Taking The Obvious To A Conclusion
Night in St. Saddle.
The death defying actions of the Mare Do Well bring tears to the eyes of the adoring public below. Even now, as the Mare Do Well strikes out from the shadows, there is only resolve in his eyes. And why do you call him the Mare Do Well, you might say? Because it is a secret identity, something that one should never ever bring up in public. His name is--
"Hey MDW!" The overarching monologue screeched to a halt as Mare Do Well turned an irritated glare upon his companion, the pilot and otherwise jobless layabout Launchpad McFlap. "Check out the gossip panel on page three, it's got your name in it!"
"Launchpad, I was in the middle of a heroic monologue!" whined Mare Do Well. "And let me guess: they're probably talking about the most amazing things I've done in the last three weeks."
"Yeah, saving babies, workers from falling girders, it's all in the news!" exclaimed Launchpad.
"Yep, yep, yep, all in the day's work for Mare Do Well!" exclaimed the egotistical superhero. "So, LP, who wrote the news this time? Perhaps the lovely reporter Summer Whinnysome perhaps? Or maybe the luscious Lois Racelane, hmmm?"
"Actually this is from Ponyville Charter, page 1. Mare Do Well is celebrated as Ponyville's number one hero, as she performs heroic deeds all over town in the last week! Nice going MDW, it's like there's two of you!"
"... LEMME SEE THAT!" Yanking it from his partner's hooves in a telekinetic grip, Mare Do Well started reading. "Mare Do Well, St. Saddle's local superhero has been celebrated for her selfless acts and not even speaking out on how great she is, causing local dare devil Rainbow Dash to challenge her to a contest, and she BACKS OUT?" CRUMPLE CRUMPLE TEAR MANGLE. "They got everything wrong! And my gender! Launchpad, there is only one explanation for this!"
"We're out of butter and Gosalyn used it all up during breakfast?"
"... NO! Clearly, there is an imposter skulking around Ponyville, and I need to take my rightful place as the real Mare Do Well! Don't you see? It's a challenge! A once in a lifetime opportunity to show the people of St. Saddle that I'm not just a screw up! This could be my best day EVER!"
Launchpad blinked. And blinked again. "Wait, what are you saying? Are you calling her out? MDW, I'm ashamed of you! You're not supposed to do that, you're the Mare Do Well! A crimefighter of the most noble calibre! Besides, I thought we cleared up the whole incident that labelled you a mare anyhow."
Mare Do Well gave him a look. "Please don't bring that up again, I can't even get the papers to stop calling me Mare Do Well instead of The Dark Wing. So point taken. Instead, we'll just issue a... little get together! Launchpad, pack up the Thunderwing, and get Gosalyn some off time. We're going to visit FAMILY."
=====
Rarity was having a good day. A really good day.
Nothing was going wrong, Rainbow Dash was placated for the time being, there was nothing going wrong at all.
And then the door kicked open revealing a off-white stallion in a somewhat hideous 90's sweatervest. "RARITY, my cousin from another mother, come and give your old Uncle Drake a hug!"
And then there was this guy. Forcing a smile at the stallion, Rarity smiled and awkwardly hugged him. "How has it been, Uncle Drake? Oh and Gosalyn, good to see you again. Launchpad, you're looking... burdened. Do you need help with that?"
Launchpad grunted under the sheer weight of the baggage. Most of it was Mare Do Well's equipment. The rest was actually Gosalyn's stuff. Launchpad liked to travel light but he grinned. "Hey, I'm a tough pony, I can handle it. No worries, I'll just get more."
"... More." Forcing a smile on her face, she swallowed. "So, what brings you three out here? So suddenly. In the middle of the school year."
"Well, I'm on a business trip of sorts," replied Drake as Gosalyn looked around the building, a sullen expression on being torn away from her friends for a while on the filly's face. "I figured since we were family, you could put us up for a while. You know..."
Rarity suppressed a groan. "And you're staying here. At this time."
"Yep, yep, yep, we won't be in your way. Oh, Launchpad, be a pal and unload the wagon for us? The OTHER wagon. If you don't mind," called out Drake.
"Got it, MDW. I'll be back in a flash." As Launchpad went out, there was a hideous crash and a sound of "Sorry, my bad!" from a certain bubble-headed mailmare.
Rarity suppressed the need to massage her temples. This was going to be a long week.
