It's All In Your Head

"Come sweet slumber, enshroud me in thy purple cloak.  Hmm, doesn't even rhyme."

-Paranoimia (Art of Noise feat. Max Headroom)

Sweet Celestia, what have I done?!  I attempt to create and I only destroy!  What hell hath my hooves brought upon me?  I, a lowly scribe, attempting the impossible...now I’m confined to here.  I broke that window in the rec room I don’t know how many times.  It was funny, but only got me more punishment.  The wall of my room had to be scrubbed down because of my frantic writings.  I, Ponyman, was only trying to pen the next best story!  THE FOOLS!  They have no idea the pain and madness that I.....

“H-hey, Twi...”  I snapped my gaze up from the left behind notebook on the shelf and glared at Holly.  He seemed to flinch and back away, and he should.  He’s not my friend...nopony calls me ‘Twi’ but my friends!

“Hellooooo, Holly,” my eyes narrowed at that word as my stare lingered on him. I could see he was nervous.  I must have that effect on ponies lately.  After a few seconds of letting him sweat, I walked back to the couch and took my seat.  “Well,” I sighed, striking my best ‘Rarity drama pose’.  “Ready whenever you are.”

“Actually...Twilight,” he stammered.  I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, but that didn’t mean I had to like them anyway.  “I know what your file says about you but,” he paused, eyes searching for the right way to continue.  “I would rather hear it straight from the horse’s mouth.”

I forced my best smile, hoping that it would convey that he wasn’t the least bit funny.  If he was just going to joke about this, I should leave right now.  But all I had to go back to was my bed, so I decided to play along.  It was a nice change of scenery, after all.  “Not exactly a soup question, is it?”

“Take it as you want,” he gave a sly smile.  Either he was impressed with my movie knowledge or he thought I was being that cute kind of crazy again.  He sat in the tall backed chair across from me and leaned forward, “But don’t flatter yourself.”

I turned my head to face him once again, cocking a brow.  “Isn’t it a bit rude to ask about somepony without introducing yourself first?”  Of course I knew who he was.  He told me his name before.  But hopefully he’ll play right into my hooves.  Once I had him cornered, I could barter my way out of here.  He seemed to squirm in his seat slightly, as if unsure what I was up to.  Perfect...

“Well, what do you want to know?”

I glanced to the wall opposite of me, and there was Discord, as always.  He was gesturing and motioning and mouthing something.  I lingered on his frantic image for a few moments, trying to parse out what he was saying.  He finally gave up his game and frowned.  “Ask him if he’s lying!”  he whispered.

“How will I know you aren’t lying to me?”  I finally asked, returning my stare to him.  He must’ve been watching me intently when I was busy.  That kind of creeped me out.

“How do I know you won’t lie to me?”  He gave a chuckle, but I only stared daggers at him.  He thought he was cute, huh?

“Fine,” I sighed.  “Fair enough.  Do you believe any of the things I have told you up to this point?”

“Right to the point, huh?”  He was smirking again.  But his eyes betrayed he didn’t have an honest answer for me.  “I don’t think you’re lying...”  I felt my face relax as relief washed over me.  Finally he believed me!  Now to see if I could... “”Unfortunately, at this point it’s the best answer I can give you.  I’m sorry.”

All at once the weight returned.  My ears folded back as I bit my lip.  “I suppose that’s alright.  I don’t think you would let me go with just that then, huh?”

“No can do,” he shook his head.  That blue mullet of his looked ridiculous.

“Figures,” I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t exactly know how long we’ll be at this, but I know you’re not insane,”  he continued.  “Nopony that done the things you did would suddenly go insane that quick.”  I tried not to smirk.  How little he knew.  But that wasn’t my fault, was it?  It was Discord that drove me to do those things in the name of filing a friendship report on time.  Right?

        “Your point?”  I asked, trying to end this while I could still breathe.  The room felt smaller all of the sudden, and the nagging voice of Discord in my ear made me think that Holly was making fun of me.

