I need to find my way back to the start ...
Celestia's hooves made a clicking noise on the floor of the castle. She stared around at the stained glass of the windows, reflecting glittering colours onto the ground. She sighed as she thought of the recent events of yesterday. Her body was still aching from having her magic taken from her, and it left a dull ache at the base of her horn, almost like a headache, but increased ten times so that the pain was a constant presence - dull, yes, but still an uncomfortable reminder of the time when she was powerless. Unable to fly, unable to do anything worthwhile ...
It was like she had been stripped of her identity without her magic and Cutie Mark. Her destiny had disappeared and she ceased to have a purpose. It had been a mind-numbing experience and she could still feel the terror of being powerless gripping her heart.
Yet, there was something else gripping her heart as well, an emotion she had been connecting to a certain draconequus for a long time.
She had told herself time and time again that Discord had hurt her - used and abused her for his own gain, and then dropped her like a piece of old jewellery that had no value to him anymore. She had told herself that she was better than this, returning to him over and over again. But in her heart she always knew he’d be true to her. He loved her – that was one thing he never lied about.
Now that he was reformed, she thought that her heart was healing. She thought there'd be a place for him again in her new life. She had lost so many things and ponies that were close to her, but it had, for once, felt like everything was going to be OK. She had lost and found Luna and Discord, and now she had the two most important things in her life back and she was never going to let them go.
She had rebuilt her trust with Discord. Once again, she had sacrificed everything for him. She thought she was ready to love him again.
But then he had betrayed her, just like he did a thousand years ago. The re-earned trust and loyalty had been destroyed, and she didn't think she could ever forgive him.
Celestia felt something wet drip down her face, and realized she was crying, silent tears dripping down her face. She couldn't express her feelings; it felt like she was sleepwalking. All her hope and love had just disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
This had been one time too many now. There wasn't a bone left in Celestia's body that wasn't exhausted from being broken all the time.
She was done with Discord being her puppet master.
The tears flowed freely down her face now and she stifled a sob, not wanting to alert the guards or her sister. They were always so kind to her, but this was something she had to go through alone - be alone with her heart and with the thoughts in her head, pulling her further and further into a spiral of misery.
She shook her head and sighed at her own actions. Discord was no longer of any importance to her, so why couldn't she let him out of her heart?
She closed her eyes and sunk to a sitting position in front of the window which depicted Discord. It seemed like only yesterday she had placed all her trust in him, only to have him throw it around like a broken toy he no longer wanted.
She guessed that was all she was to him - just a plaything. For all the words of affection he uttered, she couldn't find it in her heart to believe in them anymore. Not after all he's done.
She suddenly felt a familiar claw brushing away her tears. Her heart clenched with despair as she gasped and opened her eyes, to find Discord staring at her with a tender look in his eyes.
This was the look she had fallen for over and over again - but no more.
She braced herself for the pain that was to come and stood up, composing her face into a mask of steel.
"Discord, what are you doing here?" She adopted a neutral tone of voice as she stared at him with no emotion. She wasn't going to show him mercy anymore.
"Well, I can't have my favourite princess feeling upset now, can I?" he joked, poking at her cheek in an attempt to replicate a smile. She resisted the urge to take a step back and instead turned her face away from him. He pouted at her resistance.
"Don't play games with me Discord," she said, a touch of sadness showing, "not now. Not today."
"I don't want to stop playing the game, Tia - I want you to play it with me," he said gleefully, conjuring a pack of cards and shuffling them while chuckling softly.
"Enough! Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings about this so-called game? I don't want to act like a foal - the games are over. Please, just leave me alone." Celestia glared at him with fury in her eyes, feeling the tears welling up again. She tried to remain calm, taking deep breaths.
"What's the fun in being alone, Celestia? I had to be alone for a thousand years, and believe me, it's no picnic." Discord's voice grew angry. "And don't pretend the past didn't happen. You played games with me too. Chrysalis, Sombra, Star-Swirl and now Twilight - do you think they were just politics, Tia? Because they weren't. That was the game, and might I say you were an excellent opponent."
"That was for their own good!" she yelled at him, her voice breaking on the last word. "I never want to hurt anypony, which is something you certainly can't say. But I am done being your opponent - I never really was a player, was I? I was just a piece for you. The queen you had to take. The best card that you wanted and the highest roll on the dice. But it's over, Discord. After all you've done to me ..." Tears were streaming down her face by now, and she wiped them away with her magic. "I quit. Game over."
Discord raised an eyebrow. "You can't quit, Celestia. Your heart doesn't want you to. You still can't help yourself."
"But can you help yourself?" Celestia questioned, looking him dead in the eye. When he didn't answer, she continued.
"You say that you have been playing for power, and I believe that you were with Tirek. But all those times before, it was all for me. All of it. You never could resist me. I don't think I give you the credit you deserve. We both played each other well, I suppose."
"You were an easy target," Discord scoffs. "But since you're done rambling, let me tell you one last thing: the lesson I learnt about friendship made me think about my past, and I realized something. I never knew what love was - I only knew chaos, but in a way our game was rather romantic, wasn't it Tia? All that mass destruction and mindless banishing. I only knew what you gave me. You made me what I am today by not making me anything before. And in a way, I'm grateful." He stared at her, and she looked back into familiar eyes - eyes that instilled terror into ponies' hearts. But her heart was a different story. While there was still anger and sadness and disappointment, there was always going to be a feeling of hope when she thought about Discord. Despite the game being over, she still thought she could win, she still thought she could save him.
Now she realized ... she still would not be able to save herself, and neither would he. The thought came like a bolt of lightning, like waking up from a sudden dream, and she turned away from the draconequus, ending their conversation.
She walked out the door and into the dark corridors. Luna had raised the moon, and the silvery glow illuminated everything.
There may still be a part of her heart that loved Discord, and there may come a day when they could finally have a happy ending.
But, she thought with a pang of sadness in her heart, it certainly would not be today.
Author's Note
That season finale practically killed me with feels. I am convinced Dislestia will become canon in season five, but I guess we can only hope, huh?
I hope you all enjoy these and maybe drop me a comment on your way out? Thanks for reading!
