banishing Luna. Fluttershy doesn't care about me the way Celestia cares about her sister; how could she possibly? I'm not her family. I have no family. The closest I ever had to family were Celestia and Luna, and they turned me to stone with no regrets. So how could Fluttershy possibly care more than they did? She'd be sad, but she'd get over it and forget about me. I already know that Pinkie pretends I'm her friend but would take me down in a moment if she thought I was threatening her other friends. Pinkie has no loyalty to me, she just likes some aspects of my chaos. (And, apparently, sleeping on top of me like I'm a mattress. Maybe she'd regret turning me to stone for that reason, but probably not any others.) And Twilight might claim to be my friend but she still hates chaos, so really when it comes down to it she hates me, so she won't have any regrets. Ditto Rarity. The other two make no secret of the fact that they don't even consider me a friend in the first place.

If I made them think I've turned evil again and I'm out of control and I don't care about friendship anymore... they'd do it. They'd turn me to stone and forget about me.

But I don't want that, either. The thought of hurting Fluttershy even to save her, to make her think I don't value her friendship when I value it so much I'll destroy myself to save her from me... no. I can't bear that, I can't. It would be just as bad as the thing I'm trying to save them from. Well, not just as bad, because if I actually do turn evil I'll crush the six of them first and make it impossible for them to use their power against me, and if I'm just pretending I won't do anything to directly harm any of them and I'll stand there and let them do it... but still. I can't stand the thought that Fluttershy would turn me to stone and think I don't care about her friendship and that I betrayed her... again. The only way I can face the thought of being trapped with myself for another eternity is if they still care about me, if they know I allowed them to do it.

But I can't tell them why I want them to do it, and if I left a note behind confessing all this and telling them why I made it look like I was betraying them and why I tricked them into thinking they had to turn me into stone... they'd feel really bad about having done it. I mean I think they would anyway. I mean, I hope so. I'm pretty sure Fluttershy would regret it. Mostly pretty sure.

Maybe Pinkie too. Maybe.

And besides, they have the power to un-stone me too, so if they found my note they'd just release me and then we're back at square one.

So there's a famous old story, commonly attributed to Aesheep of Minos, about a bunch of mice who are scared of a cat. So they all get together, and one of the smarter mice comes up with the brilliant idea of tying a bell around the cat's neck, so it will jingle when the cat approaches and the mice will know to run away. And that's all well and good and all, and all the mice are enthusiastic about it and think it's a great plan, until one old mouse points out the obvious: who will bell the cat?

In Minos, this was a story about ridiculous, impractical plans, and the moral of the story was supposed to be, no matter how great your plan sounds, it has to be something you can actually do. In Equestria, however, they like to tell a modified version involving a team of heroic mice stepping forward and taking the job because harmony and protecting the herd and whatnot.

But neither of these are how it would go, if the mice were a modern, sapient society. What would happen is, as soon as all of the mice agreed that this was the right thing to do, the safe thing, the harmonious thing to do... they would assign the jobs to whoever in mouse society has the task of doing dangerous things. The Mouse Police. The Mouse Army. The Royal Mouse Guard. Something like that. And those mice would have no choice. The order that sapient societies insist on building themselves around says that if it's your job to do a thing, you have to do it. In pony society, cutie marks and the philosophy of harmony ensure that most ponies with a job signed on for it voluntarily and enjoy doing it, even if sometimes they don't enjoy certain aspects of it.

Royal Guardsponies might occasionally have to arrest a friend. They wouldn't like doing it, but they'd do it, if the friend broke the rules in such a way that pony society says they need to be arrested. They wouldn't have to hate their friend to do it. They'd feel bad about doing it, but not bad the way Celestia felt bad about banishing Luna; Celestia wasn't following a law there, she had no higher power she was obeying, no judgement but her own to rely on. She knew that it was all, entirely, her decision to act, and her responsibility for the consequences. Royal Guardsponies who arrest a friend can take refuge in the fact that it was just their job, and it was the decision of ponies higher up than themselves, and their friend knew the rules and broke them anyway so it's their friend's fault. They can still like their friend, they can still consider them a friend, they won't forget about their friend moldering in the dungeons of Canterlot (or, more realistically, a prison outside the city)... but it won't hurt them like it would have if the friend personally betrayed them and they had to make the decision, themselves, to take their friend down.

It's the job of the Elements of Harmony to bell cats, on behalf of the mousy pony herds of Equestria.

I don't have to make my friends believe the only way to stop me is to turn me into stone. I just have to convince the leaders of ponykind that for the things I've already done, I should be turned into stone. This wouldn't be all that hard, considering that I'm almost universally hated among ponies, if it weren't for Celestia. Celestia's a near-absolute monarch; she takes the opinions of her little ponies into consideration, so she won't look like a tyrant, but in the end she does what she wants. She unilaterally decided to give me the slap on the wrist of "town arrest in Ponyville" as my punishment for my betrayal, and when the fact that this was obviously ludicrously biased in my favor led the ponies of Ponyville to shun me and treat me like week-old garbage, and I got sick of it and fled to the moon, thus breaking my parole... she basically just let me out of it. Told me to do community service instead, and that was it.

Celestia must feel guilty for turning me to stone the first time. I don't know why else she wouldn't have thrown the book at me. (Possibly fearing I would eat it.)

It doesn't matter what every other pony in Equestria thinks if Celestia thinks different. Even Luna, technically her co-diarch, defers to Celestia most of the time. And Celestia doesn't seem to want to punish me. Obviously she too has been drawn in by the idea that Twilight can fix everything with friendship and harmony, and she doesn't want to go back to the days of making harsh decisions herself. She'd rather dump them on Twilight. But politics isn't a realm she can shoot rainbow lasers at, or have Twilight do it, and Celestia will do things she doesn't want to do if she fears the political consequences of not doing them.

So I either have to convince Celestia that she should order the Bearers to do what I know they have to do, or I have to convince Celestia that there will be civil unrest if she doesn't do it regardless of what she might want, and I know which avenue sounds more fun. Hey, I'm plotting my own self-destruction here, I can at least enjoy stirring up a little chaos in a good cause on my way out. Besides, Celestia's stubborn. She won't change her mind about thinking I can be redeemed if I hurt her feelings – she gave me another chance after I stood there and let Tirek throw her in Tartarus. It might take the same level of effort to convince her that she should order Twilight and pals to stone me as it would take to convince them.

I've hurt Celestia enough for one lifetime. She gave it back to me more than she got, in the end, but still. I don't think I could call her a friend, not anymore, but I don't want to make her think I've betrayed her again, either.

So. All I have to do is get enough ponies, with enough power and loud enough voices, riled up against me that they'll demand that Celestia have the Bearers turn me to stone, and she'll have to do it to pacify her citizens. It's perfect. Celestia will do it to stop civil unrest, Twilight will do it because Celestia told her to, and if Fluttershy balks because she promised me, I'll just tell her I release her from my promise and I'm willingly accepting my punishment, and then she'll do it because Celestia told her to, too. Then they won't hate me and they'll feel sorry for me and they'll feel bad for what they did, but not bad enough to undo it, because they'll all believe it was what I deserved under the law even if they don't like doing it to me because I'm their friend. Assuming they even care. I'm pretty sure Fluttershy will care, though.

And then—

It doesn't matter what happens to me, then. They'll be safe. Twilight's an alicorn and if I'm right about how the Rainbow Power works... the six of them will be around, enforcing the will of Harmony, for a very long time. So if I break, and I decide that I hate them all and I want to destroy their world and laugh while they cry, it won't matter because I won't be able to do it.

...and maybe they'll care enough to actually come talk to me, sometimes. About something other than how sorry they are. I got so sick of Celestia's worthless apologies, but I wouldn't mind listening to a friend come talk to me and distract me from how awful it'll be...

No. Stay focused. It doesn't matter how awful it'll be, because I deserve it. I know that. If I lose my nerve, if I decide to go with what my selfishness tells me to do for my own sake and not what I know I have to do for Fluttershy and the others... I know them too well. If I break, if I go back to being the bad guy, I could destroy all six of them so easily. I can't do that. I can't do that to them. I hate myself for even thinking about it.

I have to do this for Fluttershy. Even if it hurts her, it's for her own good. She should never have tried to make friends with me. She should have known I'd betray her eventually. But she doesn't learn. Even now after I've already done it, even now after Applejack more or less flat out told her that I can't be anypony's friend because I'm disharmony incarnate, she still believes in me. If I go bad again, she'll never see it coming. I have to protect her from that.

3: The Downward Spiral

"Mind tellin' me what you're doin' in my apple orchard?"

Discord opened one eye. Applejack was looking up at him with a skeptical expression, which was funny considering that he hadn't yet said anything for her to be skeptical about. "Sleeping," he said, voice still hoarse from having barely woken. "I'd think that was obvious."

"Thought you were sleeping at Twilight's castle lately."

"Is it such a crime to want some fresh air?" Slowly, carefully, he untwined his limbs from the tree. He ached. His thinking tree really had been much more comfortable for sleeping in; the branches had give and flexibility that the apple tree branches simply didn't, so rather than feeling refreshed, he felt as if he'd been tangled in a knot all night.

Well. At least it was some variety. He hadn't slept well since the day Tirek had betrayed him, but at least this was a different kind of sleeping badly than nightmares or sleeping on a harmonic crystalline floor.

"You about near gave my brother a heart attack when he came out here this mornin' to work and found you. I don't mind you sleepin' in one of our trees if you ask, but you didn't."

Discord made a face. "Isn't it enough that I have to ask for an escort anytime I want to go somewhere even slightly more interesting than Ponyville? I have to ask if I can sleep in a tree as well?"

"Plenty of trees 'round here are public property. You could've slept in one of them if you wanted."

"Yes, because I love the notion of being exposed to random passersby in Ponyville while I'm asleep and vulnerable. In case you hadn't noticed, Applejack, you have the only orchard in the town's limits. I knew if I slept in a tree it would be one of your family that found me."

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yeah, fine, but that's why you ask. If Granny Smith'd gotten a startle from you being there, she really could have taken a heart attack."

"That mare will never be startled by anything I do." He grinned. Greensmith was quite possibly the last Apple left in Equestria who remembered the old bargain. He hadn't had any of Eris' Kallisti apples – as far as he knew, Ar was sleeping on all of them, someplace – so he'd acquired his own golden Apples, back in the day. Funny how the family was known now for honest dealing and straightforward behavior, when once upon a time they'd used their power as one of the largest and best-known Earth Pony clans to secretly manipulate the newly formed Equestrian government. He hadn't had any trouble getting some of them to act as his agents in exchange for some level of protection from his chaos. Greenie Smith hadn't been interested in renewing the bargain, but she'd known of it, and by extension, she'd known him better than her grandchildren ever had. If he'd known, the day he'd broken loose, he'd have had some much more interesting things he could have done than make her want to dance.

"Maybe so, but next time ask."

"Only if you invite me in for breakfast."

"What in tarnation makes you think there's any breakfast left? We ate up hours ago. Farmers get started early. You want breakfast at this hour, go to Sugarcube Corner and buy some. Or go back to Twilight's; Pinkie's probably in the kitchen baking up a storm. 't That mare just can't get used to not working in a bakery."

"Oh, fine. I'll go have Pinkie make me breakfast. She appreciates me." He flashed out, and reappeared outside the castle, rather than inside as he'd been planning. Oh, right. Harmonics again.

At least he wasn't forced to walk. If he concentrated, he could levitate himself still, though he felt less like a balloon drifting on air currents, the way he normally did when he floated, and more like a gyrocopter, struggling constantly to stay afloat and balanced. Discord drifted into the kitchen, where he found a large stack of waffles covered with strawberries, blueberries, mushrooms and hot peppers, and a dish of scrambled eggs mixed with peaches and cream. There was a sign on the counter. Discord peered at the sign, studying it for several seconds before giving up and snapping his talon. Immediately the sign read itself in Pinkie's voice. "Discord! I missed you at breakfast so here is yours! Spike and Twilight and I are sorting things so if you want to be unhelpful it would be terrible if a whole lot of new food supplies and cleaning supplies and things ended up all over the kitchen!"

Discord laughed out loud. "Reverse psychology? That's adorable, Pinkie." He considered actually doing it – the hilarity of "helping" by getting food supplies, and strewing them all over the castle randomly (kitchen would be setting his sights too low) appealed, and right now, the thought of actually doing something that helped seemed strangely appealing in and of itself. Wasn't that what friends did? Help each other? That was why he'd rescued Twilight's books, right? And she and Pinkie would be happy if there was food, and also deeply irritated, at least in Twilight's case, at having to put it all away?

But the problem was, he couldn't conjure it – nothing he made outside the castle would survive the harmonics, and he couldn't make anything inside it – and the alternative was going and buying food. From ponies in Ponyville. Who all knew what he'd done. When he didn't actually have any bits on his person. Celestia had been paying him a stipend so he could cover things he wanted to buy rather than conjure, like going to restaurants, and he'd been getting a small but steady income from Stellar Eclipse, a tradespony who was selling copies of the lamp he'd made for Fluttershy as novelty items and paying Discord 70% of the profits. But all of his bits were stored in his pocket dimension, and he couldn't go there without getting one of the Bearers to help him.

Wait. Celestia had said one of the Bearers, or one of the Princesses. Twilight was both, and he wasn't going to go near Luna at the moment, or near Cadance after he'd taunted her husband right before Tirek had stolen the unicorn's magic – besides, he hated the fact that Cadance always seemed to know what he was feeling. What was the point to having shields that kept alicorns out of his heart and mind if Cadance could just waltz through them? She claimed it was because love was as chaotic as it was harmonic, and that she had to know both types of magic to master her domain, but Discord had never seen her use chaos magic, so he wasn't sure he bought that.

But Celestia herself had smiled at him, when he gave her apology flowers. Surely Celestia would accompany him to go get money so he could buy food for Twilight's castle? How could she possibly reject one of his exceedingly rare noble impulses? At the very least she should lend him some money until he was off town arrest and could go get his own bits.

He raised a paw, prepared to snap... and stopped, sighing in exasperation as he remembered that he couldn't actually go to Celestia in the first place, because she was in Canterlot, which was not Ponyville.

Well. That wasn't insurmountable. But first, waffles.

Outside, he tried to conjure up some amusing shrubbery to decorate the exterior of Twilight's castle with, but a glare from a couple of passing ponies snuffed out the creative impulse like a candle flame squeezed between his fingers. He sat down heavily, legs drawn up and arms wrapped around them, more or less holding himself in a sitting position rather than just using his muscles, or magic. After a few moments of circling around the question of what he could do to entertain himself in his mind, over and over, he lay down against the grass and observed the clouds. Surely, if he altered some clouds, nopony would be paying attention? Oh, wait, no, there were pegasi up there. Ugh.

"Cloud watching? That seems a sedate pastime for you."

It was Celestia's voice. He tilted his head backward, which, since he was lying flat on his back, involved raising his neck so that his head dangled upside down. "I see you got my message."

"Indeed I did," she said dryly. The message had said, "Celestia, I am actually thinking of doing something helpful, but if you don't come here right now and help me do it, I probably won't, and won't you feel awful knowing that you could have aided me in my quest to make amends and instead you sat on your rump and ate cake and the fleeting opportunity to see me actually be helpful for once would be gone, perhaps never to return? You don't want that guilt on your conscience, I'm sure. I'd come see you but somepony doesn't want me leaving Ponyville." He had illustrated it with a picture of a cake in a circle with a line through it.

Discord sat up, grinning cheerfully. "So! You've come to help me be helpful?"

"I am curious as to what you had in mind."

"Well, I was going to go buy food to stock Twilight's castle, at Pinkie's suggestion. But all my bits are in my house, which isn't in Ponyville, and so I thought to myself, 'Oh dear! How will I ever purchase the supplies for Twilight without running afoul of either Celestia's anti-counterfeiting edicts or her demand that I remain in Ponyville? After all, all of my friends are too busy to come with me to get my bits!' And then I thought to myself, 'Oh, but Celestia is my dear friend! And since my lack of money is entirely her fault, surely she'd be willing to help me!'"

"Why don't you just use magic to create the food?" Celestia asked mildly. "Is there something about the castle that makes your magic problematic?"

Damn Celestia. She was far too insightful. "What makes you think that?" Discord said indignantly – not that he was actually indignant, since her speculation was absolutely true, but he had to throw her off. "It's a ... how do I put this? A penance thing. Making food with a snap is too easy. You told me to stay in Ponyville because you wanted me to deal with the ponies my actions harmed, so... going out to buy food from ponies should count, don't you think?"

Celestia's eyes widened. "I hadn't expected that from you," she said. "I apologize. I didn't realize you were actually taking this making of amends seriously."

He glared. "You don't think I'm capable of feeling sincere regret, do you?"

"No. That's wrong, I'm sure you're capable of it. It just surprises me when I see it, because for centuries, I never saw anything like regret from you." She closed her eyes. "I remember the Discord who wept because of all the animals who died when you sank Marelantis. I remember how you grieved for a pegasus soldier who was caught in the tornado you were using against the dragons. But I thought for many years that that part of you was dead and gone forever."

"I thought it was Luna who thought that I was really dead."

"Luna believes you never came back, yes – or, more precisely, that Discord never came back and that you are not the same being as the chaos mage she called her brother. I knew better... but you changed. You changed so much, Discord. The seeds of who you became were always in you, even from the day I met you, but it's as if when you returned all the worst parts of your personality were exaggerated to the point where they filled you completely, crowding out all of the positive aspects of who you once were."

He swallowed. "So you think I'm nothing but evil, then?" He couldn't keep the anger out of his voice.

"If I'd thought that, I would never have had Fluttershy try to reform you." She sighed. "Sometimes I believe that it's nonsensical to describe a being as evil. Beings do evil things, or good things, or things in between, and most of us do all of those things, in different proportion. Then I remember Sombra – and for that matter Tirek – and I remember that yes, there are those who choose to do so much that is evil, and so little that is good, that they can be described as evil. You never fell into that category. But you were unpredictable in the extreme, and many of the things you did were evil. I know you know what it's like to fight one that you once loved, obviously." A wry smile flickered on her face for a moment. "But do you have any idea what it's like to see one you loved change so very much?"

"Do you have any idea how much you've changed? Yes, I absolutely know what that's like. I saw it with you, I saw it with Luna. You're barely recognizable as my Tia anymore, you know that? And Luna is worse – she seems to have forgotten how to laugh. How does the Element of Laughter forget that?"

"Nightmare Moon hid herself from me for months, lying to me, while plotting my destruction, pretending to still be my loving sister. And, obviously, she turned on me. Luna was Honesty, Loyalty and Laughter, and Nightmare Moon stripped her of all three. Honesty and Loyalty, she has recovered, but Laughter... is taking some time."

"Whatever." Discord waved a paw dismissively. He hadn't wanted to get into a conversation about emotions in the first place. "Can we go and get my bits now?"

"In your dimension, correct?"

"Yes, that's what I said."

"I've never seen it before," Celestia said. "I admit, I'm curious."

He frowned at her. "Never? Really? Surely I took you there at some point."

"I don't think you had it before... the end."

"Huh." She was probably right. He'd experimented with worldwalking before ascending to become the chaos avatar, but he hadn't found the chaos dimension yet.

A thought, and they were there in front of his home, which he'd last left as an ornate Gothic mansion floating in nothingness. In front of its door a detached slab of earth floated, with a brightly cheerful garden full of incompetently carnivorous flowers that would snap and clack the teeth he'd given them but never actually catch anything, and a lawn that gently flowed back and forth like the waves of the ocean, but milder. It was also polka dotted, because plain green, eghh, boring.

"What's the password?" the door squawked like a parrot.

"Peanut butter orange time! Peanut butter orange time! Peanut butter orange and a cloudball bat!" Discord sang at the door.

"Boss, can't you come up with a different password? Your singing is really lousy," the door complained as it swung open.

"Nonsense. My singing voice is the height of beauty. You just have no taste." He gestured, bowing. "After you, your highness."

Celestia walked forward cautiously. "Why do you make your doors argue with you and insult you?"

"Who wants to be surrounded by a whole lot of yes doors?"

Inside, Celestia looked around at the cozy cottage décor, chosen to be vaguely reminiscent of Fluttershy's home and also because it didn't match the exterior, with the furniture running up one wall and across the ceiling. "This doesn't really look like what Twilight described."

Discord frowned. "Twilight? How would she... oh, right, that time she showed up and wrecked the place because of my overdue library books. You really need to watch out for that mare's sanity, you know. Did you really think it was wise to load her up with all of the alicorn magic?"

"I thought I had a better plan, but it didn't work out as I'd hoped," Celestia said dryly. "I took someone else's suggestion that I shouldn't involve Twilight to heart, but that just made matters worse."

"I suppose I walked into that one, didn't I," Discord sighed.

"You did." Celestia turned and lifted her head to look directly into his eyes. "Discord... when you talked me out of involving Twilight and sending you instead... you didn't intend to betray us then, did you? Did Tirek change your mind, or was that always your plan?"

"Do we have to discuss this now? I just want to get my bits."

Celestia sat down on the couch. "I cleared my entire morning to accompany you here, so I'm in no rush. Aren't you going to offer me tea, Discord? This is the first time I've been a guest at your home."

He snapped his talon impatiently, generating a cup of tea for Celestia. "Happy now?"

"Happier, but I'd be much more pleased if you'd answer my question."

"No," he growled. "No, I wasn't planning on betraying you. I was going to capture Tirek and bring him back and parade him in front of you to demonstrate that you made the right decision in asking me to do it. Except of course that you didn't make the right decision because he suckered me in completely. He made me feel like... like he couldn't respect me if I was serving you ponies. He asked me if I wanted to be a pony errand boy for the rest of my life. And it's true!" He glared at Celestia. "Since you let me out, all I've done is run errands for you."

"We can't risk extra-dimensional entities coming into this world," Celestia said. "The spells Luna and I cast with the Elements to seal the rifts you created, after you were no longer there to seal them yourself or defend us from whatever might come through—"

"And whose fault is that? That I wasn't there?"

