My Little Pony: Quest for the Holy Grail

by siempreaygee

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Romance, Tragedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 36946

Arthurian-style romance about how Alberto and his team of ponies brave many dangers to recover the Holy Grail from the evil Sean Brink and his team of Socialists.

Everypony's favourite security freak is back in the high life again as Alberto Garcia of Bolivia stirs up more laughs than ever before! Alberto has just been newly dubbed a Knight by HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle (and now can be addressed as "Don Alberto") ; but no sooner has he been dubbed knight than tragedy strikes – the Holy Grail, which has passed through many owners on Earth before finally arriving at its present home in Canterlot Castle under HRH Princess Celestia's guardianship, is stolen by an unseen human in the middle of the post-knighthood-ceremony party in the Great Hall of the castle.

The thief's identity is later revealed to be that of Aeron Lyovonovich Vartan, a Soviet Armenian professional hacker who works for Sparkle Enterprises (formerly known as All Lee Enterprises), the notorious group of socialists based in Latin America that is presently under the leadership of their new CEO, the Colombian-born Dario Flavio Perez; and their long-serving COO, the Irish-born Sean Anthony Brink. Vartan is not only an expert thief but also a master of disguise and a highly experienced computer hacker; he has a reputation as being one of the toughest criminals to capture. According to various sources, Vartan's sole intention of capturing the Holy Grail was to bring it to the Vaults of Heaven, a large Soviet shrine in St Petersburg that is believed to hold the carcasses of former Soviet dictators Lyenin, Stalin, Khrushchyev, and Bryezhnyev; and legend has it that should the Grail be placed therein, it will destroy the internal security of Equestria, making the principality vulnerable to invasions from Earth. Such an event would indeed be most disastrous for all of Equestria; hence Twilight Sparkle gives orders to Alberto to recover the Holy Grail before it is too late.

To recover the Holy Grail, Alberto and his team of ponies – the original group comprises Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Soarin, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails; Thunderlane, Dumbbell, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack join the ranks later – have to go to Earth and chase after Aeron Vartan around many different countries and continents, braving numerous dangers of all sorts. A couple of human entities – among them the well-known British detective James Bond and the incompetent naval captain James Hook – are sent by Twilight Sparkle to help Alberto and his companions out in their quest.

Can our friends find the Holy Grail and retrieve it quickly, before the evil forces get away with their wicked con-ning plan?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-18 14:03:02 UTC

Don Alberto Garcia

Alberto just could not believe that this was happening. 20 years had passed since the time he and his ponies had won the victory over the evil forces of All Lee Enteprises back in his native Bolivia. He had thereafter spent the last two decades living in Equestria, living in Canterlot Castle's barracks and training as a squire under the leadership of Shining Armour and Flash Sentry; and now at 53 years young, he had since relocated to Ponyville and had just qualified for the knighthood, the ceremony of which was presently taking place in Canterlot Castle's Court before HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle's throne.

"Mares and gentlestallions, may I present to you, Don Alberto Garcia, Cavaliere di Gran Croce!" announced HRH Princess Twilight Sparkle, as Alberto turned around and faced the rest of the ponies all gathered in Canterlot Castle.

"It's time for the national anthem, biped," whispered Twilight into Alberto's ear. "You may give the command now."

Alberto stood straight, took a deep breath, and shouted. "BARIS! SEDI-A!"

Somepony struck a loud chord on a piano. The ponies and human citizens of Equestria broke into a rousing chorus of the Equestrian National Anthem:

God save our gracious queen,

Long live our noble queen,

God save the queen!

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us.

God save the queen!

As the strains of the music faded, Alberto took another deep breath. "BARIS! SENANG DI-RI!"

The after-party was held in the Great Hall of Canterlot Castle. Everypony was eating, drinking, and being merry. The highlight of the F&B was the Tequila Beef Steaks, the national dish of Bolivia and also Alberto's favourite food; Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Derpy were literally eating the Tequila Beef Steaks like never before.

"Now that I'm officially a knight," announced Alberto, as he raised his glass of grape juice, "I will pick the twelve ponies who have faithfully served me for the past two decades, to be my inner circle of Pony Apostles!"

The twelve lucky ponies were Applejack, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Dumbbell, Flash Sentry, Rainbow Dash, Soarin, Thunderlane, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails; they felt extremely honoured to be given the title of the Twelve Pony Apostles. Indeed, Twilight Sparkle thought that Alberto had made a very good choice there, for the combined forces of all twelve ponies plus Alberto's leadership would surely be a formidable force against any powers of socialism and corruption.

"Will you believe it," said Snips, as he bit into a huge piece of tequila steak, "that there are some funny bipeds who intend to hold a convention back in La Paz! And what do they call it? 'Università di Canterlot'!! à Of all the jokes, man! They're even using our capital city's name in vain! I can betcha they won't succeed, they won't find any sponsors who'd want to help them!"

"Who?" asked Alberto, perking up when he heard his birthplace being mentioned.

"Sean Anthony Brink!" said Snips. "Wow, that asshole! I mean he isn't half Bolivian, he's Irish, for the win! Who does he think he is -- Bernardo O'Higgins? I betcha President Evo Morales won't allow him to rent the Centro Culturale de la Paz!"

Alberto took a deep breath when he heard the name of one of his worst enemies being mentioned by Snips.

"When did he plan to hold it?" asked Snails.

"Look at his twitter!" said Snips, showing his BFF his phone. "Sean Brink said he wants to hold it somewhere in the third week of June -- the coldest month of the year in the Andes! He's asking for trouble! I betcha they'll all get the sniffles! Convention, eh? Yeah right -- 'Con' here is short for 'Con Man'! Nopony would believe an asshole like Brink; he just got out of gaol and he wants to do this! You think anypony would believe him? They'd sooner get suspicious of his evil intentions! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

Alberto took a deep bated breath. "That's amusing, indeed," he said, trying to fake a laugh. Deep within him, a warning bell was tinkling in his head. He knew that there were still enemies out there, just that he didn't expect that they had plans on their mind.

Suddenly Alberto received an urgent text from Huascar, asking him for a callback. "Excuse me for a minute," he said. He went to the gents' to call Huascar.

"Holà, Alberto?" came Huascar's voice.

"Holà, amigo mio," said Alberto. "Que pasa?"

"Just so you know, I'll be going back to Earth from June 16th to June 23rd," came Huascar's voice. "Mama just passed away of breast cancer, and I need to go to attend her wake at Chistenango in her native Peru, to carry out her funeral rites."

"Ah si," said Alberto. "Help me tell Uncle Bernardo that we send our condolences. Do take care of yourself."

"Muchas gracias," came Huascar's voice. "See you when I return. Adios, amigo mio." Click.

Alberto took another bated sigh as he walked out of the restroom. The suspicious thoughts were running through his head -- Chistenango was, for all sincerity, within 10 minutes' bus ride from La Paz; Sean Brink's supposed "Università di Canterlot", as Snips had been heard saying, was scheduled "somewhere in the third week of June"; and Huascar had clearly stated that he would be outstationed between June 16th and June 23rd -- which was, for the record, the third week of June!! What if -- and only WHAT IF -- Huascar had had other intentions on his mind, and his mother's apparent death was all but a pretext....?

"Are you OK, Alberto?" asked Derpy, nuzzling her favourite human rider on his cheek.

"I'm fine, gracias," said Alberto, still not smiling. He knew deep within him that something tragic was going to happen anytime. He then went to Snips and said, "For my first big task as defense knight of all Equestria, I plan to lead you all in a raiding expedition against Sean Brink. He will NEVER get the goddamn event started!"

"Sounds like a plan!" said Snips. "Snails, I think Alberto really will be an expert at this; these are enemies that he knows well and I'm pretty sure Princess Twilight will most likely give him this as his first assignment!"

"Not surprising!" said Snails. "It does sound like something he's familiar with, and also something that could pose threatening if left unattended for long; so this most likely should be the very thing he might be assigned to do first!"

Alberto was pleased that the two Brazilian unicorns were already so supportive of his first big plan as a defense knight. He smiled to himself, already beginning to make plans in his head.

Then it happened!

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! LEAVE THAT FRICKING THING ALONE!!!" everypony heard the voice of Spike yelling. Before he even looked, Alberto already knew exactly what he was going to see. So did the others. They could tell by the high hysterical note in the young dragon's voice.

And there it was. A bipedal figure caped all in black, darting down the Mane Staircase of the castle into the Great Hall, pushing some of the guests down in the process. Spike was chasing after him, trying to run as fast as his short legs would take him.

"OI! QUE PASA AQUÍ!" yelled Alberto. He knew that this was the best time to step in. So pulling out his gun, he gave chase. So did Flash Sentry, Big McIntosh, and Thunderlane; the three stallions, themselves among the Twelve, took out their own guns and helped to give chase. Just in time, Alberto managed to point his gun at the bipedal figure that was apparently cornered at the drain just outside the castle.

"Hands up!" yelled Alberto. "Hand back whatever you took from us!"

The thief took out the Holy Grail, which he had stolen from Canterlot Castle's Maximum-Security Vault (which Alberto himself had constructed about a decade ago). In a Soviet accent, he said, "Oh dear. I AM sorry it had to be this way, Don Alberto," before putting the Holy Grail back into his bag and diving into the water of the river, apparently unscathed.

Alberto and the three Stallions returned to Canterlot Castle immediately, disappointed at their failure to catch the thief. Nevertheless, they reported that the Holy Grail was what the thief had been after.

"OK," said Twilight, frowning. "The thief's identity has been revealed after Shining Armour and I scanned in his DNA; according to our findings, the thief is Aeron Lyovonovich Vartan, a Soviet-Armenian professional burglar-cum-hacker, who is known for being one of the toughest criminals to catch. The 41-year-old Vartan has been wanted for at least 5 years running for numerous thefts from top bank vaults in many democratic countries. Recently he was recruited by Sparkle Enterprises, an apparently new construction company which apparently is comprised of former members of the now-defunct All Lee Enterprises, and whose CEO is Dario Flavio Perez, a son of the late Don Francisco Juan Perez, founder of All Lee Enterprises.

"Vartan's life-long desire, it seems, has been to be able to get hold of the Holy Grail which was made famous in the stories by the first known 'brony', the late Sir Thomas Malory CBE, who lived in the Middle Ages. His joining of Sparkle Enterprises was his big break there, as the same desire had been held by Sparkle Enterprises' present COO, Sir Sean Anthony Brink CBE, the Irishman. How Vartan got into Equestria sans any intervention from unicorns or alicorns, I am presently unable to explain, though we are indeed investigating into that. Nevertheless, you all will need to be transported to Earth to chase after Vartan; I am aware that his intention upon acquisition of the Grail, was to bring it to the Imperial Vault of Heaven, a Soviet shrine in St Petersburg, where he would place it; and once it is placed there, it will render all our security step-ups futile, and we will immediately fall prey to invasions from Earth. So he has to be stopped.

"That said, I want Alberto and seven ponies -- Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Shining Armour, Snails, Snips, and Soarin --  to go to Earth now, and recapture the Holy Grail from Aeron Vartan's hands. Beware -- the Holy Grail may change owners a few times while you are chasing him. I will transport you all now to the exact location where Aeron Vartan is now."

"Wait a minute!" cried Alberto. "I mean, I was hoping for another less strenuous mission for my first..."

"NO WAY!" shouted Twilight. "The Holy Grail is the essence of our security! It is THE priority! We get that first, and then everything else follows! If we do not recover the Holy Grail first, we will be vulnerable if left long enough without it! That said, do NOT come back until and unless you recover the Holy Grail, and DO NOT FAIL ME! OK. Are you ready?"

"Yes, Your Highness," answered Alberto, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Soarin, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails, all in unison.

"Very good," said Twilight. "Hold still now. Ka......BEEEEEEEEEEMMMMM!!!"

And with a loud shout, Twilight Sparkle's horn glowed, and Alberto and the seven ponies closed their eyes .....

Volare alla fine

Alberto opened his eyes and saw Derpy trotting on grass in front of him; the air around seemed to be cool and damp, and there was a gentle breeze blowing in his hair..

"Derpy," he yawned, "are we ... on Earth already?"

"Yeah," replied the little grey pegasus mare, nuzzling Alberto on his cheek again, "but I have no idea where EXACTLY we are!"

Those words jerked Alberto into full wakefulness. It was only then that he realised that he was alone with Derpy in an huge field with hills around.

"AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!" Alberto screamed his head off. He screamed so loudly that the other six ponies came running up in his direction seven ways.

"What's going on, Derpy?" said Big McIntosh. "We thought we heard someone screaming for help."

"Oh, that was just Alberto," said Derpy; "he's just not used to this place."

"You OK, noble Sir Alberto?" asked Soarin, gently nuzzling the venerable Bolivian knight on his forehead.

Alberto cringed and gaped all around him. Yes, those were the very same ponies he knew all right. And this WAS Earth, no doubt. But why was this land so strange -- all nothing but greenery, with only a few trees scattered here and there, and a single lake a few kilometers away -- that was what was working Alberto up.

"What.... what does the rest of this place look like?!" he cried, trembling all over and gaping around him in amazement.

"Well.... like Earth!" said Derpy. "I mean... not like Earth; there's lots of greenery around everywhere! And ... I could have sworn I saw something moving in the lake over yonder!"

Alberto opened his mouth, about to scream. But Derpy used her left forehoof to shut him up just in time.

"Are you gonna scream again?" she said. "We really need to find the Holy Grail as soon as possible. But first we need to know where exactly we are."

"My guess is that we're in Africa," said Shining Armour. "The only other place I've seen that is like this was in Kenya, when Cadence and I went on our honeymoon back then, on the Twelfth Day of Xmas.

On the twelfth day, my true love gave to me

Twelve roti pratas flat as grasslands of the Serengeti.

Eleven plates of chye tow kueh,

Ten helpings of Bengawan Solo!

Nine plates of roti john, roti john so sweet!

Eight plates of kueh tiao mee, that I knew we loved to eat!

I had Xmas down in Africa,

I had Xmas down in Africa,

I had Xmas down in Africa,

I had Xmas down in Africa,

I had Xmas down in Africa!

Gonna break the bonds and do them things we never did! Ohh! Ohh!

"Bravo, Shining Armour, you have remarkable musical talent!" Big McIntosh nudged his fellow Shire horse gently. "But we've got other more important things to think about now besides chamber music!"

"Welp, I am pretty sure that Aeron Vartan would have had a very strong motive for taking the Holy Grail to Africa," said Shining Armour. "I mean, look at us now; we've all but lost our bearings!"

"My suggestion, if you'll allow me to say something," said little Snips, "is that we search that building down there. It looks like an old tower of some sort."

"I don't know why, but I think Snips has a point," said Soarin.

"I'm with Soarin," said Big McIntosh.

Braeburn, Shining Armour, Snails, Derpy, and Alberto all indicated their consent one by one; and so they headed straight for the distant tower. It turned out to be an ancient structure, with all its stone walls cracked; above its main gate, which was already ajar, was a sign reading:

MACDONWALDS TOWER

OFFICIAL RESIDENCE OF THE DEGROOT FAMILY

"Sounds like it's private property," sighed Big McIntosh. "Shall we go in nonetheless?"

"No other choice," said Alberto. "We have to use what we've been given. Since the door is open, might as well!

The things you've done, I've never seen;

Tell me if they're any different now!

The path is winding, and is all the more strange.

Seems like I've seen a light therein, but though it seems so very far,

This place still seems familiar to me; oh who can tell me now what's the matter?

I want to know, who will teach me?

Something's familiar about these strangers like me!

Tell me yes, please teach me!

Something's familiar about these strangers like me!

And so singing, Alberto led his seven pony companions into the tower. Inside it was just as ruined as outside; while mainly desolate of any clues, there were a few signs on the walls, saying things like: "BEWARE OF THE KAERNK OF LOCH NESS"; "TAVISH DEGROOT REFUSES TO BACK DOWN"; and "MISSING: BEDEVERE JONES AND GRIFLET JONES, BOTH 17 / LAST SEEN PLAYING OUTSIDE MACDONWALDS TOWER".

"What good are all these to us?" said Snails. "See, Snips, thanks to your fantastic idea!"

"In any case," said Soarin, "I don't think this is Africa."

Shining Armour looked disappointed.

"Shush!" whispered Alberto. "I hear voices down that aisle!"

Down the corridor indeed there came the voices of two men talking. The seven ponies and Alberto slowly followed the sound of the conversation, and saw two men right before them.

"Well!" said the first man, who had a Russian accent. "I did! And I was just about to have it sent via courier when you stepped in and screwed up my fricking operations! Next time remember: Don't you dare butt your nose into affairs that are none of your fucking business!"

"Well, this is my home!" said the second man, an Afro-Scotsman. "And if you don't begone at once, I'll call the police!"

"EXCUSE ME?" boomed the Russian man, grabbing the Scotsman by his collar. "For your information, I am aware about the many things you have done that would warrant you a death penalty if you were found out! Count yourself lucky that I haven't called the cops and told them that they've got a major serial pedophile here to arrest!"

Alberto was seething with anger as he heard that very dialogue unfolding. He could contain himself no longer; he marched up to the Russian man and shouted. "BASTA!"

The Russian man turned around. "Who are you?!" he demanded.

"I want you to say sorry to him," said Alberto.

"What did you say?!!" yelled the Russian man, getting really pissed.

"I said I want you to say sorry to him!" demanded Alberto.

"You bloody shiok is it?!" yelled the Russian man. "Come and fight me if you've got the guts!"

Within seconds, Alberto and the Russian man were entangled in combat . The seven ponies watched with bated breath. Alberto won hands down, grabbing the Russian man by the collar and holding his fist next to his head.

"Say sorry to him!" Alberto yelled.

"Sorry!" said the Russian man. Alberto released the Russian man, who ran away and out of the tower.

"I can't believe you actually did that," said the Scotsman.

"I couldn't just stand there!" said Alberto.

"Hmmm, looks like you must be new to these parts, lad," said the Scotsman. "You're in MacDonwalds Tower, which is part of Inverness Park Estate, Scotland. And Inverness Park Estate's present owner is that man, who is Aeron Vartan."

"Aeron Vartan??" gasped Alberto.

"You've heard of him?" said the Scotsman.

"Er.... si," said Alberto.

"Well, just so you know, Aeron Vartan is the landlord of the entire estate on which my family's residence is built, no one dares to talk back to him like that," said the Scotsman. "By the way. I'm Tavish DeGroot, present keeper of MacDonwalds Tower. But you can call me Demoman. That's what my friends call me."

"Ah," said Alberto. "I'm Alberto Garcia from Bolivia, and these seven here are my ponies."

"Oh! So cute!" said Demoman. "I've seen you guys before... on TV, I think?"

"Yeah," said Big McIntosh. "And now, you see us face to face!"

"In any case," said Alberto, "Aeron Vartan was mentioning to you about something he wanted to send via courier. It wasn't.... this chalice in this photo, was it?" He took out his phone and showed Demoman a photo of the Holy Grail.

"How did you know??" gasped Demoman when he saw the photo.

"Just for your information," said Shining Armour, stepping up, "The Holy Grail is our property and was stolen from our maximum security vault back at Castle Canterlot. We are on a mission to retrieve it."

"Tell us what you know," said Big McIntosh. "Talk now. And don't you dare leave anything out."

"OK," said Demoman. "Here's the story. Just three hours ago, I was taking care of my two young wards, squires Bedevere and Griflet Jones; they're cousins and orphans, and have been living with me after I adopted them from an orphanage. I was playing with them in our garden when I was suddenly called to attend to a major case. So I left them alone for what I'd hoped would be a few minutes. But I never expected that when I returned, they were all but gone; there was only this chalice where they were. I picked it up and felt it; it was solid gold, and I thought, well, better to keep it just in case. Then Aeron Vartan came in looking for me and began blackmailing me to return it to him, claiming it as his own. And that was when you stepped in."

"Very good," said Alberto. "Where is the Holy Grail now?"

"I pawned it at Pyro's pawnshop," said Demoman. "You'll find it in a row of shophouses down the road from here. Third left turn after the lake."

"Gracias," said Alberto.

"Thanks a lot," said Big McIntosh.

Meanwhile, miles away in La Paz in Bolivia, Sean Brink and Dario Perez were getting their booked hall, Hall 13 of the Centro Culturale di Bolivia, ready for the "CON-vention" that they'd proposed before: it was to be a huge convention known as "Università di Canterlot", and was to be, as Perez had planned, their ultimate way to put Alberto and the ponies to shame, and to avenge the death of Don Francisco Juan Perez. Benedicto Guzmán, their General Manager, walked in just then, looking really glum.

"What's the news?" asked Brink.

"Aeron emailed me," said Guzmán, "said that this big Spaniard with a tow of ponies behind him, came and humiliated him just when he was halfway claiming the Holy Grail from its alleged current possessor. The guy, he says, had top-class karate skills."

Sean Brink slammed his desk in exasperation. "COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME THAT ALBERTO GARCIA HAS BEEN INTERVENING IN OUR AFFAIRS?!!" he yelled.

"Calm yourself, Sean!" said Perez. "Let Benz go on!"

"There's proof here," said Guzmán. "Boris has come to report to us what happened. Come in, Boris."

Boris Grigorievich Kirilenko, the Soviet Ukrainian who had accompanied Aeron Vartan when in Scotland, entered the convention hall.

"Tell us what happened, Boris," said Perez.

Boris took a deep breath. "Aeron had to contend with two rebellious teenage boys in the gardens of MacDonwald Tower," he said. "Good thing he used the gun which Michael gave us, turning both boys into hideous beasts and deforming their faces in the process. I bound them, put them into my truck, and sent them over to Michael, who was waiting me at the airport; he said he'd take them with him immediately. Guess he's done so. But now the Holy Grail -- we were supposed to send it over to the Vaults of Heaven in St Petersburg, Michael's present residence; and now....."

"Who is this Michael you keep talking about?" demanded Brink.

"My agent," Perez interrupted. "Dr Michael Johann Valdez is my long-time friend from our days in university, and he's presently the owner of the Vaults of Heaven, the final resting place of many great Soviet leaders. I was the one who'd planned to send the Holy Grail over to him for his safekeeping, given that he's got top-notch security therein, and even our furry equine friends would never dream of stepping inside, not to mention Garcia."

"Ah, OK," sighed Brink. "Boris, I don't know how you're going to recover the Holy Grail like this, but..."

"Leave Boris alone!" boomed a voice. "He is innocent!"

The entire organising party turned and saw Satan coming down like a monster before them. All fell prostrate.

"Worthy master Satan!" gasped Perez.

"Don't you worry," said Satan. "The Holy Grail has NOT gotten away from us forever. It is presently still in Inverness Park, in Pyro's pawnshop. Tell Boris he can go and claim it from Pyro's Pawnshop; use Aeron Vartan's name. I have given you all the friends you will need to accomplish this mission. There is NO WAY you can fail this time. Boris, go back to Inverness Park NOW!"

And with that, Satan disappeared.

"Good luck, Boris," said Guzmán, petting Boris on his shoulder.

And meanwhile miles away back in Inverness Park, the ponies and Alberto were in Pyro's Pawnshop. Alberto showed the photo of the Grail to Pyro.

"Oh, someone just came to claim it an hour ago," said Pyro. "So sorry."

