Chapters Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Pony Destiny
Awesome People in Equestria
Mrs. Cake sighed in relaxation. Today was a good day in her opinion; it was a rather busy day, customers coming in and leaving almost every second, but was still a nice pace for her. The Twins weren’t in her hair as they were out with their father, and so was Pinkie, for what ever reason she had no idea. All in all, it was a good day to be her. In fact, the whole day could only get better if a single customer was buying her whole stock of baked goods and making her family enough money to retire in no time. Oh, wait...
"Said would pay for lunch, not a buffet," Rorschach said with clear irritation in his voice. Trixie stared at the masked human with her mouth full of cake "Waf re ou ayin?" Trixie asked while glaring at the human, her mouth still full. Rorschach sighed in agitation. How and why he continued this... companionship was beyond him. Trixie was an egotistical maniac... maybe that's why he stayed by her side. Maybe he just needed something that isn't always sunshine and rainbows. But that didn't really help when the ponies around them always thought that there was something between the two of them.
"Trixie. I'm saying is that-" Rorschach began before he was cut off by a loud whirling noise coming from outside the bakery. Rorschach got out of his seat to look out a window, and was, surprisingly, surprised by something. Hey, living in a world full of talking equines and mythical creatures was sure to do something to a man's psyche. Rorschach was soon joined by other ponies at the window, including Trixie as she munched on a cupcake. Out the window was, as far as Rorschach could tell, a spaceship landing in the town square!
"What the... what the hell is that?!" a random pony scream. "It," Trixie started, having swallowed her food, "it look likes some sort of large metal cart..." Rorschach stiffened. "That's no cart," he began, "thats a space station."
"A what?" Trixie asked, all the other ponies staring at Rorschach for answers. "Well, it more like a spaceship. But what the hell is it doing here?"
"What, didn't you have space ships where you come from?" Trixie asked, to which Rorschach replied with a no. "Have them in science fiction, didn’t actually exist. Possible that the humans back back on Earth invented them by now, but if so, how did they get here?"
Everypony in the streets had by now ran away from the ship and into some sort of building, one pony even screaming 'the horror! The horror!' on the ray to her shop. All was quiet as the ship's engine died down and stopped blowing dust and dirt everywhere. When the dust had settled, a word was easily seen on the ship side; Slave I. As Rorschach read it, a doorway opened up in the back of the ship, with a man covered head to toe in some sort of armor, which had two shoulder pads which were orange, like his kneepads. The left shoulder pad exhibited the some strange skull symbol, while his chest also displayed a different emblem. He wore some sort of white clothing under his dark green armor, along with a helmet that was covering his head.
Once off his ship, the man turned his head, scanning the new area he was on. "What is he doing here?" Trixie asked, turning to address Rorschach, but saw that he was not there. Turning to look out the window, she saw him slowly walking to the man, who held up some sort of weapon to Rorschach. "Stop right where you are," the masked man ordered Rorschach, who stopped walking once he was several feet away. "Who are you?" the masked man asked, "What planet is this? What sector am I in?" Needless to say, Rorschach was speechless as he continued to stare at the man.
The man knew at once he was not going to get a response. The inhabitants on this planet most likely didn't speak his language, or had even seen a ship like his at all. Putting his weapon down, the masked man asked Rorschach, "Do you speak basic? Do you understand me?"
"Are you human?" Rorschach finally spoke, catching the man off guard for only a second. The man nodded his head. "Good," he began, "we can understand each other. Maybe now I can get some answers. What planet is this? It is not registered on my ship's scanners."
"Don’t understand what you mean by that," Rorschach stated, hands in his pockets, "answer my question." The masked man didn't say anything for a moment. A long silence engulfed the area. "KICK HIS ASS RORSCHACH!!" someone shouted from the bakery behind Rorschach. 'Damn you Trixie,' Rorschach thought, the sudden shout making him fall off guard.
"Rorschach," the masked man said quietly. "Nice name. Well, if it's all the same, call me Boba Fett," the masked man stated. "And to answer your question, yes and no."
"Explain."
"I'd much rather not Rorschach. I'm on a job. I've been tracking two humanoids for the last several days, and the last place they were headed was here. I'm not sure where they are, but I'm sure they haven't left the planet yet." Rorschach picked up his ears at this. Humanoids? Was it possible that there were more humans in Equestria now? He had to find out. But first he had to deal with this... bounty hunter it seemed.
"Rorschach!" another shout came from down the road, taking the attention from both humans. Running up the road was Twilight Sparkle, the town librarian and friend to Rorschach. Running past Boba Fett, she nearly collided with Rorschach before stopping by his feet. "Rorschach, what's happening? Everyone is all in a craze! Lilly said something about another human, Is this true?" Rorschach merely turned his attention away from Twilight to a spot behind her. She followed his gaze and met the mask of Boba Fett.
"What..." Boba Fett said after another moment of silence. "A... a pony... oh you have got to be kidding me. I thought Vader blasted all of the pony planets with his accursed Death Star!" Boba Fett said to himself. Hearing Boba speak, Twilight ran and hid behind Rorschach. "Rorschach," she began, "there's another human in front of you."
"So it seems," Rorschach told Twilight, "and what do you mean 'Vader blasted all of the pony planets?' What are you talking about, Fett." Boba let out an audible sigh. "Look buddy, I ain't here to talk about history. I'm here to catch two very dangerous people, with bounties large enough for me to retire in peace. Now, if none of you people, or ponies, here are going to help me end the search quickly, then I'll be on my way," Boba said rather sharply, right before he turned to walk away. Once he was a good ten feet away, his ship closed the still open door.
"Wait!" Twilight called to the bounty hunter, who stopped walking to face the purple unicorn. Once she had his attention, Twilight turned away for a moment, thinking of what to say. Turning back, she inhaled and exhaled slowly. "You said you were looking for two very dangerous people. If it's for the safety of Equestria, then I will be glad to help you..."
"Boba Fett." Boba replied.
"Twilight Sparkle," Twilight replied, holding a hoof to herself. "Now, how about we walk and talk? Who are these people we're looking for?" Twilight continued as she walked next to Boba, who seemed to be neutral to the companion. "Never worked with a pony before. Thought you were all wiped out." The bounty hunter said while the two left Rorschach alone, who squeezed his hands into fists, blood dripping from his gloves, showing his obvious anger at the situation Trixie slowly walked next to her roommate, still chewing on a cupcake. "Well, today seems like it might be good."
"Hurm," Rorschach growled angrily, before leaving to walk with the couple ahead of him, Trixie joining him. Hey, someone needed to make sure Rorschach didn't end up killing everyone in town. Again.
"CHARGE!!" an unexpected voice shouted from behind the group. Turning around, it was needless to say each member was taking off by another human aiming a rifle at them... while riding on Pinkie's back. "Onwards Pinkie Pie! Onwards to victory!" the man said. Once close enough, the man easily grabbed Twilight by the mane, away from group. "Target achieved," the man said, "preparing to take off." Slowing to a stop, the man jumped off Pinkie and landed on his feet. Raising his rifle, Boba aimed for the man and shot, hitting him directly in the chest. The shot blasted the man onto the ground, killing him, giving fright not only to Twilight, but every pony in the area, all of whom could only watch in amazement as the man easily got back to his legs, showing the new hole in his chest. Even with his heart now being showed off to the world, the man didn't even flinch.
"Nice try Boba, but we both know that it'll take more than that to kill me. Now Pinkie," the man said, still holding a struggling Twilight, "if you would be so kind, grab my rifle."
"Stop him!" Boba shouted as he took off after the group, attempting to blast the man but failing. Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, gladly took ahold of the man's rifle, right before both took off into the sky, a rainbow being left behind them. "Adventure!" Pinkie Pie yelled as the three took off into the sky, several lasers following them. Boba fired into the sky more, still trying to get a shot at them, which proved to be a worthless endeavor.
"Ok... who the buck was that?" another voice said behind the remaining trio, Boba being the only one to turn, still aiming him blaster straightforward. Rainbow Dash quickly got out of his line of vision. "Hey, watch it with that! I saw what it does, and I do NOT want to be caught by it."
"Who are you?" Boba asked. "Oh, I'm Rai-"
"She's Rainbow Dash," Rorschach interrupted, "a pegasus pony. The fastest one I've seen. I'll advise you not to shoot her, as she will most likely help you." Hearing this, Boba put down his rifle and turned back into the direction Pinkie Pie and the man left. "Whatever. As for who that was," Boba started, "that was one of the men I'm after."
"After? What do you mean by that?" Rainbow asked, not even acknowledging the fact that there was another human in Equestria. Boba gave another very audible sigh. Here he goes again with explanations. "To cut it short, that person who took your friends is a very dangerous man. His name is..."
