Kyle Brofloski: The Mystical Earth Pony

by MittenPatty

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Crossover, Main 6
Length: 5941

Kyle has been transported to, I don't really know. There are talking ponies everywhere, if that helps.

Kyle Brofloski wakes up in the magical land of Equestria, where no pony has ever heard someone drop an F bomb before. Lets hope he doesn't screw things up...

Published 2014-05-13 01:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-03 22:19:42 UTC

Welcome to Ponyville

Author's Note

This is my first South Park fanfic! ( Warning: Harsh language )
Kyle is my favorite character, so I couldn't resist the urge.
BTW I'm not Jewish, so if I got anything wrong about the religion please tell me so I can fix it in the next chapter.
Also, If I offend anyone, sorry about that...

Welcome to Ponyville

Kyle rubbed his tired eyes and yawned. He stretched his hind legs and scratched his shaggy mane, heaving himself off the dirty ground. Wait a minute. Why am I not in bed? More importantly, why am I OUTSIDE?! A spider crawled onto his arm, interrupting his thoughts.

"Gah!" the Earth pony stumbled backwards onto his side, getting leaves tangled in his coat. He got to his trembling hooves and looked around, petrified. Where the hell am I? He started to trot around, examining the foliage around him. Am I in cartoon? He reached up to his head and felt around. Yup, hat's still there. He let out a sigh of relief, which came to an abrupt stop once he saw his hand. Or, hoof.

"Agh!" he shook his arm violently. "What happened to my fingers?!" Realizing something was wrong, he sat down for further investigation. He started to check the rest of his body out, and found he had no clothes on. He squealed like little girl and dove into a bush. Trembling, he covered his crotch in embarrassment. Hey, it's a bit, drafty down there...Then it hit him.

"I DON'T HAVE A-!" he quickly covered his mouth, blushing profusely. Damn, how do I take a leak? He searched more thoroughly and sighed in relief, finding it was hidden under his fur. Thank Jehovah. Also, what am I? He rubbed his face, discovering how long his nose was. Do I have a muzzle? He explored his lower half ( Not like that ya perv ) and found he had a small hairy thing on his rump ( Seriously guys, stop it's not that funny ). He gasped.

"Oh my god, I have a tail!" he laughed and waved it around like a dog. Maybe this isn't so bad after all. He caught a glimpse of something else as he was wagging his new extension.

"Wait, is that a tattoo?" he stopped shaking his ass and took a closer look.

"Why do I have a Star of David on my hip?" he shrugged and brushed it aside. Probably temporary. He walked out from behind the bush and continued through the forest. I wonder if the other people around here know how to fix this. He stayed on track, always going straight ahead. Gotta find a way out of here. The stallion took note of the little things he saw, like the creepy tree hut that looked like a witch-doctor owned it, or the weird blue flowers that were bunched up in a huge patch. He didn't go near any of the foreign landmarks, and went on his way.

A little while later, the stallion began to feel tired and weak. Man, am I hungry. I could really use some KFC right about now. Kyle wasn't doing so well on hydration either, as his throat and tongue felt dry as bone. Still, he continued through the woods, determined to find out where he was.

Kyle trotted up to a small creek, beside what looked to be a cave. Thank god, I'm so thirsty! He slowly approached the water and bent down to have a drink. He gulped down mouthfuls of the cool, refreshing liquid, feeling his strength rejuvenate. Standing back up, he saw his reflection shimmering in the pool. The Earth pony curiously got a closer look.

"Woah. I have really big eyes." He blinked and cocked his head, trying to get a better understanding of what he was. Am I, a pony? That's odd. Is everyone here a horse?!

The stallion froze as growling sounded from across the stream. He slowly lifted his head to see several eyes glowing from inside the cavern. He gasped and backed away, legs trembling. The growls evolved into roars as a timber wolf pounced. Kyle screamed and spun on his heel, eyes wide with terror.

"HOLY SHIT, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" he galloped through the forest, diving through bushes and nimbly dodging trees. Why am I so agile? Whatever, better not complain about it now.

The forest's edge was nearing, giving Kyle some encouragement. Come on... His chest was burning, and he could feel the raspy breath of the beast on his back.

