Twilight: The Consulting Detective

by A Wise Pony

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Matilda, Comedy, Caramel, Adventure, Shining Armor
Length: 43713

Twilight Sparkle and Dr. Applejack Apple solve mysteries. Ponification of BBC's Sherlock.

A few weeks ago (or months, as it may be) I ponified a scene from BBC's Sherlock. It starred Twilight Sparkle as the equivalent of Sherlock Holmes and Applejack as the equivalent of John Watson.

Originally, that would have been the end of it. However, it occurred to me that in this case I could actually extend the character equivalents across the entire series of Sherlock. And so, Twilight, in a good way.

Piece by piece, I am ponifying the episodes of Sherlock. As such, a spoiler warning is warranted:
SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified series contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS!

There, now that that's out of the way: The story of an apple-named army doctor and a certain aubergine equine.
Cover Image is "Twilight Sparkle, Detective Extraordinaire" by Rautakora at Deviant Art (http://rautakoura.deviantart.com/art/Twilight-Sparkle-Detective-Extraordinaire-278892117)

Standard Boilerplate: All Characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
Sherlock © The BBC
No infringement intended, no monetary gains made from these stories.

Published 2012-04-03 16:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-16 00:28:49 UTC

The Pony in Pink: An Old Friend/Finally Something Fun!

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
Applejack hobbled through the park, cane and all. The pigeons avoided her. Just as well. She didn't feel like company, not animal, and not...she glanced ahead. Was that... nah. Couldn't be. She limped past the bench and the familiar looking pony who sat there, reading the paper.

An equally familiar voice from the direction of the bench. “AJ!” She ignored it. Not now, not here, that pony could mean any AJ- “Applejack!” No avoiding it, then. She turned around to greet the familiar pony who extended a hoof in greeting. “Heartstrings! Lyra Heartstrings. We were at Swirl's together.”

“Yes, I remember, yes, Lyra, hello, hi.” Applejack switched the cane to her left leg so she could shake Lyra's hoof properly. She noticed a streak of white in the unicorn's mane that she hadn't seen before.

Lyra followed Applejack's gaze and blinked as if remembering. “Yeah, I know, I got old.”

“No, no...” Applejack said politely. She trailed off, unsure of how to continue what was the first real conversation she'd had since...

Lyra saved her the trouble. “I heard you were abroad somewhere getting shot at? What happened?”

Applejack glanced at her leg. “Got shot.” She smiled grimly. Lyra was silent at that. Privately, Applejack hoped that maybe the revelation that she'd been shot would cut this little meeting short.

***

As it turned out, it didn't. Lyra had insisted on treating her to lunch, and then coffee, and now they were sitting on the bench, sipping at their drinks. As such, Applejack felt obligated to continue the conversation. She took a sip, then spoke. “Are you still at Swirl's, then?”

“Teaching now, yeah,” Lyra said. “Bright, young things, like we used to be. Celestia, I hate them.” They both laughed. “What about you?” Lyra asked. “Just staying in town 'til you get yourself sorted?”

“I can't afford Canterlot on an army pension,” Applejack admitted.

“Ah, and you couldn't bear to be anywhere else,” Lyra said with a grin. “That's not the Applejack I know.”

“Yeah, I'm not the Applejack you kne-” She stopped herself from saying any more bitter words.

Lyra either didn't notice the tone, or pretended not to. “Couldn't Mackie help?”

The earth pony scoffed. “Yeah, like that's gonna happen.”

“I dunno,” Lyra continued. “You could…get a flatshare or something?”

“Come on, who'd want me for a flatmate?”

The unicorn laughed.

Applejack looked at her curiously. “What?”

“Well you're the second pony to say that to me today,” Lyra said.

Second pony? “Who was the first?”

***

In the mortuary of Starswirl the Bearded Hospital, a purple unicorn unzipped a body bag lying on the slab. She pulled apart he flaps and sniffed the air as she observed the cadaver. “How fresh?” she asked.

“Just in,” the attendant, a caramel coated earth pony, answered. “Sixty-seven, natural causes. Used to work here. I knew him. He was nice.”

The unicorn zipped the bag back up and stood away from the table. “Fine. We'll start with the crop,” she said.

***

A leather strip at the end of a handle slapped against the dead pony's skin. The magenta glow surrounded it seemed to increase as the impacts became more violent. From the observation window, Caramel winced with each hit. The purple pony's expression was almost vicious as she lay about the corpse, covering it's entire back with lashes. Finally, she stopped, as suddenly as she'd begun.

“So, bad day, was it?” Caramel asked, reentering the room. He gave a small laugh.

The unicorn ignored the attempt at levity. “I need to know what bruises form in the next twenty minutes. A pony's alibi depends on it. Text me.” She jotted something down on a notepad.

Caramel shifted nervously. "Listen," he began, and waited until the mare looked at him. "I was wondering, maybe later, when you're finished…"

She interrupted him. "Are you wearing mane gel? You weren't wearing mane gel before."

Caramel blinked. Caught. "I, uh, I refreshed it a bit."

"Oh." She nodded slowly, then returned to writing in her notebook. "Sorry, you were saying?"

"I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee." Caramel finished.

"Black, two sugars please." The unicorn slapped the book shut, pocketed it, and headed for the door. "I'll be upstairs."

Caramel watched sadly as she left. "Okay."

***

Lyra knocked on the door to the lab before opening it. Applejack followed her in, smiling in thanks when the unicorn held the door for her. Across the room, a light purple unicorn who was pipetting something into a petri dish looked at them curiously before returning to her experiment. Applejack looked around the room; in the years since she'd trained here, the electronic equipment had grown to outnumber the older devices.

“Well,” she said, “bit different from my day.”

Lyra laughed lightly. “You've no idea.”

The other unicorn spoke up suddenly. “Lyra, can I borrow your phone? There's no signal on mine.”

“Well what's wrong with the landline?” Lyra asked. She seemed irritated.

“I prefer to text,” the unicorn explained.

“Sorry, it's in my coat.” Lyra walked over to a lab stool and sat down.

Applejack decided to lend a hoof. “Uh, here.” She withdrew her own phone from a pocket and held it out. “Use mine.”

“Oh.” The purple pony seemed surprised. “Thank you.” She trotted over towards Applejack.

“It's an old friend of mine. Applejack,” Lyra said, by way of introduction.

The purple pony took the phone and started typing. “Alpacastan or Arock?” she asked.

Applejack blinked in surprise. Had she just... “Sorry?”

“Which was it, Alpacastan or Arock?”

Applejack glanced at Lyra, who smiled. She was sure that the mint unicorn hadn't had the chance to call ahead, but still... “Alpacastan," she answered. "Sorry, how did you-"

A stallion entered the room, mug in hoof. "Ah, Caramel!" the purple unicorn greeted as she returned the phone. "Coffee. Thank you." She lifted the proffered mug, then tilted her head as she noticed a change in the morgue attendant's appearance. "What happened to the mane gel?"

"It wasn't working for me," Caramel answered.

"Really? I thought it was a big improvement," the unicorn said. "Your head's too…big now." She took a sip of coffee and walked back towards her experiment.

"Okay," Caramel muttered resignedly as he left.

The purple unicorn took a sip and set the mug down before returning to work. “How do you feel about the violin?” she asked abruptly.

Applejack glanced at Lyra again. The green unicorn still had the same little smile as she toyed with a stray test tube. “Sorry, what?”

“I play the violin when I'm thinking,” the other unicorn continued. “Sometimes I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.” She ended with a thin smile.

Applejack all but glared at Lyra. “You…you told her about me?”

“Not a word,” Lyra said, shaking her head.

“Then who said anything about flatmates?”

“I did.” The purple unicorn had finished with whatever she'd been doing and was now grabbing a coat from atop a table. “Told Lyra this morning that I must be a difficult mare to find a flatmate for. Now here she is, just after lunch with an old friend, clearly just home from military service in Alpacastan.” With a brief sparkle the coat flew into place. “Wasn't a difficult leap.” She punctuated the end of her sentence by tying a scarf around her neck.

“How did you know about Alpacastan?” Applejack asked.

The unicorn ignored the question. “Got my eye on a nice little place in Central Canterlot. Together, we ought to be able to afford it. We'll meet there tomorrow evening, seven o'clock. Sorry, gotta dash, I think I left my crop in the mortuary.” She walked around Applejack on her way to the door.

“Is that it?” Applejack asked?

The unicorn stopped at the door and turned back. “Is that what?”

“We've only just met, and we're gonna go and look at a flat.”

The unicorn seemed genuinely puzzled. “Problem?”

Applejack almost laughed at the seeming cluelessness. If Lyra was pulling a prank..“We don't know a thing about each other, I don't know where we're meeting, I don't even know your name.”

The purple unicorn's stared at her like a hawk. “I know you're an army doctor, and you've been invalided home from Alpacastan. I know you've got a sister who's worried about you, but you won't go to her for help because you don't approve of her, possibly because she's an alcoholic, more likely because she recently walked out on her husband. And I know that your therapist think your limp's psychosomatic. Quite correctly, I'm afraid.” Applejack glanced at her bad leg as the unicorn finished. “It's enough to be going on, don't you think?” The unicorn opened the door and exited. Applejack was wondering how she'd know all of that when the unicorn's head appeared in the doorway again. “The name's Twilight Sparkle, and the address is 221B Baker Street. She winked as she bid them farewell. “Afternoon.” The door swung shut, and Applejack looked at Lyra for explanation.

“Yeah,” Lyra said. “She's always like that.”

***

Applejack returned to her apartment to consider her options. On the one hoof, this kind of convenient coincidence couldn't be overlooked; how often did one find a complete stranger so willing to share a flat? On the other, she knew next to nothing about Twilight Sparkle, apart from the fact that the mare knew far more about Applejack than she possibly could. Time to start solving that. She pulled out her phone and read the last text that had been sent from it. It was brief, to the point, and only added to the mystery: “If brother has green ladder, arrest brother. TS” Alright, so the text was a dead end. But there were other ways of finding out about ponies. She limped to the desk and flipped open her netbook. A few clicks later, and she had the name Twilight Sparkle entered in a search box. Now then, time to even the knowledge gap.

***

In an abandoned tenement building, a cupcake glowed briefly and rose before falling, the glow vanished. A unicorn dressed in pink stooped to pick it up, hoof trembling. What followed... was already a foregone conclusion.

***

Baker Street was easy to find. At precisely seven, Applejack was making her way up the street to the door of 221 B. She reached the door and looked around, but saw no sign of the purple unicorn. Thinking perhaps she was already inside, she raised a hoof and rapped on the door.

“Hello.” Applejack turned to see Twilight Sparkle climb out of a cab that had just pulled up.

“Ah. Ms. Sparkle.” Applejack extended a hoof in greeting.

“Twilight, please,” the unicorn insisted as she responded in kind.

“Well, this is a prime spot,” the earth pony commented. “Must be expensive.”

“Well, Ms. Matilda, the landlady, she's giving me a special deal,” Twilight said. “Owes me a favor. A few years back, her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florideer. I was able to help her out.”

“So you stopped her husband being executed?” Applejack wondered how she'd managed that.

“Oh no, I ensured it,” Twilight replied with a smile.

The earth pony was still wondering how Twilight had managed that (and considering the possibility that she was some kind of hitmare) when the door of 221B opened and an older looking donkey greeted the unicorn.

“Twilight! Look at you!” She hugged the purple mare briefly, and then noticed the earth pony.

“Ms. Matilda, Dr. Applejack,” Twilight introduced.

“Hello!” Applejack walked around the hoof the donkey offered and into the building. Best to see the flat quickly and decide. The landlady ignored the snub. “Come in!”

“Thank you,” Applejack said. No need to completely ignore manners.

“Shall we?” Twilight asked as she followed Applejack inside.

***

The flat was up a set of stairs, and the unicorn quickly overtook her slower companion. She waited at the top, seemingly impatient as Applejack rounded the first (and fortunately, as far as this flat was concerned, last) landing and paused to catch her breath. As the earth pony reached the top of the stairs, Twilight swung the flat door open and spun inside. She turned back to face her potential flatmate as Applejack finally made it into the room. The earth pony glanced around the place. It seemed nice, except for the excess of clutter. Cartons of old books, a dusty pillow with the Equestrian flag, a box of crockery, and other assorted odds and ends took up the better half of the sitting room.

“Well,” Applejack allowed, “This could be very nice.” She limped around the corner and had a look at the kitchen. Also nice, though the table was covered with test tubes, glassware, and measuring cups. “Very nice indeed.”

“Yes, yes, I think so,” Twilight agreed. “My thoughts precisely. So I went straight ahead and moved in-”

“As soon as we get this rubbish cleaned up-”

The simultaneous speaking gave them both pause, and Applejack realized that all of what she had assumed was Ms. Matilda's old stuff was in fact Twilight's possessions. “Oh...So this is all-”

“Well, um...” Twilight sifted through some of the assorted 'rubbish' “Obviously I can straighten things up a bit,” she said, somewhat chagrined. Finding a stray paper of some import, she took a knife and affixed the former to the mantle piece with the latter. Applejack noticed the other odd object sitting over the fireplace.

“It's a skull,” she said, pointing at the equine remain with her cane.

“Friend of mine,” Twilight explained. “When I say friend...”

“What do you think then, Dr. Applejack?” Ms. Matilda enquired. “There's another bedroom upstairs, if you'll be needing two bedrooms.”

“Well of course we'll be needing two,” Applejack said. She blinked in confusion. The landlady didn't think that...did she?

“Oh, don't worry, there's all sorts 'round here.” Whispering conspiratorially, she added, “Mrs. Turner next door's got married ones.”

She did. Applejack glanced at Twilight, who'd shed her coat and scarf and was busy putting away some of the numerous books. If Twilight was, that could make things very awkward.

Ms. Matilda, meanwhile, had gone into the kitchen. “Oh, Twilight, the mess you've made!” she scolded.

Applejack picked up the pillow and thumped it down on one of the comfy chairs in the room. She flopped down, glad to get off her leg. Twilight had opened up a computer on the desk, reminding the earth pony what she'd learned about the unicorn. “I looked you up on the Internet last night,” she began.

“Anything interesting?” Twilight asked.

“Found your website. The…Science of Deduction.”

The unicorn seemed pleased at that. “What did you think?”

Applejack looked at her askance, as if she'd found something funny. Twilight's expression looked as if she'd eaten something sour. “You said you could identify a software designer by his tie, and an airline pilot by his left hoof?” Applejack asked, skeptical.

“Yes,” Twilight stated. “And I could read your military career in your face and your leg and your sister's drinking habits in your mobile phone.”

Well, that was true. “How?”

Twilight smirked and turned back to the computer as Ms. Matilda walked back in reading the paper.

“What about these suicides then, Twilight? Thought that'd be right up your street. Three, exactly the same.”

Something out front had caught Twilight's eye, and she peered out the window. “Four. There's been a fourth.” A car door closed outside. “There's something different this time.”

“A fourth?” Ms. Matilda asked.

Twilight turned to face the doorway as a prismatic-maned pegasus in a trenchcoat flew up the stairs and landed at the threshold. “Where?” Twilight demanded.

“Brayxton, Canterlot Gardens,” the pegasus replied. Applejack supposed she was a cop.

“What's new about this one? You wouldn't have come to get me if there wasn't something different.”

“You know how they never leave notes?” the pegasus asked.

“Yeah.”

“This one did. Will you come?”

The unicorn paused to consider it. “Who's on forensics?”

“It's Whooves.

Twilight grimaced. “Whooves won't work with me.”

“Well he won't be your assistant!” The pegasus was getting impatient.

“I need an assistant!” Twilight replied.

“Will you come?” the pegasus prodded.

“Not in a police car. I'll be right behind.”

An expression of relief passed over the blue pony's features. “Thank you.” She nodded tersely at the others in the room before flying back downstairs.

Twilight stood where she was until the front door slammed. Then she leapt into the air, ecstatic. “Brilliant! Yes! Ah, four serial suicides and now a note! Oh, it's Hearth's Warming!” She grabbed her coat and whirled into the kitchen. “Ms. Matilda, I'll be late, might need some food.”

“I'm your landlady dear, not your housekeeper,” the donkey admonished.

“Something cold will do,” Twilight amended. She whipped the scarf out of her pocket and replaced it with a set of socks from the table. “Applejack! Have a cup of tea. Make yourself at home. Don't wait up!” The kitchen door that led into the hall closed behind her as she left.

“Look at her, dashing about.” Ms. Matilda smiled. “My husband was just the same.” She looked at the earth pony kindly. “But, you're more the sitting down type, I can tell. I'll make you that cuppa, you rest your leg.” She turned into the kitchen again.

A spike of anger shot through Applejack. “Buck my leg!” she yelled. Ms. Matilda jumped; the anger fled. “Sorry, I'm so sorry,” Applejack said. “It's just sometimes this...” she indicated her leg. “Rotten thing...”

“I understand dear, I've got a hip.”

“Cup of tea would be lovely, thank you,” Applejack said. She picked up the paper and read the headline: Transport Minister Third Strange Suicide.

“Just this once, dear,” Ms. Matilda warned. “I'm not your housekeeper.”

“Couple of biscuits too if you've got 'em.”

“Not your housekeeper!” The donkey left. Applejack started reading the paper in earnest. There was another picture below the large one of the victim, just the mane visible...a rainbow mane. The door opened as she unfurled the newspaper the rest of the way. There was no mistaking it. The policepony who'd just visited Twilight was the DI in charge of the case.

“You're a doctor.”

Surprised, Applejack looked up. Twilight was standing at the door, a thoughtful look about her. “In fact, you're an army doctor.”

“Yes,” Applejack replied. She put aside the paper and got to her feet.

“Any good?”

“Very good.”

“Seen a lot of injuries then. Violent deaths.” The purple mare had walked closer, silently evaluating her.

“Mhm. Yes.”

“Bit of trouble too, I'd bet,” Twilight continued.

“Of course. Yes. Enough…for a lifetime, far too much.”

The unicorn paused, then asked, “Want to see some more?”

“Oh, Celestia, yes.” Twilight hurried back down the stairs, Applejack at her hooves. They bumped into Ms. Matilda at the bottom. “Sorry, Ms Matilda, I'll skip the tea,” Applejack apologized. “I'm out.”

“Both of you?” The donkey looked surprised.

Twilight turned around. “Possible suicides, four of them? There's no point sitting at home when there's finally something fun going on!” She hugged the landlady in glee.

“Look at you, all happy, it's not decent,” Ms. Matilda scolded.

“Who cares about decent?” Twilight said as she ended the hug and headed for the door. “The game, Ms Matilda, is on!” She raced to the curb as Applejack closed the door behind them. “Taxi!”
A cab pulled up, both ponies got in, and they were off, though to what, exactly, neither of them could be sure.

***

The Pony in Pink: Don't Consult Amateurs/What Mistake?

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
Applejack had hoped that the long taxi ride to Brayxton would give her a chance to ask about Twilight's 'deductions'. However, from the moment they'd gotten into the cab, the unicorn had been busy with her own phone, which seemed to have plenty of signal now.

The sun was setting by the time Twilight took notice of her companion's pointed stares at the device and put it away. “Okay, you've got questions.”

“Yeah, where are we going?”

“Crime scene,” Twilight said matter-of-factly, as if this happened every day. “Next?”

“Who are you? What do you do?”

The unicorn turned the question around. “What do you think?”

“I'd say...” Applejack considered. “Private detective...” She paused, realizing something wrong with that.

“But?” Twilight prodded.

“But the police don't go to private detectives.”

“I'm a consulting detective,” Twilight explained. “Only one in the world. I invented the job.”

“And what does that mean?”

“It means when the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult me.”

Applejack almost snickered in disbelief. “The police don't consult amateurs.”

Twilight seemed to ignore the barb. “When I met you for the first time yesterday, I said Alpacastan or Arock. You looked surprised.”

“Yes, how did you know?” Applejack had been wondering about that.

“I didn't know, I saw.” Twilight began listing what she'd observed. “Your mane cut, the way you hold yourself says military. And the conversation as you entered the room, 'bit different from my day,' you said, trained at Swirl's. So, army doctor, obvious. Your face is tanned. But no tan above the hooves. You've been abroad, but not sunbathing.” Applejack glanced at one hoof. Sure enough, there was a faint line where the hair had taken a paler hue. Twilight continued. “Limps really bad when you walk, but you don't ask for a chair when you stand, like you've forgotten about it. So at least partly psychosomatic. That says the original circumstances of the injury were traumatic, wounded in action, then. Wounded in action, sun tan, Alpacastan or Arock.”

That was one part. But there were other mysteries Applejack wanted explained. “You said I had a therapist.”

“You've got a psychosomatic limp, of course you've got a therapist.” The unicorn made it seem so obvious, it was painful. But that still left- Twilight seemed to pick up on the earth pony's thoughts. “Then there's your sister.”

“Hmm?” Right, that too.

Twilight held up her next source of information. “Your phone, it's expensive, email enabled, MP3 player, but you're looking for a flat-share, you wouldn't waste money on this, it's a gift then.” She turned it in the light, showing the dings and scrapes in the plastic. “Scratches, not one, many over time, it's been in the same pocket as keys and coins. The mare sitting next to me wouldn't treat her one luxury item like this, so, it's had a previous owner. Next bit's easy, you know it already.” She turned it over to show the letters etched into the phone's metal backing.

“The engraving.” Most ponies didn't notice it. But then, this Twilight Sparkle wasn't most ponies.

Twilight nodded. “Mackie, with small apples engraved on each side. Clearly a family member, who's given you her own phone. Not your mother, this is a young mare's gadget. Could be a cousin, but you're a war hero who can't find a place to live, unlikely you've got an extended family, certainly not one you're close to. So, sister it is. Now, Lee, who's Lee? Three kisses-” she held the phone closer to the light; the three x's at the end of the engraving stood out. “Says romantic attachment. Expensive phone says husband, not boyfriend. Must've given it to her recently, this models only six months old. Marriage in trouble then, six months old, and she's given it away? If he'd left her, she would have kept it. Ponies do, sentiment. But no, she wanted rid of it, she left him.” She waved the phone at Applejack as she continued. “She gave the phone to you, that says she wants you to stay in touch. You're looking for cheap accommodation, yet you're not going to your sister for help. That says you've got problems with her, maybe you liked her husband, maybe you don't like her drinking.

That had been the most surprising. “How…can you possibly know about the drinking?

Twilight's victorious smirk took Applejack by surprise. So she hadn't known. “Shot in the dark. Good one, though.” She flipped open a small port on the device. “Power connection, tiny little scuff marks around the edge of it. Every night, goes to plug it in to charge, but her hooves are shaking. You never see those marks on a sober mare's phone, never see a drunk's without them.” She passed the phone back. “There you go, you see, you were right.”

Applejack blinked. “I was right? Right about what?”

“The police don't consult amateurs.” Twilight settled back into her seat, very pleased with herself.

There was silence in the cab as Applejack processed the flood of reasoning. “That…was amazing.”

Twilight looked surprised. “You think so?”

“Of course it was. It was extraordinary, it was really…extraordinary.”

Twilight was pleased. “That's not what ponies normally say.”

“Oh, what do ponies normally say?”

Twilight smiled ironically. “Buck off.”

Applejack smiled as well, then looked out the window as the cab slowed. A minute or so later, the two were exiting the car on a street guarded by a police car. Applejack closed the door and matched the other mare's pace as Twilight turned toward her and asked, “Did I get anything wrong?”

“Mackie and me don't get on. Never have. Cheerilee and Mackie split up, three months ago. They're getting a divorce. Mackie is a drinker.”

Twilight was very pleased. “Wow, all right. I didn't expect to be right about everything.” She grinned victoriously.

The unicorn's smug smile was brief as Applejack continued, “Mackie's short for Macintosh.”

Twilight stopped walking. “Mackie's your brother.”

“Now what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?” Applejack asked.

Twilight was preoccupied with her failure. “Brother!”

“Seriously, what am I doing here?”

“It's always something,” Twilight complained. They resumed walking towards the police line that had been strung between several more patrol cars. A grey and blonde pegasus was waiting for them.

“Hello, freak,” she said to Twilight.

Twilight stopped at the line. “I'm here to see Detective Inspector Rainbow.”

“Why?” the pegasus asked.

Twilight looked at the policepony with annoyance. “I was invited.”

“Why?” the pegasus demanded.

“I think she wants me to take a look.” Twilight was irked now.

“Well, you know what I think don't you?” The hostility in the pegasus's eyes was obvious.

“Always, Derpy,” Twilight said. She sniffed the air as she ducked under the line. “I also know you didn't make it home last night.”

Derpy blinked in surprise, then noticed the earth pony also ducking under the tape. “Uh, who's this?”

“Colleague of mine, Dr. Applejack. Dr. Applejack, Sergeant Derpy Hooves. Old friend.” Applejack noted the same tone from when Twilight had introduced her skull.

“A colleague.” The sergeant scoffed in disbelief. “How do you get a colleague?” She turned to Applejack and pointed at Twilight. “What, did she follow you home?”

Applejack was already uncomfortable. Clearly this was a deviation from how Twilight normally worked, and it seemed almost as if the unicorn had dragged her along solely to annoy the police. “Would it be better if I just waited-”

“No.” The tape glowed as Twilight lifted it high enough for Applejack to pass under.

Derpy didn't press the issue. Instead, she spoke into a radio. “Freak's here, bringing her in.” She walked towards the building without bothering to tell them to follow.

A brown earth pony in a cleansuit was waiting for them. “Ah, Whooves,” Twilight greeted. “Here we are again.”

“It's a crime scene, I don't want it contaminated. Are we clear on that?” the earth pony growled.

“Quite clear,” Twilight agreed. She sniffed the air again. “And is your wife away for long?”

“Oh, don't pretend you worked that out,” Whooves jeered. “Somepony told you that.”

“Your deodorant told me that,” Twilight retorted.

“My deodorant,” Whooves said skeptically.

“It's for stallions!” Twilight said with a mischievous grin.

“Well of course it's for stallions! I'm wearing it!”

Twilight glanced at the grey pegasus. “So's Sergeant Hooves.” The pegasus and the brown earth pony exchanged a shocked look. Twilight sniffed the air once more. “Ooh! I think it just vaporized. May I go in?”

“Now look,” Whooves protested, “whatever you're trying to imply, I-”

“Oh, I'm not implying anything,” Twilight denied. “I'm sure Derpy dropped in for a nice little chat and just happened to stay over.” A self-satisfied grin was on her face as she brushed past Whooves. “And I assume she slept on the floor, judging by the state of her wings.” The forensics pony had nothing to say about that.

***

The entry hall had been converted into a base of operations for the forensics squad. Rainbow was waiting for them, already clad in a cleansuit of her own. Twilight passed a similar suit to Applejack. “You need to wear one of these.”

“Who's this?” Rainbow asked as Applejack shed her jacket and struggled to put on the full body cover.

“She's with me,” Twilight told her.

“But who is she?” Rainbow pressed.

“I said she's with me,” Twilight said with finality.

Applejack finished getting into the suit, then noticed Twilight hadn't taken one. “Aren't you going to put one on?” The unicorn stared at her as if the answer was obvious.

“So where are we?” she asked, forgoing the scrubs.

“Upstairs,” Rainbow said. She led the way. Twilight followed, with Applejack limping along at the rear. Up two flights, the door to a room laid open. “I can give you two minutes,” Rainbow said.

“May need longer,” Twilight replied.

Rainbow seemed to take that in stride. “Her name's Fleur de Lis, according to her credit cards. We're running them now for contact details. Hasn't been here long, some kids found her.”

The three stepped through the door. Within, the body of a white unicorn lay. Her mane was light pink, but disheveled, and she was clad in a pink dress-suit. Her hooves and lips were painted to match the dress. A cupcake lay on the floor by her head, icing down, half eaten. Twilight looked over the body, then glanced sharply at Rainbow. “Shut up.”

“I didn't say anything!” Rainbow protested.