Everypony's facial expressions went sullen.

"What did he look like?" asked Big McIntosh, looking dead serious.

"A man in his 40's, wearing a rainbow wig and a pale blue T-shirt that had a rainbow-blitz logo in its bottom left corner," said Pyro. "He spoke with a distinct Slavic accent, albeit with a tinge of British accent therein. And if I remember correctly, he had a grey beard."

"What did he say to you?" asked Big McIntosh.

"He did mention that he was in a hurry," said Pyro; "said that our landlord Mr Vartan had sent him, on orders to claim that goblet to be sent to the Vaults of Heaven with immediate effect. Never heard of the 'Vaults of Heaven' before.... but anyways, since it was our landlord's orders, I gave it to him."

"OK, jot that down now, guys," said Big McIntosh. "A Soviet cosplayer dressed up as Rainbow Dash, claimed the Holy Grail, speaks with a hint of British accent amid his Russian voice, bearded, alleged destination of the Holy Grail is the 'Vaults of Heaven'."

"Oh wait!" cried Pyro. "He dropped this thing! It might help you to find him." He took a namecard and passed it to Big McIntosh, who read it:

TESCO Holdings Ltd

SEAN ANTHONY BRINK

Managing Partner

Email: bronysean@gmail.com

"Look at this, guys," said Big McIntosh, showing the card to his six fellow ponies and to Alberto, all of whom gasped in horror.....

Bats out of hell!

Alberto, Shining Armour, and Rainbow Dash ran into their cabin and locked the door. The other ponies were waiting them inside.

"Just in time!" gasped Alberto. "Amigos, we got this mad guy out there who claims to be a prophet and is rallying the entire ship of passengers against us! Shining and Dash and I almost got stampeded earlier on!"

"Er.... Alberto, there's another parchment waiting you here," said Big McIntosh; "Derpy found it on your bed and took it to me."

"Bring it here," said Alberto.

Big McIntosh took the parchment in his mouth, taking great care not to nom it to shreds, and passed it to Alberto, who read it:

You might come across a black American skipper in the corridors who is also a Pentecostal pastor. DO NOT TALK TO HIM. If you do, he will start talking about a ‘judgement’, and then he will stop thinking like a skipper and start thinking like a pastor, and begin preaching to the entire shipful of passengers that you are the ones responsible for the storm, and then they will order you thrown overboard. If you haven’t spoken to him, the ship will go through the storm safely and eventually dock at Riga, where you will find your next clue. But if you have already spoken to him, yes, it is not a good sign, the weather will take a turn for the worse, and you may need to do some cleaning-up if you want to reach land safely. I sent you Rainbow Dash and Thunderlane as backups for that reason. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

"Caramba!" cried Alberto. "That explains it! Rainbow Dash, what do you make of this?"

Rainbow Dash took a deep bated breath. "Only one thing to do," she said; "get out of this vessel, and fast! We who are pegasi might have to fly all the non-pegasi to the nearest land possible! Just that -- how do we do so without drenching our wings??"

"Let's do it this way!" said Big McIntosh. "There are four pegasi now -- Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Soarin, and Thunderlane; and there are six non-pegasi -- myself, Alberto, Braeburn, Shining Armour, Snips, and Snails. So what we'll need -- is a dinghy; and the dinghys are all outside on the deck! And is there not a window here in our cabin overlooking the deck, and big enough for each of us to fit through? Let's burst out of this window like bats out of hell!

The sirens are screaming and the fires are howling

Way down in the valley tonight!

There’s a man in the shadows with a gun in his eye

And a blade shining oh so bright!

There’s evil in the air and theres thunder in the sky

And a killer on the bloodshot streets;

And down in the tunnel where the deadly are rising,

Oh I swear I saw a young boy down in the gutter,

He was starting to foam in the heat…

Oh baby you’re the only thing in this whole world

That’s pure and good and right,

And wherever you are and wherever you go

There’s always gonna be some light.

But I gotta get out, I gotta break it out now

Before the final crack of dawn!

So we gotta make the most of our one night together,

When it’s over you know, we’ll both be so alone...

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes!

When the night is over like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone, gone, gone!

Like a bat out of hell I’ll be gone when the morning comes!

When the day is done and the sun goes down and the moonlights shining through!

Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven I’ll come crawling on back to you.

And so singing, the nine ponies and single human burst their way out of the cabin via the glass window onto the deck, which was flooded greatly by this time; they began frantically searching for dinghys at the side of the cruiser as the gale raged along.

"Ho there! Wait for me please!" came a male voice from down the deck.

"Who's that?" gasped Thunderlane, thinking that it was the fundamentalist prophet that Alberto had spoken about.

"Oh, that's the captain, he's harmless," said Alberto.

"Captain!" cried Big McIntosh. "Just the guy we need! We need to get out of here quickly! You know where the dinghys are?"

"Yeah! I do!" called the captain, as he came running into view. "Let me handle this!"

The captain ran up and took a dinghy from one of the storage rooms on the cruiser and flung it out onto the raging sea, holding it still with his hand via a rope.

"There they are! The servants of Satan! AFTER THEM!" came the voice of Philippulus the Prophet from the distance.

"That's my skipper!" shouted the captain. "Quickly! Onto the dinghy!"

Within seconds, Alberto and the nine ponies and the cruiser captain were on board the dinghy in the middle of the raging gale, which was still as strong as ever.

"Phew! That was close!" gasped Rainbow Dash. "But do we fly yet?"

"Not from what I see," said Big McIntosh; "we'll need to find out where exactly in the Baltic Sea we are now, before you pegasi can do any flying."

"What happened up there anyway?" asked Alberto, curiously.

"My skipper all of a sudden became like that, don't ask me why," said the captain. "Even I also don't know what overcame him. He was usually very quiet when working alongside me as my assistant for the past year or so. He'd helped me navigate really rough routes before, in equally horrible weather. Surprising that this had to happen today -- of all days and weathers!"

"Well, at least we're safe for now, despite the weather," said Shining Armour.

"My name's Hook," said the captain; "Captain James Hook. And what about you guys?"

"Just call me Alberto," said Alberto; "these are my ponies."

The nine ponies introduced themselves in turn.

"Nice names! Sounds like you guys just came from the racecourse in Suffolk!" laughed Captain Hook.

"I beg your....?" said Shining Armour, giving Captain Hook a look in his eye.

"Er... nothing," replied Captain Hook, taken aback.

"Captain, how come you're working in this line anyways?" wondered Snails. "You don't sound like the typical drunken, loud-mouthed sailor."

"It's kind of a long story actually," said Captain Hook. "As a kid growing up in London, I came from a family which abused me greatly. My parents, especially my father, loved to photograph and videograph me nude, not only as a baby but also as a grade-school-age kid and even as a teenager. When I refused to comply with him, he would start to emotionally blackmail me and threaten me with lots of things not worth talking about, until and unless I would comply with his demands. His own reasons for doing this to me, he said, was because it was 'for the good of' me.

"During my grade-school years, this abuse was so rampant that I eventually began thinking of why my father kept doing that to me, and why he never got into any hot soup with the law because of that. My classmates began teasing me about it; some of them even showed me the videos of me that my father had posted on the internet. I was in an all-boys' school, Eton College; and because of that, I also began to find myself inclined to same-sex orientations at the time.

"Eventually, unable to take my father's abuses, I moved out of home at 18 years of age, by which time I'd gotten a scholarship from my senior high school to go to York University to study teaching, which had been my passion since I was in junior high. I accepted with a smile, and while in York I'd developed a love for photography, bought me four Canon Digital SLR cameras. I began photographing and videographing some random and willing kids -- mainly local boys between 11 and 17 years of age -- at the beach, all in their swimming attire; and put the very same pics and videos on the internet the way my father had done to me years ago. The difference here is that these kids were willing.

"Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse one day when my laptop died and I had to send it in for repairs. I was forced to borrow the York University library's computers to update my Flickr photo library. I was unfortunate enough when a peeping-tom came and peeked over my shoulder and saw what I was doing, and the next thing I knew, the police came and ordered me to follow them. A scuffle broke out, in which I lost my left hand, which has since been replaced by this hook you see here. That was when I was roughly 23 years of age. I tried in vain to defend myself in court, getting nothing but only further charges of 'contempt of court' slapped on my head whenever I opened my mouth.

"Thank goodness Tavish 'Demoman' DeGroot, my long-time friend from Inverness Park, stepped in to help me at the last minute. He offered me a job that would keep me as far away from dry land as possible, so that no other 'concerned parents' would ever see my face again; and the rest of civilization would take me to be as good as dead. Hence, I accepted Demoman's offer to work in Finger Pier as a naval officer; eventually I rose to the rank of Captain. I am now 51 years of age and have never set foot onto any form of dry land on Earth ever since that time.

I know just how to whisper, and I know just how to cry;

I know just where to find the answers; and I know just how to lie.

I know just how to fake it, and I know just how to scheme;

I know just when to face the truth, and then I know just when to dream.

And I know just where to touch you, and I know just what to prove;

I know when to pull you closer, and I know when to let you loose.

And I know the night is fading, and I know that time's gonna fly;

and I'm never gonna tell you everything I've got to tell you,

but I know I've got to give it a try.

And I know the roads to riches, and I know the ways to fame;

I know all the rules and then I know how to break 'em

and I always know the name of the game.

But I don't know how to leave you, and I'll never let you fall;

and I don't know how you do it, making love out of nothing at all.

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun

are streaming through the waves in your hair;

and every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes like a spotlight,

The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost

and it's looking for a rhythm like you.

You can take the darkness from the pit of the night

and turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.

I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know,

well it's nothing till I give it to you.

I can make the run or stumble, I can make the final block;

And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,

I can make all the stadiums rock.

I can make tonight forever, or I can make it disappear by the dawn;

And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,

And I can make all your demons be gone.

But I'm never gonna make it without you, do you really want to see me crawl?

And I'm never gonna make it like you do, making love out of nothing at all.

The ponies were touched by Captain Hook's story and song, as was Alberto.

"Don't you worry, Captain, you'll definitely make it with us," Derpy reassured the venerable English sailor. "Alberto had a very similar history to yours, and look at what he is today -- defense knight of all Equestria!"

"Si, I can testify to that," said Alberto. "You'll be in safe hands -- and hooves too -- with us. So don't you worry."

"The weather's taking a turn for the worse!" cried Big McIntosh.

"Fellow pegasi! To action now!" yelled Derpy.

All four pegasi flew to the corners of the dinghy, braving the rain, and using all their combined powers, they lifted up the dinghy into the air. Big McIntosh, in an attempt to encourage them to brave the rain and fly to the nearest dry land, sang to them:

I can see myself tearing up the road

Faster than any other horse has ever gone!

And my skin is rough but my soul is ripe,

And no one’s gonna stop me now!

I gotta make my escape,

But I can’t stop thinking of you,

And I never see the sudden curve until it’s way too late!

Then I’m dying on the bottom of a pit in the blazing sun,

Torn and twisted at the foot of a burning bike;

And I think somepony somewhere must be tolling a bell,

And the last thing I see is my heart still beating,

Breaking out of my body and flying away,

Like a bat out of hell!

Simple ways

Alberto, Hook, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Rainbow Dash, Shining Armour, Snips, Snails, Soarin, and Thunderlane woke up to find themselves on a beach. The weather was cloudy, though the rain had all but subsided by this time.

"I for one am glad to be rid of that idiotic prophet," said Rainbow Dash.

"I can see that you guys are really worth my trust," sighed Hook. "Now that we're finally on shore..... but are we in Riga?"

"I hope so," said Shining Armour. "Let's see now.... what does that signpost say -- 'Eesti Meeremuseum'? 'Toompea'?? Is THAT Latvian?"

"No, it's Estonian," said Hook. "As a sailor, I've travelled quite a lot around this region, so I can tell what language the people are speaking. We often have to communicate with the port authorities of each country in their own language, you see."

"Ah," said Alberto. "But now the thing is, the date shown here on my phone shows June 10th. We have only all but 10 days to complete this quest. And it's already getting dark here -- it's 8pm. I don't care whether we're in Estonia or Latvia, but rather I suggest we find a place to rest for the night. Maybe we can rest in the trees over there."

"No," said Thunderlane; "I think there's an inn over yonder. I suggest we go there!"

"No, Thunderlane! That inn might be a trap!" suddenly cried Snails, his horn glowing.

"You guys can nap under the trees for all you like and be bitten by the red ants," said Thunderlane, in a rage. "I will go over to the inn and rest there, and then meet you here tomorrow morning, safe and sound!"

"No! Thunderlane! NOOOO!" yelled Snips and Snails, both trying to stop Thunderlane.

"Leave him be!" ordered Alberto. "If it's a trap, he'll surely know it and come back to us sooner than we think! Let's just rest under the trees here!"

Thunderlane went alone into the inn, confident that he was going to get a luxurious rest for at least one night if not more. He was met in the inn hallway by a beautiful blonde lady receptionist. Unknown to him yet, this lady was none other than Cinzia de los Angeles, the notorious horsenapper and mistress-of-disguise who was employed under the command of Sean Brink.

"Welcome to the Bracing Breeze inn," she said. "My name is Lola and I will be your friendly hostess for the evening."

Thunderlane was smitten by this biped within seconds. "How much is the hotel charge?" he asked.

"Free for you," said Cinzia, her eyes gleaming with contentment. "Come, here is your room."

She took Thunderlane to a small room with a luxurious-looking horse-sized bed and a plate full of apples. "That's your dinner," said Cinzia, as she produced a golden chalice from her bag and filled it with intoxicating brandy. "And this is your beverage," she said, putting it before Thunderlane.

Thunderlane couldn't see it due to the dimness of the room, but this chalice was none other than the Holy Grail itself!!! Nevertheless, he drank the brandy and ate all the fruits, completely unaware that they were drugged.

"I'm tired," he yawned. "I want to sleep."

"Sure, lie down on the bed," said Cinzia. "Let me give you a massage."

"Er... shouldn't you go back to your other customers?" asked Thunderlane, wondering why this lady did not want to let him sleep alone. "Won't your manager be upset?"

"I am the manager," said Cinzia; "and because I'm with you, you can rest assured that you'll have a good night's sleep, because I've put a spell on you.

I put a spell on you..

'Cause you're mine.

You better stop the things you do..

I ain't lying,

No I ain't lying.

You know I can't stand it,

You're runnin' around.

You know better daddy..

I can't stand it cause you put me down.

I put a spell on you..

Because you're mine...

You're mine..

I love you..

I love you..

I love you...

I love you anyhow..

And I don't care.

if you don't want me,

I'm yours right now...

You hear me,

I put a spell on you..

Because you're mine.

Thunderlane fell asleep to the hypnotical singing voice of Cinzia de los Angeles. The minute he passed out, Cinzia immediately bound him and gagged him. "Tee hee hee! That's taken care of him!" she giggled, taking out her phone to email Sean Brink to notify him of her apparent victory.

The next morning, the other eight ponies and two humans were surprised that Thunderlane had not returned unlike he'd promised. Alberto was getting worried. "We'd better go to that inn and find him!" he yelled.

The inn proved to have no sign of life anywhere, apart from one of its rooms with the bedsheets pulled apart and the fruits all eaten to the core. There was only another parchment on the bed, but nevertheless, a parchment.

"My sister again!" said Shining Armour. "We'd better read this one!"

Alberto picked the parchment up and read it:

Even if you didn’t make it to Riga, Tallinn will do fine for now. Here is your next clue: Thunderlane has been horsenapped by an aide of Sean Brink; she’s an Inca from Chaco in Bolivia, her name is Cinzia de los Angeles, and she is an extremely experienced and high-profile serial horsenapper as well as a master of disguise, she’s horsenapped for Tesco before. I have included two photos of her for your reference. Do not worry, she cannot travel far, I have put certain obstacles in her way to prevent her from going far. She is right now at Hare Krishna’s Vegetarian Restaurant in downtown Tallinn. Go there quickly and rescue Thunderlane, then make off immediately for St Petersburg; there is a direct highway leading there from Tallinn! Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

Immediately below the parchment was a recent B&W photo of Cinzia de los Angeles.

"No time to waste!" shouted Alberto. "We're off to Hare Krishna's at once!"

Hare Krishna's Vegetarian Restaurant was located in the street just adjacent. It was an outdoor street cafeteria typical of the Soviet era in Estonia. The sole proprietor, Hare Krishna, was a native of Tamil Nadu who had once been a close friend of former Beatle George Harrison.

When the eight ponies and two humans arrived, they found that the restaurant was practically empty except for one customer, a Charlie Chaplin wannabe, seated at one of the tables eating braised kailan in lime juice, and texting away on an iPhone.

"Excuse me," said Big McIntosh, approaching the sole customer. "Do you happen to have seen the woman in this picture?" He produced the B&W photo of Cinzia.

The Charlie-Chaplin-wannabe stopped texting, looked at the party, and spoke in a deep, gruff voice. "I'm sorry, but I don't know this person. Excuse me. I'm kind of busy now."

"Erm.. sir, are you a pervert of some sort?" suddenly asked Snips, out of mere curiosity. "Why are you carrying a woman's handbag?"

Just then, Hare Krishna happened to come out of the kitchen. Before the Charlie Chaplin wannabe could answer, he happened to overhear what Snips had said, and noticed the female-exclusive handbag carried by this customer.

"Who are you?!" demanded Hare Krishna. "Why are you carrying a woman's handbag?!! I seriously never expected to have a pervert among my customers! Here's your money! Take it back and get the fuck out of my restaurant at once!"

"For your information," growled the Charlie Chaplin wannabe, "his" voice escalating into a high soprano key, "I am a woman!" And so saying, "he" took off "his" hat and wig and pulled out a gun. Alberto and his companions all knew that this Charlie Chaplin wannabe was none other than Cinzia de los Angeles herself, in one of her many highly-convincing disguises.

"Get down, all of you!" yelled Cinzia. "Hands on your heads! And squat down! And don't you dare fidget or I will put a bullet through your brains!"

Ebben, so this is the end of us all now, said Alberto to himself as he squat down with his hands behind his head.

"HANDS UP!" came a male voice, an authentically male voice this time, from not far off. Everypony looked up, even Cinzia. There stood a big, burly British detective with a gun in his hand, pointed at Cinzia, with four other detectives alongside him.

Assistant Superintendent of Police (ASP) James Bond, also known as 007, was a police officer from Scotland Yard and in charge of a delegation sent to arrest Cinzia de los Angeles. The rest of the delegation, which were also present, included Inspectors Michael Johnson and Hector O'Brien and Sergeants Kimberly Goldstein and Bill Love.

"Cinzia de los Angeles! We are from Scotland Yard!" said Bond, producing his credentials. "We are sent here on Her Majesty's Orders because we have a warrant to arrest you for numerous horsenapping cases in the United Kingdom! Please follow us back to assist us in our investigations immediately!"

"Ebben! Come and get me then!" shouted Cinzia.

Within a matter of minutes, Cinzia was easily overpowered by the five officers, who were surrounding her on all sides. "Now are you going to cooperate, or not?" demanded Bond. Cinzia raised her hands but was too scared to reply.

"Officers, if you'll allow me to add," put in Alberto, "one of our horses has gone missing, and it is believed that this woman here has horsenapped him. An Andalusian pegasus with black fur and a silver mane. We're looking for him now actually."

"Very good! Escort us to where this horse is now, or we will slap another charge on your head!" ordered Johnson.

"Do what you like with me, Ah Sir," said Cinzia, "but please stop showering your blessings in my face. It's wet!"

"MOVE!" yelled O'Brien.

Cinzia, very grudgingly and with her hands in the air, walked the party of eight ponies, two civilian humans, and five police officers to a deserted skyscraper a few metres away, where Thunderlane was bound and gagged.

"There he is," said Cinzia.

"Cuff her up!" ordered Bond. The officers immediately handcuffed Cinzia. "You bastards!" she cried, as they led her away to the waiting interpol car. "You ruined my life! You'll suffer retribution! PTUI!" And spitting on the ground, she laughed like a deranged maniacal woman.

"Shut the fuck up can't you!" shouted Bill Love, punching Cinzia in the face and pushing her into the police car with his colleagues. James Bond and the other officers got into the car and sped off.

Soarin went up to bite the ropes that were binding Thunderlane. Within a few minutes, Thunderlane was finally loose.

"Whew!" he gasped.

"Next time, pal, don't ever run away like that again!" said Soarin. "That woman could have turned you into horsemeat sooner than you think!"

Suddenly, a piece of dynamite dropped from the second storey window of the deserted skyscraper. It was about to explode, but Thunderlane, seeing it, jumped on it and managed to extinguish the dynamite just in time before the estimated explosion.

"Que pasa!?!" cried Alberto.

Suddenly, a male maniacal laugh came from within the skyscraper. "Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!"

Everypony looked up to where the sound was coming from. An all-too-familiar black face was gazing out of the second storey window at them and laughing maniacally. "Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! It is the judgement come upon you! Philippulus the Prophet gave you ample warning!"

Caramba, it's that loco prophet again, said Alberto to himself.

"You!" suddenly cried Philippulus the Prophet, going into a hysterical rage the minute he saw Alberto. "I recognise you! You're the servant of Satan! Keep your distance, fiend!"

Just then, a big burly Russian with a minigun came walking in. Yevgeny Ludmilovich "Heavy" Nyelidin, a native of Minsk, was the project manager of the skyscraper's construction. "What's going on here?" he boomed. "And what's that intruder doing on my balcony?!"

Hook tried to reason with his long-time ex-colleague. "Please, my dear Philippulus!" he pleaded. "It is I, Hook, your brother-in-arms from the navy! We worked together hand-in-hand! Won't you take my word and come down?"

"You are not Hook!" yelled Philippulus the Prophet. "You have assumed his shape, but you are a fiend! You are NOT Hook!"

"But I am Heavy Nyelidin, by thunder -- project manager of this construction site!" boomed Heavy. "And I order you by the power vested in me, to come down immediately!"

"No way Jose!" laughed Philippulus the Prophet. "Philippulus the Prophet takes orders only from above! I am staying here! And to prove to you my point, I shall go higher!" He went to a stairwell and climbed to the third floor and peered out the window at everypony.

"Look, what's bitten you?!" cried Alberto. "In heaven's name, come down!"

"You speak not in the name of heaven, but of hell!" retorted Philippulus the Prophet. "I'm staying here!"

"Guys, no point doing this to him!" whispered Rainbow Dash. "I've got a better idea! He'll come down. You'll see."

"Good luck, Dash!" said Big McIntosh.

Rainbow Dash galloped to a few blocks away till she was out of the mad prophet's vision, flew into the air about the same level as he was, and then, in her most masculine-sounding voice, she shouted out.

"Hello, hello, Philippulus the Prophet! This is your guardian angel speaking from heaven! I order you to return to earth! And be careful -- don't break your neck!"

The Afro-American prophet heard these words echo around, but saw no-one in sight saying them. He grew scared and immediately began to descend the stairwell to the ground floor. "Yes, sir," he said, scared. "At once, sir. Don't be angry, sir...."

Just then, an ambulance drove by, driven by three Medics; they stopped it at the skyscraper and got out. "There he is!" cried a Medic, as he bound Philippulus the Prophet in a strait-jacket and led him to the ambulance. "He's a patient from the mental hospital. We've been looking for him all day."

