Chapter Eleven: We Found a Witch!

Having come to a resolution with their issue, the second group of ponies bowed to their princess and departed, so that the third may present their predicament. An earth pony mare--with her pasterns bound in shackles, a black, lightly tattered cloak, a similar-colored pointed hat sitting atop of a dirty purple bed of mane, and a prominent wart sitting between her nostrils--was pulled forth by the group leader, a spark of excited keenness in his eyes.

“We found a witch! May we burn her?” the unicorn requested.

“She turned me into a newt!” another stallion proclaimed… who was obviously not the mentioned amphibian.

Absolutely flabbergasted, Princess Celestia’s eyes sprang open and her eyebrows arched up.

“A newt?” she repeated in disbelief.

There was an awkward pause before the stallion spoke again.

“… I got better…”

“BURN HER ANYWAY!” voices from the crowd rose up.

“I’m not! I’m not a witch!” the mare protested.

“… But you are dressed up as one,” said Princess Celestia, cocking a brow.

“They dressed me up like this,” she cried, exasperated.

“We didn’t!” the small gaggle declared. “We didn’t--”

“And this isn’t my mane!” the mare interrupted. “This is a false one!”

The alicorn’s horn illuminated, and indeed, the pointed hat and wig lifted off her head, revealing a different, more natural texture underneath. Furrowing her eyebrows, the princess gave a soft glare at the crowd to dare them to explain themselves.

“Well?”

“… Well, we did do the mane,” one admitted.

“And another,” chimed another. “But she’s a witch!”

“Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!” they began chanting in earnest.

Princess Celestia sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Did you dress her up like this?”

“No!” the crowd replied, each taking their turn. “No, no! No! No!”

A brief pause elapsed.

“… Yes.”

Another passed.

“Yeah, a bit. A bit.”

“But she has a wart!” one interjected.

The royal mare closed her eyes, slapping a hoof to her face.

“So, Your Highness, may we burn her?” asked the leader of the current group. He, along with his fellowship, leaned forward in anticipation for the regal equine’s answer.

Princess Celestia sighed lightly. This was getting ridiculous.

“Come now,” she began. “This is silly. You take a pony without actually confirming her to be a witch and demand to execute her. There are ways of telling whether she is a witch or not.”

“There are?” one of the ponies queried.

“Do they hurt?” a second questioned, but he was ignored entirely.

“Tell me, what do you do with witches?”

“You burn them!” the first stallion responded.

“What do you burn, apart from witches?” Princess Celestia inquired.

“MORE witches!” another pony cried out.

“Wood,” one of the others said.

“Very good!” A smile spread across Princess Celestia’s lips. “Now, why do witches burn?”

“Because… they’re made of wood?” an equine answered tentatively.

“Precisely! How can you tell if she’s made of wood?”

“Build a bridge out of her!” the first stallion called out.

“Ah, but can you also not build bridges made of stone?”

“Oh, yeah…”

“Does wood sink in water?” the tall mare inquired.

There was murmuring being shared among the crowd for a few moments.

“… No, no, it floats,” one of them started, the rest following. “It floats! Throw her into the pond!”

“Wait a moment.” The princess lifted a hoof to gesture for her little ponies to stay put. “What else floats in water?”

“Bread!” answered a stallion.

“Apples!” said a mare.

“Very small rocks!”

“Cider!”

“Great gravy!”

“Cherries!”

“Mud!”

“Churches--churches!”

“Lead--lead!”

“A duck,” came the voice of Chambers with a roll of his eyes.

“Exactly!” The princess beamed. “So, logically…”

"If she weighs the same as a duck…” the lead stallion ventured. “… then she’s made of wood.”

“And therefore…” Princess Celestia prompted.

“A WITCH!” the now enthused crowd shouted.

Princess Celestia nodded over to Chambers, ordering for him to bring out the large scales. Within moments, a set of scales… and a white duck were wheeled in. The accountants, who had arrived earlier amidst the confusion, looked up from their ledgers in bafflement as Chambers levitated the duck onto one end of the scales. The accused witch was urged to climb onto the bare end and she and the duck were promptly weighted. Much to the dismay of the group, the mare’s end of the scale went straight down, outweighing the waterfowl.

Of course, Princess Celestia had known this would happen all along--and had decided to play along and humor her little ponies mainly for the sake of seeing this through rather than causing an outright riot. Now that the situation had been definitely proved, she turned to the crowd with a significant loss of humor.

“You see there? The duck is clearly outclassed by her. Now get her out of those chains and that ridiculous costume, and bother me not with this nonsense again!”

It had taken a significant amount of self-control to prevent the leader of the previously restless group from wetting himself. They gazed up at the princess, bodies trembling and prostrating in appeasement. Nodding in unison, two unicorns released the earth pony from her binds, and bolted towards the throne room’s exit in time to see Rhem covered in blood.