With a grunt, he flung himself out the exit, panting. Glad I lost that son of a-
The stallion's eyes dilated as the wolf emerged from the woods, followed by two others. Kyle began to panic, watching in terror as the three surrounded him. They circled slowly, drooling and licking their chops. The Earth pony's lips trembled as he tried to shrink into a seed and bury himself in the ground. The pack leader stopped and howled, signaling for the rest to back up. They bowed their heads and did as they were commanded, still watching their prey like hawks. Kyle didn't move, for it would set off the predators. The remaining timber wolf wiggled his haunches, preparing for his attack. The stallion squeezed his eyes shut and sent a silent prayer. A Jewish one, of course. The wooden beast roared and pounced, baring it's teeth.

"Take that, ya rotten varmint!" Kyle uncovered his face with his hooves to see an orange Earth pony head-butt the vicious creature in the face. It staggered around aimlessly for a while, before it whined and padded away with it's tail between it's legs. The other two growled at the ponies and followed after their humiliated leader.

Kyle watched in shock as the mare brushed herself off and placed a dirty old cowboy hat on her head. She looked down at him and smiled, holding out a hoof. He took it, still very confused.

"How did you, but- HUH?" he stammered. The orange pony chuckled.

"Eh, it was nothin'." she waved the praise away and offered a hand-shake. "Name's Applejack pardner. What's yours?"

Applejack likes to buck trees. And ponies.

Author's Note

Sorry to all AJ fans- You know what?
I REGRET NOTHING READ THE CHAPTER

Applejack likes to buck trees. And ponies.

"Um, I'm Kyle." He looked at Applejack, then to the forest, then back again. "How did you do that?" The farm pony frowned.

"What do ya mean? I saved yer sorry tail, that's fer sure." The stallion shook his head.

"No, I mean how did you scare off those, things?" he gestured to the woods behind them. AJ kept her confused face on.

"Well, I just rammed him, that's all." she explained. "I was also pretty noisy. They hate it when yer loud." She beamed and started to walk in the other direction. Kyle stepped forward.

"Wait, so you're going to leave me here?" He called after her. "I'm like, nine years old!" The orange mare stopped and looked back at him like he was Adolf Hitler or something.

"What the hay are you talkin' bout'?" she asked. "You look to be about seventeen!" The stallion was appalled. He looked himself over, and found his legs were strangely long, and his hat was tight on his head. Then again, he had no idea how to tell the age differences in these girly cartoon horses. For all he knew, the one in front of him could be four.

"Well, how old are you?" he asked hopefully. Maybe I can get a reference or something? Unfortunately, it was to no avail. Applejack wrinkled her nose in disbelief, glaring at him.

"You know you should never ask a lady her age!" she snapped. Anger changed to passion, as her face softened before letting off a smirk. "Luckily for you, Ah aint' no fancy mare." Kyle sighed. Wait, why do I need to know this? She trotted back over to him and leaned closer, checking to see if anyone was around. The coast was clear. She grinned cupped her hoof to his ear.

"Ah won't tell you ma exact age," she whispered. "But ah will inform ya that ah'm over eighteen..." she backed up with a sly smile plastered across her face. The stallion raised an eyebrow. What the fuck is going on? AJ bit her bottom lip and winked, sashaying around him. Kyle started to feel uncomfortable, and broke into a hard sweat. I don't like where this is going...

"If ya like, ah can show ya 'round the barn," she sighed in a flirty tone, stroking his chest with her hoof. "There's this special little spot ah always, "buck" around in." The orange mare pressed herself against the nervous colt, and started to nibble on his ear. Kyle's eyes widened, realizing what she meant. With a yelp he quickly shoved her off, and began to back away from farm pony.

"Oh, shit," He watched as Applejack advanced towards him, pouting.

"Come on, now, don't be like that!" she had a crazed look in her eyes, a want, a NEED. This scared the poor boy out of his jimmies.

"It's the least you could do for me after ah saved yer life!" Kyle shook his head in terror. Oh god, what the hell is wrong with her!? Without hesitation, he turned tail and raced away, but not before giving the pony in heat something to remember him by.

"FUCK NO!" He screeched and ran down the hill, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his teeth.

The astonished orange mare stared at him in silence as he galloped into town, disappearing into the mass of buildings. What the hay does, "fuck" mean? She shrugged and headed in the opposite direction, back to Sweet Apple Acres.

"Oh well, better luck next time," she murmured, hanging her head. "I'll just get Big Mac to do it. Again."