"Yours, for being so completely unreasonable and unwilling to compromise that we had no choice but to turn you to stone to stop you. But that stoning spell's failure alerted us to the imminent failure of all the other spells we'd cast with the Elements. So yes, I let you out of stone to prevent the otherwise inevitable result of all of the rifts you'd created reopening within the space of a few years. I'm sorry that you feel that it's boring work, and I'm sure it is boring, but you are quite literally the only one who can do it."

"You and Loonie did it the last time."

"We did it with the Elements. Twilight and her friends couldn't have done the same; among ponies, only an alicorn can detect the alteration in the weave of space that indicates a rift. Then shortly after Twilight became an alicorn, she and her friends had to return the Elements to the Tree to protect it from your plunder vines. And now that they have these Rainbow Powers, we don't know how they will activate them in the future, so it seems unlikely that they'll be able to take the burden off you any time soon." She sipped her tea. "Besides, they have jobs. Aside from this, you don't. I'm sorry you find it so tedious, but this is what I had you released to do."

"There have to be other jobs I could do around here."

"I thought so too, and tried you out on 'stopping villains bent on conquering Equestria', but it didn't work very well."

"Look, I know I screwed that up, all right? I'm sorry. I've said I was sorry. I don't know what you want me to do, aside from twiddle my thumbs in Ponyville."

Celestia put her tea down. "I want you to acknowledge that you did something terrible, and that you can't fix it." She tossed her head back, flinging her mass of multicolored mane out of her eyes for a moment so she could gaze directly at him with both of them. "He threw us in Tartarus, Discord. And you stood by and watched, and did nothing."

"Hey, you threw him in Tartarus. For a thousand years."

"What else were we supposed to do? No pony could hold him prisoner; he'd drain any who guarded him of their magic. And he's immortal. Exactly how else were we to protect our ponies from him?"

"You could have thought of something. I hated the idea of using Tartarus as a prison before I spent a thousand years in a much more confined prison myself, and that didn't improve my opinion of it any. You put thinking, speaking beings in a place where they don't need food or water, and they don't age, and most of them aren't confined anywhere near any others so they have no one to talk to, and you let them rot. Just like you did to me."

"It doesn't say much for your sudden moral revulsion about Tartarus that you allowed Cadance to be sent there. She had nothing to do with imprisoning Tirek the first time."

"I already told you I was intending to come back for you, after everything was over. I let Tirek have his moment of revenge, but I was still more powerful than he was, then. And I still haven't entirely figured out how he ever managed to reverse that."

"That's interesting. 'After everything was over.' But you never told him about Cloudsdale. Or the cloud city portions of Las Pegasus. So in your opinion, when was it expected to be over? After Twilight was defeated? After you'd told him about Cloudsdale? After you'd literally stolen the magic from every single pony in Equestria? That could have taken months, or years."

Discord sighed. "I... wasn't going to tell him about Cloudsdale. He couldn't fly, so what was the point?"

"You can fly. And teleport. And carry passengers when you teleport."

"Well, I hadn't figured out how to let him harvest magic from Cloudsdale without killing all the ponies in it. Pegasi can't cloudwalk without magic. They'd have fallen."

Celestia nodded slowly, as if this confirmed something for her. "So you never actually intended to let your ally have all the magic in Equestria. Thus ensuring that he'd never have a full and complete victory, and that resistance to his rule would always remain an option. You also didn't let him take magic from ponies below cutie mark age."

"He thought ponies without cutie marks didn't have magic yet."

"And you never told him otherwise."

"This is sounding suspiciously like you're getting on my case for being a bad ally to Tirek and leaving loopholes for you ponies. Seriously?"

"No, that's not my intention at all." Celestia sighed. "I suppose... I'm still trying to understand. You betrayed us for Tirek, but you were secretly betraying Tirek the entire time you served him, by keeping secrets he'd have needed to know in order to win completely. Whose side were you really on?"

"I didn't serve Tirek," Discord snapped. "We were supposed to be allies. Partners. I kept having to shut him down and override what he wanted because he kept trying to kill ponies."

"And that didn't serve as a clue that perhaps you shouldn't have been working with him?"

"Haven't we been through this already? I thought I could keep him under control. Most of the time it wasn't that he wanted to kill ponies so badly, it was just that he didn't understand why I didn't want him to. The Wonderbolts, I admit, he actively wanted to kill, and I had to convince him that killing them would make him look weaker, not stronger."

"You have always been opposed to wanton killing, as long as I've known you. Why would you ally yourself with a would-be killer?"

Discord snorted. "Tirek is not even in the top ten most bloodthirsty individuals I've met. I've been to worlds where there were heroes, protectors of the 'innocent' and maintainers of 'law'—" He made air quotes with one of his talons and a finger from his lion paw. "—and they thought the only appropriate thing to do with criminals was to kill them. And everyone in their world agreed with them, and saw them as heroes regardless of the blood on their hooves. Or paws, hands, claws, whatever they had."

Celestia's eyes went wide. "There have been times I've envied your freedom to walk between worlds," she said, "but this is not one of them. So you're saying Tirek didn't strike you as all that terrible because he wasn't murderous enough?"

"Kind of. Yes. You don't—You ponies have this notion that morality is absolute, that because you're herbivores you can get away with a belief that all killing of living beings is wrong, all the time, unless there is absolutely no other choice. And you've got the requisite magic that you made mosquitoes and horseflies go extinct so long ago that it doesn't need to trouble you now, and when you have ants or rats, you try to chase them off first. And don't get me wrong, I agree with you, but that's just because I was raised in your world. When I visited ancient Anugypt, the cats considered it their sacred duty to kill and eat the rats and mice that got into the ponies' grain, because grass and wheat only grew for a short time each year and if the rodents ruined what was in the storehouses, ponies would starve and die. And the jackals considered it their sacred duty to eat the dead bodies of ponies, cats and other jackals, because resources are scarce in the desert and dead bodies bring disease. And cats and jackals are carnivores, so a kinder solution like Fluttershy talking to the rats and getting them to go away would have just starved the cats."

"I'm aware that other nations have other customs. The Taur nations are all more willing to kill in battle or to eliminate a nuisance, because they're all omnivores. But none of the Taur nations has an official policy that values killing helpless, defeated enemies."

"I admit it, Tirek was a little on the edge even for a centaur. But I've met beings where their goal was to kill their enemies. Tirek didn't want you all dead, he just wanted your magic, and if he had to kill to get it he wouldn't mourn, but it wasn't his purpose. And besides... I knew he was a bad guy. I'm a bad guy. Or I was, for centuries, and... it doesn't feel the way you might think it would feel. I don't feel guilty over the fact that ponies are entirely convinced that I was a horrible, horrible creature for centuries. I don't feel like there's a huge difference between reformed me and villainous me. Tirek made me feel like... like I couldn't be respected if I was reformed."

Celestia sighed. "Most ponies get over that kind of peer pressure when they're cutie mark age."

"Peer pressure? Is that what that was? I never thought I had peers."

"You learned just enough about what it's like to have a friend from Fluttershy that you were able to make exactly the wrong one. You said he told you he despised friendship, and yet everything you've said suggests that you thought he was your friend."

"Of course he said he despises friendship and that it's a weakness. That's... just what villains do. I said things like that myself. But I always knew that friendship is both a terrible weakness and a tremendous strength; that's why I set out to break up friendships and destroy them. If I'd really thought it was a weakness, I'd have encouraged ponies to make friends so I could use their friends against them." He sat down in a chair heavily. "But I was never sure... it was always possible that that was exactly what Fluttershy was doing to me. Using my friendship against me, trying to control me. I mean, she said she was my friend, but I'm not stupid. That first day, she told her friends she was playing along with whatever I did because she wanted me to trust her, so I'd listen to her. And after you ponies had to return the Elements to the Tree... I knew you had no way to contain me if I decided to go rogue again. I knew Fluttershy being my friend, and the other five at least pretending not to hate me, were the only restraints you could put on me. So even if Fluttershy hated me she'd have had to pretend."

"Fluttershy cares very much about you, and has since you became friends."

"I know that now." He looked down at the floor. "When... when she cried, and she said she never saw it coming. That she really, genuinely thought I wouldn't do something like this. If you're manipulating someone to do what you want, and they don't do it, you don't feel betrayed. You don't cry about it. You might feel angry, or frustrated, or afraid, depending on what you were manipulating them to do. But you'd only feel grief if it wasn't manipulation."

"I'll take your word for it. I've felt grief when ponies have rejected what I was trying to manipulate them into doing, but in those cases the manipulation was to get them to do what was in their own best interest as well as every other pony's, and I did care for them. I'm presuming you're talking about a kind of manipulation where you don't care about your target and you don't have their best interests in mind at all, only your own."

"I'm glad to see you recognize that manipulating ponies to do what you think is in their best interest is still manipulation, though. Is this a veiled reference to me?"

"I was speaking of Brightest Star, actually. Though I suppose it does apply to you as well."

"I wasn't around for the new cutie mark and even I know she's going by Screwball now."

"I know. But she'll always be Brightest Star to me." Now it was Celestia's turn to look down. "And if you were able to hear in stone, then she spent more time with you than she ever did with me. I'd always find her in the gardens, out by your statue."

Discord shrugged. "She's not very talkative."

Celestia set down her tea. "I had hoped... when I had you released, when I asked Fluttershy to reform you... that perhaps we could become friends again. We seemed to be getting along... about as well as you're probably capable of getting along with anypony who represents authority. I know you have to challenge me; I know you have to do your best to break my composure and annoy me every time we meet, because the only reason you ever refrained from treating me that way, when we were young, was our love, and I know that's something we'll never have back. But I had at least thought there was something other than resentment in your heart, toward me. And yet you stood by and let me, my sister and my innocent niece be thrown into Tartarus to fulfill your new 'friend's' desire for revenge. You apologized, and Cadance says you were sincere, and I want to believe it. But how can such extremes co-exist? How can you be so uncaring, or resentful and angry, that you do nothing when we're sent to Tartarus, and then so anguished over the bad decisions you made that you offer that we could imprison you there ourselves?"

Discord's eyes narrowed. "Tartarus has nothing on being in stone, and I knew Kerby would take good care of you. He's a good dog. He wouldn't be able to let you out, but he'd make sure you weren't harmed until I could come back for you. And I was going to come back for you. I did, as soon as I got my powers back. Of course you got your powers back too so it's not like you needed me to but I didn't think of that. And I think a couple of days or weeks in Tartarus is nothing. Luna suffered far, far worse than that and she's your baby sister. If you got a tiny taste of what you were so comfortable condemning others to, I didn't think that was going to be the end of your world."

"You still resent me and Luna for binding you."

"What was your first clue?"

"Do you still not understand why we had to do it?"

"No. No, honestly I don't." He paced on air, tail swishing. "When Luna went loony, she wanted to keep the sun from ever rising again. Which would mean either baking the other side of the planet in eternal daylight, or pushing the sun away entirely and plunging the world into ice. And even if she had a solution for those problems, even if she knew of a way to keep plants growing under moonlight, perpetual darkness is still bad for practically everyone and it's highly unlikely that she wouldn't have caused mass extinctions even if she managed to keep ponies alive. I didn't do anything like that, but you kept me locked up longer than she was and you had no plans to ever release me. You flat out told the Element Bearers you hoped I'd be locked up forever. And she could move."

Celestia looked down. "That... wasn't actually true. I was angry when I said that, and very upset, and off-balance."

"In my experience that's when the truest words come out of ponies' mouths."

"Your experience is limited. You're the Spirit of Disharmony. Of course you see truth in anger." She looked up at him. "I longed to be able to release you, and Luna. I knew that if I had more alicorns, I would have an alternate method of containing your excesses, and I tried to raise some up, but almost every single one was a failure of some sort. When Luna came free, and the Elements purged her of her demons rather than banishing her again, I thought – I hoped – maybe they would do the same for you? Or maybe, once the girls were stronger in their friendships and more tested, I could release you, and years in stone would make you willing to compromise, to moderate your own behavior. But you broke free on your own before I had the chance, and you showed every sign of trying to turn the world into the same madhouse you kept us in for centuries." She shook her head. "The Discord of my childhood believed in democracy, because it was the most chaotic form of government possible, but you decided setting yourself up as an arbitrary and unpredictable dictator was a better idea. In our childhood, you believed in personal freedom; but then you ruled over a world where none could ever truly be free, because they were too busy trying to navigate complete unpredictability to live their lives as they wanted. I remember how you enjoyed it when I read books to you about history or other cultures, because you were fascinated by learning about anypony who lived their lives a different way than we do. Then you destroyed libraries wantonly, turning books into pies and setting hungry foals on them or making them wooden tablets that could never be opened and read. You talked about progress, about the fascination that the study of magic and the physical world held for you, how you imagined a day when the power of unicorn nobles with far-reaching bloodlines was surpassed by earth ponies from nowhere with no known bloodline using devices that could channel magic. Then you created a world that made such studies, and the creation of such devices, impossible."

Discord winced. "I was young. I was a lot more ideological about Chaos."

"You kept it up for eight hundred years. I'm fairly sure you don't get to argue that you were young for the entire length of it."

"So if I'm so horrible why did you risk letting me out? Why did you ever think it was a good idea to trust me with anything?"

"Because keeping someone trapped in stone is a horrible fate if they're conscious. I didn't know for certain that you were; Luna didn't tell me that you appeared to her in her dreams. I didn't know until you broke free. And in that short time when I saw the possibility of everything I'd worked for, for a thousand years, destroyed in days by a petulant child obsessed with Chaos... yes, then I wanted you locked up forever. Then I was angry at myself for ever imagining that we could be happy again, and my words were bitter, and reflected what I wanted to believe I believed, rather than what I actually did believe. But afterward... I realized you were conscious in there, and I understood then, I could not allow that to continue. I had to free you. I had to wait until I was sure Twilight was almost ready to become an alicorn and Cadance had truly found her power within, and I didn't see how to do it until I saw what power Fluttershy had to tame chaotic nature, over and over. And I had to win over Luna, because we are a diarchy and her trust in me is fragile and I was not willing to lose my sister again in an attempt to save you. But she recognized the necessity of using your power to close the rifts you created, as little as she liked it."

"I just don't understand what you want from me. I apologized. I can't go back in time and fix it so I never did it, so what do you want me to do? I gave you flowers, and you smiled at me and accepted the token of apology. If you hadn't forgiven me why did you accept that? And if you have, why are you asking me all this, over and over?"

"Contrary to popular belief, I am not a perfect, unfeeling paragon of goodness." Celestia sighed. "Discord... I was terrified. From the moment I learned you'd betrayed us. I turned to Twilight instead, and I trust Twilight, but I'd never trained her for this. Luna wouldn't actually have been willing to see all of ponykind die; you, as you pointed out, wouldn't have killed anypony if Twilight had lost to you; and the whole time Twilight was fighting to save the Crystal Empire from Sombra, Luna and I were standing by, watching from a scrying spell and ready to step in if she failed. I had backup plans in place for Nightmare Moon. I had nothing for you, and honestly that terrified me too, and I never saw Chrysalis coming, but my visions had told me that Cadance and Shining Armor would be married and Cadance would find her power, so I wasn't overly frightened then. But with Tirek... my visions never showed me that we would win. Or lose. I saw nothing except his return. I knew you could handle him, but then you joined him, and I had nothing but fear and self-recrimination. Why had I trusted you? Why had I listened to you when you insisted you could do it alone? What would happen if Twilight lost? I knew Tirek cannot take higher-level magic against the will of the holder until he achieves close levels to that power, and I didn't foresee that he'd get to the point where he could take you, but I was sure he couldn't easily get up to the point where he could take one alicorn with the powers of four... but what if I was wrong?"

He felt helpless, guilty... and angry. He knew he'd done something awful. Why did she keep rubbing it in? "I'm sorry. I already said so. Multiple times."

"I don't need you to tell me you're sorry. I need you to listen," she said. Calmly and peacefully. Why wouldn't she yell at him if she was so upset? "When our powers returned to us and I realized Twilight must have won, I was delighted. When you apologized, I was nearly giddy with relief. And believe it or not, I was deeply moved by the fact that you apologized, and the flowers were delicious." She sighed. "But it's not enough, Discord. How do I know this isn't going to happen again? You resent and hate me for locking you in stone for a thousand years—"

"—I don't hate you—"

"—and I could hardly blame you, because what I did was horrible. I can barely believe that Luna forgives me. And you and I were at odds far, far longer than Luna and I were."

That brought him up short. "You used to flop down in front of my statue and cry about how sorry you were, but I never thought you meant it, because you never let me out."

"I'd have needed the Elements of Harmony to let you out. Once Luna was gone, I couldn't free either her or you."

"This is the first time you've apologized for it after I've been freed."

"Well. Then I suppose we are both breaking new ground with apologies." Her magic lifted her mane out of her other eye again. "I am sorry, Discord. I didn't choose the manner in which Harmony chose to stop you. I did make the choice to stop you, with Harmony, without knowing what it would do to you, and for that I cannot be sorry... you had to be stopped. But I never wanted to turn you to stone. I was hoping it would cancel your powers out, restore you to what you once were when we were all mortals – not to fully strip your power but to leave you with only what you could remain sane with. I didn't dare expect what I hoped for, though; I thought it probably would kill you. I never imagined it would paralyze you in stone, or allow you to remain conscious within. Nor did I ever imagine that I'd lose my sister and be left helpless to free you, or that that state would last a thousand years. None of that was my intent, and if there was any way I could have done things differently and still stopped you from tormenting all of Equestria, I would have." She looked away. "If you cannot forgive me, I understand. It's painful, but I believe I probably don't deserve forgiveness. I had hoped we could find our way back to friendship again, but if it's not to be, then so be it. We've hurt each other terribly. I understand that."

"I never said it wasn't possible," Discord said hoarsely.

"Here is what I need, though. Forgive me or don't, as you will. Accept my friendship, or don't. But I need to know that you will never again betray Equestria. That you will never turn on Fluttershy and Twilight and Pinkie again. That you will never make yourself into an enemy of ponykind again. It seems to me that you changed sides so easily. You joked with me, you flirted with me – less than competently, but still – and you called the girls your friends and gave them the hints they needed to understand the keys to the box, and you knew or suspected that something like the Rainbow Powers awaited them. Then you turned on them to aid Tirek. But even as you aided Tirek, you kept secrets from him – you didn't tell him about Cloudsdale. You obviously didn't tell him about Twilight right away, because he didn't know where we'd sent our magic. You didn't tell him about the box. And then the moment he betrayed you, you were completely remorseful for what you'd done – as if deep down you'd always understood how reprehensible your betrayal was, but chose to overlook it because you wanted Tirek's friendship more than ours." She breathed in deeply. "Luna thought you might be lying, weeping crocodile tears and claiming remorse so we wouldn't punish you for your betrayal, but Cadance says you sincerely feel love – for who, and what type of love, she cannot ascertain, but even I can tell it's not for Tirek. And I want to believe, I must believe, that even you cannot harm what you love and still feel no guilt. But... Fluttershy senses emotion, and she didn't see your betrayal coming. She says you are sincere as well. But if she couldn't tell you were about to betray her, how can I be certain she can tell your sincerity? Or, the possibility that may even be worse – you love, you're sincere, you feel genuine remorse, and yet you betray even with all of that true, because you simply can't help yourself. Because as soon as Chaos took you over completely, loyalty was burned out of your nature and you're no longer capable of restraining yourself for the sake of those you care for."

"That's not true!" Discord said hotly. "I... I cared about Fluttershy because I thought she cared about me, but if she was just pretending to be my friend to control me then why would I care? If you see me as nothing but a useful tool then why would I care about you? If Twilight only pretends to be my friend because she's afraid of what I'll do if I know she's not, and she only helped me when I got sick because she was afraid it was contagious, then why would I care about her? If ponies who never even met me, who I didn't do anything to, hate and fear me, why do I care about them?" He was breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. "But Fluttershy cried when I betrayed her because she never saw it coming. And Twilight insisted on saving me from Tirek even though she didn't know he was going to kill me and she didn't know I'd bargained with Tirek to get him to let them all live long enough to be hostages. And you could probably have come up with any punishment and I'd have cooperated with it, right afterward, when I was feeling terrible about what I'd done, but you basically just gave me a slap on the wrist and I know that. And Pinkie invited me to live with her at the new castle because she needs me as a companion to keep her entertained so she doesn't harass Twilight when she gets bored. And Rarity offered to dance with me to prove to Ponyville that the Bearers think I can be trusted. And Rainbow Dash says my wings are beautiful when I have them grown out." He shook his head wildly. "I'm not... I thought nopony cared about me. That it was all a lie to control me. I was thinking it before Tirek said anything, but I hadn't gotten a better offer and I didn't want to believe it was true about Fluttershy. If they do care about me, then why would I betray them?"

"You knew I loved you."

Discord shrugged helplessly. "You left me."

"We saw you die!"

"I know."

"Do you have any idea how profoundly irrational it was for you to blame us for abandoning you when the last thing we'd seen of you was your body being annihilated in an explosion of pure energy?"

"Celestia... I'm Chaos. Yes, I'm profoundly irrational a lot of the time. It comes with the territory."

"Are you going to destroy the world when Fluttershy dies because you're angry at her for leaving you?"

He swallowed. "No, of course not," he said, and wondered if what he was saying was true. "I... I'm used to the chaos now. When it came to me, and asked me if I wanted to carry it and live, or if I wanted to stay dead... I was already a chaos mage. I was good at it. I was routinely pushing myself to the limit. I had no idea how much... more it would be. I... I didn't handle it very well, in the beginning. But I've had a long time to get used to it. And... maybe sometimes I don't get to do exactly what I want to do, but... sometimes ponies spontaneously want to do something nice for me. Without being afraid of what will happen if they don't, without caring more about my power than me. If that's real... if they really do care about me... I want to keep that more than I want to be able to do anything I want to do. I just... I thought Tirek cared and no one else did, and I had it backwards. Because he didn't hate my chaos, and I know everypony but Pinkie does. But I could have been the spirit of paperwork and Tirek would have pretended he loved my work just to use my power."