“You were thinking,” Twilight retorted. “It's annoying.” Rainbow bit back a reply as Twilight started circling the body. The hooves were well filed, but as she got closer she noticed that the left one had been chipped from scratching five letters into the wood of the floor: R, a, c, h, e. The tail of the e trailed off to where the victim's writing had ended with her death. There were several pieces of jewelry on that leg as well. Twilight pulled a rubber sock over one hoof and ran it over the back of the dress, then looked at it. It was wet. A search of the victim's pockets found an umbrella, which was dry. On a guess, she ran her hoof under the victim's collar. Again, wet. She withdrew a magnifying lens and examined the jewelry more closely. Earrings, necklace, and rings were all well polished, except for a wedding band, which was pitted and tarnished. She carefully removed it, and examined it more closely. The inside of the band was clean, well polished. She smirked as she made her conclusions.

Rainbow noticed the slight grin. “Got anything?”

“Not much,” Twilight said, replacing the band withdrawing her phone to check something.

“She's Germane.” The three ponies turned to see Whooves standing in the doorway. The brown pony pointed at the word in the floor. “Rache! It's Germane for revenge. She could be trying to tell us somepony-”

“Yes, thank you for your input.” The door knob glowed as Twilight slammed it in Whooves' face.

“So she's Germane?” Rainbow asked.

“Of course she's not,” Twilight said without looking away from her phone. “She's from out of town, though. Intended to stay in Canterlot for one night, before returning home to Cartiff. So far, so obvious.”

“Sorry, obvious?” Applejack asked.

“But what about the, message?” Rainbow urged.

Twilight ignored both questions. “Doctor Applejack, what do you think?”

“What, of the message?”

“Of the body, you're a medical mare.”

“Wait, no,” Rainbow objected. “We have a whole team outside.”

“They won't work with me,” the unicorn said dismissively.

The pegasus snorted in frustration. “I'm breaking every rule letting you in here-”

“Yes, because you need me.”

Rainbow paused before agreeing. “Yes I do.” She looked down at the floor. “Celestia help me,” she muttered.

“Doctor Applejack.”

Applejack glanced at Rainbow for permission. The pegasus waved her on. “Well, do as she says, help yourself.” She opened the door and walked out. “Whooves, keep everypony out for a couple of minutes.” The door closed, muffling the ensuing argument between the policeponies.

Applejack leaned her cane against a wall and stepped closer to the body. Twilight leaned in and looked expectantly at her. “Well?”

“What am I doing here?” Applejack asked.

“Helping me make a point,” Twilight whispered.

“I'm supposed to be helping you pay the rent.”

“Yes, well, this is more fun.”

“Fun?” Applejack pointed at the body. “There's a mare lying dead!”

“Perfectly sound analysis,” Twilight said, “but I was hoping you'd go deeper.”

The door opened again as Rainbow reentered the room. Applejack pulled on a pair of socks as well and groaned in as leaned towards the corpse on her bad leg. She sniffed; stomach acid, concentrated around the mouth. She tried to lift a leg; rigor hadn't set in yet, she noted. The limb was cold. She peered into the victim's eyes; bloodshot. “Yeah. Asphyxiation. Probably passed out, choked on her own vomit.” She stepped away from the body. “Can't smell any alcohol on her, could've been a seizure. Possibly drugs-”

“You know what it was,” Twilight cut in. “You've read the papers.”

Applejack blinked in surprise. “What, she's one of the suicides, the fourth-?”

Rainbow broke into the conversation. “Twilight, I said two minutes. I need anything you got.”

Twilight began speaking. “Victim is in her late thirties, professional person going by her clothes, I'm guessing something in the media, going by the frankly alarming shade of pink.” She pulled off the socks with a snap. “Traveled from Cartiff today, intending to stay in Canterlot for one night, obvious from the size of her suitcase.”

“Suitcase?” Rainbow asked.

“Suitcase, yes,” Twilight said distractedly, looking around the room again. “She's been married for at least ten years, but not happily. She's had a string of lovers, but none of them knew she was married.”

“Oh, for Celestia's sake,” Rainbow said, disbelief on her face. “If you're just making this up-”

Twilight pointed at the body. “Her wedding ring! Ten years old at the least. The rest of her jewelry's been regularly cleaned, but not her wedding ring. State of her marriage, right there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside, that means it's regularly removed. The only polishing it gets is when she works if off. It's not for work, look at that hooficure, she doesn't work with her hooves. So what, or rather who does she remove her rings for? Clearly not one lover, she'd never sustain the fiction of being single over that amount of time, so more likely a string of them, simple.”

“It's brilliant!” Applejack exclaimed. Twilight looked at her sharply. “Sorry,” the earth pony muttered.

“Cartiff?” Rainbow asked.

“It's obvious, isn't it?” Twilight said, still searching around the room.

“It's not obvious to me,” Applejack said.

The unicorn looked at them both curiously. “Dear Princess Celestia. What is it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring!” She pointed at the body again. “Her coat. It's slightly damp. She's been in heavy rain in the last few hours, no rain anywhere in Canterlot in that time. Under her coat collar is damp too. She's turned it up against the wind. She's got an umbrella in her left pocket but it's dry and unused. Not just wind, strong wind. Too strong to use her umbrella. We know from her suitcase that she was intending to stay overnight so she must have come a decent distance, but she can't have travelled more than two or three hours because her coat still hasn't dried. So, where has there been heavy rain and strong wind within the radius of that travel time?” She held up her phone, a weather report on the screen. “Cartiff.”

“It's fantastic!” Applejack blurted.

Twilight turned towards the earth pony. “Do you know you do that out loud?”

“Sorry,” Applejack apologized. “I'll shut up.”

“No,” Twilight said. “It's…fine.”

“Why do you keep saying suitcase?” Rainbow asked.

“Yes, where is it?” Twilight returned to looking around the room, as if something could be hiding within the bare space. “She must have had a phone or an organizer. Find out who Rachel is.”

“She was writing Rachel?” the pegasus asked.

The irritated unicorn spun to face the pegasus. “No, she was leaving an angry note in Germane,” she hissed sarcastically. “Of course she was writing Rachel! No other word it can be. Question is, why did she wait until she was dying to write it?”

“So, how did you know she had a suitcase?”

Twilight pointed at the body again. “Back of the hind right leg, tiny splash marks on the hock and cannon, not present on the left. She was dragging a wheeled suitcase behind her on her right side. Don't get that splash pattern any other way. Smallish case, going by the spread. Case that size, mare this clothes conscious, could only be an overnight bag, so we know she was staying one night.” She glanced around the body once more. “Now where is it, what have you done with it?”

“There wasn't a case,” Rainbow told her.

Twilight slowly looked up, ears twitching as she checked her hearing. “Say that again.”

“There wasn't a case,” Rainbow repeated. “There was never any suitcase.”

Twilight whisked past them into the hall. “Suitcase!” she shouted down the stairs. “Did anypony find a suitcase? Was there a suitcase in this house?”

“Twilight, there's no case!” Rainbow insisted as she and Applejack stepped out of the room.

The unicorn peered back at them. “They take the poison themselves, they chew, swallow the cupcakes themselves, there are clear signs, even you lot couldn't miss them!” She raced down the stairs.

“Right, yeah, thanks,” Rainbow muttered. Then, louder: “And?”

Twilight paused and looked back up. “It's murder. All of them. I don't know how. They're not suicides, they're killings, serial killings.” She was grinning gleefully. “We've got ourselves a serial killer! Love those, there's always something to look forward to.” She started down again.

“Why are you saying that?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight stopped and looked back at them with exasperation. “Her case! Come on, where is her case? Did she eat it? Somepony else was here and they took her case!” She grew quieter as she realized something. “So the killer must have driven her here. Forgot the case was in the car.”

“She could've, uh, checked into a hotel,” Applejack suggested. “Left her case there.”

“No, she never got to the hotel, look at her hair! She color coordinates her lipstick and her hooves, she'd never have left any hotel with her hair still looking…oh...” The unicorn fell back on her haunches as it hit her. “Oh!” She clapped her hooves in front of her face as the enormity of what she'd realized became more apparent.

“Twilight?” Applejack asked.

“What is it, what?” Rainbow added

“Serial killer's always hard, have to wait for them to make a mistake.”

“We can't just wait!” Rainbow shouted down.

“Oh, we're done waiting,” Twilight shouted back. “Look at her, really look! Horseton, we have a mistake! Get on to Cartiff, find who Fleur de Lis's family and friends were, find Rachel!” The unicorn got back on her hooves and raced down the stairs.

“Of course, yeah, but WHAT MISTAKE?” Rainbow yelled as the Twilight reached the entry hall.

The unicorn's head appeared at the bottom just long enough for her to answer. “PINK!” Twilight shouted back. She then raced away into the hall, leaving Applejack and Rainbow wondering what she'd meant.

***

The Pony in Pink: A Psychopath/Could Be Dangerous

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
With Twilight gone, the forensics team hurried up the stairs. “Okay, let's get on with it,” Rainbow said, motioning them back to the body. Applejack pressed against the wall to avoid the stream of ponies. She remembered her cane in time and reached back into the room to get it. Then she limped back down, slowly. One pony bumped into her and she stumbled. By the time she'd changed back into her street clothes and hobbled back to the police line, Twilight was nowhere to be seen. Derpy noticed the earth pony looking around.

“She's gone,” she told Applejack.

“Who, Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yeah, she just took off. She does that.”

“Is she coming back?”

“She didn't look like it.” Another policepony trotted over to speak to the sergeant.

Applejack looked around some more. She realized that she probably should have paid better attention on the ride over. “Sorry, where am I?” she asked.

“Brayxton,” Derpy replied.

“Right...do you know where I could…get a cab? It's just, uh…well…” She glanced down. “My leg.”

“Uh…” Derpy lifted the tape with one wing. “Try the main road.”

“Thanks.” Applejack stepped under as Derpy spoke again.

“But you're not her friend. She doesn't have friends.” Applejack glanced back as the sergeant continued. “So who are you?”

“I'm…I'm nopony,” Applejack said. “I just met her.”

Derpy nodded. “'Kay, bit of advice then. Stay away from that mare.”

“Why?”

The pegasus didn't need to be pressed to elaborate. “You know why she's here? She's not paid or anything. She likes it. She gets off on it. The weirder the crime, the more she gets off, and you know what? One day just showing up won't be enough. One day we'll be standing 'round a body and Twilight Sparkle will be the one that put it there.”

“Why would she do that?” Applejack asked, doubtful.

“Because she's a psychopath,” Derpy said simply. “Psychopaths get bored.”

The Detective Inspector's voice rang out from the building's entrance. “Derpy!”

“Coming!” The pegasus replied. She walked back towards the building, but turned around to give repeat her warning to the earth pony. “Stay away from Twilight Sparkle.”

Applejack considered this. Sure, Twilight seemed a bit...odd, but psychopathic? Maybe borderline, from what she'd seen, but a potential killer? She limped off to find a cab. A phone booth rang as she passed it, yet nopony was around to pick it up. She looked at the booth, then checked the time and continued on with a sigh. It'd have to be somepony else's problem..

***

The main road was crawling with cabs, but none of them seemed to notice the orange earth pony. She waved again as another one approached. “Taxi! Taxi...” It passed her by, just like several others had. Exasperated, she stepped back into the crowd on the sidewalk.

She walked on, then stopped as she heard a familiar ringtone from inside the shop she was in front of. Was that the same tone as the booth back at near the crime scene? She glanced over, only to see an employee to mute the phone. She shook her head and walked on; all this murder business must be putting her on edge. Another phone booth was ahead. As she passed by, it also began ringing, and once more, no ponies were answering. Applejack stopped and mulled over the idea of picking up. The phone had rung three times when she decided she might as well. She entered the booth and picked up on the sixth ring. “Hello?” she asked, expecting to hear somepony apologize for a wrong number. She couldn't have been more wrong.

“There is a security camera on the building to your left,” a male voice informed her. “Do you see it?”

Applejack blinked in surprise. “Who's this? Who's speaking?”

The voice repeated the question. “Do you see the camera,” it asked, “Doctor Applejack?”

A chill ran down her spine as Applejack looked out to her left. There was indeed a camera on that building, aimed directly at her. If she squinted, it seemed to be focusing on the phone booth. “Yeah, I see.”

“Watch,” the voice commanded. Before Applejack's eyes, the camera panned off to one side. “There is another camera on the building opposite you, do you see it?”

Applejack looked across at the next camera. “Mm-hm” As she watched, it also panned away.

The voice continued. “And finally, at the top of the building on your right.”

Applejack watched as another camera was aimed away from her. “How are you doing this?” she asked.

“Get into the car, Doctor Applejack,” the voice told her as a black car pulled up next to the booth “I would make some sort of threat, but I'm sure your situation is quite clear to you.” The line went dead.

Outside, the imposing driver of the car, a white pegasus in a suit, had gotten out and opened the passenger door. He looked expectantly at Applejack. The earth pony considered other options, then hung up the phone and walked out of the booth. She hesitated a moment more, then climbed into the back seat of the black sedan. The driver closed the door after her and started the vehicle moving, past the brightly lit shop windows, past the throng of ponies, and into a more dimly lit and far less crowded part of town.

***

Applejack had been surprised to see she was not alone in the back seat. Although the driver was separated from the passengers by thick glass (she guessed bullet-proof), another suited pony was there. A handsome light grey unicorn was working on his phone, texting away busily. Applejack had watched the street for sometime in hopes of being able to retrace her steps if necessary, but soon realized that the driver was deliberately taking a roundabout route that looped back on itself multiple times. She gave up and decided to start a conversation with her fellow passenger. Maybe he was in the same bind she was. “Howdy.”

The stallion glanced at her as if noticing her for the first time. “Hi,” he said, then resumed texting.

Applejack pressed on. “What's your name then?”

“Uhm…Anthony.”

The pause gave away the lie. “Is that your real name?”

“No,” the unicorn answered, shaking his head.

Applejack nodded slowly, then introduced herself. “I'm Applejack.”

The unicorn nodded dismissively. “Yes. I know.”

Applejack looked sharply at the other pony, then mentally kicked herself. Of course this pony knew. Somepony who was just lifted off the street wouldn't be calmly texting. “Is there any point in asking where I'm going?”

The other pony stopped texting and fixed Applejack with a sad smile. “None at all...” he said, before returning his attention to the phone. “Applejack.”

“Okay.” Applejack noticed they had looped back into one of the shopping districts. She considered making a break, but thought better of it. She was in fact curious to know who the voice on the end of the line had been. And if they did try anything, they wouldn't get her without a fight.

***

The car presently slowed and turned into a darkened lot, then entered an old warehouse. Well inside, its lights shone briefly onto a blue-maned unicorn in a suit standing casually in front of a chair, an umbrella at his side. Then the vehicle stopped and the light level dimmed briefly as the glow of the car lights was replaced with the light from the warehouse's ceiling panels. Applejack got out and limped towards the unicorn. The unicorn smiled and pointed at the chair with his umbrella. “Have a seat, Applejack.” His voice was definitely the one she'd heard on the phone.

The earth pony ignored the gesture. “You know, I've got a phone. And, very clever, and all that, but, uh, you could just, phone me. On my phone.” She hobbled past the chair and stood a few feet from the mysterious stallion.

“When one is avoiding the attention of Twilight Sparkle, one learns to be discreet,” the unicorn explained. He waved the umbrella at their surroundings. “Hence this place. The leg must be hurting you. Sit down.” A smile so friendly it was sickening spread across his face.

“I don't want to sit down,” Applejack told him.

“You don't seem very afraid,” the unicorn commented.

“You don't seem very frightening,” Applejack shot back.

That amused the unicorn enough to make him laugh. “Yes. The bravery of the soldier. Bravery's by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think?” His attitude annoyed the earth pony, but she held her tongue. “What is your connection to Twilight Sparkle?” the unicorn asked.

“I don't have one,” Applejack replied flatly. “I barely know her, I met her...yesterday.” She paused. Had it only been yesterday?

“Mmm, and since yesterday, you've moved in with her and now you're solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?”

Applejack ignored the jibe. “Who are you?” she demanded.

“An interested party,” was the enigmatic answer.

“Interested in Twilight, why?” Applejack glanced over the pony again. “I'm guessing you're not friends.”

“You've met her. How many friends do you imagine she has?” The unicorn toyed with his umbrella before as he continued. “I'm the closest thing to a friend that Twilight Sparkle is capable of having.”

“And what's that?”

The unicorn tapped the umbrella. “An enemy,” he said matter-of-factly.

“An enemy?”

“In her mind, certainly. If you were to ask her, she'd probably say her arch-enemy.” The unicorn's expression turned thoughtful. “She does love to be dramatic.”

Applejack glanced around the warehouse. “Well thank Celestia you're above all that.”

The repartee was interrupted by a beep from Applejack's phone. The earth pony fished out the device and read the new text: Baker Street. Come at once if convenient. TS

“I hope I'm not distracting you,” the unicorn said.

“Not…distracting me at all.” Applejack put the phone away again.

The unicorn nonchalantly glanced at his hoof. “Do you plan to continue your association with Twilight Sparkle?” he asked conversationally.

“I could be wrong,” Applejack answered, “But I think that's none of your business.”

“It could be.”

“It really couldn't,” Applejack affirmed with a shake of her head.

The unicorn withdrew a notebook from one of his pockets. “If you do move into, um...” He opened the notebook briefly as he searched for the necessary information. “Two hundred and twenty-one B, Baker Street, I'd be happy to, pay you a meaningful sum of money on a regular basis to, ease your way.”

“Why?” Although it might be against common sense to look a gift horse in the mouth, Applejack was fairly certain that this wasn't a gift, and that this horse might be a weasel in disguise.

“Because you're not a wealthy mare,” the unicorn said.

“In exchange for what?” The earth pony could guess, but she wanted to hear it said.

“Information,” the unicorn confirmed. “Nothing indiscreet, nothing you'd feel…uncomfortable with, just tell me what she's up to.”

Applejack was very uncomfortable with even the thought of spying, but she still wanted to know. “Why?”

The unicorn grew serious. “I worry about her. Constantly.”

“That's nice of you,” Applejack commented. She still had no intention of helping this shifty individual.

“But I would prefer for various reasons that my concern go unmentioned,” her host continued. He examined the tip of his umbrella as he spoke. “We have what you might call a…difficult relationship.”

Another beep, another text. Applejack again withdrew the phone and read the message: If inconvenient, come anyway. TS

“No,” Applejack told the unicorn.

“Well, I haven't mentioned a figure!” he said indignantly.

“Don't bother.”

The stallion laughed again. “You're very loyal, very quickly.”

“No, I'm not,” Applejack said. “I'm just not interested.”

The unicorn frowned and pulled out the notebook again. “Trust issues, says here.”

Applejack swallowed as she recognized her therapist's words. “What's that?”

The unicorn leafed through a few more pages of notes as he ignored her question. “Could it be you've decided to trust Twilight Sparkle, of all ponies?”

“Who says I trust her?”

“You don't seem the kind to make friends easily.”

This unicorn seemed to know more about her than Twilight did, and didn't seem to be willing to divulge his sources. “Are we done?” Applejack said, irritated.

The unicorn looked up from the notes. “You tell me.”

Applejack cocked her head in mock thought, then turned and walked back towards the car.

“I imagine ponies have already warned you to stay away from her,” the unicorn continued indifferently, “but I can see from your left hoof that's not going to happen.” He put away the notebook again as Applejack stopped in her tracks. She turned to face him again.

“My what?” she demanded.

“Show me.”

Applejack considered the request, then held up her left hoof. The unicorn walked towards her, and a gentle blue glow surrounded the limb. Applejack pulled back reflexively. “Don't.”

The unicorn frowned at her, then held out his right. Reluctantly, Applejack lowered the hoof onto the other pony's. He observed it for a moment, turning it to catch the light differently. “Remarkable.”

Applejack pulled the hoof back the moment he was done. “What is?”

The unicorn turned and walked back to his original spot. “Most people, blunder around this city, and all they see are streets, and shops and cars. When you walk with Twilight Sparkle, you see the battlefield.” He turned to face her again. “You've seen it already, haven't you?”

“What's wrong with my hoof?” Applejack asked.

“You have an intermittent tremor in your left hoof.” The earth pony nodded in confirmation as the unicorn continued. “Your therapist thinks it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. She thinks you're haunted by memories of your military service.”

“Who the hay are you?” Applejack demanded. “How do you know that?”

“Fire her,” the unicorn advised, once again ignoring the questions. “She's got it the wrong way 'round. You're under stress right now and your hoof is perfectly steady. You're not haunted by the war, Doctor Applejack. You miss it.” He leaned forward and whispered to her with a smile. “Welcome back.” Then he spun on one hoof and walked away into the maze of the warehouse, twirling the umbrella as he left. Another beep emanated from Applejack's phone. “Time to choose a side, Doctor Applejack,” the unicorn called back as he departed.

'Anthony' walked up behind Applejack as the earth pony ruminated over the conversation that had just happened. “I'm to take you home,” he said. Applejack turned, slightly startled, then remembered the text. She read it, already knowing who it was from: Could be dangerous. TS

She put the phone away using her left hoof, and noticed that the mysterious unicorn had been right; no tremor. She smiled a bit at that; at least something was going in her favor.

“Address?” 'Anthony' asked.

“Uh, Baker Street. Two two one B, Baker Street.” The earth pony limped back towards the car, then thought of something else. “Oh, and, uh, need to stop somewhere first.”

***

Applejack flicked the lights of her apartment back on. She walked over to the desk and reached inside the top drawer, underneath the netbook. The metal of the gun was cool to the touch. She checked the clip, then pocketed the weapon and walked back out to the car, killing the lights as she did. “Could be dangerous,” Twilight had said. Now she was prepared.

***

The Pony in Pink: Three Patch Problem/Here You Are

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
The car pulled up to the curb in front of Baker Street. Applejack unbuckled, glanced at the grey unicorn. “Listen, your boss, any chance you could not tell him this is where I went?”

'Anthony' shook his head no as he answered. “Sure.”

“You've told him already, haven't you.”

“Yeah.” The unicorn smiled apologetically.

Applejack sighed, and started to climb out of the car. Then she paused and looked at the unicorn again. He wasn't half bad looking...oh, what the hay. “Hey, um, do you ever get any…free time?”

“Oh yeah,” the unicorn laughed. “Lots.” Applejack looked at him expectantly, until the unicorn glanced up from his phone. “Bye,” he said, the returned to texting.

“Okay.” The earth pony clambered out, cane in hoof, and closed the door again. She watched it drive off, then limped to the entrance of 221B and knocked on the door.

***

Ms. Matilda had answered the knock quickly; apparently, she'd been expecting the earth pony. Applejack made her way up the stairs and stepped through the door of the apartment. She stopped on the threshold. Inside, Twilight was stretched out on the couch, eyes closed, a look of bliss on her face and several circular pads affixed to one leg. She groaned euphorically as the substance contained within the pads took effect.

“What are you doing?” Applejack asked. The unicorn opened her eyes slowly.

“Nicotine patch,” she explained, holding up the leg with the patches. “Helps me think.” She inhaled deeply. “Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in Canterlot these days…bad news for brain work.”

“Well, it's good news for breathing,” Applejack commented.

“Oh, breathing, breathing's boring.” Twilight said dismissively.

Applejack limped over to stand by the couch. She counted the pads on the leg. “Is that three patches?”

“It's a three patch problem,” Twilight replied. She brought rested her hooves together and closed her eyes again. Applejack waited for a moment for the unicorn to tell her why she'd been summoned.

“Well?” she asked. Twilight kept her eyes closed, seemingly oblivious. “You asked me to come,” Applejack reminded her. “I'm assuming it's important.”

The unicorn's eyes shot open. “Oh, right! Can I borrow your phone?”

"My phone?" Applejack asked in disbelief.

“Don't wanna use mine,” Twilight explained. “Always a chance that the number will be recognized. It's on the website.”

“Ms. Matilda's got a phone,” Applejack reminded her.

“Yes, but she's downstairs,” Twilight complained. “I tried shouting, but she didn't hear.”

“I was on the other side of Canterlot,” Applejack said, annoyed.

“It was no hurry,” Twilight said, as if it was her own convenience that had been at stake. She closed her eyes again.

Applejack frowned, then reached into her pocket and held out the phone to Twilight. “Here." Instead of magicking it towards herself, the unicorn extended a hoof towards Applejack and held it there for a while. Irritated, the earth pony finally slapped the phone into the proffered hoof. Twilight withdrew the hoof, then lay there with the phone resting unused atop her leg. Even more aggravated now, Applejack stomped over to one of the comfy chairs and flopped down. “So what's this about,” she demanded. “The case?”

“Her case…” Twilight muttered.

“Her case?”

Twilight opened her eyes again. “Her suitcase, yes, obviously. The murderer took her suitcase, first big mistake.”

“Alright, they took her case. So?”

Twilight paused, deciding something. “It's no use,” she finally said. “There's no other way. We'll have to risk it.” Applejack waited for the unicorn to elaborate. Twilight held the phone out. “On my desk, there's a number,” she told the earth pony. “I want you to send a text.” She waited for Applejack to take the device.

Applejack smiled doubtfully, then realized that Twilight was serious. “You brought me here…to send a text.”

“Text, yes,” Twilight said. “The number on my desk.”

Applejack hesitated, then limped back over and snatched the phone. She walked towards the desk. Then, on a whim, she glanced out the window, checking for black cars.

Twilight noticed the detour. “What's wrong?” she asked.

“Just met a friend of yours,” Applejack told her.

Twilight's brow scrunched in confusion. “A friend?”

“An enemy,” the earth pony clarified.

“Oh,” the unicorn said, as if this was perfectly normal. “Which one?”

Applejack glanced at the detective in surprise. More than one? “Well, your arch-enemy, according to him. Do ponies have arch-enemies?”

Twilight dodged the question with another. “Did he offer you money to spy on me?”

“Yes,” Applejack admitted.

“Did you take it?”

The earth pony balked at the insinuation. “No.”

“Pity,” Twilight said. “We could have split the fee. Think it through next time.”

The unexpected levity brought a brief smile to Applejack's face. “Who is he?”

“The most dangerous stallion you've ever met,” Twilight said. “And not my problem right now. On my desk, the number.”

Applejack limped to the desk and read the scrap of paper there. “Fleur de Lis...that was-” She eyed Twilight suspiciously. “Hang on…wasn't that the dead mare?”

“Yes, that's not important,” Twilight said impatiently.”Just enter the number.”

Applejack blinked, then started typing.

“You doing it?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah.”

“Have you done it?”

“Ye-hang on!” The earth pony finished the number and waited for the message.

“These words, exactly,” Twilight instructed. "What happened at Canterlot Gardens? I must have blacked out. Twenty-two Northungulate Street, please come.”

Applejack paused, worried. “You blacked out?”

“What?” Twilight asked in confusion. Her eyes shot open as she understood the misunderstanding. “No, no!” She sprang up from the couch and walked jumped over the coffee table as she made her way into the kitchen. “Type and send it. Quickly.” As Applejack continued typing, Twilight returned from the kitchen with a bright pink suitcase. “Have you sent it?” she asked.

“What's the address?”

“Twenty-two Northungulate Street,” the unicorn repeated. “Hurry up!” She set the case down on the table in front of the fireplace and unzipped it, then perched on the other comfy chair and stared into the contents.

Applejack finished the message and sent it, then turned and noticed the case for the first time. “That's…that's the pink lady's case, that's Fleur de Lis's case.”

“Yes, obviously.” Twilight still was peering into the open case. The earth pony's brief silence caused her to roll her eyes. “Oh, perhaps I should mention, I didn't kill her.”

“I never said you did.”

“Why not?” Twilight asked. “Given the text I just had you send, and the fact that I have her case, it's a perfectly logical assumption.”

Applejack remembered what Derpy had said. “Do ponies usually assume you're the murderer?”
Twilight smiled wryly. “Now and then, yes.”

“Okay…” Applejack limped to her chair and sat down. “How did you get this?”

“By looking.”

“Where?”