Kyle panted as he tried to catch his breath. That, was, horrifying. I hope nobody else is like that. He groaned, regained his composure and looked around, admiring the small little town. He began to walk along the road, watching as ponies did their business with others. Hey, this place is a lot like South Park! Man, I really miss that place. All my friends and family are there. Mom, Dad, Ike, Kenny, Stan, Cart-

He stopped and shook his head. Nah, screw Cartman, he would probably hate it here. Everyone is too nice, communicating and acting kind towards one another. Chatting with friends, buying groceries. His stomach growled at the thought of food. Where can I get a decent meal? He trotted over to a nearby fruit stand, his mouth watering at the juicy crops. A yellow unicorn came up behind him, giving the stallion the scare of his life. He jumped and let the her pass.

The mare picked up an apple and placed a small coin on the counter, before leaving with a gracious smile. Wait a minute, is that, GOLD?! Kyle whooped for joy and dove for the token, only to have his face meet the hard surface. He rubbed his forehead and groggily looked up, to see the sales pony glaring at him. He blushed and slinked away, the mare's eyes burning into the back of his neck.

Deprived of food, the Earth pony searched hungrily for something to eat. Couples scattered the streets, sharing smoothies or popping chocolates into each other's mouths. He groaned, for now he desperately wanted something sweet.

His prayers were answered, when he came across a giant gingerbread house. He licked his lips and approached the giant treat, eager to dig in. He examined the crispy brown walls, inhaling the delectable aroma. He opened his mouth wide and chomped down hard, feeling the taste of wood slide down his throat. He gagged and spat out the disgusting plank, coughing up pieces.

"Hey!" a high pitched voice sounded behind him. Kyle turned to see a pink mare with an afro thing looking at him in confusion.

"What the hay are you DOING!?"

Pinkie bakes some Trippy Cupcakes

Kyle looked from the plank in his hooves then back to the pink pony before him. Pinkie raised an eyebrow. He quickly shoved the board behind his back, smiling sheepishly.

"Um, I was hungry?" He tried to explain as he struggled not to cough up the excess wood lodged in his throat. The party pony's facial expression seemed to change faster than cheetah on steroids. She giggled and bounded over to him.

"Oh, that's okay,!" she smiled and grabbed his arm. "I always like to make ponies smile, even if you are a hobo." The pink mare dragged the confused stallion into the building, humming as she did. Wait, HOBO?!

"Hey, I'm not-" He was cut off as Pinkie dropped him on the tiled floor. A loud, "clunk" sounded throughout the room as Kyle's head was introduced to it. Groaning, he lifted himself up, mind reeling. A loud slam erupted from behind him, followed by hoof-steps nearing.

"Hey, are you okay?" a squeaky voice echoed in his ear. The stallion shook his, clearing his vision. He saw a pink pony standing over him, a worried look on her face. Kyle nodded slightly and grinned. Pinkie smiled as well, before walking over to the entrance of another room. He followed her and peered through the doorway.

"So, what are we doing?" he asked, curious. If it ends in me getting fed, I'm okay with it. ( Apparently Kyle's mother forgot to teach her nine year-old son about stranger danger and razor blades.) Pinkie skipped into the kitchen.

"Baking cupcakes!" she chirped and got out a large bowl from a cabinet. The stallion entered the room, his mouth watering. Thank god, I'm starving! He approached the counter and sat patiently for his food, watching as Pinkie prepared to bake the delectable pastry. She turned around and saw Kyle sitting there, drool sliding down his chin. She frowned and shoved gallon of milk into his face. The stallion took it and looked up at her in confusion, before uncapping the bottle and tilting his head back. The pink mare squealed and snatched it away from him.

"No, silly!" she gave him a measuring cup instead. "You put it in the BOWL not your MOUTH!"

Kyle sighed as he was handed a list of instructions. Do I REALLY have to help make them? I'm horrible at cooking! He slumped his shoulders and began adding ingredients to the batter. What is SHE doing anyway? She told me she was "preparing" the flour. How do you even do that? Doesn't it come in a bag? He stretched his neck, trying to see what the party pony was doing in the other room.( She said it was top secret. ) He managed to catch a glimpse of the baker breaking up something with what looked to be, a credit card? Pinkie then carefully poured the powder into the empty flour bag, leaving just a tiny bit on the table. She looked around, checking to see anypony was watching, then quickly bent down an snorted the white substance up her nose. She straightened back up, shaking her head.