=====
Darkly Dawns The Do Well
=====
The door to Golden Oak Library slammed open, revealing a dishevelled and frazzled Rarity, who was panting, gasping for air as she stormed into the building and slammed the door behind her. Nearby, Spike was hyperventilating into a convenient paper bag from the fright as she bellowed dramatically, "I can't take it anymore!" And promptly levitated her fainting divan onto the floor, only to flop bonelessly on the ground and curl up.
"Uh, Rarity? I don't mean to be mean or anything, but Twilight's not here right now and can't sort out the latest problem," said Spike, confused at Rarity's traumatic expression. "What's going on?"
"Oh, it's just so horrible, Spikey-Wikey," proclaimed Rarity, assuming Horrified Mare Pose #14. "My RELATIVES are here for the week."
"You mean your parents?" Spike had met them once before, when they were dropping off Sweetie Belle. "They're good people though. Why--"
"Not them, HIM. Oh, the torment of my childhood, the prattling egotistical big-headed uncle of mine!" whined Rarity, her volume hitting decibels. "Uncle DRAKE is here and I hadn't had a chance to prepare my default buffer in time for him!"
"And that would be?" deadpanned Spike.
"Why, escape to Canterlot for the week, of course," replied Rarity easily. "What did you think it was?"
As Spike watched Twilight's stash of comfort food, pecan and macadamia nut chocolate ice cream, float by with a spoon and resolving to stock up before she found out that Rarity had eaten it, he asked, "What's so bad about him, other than the fact that he sounds like a real toolshed?"
"He is only the most egotistical, obnoxious, overbearing relative I have! Dear Spikey-Wikey, when I was six he lived with us for five whole months, during what he called a 'slump' period and just drove our family to pieces! Om nom nom." Rarity took a spoonful of ice cream and ate it quickly. "He is the most ungracious, uncouth family member ever!"
"Why didn't you just throw him out, then? You did it one time to Blueblood when he came by," said Spike, watching a bottle of apple cider float towards Rarity. He snagged it out of the air before it could get to the distraught mare.
"Oh, but I simply cannot, Spike! My family might not like him, but we must uphold standards. Besides, I truly hope that now that he's brought his adopted daughter and his best friend with him, he might actually be gracious enough to help around the house." Rarity pouted. "Till then, can I borrow Twilight's bathroom and clean up? I look dreadful. Sweetie Belle met Gosalyn and I spent an hour and a half cleaning up the catastrophic cloth spill."
"Sure, take your time. Go ahead and hide out here if you need to. I'll just get these books shelved and I'll make some more comfort food. Maple carrots okay?"
"Of course, but go easy on the butter, Spikey-poo. You know it all goes to my barrel when I'm not looking." With that, she headed off to the bathroom as Spike sighed and turned around as he started to put things up, putting aside the thought that Rarity, the love of his life, was using his bathroom.
It wasn't long till Spike had nearly had to hammer the thought out of his head, when he was boiling up the mixture, was when Twilight walked in, shaking a little bit of water off her coat. "Spike? Why are you cooking right now?" She sniffed the air. "And maple carrots no less."
"Oh just in time, Twilight, I just was making up something for Rarity," said Spike.
Twilight glanced over to Rarity's portable fainting divan. "That explains the divan. But where's--?"
At that moment, the door to the bathroom whooshed open in a cloud of steam as Rarity trotted out, looking more refreshed than she had been previously. "Ah, oh hello, Twilight, you're out of raspberry shampoo, by the by."
"... Never mind. So, why the comfort food exactly? Are you on it again?"
"No, it's much worse than it," replied Rarity, her disposition souring as Spike tuned out the conversation wisely as he set to work spooning up the carrots for the two mares and hastily evacuating before any biology talk could be made. Explaining herself, Rarity added through a mouthful of carrots, "You see, I am already at my wit's end. It is only thankful that Uncle Drake sent his daughter out to school when Applejack came by to pick up Sweetie Belle for classes."
"So Applejack knows too," said Twilight. "So other than being a bad houseguest, why is he here?"
"He claims business, but I know that he's probably up to his cutie mark in trouble again," sighed Rarity. "For a while, he was renting out the bridge tower in St. Saddle. Can you believe it? He said it gave him the best view."
"That's quite a lot of bits though," said Twilight, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Why would he want to live on a bridge?"
"Well, just between you and me, Uncle Drake works in a sort of unspeakable area of government," said Rarity. "Real hush-hush. I snuck a peek at his luggage before escaping and he brought his work with him."
At this, Twilight sat upright in alarm. "Do we need to tell Princess Celestia about this?"
"No, I don't believe that is necessary," replied Rarity. "But at the same time, we should be prepared for any of St. Saddle's more unsavoury types showing up here."