“The killer must have driven her to Canterlot Gardens. She could only keep her case by accident if it was in a car. Nopony could be seen with this case without drawing attention to themselves, even a mare, which is statistically more likely, so obviously she felt compelled to get rid of it the moment she noticed she still had it. It wouldn't have taken her more than five minutes to realize her mistake. I checked ever backstreet wide enough for a car five minutes from Canterlot Gardens, and anywhere you could dispose of a bulky object without being observed. Took me less than an hour to find the right skip.”

“Pink,” Applejack marveled. “You got all that because you realized the case'd be pink?”

“Well it had to be pink, obviously.”

“Why didn't I think of that?” Applejack muttered.

“Because you're an idiot,” Twilight responded. The earth pony looked sharply at her. “No no no, don't be like that,” the unicorn admonished. “Practically everypony is.” She nodded at the case. “Now look. Do you see what's missing?”

“From the case?” Applejack asked. “How could I?”

“Her phone.” Twilight stated. “Where's her mobile phone? There was no phone on the body, there's no phone in the case, we know she had one.” She waved at the desk. “That's her number there, you just texted her.”

“Maybe she left it at home.” Applejack suggested.

“She has a string of lovers, and she's careful about it.” Twilight said as she scooted off the chair and onto the floor, at eye level with the case. “She never leaves her phone at home.”

Applejack considered this. “Um...so...” She looked at her phone. “Why did I just send that text?”

“Well, the question is,” Twilight said, “where is her phone now?”

“She could've lost it.”

“Yes,” the unicorn admitted. “Or…” She looked expectantly at the other mare.

“Or…the murderer…” Realization dawned on Applejack's face. “You think the murderer has the phone.”

“Maybe she left it when she left her case. Maybe the killer took it from her for some reason.” Applejack nodded; those were both reasonable possibilities. “Either way, balance of probability is that the murderer has her phone,” Twilight finished.

“Sorry, what are we doing?” Applejack asked, looking at her phone again. “Did I just text a murderer? What good will that do?”

As if in answer, the phone rang. Applejack checked the caller idea: (withheld).

“A few hours after her last victim, now she receives a text that can only be from her.” Twilight said. “Somepony'd just found her phone, they'd ignore a text like that, but the murderer…” The phone stopped ringing as whoever was calling gave up. The unicorn grinned in triumph. “Would panic!” She snapped the case close and stood, grabbing her jacket from the sofa by the door.

“Have you talked to the police?” Applejack asked.

“Four ponies are dead,” Twilight said, donning the jacket. “There isn't time to talk to the police.”

“So why are you talking to me?!” the earth pony exclaimed.

An expression of utter sadness passed over Twilight's face. “Ms. Matilda took my skull.” She lifted her overcoat off the door hook.

Applejack glanced at the mantle; indeed, the grinning visage was gone. “So I'm basically filling in for your skull?” she asked, peeved.

“Relax,” Twilight assured her. “You're doing fine.” She whipped her scarf out of a pocket, then noticed that Applejack was still sitting down. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Well, you could just sit there and…watch television.”

Applejack realized what the unicorn was suggesting. “You want me to come with you?”

“I like company when I go out,” Twilight informed her. “And I think better when I talk aloud. The skull just attracts attention, so…” Applejack smiled as she pictured the unicorn chattering while walking next to a floating skull. She wondered if Twilight had given it a name; Yorick would work. The unicorn tied on the scarf. “Problem?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Applejack said. She'd been warned to stay away from Twilight, after all. “Sergeant Hooves.”

“What about her?”

“She said, you get off on this,” Applejack paraphrased. “You enjoy it.”

“And I said 'dangerous',” Twilight retorted, “and here you are.” She walked out the door.

Applejack hesitated for a moment before getting to her feet. “Buck it,” she muttered, and limped after the unicorn.

***

The Pony in Pink: Who Do We Trust?/Welcome To Canterlot!

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
Applejack caught up to Twilight across the street. “Where're we going?” she asked.

“Northungulate Street.” Twilight told her. “It's a five minute walk from here.”

Did Twilight really think that the murderer was going to show up? “You think she's stupid enough to go there?”

“No, I think she's brilliant enough,” Twilight grinned. “I love the brilliant ones, they're always so desperate to get caught.”

“Why?”

“Appreciation! Applause!” the unicorn gesticulated. “At long last the spotlight. It's the frailty of genius, Applejack. It needs an audience.”

Applejack looked pointedly at Twilight. “Yeah.” She could see that.

Twilight didn't see the look as she turned to survey the road. “This is her hunting ground, right here in the heart of the city. Now that we know her victims where abducted, that changes everything, because all of her victims disappeared from busy streets, crowded places, but nopony saw them go. Think. Think!” She tapped a hoof against her head, eyes shut in concentration. “Who do we trust, even though we don't know them? Who passes, unnoticed, wherever they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?”

“Dunno,” Applejack admitted. “Who?”

“Haven't the faintest,” Twlight said cheerfully. “Hungry?” She crossed the street towards a quiet looking eatery.

***

A server motioned for Twilight and Applejack to sit at the window table as they entered. “Thank you, Horte,” Twilight said as they took their seats. She took the seat farthest from the door and removed her coat and scarf, all the while peering out across the street. “Twenty-two Northungulate street,” she reminded Applejack. “Keep your eyes on it.”

Applejack removed her own jacket and leaned her cane against the wall. “She isn't gonna just ring the door bell, though, is she? She'd need to be mad.”

“She has killed four ponies,” Twilight pointed out.

“Okay,” Applejack acquiesced and turned to look out of the window as well.

A minotaur, presumably the owner, based on his attire, approached the table. “Twilight,” he greeted warmly. He shook the unicorn's hoof. “Anything on the menu, whatever you want, free. On the house, for you, and for your date.”

“Do you wanna eat?” Twilight asked Applejack.

The earth pony was busy correcting the assumption. “I'm not her date,” she told the manager. He didn't seem to notice.

“This mare,” the minotaur said, pointing at Twilight, “got me off a murder charge.”

“This is Iron Will,” the unicorn introduced. The minotaur offered a firm shake to the earth pony as Twilight elaborated. “Three years ago, I successfully proved to Rainbow that at the time of a particularly vicious triple murder, Iron Will was in a completely different part of town housebreaking.”

“She cleared my name,” the minotaur added.

“I cleared it a bit,” Twilight amended. She nodded out the window. “Anything happening opposite?”

“Nothing,” Iron Will said. He turned back to Applejack. “But for this mare, I'd have gone to prison.”

“You did go to prison,” Twilight said, eyes still fixed on number Twenty-two.

The minotaur didn't seem any less grateful. “I'll get a candle for the table,” Iron Will said. “More romantic.” He walked off.

“I'm not her date!” Applejack insisted as he left.

Twilight passed her a menu. “You may as well eat,” she suggested. “We might have a long wait.”

The minotaur returned with a tea candle and set it on the table, then gave Applejack a thumbs up. “Thanks,” she said sarcastically. She sighed, then looked over the menu again. Twilight continued staring hawklike at the building across the way.

***

“Ponies don't have arch-enemies,” Applejack said around a mouthful of food.

Twilight, who still hadn't ordered anything, blinked for the first time in fifteen minutes. “Sorry?” she said, looking away from the window.

“In real life,” the earth pony continued. “There are no arch-enemies in real life. Doesn't happen.”

“Doesn't it?” the unicorn asked. She turned back to the window.“Sounds a bit dull.”

“So who did I meet?” Applejack asked.

“What do real ponies have, then, in their…real lives?” Twilight's spoke the last two words derisively.

The earth pony chewed as she thought. “Friends,” she said. “Y'know, ponies they know, ponies they…like, ponies they don't like…boyfriends, girlfriends.”

“Well, as I was saying,” Twilight said drily, “dull.”

“You don't have a boyfriend, then?” Applejack asked.

“Boyfriend, no,” Twilight said, distracted by movement outside. Probably nothing. “Not really my area.”

Applejack nodded, then blinked as she made a mental leap “Oh, right.” She chewed slowly, trying to figure out how to broach the next subject with tact, then swallowed before asking. “D'y'have a girlfriend?” Twilight looked sharply at her. “Which is fine, by the way,” Applejack added quickly.

“I know it's fine.” Twilight said.

Applejack smiled slightly at the reaction. “So you've got a girlfriend.”

“No,” Twilight corrected.

“Right. Okay.” The earth pony laughed awkwardly. Twilight continued staring at her. “You're unattached.” Almost to herself, she added, “just like me.” She cleared her throat. “Fine. Good.”

Twilight looked at her askance as the earth pony resumed eating. The unicorn turned back to the window slowly, but suddenly made a mental leap of her own and turned back. “Applejack, um…” Applejack looked up as she heard her name. “I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work,” Twilight continued. “And, while I'm flattered by your interest, I'm really not looking for any-”

“No,” Applejack said, emphatically shaking her head. She swallowed her food to be better heard. “No, I'm not asking, no, I'm just saying…it's all fine.” She nodded conclusively.

“Good,” Twilight said, returning the nod. “Thank you.” She returned to her watch. Applejack considered what was emerging as a trend. Three times in one day, including by somepony who was a bonafide genius. Why? Was it her manecut or something?

Twilight interrupted her thoughts. “Look across the street,” she instructed. “Taxi. Stopped. Nopony getting in, nopony getting out. Why a taxi?” Applejack glanced over her shoulder. A cab had stopped in front of Twenty-two Northungulate. The silhouetted head of a pony could be seen through the rear window. “Oh, that's clever,” Twilight commented. “Is it clever? Why is it clever?”

“That's her?” Applejack asked.

Twilight noticed the earth pony looking as well. “Don't stare,” she said reproachfully.

“What? You're staring.”

“We can't both stare. The unicorn grabbed her coat and scarf as she headed for the door. Applejack grabbed her jacket and followed; the cane lay forgotten against the wall.

***

Outside, Twilight pulled on the coat and knotted the scarf around her neck. She kept her eyes on the taxi the whole while. The pony in the car looked back, and then the cab began to drive off. Twilight sprang into motion, running out into the street after the car. A red car honked as it screeched to a halt in front of her. Twilight leapt over the hood and continued after the cab. Applejack apologized to the driver and followed the unicorn. The cab picked up speed, too much for them to match, even at a gallop. The unicorn paused in the middle of the street.

“I've got the cab number,” Applejack informed her, catching up.

“Good for you.” Twilight closed her eyes in concentration, a map forming in her head. She ran through the obstacles the taxi would encounter. “Right turn, one way, road work, traffic lights, bus lane, pedestrian crossing, left turn only, traffic lights.” She then matched it against the map in her head and opened her eyes as she charted an equally fast route for a pony on hoof. She raced off into a side alley, pushing aside several other ponies. Applejack was at her heels, stopping only to apologize to the ponies Twilight had bumped into.

In Twilight's head, the cab encountered the first obstacle. “Come on, Applejack!” she called back as they hurried up a spiral staircase, then down another outside.The taxi was at the road work now. Twilight vaulted over a fence halfway down and onto another roof. A large gap lay between this building and the next. Twilight leapt over it without hesitation. Applejack reached the edge, only to pull back. She looked down; that was a long drop.

“Come on Applejack!” Twilight shouted back. She was almost to the next building already. “We're losing her!”

Applejack backed up a bit, took a running leap and cleared it. She caught up as Twilight started down a fire escape. The mental map showed the unicorn that the taxi was at the right turn now. The two ponies clattered down the metal stairs and into the alley below. A cab passed the mouth of the alleyway. Twilight exclaimed in disappointment, then started running again. “This way!” Applejack started after the cab. “No, this way!” Twilight shouted.

“Sorry.” The earth pony turned around.

They were on the main streets now, passing shops and stores. The map in the unicorn's head showed the spot where they'd next meet the cab. It was there or not at all.

They mazed their way through the backstreets of Canterlot, just keeping pace with the cab's progress as the mental representation of the car encountered each obstacle. At the intersection point, Twilight careened into the street in front of the taxi, causing the driver to slam on the brakes. “Police!” The unicorn shouted, waving a badge. “Open her up!” She staggered to the passenger door and yanked it open as Applejack caught up to her. The blonde, blue earth pony inside smiled nervously at her. Twilight drew back, exasperated. “No…Teeth, tan, what, Coltifornian?” She noticed something on the floor of the cab. “L.P. Santa Maneica. Just arrived.”

“How could you possibly know that?” Applejack asked.

“The luggage!” Twilight pointed a hoof at the bags on the cab floor, each tagged with 'LPX.' The unicorn took a moment to catch her breath. “Probably your first trip to Canterlot, right?” she asked the passenger. “Going by your final destination, and the route the cabby was taking you.”

“Sorry,” blue pony said, frowning confusedly. “Are you guys the police?”

“Yeah.” Twilight flashed the badge again. “Everything alright?”

The Coltifornian smiled tensely. “Yeah.”

Twilight returned the wan grin. “Welcome to Canterlot!” She walked off up the street.

Applejack paused to reassure the puzzled pony. “Uh, any problems,” she said, “just let us know.” She closed the door and followed Twilight.

***

The unicorn's panting had slowed when Applejack reached her. “So, basically just a cab that happened to slow down,” the earth pony said.

“Basically,” Twilight said between breaths.

“Not the murderer.”

“Not the murderer, no.”

“Wrong country, good alibi.”

“As they go,” Twilight agreed.

“Now where did...” Applejack paused for a breath. “Where did you get this?” She grabbed the badge that Twilight had shown and read it. “Detective Inspector Rainbow?”

“Yeah,” Twilight confirmed. “I pickpocket her when she's annoying. You can keep that one, I've got plenty at the flat.”

Applejack sighed at the legally questionable, not to mention dishonest behavior, and then laughed.

“What?” Twilight asked.

“Nothing,” Applejack giggled. “Just, uh, welcome to Canterlot.”

Both ponies laughed at that. Then Twilight glanced back at the cab, which had stopped again down the street. The Coltifornian had gotten out and was talking to an actual police pony. As they watched, she pointed in their direction. “Got your breath back?” Twilight asked.

“Ready when you are,” Applejack assured her. The detective and the doctor raced away up the street.

***

The Pony in Pink: You Forgot This/Won't Be Long

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
The door of 221 B slammed shut as the two ponies collapsed on the floor, breathing heavily. “Okay,” Applejack panted. “That was ridiculous. That was...the most ridiculous thing…I've ever done.”

“And you invaded Alpacastan,” Twilight remarked.

They both laughed for a moment before wheezing for more air.

“That wasn't just me,” Applejack shot back. She frowned. “Why aren't we back at the restaurant?”

“Oh, they can keep an eye out,” Twilight told her. She sighed unhappily. “It was a long shot anyway.”

“So what were we doing there?” the earth pony asked.

“Oh, just passing the time,” the unicorn replied. “And proving a point.”

“What point?”

“You.” Twilight raised her voice. “Ms. Matilda! Doctor Applejack will take the room upstairs.”

“Says who?” Applejack asked.

Twilight nodded at the entrance. “Says the minotaur at the door.”

There was a knock. Applejack got up and answered it. Iron Will was waiting there, holding her cane.

“Twilight texted me,” he explained. “She said you forgot this.” He held out the cane.

Applejack took it. She looked at it, then at her leg, baffled. “Uh…” She glanced down the hall at Twilight, who was smiling smugly. Proving a point indeed. “Uh, thank you. Thank you.” She walked back inside and closed the door.

Twilight got back to her feet as Ms. Matilda entered the hallway. “Twilight,” the donkey asked tearfully, “what've you done?”

Worry laced the unicorn's features. “Ms. Matilda?”

“Upstairs.” The donkey gestured with her hoofkerchief.

Twilight glanced at Applejack, then bounded up the stairs. The earth pony was close behind.

***

Twilight swung the door to the flat open. Rainbow sat in one of the comfy chairs, the pink case propped open on the table beside her. The flat was teeming with police ponies, searching behind books, under the furniture, in the seams of the windows.

“What're you doing?” Twilight demanded.

“Well, I knew you'd find the case,” Rainbow said, tapping the object with her hoof. “I'm not stupid.”

“You can't just break into my flat!” the unicorn spoke furiously.

“And you can't withhold evidence!” Rainbow countered. “And I didn't break into your flat.”

Twilight glared at the assembled officers. “Well what do you call this then?!”

Rainbow looked around the room, then answered with a smile. “It's a drugs bust!”

Applejack laughed. “Seriously? This mare, a junkie? Have you met her?

“Applejack...” Twilight warned.

The earth pony ignored her. “I'm pretty sure you could search this flat all day, and you wouldn't find anything you could call recreational.”

“Applejack, you probably wanna shut up now,” Twilight hissed.

“Yeah, but come on…” Applejack noticed Twilight's piercing, honest gaze. “No…” she said in disbelief.

“What?”

“You?”

“Shut up!” Twilight told her. She whirled towards Rainbow again. “I'm not your sniffer dog!”

“No,” Rainbow said, pointing into the kitchen. “Whooves's my sniffer dog.”

“What, Who-” Twilight turned and saw the brown earth pony in the kitchen. He waved a hoof impishly at her. “Whooves, what are you doing here on a drugs bust?!” Twilight questioned.

“Oh, I volunteered,” the forensics pony replied.

“They all did,” Rainbow told her. “They're not strictly speaking on the drug squad, but they're very keen.”

Derpy entered holding a glass jar. “Are these real eyes?”

“Put those back!” Twilight insisted.

“They were in the microwave!” the pegasus exclaimed.

“It's an experiment!” The unicorn seemed about ready to yank the jar out of Derpy's grip.

“Keep looking guys!” Rainbow ordered. She stood and walked over to Twilight. “Or you could start helping us properly, and I'll stand them down.”

“This is childish!” Twilight snapped. She started to pace.

“Well I'm dealing with a child,” Rainbow countered. “Twilight, this is our case. I'm letting you in, but you do not go off on your own! Clear?”

“Oh, what,” Twilight spat.”So, so, you set up a pretend drugs bust to bully me?”

“It stops being pretend if they find anything,” Rainbow said warningly.

“I am clean!” the unicorn asserted.

“Is your flat?” Rainbow questioned. “All of it?”

“I don't even smoke.” Twilight held up her leg and rolled up her jacket sleeve. A nicotine patch was still affixed.

“Neither do I,” Rainbow answered, mirroring the action; a pad was attached to her limb as well. “So let's work together.” Twilight turned away, still fuming. “We found Rachel,” Rainbow added.

“Who is she?” Twilight asked, curiosity piqued.

“Fleur de Lis's only daughter,” Rainbow informed her.

“Daughter…Why would she write her daughter's name?” Twilight wondered aloud. “Why?”

“Nevermind that,” Whooves broke in. “We found the case! According to somepony, the murderer has the case, and we found it in the hooves of our favorite psychopath!”

Twilight spun her head and glared at the brown pony. “I'm not a psychopath, Whooves, I'm a high functioning sociopath. Do your research.” She turned back to Rainbow. “You need to bring Rachel in,” she told the pegasus.”You need to question her. I need to question her.”

“She's dead.” Rainbow told her.

“Excellent!” Twilight declared. “How, when and why? Is there a connection? There has to be!”

“Well, I doubt it since she's been dead for 14 years,” Rainbow explained. “Technically, she was never alive. Rachel was Fleur de Lis's stillborn daughter, 14 years ago.”

“Oh.” Twilight paused, stymied. “That's…that's not right. Why would she do that? Why?”

“Why would she think of her daughter in her last moments?” Whooves snorted. “Yeah, sociopath, seeing it now.”

“She didn't think about her daughter,” Twilight shot back. “She scratched her name on the floor, with her well-filed hooves. She was dying. It took effort. It would have hurt.”

“You said that the victims all took the poison themselves,” Applejack commented. “That she makes them take it. Well, maybe she, I dunno, talks to them, maybe she used the death of her daughter somehow.”

“That was ages ago,” Twilight said dismissively. “Why would she still be upset?”

Applejack's jaw dropped in shock at the insensitive remark. Rainbow brought a hoof to her face and looked down. Twilight noticed their reactions. “Not good?” she inquired.

“A bit not good, yeah,” Applejack confirmed.

Twilight lowered her voice to speak solely to the doctor. “Yeah, but if you were dying, if you were being murdered, in your very last few seconds, what would you say?”

“Please, Celestia, let me live.”

The unicorn shook her head disapprovingly. “Oh, use your imagination!”

“I don't have to.”

Twilight paused, realizing she'd stuck her hoof in her mouth again, then pressed on. “Yes, but if you were clever, really clever. Fleur de Lis, running all those lovers, she was clever. She's trying to tell us something!”

Ms. Matilda spoke up from the door to the flat. “Isn't the doorbell working? Your taxi's here, Twilight!”

“I didn't order a taxi! Go away!” Twilight made a shooing motion at the landlady and began pacing again.

Ms Matilda took in the scene; ponies everywhere, upsetting everything. “Oh dear. They're making such a mess. What're they looking for?”

“It's a drugs bust, Ms. Matilda,” Applejack explained.

“But they're just for my hip!” the donkey protested. “They're herbal soothers!”

“Shut up!” Twilight shouted. “Everypony, shut up! Don't move, don't speak, don't breath! I'm trying to think!” She gestured at one pony in particular. “Whooves, face the other way, you're putting me off.”

“What? My face is?”

“Everypony, quiet and still,” Rainbow commanded. “Whooves, turn your back.”

The brown pony rolled his eyes. “Oh for Celestia's sake!”

“Your back!” Rainbow roared. “Now, please!” The forensics pony complied.

“Come on, think, quick…” Twilight closed her eyes, trying to concentrate.

“What about your taxi?” Ms. Matilda asked again.

The unicorn spun towards her in rage, eyes blazing. “Ms. Matilda!” she bellowed. The donkey jumped, then hurried downstairs.

Twilight had an epiphany then. “Oh! Oh…She was clever…clever, yes!” To the surprise of
everypony else, the unicorn laughed. “She's cleverer than you lot, and she's dead! Do you see, do you get it?” Blank stares greeted her question. “She didn't lose her phone, she never lost it, she planted it on her! When she got out of the car, she knew that she was going to her death. She left the phone, in order to lead us to her killer!”

“Yeah, but how?” Rainbow asked.

“What-” Twilight blinked, thrown off. “What do you mean, how?”

“Umm…” The pegasus shrugged, still at a loss.

“Rachel!” Twilight exclaimed. Everypony still looked puzzled. “Don't you see? Rachel!” Whooves had turned around, just to stare at her incredulously. The unicorn took in the scene. “Oh…look at all of you, you're all so vacant. Is it nice, not being me? It must be so relaxing.” She finally began to explain. “Rachel is not a name.”

“Then what is it?” Applejack asked.

Twilight pointed at the pink case. “Applejack, on the luggage, there's a label. Email address.” She sat down at the desk and flipped open her computer as Applejack checked the tag.

“Uh, fleur.pink@mephone.org.eq,” the earth pony reported.

“Oh, I've been too slow,” Twilight self-chastised. “She didn't have a computer, which means she did her business on her phone, so it's a smartphone. It's email enabled.” She navigated to the address from the label and began inputting the information. “So there was a website for her account. The username is her email address and, all together now, the password is…”

“Rachel,” Applejack finished. Twilight hit the enter key and the website accepted the data. Fleur de Lis's account opened up on the screen.

“So we can read her email,” Whooves said contemptuously. “So what?”

“Whooves, don't talk out loud,” Twilight told him. “You lower the IQ of the whole street.” She clicked through several pages. “We can do much more than just read her emails. It's a smart phone. It's got GPS, which means if you lose it, you can locate it online. She's leading us directly to the pony who killed her.” She found the page she needed and clicked the Find Me button. A compass rose rotated onscreen as the computer searched.

“Unless they got rid of it,” Rainbow pointed out.

“We know she didn't,” Applejack told her.

The search dragged on. “Come on, come on, quickly!” Twilight complained. She started pacing again.

Ms. Matilda ran back up the stairs. “Twilight, dear, this taxi driver, she-”

“Ms. Matilda, isn't it time for your evening soother?” Twilight said. She turned to Rainbow. “Listen, get vehicles. Get ponies in the air. We're gonna have to move fast, this phone battery won't last forever.”

“But we'll just have a map reference,” Rainbow reminded her. “Not a name.”

“It's a start!”

The search beeped as it found the phone. Applejack looked at the result, then rubbed her eyes. It still read the same. “Twilight?”

The unicorn was still trying to sell Rainbow on needing backup. “Narrows it down from just anypony in Canterlot. It's the first proper lead that we've had.”

“Twilight?”

Twilight leaned over Applejack's shoulder. “Where is it, quickly, where?”

“It's…here,” Applejack said. “It's in 221 Baker Street.”

The shocked silence was only broken by the ping of the locator app. “How can it be here?” Twilight frowned. “How?”

“Well, maybe it was in the case when you brought it back,” Rainbow suggested, “and it…fell out somewhere.”

“What, and I didn't notice it? Me, I didn't notice?”

“Anyway, we texted her and she called back,” Applejack chimed in.

Rainbow turned to her ponies. “Guys, we're also looking for a mobile somewhere here, belongs to the victim.”

Twilight suddenly became aware of something that had been nagging at her. Her own words echoed in her head. “Who do we trust, even if we don't know them? She looked towards the door. A pony had walked up the stairs behind Ms. Matilda. The tag on her cardigan identified her as a Canterlot Cab Driver. “Who passes unnoticed wherever they go?” She remembered how three of the victims had been reported as last being seen trying to get a car ride. “Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?”

The new pony reached into a pocket and withdrew a pink phone. She tapped something into it. The pinging of the GPS almost masked the beep as Twilight's own phone received a text. She withdrew it and read the message: COME WITH ME. The other pony turned and walked back down the stairs, brushing past Ms. Matilda.

“Twilight, you okay?” Applejack asked.

The unicorn blinked. “What? Yeah, yes, I'm fine.”

“So how can the phone be here?”

“Don't know.” Twilight stared at the door. Ms. Matilda followed her gaze after the retreating driver.

“I'll try it again,” Applejack said.

Twilight started walking towards the door. “Good idea,” she said distractedly.

Applejack noticed her moving to leave. “Hold on, where are you going?”

“Fresh air,” Twilight said. “Just popping outside for a moment. Won't be long.”

“You sure you're alright?” Applejack called after her as the unicorn left the room.

“I'm fine!” the unicorn insisted as she headed down the stairs, following the pony who held Fleur de Lis's phone.

***

The Pony in Pink: I Will Never Tell/You'll Follow Me

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
Twilight pulled her coat on as she stepped out the door of Baker St. The door closed behind her as she took in the scene. A cab was parked at the curb; it's driver stood at its door, her pink mane hanging limply from under her hat. “Taxi for Twilight Sparkle,” she said.

Twilight adjusted her collar. “I didn't order a taxi,” she told the mare.

“Doesn't mean you don't need one,” the earth pony said simply.

“You're the cabbie,” Twilight realized. “The one who stopped outside Northungulate street. It was you. Not your passenger.”

“See, nopony ever thinks about the cabbie,” the other pony gloated. “It's like you're invisible. Just the back of a head! Proper advantage for a serial killer.”

Twilight stepped closer, then glanced around. The mare wasn't imposing, and seemed to be alone, but that didn't rule out the possibility that she was armed. “Is this a confession?”

“Oh, yeah,” the cabbie nodded. “I'll tell you what else. If you call the cops now, I won't run. I'll sit quietly and they can take me down, I promise.” She made a gesture across her heart, sealing the pact.

“Why?”

The cabbie grinned gleefully. “Cause you're not gonna do that.”

“Am I not?”

“I didn't kill those four ponies, Ms. Sparkle,” the pony said. “I spoke to them, and they killed themselves. Now, if you get the cops now, I promise you one thing. I will never tell you what I said.” She repeated the motion, then walked around to the driver door.

“Nopony else will die, though,” Twilight said, not moving from where she stood. “And I believe they call that a result.”

“And you won't ever understand how those ponies died,” the cabbie retorted. “What kind of result do you care about?” She got into the cab and closed the door, then sat there, picking at her shirt.

Twilight looked around once more, then walked up to cab window. The cabbie turned toward her as the unicorn spoke. “If I wanted to understand, what would I do?”

“Let me take you for a ride,” the cabbie told her.