Kyle snapped back to the bowl, as the party pony was returning. She trotted in, eyes bright and alert, and shook the bag excitedly.

"Finished!" She approached the batter and opened the sack of "flour" eagerly. The stallion before her pulled the mixture back, unsure if he could trust the new baking ingredient.

"Um, wouldn't it be best is you told me what that IS, exactly?" he gestured to the bag. Pinkie looked down at the object in her hoof and frowned.

"It's just flour I modified, nothing special," she explained, scratching her arm. "I use it in all my recipes." the pink mare's eye brow twitched, causing Kyle's uncertainty to rise. He hesitantly handed to bowl over and allowed her to pour the powder in, watching anxiously.

Pinkie Pie stirred the concoction, keeping her eyes focused on her work. Kyle waited for her to finish, staring at the white smudge under her nose. What IS that? Is it edible? She said she puts it in all her desserts, so it must be safe to eat. I hope it's not drugs...

A sweet and tangy aroma drifted through the kitchen as the freshly baked cupcakes were pulled from the stove. Kyle 's mouth watered at the sight of the sweet treat, his stomach grumbling. Pinkie wiped the sweat from her forehead and placed the tray on the counter, then removed her oven mitts. She smiled and admired their creation, eager to dig in after they had cooled.

"You just wait, Mr. Hobo, Once these babies are ready, your tummy will be full and happy."

"I'm not, HOMELESS!" The stallion bellowed. Pinkie ignored him and continued to gaze at the delectable treat.

After what seemed like hours, Pinkie finally took the cupcakes out of the tray and set them on a plate. She picked one up and took a bite, her eyes widening as her lips made contact with it. She wolfed the rest of it down and grabbed another one.

"These are SO good!" she exclaimed, mouth full. Kyle frowned and tapped his hoof impatiently.

"Come on, can I PLEASE have one now?" he whined. The mare holding the plate turned and looked at him.

"Oh, sorry." she gave him a cake, and continued to eat the others. Kyle opened his mouth wide, but closed it before he could take a bite. What about that stuff she put in it? I'm still not sure if it's safe to eat...

He watched as Pinkie gobbled the sweets down like a dog. Well, it's not hurting HER. He took a little nibble of his cupcake, and gasped as the taste touched his tongue. It was amazing! He seemed to inhale the rest of it, and turned greedily to the plate for more. He snatched one away from Pinkie, who was sucking up the pastries like a vacuum. He took a bite and moaned, feeling the gooey treat slide down into his stomach.

"Oh my god, Pinkie," he sighed between bites. "These are AMAZING!" The party pony beamed.

"Thanks!" She leaned in closer, motioning for him to do the same.

"The secret flour I used," she whispered. "is dried alligator egg-whites." Kyle looked down at his cupcake in awe. Whoa, cool. He then remembered the earlier events and raised his head up to Pinkie.

"Well, how come you were snorting it up your nose?" He asked. Pinkie Pie blushed.

"I just really, REALLY like the smell of it." she laughed. "It reminds me of baby wipes."

Kyle waved back to the party pony as he got farther away from Sugar Cube Corner. He called out, "thank you's" and "Goodbye's ", while Pinkie returned the gratitude.

Once the bakery was out of sight, Kyle went on to the next item on his mental checklist. Find some goddamn clothes. Even though everything was covered, the fact that he was technically still naked creeped him out beyond belief. Pinkie had told him about a place her friend owned, and could probably give him something for free. The stallion set his destination for Carousel Boutique, and began to trot down the path to coverage. ( and fast. )

Let's Visit the Laundry Basket

Kyle approached the fancy building hesitantly, gaping at the amount of femininity radiating off of it. He could hardly tell it was a shop, it was covered in so many frills. He trotted up the stairs and lifted a hoof to the door, which had swirls and fancy thingies engraved into it. He gave a slight tap, and waited for a response.

Nothing. He frowned at his stupidity. Why the hell did I do that? That was softer than Butters! He knocked harder, and heard shuffling from behind the door.

"Coming!" A mare's voice sang from the other side. The rustling grew louder, indicating she was trying to make the place more presentable. Kyle rocked back and forth on his hooves, whistling as he waited for the pony to greet him. Finally, the door swung open to reveal a white unicorn with a deep purple mane, that was neatly combed to have a cute curl at the end.