"Deadpool," The man introduced himself to Twilight, shaking her hoof violently. "nice to meet you Twilight. Pinkie here told me alot about you, and I must say, the readers back home won't believe that I'm meeting you." It was needless to say that Twilight was not only shocked when meeting the man, but also extremely terrified. BAcking away slowly from the man, who had named himself Deadpool, Twilight found herself bumping into a large object. A large BREATHING object. Turning around, Twilight met eye contact with a large, green, and very, very, muscular human. "What do you want with me?" Twilight asked quietly, afraid to anger her kidnappers.
"Silly Twilight, we were just rescuing you," Pinkie replied, having appeared on the larger man's shoulder. "We?" Twilight asked, "Pinkie who are these people?! And why are they humans?! Or better yet, why aren't they like Rorschach?!"
Bouncing off the man's shoulder, Pinkie gave her a large smile while turning to Deadpool. "Oh well, this is Deadpool. He's my penpal."
"Penpal?"
"Yeah, weird, right? I mean, I met my pen pal! And who honestly gets to meet their pen pals? I think that’s just a little sad, don’t you? I mean, who wouldn’t wanted to meet them, if they're pals and everyth-"
"And the green guy?" Twilight asked, not turning to face the monstrosity in fear. "Oh him? He's..." Pinkie paused for effect.
"The Incredible Hulk!" Both Deadpool and Pinkie said at the same time. "The Incredible... what is going on?!" Twilight shouted, entirely frustrated at the situation. One moment she's on a nice walk, just on her way to pick up some more parchment and quills, and then she meets another human who does nothing but shoot things. Then she gets ponynapped by a whole new masked man, who takes her to meet his green muscle partner!
And it's only going to get worse.
What? Deadpool? Hey! Get away from that!
But I want to type now!
No! Away from the keyboard and back in the story!
Make me!
I'm Haku! You know very well of what I can do!
And I'm Deadpool, The Merc with the Mouth! And YOU know very well what I can do- is that a chocolate bar?
You want it boy? You want it! Go get it!
Chocolate!
And now, with him busy, let's get back to the story, shall we? Where were we? Oh yes...
Scanning their surroundings, Twilight deduced that Deadpool only took her to the edge of Ponyville, just a little ways off from the Everfree Forest, but still close enough that they were kept from being spotted by several buildings. "Oh, um, hello Twilight. Who are your friends?" came a voice away from the group, getting the attention of the group. With a resounding 'eep,' Fluttershy hid behind, or tried to hide behind, Angel the Rabbit.
"Fluttershy? What are you doing here?" Twilight asked, still keeping her distance from the humans.. er... superhumans. Before Fluttershy could answer, however, a clicking sound was heard. Turning around, the group was met with the sight of Boba Fett aiming his rifle at the group, followed by Rorschach, Trixie, and Rainbow Dash.
“Twilight? Fluttershy?! What are you guys doing hanging out with these guys! Rorschach and Boba Fett said that they were bad guys!” Rainbow exclaimed at her friends. “Rainbow? Well, Deadpool here kidnapped m-”
“Rescued.”
“Huh?” Twilight and Rainbow asked simultaneously. “Eeyup. I totally rescued you, you little unicorn you,” Deadpool said while petting Twilight, ruffling up her mane. “You see, the Hulk and I helped out another planet a while back, saved it from being blown up. Next thing we know, we got all these bounty hunters coming after us, wanting toi claim our bounty. We ain’t bad, we so good, we fly. Anyways, Boba here is just in it for the money, like I am when on Earth or-”
“Quiet, red man,” Hulk said, the first words he had spoken. ”Hulk want fight now.”
“If so, it’s a fight you’re going to lose,” Rorschach said calmly, cracking his knuckles through his gloves. The Hulk responded by cracking his neck. Before the two opponents could let out their pent up need for violence, a voice called out. “Nobody move.”
Each person turned their attention to the origin of the voice, Boba Fett. Who was now holding Fluttershy at gunpoint. “Anyone moves, and the pony gets it. Now,” Boba turned to Deadpool and the Hulk, both of whom had obviously begun to seeth with anger. “Hey, you can’t kill Fluttershy,” Deadpool started, “The writer won’t let you!”
“Try me.”
“Wait! You can’t do this,” Twilight shouted to Boba Fett. “I thought you were good! How can you do this?!”
“I’m a bounty hunter, pony! I do what it takes to get my money, and if that means killing a living being, so be it.”
A long silence once occurred as either group dared the other to make the first move. The tension easily was thick enough to slice with a butter knife. Actually, would that work? I mean, A butter knife is suppose to cut butter, which isnt very thick at all. Well, I guess it’s possible that I got the metaphor wrong, but eh, whatever. Then again-
DAMMIT DEADPOOL!
Oh, got to go.
You know what? Screw it, do what you want. I don’t care at this point.
Wait, what? That isn’t very nice.
Wha... Pinkie? No, not you too!
Deadpool, give Haku his story back!
But Pinkie! Think of the possibilities!
Deadpool, do I have to get Fluttershy in here?
... Fine...
Ok, here you go mister Haku!
... Um... ok... I... guess random character entrance time...
“Fluuuuuuutteeeeeerrrrssssshhhhyyy!!!” A voice screamed from a distance. “Great, what now?” Rorschach sighed as he turned to see a... truck driving towards them? And then the Truck the turned into a humanoid shaped being. What?!
The Truck-Man thing jumped into the air the second he changed shape, pulling out a rather large blaster from seemingly nowhere. It landed not three feet from Boba Fett, aiming at his helmet. “Release the pony, Boba Fett.” It said calmly, hints of anger in his voice. From what the team could gain, it was a rather large creature, made of metal perhaps, with a red color coating. It’s mouth was covered some sort of metal covering, keeping his mouth movements hard to read.
“What are you doing here, Prime?” Boba asked the strange being, pulling Fluttershy closer to his body, who let out a small ‘eep’ and began to sob slightly. “I’m here on a mission. That’s all you need to know. What you need to do, however, is drop the pony.”
“Or what? I’m in control here Prime, not you. Now, put down your blaster, and I’ll leave with my bounty.” Boba stated, clutching his prisoner, who let out another... laugh? “What?!” Boba shouted when he saw he was no longer holding his pegasus, but instead was Deadpool. “Don’t you hate it when the writer cheats?” Deadpool asked the bounty hunter. Letting go of the man, Boba turned to find Fluttershy hovering in the air, surrounded by a purple aura. “But... how?”
“It’s magic,” Trixie stated, “We ain’t gotta explain shit!”
Hearing this, Boba took off with his jetpack. Before he got too far, he was met with a large green fist, because Hulk hasn’t done shit until now, knocking him back into the ground, his back letting out a few last sputtering sounds before fully dying out.
Picking up his head, Boba’s helmet met the back legs of a blue pony. The last thing Boba heard was laughing and shouts about ‘The Great and Powerful Something or other’ before collapsing into darkness.
Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Pony Destiny
"Hurry up! I think he's waking up!"
"Hold your horses! He's heavier than he looks."
"Ugh.. my head..."
"Oh no you don't!"
CLANK!
"Ok... uh... now set him down. Oh my gosh, this is so not good!"
“Trixie agrees, as she scratched her hoof with that last buck to his head...”
The group stood in an old shed, located near the home of Fluttershy. After the Hulk had knock Boba back to the ground and knocked out by Trixie, the group had decided that it was best to tie up the bounty hunter and wait for word from Princess Celestia, whom Spike had sent a letter to, describing the details of the day. All they had to do now was wait.
"Haku is right guys, all we have to do is wait," Deadpool said, walking out of the shed after everyone else. Everyone stared at him questioningly. "Who?" Rainbow asked. Deadpool chuckled in response. "Oh, no one. Forget I said anything."
"Quiet Redman," Hulk said, "Hulk wants to fight now."
"Um... excuse me..." a quiet voice said behind Hulk. Turning around, he stared at Fluttershy, who continued to try and hide behind Angel. Pushed forward by the rabbit, Fluttershy let out a eep as Hulk continued to stare at her. "Oh... um... if you could... I mean you don't need to if you don't want too, but if you... um..." Fluttershy stammered out slowly. "If Hulk can do what?" Hulk asked the pegasus, who backed up several feet. "Oh um... please... do not fight around here... um, please..."
A silence befell upon the group, one which was broken by Trixie. "Hey, where did the giant robot thing go?" the blue unicorn said. “We lost it?! How do we lose a GIANT bucking robot?!”
“Saw it leave after saving Fluttershy,” Rorschach stated, earning him a glare from Twilight. “And you just LET it leave?” She question angrily.
“Was preoccupied with the Bounty Hunter and the big green freak.” The Hulk let out a loud grunt, letting Rorschach know that he heard the insult.
“Wait,” Trixie interrupted again, “Trixie also noticed that the Rainbow one is also missing...”
“You have got to be kidding me,” Twilight said as she let out an exasperated sigh.