"I don't hate chaos," Celestia said.

Discord blinked. "What?"

She gestured with her head around the room. "This is all beautiful and fascinating. Discord, I'm not going to pretend it's the same thing as what either you or Luna suffered... but I've been a prisoner of my position for a thousand years, and I still am. I don't get to travel to strange and interesting lands without it being a huge diplomatic affair. I don't get to explore anything different. I have to smile and nod and play the part of the perfect princess all the time, and my life is more regimented than you can probably even imagine. I'd love some chaos. What I hate is the suffering of my little ponies. If you could only learn to keep the chaos from causing harm... perhaps it would frighten some of them, but we live in a world full of magic. How can we not embrace the ways in which magic can enhance our lives? How can we not love a little bit of impossible strangeness, when it's our birthright to create?"

"Who are you and what have you done with Celestia?"

Celestia laughed. "Why did you think the filly who fell in love with you could possibly grow up into a mare who hates chaos? Of course, I love order too. Both need to exist in moderation. And I'm personally better at creating order than creating chaos. I've always envied you and Luna for your imaginations. But that doesn't mean it doesn't thrill me to see it, especially from a master like yourself. It's just... in the old days, you caused harm with it. You thought all you needed to do was make sure ponies never directly died from anything you did, but you didn't care how many souls you crushed or hearts you broke or dreams that died in the face of the unending struggle to survive your chaos with anything more than a life intact. You never killed if you could help it, but so many ponies felt life wasn't worth living in the circumstances you created."

"They couldn't adapt."

"You couldn't have adapted either if you hadn't been the one in control of it. Ponies must feel that they can have some influence over their own destiny, or they die inside." She laid a wing on his shoulder. "Let's get your bits."

"Done putting me through the wringer, then?" he asked bitterly.

"As done as you are with going out of your way to annoy me when I give you an assignment," Celestia said. "Which means no, but I'm done for the moment, I admit."

After the stress of the conversation with Celestia, his nerve failed him when he thought of going to the store. He tried to summon up his usual devil-may-care lack of interest in what ponies thought of him, but it wouldn't come. The ponies who hated him today had reasons, and Celestia had reminded him of those reasons, poking him in the wound of his guilt over and over. So he took the form he'd used to track down Tirek, the fictional gray unicorn with a black mane and a cutie mark showing a tornado, Twister.

With him in that form, the general store keeper was eager to serve him, cheerfully loading his saddlebags with canned goods and boxes. The canned goods consisted of the most exotic vegetable matter that Discord could find in the store – coconut milk, bamboo shoots, every kind of canned legume they had – after all, they'd have to feed him, because he couldn't make his own food in the castle, and he needed lots of protein – every kind of canned tomato product they had, and all the pie fillings he could find. Including squash. Squash was a pie filling, right? He also got cheese and tortillas for quesadillas, because Twilight was freaked out by quesadillas, and boxes of unusual grains, such as flax seed flour and cardamom rice. He didn't get any cleaning supplies because cleaning was much too much like making things orderly, except that he did get ten mops, and foals' paints. Once he was far enough away from the store that no one could see him, he took back his own form in an alley, filling the alley with swirling darkness so nopony could see him there. He painted eyeballs on the mop handles, by hand so the harmonics wouldn't interfere, and animated them to stroll behind him carrying small bags containing portions of his load of groceries.

Pumping a great deal of power into the mops, far more than he would ordinarily use for an animation spell, right before he entered Twilight's palace, allowed the spell to survive entering the field of the harmonics. He then sent the mops willy-nilly whatever way they would go. They would either run around indefinitely carrying the supplies, or, more likely, the spell would run out and they'd fall over in a random place, releasing their burden of cans to fall out and roll all over the floor, or dropping a pile of boxes. The cheese and tortillas for quesadillas, he thoughtfully put in the coldbox the castle had seen fit to provide, right on top of all the other chilled supplies where nopony could miss it. After all, cheese was perishable.

But he was so bored.

They were all still cleaning, and organizing. He didn't even want to walk into the room with them. Besides, his prank would work better if they encountered the various locations in which the mops would have dropped the cans without him being present. But that meant he had no one to entertain him. He couldn't go back home, and didn't really want to anyway. Fluttershy was still in Manehattan. What was he supposed to do with himself?

Well. It wasn't a schoolday. Maybe he could go annoy the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They were neither princesses nor Element Bearers, so he couldn't take them out of Ponyville, but if he could get them interested in another cutie mark quest, he was sure he could get them to do something chaotic and entertaining.

"What do you mean I'm trespassing? You made me an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader!" He snapped up a copy of the cape they'd given him. "Remember?"

Angrily Scootaloo yanked the cape off of his back. "Yeah, no, we're rewinding that," she said sharply.

"Rescinding," Sweetie Belle said primly. "We're rescinding it. Not rewinding it."

"Thanks, Sweetie, maybe you'll get your cutie mark in being a living dictionary," Scootaloo groused.

"Stop arguing in front of him," Apple Bloom said, pointing an accusing hoof at Discord. "The last time we got into it about somepony being a dictionary, we accidentally let him out of stone, remember?"

"Right, and that was totally his fault!" Scootaloo glared up at Discord. "Are you using your magic to make us fight with each other again? Are you?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Discord asked, bewildered. "We're friends. Aren't we?"

"Why would we be friends with a traitor?" Scootaloo asked.

"You stole our older sisters' magic! And practically all the magic in Equestria!" Sweetie Belle snapped. "We thought you were our friend!"

"But then you gave all the magic in Equestria to that Turkey guy!" Scootaloo reared up, hooves on hips, flapping her wings just enough to stay upright.

"Tirek," Discord corrected automatically. "Turkey is what you'll be when you grow out of being a chicken."

Scootaloo rolled her eyes. "Oh, ow, chicken jokes. Like I don't hear those practically every single day."

"Did you, or did you not, help T-Rex steal all the magic in Equestria, including our older sisters and all the princesses?" Apple Bloom demanded.

"Tirek. He's a centaur, not a dinosaur. And I didn't help him take magic from any princesses. Celestia had all the princesses give their magic to Twilight, and Twilight surrendered it to Tirek to save your sisters and the other Element Bearers. And me. Because he stole my magic too!"

"Okay, and who captured our sisters and their friends and Spike?"

Discord closed his eyes. "I admit, that was me, but—"

"But nothing. You admitted it." Apple Bloom banged her gavel. "Cutie Mark Crusaders, how do we vote?"

"Vote on what?" Discord asked.

Sweetie Belle glared at him. "We invited you to be an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader. We asked you for help, and you gave it, so we let you join. Our friends get to be Cutie Mark Crusaders. Not ponies – or draconequuses – who hurt our friends and family."

This was exactly what he'd feared, and yet now that it was happening, it seemed surreal. They weren't even letting him defend himself! "I helped defeat Tirek! And I apologized!"

"Uh-huh. That's totally likely," Scootaloo snorted.

"Even if it's true, it doesn't matter," Apple Bloom said. "You can't just say 'sorry' and have it be like you never did anything bad. Cousin Braeburn said you hunted him and other Earth ponies down with a lasso like they were stampeding cows, except they were running away from a danger trying to take their magic, and you lassoed them up and handed them over like it wasn't anything." She shook her head. "That was an awful, awful thing to do. Even awfuller than making Ponyville the Chaos Capital and messing with my brother and my grandma's heads, because you were a bad guy then, but this time you were supposed to be our friend."

"But I'm sorry," Discord said helplessly.

"I thought you were just misunderstood," Sweetie Belle said. "And kind of an airhead, after you let us get almost eaten by a giant bird because you weren't paying attention, but that wasn't you being mean, and we make a lot of dumb mistakes. We'd never say somepony couldn't be our friend just because they made a dumb mistake. But this wasn't a dumb mistake, this was a mean mistake. This was worse than anything Diamond Tiara ever did ever!"

"Take the vote," Scootaloo said.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, all those in favor of stripping Discord of his honorary Cutie Mark Crusadership because he helped that dumb centaur steal everypony's magic, say aye. All those against, say neigh."

"Wait a minute, don't I even get to defend myself?" Discord vanished from the center of the clubhouse and reappeared next to Sweetie Belle, sidled next to her with his neck lowered and curled downward, and his head up against hers, side to side. "Come on, now, I deserve a chance to tell my side of the story, don't I? Sweetie Belle, have you ever considered getting a cutie mark as a public defender?"

She pushed him away, with hooves since she wasn't particularly skilled with her magic. "This is serious, Discord!"

"I know this is serious! But if this was a real court, I'd be given the opportunity to defend myself!"

"Did you do it or didn't you?" Apple Bloom asked.

"I did, but—"

She banged her gavel again. "The defendant pleads guilty. Cutie Mark Crusaders, how do we vote?"

"Aye aye aye aye aye!" Scootaloo yelled, jumping up and down. "I could say it ten more times if it would help!"

"Umm...." Sweetie Belle looked away from Discord, whose face was maybe showing a little bit more of his dismay and hurt than he'd really intended to show, now that he was thinking about it. "I have to say aye. You can't just steal ponies' magic. That's terrible! He even made their cutie marks disappear!"

"But I told Tirek that foals without cutie marks didn't have any magic!" Discord shouted. "I lied to him to protect you!"

Apple Bloom shook her head. "If you were gonna lie to him to protect us, that just proves you knew what you were doing was bad," she said. "Aye as well." Once more she banged her gavel. "Sweetie Belle! Put it down in the record that Discord is not an honorary Cutie Mark Crusader anymore!"

Sudden rage welled. They weren't even going to give him a chance? They'd already decided he was an awful villain, for something that was done and over and everypony he cared about except them had forgiven him for? Well, then. He could be a villain, if they wanted him to be so badly. He could be as awful a villain as they could imagine, and worse.

The fillies must have seen something in his eyes. They shrieked, and backed away from him, up against the wall of the clubhouse. "You better not try anything!" Scootaloo said, her voice shaking.

"Our sisters will be real mad if you do anything to us," Apple Bloom said, equally shakily. "And now that they have that Rainbow Power thingummy you don't want to cross them!"

The desire to harm the children drained from him – not because of the threat, but because of the reminder that they were children, and that their sisters were his friends, and fighting children was beneath him. But it hurt. "Do anything to you? As if," he sneered. "I was only humoring you by pretending to care about your juvenile little club, or about your issues with cutie marks of all things, as if anyone could possibly care." He drew himself up to his full height. "I don't need to be a part of your pathetic club. In case you hadn't noticed, I am an adult, and I have known what my own special talents were since I was barely out of infancy. Your obsession with your own ignorance is pathetic. No doubt you're all going to discover that your special talents are for mining garbage, or folding laundry, or something equally banal. I don't need to involve myself with anything so trivial and boring as your childish 'crusade.' But do go on questing for your cutie marks, the chaos you make is delicious." He snapped his talon and vanished, reappearing a short distance from Twilight's castle.

He was not going to cry. They were children. He didn't need them, and he didn't need their stupid club. Their sisters were his friends, so why should he care what a trio of mewling brats thought?

Bemused, Discord stared at the disorganized piles of books everywhere. It was beautiful, but it was horribly confusing. Why wasn't Twilight even attempting to organize them?

A moment later his question was answered as Twilight galloped into the room, looking completely disheveled. "Discord! You – uh... were you responsible for those mops?"

"The ones I enchanted to deliver the groceries Pinkie asked me to get? Indeed they were. You're welcome, by the way."

"They got into a war with each other. There is flour all over one of the upstairs rooms. And flax grains. And rice." She sighed. "They were your mops; think you could help clean up?"

"Sadly, cleaning up is simply not something chaos has any natural affinity for," he said, sighing deeply. He threw his head back dramatically, arm laid across his eyes. "Oh, if only my magic would allow me to undo chaos that my magic didn't directly create, I could help my dear, dear friend with cleaning up her castle! But, unfortunately, such is beyond me." Discord tilted his head back down and looked at Twilight. "Perhaps I could possibly animate some brooms to help you with it..."

"No, no, that's fine, that's just fine, we've got it under control," Twilight said hastily. "But hay, I do have something you could do to help, if you're able. I mean I don't know quite how far your inability to organize things goes... you found the pattern with the keys to the box, so obviously you can detect organization even when nopony else can..."

His ears perked. Twilight actually wanted him to help in some capacity? "Go on."

"You see all these books? I'm getting book donations from all over. Which is wonderful, don't get me wrong, but I'm getting massive duplication. You read faster than any pony, including me. Would you be able to read through them and sort them just a little teeny bit?"

"I shudder to think what you consider just a little teeny bit of sorting."

"No, no, Spike agrees with me! He says it's just a teeny bit of sorting! I'd have him doing it, but, well, flour everywhere. And you read faster than he does anyway, with that whole 12 books at a time thing."

Discord sighed deeply. "What qualifies in your mind as just a teeny bit of sorting?"

"I need to assess whether a book should go to my collection, or the library you made for me. So anything that's fiction, if it's genre or accessible, normal fiction, it goes to Ponyville. Weird and experimental and highly literary goes to me. Nonfiction, if it's special pegasus or earth pony interest – like books about gardening, or flying – goes to Ponyville. Also sports. Unicorn interest goes to me, also pretty much any academic topic that isn't something practical you'd use in Ponyville. The second copy of any book that goes to me goes to the library, and the second copy of any book that goes to the library goes to me, and Discord what are you doing?"

He looked up from the floor where he was sitting. "Filing my toeclaws," he said. "It's so very important to keep them in trim, or I might trip all over everything."

"Did you hear anything I said?"

"I don't know, it might possibly have dribbled out the other ear," he said, and tried as hard as he could to produce an appropriate effect. Nothing came. "I think I heard 'give you all the books and if there are extra copies, the first extra copy goes to Ponyville Library and the rest get flung into the Everfree Forest so Fluttershy can teach the manticores to read.'"

Twilight glared at him. "You know perfectly well that is not what I said."

Discord chuckled. "I heard you, Twilight. Never fear."

She sighed. "All third copies of anything, and beyond, go to the library. I don't need more than one copy of anything."

He saluted her. "Jawohl, meine Prinzessin!"

And thus Discord came to be perched on a pile of books, sprawled out, while ten of them read themselves to him. That spell was simple enough – and, presumably, non-chaotic enough – that the harmonics didn't interfere, and when Rarity came to help Twilight and complained (loudly, which had some irony to it) that he was being loud and disruptive in a library, he smirked at her and told her that Twilight had told him to do this. It was even better when Twilight backed him up.

Discord could not, in fact, read faster than every pony in Equestria; he could only read at the speed of speech sped up to double-time, and there were ponies, Twilight among them, who read twice as fast as speech. What he could actually do that no pony could do (or anyone, so far as he knew) was utilize his ability to detect patterns within what ponies perceived as chaos to read many of them at once. Twilight could read close to three times faster than a pony could speak, but not ten times faster. Or twenty, or fifty, or a hundred, but right now Discord was relaxing. His maximum capacity for skimming information was probably fifty items at double speed each, but he didn't feel like working that hard and it was actually more annoying to ponies when he didn't use the high speed. The high speed was a squealing high-pitched noise to ponies, that they found irritating certainly, but when he read ten things at normal speed ponies would get constantly distracted trying to understand ten different sources of information at once.

All Twilight needed was for him to classify the books, but classifying was boring and hard, so he was reading a good bit of each one before tossing it into a pile. Regardless of what Twilight had told him, he was putting most of them in her pile, unless they were duplicates or things he knew for certain Twilight had no interest in. Twilight had been trying to turn Golden Oaks into a nation-class library to rival Manehattan or Canterlot for three years, and Ponyville just didn't support that large a population of readers; the books Discord had rescued for her, at great personal cost, already comprised far more than it was likely that Ponyville would ever need, even considering that she'd taken a number of them back for her private collection.

At some point Rainbow Dash showed up, and was put to work bringing in clouds to hose down the exterior of the castle, because in Rarity's estimation it didn't "glisten" enough. Rainbow came in to ask Discord for help, and the novelty of that was so great, he didn't mind that his chaos skills were being put to use to make something cleaner. She asked him to make the clouds rain hot, soapy water, and then to help her make miniature tornado funnels and guide them to blast dirt out of the crevices and crenellations at the top. There was a surprising amount of dirt on top, but then, the thing had grown out of the ground, after all. Using tornados to clean with was actually fun; maybe he should get Rainbow Dash to come with him to offer their services in the Crystal Empire. Or Canterlot itself, more likely. The Crystal Heart had the same impact on him that this castle did, but in a wider range.

Then he returned to reading, and eating the pizza Spike had made for everyone – unfortunately made with hay in the dough, but it was a pony recipe, so what could you do? Ponies put hay in everything. Discord had never understood why. He had a pony head – sort of, possibly more goatish but it had certainly looked pony in his childhood – and presumably therefore a pony tongue, but hay was still the most boring food on the planet as far as he was concerned. How could they like that bland stuff? Well, okay, white rice was worse, but only the ponies in Neighpon and Long-kuo put rice in everything, and brown rice was actually rather nice. Whereas there was no variant of hay that Discord had ever eaten that was any good. Ponies were connoisseurs of hay, talking about the location of the field and the quality of the soil and sunlight and the breed of grass and whether there had been other plants, like clover or wildflowers, grown nearby, but Discord couldn't taste the difference. Hay was hay, and all of it was boring.

Because of how loud his books were, he was the only one who heard the knock at the door. He was still eating his substandard hay-infused pizza and didn't feel like getting up, so he ignored it, assuming a pony or Spike would come deal with it. But the knocking persisted. Eventually Discord realized the ponies, who weren't even in the front hall like he was, but were down further in the throne room, couldn't hear the knocking. Sighing, he animated a book to go fly down the hall and tell them that somepony was at the door. The book got several heads away from him and then collapsed, the harmonics taking their toll on the chaotic spell.

He was going to have to figure out a way around them sooner or later. But that was for another time.

He went to the door and opened the door. "Yoooouuu raaang?"

"Oh, hay. They were right, you are here."

Discord blinked down at the pony in the wheelchair. "Don't I know you?"

"Yeah. I'm Stellar Eclipse. Remember all those lamps I was selling for you?"

Abruptly Discord realized there was a cart pulled up to the walkway, with several boxes on it. "The lamps?" he said, meaning, was that the lamps on the cart? Stellar, apparently, misunderstood.

"Yeah, remember? We met at that bazaar, and you gave me those lamps that look like you?"

At the time, Discord had been sufficiently fed up with the enormously tedious task of identifying and closing the dimensional gates that he'd been actively attempting to find some way of making money that didn't involve working for Celestia. He couldn't counterfeit the stuff, not without putting in far, far more effort than he wanted to; bits were imprinted with a magical signature based on some sort of complex mathematical algorithm, and while cracking codes was within the purview of his magic, it was work. Most of the time he didn't need them, of course; unlike ponies, he could provide himself food, shelter, and entertainment any time he wanted. But getting ponies to cook for him had been one of his greater pleasures, when he'd unruled Equestria; the trouble with making food for himself all the time was that he could predict exactly what he was going to make, and there was no surprise to it. And nowadays, since he was no longer in charge and couldn't exactly terrorize ponies into doing what he wanted – Fluttershy would have greatly disapproved -- he needed bits to accomplish the same end. Which was actually easier, because terrified ponies were generally terrible cooks.

Also, bits could be used to acquire things that were sufficiently surreal or random to catch his attention. He'd been in a bazaar, where ponies sold hoof-crafted goods, many of which were moderately weird. Such as bicycle art, and odd magical-mechanical contraptions like an automatic hoof-buffer. Stellar Eclipse had sold a wide assortment of ridiculous looking lamps and weird little statuettes. Discord had materialized a copy of the lamp he'd made for Fluttershy and asked the earth pony what he'd thought. Stellar had liked the lamp, and had thought the idea of being the exclusive vendor of the only lamps actually created by the Spirit of Chaos was intriguing. His own interest in the strange and bizarre made him one of the few ponies to be willing to converse with Discord and treat him more or less like a pony. Discord had given him a few hundred lamps to sell, with the stipulation that a little over two thirds of the profit should go to him.

Fluttershy had actually run into Stellar, and Discord's lamps, at the Rainbow Falls Traders' Exchange (where, apparently, bits were not exchanged, and Discord didn't really want half of an antique statue of a chicken, or presumably half of any of the other weird items Stellar had probably acquired in trade). She'd told him that her first reaction had been a little bit of sadness because her own lamp, the one he'd made for her, was no longer unique... but then, she'd said, she'd realized this meant that a symbol of their friendship was being shared by ponies all over Equestria, and that made her happy.

That had been only a few weeks before Tirek.

"Yes, yes, I remember the lamps. What of them?" he asked, impatience in his voice to mask the growing dread.

He was not proven wrong. "Well, I'm returning them. I can't sell them anymore," Stellar said.

Discord swallowed. "But they're still perfectly good working lamps."

"Sure, but you know how it is. Ponies aren't going to buy something that looks like the guy who stole their magic."

"Tirek stole their magic. I didn't do it."

Stellar gave him a "come off it" look. "I know you didn't do it personally. If you'd done it personally – if I'd even seen you – maybe I could have said something. Though word is you sold out your friends too, so I doubt you'd have done anything for me. But when the ground suddenly turned into tree sap and chewing gum, I was guessing that pretty much had to be you." Stellar looked down. "The wheelchair doesn't do all that well on mud. On that stuff... I was dead in place. I was the first one on the road that the centaur got."

The words 'I'm sorry' came to Discord's lips, but he couldn't bring himself to say them. Stellar wasn't a friend, wasn't anypony he owed anything to. He wasn't entirely without pride, even now. "It... was supposed to slow down running ponies."

"I figured that."

"But listen, Tirek tricked me too! I... He took my magic also... so I helped the Bearers to defeat him. Princess Celestia's confined me to Ponyville for the indefinite future, but I'm helping Twilight out with this castle here."

Stellar shrugged. "That may be as may be, but that doesn't mean anypony's going to buy these lamps. So I brought the last of your royalties, and my entire stock." He waved a foreleg at his cart behind him. "If you could just take these back..."