“So you can kill me too?”

The cabbie blinked in surprise. “I don't wanna kill you, Ms. Sparkle.” She smirked darkly. “I'm gonna talk to you, and then you're gonna kill yourself.” She faced forward again, awaiting the unicorn's decision. Behind her, the passenger door opened. As Twilight climbed in, the dull pink pony smirked. She started the engine and drove off, carrying her intended victim with her.

***

From the window of 221B, Applejack watched as the taxi drove out, her phone at her ear. “She just got in a cab.” She turned towards the policeponies. “It's...Twilight, she just drove off in a cab.”

“Told you,” Derpy said. “She does that.” She turned to Rainbow. “She bucking left, again.” The sergeant turned to the rest of the policeponies. “We're wasting our time!”

“I'm calling the phone,” Applejack said. “It's ringing out.”

Everypony listened, but there was no sound. “Well, if it's ringing it's not here,” Rainbow decided.

“I'll try the search again,” Applejack decided. She returned to the computer.

“Does it matter?” Derpy questioned. “Does any of it? She's just a lunatic and she'll always let you down and you're wasting your time. All our time.” She glared at her superior.

Applejack watched as the computer tried to find the phone. It was taking even longer this time. Rainbow looked away from the sergeant and sighed. “Okay everypony,” she said, addressing her officers. “We're done here.”

***

Inside the cab, Twilight listened as Fleur's phone stopped ringing. The cabbie had ignored it for the whole ten rings. “How did you find me?” she asked.

“Oh, I recognized you,” the cabbie explained. “As soon as I saw you chasing my cab. Twilight Sparkle. I was warned about you. I've been on your website, too. Brilliant stuff, I love it!”

Twilight ignored the compliment. “Who warned you about me?”

“Just somepony out there who's noticed you,” the earth pony said mysteriously.

“Who?” The cabbie didn't answer. In the silence, Twilight scrutinized the cabbie and the interior of the cab, noticing several things of possible import. But the unanswered question remained in her head. “Who would notice me?”

The cabbie laughed. “You're too modest, Ms. Sparkle.”

“Oh, I'm really not,” Twilight assured her.

“Got yourself a fan.”

The unusual claim piqued the unicorn's curiosity. “Tell me more.”

“That's all you're gonna know,” the cabbie said. “In this lifetime,” she finished ominously.

***

“Why did she do that?” Rainbow pulled on her coat as the rest of the 'drug squad' filed out. “Why did she have to leave?”

Applejack shook her head. “You know her better than I do.”

“I've known her for five years, and no, I don't,” the pegasus replied.

“So why do you put up with her?” the earth pony asked.

Rainbow shrugged helplessly. “Because I'm desperate, that's why.” She turned to leave, then added, “and because Twilight Sparkle is a great mare, and I think one day, if we're very very lucky, she might even be a good one.” She departed, leaving Applejack to ponder that.

***

The cab pulled to a stop outside an old looking building. “Where are we?” Twilight asked.

“You know every street in Canterlot,” the cabbie said. “You know exactly where we are.”

“Pudding-Head Further Education College,” the unicorn identified. “Why here?”

“It's open. Cleaners are in. One thing about being a cabbie, you always know a nice quiet spot for a murder.” The cabbie thought about that for a moment. “I'm surprised more of us don't branch out.”

The detective was incredulous. “And you just walk your victims in? How?”

The cabbie reached into her pocket and withdrew a gun, which she aimed at the unicorn. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Oh, dull.”

“Don't worry,” the cabbie assured her. “It gets better.”

“You can't make ponies take their own lives at gunpoint,” Twilight protested.

“I don't. It's much better than that.” The cabbie put the weapon away. “Don't need this with you, 'cause you'll follow me.” She walked towards the entrance of the righthoof half of the structure. Twilight hesitated, then got out of the car and trotted after her. She glanced back at the car and the phone that lay forgotten in the driver's seat before entering the school.

***

Applejack waited for the search to finish. The compass kept spinning. She couldn't understand; if the phone was still, it should have been found within three minutes, just like before. But why would it be in motion? She finally decided that there was no point in waiting and stood to collect her jacket from downstairs. She was halfway to the door when she remembered her cane. It was propped on a box that was atop the desk. She reached to get it just as the computer beeped. A location appeared on the screen. Applejack blinked, then realized what this meant. Twilight hadn't had the phone when she left...but if the pony who had driven her cab had had it, it explained the false positive at Baker St, and why Twilight had left. The killer had her. Applejack scooped up the computer and hurried out of the room. The cane lay abandoned against the desk.

***

The Pony in Pink: Two Cupcakes/Can You Beat Me?

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
The cabbie picked a room and pushed the door open. Twilight stepped inside as the pink mare flipped on the light. “So what do you think?” the cabbie asked. “It's up to you. You're the one who's gonna die here.”

“No I'm not.” Twilight said.

“That's what they all say,” the cabbie told her with a grin. “Shall we talk?” She took a seat at a table.

Twilight sat down opposite her. “Bit risky, wasn't it? Took me away under the eye of about half a dozen policeponies? They're not that stupid. And Ms. Matilda will remember you.”

“You call that a risk?” the cabbie scoffed. “Nah.” She reached into her other pocket and pulled out a plastic wrapped confection. The unicorn stared at the cupcake as if it was a snake. “Ooh, I like this bit,” the earth pony gloated. “'Cause you don't get it yet, do ya? But you're about to. I just have to do this.” She reached into her other pocket and pulled out a matching cupcake. “Weren't expecting that, were you? Ooh, you're gonna love this.”

“Love what?”

“Twilight Sparkle, look at you. Here in the flesh.” The cabbie was absolutely delighted. “That website of yours, your fan told me about it.”

The mention of the mysterious third party once more stirred Twilight's interest. “My fan?”

The cabbie disregarded the question. “You're brilliant. You are a proper genius. The Science of Deduction. Now that is proper thinking.” She frowned. “Between you and me sitting here, why can't ponies think? Doesn't it make you mad? Why can't ponies just think?”

“Oh, I see,” Twilight said. “So you're a proper genius, too.”

“Don't look it, do I?” the cabbie commented. “Funny little mare, driving a cab. But you know better then them, don't you. Chances are the last thing you ever know.”

“Okay, two cupcakes,” Twilight observed. “Explain.”

“There's a good cupcake and bad cupcake,” the pink pony said. “You eat the good cupcake, you live. Eat the bad cupcake, you die.”

“Both cupcakes are of course identical,” Twilight said.

“In every way,” the cabbie assured her.

“And you know which is which?”

“Of course I know,” the earth pony said.

“But I don't.”

“It wouldn't be a game if you knew,” the cabby explained, rolling her eyes. “You're the one who chooses.”

“Why should I?” Twilight demanded. “I've got nothing to go on. What's in it for me?”

“I haven't told you the best part yet! Whatever cupcake you choose, I take the other one. And then together, we have our just desserts.” The cabbie smiled a grim grin, which Twilight matched.
“I won't cheat,” the cabbie promised. “It's your choice. I'll take whatever cupcake you don't. Didn't expect that, did you, Ms. Sparkle?”

“This is what you did?” Twilight asked. “To the rest of them? You gave them a choice.”

“And now I'm giving you one.” The earth pony settled back in her seat, waiting patiently. “You take your time. Get yourself together. I want your best game.”

“It's not a game,” the unicorn objected. “It's chance.”

“I've played four times, I'm still alive,” the cabbie pointed out. “It's not chance, Ms. Sparkle, it's chess. It's a game of chess, with one move, and one survivor. And this...” She leaned forwards. “This, is the move.” With one hoof, she slid a cupcake closer to Twilight. The unicorn regarded the dessert warily. “Did I just give you the good cupcake or the bad cupcake?” the cabbie asked. “You can choose either one.” She settled back and stared at Twilight. The detective matched the stare. Neither mare moved for a very long time.

***

Inside another cab, Applejack held the computer open with one hoof and held her phone to her ear with the other. “No,” she corrected the policepony on the other end of the line. “Detective Inspector Rainbow. I need to speak to her. It's important. It's an emergency!” She noticed a turn approaching on the map. “Left here please, left here,” she told the driver. The cab was almost there; she just hoped Twilight hadn't gotten in over her head.

***

The cabbie was first to break the silence. “Are you ready yet, Ms. Sparkle? Ready to play?”

“Play what?” Twilight asked. “It's a fifty-fifty chance.”

“You're not playing the numbers, you're playing me,” the pink pony sneered. “Did I just give you the good cupcake or the bad cupcake? Is it a bluff? Or a double bluff? Or a triple bluff?”

“It's still just chance,” the unicorn repeated firmly.

“Four ponies, in a row?” The cabbie grinned maliciously. “It's not chance.”

“Luck,” Twilight insisted.

“It's genius.” The unicorn rolled her eyes as the earth pony kept talking. “I know how ponies think. I know how ponies think I think. I can see it all like a map inside my head. Everypony's so stupid, even you.” The jab at her intelligence riled Twilight. She glared at the cabbie. “Or maybe Celestia just loves me,” the other pony mused.

Twilight leaned forward, still glaring. “Either way, you're wasted as a cabbie.”

***

The cab let her off in front of a college. Applejack glanced around. The cab she'd seen at Baker Street was parked equidistant from the entrances. She pocketed the netbook, then frowned. Which one? She ran towards one entrancee, hoping she'd guessed right.

***

“So...you risked your life four times just to kill strangers,” Twilight said. She gazed at the cabbie curiously. “Why?

“Time to play,” the cabbie told her.

“Oh, I am playing,” Twilight said, smiling. “This is my turn.” Her eyes narrowed as she recalled her observations. “There's shampoo behind your left ear. Nopony's pointed it out to you. Traces of where it's happened before, so obviously you live on your own, there's no pony to tell you. But there's a photograph of children. The children's father's been cut out of the picture. If he died he'd still be there. Photograph's old, but the frame's new. You think of your children, you don't get to see them. Estranged mother. He took the kids. But you still love them and it still hurts.” The cabbies expression had sunk from its previous gloating to one of sorrow. Twilight continued. “Ah, but there's more. Your clothes, recently laundered, but everything you're wearing is at least…three years old? Keeping up appearances, but not planning ahead. And here you are on a kamikaze murder spree, what's that about?” She grinned. The cabbie tried to blank her expression, but Twilight still grinned as she realized. “Ah. Three years ago, is that when they told you?”

“Told me what?” The cheery tone in the pink pony's voice wavered; she was shaken now.

“That you're a dead mare walking.”

“So are you,” the cabbie shot back.

Twilight ignored the snide remark. “You don't have long, though. Am I right?”

The cabbie hesitated, then smirked sadly. “Aneurysm. Right here.” She tapped her head. “Any breath could be my last.”

“And because you're dying, you've just murdered four ponies…”

“I've outlived four ponies,” the earth pony said. Her grin returned. “That's the most fun you can have with an aneurysm.”

Twilight frowned. “No...no, there's something else…you didn't just kill four ponies because you're bitter. Bitterness is a paralytic. Love is a much more vicious motivator. Somehow, this is about your children.

“Oh…” The cabbie nodded in confirmation. “You are good, aren't you?”

“But how?”

“When I die, they won't get much, my kids,” the pony said. “Not a lot of money in driving cabs.”

“Or serial killing,” Twilight added.

The cabbie laughed. “You'd be surprised.”

Twilight pressed her hooves together. “Surprise me.”

“I have a sponsor.”

The unicorn wasn't sure she'd heard that correctly. “You have a what?”

“For every life I take, money goes to my kids,” the cabbie explained. “The more I kill, the better off they'll be. You see? It's nicer than you think.”

“Who'd sponsor a serial killer?” Twilight asked.

“Who'd be a fan of Twilight Sparkle?” the cabbie returned. “You're not the only one to enjoy a good murder. There's others out there, just like you, expect you're just a mare. And they're so much more than that.”

“What do you mean, more, than a mare?” Twilight pressed. “An organization, what?”

The cabbie swallowed nervously. “There's a name nopony says. And I'm not gonna say it either. Now, enough chit chat.” She looked pointedly at the cupcakes. “Time to choose.”

***

Applejack raced through the long hallway, rattling at locked doors and swinging open any that weren't. “Twilight?” she called. “Twilight!” She peered out the windows, but saw nothing. She had to be somewhere inside; the killer seemed to prefer buildings. She continued down the hall, still calling.

***

“What if I don't choose either?” Twilight asked. “I could just walk out of here.”

The cabbie sighed, then pulled out the gun. “You can take a fifty-fifty chance, or I can shoot you in the head. Funny enough, no pony's ever gone for that option.”

“I'll have the gun, please,” Twilight said.

The cabbie blinked, surprised. “Are you sure?”

“Definitely. The gun.”

“You don't wanna phone a friend?”

Twilight smirked. “The gun.”

The pink pony scowled, then pulled the trigger. There was a click and a flag with the word 'BANG' written on it unfurled.

Twilight's grin widened. “I know a real gun when I see one.”

“None of the others did,” the cabbie said.

“Clearly.” The unicorn paused to think. “Well, this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case.” She stood and walked to the door.

The pink pony set down the 'gun', then called after Twilight. “Just before you go, did you figure it out?” The unicorn stopped, hoof on the door handle. “Which one's the good cupcake?” the cabbie added.

“Of course,” Twilight said. “Child's play.”

The cabbie gestured at the baked bads “Well, which one, then?” Twilight opened the door an inch, then stopped as the earth pony continued, “which one would you have picked, just so I know whether I could've beaten you?” Twilight closed the door. “Come on,” the pink pony pressured her. “Play the game.” Twilight trotted back around the table. The cupcake closest to the cabbie glowed as she took it. “Oh!” the earth pony remarked. “Interesting.” She picked up the remaining edible.

***

Applejack had checked half of the building, but she still hadn't found the unicorn. She was running back down the same hall now, checking the opposite side. Room after room came up empty. Where was Twilight? Was she alright? Was she dead?

***

The cabbie unwrapped her cupcake as Twilight brought hers to her hoof. The unicorn examined it from every angle as the pink pony spoke again. “So whaddya think? Shall we?” She grinned in anticipation. “Really, whaddya think? Can you beat me? Are you clever enough, to bet your life?”

***

Applejack burst into the room and saw Twilight. She was standing with her back to her, a cupcake in one hoof. Another pony, a pink mare wearing a sweater, stood opposite her, holding another, facing the window. The window...they were in the other building! Applejack glanced around frantically for some kind of way across, but there was none. She turned back to the window. “TWILIGHT!” she yelled. Neither the victim nor the killer noticed.

***

The Pony in Pink: Was I Right?/Lucky Guess

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
“I bet you get bored,” the cabbie said. “Don't you? I know you do.” Twilight unwrapped her cupcake as the cabbie kept talking. “Mare like you. So clever. But what's the point of being clever if you can't prove it?” The unicorn held the confection up to the light. “Still the addict,” the pink pony said. Twilight brought the cupcake back to face level. “But this, this is what you're really addicted to, eh?” The unicorn began moving the cupcake toward her mouth as the cabbie gloated. “You'll do anything, anything at all, just to stop being bored.” The earth pony mirrored the motion. Just seconds, less than seconds before the fifth game would be over. “You're not bored now, are you? Isn't it fu-”

A bullet smashed through the window, cutting off the cabbie's words as it passed through the killer and embedded in the door frame. The pink pony collapsed, the cupcake falling to the floor with her.

***

Across the way, Applejack lowered the smoking gun. Thank Celestia. She'd done it. Across the way, Twilight approached the window. The doctor quickly got out of sight. By the time Twilight was in a position to see across the way, the only sign another pony had been there was an open window.

***

The cabbie coughed. Twilight turned away from the window and saw her on the floor, blood soaking her cardigan. The stain grew with each beat of the earth pony's heart. The unicorn approached the dying mare. She waved her cupcake in front of her. “Was I right?” she demanded. “I was, wasn't I?” The cabbie's silence drove her would-be victim manic. “Did I get it right?” When the killer remained silent, Twilight hurled the cupcake across the room in a rage. She stepped away, trying to calm herself. “Okay, tell me this. Your sponsor. Who was it? The one who told you about me, my fan? I want a name.”

“No,” the cabbie moaned.

“You're dying, but there's still time to hurt you,” Twilight warned, stepping closer. “Give me a name.”
The earth pony shook her head.Twilight brought a hoof down on the blood soaked patch. The material squelched as she applied pressure. The cabbie writhed in pain, biting back screams.
“A name!” Twilight yelled. A stifled shriek slipped out of the dying mare as the unicorn shifted her weight, brining more to bear. “Now!” She applied even more force, but still the cabbie was silent, except for sounds of pain. She put her full body weight on the one hoof. “THE NAME!” Her eyes blazed; her mane burst into flames.

To the dying mare, the enraged unicorn appeared like something from the darkest depths of Tartarus. “MAREIARTY!” the cabbie screamed. Then she slumped, motionless. Twilight stepped off the corpse. She mouthed the name; another mystery. Outside, getting closer, she could hear the sirens of police cars.

***

Twilight sat on the back bumper of an ambulance. A policepony draped a blanket over her back for the third time in as many minutes. She frowned at it, but didn't bother removing it this time; they'd just put it back on her again. Rainbow ducked under the police line as she trotted over.

"Why do I have this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me," Twilight complained to the pegasus.

"Yeah, it's for shock," Rainbow answered.

"I'm not in shock!"

"Yeah, well some of the guys want to take pictures," Rainbow said with a grin.

Twilight's frown deepened and she turned away and changed the topic."So the shooter, no sign?"

"Cleared off before we got here," Rainbow admitted. "But a pony like that would have had enemies, I guess. One of them could have been following her, but…" she sighed. "Got nothing to go on."

Twilight looked back at Rainbow and shook her head in disapproval. "Oh, I wouldn't say that."

"Okay," Rainbow said, leaning against the emergency vehicle. "Gimme."

"The bullet they just dug out of the wall's from a hoofgun," Twilight said, switching to lecture mode. "Kill shot over that distance from that kind of a weapon, that's a crack-shot you're looking for, but not just a marksman, a fighter. Her hoof couldn't have shaken at all, so clearly she's acclimatized to violence. She didn't fire 'til I was in immediate danger though, so strong moral principle." She glanced towards the police carts, searching the crowd. "You're looking for a mare probably with a history of military service and-" she paused slightly as she noticed a familiar mare standing beyond the police line. "-nerves of steel…" She trailed off; the other pony looked right at her, and then suddenly glanced away, green eyes avoiding the unicorn's gaze. Rainbow followed Twilight's stare. Abruptly, the detective pony stiffened. "Actually, you know what, ignore me."

"Sorry?" The pegasus blinked. Was Twilight actually saying she was wrong?

"Ignore all of that, it's just the, uh, the shock, talking." Twilight started to walk away.

"Where're you going?" the policepony demanded in surprise.

"I just need to talk about the…the rent." Twilight kept walking.

"Yeah, well I've still got questions-"

"Not now! I'm in shock, look I've got a blanket!" Twilight held up a corner of the fabric for emphasis.

"Twilight-"

"And I've just caught you a serial killer, more or less."

Rainbow thought about it for a second, then nodded slowly. "Okay, we'll bring you in tomorrow. Go on." She smiled as Twilight trotted off. As if she couldn't tell where that line of thought had been going.

***

Twilight balled up the blanket and tossed it into one of the cars as she ducked under the police line.

"Uhm," Applejack began, clearing her throat, "Sergeant Hooves's been explaining…everything. Two cupcakes? Really awful business, ain't it?" Her eyes kept darting up and to the side as she talked. "Awful."

Twilight gave a grateful smile. "Good shot," she complimented.

Applejack blinked, jaw open in surprise. "Yeah, yeah, musta been. Through that window."

"Well you'd know," Twilight said. Applejack's eyes stopped trying to hide as she accepted that she'd been caught. "Did you get the powder burns off your hooves?" Twilight inquired. "I don't think you'd serve time, but let's avoid the court case." The earth pony cleared her throat awkwardly. "Are you alright?" Twilight asked.

"Yeah, course I'm alright."

"Well, you have just killed a mare."

"Yes, I…" Applejack nodded. "It's true…" A macabre smile spread across her face. "But she wasn't a very nice mare."

"No," Twilight agreed. "No, she wasn't really, was she."

"No, and a really awful cabbie." The two laughed.

"That's true," Twilight continued. "She was a bad cabbie. You should've seen the route she took us to get here."

Applejack tried to stifle a louder laugh. "Quit it, we can't giggle, it's a crime scene. Stop it."

"You're the one who shot her, not me." Sergeant Hooves looked at them suspiciously, eyes narrowed.

"Keep your voice down!" Applejack hissed. "Sorry," she told the sergeant. "It's just, um, nerves."

"Sorry," Twilight repeated. They were quiet for a moment as the pegasus walked away.

"You were gonna eat that dang cupcake, weren't you," Applejack asked.

"Of course I wasn't," Twilight said. "Biding my time. I knew you'd turn up."

"No you didn't. It's how you get your kicks, ain't it? You risk your life to prove you're clever."

"Why would I do that?"

"'Cause you're an idiot."

The unicorn smiled at that. "Dinner?"

"Starving." They started walking again.

"End of Baker Street, there's a good Chineighse, stays open 'til two," Twilight suggested. "You can always tell a good Chineighse by the bottom of the door-"

Applejack saw an all to familiar figure step from a car along their path. "Twilight, that's him. That's the stallion I was talking to you about."

"I know exactly who that is." Twilight slowed as the stallion approached.

"So, another case cracked," the white unicorn said. "How very public spirited. But that's never really your motivation, is it?"

"What are you doing here?" Twilight asked in annoyance.

"As ever, I'm concerned about you."

"Yes, I've been hearing about your concern," Twilight hissed

"Always so aggressive! It never occurred to you that you and I belong on the same side?"

The unicorn paused in mock thought. "Oddly enough, no."

"We have more in common than you like to believe. This petty feud between us is simply childish. Ponies will suffer. And you know how it always upset Mummy."

Applejack blinked as Twilight balked at the jibe. "I upset her? Me? It wasn't me that upset her, Shining."

"No, wait, Mummy? Who's Mummy?" The was earth pony was thoroughly confused now.

"Mother, our mother," Twilight explained. "This is my brother, Shining Armor." She glared at her sibling. "Putting on weight again?"

Shining Armor gave a wan smile at the jab. "Losing it, in fact."

Applejack was still trying to process the information. "He's your brother?"

"Of course he's my brother," Twilight said in exasperation.

"So he's not-"

"Not what?"

"I dunno. Criminal mastermind?"

Twilight thought about it for a second. "Close enough."

"Oh, for goodness sake!" Shining Armor protested. "I occupy a minor position in the Equestrian government."

"He is the Equestrian government," Twilight shot back. "When he's not too busy being the Royal Guard and the Seapony Intelligence Agency on a freelance basis. Good evening, Shining. Try not to start a war before I get home, you know what it does to the traffic." She turned on her hoof and walked away.

Applejack remained behind for a moment. "So, when you say you're concerned about her, you actually are concerned?"

"Yes, of course," the blue maned unicorn nodded.

"I mean, it actually is a childish feud?"

"She's always been so resentful. You can imagine the Hearth's Warming Dinners."

"Yeah…No, Celestia no. I better, um…hello again." The grey unicorn who had exited the car was familiar.

"Hello." 'Anthony' barely looked up from his phone.

"Y-yeah, we met, earlier this evening," Applejack pressed.

"Oh!" No recognition entered the stallion's eyes.

"Okay. Goodnight." The earth pony started to follow Twilight.

"Goodnight, Doctor Applejack," Shining Armor said politely.

Applejack caught up with Twilight. "So, dim sum."

"Mmm. I can always predict the fortune cookies."

"No you can't."

"Almost can. You did get shot, though."

"Pardon?" Applejack blinked. She'd shot somepony, not the other way around.

"In Alpacastan. There was an actual wound."

"Oh! Yeah, shoulder."

"Shoulder! I thought so."

"No you didn't."

"The left one."

"Lucky guess."

"I never guess."

"Yeah you do." Applejack noticed Twilight smiling. "What're you so happy about?"

"Mareiarty." Twilight grinned even wider as she said the name.

"What's Mareiarty?"

"I've absolutely no idea." The two continued towards the restaurant.

Shining Armor watched them go with a thoughtful expression

"Sir, should we go?" 'Anthony' asked.

The blue haired unicorn ignored the question. "Interesting, that soldier filly. She could be the making of my sister, or make her worse than ever. Either way, we'd better upgrade their surveillance status. Grade Three, active."

The grey unicorn's horn glowed as he typed on his phone. "Sorry Sir, whose status?"

Shining Armor nodded after the two retreating ponies. "Twilight Sparkle, and Doctor Applejack."

***
Author's Note: I know some of you may be familiar with Pixel Kitties version of the "Consulting Unicorn." Having seen that, I decided to turn it on it's head. This was originally Celestia and Luna as the siblings, until the announcement of Twilight's brother. Then this fell into place.

The Bridled Banker: Stop Asking/To The Bank

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The floor of the Equestrian Antiquities Museum was quiet as the demonstration took place. Inkie Pie carefully lifted a kettle from a stove. She spoke as she poured water from the kettle into an ancient pot. “The great artisans say, 'the more the teapot is used, the more beautiful it becomes.'” Gently, she placed the lid onto the full pot, causing the excess water to spill over and coat the artifact's surface. “The pot is seasoned, by repeatedly pouring tea over the surface.” She poured cups of fresh tea from the antique and then poured the cups back over the pot. The foals in the audience watched the waterfall with interest. “The deposit left on the clay, creates this beautiful patina over time.” The grey earth pony held the pot up, the light catching the finish. “Some pots, the clay has been burnished by tea made over four hundred years ago.” She repeated the process with other pots as the museum guests looked on.

The demonstration ended and the crowd of tourists dispersed. Inkie carefully dried the pots and placed them one at a time back in their silk-lined carrying case. A voice over the loudspeaker reminder her that the museum was closing in ten minutes. Another pony walked up behind her.

“Four hundred years old, and they're letting you use it to make yourself a brew,” Written Script commented.

“Some things aren't supposed to sit behind glass,” Inkie told him. She smoothed the silk of the case so that it cushioned the pots properly. “They're made to be touched, to be handled.” She looked at the other pony to make sure he understood, then turned back to the pots. A sigh left her as she noticed a fissure in one of them. “These pots need attention.” She lifted the flawed pot and traced the imperfection with one hoof. “The clay is cracking.”

“Well, I can't see how a tiny splash of tea is going to help,” Written Script said. He winced, realizing that that might have sounded dismissive of her work.

“Sometimes you have to look hard at something to see its value.” Inkie picked up another pot and held it up so the unicorn could see it. “See? This one shines a little brighter.”

The pot in question did gleam more than the others. But they weren't what Written was here about. “I don't suppose…um, I mean, I don't suppose that you-you wanna have a drink?” he stammered. “Not tea, obviously,” he added. “Um, in a pub, with me, tonight?”

Inkie paused before answering. “You wouldn't like me all that much.”

“Couldn't I maybe decide that for myself?” the unicorn pleaded.

Inkie thought about it, but finally shook her head. “I can't. I'm sorry. Please stop asking.” She set the pots back in the case and snapped it closed.

***

The museum was closed for the night. Inkie carefully placed each pot back on its shelf. Outside the storage space, a latch opened. She looked up sharply. That hadn't sounded like a door. “Is that security?” she called. There was no answer. Cautiously, Inkie walked out into the dim hall. “Hello?” The sound of cloth rustling caught her ears. She turned and saw a statue, covered in a shroud that now flapped in a breeze from somewhere. But there shouldn't have been a breeze in here. And the statue hadn't been covered when she'd entered the room. She approached the statue with trepidation. After a moment's hesitation, she grabbed a corner of the cloth and pulled it away. Her eyes widened, and she dropped the cloth, a hoof flying to her mouth to stifle an exclamation of horror.

***

The next morning, Applejack waved a saran-wrapped clump of broccoli over a checkout scanner. The machine beeped reassuringly, and she dropped the florets into a bag. The checkout machine made an angry sound. “Unexpected item in bagging area,” it complained. “Please try again.” The earth pony groaned. Of course, something had to go wrong.

