Town Planning

by Macharius

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mayor Mare, Comedy
Length: 1813

Princess Twilight Sparkle loves her new castle. The local council doesn't.

Twilight's got it all - a title, a job, her own castle in Ponyville. She especially likes the castle part. It makes her feel like a real princess.

The local council, however, would rather it weren't there.

Published 2014-05-11 19:30:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-11 19:30:03 UTC

Castle Crashers

It had been several days since Tirek was cast back into Tartarus and magic returned to the ponies of Equestria. Princess Sparkle sighed contentedly as she reclined on her new throne. She'd earned a break after her efforts, and what better way to relax than enjoying one's brand-new palace?

It needed a name, though.

Celestia and Luna shared the Palace of the Sisters in Canterlot. Cadance and Shining Armour had the Crystal Keep. Twilight caressed her chin with a hoof, deep in thought.

The Ponyville Palace?

No, not enough gravitas.

The Fortress of Friendship?

Now that was too much gravitas.

Twilight sighed, ruffling her wings slightly. She'd come up with one eventually. It didn't matter for now, anyway. She cast an approving gaze around her throne room. She liked the way the light bounced and refracted on the crystalline surfaces, throwing rays of all different colours about the place.

Well, it did when there was any light to bounce around, anyway. Mostly everything was just a sort of dark, midnight blue colour. The windows were too small and sort of... yellow, but that was a minor price to pay for such a magnificent building to call her own.

Twilight really liked having a palace. Like, a lot. It even had a library! A giant, crystal library filled with books and candles to read the books with because it was really dark inside what with those silly yellow windows!

She didn't like the windows, Twilight decided.

She was suddenly shaken from her thoughts by a series of resounding booms from down the large, ornate, dark corridor.

“Spike!” she called out. “Spike, there's somepony at the door! Could you see them in, please?”

There was no reply. Twilight rolled her eyes. Spike was probably lost, again. The castle was huge and all the corridors kinda looked the same, though. Spike often got lost. Come to think of it, she hadn't seen Owlicious for three whole days either.

Twilight decided that she'd need some signs too.

The thunderous knocking came again, but this time more insistent. Twilight hauled herself to her hooves and trotted down the corridor leading to the entrance. At least, she thought it was. She really did need those signs. Eventually she reached the grand double doors that served as the entry point to the crystal structure. Twilight paused, taking a moment to adjust the little crown-thing that perched atop her head. She had to look regal and dignified, after all.

Gripping the handles with her magic, Twilight pulled the massive oak doors inwards. A pair of serious-looking stallions in suits greeted her.

“Uh. Hello.” Twilight spoke, not recognising the two ponies in front of her.

The pair bowed their heads to her. “Greetings, your majesty,” the stallion on the right – a pale brown earth pony with a dark mane – began.

Twilight's eyes narrowed. “Are you here to sell me stuff? Because I don't like getting cold callers, and -”

The left stallion, a blue-green pegasus with a hay-coloured mane, interrupted her with a raised hoof. “I beg your pardon, Princess, but we're not salesponies.” He reached behind him with a wing, producing several sheets of paper attached to a clipboard. “We are actually here on behalf of the local council.” He offered the clipboard to Twilight, who levitated it towards her.

The earth pony started talking again, his expression grave. “As you probably already know, princess, all building projects must adhere to a certain set of guidelines to preserve the look and feel of the area...”

The colour drained from Twilight's face as she read the document in front of her – Planning Permission Evaluation for Twilight's Palace, Ponyville. The stallion continued to drone on about various criteria, but Twilight couldn't hear him.

Her entire attention was focused on a large stamp at the bottom of the page:

PROJECT REJECTED.

The words burned into her retinas, taunting her. “...And your castle here has failed every single criteria in the book,” the earth pony stated, finishing his lecture.

Twilight was in shock. “But... Uh... I...” she sputtered. “This castle is magical! I didn't even know it was going to start existing! How are you supposed to deny planning permission for something that was never planned in the first place?”

“The local authority has the power to retroactively accept or deny any projects,” the pegasus explained. “Even spontaneous magical castles.”

Twilight's jaw worked up and down, but no words came out.

“We understand that this is going to be difficult, but I'm afraid you're going to have to -”

“No!” Twilight shouted. “I'm going to speak to Mayor Mare this instant and have this put right!” Her horn flared, disappearing in a flash of purple light before either of the stallions could say anything.

The pegasus sighed before turning to his partner. “This is going to be one of those jobs, isn't it?” The earth pony simply nodded in response.

* * *

“Ah, Princess Sparkle,” Mayor Mare said coolly, bowing her head slightly. “This is about the castle, isn't it?”

A furious Twilight Sparkle stood before the Mayor's desk, her wings splayed out to her sides. “Yes!” she despaired. “It's my home! I got it for saving Equestria – again!” She began pacing back and forth. “You can't just come up and tell me that I'm 'not allowed' to have it!”