As the ambulance drove off, the nine ponies and two humans breathed a sigh of relief. Heavy Nyelidin was very grateful. "If not for you," he said, shaking Rainbow Dash's hoof, "my construction project would have been surely ruined by now."

"Guess I just got 20 per cent cooler," smiled Rainbow Dash, "but I think we've got more important things to do now. Could you tell us the quickest route to St Petersburg, please?"

"You mean Pyotrograd?" said Heavy, using the Russian name of the city. "Quickest-route would be by the Trans-Siberian Expressway, or TSE, which goes down this route. Exit 17B."

"Thanks," said Alberto.

Just then, Applejack, Flash Sentry, and Dumbbell arrived.

"What are you guys doing here?!" gasped Alberto.

"Guys! Her Royal Highness gave us orders to help you out on the next bit of your journey!" said Flash Sentry. "She brings orders for you also -- go directly to St Petersburg NOW!"

"No time to waste!" added Applejack.

"So now there are two of us humans and twelve ponies!" cried Alberto, as he mounted Big McIntosh. "On the road immediately!"

Kopi-o

After the twelve ponies, along with Alberto and Captain Hook, had left the scene and headed for St Petersburg, Hare Krishna was left alone to tidy up the mess in his restaurant. He was extremely pissed that this kind of rotten luck had befallen him today, of all days, it had to be on Diwali, the Indian festival of lights. And he was even more mad to discover that Cinzia de los Angeles had left her handbag behind -- giving him all but one more headache.

But his anger subsided when he discovered a pure gold chalice inside Cinzia's handbag. Unknown to him yet, this was the Holy Grail itself, the very same cup used by Jesus at the Last Supper, that was stolen from Canterlot Castle's Maximum Security Vault by Aeron Vartan, and that was used by Cinzia to give Thunderlane brandy just the other night!! But Hare Krishna, completely ignorant of these facts, thought he had stumbled on a pure gold chalice that would be worth millions of roubles if he sold it. So he took the Holy Grail and immediately made off for the Estonian Flea Market, just a few streets down. The merchant he sold it to was an old lady who sold antiques; a few minutes after Hare Krishna left the market, Cheese Sandwich happened to be passing by.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he said, "but how much is that chalice worth?" (Unlike Hare Krishna, Cheese Sandwich certainly could tell the Holy Grail when he saw it.)

"Sell it to you for 30 roubles, little horsey," said the old lady, stroking Cheese Sandwich on his mane.

Cheese Sandwich opened his purse and paid up promptly. "Thanks," he said, as he took the Holy Grail into his hooves and put it into his van-sized cart, before pulling it back to his coffee shop in the outskirts of Saint Petersburg.

[flashback]

Cheese Sandwich was an earth pony who was a native of Canterlot, the capital and largest city of Equestria; years before Alberto Garcia had relocated to Equestria, Cheese Sandwich had been the head chef in Castle Canterlot's Central Kitchen; his specialty, as his name suggests, was in making cheese sandwiches and black coffee. He always referred to his black coffee as "kopi-o". All his specialties were well loved by everypony in Equestria, even by Princesses Celestia and Luna; and to be able to eat his cuisine was considered a once-in-a-blue-moon privilege.

Unfortunately, following an incognito visit to the Castle's Library one evening out of sheer boredom, he was intrigued by a couple of books on Marxism and how it became political. And that was where he began to start delving into Marxism at its very roots, and believing in it with all his heart.

The day came when he and his cooks -- all of them Minions specially imported from Peking -- did not turn up for work one evening. Apparently they were hiding in the Badlands in the South of Equestria, hoping to begin a coup d'etat of the entire principality, in the hope of ousting the two Princesses and turning Equestria into a one-party socialist state. Thankfully, that never happened, for Princess Celestia discovered that just in time, and the Equestrian Army, led by Shining Armour and Flash Sentry, defeated Cheese Sandwich at the Badlands, and banished him to earth.

After living a wanderer's life in Siberia for a few months, Cheese Sandwich would later move to live in St Petersburg, where he was adopted by Dr Michael Johann Valdez, an exiled socialist German who had worked for former East German dictator Erich Honecker years ago. Michael and Cheese Sandwich together started a new franchise, called "Ah Seng Cheese Toast"; their first outlet opened in the outskirts of St Petersburg, and two more followed suit in Moscow and in Minsk.

Dario Flavio Perez and his wife, Feliscia, visited the St Petersburg outlet a year later, after being invited by Michael, who had been Perez's long-time friend since their college days. It was there that Perez offered Cheese Sandwich to become Sparkle Enterprises' resident war horse. While not a Shire or Clydesdale (he was a Thoroughbred, and hence not the most suitable breed for wars), Cheese Sandwich nevertheless agreed; he was, after all, a really fast pony. Perez then gave him a task: He would send someone to go and get the Holy Grail, and then bring it over to Earth, to Cheese Sandwich, who would receive it and bring it to the Vaults of Heaven -- Michael's castle-like residence -- and store it deep in the Grail Vault, which was deep underground in the Vaults of Heaven. Cheese Sandwich jumped at this chance; he had been waiting for so long to get his revenge against Princess Celestia for having banished him...

[/flashback]

Now that Cheese Sandwich had acquired the Holy Grail, he was most certainly more than overjoyed; he knew that this was to be the final stretch of the vengeance mission that he had wanted to be a part of for so many years. He immediately sent an email to Sean Brink, saying that the Holy Grail was now in his hooves, and he was taking it over to Michael as planned. Brink replied promptly, congratulating Cheese Sandwich on a job well done.

It was during this time that Alberto and Hook, along with Applejack, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Dumbbell, Flash Sentry, Rainbow Dash, Shining Armour, Snips, Snails, Soarin, and Thunderlane, all arrived outside the St Petersburg outlet of "Ah Seng Cheese Toast", after 2 days of arduous journeying through the wintry landscapes of Estonia and then Russia.

"I'm famished!" gasped Rainbow Dash.

"We should eat somewhere!" added Flash Sentry.

"For once, I agree with you!" said Big McIntosh. "Normally I would be able to take this kind of journeying, but the harsh weather of the Soviet Union really makes me feel.... er.... out of place!"

"We'd better look around for a place to eat," said Alberto.

Suddenly, there came a song from not far off, sung by a masculine voice as clear as crystal water:

Dans quelques places qui nous connaissons bien,

Il y a les déjeuner qui nous connaissons bien.

Les chefs du restaurant,

Tous ont sourris qui sont toute le même.

Dans cette place qui nous connaisons bien,

Il y a des faces qui nous connaissons bien.

Ça, c'est partout une place, où tout le monde sait!

Buvons un verre de caffé,

Et discutons des choses nouvelles!

Invitez vos amis d'ici,

De boire et parler pour toute l'heure!

Dans cette rue, les voitures viennent et vont,

Et qui pense à le rue de croix?

Vous ne vous voit bien d'ici? Ça, c'est partout normal!

Kopi-o! Kopi-o! Buvons un verre de kopi-o!

Kopi-o! Kopi-o! Et oublions tous les choses mal!

Dans cette place qui nous connaisons bien,

Il y a ideales qui à nous font plaisir!

Et donc allez-y, enfants, ad ouvrir une nouvelle journée!

And from where they were, they could see the Ah Seng Cheese Toast restaurant, and Cheese Sandwich serving a few customers therein; and so they knew that it was his voice that had been singing.

"We'll eat there," decided Shining Armour. Everypony agreed.

Yes, none of them suspected that their mutual decision to eat there was going to be the very thing that was going to be luring them into a trap. They queued up waiting for seats.

"Good evening, friends," said Cheese Sandwich. "A table for fourteen, I presume?"

"Si," said Alberto. "Have you such a table?"

"You are in best of luck!" smiled Cheese Sandwich. "There's just such a table here! Come, let me join it together for you." He joined together seven two-seaters. "Voilà!" he said. "Have a seat, friends!" So these are the targets that Michael was telling me about, he said to himself.

After the party of fourteen sat down, Cheese Sandwich took their orders -- 14 cheese sandwiches as set meals. Going to his kitchen, he got his Minion chefs to cook exactly that -- with 200 milligrams of lithium poured incognito into the melted cheese. Once all fourteen cheese sandwich sets were done, Cheese Sandwich served them out. "There ya go!" he said. "Enjoy your meal!" Hee hee hee, the fun begins here, he said to himself.

"I don't know why," said Big McIntosh, "but I feel strange."

"I feel really dizzy!" yawned Alberto.

"I want to go home...." gasped Derpy.

And within a matter of minutes, the entire party passed out, overcome by the drugged cheese sandwiches. Cheese Sandwich rubbed his hooves in glee. "That's taken care of them!" he giggled, as he put them one by one into the very same cart that he had used to carry the Holy Grail to Michael Valdez in St Petersburg merely a few hours before. Harnessing himself to the cart, Cheese Sandwich immediately galloped off for the Vaults of Heaven.

Meanwhile miles away in Bolivia, Sean Brink received news from Cheese Sandwich via email -- there were twelve ponies and two humans altogether who had just been successfully taken prisoner, and were on the way to be delivered to Michael Valdez. Brink immediately got concerned. "Dammit! He's putting us in peril!" he cried, rising to his feet.

"Que pasa?!" cried Dario Perez.

"Que pasa? Que pasa is that the party of stalkers has exponentially increased!" cried Brink. "Weren't there originally seven horses and one human being? And now what is this about TWELVE horses and TWO human beings? Where did that other human being come from anyway?!! This will not do! I think we'd better rush to St Petersburg before we get overwhelmed!"

"I'll come with you, Sean!" said Perez. "Benz, you stay here and take care of all Università di Canterlot matters! Inform us immediately if anything goes wrong! Adios!"

Benedicto Guzmán rubbed his hands. Señor Brink certainly is an excellent organiser, but I think I can do better, he said to himself. Calling Jovento Bajarán, Aeron Vartan, and Boris Kirilenko to his side, he gave them orders. "Jovento, go and make sure all the sponsors have arrived," he said. "Boris, you make sure all the performers -- singers, dancers, cosplayers, etc., come on time. And you, Aeron, please inform our guest of honour, our Deputy Prime Minister cum Minister for Home Affairs Señor Eduardo Linera Oscuro, that Alberto Garcia might well try to use one or more forms of witchcraft to gatecrash our convention; and hence to be sure that we have enough police officers on security duty."

Two days later, Perez and Brink landed at the airport in St Petersburg; they immediately ran over to the Vaults of Heaven to see Michael Valdez.

"Ach so! You certainly took your time!" said Valdez. "Cheese Sandwich emailed me, said he'd be here in a matter of hours. He already passed me the Holy Grail earlier on; I've since kept it in the Maximum Security Grail Vault in my home."

"Good to know that you've kept the Holy Grail safe and sound, Michael," said Perez.

"But Cheese Sandwich is bringing over 14 prisoners altogether -- 12 ponies and 2 humans!" cried Brink. "Are you sure this is not a trojan-horse kind of trap??"

"The poison I gave to Cheese Sandwich to put into the food to be served to them, was pure lithium, so the chances of them getting knocked out are close to perfection," said Valdez. "Furthermore, Cheese Sandwich has enough length of ropes to tie them all down. There is no way he can fail us."

"Then where will you have place to imprison the prisoners?" said Perez. "Surely they might break free and grab the Holy Grail from you incognito, given that this is all going to be in the same building?"

"Believe me," said Valdez, "I know just the place to put the prisoners in."

Just then, the sound of hooves was heard; and within a matter of minutes, Cheese Sandwich came galloping into view. "Finally!" he cried. "Here are the prisoners! Wait a minute! Sean, Dario, how come you guys are here??"

"We want to see the prisoners," said Dario, proceeding to open up the door of the trailer that Cheese Sandwich had been pulling.

"Be careful, Dario," said Brink.

Perez opened the door of Cheese Sandwich's trailer. All twelve ponies and both humans were inside, unconscious as ever.

"The naval captain is of no use to us," said Brink. "Strip him nude and throw him out into the tundra. But as for the others, we'll take them prisoner."

"You guys will have to come in with me," said Valdez, as he led them into the Vaults of Heaven and bolted the door tight. "My home is patrolled well by my servants. They will definitely know what to do if they see the prisoners escape. Right now I'll take you guys to the Rainy Hall. We'll dump the prisoners there."

And so Valdez, Brink, Perez, and Cheese Sandwich together took the twelve bound-and-gagged ponies and Alberto -- all of them still unconscious -- to the Rainy Hall via way of the Old Archives. "We will dump them here," whispered Valdez. "They will not detect anything. Meanwhile, since you both are already here, come with me, I'll need you guys to do something for me...."

Chile Vanilli, Parte Uno

"Why.... is.... this...." gasped Alberto, as he slowly opened his eyes -- to discover that he was in near pitch darkness, and that Captain Hook was missing!!

"Ah, you're awake at last!" cried Big McIntosh. "Where are we anyways?"

"Beats me," said Alberto; "the last I recall, we were eating our dinner halfway at a kopitiam outside St Petersburg -- and then that was that..."

"There's only one explanation to this, if you allow me to say," said Shining Armour; "and that is that we clearly walked into some sort of booby trap after eating those sandwiches."

"And so -- that pony was most probably an agent of the evil forces under Sean Brink!! In other words, our quest has been discovered! Meaning we're done for!" cried Alberto. "We're as good as gone! I have failed in the quest!"

"NO! Alberto, we are NOT failed!" Big McIntosh scolded Alberto. "I don't care what happens, we're going to get out of here fast! And if we think we can do it, we'll do it! Fellow ponies, let's show Alberto what we mean!"

Knowing that Big McIntosh meant business, four of the other ponies -- Braeburn, Shining Armour, Dumbbell, and Thunderlane --  stood beside him, facing Alberto. In a chorus of five, they burst into song, in the hope of encouraging their human leader.

No matter what they tell us,

No matter what they do,

No matter what they teach us,

What we believe is true.

No matter what they call us,

However they attack,

No matter where they take us,

We’ll find our own way back!

I can’t deny what I believe,

I can’t be what I’m not.

I know our love forever,

I know no matter what!

If only tears were laughter,

If only night was day,

If only prayers were answered,

Then we would hear G-d say:

No matter what they tell you,

No matter what they do,

No matter what they teach you,

What you believe is true.

And I will keep you safe and strong,

And sheltered from the storm;

No matter where it’s barren,

A dream is being born!

No matter who they follow,

No matter where they lead,

No matter how they judge us,

I’ll be everyone you need!

No matter if the sun don’t shine,

Or if the skies are blue,

No matter what the ending,

My life began with you!

And I can’t deny what I believe,

I can’t be what I’m not.

I know our love forever,

I know no matter what!

Alberto heard those five pony voices, led by Braeburn and Big McIntosh, singing those very words to him; and these words jerked him into full wakefulness. He knew that these were loyal and furry friends, and they would do all they could to help him in this quest to retrieve the Holy Grail, no matter what.

Rising to his feet, Alberto took a deep breath. "We will find the Holy Grail today even if it means laying down our very lives!" he proclaimed boldly. The twelve ponies neighed in approval.

"I suggest," said Shining Armour, "that we start by following this weird-looking pink liquid. I've never seen anything like this before anyways. It seems to lead somewhere like a trail of some sort."

It certainly did; there was a pink-coloured liquid droplet trail on the floor all right and it certainly did seem to be going somewhere. "We'll follow it now," said Alberto.

This was most certainly the hall of an ancient castle, most probably no less than a century old if not more. The smell of vermin feces was present in the air. The brown stone walls were littered with slime and debris of all manner of description. There were a few banners scattered here and there, bearing logos symbolic of imperial Russia. And the good thing was -- there were a few tinderboxes on the ground, found by the party of six as they cruised through.

"Here's a fine thing!" said Big McIntosh, picking up a tinderbox. "These small matchboxes will come in handy if we need to light a fire! But first we've got to get out of this prison!"

"Well, something tells us we're not far from ground floor," said Dumbbell. "The staircase here goes up; it's our only chance though -- let's take it."

They followed the staircase in the next hall upward -- only to discover another long, winding corridor of slimy stone walls.... which eventually led them to a small hall where another staircase, smaller this time, led downwards to a door labelled: OLD ARCHIVES.

"Let's go in," said Alberto. "This is the only way."

The six ponies and their human leader opened the door and went in.

Meanwhile, Sean Brink and Dario Perez were deep underground in the Grail Vault in the Vaults of Heaven, watching over their beloved Holy Grail, the loot which they could now call all theirs. With them were Michael Valdez and his pet pony Cheese Sandwich.

"Wow! Well done!" said Brink. "Even if Aeron failed to bring it here, at least Cheese Sandwich succeeded!"

"It will be safe down here," said Cheese Sandwich; "you have Michael's and my guarantees on that. Right now I think Michael needs to brief you guys on something."

"Si," said Valdez. "I don't know why, but something tells me that there's a chance that the prisoners may be scheming enough to escape and kill our servants in the process. Which is why I need the both of you to help me stand guard."

"Stand guard? Here?? BOTH OF US???" gasped Perez.

"That has to be done," said Valdez, "if you are serious about keeping the Grail here. We had to put the prisoners somewhere within our eye view if we were to be sure that they would not escape. If we imprisoned them anywhere else other than in this very castle, they'd soon find us out using third-party aid. And you and I certainly don't want that. So...."

"So why didn't we just kill them on the spot?" asked Perez. "Finish off the job once and for all!"

"You know that every country has anti-assassination laws," said Valdez. "And Russia is no exception. You don't want to get arrested for wilfully killing twelve horses and one man, do you? Anyways. Here's the plan. Dario, you go and wait in the next room, which is the Vault Tunnels; and Sean, you wait in the Lair, which is beyond the Heavy Machinery Controls. Go now."

"But Michael, let us...." began Perez. But before he could finish, a thud was heard on the ceiling above.

"Kruzitürcken! The prisoners!" whispered Valdez. "They may have escaped! Go to your posts NOW!! And Cheese Sandwich, you stay here with me!"

And meanwhile, Alberto and his twelve pony companions had just entered the Old Archives. This was a slightly more well-furbished corridor as compared to the Rainy Hall that they'd been in earlier on. A few more tinderboxes were found. In one of the rooms there was also a sketch of a weird-looking humanoid creature which had ivory skin and a severely deformed mouth. The sketch was captioned: GRUNT. This kind of intrigued the ponies, especially Snips and Snails.

In this next room, there was also an old rusty sword on the ground. "Looks like this is our only weapon for now should we face any enemies," said Alberto, picking it up. He realised that there was an inscription on the sword's blade:

WHOSO PULLETH OUT THIS SWORD FROM THE STONE AND ANVIL IS RIGHTWISE KING BORN OF ALL ENGLAND

"Caramba!" cried Alberto. "This means...." He looked at the ponies; he realised that all twelve of them were staring at him with awe and adoration on their furry faces.

"Do you know what you've just found, Noble Don Alberto?" asked Shining Armour, giving Alberto a friendly tap on his head with his horn, the same way that his sister Twilight Sparkle had done nearly 20 days ago when she dubbed Alberto knight for the first time.

"What I've found, I can't say," said Alberto, "but what I do know and can say, is that we have to get out of here. My suggestion is that we go out the other door in this room. We have to find out where exactly we are before we can retrieve the Holy Grail."

They went through that very door and were in another corridor, which took them to yet another room. In this room there was  a shelf in the corner, and a desk next to that shelf which had -- another parchment!!!

"FINALLY! Just what we need!" cried Shining Armour.

"Sh sh!" Big McIntosh whispered. "Let's just pick it up and read it!"

"I'll do that!" whispered Alberto. He picked up the parchment and read, softly but aloud:

Do not fear, friends, you are closer to the Holy Grail than you think. Indeed, by the time you find this scroll, you are now in the Vaults of Heaven, a castle in St Petersburg which contains memorials of the Soviet era. You will have found Excalibur by the time you find this note; it is a very useful sword with certain magical powers, use it wisely. From the next room onwards, you will start to encounter one or more monsters here and there, many are hostile to you and want to kill you, so slay them with Excalibur. There may, however, be one or two friendly monsters who look like their hostile counterparts but actually are informants and are there to help you. You will be able to tell the hostile monsters and friendly monsters apart easily. This part of your journey should be no problems for twelve ponies and one biped to handle, given that you’re indoors and already have received some form of arms; whatever you do, just don't ever lose sight of one another, but stick close together at all times. Do NOT fail me. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

"So we're in the Vaults of Heaven! AT LAST!" cried Soarin.

"Sh!!!!" whispered Alberto. "Not so loud! I can hear growling of monsters! Quick! Let's get out of here!"

"It's a dead end!" said Braeburn.

"No, it isn't," said Shining Armour, his horn lighting up. "Something tells me to look to the wall to our immediate left."

Alberto walked to the left wall and found a lever. "I'll pull this?" he asked.

All six ponies nodded and snorted in approval. Alberto pulled the lever -- and the shelf moved, making a passage to the next room door! This door was labelled "ENTRANCE HALL".

"Let's go in there!" said Flash Sentry. "We need to show them what we're made of!

Hoy el pueblo cantará

Con gran coraje y voluntad

Esta es la música de un pueblo

Que reclama libertad.

Si al redoble del tambor

Tu corazón latiendo va

Es que la luz del nuevo día

Por fin vendrá.

A la causa te unirás

Que a todos libres nos hará

Por toda la ciudad

Barricadas se alzarán.

Ven únete al pueblo

Por fin las cadenas caerán.

Hoy el pueblo cantará

Con gran coraje y voluntad

Esta es la música de un pueblo

Que reclama libertad.

Si al redoble del tambor

Tu corazón latiendo va

Es que la luz del nuevo día

Por fin vendrá.

A tu patria te darás

Por este anhelo conseguir.

Unos cuantos vivirán

Y algunos vamos a morir.

La sangre en los campos de Francia

Los va a cubrir.

Hoy el pueblo cantará

Con gran coraje y voluntad

Esta es la música de un pueblo

Que reclama libertad.

Si al redoble del tambor

Tu corazón latiendo va

Es que la luz del nuevo día

Por fin vendrá!

And so singing, the twelve ponies and their human leader stepped into the Entrance Hall, hoping to find the Holy Grail somewhere in this huge castle. But just as they stepped into the Entrance Hall, red organic matter began to fill up the hallway they were in, startling them all....

For whom the bell tolls

"OWWW!" howled Alberto as his feet got trapped in the sticky stuff that was filling up the small hallway leading into the Entrance Hall. "What in the name of the Santa Madre de Dios is this!"

"It's red, it's icky, and it's painful to the touch!" cried Big McIntosh. "Quick, let's all take a running jump over this and get the heck into the Entrance Hall!"

They did that, but not without sustaining a few cuts and bruises here and there. The Entrance Hall was enormous but very run down, with a small spiral staircase leading up to another door labelled "ARCHIVES", a straight staircase leading downwards to a door labelled "REFINERY", and a third staircase  that led downwards to two more doors labelled "WINE CELLAR" and "LABORATORY". And the biggest door of all was the exit door, which was on the other end of this Entrance Hall.

"I don't think we should exit yet," said Shining Armour. "I know we're all kind of tempted to, but knowing where we are now as per my sister's last parchment, we have to find the Holy Grail before we can go home. Let's try.... let me see" -- his horn started glowing at this point -- "I suggest we try the Archives first."