"I don't like it, though. Maybe we should send a letter," said Twilight. "Just to make sure that we're not in trouble or anything. I've read the newspaper, and St. Saddle is rifled with supervillains. If you say he's deep in the government's pay check like you said, then..."
Rarity bit her lip a little, thinking about it for a moment. "All right, Twilight. Inform Princess Celestia, before we figure out what's going on. All I know is that he works for a very secretive branch of ponies and I'd hate for our town to be caught up in his work."
"What could be so bad?" asked Twilight, seconds before a bullhorn screeched outside in feedback.
"Citizens of Ponyville! I, your superbly heroic, stalwart champion of the day and night, has come to challenge the dastardly no gooder who has taken up my mantle! I, the Mare Do Well, challenge this imposter on the falling sundown, to a do-gooder-off!" bellowed a male voice from outside.
Rarity winced as Twilight looked up in alarm. "Mare Do Well? But I thought...! Rarity, what is going on?"
"Oh dear, it's started already. I knew this would happen," whimpered Rarity as she tried to bury herself under the carrots. "Uncle Drake, please... don't make a scene again..."
"Come and face your defeat, oh perpetrator of false advertisement, and receive the swift thrashing of justice!"
"... I'm going to start on that letter. Right away," said Twilight, floating a quill and paper to her side.
=====
Mare Do Well had it all worked out. First of all, he would prepare a stage, which Launchpad had hauled into position. Then, fix a bullhorn to the stage, to which Drake would saunter up in full costume. Heroic pose, check. Cape billowing in the wind thanks to a little spell, check. Citizens of Ponyville? Check.
Tapping the bullhorn once, he cleared his throat. "Citizens of Ponyville! I, your superbly heroic, stalwart champion of the day and night, has come to challenge the dastardly no gooder who has taken up my mantle! I, the Mare Do Well, challenge this imposter on the falling sundown, to a do-gooder-off!"
The locals looked at each other, confused. No doubt that they had yet to meet the real Mare Do Well, and his reputation preceded him! A swell of pride rose up as he posed heroically.
"Come and face your defeat, oh perpetrator of false advertisement, and receive the swift thrashing of justice!"
"Hey!" called out a mint-green pony from the side. "Why are you making a scene, Mare Do Well?"
"It is obvious, oh citizen! I, the strong and powerful Mare Do Well, has yet to perform acts of do-gooding that will astound your mind, and bring justice to this fair land!" boasted Mare Do Well.
The citizens looked at each other, and while some of them looked excited for the Mare Do Well's return, some of them looked confused, mainly a small group in the back that included Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.
Rainbow Dash looked over at Fluttershy accusingly. "This isn't some kind of plot to make me look bad again, is it?"
"Um, no," replied Fluttershy. "When we made the costumes, we didn't take into account that some other pony would take up the mantle."
"This guy is probably one of those fakers that popped up after you five put away the mask," scoffed Rainbow Dash as she flew up towards him. "Hey!"
"Hold please citizen for your turn," said Mare Do Well, scribbling a autograph for a foal. "It'll be 20 bits for an autograph, 30 for a 8 x 10 glossy with me."
"Huh?" said Rainbow Dash, confused for a brief moment before she scowled. "Hey, I'm not here for an autograph! Stop pretending to be Mare Do Well! It didn't work before, and I'm not having it now."
"Tut, tut, tut, you mistake me, citizen, for some common trickster," replied Mare Do Well, barely sparing her a second glance before her words sunk in and he whirled on Rainbow Dash. "Wait, Fake? MOI? You accuse me of being a fake? I came here all the way from St. Saddle just to prove to you ponies you had the wrong mare! And it's not even 'Mare Do Well,' that's just a stage name! I am The Dark Wing! Mare Do Well is just because somepony decided that it would be funny to defame me months ago and changed my superhero name on me!"
".... How did that happen?" asked Rainbow Dash, confused.
"They got into S.H.U.S.H. Records and spread it all over the news," grumbled Mare Do Well. "In any case, step aside, civilian, I have more do-gooding to do!"
"Yeah right, you probably couldn't do half the things Mare Do Well did when I was competing against her." Rainbow Dash smirked, folding her front hooves. "C'mon, take off the mask. That's not going to fool me, you're probably Twilight in a cape again."
"The Mare Do Well NEVER reveals his secret identity!" exclaimed Mare Do Well, only to duck the grab for his cape. "Hey, watch the cape; I just ironed that!"