***

In the sitting room of 221 B, Twilight ducked. A sword sang through the air where her head had been the moment before. She spun around and kicked her attacker into the couch as they readied themselves to swipe at the unicorn again. Twilight turned around, adjusted her jacket, then rushed her assailant, horn aglow.

***

With utmost care, Applejack passed the broccoli over the scanner again. The machine took no notice. “Item not scanned. Please try again.”

“Do you think maybe you could keep your voice down?” Applejack snapped at the device. She was already getting funny looks from the ponies behind her in line. But these annoyingly loud error messages kept assailing her.

***

The assassin had pushed Twilight back, and now had her pinned against the kitchen table. They turned their head and swung the sword again, only for the blade to glow blue as the unicorn struggled to keep the blade still. They spent a moment wrestling to move the blade one way or another. Then Twilight kicked her opponent in what she presumed was the hip (hard to tell with the full body covering the other pony wore), once, twice, thrice. The attacker groaned as something gave, and Twilight shoved them away, the sword's tip catching the table right over her ear.

***

Finally, the machine had recognized the broccoli. Applejack swiped her card and punched in her PIN. No error message sounded immediately, and she sighed in relief. Then: “Card not authorized. Please use alternative method of payment.”

“Yes! Alright, I've got it!” She noticed even more odd looks being thrown her way by the ponies waiting their turn at the machine.

The device droned on: “Card not authorized. Please use alternative method of payment.”

“Go on then, keep it!” Applejack shouted. She moved as if to kick the machine, then thought better of it. “Keep that,” she told it again as she stormed off, leaving the broccoli and other groceries behind.

***

Despite having received several injuries, the attacker still hadn't given up. They swung again, and Twilight ducked the blow once more. She pointed at something behind the other pony. “Look!” she cried.

The covered pony fell for it and turned around. Twilight swung the pointing hoof into the side of her attacker's head. The other pony dropped the sword with a clatter and collapsed into Twilight's chair, out cold. The unicorn stood for a moment, panting, then righted her jacket again and brushed at it with one hoof. She left the unconscious pony where they lay and went into the kitchen to wash up.

***

Applejack trotted up the stairs into the flat. Twilight was sitting in her chair, reading, just as she had been an hour ago. “You took your time,” the unicorn commented, not even looking up from her book.

“Yeah,” Applejack said. “I didn't get the shopping.”

“What?” Twilight peered up at the earth pony. “Why not?” she asked.

“Because I had a fight, in the store, with a checkout machine,” Applejack explained angrily.

“You...you had a fight with a machine?” Twilight asked, still confused.

“Sort of. It sat there and I shouted at it.” Applejack considered what to do next. They needed something to eat, after all. “Do you have cash?"

“Take my card,” Twilight offered. She gestured towards where her wallet lay on the kitchen table.

Applejack trotted into the kitchen, then stopped. She turned and faced the unicorn. “You could always go yourself, you know?” Twilight looked up with what Applejack assumed was a guilty look on her face. “You've been sitting there all morning. You haven't even...moved since I left.”

The unicorn recalled her recent fight. Still, no need to bother Applejack with that event. After all, there was no evidence of the home invasion except...Oh. Right. She returned to her book nonchalantly, waiting for Applejack to look away so she could correct that oversight.

When Twilight didn't answer, Applejack sighed and turned towards the kitchen table. Strangely, there was for once a large, clear space on the table, occupied only by Twilight's wallet. The earth pony flipped it open and searched for the correct card. “And what happened with that case,” she asked. “The Sapphire Statue?”

Twilight slid a marker between the pages she was reading and clapped the book shut. “Not interested.” She reached a hoof under the chair and slid the dropped sword further out of sight. “I sent them a message,” she explained, rotating her hoof as she remembered the finale of the fight.

Applejack found the charge card and withdrew it. She noticed a new scratch on the table. With a sigh, she tried to rub it out, but found it was too deep. It was a wonder Ms. Matilda didn't charge them extra for all the damage Twilight's experiments had done to the table. She glared accusingly at Twilight, who was looking at the closed book contemplatively. After a moment, the earth pony gave up at trying to communicate her displeasure and went out to (hopefully) get groceries.

***

When Applejack next returned, with the groceries this time, Twilight had in fact moved from her favorite chair. The unicorn was now seated at the desk, gazing at a familiar computer. “Don't worry about me, I can manage,” Applejack said sarcastically. The unicorn made no move to help the her as the earth pony entered the flat through the kitchen. She began sorting through the bags and putting away the items.

Twilight scanned the email she'd been reading again:
Twilight -
How are things? Been a long time since we last spoke
I hear on the grapevine that you're now a consulting detective.
There's been an 'incident' at the bank.
I'm hoping you can sort it out for me.
Please drop by. Needless to say, I'll be relying on your discretion.
-Moony

She weighed the benefits and detriments of accepting. On the one hoof, this was an offer for a job, and it must be a interesting 'incident' if Moondancer had chosen to ask for her help. On the other... well, they'd not been what anypony would call close friends. Intrigue against abrasion. Hmm...

“Is that my computer?” Applejack asked. She'd finished with the groceries, and had returned to the sitting room.

“Of course,” Twilight said as she began typing her reply.

“What?”

“Mine was in the bedroom,” the unicorn explained.

“What, and you couldn't be bothered to get up?” Applejack glared at her in a mixture of anger and confusion. “It's password protected!”

“In a manner of speaking,” Twilight said, still typing. “Took me less than a minute to guess yours. Not exactly Midnight Castle.”

Applejack trotted over to the desk. “Right, thank you.” She slapped the computer closed, scooped the device up and carried it away. Twilight sat there, hooves still poised to type, then sighed. A reply wasn't really necessary, since it had been more of an invitation. Still, she still wasn't sure if she'd look into this.

Applejack had secured the computer elsewhere and had returned with the mail. She leafed through the notices, many of which were stamped OVERDUE. “Oh.” She counted them. One bill for gas, a bill for electricity, a bill for water... With a sigh, she flopped down into her chair and tossed the bills onto a side table. “I need to get a job.”

“Oh, dull,” Twilight said absently. She had almost decided...

“Listen” Applejack began, “if you'd be able to lend me some…” She saw that the unicorn was staring off into space. “Twilight, are you listening?”

“I need to go to the bank,” Twilight said suddenly. She stood and trotted over to the door, pulling her coat off the hook at the same time. Applejack followed her; maybe she could get a loan.

***

The Bridled Banker: It Was A Threat/Killed Another One

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The two ponies found Moondancer in a restaurant eating with her business partners. They caught the end of a story involving a fork and somepony's mane, which was met with much laughter from the other ponies at the table.

“It was a threat,” Twilight said without preamble. “That's what the graffiti meant.”

Moondancer chewed confusedly at their sudden appearance. “I'm kind of in a meeting. Can you make an appointment with my secretary?”

“I don't think this can wait,” Twilight said. “Sorry, Moondancer. One of your traders, somepony who works in your office, was killed.”

“What?” Moondancer asked, blinking in disbelief.

“Blueblood,” Applejack told her. “The police are at his flat.”

“Killed?” the banker repeated, a wine glass hovering where she'd left it.

“Sorry to interfere with everypony's digestion,” Twilight said to the rest of the table, not sorry at all. “Still want to make an appointment?” she inquired of the banker. “Would, maybe, nine o'clock at Shetland Yard work?”

Moondancer shifted nervously, then excused herself to the restroom. Twilight and Applejack followed her. The banker washed her hooves before speaking. “Hackney, Oxford,” she said, recalling Blueblood's schooling. “Very bright guy. Worked in Asia for a while, so...

“You gave him the Horn Kong account,” Applejack finished.

Moondancer nodded as she dried her hooves. “Lost five mil in a single morning, made it all back a week later.” Twilight's ears perked at that. Moondancer continued. “Nerves of steel, yeah?”

“Who'd want to kill him?” Applejack asked.

Moondancer shrugged. “We all make enemies.”

“We don't all end up with a bullet through your temple,” the earth pony said drily.

“Not usually.” The red maned unicorn's phone beeped. “Excuse me.” She read the new text. A sour look spread across her face. “It's my chairpony. Police have been out to him. Apparently, they're telling him it was a suicide.”

“Well, they've got it wrong, Moondancer,” Twilight insisted. “He was murdered.”

“Well, I'm afraid they don't see it like that,” Moondancer replied annoyedly. “And neither does my boss. I hired you to do a job. Don't get sidetracked.” She trotted back out to dinner.

Twilight frowned. What did she mean hired? Unless...had Applejack taken the check?

“I thought all bankers were supposed to be heartless knackers,” Applejack commented. Twilight glared at the earth pony. Of course she had.

***

It was night. A panicked stallion ran, glancing over his shoulder, a book held in his mouth. He darted into the street and was almost hit by a car. The driver honked at him, but the stallion kept running. An expression of fright gripped his features. He made it across the road and immediately ran to the door of a building. The set of keys rattled in his hoof as he tried to find the correct key. The moment it was open, he rushed inside and locked the door behind him. He dropped the book as he galloped up the stairs and unlocked the door to his flat. Slamming the door behind him, he fled into the sitting room, then froze. A stray breeze stirred the air of what should have been a closed space. He turned slowly, and his eyes widened at a terrifying sight.

***

The next day, Written Script was at work, restoring an urn. His boss trotted over, holding out a paper. “I need you to get over to Caspian's,” she said. “Two Wing vases up for auction, Chenghua. Will you appraise them?”

Written took the page and looked at the antiques. He could do it, but it was hardly his area of expertise. “Uh, Inkie should go. She's the expert.”

“Inkie has resigned her job,” his boss told him. “I need you.”

Written blinked in surprise. He glanced over to the table Inkie normally worked at. All that was there was a set of cups and one shattered teapot.

***

After appraising the vases, which had in fact been authentic, Written stopped by the building where Inkie lived. He rang the bell, but no one answered. No movement could be seen in her flat. Deciding that it might be seen as creepy if he kept coming round here, Written took out an envelope he'd found in his pocket. He scribbled a note to Inkie and slipped it through the mail slot, then walked off.

***

The pegasus behind the desk raised an eyebrow as he read over the impressive resume. A highly skilled doctor, obviously. He looked up a the applicant. “Just temp work,” he told Applejack.

“No, that's fine,” the earth pony replied.

“You're, um…” He thought how to put this diplomatically. “Well, you're a bit overqualified.”

“Uh, I could always do with the money,” Applejack said with a smile.

“Well,” Soarin' said, leafing through a calendar, “we've got two away on vacation this week, and one's just left to have a baby. Might be a bit mundane for you?”

“Uh, no, mundane is good sometimes,” the earth pony said. “Mundane works.”

“It says here you were a soldier,” the pegasus said, gesturing at the resume.

“And a doctor,” Applejack reminded.

“Anything else you can do?” Soarin' asked.

“I...learned the fiddle at school,” she offered.

The pegasus laughed warmly. “I look forward to it.”

Applejack returned the laugh. Well, this was a good start. Some work, and an agreeable colleague.

***

Twilight sat in deep concentration, staring at a printed picture of the vandalized portrait and wall. She compared every symbol she was familiar with to the strange signs, yet still was at a loss. Applejack walked into the flat. “I said could you pass me a pen?” the unicorn asked.

“What,” the earth pony asked in puzzlement. “When?”

“About an hour ago,” Twilight admitted.

“Didn't notice I'd gone out, did you?” Applejack picked up a pen and tossed it at Twilight. It glowed as the unicorn caught it without looking. The earth pony looked at the mirror over the mantle, which was surrounded by pictures of the yellow sign. “Yeah, I went to see about a job at that clinic,” she told Twilight.

“How was it?” the detective asked, still focused on the symbols.

“Great,” Applejack said. “He's great.”

“Who?” the unicorn asked, glancing at her.

The earth pony realized her slip and corrected herself. “The job.”

“He?” Twilight questioned.

“It.”

The unicorn let it slide. She inclined her head towards the desk. “Here, look at this.”

“Hmm?” Applejack trotted over and read what was on the computer (hers again, she noticed in annoyance). A news article reported the death of a journalist under mysterious circumstances. "The intruder who can walk through walls,” she quoted.

“Happened last night,” Twilight pointed out. “Journalist shot dead in his flat. Doors locked, windows bolted from the inside. Exactly the same as Blueblood.

“Celestia, you think-”

“She's killed another one,” Twilight affirmed, still staring at the photos over the mantle.

***

The Bridled Banker: Move A Bit Quicker/Abandon Them

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

Gilda was annoyed. Twilight Sparkle had all but barged into the Yard and had insisted on seeing her. Of course, she'd allowed it; Rainbow had said that this unicorn was helpful. Though the pegasus had failed to mention the abrasive nature of the detective.

“Namby Pamby, a freelance journalist, murdered in his flat, doors locked from the inside,” Twilight said. She turned Gilda's laptop around, the relevant news article on the screen.

“You've got to admit it's similar,” Applejack added. “Both stallions killed by somepony who can walk through solid walls.”

“Inspector, do you seriously believe that Vladimir Blueblood was just another city suicide?” Twilight chided her. Gilda looked down. That had been the initial report she'd passed on... The unicorn sighed in exasperation. “You have seen the ballistics report, I suppose?”

“Mmm hmm,” the griffon admitted.

“And the shot that killed him, was it fired from his own gun?” Twilight demanded.

“No,” Gilda confirmed.

“No,” Twilight repeated scoldingly. “So, this investigation might move a bit quicker if you were to take my word as canon.” Gilda rolled her eyes as the unicorn continued, speaking insistently. “I've just given you a murder inquiry,” she informed her. “Five minutes, in his flat.”

***

Twilight ducked under the crime scene tape at the foot of the stairs to Namby Pamby's flat. The inspector had reluctantly allowed them access, but had naturally insisted on accompanying them. Inside the flat itself, Twilight noticed a suitcase lying open, a piece of black paper folded into a diamond, and a window with a curtain. She peered out and grinned at what she saw. “Four floors up. That's why they think they're safe. Put a chain across the door, bolt it shut, think they're impregnable. They don't think for one second that there's another way in.”

“Well, I don't understand,” Gilda said.

“We're dealing with a killer who can climb,” Twilight explained. She turned away from the window and started looking around the flat. The small hallway from room to bath was crowded with some stray boxes. Twilight looked along the ceiling, then climbed up onto a box.

“What are you doing?” the griffon asked.

“She clings to the walls like an insect,” Twilight said. She pushed against a hinged skylight. There was no lock, and it swung upwards, leaving just enough space for a pony to fit through. “That's how she got in.”

“What?” Gilda said skeptically.

“She climbed up the side of the walls, ran along the roof, dropped in through this skylight,” Twilight detailed.

“You're not serious,” the inspector scoffed. “Like Mare Do Well?”

“She scaled six floors of a Docklands apartment building and jumped the balcony to kill Blueblood,” the unicorn added.

“Oh, hold on!” Gilda exclaimed. This was getting ridiculous.

“And of course that's how she got into the bank,” Twilight continued, ignoring the objection. “She ran along the window ledge and onto the terrace. We have to find out what connects these two stallions.” She hopped down from the box and back to the stairs. There, she picked up the stray book lying there. A quick check revealed the book's origin. She clapped the book shut and pocketed it, then left. Time to visit their local library.

***

A quick consultation of the Canterlot Library catalog revealed where the book had been taken from. Applejack and Twilight made their way into the stacks and found the spot it had been taken from. “The date stamped on the book is the same day that he died,” Twilight said. She started pulling books off the shelf, looking behind them.

Applejack repeated the process on the opposite shelf. A splash of color peeked out from behind one. She pushed the books aside to reveal a familiar sight. “Twilight,” she called. The unicorn turned and saw it as well. Painted on the back of the shelf was the same yellow sign that they'd seen at the bank.

***

“So, the killer goes to the bank, leaves a threatening cipher for Blueblood,” Twilight said, looking at the picture of the portrait. They had returned to Baker Street. “Blueblood panics, returns to his apartment, locks himself in. Hours later, he dies.”

“The killer finds Pamby at the library,” Applejack continued. “She writes the cipher on the shelf, where she knows it'll be seen.” She nodded at the latest addition to the picture collection: A shot of the shelf with the yellow sign. “Pamby goes home…”

“Later that night, he dies, too,” Twilight finished.

“Why did they die, Twilight?” Applejack asked.

“Only the cipher can tell us,” the unicorn replied. She tapped a hoof on the photo of the portrait, thinking. The sign had been spray painted, there was no question of that. An idea occurred to her. It would have to wait until tomorrow, though.

***

Hurricane Square was crowded as always as Twilight and Applejack walked up the steps of the Equestrian National Gallery. “The world's run on codes and ciphers, Applejack,” Twilight began. “From the million-bit security system at the bank to the checkout machine you took exception to. Cryptography inhabits our every waking moment.”

“Yes, okay,” the earth pony agreed. “But…”

“But it's all computer generated,” the unicorn lamented. “Electronic codes, electronic ciphering methods. This is different. It's an ancient device. Modern code breaking methods won't unravel it.”

“Where are we headed?” Applejack asked.

“I need to ask some advice,” Twilight admitted.

“What? Sorry?” Applejack stopped, shocked. Had she heard that right?

“You heard me perfectly,” the unicorn said. “I'm not saying it again.”

“You need advice?” the earth pony asked in disbelief. She started walking again.

“On painting, yes,” Twilight allowed. “I need to talk to an expert.” They turned to the left and walked away from the Gallery.

***

The expert in question was busy in an alley nearby, a bag of supplies on the ground by her. A magenta-maned pegasus in a hoodie was shaking spray cans, then applying their contents to a nearby wall. As Twilight and Applejack approached, the younger pony spoke. “Part of my new exhibition!” she said proudly.

“Interesting.” Twilight said.

“I call it…” The pegasus thought for a moment. “Urban Bloodlust Frenzy.”

“Catchy,” Applejack said. She looked at the work in progress. A police pony with a pig's snout had been sprayed onto the wall. Not very original...

“I've got two minutes before a patrol officer comes around that corner,” the filly said, continuing her work. “Can we talk while I'm working?” Twilight held her phone out. The pegasus hesitated for a second, then tossed one can she was working with towards Applejack. The earth pony caught it reflexively. With the now free hoof, the artist took the phone and looked at the picture of the yellow sign.

“Know the author?” Twilight asked.

“I recognize the paint,” the pegasus said. “Looks like Cloudsdale, hardcore propellant. I'd say zinc.”

“And what about the symbols,” the unicorn prodded. “Do you recognize them?”

The filly shook her head. “Not even sure it's a real language.”

“Two ponies have been murdered, Scoot. Deciphering this is the key to finding out who killed them.”

“What, and this all you have to go on?” Scootaloo asked doubtfully. “Not much, is it?”

“Are you going to help us or not?” Twilight asked.

“I'll ask around,” the pegasus agreed, nodding.

“Somepony must know something about it,” Twilight muttered.

“Hey!” The three ponies turned to see a pair of policeponies running down the alley towards them. Scootaloo kicked the bag towards the police (and Applejack), then grabbed a scooter propped against the wall and raced off. Twilight galloped after her. Applejack simply stood there as the officers slowed to a stop. “What the hay do you think you're doing?” the first demanded. “This gallery is a listed public building.” She glared at the can in Applejack's hoof.

“No, no, wait, wait,” the earth pony protested. “It wasn’t me who painted that, I was just holding this for…” She turned to indicate the younger pegasus, and realized that both Scootalo and Twilight had fled. The officer meanwhile had noticed the bag. She opened it and saw the rest of the art supplies.

“Bit of an enthusiast, are we?” she said disapprovingly.

Applejack glanced at the fresh graffiti on the wall. This didn't look good for her at all.

***

“She was right in the middle of an important piece of restoration,” Written Script said as he walked after his boss. “Why would she suddenly resign?”

“Family problems,” his superior said, not looking up from her clipboard. “She said so in her letter.”

“But she doesn't have a family,” Written protested. “She came to this country on her own.”

“Written,” the curator said warningly, trying to get him to drop it. The unicorn ignored her.

“Look, those teapots, those ceramics, they've become her obsession. She's been working on restoring them for weeks. I can't believe that she would just…abandon them.”

“Perhaps she was getting a bit of unwanted attention,” the curator said icily. That shut the unicorn up. But he still was sure that something else had caused Inkie Pie to leave her work. But what was it?

***

The Bridled Banker: Just Formalities/Could Start With This

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The door of the flat slammed open as Applejack entered. Twilight was standing in front of the mantle, once again staring at the pictures, which had multiplied in the earth pony's absence. “You've been a while,” she observed, not even looking away from the jumble of printouts.

“Yeah, well, you know how it is,” Applejack said bitterly. “Policeponies don't really like to be hurried, do they? Just formalities… hoofprints, charge sheet...and I've got to be in misdemeanor court on Tuesday,” she finished angrily.

“What?” the unicorn asked distractedly as she compared symbols in a book to the ones in the photos.

“Me, Twilight, in court, on Tuesday,” Applejack repeated lividly. “They're giving me a Disharm.”

“Good, fine,” Twilight said, still not really paying attention.

“You can tell your little pal she's welcome to go and own up any time,” Applejack fumed.

Twilight clapped the book shut in frustration. “This symbol, I still can't place it.” She replaced the book on a shelf, then turned and saw the earth pony about to remove her jacket. It glowed as Twilight held it in place. “No.”

“Hey!” Applejack complained.

“I need you to go to the police station and ask about the journalist,” Twilight requested. “His personal effects will have been impounded. Get a hold of his diary or something that will tell us his movements.” She grabbed her own coat and walked out the door and down the stairs. Applejack followed her resignedly.

“I'll go and see Blueblood's PA,” Twilight continued as they exited the building. “If we retrace their steps, somewhere they'll coincide.” She walked on up the street. Applejack waved at an approaching taxi. As it approached, she noticed a grey-maned mare in shades across the street pointing a phone camera at her. The cab pulled off, blocking Applejack's view of the stranger.

Writing it off as a coincidence, the earth pony leaned in to give a destination. “Shetland Yard.” She got into the cab, then glanced back across the street. The mare was gone. Eerie.

***

“He flew back from Daleian Friday,” Blueblood's PA told Twilight. The detective glanced over the purple-maned mare's shoulder as she scrolled through her boss's schedule. “Looks like he had back-to-back meetings with the sales team.”

“Can you print me off a copy?” Twilight requested.

“Of course,” Rarity answered.

“What about the day he died?” Twlight asked, pointing at the date. “Can you tell me where he was?”

“Sorry, there's a bit of a gap,” the PA admitted. Twilight frowned, until the other unicorn offered another source of information. “I have all his receipts.”

***

At the Yard, Applejack was having an easier time. Although Gilda hadn't been overjoyed to see the detective’s colleague again, she had at least deigned to locate Namby Pamby's diary for the earth pony. “Your friend…” the griffon began as she rummaged through an evidence bin.

“Listen, whatever you say, I'm behind you one hundred percent,” Applejack assured her.

“She's a total dweeb,” Gilda finished.

“Well, that was mild,” the earth pony said, surprised. “Ponies say a lot worse than that.”

The griffon found a booklet. She offered it to Applejack. “This is what you wanted, isn't it, the journalist's diary?”

Applejack flipped it open to confirm. She found a boarding pass for a Chineigh Airlines flight out of Canterlot airport.

***

“What kind of a boss was he, Rarity?” Twilight asked. “Appreciative?”

“No,” the PA said, laughing lightly. “That's not a word I'd use.” Twilight noticed something on the desk as Rarity continued. “The only things Vladimir appreciated had a big price tag.”

“Like that hoof cream?” The detective nodded at a bottle on the desk. “He bought that for you, didn't he.” Rarity didn't answer, and Twilight let it drop. She sifted through the receipts and found one that stood out. “Look at this one. Got a taxi from home on the day he died, eighteen bits fifty.”

“That would get him to the office,” Rarity suggested.

“Not rush hour,” Twilight said, disagreeing. “Check the time: mid-morning. Eighteen would get him as far as…”

“The West End,” Rarity finished. “I remember him saying.”

Twilight found another receipt from that day. “Underground, printed at one in Palomino.”

“So he got a subway back to the office.” The PA paused, puzzled. “Why would he get a taxi into town and then the tube back?”

“Because he was delivering something heavy,” Twilight said, sorting through more receipts. “You don't want to lug a package up the escalator.”

“Delivering?” Rarity asked.

“To somewhere near Palomino Station. Dropped the package, delivered it, and then…” The detective found another receipt from that day: one for a cafe. “He stopped on his way. He got hungry.” She left to pursue this new lead.

***

The cafe was easy to find. Twilight checked the name against the receipt, then looked around as she walked. “So, you bought your lunch from here en route to the station,” she muttered. “But where were you headed from?” She turned as she walked, looking for some clue. “Where did the taxi drop you—oof!” She grunted as she bumped into Applejack.

The earth pony looked up in surprise, then noticed it was Twilight. “Right.” Of course the unicorn would have found her way here, too.

“Vladimir Blueblood brought a package here the day he died,” Twilight said. “Whatever was hidden inside that case. I've managed to piece together a picture using scraps of information-”

“Twilight,” Applejack said, trying to get a word in. The unicorn kept talking.

“Credit card bills, receipts. He flew back from Chineigh, then he came here.”

“Twilight.”

“Somewhere in this street, somewhere near. I don't know where, but-”

Exasperated, Applejack pointed a hoof across the street. “That shop, over there.”

Twilight stared at the shop, then back at the earth pony, astounded. “How could you tell?”

“Pamby's diary,” Applejack explained. “He was here, too. He wrote down the address.” She started across the street.

“Oh,” Twilight said quietly, then followed.

***

The window of the shop that Namby Pamby had mentioned was filled with waving cat statues. This section seemed to be predominantly Chineighse in persuasion. Applejack walked into the shop. Inside, an veritable army of cats graced the shelves. “Hello,” she said politely to the owner.

“You want lucky cat?” the owner asked.

“No, thanks, no,” the earth pony declined.

“Ten bits, ten bits,” the shopkeeper insisted. “I think your husband, he will like.”

Applejack just shook her head with a polite smile. The earth pony noticed a set of teacups, and inspected one. She turned the cup over and froze. The label on the bottom matched the sign that had been on the wall by the portrait. “Twilight?” Twilight put down a statue she'd been looking at and trotted over. “The label, there,” Applejack said.

“Yes, I see it,” the unicorn agreed.

“Exactly the same as the cipher.” The earth pony watched as realization flooded Twilight's face. The unicorn left the shop hurriedly. Applejack caught up outside.

“It's an ancient number system,” Twilight explained. “Suzhou. These days only street traders use it. Those were numbers written on the wall at the bank, and at the library…Numbers written in an ancient Chineighse dialect.” She stopped at a street cart, and picked up a fruit that had a similar label attached, only with the equivalent Equestrian numerals provided as well.

“It's a fifteen,” Applejack said. “What we thought was the artist's tag, it's a number fifteen.”

“And the bridle, the horizontal line,” Twilight continued, finding another fruit. “That was a number as well.” She held up the label. “Chineighse number one, Applejack.”

“We've found it.” The earth pony grinned in triumph, then stopped. She'd seen that mare again, again with the camera phone; or at least, she thought she had; she was gone now. Odd.

***

“Two ponies travel back from Chineigh,” Applejack recapped. They were sitting in a restaurant, as usual, by the window. Also as usual, Twilight hadn't ordered anything. Instead, she was writing out a list of Suzhou numbers and their equivalents on a pad. “Both head straight for the Lucky Cat Emporium. What did they see?”

“It's not what they saw,” Twilight said, finishing her scribbling. “It's what they both brought back in those suitcases.”

“You don't think souvenirs,” Applejack said. A server brought her food and she started eating.

“Think about what Moondancer told us about Blueblood,” the unicorn reminded her. “About how he stayed afloat in the market.”

“He lost five million,” the earth pony recalled.

“And made it back in a week.” Twilight looked back out at the Lucky Cat Emporium. “That's how he made such easy money.”

“He was a smuggler.” Applejack nodded and took another bite.

