Under The Radar

Chapter 3

Shopping

         I had never seen such an odd pony, and I just met Pinkie Pie. According to what the EBI had on Derpy, her real name was Ditzy Doo. She was a gray pegasi whose eyes have been apparently crossed since birth. She was assigned as a postal pony in charge of delivering letters and packages. Who decided she would do that job? I mean, sure we all have something we’re good at, and when we find it, our cutie mark appears to show the world, but hers was a set of bubbles. BUBBLES! How do you link that with postal work and decide a cross-eyed pony would be great at a job that requires reading? Off topic again, I needed to focus on the case. Picking up the tape recorder I was sent, with I clicked the record button.

“Tuesday, March 12th. I have just begun my investigation on Silent Hoof. On my first day my house was broken into by Pinkie Pie, one of the elements, and SH’s prime targets. Within minutes of meeting her an attempt was made on her life. Her oven, which she was currently baking a cake in, caught fire and almost burned Sugar Cube Corner to the ground. Luckily I was there to put out the flames and convince her to keep my involvement a secret. The fire however…well, an overcooked cake might turn black and have a small fire, but it doesn’t try to replace the furnace. It was then I discovered the place was being looked after by one Derpy Hooves, who was nowhere to be seen during the whole ordeal. As we know SH hides by disposing of a town’s resident and poses as them until he strikes again. At this time I believe SH has taken the place of Derpy. From what I know, Derpy’s real name is Ditzy Doo. She is a postal worker, which is an easy job to assume, just read the address and hand over the letter. She also appears to have an IQ that’s BELOW, below average, and it’s incredibly easy to fake stupidity, no matter how smart you are. The only thing that would be hard to replicate is her eyes, they’re constantly crossed, which must hurt or irritate someone who doesn’t live that way…with the right amount of practice though it might get easier to pull off."

I got up and looked out of my bedroom, and stared at the blinding sun.

"It’s still daytime, and SH has already made one attempt on a pony. Chances are she won't try anything else. I'll find an ideal spot to monitor and watch her tonight when she’s most likely to try and set up her next scheme; see what else I can learn about this strange pony."

I walked back over and clicked the recorder off. Come nightfall, I would get to test out my new camera bag. Err...bag camera. I'll come up with a name for it later. Right now it was time for me to begin my hardest objective yet, shopping.

If you remember on the list of stuff I brought, not once did I say food. I also didn't say money, but when you work for this government they take care of you. A bag of bits was hidden under my bed, and let’s just say I wasn’t gonna be complaining any time soon. I strapped on my saddle bag, grabbed about 50 bits and headed out to the market.

I had to ask myself what I was in the mood for. Because whatever the answer was, they had it. I never thought such a small hick town like this would have such a busy shopping area, but here I was, just sitting there waiting in line, to get in line, for some freaken apples. Patience was part of my training however. I could sit here for hours if I needed to. Luckily, the line for the line moved fast and the actual line moved just as quick. When I got up to the 5th in line, however, it slowed down. A random pony, white with a purple mane, came up and started talking to the pony running the stand, an orange one with a very cool hat. I was able to recognize them from their profile pictures, Applejack and Rarity. The two started chatting it up about some party they and the others in the gang had been planning. Uh oh. Having all the ponies together in one place goofing around would be the perfect place for an "accident" to happen. I had to gain access to this party to keep an eye on things. But how? I could mention I was new in town. That almost got me a free cake, so it could probably work again. But that might turn it into a full blown Welcome Party, and the last thing I need is everypony bombarding me with questions about my past. I hadn't had time to make sure it sounds believable. Perhaps I could tell them-

"AAAAAAAA!!"

...Or instead of talking I could just walk up and make Rarity have a heart attack, that’s a good plan. While I was thinking the line must have moved because I was now first.

"Dear Celestia what happened to your mane!" She was screaming in terror.

"What, what is it?" I started patting on my head to see if there was anything on me. My hair was just fine.

"It's...dreadful! It looks like you fell into a blender!"

I'm sorry, I was so occupied saving your best friend’s life; I guess I forgot to make sure my mane was all nice and neat, thank you for pointing that out. Of course I honestly didn't care and I was going to say something, but Applejack came to my defense.

"Now come on Rarity, not everypony has the same taste in style. Why I think his mane is just fine."

"Oh you're kidding me, AJ, not even you would consider that mess a hairstyle," Rarity argued.

"Um, ladies?" I tried to break up the fight but they just kept going.

"I reckon it don't matter what I think, nor what you think," AJ retaliated.

"Ladies?"

"I'm just saying there's no way he intentionally did that to his mane."

"Big Mac’s mane is always messed up and I never hear you judging him."

"Ladies."

"Yes, but it fits a farm pony like him. This pony-"

"Has a right to look however he wants."

"And I have the right to speak my mind and I think-"

"LADIES!" I yelled as loud as I could. They both went quiet. "Look. I all I want is to buy some apples. So if you could please give me a basket, I’ll be on my way."

AJ seemed stunned. She was either freaked out because she had forgotten I was standing there, or that I had just snapped at her while she was trying to defend me.

I took a deep breath and calmed down. "Look, I really don't care about my mane."

"Told ya." AJ had a smug look on her face.

"ON THAT NOTE. If it means that much to you, I'm not doing anything today. If you have an open spot I could come in for an appointment," I suggested to Rarity. I thought it would be a good compromise.

"Well I do know a thing or two that would look good on you." Rarity started looking over the rest of me. "Come by The Carousel Boutique and I'll make you look fashionable. I'm Rarity by the way."

"Jim Green. And you?" I turned to AJ.

"I'm Applejack. Mighty fine to meet you Jim." She grabbed my hoof and started shaking it. Now I thought Pinkie Pie shook hooves hard, but THIS pony had mastered the art, and after half a second I lost all feeling in that leg.

"Nice to meet you too," I replied, wincing as soon as she let go. I had to shake my hoof a few times to get the feeling back, and even then it was just a small tingle. "So how much will that be?" I asked, referring back to the apples.

"Absolutely nothin. Consider it a welcoming gift." She winked and smiled at me.

"Oh. Thanks." I was surprised, all I did was show up and this town had welcomed me with open hooves. When I finished training for the EBI after several years, I was still hazed for the first months. I tipped a basket of apples and poured it into my saddle bag. Once I got these home I would head over to The Carousel Boutique and get my hair done. No, I didn't suddenly want to look good.  If I know fashion types like her, they love to talk. And as open as these ponies were, all I would have to do is ask and she would tell me anything I needed to know, such as suspicious activities by others. Things were looking up.