As soon as they stepped into the Archives door, Alberto had a flashback. He remembered something that had happened on June 1st -- Huascar, his gaming teacher and his best human friend at the time, had told him that he had to go back from Equestria to Peru to attend his mother's funeral. By a coincidence, the funeral was supposedly to be held on June 20th, the same day as the scheduled date of the evil forces' convention in La Paz known as "Università di Canterlot" -- and in Chistenango, a city within walking distance from La Paz!! Overcome by this flashback, Alberto fell to his knees and began crying.

"You OK, noble Don Alberto?" asked Thunderlane, gently nuzzling Alberto.

"Take it easy, mate," said Braeburn. "You'll be fine."

Alberto took a deep breath before speaking again. "Huascar said to me," he said, "that he had to go back to Earth because his mom had died of cancer. The funeral, it seems, was scheduled for June 20th this year. But by a remarkable and seeminly inexplicable coincidence, the CON-vention of our enemies was also scheduled for that very same day and the day after. What is more, it is to be held in a location which is pretty near to Chistenango crematorium. I fear the worst." Then, gazing his eyes to the dark ceiling, he slowly began to sing:

I stumble in the night,

Never really knew when it would have been right,

You’re no longer there to break my fall.

My heartache over you,

Given everything but it wouldn’t get through;

I never saw the signs,

You’re the last to know when love is blind.

All the tears and the turbulent years

When I would not wait for no one,

Never stopped to take a look at myself…..

Meanwhile, miles away in Chaco, Bolivia, Huascar was indeed attending his mother's funeral for real, unlike what Alberto was suspecting of him. As the Inca priests chanted funeral rites over Isabella León's coffin, Huascar sang:

.... and see me losing you.

When the lonely heart breaks, it’s the one that foresakes,

It’s the flame that we stole.

And I’m missing you more, and the fire that will roar,

There’s a hole in my soul.

For you it’s goodbye, for me it’s to cry,

For whom the bell tolls.

Of course, Alberto was completely unaware of whether or not his suspicions were confirmed or unfounded (of course it was the latter!), given that he and his twelve pony companions were locked up in the Vaults of Heaven and had a very important chore to do for the security of all Equestria. Sentimental about his best human friend's loyalty stance, and recalling the infamous Bel Mundo case that had happened 20 years ago, Alberto looked to the ceiling of the dark Vaults of Heaven and sang out:

I’ve seen you in a magazine,

A picture at a party where you shouldn’t have been,

Leaning on the aisle with someone else.

I’m still in love with you,

Won’t you come home to your little boy blue?

I’m come to feel inside

This precious love was never mine!

Now I know but a little too late

That I could not live without you;

In the dark or the broad day light…

Unlike Alberto, Huascar was clearly aware that Alberto would be suspecting him; after all, he knew his friend well enough to know his state of emotions in the event of a long absence, even though he certainly did not know anything about Alberto's present whereabouts, let alone the "Università di Canterlot" rogue convention cum booby trap which was in fact already taking place within 5 minutes' driving distance from the township of Chistenango, the crematorium in where Isabella León's body was to find its final resting place. Bronyism was important to Huascar, but there again so was his mother's funeral rites; as he gazed upon his mother's coffin being loaded onto the pure white funeral van bound for Chistenango crematorium, with tears in his eyes, he sang:

… I promise I’ll be there.

When the lonely heart breaks, it’s the one that foresakes,

It’s the flame that we stole.

And I’m missing you more, and the fire that will roar,

There’s a hole in my soul.

For you it’s goodbye, for me it’s to cry,

For whom the bell tolls.

Alberto, for the most part, had only two uppermost thoughts in his mind that were battling each other: either to get out of this place fast and rush back to Bolivia, snatch Huascar away from the forces of evil (if, heaven forbid, he was indeed seen with them), and then drag him back to Equestria with the twelve ponies; or to find the Holy Grail first and then rush back to Equestria with it, securing Equestria but leaving the young and talented Huascar to his fate. And time was certainly of the essence, given that it was already June 20th. Deeply overcome, Alberto sang:

And I knew there’d be times like this

When I couldn’t reach out to no-one.

And I’m never gonna find someone

That knows me like you do!

Are you leaving me a helpless child

When it took so long to save you?

I’ll fight the devil in the deep blue sea

And follow you everywhere!

Huascar, for his part, had no time to think about anything else, not even his beloved ponies -- because he had to concentrate on the final rituals of his mother's cremation. The coffin was loaded into the crematorium, and Huascar, tears filling up in his eyes, sang his final goodbyes to his mother:

And I promise I’ll be there!

When the lonely heart breaks, it’s the one that foresakes,

It’s the flame that we stole.

And I’m missing you more, and the fire that will roar,

There’s a hole in my soul.

For you it’s goodbye, for me it’s to cry,

For whom the bell tolls.

71-year-old Bernardo León gave his 41-year-old son a friendly pet on the back. "Don't cry anymore, Huascar; Mama is in a better place now, with our Lord," he said.

"Papa, I weep not for Mama's soul," said Huascar; "rather, I weep that Alberto Garcia may not trust in my loyal heart of friendship and care for him!"

Don Bernardo's face grew very sullen. He was about to scold his son, the way he had done in times past, but this time, no words came out. Huascar sensed something was amiss, as did the rest of his extended family gathered in the crematorium hall.

For a moment nothing happened. Then suddenly! Don Bernardo coughed up a gob of blood and passed out on the floor!! You could just imagine the state of panic everypony in the Chistenango Crematorium hall was in!!!

"Caramba! Call an ambulance now! RAPIDO! Papa is in critical condition!!" yelled Huascar. "Rapido por Dios!!"

Don Bernardo was not coughing up blood because of his anger; but rather, because he had just been hit in the neck by a silent bullet from a sniper rifle belonging to Benedicto Guzmán!! Guzmán, who had taken over the charge of the "Università di Canterlot" rogue convention in Bolivia in the absence of Sean Brink and Dario Perez, had temporarily left the event in the charge of his deputy Jovento Bajarán, while he went to the balcony of his hotel room in the Radisson to snipe Don Bernardo with his new Hitman's Heatmaker. Bajarán entered just then.

"Benz, como eres?" he asked.

"Bueno, gracias," replied Guzmán. "Just gave a headshot to Bernardo León with this new toy of mine. This will teach him a fucking lesson for asking his son to go and pay respects to his wife rather than joining us at this convention. Huascar's talent would have benefitted us greatly. But all thanks to that muchacho Alberto Garcia, we lost him. Such a loss, but since we can't get Garcia dead or alive, we might as well kill Bernardo León, as he too had a share of the blame in this!"

"Don't worry about Garcia, if I'm not wrong, he's imprisoned in the Vaults of Heaven right now, according to the email Sean just sent me," said Bajarán. “He and his furry four-footed friends are all locked up in a dark labyrinth; they can’t go very far.”

“All thirteen of them??” gasped Guzmán. “Won’t that be as good as outnumbering us? And surely the Holy Grail is in the very same Vaults of Heaven by this time?”

“Si and si,” said Bajarán, smiling. “But as I said before, the Vaults of Heaven is so big and so dark, knowing Garcia’s affeminate nature, he would sooner give up than go on. And furthermore, from what Sean said here in his email, the Vaults of Heaven do have a terrifying selection of monsters patrolling every other corridor, some of whom can kill in only one hit, even if their victim is at full health. And are not Sean and Dario already there, making sure that they don’t escape?”

“The two of them would have to come back soon,” said Guzmán; “Sean did say that he and Dario would be back for the second day of Università di Canterlot, which is tomorrow.”

“As long as Garcia has been given the what-for, I guess we can sit back and enjoy our convention,” said Bajarán. “Remember your speech to the audience tomorrow, concerning Garcia and his abuse of the fandom for his harem and his political dissidency.”

“Believe me,” smiled Guzmán, “I know what to say.”

Meanwhile in the Vaults of Heaven, Alberto had just managed to pick himself up and carry on, practically undaunted. He and the Twelve slowly walked into the Archives, which was somewhat better-lit than the previous areas they’d seen. It looked like a once-magnificent Czarist-era corridor. The walls were lined with Soviet propaganda as well as photos of Stalin, Mao, and Ceaucescu, the three worst socialist dictators the world has ever known. Those very photos made Alberto shudder with fear.

“Let’s get going,” young Snips gave Alberto a friendly prick on the leg with his horn.

“Vabben,” murmured Alberto. “Let’s search these rooms and see what we find.”

The doors were mostly ajar and these rooms had nothing of interest; but of particular concern was the room immediately in front of them — the one labelled “Local History”. Reason: the door was locked and bolted.

“Only one other way to go,” said Derpy; “let’s turn right. I think there’s a brightly lit hallway there.”

Following the hallway down, they saw a piano at the far end, to the left of which was another similar corridor as the one they were in earlier on.

“Ah! A piano!” said Alberto, opening up the piano and hoping to play something. To everypony’s horror, suddenly the piano automatically began playing the “Bridal Chorus” by Richard Wagner!!!

“Teeheehee! Somepony’s getting married! And I wonder who!” Applejack teased Alberto.

“Kiri belok! Into the corridor!” ordered Alberto. “That piano will raise the alarm!"

The next corridor was just as barren as the first; nothing of interest apart from a couple of tinderboxes and a medikit. “We’ll need these medicaments in case we get some nasty form of distemper in this rundown castle,” said Big McIntosh, taking the medikit in his left hoof.

There were also two rooms in this section; one had nothing of much interest, but the other, labelled “MAPS”, seemed to intrigue the party. “I’ll go scout it out,” said Shining Armour. As he stepped in, suddenly a crashing sound was heard!!

“Caramba! The roof from where we stepped in just collapsed!” cried Alberto.

“Not only that, it seems that our return passage is barred by impassable stones!!” cried Rainbow Dash.

Shining Armour kept calm. “Not to worry,” he said. “Look at that wall between the two room doors and tell me what you see.”

“A … lobang?” said Alberto, staring at a small crack in the wall that had obviously been caused by the impact of the collapsing ceiling earlier on.

“Very good,” said Shining Armour. “Now look at my forehead and tell me what you see there.”

“A horn,” said Alberto, a little annoyed that Shining Armour was asking the obvious.

“Cool,” said Shining Armour. “I believe you all get the message now. Well, not all of you.” He said this because he knew that all his fellow equines understood his point of view, but Alberto — the only biped present — did not. “Stand back!” ordered Shining Armour. The other eleven ponies, and Alberto also, took two steps back. Shining Armour trotted to the small crack in the wall and gored it with his horn till it was big enough to go through.

“Follow me now!” he ordered.

Spellbound, the other eleven ponies and Alberto followed Shining Armour through the hole into a room of bookshelves. There was a door inside, but it was locked.

“Hold on a minute,” said Alberto. “This room…. is not the Local History room that we saw earlier, is it?”

“Well, that is beside the point,” said Derpy; “what we need to do now is find a way to get beyond that seemingly impassable bookshelf over there. I think I see a light under it, indicating that there’s a secret room inside.”

“I’ll try bashing down the shelf,” said Alberto. He tried in vain to do so.

“That won’t help,” said Big McIntosh, feeling the shelf’s material with his hoof. “But I think this will. Look down on the floor.”

Sure enough, there was ANOTHER parchment on the floor!! “My sister!” gasped Shining Armour.

“I’ll read this one,” said Dumbbell. Picking up the parchment in his hooves, he read:

You are in the right place, do not worry. And yes, on the other far side of the room is a shelf where if you get too close, you'll notice that there's another room behind it. The way to make this shelf move is by pulling three books fast enough. The first book is on the shelf to the left from where you entered this room. Don't worry, the three books all look the same and are very easy to spot. It's the bright colored book that is simply screaming to be pulled out. Pull the first book and you'll hear the mechanism to start moving. The second and third books are on the shelf facing the main door on the other side. The second book is near the secret door, while the third book is near the glass cases. Pull them quickly and the secret door will be revealed. Inside this room there is a key to the wine cellar. Grab the key and head down to the wine cellar, my next parchment will be there. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

“Let me take care of that!” said Applejack. She found the first book and pulled it. A gear’s mechanism sound was heard.

Alberto and Soarin found the next two books and pulled them in turn. The shelf moved to reveal a small study with a window overlooking the table.

“The key’s there!” said Alberto, picking up the key on the study’s table. “And what’s that note on this table?”

“Let me read that one,” said Braeburn. He took the note in his hooves and read:

Lieber Herr Oscuro,

I am delighted to be able to provide you with two of my servants for mock display at Università di Canterlot, to which Sean has invited you as a guest of honour. Griflet and Bedevere were a little reluctant to go to Bolivia, but I have already incarcerated them until they say yes. In any case, they’ll still be escorted via ferry to La Paz first thing tonight, and a courier will send them to your office in the Bolivian Ministry of Home Affairs.

Should you have any further questions, you can contact either me or Sean directly. Also, should the two boys misbehave themselves at any point during the Università di Canterlot, I give you full power to punish them for disturbing the peace to the fullest extent of the law.

Yours faithfully,

Michael Johann Valdez Ph.D.

“Griflet and Bedevere? Aren’t those the two wards of Demoman?” gasped Alberto, recalling what had happened in Scotland. “How did they end up here?"

“You do recall that they went missing,” said Shining Armour, as he led the party out of the secret room through the Local History door which was now apparently and miraculously unlocked. “There was a poster of them in MacDonwald house stating so. Furthermore, Demoman did say that he carelessly left them alone to play in the garden, and did not expect that Aeron Vartan would intervene so quickly in his absence.

“Who’s Herr Oscuro?” asked Snails.

“Rear-Admiral Eduardo Linera Oscuro is my country’s Acting Prime Minister cum Minister of Home Affairs,” sighed Alberto. “He isn’t exactly very popular with us Aymaras, though he does have a huge following among our country’s Inca population, being an Inca himself."

“GROWWRRR!” a sound was suddenly heard from down the hall, startling all present.

“There’s nothing, don’t worry,” said Shining Armour, his horn glowing. “Let’s just get out of here via the hallway with the scary piano and then to the entrance hall.”

The party was shocked to discover more organic matter in the Entrance Hall!! “Carefully tread over it!” ordered Big McIntosh. “Shining Armour and I will guide you guys through this one!”

Making their way from the archives to the wine cellar took only ten minutes but seemed years long due to the intermittent red organic matter filling up the place. The door of the wine cellar unlocked easily, and the thirteen of them slowly walked down the spiral staircase. “AWW!” a sound was heard reverberating around the place.

“Nothing, that sound was not from the cellar,” said Shining Armour, his horn once again beginning to glow. “Let’s just make our way down and see what my sister has to say.”

The parchment was at the bottom of the stairwell. Shining Armour, taking it in his hooves, read:

There are four chemicals herein which you’ll need to create a strong acid. This place is underground and so will be quite dark. Don’t worry, you have a few tinderboxes to light up the torches on the walls, if there be any monsters you also have Excalibur. The four chemicals are labelled pretty clearly: Calamine, Acqua Reggia, Cuprite, and Orpiment. Grab these four chemicals, get out of the Wine Cellar, and head to the Laboratory directly opposite, to create a strong acid with these four chemicals. Do not fail me! Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

“Man, she IS a douche all right,” remarked Alberto.

“Let’s not waste time and find the chemicals fast!” ordered Shining Armour. “We’re running out of time!”

They found the first three chemicals easily, as well as a drawing by Michael Valdez that depicted a bipedal creature with khaki skin, a metal tunic, a rusty iron cleaver grafted in place of its left forearm, and a severely deformed face with only one eye and a vertical zip-like mouth lining the entire front. This drawing was captioned: BRUTE.

“Nice drawing,” said Alberto, gaping hard at it. “GROWWWRR!!” suddenly a clear growl was heard! And the silhouette of a Grunt was seen in the immediate vicinity!!

Alberto took out the sword he had found earlier in the Old Archives. “Excalibur, be my strength!” he ordered.

But the sword seemed unusually heavy. Also, a robotic neither-male-nor-female voice suddenly began speaking!! “This. Monster. Cannot. Hurt. You. Just. Leave. It. Alone. And. You’ll. Be. Fine,” it said.

“That’s the power of Excalibur,” said Shining Armour; “it knows when to attack and when not to.”

He was right; for just a second after the sword’s “voice” had been heard, the Grunt had all but vanished!

“There’s still one more chemical to find,” said Big McIntosh; “I think it must be — orpiment, was it?”

“Yeah, it was,” said Braeburn. “Let’s go find it first.”

Just beyond the area where the Grunt had been seen standing, they found the small jar of Orpiment, and put it along with those of Calamine, Cuprite, and Acqua Reggia. “Now to head up to the Laboratory!” said Alberto, triumphantly.

They headed back up the stairwell and were mortified to discover a lot more red organic matter in the entrance hall!! “Run straight and get into the lab NOW!” ordered Big McIntosh. And that’s what they did.

Meanwhile in the Grail Vault, Sean Brink and Dario Perez came up to Michael Valdez to inform him that they had to return home. “Our services are needed back home first thing tomorrow, Michael,” said Perez; “but we count on you to keep things safe here in our absence. We’ll FaceTime you from the Università di Canterlot.”

“Hope you guys enjoy yourselves,” said Valdez. “Rest assured I will be able to finish the prisoners off should they ever so much as dare to step near this particular vault. I have the very means here to blow this entire castle to pieces.”

“I don’t mind death,” said Cheese Sandwich; “especially if death brings about a greater good. Even if the Holy Grail has to go, at the very least, the prisoners won’t be able to get their hands and hooves on it.”

Suddenly, Satan appeared before them! “Sean, Dario, go to the airport NOW and catch the first plane back to Bolivia!” he ordered, before vanishing.

“Sorry; you heard that — no time to talk,” said Brink. “Farewell.”

“Auf wiedersehen,” said Michael.

“So it’s just the two of us,” said Cheese Sandwich, looking up at his master. “What do?”

“Believe me,” said Michael, “we have more than enough time and resources to fight the prisoners if they have indeed escaped. Here, take this AWPer Hand sniper rifle; for me, I’ll use my Air Strike heat-seeking bazooka. And in a worst-case scenario, we have this excellent-looking jihad bomb here, courtesy of Baba Mustafa of Egypt.”

Alberto and the twelve ponies certainly did not know about what was going on on that side, though they were already aware of three things: one, their objective was to retrieve the Holy Grail; two, the Holy Grail was definitely inside this very castle; and three, the route to the Holy Grail was well guarded by monsters of all kinds.

They were able to make the strong acid easily; and of course they knew what to do with it. The passage that led to the Refinery was barred by strong red organic matter, and this acid was what was needed to destroy the organic matter!

“Throw the jar on it!” ordered Big McIntosh.

“Jarate!” shouted Braeburn, hurling the jar of acid onto the organic matter. It was broken and a small passage was seen leading to the refinery door. The party of thirteen made their way into the refinery; which was dark and damp, and very very smelly. It resembled a long passageway lined by stone walls that contained a lot of mould.

“The wine they put here must be thousands of years old,” remarked Snips.

“Let’s just follow this passage,” said Alberto.

The passage led to a huge open space that contained several barrels. Immediately in front was another equally big open space — and inside it there was a Grunt walking to the side!!!

“Now!” whispered Shining Armour to Alberto.

“Excalibur, be my strength!” shouted Alberto. He raised the sword in his hand — this time it no longer felt heavy — and ran forward to the Grunt that was in the next open space. A couple of spars, and the Grunt lay dead on the ground. But Alberto still did not smile.

“Don’t rest on your laurels, amigos,” he said; “we still have to find the next parchment.”

This second open space was lined with three rooms. There were a couple of tinderboxes in all the rooms; and the third contained the parchment they were looking for.

“My sister may have more clues for us,” said Shining Armour, picking the parchment. He read it:

Go back to the middle room. There are boxes down in one corner that are blocking the way to a small needle-eye through which you can crawl to get to the next room. The solution in the next room should be pretty obvious, you won’t need a parchment there. Also, beware of monsters. I gave you Excalibur for a very good purpose. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle

“Quick, back to the middle room!” said Alberto. He led the twelve ponies to the middle room again, where they pushed away the boxes, revealing a small “needle-eye” — a crawl-through passageway. One by one, the party crawled through to the next room, where there was a trapdoor that was apparently jammed up.

“And my stupid douche of a sister said that the solution here is ‘pretty obvious’ — yeah right!” murmured Shining Armour.

“Which it is,” said Snails. “Can you not see what the solution is? Snips and I already can.”

“Alberto, get a chair from the other end of this room and hurl it to that stick that’s jamming the rope of the trapdoor!” said Snips.

Alberto did so, and the trapdoor opened easily.

“Now down inside!” ordered Big McIntosh.

The entire party of thirteen carefully dropped into the trapdoor hole and walked down the passageway, where they saw another door labelled: CELLAR ARCHIVES.

“This must be it!” said Alberto. He opened the door and they all went through.

Suddenly! “GRRRR!” A growl was heard and the entire place began filling up with water, startling the entire party!!

“Caramba! What the fuck is this!!” cried Alberto…..

Ispirazione della manifestazione

"Get the fuck onto the boxes!" cried Shining Armour. "There's a water monster down there!”

He was right; there was a water monster chasing them, that was the only explanation for this room suddenly filling with water!!! They could see the ripples and the alligator-like head of the Kaernk that was coming after them!!

“It can’t get out of the water, so just stay on these boxes!” said Shining Armour. “We have to kill it somehow!”

“Excalibur, be my strength!” shouted Alberto, drawing the sword out again. The sword miraculously jumped out of his hand, flew over to the Kaernk, whacked it hard a few times, then returned to Alberto’s hand. “Kaernk. Is. Invulnerable,” it said. “I. Can. Help. You. Distract. It. Though.”

And with those words, Excalibur flew around whacking the Kaernk like it had never done before. Alberto was spellbound by the way it moved on its own.

"Alberto, we've gotta get out of here!" Dumbbell urged the venerable Bolivian knight. "It'll fly back to us the way a boomerang flies back to its thrower, so don't worry!"

"There's a crank here!" said Applejack. "I'll turn it! The sign says it's going to lead us to the next room!"

"Vamos ya!" shouted Alberto.

And so, hopping on the boxes in this room and being careful to not fall into the water, the old human and the twelve cute horses began making their way for the next room, which was separated by a drawn gate connected to that crank that AJ had turned.

“Saved!” gasped Alberto as he led the twelve furry horses through the hatch.

“GRRR!” Another growl was heard and ripples could be seen in the water again!!

“Caramba! Another Kaernk!” gasped Alberto. “Quick! Everypony onto the boxes at once!!”

This next room of the Cellar Archives was just as dark as the first; water was shallow but certainly just deep enough to submerge the Kaernk. There were also a few boxes scattered around and floating in the water, just good for the thirteen of them to keep out of the Kaernk’s way. On some of the boxes were a few pieces of roast beef that was way beyond expiry date. There was another hatch on the other end of this room, with a lever next to it, clearly for its opening or closing.

“Excalibur, be my strength!” shouted Alberto. But the sword grew heavy again as he drew it. “Create. A. Distraction,” it boomed. “Use. The. Rotten. Meat. And. Feed. The Kaernk. With. It.”

