"Useless."
by, Winckypoo
"Useless."
How had it come to this? Scootaloo went over that question in her head hundreds of times.
The peak of darkness overshadowed Ponyville as a filly sat contemplating her choice. Scootaloo spoke out loud to herself, she didn't care.
"Useless."
She gave her wing a little flutter. Only to find them as she found herself. Useless. Tears welled up in the bottoms of her eyes.
"Why me?" "Why me?" She kept repeating to herself over and over again. The fur under her eyes had became completely soaked from her endeavor. Her breathing became a shaking whistle. Scootaloo's thoughts had quickly turned more dire by the second. She didn't care. She didn't want to care. She just wanted it to end, the torment, the ridicule, the the thought of never being more than a useless waste of resources.
"I suppose this has what it's all led up to then?" she said loudly to herself. She looked down and noticed the coarseness of the railroad tracks she had been laying on. She took a hoof and gently scratched it against the wood. Her tears had begun to moisten the rough bark. She noticed how easily the moisture was able to change the behavior of the wood. It became soft, easily changed by such a simple thing. She related this to herself.
"How easy it was for them to get to me.." She said. "Perhaps," there was a long pause as Scootaloo was silenced by thought, "this isn't the best option."
"Useless." The thought came back to her. No matter what they've said, she's always felt it. That's all's she's ever wanted, the feeling of being needed. A feeling that she's never been able to achieve.
A small but certain vibration came from underneath the filly's body. "Five minutes." she said softly. "Five minutes, and my cowardly deed will be done." She believed what she said. She truly did believe she was a coward. The way others made her feel about herself has ultimately made her come to this decision.
"Will anyone even know I'm gone?" she addressed. "Will anyone care?" Of course not. That's why she's doing this in the first place. She chuckled quietly at her stupidity, only to have a coughing fit mixed with sobs. The tears of her past had begun to slowly burn away at her. "What a useless existence this all is."
Memories of Rainbow Dash had begun to enter the young filly's mind.
"I'll always be here Scoots! Always." Said the echo of Rainbow Dash in Scootaloo's memory. A lie. Of course she wouldn't always be there. Ponies move on to bigger and better things. It's not her fault. Right?
The thought of Sweetie Belle and Applebloom came into focus. "...and we will never stop the journey, not until we have our cutie marks!" the memories of the past haunted Scootaloo. "Ponies... move on." she quietly said, "So will I."
The vibrations underneath her had begun to increase. "I guess that is life." she said with some pride, "Moving on to bigger and better things. Maybe at one point I had the same aspirations, but that it long past." Scootaloo whimpered quietly to herself.
"Useless."
She shuddered at the thought of such a thing. She wondered if whether or not this was truly the case. She quickly subsided any such thought. Dangerous thinking leads to dangerous decisions, and hers, had already been made. Her thoughts had retreated back to her initial question. "Why me?" She thought about it this time. Why had she been dealt this hand? Why had she been the one cursed with misfortune? Is she perhaps some sort of benefactor for others? Is she some sort of "thing" to make others feel more grateful of who they are, and what they have? Scootaloo hated herself for even the thought of that. All those ponies living in poverty had made her thankful for what she had been given, if only a little. Perhaps, she was one in the same.
The familiar vibration had begun to dance through Scootaloo's body. Whimpering softly she said "Not long now."
"No." said someone. What? "NO." it said again. Scootaloo had been unaware that she had been talking to herself.
"Stop this Scootaloo!" she screamed to herself.
"It's already done" she gloomily responded.
"It doesn't have to be this way!"
"What do you know? You're useless."
"Scootaloo feel you're chest." Scootaloo reached up with a hoof and did so. *THUMP* *THUMP* She reared her hoof away quickly.
"What does this have to with anything? It's just my heartbeat.."
"That's the reason, you feel the beating? That's purpose, you're alive for a reason Scootaloo."
This was all very strange to her. She pondered why she was making the decision she was making once more. Maybe, just maybe there was purpose to this. For bigger and better things. For purpose. For being needed.
Scootaloo thought about this for a few moments before realizing how violently the vibrating had become. She stood and could see the faint light of the train coming her way.
"Useless." She shuddered in pain as she fell to the tracks once more. Scootaloo tried to move, but no muscle in her body would move. The vibration was impossibly frantic, the light blinding on her at this point. The whistle deafening. She heard the voice of someone on the train.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"
Scootaloo had but one option left. She fluttered her wings, panting with every flap, sweat and tears mixed as they rolled down her face. She no longer wanted this! How could she want this! She flapped as hard as she could.
"Useless."
She froze, as time slowed around her. Her wings stopped and her body had all but been sapped of any reaming energy she had as she stared into the face of her demise.
Scootaloo, closed her eyes tight, stinging from the tears and sweat, and braced for impact.
Author's Note
Hello. This is the first piece of fiction, I've pretty much ever written. Any criticism is greatly appreciated!