“A guy like him, it would have been perfect,” Twilight muttered. “A business pony making frequent trips to Asia. Pamby was the same, a journalist writing about Chineigh. Both of them smuggled stuff out.” She nodded at the shop across the way. “The Lucky Cat was their drop-off.”

“Why did they die?” Applejack wondered. “It doesn't make sense. If they both turned up at the shop and delivered the goods, why would somepony threaten them, and kill them, after the event, after they had finished the job?”

Twilight thought for a moment. “What if one of the was sticky-hoofed?”

“How do you mean?”

“Stole something,” Twilight explained. “Something from the hoard.”

“And the killer doesn't know which of them took it,” Applejack realized. “So she threatens them both, right.”

Twilight looked outside again, then noticed something on the ground outside the shop. “Remind me, when was the last time that it rained?” She stood and exited the cafe, leaving Applejack to hurriedly swallow what she'd been chewing and slap some bits on the table to cover the half-eaten meal.

She followed Twilight across the street, where the unicorn picked up a phone book. The pages were dampened by rainwater. “It's been here since Monday,” she observed. She rang the bell of the door the bag had been in front of: the name tag said Inkie Pie. No one answered, so Twilight trotted into the alleyway next to the door, with Applejack following. “No one's been in that flat for at least three days,” the unicorn said.

“Maybe they've gone on vacation,” the earth pony suggested.

“Do you leave your windows open when you go on vacation?” Twilight asked, pointing. Applejack followed the gesture to the open window of the flat, situated above the fire escape. Before Applejack could dissuade her, Twilight had leapt up and seized the fire escape. She clambered up it, then walked carefully along the free moving ladder until it swung so she could jump onto the window sill. The ladder stayed where it was, too high for Applejack to follow. The earth pony realized this and kicked herself mentally.

“Twilight!” she shouted. The unicorn was already entering the flat. Applejack ran back around to the front. At least if Twilight was inside, she could let her in.

***

Inside the flat, Twilight stepped off the sill and onto the floor. Her tail caught a vase, and she seized it with magic before it could hit the ground. As she replaced it, she noticed that it was mostly empty. A glance at the floor showed her where it had spilled before. Thinking Applejack was still in the alley, she called out. “Somepony else has been here. Somepony else broke into the flat and knocked over the vase, just like I did.” She listened for movement in the flat, but heard none. The laundry machine stood full next to the window; she opened it and sniffed.

The doorbell rang. “Think maybe you could let me in this time?” Applejack called. Twilight ignored the plea and kept searching. Below, Applejack was yelling through the mail slot to be heard. “Can you stop doing this, please?”

Twilight opened the fridge and withdrew a bottle of milk. She sniffed it, then recoiled at the strong odor. “I'm not the first,” she called down to the earth pony.

“What?” Applejack asked, not quite hearing.

“Somepony's been in here before me,” Twilight shouted back.

“What are you saying?” Applejack asked.

Twilight meanwhile noticed the disturbed rug where somepony had trod. “Size eight feet, small, but…athletic.” She noticed a picture of two fillies on the sideboard.

“I'm wasting my breath,” Applejack muttered. She rang the bell again.

Inside, Twilight noticed something about one of the fillies. “Small, strong hooves…our acrobat,” she concluded. She set the picture down again and thought. “Why didn't she close the window when she left?” She registered what this meant. “Oh, stupid, stupid,” she berated herself. “Obvious. She's still here.” A changing partition stood in one corner of the room, the perfect cover. Quietly, Twilight approached it, waited a moment, then flung it aside. A stuffed animal greeted her eyes. Somepony grabbed her from behind and wrapped a cloth around her neck, choking her. Twilight gasped.

Applejack continued her complaints, unaware of the struggle upstairs. “Any time you want to include me!”

The unicorn tried to throw her assailant off, but to no avail. “Applejack!” Twilight called for help, but the strangling reduced her voice so that it was impossible for the earth pony to hear her.

Applejack, still convinced she was being ignored, began muttering mockingly. “'I'm Twilight Sparkle,' she said bitterly, “and I always work alone, because no pony else can compete with my massive intellect!” she shouted through the mail slot.

Twilight stopped struggling and collapsed, completely out of breath and starting to black out. The attacker released her and slipped something into her pocket as the doorbell rang again. The other pony exited the room as Twilight coughed violently and gasped for air. The metallic shriek of the fire escape swinging down told her how her attacker had made their getaway. If only another pony had been there, they could have caught them. It had been stupid not to let Applejack into the apartment, the unicorn admitted to herself. A check of her pocket revealed the object the attacker had placed: a folded black paper diamond, just like the two she’d already seen. She got unsteadily to her feet, then proceeded down the stairs.

Downstairs, Applejack glanced at her watch, then turned to walk into the alleyway and try to somehow scale the wall. Just then, the door was flung open. Applejack turned to see a disheveled Twilight leaning against the door frame. “The milk's gone and the laundry’s starting to smell,” the unicorn said hoarsely. “Somepony left here in a hurry three days ago.” She stifled a cough.

“Somepony?” Applejack asked.

Twilight nodded. “Inkie Pie. We have to find her-” a coughing fit cut off the last syllable.

“An how exactly are we supposed to do that?” the earth pony inquired.

Twilight stooped and picked up a note that must have been dropped through the mail slot. “Inkie,” it read, “Please call me. Tell me you're okay. OK, Written.” She unfolded the envelope on which the message was written, and found a return address: the Equestrian Antiquities Museum.

“Well, we could start with this.” She walked out the door, clearing her throat.

“You've gone all croaky,” Applejack said with concern. “Are you getting a cold?”

“I'm fine,” Twilight coughed as they went to find a cab.

***

The Bridled Banker: Last Time You Saw Her/Zhi Zhu

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

Twilight's voice had recovered by the time they reached the museum. She immediately set about questioning the writer of the note. “When was the last time that you saw her?”

“Three days ago,” Written told them. “Here at the museum.” Twilight was peering into the display cases, especially at some teapots. “This morning,” the museum worker continued, “they told me she'd resigned, just like that.” He gestured at the pots. “Just left her work unfinished.”

“What was the last thing that she did, on her final afternoon?” Twilight asked.

Written led them to the where the pots were kept when off display. He flipped on a switch, illuminating the hall. “She does this demonstration for the tourists,” he explained. “A tea ceremony. So she would have packed up her things and just put them in here.” He opened the case in question, but Twilight wasn't paying attention. She'd noticed something down the hall a ways. There, painted across the stomach of a statue, was the same symbol from the bank and the library.

***

“We have to get to Inkie Pie,” Twilight said as she and Applejack stepped out of the museum and into the night air.

“If she's still alive,” the earth pony noted grimly.

The sound of wheels passing over pavement neared them. “Twilight!” a familiar voice called.

“Well, look who it is,” Applejack said sourly as Scootaloo brought her scooter to a stop.

The pegasus ignored the tone. “I've found something you'll like,” she told the unicorn. She led them off. As they walked (or rolled, as it were,) Applejack outlined the dilemma the pegasus had left her in.

“Tuesday morning,” she explained. “All you have to do is turn up and say the bag was yours.”

“Can we forget about your court date?” Twilight objected as they crossed a bridge. From a distance, a grey maned mare watched them, ominously dressed in black and sunglasses.

***

The place that Scootaloo led them too was a graffiti garden. The concrete walls and pillars were covered with intricate patterns of spray paint. Fillies and colts skated around the colorful area, pulling off what tricks they could in the limited space.

“If you want to hide a tree, then a forest is the best place to do it, don't you think?” Twilight asked. “Ponies would just walk straight past, not knowing, unable to decipher the message.”

Scootaloo pointed at one wall. “There. I spotted it earlier.” Yellow markings were just visible at the edge of some fresh artwork: the same cipher.

“And that's the exact same paint?” Twilight questioned.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo confirmed.

“Applejack,” Twilight said, “if we're going to decipher this code, we're going to need to look for more evidence.” The two ponies dispersed, sweeping the surrounding area for more symbols.

***

The search led Twilight down to the railroad track. She found a can, yellow paint, Cloudsdale made. A sniff of the nozzle confirmed that it was zinc.

***

Applejack trotted along a tunnel, peering at the assorted artwork. No yellow signs were there, so she turned about and followed the route Twilight had taken, walking the opposite way along the tracks.

***

A wall covered in posters piqued Twilight's curiosity. She ripped some away, only to find more layers of posters underneath. Old. No new messages would be there.

***

Applejack panned the beam of her flashlight along the sides of the track. A splotch of yellow paint on the rails caught her attention. Eagerly, she followed the trail, off the tracks and up onto a wall. She shone the light over the entire wall. A mass of symbols, more than they'd seen anytime before, had been sprayed onto the wall. She gaped at it. This could be the break they needed to crack the case.

***

Twilight was peering at the side of a rusting train car when Applejack found her. “Answer your phone,” she berated the unicorn. “I've been calling you!” She panted as she slowed to a stop. “I found it,” she said once she had her breath back, then ran back up the line, Twilight following.

***

The earth pony stared in disbelief at the wall. What had moments before been covered with yellow symbols was now solid black. “It's been painted over,” she said. Twilight looked around for the culprit, but whoever had done this was long gone. “I don't understand. It-it was…” she waved helplessly at the wall. “Here. Ten minutes ago, I saw it, a whole bunch of graffiti.”

“Somepony doesn't want me to see it,” Twilight muttered. She grabbed Applejack's head between her hooves.

“Hey, Twilight,” the earth pony objected. “What are you-”

“Shh! Applejack, concentrate!” the unicorn ordered. “I need you to concentrate. Close your eyes.”

“What? Why? Why?” Applejack's eyes had been closed, but then Twilight shifted the grip down to her shoulders. “What are you doing?” the earth pony asked, opening her eyes again. Twilight started turning, spinning Applejack around.

“I need you to maximize your visual memory,” she explained. “Try to picture what you saw. Can you picture it?”

“Yeah.” How was making her dizzy going to help with that?

“Can you remember it?” Twilight asked with urgency.

“Yes, definitely,” Applejack assured her.

“Can you remember the pattern?” Twilight kept spinning the earth pony.

“Yes.” Now she really was getting dizzy.

“How much can you remember it?” the unicorn pressed.

“Well, don't worry-” Applejack tried to explain.

Twilight kept talking. “Because the average pony memory on visual matters is only sixty-two percent accurate.”

“Yeah, well don't worry, I remember all of it.”

“Really?” Twilight said doubtfully.

“Yeah, well at least I would,” Applejack said, loosing herself from the unicorn's hooves, “if I can get to my pockets.” She withdrew her phone. “Took a photograph.” The phone beeped as she brought up the picture and showed it to the unicorn. By the way Twilight gazed at the image, Applejack could tell that the detective thought that this was the clue they had needed.

***

Back at flat, Twilight enlarged the photo, printed it, and marked the symbols on it and all the other pictures with their Equestrian numerical equivalents. “Always in pairs, Applejack, look.”

“Hmm?” Applejack sleepily asked, stifling a yawn.

“Numbers,” Twilight explained. “They come with partners.”

“Celestia, I need to sleep,” the earth pony groaned.

“Why did she paint it so near the tracks?” the unicorn wondered aloud.

“No idea,” Applejack told her. The earth pony slumped forward tiredly.

“Thousands of ponies pass by there every day,” Twilight continued, oblivious to the complaints.

“Just twenty minutes,” Applejack begged. Her eyes slid shut slowly.

“Of course,” Twilight said softly, realizing something. “Of course! She wants information. She's trying to communicate with her people in the underworld. Whatever was stolen, she wants it back. And it's somewhere here, in a code.” She ran a hoof over the pictures, then selected the most important ones and yanked them free. “We can't crack this without Inkie Pie.” She walked over to the door.

The sudden rustle of paper shook the dozing earth pony awake. “Oh, great,” she muttered sarcastically as she stood to follow. Just what she needed, another late night outing.

***

The sun had risen again by the time their search for the missing Inkie brought them once more to the museum. The morning crowds had yet to arrive when Written Script met them in the display room again.

“Two stallions who travelled back from Chineigh were murdered,” Twilight began, “and their killer left them messages in Suzhou numerals.”

“Inkie Pie is in danger,” Applejack continued. “Now that cipher, it was just the same pattern as the others. She means to kill her as well.”

“Look, I've tried everywhere,” Written told them. “Friends, colleagues, I don't know where she's gone.” The teapots caught Twilight's gaze again as the junior curator continued. “I mean, she could be a thousand miles away.”

Applejack noticed the interest with which Twilight eyed the ceramics. “What are you looking at?”

“Tell me more about those teapots,” Twilight instructed the museum worker.

“The pots were her obsession,” Written explained. “They need urgent work. If they dry out, then the clay can start to crumble. Apparently you just have to keep making tea in them.”

Twilight pressed her nose almost against the glass. “Yesterday, only one of those pots was shining. Now there are two.”

***

That night, the museum closed as normal. An hour after the main lights went off, a grate in the wall was pushed open. A pony trotted into the display room and removed one of the pots from its case. They trotted back out, to the restoration room. Inside, Inkie started a kettle and prepared the tea as she did when giving her demonstration, although more hurriedly. Carefully, she poured tea over the pot and began rubbing the liquid around the surface.

The silhouette of a pony quietly approached from outside of her field of vision. It neared the table as the earth pony continued the process. “Would you like a muffin with that?” Twilight asked.

Inkie gasped in fright and dropped the pot. An inch from the ground, a magenta glow surrounded it, stopping its fall. Twilight gently lifted the pot back up. “Centuries old. Don't want to break that.” She placed the pot back into the grey pony's hooves, then flipped on the lights. “Hello,” she said. Applejack entered the room from where she'd been hiding and stood near the unicorn.

“You saw the cipher,” Inkie said simply. “You know she is coming for me.”

“You've been clever to avoid her so far,” Twilight observed.

“I had to finish,” Inkie explained. “To finish this work.” She looked at the pot on the table. “It's only a matter of time. I know she will find me.”

“Who is she?” Twilight asked. “Have you met her before?”

Inkie nodded. “When I was a filly, living back in Chineigh. I recognize her…signature.”

“The cipher?”

“Only she would do this,” Inkie confirmed. “Zhi Zhu”

“Zhi Zhu?” Applejack asked.

“The spider,” Twilight translated.

Inkie lifted her right hind leg and pushed aside the fur above the hoof. A small symbol, a black diamond, had been tattooed there. Twilight's eyes widened in recognition. “You know this mark?” Inkie asked.

“Yes,” the unicorn said. “It's the mark of a Tom.”

“What's that?” Applejack asked.

“Ancient crime syndicate,” Twilight told her. “Based in Chineigh.”

“Every foot soldier bears the mark,” Inkie explained. “Everypony who hauls for them.”

“Hauls? You mean you were a smuggler?” Applejack asked.

“I was fifteen,” Inkie said, bringing her leg down again. “My parents were dead. I had no livelihood, no way of surviving day to day, except to work for the bosses.”

“Who are they?” Twilight questioned.

“They are called…” Inkie hesitated before naming them. “The Black Diamond.” Twilight remembered the paper diamonds she'd seen, twice at crime scenes and once in her own pocket. “By the time I was sixteen,” Inkie continued, “I was taking thousands of bits worth of drugs across the border into Horn Kong. I managed to leave that life behind me. I came to Equestria. They gave me a job, here.” She nodded at her surroundings. “Everything was good. New life.”

“Then she came looking for you,” Twilight said.

“Yes,” Inkie confirmed. She gulped nervously. “I had hoped, after five years, maybe they would have forgotten me, but they never really let you leave. A small community like ours, they are never very far away.” The grey pony brought her hooves to her face, remembering. “She came to my flat. She asked me to help her, to track down something that was stolen.”

“And don’t know what it was?” Applejack asked.

Inkie shook her head. “I refused to help.”

“So, you knew her well, when you were living back in Chineigh?” Applejack wanted to know.

“Oh, yes,” Inkie said sadly. “She's my sister.” Twilight remembered the photograph in Inkie's flat. The grey pony continued her story. “Two orphans. We had no choice. We could work for the Black Diamond, or starve on the streets, like beggars. My sister has become their puppet, in the power of the one they call Scroll, Black Diamond General.” The fear she felt at that name showed on her face. “I turned my sister away. She said I had betrayed her. Next day, I came to work…and the cipher was waiting.”

Twilight slid the photos she'd brought across the table to Inkie. “Can you decipher these?”

Inkie looked at the symbols. “These are numbers.”

“Yes, I know,” Twilight said.

“Here, the line across the stallion's mouth,” Inkie said, pointing. “It's a Chineighse number one.”

“And this one is fifteen,” Twilight continued with the number the one had been paired with. “But what's the code?”

“All the smugglers know it,” Inkie said. “It's based upon a book-”

The lights went out. There was a thud as a door or window in the main museum opened. Inkie was terrified. “She's here.” The grey pony closed her eyes. “Zhi Zhu…she has found me.”

Twilight bolted for the door into the exhibit halls. “No, no, Twilight,” Applejack called after her. “Twilight, wait!” The unicorn ignored her, slamming the door behind her. Applejack turned to Inkie. “Over there,” she said, ushering the grey pony into a side room. Inkie brushed against the photos and the images fell to the floor as Applejack urged her on. “Get in. Get in!”

***

Twilight dashed into the main hallway of the museum. She looked around. A pony ran out onto a walkway above and behind her and pointed a gun at the detective. Shots rang out, and Twilight dove behind a statue.

***

Inside the small side room, Applejack and Inkie heard the shots. “I have to go and help her,” Applejack told Inkie. “Bolt the door after me.” She exited into the museum proper; behind her, Inkie made no move to seal the door, at first frozen in fright. Then, she crawled back into the restoration room, a plan forming in her mind.

***

Applejack entered the main museum and ducked as more shots were fired. The killer fired once more, then ran off. Twilight fled her cover and ran up the stairs in pursuit. Applejack peered out and saw her run off. She headed for the front door, intending to catch the killer when they tried to escape.

***

Upstairs, Twilight rounded the corner and pulled back as another shot was fired, tearing into a fossil display of skulls. She ducked behind a sign board as Zhi Zhu kept shooting. “Careful!” she shouted as another shot whizzed past. “Some of those skulls are over two hundred thousand years old. Have a bit of respect!” The shots stopped. Silence filled the air. “Thank you.” She frowned as she realized that it was far too quiet. She peered around the corner; the killer was gone.

***

Downstairs, Applejack heard the silence. She'd heard Twilight call out, so the unicorn was fine. So why had the killer stopped shooting?

***

Inkie slowly got to her feet by her worktable. A stray breeze wafted through the papers on the table. She'd done all she had time to do. Now, Zhi Zhu was here. Another pony walked up behind her. Inkie faced the other pony, who was slate grey. Her pale grey mane hung into her eyes. Inkie smiled. At least she got to see her sister one more time. “Blinkie,” she murmured. “Da jie.” She reached out a hoof to touch her sister's face.

***

One shot echoed through the museum. Applejack turned toward the source of the sound. “Oh, Celestia, no.” She ran back down the stairs, into the restoration room, already knowing she was too late. The body of Inkie Pie had fallen onto the table. A black paper diamond was rested on her hoof. Grief tore at Applejack and she fought back a sob. She hadn't deserved this. None of the victims had deserved this.

***

The Bridled Banker: Can You Prove That?/Book Event

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

“How many murders is it going to take for you to start believing that this maniac's out there?” Applejack demanded of Gilda. The griffon brushed past her. “A young mare was gunned down tonight,” the earth pony continued angrily. “That's three victims in three days. You're supposed to be finding her,” she finished, jabbing a hoof at the detective inspector.

Twilight stepped between them. “Namby Pamby and Vladimir Blueblood were working for a gang of international smugglers,” she told Gilda, getting face to face with the inspector. “A gang called the Black Diamond, operating here, in Canterlot, right under your beak.”

“Can you prove that?” the griffon asked, doubt and annoyance written on her face. Twilight stepped back.

“As a matter of fact, I can.”

***

The cafeteria food at Starswirl the Bearded Hospital never improved in Caramel's opinion. Limited variety, few choices, and poor quality. Still, food was food, especially when working late. He considered tonight's options with a frown.

“What are you thinking?” a familiar voice asked. Caramel looked up, startled. Twilight continued her polite inquiry. “Tomatoes or the pasta?”

“Oh,” the morgue attendant chuckled. “Oh, it's you.”

The unicorn eyed the food skeptically. “This place is never going to trouble Gustav le Grand, is it?” She nodded at the noodles. “I'd stick with the pasta. Don't want to be having stewed tomatoes, not if you're slicing up cadavers.”

Caramel tried to smile as the comparison made him grimace. “What are you having?”

“I don't eat when I'm working,” Twilight said. “Digesting slows me down.”

“So you're working here tonight?” But Twilight never came to see him, unless... He realized why she was here.

“I need to examine some bodies,” Twilight told him.

“Some?”

“Vladimir Blueblood and Namby Pamby.”

Caramel checked his clipboard. “They're on my list.”

“Could you wheel them out again for me?” the unicorn asked.

“W-well,” the stallion stammered, “the paperwork's already gone through.”

“Oh…” Twilight looked disappointed. Then she looked more closely at Caramel. “Changed your mane.”

“What?” the earth pony said, confused at the segue.

“The style,” Twilight clarified. “You usually part it in the middle.

“Yes, well…” Caramel started to bring a hoof up to run through his mane, then stopped himself.

“Well, it's good,” Twilight said. “It, um, suits you better this way.”

Caramel tried to resist the urge to smile at the compliment and failed. Twilight returned the grin, then checked her watch as Caramel turned back to the food. Quickly, quickly...

***

Caramel had just wheeled out the last of the bodies when Twilight returned with Gilda in tow. The morgue attendant unzipped the head of the bag as they walked in, revealing Namby Pamby's head. “We're just interested in the hind feet,” Twilight told him.

“The feet?” Caramel asked, puzzled.

“Yes. Do you mind if we have a look at them?”

Caramel shrugged and rezipped the head, then unzipped the bottom of the bag. Twilight brushed aside the fur on the right leg and motioned for Gilda to look. The same tattoo as Inkie had had was immediately visible. The detective nodded, and smirked as she walked behind the griffon's back towards the next body. “Now Blueblood.” Caramel opened the bag and Twilight repeated the process. Again, the black diamond was present. “Oh!” she said in mock surprise.

“So…” Gilda said, reluctant to admit the obvious.

“So either these two stallions just happened to visit the same Chineighse tattoo parlor, or I'm telling the truth,” Twilight said.

The griffon got right to the point. “What do you want?”

“I want every book from Pamby's apartment, and Blueblood's,” Twilight told her.

Gilda looked confused. “Their books?”

***

An very tired Applejack entered Baker Street and hung her jacket up, quite ready to call it a night. Twilight followed. “It’s not just a criminal organization,” the unicorn said as she hung her her coat and scarf on the back of the door. “It's a cult. The sister was corrupted by one of its leaders.”

“Inkie said the name,” Applejack recalled as she flopped down in her chair.

“Yes, Scroll. General Scroll.” Twilight began pacing.

“We're still no closer to finding her,” the earth pony pointed out.

“Wrong,” the unicorn corrected. “We've got almost all we need to know. She gave us most of the missing pieces.” She turned towards Applejack. “Why did she need to visit her sister? Why did she need her expertise?”

“She worked at the museum.” the earth pony began.

“Exactly.”

“An expert in antiquities.” Applejack mulled over that fact for a second. “Of course, I see.”

“Valuable antiquities, Applejack,” Twilight said. “Ancient Chineighse relics purchased on the black market. Chineigh's home to a thousand treasures hidden after Moon's revolution.”
“The Black Diamond is selling them,” Applejack concluded

Twilight flipped open the computer on the desk and began searching auction records, starting with Caspian's. Applejack trotted over and stared over her shoulder. “Check for the dates,” the unicorn muttered. She found something. “Here, Applejack,” she said, stabbing a hoof at the entry. The entry showed two Wing dynasty vases that were priced at four hundred to five hundred thousand bits. “Arrived from Chineigh four days ago. Anonymous.” She clicked the link to the seller's information. “And it doesn't give their name. Two undiscovered treasures from the East.”

“One in Pamby's suitcase and one in Blueblood's,” Applejack finished.

Twilight returned to the auction list and changed the search keywords. “Antiquities sold at auction...look, here's another one. Arrived from Chineigh a month ago. Chineighse ceramic statue, sold, four hundred thousand.”

Applejack picked up the journalist's diary and leafed through it. She found another trip to Chineigh and pointed at another entry on the screen. “Look, the month before that. Chineighse painting, half a million.”

“All of them from an anonymous source. They're stealing them back in Chineigh, one by one, and they're feeding them into Equestria.”

Applejack glanced between Blueblood's calendar and Namby Pamby's diary. “Well, every single auction coincides with Pamby or Blueblood traveling to Chineigh.”

“So what if one of them got greedy when they were in Chineigh?” Twilight asked. “What if one of them stole something?”

The earth pony completed the thought. “That's why Zhi Zhu's come.”

A knock at the door startled them. “Yoo hoo,” Ms. Matilda greeted them. “Sorry. Are we collecting for charity, Twilight?

“What?” the unicorn asked.

“A young mare's outside with crates of books,” the donkey explained.

***

The policeponies Gilda had sent carried the crates up to the flat one by one. Each was labeled with either the trader or the journalist's name. “So,” Twilight said, “the numbers are references.”

“To books?” Applejack asked.

“To specific pages and specific words on those pages,” the unicorn clarified.

The earth pony nodded. “Right, so…fifteen and one, that means…”

“Turn to page fifteen and it’s the first word you read,” Twilight explained.

“Okay, so what's the message?”

“Depends on the book. That's the cunning of the book code. Has to be one that they both own.” The unicorn selected two crates and opened them up. She began pulling books out haphazardly.

“Okay, fine. Well, this shouldn't take too long, should it?” The earth pony opened two other crates and began sifting through them. She found some matches and carried them to the desk, then began checking page fifteen, word one.

Gilda walked in. She brandished an evidence bag. “We found these at the museum,” she told Twilight. “Is this your writing?”

Applejack recognized the printed photos and took the bag. “Uh, we hoped Inkie could decipher it for us.”

“Tough,” the griffon said. She stood in the center for the flat for a moment. “Anything else I can do? To assist you, I mean?”

“Some silence right now would be wonderful,” Twilight said, throwing more books to the floor. The inspector accepted this and left.

The unicorn found a book in one bin that she'd seen in the other. Eagerly, she flipped to page fifteen and read the first word aloud. “Cigarette,” she said, closing the books and passing them to Applejack. She found another one and read the indicated word. “Imagine.” Another unlikely one. Imagine and cigarette were hardly threats.

***

Time dragged on. The light of day streamed through the windows, illuminating the books strewn all about the flat. Twilight paused, thinking. They'd gone through over half of the books and had found nothing likely. Applejack's watch alarm beeped, as outside, the Canterlot clock tower chimed the time. The earth pony looked out the window. “Oh,” she sighed. She'd spend the entire night without sleep, and now it was time for work. She rubbed her eyes. This was going to be a bad day, wasn't it?

***

Soarin' trotted into the reception area of the clinic. He noticed the oddly long line at the desk. “Um, what's going on?” he asked the pony staffing the desk.

“That new doctor you hired,” the receptionist whispered. “She hasn't buzzed the intercom for ages.”

“I’ll go talk to her,” Soarin' said. He walked off, towards the offices. A rap on the correct door brought not answer. “Applejack?” Soarin' called. Still no answer. “Applejack?” He eased the door open. The earth pony was seated at the desk, eyes closed, head down, clearly asleep. Soarin' quietly closed the door, leaving Applejack to sleep.

***

Later, Soarin' was working at his desk. He looked up as Applejack walked in, much more alert after her nap. “Um, looks like I'm done,” the earth pony said, mildly surprised. “I thought I had some more to see.”

“Oh, I did one or two of yours,” the pegasus answered.

“One or two?”

“Well, maybe five or six.” He stared pointedly at the other pony.

Applejack realized she'd been caught sleeping on the job. “I'm sorry,” she apologized. “That wasn’t very professional of me.”