"Hello, my name is Rarity," she chirped proudly. "How can I help y-" she stopped short when she saw his hair. And hat. She gasped and pulled him inside, slamming the door behind them. Kyle stood still in shock over what just happened, as Rarity dug through a pile of outfits and cut-up fabrics.

"Oh, darling!" she cried, pulling out a tuxedo. "You look absolutely atrocious!" Kyle wrinkled his nose. Gee, thanks bitch. He turned to leave, but stopped when he felt something being pulled from his head. Oh fuck, she didn't just-

"Give that back!" he bellowed, spinning around to face the thief. Rarity jumped, taken back by the sudden aggression. She levitated the green hat with her magic, bringing it closer so she could examine it.

"Is this important to you?" she asked, pointing to it. "It's extremely dirty, and it has a hole on the back." Kyle flared his nose, seething with anger.

"I don't care," he growled. "I've had that hat since I was a little kid, so give it back to me!" Rarity frowned. She lifted the hat higher, and turned back to the pile of clothes.

"Well, maybe if you ask nicely I'll return it to you." She hovered a brush and a suit closer to him. "And until you do, how about you try this on?" Kyle stepped back. She better not mess with my hair, and there is no way I'm putting that on.

"Look, can I please just have my hat, and get out of here?" he asked, holding out his hoof to grab his only article of clothing. Rarity pouted and brought the tux closer.

"Come on, just wear it for a couple minutes?" she pleaded and started to comb his hair. Kyle swatted her away with an annoyed grunt. Rarity sighed.

"Fine. If you put you this on, you can leave with your ugly hat." she shook the green object like a ragdoll. Kyle bared his teeth. You leave one mark on my hat, your fucking dead. He groaned.

"Alright, but just ONE." he agreed reluctantly. "And that's it." Rarity squealed with excitement and immediately started to comb out his curly hair.

"Oh, wonderful!" she tugged at the knots, pulling Kyle's scalp. He winced.

"Hey, hey easy!" Rarity slowed her pace.

"Oh, I'm sorry darling." She put some kind of gel on his head. "I was just a bit too excited." Kyle rolled his eyes. Yeah right. A "bit" my ass.

After Rarity was satisfied with how neat and straight she had made her client's hair, she moved on to the outfit. She levitated a measuring tape from her work counter, and proceeded to calculate the length of his legs and chest. Kyle shifted uncomfortably. I don't like this... She just "exploring" my body. It's weird. Rarity wrote down the measurements on a clipboard and tapped the pencil on her chin. She scrunched up her nose and furred her brow in thought, before perking up with a smile.

"You're approximately size seven." she trotted up the stairs to the top floor. "Let me find something extravagant!" Kyle waited until she was completely gone, before racing over to a nearby mirror. He almost fainted when he saw his reflection. I-I look like... He lifted a trembling hoof to his face.

"I have Cartman's shitty hairstyle," he muttered turning his head to check out his mane further. "What the fuck."

He jumped when he heard hooves pounding down the stairs. Rarity was by his side at an instant, trying to get the green tuxedo on him.

"Ugh, hey stop that!" he wrestled with the fashionista, who was forcing a bow tie around his neck. She gave up and dropped suit with a huff.

"Well, you have to put it on eventually!" she whined. Kyle snatched the outfit with a grunt. He looked around the room for something to conceal himself in, but the whole space was wide and open.

"Do you have anywhere I can, y'know. Change?" He asked hopefully. Rarity stared at him blankly, as if he was talking gibberish.

"Why would you need to do it somewhere else?" She cocked her head in confusion. Kyle sighed and face-hoofed.

"Because I would like some privacy," he explained, annoyed. "Also, I don't want you watching me." Rarity nodded, still unsure of the stallion sudden need for personal space. Then again, he'd been wanting it ever since he'd arrived.

"Okay, um..." She tapped her chin. "There's a bathroom upstairs, you can change in that if you like." Kyle let out a sigh of relief. The quicker I get this done, the faster I can get my hat and go. He trotted upstairs and peered into the empty hallway. There were a couple doors, so it shouldn't be that hard to find a stupid bathroom...