“Applejack, go and buck down the meat from those boxes that have it!” shouted Alberto. “Big McIntosh, help your sister! The rest of us, we’ll create a stepping stone platform with whatever boxes we have to reach that other door on the other end!”

The two big earth pony siblings went to take the rotten meat pieces and throw it to the Kaernk, successfully distracing it. When they were sure the Kaernk was very happily nomming away, they followed the other ponies and Alberto via the “stepping stones” of boxes through the hatch and the lever to another door labelled: ARCHIVE TUNNELS. The door, it seems, was locked.

“I’ll buck down the fucking door!” shouted Applejack. Turning around, she sauntered and gave the door a huge back-kick, destroying it successfully. “GRRR!” Another growl was heard!!

“Quick! Todos los ponis into the Archive Tunnels! RAPIDO POR LA VIDA!!!” yelled Alberto as he ran in through the Archive Tunnels door, with the twelve ponies right at his heels.

As they ran through the water-filled Archive Tunnels, suddenly from behind them there came a roaring series of explosions. “RAPIDO!!!” yelled Alberto, not bothering to look behind him lest he became a pillar of salt. “EVERYPONY STICK CLOSE!!!”

* * *

Meanwhile in the Grail Vault, Michael Valdez and Cheese Sandwich were getting ready; for they heard the explosions and knew what was going on.

“I set up those mines that would explode the minute anypony walks by it,” said Cheese Sandwich; “they currently line the Archive Tunnels and Prison Tunnels.”

“Very well done, now we know that they’re probably braving the two Kaernks down in the Cellar Archives,” said Valdez; “but do you realise that there’s something that you didn’t do yet?”

“Ahem… not that I recall?” wondered Cheese Sandwich.

“THE ORGANIC MATTER IN THE FUCKING INNER SANCTUM, STUPID!!!” bellowed Valdez. Cheese Sandwich, taken aback, ran to get the organic matter electric-eyes ready in the Inner Sanctum, immediately outside the Grail Vault — for the red organic matter was after all caused by electric eyes that would activate it the minute those electric eyes were stepped on.

“Der Teufel! At this rate we’re going, the prisoners will be on us in no time at all!” growled Valdez. “I’m seriously going to have a thing or two to say to Sean and Dario for deserting us like this — just when we needed their help the most!”

* * *

Sean Brink and Dario Perez, meanwhile, were on the Boeing 747 aeroplane headed back for La Paz via way of Siberia and over the Pacific Ocean. It was night already and most of the passengers on board this aeroplane were already asleep.

“It just occurred to me,” said Brink; “pardon my asking this, Dario, but you are aware that Alberto Garcia is your half-brother, are you not?”

“I most certainly am,” said Perez.

“You have no regrets that we’re going to do this to your half-brother together, do you?” said Brink, with an air of concern.

Perez gave Brink a long look in the eye. “Whether or not Garcia is my half-brother, or whole brother, or whatnot, is completely beside the point,” he growled. “He was the one who caused Papa’s death. He was the one who joined my father’s company and stole our pride and joy — our fandom of MLP — from us. He did not even spare us Huascar, our most talented artist and gamer. And who is he, at the heart of it all? A worthless racist, sexist, religionist, and pedophile, who is trying to pass off as a ‘brony’ for the ulterior motive of using equines for his harem. And all that just because he knows he can’t get away with any actual acts of homosexuality or pedophilia here. I tell you the truth, he deserves to get what he’s going to get!”

“Dario, I fully agree with you with regard to Garcia; however, it does not matter that we may have lost Huascar,” said Brink, assuring his long-time friend and associate; “for we have after all, a rising young star who has all that Huascar has — and more. Plus, he hates Garcia with a sizzling-hot hatred, and is all bent on having Garcia nailed by the judicial system as soon as possible. It was this same rising young star who recommended that we invite our Deputy Prime Minister cum Minister of Home Affairs, Señor Eduardo Linera Oscuro, as our guest of honour for L’Università di Canterlot.”

“Pray tell who your this rising young star may be, Sean,” said Perez, frowning.

Brink took a deep breath. “Giacomo Pier Luigi Cassozza joined us up a few weeks back,” he said. “He’s a young Argentinian from Rio de la Plata, and he is fully in the know as to what Garcia’s personality is like. When Jovento interviewed him, he replied that he is fully agreeable with our cause. He is our hope. And he says he’ll meet us tomorrow at the Università di Canterlot convention.”

“Si, si, very interesting, amigo mio. I’d love to meet this Cassozza friend of yours,” growled Perez, clearly unconvinced, as he lay his head back.

Suddenly the weather outside the aeroplane took a turn for the worse. Then there was an announcement over the loudspeakers: “Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are running into unusually turbulent weather. Please remain calm and wait for our next instructions. Thank you."

“Caramba!” gasped Perez, jerked suddenly into full wakefulness.

“You heard the captain's announcement,” said Brink. “Just remain calm and wait till we hear him again."

But before Perez could reply, suddenly the lights in the aeroplane began blinking. This was a sign that the weather was really horrible. And not only that — the plane was starting to rock from side to side like the Titanic in the movie.

“Caramba!” cried Perez. “You ask us to remain calm in this situation?! No way Jose! Quick! Somepony sound the fucking alarm!”

For once, Sean Brink was taken in by Dario Perez’s apparent hysteria. As were all the other passengers, who had been shaken awake by the impact.

“Raise the alarm!” yelled Brink. “We’re in trouble!”

Indeed, that was when the captain’s next announcement finally came. “Dear passengers, this is the captain again. I am sorry to say that we have just encountered a major tornado halfway across the South Pacific. Please try to remain calm while I try to steer us through this. I apologise profusely for any inconvenience. Thank you.”

“We’ve got to get home!” yelled Brink, flailing his arms in midair, as were Perez and the others. “We want to go home! WE WANT TO GO HOME!!!…"

* * *

It took Alberto and the Twelve no more than fifteen minutes to successfully make that run through the Archive Tunnels into the Back Hall, the next area, a safe one. Nevertheless, those fifteen minutes certainly seemed years long.

“For once, I’m glad to be safe from that water monster!” gasped Shining Armour, the only adult unicorn present. “After this, it’s time to step up security in our Maximum Security Vault back home at Canterlot!”

“This place looks kind of grand,” said Big McIntosh, glancing around. “What with all the stylo-mylo stone walls, the corinthian columns, the esplanado-style fountain in the centre….”

“BOOM!” a banging sound was heard from the left. The party turned around and discovered that a door had apparently just opened on its own!

“Don’t worry, that’s just the wind,” said young Snails, using his horn to feel around. “I wonder what we’ll need to do now, though. There are so many hallways, I don’t know which one we should go through.”

“My sister will leave us a note soon enough,” said Shining Armour. And just as he spoke, the note floated down and landed right on Snips’s horn! Snips gave a loud neigh. “It’s here!” he said. “I’ll read it!” Taking it in his left forehoof, he read:

Congratulations, my friends; by the time you find this note, you should be in the Back Hall, safe from the water monster. The door to your left, the one that just blew open, leads to the Machine Room and the Elevator, which is supposed to be in the right direction where we’re headed for. The problem is, the Elevator is not working and the Machine Room is inaccessible. We'll need a few parts to make the Elevator work. Not to mention the Machine Room’s key.

The area has four doors. While still facing the fountain, to your left is the Elevator area. To the right is a door that leads down to the Storage. Behind you is another level of the area, reachable by stairs. Over there you should have the Guest Room and the Study.

I suggest you guys head to the Guest Room to get the Machine Room Key first, it’s there. Then you can explore around for the Elevator’s missing parts, which come in the form of a few rods randomly scattered here and there in the various rooms. My next clue will be after you guys have gotten through the elevator. Good luck!

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

“Ebben, so we’ll have to head up to the Guest Room,” said Alberto. “No sweat — not for me at least.”

The Guest Room was certainly a big one all right; it was partitioned into three sections. The first and second sections had nothing of interest, but the third section happened to have a big portrait of Michael Valdez hanging on the wall.

“Something tells me,” said Shining Armour, his horn beginning to glow, “that what we’re looking for is in this room.”

ZAP! His horn zapped Valdez’s picture into pieces! Suddenly, out tumbled a bottle with a key inside it!

“I might have known it!” gasped Big McIntosh.

Suddenly…. “GROWRRRR!!!” An all-too-familiar sound was heard coming from outside!!

“Excalibur, be my strength!” yelled Alberto, drawing his sword. As the Grunt came bursting into the room, Alberto slew it by running it through its ass. The Grunt made a weird gurgling sound before falling motionless onto the floor.

“That was close!” gasped Applejack. “Now what?”

“There’s another room next door, is there not?” wondered Big McIntosh. “The Study, if I remember correctly. Let’s go in there and check if there be any Elevator parts therein.”

The Study was nothing more than a long corridor typical of middle-ages stately homes. Its very sight was already adequately breathtaking. There was only one room in this corridor — a room containing various knives and icky remains of what were once quadrupedal animals!!

“Caramba!” said Alberto.

“So THIS is what they wanted to do to us!” cried Rainbow Dash.

“Whoever did this certainly had evil intentions all right,” said Derpy, “and from what we’ve gathered so far, is this guy not some Michael?”

“The one who wrote that letter addressed to the Oscuro fella?” said Shining Armour, recalling the letter that everypony had seen earlier in the Archives.

“Any case,” said Alberto, “there’s something on the table. It looks like a piece of paper.”

“No, doesn’t sound like it’s my sister, she said her next clue would not be until we got past that lift,” murmured Shining Armour.

Alberto picked up the paper and read the writing on it:

DATE: March 1st, 2038

Lieber Sean,

Danke sehr, for allowing Cheese Sandwich and I to be a part of your brony society, Sparkle Enterprises de Bolivia. Rest assured we are more than happy to be among your sponsors for your first ever pony convention, Università di Canterlot.

We are extremely happy to offer you the following:

A special booth on socialism and Marxist teachings, to be run by a Minion

A copy of the “Libro piccolo rosso” by Juan Domingo Perón

Two of our servants who have perpetually rebelled against us, to be put up for show as entities of ridicule

A total of US$10,000 in cash as a tribute to your having helped us socialists preserve our culture and heritage even after the fall of the Berlin Wall

Please note that the two servants we are providing you, can be pretty rebellious. It is hence necessary to invite, as guest of honour for your event, your Deputy Prime Minister cum Home Affairs Minister Herr Eduardo Linera Oscuro, in order to be sure that there will be no untoward behaviour, especially from my boys. I will write Herr Oscuro a letter on your behalf to request his presence at your convention.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further enquiries.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen,

Michael J Valdez Ph.D.

“Caramba!” cried Alberto. “So THAT explains it! This Michael guy is in the biggest of cahoots together with the enemy! He IS one of the enemy himself too!”

“All the more should we find the Holy Grail!” said Big McIntosh. “Let’s go on down the study.”

The study corridor ended in a dead end with a few hard glass windows, one of which was a bit loose.

“Why not,” said Applejack, “I take care of this one!”

“Sure!” said Big McIntosh. “Just make sure you come back safely in one piece! I don’t want to be answerable for anything untoward that might otherwise happen!”

“Steady, AJ!” said Alberto.

Applejack gave the loose glass window a buck. It shattered into a thousand pieces. She stepped slowly out onto the window ledge.  There were at least another five window ledges there, leading to another open window. Below her was a huge ravine. Carefully crossing from ledge to ledge, she finally reached the open window, beyond which was another concealed room on the other end of the gigantic castle.

“This is our only clue,” said Applejack, as she stepped into this room via the open window.

This room was littered with debris of all kinds, as was the entire castle area that had been explored by our friends thus far. Light was generally dim, as always, apart from the open window. Applejack saw a note on the table, next to a weird metal rod. She read the note:

A curse be on anypony who steals this rod from this room. It was not easy confiscating all three rods and lugging them all the way here. M.V.

He’s making it too obvious, said Applejack to herself as she took the rod and note in her hoof and plodded out to the window ledge, and then carefully stepped across the six ledges back to the first window, gasping for breath.

“Cousin AJ! All right mate?” asked Braeburn, concerned.

“This rod is the only clue I found there,” panted Applejack. “Here, have a look at this note, I found it next to the rod.”

“I’ll read it,” said Big McIntosh. He took the note and read Michael’s words.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” laughed Big McIntosh. “This Michael fella, whoever he may be, is making it so fucking obvious for us! Now we know there are three rods which we need to get in order to get the lift working!”

“And now,” announced Derpy, “one last place for us to explore — the Storage!”

The storage was perhaps the smelliest part of the back hall’s extensions. Stairs from the back hall led down to the hallway which led to this storage. The first area of the storage looked like an indoor barbecue pit that had clearly once been a place for heavy Vodka drinking, considering the stench of expired Vodka in the air and the broken bottles on the floor. There was a door to the left of the barbecue pit, as well as two internal hallways: one to the centre beyond the barbecue pit, and one to its right.

“Now, mateys, we have got to find them remaining two rods,” said Braeburn.

“But where do we start?” gasped Alberto.

Shining Armour’s horn suddenly began to glow. All eyes were on him.

“My sister is speaking now,” said Shining Armour, as he closed his eyes tightly. “She… says…. this storage… is to be searched…. in its entirety….. because …. there is …. not a single room…. in which there is nothing of interest….. so let us go…. now…..” and then his horn stopped glowing and his eyes opened again.

Everypony knew that when Twilight Sparkle and Shining Armour communicated telepathically, especially in situations like this one, it meant business.

“I think,” said young Snips, “we’ll start by searching the room to the left. If you’ll allow Snails and I to check it out.”

“OK,” said Alberto. “The rest of us, we’ll search the hallway to the right.”

Snips and Snails went into the room to the left. They found a most interesting note there, scribbled by Michael:

Juni 1, 2038 (Sonntag) / 12:00 Mittags / Regnen

Lieber Journal,

Griflet and Bedevere were sent to me by Boris on orders from Aeron. I did the necessaries on them, according to the degree of how they’d been affected by the shots from the gun that I’d given Aeron to use.

Schade, for unlike the other servants sent me before them to guard the Vault of Heaven, Griflet and Bedevere have proven to be a different story altogether. Today alone, their first day, the two boys just could not for once sit still; growling and flailing all over the place, they seemed like they were not happy to be here. For the record, Bedevere almost annihilated me with his left arm when Cheese Sandwich and I tried to feed him some Ritalin this afternoon.

I hope that the two dummkopfs will respond well to the new Medikation tomorrow morning. I have only just over two weeks to tame them before I can send them to Sean and Dario for the Università di Canterlot.

M.V.

“How would this be of any help to us?” wondered Snips. “We don’t really know who this Michael is…. and who for the record are Griflet and Bedevere — are they also ponies, like us?”

“He didn’t say specifically, so I guess we’ll have to assume that they’re bipeds,” said Snails. “But for now, let’s just press on. Remember: our goal is the Holy Grail.”

“GROWWWRRR!!” Suddenly, the all-too-familiar Servant Grunt growl was heard from outside! Snips and Snails trembled!!

“Oh God… I hope our friends are safe where they are,” gasped Snips.

“We’re not armed are we?” wondered Snails.

“Well, our horns?” countered Snips.

“Let’s go out and take him on then!” declared Snails.

The two unicorn colts made a brave attempt, but the Grunt was quite big and his very voice made them shudder and step back! “GROWWRRR!! There you are!” growled the Grunt, as he lunged forward and cornered the two Brazilian unicorn colts in a corner. He raised his left arm. Snips closed his eyes, thinking all was over….

“EURK!” The Grunt suddenly cried out in pain and fell onto the floor, as lifeless as ever. Snips opened his eyes, he saw that Snails was just as alive as he was, standing beside him — and the Grunt was dead, apparently killed by Excalibur, which had been used by Alberto, who had just stepped out of the opposite area in the Storage!!

“Just in time!” gasped Snips.

“Any news?” asked Shining Armour.

“Well, we found this in the room next door,” said Snails, showing the note scribbled by Michael to the bigger ponies and to Alberto. Alberto took a look at it and shook his head.

“This muchacho is really something,” sighed Alberto. “Ebben, only one more area to search — the middle passageway.”

“Don’t worry about the other rod, I got it here,” Big McIntosh reminded the others.

The middle passageway had two doors. The first door looked somewhat tempting, so much so that even young Snips was fascinated by it.

“I suggest we check inside here,” he said.

The minute he opened the door — “GROWWWRRR!!” A loud growl was heard!

“CARAMBA! Another Grunt! FUGGITE!!” yelled Alberto. Surprised by the Grunt, the party fled to the next room, which was located a short distance away and, thankfully, was safe.

It was in this small room that the remaining two rods were found. “So these are what they are,” said Applejack.

“GROWWWRR!” the sound came again!

“Caramba! That Grunt is still after us!” said Alberto. “I’ll go finish him off! The lot of you, stay here!”

“Noble Don Alberto, let me come at least!” begged Derpy.

“Talk to me if you want me dead!” shouted Alberto, rising to his feet and walking out of the door, with Excalibur in his hand.

He went out of the room to do battle with the Grunt. Derpy, Big McIntosh, and Applejack followed him close behind, even against his wishes; they were actually very concerned for their human friend.

A couple of blows lasted before Alberto finally ran Excalibur deep into the heart of the Grunt, killing it instantly. However, he did get some wounds from this fight.

“You OK? You see la, what you did to yourself!” cried Big McIntosh, nuzzling Alberto’s wounded right shoulder. “Trying to play the hero! Come, let me lick that for you!”

“We’ve already found both them rods,” said Alberto. “Let’s make for the Elevator Room now.”

The party of thirteen left the storage and went to the Elevator Room via the back hall, and opened the Machine Room with the key.

“This is easy,” said Alberto. “I guess this rod will go here — this one here — and this last one, over here.”

And it worked well, the elevator was running again!

“Bravo! Now let’s get inside that elevator once for all!” shouted Rainbow Dash.

The thirteen of them were just able to fit inside this big elevator, clearly meant for firefighter usage. It was an elevator that led to the basement of the Vaults of Heaven. Alberto pressed the button, the doors slammed shut, and the elevator went down.

Unfortunately, it crashed halfway, knocking the whole party unconscious for a few minutes….

Rarity prende Manehattan

Alberto looked out of the shadow of his half-closed eyes. He groped around him in the darkness. The stench in the air was just about unbearable.

"Amigos, donde estava..." he yawned. The sight of a paper floating down to the ground before his very eyes made him sit bolt upright and jerk himself into full wakefulness!

He soon found out that the elevator shaft had become nothing more than a piece of hardened stone, and his twelve furry equine friends were snoring on the ground. Taking the paper in his hand, he put it under Snips's horn.

ZAP! Snips's horn zapped the paper (it was unaffected) and he woke up! "Don Alberto! How did we end up here?" he gasped.

"Beats me," said Alberto; "I remember just now the elevator seemed problematic somewhat.... and next thing I knew I was here with you all, and this paper came floating down and woke me up."

By this time the other eleven ponies had woken up and were slowly trotting toward their human leader.

"That's a scroll you've got in your left forehoof, Alberto," said Big McIntosh. "Let me read it."

"For your information, Mac, it's MY sister who's sending us those scrolls!" murmured Shining Armour. "I should be the one to read it!"

"BASTA!" Alberto suddenly broke in. "Por l'amor de Dios! We’ve had enough of this! If you have any issues, you can sort it out after we've found the Holy Grail! For now, I will be the one to read every scroll that comes!"

And so saying he snatched the parchment from Big McIntosh's hoof and read it:

Good job, everypony! You all just got through another extremely scary situation! That storage area where you were in just now was one of the most high-risk areas in the Vaults of Heaven, but fortunately you all have taken care of it well!

By the time you find this scroll, you all should be in the prison, in the basement of the Vaults of Heaven. Don't worry, you're all getting closer to the Holy Grail than you think. You need to find your way out of the prison into the Cistern, then to the Morgue, and to the Control Room. Lots more clues are there for you to be able to more easily locate and retrieve the Holy Grail. Your task will be to use the clues you find in these places, to carry you all through to the Nave, which will be your next destination.

Monsters are not as aplenty here as earlier on, but be ready for encounters, because from here onwards, they will be far more dangerous than you think. Use Excalibur as and when the need arises. Buona fortuna!

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

"Ebben! Without further ado, andiamo!" ordered Alberto. "Everypony stick close, don't EVER lose sight of one another!”

The party of thirteen slowly walked forward. There was a huge gaol-style door before them, hanging off its hinges but blocked by a multitude of debris of all sorts.

“Immediately remove the debris!” ordered Alberto. He and the ponies immediately began kicking, bucking, or (for the light enough rocks) carrying and throwing them behind.

“Vabbene! The coast is clear! Let’s go in!” said Alberto, after everypony had finished moving the debris away.

“Be careful of the door!” said Derpy.

This was a VERY dark cavernous hall with walls of stone that had been corroded by moss for ages. It was about as spacious as the storage, but certainly more tunnel-like. The party carefully plodded through, getting themselves ready for a monster encounter.

The first area they came to was a squarish hall labelled “Cell Area 1”. There were at least five doors — four of them ajar and leading to cells, the fifth was padlocked tightly for some reason — and one other passageway in this area.

“There seems to be nothing of interest in any of them cells,” said Snips, peering into each cell in turn and making sure there was no monster.

“BOM! BOM! BOM!!!” A loud sound suddenly came from behind the fifth door!!!

“Caramba!” gasped Alberto. “Let me go take a look!”

He peered into the grilles of the fifth door’s window. He could faintly make out something moving on the other side of the room beyond the locked door. He thought it was a Grunt at first, but it looked very different; its skin was khaki instead of white, and its left forearm (the attacking arm) was nothing more than a huge cleaver grafted into the body. Also it had a faster and more steady walking gait.

“A Grunt?” asked Snails, curious.

“Ahem…. never mind, anyways, this door is apparently barred,” said Alberto. “Let’s go on down that hallway.”

They stepped into another similar squarish hall, next thing they knew, a Grunt appeared before them walking to the left!!!

“LOOK OUT!” yelled Braeburn. “He’s gonna get us!”

“I’ll help you finish him off!” shouted Shining Armour, rearing back and then lunging forward with his horn aimed at the Grunt. The Grunt whacked the wall, causing the ground to shake and the ponies and Alberto to get blown back two steps! Then it began to close in for the kill!!

The other ponies stood back, while Shining Armour and Alberto combined their horn and sword respectively to fend off this Grunt. But the death blow was dealt to the Grunt by young Snails, who lurched forward in a desperate attempt, goring the Grunt in its genitals with his horn. The Grunt gave a weird gurgling sound and then slumped lifeless across the floor.

“There’s something in that cell door over there,” whispered Braeburn.

“I’ll get it,” said Thunderlane. He galloped over to one of the four cells in this section, and found another note from Michael’s journal. He took it over to the others who were waiting. Alberto read the note:

Juni 15, 2038 AD / Samstag, 1900uhr / Regens

Lieber Journal,

The biggest regret I have ever had is in getting those two dummkopfs to be part of us. I should have told Aeron to just finish off Griflet and Bedevere when they put up resistance against him that day. I knew for the longest time that they were never one of us. No amount of Medikation or coaxing could convince them. Even their most “convinced” looks were clearly brave fronts. If provoked they would surely attack.