"What's going on?" he heard Twilight's voice behind him.

After he'd been turned to stone, and before he'd re-mastered lucid dreaming, Discord had had many, many nightmares where something horrible was chasing him – ponies with pitchforks, dragons, monsters from outside this reality that wanted to devour his soul – and he was stuck, paralyzed, unable to run, his dreaming mind too aware that his body was frozen in stone. He didn't want to empathize with Stellar Eclipse; generally he didn't want to empathize with any pony. But he remembered creating that sticky road, and looking down from it on high, laughing, because the sight of Tirek lumbering along it (magically immune to the stickiness, of course), snagging up stuck or slowed-down ponies and stealing their magic, was reminding him of a video game. He hadn't realized that one of the ponies on the road was somepony he knew. And now, all he could think about was being stuck in a wheelchair that wouldn't roll at all, while a monster intent on stealing his magic came straight toward him.

"You can keep the bits," Discord said. "For your trouble."

Stellar shook his head. "I don't really want anything that belongs to you," he said. "I'm going to clear my obligation and then we're done."

"Oh, you're the lamp guy!" Rainbow Dash said, making Discord aware that the audience had grown. He glanced behind him and saw everyone who'd been here – Twilight, Spike, Pinkie, Rarity and Rainbow – had gathered in the hall behind him. "I always wanted to know why the heck you were selling Discord lamps in the first place. I mean, who'd want that?"

Discord glared sullenly at Rainbow. "They used to sell pretty well," Stellar said. "A lot of creative ponies used to like having a symbol of Chaos around. They'd tell me he inspired them, or made them think of freedom, or being brave enough to follow their artistic vision or something."

"Wait, you never told me this." Ponies said he inspired them? Made them brave enough to pursue creative freedom? If he'd known that before Tirek...

"It never came up." Stellar shrugged. "Not that it matters anymore anyway. I've had three ponies return the lamps since... you know, the whole thing. And it's only been a few days."

"Then keep the money to give them refunds with," Discord said. If only he'd known what he had to lose, before he'd lost it forever. He swallowed.

Stellar considered. "That's fair, I guess. But you still need to take back the lamps."

Rarity had gone out to the cart to look at the boxes. "That is quite a considerable quantity of lamps," she said. "I do hope this wasn't a significant part of your inventory."

Stellar turned slightly red. "Um... it kind of was, actually. Discord gave me the lamps for free; other inventory, I had to buy. So I'd been kind of slowing down on the purchasing while I sold off the lamps. It's gonna be a little tight now, but, well, I can't sell them... and I'm honestly not sure I'd want to if I could."

"Well, perhaps we could arrange for something to offset the loss you're talking. Twilight, do you think Princess Celestia--?"

"Maybe. A lot of ponies are getting loans from the crown to rebuild with."

"No, that won't be necessary," Discord said. "Here, I've got an idea."

He got out of the doorway and out of the castle entirely, going over to the cart full of boxes. With a thought, the boxes levitated and opened, the contents flying out. All the silly, goofy lamps with his own face on them, the face that apparently for a while ponies were buying to inspire their creativity... but not any more.

With a snap of his talon the lamps reconfigured themselves. They were no longer lamps, not most of them anyway... and they were no longer depictions of himself. Instead, they were many, many copies of the Bearers, in their riotous, chaotic glory as they'd looked when they channeled the Rainbow Power.

"Ponies don't want to buy my image because I worked with Tirek? Fine, how about the ponies who defeated Tirek?" He plucked a Fluttershy out of the air, displaying the figurine this way and that. "When they gained the Rainbow Power from the Tree of Harmony, and blasted Tirek with it, this is what they looked like. Spike, back me up on this."

"Uh... yeah. That is what they looked like," Spike said.

Rarity put a hoof to her mouth. "Oh, dear. How... garish."

"Hey, I like it! I think it looks awesome!" Rainbow Dash claimed one of herself. "How much you selling these for?"

"I'm not sure I want to sell them at all. The arrangement was for Discord to get seventy percent of the bits."

"Give them back to the Bearers," Discord said. "It's their faces."

"Oh, I don't need that," Rarity said. "Stellar, I must insist you keep my portion."

"I can't do that," Stellar said. "That wouldn't be fair. Also it'd be a serious accounting headache."

"So give it to charity," Discord said.

"I... suppose I could take the funds, if I was simply going to funnel them to a charity," Rarity said. "I imagine grants from the crown can only do so much. Perhaps if a fund has been put into place to help small businesses recover from this awful incident, I could put the funds there."

"That's not a bad idea," Twilight said. "We could talk to Applejack and see if she'd be on board with something like that. What do you think, Pinkie, Rainbow?"

"I think you should have plushie ones! I like the one for me, it's pretty, but there should be squishy cuddly mes too! Discord, could you make some of them into plushy mes?"

"I don't generally sell plushies," Stellar said. "Figurines, though... one of a kind figurines... and I'll bet nopony else has statues of you guys with this Rainbow Power stuff on you."

"It's definitely unlikely," Twilight said. "No one really saw us like that except for Discord and Spike. Well, and Tirek, but he's in Tartarus."

"Except for that astral travel thingy with giving everypony their magic back!"

"Okay, yeah, but I doubt anypony really remembers what we looked like all that clearly just from that. Astral travel's kind of like traveling in dreams. We'd have seemed like daydreams, or ghosts."

"I'm a ghost?!" Pinkie waved her hooves in the air. "Nooo! I'm too young to be a ghost!"

"Hey, Discord, can you make one that actually flies? Like with magic?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Discord shook his head. "I really don't think you want me applying any more chaos magic to these than necessary."

"Good point!" She turned to Twilight. "So, Twilight! Could you do it?"

"I guess I'll take it," Stellar said. "Since the money isn't going to you, but to the ponies that saved us... and these would probably sell really well." He looked up at Discord. "Thanks. I kinda thought you'd be more weird about this."

Discord laughed in a way that was supposed to sound casual, but he wasn't sure he was pulling it off. "Oh, believe me, I am the soul of understanding here. I can hardly blame you, or any of the ponies who are buying from you. Here." He focused his energies, creating a wand and perma-fixing it to reality so chaos' general impermanence wouldn't cause it to dissolve. "Touch one of the lamps with this and it'll turn into a Fluttershy. When they return them, instead of taking the return, you can offer them a lovely adorable pegasus in exchange and I'm sure they'll take it."

"There's... actually a lot more of these are Fluttershys than any one of the others. Is that really how you want to do it?"

"Well, of course. Fluttershy is my best friend!"

"Yeah, but if there are more of her than of the others, then her figure won't sell for as high a price. If these are one-time collectibles, then they're worth more if they're rarer."

All of the Fluttershys but two disappeared, replaced by Rainbow Dashes. "So now Fluttershy will be much more valuable than the others?"

"Hey!" Rainbow Dash said.

Stellar sighed. "That's... not gonna work real well either."

"Discord, why don't you make equal numbers of all of us?" Twilight said. "That way more ponies will be able to buy sets of all six. I'm sure Fluttershy would prefer to have her figure as part of a set with her friends than all alone. You know how shy she is."

"As always, your wisdom on matters of friendship is unparalleled, Princess," Discord said with completely fake obsequiousness masking genuine gratitude. He snapped his talon again, evening the numbers of the figurines so there were close to the same number of each. "There's going to be some randomness. I'm working with chaos here; I can't make it all into even sets of six."

"That's fine," Stellar said. "Randomness is good, actually."

"I want one," Rainbow said. "In fact I want six. I'm gonna give one of me to all of you."

"Why don't I take care of that for you?" Discord snapped up six sets, pulling the matter from deep underground and putting a great deal of energy and focus into them to make sure they'd be permanent, just as he'd done with the original lamps. "Complimentary for you six, and look, you each get an exclusive Spike figure as well." The thought probably wouldn't have occurred to him if Spike hadn't been standing right there, but he remembered how Spike had tried to help him get the cage bars opened.

"Oh, wow!" Twilight picked up her Spike figurine. "Look, Spike! Isn't this lovely?"

"I dunno," Spike said. "I feel like I look a little... uh, babyish."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Spike. You're a baby dragon. Remember?"

"Yeah, I guess..."

"And wasn't it nice of Discord to add you to our sets?"

"You're a very rare and exclusive collectible now," Rarity pointed out.

"Wow. You're right! Only I hope none of you are planning to sell me to collectors," Spike said. Discord thought he was probably joking, but there was enough nervousness in his tone that he wasn't entirely sure.

"This worked out better than I expected," Stellar said. "Thanks, everypony."

He rolled out to the cart and hooked his wheelchair to it. The ponies, and Spike, waved at him as he left. Discord just watched.

When he was gone, Twilight picked up her own set and the sets for Fluttershy and Applejack with her magic. "I'll pack these up for Fluttershy and Applejack and we can give them to them tomorrow. Fluttershy should be back then."

"I could give it to her," Discord said eagerly.

"No, no, you should be there when we give it to her, but we should be there too, because it's a gift you're giving to all of us." Twilight looked up at him. "You handled that really well, Discord. I'm sure Fluttershy will be proud of you."

He shrugged. "What else was I supposed to do?" There was a lump in his throat. "He's right. No pony's going to want lamps with my face on them anymore." He pouted deliberately. "A terrible shame for them, to miss out on beauty like this, but I suppose even the most attractive face can bring back bad memories."

"Well, it was a very nice gesture on your part," Twilight said. "All right, girls, let's get back to work! And Spike! Discord, are you coming back in?"

"I'm bored," Discord said, shrugging. "Maybe I'll come back later. Right now I want to take a walk."

He really didn't want to take a walk. Not through Ponyville. But maybe he could find some relatively wild place – nothing in Ponyville or any pony habitat was really wild, but at least somewhere that was mostly animals and growing things and not ponies.

At least Fluttershy was going to be back tomorrow.

He walked through a desolate land, a baking hot desert where not so much as the wind moved. There was nothing. No sign of life anywhere. Above his head, the sun and moon hung in the sky, frozen.

That isn't right, he thought. If Celestia and Luna died, the unicorns would take over, and if they weren't able to, another Sunbearer would be chosen. Like the chaos avatar, the positions of Sunbearer and Moonbearer would be passed on to another if the holder died. There could be a gap, sometimes, but if the sun and moon simply didn't move for long enough, someone would be granted the power. The world wouldn't be allowed to die.

Besides, the chaos avatar would never allow this. Even if this was the future and he himself was dead, whoever had the job now wouldn't be able to bear this. Nothing moved. The world was orderly, still and unchanging. No chaos avatar could endure allowing this. He snapped his talon, but nothing happened, and he felt no flow of magic. He felt dread, but no surprise.

Maybe this isn't our world, he thought, trying to convince himself, but he knew better. Reluctantly he looked up. The Canterhorn rose in front of him, and half of Canterlot, in ruins, was still visible on the side. The part that had needed magic to stay up had sheared off.

He couldn't feel magic flowing anywhere.

The magic must still be there. Only mine is gone, so I can't feel it, he rationalized. But there wasn't a cloud in the sky, or a breeze stirring the sand. Nothing moved. No life.

No magic.

Discord became aware that there was something behind him. Something coming toward him. He tried to turn, to look, but his neck was stiff. Paralyzed.

I'm stone! he realized, horrified. No wonder he couldn't feel magic. He struggled against the stone's embrace. Something was behind him. Something coming toward him, and he was in stone, and couldn't move.

No! Terror gave him strength. He forced himself outward, shattering the stone around himself, and stumbled forward. Now he could feel magic, but there wasn't any around him. Desolation. Nothingness. His own magic was all the magic he could feel.

He tried to get up, to face the thing coming toward him, but even though he was out of the stone, his body was still sluggish, unresponsive. With great effort, he fought his own weight and the stiffness in his limbs, his dread growing with every second, until he could finally turn around.

A monstrous Tirek, as tall as a mountain, stood before him. But where Tirek had had black eyes with glowing yellow pupils, and long, curved gray horns, now his eyes and his horns were replaced with featureless clear crystal, and Discord knew without knowing how he knew that there was nothing of Tirek left in Tirek's skull. His eyes weren't made of crystal, they were empty orbits that served as windows to what was filling his head now.

Thank you, Tirek said without speaking, in the emotionless drone of Matrisse. It was much easier to end magic with a host that had the power to draw it in.

No. Matrisse was dead. Matrisse couldn't even do this. The crystals could influence a sapient being's mind to the point where there was no real mind left, only directions from Matrisse, but it couldn't fill someone's skull. And yet the evidence was incontrovertible. Tirek was dead, after Discord had given him the power to get everything he ever wanted and that had made him a target for the Avatar of Order, who centuries ago had given up on its mandate and had decided that the world didn't actually need magic anymore and Discord had destroyed it, risked his life to smash his ancient enemy, and now it was back in the body of his friend/his nemesis/his betrayer and he couldn't run.

His feet were rooted to the ground. His paws refused to snap. He stood, as still as if he were still a statue, except for the shaking, and willed himself to move, but it didn't happen.

Tirek/Matrisse's monstrous hand reached down and grabbed him, lifted him up and sucked out his magic. And then, as Discord tried to draw breath to scream, the hand tightened around him, and he couldn't breathe.

"...quiet now, it's time to go to bed. Hush now, quiet now, close your sleepy eyes—"

Pinkie was pressing a pillow against the side of his head, making him the meat in a pillow sandwich. His muzzle was sticking out enough that he could have breathed if it weren't for her weight on his neck, cutting off his air supply. She was singing a lullaby, a little too fast and desperately for it to be a particularly good lullaby.

Discord wheezed. "Pin-kie! Off! Can't... breathe!"

"Oh my gosh, sorry!" Pinkie leapt off his neck... somehow. "But you have to go back to sleep! You were having a nightmare! You have to go to sleep or you'll remember it!"

"Too late." He sat up, breathing hard. "What were you trying to do, kill me?"

"No! I thought... well, sometimes when my sisters couldn't sleep we would make head sandwiches with pillows so they could feel the pillow on both cheeks and you always make sure the head is sideways and the muzzle is sticking out enough that the nostrils are clear and I made sure your nostrils were clear but... I guess it didn't work?"

"No, it didn't." He curled into an unhappy spiral, hugging himself. "You seriously thought squashing my head with a pillow would make me sleep?"

"Well, you were whining and thrashing around a lot and I was sure you were going to wake yourself up and I remembered what you said last night about wanting to sleep through your nightmares so I tried... I'm sorry it didn't work..." She looked miserable.

Discord sighed, and unwound his tail enough to wrap it around her middle and pull her in, so she was on the inside of his coil, leaning up against his body. He wished it was Fluttershy – Fluttershy always managed to make him feel safe, when he woke from nightmares. But any pony willing to be cuddled would help, after that vision of a world without magic or life. "I'm sorry too," he said. "That one was bad."

"Was it worse than the one last night?"

He remembered Tirek pulling Fluttershy's head off. "No, but it was different." His breathing was finally evening out.

"Are you going to go leave and sleep in Applejack's orchard again?"

The harmonics thrummed through the palace, reminding him viscerally that there was magic, a great deal of magic, inside him and all around him. "Not this time." He was so tired. His upper body, face and neck, were lathered with sweat; most of the rest of his body didn't sweat, being more dragon than pony, even where his thick brown fur was, but his skin felt almost painfully hot, his dragon scales having heated up to dissipate the unwanted body heat. The sweat-soaked head and neck felt cold, though. He adjusted himself to lay down, pulling Pinkie to the side of his neck, where she wouldn't suffocate him, and made a moderately tight coil so his middle was almost touching her and his legs were behind his head, a pillow propped on his hip to support his head. "I'm going to try to go back to sleep."

"Do you want me to sing you the lullaby?"

"How quiet can you sing it?"

Pinkie started again, in a much softer, quieter voice. It was surprising how much she sounded like Fluttershy when she was being calm and quiet. She was still louder than Fluttershy and faster, but if he closed his eyes he could pretend. Fluttershy had sung him that particular lullaby, more than once. He'd told her it was ridiculous at the time and he was the Lord of Chaos and he didn't need a little pony to sing him a lullaby of all things. But secretly he'd enjoyed it. Maybe not so secretly, given how adept Fluttershy was at reading his moods even when he tried to hide them.

"Surely you saw this coming?" "I didn't! I really didn't!"

Tears pricked his eyes under his closed eyelids, but if he didn't open his eyes, Pinkie wouldn't see and he could pretend that nothing was wrong.

Author's Note

Well... at least I made it within a year and a half. :-(

The moon part isn't coming next. There's another chapter of Discord in Ponyville before that happens.

I was very sad about having to do this with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but it was the best way I could think of to reconcile the friendship in the comics with what happened before the Gala.

As I Was Walking Down The Stair, I Was A Pony Who Wasn't There

I'm just trying to decide who I'm going to use to do it. Maybe if I use this journal to talk through the options it'll be easier to figure out.

It can't be Golden Apple, because Applejack probably knows every single Apple in Equestria. That's too bad, really. I mean, the fact that he's an earth pony and that therefore I actually have to use my hooves to pick things up when I'm him used to annoy me greatly, if I recall correctly... I've noticed my memory from the time before I was stone isn't what it used to be. I suppose a thousand years is a lot of wear and tear on anyone's memory. Golden Apple would have been perfect for this because he was the rabble-rouser, the revolutionary, the guy who went to all the secret meetings about how can we possibly overthrow Discord? I'm chuckling just remembering that. All those ponies, thinking their plans were so Top Secret and being so afraid that if I ever found out I'd send secret police to take them away in the night (apparently, I had police? They must have been so secret even I didn't know about them), or possibly show up and turn them into a turnip. (Heaven forfend. Ponies plotting to rebel against my unrule were far too entertaining to make them into turnips. Though screech owls wasn't beyond the question), and there I was, in the form of Golden Apple, riling them up and encouraging them to come up with all kinds of ridiculous plans. Oh, I miss those days.

...is that a problem? The thought just occurred to me, I'm planning all this to prevent myself from becoming evil again, but if I'm looking back on the days of my unrule fondly, does that mean I'm evil now? I wouldn't do that now; I don't even want to take over Equestria. When Tirek offered that we could rule together, I had every intention of sticking him with all of the 'ruling' parts and only exercising my authority if he did something I didn't like. But I think back to how funny it was that those ponies trying to overthrow me didn't know I was a member of their revolutionary cells, listening in on all their plans, even contributing... and it's still funny. I'm sorry, it is. If you can't see the funny side of it, I feel sorry for you that being "good" has obviously caused a terminal failure of your sense of humor. (I have no idea who "you" are. No one is ever supposed to read this. Am I talking to my journal as if it's a pony? Should I animate it? Ponify it? Make it capable of having a conversation with me? No, not that one, somepony would overhear. Maybe I should give it eyeballs though.)

But that means I'm evil, doesn't it? Because I know perfectly well what Fluttershy's opinion would be, or any of the gang. They'd be horrified that I played a prank like that on ponies that wanted to destroy me. They'd be even more horrified if I told them that sometimes I used the information I learned about who they were to better disharmonize them; that trick always works better if you know enough about the target to know how to mess with their head, and hey, those ponies wanted to kill me, banish me, or imprison me, so by any standard they ought to have been fair game. But I know Fluttershy wouldn't approve. And yet... it's still funny! I know what pony morality says, I know what Fluttershy believes, and I want to be a worthy friend, I want to be someone she can look at and say 'no, Discord's not evil' and have it be true... but it's not, is it. I'm just fooling her. The only reason she's still my friend is she doesn't know how much I miss it. Not just the chaos – of course, I'd love to have the chaos back, if it weren't for the fact that right now I feel like having the chaos back would prove how terrible I am and that I don't deserve to have any friends. But I actually miss messing with ponies. Scaring them, disharmonizing them, finding just the perfect combination of cruelties to tip them over the edge into madness, or trying to lock themselves in a hut far away from ponies for the rest of their lives.

I'm not supposed to like that anymore. I'm supposed to feel ashamed when I remember the things I did. But I don't. I feel ashamed that I don't, but I don't feel ashamed. They were toys. They were fun to play with. They weren't real, like Fluttershy.

I know that isn't right. But I can't help feeling what I feel. Which is why I have to do this. I already miss messing with ponies' heads. How long will it be before I miss it enough that I sneak around behind Fluttershy's back and do it anyway? How long before the only reason I care about what she thinks is that she'll stop being my friend if she knows how awful I really am? (To be completely honest... it was several months after she made friends with me before I actually did start to care about what she thinks for any reason other than being afraid that she'd stop being my friend.)

So anyway. Golden Apple's out. Turbulence is an option; it's not like Rainbow Dash knows every pegasus that ever lived in Cloudsdale, and if I have him on the Vanhoover weather team, maybe raised in Las Pegasus rather than Cloudsdale, there's no way she'd think she ought to know him. But Turbulence isn't the kind of guy who makes friends and influences ponies. The last time I used him, I was playing weather pranks on ponies more or less nonstop, because if I was playing weather pranks in the form of a pegasus there was no way it was going to get back to Fluttershy in any way that she'd think it was me. I mean, he's fictional, so I suppose I could play him with a different characterization, but the whole point to giving them all distinct personalities was so that ponies who met them twice wouldn't figure out from the inconsistencies that they aren't real ponies. Turbulence is kind of like Rainbow Dash with a more aggressive attitude, less posturing about being an awesome stunt flyer and more about his skill with weather effects (which, since he's me, really are better than any other pegasus, at least in terms of getting the weather started... stopping it's another story, but who really wants to stop a really wild thunderstorm? Or a tornado. Sweet chaos, but I love tornadoes. I know ponies hate them, judging from the fact that pegasi are always shutting those things down and very rarely starting them, but I think they're marvelous. They're a solid cone of nothing but wind that destroys every pony-made object in their path, and a lot of things that aren't pony-made, like trees. If it weren't for the fact that sometimes they can kill, and I have never liked killing, I would have used them all the time.)