"Give it up, just, stop, moving!" Rainbow Dash lunged multiple times, and Mare Do Well dodged them all. "You're not really Twilight, are you?"
"Rainbow Dash!" called out Twilight, running up with Rarity and Spike with her. Rainbow Dash spared a moment to look over and that was when Mare Do Well moved.
Withdrawing a device she had never seen before, he fired it, a hook winding around the roof of a nearby house and he pulled, tipping his hat as he was pulled away over the rooftops. "Sayonara, young filly, the Mare Do Well makes a triumphant escape from his fa--"
THUD. With a slam, he hit the side of the wall where he grunted out, "Pain." Before hauling himself up and over the building and vanishing into the alleyway.
"..." came the collective reply from the assembled mares as Rarity facehoofed.
=====
Elsewhere, a train pulled up, and the passengers were subsequently ejected from it. They were a motley crew, and the stallion in black and yellow and orange was yelling at the train handler.
"Fifteen bit charge for leaking all over the floors? Tell HIM to clean that up!" yelled the costumed stallion, pointing up at a Diamond Dog that seemed to be made completely of water.
"I talked them down as much as they could. I even threw in a diamond encrusted chalice too," said the watery dog.
"I say you should have let me zap 'em," sneered a giant rodent, his body crackling with electricity. "Please, please, please, let me shock 'em?"
"Hey, no shocking! I can't claim train damage for taxes," snarled the black and yellow stallion as he grabbed a nearby worker. "You. Where is the Dark Wing?"
"Sorry," stammered out the worker. "I didn't see any Dark Wing. I did see Mare Do Well's back in town."
"They're still calling him that? He should get a new publicist!" exclaimed the water dog.
"Fine, WHERE is Mare Do Well?" snarled the stallion. But the worker had already passed out, and with a huff, he threw him backwards into the train cart, narrowly missing two more that departed, carrying luggage. "Bushroot! Flapperjack! What's taking you two so long?"
"Offloading toys is a hard job, NegaWing," said Flapperjack, the brightly costumed pegasus rolling his eyes as he escorted self-propelled wind up toys out of the train. "Come on now, little ones, Daddy wants you to breathe the bright air!"
"I don't think air is bright. Spot, here boy!" Bushroot, a mutated half-duck half-plant, patted his legs as a carnivorous plant in the shape of a dog blundered out and licked his hands. "See? We all made it here safely."
"Lighten up, NegaWing," stated the overgrown rodent as the train pulled out of the station. "We'll be in and out of this place in no time, back in our electrically powered home."
"Megavolt is right," added the diamond dog. "And think of the savings we'll save! The Liquidator will make a killing when we flood this town!"
"Fine. You four cause chaos. I'm going to go find that caped clod and give him the beating of a life time. No one leaves the city while I'm planning a massive heist, and him not being there was the TIP OF THE ICEBERG," snarled NegaWing as he looked behind him at the castle in the distance. "Besides, I don't like being this close to the Royal Court. All that light gives me the shivers."
"You and me both," replied Liquidator, looking up at the castle. "Just being this close makes me bubble up something fierce."
"Just relax," said Megavolt. "We'll be back in good old gloomy St. Saddle before you know it."
"I kind of like it here." Everypony turned towards Bushroot, giving him a glare. "What? I do! I was planning on moving here before the accident."
"Just... get going. Before I hurt you all," snarled NegaWing.
=====
"Gee whiz, I didn't think that we made that big of a mess," grumbled Gosalyn as she trundled around the yard, Sweetie Belle along with her with a sigh in her expression. "We only knocked down one cloth roll."
"I dunno. Rarity looked really mad. Like her eye was twitching," said Sweetie Belle. "We should at least steer clear of the Boutique before anything else happens."
"I suppose," said Gosalyn. "So, cuz, what do we do around this rinkadink town anyhow?"
"I was going to meet up with Scoots and Apple Bloom to go crusading for Cutie Marks." Sweetie Belle stole a look over at Gosalyn's flank and drat, she had one. She had a baseball bat and it was sitting there, mocking her. "But I don't think you'd be interested in that."
"Are you kidding? Anything beats just going around doing NOTHING." Gosalyn grinned widely. "So, let's meet up with your friends."
Cheered up immensely by Gosalyn's admission that she wanted to help out, Sweetie Belle nodded and pointed. "That way! Our clubhouse is over there."
The two fillies took off in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres, and barrelling through the gate, Gosalyn screeched to a halt in shock, and grabbed Sweetie Belle before pulling her behind a shed. "What?" squeaked Sweetie Belle in surprise. "What's going o--?"