Eyes wide with horror at the side, they released blood-curdling screams--some of the ponies in the room fainted. Rhem only stared back at them, blinking.

Princess Celestia, about to ask for the next group of ponies to present their matter, ears perked and snapped her head to the doorframe, spotting the dragon. Immediately getting to her hooves, her jaw dropped at the view of his blood-splattered body.

“What happened?” she asked, concern etched on her visage. “Stars above, are you hurt? Is the village safe? Somepony get a doctor in here!”

“I am fine, Celestia! It is manticore blood,” Rhem hurriedly reassured the princess of the sun. His small smile then faltered as his mind shifted to the ponies that had fallen victim to the manticore before he and the royal guard showed up. “We… did arrive too late. There were a few dead when we got there, but… no more were hurt.”

She relaxed visibly upon hearing he was not injured and the blood was not his. Heaving a sigh, she gave him a small smile, though her stomach clenched knowing three ponies were dead.

“Good. I’m glad you were able to save the village and prevent any further casualties. Did you see how many were there? … Or should I wait to conference with the captain? I see you came back alone, so I can only assume they’ve got the village secured…”

“There were over fifteen manticore,” Rhem replied as he eyed the dark red blood that tainted his body.

“Your warriors did well for non-Draconians,” he added, gazing back at the mare.

The Equestrian princes felt a twinge of pride at that--though she felt that the captain would have probably taken the praise a little better.

“Well, they’ve got to. They’re our best forces Equestria has to offer. Though, really, it’s them you should be telling that to, not I. I don’t train my guards. They’ve done a fine job of doing that themselves.”

A small lapse passed, realizing the dragon was still blood-soaked.

“Ahhh… Rhem, not meaning to be rude, but perhaps… would you mind… washing up?”

Her nostrils twitched. The stench of death was just now beginning to slightly discomfort her, and Heaven only knew how the rest of the nobles amassed were taking it.

“Oh, okay… Um, where do I wash up?”

“Down the hall, forth hallway to your left, second door on the right. That’s the closest bathroom, at least for somepony that would be relatively comfortable for your size.”

Smiling, she took another seat on her throne.

The young Draconian bounded right up to the princess and touched his blood-free nose to hers in an affectionate and thankful gesture, then dashed off.

The guards, attendants, and visitors alike hung their mouths wide open at what the general had just done. Never, had they seen--or even heard--of anyone doing something like that to the princess of Equestria.

Even Princess Celestia appeared somewhat shocked, a pink blush tinting her cheeks. Although while she wasn’t embarrassed at Rhem’s overtly public display of affection, she WAS surprised he had done it while still covered in blood.

“O… kay then…” She shook her head, and directed her attention back at the ponies lined before her. “… Moving right along here…”

Rhem took the time to marvel at the ornate bathroom, very impressed with the artistic décor. When he first espied his reflection in the mirror, he jumped in the air several feet, never having seen a mirror before. At first, he thought it was some sort of magic trick, but on further observation, he realized it was nothing more than reflective glass.

After inspecting every drawer, cabinet and its inventory, and peeked into the toilet--quickly regretting the last one--, he hopped into the bathtub. Spotting the pump and faucet, he brought his paws up to fiddle with them curiously. He had never used a pump--or even a tub, used to bathing mostly in collections of water that held enough to soak in.

By the time he figured almost everything out--how to use the pump and what soap was used for, and that it wasn’t edible--and returned to the throne room still, the equines were wrapping up a discussion on a food crisis. The mentioning of food reminded his beyond empty belly to snarl and churn in complaint, creating a series of painful cramps. The dragon placed a clawed hand upon the scales covering his abdomen.

As Princess Celestia was dismissing the others, she sat back and turned to Rhem with a small smile. A frown pulled at her lips as she overheard his grumbling stomach and came to a decision.

“You know,” she started. “While I’m respectful of other nations and their customs, I simply cannot stand back while this goes on.”

She got up and descended down the steps.

“Come, let’s get you a little snack or something.”

His entire demeanor brightened up at the thought of finally receiving some nourishment to becalm his roaring belly. Judging by the pony’s intonation when she said “little”, he came to the conclusion he would be given plenty to eat.

“I will eat what ever your chefs make. They do not even have to kill anything.”

“I had the feeling that you might be more willing to eat something more… herbivorous during your stay here. I think I’ll order sandwiches for you. Besides, King Talonblaze doesn’t need to know.”

“I do not know what sandwiches are, but I would like to try them.”

With a new burst of energy spurred by the promise of food, he whirled around and sprinted into the hallway behind him.

“I’ll be more than--” the alicorn began, only to cut herself off as Rhem ran off. Laughing lightly, her smile drooped into a frown at the revelation as to how hungry he must be. Forcing her smile back into its original state, she calmly trotted after him.

Rhem halted in the middle of the hall on their route to the dining room in order to wait for Princess Celestia to catch up. Swishing his tail left and right and crouching into a playful pose as she approached, he leaped to the side and made another dash several more yards away and repeated the gesture.