Now I’ve just done the unthinkable. And I can’t believe this, I just can’t. I’ve had to bind them hand and foot so that they can’t move until I have them shipped via express courier service to Bolivia. Kudos to my other servants for having played a big part in helping me do this, some of whom have willingly laid down their lives.

Now all Cheese Sandwich and I are waiting for, is that day. Five days from now I will be making arrangements for their shipment which will be the first thing the following day.

M.V.

“Caramba! He’s imprisoned the two boys!” cried Alberto. “He’s put them in shackles! These two are the boys whom Demoman was taking care of, and who are the only two now who can give us any clue as to the Holy Grail’s Exact Location!”

“It’s already June 20th, Alberto,” said Big McIntosh. “Michael will be shipping them out today. I doubt we stand a chance with regard to the boys. My suggestion is that we just find the Grail, which is our priority on this quest. Griflet and Bedevere can wait for now.”

“I somehow feel for the two biped kids, don’t ask me why,” said Braeburn, his eyes filling with tears.

“Diam la, Braeburn!” Big McIntosh nudged his cousin. “We’ve got to get to the Cistern now!”

“But how?” wondered Alberto. “We seem to be stuck here. Shining Armour, are you sure your sister gave us the right information?”

Shining Armour shrugged. “She has never once been wrong when it comes to matters like these,” he said. “I’m sure you all know my sister’s fierce character.”

It was once again Snips who detected something unusual. He and Snails were in one of the cells in this section playing on a bed which they found was hollow when they jumped on it.

“Guys, this bed seems hollow,” called out Snips.

“Looks like the exit is down there!” cried Braeburn.

“Let’s get in!” shouted Flash Sentry.

The ponies all pulled the bed aside and saw a cavernous hole just nice for a big horse to fit inside. Alberto went in first, then one by one the other ponies followed after him.

* * *

It was in this period of time that the plane that was carrying Sean Brink and Dario Perez was still caught in the tornado. All the passengers on board were in a frenzy, demanding their money back.

The captain was clearly unable to control the plane. “Captain! Make an emergency landing!!!” yelled Brink.

“Fuck it all!” yelled Perez. “Captain, DO SOMETHING!”

“Pointless brah, it’s pointless!” cried Brink. “Tell you what! I’ll take matters into my own hands! You got your stuff in your bag? Go get it NOW!”

“SI!” yelled Perez, as he grabbed his handcarrier from its compartment. He opened it and took out a tripod. Using the tripod, in the midst of all the chaos, he bashed the cockpit door open. “Guns!” he shouted to Brink.

Brink ran up, snatched the tripod, and whacked out the captain and the assistant captain. “We’ll take over the fucking plane if you won’t do it!” he yelled. “I’ve got flying experience!” And so saying, he kicked the captain and assistant captain, both unconscious, out of the cockpit.

The passengers grew even more wild. The situation was increasingly getting out of hand. “Calm down, everypony, calm down!” called out Perez. “We are your new captains and we will fly you to a place you will all want to go!”

“We want our money back!” yelled the passengers. “WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK!”

“Equestria, is it?” Brink nudged Perez.

“Yes! YES! Now just fly on!” shouted Perez. Then turning back to the passengers, he yelled, “Now just relax, stay calm, we will fly you out of trouble right away!”

He jumped back into the cockpit, slammed the door and locked it tightly, and sat down next to Brink, who was handling the controls. “Sean, you sure you can manage?” he asked.

“The plane’s left wing is on fire thanks to the tornado,” said Brink. “I just flew it through a cloud. Behold, the fire is gone. We just have to try and manoeuvre more carefully now because we’re half a wing down.”

“I think I see Equestria over there,” said Perez, looking ahead. “And behold, that isn’t Manehattan, or is it..?"

The noise from the angry passengers outside the cockpit gradually got louder and louder. By this time the captain and assistant captain had come to. Together with the mob of angry passengers, they broke open the door and tried to snatch back the controls from Brink and Perez. The two megavillains put up a violent and ferocious resistance as best as they could.

“Give me that back, criminal!” yelled the captain, grabbing the plane’s throttle from Brink.

“You get the fuck out of here you motherfucker!” yelled Perez, raising the tripod and whacking the captain again. But the assistant captain blocked it just in time and gave Perez a mega whack with a random passenger’s golf club. The plane began to spin out of control, and in their heat of anger, Brink and Perez did not half realise where it was headed for, as much as did the captain, assistant captain, and all the passengers…..

* * *

“You won’t believe this!” said Rarity, as she stepped into Fluttershy’s house. “The National Equestrian Archives in Manehattan has just been bombed by a stray plane believed to have come from Earth!”

“I didn’t know about that,” said Fluttershy. “When did it happen?”

“Last night in the wee hours!” said Rarity. “Until now there’s still no news of the Holy Grail, or Alberto, or the Twelve!”

“Alas!” said Fluttershy; “I was asleep all night. I didn’t know anything.”

“It’s gonna be in the news,” said Rarity. “Come, let me show you."

She took out a Canterlot TImes newspaper and showed it to Fluttershy. It seemed that the National Equestrian Archives had indeed been blown up by a stray and out-of-control, possibly hijacked, aeroplane which was believed to have flown in from Earth. According to sources, the plane was a Boeing 757 Flight number SQ152, halfway on its journey to Bolivia from Russia across the Pacific Ocean. As it was night-time when the incident took place, nopony in the archives was killed (given that there was no-one inside), however, there were no survivors among the plane’s passengers and crew. Also, much of Equestria’s archived information, much of them top secret, had been destroyed as a result of the impact with the plane.

“This is a sad day indeed!” sighed Fluttershy. “Thanks to Aeron Vartan, we now have no security blanket to cover our principality!"

“That’s not all,” said Rarity. “There’s another article here. Even more interesting.”

She showed Fluttershy another newspaper, the Herald Tribune from Earth. There was another article there. It seemed that among the passengers were two Latin American citizens, both apparently travelling to Bolivia in the hope of attending the “much-awaited and long-expected Università di Canterlot” pony convention, the first ever in the central South American republic. 43-year-old Chilean Sean Anthony Brink, and his Colombian companion Dario Flavio Perez, 48, the two directors of well-known construction MNC Sparkle Enterprises, were also the organisers of that very convention, and so in their haste to be back home on time for it, they caught the ill-fated SQ152. No trace of their bodies had been found by Earthly authorities as of press time.

“So — looks like Sean Brink and Dario Perez are dead,” said Fluttershy. “Is that good, or is that bad?"

“Don’t be too happy yet,” said Rarity, raising a warning hoof. “We need to do first things first. We need to make sure we help clean up Manehattan. We need to rush down there to help our fellow equines.”

When they got to Manehattan, they were shocked to see Princess Twilight Sparkle and a new biped standing next to her. Captain Hook was giving a speech to the ponies.

“That guy must be here to bring tidings of death,” said Fluttershy.

“Diam first and listen,” said Rarity.

“I am Captain James Hook, a friend in distress whom Don Alberto rescued,” said Captain Hook. “It’s a long story as to how he rescued me, but he saved me from my mutinying crew. Since young I have been a fan of yours, thanks to a younger female relative who also was one of your biggest fans. First of all, I want to thank Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle for taking me over here to you, so that I can help out with your local security matters in the absence of Don Alberto. Secondly, and most importantly, I am aware that this day is really tragic for all of us here, pony and human alike, after what has just been witnessed. Nevertheless, there is no time to waste. Let us, the citizens of Equestria, altogether clean up this mess and put the city of Manehattan back in order once again! No-one owes us a living; we have to be self-sufficient!

Get down, get down, and move it all around!

Get down, get down, and move it all around!

You’re the one for me, you’re my ecstasy,

You’re the one I need!

Thus Interim Defense Knight Captain James Hook sang out his orders to everypony present.

“No time to waste!” said Rarity. “Let’s help to rebuild the city at once!”

In a matter of hours, the rubble was successfully cleared from the city of Manehattan. “Now,” declared Princess Twilight Sparkle, “we will have to leave the rebuilding for tomorrow, I guess everypony is tired out. Please go to your homes and rest. We will continue rebuilding tomorrow.”

Later after everypony had gone home, Princess Twilight approached Rarity. “You’ll be in charge of the rebuilding,” she said, sternly. “You’re such a good fashion designer. I trust you’ll make the town look more beautiful than ever before. Please report to me and Captain Hook at the castle tomorrow first thing. This is an order."

* * *

Michael Valdez rubbed his hands in glee. “I think we’ve done our job successfully,” he said to Cheese Sandwich. “But how did that tornado happen anyways? I mean, isn’t it thanks to the tornado that Sean and Dario successfully did themselves in?”

“It amazes me too, but it seems to me that heaven is on our side,” said Cheese Sandwich. “To think that of all planes, Sean and Dario boarded that one. So THEIR convention was more important than helping us to secure the Holy Grail after all!”

“Right you are, they were only making use of us, so we will need to get back at them!” declared Michael. “But first, we need to turn Garcia and those twelve equines into mincemeat; they are, after all, the biggest threat to our existence, and that’s something we can’t argue with!”

Suddenly, from the ceiling came a loud sound.

“Kruzitürcken! What are those assholes doing now?” cried Valdez. “They surely can’t have…. come this far, can they??”

“I’d better go make sure the monsters are on their duty!” gasped Cheese Sandwich.

* * *

Cheese Sandwich and Valdez were rightfully fearful, for by this time, Alberto and the Twelve had found themselves in an underground tunnel, and successfully made their way out of it to another prison. The next scroll was waiting them there.

“I’ll read it,” said Alberto. He picked up the scroll and read it out loud:

I cannot believe how tardy you guys are. You’re so close to the grail and yet so far. The National Equestrian Archives in Manehattan has just been reduced to rubble by a stray aeroplane believed to have been flown from earth and completely out of control. This could never have happened had you found the Holy Grail sooner! Nevertheless I will choose to be kind and let it go this once.

Now you are in a top secret part of the prison. This part had been concealed but you have successfully found it. Michael Valdez intended this part of the prison to be a top secret as it contains numerous secrets of his. You will be discovering them as you go along. From here you need to find a way into the Cistern. As always, beware of monsters!

Sincerely,

Twilight Sparkle

“It’s getting late,” said Shining Armour. “But come hell or high water we have to press on and find that grail. There is no time for us to dawdle.”

“And now what has become of our National Archives back home?” wondered Applejack.

“Let the ponies at home fix that for us,” said Derpy. “First things first. Find the Grail we must, and find the Grail we will.”

“First clue,” said Big McIntosh, “this place is still the prison. Second clue, we have to find the exit from here which leads to the Cistern. We have to search extremely hard. Look around and let’s see what we can find.”

This area was again divided into two square sections, interconnected by a hallway. The first section contained five apparently empty cells. The second section had a kitchen, a pantry, and a locked door which had no apparent label.

“This guy’s making it dead obvious for us,” sneered Alberto. “Of all the doors here, it’s so obvious that the non-labelled one is the very door that leads to the Cistern! Too bad it’s locked.”

“Which is why we’ll need to get a couple of clues first,” said Applejack. “I suggest we get into the kitchen first. I hope we can find something useful enough to whack out the lock.”

“Let me see if magic will work,” said Shining Armour, tapping his horn twice on the locked door. Nothing happened.

“Your sword, Alberto,” said Shining Armour.

“Excalibur, be my strength!” cried Alberto, as he attempted to draw his sword. But the sword grew heavy again. “You. Need. A. Strong. Acid. To. Break. This. Lock,” it boomed.

“OK, even easier,” said Big McIntosh. “Let’s go into the kitchen.”

They found the acid boiling in a tub in the kitchen, but there were no available or adequately hardy containers to hold the acid inside.

“Let me go search for it,” said Alberto. “Wait here for me. I won’t be long.”

He went out of the kitchen, but just as he did so…. “GROWWWRRR!”

“Caramba! Another Grunt!” gasped Alberto. “Excalibur, be my strength!”

This particular fight was hard as this Grunt was clearly well-prepared and highly trained, like the one before it. Though Alberto in the end did manage to slay it, he could not have done so without sustaining a bad wound on his left upper thigh.

In the pantry was where he found a glass jar. “Perfetto!” he said, hobbling back to the kitchen next door. “Let’s use this one to put in the acid!”

“You OK, Don Alberto?” asked Big McIntosh.

“Muy bien, gracias,” replied Alberto, gasping for breath.

“You look like you’re bleeding quite badly on your leg down there!” cried Snails.

“My …. leg….. that monster….” gasped Alberto. He staggered a couple of steps more before passing out on the floor of the kitchen. The ponies gave a gasp of horror…..

Minions to the core

During all this time, Don Bernardo had been unconscious and hospitalised in the Bolivian General Hospital in Santa Cruz della Serra. Huascar had been keeping vigil by his father’s bed in the intensive care unit.

“We’ve done our best,” the doctor had told Huascar. “Your papa is temporarily out of danger. But we’re not sure when he’ll come to. Maybe pretty soon, maybe never. Keep talking to him. It might help wake him.”

Having fasted for so long, it was that night that Huascar decided the time had come for him to eat. Rising to his feet, he telephoned the nurse on duty to say that he’d be going out for a meal and a smoke and would be back soon. The nurse approved.

Huascar stepped out of the hospital and made his way to the nearest hawker centre. Suddenly, a group of at least four or five masked men wearing gloves and balaclavas jumped on Huascar, yelling profanities of every sort. Huascar put up a fierce resistance in spite of his physical weakness, but one of the men had a gun and fired it at Huascar. It hit him in the left funny-bone, stunning him completely and knocking him unconscious.

“Take him away!” ordered one of the men. “The boss will be pleased!"

* * *

Alberto lay unconscious on the floor before the Twelve Ponies. “That’s it,” sighed Snips. “Now what? Nuzzle him awake?”

“He’s UNCONSCIOUS, not asleep, stupid!” Snails gave Snips a poke with his horn.

“I suggest,” said Big McIntosh, “that we carry on and find the Holy Grail. I’ll take charge of the entire group until Alberto comes to. Shining Armour, could you help to take care of Alberto and his sword?”

“Gladly,” said Shining Armour, as Snips and Snails slowly lifted Alberto’s unconscious body onto his back. “I’ll try to resuscitate him as soon as we get out of here. But first things first.”

“Let’s see,” said Derpy; “we already have this….. jar here, and we need it to contain the acid before we can break that lock.”

“I’m no chemist,” said Braeburn, “but I’ll take that and use it.”

He took the jar in his forehooves and carefully scooped up some acid.

“Now let’s get the fuck out of here!” cried Big McIntosh.

The party was just exiting the kitchen and about to turn to the door to the cistern when…. “GROWWRRRR!!!”

“Quick, cuz, throw the fucking acid onto the door!!” yelled Big McIntosh.

“YAAAAHH!!!!” cried Braeburn, as he flung the jar of acid onto the Cistern door. The lock cracked.

“Now run and don’t look back!” yelled Big McIntosh, as he ran ahead of the group.

The Twelve ponies ran through the door to the cistern. Snips was about to turn and look at the Grunt that was chasing them, and he almost got killed by the Grunt — if not for Snails who dragged him out of the way just in time…..

* * *

It was in this time that Benedicto Guzmán and Jovento Bajarán were opening up the ballroom in the Radisson de la Paz for the Università di Canterlot in La Paz in Bolivia. A troupe of Minions arrived with their Satan mask and percussions. Some of the sponsors had also turned up.

“The Minions and some sponsors are here at last,” said Bajarán, eagerly. “Where are Sean and Dario? Did they not say they’d be back by this time?”

“From what I see in Sean’s last email, he did say that he and Dario were estimated to touch down at 7am on June 21st, which was two hours ago this morning,” said Guzmán at once. “Not sure how we’re gonna handle this on our own, but we have to manage."

“Er, sorry to interrupt,” said one of the sponsors, “but you guys are in charge here, are you not?”

“We are indeed,” said Guzmán. “I’m the General Manager in these parts, my name’s Benedicto, but you can call me Benz. You guys can go in and set up your stalls now. As for the Minions, it’s best to start making your joyful noise now. Let the people come in one by one.”

When the Minions began their football cheering, and the stallholders began setting up their stalls, Guzmán and Bajarán went outside to talk.

“It’s not like them to be so unusually late,” said Bajarán. “It’s really amazing that we’ve got no news from them. I’ve tried calling both of them on their mobiles; both phones appear to be off. ‘The Singtel mobile customer you’re calling is not available, your number will be sent via SMS to the customer. Goodbye.’ Por l’amor della Santa Madre de Dios!”

Guzmán shrugged, knowing he had to maintain the professional stance; but inside him he too was beginning to tear apart. It was then that some of the other top directors of Sparkle Enterprises arrived, including Alvin Simoneau, Sevastiano Ilyich Yefremov, and Emmanuele d’Arcangelo. And Arcangelo was dragging behind him, bound and gagged and looking very cross and trying desperately but in vain to free himself, Huascar León.

“Buenos dias, Benz. Mission accomplished. We finally got him,” said Yefremov.

“Bueno, è buon fatto!” said Guzmán, rubbing his hands in glee. “Now go in and join the fun! And make sure you take care of the Inca Prince well! Garcia won’t stand a chance against us; he and his furry friends are a whole ocean away in Siberia!”

“Rest assured we will, Benz!” said Simoneau. “We sure will!”

“One question though,” said Arcangelo; “where’s Sean and Dario?”

“Just go in!” ordered Bajarán. “They’ll be here soon!”

After the lot of Sparkle Enterprises directors went inside, taking their prisoner with them, Bajarán turned to Guzmán. “So,” he said. “What about Sean and Dario?”

But before Guzmán could answer, suddenly there was a phonecall on his mobile, from a private number. “Scusa. Il telefono,” said Guzmán. He picked up his mobile to answer the call.

“Ciao, mi chiamo Benz, come vi posso aiutar? ….. Si, I am his subordinate….. COSA!?!”

The look of shock on Guzmán’s face told Bajarán more than a thousand words: more likely than not, Sean Brink and Dario Perez had met with a tragedy of some sort…..

* * *

Inside a small backstage room in the convention hall, Huascar, still bound and gagged, was lying prostrate on a bench, bruised and battered severely.

“You are a very bold fighter, noble Don Huascar,” newcomer purchasing director, Irish-Chilean Beniamino Deakins, mocked him. “You were certainly very well prepared, enough to put up a very brave resistance against us when we ambushed you just now at the hospital. Trust you to not continue keeping vigil while your father is still unconscious! But now you will have some answering to do. I will ungag you so you can talk. Come in, Natanaele.”

Natanaele “Gleek” Duarte walked in with a gun in his hand, and a few Minions behind him, all armed with guns. They aimed at Huascar. Deakins carefully undid Huascar’s gagging.

“Now you better watch what you say and how you answer me,” said Deakins, “for if you say anything untoward or interrupt me when I talk, you can say buenas noches.”

Duarte nodded to the Minions, who returned the nod gesture. Huascar, petrified, kept silent.

“Now answer me,” said Deakins. “Why did you pretend to die as Garcia’s amigo, rather than admit your fault and live on as our stalwart ally?”

Huascar growled in his teeth. Duarte pressed his gun barrel on Huascar’s head.

“ANSWER ME!” Deakins bashed Huascar up hard. “Why did you pretend to die as Garcia’s amigo, rather than admit your fault and live on as our stalwart ally?”

Bleeding from his gums due to the impact of Deakins’s punch, Huascar took a deep breath. “I never knew you,” he growled, essentially telling the truth. “I don’t even know your fucking name. And I don’t know who you are to Garcia. Now if you will kindly let me go. I need to keep vigil by Papa."

Duarte nudged Deakins. “Beniamino,” he whispered, “the asshole has a point. He doesn’t know who you are. Let me take over. You take my gun and hold it at him.”

So Deakins switched places with Duarte. Deakins, wielding the gun, aimed it at Huascar’s temple and pulled the lever. Duarte picked up a nearby barrel of kerosene. Huascar seethed.

“We needed talented people like you to help our pony convention out,” Duarte said, calmly but decisively. “Did the water go inside your mobile phone or something? We called you so many times but you didn’t reply. Huascar, you are the one who had all the brainy ideas. You can draw, you can drum, you can game, you can cosplay, you can do so many things. WHY THEN did you choose to give your time and talents to a bloody motherfucking racist and political dissident who does nothing but use the ponies, OUR waifus by right, for his harem?! And how can you say that the land of Equestria is real when like the whole world knows that it is obviously fictitious, tell me — have you become fricking loco or what?!!”

“It is not a harem and it is not fictitious,” said Huascar, determinedly. “It is a real place where ponies and humans can dwell and ride together in peace. The only reason you don’t believe in it is because you are of this world. But I am not of this world. And neither is Garcia.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!” Duarte whacked Huascar so hard that the latter’s bleeding got worse. Then he turned back to Beniamino and the Minions. “You all heard that! Loud and clear!” he yelled. “What say you?”

“He’s completely loco in the cabeza!” said Deakins.

“No, he isn’t!” came a voice from outside. Everyone turned and saw Benedicto Guzmán walking into the room.

“Com'è?” Guzmán asked Deakins and Duarte.

“Non vuole parlar, Benz,” said Duarte.

“Bueno. Natanaele, vai fuori. Deakins, vai fuori. Minions, stay here and don’t ever drop your guns,” ordered Guzmán. “I’ll handle this.”

Huascar bared his teeth. Guzmán pointed the gun at him.

“So you refused to talk,” he said. “Now listen to me, and listen carefully. By rights you should have been killed by now. But I am the General Manager in these parts, and I am kind enough, as kind as Fluttershy would have been, to give you grace to live on and reconsider your actions. I will now get these Minions to escort you over to what will be your new home for the next — goodness knows, depending on how long you take to confess. Remember, any resistance and you are dead. Andiamo.”

Completely overcome, Huascar passed out again...

* * *

Huascar’s last conscious thought was that of seeing Guzmán’s sneering face before he passed out. When he came to, he found himself in a huge cell in what seemed to be a very smelly underground dungeon. All he had was just a bed, a lavatory, and his clothes.

“I just don’t believe this,” he said to himself in soliloquy, rubbing his wounds. “I was away for Mama’s funeral only and never expected so much to happen. Papa passing out at Mama’s cremation. Me being captured by these assholes again and made to choose bizarrely between either Alberto Garcia and death with him, or them and life with them. And, best part of it all, I’m supposed to be back home in Equestria by this time. Why, did I not promise Garcia that I’d be back? No way; I need to get out of here whether I like it or not! Even if I must die, I must at least let Garcia see my face for one last time!

Ah! tout est bien fini.

Mon beau rêve de gloire,

mes rêves de bonheur

s'envolent à jamais!

Tu m'as pris mon amour,

tu me prends la victoire,

Seigneur, je me soumets!

O souverain, ô juge, ô père,

toujours voilé, présent toujours,

je t'adorais au temps prospère,

et te bénis aux sombres jour.

Je vais où ta loi me réclame,

libre de tous regrets humains.

O souverain, ô juge, ô père,

ta seule image est dans mon âme

que je remets entre tes mains.

O firmament azur, lumière,

esprits d'en haut, penchés sur moi,

c'est le soldat que désespère,

mais le chrétien garde sa foi.

Tu peux venir, tu peux paraître,

aurore du jour éternel.

O souverain, ô juge, ô père!