"Shhhh!" Looking out from behind the shed, there stood the green lanky form of the half-duck half plant. "That's Bushroot! What's he doing here?"
"Who's that? He looks like a plant," said Sweetie Belle as the duck knelt down and a dog-like plant ran up. "Cooooool!"
Bushroot wasn't paying any attention as he rubbed the plant's head affectionately. "Did you find anything Spot?" With that, it spat out a hat. "Good boy!"
Sweetie Belle gasped, recognizing it and she paled. "That... thing must have eaten Applejack! We've got to warn everypony!"
"Naw, Bushroot's not the kind to let Spot eat ponies," said Gosalyn, rolling up her jersey's sleeves. "But I can talk to him. Hopefully."
Stepping out, she yelled, "Hey Bushroot! What'd you do with the owner of this place?" Sweetie Belle stepped out after her, a determined, if worried expression on her face.
Bushroot looked over his shoulder and turned to face the pair. "Oh you're just in time! I was trying to get them to buy the fertilizer I made for apples, but they said no. So I just decided to take over this place for myself! See?"
Snapping his fingers, two of the zap apple trees tore themselves from the earth, stomping over. "Larry, Bucky, be a dear and see these two fillies to the door."
"This isn't your farm, it's the Apples'!" yelled Sweetie Belle, before squeaking and hiding behind Gosalyn as the trees advanced. "Gosalyn, help!"
"Call off your goons, Bushroot, I ain't scared of you!" snapped Gosalyn, despite the two trees flanking them. "Besides, when Mare Do Well gets here, you'll be in real trouble!"
"Oh please," scoffed Bushroot, waving at the pair as the trees picked up the two fillies in spindly branch-hands. "He's too busy trying to salve his ego. I'll bet he's challenging that other mare to a contest right now."
"I am the terror, that flaps in the night!" resounded a voice, and Bushroot wilted.
"Or I could be wrong," admitted the supervillain botanist.
"I am the bug spray, that chews up the bugs on leaves. I am the Mare Do Well!" And in a cloud of violet smoke atop the nearby barn, Mare Do Well appeared triumphantly. "Bushroot, my maniacal flora foe, what are you doing in Ponyville? This is my turf, get off it, you're harming the grass."
"One, this was NegaWing's idea, not mine. Two, how dare you! The grass and I have an agreement. Speaking of which, get 'em grass!" And with that, the grass stood up and lunged, turning into spikes which Mare Do Well ducked, the points perforating his hat. "Watch the HAT! I just got it pressed!"
"I'll press more than your hat!" retorted Bushroot as he asked a couple more trees to uproot themselves and advance on him. One of the trees took a swing at him and Mare Do Well leaped in a flip over to the ground, drawing his gas gun.
"Suck gas, evildoer!" exclaimed Mare Do Well, preparing to pull the trigger.
"Stop! You'll hurt the plants! And Applejack takes great care of them!" yelled Sweetie Belle.
"What?" With a resounding whack, Mare Do Well went flying after pausing, bewildered.
"Hah! Taste the power of full grown apple trees, Do Well!" laughed Bushroot, seconds before he was eating dirt as a angry Applejack stood over him, glaring daggers. "Um, hi? Sorry about your hat but--UGH!"
"Ah don't dissolve inta violence that often," snarled Applejack as she hauled him up in her hooves, Bushroot sporting a brilliant shiner from where she slugged him. "But ya'll messin' with mah trees an' I won't stand fer that! And you! Vinny! Clara! Daniel! Philip!" The four trees, including the ones holding the fillies turned towards Applejack. "Git back in the dirt, y'hear? You four should be ashamed of yerselves bullyin' the fillies an' listenin' t'this varmant! What have y'all got to say for yerselves?"
The trees shuffled uncomfortably as the two zap apple trees set the girls down. Applejack smiled a little as she dropped Bushroot who scrambled away. "That's better. Now, y'all get along, and go soak up some nutrients. Ah'll bet y'all hungry."
As the trees returned to their original places, she turned to glare at Bushroot. "As for you!" And he froze in shock, looking over his shoulders. "When ah said no we didn't want your fertilizer, then no means no. Y'hear mister? We don't need no special fertilizer right this minute."
Mare Do Well slid up behind Bushroot and whispered, "I would probably apologize, Bushy. Before she gets really mad."
Bushroot turned and bowed. "I'm sorry, Ma'am, for all the trouble."
Applejack smiled, her expression softening. "That's better. Now git goin'. And give me mah hat back!"