Optimus stayed silent as he drove through the forest. He had succcessfully escaped the ponies before they had the chance to question him. He would most likely get chewed out by his team for it, but come on, it was Fluttershy. What was he suppose to do, just stay back and watch her be a hostage? Stopping for a moment to let a cockatrice cross the road, the Autobot let out a sigh. They had been on the planet for several weeks now and they still had no leads on how they even got there. The fact that hadn’t even been seen, save for today, meant that their luck was possibly changing.
“First there was the explosion, and then the bright tunnel...” Optimus began, “then we got back online in that field.”
Optimus continued his rambling as he started up again, the Cockatrice already having crossed the road. Driving down the dirt road, he made his way deeper within the Everfree Forest. After several more minutes of driving quietly, he came to a large hill, which he continued to pass through, showing a large whole camouflaged with a large piece of green and brown cloth.
Driving through the hidden tunnel, Optimus soon arrived at a large cavern. It was large enough to house the entire population of Ponyville if it had to, with a small river coursing through the center of it. There were several holes in the stone ceiling, letting in enough light to see everything that the cavern held, including the Autobots two allies, both covered in some sort of injury.
Seeing this, Optimus transformed, and walked to meet his allies. “Going out into the forest again wasn’t very responsible.”
“Me Grimlock only followed Hot Rod out!” one of the allies shouted as he continued to rub a deep cut on his arm. This ally, apparently named Grimlock,was larger than Optimus, but not by much. His design was much different than Optimus’; his upper torso was a bright yellow, his chest black with the autobot insignia on it, while he waist was a shiny red. His limbs, on the other hand, were huge and masculine, light grey, his hands pitch black, like his head. His face, like Optimus’, was covered with a mask, while his eyes were hidden under a red plating. On his back was what appeared to be two large flat platforms with what could only be described as ‘tiny t-rex arms’ protruding off. In his hand, he held a rather large blade, it’s shading a deep red.
“What?! Hey, bozo, don’t put the blame on me! You’re the one who ended up in fighting two adult manticores!” The other ally, Hot Rod, scream at Grimlock. Hot Rod stood his ground as Grimlock locked his gaze with Hot Rod’s, both trying to win the staring contest. Even with the size difference, Hot Rod only broke away when he was pulled aside by Optimus. “Hot Rod, I want a fully detailed report on the events that happened in my absence.”
Hot Rod stood under Optimus’ gaze for a moment. Hot Rod’s design was more modern than both of the other autobots. His torso was orange with a yellow design in the center, and in the of that was his autobot insignia. His arms were a deep red, a set of blasters on each one. His legs were the same shade of orange as his torso, but black below the knees. He wore a red helmet with his face uncovered, unlike Optimus and Grimlock. The fact that he was much shorter than both didn;t really help the situation.
“Well, Optimus, it all started when we heard a scream outside the tunnel,“ Hot Rod began.
Rainbow Dash stood out the hole that Optimus had just driven through. Unline the others, it seemed that she was the only one who had noticed the robot silently leaving while everypony else carried Boba Fett away. Somehow, even Rorschach had missed him leaving, and Rorschach never missed anything.
Thinking whether or not to enter, Rainbow Dash simply stood at the entrance, pandering her options. She could go into the cave, but who knows what’s in there? On the other hand, she can stand and wait outside, but how long would it be if this thing never came out.
“And I don’t really want to wait for so long, no matter how dangerous that thing... er, that Boba guy called him ‘Prime’... well, Prime might be. But then again-” A growl interrupted Rainbow’s train of thoughts. Slowly turning her head, Rainbow’s met with those of a manticore. Said Manticore was standing a mere four feet away from the cyan pegasus.
“Um... hi...” Rainbow said slowly. Her response was a low growl of hunger. Slowly backing away several feet, Rainbow bumped into something. Said something a breathing loudly, rather raspy, and let a thin line of drool drop onto Rainbow’s mane. Looking up, Rainbow met the eyes of another manticore, this one spotting a black eye and several deep scratching on its face.
Before Rainbow knew it, she was harshly swatted away by the manticore’s claw. Landing in front of the first Manicore, Rainbow could only scream as she felt teeth tear into her. Before blacking out, she could have sworn she heard another roar coming from the cave.
“Alone now, time to give full explanations,” Rorschach demanded as he leaned on one of Fluttershy’s walls, his arms crossed over his chest. After moving the Bounty Hunter into her shed, Fluttershy had offered some tea for everyone. Needless to say, the small house was extremely crowded. And needless to say, Rorschach was looking for answers.
“Where and how did you get here?” the masked man asked both Deadpool and Hulk, the latter now seemed more calm, not to mention a bit smaller than before.
“Hurm,” Rorschach responded.
“Ok, anyways, first question. Well, I’m not sure what planet I came from, besides Earth. Great planet. You been there Rorry? The babes are nice, although the majority of them try to kill me.”
“Get back to the point.”
“Oh right. Ok, so again, not sure what Planet I was on before this, but I met Hulk there. He was caught as a prisoner there, so was I for a bit. Anyways, we found out that the planet was ruled by this empire, and they wouldn’t give us any burritos! I mean, seriously! A guy should be able to get a burrito when he wants one, whether or not they’ve been invented on that planet. Anyways, Hulk and I teamed up, beat back the empire, and gave the peasants new found freedom. Why? Because I’m awesome like that.”
“What about how you got here?” Twilight asked this time. “Did you arrive like BobaFett? Did you come here with a ship?”
“I don’t know,” was the unicorns response. Squinting her eyes, Twilight glared at the man. “What do you mean you don’t know?”
Deadpool let out a chuckle. “I mean what I mean. I was asleep before we left. Hulk probably found us a ship, and had Banner fly it for us. Next thing I know, I’m laying down on a tree branch, the Hulk there hanging in some vines, staring at me. He said something about me sleepdriving the ship into some sort of space hole.”
Twilight and Rorschach stared at each other as they processed this information. Hearing a crash, the group turned to see the Hulk sleeping on the floor, having turned over the table and spilling the tea. “Oh my, is he going to be ok?” Fluttershy squeaked as she ran to check on the green giant.
“Oh him?” Deadpool pointed to Hulk, “Yeah, sure. Banner is about to come around. You’ll get more help out of him then Hulk.”
“Hey Deadpool,” Pinkie asked her pen pal, getting his attention. “Yes, Pinkie?” the Merc asked back. “Well, why aren’t you acting the way you normally would in our letters? You always so funny then, but now you a Mr. Serious Serious-Pants.”
“Elementary my dear Pinkie,” Deadpool said with a britsh accent, “Haku just needed someone to sort out the whole situation in an orderly manner. I didn’t like it, which is why even now, I’m being forced to speak in the way that I deem unfit.”
“Haku doesn’t nice.”
“No, no he isn’t.”
Back with rest of the group, Fluttershy prodded the now transformed Hulk with her hoof. Instead of the Hulk that the group had seen, big mean green, the new person was... well, normal, as far as they could tell, except he was shirtless and had on only a pair of torn purple shorts.
“What even is normal in this place?” Rorschach asked no one in particular.
“The Smart and knowledgeable Trixie suspects this to be this ‘Banner’ person that the crazed human spoke of,” Trixie said in her usual obnoxious self.
“Hey, let’s bring the story back to the real star, me, Deadpool,” said Merc announced. Turning away from the now normal human, Rorschach moved to Deadpool. “Ok, new question,” he began, “Who are you?” The question brought everyone off guard and away from the Banner-person.
“Me?” Deadpool asked, his finger pointing to himself. “Yes, you. Who are you?”
“I must admit, I too am quite curious as to how you operate, Mr. Deadpool,” Twilight stated.
“Oh boy,” Deadpool said excitedly, ”background story time! Pinkie get the lights!” On cue, all light in the cottage went out, leaving everyone in darkness, until a spotlight opened up on a Pedestal, which Deadpool stood behind. His clasped his hands over the edges and started quietly.
“Hi, my name is Deadpool,” he started, “and I’m a mercenary.”
“Hello Deadpool,” both Fluttershy and Pinkie said together, receiving looks from the group. “Oh, um... isn’t it the polite thing to say hello back?”
“I have to say,” Deadpool said, “I’m good at killing people. I mean really good. Innocent, guilty, doesn't matter if the price is right.” Rorschach growled at this information, but let Deadpool continue. “I mean, I’ve killed alot of people who deserved it, but I’m sure I’ve killed plenty of innocent people along the way.” Before Deadpool could give more of his speech, his head was struck by a flying teapot, presented by Rorschach. Wiping away Tea from his Deadpool stared at his fellow masked man.
“Now why would you go and do that? Hmm? That’s just rude, you know that?” Rorschach marched until he was just inches away from Deadpool. “Hello,” he began, “I’m Rorschach. And I punish those who hurt the innocent.”