Le serviteur d'un juste maître

répond sans crainte à ton appel.

O souverain, ô juge, ô père!

Thus Huascar softly sang and prayed as he sat alone in the darkness. As he finished the last note, he felt a rumbling on the ground and he thought he saw the cell door tremble and shake. A letter fell inside. He immediately picked it up and read it:

Do not fear, Huascar di Bernardo di Atahualpa; rather, rejoice greatly, for you have been persecuted for our sake and for the sake of the magic of friendship! And hence, great shall your reward be when you make it back to Equestria!

You may well be in a cell now, but I have just unlocked the door for you. Don’t be afraid of those dogs if they dare to find you out; you do not have to answer them if they demand anything from you. You won’t have to go through any more agony. You won’t die. All you will need to do is get yourself up, pick up your strength, and get out of the cell. From there, I have set the stage for you to return safely to Equestria. You will be home alive. And so will your friend Alberto, who is currently being guided by my pupil Twilight. Just follow my clues and you can’t go wrong.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

“Ah!” said Huascar. “That piece of news redoubles my strength!”

Forgetting that he was already bleeding very badly, Huascar León rose to his feet and opened his cell door successfully. He kept the note from Princess Celestia in his pocket, and slowly made his way out into the corridor of cells.

Inside this corridor were a few cells. He knew he had to survive this. None of the other cells were in use, it seemed. There was an exit door in the middle. He had to take it, but it seemed locked.

Taking a rod nearby, Huascar bashed down that door successfully and ran through the open hallway…..

* * *

Meanwhile, the Twelve had found their way successfully into the Cistern Entrance, a huge and luminous round tower with a domed glass ceiling. There were four doors here; three above-ground doors and one door at the bottom of a down-leading stairwell.

“We’ve got to find out what to do here,” remarked Flash Sentry. “This area may be safe, but I suspect there’s a lot of puzzles to solve.”

“First things first,” said Big McIntosh; “let’s wake up our key puzzle solver.”

Snips and Snails helped to lay the still-unconscious Alberto on the ground. The Twelve used their combined nuzzles to nuzzle Alberto awake, successfully.

“What… happened?” gasped Alberto.

“You passed out earlier on, you were badly wounded,” said Big McIntosh. “So we successfully brought you out of the cells into the Cistern Entrance, which is here.”

“OK,” said Alberto. “It seems like the doors are clearly labelled here. This one’s called ‘MORGUE’; this one down here, ‘CONTROL ROOM’; and this one, “CISTERN’.”

“And the one down there looks like it’s labelled ‘SEWERS’,” said Rainbow Dash, who had gone down with Derpy to check the door that was at the bottom of the down-leading stairwell.

“Our aim was to get into the Cistern, was it not?” Big McIntosh nudged Shining Armour.

“I’ve no idea at all,” said Shining Armour at once; “my sister just said we get out of the prisons into the cistern. Not sure what exactly she meant.”

“I suggest we try the doors one by one,” said Braeburn. “They might not all be open simultaneously, like before.”

Big McIntosh was getting increasingly frustrated by his cousin’s perpetual disagreements with him. “You so clever is it? Then show me your pattern!” he neighed.

“Sure!” said Braeburn. He cantered up to each door in turn, while everypony else watched in amazement. It was discovered that all the doors were as open as could be, except for the sewer door.

“There? You see? What did I tell you?” Big McIntosh scoffed at Braeburn.

“Andiamo, cavallini, siamo finiti con giocando!” Alberto urged everypony on. “Since Princess Twilight Sparkle told us we need to get to the cistern, let’s go in there first!”

The cistern was a large drainage area. It looked somewhat like a huge, reverberant indoor underground canal. The footpath from the entrance door lined the canal up. On the other side of the canal was another footpath, and there were a LOT of vents, pipes, and valves scattered around the walls on that other side. Some of the vents would shoot out smelly, stinky air every few seconds that would cause anypony who came too close to inhale that air to be turned to stone. On the same side of the canal as our friends were, there were a couple of wooden planks.

“Looks like we gotta expect another Kaernk here, mateys!” said Applejack.

“First things first,” said Big McIntosh. “We’ve got to find the clues inside here. There’s a piece of paper on the ground.”

“It’s not a parchment,” said Alberto, picking it up. “Let me read it:

Juni 19, 2038 / 1800 Uhr / Schneiens

Himmel! After about six hours of non-stop working, I’ve FINALLY managed to deviate the water flow in the right direction! Those three valves were the toughest parts!

Do it I had to. No other choice. The Holy Grail vault and Inner Sanctum would not have been secured otherwise. Now the only way to open its doors up is to either have the access card, which presently only I and Cheese Sandwich have; or to find the pieces of that ScheißenOrb, which was all but broken yesterday thanks to Griflet and Bedevere throwing tantrums. Actually I should be grateful to Griflet and Bedevere; unknown to them, they were actually doing me a big favour. Either way, they’re bound in shackles now and are destined for Università di Canterlot tomorrow at midnight.

M.V.

“Dead giveaway again!” remarked Snips.

“No, not this time. In fact I think it’s getting more complicated,” said Derpy. “Even for once I am stumped. Anypony have an idea? You, Alberto?”

“The water flow has been deviated,” said Alberto, “in such a way that it would secure the Holy Grail in its vault. The way to unlock the vault is for me quite straightforward: to deviate the water back to what it was before Michael’s intervention. And to do so we must find the correct valve, or valves, to turn!”

“You sound pretty sure of yourself, Don Alberto. Are you sure you can manage?” asked Thunderlane, concerned.

“Let me show you!” said Alberto. “Andiamo!" He took one foot into the water. Suddenly, splashes were seen and growling was heard!!

“Caramba! Another Kaernk!!” cried Alberto, jumping back onto land just in time.

“So! I was right after all!” said Applejack. “We’re gonna have to really put our manes together for this one!”

“Not often that I suggest anything,” said Rainbow Dash, “but we could fly over, could we not?”

“Not a good idea, Dash love,” said Dumbbell. “We’ve got a mission to complete by today come hell or high water. Hence we’ve got no time to waste any energy. Flying takes up more energy than walking or cantering. Especially if we have to carry.”

“Good point,” sighed Rainbow Dash. “So now we have to figure a way to get past that Kaernk.”

“I suggest,” said Dumbbell, “that we try using these wood planks here and putting them in stepping stone form. Also, not all of us should go, for space constraint reasons."

“I volunteer to go,” said Big McIntosh.

“And me too!” piped up Applejack.

“I’ll join my cousins!” added Braeburn. “So it’s the three of us on this!"

“Careful amigos!” said Alberto. “And make it un po’ più veloce por favor! We’re counting on you!"

It took the three Apple ponies only a little over five minutes to lay the planks correctly, but to everypony it seemed years long. They slowly and carefully crossed over the planks to the other side.

“Now,” said Applejack, “let’s see which valves need to be turned! Be careful of those vents; they shoot out stinky air every few seconds; we all don’t want to be turned to stone!”

“My guess,” said Big McIntosh, “is that the valves that need to be turned, are those three identical valves that are differently coloured from the rest. You realise” — he indicated out the three identical valves with his left forehoof — “that these three you see here, here, and here, have a somewhat different — more khaki — hue from the others, and just screaming to be turned?”

“It’s so dark here. Cousin Mac, I’m amazed that you can see!” gasped Braeburn.

Suddenly, the vents started shooting out the smelly stinky air!!!

“Careful!” shouted Alberto, from behind.

“Quick! Duck for it!” cried Applejack.

“You gotta wait another about 3…. 2….. 1….. NOW!” shouted Big McIntosh.

“Let’s do it quickly!” yelled Applejack. “Run as quickly as you can! Be careful not to fall into the water!

My boot scootin’ baby is drivin’ me crazy,

My obsession for the wisdom, my dance floor daze;

My rodeo romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe;

Wanna make you mine, better get in line, 5-6-7-8!

Left valve and right valve! Now shake that mane and shake your bon bon!

Let’s get the water flowin’ right away!

Shake them forehooves, buck them hind hooves, take your deepest breath!

Find that old Holy Grail is what we’re gonna do!

My boot scootin’ baby is drivin’ me crazy,

My obsession for the wisdom, my dance floor daze;

My rodeo romeo, a cowboy god from head to toe;

Wanna make you mine, better get in line, 5-6-7-8!

MMMBop ba du ba da ba du bop, ba du ba da ba du bop, ba du ba da ba du, yeah yeah!

MMMBop ba du ba da ba du bop, ba du ba da ba du bop, ba du ba da ba du, yeah yeah!

And so singing, the three Apple ponies got the valves turned successfully. The water could be seen flowing in the right direction. The splashes from the Kaernk could also be seen getting further and further away, as could the wooden planks.

“Now run back across the water as fast as you can!” shouted Applejack.

“But the planks, sis!” cried Big McIntosh.

“No time for the planks! Just fucking RUN!!” yelled Applejack.

The three Apple ponies ran as quickly as they could across the canal back to the other side where the others were waiting them.

“Phewph! I need to catch me breath mateys!” gasped Braeburn.

“Good job guys, the water flow is finally back in business,” said Soarin.

“Now we’ve got to get back out and see where to go next!” said Flash Sentry.

“Follow me,” said Alberto.

And so the Twelve ponies and their human leader left the Cistern and headed back out to the Cistern entrance….

Someone to watch over me

"The problem here," remarked Alberto, "is the very fact that we're kind of lost. We've already diverted the water flow correctly. But now we don't know where to go -- to the Morgue, or to the Sewers, or to the Machine Room?"

Shining Armour's horn lit up suddenly. Everypony's eyes were on him.

"Don't go to the Morgue or the Machine Room, there's nothing of interest to us there," he said. "Sometimes certain places here may deviate or distract our attention, don't be fooled by them. Think about it: We've just successfully diverted water flow in the Cistern. Which of these places do you think will be most affected by our diversion of the Cistern water flow?"

"The sewers?" guessed Snips.

"You are right, Snips, it is the Sewers that will be most affected by the Cistern's water flow," said Shining Armour. "We will head there now. No time to tell you why. Come."

The Twelve Ponies and Alberto slowly headed into the Sewers. This was a huge, straight tunnel with shallow water up to wading level, just above Alberto's feet and the hooves of most of the ponies. The very first thing they noticed was a huge water wheel in front of them, right in the middle of the Sewers, beyond which could be heard the bellowing of Brutes.

"Now we've got to get past that bloody water wheel," said Big McIntosh.

"Look, amigos, another note just there," said Alberto, indicating to the water wheel; floating in the shallow water just under it was another note. He took it and read it:

Juni 20, 2038 / 1400 Uhr / Schneiens

Kruzitürcken! I keep trying to get zem off mein Rück but zey still keep breaking free from zose chains! Griflet has been taken care of vell and proper now, ja; but Bedevere is just too strong to be held down, in vun chop ze Schweinhund cut off zose chains, and I vud have been dead meat by now, had I not schtopped him vizz zat verdammte table!

Ach so. Sean and Dario called on me today in person. Just as vell zat Cheese Sandwich had brought ze prisoners to me earlier; gott sei dank, ze prisoners are ours at last, not only zat, I finally had somezing to show to Sean and Dario!

But vye, vye, VYE did Sean and Dario have to rush off so früh?! Zey could have schtayed und helped Cheese and I to guard ze Holy Grail und to fight ze prisoners if ze prisoners manage to escape... now Cheese and I are on our own. I svear zat Sean and Dario will pay DEARLY for vot zey have done to us just venn vee needed zem ze most!

It's a good zing zat zis Grail Vault is vell and fast secured, for only zose who have a pass kann enter into it..... and as far as I know, only I and Cheese have passes now, and I have torn up ze passes zat used to belong to Sean and Dario and scattered zem around ze chapel. Zere is no vay anypony can get ze Holy Grail now.

M.V.

Snails was somewhat tickled by Michael Valdez's strong Prussian accent, even in writing. "'Ze Prisoners'! So that's how he refers to us!" he giggled.

"This is no laughing matter, Snails," Thunderlane gave the little unicorn a gentle but urgent nudge. "The important business here is that we now know that the Holy Grail is indeed in this castle after all, it's in this place called the 'Grail Vault', and the only way to enter it is to find whichever 'pass' he is talking about. I figure it's paper material, since he used the word 'tore'."

"Let's get through this water wheel," said Soarin. "But first we need to stop it turning. Mac, could you lend me your harness please?"

"Sure," said Big McIntosh; "why not? You mean you want to use my harness to stop the water wheel?"

"It should definitely work if I put it in the right place," said Soarin.

"OK," said Big McIntosh. "But I gotta be the one to do it." He stepped forward to the water wheel. "Alberto," he called, "help me remove my harness, please."

Alberto took off Big McIntosh's harness. "Now lay it down on the water wheel," said Big McIntosh, "through any of dem gaps. Any one."

Alberto stuck the harness through one of the gaps till it reached nicely out on the other side. The water wheel stopped turning, and the harness was unaffected.

"Great work, Al!" said Big McIntosh. "Now, everypony, let's duck through this!"

They got out the other side successfully, and Alberto was just nicely able to remove Big McIntosh's harness (narrowly avoiding his finger getting chopped off) and fastening it back on the big red Clydesdale horse.

Suddenly a bellowing sound was heard, and a Brute came charging towards them!!!

"Excalibur, be my strength!" yelled Alberto. Drawing his sword, he rushed forward toward the oncoming Brute. The Brute raised his left arm, which was all but a big metal cleaver, attempting to hit Alberto with it; but Alberto's sword tactics, while effective, managed to do nothing more than block the Brute's attack attempts, actually causing all but minimal damage to the Brute.

"Let me fix that for you, Al!" shouted Rainbow Dash, picking up a small but heavy pebble from the sewer water. "Hi-YAH!" Using all her forehoof power, she kicked the pebble into the air, aiming right at the Brute.

The pebble hit the Brute right in his head, stunning him completely and allowing Alberto to deliver the death blow with Excalibur. "Caramba! That was close!" gasped Alberto.

"Now the question is," said Big McIntosh, "do we go left, or do we go right?"

He had a point, for there was now a Y-shaped fork in the sewer, heading diagonally to the left and to the right, beyond which there were more Brute bellows, audible enough.

"Gotta get past this one," said Applejack, as she wandered through the left fork. "There's a monster here."

"Same here," said Derpy, wandering a few steps into the right fork.

"My idea," suggested Dumbbell, "is that we create some kind of distraction. I have a feeling that the bellowing is coming from the same monster. OK. My plan. Mac, Shining, the two of you go to the left and distract the Brute. The rest of us will go through the right. And for you, Mac and Shining -- after you've managed to lure the Brute away, follow us as fast as you can."

"Sounds like a plan," said Big McIntosh. "Come, Shining."

The two big stallions marched to the left a few more steps. The bellowing got louder, and a Brute came charging towards them, his metal arm making noise as he moved.

"RUN!" yelled Shining Armour. He and Big McIntosh immediately turned around and ran back the way they came, following the directions given by Dumbbell.

They just managed to catch up with Dumbbell and the others through the right fork from where they had been; there was a passage with a ladder at the end.

"Now UP!" yelled Alberto. "CEPAT JALAN OGNI I PONY!!!"

This Brute was a fast one; he was running in from behind them and was already at Shining Armour's heels. "Quick! Shining! Alberto said UP NOW!!" neighed Dumbbell.

"You all go first!" yelled Shining Armour. "I'll finish him off myself! YEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" he yelled as he pointed his horn at the Brute -- who was just about to whack him with his left arm -- and zapped him in the genitals. The Brute gave a bellowing sound as he fell to the ground, lifeless as ever.

"Phewph! That was close!" gasped Shining Armour, catching his breath. "Now I gotta go up and join the others!"

* * *

Meanwhile in the underground labyrinth where he had been imprisoned, Huascar was having no better luck finding an escape route. Behind him was the prison cells from which he'd just escaped; and the hallway he'd just stepped into led straight to a descending stairwell.

"No other way," said Huascar. He walked straight, down the stairwell, and discovered a door labelled:

CELLARIO DI VINO

ENTRATE COME VOLETE!

Beyond the door could be heard weird sounds that reeked to Huascar of hostility.

This is it, said Huascar to himself, now or never. He slowly turned the knob of the door and pushed the door forward, getting ready for a monster encounter.

The wine cellar was a big and reverberant square room, with a small passageway to the left at the far end and a locked door to the centre of the right wall. It smelled of (obviously) long-expired wine, and there were a few broken bottles on the floor and lots of empty, rodent-infested rattan shelves. Huascar cautiously treaded forward, knowing that he was not armed. The sounds of hostile machinery could be heard.

Then he saw it!

A big, round, cylindrical metal robot came rolling into view from behind the passageway and following the perimeter of the walls of the cellar! Huascar knew that this was definitely some hostile robot with a definite form of attack!!

"Oh, help!" said Huascar to himself as he crouched down in a corner and made sure that the robot, a Ballistikraft by make, could not detect him. The Ballistikraft rolled towards him while he covered his face and tried his hardest to not move.

It passed him.

Huascar was so relieved, he almost broke into a dance of joy -- but he most certainly knew better. Making sure the Ballistikraft couldn't detect him, he hugged the left wall and carefully walked through the small passageway at the end of the wall to another (smaller) part of the wine cellar where there was a door.

It was unlocked. Thank goodness! Huascar opened the door and walked inside, making sure to shut the door behind him...

* * *

Having just come out of the sewers, Alberto and the Twelve found themselves in a huge, magnificent church-like interieur. This was, without any doubt, the most magnificent sight they had seen since they had been imprisoned in the Rainy Hall.

"It's already June 21st over there in Bolivia," said Shining Armour, his horn lighting up. "We have to stop getting distracted and start focusing on the task at hoof."

"Something tells me," said Snips, "that we're getting closer to the Holy Grail than we think. But where exactly are we, Snails?"

"This is the Nave of the Chapel of Christ the King in St Petersburg," said Snails. "According to what my horn tells me, this is on the other side of the Vault of Heaven."

Suddenly a deep, booming male voice echoed around the entire building, causing everypony to freeze for a minute!

"ALBERTO GARCÍA! YOU HAFF GONE TOO FAR. I HAFF TO SCHTOPP YOU ZIS TIME. TUT MIR LEID, AMIGO MIO."

"That's a German accent!" gasped Snails. "Is that Michael's voice?"

"It could be only Michael who speaks like that, from the evidence we've seen thus far," said Alberto, taking the little unicorn and hugging him. "For now, let us continue on. This is the Nave of a chapel, so that means we are getting closer to the most likely place where Michael and the Grail must be hiding!"

The party proceeded down the aisle of the Nave, and suddenly, under a statue of the Virgin Mary to one side, they saw a Grunt!! Albeit a seemingly sad-looking Grunt, who was bound and chained to the statue of Mary.

"Please.... could you help me loosen my chains....." begged the Grunt. He spoke with a British accent.

"Should we trust him?" asked Rainbow Dash, scared. "Is he legit, or is he for real?"

"Let me handle this," said Shining Armour. He walked up to the Grunt. "Well, what can we do for you?" he asked coldly.

"Please... loosen my chains," the Grunt pleaded in a sobbing tone. "I will be most thankful to you if you can help me."

Suddenly, Shining Armour's horn lit up. He heard the voice of Princess Twilight Sparkle speaking to him telepathically. "This Grunt is legit," she said. "Behold, here is the power to loosen chains." Shining Armour felt much stronger upon hearing those words. Putting his horn on the chains, he tapped it three times, and the chains broke.

The Grunt slowly stood up. "Thank you ever so much," he said, tears in his eyes. "My name is Griflet. And who might you be, dear rescuers?"

The entire party, Shining Armour inclusive, were all so taken aback that they found no words to reply. They'd been fighting Grunts and Brutes all the while since they'd been imprisoned in the Vaults of Heaven. And they'd hence gotten a very bad impression of Grunts and Brutes. But here, for perhaps the first time ever, was a seemingly good-hearted Grunt, who did not for one minute think of attacking them, but rather spoke to them amiably!!!

"You're .... you're Griflet?" said Snips, finally breaking the silence. "Demoman's nephew?"

"Yes," replied Griflet. "That's me. And wait a minute -- are you not all the ponies of Equestria? Applejack, Big McIntosh, Braeburn, Derpy, Dumbbell, Flash Sentry, Rainbow Dash, Shining Armour, Snips, Snails, Soarin, and Thunderlane? And you, the sole human, are you not Don Alberto García? Uncle Tavish told me lots of stories about how you battled against many seemingly overwhelming odds and eventually became who you are today... I am really blessed that I can actually see you all face to face today. And I know you all are after something really important, that is why you have come here?"

"The Holy Grail," said Alberto. "I hear from your Uncle Tavish that you and your cousin tried to stop the Holy Grail's thief?"

"We did indeed," said Griflet. "Bedevere and I, I swear we gave it our all; but the thief, acting alone, was an expert at martial arts, it seems. He even had a gun in his hand, and fired it at me when I tried to physically throw myself on him. After I felt the gunfire, I screamed in pain, but my voice failed me -- and then for a minute I thought that I was dead.

"The next thing I knew, I was alone in a dark room, and upon looking in a mirror near one of the tables, I was astounded to see what my face had become. I called out for Bedevere but I don't think he heard me. I never saw him after that time. All that I got in reply was my echo, and a horde of monsters coming into the room, followed by a man. He held a whip in his hand and looked really fierce..."

"You're referring to Michael?" wondered Big McIntosh.

"Yes," said Griflet. "Michael Johann Valdez is a really mad guy. Possibly worse than insane. He whipped me soundly and ordered me to go and 'patrol the area' that he'd placed me in. I fought back and he was pissed. I told him I wanted to become who I am again. But Michael said that his 'medicine is permanent' and he threatened to kill me if I didn't obey him. I told him I did not fear death, I would willingly lay my life down for the cause of getting back at the thief of the Grail and avenging Bedevere.

"Michael was even more mad when he knew that I'd stuck to my guns strictly and would never back down. He had me chained up here in the Chapel. Before he left, he told me, 'You will see a new master tomorrow.' That was yesterday. He may be coming for me anytime today. But it's a good thing you saved me before he came! Now all I need, is someone to watch over me, so that he may not find or get me here.

There's a saying old says that love is blind,

Still we're often told "seek and you shall find";

So I'm going to seek a certain girl I've had in mind,

Looking everywhere haven't found her yet.

She's the big affair I cannot forget.

Only girl I ever think of with regret;

I'd like to add her initial to my monogram,

Tell me where is the shepherdess for this lost lamb?

There's a somepony I'm longing to see;

I hope that she turns out to be,

Someone who'll watch over me.

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood,

I know I could always be good,

To one who'll watch over me.

Although I may not be the man some girls think of as handsome,

To her heart I carry the key.

Won't you tell her please to put on some speed, follow my lead,

Oh, how I need someone who'll watch over me!

And so singing, Griflet broke down into tears. Dumbbell, moved to compassion, walked forward and let Griflet hug him and cry onto his mane and left wing.

"Don't cry, Griffy old pal," he said. "As long as we're here and you stick with us, we will be that someone to watch over you."

"As long as that's good, then that's OK," said Griflet, wiping his eyes with his right hand. "By the way, since you're after the Holy Grail -- can I join you?"