*******************************************************************************************

Kyle sulked down the stairs, ears down in embarrassment. He hadn't gotten a good look at the suit he was supposed to wear, and once he did he instantly regretted entering the boutique. It was green, of course, and Kyle was fine with that. It was the sequins that really pissed him off. The whole thing was covered in them, along with the white frill around the neckline.

He stepped into the living room where Rarity sat making another dress. She turned at the sound of his arrival.

Kyle gulped as the mare before him studied the suit with thought. She narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down, deciding whether it fit or not. After a couple minutes, ( They seemed like hours for Kyle ) she smiled and got down from her seat.

"I rather like that look on you," Rarity chirped and trotted over to a closet in the other room. "Green is your color!" her horn lit up and emitted an mystic force. She levitated a silver key from her desk over to the paddle-lock, and carefully lined up the two. She un-did the lock and opened the door, revealing rolls of fabric, extra thread, and-

"My hat!" Kyle pointed excitedly at his beloved item, urgently jabbing his hoof in that direction. Rarity snorted and lifted the hat out of the closet with her magic. She walked over to Kyle and dropped it at his hooves.

"There. Are you happy now?" She asked crossing her arms. Kyle ignored her and placed the hat in it's rightful place. Just the feeling of the thing brightened his mood. Rarity trotted back to her work station, satisfied.

"You can keep the suit," she informed him, sewing two pieces of fabric together. "as thanks for helping me with that new style." She waved goodbye, signaling for Kyle it was alright to leave. He shrugged and walked out the front door, the cool air brushing past. He looked around, seeing it was getting dark and everyone would be going to bed. I need to find somewhere sleep, cause there is NO way I'm sleeping outside again. He started down the road, keeping to the side and in the shadows.

After walking around the edge of Ponyville, Kyle stopped at a large tree. He raised an eyebrow at the wooden door before him, not sure if it was abandoned or occupied. He examined the rest of the massive oak, and found it had windows and a balcony as well. There were no lights on, then again why would there be. It was a TREE, but it was obvious it had to have been inhabited by something, as plants don't grow windows.

"Well, here goes nothing." He raised a weary hoof, and knocked...

Author's Note

Just a little side-note, I'm not planning on having Kyle meet all of the mane six.
That is all.
Screw you guys, I'm going home...

A Purple Pony Princess

Author's Note

Last chapter.
Don't bug me for more.
PEACE OUT

A Purple Pony Princess

Kyle stood at the base of a gigantic Oak, waiting for a response from the door embedded into it's bark. He tapped his hoof impatiently, losing interest quickly. He turned to leave, when a slight rustle sounded from inside the tree. Kyle approached the door once more, and pressed his ear to it's surface. The shuffling sound grew louder, leading up to a voice calling from inside.

"Coming!" Kyle raised his eyebrows. Huh, someone actually lives here. There was a loud thump, then the door swung open to reveal a purple unicorn. With wings.

"Um, hello! Do you need something?" She asked with a smile. Kyle just stood there, mouth agape at the feathered appendages attached to her sides.

"W-what are-" He stammered, pointing at them. The mare followed his hoof to her lower shoulders, seeing what he was so amazed about.

"Oh, my wings?" She laughed sheepishly. "Yes, I'm a princess. It's not a big deal or anything, so please don't treat me any different than other ponies. " Kyle wasn't listening. Oh my fucking god. She has WINGS. He dove into her, grabbing at the extra limbs.

"Gah!" They fell backwards into the "house," crashing into a sleepy baby dragon.

"Whoa, hey!" He clawed out from under the two massive ponies. "Watch it!" He stormed upstairs, grumbling under his breath. Kyle watched him go with a frown. Son of a bitch.

"Oh, don't mind him," The purple mare rubbed the back of her neck with a chuckle. "He's just, going through puberty." Kyle wrinkled his nose. He probably went to go jack off to pictures of his fantasy girlfriend. A loud moan from upstairs confirmed his suspicion.

"Oh, RARITY!!" Disgusting bastard. He snapped his attention back to the mare before him, who was blushing with her ears down.

"U-um, I'm Twilight by the way," she stammered. "Please excuse Spike, it's getting harder and harder to control him." She regained her poise and cleared her throat.

"Well, let's put that aside and get to the issue at hoof, shall we?" She gestured to a couch in the center of the room, signaling for Kyle to take a seat. He did so, and was followed by Twilight who sat next to him.