Deadpool reaction was him rubbing his palms together and letting out a greedy laugh. “I smell sitcom!”
Grabbing Deadpool head, Rorschach gave a sharp twist to the right, receiving a satisfying crack. Letting the body fall, he turned to face his group. Luckily, Trixie sw what was coming and had managed to cover Fluttershy’s eyes and ears. They didn’t need a traumatized pony on thier hands at the moment.
Rorschach began to move back to his seat when he heard voice. “”Again, rude. You don’t see me walking around and breaking peoples neck, now do you?” Quickly turning around, Rorschach was stunned to see Deadpool standing, his hands snapping his head back into place. “You don;t die, do you...”
“Eenope. I’m here to stay. Yay!”
“Yay!” Pinkie shouted as she hugged her pen pal. “”C’mon Rorry, I know Deadpool. Sure, he’s made some mistakes, but he’s good now! Why else would Haku put him into the story?”
“Pinkie, what are you talking about? What story?” Twilight asked her pink friend. Pinkie and Deadpool both let out a small chuckle. “Silly Twilight, it’s an inside thing. You wouldn’t get it.”
Before another question could be asked, a knock came to the door. In response, the lights of the cottage came on again. Fluttershy, now uncovered by Trixie and unaware of what just happened, moved to open the door.
Opening the door, Fluttershy stuck her head, and began talking with someone. Before anyhone could see who it was, Fluttershy slammed the door and ran to her friends. “Guys! It’s Rainbow Dash! She’s in trouble!”
“What?! Dashy is in trouble?!” Pinkie screamed. “What happened?!”
“Oh, um, she followed that robot from earlier into the Everfree Forest, apparently, and she got attacked by a manticore!”
Pinkie rushed to the door, but was pulled back by Twilight’s magic. “Wait Pinkie, we can’t just go rushing into battle without a plan!” Twilight told her friend, who still struggled to break free of the spell. Facing Fluttershy, Twilight began to ask, “Fluttershy, who told you this?” Fluttershy was quick to respond.
“The giant mechanical lizard outside my door, of course.”
Taken back by the response, Twilight’s jaw dropped a bit. “Ok, um... what?”
Before Fluttershy could respond, Rorschach spoke, obviously over the fact that he was unable to kill Deadpool. “Should head out right now. Rainbow needs help.”
“Right! Ok, um, Fluttershy, you need to stay here,” Twilight ordered. Fluttershy let out a gasp. “Stay? But Twilight, Rainbow Dash is my friend too! I want to help... even if it means going into the Everfree Forest...”
Placing a hoof on her friend's shoulder, Twilight continued. “I know Fluttershy, but someone needs to stay behind to watch... um... the unconscious human for us.”
Letting out a depressed sigh, Fluttershy nodded her head. “You’re right Twilight. Ok, I’ll stay. But, um, the lizard is still out there... he says that he’ll take you there. Just follow him.”
“Rorschach,” Twilight said to the masked man, “you should stay too. You’re the only one of the humans I really trust to keep Fluttershy safe if the guy-”
“His name is Bruce Banner,” Deadpool interrupted.
“- if Mr Banner wakes up.”
Rorschach let out an audible ‘hurm,’ but gave her a nod. “Keep your eyes on Deadpool. Don’t trust him.”
With a quick nod, Twilight and co. left out the door.... and promptly stood in shock as a GIANT MECHANICAL DINOSAUR stood before them. Pointing a finger at it, Deadpool clicked his tongue. “That’s not something you see everyday.”
“Me Grimlock know where friend is. Me Grimlock take you to her,” the creature said. The creature took off with great speed, leaving the bewildered group of ponies and Deadpool behind. “Um... The Great and Now-Scared-Out-Of-Her-Wits Trixie isn’t so sure about this anymore. Should we follow?”
“UH duh!” Pinkie shouted to the group, already having taken off after the dinosaur. “Come on guys! Dashie needs us!”
“Hey, wait up Pinkie!” Deadpool shouted to her, having too taken off. With a sigh, the two remaining ponies also took off, not knowing what they waited for them in the forest.
A few minutes later, the group ran into a grassy clearing, a large hill facing them. The whole area itself was in terrible shape; any shrubbery that remained was torn to pieces, and blood covered the ground. The earth itself had deep cuts in it. The creature stood wait for them by the hill. “Friend in here,” it said, walking into a cave that had its entrance camouflage.
While Trixie and Twilight chose to walk carefully and slowly into the cave, Pinkie and Deadpool ran blindly in, the latter having pulled out two swords. Both Deadpool and Pinkie soon came to a large cavern, both jumping and posing rather dangerous(ok, not really) poses, with Twilight and Trixie finally having caught up.
Scanning the area, the group was surprised by the actual amount of light in the cave, light coming out a large hole in the cavern ceiling. What surprised them more so was that the robot from earlier was there to meet.
“Good, you have arrived,” he said, “welcome. I am glad to see that you trusted my friend enough to follow him.”
“Enough talk!” Pinkie almost screamed, “where’s Rainbow Dash?!” Picking up his hands in defense, the robot continued. “Yes, she is over here. I am happy to report that while she is unconscious, she only garnered minor damage.”
The strange robot led the team to one of the caverns corners, where they saw Rainbow Dash laying a pile of leaves. Like the bot said, she was unconscious and bleeding from a bite wound on her side, though it didn’t seem very deep and the majority of the blood had dried. Pinkie immediately ran to her side, while Trixie tried to comfort the pink pony.
Deadpool remained behind, having now sheathed his katanas, and stood behind Twilight. Said pony was glaring daggers at the... thing... infront of her. “Ok, from what I’ve heard,” she said to the robot, “Rainbow as attacked by a manticore. Care to explain what happened?”
The robot let out a sigh, obviously not happy with the current event. “It would seem that your friend followed me here and was ambushed by two creatures that you call manticores. Luckily, before any major damage was done, my fellow Autobots were able to fight them off,” it explained.
“Fight them off...” Twilight said quietly before raising her voice to the robot, “Who are you?!” Before the robot could respond, another came walking through the entrance. “Ok Optimus, I chased the creatures off. I don’t think they’ll be bothering us anymore. And again, I’m sorry for what-” the newcomer paused as it took notice of the guests. “Um... hi?” it greeted them.
“Good, you’re here Hot Rod. I was hoping you would arrive so that I may finally introduce ourselves to our guests.”
Stomping her hoof to the ground, Twilight caught the attention of the robots again. “Answer me question!” she ordered. “Me Grimlock no like loud pony,” the mechanical dinosaur whined, right before transforming into a whole new creature similar to the other two.
“Its changes shape,” Trixie said as she stared at the robots from afar, “Of course it changes shape.”
“Very well, my little pony,” the leading robot said. “You already know Grimlock, leader of the DInobots,” he introduced the dinosaur warrior. “Me Grimlock more than leader, Me Grimlock King!”
The leader ignored his ally and shifted to the newest robot. “Hot Rod, my second in command.” Hot Rod kneeled down to the ponies/Deadpool and extended his his hand. “Hey, nice to meet you.” When nopony attempted to grab his hand in response, Hot Rod stood up, a little disheartened.
“My name is Optimus Prime,” Optimus said, “we are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron.”
“But call us Autobots, for short,” Hot Rod said. Twilight stared in awe, all anger now gone and replaced with the lust for more knowledge. Here before them stood not just humans from another planet, but an entirely new species! Here stood the Autobots. "And why are you here?" she asked Optimus.
Kneeling down to meet Twilight, Optimus spoke with sadness. "I am not sure how my fellow Autobots and I arrived here, but since then, we have found evidence of our enemies presence. While it is still unconfirmed, I would still like to speak with your princess."
"Why haven't done so already?" Twilight asked. "I have been concerned with how you people would react to us, as it is not everyday that a Cybertronian appears on another planet. I am glad that you arrived when you did, despite the current events, for it seems that now we have you to help us make contact with your leaders."
"Um, OK, but before I do, just one more question: who are these 'enemies' that you speak of? What are they? Are they like you? What do they call themselves?"
"Decepticons," Optimus replied.
Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Pony Destiny
Leaving the New People for the Old People
“Decepticons? What are those?” Twilight asked Optimus, who merely shooed her away. “That is a question that must be answered another time. For now, you must get your friend out of here.”
Twilight nodded her head in agreement as she watched Pinkie sob over Rainbow Dash’s body, which began to stir under the pink ponies constant waterfall of tears. With a grunt, Rainbow managed to pick up her head, only to meet a vicious hug from Pinkie.
“Oh Dashie! Are you ok? When I heard you were hurt, we all ran as quick as we could to get here. And we did get here, We all saw you lying here asleep, but you weren’t asleep! And I went all ‘huh!’ and so I ran to you and told you to wake up, but you didn’t wake up since you weren’t really awake!” Pinkie continued as she hugged Rainbow’s head tightly.