Princess Celestia smirked, unable to figure out if Rhem was just playing or if his hunger was just making him delirious. She decided it was likely safe to assume the former. Her slow gait sped up into a faster one, though she didn’t break out into a full gallop.

Rhem smiled seeing he got a reaction from the princess and lunged at her. Right before he could crash into her, he arced around her and put on the breaks as he nabbed her tail as he had done in the garden. After one more gentle yank--causing a couple of watchful guards to snap their eyes wide open--, he let it go and darted in front of her again to perform another playful crouch, his tail swishing in excitement.

Raising her tail up, the mare grunted and narrowed her eyes with a lighthearted glint.

“Oh-ho. So you want to play again, do you…?” she said, leaping at him in an attempt to tackle him to the floor.

Scrunching the bridge of his nose in amusement, the swift-footed dragon sprang aback and out of the mare’s reach. As Princess Celestia missed him, he lurched forward to position himself right in front of her. Half-rearing, he wrapped his forelegs around her neck and gently closed his teeth onto her delicate ear with a friendly growl.

By that time, the sentries were growing quite nervous observing the Draconian’s fangs on their princess and his talons lightly poking into her soft fur. They were expecting him to turn vicious at any moment.

The nibbling felt rather good, and somewhat sleep, but the alicorn wasn’t quite done. Throwing her hooves around him, she leaned off to one side to try and roll-toss him and pin him underneath her body.

Rhem hadn’t been expected her next move. As he was lifted off the floor, he parted his jaws to let out a short, surprised yip. He landed upon his back with a ‘thud’, the pony’s hooves pressing into his chest. He gazed up at her with amazement dawning in his eyes.

“Wow… You are quite strong for a pony,” he stated. The reptilian wasn’t going to relinquish himself yet. Mind trailing back to the tickling he had received back in the garden, a devious smirk spread across his face as his claws reached for her ribs to unleash his own tickle attack.

“Earth pony magic. Makes us strong as--ACK!” the prismatic-maned alicorn squealed, flinching and twisting away from him. “Hahahaha! Hey, no fair!”

“No fair? I suppose the tickling you gave me earlier was not fair?” Rhem chuckled. Grasping onto one of her forelegs with one hand, still tickling her with the other, he rolled them over and pinned her. “Now who is the one on top?”

Princess Celestia giggled, shaking her head.

“Oh--hahahah!! Alright, alright! Turnabout--ahahaha!--is fair play!” she howled, trying to reach up to tickle him back.

Placing his hind feet at both of her sides, he stood up and grasped her opposite foreleg, turning her onto her side to pin both of her front legs.

“What are you going to do now?”

Princess Celestia said nothing, looking up at him before gazing over at her guards standing attention.

“I could called my guards,” she said, in an off-hoof manner--however, a quick wink to them said she had everything all under control. A quick scan the area and she noticed that one of her maids had carelessly left a feather duster laying on one of the plant tables behind the general. While she normally would have lightly admonished such sloppiness from her staff, she was actually thankful.

Her horn glowed as she levitated the feather duster, hovering it towards Rhem to tease his flank with a couple of titillating sweeps before raising it up and out of sight.

The nerves in his flank tingled at the touch of the feather duster. Slightly startled, he turned his head to look at what had tickled him. He blinked in bemusement, seeing nothing or no one behind him. At that, he returned his attention back to Princess Celestia.

“Where were we? Oh, right--here!”

The dragon smirked deviously and resumed tickling her.

The mare laughed as she lowered the feather duster again, and she was able to brush it along his spine--however, his tickling led to her losing her concentration, and it fell from her magical hold and onto his back, bouncing off to one side and clattering to the floor as she lost herself in her laughter.

Leathery wings reflexively unfolding as the feather duster coasted up his spine with shivers and ear frills perking at the clattering of the wooden handle hitting the marble floor, Rhem yet again stopped to investigate the noise. Eyes absorbing the object, he then tossed a knowing grin at the giggling equine.

“You sneak.”

Giving up on tickling, he went for her ear again.

Princess Celestia chortled, bringing up a hoof to stroke his chin and down the side of his neck.

“Heh. I tried to distract you long enough, but I couldn’t hold my concentration.” She giggled. “Couldn’t get it to where I could get a long enough opening…

“So. Now that you’ve taken me prisoner, what are you going to do to me?”

She smirked, glancing over at her guards.

The guards watched suspiciously with narrowed eyes. They didn’t trust him. He was a dragon. It didn’t matter if he was acting friendly now. Deep down, his kind were killers.

“What am I going to do? Why should I just tell you?” he asked with a tilt of his head upon releasing her ear. Lowering his head, he began to continuously lick her cheek.

Author's Note

If anyone doesn't know what the first part of the chapter is referencing, then... I don't know. Everyone SHOULD know! :3