"Why, definitely! Goes without saying!" said Big McIntosh. "You can ride me, while Alberto rides Dumbbell."

"Good idea!" said Alberto. The other ponies neighed in approval.

"OK, here's the thing," said Griflet. "I've got some clues for you all. Michael has hidden the Grail in the Grail Vault, which is beyond the walls of the Chancel. The Grail Vault is openable only by whoever possesses the Bar Code, which is on a piece of paper which he apparently tore to shreds and scattered around the chapel, in the hope that no-one will ever find it. So it's now up to us to find the Bar Code and jigsaw it together."

"How do you know about this?" asked Big McIntosh.

"No time to talk," said Griflet. "We've got to search. There are three branches of this chapel; the Choir is to the left, the Transept to the right, and the Chancel in the centre. My suggestion is that we try the Transept first. Knowing that Michael keeps a lot of his documents inside some of the bibles in the pews therein, it's quite likely that he'd have hidden some of them there."

"Let's go there, then," said Braeburn.

The entire party, now including Griflet, went into the Transept. There were now fourteen of them, so covering the entire Transept was a lot easier. It was Thunderlane who found the first piece of barcode -- underneath the leg of a pew.

"Eureka!" cried Thunderlane. Everypony turned to look at him.

"Sh sh!" Griflet gently tapped Thunderlane on the wing with his left hand, the one with claws, taking great care not to hurt him (of course). "I know you found one piece, but not so loudly! You might arouse Michael's attention!"

"OK, OK," whispered Thunderlane.

"Anyone else found any more barcode pieces?" asked Alberto.

"No," said the others in turn.

"Let's go to the Choir then," said Griflet. "Be careful, there might be monsters."

* * *

Meanwhile, miles away in Hall 13 of the Radisson de la Paz in Bolivia, the "Università di Canterlot" was well under way under the co-leadership of Jovento Bajarán and Benedicto Guzmán. Both men were highly anxious about their bosses' disappearance on board the airline. The customers, totally unaware of Sean Brink's and Dario Perez's disappearance on board the flight, were still coming in and patronising the booths like they would a funfair; some of the rogue enterprise's top leaders, such as Natanaele Duarte and Beniamino Deakins, were either cosplaying or entertaining the customers if not both. Guzmán and Bajarán were seated on one side, drinking.

"It seems that the aeroplane somehow disappeared halfway across the Bermuda Triangle," said Guzmán, as he sipped on some tequila. "At least that's what the airport staff told me."

"The Bermuda Triangle? Caramba!" cried Bajarán. "Now they're not going to be able to find any trace of it!"

"One more thing," said Guzmán, looking severe. "Better not tell the others about it. Not now at least. As the General Manager and acting CEO in the absence of Sean and Dario, I don't want to spoil the festive mood."

"Apparently Michael emailed me," said Bajarán, "says he needs one of us to go and pick up some special delivery from his end, it's meant for us it seems."

"Ebben...." began Guzmán, hoping to send Bajarán to do this for him; but just then, Duarte approached them, clad in his Derpy cosplay costume; he didn't look very happy.

"Look at this," he said, showing the newspaper article to Guzmán and Bajarán. Now it was no longer a secret; it seemed like the press had gotten wind of the disappearance of Brink and Perez long before anyone else had!

"So.... what's your intention of showing me this?" said Guzmán, not amused.

But before Duarte could reply, a Minion came up to them and whispered something in Bajarán's ear.

"Oh, che l'orror!" cried Bajarán. "The prisoner! He's escaped!!!"

"Sh!" said Guzmán, his expression looking really severe. "Do not panic! The underground tunnels are very long and are guarded well by the two Ballistikrafts! If the Inca prince ever tries to escape on his own without OUR intervention, his goose will be cooked!"

"Benz is right, nothing to worry about regarding the escape of the Inca," said Duarte. "Just let him run to meet his maker face to face; he's most likely not going to be able to bypass two mega-robots that fire multiple heat-seeking missiles upon detection of his DNA in their vicinity. What's most concerning now is how our two bosses have disappeared and whether or not, heaven willing, they're still alive."

Aeron Vartan and Cinzia de los Angeles entered Hall 13 at the moment. "But weren't you both gaoled in Britain?" gasped Bajarán.

"We were, but thank goodness Cinzia here managed to use her most powerful magic to set both me and herself free," said Vartan. "Those bobbies in Scotland Yard are just fat and clumsy. They were no match for our escape."

"Very good that you're here," said Guzmán. "Now what we need you guys to do is simple: Can you fly to Russia and see Michael, por favor? He just emailed us, says he needs your help."

"But I think Sean told us that..." began Cinzia.

"Not about Sean, he's not here now, I'm in charge in his absence," said Guzmán. "You both, fly to St Petersburg now and go directly to the Vaults of Heaven. Michael needs your help. This is an order."

"Si, Benz," said Cinzia and Vartan in unison, before departing the scene immediately.

"So, Benz, what do we do about Sean and Dario?" asked Bajarán.

Guzmán shrugged. "Guess we've got to use our trump card now," he said. "Ascoltami, amigo. This is what we'll do..."

* * *

The Choir Area of the Chapel of Christ the King was a huge, dimly lit, echoey area which was shrouded in a mysterious mist. Bellowing of Brutes could be heard from all around.

"Talk only in whispers now!" ordered Griflet. "There are big monsters here who will get you if they hear you! The same way they got me when I called out for Bedevere after my capture!"

The party slowly wandered around, taking great care to not rouse any monster. There was completely no paper in this area; only a small (but very deep, probably bottomless) ditch that spanned the middle of the Choir and was bridged twice. On one side of one of the bridges, the silhouette of a Brute could be made out. There was a door on the other side from where the party was standing.

"Now we gotta cross the other bridge," said Griflet. "There is a door there. That's the room where the altar servers normally would prepare for Mass, during the pre-Soviet era before religion was banned in Russia. It's the only likely place any paper would be in here."

"AWWW!!" In the distance, a bellow was heard!!!

"Quick! Into the room!" ordered Griflet.

The entire party shot into the alter server room. No paper could be seen at first; the room was rather messy. But it was Braeburn who found another piece of ripped-up bar code paper -- while he was looking into a broken candlelabra holder.

"There ya go," he said, handing it to the others to have a look. Thunderlane, who had the first piece of barcode paper, put it with the second one like a jigsaw. Together these pieces made up about 5/6 of the entire bar code paper; only one more piece -- a corner -- was missing.

"All right!" said Alberto, sounding triumphant. "Now we've gotta find the final piece -- and I think it's in the Chancel!"

"Not so fast!" said Big McIntosh. "This area is big and misty! How do we know we haven't combed it entirely yet?"

"Just follow me," said Griflet. "Be careful when stepping out back into the Nave. We don't want to rouse any more monsters!"

The party exited the altar server room and were halfway across the bridge going back when another Brute suddenly came ambling towards them from behind!!

"Don't look back!" whispered Griflet. "Just keep moving! If he gets too close, I'll take care of him myself!"

The ponies found it hard to walk quietly (thanks to their noisy hooves), but led by Alberto, they just managed to make it to the Choir door and exit back into the Nave. Griflet, at the back of the party, turned around to face the oncoming Brute; summoning his entire strength, he used his left arm and whacked the Brute dead in four hits, before rushing out to join the others in the Nave.

* * *

During this time, Michael Valdez and Cheese Sandwich were coming into the Nave, hoping to get Griflet unchained. Michael had just received a reply email from Jovento Bajarán, stating that Cinzia de los Angeles and Aeron Vartan "will be down shortly".

"Gotta get Griflet ready to send over to Bolivia," said Michael; "the delivery people vill be here soon."

"Master, I think Griflet isn't there," said Cheese Sandwich, indicating towards the statue of the Virgin Mary, which was empty, and the chains broken. Michael was livid.

"Himmel! Ze prisoners have rescued Griflet! Raise ze alarm! NOW!!" ordered Michael. "Go get ze Grunt army en garde!"

"OK!" said Cheese Sandwich, as he darted off to the security office of the Vaults of Heaven...

* * *

Griflet just managed to kill the Brute but not without grazing his right arm a little. Nevertheless he was still as alive as could be; he rejoined Alberto and the Twelve, who were relieved to see their new friend alive after the showdown with the Brute.

"Now we gotta be careful when entering the Chancel," said Alberto.

"You OK, Griffy?" asked Shining Armour.

"I'm cool, thanks," said Griflet; "that asshole only managed to lacerate me a little on my right forearm. That's nothing to me."

The Chancel's entrance was a staircase leading upwards. The party slowly walked up, and suddenly -- "GRRRR!!!" In came an army of Grunts, ambushing the entire party, who were unable to fight back because they were truly and properly surrounded!!!

"GRRR! So you want to get the Holy Grail, do you not?" growled the Grunt sergeant. "You'll have to get us first! Fellow Grunts, take the prisoners away!"

Overcome by exhaustion and fear, Alberto passed out.....

Power Ponies

"Now this is just amazing," said Snips. "How on earth would the claimant leave behind Sean Brink's Tesco namecard in Pyro's Pawnshop, unless he were Sean Brink himself?"

"We've already gathered that he can't be Sean Brink," said Snails; "I mean, come on. Firstly, Brink is a whole ocean away in Bolivia doing his plan which IMHO is bound to be a failure. Secondly, he's Irish; since when did he have a Russian accent?"

"I'm getting a vibe of Aeron Vartan," hinted Soarin.

"Well, I for one don't think it's Aeron Vartan!" said Derpy. "Firstly, from what we've all heard, Aeron Vartan's Russian accent is quite strong, no hint of 'Britishness' in it. And secondly, isn't Aeron Vartan clean-shaven? How come we're being told that the person who claimed the Holy Grail from Pyro, had a grey beard?"

Alberto knew what was going on. "Basta!" he interrupted. "No point speculating! We already know the answer -- this is all part of an organised plan! In other words, Aeron Vartan is not the only thief involved!"

All the ponies' eyes went wide.

"You're not serious, are you?" said Big McIntosh.

"Are you ill?" wondered Shining Armour.

Alberto felt he had to do a bit of explaining. "Now listen to me todo el mundo," he said, sternly. "We've already been through this shit so many times. We already know that anything to do with Sean Brink is also anything to do with organised planning against us. Any amount of speculation you do will bring us back to that fact. Now let us not waste time and get on with our mission!"

"And the name that Pyro mentioned," said Shining Armour. "The 'Vaults of Heaven' -- for the win, that sounds drattedly familiar! Is that not a pagoda in St Petersburg, where all the dead Communist dictators are buried?"

"Damn! That would mean we have to go all the way to Russia from here!" cried Derpy.

"Wait a minute!" cried Braeburn suddenly. "Something just stung me on my tail!"

The other ponies checked behind Braeburn. Apparently a parchment scroll had fallen from goodness-knows-where and landed on Braeburn's tail, shocking him.

"This is no ordinary parchment," said Snails, his horn glowing and pointing toward the parchment.

"I will read it," said Shining Armour. He picked it up in his left forehoof and read it aloud:

Greetings friends, I hope you all are focusing on the quest, because the journey ahead is going to get increasingly rough as you progress along. Time is of the essence, and we need to get the Holy Grail back before June 20th, and it is already June 1st, we have only 20 days to complete this quest. As such, I will be randomly dropping clues to you in scrolls like this one, in situations where you will need the most help. You already know that there is more than one thief involved, not just Aeron Vartan; and that these theves re all on the payroll of Sean Brink and Sparkle Enterprises; and also that they intend to bring the Holy Grail to be secured deep inside the Vaults of Heaven, which is indeed in St Petersburg in Russia. You have to find the keys to open up the vaults. I suggest you make your way down to Finger Pier in Edinburgh, where you can take the ferry to Riga in Latvia. Your next clue will wait you there. Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle.

"OK, guess that settles it all," said Alberto. "The only way to get the Holy Grail is to go to St Petersburg via way of Riga. We've got to find the keys to open up the vaults!

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe buried somewhere in a prayer.

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe heavy or lighter than air.

Open up the vaults, open up the vaults,

We’ve got to find the keys!

The nights have been growing darker,

They’re darker now than sin!

We’ll open the vaults of heaven;

The treasures are there within.

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe seen in a poor child’s eye.

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe heard in our desperate cries.

Open up the vaults, open up the vaults,

We’ve got to find the keys!

The nights have been growing darker,

Even darker now than sin!

We’ll open the vaults of heaven;

The glories are there within.

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe buried somewhere in a prayer.

The keys to the vaults of heaven

Maybe heavy or lighter than air.

We’ve got to find the keys, we’ve got to find the keys,

To open up the vaults!

The nights have been growing darker,

And so much darker now than sin!

We’ll open the vaults of heaven;

The answers are there within!

Thus Alberto softly sang, as he led his ponies off to their next destination -- Edinburgh.

They arrived in Edinburgh at 9pm that evening. All of them were practically starving.

"Best to get something to eat," said Soarin.

"Bien," said Alberto. "And a place to stay for the night. I suggest we put up in Hotel 81 for tonight, there's a cafeteria inside."

And so the seven ponies and their human leader stepped into Edinburgh's Hotel 81. Before checking in, they went to the cafeteria to grab a bite; their favourite food -- tequila beef steaks -- was available there.

The cafeteria was relatively crowded. While they were eating, a familiar face showed up at the entrance to the cafe; it was Taddeo Spettro, now a Methodist pastor of his own church in Scotland. 20 years before, Spettro had seduced Donita, Alberto's then-wife; and later caused her to die in a fire. Alberto had not forgotten any of the hurt and heartbreak back then.

Spettro walked up to Alberto and politely greeted him. "Garcia," he said, "how are you?"

Alberto turned around to look Spettro in the eye. The face was all too familiar. The heartaches of 20 years ago just came back like a flood, overwhelming him.

"Pastor Taddeo Spettro," said Alberto, clearly sounding hostile, "this is a hotel, not a church. Please leave!"

Spettro took a deep breath. "Can you give me a little time?" he asked.

Alberto turned to his ponies. "Let's drink up," he said, taking a glass of aguardiente and beginning to drink it.

Spettro tried to yank the glass away from Alberto's hand. "Please stop drinking!" he pleaded. Alberto was not convinced. "It's none of your business!" he cried, shaking his hand free from Spettro's grip and walking over to where Shining Armour was standing.

Spettro walked toward Shining Armour. "Well, what can we do for you?" asked Shining Armour, coldly.

"Can I talk to him for a while?" asked Spettro.

"I don't want to listen to you preach!" cried Alberto, turning away.

"May I know who you are to Alberto?" asked Shining Armour, clearly unsure of the whole situation.

"I was his.... pastor," said Spettro, a little hesitant.

Alberto took his half-drunk glass of aguardiente and splashed it in Spettro's face. "I don't have a pastor like you!" he yelled. "Leave!"

Spettro, shocked beyond hope, turned and walked out of the hotel. By this time, all eyes in the hotel cafe were on Alberto, wondering what this scene was all about.

"I think you're quite tired after such a long journey, Alberto," said Big McIntosh. "So are we all anyways. We'd best check into a room and turn in for the night."

Alberto, overcome by sentimentality, said nothing in response.

The following day, Shining Armour woke up earlier than the others. He knew Alberto had to get over this sentimentality over Taddeo Spettro -- whatever it was all about -- if they were to find the Holy Grail within this extremely curt time frame of less than 20 days. So he went incognito to meet Spettro at his church, which was not far from Hotel 81.

"I'm here to apologise on Alberto Garcia's behalf," said Shining Armour.

"I'm the one who should apologise," said Spettro. "I'm a pastor. Yet I made such an embarassing scene."

"I understand how you feel, pastor," said Shining Armour. "These kinds of situations are very common, more so than we think."

"I know," said Spettro, "but..."

"But what?" asked Shining Armour.

"I mean Garcia," said Spettro; "I want to help him."

"Honestly, so do we all," said Shining Armour; "but there are too many things that we don't know."

"Rest assured I will do my best to help, should Garcia ever get into any trouble," said Spettro.

"Then I'll just thank you first," said Shining Armour, giving Spettro a brohoof.

Back at Hotel 81, Alberto Garcia and the other six ponies were packing their stuff and making ready for Finger Pier, when Shining Armour returned.

"Today I met Pastor Taddeo Spettro," he said. "I want to find out the cause of all heartbreak and to resolve all conflicts."

Alberto turned on Shining Armour. "Please don't mention his name in my presence again!" he cried. "20 years. I was banished from my homeland for 20 years. You won't understand that kind of pain!"

Big McIntosh gently nudged Shining Armour. "Shining, 20 years is a long time," he said. "I know because I've been through it. Give him some time."

"Enough time has passed," said Shining Armour. He walked up to Alberto and fixed him with a severe glare. "You keep on remembering whatever hurt and pain he caused you every day," he said. "Why do this to yourself?"

"He didn't just cause me physical pain!" retorted Alberto. "He backstabbed me. Stole my woman from me. Deprived me of my honour and my dignity. He is not fit to be a pastor!"

"Come with me," said Shining Armour. "Hop on my back. I want to show you something."

"What about us?" asked Soarin.

"Help us pack our luggages, and meet us at Finger Pier," said Shining Armour.

Shining Armour took Alberto just behind the hotel, where Pastor Taddeo Spettro was randomly distributing gospel pamphlets to random passers-by on the streets.

"He's been doing this for the past twenty years," said Shining Armour, "come wind and rain, he has not once given in."

Alberto kept quiet.

"It seems to me that he is trying to make up for some wrongs he might have done in the past," Shining Armour went on. "Don't touch the broken pieces, Don Alberto. You're bleeding too much."

"Can we go to the Finger Pier now, por favor?" demanded Alberto.

"Very well then," said Shining Armour. "Let's go." And with Alberto on his back, he galloped straight for Finger Pier, which was at the port of Edinburgh.

They arrived at Finger Pier about an hour or so later. The other six ponies were waiting them there -- with two more extras: Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash. By this time, the weather had taken a turn for the worse; it was only four o'clock in the evening but the clouds were getting darker.

"Just as well that they're here," said Shining Armour.

"Thank Celestia you've come!" said Rainbow Dash. "Her Royal Highness Princess Twilight Sparkle sent us here; seems that the forecast was a thunderstorm and gale over the Baltic Sea!"

"Alert! Cruiser Number 174 to Riga now boarding at Gate 7!" announced a female voice over the pier's loudspeaker.

"We'd better go in and board the cruiser," said Alberto.

"Right you are!" said Big McIntosh. "Quickly, before our fur gets all drenched and saturated!"

They boarded the cruiser just in time. By the time they all had had their dinner and were resting in their cabins, the rain had started pouring like never before. Now there were nine ponies and one human altogether; and yes, there was a cabin big enough to fit them all inside. Soarin, Shining Armour, Snips, Snails, and Braeburn were asleep; Alberto, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, Thunderlane, and Big McIntosh stayed awake to monitor the weather in case of another sea tragedy.

"From what I gather," said Thunderlane, "I seriously doubt that this vessel would make it to Riga safely, looking at how horrible this gale is."

"I couldn't agree more," said Derpy. "Even in the most stormy Winter Wrap Ups, I have no problems. But for once I am beginning to have fear of this kinda weather, given that it's already escalated from a storm into a gale."

"I suggest one of us goes to talk to the captain of this vessel about this," said Big McIntosh.

"Here I am," said Alberto; "send me."

The ponies nodded in affirmation. Alberto stepped out of the cabin and headed down the dimly-lit hallway, in the direction of the captain's cabin.

The door of the captain's cabin suddenly opened, and out stepped a big, burly Afro-American in naval uniform and cap. This must be the captain, thought Alberto. He walked up to the man. "Excuse me, señor Captain," he began, "but do you know anything about how the weather...."

"A judgement! Woe!" said the Afro-American man.

What a weird captain this vessel has, thought Alberto. "Sorry, but I don't understand?" he said. "I mean, I was trying to ask about the...."

"That's what I told them: 'It's a judgement'," whispered the Afro-American, clearly a somewhat eccentric man.

"But señor Captain! Surely you...." began Alberto again.

"A judgement! Yay! A judgement!" guffawed the Afro-American, as he gave Alberto a friendly but hard pet on the back. "And don'tcha forget that, baby!" And with those words, he marched off on his way. Alberto was beginning to wonder how the Scottish Navy could have employed such a weirdo for a captain.

Thankfully the real captain came out at that time. "Excuse me, sir, you're looking for the Captain?" he said, as he approached Alberto.

"Si, but..." said Alberto, startled.

"That's me!" said the man. "The captain -- it's me! What's it regarding?"

Alberto saw the naval uniform and credentials worn by this man, albeit without a cap, so he knew that this was for real this time. "The weather," he said. "Can we make it to Riga within four days?"

"Shouldn't be a problem as far as I see it," said the captain. "I've had worse weather than today. Just go back to your cabin and rest. Everything will be fine. In the event of any emergency, we'll sound the alarm."

"Muchas gracias," said Alberto, as he turned back for his cabin.

But he was shocked at the sight he saw when he reached his cabin door. A huge crowd of angry passengers had gathered in the hallway; the Afro-American man whom Alberto had encountered earlier, was apparently giving an address to them. Apparently some of them had leakages in their cabin bathrooms as a result of the gale.

"I am Philippulus the Prophet!" shouted the Afro-American. "I and I alone know why we are faced with this gale even now! This is the judgement come upon us all! We are all sinners, fallen short of the Glory of the Risen King! Fall on your knees and accept Jesus as your Risen Lord and Saviour today! And be baptised in His glorious Name, the Name of Jesus, the Name that is above every name! Come now!

Come, people of the Risen King,

Who delight to bring Him praise;

Come all and tune your hearts to sing

To the Morning Star of grace.

From the shifting shadows of the earth

We will lift our eyes to Him,

Where steady arms of mercy reach

To gather children in.

Rejoice, Rejoice! Let every tongue rejoice!

One heart, one voice; O Church of Christ, rejoice!

The passengers cried out in affirmation of the Afro-American's song. Some even fell on their knees and begged for baptism.

Of course, Alberto was by no means convinced. I've seen many locos before, but this one takes the word "loco" to a whole new level, he said to himself.

Just then, Shining Armour and Rainbow Dash came out of their cabin and saw the whole situation, the passengers pleading for divine mercy, the deranged Afro-American prophet taking a bowl of water and "baptising" the passengers, and Alberto standing aside looking scornful.

"Alberto! There you are!" cried Rainbow Dash. "You got any news from the Captain?"

"I can't hear you!" shouted Alberto. "It's really noisy here! Let me go and tell that madman to shut up!"

He walked up to the Afro-American. "Excuse me, Señor Prophet, but do you mind going back to your cabin and resting for the evening? It's already very late and I think we all want to sleep."

The Afro-American grew extremely pissed. "You heard that all of you?!" he shouted. "This guy has the sheer audacity and guts to set himself up against Philippulus the Prophet -- a servant of Satan, that's what you are! A tool of Beelzebub! And how the heck did those get here? Those....." he cried, pointing at Shining Armour and Rainbow Dash, and calling down numerous curses on them in the name of his Lord.

"No time to lose!" cried Shining Armour. "There's gonna be a stampede of bipeds! Back to the cabin quickly!!!"

"NOW!" yelled Alberto, as he and Shining Armour and Rainbow Dash ran straight back for their cabin and to safety.....