Eris is a draconequus, and after I was stuck for a thousand years as a statue no one is going to believe there's another draconequus around, considering they never saw any while I was in stone. Besides, anyone who knows Minotian knows that her name means the same thing that mine does. I suppose I could re-cast her as a pony femme fatale, but being a slinky sexy mare would probably only be good for influencing a pony or two at a time, not the massive outcry I'm trying to stir up. Besides... I'm just not feeling it. Anarchy is an alicorn and everypony knows there are no male alicorns, that there are only four alicorns total (which is actually incorrect but nopony's seen the Alicorn of Desolation in a couple of centuries... wonder if Celestia would tell me her name if I told her that I know about that one?), and also, educated ponies today know what the word anarchy means. I only got away with that one ever because pony vocabularies were a lot less sophisticated after I turned all the books into pies.

No. It's going to have to be Twister. Which could be a problem if anypony saw me shift to take on Tirek, but I'm fairly sure no one did. He's a unicorn, he supposedly has ties in Canterlot even if he's a weather pony in Las Pegasus (I looked this up; a unicorn doing weather working is actually not as ridiculous and implausible as I thought it was, which is unfortunate. I really wanted it to be ridiculous and implausible. But I suppose he's a better cover if his story doesn't seem impossible to the average pony.) He's already a member of one exclusive club, and while there's a fairly large difference between an upscale, discreet club for xenophiles of all species, and a club for wealthy upper-class unicorns, I know how they work well enough to be able to fake my way into a club. Twister would be better able to meet with some noble ponies, in a place where they feel free to say whatever they want, and get them on board with the idea of demanding justice.

I've been considering who can influence a fairly large group of politically experienced and powerful ponies who can actually bring pressure to bear on Celestia. So I did some research on the nobility, and I think I know who my target is going to be.

You hear that, Twister? You're going to go make a new friend!

(Why do I have conversations with the imaginary ponies I made up, anyway? It's not like I need them anymore. I'm not in stone. I can have conversations with real ponies.

Maybe it's just that I don't want to offend their little imaginary sensibilities and make them stomp off in a huff on their little imaginary hooves, because I know, where I'm going, I'm going to need them again.)

4: You Want It All But You Can't Have It

Fluttershy was returning today. Discord could barely contain his excitement. When Pinkie Pie said that she and the others would be meeting Fluttershy at the train station, Discord quickly interjected, "I'll go with you!"

"Sure, but you know Fluttershy! She doesn't like a fuss made over her in public! So no balloons, confetti, tubas, flugelhorns, banners, drumrolls, cannons, or anything else like that!"

Discord actually knew that, but he made a face, and produced a very tiny cannon in the palm of his hand. "Not even a tiny one?" he mock-pouted.

"Not even a tiny one! I tried that one year and Fluttershy flew off and hid and she left all her bags at the train station! We had to carry them home for her!"

That, Discord hadn't known. "I knew she was shy, but I didn't know she was ever that shy." He shook his head. "Was this around the same time she screamed and tried to hide from the stained glass window of me?"

Pinkie gave him an odd look. "You know why she did that, right?"

"Because she was a gigantic scaredy-kitten?"

"She told us later that she looked at the stained glass window and she felt like... it was angry, and full of malice, and it wanted to hurt us. Like somepony might feel if he's been trapped in a statue for a thousand years and now he sees the only ponies who could put him back there and he wants to do something bad to their heads to make them not be friends so they can't do that thing, right?"

"Are you telling me..." Discord's brow furrowed, and he stared at Pinkie with an expression halfway between disbelief and concentration. "I was inside that window at the time. Are you telling me she could tell?"

"That's what we think!" Pinkie said, nodding.

He'd known the alicorn and the unicorn mage in the room hadn't been heart-readers, like Cadance, so he hadn't done anything to magically conceal his emotional state. The thought that a pegasus would be able to sense him lurking within the glass had never occurred to him. "That's very impressive," he said, wishing he'd known that before he'd decided to betray her. A pegasus who could heart-read, even under very limited circumstances and maybe only against those who weren't her species, was a lot more interesting, inherently, than a centaur who could steal magic.

"Anyway it happened the year before that, I think," Pinkie said. "She was going to Dizzyworld down in the Hayseed Swamps to talk the alligators into staying away from the park, and she got the park to make them their own protected area that the park would stock with fish for them, and from all I hear she did just fine but then when she got home it was nothing but panic attacks for three days." She shrugged. "I tried to cheer her up but everything I did made things worse and Rainbow had to tell me we had to leave her alone because she needs to be able to take time off from being near ponies at all before she could calm down and socialize. I think she's better at it now that she's been friends with us for a while but that wasn't too long after we all met and became friends! I mean Dashie and Fluttershy were already friends, and I was already friends with Applejack because she always used to bring deliveries to Sugarcube Corner because we don't make apple pies, that would compete with Sweet Apple Acres, but we do make fancy apple pastries like brittanies and danishes and stuff, and we buy zap apple jam to put in ponies' sandwiches, and I used to talk to Rarity when she would come in to buy cupcakes because sometimes when a pony is inspired and she's been working all day she needs a cupcake to keep her energy up—"

Discord pressed a talon against Pinkie's lips. "Enough, Pinkie. I get the idea." He wasn't going to tell her that he'd known all this already, that he'd used every tool available to him in stone to spy on her and her friends from the date of the Rainboom and Twilight's hatching of Spike; he'd known, that early, that those six ponies were destiny-entangled and almost certainly intended to be his future opponents as Bearers of Harmony. He'd been watching as they made friends with each other, waiting for the day when they were all together, because he'd been sure they'd end up with the Elements of Harmony as soon as they were all in direct contact with each other, and as soon as that happened, he'd known the balance would shift and he could start working on breaking out of his prison in earnest. It didn't really seem politic to him to talk to his friends about the days when they were his enemies, not now.

And so he went with the rest of the group – all five of the Bearers, plus Spike – to pick Fluttershy up at the train station. Against his will, he remembered the last time Fluttershy had gone somewhere by train, by herself, and he'd been desperate for her to return – when he'd gotten sick with a mutated version of the blue flu, after giving himself the blue flu in the first place, and then a tatzlwurm had suppressed his magic and the flu viruses that had mutated from proximity to his chaos magic had made him incredibly ill. Twilight and Spike and Cadance and Pinkie Pie had all gone out of their way to help him and take care of him, before Fluttershy got him... and he'd repaid them all by letting Tirek take their magic.

Everything nowadays reminded him of his own guilt.

After what seemed like it had to have been three or four hours, but was according to Rarity and her elegant diamond-studded timepiece on a chain only a few minutes, the train pulled in. Discord was floating, unable to stay on the ground from excitement. At least he was managing not to bounce. Pinkie Pie had that angle covered, sproinging up and down in place.

Several other ponies disembarked. Fluttershy was one of the last to come out. "Fluttershy!" Rainbow yelled, before anyone else could say anything – though Pinkie Pie began yelling "Fluttershy!" repeatedly a second after Rainbow did, bouncing as she did so. Rainbow continued over Pinkie. "Great to see you're back! Can I take your bags?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Rainbow, I should take Fluttershy's bags," Discord interjected, teleporting between Fluttershy and Rainbow so that Rainbow's dive toward Fluttershy resulted in her smacking into Discord's chest instead.

"Oh, it's fine, I can manage my own bags," Fluttershy said. "Please don't fight over it."

"How did things go?" Twilight asked.

"They're rebuilding everything quickly, which is good. There's a few animals who were scared enough that they didn't want to come back to the zoo, but I think I managed to talk them into it." Fluttershy was plainly struggling a bit with her valise.

"Fluttershy, just let me carry your bag," Discord said, reaching for the valise by stretching his arm to a ridiculous length.

Fluttershy shook her head. "It's fine," she said, not looking at him. "A little exercise won't hurt me. The real problem was the lion; she was very hungry, and obviously, to a hungry lion, ponies look like food. It was hard to convince her to come back without pouncing on anypony."

"Oh my goodness! That sounds so frightening!" Rarity said.

"Not really. I mean, it's a little frightening, because you never know if the animal is going to listen to you, in the end. Usually they do, though. And eating a living pony, well, you're going to have to bite through a tough hide, covered with a coat –"

Spike looked slightly green. "That doesn't sound tasty," he agreed.

"Whereas if you come back to the zoo, you get delicious tuna steaks, and turkey, and we train the lions to prefer those kinds of foods to ponies. It's what they're used to."

"I suppose lions aren't very adventurous in their diets?" Discord asked.

"They're really not," Fluttershy said, still not looking at him, but at least she was talking to him.

Applejack said, "Still, it's kinda worrisome to think about a lion loose in Manehattan. Especially a hungry one. What if there'd been a foal around where the lion could get her?"

"That's why they wanted me to come," Fluttershy said. "It was very important for ponies' safety but also the lion's safety to get her back to the zoo; an earth pony mother defending her foal from a lion might, um, well, earth ponies are very strong, and a hoof could do a lot of damage to the poor lion, and then you imagine what a unicorn might do, so it's really best for the lion to be in the zoo."

"You should have asked me for help," Discord said. "I could have snapped up some raw red steaks. Lions love those."

"Um, yes, but there's two problems with that," Fluttershy said. "The first is, we don't want the lion learning to like red meat. Cows are made of red meat. Ponies are made of red meat."

"How do you know what color the meat of a pony is?" Twilight asked. "I mean, as far as I know only griffins care about the color of a meat source, and griffins don't eat ponies anywhere in the world."

"That you know of," Discord intoned ominously.

"And secondly, Princess Celestia said you have to stay in Ponyville, so you couldn't have gone to the zoo in Manehattan even if it wouldn't have been, um, not the best idea for other reasons." She glanced at him, but briefly, so briefly.

"I thought everypony knew that ponies are red meat!" Pinkie said.

"Uh, no, Pinkie, why is that a fact anyone needs to know? How do you know it?" Twilight asked.

"Pinkie knows a lot of weird stuff you can't figure how or why she knows it," Applejack said. "You'll drive yourself plumb crazy trying to figure that out, Twilight, I thought you knew by now."

"Anyway, darling, we've got your usual travel decompression kit waiting back at your house," Rarity said. "Pinkie brought over a cake, and Applejack's going to make you some warm fritters, and I've got a new plush bathrobe and a hot lavender bath waiting for you, and Spike's volunteered to give you a back massage if you need one."

"I did?" Spike said. "I mean, yes, of course I will!"

Discord glared down at him. "I hardly think that's appropriate," he said. "Fluttershy has more than one friend with fingers, and I'm much stronger than Spike, and I have magic."

"It's fine," Fluttershy said. "I really don't need a back massage. The hot bath will be fine."

"I could snap you up some bubble bath soap," Discord said desperately. "Cherry almond scented? With scrubbing bubbles? That hum?"

"That sounds perfectly nice," Fluttershy said. "You can do that if you want to. As long as the humming isn't very loud."

"They could make bird sounds instead..."

"No, that would just confuse my bird friends."

"Can you imagine?" Pinkie said, giggling. "What if your friend was in the bath and the bath kept saying things like 'Purple seventeen donut bus'? Or 'whiskers time for jogging basket?'"

"What about ocean sounds? Ponies like the sound of the ocean, don't they?"

"I went to the ocean once," Fluttershy said, and shuddered. "It was so big. Oh, but I did see some very nice crabs, and a starfish."

"Let's let Fluttershy get back to her house so she can get some food and a bath to get the travel dust off," Twilight said. "And I'm sure she'll want to take a nap. Discord, I want you to come back to the palace with me to consult on making a magical field that can keep animals with predatory intent out but will let other animals in. Rainbow, how about you take Fluttershy's bag straight to her house for her? Rarity, Applejack, I know you're going to want to help Fluttershy settle in. Pinkie, if you've already dropped off the cake then why don't you and Spike go to the market and get more eggs? If you're going to do this pancake thing a lot, you'll want more eggs than we have. And maybe blueberries, or chocolate chips."

"Or blueberries and chocolate chips!"

It did not escape Discord's notice that Twilight had gone out of her way to keep Fluttershy's two most extroverted and high-energy friends away from going to her house with her. Part of him resented the very obvious manipulation and the implications that lay behind it. But... he really did want Twilight to consult with him about magic questions. And the magical field she was talking about was the one Pinkie had said they would set up for Fluttershy to have a garden at the palace, and... it was also obvious that Fluttershy didn't really want to talk to him right now. He snapped his talons. "The bubble bath will be waiting for you as soon as you're ready, Fluttershy," he said. "Lead on, Twilight."

"...thinking that we can tie into the harmonic field of the palace to check intent, so if your intent doesn't harmonize with the purpose of the garden, it won't let you in," Twilight said... he thought, anyway. He'd stopped paying attention as soon as she started talking about integrating harmony into the spell. "What do you think?"

"Fine, fine," he said absently, wondering if Fluttershy would appreciate it if he put his new thinking tree in her garden. He'd first created the thing back when he'd been living at the palace in Equupolis with Celestia and Luna, when he'd been a teenager; back then he'd made it by using chaos magic to modify the seed, because he hadn't been strong enough to just constantly make things out of nothing, but since he'd become the chaos avatar he'd just snapped his thinking tree into existence every time he'd wanted it around.

"Discord, are you even paying attention to me?"

Discord scowled at her. "What do you think?"

"I thought you wanted to help!"

"I did want to help! Until you made it clear that you're going to do the whole thing with harmonic magic, which, in case you have forgotten that I am the Spirit of Disharmony, I cannot in any way, shape or form do anything with!"

"Well, you haven't made any other suggestions!"

"How am I supposed to suggest anything to you when it's obvious you know everything?"

Twilight sighed explosively. "If I thought I knew everything why would I have asked for your help?"

"To keep me from bothering Fluttershy while she's recovering from her trip," Discord said, more of the bitterness he felt about it showing in his voice than he'd really intended. "Oh, I'm sorry, were you trying to be subtle about that?"

Twilight winced. "I'm not just—"

"Maybe not just," Discord interrupted, "but are you going to try to deny that your main reason for asking me to come help you right then was to keep me away from Fluttershy?"

"I haven't forgotten how you whined and complained when I tried to give Fluttershy time to recover from her trip before dealing with you when you were sick."

"Yes, well, I was sick! I'm not sick now! I'm perfectly capable of grasping that ponies need rest and that travel is stressful for Fluttershy. You could have just asked me." He shook his head. "Twilight, you're no Celestia. Don't try to be manipulative. You're terrible at it."

"I'm not manipulating you, I'm just... trying not to be rude. I know how you feel about Fluttershy and I didn't want to have to tell you that you are much too much for her to deal with right now. She really does consider you a good friend, but she just can't handle someone like you right now. She can't handle Pinkie and you're a lot more than Pinkie. And you're emotionally needy and you're clingy, when it comes to Fluttershy. So I wanted to give you something to distract your mind from wanting to go bug her, since she needs a chance to rest. And I didn't want to be rude about it by spelling everything out like apparently I have to because you think I'm trying to manipulate you."

Discord sighed. "I hate to break this to you, but that is exactly what manipulation is. You can tell me that I need to back off for Fluttershy's sake; you don't need to lie to me to make me feel better."

"I wasn't lying to you, though. I do want your input."

"Well, if you want my input, then stop assuming you're going to do this with harmony."

"It's not as if anyone but you can do it with chaos."

"No, but if you want my advice, perhaps you should remember that there are in fact more than two kinds of magic in the world." He lifted into the air and coiled himself. "In point of fact, solving this particular problem would be considerably easier with using disharmony magic than harmony magic."

Twilight frowned. "Why would that be?"

"Because a creature who comes into this garden intent on taking prey is acting in harmony with its nature, because it's a predator who takes prey to survive, but in disharmony with the desires of the other creatures in the garden, since it wants to eat creatures who don't want to be eaten. Harmony magic is, mmm, optimistic – it looks for any source of harmony, because it can build on that. So it'll detect that the creature is in harmony with its nature and quit looking – harmony found! Everything is delightful! Go ahead and let them in! Disharmony magic is equally optimistic, from disharmony's perspective anyway – it'll look for the first source of disharmony it finds, which in this case would be the mismatch of the predator's desire to kill and eat with the desire of the prey to stay alive. Key the disharmony spell to lock creatures out if there's any source of disharmony – and put an exception in for ponies, otherwise it won't let a pony go in the garden if they're mad at their friend – and you'll get significantly better results."

"Huh." Twilight nodded her head. "That does make sense. But how would I go about casting a disharmony spell? Is it just like dark magic?"

Discord shrugged. "I couldn't necessarily say." He became a tiny child draconequus playing with a rattle. "I've been able to access disharmony magic since I was a child." Back in his adult form, he said, "But I've occasionally tried to teach a pony. It never goes well, but there are times it's gone less badly than others. Generally speaking, you access disharmony magic by doing the opposite of what you do to access harmony magic."

"So... think about fighting with your friends?"

"If that's what works for you, sure, but all you really need to do is focus on things about other ponies that are different from you. Things that irritate you, things you're envious of, things you think are great but would rather be caught dead than do them yourself. If you draw mana while you're focusing on your lack of perfect harmony with other ponies, the mana will be just right for casting a disharmony spell. I think. I'm pretty sure that's how other ponies did it, anyway."

"Huh. And then would I cast the spell in reverse, or would I just cast the same spell?"

"I don't know." Discord threw his arms up in exasperation. "I'm not a pony! I don't cast like you do. Your thing with structuring a spell, where you make a framework that will channel the magic into doing exactly what you want? I don't do that. And if I do do that, it was disharmony magic to begin with so I don't need to worry about how to convert it from harmony." He massaged his temple with his lion paw. "I think... I don't know. There were symbols in the structure that the ponies casting disharmony would flip, and others they would leave alone. Experiment with it."

"Are there any books about it?"

He cocked his head and his eyebrow, widening his larger eye and squinting his smaller one. "Twilight Sparkle. I was in stone for a thousand years or so. When I reigned, there weren't any books, that I knew about anyway. Since then Celestia has been in charge of what magic gets studied in this country. Do you seriously think she'd allow there to be books on disharmony magic?"

"You have a point," Twilight conceded, and then brightened. "But the Crystal Empire! There's a vast library there in the palace of works about magic, including stuff that deals with dark magic and chaos magic. They haven't even begun to catalog all of it. Maybe there's something about disharmony magic there!"

Discord pursed his lips and nodded. "I really wasn't able to get into the Crystal Empire much. That whole Heart thing, you know. And I know Sombra hoarded books on magic like dragons hoard gems. So, yes, if there's anything anywhere written down about how a pony can cast disharmony magic, it would probably be there."

"You can read really fast." Twilight paced around excitedly. "Or well, not read fast but you can read a lot of books at the same time. Maybe we could go to the Crystal Empire and you could help me look for a book?"

"I hope you're not talking about right now. I do want to see Fluttershy as soon as she's recovered from her trip."

"Sure, we don't have to do it right away. I've got something to think about now, and a plan to work up." She continued to pace. "I need to think. Do you want to help Pinkie and Spike with the groceries?"

"I'll help them eat them if that's what you mean."

"Well, if you don't want to help them get the groceries, I don't want to give you busywork and I'm sure you have things you'd like to do."

I certainly do, if I was only allowed to do them, or felt right about doing them, he thought. "Tired of me already, Princess?"

"I need to do some thinking, and that means I need to be by myself, without interruptions. So it's not that I'm tired of you, it's that I figure you'd be really bored if I made you sit down and be quiet and not draw attention to yourself, which is what I'd need from you if you were going to stay here—"

Discord made a face. "No thank you. I'll go find something to entertain myself." If I slip over to an alternate reality but it's still Ponyville, does that actually count as leaving Ponyville?

As usual, stepping outside the harmonics made him feel so much better, he wondered why he ever went inside the palace. As usual, he had no idea what he was going to do with his time. He desperately wanted to go talk to Fluttershy now that she was back, but he knew she'd need a nap and some relaxation time before she was ready to interact with friends. Part of him insisted he should go do it anyway, but he really didn't want to upset her, not when things between them were so precarious anyway.

Terrible ideas presented themselves to him, and he shot them down, but with increasing reluctance. What if he made himself sick again and then Fluttershy would have to take care of him? What if he pretended to have been made ill by Tirek taking his magic because he was the spirit of chaos and his magic was a more integral part of his existence than pony magic was? No, that presented the obvious "serves you right" commentary. Maybe Fluttershy wouldn't say that, but what if she thought it? No, no, can't do any of that. All right, what if he went to an alternate timeline? If there was still a Ponyville in the other timeline, could Celestia really accuse him of having left Ponyville? (Answer: yes. The ward would detect that he wasn't present in this Ponyville; it would have no way of sensing that he was in a different one. Also, did he really want to risk running into another Discord?) What if he traveled in time? He could go back far enough that this was Equupolis again, and wear his Twister disguise or some other pony shape, and... not do anything, because he hadn't done anything, because his ability to alter the past was really, really limited. Okay, new plan. What if he just said "screw Celestia" and went wherever he wanted?

That one was a lot harder to reject than it should have been. No small part of him argued that he outranked Celestia, that he was more powerful, that he was the Avatar of Chaos, a cornerstone of magic itself in Equestria and all throughout the world, and taking orders from ponies, even pony princesses, was beneath him.

He reminded himself of Celestia's face as Tirek threw her into Tartarus, as she hugged him and begged him not to disappoint her again, as he gave her candy flowers from their childhood. He wasn't obeying Celestia because he was a herd creature like a pony, mindlessly following authority; he was obeying Celestia because he wanted to win back her trust, and the trust of the ponies who were Fluttershy's friends and maybe his own. Because he'd screwed up in a major way and he didn't want to be the bad guy again.

None of this answered the question of what he could do to entertain himself until Fluttershy could see him.

He wandered aimlessly through Ponyville, committing very small acts of chaos. Zucchini at the market stand yelling "Pick me! Pick me, I'm freshest!" at ponies. Statues with hats on tipping them to passersby. Birds singing as if they were guitars or keyboards. Lampposts taking a little stroll. Tiny things. Harmless things, that reset themselves as if nothing had happened – even the lampposts strolled back to where they had originally come from. But ponies glared at him like he was unleashing a full-on storm of chaos, like he was chasing them down to have Tirek steal their magic, right now.