“That’s cool to hear Pinkie... but right now... can’t.... breathe,” Rainbow said.
“The Great and Medicinal Trixie believes that the pink one should not hug the rainbow one’s head so tightly, as she needs some way to breathe,” Trixie explained as she pried Pinkie off of Rainbow, the latter glad to take in some air again. After a moment, Rainbow began to notice her surroundings and the people in it.
“Hey, um, where are we? Ow!” Rainbow shouted as she held her side. “And why does it feel like I just got hit by my own sonic rainboom?”
“We are in, as one may call it, a cave,” Deadpool answered, having set himself next to the downed pegasus. “And you ended up getting hurt when you were attacked by...” He trailed off. “Yo, Optimistic, what did you say happened again?”
Optimus turned away from the ponies and towards Deadpool. “She was attacked by what I believe the ponies call a ‘manticore.’ But what I wish to know is why a human is on this planet, let alone one such as yourself. I have not seen one of you kind here since we arrived many weeks ago.”
Deadpool scratched the back of his head through his mask. “Well, long story short, we went through some weird tunnel made of light. Boba Fett, this guy we have tied up in a shed, said it was some sort of wormhole, but I don't think it was.”
“Oh?” Twilight asked, “And why’s that?” Deadpool shrugged. “The hell if I know. I’m more of ‘shoot-it-until-it’s-dead’ kind of guy, not the Egghead type.”
Turning back to the cyan pegasus, Deadpool spoke. “You good to walk, RD? Or do I have to carry you? Please tell me you’re good to go. I normally only let girls ride me at certain times, and I’d rather not get you drunk off your ass and drag you back to my place.”
Moving onto her feet, Rainbow wobbled a bit before finding her balance. With a nod of her head, she took a step forward, only to let out a cry of pain and fall onto her side.
“Careful Dashie,” Pinkie said as she helped her friend up, “You ain’t feeling too well. Let Deadpool carry you.” Rainbow only let out an annoyed grunt as the pink part pony helped her onto Deadpool’s back. When Deadpool was sure he had firm hold on Rainbow, Deadpool began walking towards the exit.
“Welp, this isn’t good.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know any good bars around here!” And with that, Deadpool left the sight of everyone in the cave, his rainbow passenger letting out a groan.
“Yo! We leaving yet? Last I checked, we left Whatshername and Rorschach alone with that Boba guy and Banner. And from what Ol’ Weasel told me, Boba Fett is one tough burrito!” Deadpool called out.
Twilight’s eyes widened as the realization hit her. They did indeed leave their friends alone with a bounty hunter. From space. Who had, from she could tell, a lot of experience with weapons. Specifically ones that were meant to seriously injure, and/or maim other people or ponies.
Looking through the massive hole in the stone ceiling, Twilight was able to to see that the sun had begun to set, and if they were going to make it back before it got dark, they would need to leave soon.
“Mr. Pool is right, we need to leave. It’s getting late and not only did we leave the others behind, but Rainbow needs to be taken to the hospital,” Twilight explained. Optimus nodded in agreement. “Yes, and to ensure your quick arrival, Hot Rod,” Optimus called to his fellow Autobot, “Take the group to the edge of the forest.” Giving a quick salute, Hot Rod transformed into a sports car and drove off to to the entrance of the cave to catch up with the three who had already left.
“Hey guys! Wait for me!” he shouted as drove off.
Trixie, who had since walked behind Twilight, spoke next. “The Tired and Exhausted Trixie thinks we should leave for now, Twilight. Trixie needs her beauty sleep, as it is getting late.” Twilight turned to Optimus. “Well, I guess we’ll be taking our leave for the day, Mr. Prime. But I do assure you,” she continued, “We will be back for some more answers.”
Twilight left with a kind smile on her face, leaving behind both Optimus and Grimlock alone. Trixie followed the purple pony out, obviously trying to lead the way instead. Once exiting through the hole they had come through, they were met with the sight of both Pinkie and Deadpool trying to shove Rainbow in the backseat of Hot Rod.
“No way am I getting into the back seat! I called shotgun!” Rainbow shouted as she held her own against the two beings. “No way RD! I’m the only human, therefore I get the front! And besides, I need to extra room!”
“For what?!”
“For Pinkie of course! We were going to play tic tac toe on the way back, and Pinkie already has one seat reserved for the dice,” Deadpool explained. Rainbow could only reply with a confused ‘huh?’ before being pushed through the door. Taking this chance, Deadpool quickly opened the front door and entered as fast as he could, Pinkie following.
With a slam of the door, Hot Rod let out a loud sigh of relief. Opening the back door again to let in the two remaining ponies, both of whom entered rather slowly, expecting some sort of trick from the rainbow pony already inside. Neither pony needed to spend an hour cleaning their manes if Rainbow managed to push them into the mud while trying to escape. However, it soon became obvious that Rainbow wasn't going to try anything when both Twilight and Trixie entered the car and closed the door.
“Hey! Why doesn’t Trixie get a window seat?” Trixie asked when she realized that she had ended up sitting between both Rainbow Dash and Twilight, both of whom had started to stare out the window as Hot Rod sped through EVerfree Forest.
“Because I’m injured,” Rainbow Dash explained.
“Because I get car sick,” Twilight explained. Trixie stared at her dumbfounded. “What?! This is your first time in a car of any sorts!”
“Yes,” Twilight said, “but I am sure that I will get car sick, and trust me, for when I do, you’re going to want me by the window.” Trixie slouched in her seat with a ‘humph’ and simply pouted for the remainder of the ride. When Hot Rod came close the edge of the forest, not far from Fluttershy’s house, he came to a stop and opened the doors to let the group out. Amazingly, Twilight had not gotten car sick, something Trixie was rather ticked off about.
“Wait,” Twilight started, “Why not take us all the way to the hospital? It’s still a long ways from here, so won’t it just be easier to take us all the way?” Hot Rod, still in his vehicle mode, simply shrugged.
“Optimus said only to the edge of the forest. I think it’s because the whole town would go crazy if a random car just went blazing through. I mean, do you guys even have cars here?” Twilight nodded her head in agreement. “Well, yes, but not that many. Actually, the last time I saw a locomotive of any kind that wasn’t powered by Pony Power alone was the Flim Flam Brother’s contraption. You make a good point.”
With that said, Hot Rod made his way through the forest again, intent on making it back to the base. When the sports car left their sight, the group had started up once again, Rainbow once again riding on Deadpool’s back. “So why can’t I fly? I need to get some air in my system.” Rainbow asked.
“Trixie believes it is because you were attacked by a manticore. We have no need for you to become even more damaged than you are now,” Trixie stated. Rainbow let out a bored sigh. During this time, Deadpool and Pinkie had started to sing a song to pass the time.
“MAYYY-H-E-M! I’m gettin’ hired for some MAYYY-H-E-M!” The two sang. “You can blow up a boat! You can strangle a goat! You can jump go-carts over MOAAATS!”
Twilight let out a chuckle at the duo’s comedic lyrics. “Oh wow, you guys are just so broken,” Twilight said with a smile. The walk back to town continued as such for quite a while, until they arrived back to Fluttershy’s cottage again. Everything seemed normal at first glance, until a scream filled the air.
“No! Get away from me!”
“Oh, I’m sorry, but-”
“I said stay away!”
The group quickly made their way towards the door, slamming it open. Inside the cottage stood a half naked human cowering in a corner, holding a spoon up defensively, while FLuttershy hovered a little away, apparently trying to calm down the man. Rorschach lay on the floor, unconscious. Deadpool rushed to the fallen hero.
“Rorry! Nooooo!” Deadpool shouted as he held Rorschach. “Why, god, why?!”
“What are you doing?” Rorschach said, slowly gaining consciousness, right before Deadpool knocked him out again with the butt of his sword. “What does it look like? I’m trying to win an Oscar!” Deadpool told the once again unconscious man.
“What is going on here?!” Twilight screamed as she ran into the cottage. The man instantly screamed again. “Good god, not another one!”
“Not only that, but I’m here too!” Deadpool said as he stepped in front of the lavender unicorn, extending a hand in friendship. “Nice to see you Banner, it’s been too long.” The man, deemed Banner, stared at Deadpool. A minute passed without anyone moving, everyone else still waiting by the door. The man look to Fluttershy and back to Deadpool before he got to his legs.
And swiftly jumped into the hooves of Fluttershy.
“Get me away from that maniac!” The man said. “Quickly, before he gets the Hulk to come back out!”
“Liked him better,” a voice moaned. Rorschach picked himself off the ground, rubbing the back of his head. “Least HE doesn’t hit me while my back is turned,” Rorschach said as he pointed his finger at the man accusingly, and then to Deadpool.
“And you! What the hell was that!”