        His chest seemed to puff out a bit as he smiled.  Did I walk into his gambit?  “If you need something, anything from the outside...just...Oh, I don’t know...” he rolled his eyes playfully.  “Happen to mention it in passing.”

He wasn’t serious, was he?  I would have to test this theory later.  Right now, I just wanted out.  Holly seemed to notice my plight, and decided to let me go to stretch my legs, so I opted to take a walk around the halls.  Maybe I could learn something from all of this?  It was kind of sad that the only pony that seemed to have any sense around here wasn’t even qualified to diagnose me for anything.

        “Lyra,” I heard that name before.  Her and Amethyst Star were in Canterlot with me all those years ago.  Or maybe it hasn’t been that long?  I don’t remember.

“You have got to stop this...”  the voice continued from down the hall. I decided to investigate.  Not even the sight of Discord in a nurse outfit would deter me from seeing this through.  Coming to a stop near a room, I felt kinda bad for listening in.  But my natural curiosity got the better of me once again.

        I peered through the small window in the door to see Lyra sitting in her strange position upon the bed.  The cream colored earth pony, who I assumed was Bonbon, stood next to her with a frown on her face.  The mint colored unicorn seemed depressed at something, her forehoof reaching out to a glass like she was expecting to grab it.  After a few minutes of appearing to try and will the glass into her hoof, she gave up and thumped it back on the mattress.  Maybe she was having trouble using her magic?  But why would she be here?

        “You know, Twilight.  They say if you stare too long into the void it stares back,” Discord spoke, snapping me from my thoughts.  I turned my head and came face to face with him, then leapt back out of instinct.

        “What do you mean?”  I narrowed my eyes.  I didn’t want to risk attacking him and looking like an idiot.  “You’re the reason I’m here, aren’t you?!  This is all part of your sick game!”

        “Oh pah!”  He waved a claw, his face showing disinterest.  “Always blame the god of chaos.  Why can’t you ever take responsibility for yourself?”  He followed my stare back to the window, where Lyra was once again reaching out for the glass.  What was she doing?  Whatever it was, Bonbon seemed to disapprove.

        “They think I’m crazy, don’t they?”  I finally asked.  It was an obvious answer, but somehow I felt if he said no I would believe it.

        “Yes they do,” he smiled.  “But not because of what you think.”  He pointed to himself and winked before vanishing again.

        “Twilight?  You can come back now,”  Holly called to me from down the hall.  Seems I didn’t wander too far after all.  Not that I could escape anyway.  I would teleport out of here, but my magic was still not functioning.  With a sigh of defeat, I trotted back to the room where I would once again recall things and hope the nice pony would continue to listen.  I swore that when I looked into his eyes, he was trying not to laugh.

        “You remind me of one of my friends,” I muttered, eyes locked onto his cheesy smile.

        “Really?  Why not tell me more about them?”  Holly replied, holding the door open for me.  Why was he being so nice?  Was this just to butter me up for something terrible later?  I swore I felt him staring at me in an unprofessional manner, but I ignored that feeling for the one of impending dread.

***

        Rainbow Dash was every bit the weather she helped to maintain.  Uncontrollable, unpredictable, and always on the move.  So to say it was a strange sight to see her sitting in a booth at Sugarcube Corner would be an understatement.  According to her, sweets in vast quantities gave her a headache because her body processed them too fast.  Yet, here she was, her snout buried in yet another Daring Do book.  It was odd seeing the likes of Rainbow Dash be such a...well...’nerd’. But it wasn’t her fault the things she deemed cool fell under that category.  Though she could buck anyone who called her out on it, so there was that self assurance.

        “Hey Dashie, want some more? ~”  The rainbow pegasus looked up from her reading to see Pinkie with another tray filled to the top with cookies of all kinds.  Her glance then turned to the already three equally stuffed trays on the table.