It wasn't worth it. The chaos didn't make him feel better. It made him feel like everyone was looking at him, which normally he loved, but they were looking at him with disgust and anger and they were right. He didn't know how to handle that. They'd always been wrong in the past, laughably wrong, and he could enjoy the attention as they all stared at him because he knew how great he was and how much better it was to be him than to be a pony. But he really had done something terrible. He hadn't taken anypony's magic, but he'd enabled Tirek, and that had been just as bad.

Well. He had bits. He went to Sugarcube Corner and ordered a soufflé. Chaos was very bad at making a proper soufflé. Mr. Cake trembled and his knees knocked together, but Discord had come by to visit Pinkie often enough that Mr. Cake seemed to be sort of used to him by now. And the soufflé was delicious.

By the time he was done, and had headed back to Twilight's castle, Pinkie and Spike had returned. Discord wandered back into the castle. The harmonics hurt his head, but the possibility of seeing some chaos he didn't have to feel guilty about was compelling, now that he was so very very bored.

After asking Twilight and Pinkie about six times "Do you think Fluttershy is ready for visitors yet?", he finally managed to get a "Probably, you should go check!" from Pinkie, and he was off.

"Fluttershy!" He popped into her living room, arms spread wide. "My best buddy! How are you!"

Fluttershy was on the couch, in a bathrobe, Angel Bunny cuddled in her lap and an assortment of chocolate sweets on the end table. She was reading a book that she hastily closed before Discord had a chance to see much of it, but it looked like it was full of pictures, like one of Spike's comic books. "Hello, Discord," she said, with much less of her usual cheer in her voice. "I'm still very tired from my trip."

"But you have time for your best friend, right?"

A weak smile. "I'll always try to make some time for you, Discord. Would you like some tea?"

"I would!" As she started to get up, he waved her down. "No need to put yourself out for me, I know how to put your tea kettle on. You're tired! You should rest your hooves!" He magicked up a plush ottoman covered with thick, soft fur. It opened its eyes, which were in the side facing Fluttershy. They were big, expressive eyes, looking up at her warmly.

"Oh, how cute!" Fluttershy said.

"Put your hooves on him," Discord said. "He'll purr and give you a hoof massage."

"I do want to try that." Fluttershy leaned forward to put her hooves on the ottoman. Angel angrily chittered at her. "Angel, Discord is my guest and you need to accept that. Now quiet down or go play by yourself." The rabbit glared at Discord, but didn't make a further sound.

Fluttershy put her forehooves on the ottoman. As Discord had promised, it purred, loudly, with a visible vibration. "Oh, that does feel nice. Will he mind if I put my back hooves on him?"

"Not at all! He loves it when ponies do that!"

As Fluttershy got a hoof massage from the ottoman, Discord floated into the kitchen and put on Fluttershy's tea kettle. He could snap up boiling water, but Fluttershy insisted that he do this the long way, with actual boiling water, and he didn't mind that much; the boiling point of water was predictable but the pattern of the bubbles was chaotic. Likewise, he could have created a tea with magic, but he preferred the taste of the teas Fluttershy bought. Randomly he summoned one out of her pantry and put it in a teacup for her.

He brought the tea out to her when it was done. "Here you go! I have no idea what kind of tea this is, I didn't pay any attention!"

Fluttershy smiled. "So tell me about what's been going on with you here."

He tried to think. Not very many things had happened since Fluttershy had left, and he didn't want to tell her about the incident with Stellar Eclipse and the lamps. And he certainly didn't want to tell her about the nightmares. "I had a flying competition with Rainbow Dash."

"Oh, how nice! She's warming up to you, then?"

He chuckled. "She only agreed to do it because I promised she could kick me if she won."

"That's terrible!" Fluttershy gasped. "But did you win?"

"Oh, no. Your friend is quite remarkable. But she didn't kick me; she wanted me to make a banner advertising her victory instead."

"Well, that's good." She frowned slightly. "But... I do know Rainbow is amazing, but I can't see how she could beat you..."

"Oh, it was without magic. Nothing but my flight magic, anyway. I do have that, you know. It's much easier flying with chaos, but that was the whole point." He sighed. "I was trying to find something fun to do that didn't rely on chaos."

"Was it fun?"

"Fun enough."

He found himself telling Fluttershy the story of his brother who could fly. "Hermes! That was his name. How strange, I do know it!"

"Is it really strange that you know your brother's name?"

"In our language – in the draconequus language – you don't call your older brother by his name, you call him Older Brother. And all of my brothers were older than me. I don't remember any of their names, but I must have remembered Hermes because that was what my mother called him."

She patted his arm. "I'm sure he was proud of you." Fluttershy looked up at him. "Do you want to talk about things from your childhood? I'm always happy to listen."

"Eh, it was a long time ago." Discord shrugged.

"It's part of what makes you you, though. We're friends. I want to understand you."

So you'll know if I'm about to betray you again? No. That was uncharitable. Twilight maybe, but Fluttershy was not just pretending to be his friend to manipulate him. "Fluttershy... you know I... I'm really sorry for what I did, right? I don't know how to make it up to you."

"It's all right, don't worry about it." She patted his arm again. He wasn't fooled. There was disharmony surging in her emotional state. Either she was saying something that had no connection to her actual feelings, or her feelings were in violent conflict with each other, or both.

"It's not all right and I have to worry about it. I know it hurt you, Fluttershy. You don't have to pretend it didn't."

"It's all right. It hurt me, yes, but that's in the past now." She yawned. "Anyway, I'm so sorry, but I'm still very tired. I think we should call it a night, okay? If that's all right?"

"Of course," he said, mechanically. He looked down at the end table. She had barely touched the tea he'd made for her. "I can drop in tomorrow if you're not doing anything too strenuous!"

"I do have a lot of work to do catching up. I'll need to find out how the animals behaved for the petsitter, and make sure everyone's been getting the right amount of food..."

"So you don't want to see me?"

"I told you, I'll make time for you, but I might not have a lot of it. So feel free to drop by. It'll be fine. We can spend a few minutes talking at least."

"Can we talk about... this thing? What I did?"

"There's no need, it's all over and done with. Let's not dwell on it. Good night, Discord, I hope you get a good night's sleep."

That was unmistakably a dismissal. "Good night, Fluttershy," he said in a jovial tone he didn't feel, and vanished.

He was a child, chasing after Older Brother, Hermes, through a forest. "Can't catch me!" Hermes caroled back at him.

"Yes I can!" Discord called, and changed the position of gravity so that he was falling toward the horizon rather than the ground. He beat his tiny wings hard to slow his terrifyingly fast descent toward his brother in the distance.

"Nope! I'm faster than you! I'm faster than everyone!" Hermes called back to him, and sped up.

All the other draconequui were flying ahead of him. Fluttershy was also there but she was a draconequus. "Wait for me!" Discord yelled. "Slow down!"

"We're not taking you," a male draconequus named I Run Things said. "You're chaos, and chaos is bad and evil. You can't come with us."

"Slow down! Mommy! Hermes! Fluttershy! Don't go with him! Let me come with you!"

But they just kept flying faster and faster, and he tried to fly faster to keep up with them but his wings were so small and so sore. He was falling through the sky toward the horizon but they were far ahead of him, getting smaller and smaller. "Come back! I want to go with you! Come back!"

Then a pony sawed a tree down with a buzzsaw and it hit him and knocked him out of the sky.

He opened his eyes. Pinkie was snoring very loudly – his "buzzsaw". Discord snorted, and snapped his dragon foot because his upper limbs were tangled in a blanket. Her breathing eased, her airways opening up, and she slept on, breathing normally again.

"Might need to get that looked at, Pinkie," he whispered. "If you're snoring, you're not sleeping well."

Funny how she managed to wake him up from a nightmare every single night even if she wasn't trying. He lay on the pillows, looking up at the ceiling, trying to calm down from the dream. I Run Things? What kind of a name was that? He'd dreamed it in the draconequine language, so it was all one word, but still. Dimly he remembered that that guy had actually existed and had always been yelling at him. Wait, wasn't that the guy who'd given him the name Discord and identified him as the Principle of Chaos? Discord wasn't sure if he actually remembered that, or if he just remembered remembering that. Starswirl had helped him recover the memories of what had actually happened to the draconequui, some time after he'd come to the palace, but that recovery had happened two thousand years ago and a lot of it had faded.

He closed his eyes. "Stop having nightmares," he whispered to himself. "You don't need to have a nightmare every single night. It's getting predictable." Hopefully his magic wouldn't let him do a thing if it was predictable and boring, even if he was asleep and not in conscious control of it.

At least Tirek hadn't been in it this time. Discord breathed deeply, trying to banish the dream and get back to sleep.

Something was frying. Discord's nose twitched, and his eyes opened again. He couldn't remember any dreams after the one about the draconequui, so if he'd had any other nightmares, at least he'd managed to sleep through them.

He got up and wandered into the kitchen, where Pinkie was frying eggs, hash browns, and mushrooms with onions. "Hi, Discord! Do you want some breakfast? If you snap me up some bacons I can fry them for you!"

"Great idea! I could go for some bacons!" Spike put in.

With the harmonics in the palace, Discord could not snap up some bacons. "Naah, I hate repeating myself. I'll take some mushrooms, though. Do you have pickle relish?"

"Bought some yesterday," Spike said. "Twilight doesn't like it, but I love it. Nothing like a hot dog loaded with pickle relish. Sometimes I even marinate rubies in it; really brings out the flavor."

Discord was dragon enough to know what gems tasted like, though without using magic he couldn't eat them, and he agreed with Spike that pickle relish would harmonize well with rubies, which was why he would never eat a ruby with pickle relish. "Twilight is sleeping in?"

"She's not sleeping well lately," Spike said. "So yeah, she might be sleeping a little late."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?"

"Uh, I shouldn't have to explain this, you were there," Spike said. "Our tree got blown up? You let Tirek take everyone's powers? Tirek almost killed us? You don't think those are good enough reasons to be sleeping badly?"

As Discord himself was sleeping badly for similar reasons, he couldn't exactly argue against that. He really didn't know what to say; expressing his regret was too heavy, this early in the morning, but he couldn't make a joke about it when it was all his fault. "I suppose you have a point," he said. "And I see you have a new refrigerator?"

"Yup! Best magical cooling on the market. Twilight's a Princess now, so I figured she deserves the best!" Spike bragged.

"I picked it out!" Pinkie said. "I always wanted one but the Cakes said they didn't need such an expensive fridge!"

"Look! It's got an ice cube zone, a chill your vegetables zone, a don't chill your vegetables any more than you have to because they won't get ripe if they're cold but you wanna keep the flies off zone, a dairy zone, a leftovers zone... there's even a meat zone, but I don't see us using it for that, really."

Discord raised an eyebrow. He didn't really care about the workings of a refrigerator, but a thought had occurred to him. "Fluttershy should have one of these. She needs a meat zone for the fish and insects she feeds to her animals."

Spike was taken aback. "Fluttershy feeds fish to animals? But fish are animals too! And bugs – butterflies are bugs, so doesn't she care about them?"

"Nature is nature," Discord said. "Fluttershy won't let an animal starve just because its nature requires it to eat other animals. Fish and insects are a lot less sentient than birds and mammals and reptiles, so she's willing to feed them to carnivores." He scanned the fridge, wondering if he could make one. With additions, of course. He'd have a sun zone to help ripen fruits and vegetables that needed it, and a water zone to keep lettuce fresh, and maybe he'd make it bigger on the inside.

The thought occurred to him that it was kind of pathetic to make Fluttershy a better refrigerator than Twilight had when he'd spent three days in the past recovering Twilight's books. He sagged slightly. On autopilot, he snagged the pickle relish with his tail, and shut the fridge, drooping.

"What's wrong, Discord?" Pinkie asked.

"Pinkie, you're supposed to ask me 'why the long face,'" Discord said, elongating his face. It was an effort to do the joke against the harmonics, but not such an effort he couldn't manage it. "And then I say, 'I'm just feeling a little hoarse'—" here he turned his head into a pony head.

"That'd be funny, but it doesn't answer my question! Your head got all droopy for a moment!"

"I'm just concerned because there's not very much pickle relish in here."

"That's a donation from Applejack, there's a whole other bottle Pinkie and I just bought," Spike said. "You can finish that one up if you want. It's too apple-y for my taste."

Pickles and apples? Now that sounded like an interesting flavor combination. He stuck his talon in the jar, licked the relish off, found it as intriguing as he'd hoped, and ended up dumping half of what was left of the jar onto the mushrooms Pinkie gave him.

Twilight shuffled into the kitchen with a wild bedhead. Discord snickered. "Coffee," she groaned hoarsely.

"Coming right up," Spike said. He breathed a light flame gently on the coffee pot, and poured steaming hot coffee into a mug. "Cream? Sugar?"

"Mmuh."

"That means 'yes'," Pinkie translated to Discord in a stage whisper.

Twilight drank half the cup of coffee before trying to eat any of her breakfast. Discord ended up with a glass of chocolate milk courtesy of Pinkie, and he and Spike split some waffles covered with hot chili sauce. Spike sprinkled his with gem dust.

Finally Twilight had pulled herself together enough to make plans, which was apparently what she usually did in the morning. "Okay. Discord, I was thinking about that trip to the Crystal Empire we talked about doing. I think Shiny's just a little ticked-off at you right now, but if you're with me I'm sure it'll be fine."

"What if I don't want to go?"

Twilight sighed. "Then I'll go with Spike, but we'll be able to get a lot more books checked if you come with us."

"Can I go anyway even if you're going with Discord?" Spike asked. "I love the Crystal Empire!"

Twilight giggled. "And they love you, Spike. Yes, of course you can come with me no matter who else I end up going with."

There was a banging at the door, loud enough that they could all hear it even in the kitchen. "I'll get it!" Pinkie caroled, and hopped toward the door. Discord considered teleporting there, and then remembered that in the castle, he couldn't teleport.

"Why don't you want to go?" Twilight asked Discord.

"Now, Princess, I never said I didn't want to go. I asked what if I didn't want to go."

"Ugh." Twilight face-hoofed. "Why are you like this?... never mind. Chaos. I get it."

"So do you wanna go or not?" Spike asked.

The truth was, there was nothing particularly appealing about going to the Crystal Empire, where the Heart was active and the harmonics were all through the city, and reading a large number of books he had no interest in to try to find information he didn't care about, for Twilight's sake. On the other hoof, he owed Twilight his life. On the third hoof, he had done something very difficult and unpleasant for Twilight to pay her back for that. On the fourth hoof, was his life really only worth a library full of books?

"I suppose," he sighed.

Pinkie came back, subdued. "Uh, Twilight. You might want to go talk to them."

"Oh? Who is it?"

"It's a bunch of ponies from the town. They – they have a petition."

Discord didn't like the sound of this. Twilight asked, "A petition about what?" as she walked down toward the door.

"You should just talk to them," Pinkie said.

Discord followed behind them. He had a bad feeling about this.

Twilight threw the doors open with her magic. There were a lot of Ponyville ponies standing there. The mayor wasn't one of them, but the hilarious three who sold the flowers and were always fainting with terror at the slightest bit of chaos were. Most of them were Earth ponies, with a handful of pegasi and a few unicorns.

"Princess Twilight?" A well-dressed beige pony with his brown mane slicked back approached with a petition in hoof.

"Davenport! Hello! I was just thinking I should come by and get a sofa for this castle—"

"Thank you, Princess, but that's not why we're here." He cleared his throat. "We, the undersigned citizens of Ponyville – see, these are our signatures –"

"Davenport, I know how a petition works."

"Right. Well, um."

"Why don't I just read it?" Twilight said, her magic reaching out to pick up the petition. She pulled it over to herself. "We, the undersigned citizens of Ponyville, officially petition Princess Twilight to... banish the entity called Discord from Ponyville and forbid him from returning?" The petition fell to the ground. "Do you guys even know that Princess Celestia forbade him from leaving Ponyville? That he's here as part of his punishment for his involvement in the thing with Tirek?"

"Uh, no..."

One of the ponies in the crowd spoke up. "Why is Princess Celestia punishing us?" Raucous laughter and angry muttering from the crowd.

"Princess Celestia isn't punishing you. The idea is that Discord needs to live among the ponies he harmed, and make reparations."

"Yeah, so then why was he running around the town yesterday causing chaos?" another pony yelled.

Twilight turned on him. "Discord? You want to explain this?"

"It was only tiny bits of chaos!" Discord threw up his hands. "Ponies are just so – hidebound! Look, everything I did was tiny and then I put it back exactly as I found it. I didn't hurt anypony."

"You made my zucchini talk!" one of the ponies yelled. Oh, yeah, he'd been behind the stand selling the zucchini. "Nopony wants to buy talking zucchini! My sales were terrible!"

"And my pet frog started singing and I nearly broke my neck falling down the stairs, I was so startled!"

"Well, that's on you," Discord said. "There's nothing about a singing frog that's so terrifying you should fall down the stairs and break your neck."

"Discord..." Twilight said warningly.

"My cart grew wings and flew off!"

"It did a loop-de-loop and it came right back! And none of your stuff even fell out!" Discord snapped.

"Discord, let me handle this."

"What do they want me to do, stop existing? I can't both be nowhere but Ponyville and not in Ponyville unless I'm nowhere!"

"I'm sure that's not—"

"I'm sure that is!" He turned and stalked off. "You deal with them, Princess. You're the Princess, it's your job."

His room in the castle was right by an exit, the one by the place they'd set aside as Fluttershy's garden. He stormed out the door, slammed it shut, and sat down on a rock. This wasn't a garden yet. The Tree had plonked Twilight's new castle down in what had previously been a perfectly ordinary meadow, covered with grass and wildflowers. In a town full of ponies, meadows never got severely overgrown – there was always somepony looking for a quick snack on their way to work or school. But at least it wasn't manicured perfection like the areas where ponies actively mowed to harvest hay.

He thought about snapping a garden into existence for Fluttershy. Forget Twilight and her desire to go visit the Crystal Empire. He could just do it, the whole thing, by himself.

But whatever he made would be chaotic. Was that really what Fluttershy would want? Her own garden was neat and orderly. It drove him nuts sometimes, nagging him to rearrange some things, disrupt the neat rows, plant some really wild things and watch them take over. He tried not to spend time near Fluttershy's garden because he didn't want to hurt her by messing it up, but he didn't know how hard he could push his limited self-control.

No. A garden was the last thing Fluttershy would want from him.

Morosely he swung his tail and his goat hoof, randomly kicking the grass. The townsponies couldn't handle even the slightest bit of chaos. How was he going to stay in this town without going insane?

The door opened and Twilight came out. "Okay, when were you going to tell me about your little stunts yesterday?"

"Never," Discord said honestly. "They really shouldn't have been any of your business. I put everything back the way I found it within a minute or two. It was really the smallest, most basic, most inoffensive use of chaos I could imagine and it still upset them because ponies can't handle chaos."

"That's not why it upset them," Twilight said. "This town has been through parasprite attacks, Pinkie's baked bads, Sweetie Belle's cooking, Spike turning into a giant dragon, actually pretty much anything the Crusaders ever did... we can handle chaos. We're used to chaos. What they're scared of is you, Discord. You held ponies in place so Tirek could steal their magic."

"I barely had a chance to do that to anyone in Ponyville."

"You did it to enough of them that word got around. Whenever you run around causing small, harmless chaos, you remind them that you exist, and that reminds them of what you did, and what you did was terrible. I know you're sorry for it and you've done a lot to try to make amends with us, but have you tried doing anything for the townsponies to earn their forgiveness?"

"What could I possibly do? If I lighten some earth pony's load by giving their cart wings, they'll probably be terrified that the cart will fly off without them. If I repair a house, somepony's going to object to my inimitable style. The weather team can handle the weather and I'm a lot better with causing storms than sunny days, anyway. So what do I do?"

"Didn't you do this once before? Shortly after you got out of stone, but right after I got my wings, weren't you going around doing chaos to things to improve them, like giving Applejack a whole orchard full of zap apples?"

"Yes, but then the Crusaders decided they needed my help with finding their cutie marks, and, well..." That had almost resulted in him accidentally destroying Ponyville. It had also resulted in the fillies inviting him to be an honorary member of their club, but he didn't want to think about that, not now. "After that, no one wanted me helping out with much of anything."

"Yeah, I can see how that would have happened." She sighed. "Can you maybe keep the chaos out of the Main Street area? You can wander around the Acres, or go out by the lake..."

"Or visit Fluttershy. She appreciates my chaos."

"Yes. Yes, she does. You could go do that."

"I'm going to go do that right now," Discord said, and vanished.

"Fluttershy!" he called jovially.

Fluttershy was not in the house. Fluttershy was not in the garden, either. Before he had a chance to get worried, he quickly pulled out a die and rolled it, and it came up with an image of where Fluttershy was now. It wasn't too surprising to find that she was in the woods – the tamer part of the woods near the border with Sweet Apple Acres, not the Everfree – tending to a weasel with an injured tail.

So he popped in on her there. "Fluttershy! How is your weasel? Is there anything I can do to help?"

Fluttershy visibly startled when he spoke, but calmed down quickly instead of panicking and fleeing. "Oh, Discord. You startled me." She took a deep breath. "I didn't really expect you to come over here while I was working with Mister Weasel, here."

"Well, I didn't know you would be working with Mister Weasel before I headed over here."

"He's really very shy," Fluttershy said. "You might want to head back to the cottage; he's getting agitated with a stranger here. He doesn't know you, after all."

"Oh. Are you sure? I can be very small and quiet." He shrank himself to the size of a mouse and perched on Fluttershy's withers. "See?"

"I really think it would be better if you met me back at the cottage after I finish up with Mr. Weasel."

He sighed. "Oh, all right."

He couldn't very well hang around Fluttershy's cottage while she wasn't there, though. And he couldn't wander around in Ponyville anymore, and the woods was going to be incredibly boring unless he was in the Everfree, where he was not allowed to be because the Everfree wasn't technically Ponyville.