As Bushroot ran off, apologizing with Spot on his heels, Sweetie Belle turned to Gosalyn and said, "And that is why Applejack is the best sister."
=====
Flapperjack was bored. And a bored Flapperjack meant that there was no delightful playing going on! So, making a beeline for the nearest joke shop, he was rummaging around the items when he noticed it: a vintage, one of a kind whoopie cushion from 20 years ago! The worth and value was incredible, and he plastered himself to the glass.
"I want it."
"That would be out of your price range, son," replied the shop owner, polishing a couple of leaking glasses. "It's worth more since it belonged to Bonzo the Third."
"Well, if it's worth more than I can afford... then I'll simply take it!" And Flapperjack pulled out a massive gun and pulled the trigger. From the end, a boxing glove shot out and smashed the glass, and Flapperjack hooted in delight as he snagged it.
"It's mine, it's mine, it's mine~!" singsonged the pegasus in the clown suit seconds before he slipped, and came down on a box. A loud PHFFFFFFBBBT could be heard and he blushed deeply. "Excuse me!"
"Ahahahahahaha! That was priceless! The whoopie cushion was there and it was hilarious and...!" laughed a female voice, and Flapperjack turned, bewildered. There was a pink mare dressed up in some kind of outfit; some sort of clown with a duck flipper set and a snorkel? "You really have a sense of timing!"
"Heh... I do, don't I?" said Flapperjack, pleased with himself. "No one can out prank Flapperjack at his own game! As I like to say, it's playtime!"
"Oh really? Well I just happen to be one of Ponyville's best party throwers!" exclaimed the mare. "I'm Pinkie Pie!"
Flapperjack froze as he turned around in surprise. "Pinkie Pie? Not Pinkamina Diane Pie, the winner of three prank wars of Canterlot in a row?!"
"The one and only. I don't like to brag but--hey!" Pinkie found Flapperjack at her hooves, kissing them. "Hey, now, there's no reason to do that!"
"You don't understand, I've admired you from afar!" exclaimed Flapperjack. "The poise, the grace, the pranks! You throw the best parties, and for a lowly toymaker as myself, you're about as famous as Cheese Sandwich!"
"Who's Cheese Sandwich?" asked Pinkie, but Flapperjack was on a roll.
"Why, with your tutelage, I could become the most funniest pegasus in all of St. Saddle! Please take me on as your student!"
Pinkie blinked. And then she took out a dastardly moustache, and cackled. "All righ,t student, you're on!"
Elsewhere, Launchpad shivered. "Whoa! I think I just felt the universe implode on itself!"
"Let's get this party started then!" proclaimed Pinkie Pie, her hooves up in the air. "But first, gotta fix this case."
Flapperjack wilted a little. "Do we have to? Fine..."
=====
Rainbow Dash was not happy. There was a new Mare Do Well in town, and he had made a fool out of her in a way that made it more aggravating than last time. She had been talked to like she was some random fan. His ego was bigger than her own, and she knew she was awesome.
Heading into the center of town, she noticed an unfamiliar stallion, one just as big as Big Mac with a flight jacket and scarf. "Hey, you!" She called out, flying down towards him. "Have you seen Mare Do Well?"
"MDW? He went towards Sweet Apple Acres when he heard Bushroot is in town," said Launchpad. "I'm lookin' for any of the Fearsome Five since I heard Flapperjack came with."
"MDW? Oh Mare Do Well. Wait, are you his sidekick or something?" demanded Rainbow.
"Yeah, I'm Launchpad McFlap, MDW's partner! Is that wrong?"
"Wrong? No, nothing's wrong. He's just an egotist," grumbled Rainbow.
To this, Launchpad laughed. "Hey, he's not so bad. High-strung maybe, but he's a good stallion. Still kind of cheesed off that he got a name change though. Hey, maybe I can show you the Thunderquack! It's one of a kind."
"What, you mean that gaudy head-shaped flying machine outside of town? Seen one, seen them all." Rainbow paused at Launchpad's expression. "Ah heh... s-sorry."
"Naw, it's okay. It's the first time the Thunderquack was called gaudy though. Maybe it needs a bit of paint touchup though," admitted Launchpad. "Tell you what: I help you out and you don't get on MDW's case, okay?"
"Deal." Rainbow Dash folded her hooves and asked, "So... why are you guys here anyhow? It can't be bruised egos, can it?"
"Well that's pretty much what's motivating MDW today," said Launchpad. "He's really not so bad, he's just a little ticked off right now."
