Harmonic Burgundy

by JackobolTrades

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Slice of Life, Human, Romance
Length: 1065

Yeah, I was a bad guy, so what? I saved the world, doesn't that count for something? God, I... I guess I just want to finally be at peace. Is that too much to ask?

I had it all figured out. Money makes the world go 'round, right? Money can buy happiness. Money can even decide who lives and who dies.

Yeah, I did some bad things to get money: Stole it, killed for it, lied, cheated and blackmailed for it. But at least I bought my sister's medicine with it, put it to more use than it would have gotten from those morons.

And in the end my sister chose my biggest rival, and nearly died for it. They were trying to kill the embodiment of evil, for God's sake! So of course I had to step in and save them.

Sure, I lived as a bad guy, and accidentally summoned Sulfur, but I died a hero, saving the world.

God… I guess I'm just trying to ask… For a little bit of peace for once.

Is that too much to ask?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-11 22:10:05 UTC

Chapter 1: No Rest for the Wicked

Dying hurts.

Sure, that's a widely accepted assumption, but most people think that death is where the pain ends.

"You made it sound so fun, how could I not?"

What a moron I was. I suppose that the blood loss built up my desire to save face in front of Castile, and to show up that phantom bastard, Ash, and his possessed girl, Marona.

Castile... Trying to kill the embodiment of evil and death. I'm so proud of her. Maybe one day, she can say the same about her deadbeat brother.

Speaking of deadbeat and blood loss, I'm pretty sure being dead means that I shouldn't have a heartbeat.

Thump-thump.

That might explain why I can still feel my wounds.

Well, this is familiar territory; Laying on the ground, on death's doorstep. Might as well take stock of the situation.

Beaten, bloodied and broken? Check. Haggard breathing? Check. Tingly, empty burning over my heart? Check. Floor? ...Well that's different.

Last I checked, the Island of Evil had stone floors. This is grass.

I fight to open my eyes and, sure enough, I'm not on the Island of Evil anymore. Looks like Monetopia, or Terra Firma. Rolling grasslands and stands of trees. Is that a village? Huh. Terra Firma it is, then, no villages on Monetopia.

I stagger to my feet, holding my long coat tight against my wounds to stifle the flow of blood, and limp towards the village. As I do, I take note of the horizon. This must be one massive island, if I can't see the ocean on the horizon. There's some mountains in the distance with a castle on it that reminds me of a fancier version of Windmill Promontory.

Heh... That brings up some memories. That's where I first met Marona and Ash, the start of a beautiful rivalry that ended up getting me killed.

I wonder when they'll show up to ruin my day again. Probably when I'm out on some high-stakes job, like they normally do.

And there's my legs giving out. Damn, normally I can make it to a bar before I pass out. I could really use a nice glass of Ochre and a verbal lashing from Persimmon right about now.

Oh look, it's a horse. Kind of a weird colour. And it's got wings. Is it just me, or is it talking to me?

I'm not going to make it, am I? I'm already delirious, seeing talking horses with wings. Oh look, there's more. Hey, that one has a horn!

I can feel myself slipping into unconsciousness already. I wonder if I'll wake up.

I hate birds. Especially when they decide to wake me up too early in the morning.

Speaking of waking up, I hadn't expected to do that again. Especially in a bed, which is odd considering that I passed out surrounded by horses on grass. I appear to be in some form of hospital. It's a shame that I'll have to sneak out, I can't afford a medical bill.

It really must be a hefty bill, considering the amount of bandages covering my body, and the intravenous liquid tubes attached to my arms.

Before I can tug the needles out, the door to my room opens, suspending any plans of escape for the moment. A horse walks through the door, snow white with a rose pink mane and massive lime green eyes.

I guess I hadn't been hallucinating those other horses in the field.

"Ah, good morning." The horse says to me, holding a clipboard in one hoof, somehow. "I'm Nurse Redheart, your caretaker for now. I realize that you're something we haven't seen before in the hospital, so it seems prudent to get your information."

Well, look at that. Talking horses. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised, we have owls, scrabbits, boars, werewolves, bottle-mails, and the mer-people, so why not horses?

"Alright, but only if I get to ask a few questions, too." I say, raising to a sitting position. It hurts my chest, but I've dealt with worse.

"Ah, good, you speak Equish. That's the first question answered, so I might as well let you ask one in return." Redheart jots down a note on her clipboard, holding a quill feather in her mouth.

"What island is this? I've never seen talking horses before."

"Well, first off, we are called ponies. The horses live in Saddle Arabia. Second, we are on the continent of Equestria."

"A continent?" I whistle. "That's the stuff of legends. How far did I drift...?" I muse. I find it amazing that we speak the same language, even if they call it something different.

"My turn." Redheart chuckles. "What species are you?"

"Er... Human? Do you not have humans here?"

Redheart shakes her head. "I've never heard of them. You are built similarly to minotaurs and some forms of ape, but we don't have any sentient apes... yet. Moving on, how did you get all of those injuries? They looked... Deliberate, not like a monster attack."

I wave a hand. "Eh, you know how it goes. Try to take on an embodiment of evil solo, you get a few scratches. Being forced through a portal might aggravate those injuries... Portal, that's how I ended up here!" I rub my face. "God, I'm an idiot, of course the portal wouldn't drop me in Wisteria."

"Well, that does explain a few things."

"Right... So how do I get back?"

Redheart shakes here head again, shrugging. "I wouldn't know. You'd probably have to ask Twilight Sparkle, our resident princess. One last question, I think. What's your name?"

"I'm, uh..." Well, might as well keep up work. If I'm going back, I might as well bring some money with me. "The name's Walnut."

"Like the nut?"

There's a nut? "No, the colour."

"Ah, my apologies. Well, that should be sufficient for now. Just sit tight for another day or two to heal up properly, then you can go. I don't know how medical care is done where you come from, so I'll just tell you now that you won't have to pay for your stay here." Neat. "I'll leave you to your sleep, now."

Sleep. Right. No rest for the wicked, I'll just be sitting here plotting.

Plotting... Gah, that's such a sinister word. Planning, that's what I'll be doing.