Deadpool shrugged. “What? I wanted an Oscar, and I’d have gotten one if not for that no good Colin Firth! I’ve never even seen ‘The King’s Speech’!”
Rorschach reached for Deadpool’s neck, about to once again break the mercenary neck. It may not kill him, but it sure did have a satisfying feeling.
“Whoa, anypony mind telling me who this guy is?” Rainbow asked, “and what happened to that big, green guy?”
Banner fell from Fluttershy’s arms, who quickly apologized and said that she was only used to carrying two or three bunnies at a time. Banner’s glare said it all.
“I AM the big, green guy,” Banner said once he picked himself up, dusting off the remnants of his pants. “Once the Hulk calms down, he becomes me, just as when I get extremely agitated or angry, I become - wait, why am I explaining this to a talking pony?! Deadpool!”
Deadpool appeared next to the man, fixing his neck back into place. “Yes, you called?”
“Deadpool,” Dr. Banner began, “would you mind telling me why we’re surrounded by a group of ponies and a masked man who seems like he should be taking on some crazy maniac in downtown New York?”
“Well, Dr. B, long story short, you crashed the ship, not me of course, onto a planet full of talking ponies. Luckily you crashed into the cool one; one thousand miles to the right and we would be on the G3.5 Pony Planet. As for Rorry, well, you got me. But he sure is a fun guy to be around!” Deadpool explained as he reached his arm around Rorschach.
“Don’t touch me,” Rorschach replied as he twisted Deadpool’s arm off. Trixie finally walked through the door, obviously waiting for an invitation to enter, and stood next to him. “What took you so long?” Rorschach asked.
“Unlike the others of Trixie’s entourage, Trixie waits to be let in. The only reason Trixie walked in now is because Trixie needs screen time too, and because the blasted writer loves me.”
“Hurm,” was all Rorschach said. Screen time? Writers? Ponies always seemed rather crazy to Rorschach, some of them going against physics. Like the pink one . Rorschach let out a shudder as he remembered the his first meeting with Pinkie.
But it was only recently that everypony, no, everyONE started talking even crazier than usual.
Need to be careful. Almost thought like them for a second there , Rorschach thought.
What’s the matter with talking like the ponies?
“Nothing, nothing bad at all,” Rorschach started, “Just think that I should stick to my original lingo - on no now I’m doing it.”
“Doing what now Rory?” Pinkie asked, snapping Rorschach away from his thoughts only to see everyone staring at him.
Rorschach thought quickly. He needed a response to show that, unlike everyONE, He wasn’t going crazy. He needed a quick phrase, nay, a monologue for what he thought was the best solution. He needed something that would finally show everyone that he wasn’t crazy, that he still thought like when he was on Earth. He needed something drastic.
“Hurm.”
Everyone slowly moved their attention away from Rorschach, moving the subject back onto Dr. Banner. “So Mr. Banner,” Twilight said, “from what I have been able to gather from Mr. Pool, you are quite a man of the mind, correct?”
“If you mean a man of science, then yes. I one of Earth’s top scientists. I mainly on Gamma Radiation before... well, I think you’ve seen who was created.”
“Oh, you mean TIH?” Pinkie asked as she bounced off a wall. Banner raised an eyebrow in confusion, to which Pinkie let out a laugh and a snort, which caused Deadpool to let out a laugh and a snort, which caused everyone else to raise an eyebrow in confusion.
“What, you mean you guys really don’t get it? Huh, and here I thought I was the dumb one,” Deadpool stated. “Pinkie, care to state the obvious for our less smarter friends?”
“Of course my killer companion,” Pinkie said with a british accent. “It refers to, my friends, The Incredible Hulk. Need I say anymore?”
“Trixie thinks that the two crazy ones should wait outside for a while. All in favor?”
Everyone raised their hands/hooves, even Pinkie and Deadpool.
“Yay! We’re playing outside! Wolverine never let me outside before!” Deadpool squealed as he ran out with Pinkie on his heels. “Tag, you’re it!” She shouted right before the door slammed shut.
“Ok, um, so what were you saying Mr Banner? I mean, if you want to tell us that is,” Fluttershy whispered. Banner nodded his head and sat down on a chair. “Sure, if you guys don’t mind hearing a long drawn out story that probably doesn’t make any sense.”
“Trust us, once you’ve been around Pinkie Pie for as long as us, you get use to those types of stories,” Rainbow Dash laughed.
“Ok then. Well, it all started when a distress signal was detected on Planet Sakaar, where the Hulk ruled as king...”
Fools. They think a simple rope knot can stop me from gettin my bounty? It’ll take more than that to get rid of Boba Fett. They even left my helmet on, as if they couldnt make this any easier. All it’ll take is a twist of the wrist aaannnnd- gotcha! Ha, and Greedo said this wrist knife wouldn’t come in handy.
Boba Fett slipped out of the ropes, rubbing where the ropes had been a bit too tight while he looked around the small wooden shed that he stuck into. The walls were covered in tools and what looked like food for several kinds of animals. Ignoring them, Boba moved towards the door, which was strangely left unlocked. Stepping out into the light, Boba scanned the area, seeing nothing that could block his escape.
However, a carrot found it’s way hitting Boba’s helmet. With an annoyed grunt, Boba peered downward to see a rather ticked rabbit stomping his foot. A swift kick sent the little thing flying clear across the trees.
Ok, that felt alot better than it should have , Boba thought. It’s as if I just did what so many others have wanted to do, and just me doing it allowed all of their combined hate to flow through me.
A sudden crash and scream made Boba turn in surprise, seeing the cottage that the scream had come from. Walking low, he moved to a window and saw the pony that was with his bounties. Unfortunately, neither of them were with her. Instead, she was with the man who he first met on this planet; Rorschach, if his memory still worked with that kick to the head. And there was another person that he hadn’t seen. He was a small, thin man. He was without a shirt, and his purple pants were in horrible condition.
Almost as if they were stretched out to fit a more larger person. Possibly a large, green, destructive creature that may have a large bounty on his head , Boba thought. Eh, nothing for me to worry about. Wait, what’s he doing with that pan! Rorschach, look out- oops, too late. Man, he’s going to feel that in the mourning.
Loud clopping filled the air. Boba turned and saw the rest of the ponies moving quick towards the cottage. Running around the corner, Boba waited for them all to run into the place (something that the azure one seemed to not want to do) before leaving the area. He didn’t have to go far before running into the edge of a nearby forest.
And then it hit him. Literally, hit him. It was carrot.
Not this again.
Boba turned to face the rabbit again, intent on sending it soaring through the sky at light speed, only to come face, well faces, with a large mob of animals. Boba scanned the group, counting several dozen large birds of prey, some bears, and dozens upon dozens of other rabbits. And at the front stood the white little pest, wearing a rather cocky smirk.
“Clever girl,” Boba whispered, “but not clever enough!” Boba reached towards his waist where he had his EE-3 carbine rifle. But what he found, however, was empty space. Looking down, Boba realized that the ponies must’ve taken his only weapon.
The animals took a threatening step towards Boba, who slumped over as he quickly thought up a plan. “Well, if you can’t beat ‘em, fly away from them!” He shouted as he quickly jumped into the air, hi arms moving to activate his jetpack... only to find that he was without it also. Boba landed onto the ground, the animals now snickering at him.
“Well, now this is just awkward.”
Needless to say, Boba ran as fast as he could.
“I hate this planet!” He shouted as the animals chased him through the forest.
Late chapter is late. I have no explanation, except that this is just how I roll. As soon as I start a story, I get the first two or three chapters done in no time... then I enter into a random hiatus for several weeks/months. The reason for this is that I never really think things through, and I get easily distracted. I blame youtube.
Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Pony Destiny
The Chapter Where Nothing Happens
Rainbow Dash and Trixie trotted along the path towards Ponyville, Rainbow leaning on Trixie to keep off one of her hooves. Rorschach walked calmly behind the two, having decided to leave the house before he hurt either Banner or Deadpool, or possibly even both. Trixie had been the one to decide to take Rainbow away to the hospital, even though Rainbow kept saying that everything was OK.
"Ugh! I don't need to go to the Hospital! I'm feeling a lot better," Rainbow said, flapping her wings to show. Rainbow only cringed in the very visible effort it took to just flap her wings.
"Trixie doesn't care what the multi-colored one thinks, Twilight says you need to get checked out. So calm down, if anything, you'll be in there just be in there only for a minutes," Trixie told Rainbow Dash, who only let out a scoff.
"Since when does the oh so Great and Powerful Trixie listen to anyone but herself?" Rorschach let out a small cough to acknowledge he was still there. "Oh yeah, listens to herself and Rorschach, I mean."
Trixie scoffed at Rainbow's statement. "Twilight says that Trixie needs to work on her listening skills, so Trixie has," she explained. "Doing a bit better, but keep working on it," Rorschach said in his usual not caring tone. Rainbow perked up as an idea lit up in her head.