"Launchpad!" From a cloud of smoke, Mare Do Well appeared. "I just saw Liquidator in the town hall! No doubt that he is making a dastardly business deal that involves selling things at incredibly inflated prices! We must stop him before he can enact this dastardly scheme, post-haste!" He looked up at Rainbow Dash and frowned. "Oh, it's you."
"Never mind its me, what's this about some Flim Flam faker trying to sell things at inflated prices?" demanded Rainbow Dash, floating down to glare at Mare Do Well. "For that matter, why are you even here? You're dragging all of your problems into our town."
"Oh please, the Fearsome Five have better things to do than to come to this rinkadink town," scoffed Mare Do Well. "Although, there was Bushroot at the Apple Orchard..."
"You think they followed us here?" said Launchpad. "It could be possible."
"Well, never fear, Mare Do Well is here! Using the skills I have honed for an age, the dastardly no-do gooding that these heinous perpetrators will perpetrate will be defended against, if my name isn't Mare Do Well!" exclaimed Mare Do Well, swirling his cape and pointing into the sky.
"Uh-huh," said Rainbow Dash, trying to make heads or tails of what he just said. "Well, I'm going to get there first, if my name isn't Rainbow Dash." And she took off in a streak of rainbows, leaving Mare Do Well dumbfounded for a moment.
"Hey! No cutting in line!" And Mare Do Well took after Rainbow Dash, with Launchpad following at a more sedate pace.
When Rainbow Dash arrived, she found the town hall had sprung several leaks from the pipes, and she grimaced. "First things first, lets get this all patched up!"
Zooming upwards and grabbing several clouds, she started packing them into the cracks as the water continued to pour from the Town Hall. "There we go!" She said, shoving the last cloud into the crack. "That'll take care of the water!"
"What's the big deal, chum, why so glum? For the quick payment of 99.99 bits you can own your very own water damage insurance!" exclaimed a voice from below, as Mayor Mare was desperately trying to keep the flooding from spilling out the front door. The Liquidator stood there, his watery form rippling as if he was controlling the water. "That's right, just sign on the dotted line here, and we'll have this place back to normal!"
"But that's the entire repair fund for the City Planning Department!" exclaimed Mayor Mare, holding the door closed with her back pressed up against it, water threatening to spill out. "We can't spend that much in one go!"
"Oh that's too bad!" replied the sleazy salesman. "After all, we're in for a big storm right about now!"
And the water burst free, throwing Mayor Mare head over heels as the water increased, Town Hall flooding in all directions. "I got you, Mayor!" Swooping down, Rainbow Dash grabbed Mayor Mare under the forelegs and pulled her to safety.
"Thank you, Rainbow Dash," said Mayor Mare. "This hooligan barged into our offices and sprung leaks everywhere!"
"Well, say no more. I'm going to give him a piece of my mind." Setting the Mayor down, Rainbow Dash flew straight at Liquidator. "Heads up!"
"Oof," Liquidator oofed as he was ploughed into, sent into the watery interior of the Town Hall. "Now, that was uncalled for!"
"Yeah right, you just totally ruined our Town Hall!" retorted Rainbow Dash. "And you know what happens to supervillains when they ruin our Town Hall?"
"No, what?"
"The same thing that happens to everything else!" And Rainbow Dash punched a cloud which turned an angry stormcloud black.
Liquidator's pupils dilated. "Uh-oh. Now I wish I wore my rubber boots."
With a mighty crackle-thoom, the interior of the Town Hall erupted into electrified water as Liquidator was caught in the backlash. The watery Diamond Dog's built-up water poured out of the Hall quickly, leaving him a pathetic crackling mess.
Smirking to herself, Rainbow Dash reformed him into a cloud, and shoved him into a nearby bottle. "For safe keeping till you behave."
"I... am the terror... --wheeze-- that flaps in the night --cough-- I... am the... water damage that... molds --cough-- up your laundry... I am..." At that moment, Mare Do Well showed up, coughing from the run across town and he collapsed in a puddle, only to be shocked by the residue, and he collapsed in a smoking heap. "In serious pain right now..."
"Whoa, what happened here?" asked Launchpad trotting up and looking less winded than Mare Do Well. "And is that a Liquidator-cloud in a bottle?"
"Yeah, he just messed with the wrong pegasus, that's all," smirked Rainbow Dash, tossing the bottle from hoof to hoof. "I'm not the number one weather mare for nothing y'know."
"Thank you for saving Town Hall, Rainbow Dash, although the damage to the interior is going to take some time to repair," said the Mayor sadly. "I wish we had the funds but I'll be out of an office for a while."