So he decided to find a cloud and take a nap until the ear of corn he'd left at Fluttershy's place heard her come in. He could set an alarm to warn him if a pegasus got too close to his cloud, he figured. It wasn't as if Discord ever slept deeply anyway.

The alarm didn't go off when the pegasus crashed into his cloud, though.

Discord sat up, startled, to meet the crossed eyes of the gray pegasus with the blonde mane.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to crash into you."

Discord recognized her, and flinched.

The last time Discord had seen this particular mare, he'd been tossing her up in the air by reversing gravity, then flipping it back, after Tirek had taken her magic. And she'd screamed hysterically and waved her legs frantically and it had bothered him. He'd done the same thing to the Wonderbolts, but when they'd screamed, it had been words of defiance. The gray mare with the bubbles for a cutie mark and the blonde mane had sounded like she was sobbing between her shrieks of fear.

Ponies being terrified had never bothered him before. Maybe Tirek was right. Maybe friendship had made him soft. Certainly he would never have been taken in by somebody like Tirek in the old days. But he couldn't help it anymore; this was what he was now, what friendship had made him, and he didn't want to be what he used to be.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, caught off guard.

"No, I'm sorry. I crashed into you. You were just sleeping." She gathered up some pieces of mail that had fallen out of her bag onto his cloud. Apparently, pegasi did something to the mail to make it able to walk on clouds, too. Or stay on clouds, at least, since unless he or a unicorn like Twilight had decided otherwise, mail couldn't generally walk.

"I don't mean that. I mean... Oh, for the sake of chaos, you know what I did! Your memory can't be that bad!"

"No..." The mare shook her head. "I only met you once before. I used to see you around Ponyville sometimes but I don't think we ever talked."

Discord sighed explosively. "I'm talking about when you attacked Tirek and me with the Wonderbolts! That was the only time we met!"

"Oh, yeah. Right."

"So, I'm saying I'm... I'm sorry for what I did to you. I... felt bad about it."

"Oh, that's okay."

"That's okay?" Discord was now floating above his cloud, waving his arms in disbelief. "I tormented you! On purpose! Because I thought it was funny!"

"Was that why?" The mare looked puzzled. "Because I remember that Tirek guy saying he was gonna kill us, and you saying he shouldn't kill us because you wanted to play with us."

"You were awake for that?"

"I was really tired but yeah, I was awake."

Discord looked away. "Yeah. That was what I said."

"So I figured, since you're Fluttershy's friend, that you were telling him that so he wouldn't kill us."

"Uh... sort of, but also, I did torture you because I thought it was funny..."

"But you saved our lives."

"But you were screaming..."

She shrugged, an interesting motion while hovering. "Yeah. It was really scary."

"So, I'm sorry!"

"I know. You said that." She nodded. "I forgive you."

"How can you just – You ponies! You just don't do that!" He spun around, steam coming out of his ears, until his head exploded. Then he reformed behind her. "How can you just... forgive me? Just like that?"

"It isn't hard," the mare said. "You just do it."

"It can't be that easy. I did something terrible to you!"

"I know," the mare said patiently. "I was there."

"But then how can you forgive me so easily?"

"It's not that hard," she repeated. "Isn't Fluttershy your friend?"

"Well, of course!"

"She wouldn't be friends with someone who was evil," the mare said. "And you're sorry for it, right?"

"Yes, that's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"Well, then. If you're sorry for it, then I forgive you," she said simply, like that explained everything. "I have to go, I'm late. You can go back to taking your nap."

Discord watched in bemusement as she lifted off again. It made no sense. But then, when had he needed anything to make sense? He should just accept this. One of the ponies he'd terrorized had forgiven him. That was all that should have mattered.

He needed to talk to Fluttershy about this. Things were tense between him and her, but she was the only one he'd ever been able to talk to about feelings like guilt, and loneliness, and the sensation of not fitting in and actually feeling bad about it. And now, this – more than guilt, he felt confused, and unhappy... that the mare had forgiven him? But why would that make him unhappy? Because he didn't understand how, or why, but he'd never needed everything explained. The world was full of things he really didn't quite understand and he'd just never cared much.

For some reason he cared about this, though. This mailmare wasn't his friend. He didn't even really know her at all. When the rest of Ponyville was submitting petitions to Twilight to have him driven out of town for making just a tiny bit of chaos, how could she forgive him for torturing her?

In a flash, he was gone, heading for Fluttershy's house.

There was a chance Fluttershy wasn't back yet, and he didn't want to look stupid in front of her pets by coming in yelling greetings if she wasn't there. So he appeared silently in her living room.

"...don't know if I can face him," he heard Fluttershy say, and started to summon a teleport so he could join her, but in the time it took him to figure out she was in the kitchen, he heard Applejack's voice.

"Why should you have to? Tell him to go away. He hurt and betrayed you, not the other way around. You deserve to have as much space away from him as you need."

They were talking about him. Discord's blood ran cold. He turned himself invisible so he could continue to listen without them catching him.

"It's not that simple," Fluttershy said. "I'm his first friend. His best friend. And everything he knows about friendship, I taught him. What if he did this because I wasn't a good enough friend?"

He wanted to teleport in and reassure her that that had nothing to do with it, she was a wonderful friend, he'd done it because she was only one pony and if his choices were to have only one friend who told him to reign in his chaos or only one friend who told him to go wild, he'd thought he was better off with the second friend. But Tirek hadn't been a friend at all and he hadn't been thinking about how much betraying Fluttershy would hurt because he'd never had a friend before so he'd never known what it felt like to betray a friend; he'd betrayed Celestia and Luna but he'd been sure at the time that they had betrayed him, and the same was true for Starswirl, who'd sided with the Tree of Harmony against him so he'd killed the Tree so Starswirl and his allies had tried to banish him or turn him to stone, he'd never known which because he'd run. He hadn't wanted to kill Starswirl even though he'd felt betrayed. When he'd come back Starswirl had been gone and he hadn't known where, and he'd felt betrayed by that too. He'd never known what it felt like to betray anyone he cared about because he'd convinced himself they'd done it first. And he hadn't known he had more than one friend.

He hadn't thought about the Cutie Mark Crusaders. He'd been sure Twilight healing him from the blue-now-green flu had been because she feared him being contagious. He'd remembered Pinkie Pie saying she couldn't be his friend because he didn't understand that he'd hurt her other friends. He'd known the other Bearers couldn't stand him. He'd had no evidence that Celestia still cared, at all, in any way. But none of that had been Fluttershy's fault.

"Why in tarnation would you think that?" Applejack said disbelievingly. "Sugarcube, you've been a better friend than anyone like him could ever expect to have. You made friends with him in the first place when he was trying to mock you and wreck everything. You forgave him for that business with the vines. He made Rarity and me sick when you were out of town after volunteering us to take care of him even though Pinkie offered. You forgave him for that."

"He has no experience with friendship, Applejack. And not a lot of positive experience dealing with ponies at all. He's spent thousands of years being a villain who didn't care anything about anypony, and now he's trying to learn how to care about somepony besides himself, and it's hard for him. Even for the Spirit of Chaos, it's hard to change so much." He heard the sound of her chopping vegetables. Probably cutting up a cucumber for her horrible rabbit's salad. "I'm afraid we asked too much of him too quickly."

"All we asked him to do – all Princess Celestia asked him to do – was to use his powers to be useful and stop a threat. You wouldn't think that would be so danged hard."

"He joined Tirek because he thought Tirek could give him something we'd proven we couldn't. He needs chaos, Applejack. He needs to be able to use his magic. Remember how miserable we all were when Twilight switched our cutie marks and memories? That's what happens when you make a pony use their magic for something it's not really for. Asking Chaos to help keep order in Equestria? Was that really a good idea?"

"I don't know, but I do know this. Chaos ain't got a plumb thing to do with friendship. But it's got a lot to do with being unpredictable. And changeable. And not giving a gosh-darn about anypony because if it's gonna care about ponies getting hurt then it ain't chaos."

"I'm not so sure about that..."

"No, you listen to me, Fluttershy. You're the best friend any pony – any creature – could ever ask for. This wasn't your fault, this was all on him."

"But if I—"

"No. You gotta understand. He's Chaos. We've got no reason to believe Chaos can even be a good friend. It's like saying you can make friends with a storm."

"Well, pegasi actually can, if they're good at weatherworking, like Rainbow..."

"Rainbow can control a storm. She can't make friends with it. If she can't control it, like it's in the Everfree, it'll zap her and pay no never mind. And you can't control Discord."

Fluttershy sounded frustrated. "I don't want to control Discord. I just want him to... not hurt us. Or himself."

"That don't sound like a friend much. That sounds like what a mare says about a special somepony who's maybe a little too quick with the hooves, the kind with a nasty temper, if you know what I'm sayin'."

"No," Fluttershy said, and now she sounded upset. He wanted to go to her, to comfort her, to drive off Applejack for upsetting her, but he had to know what she would say, what Applejack would say. "Discord isn't like that. He's not violent. He listens to me, most of the time. He tries to make me happy."

"And he sneaks around behind your back to cause chaos. Or to sell you out to a sweet-talkin' centaur."

"But he wants friendship, I know he does!"

"Sugarcube, I know he wants it too, that's how you got as far as you did with him. But a critter like him, somepony who lives for chaos... you gotta reckon with the possibility that maybe he can't be a good and loyal friend. Some leopards can't change their spots. He says he wants friendship, and it ain't a lie, but... maybe, no matter what he wants, he's never gonna be able to not want chaos more."

Fluttershy burst into tears.

She believes Applejack. His heart dropped into his stomach. Literally. Absent-mindedly he reached in, grabbed it, and stuck it back where it belonged, but the feelings that had triggered the metaphor didn't change just because he'd put it back. She wouldn't be crying if she had an argument to make. She's crying because she thinks it's true.

A black pit yawned below him – metaphorically; he wasn't up to being funny enough to let his magic make it. Because it is.

Tears welled in his eyes, and he fled, teleporting away to end up in the branches of the new library tree he'd made for Twilight. It was true. He was a bad friend. He had betrayed his friends to Tirek because he'd wanted chaos more, and who was to say he wouldn't do it again?

The tears ran freely down his cheeks. Rarity, offering to dance with him to rebuild his reputation. Rainbow Dash, saying his wings were impressive. Spike, hugging him for restoring his comic book collection. Twilight telling Tirek, "All of my friends," demanding that Tirek release him, saving his life. Pinkie, treating him as a plushie, sleeping on him, trying however incompetently to save him from nightmares. Celestia, hugging him.

Fluttershy.

And he couldn't have any of it ever again.

He wanted friendship but he couldn't have it because he was a terrible friend. He'd betrayed Fluttershy and she couldn't face him anymore and she thought it was her fault he'd done it.

The ponies of Ponyville didn't want him here. Celestia had said she wanted him to stay here, as a punishment, but what kind of punishment was it when it punished the ponies who lived here as much as it did him?

He wandered through the woods aimlessly for hours, trying to resolve the question in his head. What could he do to protect Fluttershy from his inevitable fall again? Did he have to give up her friendship because he didn't deserve it? She didn't even want to see him again, did she? And if she didn't, it was only what he had coming, wasn't it.

Once upon a time, he'd have been bitterly angry about this. He'd have gone out of his way to reject his friends before they inevitably rejected him. He'd have felt betrayed that they offered him friendship and then he figured out that it could never possibly last because he wasn't someone anyone would ever want to stay friends with. But he didn't feel that way now; he felt despair and grief and guilt, but not anger, not at them anyway. None of this was Fluttershy's fault. None of this was even Applejack's fault; she'd just told the truth, which was, after all, the thing she did.

It wasn't their fault they'd offered him something he desperately craved when in fact he couldn't have it. It was his. He was broken, he was the monster who could only care about chaos and not about his friends. He was the one who'd tortured a mare for fun while she'd screamed in terror, and now she turned out to be as kind and forgiving a pony as Fluttershy was and he hadn't even known. Or cared. He was the one who'd put his best friend in a cage and dropped her cucumber sandwiches on the ground a minute after she'd defended him.

The sun went down. Should he just go back to Twilight's palace? Pretend he hadn't figured any of this out? Try to act like nothing was wrong and there was no inevitable disaster looming in the future and it was safe for him to enjoy having friends, for a little while, until eventually it all went wrong?

No. He wasn't doing that. In the future, he might not care, but right now, he cared too much about all of them to do that to them. If he left now, while he still understood that hurting them was not something he wanted to do, they'd be safe.

Discord looked around him, looking for somewhere to go. Someplace that was far away from here, far enough away that Celestia couldn't come after him, that the Bearers couldn't be sent to turn him into stone for disobeying her. Somewhere where he couldn't hurt anypony, and where there was no one to object to his chaos.

And then he looked up at the sky, at the rising moon slightly above the horizon, and started to laugh.

Discord snapped his talon, and was gone.

Above him the beautiful blue and green world hovered in the sky, covered in swirls of white that slowly moved. The True Stars, not the "stars" that Luna painted on the sky of the world to frighten away the Cold Ones but the actual literal stars, hung overhead, beautiful and brilliant. In the far distance, he could see the bright shine of the True Sun, the star that the world circled around; the "sun" that Celestia raised wasn't even a real star, but a fusion reactor created and held together by magic. Because night had only fallen recently, the sun was still visible from here on the Moon, shining down on him and across half the planet above him in the sky.

The Moon itself, however, was unbelievably boring.

White rock. More white rock. Craters of white rock, and dust-covered white rock. "Luna, haven't you ever heard of a little thing called 'color'?" Discord muttered, and raised his arms. "Someone needs to teach you how to decorate!"

Magic flowed from his paws. There was no ambient chaos on the Moon, aside from it being struck by an occasional asteroid, but the thaumic field was thick and his batteries were well-charged; he could stay here a long time before he ran out even if he used his magic constantly. He raised his arms and swung them this way and that like a conductor, as all around him fantastic shapes of green and orange coral grew out of the moon rock. The lighter gravity allowed him to make some truly amazing constructs without even having to infuse them with magic to negate or lessen their weight. Gently he floated above the surface of the moon as his coral city grew all around him.

It was too silent, too unmoving. He filled the void around him with atmosphere, thick and heady with oxygen, and then filled the air with fish, swimming through the atmosphere like fish back home swam through water. Insects of great size and iridescent beauty clacked their mandibles as they crawled or flew. Black and blue and vermilion plants sprouted everywhere, photosynthesizing through magic rather than chlorophyll, producing strange spicy fruit shaped like dodecahedrons or tetrahedrons or Moebius strips. Birds strutted all over the ground and the coral shapes, eating the insects, occasionally taking to lazy flight, since if he gave their wings any serious power they might accidentally fly out of his atmosphere and suffocate in the void. His magic blocked most of the intense heat of the sun, making his coral city hot and summery but not a murderous inferno. Craters filled with water, and the water spontaneously leapt into graceful fountains and splashed all around. All the moon dust in the city gathered to the edge of the nearest crater, creating a thick, soft beach of moon dust around the lake he'd made.

Discord lay down on a beach chair he'd made on his moon dust beach, with sunglasses on, and put his paws behind his head. Who needed friends, when without them he could go all out and build this?

He ignored the tiny voice in his head that said that without anypony to show all this to, it was pointless. He'd gotten very, very used to ignoring that voice over the years.

A flying small Discord dressed as a mail carrier, with a comically oversized mailbox dangling from a rope around his waist, popped into existence and caroled, "You've got mail!"

Discord reached out and the mailbox vanished, two scrolls falling into his paw. The thaumic signatures told him they were from Celestia and Luna, respectively. He grinned broadly. Of course, the ward had triggered and told them he'd left Ponyville, and of course, Luna would know where he'd actually gone, but neither of them could get here; Luna could raise the moon but she couldn't fly to it. So they were forced to resort to writing him letters.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

Author's Note

Wow, I really haven't updated this thing since 2016?

There will be at least 3 updates this year because I have two others in the can, and they just need a bit of revision, but I don't want to dump them all at once.

I might do some minor revisions to change the structure so that everything we have so far is a Book I, or Act I, or something like that, because we're changing patterns soon.

MOON I: Letters from the Moon

Discord,

The moon is not Ponyville. Care to explain this?

-Princess Celestia

Tia, do you really need me to explain to you why the moon is not Ponyville? I’d think that would go without saying. You should consult with Twilight if you really want to know.

-Me

Discord,

The explanation that I will require if you expect that you will not be punished for this is steadily growing more complex and difficult to produce. Return to Equestria at once. This is an order.

-Princess Celestia

You used the O word. Such language!

-you know who I am

Thou foul misbegotten miscreant,

Dost thou believe for one moment that We cannot perceive thy doings up there? Thou art desecrating Our moon with thy hideous chaos, and it is visible from Equestria, to the naked eye. Cease and desist forthwith, and remove thy presence from Our moon, or it shall end with thee weeping bitter tears that thou ever didst leave the safety of stone.

-Luna, Diarch of Equestria, Princess of Dreams, Lady of the Night

Luna, Luna, Luna, using so many titles only makes you look insecure, didn’t you know that?

-Discord, Lord of Chaos, Grand High Poobah of Nonsense, Spirit of Disharmony, Beezix of Fun, Former Watchbagel of Equestria

-see I have even more titles than you, or wait, how do we do that again, ah yes: Seest thou, verily We have more titles than thou dost, therefore nyaah nyaah nyaah-eth

PS: I forgot Muppet Master of Mayhem with Cheese!

BASE SNAKE-TONGUED SON OF A DISEASED DRAGON WHORE-DAM, REMOVE THY FOUL PRESENCE FROM OUR MOON IMMEDIATE BEFORE WE REND THY SPINDLY MALODOROUS BODY LIMB FROM MISMATCHED LIMB!

-LUNA, DIARCH OF EQUESTRIA

That’s rude, Luna. I smell like popcorn and peppermint. It’s not my fault you’re a weirdo who doesn’t like popcorn and peppermint. And don’t you think ‘yo mama’ cracks are beneath your dignity?

And what’s wrong with a snake tongue anyway? Your sister never had any complaints.

-Discord, Smexy Chaos Beast, Best Dance Moves In Equestria 600 years running

Discord,

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I can persuade Luna to restrain her temper. I don’t think I need to remind you of what happened the last time she was consumed with mindless rage. Is your need for knee-jerk defiance so great you would endanger her sanity, and all Equestria? I very much doubt Fluttershy would approve.

Return home at once.

-Princess Celestia

You say that like I have a home, Celestia.

Look, if it’s upsetting Luna that much, I’ll move to the other side where ponies can’t see. But don’t you understand, it’s better this way. You demanded that I stay in Ponyville so I could feel shame every time I run into some pony who hates me for what I’ve done, but did you ever stop to think about what you were doing to your ponies? Why would you want to inflict the presence of a creature they hate and fear on them, while they’re trying to recover from what I helped Tirek do to them? Are you seriously telling me you’re prioritizing my moral development over the well-being of your little ponies? For shame, Celestia, you should be looking out for them first.

I removed myself from Ponyville so that no pony would have to endure my chaos. I tried living without it first, but that didn’t work. Reformed or not, I don’t have that much self control and I never will. You wouldn’t have any better luck ordering Rarity not to make dresses or Rainbow not to fly or Applejack not to brutalize perfectly nice trees who never did anything to her to make them give up their babies to her.

For what it’s worth I’m sorry I couldn’t stick to the probation you gave me, but I’m not doing this to be defiant, as you seem to think. I’m not even doing it to annoy Luna, though I admit she’s hilarious when she’s angry. I’m here on the moon so that ponies don’t have to deal with me or worry about what I might do to them, and I don’t have to worry about slipping up and doing something else to upset them.

I’ll come back once everypony I betrayed who isn’t an alicorn or a dragon is dead, how’s that?

-Discord

THOU PIG-SWIVING DUNG BEETLE, WE ARE NOT DECEIVED! THY BILIOUS CHAOS RESOUNDS THROUGHOUT THE THAUMIC FIELD OF OUR MOON REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THOU UNLEASHETH THY VILE AND THUGGISH SORCERY UPON THE VISIBLE FACE OR THE SHADOWED SIDE. WE KNOW THOU ART STILL THERE. REMOVE THYSELF NOW OR SUFFER CONSEQUENCE UNENDURABLE!

-LUNA, PRINCESS OF THE MOON

Consequence unendurable? Oh, the horror! You’re going to make me watch foals performing skits from Improving Tales For Youth, aren’t you? No! Anything but that!

Or, you know, you’ll continue sending me hilariously foul-mouthed diatribes from Equestria, because you can’t get to the Moon without the Elements sending you here. So how exactly are you going to cause me any consequences, outside of maybe cracking my ribs from laughing at you too hard?

BTW, I found your crater full of rude words about your sister. I hope you don’t mind that I added “CELESTIA IS A POOPY HEAD” and “CELESTIA FARTS RAINBOWS THAT SMELL LIKE WET SOCKS” to the list.

-Discord, who’s howling, on your moon, at you

Discord,

It was not your decision to make. I am the ruler of Equestria, not you; I assigned your punishment, and I told you it was your last chance. You had no right to take it on yourself to assign yourself a different one.

And no, staying up there until every mortal you betrayed is dead is not acceptable. Are you even for a moment considering anyone else’s feelings? Do you truly intend to stay up there until Fluttershy is dead? Have you considered the possibility that she misses you? What of Twilight? What of Pinkie?

As for your last missive to Luna… you are aware that two alicorns can create and hold open a spatial wormhole, aren’t you? It’s not a spell I was confident that Cadance could support me in, but either Luna or Twilight could support me, and allow the other one to go through. Shall I send an alicorn after you, Discord? Luna, who draws her power from the body you are currently defacing with… whatever that orange and green substance is? Or Twilight, who called you a friend and freed you from Tirek, saving your life? Are you so very eager to face one of them in battle?

This is nonsense. Your assertion that you’re doing this to benefit ponies is a transparent lie and I don’t know why you think I’d believe you. Come home. Now.

-Princess Celestia

Discord,

Princess Celestia says you’re on the moon, and she and Princess Luna have both sent you letters asking you to come back, and you won’t.