“Hey, speaking of Twilight, I’ve noticed you two spending a lot more time together. Anything about you two that you wanna tell us about?” Rainbow asked Trixie with a sly smirk, the latter began blushing immensely.
“W-what?! Who told you that? Twilight said she wouldn’t say anything!” Trixie stammered as she spoke, “Uh, I mean, um, Trixie means that no, there is nothing going on between Trixie and Sparkle.” Rainbow let out a loud laugh as Trixie glared at her with a deep blush on her face.
"Actually been wondering about that," Rorschach said, both Rainbow and Trixie pausing to turn and look at the human. “You two have been keeping me up at night.” Rorschach passed both of them up, letting out small chuckle, which only made Rainbow laugh louder. Trixie responded stepping away from Rainbow to let her drop to the floor. Rainbow grunt of pain was all it took to let Trixie smile for once.
“Oh haha, laugh at the one who got attacked by a manticore,” Rainbow said when she finally managed to pick herself up, though it was only through Trixie using her magic to pick the pegasus off the ground. “Well if you say so,” Trixie replied as she let out another laugh, a plan forming in her devious mind...
At the Ponyville Hospital, a receptionist flipped a page of her magazine, happy that there wasn’t any activity this night, despite what people were saying; another human appearing from the sky in a weird ship. Ha, as if anypony was stupid enough to believe that!
A loud thud brought the receptionist out of her mind. Putting down her reading material, she peered down on the ground and stifled a gasp when she saw Rainbow Dash tied and gagged. The anger in the pegasus’ eyes didn’t do much to quiet the receptionist’s tired sigh. With a press of a button, the reception spoke into a microphone.
“Dr. Hooves, Rainbow Dash is here... again.”
MEANWHILE BACK AT FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE
"And so, Hulk's ship detected Deadpool's transmission and in no time the two were together, much to the Hulk's displeasure," Banner explained to the ponies how Hulk and Deadpool met. "However, the only way for Hulk to get to Deadpool was to fly through a wormhole to get to the transmission. Once through, Hulk discovered that-"
"That Mr. Pool had a bounty the size of Canterlot castle on his head?" Twilight interrupted Banner’s story. Banner gave a chuckle. "Yeah, you could say something like that."
"Um, excuse me," Fluttershy said, "but um, what could Mr. Pool do that would get such a large bounty on his head?"
Banner opened the front door and peered out to find Deadpool, who had by this time stopped running around and had started playing Tic Tac Toe with Pinkie Pie. "You know, I'm not sure, but knowing him, it was probably bad for whoever in charge at the time. Anyways-"
“Let’s just say that the galaxies Emperor wasn't too happy when I took his ‘Ultimate Weapon’ out for a spin, or when I used it to free a planet of furry dog people,” Deadpool said while sticking his head through the front door. He left just as quickly as he appeared. “Oh! Tic Tac Toe, I win! That makes the score 1 to 49. Look out Pinkie, 49 more wins and I win the match.”
Banner ignored Deadpool, shutting the open door, and continued. “Anyways, apparently helping Deadpool escape made Hulk guilty by association. Next thing we know, we’re being chased down by some Bounty Hunter through the entire galaxy.
“Hulk thought if we made it by to our own planetary orbit that we would be well protected and we could forget about this whole thing, but apparently the wormhole closed up after we went through the first time. Luckily, we were able to find another one, which led us to this part of the universe. And well, you know the rest.”
“Oh my, that all sounds scary,” Fluttershy said. Twilight nodded in agreement. Her eyes widened as she realized something, clapping her hooves. “Oh, I can’t wait to share all of today’s events with the Princess! She’ll probably want to come check on everything as soon as possible! I need to get back to the library.”
Banner raised an eyebrow in thought. “Oh, so you have a princess, huh? So I guess that means you have a Monarchy. Well, if I’m going to be meeting royalty, I think I might need a new pair of clothes.” Banner motioned to his shirtless body.
“I win!” Pinkie shouted from outside. With her solid victory, Pinkie returned to the cottage, Deadpool being seen laying on his stomach in shame in the quick moment that the door was open. “And if it’s clothes you need, why not go to Rarity?” She asked as Deadpool entered the cottage a moment later, still obviously sulking.
“Hey, yeah, Rarity has been wanting some new designs for her Human Fashion lines,” Twilight started, “She might have have something for you if you need anything? We can go see if she has anything tomorrow morning, how about that?”
“Sure, why not? Talking Ponies are ones thing, but Talking Fashionista Ponies? As if this planet couldn't get any weirder. Well, might as get some rest. Do you have any spare rooms that I could possibly use Ms... um, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I caught any of your names yet,” Banner chuckled. “How silly of me.”
“Oh yes, I’m Twilight Sparkle, librarian of Ponyville and personal student to Princess Celestia,” Twilight introduced herself. “This is Fluttershy,” she said as Fluttershy tried to hide behind her own mane.
“And I’m Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie shouted as she appeared above Banner. “The Partiest Pony in all of Equestria! And once we get everyone together, we’re going to have to get you not just a ‘Welcome to Ponyville Party,’ but an entire ‘Welcome to Our Planet Party’! Oh it’ll be so much fun!”
Banner looked to Twilight for an answer, who merely shrugged. “It’s only Pinkie Pie being Pinkie Pie. You’ll get use to her.”
“Ah, yes, well if I can do that with Deadpool, then I guess I can do the same with, um, Pinkie Pie,” Banner said. “Now back to my question, do you have any spare rooms that Deadpool and I can stay in, Ms. Fluttershy?”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, but no, I don’t. A family of squirrels are taking up the only guest room at the moment. I’m sorry.” Fluttershy said quietly. Banner waved her off. “Nah, it’s fine. What about you Twilight, do you have any spare rooms?”
Twilight smiled and nodded. “Sure, I have a spare room. Here, I’ll lead the way. You ok staying alone, Fluttershy?” Twilight asked her friend, afraid that the day’s event had possibly scared the shy pony.
“Oh yes, thank you for asking Twilight, but I’m sure that I can handle myself. We’re still going to check up with Rainbow tomorrow, right? If anything at all, I’ll be very worried about her,” Fluttershy said.
“Sure, we’ll all meet up tomorrow at the hospital. I guess I’ll have to be the one who explains what happened to Applejack and Rarity.” With that said, Twilight and Banner left the small cottage for the library, Pinkie and Deadpool going along for ride, since Pinkie had agreed to Deadpool staying with her at Sugarcube Corner.
Fluttershy stayed at her doorway, watching the ponies leave her home as she waved them goodbye. Once they all had left her line of sight, she went walked towards the back of her home, intent on feeding her animals their dinners.
Unbeknownst to Fluttershy, however, a pair of eyes watched her through her window. A pair of cold metallic eyes.
MEANWHILE AT THE LIBRARY
“Spike? Are you here?” Twilight yelled as she walked into the library, a hesitant Banner behind her. Banner gave the library a once over, the number of books not really impressing him. A voice coming from a flight of stairs caught Banners attention. A dragon walking half way down them was something he hadn’t expected to see.
“Oh, hey Twilight. Where’ve you been all day?” The dragon said with a yawn, obviously having been disturbed during sleep. Twilight walked to the dragon and gave a playful nudge. “Just out. Is the guest room still set up for any unsuspected visitors, Spike?”
Spike nodded his head. “Yeah, why?”
“Because of me,” Banner said as he introduced himself. The dragon’s eyes went wide for a second before returning to their normal sleepy stage. “Oh,cool, another human? Are you a superhero like Roshak?” Spike asked.
“Spike, it’s not nice to assume the Dr. Banner is like Rorschach ,” Twilight said, correcting the dragon’s pronunciation. “but yes, from what I’ve heard, Dr. Banner is indeed a ‘superhero,’ as you put it. Am I correct, Dr. Banner?”
Banner shrugged. “Yes and no. Hulk just does what he wants. Although he has protected the weak before, so there’s that.”
Twilight smiled. “Oh, I can’t wait to tell Princess Celestia about this. Spike, prepare to take a letter after we set up Dr. Banner’s sleeping arrangements.”
“Whatever,” Spike said.
With that, the trio walked up to the second floor of the library, where Banner remarked that a inhabitable library was something that he wished for in his youth. Twilight next led Banner to another room next to hers, which opened into a small area with only the bare essentials. The bed was set up just as Spike said it was.
Banner sat down on the clean bed with a sigh, realizing just how tired he was when he noticed his aching bones.
“I guess I’m more tired than I realized,” Banner said as he removed his glasses. “That, or I’m just getting older.” With another sigh, Banner moved to take off his shirt, only to just now remember that he had been without one the entire time. Twilight reassured him that Rarity would have something for him, whoever she is.
“So Ms. Sparkle-”
“Please, just call me Twilight,” Twilight asked as she interrupted Banner.