        “Uh...not really.  I’m glad you invited me over to help get rid of the day old stuff, but...I’ve got a wicked bad tummy ache.”  Her words fell on deaf ears.  Or maybe Pinkie just didn’t hear her over the sound of her own glutinous revelry.  Dash wondered to herself if that’s how Pinkie got her boundless energy, as it didn’t seem possible for a pony to be that...random by nature alone.

        In reality, Pinkie was fueled by her friends and their happiness.  Every pony and non-pony in Ponyville was a tiny power source, and when one of them went out, she could feel it.  Rainbow Dash had the misfortune of seeing Pinkie at her worst once, and that only strengthened their bond more than ever.  It also didn’t help that Dash was the reason Pinkie started smiling in the first place.  This revelation lead to her clinging to her 'Dashie' more than ever, and rivaling even Scootaloo in the fan department.  Dash thought it was cute at first, but could never let go of that lingering guilt that her contributing in that lie lead to Pinkie’s condition.

        Applejack couldn’t lie to save her soul, but Dash usually prided herself for such a skill.  Except when it came to her friends, and now apparently, especially to Pinkie.  For the colors most vibrant always faded the most.  As penance, Dash agreed to go pranking with her, only to have Gilda the Gryphon get in the way.  Later on, they learned that Dash’s loyalty isn’t just because it was her Element.  She had the knack of befriending the misfits and outcasts.  The abrasive Gilda and the gangly Fluttershy were the two best friends she had.  Unfortunately, Gilda shown that she was lousy at picking these friends sometimes, and she probably gotten burned by others before.  She didn’t want them to feel that way because of her.

        It was commendable of her, but the others didn’t pay it much mind.  But then Twilight started noticing Dash and Pinkie hanging out more often than usual.

        Of course, she was too wrapped up in her current predicament to care about this sudden chemistry.  If anything, she found herself stuffing her face with sweets as well, blushing at the confused staring from Dash sitting across from her.

        “You look terrible, Twi,” Dash finally replied, as if she just noticed the unicorn sitting there.  Twilight didn’t really make a scene of coming in, nor did she want to interrupt the pegasus.  That would be rude.  “What’s up?”

        “I don’t know,” Twilight sighed.  How would she even go about explaining what happened last night?  “I guess I just had a bad dream is all.”

        “OH!  It wasn’t the bad dream where I capture Dashie and...”  Pinkie began, but she was cut off with a hoof.

        “NO!  Celestia, no!”  Twilight snapped.  “Something weird is going on.  There was a storm last night and...”

        “Yeah, sorry about that,” Dash butted in, rubbing the back of her head with a hoof.  “It was already to Ponyville before I got the call, so I figured I’d let it ride out and make up for it later.”

        “It wasn’t just the storm.  I...I think Discord might be back,” the unicorn's shoulders slumped.

        “How?”  Pinkie asked, suddenly turning serious.  “Didn’t we turn him back into stone?  Wait....” Pinkie switched to her normal self again.  “Discord made a storm and you didn’t invite ME?!  You kept all that chocolate milk to yourself?!  That’s not fair!”

        “There was no chocolate milk!”  Twilight replied, sounding a bit more harsh than she wanted too.  Her face was buried in her hooves at that point, so she couldn’t tell if I hurt Pinkie's feelings or not.  “He was in my dreams, and he was telling me he’s in my head.”

        “In your head, huh?”  Dash smirked, hovering up from her seat.  The unicorn dreaded whatever she had planned as she began eyeing her, hoof to chin as if in deep thought.  “I don’t see him.”  Typical, Dash the smartass...

        “No, Dashie!  You got to knock, like this!”  Pinkie butted in, tapping a hoof against her friend's already aching head.  Twilight wanted to lash out, but kept her calm.  The visual she got of Discord answering a door with a towel wrapped around him only made the mood more sour.  It must’ve been obvious because both of them backed off, blushing with embarrassment.