Mayor Mare adjusted her glasses and took a small breath. “You see, Twilight, I really do appreciate what you've done – I really do,” she said calmly. “But my hooves are tied. It breaks every rule out there, and ponies have been complaining about it already.”

Twilight's pacing stopped abruptly. She cocked an eyebrow at the Mayor. “Complaining?” she queried.

“Yes, complaining. Ponies move to this town because it's small and quaint, a town of thatched cottages, cobbled streets and windmills. Your castle is, to put it bluntly, an eyesore,” Mayor Mare explained to the distraught princess. “It's seriously affecting the resale value of basically every privately-owned property in Ponyville. Nopony wants to live near it, I'm afraid.”

“Surely you can't be serious?”

“I'm serious, Twilight. And don't call me Shirley.” She rummaged about in a drawer in her desk, retrieving a stack of papers and shoving it across to Twilight. “More so, It's been identified as a major health risk to local residents.”

“A health risk?” Twilight asked incredulously.

Mayor Mare nodded gravely. “All of those strange angles combined with the building material – some kind of crystalline substance – mean that it reflects high-intensity light at all sorts of angles. And because the building is so large and tall, these rays reach all corners of Ponyville.”

Twilight waved her hooves at the ceiling in frustration. “That represents the magic of friendship reaching all parts of Equestria, bringing light to ponies' hearts!”

“That spreading of friendship carries a very real risk of blinding somepony, Twilight.”

“Blinding ponies...?” she asked, incredulous.

Mayor Mare nodded. “Indeed. These rays have also been linked to a house fire on the outskirts of the town yesterday...”

“My castle burned down a house!?”

“Unfortunately so. Which is why I've marked it for immediate removal. I need to ensure that no other 'incidents' occur.”

Twilight's shoulders slumped, her head hanging in defeat. “How long have I got?”

“Construction crews are on their way as we speak, but you've got about fourty-eight hours to retrieve your belongings. It's going to take a while to start seriously taking the structure apart, you see.”

Twilight simply sighed in response.

“Oh, there is one other thing,” Mayor Mare added. “I've received a letter from one 'Crystal Empire Exports Co.', they say that they 'want their castle back'...”

* * *

The roar of engines and sharp, repeated crack of drills and picks biting into crystal rang out across central Ponyville. Huge tracked vehicles with pneumatic drills hammered into the walls of the crystal castle, breaking off large chunks to be removed by large scoops and carried away by cart. Scores of workponies clambered about the structure, reducing the once sort-of-but-not-really grand building to a pile of shiny rubble one swing at a time.

Twilight sat some distance away, surrounded by her friends. She was in an absolutely foul mood – the weather ponies (minus Rainbow Dash) had been working tirelessly to disperse black clouds that kept coming overhead.

Fluttershy laid a hoof on her friend's shoulder, comforting her. “There there, Twilight,” she said gently. “I'm sure we can get you another castle, or even rebuild the old library!”

Twilight said nothing, choosing instead to glare at the slow-motion destruction before them.

“Oh, it's simply a travesty to demolish such a fabulous castle! Why, I feel positively light-headed!” Rarity wailed melodramatically.

“I dunno, I thought it looked kinda stupid...” Rainbow mumbled, earning a clout about the head from Applejack.

“Don't you listen ta her, Twi'. It was a nice castle and ah'm sorry that y'all had ta lose it like this.”

“Thanks, girls.” Twilight finally spoke, her voice heavy with a mix of sadness, frustration and anger. “But there's only one thing left for me to do about it.” She cleared her throat noisily. “Spike!” she called out. “Spike, take a letter!”

The young dragon (who had been there the whole time but, as usual, was completely ignored) snapped a mock-salute before readying his scroll and quill.

“Dear Princess Celestia,” Twilight began...

* * *

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned that however nice something is, however much you treasure it, sometimes it can be negatively affecting others and you've got to let it go. I only had my castle for a few short days, and initially I didn't want it to go. However, when I found out that all of Ponyville was suffering because of it, I realised – somewhat reluctantly – that it was in everypony's best interests to take it down.

I also learned that no matter how hard you try, you can never beat bureaucracy.

Regards,

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.

Princess Celestia smiled to herself as she finished reading her ex-pupil's letter. She took another sip of tea from her cup, looking over to a small piece of paper that lay by her side. Printed in thin, black letters were the words:

Transaction Confirmation: 1x MagiGro Castle Kit, Crystal Empire Exports Co. - 10,000,000 bits.

Celestia's smile widened slightly, sipping at her tea again. She chuckled to herself softly.

“I love it when a plan comes together.”

Author's Note

So, this is the first story I've ever published. This crazy idea just popped into my head after watching the season finale, so I just sat down and banged this out over the course of about an hour and a half. That means it's probably not very good.

Any critique and pointing out errors in spelling/grammar that I've missed are much appreciated!