Mind explaining why not? You told me you agreed to Princess Celestia’s terms for your probation. Why are you violating them now?

I want to believe you have a good reason for this. I want to believe this isn’t one of those stupid whims of yours like “I know, I’ll pretend I’m sick by infecting myself with a real disease and then exposing myself to a creature who suppresses magic that my own chaos made large enough to harm me, so that I actually do get sick; that’ll work great!” Or, you know, “I’ll sell out my real friend for a guy I just met who I happen to know is totally evil, because I really, truly believe that totally evil guys who say that friendship is a weakness are absolutely willing to be my best buddy and not planning on stabbing me in the back at all after they’re done using me! Sounds like a plan! Why, it’s not like I have experience with backstabbing and betrayal, I’m only the Spirit of Disharmony, after all, how would you expect me to know anything about that?”

Please tell me that for once you have a rational reason for what you’re doing and you’re not breaking Fluttershy’s heart and throwing away your reformation and your future out of some stupid plan that a five year old foal would see the holes in.

Also… come home. I can protect you from Princess Celestia, maybe, if you have a good excuse for what you’re doing, but not if you won’t come back.

-Princess Twilight Sparkle

Ooh, a letter from Princess Twilight Sparkle! I’m getting all tingly inside!

Tell me, isn’t it supposed to be part of ‘being good’ and ‘reformation’ and ‘friendship’ to not enjoy gratuitously causing the suffering of the ponies around me?

Yes, I have a good reason for this and it is called ‘trying not to hurt anypony’. They hate chaos. They hate me. And under Celestia’s rules I have to live with them and if I cause any chaos it can only be where they’d have to see it. My continuing presence upsets every pony in Ponyville except you six and probably some of you six too. And I can react to that with delight, because I really got to them and woo, I still got it, but I’m reliably informed by a certain purple princess that taking pleasure in the suffering you cause others is evil and I am trying not to be evil. So instead it makes me miserable. And if I’m being made miserable by me making them miserable then isn’t the friendly thing to do, the correct thing to do, the thing the very emotion of guilt was invented to make me do, to stop doing that thing?

Sorry, can’t stop existing. Suicide out of remorse is just so clichéd and jejune. If I was going to end my existence it would be for a good reason, like that ponies no longer make or want to eat jellybeans. Now that would be worth killing myself for. But short of ceasing to exist, the only way I can cause my presence to stop distressing the ponies of Ponyville is to remove my presence. If Princess C is going to get herself in a tizzy over it because she told me not to do that, well, tough. What part of “Spirit of Chaos” sounds like “Spirit of blindly following orders he knows are wrong and are hurting ponies?”

She can get over it or she can send Luna up here to assassinate me. Apparently she needs your help with that, though. So I guess it’s up to you. Is trying to spare ponies the trauma of remembering my actions every time they see my face worth turning me to stone for? Please let me know, if the verdict is for statueification then I have to pick out the perfect outfit to spend the rest of eternity being gawked at in.

-Discord, who would rather not be a statue, but apparently my input on the matter isn’t important

Princess Celestia,

It was so my call to make. You are the ruler of Equestria; I am the Lord of Chaos, which is everywhere in the universe and much bigger than Equestria, therefore I outrank you. Nyaah. I don’t take orders because they’re orders, I take orders if I agree with them, and I don’t agree with you anymore. I tried it your way. It didn’t work.

And I’m sorry if Fluttershy misses me, but she’s a big idiot who ought to have seen it coming. You don’t make friends with the Spirit of Chaos. Really it was cruel of you to make her think she could, particularly after your experiences. Didn’t our past teach you better? Or does misery love company? Looking for a mare friend you can dish dirt on how awful I am once I break her heart and ruin her life?

I care about her very much. So I’m not going to do to her what I did to you. I mean, okay, actually yes I already did it, but then I felt bad about it so I’m not going to do it again. She’ll get over me. She’s got plenty of friends.

If it makes you feel any better about me dodging out on the punishment you deemed for me… I’m miserable up here. Happy now?

-Lord of Chaos, not Celestia’s Pet Puppydog

Discord,

I just found out that you’re on the moon? I should have guessed it from the moon turning orange and green, but you know I don’t go outside at night very much and so I only saw it once, and I thought it was a trick of the light.

I tried sending you letters before, when you disappeared and no one knew where you were, but of course you didn’t answer them because they were probably going to where you used to live. Twilight has given me a spell candle to send messages to where you are now.

Please come home. I really miss you. And so does Pinkie, and even Rarity and Applejack are worried about you. (I think Rainbow might be too, but she’ll never admit it.) You’re upsetting the princesses, and Twilight, and apparently you think it would be better for me if you stayed away? At least that’s what I heard from Twilight, who heard it from Princess Celestia, so who knows if something got confused, but if that’s true… stop it. It is not better for me to be worried sick about you. It is not better for me to miss you and wonder when I’ll see you again.

I know why you did what you did. I won’t lie to you; it hurt me. Very much. But I understand why you did it. I thought you wanted to make amends. And now you’re talking about staying away from Equestria until I’m dead? That doesn’t sound like wanting to make amends to me.

You’re hurting me, Discord. If you’re really sorry for what you did, then please come home. We can work this out, as friends.

-Your friend, Fluttershy

Celestia, siccing Fluttershy on me is dirty pool. Well played. Hats are off.

Incidentally, what ever happened to Luna and her nastygrams? They were the funniest thing I have to look forward to here. Please tell her to insult me some more.

-Discord

My dear Fluttershy.

I’m sorry. I can’t come back to Equestria.

Aside from all the other reasons, it’s gone too far and I’m well aware that the moment I set foot on Equestrian soil I’ll be outfitted for a stone tux again because Celestia and Luna are seriously mad at me. It’s lonely up here but at least I can still use my powers, and communicate through letters, at least. And see. And eat. Eating is a lot of fun, I don’t like not eating for a thousand years. Not that I was hungry, but I missed eating.

I am very, very sorry for hurting you. Both before, and now. If there was another way… but unless you want to come live with me up here, I don’t see any way for us to spend time together. Not without putting you in the position of choosing between obeying your ruler and being kind to me, and we all know which one you’ll pick.

I miss you dearly, Fluttershy. But I don’t think I will ever be able to see you again. I’m so sorry.

-Your friend, Discord

Discord,

It has been pointed out to Us that Our earlier tirades of justifiable rage at you, while deserved, are bread and butter to the spirit of Disharmony. We shall not “feed the troll” any longer.

Hpwever, your depravity in calling the only pony who would befriend you an “idiot” for doing so is beyond the pale. We look forward with pleasure to making you weep. And it may happen sooner than you think.

-Luna, Diarch of Equestria

I’m so sad, Loonie! Don’t I get to be a thou anymore? After all we’ve meant to each other? I thought we were BEF – Best Enemies Forever!

Also, you should have that blood pressure looked at. I’m quite certain that even for alicorns, it is not healthy for a blue pony to turn purple.

-Discord, still your best enemy

Discord,

Twilight has spoken to me on your behalf. She believes you are sincere when you claim to have removed yourself from Ponyville, and the Earth, out of guilt and shame.

That may be as it may be, and I am possibly prepared to forgive your trespass against my directive, if you can convince me that you are sincere. But the longer you remain on the moon, the less likely that becomes.

Come home and explain yourself to me, if you want to be forgiven.

And no, it does not make me happy that your self-inflicted punishment is making you miserable. That was never my intent.

-Princess Celestia

Celestia, in case I hadn’t made it perfectly obvious by now, I don’t want to be forgiven. I don’t know why you think I do.

Not coming home. It’s not even home anyway.

-Discord

Discord,

I’ve talked to Princess Celestia about what you said in your last letter to me. She’s willing to hear you out, but you need to come to Canterlot and talk to her in person. Please.

-Princess Twilight Sparkle

Sparkle Twilight Princess,

Please. I’m not that stupid. I know perfectly well that coming back to Canterlot means I get to taste the rainbow again. Honestly, I didn’t like it the first two times.

Maybe you sincerely believe Celestia, but I kind of doubt it, given that she’ll need your cooperation.

And explaining myself to Celestia won’t solve any of the problems that I went to the Moon to stop causing. So what would be the point, I ask?

I don’t even know why you’re all so eager to have me come back. I do make a gorgeous lawn decoration if I say so myself, but I’m sure some artist in Equestria must be talented enough to make Celestia a replacement statue that’s almost as handsome.

I’m not causing any trouble. And I’m not in stone. And this is the first time those two phrases can be juxtaposed in my life. Can’t you just leave me alone? Let me wallow in my misery.

-Discord

Discord,

Do you seriously call this not causing trouble? Fluttershy’s miserable, Luna’s enraged, Princess Celestia is upset, and actually all of us are upset because you’re hurting yourself and us and there’s no reason for it. You didn’t have to run away, or disobey the Princess. You could have talked to us. We’re your friends.

If you really think you’re not causing trouble, you have another think coming.

And no one’s going to turn you into stone. I’m a little bit offended, actually. Did you think I told Tirek to let you go because I wanted to turn you into a lawn ornament myself? I don’t even know if the Rainbow Power can do that, or if it would if it could, given that you helped us unlock it. I really feel as if possibly turning the Rainbow Power on any of the six friends who gave us keys might be the equivalent of Princess Celestia turning the Elements on Princess Luna… it might break it.

Besides, even if I wanted to, and even if Pinkie would agree to it, which she wouldn’t, and even if Rarity and Applejack wanted to do it, which they don’t, Fluttershy wouldn’t. I admit that Rainbow stomps around a lot talking big about punching you in the nose, and she might be willing to do it, but one out of six isn’t going to do anything. Besides, she’s mostly mad that you’re hurting Fluttershy.

Don’t get me wrong, if you came back home cackling and spreading wanton chaos we might change our minds, but all you did was go to the moon when you were under town arrest. That’s not a thing you even deserve to be turned to stone for. I’m not sure what Princess Celestia had planned if you violated parole, but she hasn’t talked to me about using the Rainbow Power for anything.

Please come back. For Fluttershy’s sake, even if you don’t care about anypony else.

-Princess Twilight Sparkle

Discord,

I’ve tried to write this letter six times now. I keep crying or seeing red with rage. How dare you. How dare you say I would betray you if Princess Celestia asked me to! How dare you even think that!

What have I ever done to you to make you think such a thing? I’m not the one who betrayed you, mister, it was the other way around, remember?

I am so mad at you right now. And part of the reason I am mad at you is that you are torturing one of my best friends. Discord, stop hurting Discord just because you feel like he deserves it, because he doesn’t.

We can work things out. Muffins talked to me about running into you, and she says you apologized, and she forgave you. And apparently you personally tormented her, above and beyond just letting Tirek take her magic, and she still forgave you. I am not the only kind pony in Equestria. But nopony will forgive you if you don’t reach out. You apologized to me and you apologized to Muffins but did you apologize to anypony else? Even Stellar, I heard from Rarity and Rainbow that all you said to him was that you understood why he couldn’t sell the lamps and then you made them into Rainbow Power figurines of us (I’m still a little bit mad that you didn’t ask for my permission, but I know you were trying to do a nice thing for Stellar and I guess I can take being a figurine since he promised to give my cut of the royalties to the Equestrian Society for Animal Care to fund more shelters). I know you meant that for an apology, but you never said the words to him.

You don’t need to hide yourself away from all ponykind. Please come home. Please. I’m begging you, Discord, I can’t stand the thought of you being all alone up there. I would come up to see you if it weren’t for my animals and if I knew I had some way of getting back home, but I can’t leave the animals. At least come see me. You can go back to the moon after we talk if you feel like you have to, but please, I just want to see you.

-Your friend, Fluttershy

DISCORD STOP BEING A POOPYHEAD AND COME HOME! EVERYPONY MISSES YOU! FLUTTERSHY MISSES YOU! I MISS YOU! TWILIGHT MISSES YOU! THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MISS YOU! THE TWINS MISS YOU! DID I MENTION I MISS YOU? BECAUSE I DO! DON’T MAKE ME COME TO THE MOON AND GET YOU, MISTER!

-PINKIE PIE PIE PINKIE PIE PIE PINKIE

Pinkie, I halfway believe you could, but don’t. The ways you’d use to get to the moon are not reliable or safe. I wouldn’t use them myself.

How goes being the Minister of Parties? I imagine you’re very busy.

-Discord the poopyhead

Dearest Fluttershy,

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you would choose Celestia over me. Well, I suppose I did mean it, but I didn’t mean it as a slur against you. It’s just that I find it very, very hard to believe any pony would ever defy pony laws for my sake. Though if there were any pony who would be willing to do it, I do believe it would be you.

Twilight clarified for me that she doesn’t think Rainbow Power would work against me without breaking, because I’m one of the key-providers. So I do understand that neither she nor you would actually involve yourselves in turning me to stone. That just means Celestia probably has something worse planned that she can pull off with just herself and Luna. They weren’t a match for me in the old days until they found the Elements, but Celestia’s had more than a thousand years to come up with all sorts of backup plans. And given that she did absolutely nothing, the day she asked you to reform me, to prevent me from sending Rarity to Zebrica or some such to prevent the Elements from working, I must assume that she does in fact have backup plans prepared for me that don’t involve you.

I can’t take the risk. I’m sorry, but I’ll have to stay here.

-Your friend, Discord

MOON II: I'll See You On The Dark Side Of The Moon

They will never love you

They will never accept you

“Ha! Tell it to someone who cares.”

You have no friends

You deserve no friends

“What about me makes you think I’m going to listen to what a bunch of bodiless whispers have to say? Please. Whisper all you like, it just pleases me to know that someone’s paying attention to me!”

You betrayed them

You cannot be a friend

“I thought I made it clear that I wasn’t listening to you.”

You love them

But they hate you

It will always be this way

“Oh, don’t even try it. I know all the tricks, my dears. What, do you think you can drive me insane this way? Think you can break me? Hahahaha! If a thousand years in stone couldn’t do it why do you think you can?”

You will always be alone

“Tell me something I don’t know already, why don’t you?”

You had friends and you threw them away

You lost your one and only chance

You will never have friends again

“…tell me something I don’t already know.”

It’s not fair

It’s not fair that they should be happy and you should never be

“Are you going to try to convince the Lord of Chaos that life should be fair? Really? How stupid do you think I am?”

They think you’re evil

You could show them what true evil really is

“I could also show them what true fashion really is. Imagine it! The bright lights, the cameras… me on the runway in a glorious ensemble… paparazzi chasing me everywhere…”

You cannot have both friends and magic

Twilight lied to you

Friendship isn’t magic

Not for you

“All right, you know what? I’ve had it with you. You have no bodies, you have no energy. You’re parasites, and you can’t accomplish anything with your miserable existence other than to try to drag it out as long as possible by stealing life from others. I have no friends? You have no bodies! You can’t eat! Sleep! Dream! Fly! Dance! Have sex! You can’t feel anything! And yet you think you can trick me into letting you in just by telling me what I’ve known my whole life? This isn’t news, dear Shadows.”

You’re alone

You placed yourself in exile to save them from yourself and they don’t even respect your decision

They berate you and demand you return home as if you are a child

They don’t respect you

“And who does? I work very hard at not being respected. You know, the whole ‘eldritch abomination’ thing you guys have going on? Not my style. I don’t like being an eldritch abomination. I like being a friendly, approachable Lord of Chaos.”

And yet no one will approach you willingly

And yet no one will be your friend

“Fluttershy.”

You hurt her

You betrayed her

She fears you now

Your friendship is over

“That’s not what her letters say.”

She lies

They want to control you

To use you

“Oh, so I should believe you instead. That’s a brilliant idea! I don’t want to be controlled by Celestia or dragged around by the promise of a friendship I never actually get, so I’m going to let the Cold Ones in and give over my magic, my body and my soul to entities who want to eat my planet. What magnificently good ideas you guys have!”

We can give you peace

We can heal you

End your loneliness

“You complete and utter idiots. Do you think I don’t know your name? APEP! Eater of Suns! The Corruptor! The Devourer! I remember when you whispered to Loki and made him think what a wonderful idea it might be to off his cousin for being more loved than he was. I remember how you whispered to Set in the darkness when he stood guard over his lover, night after night for hundreds of years, until he broke, and fell, and then he was yours. I remember every other chaos avatar you corrupted. And I remember seeing what you did to Luna, and what she paid for it. The only way you would give me peace is the peace of the grave. Don’t lie to me and think I’ll fall for it.”

You will never have peace any other way

You will always be alone

“Why do you keep telling me things I’ve known for two millennia as if they’re supposed to shock me?”

You can never go home

You’ve angered them

If you return you will have to fight them

Weakness softness friendship blocking you from your birthright

Your world

“Yes, well. I knew what I was getting into when I did it.”

Tirek used you

Celestia used you

Everyone uses you

“Shut up. I’d actually like to get to sleep sometime tonight.”

They will never love you

“…I know. But I love them. And that’s going to have to be enough.”

It isn’t fair

“Fairness and chaos hardly go hand in hand. I never expected life to be fair.”

You are martyring yourself for creatures who despise you

“And the best alternative you have to offer me is that I let you things eat my mind and turn me into a puppet. Thanks but no thanks.”

You have no hope

You have nothing to live for

You cannot have chaos and friendship both

You don’t want to live without chaos and friendship both

“…true but irrelevant. I’m going to live just to spite you.”

There is nothing for you anymore

“Wrong! There’s fighting with you! I’m Discord! I’m conflict and disharmony incarnate, and you idiots keep trying to sweet-talk me into succumbing to you, and that just makes me stronger! Don’t you understand? I live for conflict! And if you’re going to keep presenting me a challenge, I’m just going to have to keep living and keep refusing every offer you make, just to prove I’m stronger than you. Because I am stronger than you. Also I have a much more attractive dress sense. Purple and black? Bleah!”

…

“Ha! Nothing to say to that, huh? Plainly I win!”

…

“Haha, I showed you! Chased you right off this moon! That’s right, go running with your tails tucked down! You can’t beat me!”

…

“Luna was weak, but I’m not. You can’t tell me anything about myself that I don’t already know, and I know you have nothing you can offer me. Come on! Try it! Try to talk me into something! Make bigger fools of yourselves than you already are!”

…

“Don’t even want to try, huh? Well, that’s fine. I’ll just enjoy the peace and quiet, then! And the sweet, sweet joy of knowing how thoroughly I beat you.”

…

“Cowards.”

…

“Can’t even fight for what you want properly, can you?”

…

“I kinda wish you’d come back, though. Fighting you was fun.”

…

“It’s not like I have much else to do around here…”

…

“Come on, don’t you have any more sadistic taunts for me? Don’t you want to tell me how miserable my life is and how I’ll always be alone and all of that nonsense?”

…

“Well, fine then. I don’t need you. I can make my own entertainment.”

…

“It’s so quiet up here…”

…

“So dull.”

…

“Wish something would happen.”

…

“Ha, my clever reverse psychology plan worked! I told the Dark Ones that I was enjoying fighting with them, so they stopped and left me alone! I’m a genius!”

…

“Come back and fight me, damn you!”

…

“I’m so tired of being alone…”

You will always be alone

“Hah! I knew I could get you to come back!”

You are so lonely, you solicit your enemies to taunt you so you will have something besides yourself to speak to

Let us in

You will never be alone again

“Still not that stupid, pals.”

Let us in

“I know your name.”

Let us in

“I’m stronger than you.”

Let us in

“Once upon a time someone loved me. Maybe it will never happen again. But it could. It might. In a world of randomness and chaotic occurrences, how could I rule out the possibility? Someday someone might love me again. Someday.”

Let us in

“But you know, you guys can just keep trying to persuade me. Because I absolutely am likely to believe that the certainty of ego annihilation is better than the possibility of someday someone loving me for who I am.”

No one will ever love you

“Probably. But I can’t rule it out.”

You have no hope

“You don’t even know what hope is. So you don’t actually know whether I have it or not. And I believe six impossible things before breakfast, so you can’t kill my hope by telling me how completely improbable it is.”

No one will ever love you

“Even if they never will. I’ll go to my grave as myself, not the twisted parody you’d make of me.”

You have no self

Chaos changes constantly

You will be someone else before long

“… yeah, well. At least I’ll know I’m not you.”

You cannot escape from yourself

You will never be loved because you will always be you, and what you are is change, and who can love a thing that cannot be constant?

It is your nature to be something else

Whatever you vow now, someday you will be someone different

“And that’s supposed to make me want to accelerate the process?”

Join us and you will no longer care

“Because I’ll be dead.”

Luna is not dead

“No one’s going to use the Elements of Harmony to purify me. They’d just kill me with them.”

They will do that anyway if you return

Return in strength, with allies

Protect yourself

“I’m not listening to you.”

You will die alone

You will never be loved

Never be cared for

Never have a friend

“Not listening.”

Join us and it will no longer hurt

You will no longer care

You won’t be alone

“No.”

Join us

“NO! I won’t fall for it again! I won’t let some third rate wisp of dark power without even a personality outside of ‘ooh, we’re evil and scary’ take me over! Not after Tirek… not after I…”

You gave in

You know you will give in again someday

“So what, it might as well be now?”

Give in now

Join us

End your pain

“No.”

Why fight it

You know this is your destiny

You know you will always betray anything you love

“…but I don’t have to do it today.”

But you will

“But not today.”

But you know that you will

“… yes. I know that I will. Someday.”

Then join us

“But ‘someday’ isn’t today. And as long as it amuses me to fight you, and as long as I draw strength from the idea that I’m protecting them, and as long as it matters to me that I care about them regardless of what they feel for me, someday will never be today.”

They won’t love you for it

“Don’t care. I am who I am. And until I change I’ll always be who I am. And no matter who I change into I’ll never be you, because I’ll never be a puppet. Tirek used me but he didn’t control me. When I… when I turn evil again… someday… when I can’t bear it anymore… I still won’t let you in. I’ll be my own evil, not yours. Because it is just that important to me to spite you.”

…

“Don’t come back, this time. I don’t need you anymore.”

We will be waiting

You will join us

Someday