        “This is serious, guys...” the unicorn seethed.  “If Discord is up to something, we have to find out what!”  It was then she thought of that book.  Was that the reason for what was happening?  She didn’t even read it!

        “Hey, remember when you went all loco in the coco and made everypony fight over that doll because you wanted to write a friendship report?  You kind of acted just like him!  Only without the chocolate rain and stuff...”  Pinkie waved a hoof, as if blowing off my lame imitation of him.

Oh, Celestia!  I DID act just like him!

        “And remember when you told Pinkie you were going to try and stop time because you were afraid of what was going to happen to you?”  Dash added, smiling somewhat.  Maybe such a grandiose plan would impress her.  It did sound like the plot to a Daring Do story.

        “Yes, Rainbow...I remember...thank you...”  Well, so much for seeking solace in her friends.  Wait, no...!  That was the kind of attitude that made me succumb to him in the first place!  This is all his doing again!  Of course!

“Twilight, you okay?”  Dash tilted her head.  That look of concern was no longer genuine to the lavender mare.  All of this is some elaborate Discord hoax!

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”  Twilight shouted, leaping from her seat and teleporting out of the bakery.

Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash didn’t know exactly what happened at that moment.  All they knew was Twilight screamed at them, and vanished in a flash of light and the smell of ozone.  They knew first hoof of Discord’s influence, but had no idea how deep it ran with poor Twilight.  To have the very things, the very ponies you’ve come to love, turn on you so violently...it was too sad to think about.

“What’s her beef?”  Dash snorted, slumping back in her seat.  “This is...what?  The third time Twi’s lost it?  I’m worried about her.”

Pinkie Pie was all too familiar with ‘losing it’, as Dash so casually called it.  Another one of her happiness pilot lights was about to burn out, and the party pony could already feel the sadness coming over her.  If she wasn’t careful, they would start to creep back into her life.  “Maybe I should talk to her.”

Dash noticed this shift in demeanor.  It was one of her traits, after all.  Reading a pony was just like reading a book.  But Dash had no mood for musing about this irony.  Her day was already shot anyway.  Pinkie was in a sad mood, which meant no chance to...

NO!Dash scolded herself.  Twi’s more important!Before she could say anything, Pinkie was already gone.  How she managed to slip away like she did was a mystery.  No wonder she made a good Mare Do Well.  But that was for another time.  With a snort of disapproval, Dash lazily lifted herself by flapping the tips of her wings half heartedly.  Shoving a few cookies in her mouth to drown out the taste of feeling sick,  she made it outside where she spread her wings and shot off into the blue.

Pinkie, meanwhile, noticed that Twilight had left a book on the table.  “Oh!  This looks important!  I better bring this to her before she misses it!”  She grabbed the book in her teeth and carried it over to her saddlebag behind the counter.  “Now don’t you worry, Auntie Pinkie Pie will make sure you’re back safe and sound with Twilight!”  She dumped some of the leftover cookies into the bag as well, making a mess of things before flinging them onto her back and taking off out the door.

How Pinkie managed to make any progress with her unusual bounding gait was anypony’s guess, but there was no denying that the display made others smile.  In the end, that was all she wanted.  If anypony knew what Twilight went through losing her friends that fateful day with Discord, it was her.  Loneliness was a terrible feeling nopony should have to experience.  Arriving at the Books and Branches library with surprising speed, Pinkie hammered on the door.

Spike begrudgingly answered, only to be met with a faceful of hooves.  “OW!”  He yelped, falling backwards.  He rubbed his nose to make sure it wasn’t bleeding, then got to his feet. “Pinkie, what’s going on?”

“Twilight forgot her book!”  Pinkie exclaimed, pulling said tome from her saddlebag.  The fancy inlaid cover and gold unicorn head were now smeared with spots of melted chocolate.  Spike cringed at the sight before regaining composure.  He could smell cookies.