“No, no, not really,” Soarin' agreed.

“I had a…sort of a late night,” the earth pony explained.

A pained look passed over the pegasus' face. “Oh, right.”

“Anyway, be seeing you.” Applejack started to leave.

“So, um, what were you doing, to keep you up so late?” Soarin' asked.

“I was, uh, attending a sort of book event,” Applejack told him.

“Oh. Oh, he likes books, does he, your…your boyfriend.”

“No,” Applejack corrected. “It wasn't a date.”

“Good,” Soarin said without thinking. “I mean, um…”

“And I don't have one tonight,” the earth pony continued. She smiled encouragingly, a smile that the pegasus returned.

***

The Bridled Banker: A Date/Something To Show For It

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

At Baker Street, Twilight was still sifting through books. “A book that everypony would own,” she muttered. Abandoning the victims' books, she pulled a dictionary and a few others off of her own shelves. “Fifteen, entry one...” One at a time, she eliminated the reference books. Add, nostrils, and I. None very threatening words. She clapped the last one shut and ran a hoof to her head, trying to stir up new ideas. Applejack trotted in, and Twilight seized on the distraction. “I need to get some air,” she informed the earth pony. “We're going out tonight.”

“Actually, I've got a date,” Applejack told her.

“What?” Twilight asked, looking up at her flatmate. She noticed that the earth pony was dressed nicer than usual.

“It's where two ponies who like each other go out and have fun,” Applejack clarified.

“That's what I was suggesting,” the unicorn said, puzzled.

“No, it wasn't,” Applejack assured her. “At least I hope not.”

Twilight paused in thought. This turn of events could prove useful. “Where are you taking him?”

“Movies.”

“Oh, dull, boring, predictable,” the unicorn denounced. She levitated a flyer over to Applejack. “Why don't you try this? In Canterlot for one night only.”

Applejack read the flyer: The Yellow Dragon Circus. She laughed. “Thanks, but I don't come to you for dating advice.” Although, a circus would certainly be a change of pace...

***

“It's been years since I went to the circus,” Soarin' said as they walked.

“Right, yeah,” Applejack said with a laugh. “Well, it's…a friend recommended it to me. She phoned up.”

“Ah. What are they, a touring company or something?” her date inquired.

“I don't know much about it,” the earth pony admitted.

“Oh.” The pegasus glimpsed the banner advertising the act. He pointed it out to his companion. “I think they're probably from Chineigh,” he laughed.

“Yes,” Applejack agreed. “I think…I think so, yes.” This was...strange. A Chineighse circus, just now, when they were working on a Chineighse mystery... “It is a coincidence.”

The two of them walked up to the ticket booth. “Hi,” Applejack said. “I have two tickets reserved for tonight.”

“And what's the name?” the pony behind the counter asked.

“Uh, Sparkle,” the earth pony answered. She fished out her wallet to pay.

“Actually, I have three in that name.” The ticket pony held out three vouchers.

“No, I don't think so,” Applejack said, a sneaking suspicion at the back of her mind. “We only booked two.”

“And then I phoned back and got one for myself as well,” said a voice that the earth pony was all too familiar with. She and Soarin' turned to see Twilight walk up. The unicorn held out a hoof to the pegasus. “I'm Twilight.”

“Uh…hi,” Soarin' said, shaking politely.

“Hello,” Twilight returned, then trotted off towards the stairs that led into the theater. Applejack looked after her, perplexed and annoyed.

***

“You couldn't give me just one night off?” the earth pony grumbled to the detective. They were standing on the stairs, waiting for Soarin' to return from the restroom.

“The Yellow Dragon Circus,” Twilight whispered. “In Canterlot for one day. It fits. The Tom sent an assassin to Equestria.”

“Dressed as a tightrope walker? Come on, Twilight, behave!”

“We're looking for a killer who can climb, who can shinny up a rope,” Twilight pointed out. “Where else would you find that level of dexterity? Exit visas are rare in Chineigh. They'd need a pretty good reason to get out of that country. Now all I need to do is have a quick look around the place.”

“Fine,” Applejack agreed. “You do that, I'm going to take Soarin' for a mug.”

“I need your help,” Twilight insisted.

“I do have a few other things on my mind this evening,” the earth pony protested.

“Like what?”

Applejack blinked at the unicorn's obliviousness. “You’ve gotta be kidding.”

“What's so important?” Twilight demanded.

“Twilight, I'm in the middle of a date. You want me to chase some killer when I'm trying to…” the earth pony hesitated.

“What?” the unicorn pressed.

“While I'm trying to get on with Soarin'!” The pegasus walked around the corner at that moment. Applejack shifted awkwardly. A gong signalling the start of the show broke the silence. “Hey…ready?”

“Yeah,” Soarin' said. Apparently, he hadn't caught the end of the conversation.

The three of them walked up into the theater. A circle of candles was on the floor of the auditorium. No chairs, no tent, just a decorated wood panel, a cloth shrouded object, and a very small audience.

“You said circus,” Applejack muttered to Twilight. “This is not a circus. Look at the size of this crowd. Twilight, this is…art.”

“This is not their day job,” the unicorn reminded her.

“No, sorry,” the earth pony shot back sarcastically. “I forgot: they're not a circus, they're a gang of international smugglers.” She winced, remembering the company, but Soarin' didn't seem to notice.

A drum started. A mare in traditional Chineighse garb trotted into the circle. She surveyed the crowed, then held up a hoof for silence. The drum stopped, then another, deeper beat replaced it. The mare walked to the shrouded object and pulled away the cloth, revealing a large crossbow and a basket of arrows. Applejack glanced worriedly at Twilight. Suppose this wasn't a show, but a trap? The costumed mare drew an arrow from the basket, and presented it to the onlookers with an accompanying bit of string music. Then she loaded it into the already primed weapon. The beat increased in speed as the mare plucked a feather from her cap, held it out, and dropped it into a bowl resting on the weapon's trigger mechanism. The string twanged, and the bolt shot across the makeshift stage and embedded into the wood panel on the other side. Several ponies gasped. Soarin's wings flared in surprise at the sudden launch before he calmed himself.

A stallion in a fearsome mask trotted out onto the stage. He stood in the center and allowed two of the stagehoofs to wrap him in chains. They then led him to the wood panel and affixed him too it. “Classic Chineighse escapology act,” Twilight commentated. “Crossbow's on a delicate string. The warrior has to escape his bonds before it fires.”

The costumed mare reset and reloaded the crossbow as the stagehoofs tightened the chains. The masked stallion grunted as the chains were cinched, then padlocked. The key was tucked into the chains where it could only be reached if both his hooves were free. The beat increased. A cymbal sounded, causing Soarin' to jump and cling to the nearest pony, Applejack. He laughed nervously. “Sorry,” he said. The earth pony chuckled as well.

The costumed mare withdrew a dagger and showed it to the audience. Then she lifted it up towards a canvas sack that hung from the ceiling. “She splits the sandbag, the sand pours out,” Twilight explained. “Gradually the weight lowers into the bowl.” The costumed mare stabbed the bag, releasing the sand slowly. A weight at the other end began moving down towards the trigger of the crossbow.

The chained pony bellowed, struggling against his chains. He got one hoof out, but the weight was already halfway to the bowl. Struggling more, the pony finally freed his other hoof, then seized the key. He fumbled with it for a moment, then brought it to the lock and tried hurriedly to undo it. The weight grew ever close. Just as the weight touched the bowl, the lock fell free and the warrior ducked. The arrow pierced the panel exactly where his head had been. The audience erupted in stomping. “Oh!” Soarin' breathed in relief. “Thank Celestia.”

“Dear Celestia,” Applejack agreed, impressed. She applauded as well. The warrior reared back triumphantly, then bowed to the audience. Applejack turned to ask Twilight what she'd thought, only to find the unicorn had slipped away.

***

Twilight snuck backstage, the applause masking her departure. She peered low to the floor, looking for any feet, but saw none. However, when she walked around a costume rack, she froze. A ferocious pony stood before her, clad entirely in ancient looking armor. She glanced at the threat's feet, only to see that there were none. Just a dummy.

***

On stage, the costumed mare, apparently the leader of the troop, held up a hoof for silence. “Fillies and gentlecolts,” she intoned. “From the distant moonlit shores of the Yangtze River, we present, for your pleasure, the deadly Chineighse bird spider.” She looked up, then stepped aside as a pony descended gracefully from the ceiling, held by an unrolling length of cloth. The audience applauded again. “Did you see that?” Applejack asked Soarin'. The pegasus nodded as the performer began running around the circle, rewrapping the cloth, until they took the air again, gliding on the streamers of fabric. Something was bothering Applejack, though. She frowned. Bird spider?

***

Backstage, Twilight heard the applause and peered out through a gap in the curtain. She saw the performer and recognized them. Zhi Zhu. “Well, well.” A door opened behind her. Twilight ducked behind a costume rack as the ringleader trotted over to a bureau. The costumed pony withdrew a mobile phone from the desk and checked something on it. Twilight tried to get a better look, but disturbed some of the hangers. She ducked back, hoping the other pony wouldn't notice any movement. A moment later, the costumed mare left the room. Twilight's head turned toward the side door as it closed. She noticed something on the ground: a dufflebag, not dissimilar to the kind Scootaloo carried her art supplies in. A bit of magic unzipped the bag, and she found a can of paint. An examination of the spray can confirmed her suspicions: Cloudsdale yellow. “Found you.” She exited her hiding place and approached the illuminated bureau. She gave the can a shake, then sprayed a line onto the mirror. An exact match. Movement in the mirror caught her eye. One of the dummies was turning towards her. She spun as the 'dummy' attacked her, swinging a sword. Twilight backed away from the blow, into the curtain.

***

Outside, Applejack watched as the Spider continued her act. As Zhi Zhu looped around the ring once more, she thought she saw the backstage curtain move as if struck.

***

Twilight blocked the sword with the paint can, then turned and kicked her attacker, only to meet the resistance of armor. The warrior returned the favor, kicking the unicorn in the side. Then he slashed at her again, only for her to duck, causing the attack to slice the curtain instead.

***

The glint of metal rent the curtain as Applejack watched, no longer focused on the Spider. She started to circle around the ring towards the curtain, ready to lend help.

***

Twilight struck the warrior's swordhoof with the can until they were forced to drop the weapon, then brought the can up and sprayed her attacker in the eyes. She shoved the other pony onto his back, then pressed the advantage, only for the other pony to leap back to their feet and kick her square in the chest. She sailed through the damaged curtain and onto the stage. The attacker followed, sword retrieved, ready to strike. As he raised the blade, Applejack tackled him from the side. The audience screamed and fled, realizing that this wasn't part of the show. Zhi Zhu stopped flying and returned to earth, then ran away. The warrior pushed Applejack off, then raised the sword over Twilight. Before he could strike, the shaft of an arrow struck him in the face. Soarin' had grabbed one of the spare arrows in his mouth and was striking the warrior with it. Another two blows to the head left the attacker stunned. He collapsed. Twilight got back to her feet and brushed aside the fur and armor from the attacker's right leg. A black diamond tattoo greeted their eyes. The unicorn urged the other two ponies away. “Come on, let's go!”

***

At Shetland Yard, a very annoyed Detective Inspector Gilda entered the offices, followed by Twilight, Applejack, and Soarin'. “I sent a couple of cars,” she told Twilight. “The old hall is totally deserted.”

“Look, I saw the mark in the circus,” Twilight insisted. “That tattoo that we saw on the two bodies, the mark of the Tom.”

“Pamby and Blueblood were part of a smuggling operation,” Applejack asserted. “Now, one of them stole something, when they were in Chineigh, something valuable.”

“These circus performers were gang members sent here to get it back,” Twilight told the griffon.

“Get what back?” Gilda demanded.

Twilight was silent. “We don't know,” Applejack admitted.

“You don't know?” The griffon sat down, feathers ruffling. “Ms. Sparkle, I've done everything you asked. Rainbow, she seems to think your advice is worth something. I gave the order for a raid. Please tell me I'll have something to show for it, other than a massive bill for overtime.”

The unicorn remained unspeaking.

***

The Bridled Banker: What They Came For/I've Got It!

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

Back at Baker Street, the three ponies entered the flat. “They'll be back in Chineigh by tomorrow,” Applejack said resignedly.

“No,” Twilight denied. “They won't leave without what they came for.” She removed her coat and scarf, then stacked them on a book crate. “We need to find a hideout, a rendezvous. Somewhere in this message it must tell us.” She consulted the wall of ciphers. Applejack stared at the photos as well, as if simply looking at them hard enough would solve the mystery.

“Well, maybe I should leave you to it,” Soarin' said, breaking the silence.

The two other ponies spoke simultaneously. “Yes, it would be easier to study if you left now.” Twilight agreed, as Applejack insisted, “no, no, you don't have to go…you can stay.” The earth pony glared at Twilight for a moment, then turned to the pegasus. “She's kidding,” she assured him. “Please stay, if you'd like.”

Soarin' smiled, then decided on a topic of conversation. “Is it just me, or is anypony else starving?”

“Oh, Celestia,” Twilight muttered to herself. Applejack, however, welcomed the distraction. A quick check of the kitchen found the fridge empty. She sighed, then checked the cupboards.

In the sitting room, Twilight had cleared a space on the desk to work. She jotted down notes, trying to jog her memory for some detail. Soarin' looked at the wall of photos. “So this is what you do,” he commented. “You and Applejack, you solve puzzles for a living?”

“Consulting detective,” the unicorn corrected crossly.

“Oh,” the pegasus said, nodding.

In the kitchen, Applejack found a jar of food. She opened it, then replaced the lid quickly, trying to seal the vile smell. No, not that.

Soarin' peered over Twilight's shoulder. “What are these squiggles?” he asked.

“They're numbers,” Twilight informed her, annoyed at the useless questions. “An ancient Chineighse dialect.”

“Oh, right, yeah, well, of course I should have known that,” the pegasus answered sarcastically.

“Yoo hoo!” Ms. Matilda whispered to Applejack from the kitchen door. She carried in a tray. “I've made punch, and a bowl of nibbles.”

“Ms. Matilda, you're too kind,” Applejack said gratefully.

“If it was Monday, I'd have been to the supermarket,” the donkey said apologetically, as if this boon wasn't more than enough.

“Thank you,” Applejack said as the landlady left. “Thank you”

At the desk, Soarin' picked up the evidence bag Gilda had left. Twilight almost protested, then decided not to bother. “So these numbers, it's a cipher?” the pegasus asked.

“Exactly,” the unicorn stated, scribbling again.

“And each pair of numbers is a word?”

Twilight stopped writing, surprised. She peered intently at the pegasus. “How did you know that?”

“Well, two words have already been translated here,” Soarin' said. He pointed at two words that had been written next to two pairs of numbers.

Twilight looked at the paper with growing excitement. “Applejack!” she called.

“Hmm?” The earth pony stopped mixing the punch and trotted over.

“Applejack, look at this.” Twilight tore the bag open and pulled out the photo. “Inkie, at the museum, she started to translate the code for us. We didn't see it.” She read the translation aloud. “Nine Mill.”

“Something millions?” Applejack suggested.

“Nine million bits, for what?” Twilight folded the photo and stashed it in her coat. “We need to know the end of this sentence.” She trotted towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Applejack asked.

“To the museum,” Twilight said as she threw on the coat and cinched her scarf. “To the restoration room. Oh, we must have been staring right at it!”

“At what?”

“The book, Applejack,” the unicorn explained. “The book, the key to cracking the cipher! Inkie used it to do this. While we were running around the gallery, she started to translate the code. It must be on her desk.” She ran down the stairs and onto the sidewalk, colliding with two tourists and causing one to drop a guide book as she stumbled out to call for a cab. “Taxi!”

The stallion of the pair complained in Germane to the unicorn, who apologized in kind. She lifted the book up and returned it. The stallion took the book and continued on with his friend, muttering about how Equestrians were. Twilight turned back to the street. The cab had passed on due to the delay the book had caused. “Ugh!” She started to walk, then noticed something. There were lots of tourists out tonight, from many different place, but every group had one very specific book: Canterlot A to Z. A book that everypony would own... a book she'd seen at Blueblood's, Pamby's and in the museum. She turned and ran after the Germanes. “Please, wait!” she called, then switched to Germane. “Bitte!” The pair stopped walking as Twilight neared them. She snatched the book from the stallion. He complained, but she held up a hoof. “Minute!” The pages kept sticking as she tried to flip open to the correct page. Exasperated, the Germanes gave up waiting and left, leaving the unicorn to frantically search the pages.

***

“Yeah, no, absolutely,” Soarin' said. “I mean, a quiet night in's just…just what the doctor ordered. I mean, I like to go out, have a good time, and wrestle a few Chineighse gangsters, you know, generally, but a guy can get too much.” he joked. Applejack laughed, and nodded in agreement.

“Um, should we get takeout?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Soarin' agreed. Applejack went to get the phone.

***

“Page fifteen, entry one, page fifteen, entry one…” Twilight muttered. She read the entry: Deadpony's lane. “Deadpony. You were threatening to kill them.” She recalled the message each victim had received. “That's the first cipher.” She withdrew the picture of the wall, and flipped to the appropriate page. She scribbled down the word on the next number set. “Fore.”

***

Inside Baker Street, Applejack poured punch for herself and Soarin'. There came a knock at the door. “Well, that was quick.” She gave one glass to the pegasus as she went to get the food. “I'll be right back.”

“Do you want me to set the table?” Soarin' asked.

“Um…” Applejack thought for a moment. “Eat off trays?”

“Yeah,” the pegasus agreed.

“Yeah,” Applejack said. She went to get the food.

***

Outside, Twilight continued translating. “Jade,” she said to herself, writing down the next word. So, so far, it was nine million bits for a jade...something.

***

Applejack pulled the door open. A slate grey mare in a hoodie stood waiting. “Sorry 'bout the wait,” she apologized. “How much do you want?”

“Do you have it?” the mare asked.

“What?” Applejack asked, confused.

“Do you have the treasure?”

“I don't understand,” Applejack told her. The hooded mare swung a hoof up and hit the earth pony in the head with a gun. Applejack collapsed, unconscious.

***

Just up the walkway, Twilight was on the last word. “Nine mill for jade pin,” she read. “Dragon den, black…” She flipped to the last entry she needed. “Tramway.” A look of triumph graced her face. Now she just had to tell Applejack.

***

Inside the flat, the light over the table was swinging as if had been hit. The door slammed as Twilight ran in. On the table, two places had been set, but they were unused. “Applejack! Applejack, I've got it!” the unicorn called as she entered the sitting room. “The cipher, the book. It's the Canterlot A to Z that they use...” Her voice trailed off as she saw the windows. The Chineighse characters for fifteen and one had been sprayed onto the two panes: the cipher for deadpony.

***

The Bridled Banker: A Magic Garden/Won't Be Like This

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

Several fires in steel drums illuminated the tramway tunnel. Applejack groaned as she came to, then winced at the wound on her head. Last thing she remembered was opening the door and having somepony knock her out. Now she was tied to a chair in this place. She shook her head to clear it and tested her jaw, making sure nothing was broken. Several ponies stood just outside the light the fire cast. To her left, she saw Soarin' bound and gagged in another chair, panic in his eyes.

“A book is like a magic garden,” a voice recited, “carried in your pocket.” That voice...she'd heard it earlier today. The mysterious mare she'd seen taking pictures of her and Twilight stepped out of the shadows. The ringleader walked closer, then removed her sunglasses. “Chineighse proverb, Ms. Sparkle,” she said.

“I'm not Twilight Sparkle,” Applejack corrected her.

“Forgive me if I do not take your word for it.” The mare reached into Applejack's pocket and pulled out her wallet. She searched through it. “Debit card, name of T. Sparkle.”

“Yeah, that's not actually mine. She lent that to me,” Applejack explained.

The ringleader found something else. “A check for five thousand bits made out in the name of Ms. Twilight Sparkle,” she said, withdrawing the check from the bank.

“She gave me that to look after,” Applejack said.

“Tickets from the theater, collected by you, name of Sparkle,” the mare continued, displaying the next piece of evidence.

“Yes, okay, I can see what this looks like, but I'm not her.”

“We heard it from your own mouth,” the mare claimed.

“What?” Applejack said in disbelief.

“'I am Twilight Sparkle',” the mare quoted, “'and I always work alone.'”

Applejack remembered the rest of the angry words: Because no pony else can compete with my massive intellect! “Did I really say that?” She shook her head. That had been stupid, venting like that. She sighed. “I guess there's no use in me telling you I was doing an impression-” She stopped talking as the ringleader raised a gun and pointed it at her head.

“I am Scroll,” the pony introduced herself.

“You're—you're Scroll?” Applejack said in surprise.

“Three times we tried to kill you and your companion, Ms. Sparkle,” the beige pony told her, cocking the gun. “What does it tell you when an assassin cannot shoot straight?” Applejack struggled against her bonds as the criminal leader pulled the trigger. Applejack stiffened, but the gun only clicked: Empty. “It tells you that they're not really trying,” the general concluded.

***

Twilight tore her gaze from the symbols and went over to the book case. “Tramway...” she pulled out a map of the tram system. She scanned over it, then found the location she needed. She left the flat, the route fixed in her head.

***

Back in the tram tunnel, Scroll reloaded the gun. “Not blank bullets now,” she said menacingly. “If we wanted to kill you, Ms. Sparkle, we would have done it by now. We just wanted to make you inquisitive. Do you have it?”

“Do I have what?” Applejack asked.

“The treasure,” the general said.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” the earth pony protested.

“I would prefer to make certain.” Scroll gestured to the rest of her gang. One member pulled a tarp off of an easily recognized object: The crossbow from the circus. An arrow was already loaded in it, although it was facing away from them. “Everything in the West has its price,” Scroll informed her. “And the price for his life,” she continued, looking at Soarin', “information.”

Two gang members picked up Soarin's chair, moving him to be on the side of the crossbow that the weapon was aimed at. He struggled even more, but the ropes had been tied tightly.

“Where's the hairpin?” Scroll demanded.

“What?” Applejack asked, even more confused.

“The Empress' pin, valued at nine million bits.” Scroll said impatiently. “We already had a buyer in the West, and then one of our ponies was greedy. He took it, brought it back to London, and you, Ms. Sparkle, have been searching.”

“Look, please, just listen to me,” Applejack said. “I'm not Twilight Sparkle, you have to believe me. I haven't found whatever it is you're looking for.”

The general ignored her pleas. “I need a volunteer from the audience,” she said, turning back towards the bow.

“No, please, please.” Applejack tugged at the ropes, but the years of circus acts had prepared the gangsters well for binding unwilling participants.

“Ah, thank you, kind sir,” Scroll said to Soarin'. “Yes, you'll do very nicely.”

The pegasus redoubled his efforts. Scroll stabbed the sandbag above the bow. The sand began to fall and the weight began to lower, just as before.

“Fillies and gentlecolts,” Scroll told an imaginary audience, “from the distant moonlit shores of NW1, we present for your pleasure, Twilight Sparkle's handsome companion in a death-defying act.”

“Please!” Applejack begged.

The general placed a black paper diamond on Soarin's leg. “You've seen the act before,” she said in mock sadness. “How dull for you. You know how it ends.”

“I'm not Twilight Sparkle!” Applejack shouted.

“I don't believe you,” Scroll replied.

“You should, you know.” The gangsters spun around at the sound of a new voice. A shadowy figure darted across the dark tunnel. “Twilight Sparkle is nothing at all like her. How would you describe me, Applejack,” the detective asked. “Resourceful? Dynamic? Enigmatic?”

“Late?” the earth pony offered. One of the gangsters trotted into the darkness to try and catch the unicorn. Scroll locked and loaded the gun.

“That's a semi-automatic,” Twilight reminded the general. “If you fire it, the bullet will travel at over a thousand meters per second.”

“Well?” the gang leader asked, aiming towards the sound of the voice.

“Well-” A glowing length of pipe spun through the air and hit the approaching gangster in the head, knocking him out cold. Twilight darted across the tunnel, using the collapsing stallion as cover. “The radius curvature of these walls is nearly four meters. If you miss, the bullet will ricochet. Could hit anypony. Might even bounce off the tunnel and hit you.” She sprinted out of the darkness on Scroll's left and kicked over a fire can, extinguishing it as she faded into the shadows once more. Rather than risk confrontation, the general followed suit, melting into the darkness.

Twilight reappeared behind Soarin's chair and started working on the ropes with magic. Then a length of cloth wrapped around her neck. The Spider had not fled, and was instead trying to choke her yet again. The earth pony and the unicorn struggled. Soarin' stared in terror at the still dropping weight. Zhi Zhu started wrapping the fabric around Twilight, further immobilizing her. Applejack took a chance and tottered towards the crossbow on her two back hooves. She almost made it before the chair caught on something and she fell on her side. Soarin's gaze fell onto the inevitable arrow. All he could do was watch, as the weight got closer and closer to the trigger. At the last second, Applejack spun herself around and kicked one of the bow's support legs. The weapon turned away from Soarin' as the weight touched the trigger. The arrow flew through the air and impaled Zhi Zhu. She dropped the rope as she fell, releasing Twilight. The unicorn freed herself from the cloth. At the sound of rapid hoofbeats, she turned to see Scroll galloping away. She almost gave chase, then turned and untied Soarin' “It's alright, she assured the pegasus. “You're going to be alright. It's over now.” The ropes fell away, followed by the gag. The pegasus started sobbing in relief.

“Don't worry,” Applejack assured him from the ground. “Next date won't be like this.”

***

The Bridled Banker: A Glittering Career/I Am Certain

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The police had arrived by the time the three ponies exited the tunnel. Twilight stopped to talk to the officer in charge. “We'll just slip off,” she told Gilda. “No need to mention us in the report.”

“Ms. Sparkle,” the griffon began.

“I have high hopes for you, Inspector,” Twilight told her. “A glittering career.”

“If I go where you point me,” Gilda finished.

Twilight smirked, amused. “Exactly.”

The griffon mimicked the smirk as the unicorn trotted off.

***

“So,” Applejack said as Twilight poured a cup of tea. “Nine mill...”

“Million,” the unicorn corrected. After they'd seen Soarin' safely home, the earth pony had insisted she explain everything.

“Million, right,” Applejack repeated, reading the translated message. "Nine million for jade pin, Dragon den, black tramway."

“An instruction to all of their Canterlot operatives,” Twilight explained. “A message, what they were trying to reclaim.”

“A jade pin.”

“Worth nine million bits.” The unicorn tapped the message with a hoof. “Bring it to the tramway, their Canterlot hideout.”

“Hold on. A hairpin worth nine million bits?” the earth pony questioned.

“Apparently.”

“Why so much?” Applejack wondered.

“Depends who owned it,” Twilight answered, taking a sip. As for who had the pin now...

***

The next day they returned to the bank. “Two operatives, based in Canterlot,” Twilight summarized as they entered. “They travel over to Daleian to smuggle those vases. One of them helps himself to something, a little hairpin.”

“Worth nine million bits,” Applejack added.

“Vladimir Blueblood was the thief,” Twilight concluded. “He stole the treasure when he was in Chineigh.”

“How do you know it was Blueblood, not Pamby?” the earth pony asked. “Even the killer didn't know that.”

“Because of the soap,” the unicorn answered. She left a puzzled Applejack to talk to Moondancer; there was somepony else who she needed to speak with.

***

Rarity rubbed some of the lotion her boss had given her onto her hooves. The phone rang and she picked it up. “Rarity.”

“He brought you a present,” Twilight said.

“Oh. Hello.”

“A little gift when he came back from Chineigh,” the detective continued.

“How do you know that?” the white unicorn asked.

“You weren't just his PA, were you?” Twilight answered as she walked into the room.

Rarity hung up the phone and looked sourly at Twilight. “Somepony's been gossiping?”

“No,” the detective said, shaking her head.

“Then I don't understand what-”

“Scented hoof soap,” Twilight interjected. “In his apartment. Three hundred milliliters of it, bottle almost finished.”

“Sorry?” Rarity blinked.