"Now, please explain the purpose of you knocking on my door so late at night," She stared at him intently, as if she was silently demanding for a response. Kyle took a deep breath.

"Um, I kinda need a place to sleep, because when I woke up in that forest I was a pony, but I'm supposed to be a human, and I don't really think this is normal, because-" He was cut off with a squeal of excitement. In an instant, Twilight was on top of him, spouting off questions like a fountain.

"What forest was it?"

"What's your name?"

"You're a HUMAN?!"

Kyle pushed the pony over and got up from the floor. He brushed himself off, making sure his hat wasn't damaged.

"Um, I'm Kyle," He answered one of her questions , slightly annoyed. "Kyle Brofloski, and well, I guess I USED to be a human." Twilight nodded, completely focused on him.

"Yes, yes, go on!" She urged, eyes full of interest. Kyle looked around nervously. Damn it, I don't know where I was!

"Uh, I sorta woke up in the middle of dark, scary-ass woods," He tried to seem as innocent as possible. "But I have no idea what they were called..." Twilight bit her lower lip in thought.

"Were there any strange creatures there?" She asked, sternly. Kyle shuddered, recalling the terrifying beasts that almost ate him alive. I almost wish they HAD so I could avoid that sick orange pony. Ew...

"There were these, tree-dog things that tried to KILL me," He spat the last two words out of his mouth. Twilight cocked her head.

"You mean Timber wolves?" Another moan sounded from upstairs. Kyle scowled and cursed a Jewish thing at the dragon.

"Yeah, if that's what they're called." He answered flatly. Twilight seemed to be oblivious to the suggestive sounds emanating from the room above, and trotted into an area off to the side. She pulled out a blanket from a nearby drawer and spread it over the huge couch.

Here, you can sleep there for now," She smiled and walked into the kitchen. "I'll have to study you more in the morning." Kyle tensed at the thought of her exploring his body, but pushed it away as he wiggled under the warm sheet. He closed his eyes, exhausted from all that's happened during the day. Almost getting raped by a farmer, baking cupcakes with an afro pony, and being trapped in The last thing he heard before drifting off to sleep was a voice ringing out from up the stairs.

"Twilight! I need a towel!" Mother fucker...

***************************************************************************

"God damn it, Craig!"

I rubbed my eyes and tried to get to my feet, only to fall back down again. Ow, my head...

"Hey, it's not my fault!"

I let out a pained groan and clutched my forehead. Fuck, that hurts...

"Hey, he's waking up!" I saw a hand wave in front of my face. A fat, grubby one.

"Get up, Jew." I rubbed and blinked my eyes, to see several familiar faces. With a gasp I flung myself off of the bench.

"Stan!" I swung him off his feet and spun him around.

"Whoa, dude!" he struggled to escape my grip. "Are you okay?" I smiled and released him.

"I can't believe I'm back!" I whooped with joy and started hugging everyone in the room, spouting off their names as I did.

"Kenny!"

"Butters!"

"Craig!"

"Cart-" I stopped. "Nah, screw you fat-ass." Laughter erupted around the nurses office, all except for Cartman, who was now pissed.

"Ay!" I simply flicked him off and joined the others, as they were waiting for me by the door. We exited the clinic, walking down the hall like normal.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Here ya go Kyle." Butters handed me an icepack from his pocket. I took it and felt the chill meet my finger-tips.

"What's this for?" I asked, tossing it back and forth.

"It's for your head," Stan said, pointing to the bruise on my forehead. "Craig threw a basketball at your face."

"Did not, it was an accident!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure it was." Stan waved him away. "You were knocked out for a while, dude." I frowned and rubbed my aching temples.

"How long?" I stared at him in concern. He scratched the back of his head.

"I think at least ten minutes," He stated in a-matter-o-fact tone. I just stared at him in astonishment.

"Wha-," I stammered. "B-but.." I looked down at the floor. I was there for a whole day! Not to mention I was aged up to be eighteen.

"Is something the matter?" Butters had a serious expression on his little baby face as he lowered his eyebrows in concern. I shook my head.

"N-no, it was nothing." I pulled a fake smile. It was probably just a dream, but... I looked back to the clinic. It felt so real... I slumped my shoulders and shoved my hands in my pockets, before running down the hall to catch up with the others. I mean seriously. Talking ponies? I chuckled lightly to myself. What a stupid idea...