“Uh...thanks...” the dragon muttered, taking the book gingerly in between his thumb and claw.  The look on his face shown that Twilight would probably kill him for messing up her book.

“Can I talk to her?  She seemed super duper upset and I wanted to make her smile again!  That’s my thing ya know?”  Pinkie bounced in place.  If she was upset herself, she did a darn good job of hiding it.

“I guess you ---”  Spike was cut off as Pinkie dashed into the lobby and looked around.  She could hear sobbing coming from upstairs, and headed up to Twilight’s room with a sudden burst of speed.  Peering her head into the darkened room, she could make out Twilight’s form in front of the window.  The curtains were closed so no light could shine into her heart.  Pinkie nodded, knowing that she had to bring the sunlight to her.

“Twilight...”  she began, slowly approaching the ladder that lead to the bed.  “I kind of know how you feel and...”

“GET AWAY FROM ME!”  Twilight squirmed back on the bed, pressing against the window.  Her eyes darted about the room until they landed on the pink pony below her.  Suddenly, her voice didn’t sound like Discord’s anymore when she spoke.

“I know what you’re going through.  When that mean meany pants Discord hurt me, I felt really bad.  I wasn’t myself but I was aware of what I was doing.  Those memories still bother me, and I’m forever thankful that you all forgave me.”  Pinkie stared at the floor.  Twilight had never seen the bouncy pony so vulnerable.  Why was she acting like this?  Was it because of the sudden lack of happiness she was getting from Twilight?

“Of course,” Twilight replied, hesitating slightly.  She didn’t know if this was all a lie or not.  Her friends had never let her down before.  “And...I guess I appreciate you sticking with me.”

Pinkie smiled that infectious smile once more, causing one to form on Twilight’s own face.  “You ever need a pony to talk to, I”m here!  What else in the world is more innocent than a real smile?”  With those words, she turned and bounded down the stairs.  Twilight could hear the yelp of Spike and the sound of a poor dragon being landed on by a heavy pony.

She was right.  There was nothing more innocent than a smile.  But how genuine could her smile be when she had no innocence left?

***

“Pinkie was surprisingly observant of my problem.  It was then I realized just how deep her love for her friends ran and how important we are to her.  It was touching, but also kind of sad in a way,” I sighed.  “That’s why you remind me of her.”  My head turned to the side so I could give him my best pleading look.  “Can I go now, please?”

Holly seemed lost in thought for a moment, his hoof to his chin.  “Twilight, I think tomorrow I’ll bring in a little treat!”  I could feel that pressure returning to the air around me.  Why was he doing this?  “A way to celebrate our progress...so far.”

“And you won’t get in trouble for this?”  I asked, cocking a brow.  “I don’t want to be a burden on ---”

“It’ll be my treat,” Holly cut me off by raising a hoof.  “Maybe we can talk about a different subject too?”

I smiled.  Now was my chance to put him to the test.  He just has to let me out of here.  “Well, we could talk about how my isolated childhood and privileged studies led to me being a social outcast...”

Holly blinked as he processed what I said.  Could he detect my sarcasm?  I was always terrible when it came to that.  “We could...though I’ll admit, I could get used to seeing you smile more often!”  He gave a smile of his own.  “I mean, what else in the world is more innocent than a real smile?”

I frowned, which made his smile disappear too.  What kind of foal did he take me for?  “Yeah, sounds great,” I replied flatly.  “But you have to give me a reason to smile.  You’re no Pinkie Pie.”  I stared at the ceiling, trying to hold back tears.  “You have no idea how it feels...”

“I’m...not trying to be?”  Holly stammered.  “Um...well, let’s see.  There’s plenty to smile for, Twilight.  Like the little things in life.”  I glanced over to him, hoping he’d get the hint to be quiet.  “Or your accomplishments.  I mean you’re pretty well known, if not for being Celestia’s student, than for your magical feats.”  He continued to talk but I was no longer listening.  Someone else had my attention at the moment.