“I don't think Vladimir Blueblood was the type of pony to buy himself hoof soap,” Twilight explained. “Not unless he had a lady coming over. And it's the same brand as that hand cream there on your desk.” She tapped the bottle of lotion.

“Look, it wasn't serious between us,” Rarity asserted. “It was over in a flash. It couldn't last. He was my boss.” She looked down sadly.

“What happened?” Twilight asked. “Why did you end it?”

“I thought he didn't appreciate me,” Rarity admitted. “Took me for granted. Stood me up once too often. We'd plan to go away for the weekend, and then he'd just leave, fly off to Chineigh at a moment's notice.”

“He brought you a present from abroad to say sorry,” Twilight realized. She looked at the green stone pin in the white unicorn's mane. “Could I just have a look at it?”

***

Moondancer signed a check for twenty-thousand bits, pleased to know how the vandal had gotten in, though a bit doubtful it had been that simple. “She really climbed up onto the balcony?” she asked as she sealed the check into an envelope.

“Nail a plank across the window and all your problems are over,” Applejack assured her. The unicorn levitated the envelope over. “Thanks.” That would take care of all the bills, and even leave a bit for a rainy day. Though it was nothing compared to the value of that missing pin. She wondered where it was now.

***

Rarity removed the pin from her mane and levitated it to Twilight. “He said he bought it in a street market,” she told the detective.

“Oh, I don't think that's true,” Twilight replied, examining the ancient piece of jewelry. “I think he swiped it.”

Rarity laughed. “Yes, that's Vladimir.”

“Didn't know its value, just thought it would suit you.” the detective continued as she turned it in the light.

“Oh?” Rarity asked curiously, a skeptical grin on her face. “What's it worth?”

Twilight smiled. “Nine... million bits.”

The PA's grin vanished. She looked at the hairpin in elated shock. “Oh, my! Oh, dear Celestia!” Her desk phone rang again; she ignored it. “Nine million!” she exclaimed as she ran from her desk. The purple maned passed by Applejack as the earth pony stepped out of Moondancer's office. The doctor blinked. So that's where the jade pin had wound up.

***

The headline was terribly punny: “Who Wants to Be a Million-Hair.” Twilight folded the paper and set it aside.

“Over a thousand years old,” Applejack commented, “and it's sitting on her bedside table every night.”

“He didn't know its value,” Twilight said, picking up a different periodical. “Didn't know why they were chasing him.”

“Hmm,” Applejack said, biting into her late breakfast. “He should have just got her a lucky cat.”

Twilight gave a wan smile, then sank deep into thought. “Hmm.”

“You mind, don't you,” the earth pony stated.

“What?” Twilight shook herself out of her reverie.

“That she escaped, General Scroll.” Applejack elaborated. “It's not enough that we got her two henchponies.”

“It must be a vast network, Applejack,” Twilight said. “Thousands of operatives. You and I, we barely scratched the surface.”

“You cracked the code, though, Twilight,” Applejack reminded her. “And maybe Gilda can track down all of them now that she knows it.”

“No,” Twilight corrected. “No, I cracked this code. All the smugglers have to do is pick up another book.” She unfolded the new paper and scanned it for anything promising. Applejack looked out the window as she chewed thoughtfully. Outside, a young colt was spraying a black symbol on a phonebox on the sidewalk opposite. Twilight was right. There were always more ciphers.

***

General Scroll sat in front of a computer. The video call was one way; the pony on the other end had deliberately disabled their feed. “Without you,” the beige pony began, “without your assistance, we would not have found passage into Canterlot. You have my thanks.”

A text reply from the other pony, named only as M, was not as polite: Gratitude is meaningless. It is only the expectation of further favours.

“We did not anticipate, we did not now this mare would come, this Twilight Sparkle,” Scroll said. “And now your safety is compromised.”

The reply sent ice crawling up the Diamond boss's spine: They cannot trace this back to me.

“I will not reveal your identity,” Scroll assured the mystery pony.

The final reply was brief. Just three words: I am certain.

A red dot traveled down the wall behind Scroll and came to rest squarely on the general's forehead.

BANG.

***

Author’s Notes: Continuing the project. This one was difficult, as it had several characters I had trouble deciding substitutions for.
As for Vladimir Blueblood, I tried using Vladimir, but is seemed awkward. The name comes from this post at EQD: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/02/new-male-alicorn.html Not entirely happy with that either, and I may replace it with something else later, but for now, it works. Open to suggestions about that.

The Pony in Pink: Nothing Happens/Wrong!

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.
Orion Solstice © AuroraDawn
Derpy © the fandom.

***
Explosions. Bullets shrieked through the air. A team of ponies covered their ears as they fired a mortar. The orange earth pony tossed and turned in her sleep. Behind her closed eyes, the memories of war continued to scream through her mind. She was with the squad now, and the leader waved them on as they took the field. Or so it had seemed. Then more shots, not theirs. Two ponies fell. And then, a sharp, excruciating pain, and- Applejack bolted awake. Sweat soaked her coat as she lay there, gasping as the dream vanished. But the memory did not fade. It stayed there, mocking her, reminding her of what she wished she could forget. She finally brought her head back to the pillow, stifling sobs and holding back the tears that threatened to fill her closed eyes. After a few minutes, she sat upright and numbly stared around the room. Her eyes settled on the cane leaned against the desk. Another reminder. Applejack turned away, trying to ignore it. Then, head bowed, she tried once more to calm her mind enough to rest.

***

Morning came too soon, and Applejack prepared for the day as best she could. She limped about the apartment, picked up an apple to eat and made a pot of coffee. Then, mug in hoof, she sat down at the desk, groaning as her leg refused to follow suit. Setting aside the cane and mug, she moved the stubborn limb into place, and then opened a drawer. The netbook was easy to remove, but her eyes were briefly drawn to the object that had been hidden beneath it. Pointedly ignoring the gun again, she opened the computer and stared at the screen. The page was blank, save for the header: “The Personal Blog of Dr. Applejack.” She'd had it for months, ever since...she'd been sent home. She sat there, staring at the page for minutes, but nothing came. Finally, she closed the lid of the computer and got ready for her meeting with the shrink.

***

“How goes your blog, Applejack? Have you been keeping track?”

Applejack hesitated. It was still as blank as the day she'd made it, but it wouldn't do for the shrink to know that. “Yeah, good. Really good.”

The zebra jotted down something and then gazed at her intently. “I can tell just from my sight, a single word you've yet to write.”

Applejack ignored the statement and instead focused on what Zecora had written on her notepad. “You just wrote 'still has trust issues'.”

The zebra gave a sad smile. “And you read my writing upside down. See why I have cause to frown?”

The earth pony matched the smile and nodded slightly.

The psychiatrist continued. “Applejack, you're a soldier, just back from strife. It will seem strange, civilian life. Writing a blog about all that happens to you will honestly help you see this through.”

Applejack didn't know if that was true or not. But she did know one thing: she couldn't write about what wasn't. “Nothing happens to me.”

***

October 12th, Canterlot
The grey unicorn peered around the terminal as he gathered his luggage. “What do you mean, there's no ruddy car?” he asked his wife over the phone.

“You went to Whitetail,” Upper Crust explained. “I'm sorry. Get a cab.”

“I never get cabs,” Jet Set complained.

“I love you.”

He responded mischievously. “When?”

His wife almost laughed. “Get a cab!” He could hear the smile in her voice. He hung up, then set off to find a taxi. With his usual luck, he hadn't the slightest chance.

***

Jet Set was in an empty sky-rise somewhere in the city. He couldn't concentrate enough to use magic, so he picked up the cupcake with his hoof. His panicked gaze darted to something or somepony in the room with him. He bit into the cupcake. Less than five minutes passed before he was on the floor, writhing as he died.

***

The press release was somber, but the usual media frenzy still had ensued. The statement was read by a public speaker as cameras flashed and recorders whirred. “My husband was a happy man, who lived life to the fullest. He loved his family, and his work, and that he should have taken his own life in this way, is a mystery, and a shock, to all who knew him.” A picture of Jet Set on the wall showed him smiling. To the side, his wife, unable to speak herself, wept.

***

November 26th
The downpour was torrential. Too wet to fly. Instead, the two pegasi colts were trudging through the rain. One had an umbrella in hoof. The other was not so lucky. A cab turned onto the street, and he dashed out from the partial cover of the tree lined sidewalk and into the rain, trying to flag it down.

“Yes, yes! Taxi!” Orion brought a hoof to his mouth and whistled, but the cab took no notice. “Agh!” He shook a hoof at the retreating cab, and then, resigned, he trotted back to the walk. The rain had gotten worse, and the pegasus made a decision. “I'll be back in two minutes, mate."

“What?” His friend was confused.

“I'm just going home,” Orion explained. “Getting my umbrella.”

“You can share mine!”

“Two minutes, alright?” Without waiting for a reply, he raced back up the street.

His friend stood in the rain for five minutes before checking his watch, and then walked back to find Orion. But he wasn't at home.

***

Orion was hunched against a glass wall. The gymnasium below provided some light, enough for him to see the cupcake he held. Hoof trembling, he brought it too his mouth and took a bite.

***

The headline of the Canterlot Express was grim: Colt, 18, kills self inside sports centre. The article expanded: “The body of Orion Solstice was found in the Norbridle sports centre. The police are describing his death as suicide and have apparently ruled out foul play. His body was found at seven o'clock this morning. He was last seen the previous evening. He told a friend he was returning to his house to fetch an umbrella, and was not seen again.”

***

January 27th
The ballroom was filled with a pounding beat. The sign at the door read "Your Local MP, Rani Gallop, Junior Minister for Transport"
An earth pony walked out of the room, her expression one of mild disgust. At the bar, her coworker looked past her into the throng.

”She's still dancing?” he asked.

“Yeah, if you can call it that.”

“Did you get the car keys off her?”

The earth pony held up a hoof; the ring of keys jangled around it. “Got 'em out of her bag.”

Her coworker smiled, and then looked once more into crowd. He frowned, and looked harder. “Where is she?”

***

Outside the party, the Junior MP drunkenly fumbled in her purse for her car keys. They weren't there. She groaned in exasperation as she realized somepony must have taken them...and on her birthday, too! Giving up on using her car, she looked around, hoping to find somepony else who could take her home.
***
The building site was empty, save for the usual large waste-bins found in construction settings. Among the bins, Gallop could be heard crying. “No, oh, oh Celestia, no...” Her hoof trembled as she reached for the cupcake before her.

***

The next day began with another press conference. The faces of three ponies were on the wall this time.

A grey policepony read the report: “The body of Rani Gallop, junior minister for transport was found late last night on a building site in Greater Canterlot,” Derpy began. Her superior officer, who was also the pony in charge of the case, sat before a number of microphones, dreading the forthcoming flood of questions. “Preliminary investigation suggests that this was suicide. We can confirm that this apparent suicide closely resembles those of Sir Jet Set and Orion Solstice. In the light of this, these incidents are now being treated as linked. The investigation is ongoing, but Detective Inspector Rainbow will take questions now.”

The flood began. A clamor from the newsponies filled the room. Rainbow waited for it to quiet slightly, then nodded at one of the reporters.

“Detective Inspector, how can suicides be linked?”

“Well,” the pegasus began, “they all took the same poison, um, they were all found in places they had no reason to be, none of them had shown and prior indications of-”

The reporter interrupted. “But you can't have serial suicides.”

“Well, apparently you can.”

Another reporter interjected. “These three ponies, there's nothing that links them?”

“There's no link we've found yet, but...” Rainbow paused briefly to choose her next words. “We're looking for it, there has to be one.”

All of the phones in the throng of reporters began to beep, ring, buzz, and in one case make a sound that sounded oddly like a 'squee'. Derpy and Rainbow's phones beeped as well. Both pegasi glanced at their devices. A one word text appeared on the screens: Wrong!

Derpy tried to calm the crowd, which had broken out in murmuring. “If you've all got texts, please ignore them.”

The first reporter spoke anyways. “It just says, 'Wrong'.”

“Yeah, well just ignore that,” Derpy said. “Okay, if there are no more questions for Detective Inspector Rainbow, I'm going to bring this session to an end.”

The clamor resumed, before the second questioner spoke up again. “If they're suicides, what are you investigating?”

“As I said,” Rainbow began again, “these, these suicides are clearly linked, um, but, it's an unusual situation, we've got our best ponies investigating-”

Again, she was cut off, but this time, by the sudden cacophony of ringtones as once more all the phones in the room received a text. A quick glance at her own phone told Rainbow all she needed to know. Once again...

Unsurprisingly, it was the first reporter who stated the obvious. “Says 'Wrong' again.”

Derpy didn't even bother to respond to that. “One more question,” she said with finality.

A bespectacled mare this time, mild panic in her voice. “Is there any chance that these are murders? And if they are, is this the work of a serial killer?”

Rainbow gave a wan smile. “Well I, I know that you like writing about these, but these do appear to be suicides, we know the difference, the, um, the poison was clearly self-administered.”

“Yes, but if they are murders,” the newsmare pushed, “how do ponies keep themselves safe?”

Rainbow lost her patience a bit at that. “Well, don't commit suicide.”

The reporter looked miffed. Derpy brought a hoof to her face and muttered a warning under breath. “Equestria Daily.”

Rainbow cursed inwardly. Well, she could try to salvage this... "Obviously it is a frightening time for ponies, but all anyone has to do is exercise reasonable precautions. We are all as safe as we wanna be.”

Again, the ringings and buzzings filled the room. “Wrong!” The text read. A moment after all the rest had sounded, Rainbow's own phone buzzed. The message was different than the rest this time: “You know where to find me. TS”

Rainbow stood and thanked the reporters. Derpy followed closely as she left the press room and entered the police offices.

“You've got to stop her doing that,” she told the inspector. “It's making us look like idiots.”

“If you can tell me how she does it, I'll stop her,” Rainbow replied. Now, she had to file the necessary paperwork and hope that the Daily didn't decide to start a panic because she'd been short with their reporter.

***

The Bridled Banker: Colleague/Asking The Right Questions

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The bank in question turned out to be a whole lot fancier than most banks. Applejack had been expecting an older stone and mortar building; instead, a modern construct loomed above them as they walked in the door. “Yes, when you said we were going to the bank…” Twilight didn't answer. She was observing everything: A series of clocks on the wall, displaying times from around the world; security gates to certain areas; a gilded 42 on part of the structure; the logo of the investment firm that used the building: Rich/Shores. The two ponies took an escalator up a floor to the main desk. Twilight walked up and gave her name. “Twilight Sparkle.”

***

“Twilight Sparkle.” A red maned unicorn walked into the office they'd been ushered into. She extended a hoof in greeting.

“Moondancer.” Twilight shook the hoof.

“How are you?” Moondancer asked. “How long's it been, eight years, since I last laid eyes on you?”

Twilight avoided the question by way of introduction. “This is my friend, Applejack.”

“Friend?” The redheaded unicorn glanced askance at Applejack.

“Colleague,” Applejack amended quickly, extending her own hoof. Why did this keep happening?

“Oh.” Moondancer took the proffered hoof. “Right,” she said, glancing at Twilight. She released the earth pony's hoof and walked around the desk to sit in the largest chair. “Grab a chair. Need anything? Coffee, water?”

“No,” Applejack assured her. She and Twilight sat down opposite.

“No?” The ginger unicorn waved her secretary away. “We're all good here, thanks.”

“So, you're doing well” Twilight commented. “You've been abroad a lot.”

“Well, some,” Moondancer admitted.

“Flying all the way around the world, twice in a month?” Twilight pressed.

The other unicorn laughed. “Right. You're doing that thing,” she said, pointing at Twilight. “We were at school together,” she explained to Applejack, “and this pony had a trick she used to do.”

“It's not a trick,” Twilight objected.

Moondancer ignored this and continued her story. “She could look at you and tell you your whole life story.”

“Yes,” Applejack said. “I've seen her do it.”

“Creeped out everypony. We hated her.” Moondancer leaned back in the chair. “You'd come down to breakfast in the formal hall and this freak would know you'd been getting it on the previous night.”

“I simply observed,” Twilight said measuredly.

“Well go on, enlighten me,” Moondancer urged. “Two trips a month, flying all the way around the world? You're quite right. Now how could you tell?” Twilight opened her mouth to answer, but the other unicorn cut her off. “You're going to tell me there was a stain on my tie from some special kind of ketchup you can only buy in Manehattan?

“No, I-”

“Or it was the dust on my clothes?” Moondancer continued, ignoring the attempt to explain.

“I was just chatting with your secretary outside,” Twilight said slowly. “He told me.” Applejack looked at her oddly. Why had Twilight lied?

Moondancer laughed. Twilight returned this with a wan smile. The mirthful moment ended abruptly as Moondancer became more serious. “I'm glad you could make it over,” she said. “We've had a break-in.”

***

Naturally, Twilight had insisted on seeing the scene. Moondancer led them through one of the trading floors. “Fil' Rich's office, the bank's former chairpony,” she told them. “The room's been left here like a sort of memorial. Somepony broke in, late last night.”

“What'd they steal?” Applejack asked.

“Nothing. Just left a little message.” Moondancer unlocked the door to the office with a swipe card. Inside, a desk sporting a brass manticore, nameplate, and stationery occupied the center of the room. Of more interest, however, was the framed portrait that looked out onto the trading floor. A yellow line had been spray painted over its mouth, giving the appearance that the former chairpony had been bridled. To the left of the portrait, on the wall, another symbol had been sprayed onto the wall; a line over an upside down horseshoe, it looked like. Twilight gazed intently at the symbols. After a moment, Moondancer led them back to her office.

“Sixty seconds apart,” she said, pulling up the images from the security camera on her computer. In the earlier still, the portrait was unblemished; one minute later, the symbols were there. “So, somepony came up here in the middle of the night, splashed paint around, and left within a minute.”

“How many ways into that office?” Twilight asked.

“Well, that's where this gets really interesting.” She led them out to the main security desk and showed them a diagram. Red dots indicated sensors at every doorway. “Every door that gets opened in this bank, it gets logged, right here. Every walk-in closet, every toilet.”

“That door didn't open last night?” Twilight's question wasn't so much a question as it was a statement.

Moondancer nodded. “There's a hole in our security. Find it, and we'll pay you. Five figures.” She hovered a check in front of Twilight. “This is an advance. Tell me how they got in, there's a bigger one on its way.”

“I don't need an incentive, Moondancer,” Twilight said icily. She walked away to have another look at the scene. Applejack was left gaping at the detective's stupidity. Neither of them were steadily employed, and she was turning down a commission?

“She's, uh…she's kidding, obviously,” she assured the banker. “Could I look after that for her?” Moondancer gave the earth pony the check. “Thanks.” Applejack looked at the numbers. She exhaled in surprise. That was a sizable advance.

***

Back in the vandalized office, Twilight was snapping pictures with her phone, especially of the symbols. She mentally compared them to ones she was familiar with, but found none. Abandoning the mystery of the message for the moment, she walked over to the window. One set of blinds was not adjusted the same way as the others. She furled it, and saw that the window behind it was in fact a door, leading out onto a ledge. She pulled it open and stepped outside. Carefully, she edged to the end of the ledge and looked down. A straight vertical drop, broken only by the ribs of the building. She glanced around, the wind whipping her mane, taking note that the ledge ran all the way around the building, all the way to the sloped front. She walked back inside. How the vandal got in, solved. Why they had broken in here, also obvious. As for who this message was for... Twilight left the office and headed back onto the floor. She edged behind the Manehattan desk, and peered up until she could see where Fil' Rich's office was. The only thing she could see of it was the name placard by the door. She continued down the row, repeating the process at each desk. None of the rows closest fit, so she continued back. Finally, after ducking into another office, she was able to see the portrait, painted bridle clearly visible. A quick check of the placard on the door showed that this was the Horn Kong desk, headed by Vladimir Blueblood. With a bit of magic, Twilight slid the name card out of its holder and pocketed it, then trotted off to find Applejack. Now, she had a lead.

***

“'Two trips around the world this month,'” Applejack quoted as they stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby. “You didn't ask her secretary, you said that just to irritate her.” Twilight grinned mischievously as the earth pony asked, “How did you know?”

“Did you see her watch?” the unicorn asked.

“Her watch?”

“Time is right, but the date was wrong,” Twilight explained. “Said two days ago. Crossed the dateline twice, but she didn't alter it.”

“Within a month? How'd you get that?” Applejack asked as they stepped onto an escalator down.

“New Yearling. Only came out this February.”

“Okay,” Applejack said. She pointed back up the escalator. “So do you think we should sniff around here for a bit longer?”

“I got everything I need to know already, thanks,” Twilight replied.

“Oh?”

“That graffiti was a message. Somepony at the bank, working on the trading floors. We find the intended recipient, and…”

“They'll lead us the pony who sent it,” Applejack finished.

Twilight smirked. “Obvious.”

“Well, there's three hundred ponies up there,” the earth pony pointed out. “Who was it meant for?”

“Pillars,” Twilight said cryptically.

“What?”

“Pillars and the screens,” the unicorn elaborated. “Very few places you could see that graffiti from. That narrows the field considerably. And of course, the message was left at 11:34 last night. That tells us a lot.”

“Does it?” The two stepped out of the front door of the bank and onto the sidewalk.

“Traders come to work at all hours,” Twilight continued. “Some trade with Horn Kong in the middle of the night. That message was intended for somepony who came in at midnight.” She brandished the name card she'd swiped. “Not many Bluebloods in the phone book.” She waved as they reached the street. “Taxi!”

***

There had in fact been only one Vladimir Blueblood in the phone book. The number had led them to an upper class housing complex. Twilight pressed the buzzer for Blueblood's apartment. No answer came. She pressed it again. Still nothing.

“So what do we do now?” Applejack asked as Twilight peered up at the flat in question. “Sit here and wait for him to come back?”

Twilight nodded at the buzzer wall again. “Just moved in.”

“What?”

“Floor above, new label.” She pointed at another buzzer, where the normal nameplate had been replaced with a piece of paper with a name.

“Could've just replaced it,” Applejack pointed out.

Twilight pressed the buzzer. “No pony ever does that.”

“Hello?” a voice asked from the speaker grille. Twilight put on a friendly expression for the camera.

“Hi! Um, I live in the flat just below you… I don't think we've met.”

“No, well, uh, I've just moved in,” the voice replied.

Twilight nodded smugly, but kept her face from reflecting it. “Actually, I've just locked my keys in my flat.” She peered sadly at the camera.

“You want me to buzz you in?” the new resident offered.

“Oh, yes please,” Twilight said, nodding. “And can I use your balcony?”

“What?” the voice asked, confused.

***

Twilight looked down from the balcony in question. She took note of the street, the distance to the nearest building, and the height of said building. Then she stepped up onto the ledge and carefully lowered herself down to Blueblood's balcony. With a short drop, she was able to see into the flat through the glass door. She tried the door, and found it unlocked. She glanced around as she entered; a number of books sat under the TV. The kitchen was in a state of use, with bread and butter sitting on the counter. A check of the fridge found it was full of champagne. The door buzzed.

“Twilight!” Applejack called from outside.

Twilight trotted from the kitchen to the flat's hall, and checked the door. It was locked, deadbolted and chained from the inside. A glance into the bathroom revealed nothing out of the ordinary.

“Twilight, are you okay?” Applejack asked.

A set of doors stood closed across from the front door. Presumably, the bedroom. Twilight tried the doors and found them locked.

“Yeah, anytime you feel like letting me in,” Applejack said sarcastically.

Twilight rammed the door, and the thin wood gave. She entered the room, and noticed several important details: First, the window was wide open. Second, the trader was lying on his bed. Third, there was a hoofgun on the bed beside him. And finally, he had a bullet hole in his right temple.

***

A pony in a forensic clean suit laid rulers at strategic points around Blueblood's body, measuring his head. Another forensics pony snapped pictures of the body, the room, and everything else of possible import. Applejack and Twilight looked at the body.

“Do you think he'd lost a lot of money?” Applejack asked. “I mean, suicide is pretty common among city folk.”
“We don't know that it was suicide,” Twilight said.

“Come on,” Applejack said, doubtful of there being any doubt. “The door was locked from the inside. You had to climb down the balcony.” She noticed that Twilight had walked away and was peering into an open suitcase on the floor.

“Been away…three days, judging by the laundry.” She beckoned to Applejack. ”Look at the case!” she insisted. “There was something tightly packed inside it.”

“Thanks, I'll take your word for it,” the earth pony declined.

“Problem?”

“Yeah, I'm not too keen on rooting around some pony's dirty laundry.”

Twilight walked back over and circled behind her. “Those symbols at the bank, the graffiti, why were they put there?”

“It was some sort of code?”

“Obviously.” The unicorn turned her attention to the body. “Why were they painted? If you want to communicate, why not use email?” She checked each pocket and found nothing unusual.

“Well, maybe he wasn't answering,” Applejack suggested.

“Oh good,” Twilight said. “You follow.”

“No.”

“What kind of a message would everypony try to avoid?” Twilight pressed. “What about this morning? Those letters you were looking at?” She peered into the dead stallion's mouth.

“Bills?” Applejack asked.

“Yes,” Twilight affirmed. “He was being threatened.” She levitated a small black diamond made from folded paper out of the dead pony's mouth.

“Not by the gas board,” the earth pony said, peering at the diamond. Twilight sealed it in an evidence bag.

They heard a voice giving orders to some of the police ponies outside the room. A griffon in plain clothes walked in and stood in the entryway.

“Ah, Sergeant. We haven't met.” Twilight walked over and extended a hoof, which was ignored.

“Yeah, I know who you are,” the griffon told her. “And I'd prefer it if you didn't tamper with any of the evidence.”

Twilight passed over the evidence bag with the paper diamond, which the griffon took. “I phoned Rainbow, is she on her way?”

“She's busy,” the griffon said. “I'm in charge. And it's not sergeant, it's Detective Inspector. Gilda.” She walked back out into the sitting room. Twilight and Applejack followed her. “We're obviously looking at a suicide,” the griffon said, handing the evidence bag to another pony in a clean suit.

“That does seem the only explanation if all the facts,” Applejack agreed.

“Wrong,” Twilight informed them. “It's one possible explanation of some of the facts. You've got a solution you like, but you're choosing to ignore anything you see that doesn't comply with it.”

“Like?” Gilda demanded.

“The wound's on the right side of his head,” Twilight reminded her.

“And?”

“Blueblood was left hoofed.” Twilight said. She imitated the motion that would be required to shoot oneself in the right side of the head with a gun in their left. “Requires quite a bit of contortion.”

“Left-hoofed?” Gilda asked in disbelief.

“Oh, I'm amazed you didn't notice,” Twilight said patronizingly. “All you have to do is look around this flat.” She pointed at each article that had told her of the victim's hoofedness. “Coffee table on the left side, coffee mug handle pointing to the left, power sockets, habitually used the ones on the left. You want me to go on?”

“No, I think you've covered it,” Applejack said, trying to stop Twilight from annoying the new DI.

“Oh, I might as well. I'm almost at the bottom of the list.” The unicorn pointed towards the kitchen. “There's a knife, on the breadboard, with butter on the right side of the blade, because he used it from his left. Highly unlikely that a left hoofed pony would shoot himself in the right side of his head. Conclusion, somepony broke in here and murdered him. Only explanation of all of the facts.”

“But the gun on-” Gilda began to object.

“He was waiting for the killer,” Twilight said as she retrieved her coat and scarf. “He'd been threatened.”

“What?” the griffon said in surprise.

“Today at the bank,” Applejack explained. “Sort of a warning.”

“He fired a shot when his attacker came in,” Twilight explained as she pulled on the coat.

“And the bullet?” the griffon questioned.

“Went through the open window,” the unicorn said, nodding in the direction the shot traveled.

“Oh, come on!” Gilda protested. “What are the chances of that?”

“Wait until you get the ballistics report. Bullet in his brain wasn't fired from his gun, I guarantee it.”

One thing still was bothering the inspector. “But if his door was locked from the inside, how did the killer get in?”

“Good!” Twilight said in mocking praise. “You're finally asking the right questions.” She knotted her scarf and left the flat, Applejack following.

***