“Twilight... what can you tell me about this Rorschach character? He’s been around a while, hasn’t he?” Banner asked as he sat up in his bed.
“I guess you can say that,” Twilight started. “He just appeared out of nowhere one day, and he’s been around ever since. I can tell you how he got here, though I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if I told he had to be completely destroyed before being materialized in our world.” Twilight covered her mouth. “Oops.”
Banner laughed. “Yeah, oops. Don’t worry about it, I won’t tell him you told me his big secret. So, complete annihilation... ” Banner zoned out after that, as if in deep thought.
“Well, not complete annihilation. From what I saw, he left a, uh, a mess,” Twilight said, knocking Banner out of his thoughts for now.
“Either way, if the... equines we passed on the way here didn’t so much as turn to look at me, Rorschach must’ve been here for a long time.”
“Oh yes, quite a long time,” Twilight said. “ I've actually lost count of how many days. Weird, that’s kinda outta character for me- hey wait, isn’t the fact that Rorschach was destroyed and had to be rebuilt to be put here confuse, or at the very least interest, you?”
“Not really,” Banner said, “I’ve seen a lot of strange things in life time. So trust me when I say that I’ve seen weirder.”
“Like what?” Twilight inquired.
“Like a superhuman who survived being frozen for over sixty years, a couple of northern gods that can control the elements themselves, a guy who can supposedly control gravity, alternate universes, giant aliens bent on the destruction of my home planet, giant demons bent on the destruction of my home planet, Deadpool on Thanksgiving, and many, many, so many mad scientists bent on the destruction of my home planet..”
“Um... wow,” Twilight said as she made her way towards the stairs, letting out a soft yawn. “Well, I’m guess I’ll head up now. Still need to send that letter to the Princess. Good night, Dr. Banner,” Twilight said. Banner waved her off and set himself to bed, not sure what to expect the next day. Except ponies, he expected them.
The lights turned out as Banner got under his blankets, trying to get comfortable in his temporary bed. In the next room, Banner was easily able to hear the silent whispers as Twilight spoke to Spike. A thought occurred to Banner just then; how was she going to deliver her message? Did the ponies have a type of post office that could deliver mail? Or were more advanced, able to use e-mail and the such? Banner hadn’t seen any clues that would show that the ponies even had computers, so Banner dismissed that theory. In fact, what level of technology did they have?
A loud belch and the sound of paper burning brought Banner out of his thoughts. ‘What on Earth was that?’ Banner thought. As Banner whispered, he heard Spike speak, but Banner was unable to hear the exact words. A subtle gasp was heard next.
Banner’s eavesdropping was interrupted by a quiet set of hoof clops walking past his still open door and saw a silhouette moving through the darkness in the library. “I can’t believe I almost forgot! She’s going to be so mad at me.” Twilight, Banner noted, whispered to herself.
‘And where are you going, my little pony?’ Banner thought. Banner was about to follow the unicorn out, but a thought occurred to him; Twilight was giving him shelter, a temporary place to call home. Who was he to follow Twilight and see her supposedly creepy shenanigans. Was he Deadpool?
No. No he was not Deadpool. ‘At least I hope not. That’d be some serious Twilight Zone stuff,’ Banner thought. ‘Wait... I’m in Twilight’s home, so does that mean I’m in Twilight’s Zone?’
Banner paused as he thought this over.
‘Eeyup, I might be turning into Deadpool.’
And with those thoughts in mind, Banner decided not to go out, seeing as he need his rest. The scientist put his head to pillow, and fell into blissful sleep, dreams filled with a woman Banner knew all too well.
MEANWHILE WITH RAINBOW DASH
Rainbow Dash let out a loud groan as she tried to sleep. Hospital beds were not very comfortable, Rainbow Dash thought as she found herself thrown onto a bed after her ‘talk’ with Dr. Whooves.
The stallion had told that, despite being attacked by a manticore, she was for the most part completely fine. It was as if some half-ass story writer had forgotten to give her some injuries or something. It didn’t matter much to Rainbow, since she was told that she could leave in the mourning.
A door quietly sliding shut got Rainbow’s attention. Rainbow let out a squeal of delight, something she quickly fixed by coughing, when she saw Rorschach walk in. The human walked towards a nearby chair next to the bed and sat down.
“Hiya Roshak!” Rainbow greeted. “What, couldn't spend a night without visiting the the coolest pony in Ponyville?”
Rorschach paused as he took out a small journal. “ Couldn't sleep at home,” he said. “To much noise coming from Trixie’s room.”
“What, Trixie’s snoring keep you up?”
“Wasn’t the snoring, but sure do wish it had been,” Rorschach said, a visible shudder running through him as he remembered why he came to visit rainbow maned one.
WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH (MAGIC FLASHBACK SOUNDS)
Rorschach sat on his small bed that he had taken out of the the trash such a long time ago, or at least it felt like a long time to the worn out man. Who would have guessed that living in a town filled with talking ponies, including living in the same house as a blue magician who never ceased about talking about herself, could wear someone out so much?
Taking out his prized possession, a small journal, Rorschach prepared to write down an entry. Before pencil could strike paper, however, shuffling and quiet hooves trotted entered his range of hearing. Two ponies, by the sound of it, walked through the halls of his home. The man had no need to see who it was, since he was sure that it was the same couple who had walked these dark halls many times in the past months.
The man closed his journal and put both it and the pencil into his pocket, as he knew that he would get no work done with the amount of noise he knew was to come. Giggling and hushed whispers came from the room next to his.
“I’m still sorry I almost forgot,” a voice whispered.
“It’s ok. A lot has happened today. All that matters if that you’re here now,” the other replied just as quietly. More giggles and even gasps left the room for all to hear, all meaning Rorschach and Rorschach alone.
Rorschach pinched the bridge of his nose through his mask. He was getting tired the antics of these two. With the flick of his wrist and a small grunt, the masked man turned out his lights and jumped out his window, leaving it open.
“Now where to go?” Rorschach asked to no one in particular. Within just a few minutes of mindless walking had Rorschach see the lights of Ponyville’s only hospital. Seeing as he didn’t have much choice, Rorschach moved towards the establishment, intent on getting sleep tonight, even if it wasn’t in either his room or an actual bed.
WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH (MAGIC FLASHBACK STOPPING SOUNDS)
Rorschach ignored Rainbow Dash’s questions about his nightly adventures and merely stayed on his chair. It didn’t take long for Rainbow to get tired of pestering the quiet man, and so she did what Rainbow Dash does best; do something to keep herself entertained. Rorschach took this chance to take out his journal again.
Rorschach's Journal
“Life is just one damn thing after the other.” Hubbard wrote that expecting death to be peaceful. Can say I’ve proved him wrong. Death is madness, the lack of boundaries that make the world orderly and controlled is gone as sanity holds no meaning. Events have happened, the kind that belong in wild imaginings of comic book addicts. Seems life moved on without me, yet not in a way I would ever want it to. True aliens, destructive and accurate weapons, and a man that refuses to die. Shouldn’t make sense, yet nothing surprises me anymore.
How has the world changed since I left? Were there new heroes to continue the fight? Did they reach the American Dream? Or did it all die in hellfire. Won’t likely get an answer from these men or mech. They don’t come from the same world I inhabited, too different. These aren’t men in the sense that I know, nor machine in any way I understand. Alien, violent, and illogical. I’ll be hard pressed to protect these ponies.
“What are you doing over there?” the rainbow maned asked, trying to peek over the human’s shoulder at the journal in his hands. She had obviously seen his journarl and quit doing what she had been doing just a second ago. Rorschach ignored her and continued on.
The innocent here don’t fully understand the danger these aliens pose, they find it all a game. Even Rainbow Dash doesn’t see the harm that could have befallen her, how lucky she is to be alive and not maimed.
“Are you talking about me? What are you writing? Let me see!” the pegasus as practically crawling over onto the man’s back to get a view of the page in front. Forcefully the book was clamped shut by leather bound hands. The amorphic inkblot slowly turned to face the annoyance on his back, sending a chill down Rainbow Dash’s back.
“Get. Off. Me.” the man said bluntly as he glared at Rainbow. The pegasus after a moment realized how she was on Rorschach’s shoulders. She laughed sheepishly and tentatively climbed down and back into the hospital cot. She continued to smile nervously at Rorschach’s glare until the man finally turned back and opened his journal again and set his pencil up again.
Who do I have to kill to get some peace around here?
Rorschach put away his pencil. He peered around the suddenly dark room, just now noticing how long it had been since he go to Rainbow Dash's room. With one last 'hurm,' the masked man put away his journal. He stayed in his chair throughout the night, needing nothing else to find his own sleep. Before darkness found him, however, Rorschach thought, 'If nothing happens in the next few days, Deadpool's going to get it.'
Little did Rorschach know, he would soon find his fun.