Yeah, all the ponies fear you just as much as they fear Celestia...if not moreso...

“I won’t patronize you and tell you to cheer up.  You’re smarter than that,”  Holly continued, and I snapped my stare back to him.  “But, is being depressed really helping anypony?”

“Is keeping the all powerful unicorn who can stop the end of the world here in this room helping anypony?”  There was that sarcasm again.  Maybe he’d give up and leave?

“Well, by that logic Ms. Great and Powerful Twilight,” he replied.  Maybe he didn’t mean to sound hurtful, but that’s the way it felt.  My face ran hot as I gritted my teeth.  “How can you protect anypony if you’re so intent on being so...so....”

“Blase?”  I finished for him.  I couldn’t help but smile.  I glanced over to see Discord slowly shaking his head.  I could see Holly frown somewhat.  Here he was trying to help, and I was being conceited and stuck up.  Guess I should’ve got a cutie mark for sarcasm.

“Yeah!  I mean, I’m no hero like you.  I can’t even get a pretty mare to smile!”  I rolled my eyes.  Now he was flirting with me?  I should say something to the staff.  “But best believe I’m not moping about it!”  Did he just wipe his eyes?

“A book...”  I replied, snapping my stare back to him.  Now was my chance to distract him.  My stomach knotted as guilt for using his kindness washed over me.  What was wrong with me?

“What?”  Holly tilted his head.  He seemed eager to help me.

“You said I could have anything brought from outside,” I rolled over onto my stomach and looked him in the eye.  “I need a book.  Well, several books actually.”

“Um, sure...alright...” he shrugged.  “What am I looking for exactly?”

“Just go to the library in Ponyville and talk to Spike.  He’ll know what I want,” I tried to sound a bit ominous, seeing if he’d flinch or be uncomfortable.

“Spike?”  Holly seemed a bit too excited for my liking.  Now I felt bad for sending this...this...whatever he’s supposed to be, to him.  “Yeah, sure...I’ll have those books here ASAP!”

“Well, looks like this was a pretty good session, huh?”  Yeah, I suppose so.  “Honestly, Twilight?  I think you’ll be out of here before you know it!”  I rolled my eyes again.  I might be out, but would I still have a home to go to?  But, that’ll give me time to explore around and see what’s really going on.  I smiled again, making Holly smile in return.  This was a successful session.

“Anything else?”  The stallion was anxious now.  Like he wanted to finish up so he could leave for something.  The way he acted when I mentioned Spike gave me a bad feeling that was his intention.  I didn’t like this guy.

“I am kind of hungry...”  My friends used to joke that in order to keep me content was to feed me all day.  In a way they were right, but I would never admit that.  I prided my ability to stay somewhat fit despite my unhealthy habits.  I can’t think when I’m hungry, and I grow unstable when I can’t think.  It was such a simple equation, I couldn’t believe it.

“Well, what would you like?”  Holly asked, shifting in his seat a bit.  “You can have pretty much anything here.  I’ll leave a word with the orderly to come take your order.”

“Thank you,” I sighed.  The realization that I hadn’t eaten anything since I got here was starting to catch up to me.  Holly left the room, and that heavy air returned once more.  There was something about him I didn’t like, and I felt bad for subjecting poor Spike to whatever he had in store.  The empty space in the doorway was filled with the presence of a large white stallion.  A pegasus.  I remembered him!  He was that musclehead that I was surprised could fly at all!  Where did he get those sunglasses?  They looked familiar.

“Uh, you the orderly?”  I asked, afraid of his immense size.

“YEEEEAAAAHHHH!”  His nostrils flared, blowing what looked like steam from them.  I glanced at his name tag.

        “Well then...um...Duke?”  He didn’t give a response so I guess that was right.  “Do you have daisy sandwiches?”

        “YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!”

        This was going to be a long night.  At least Holly will be gone so I can poke around.