"Actually this was mostly supervillain related so.." Walking over, Launchpad pulled out a card and handed it over to the Mayor. "S.H.U.S.H. will handle the bill."
"Oh, thank you! Maybe now I can get the table-top phone I've been wanting! You're a peach Mr...?"
"McFlap! Launchpad McFlap!" proclaimed Launchpad proudly.
"Mr. McFlap, thank you again! You're doing a real service for Ponyville." Turning to Rainbow Dash, she asked, "Can you call the Guard for me, Rainbow Dash, and have this supervillain put away?
"No problem, Mayor! I'll be back before you know it!" Taking off, Rainbow Dash could hear the groans from Mare Do Well.
=====
"Ah here we are!" said Megavolt, the overgrown rat standing atop the Ponyville Dam. "With this much power at my disposal, nopony would be able to stand up to me! Not even Mare Do Well! My victory is at hand! Megavolt wins, for once!"
Laughing, Megavolt crackled with electricity as he began to siphon power from the dam's inner workings when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Um, excuse me, sir," said a quiet voice. "But I was hoping to ask if you couldn't do that?"
Fluttershy had seen the giant rat running by on his way to the dam, and intrigued by his state, had followed him to the top of the dam. "The dam also had a lot of damage done to it a few weeks ago, so please don't use it anymore till it's repaired?"
"Who are you?" retorted Megavolt. "Don't you know who I am?"
"Well, yes, you said your name was Megavolt in the monologue, right?" Fluttershy offered a little smile. "Wouldn't you like cheese instead, Mr. Megavolt, sir? It's really good."
His stomach growled and Megavolt bit his lip. He hadn't had anything to eat for a while, not since they arrived. "Well... maybe a bit would be okay..."
"I have cheese and apples, and you're a rat, so I also have fresh daisy sandwiches if you want those," added Fluttershy. "Come down from the top of the dam and we'll talk?"
"..." Despite his villainous intentions, Megavolt found himself following Fluttershy down from the top of the dam to the bottom where she set up a picnic table. There was a rabbit there, waiting with furry forelegs crossed, and a bear of all things setting up a table. "Have a seat, and I'll be right out with the food."
Awkwardly sitting around the table, Megavolt looked at his dinner companions. "So uh... this mare Fluttershy... is she always like this?"
Mr. Bear grumbled a reply and Angel Bunny rolled his eyes. "Oh," said Megavolt, feeling sheepish.
Supervillain he may be, but he was still a rat at heart, and even rats weren't powerful enough to resist Fluttershy as she set up a few more plates and soon a lovely tea party had begun. "This is really good, Miss Fluttershy," said Megavolt cordially, sipping at his tea.
"Why thank you Mr. Megavolt. Mr. Bear and Angel Bunny really like this blend." Said Fluttershy graciously. "Isn't that right, you two?"
The pair nodded, although Angel Bunny was taking bites out of a carrot as well.
"You know, I've never met a rat as big as you before," said Fluttershy. "And you can talk too."
"Yeah well, it's a long story," admitted Megavolt. "I was just a normal rat in St. Saddle when I chewed on the wrong cable one day...." Launching into his own version of his origin story which did not involve high school in any way, the pair spoke at length for a while.
In all, thought Megavolt in reflection, this wasn't so bad.
=====
NegaWing was pissed.
Not only the Fearsome Five had basically been routed before this plan even started, but he couldn't find Mare Do Well all day. He kept missing him by five minutes, seeing his plans go to waste. Liquidator had been taken out by a weather pony, Megavolt was off having tea with a girl, Bushroot was actually talking to a mare named Carrot Top last he checked and not siccing her own produce on her, and to top it all off, Flapperjack had found the "idol of his dreams" and was running around making FUN happen instead of utilizing his deadly arsenal of toys on the populace!
NegaWing grabbed his hat in a very Mare Do Well like manner, pulling down on it in frustration. "This place... I hate it SO much," he snarled before noticing someone coming down the road. Ducking to the side, he noticed a familiar form with three other fillies her age.
"Well, well, if it isn't the runt," he sneered. "Perfect bait to catch a superhero."
"-- and that's when we broke the llama ambassador," recounted Gosalyn to the Cutie Mark Crusaders with a wide grin. "It was hilarious, pies everywhere!"
"Your dad is really cool, isn't he?" said Scootaloo. "I didn't know the Mare Do Well had kids!"
"Well, he doesn't advertise it often," admitted Gosalyn.
"Why is he called Mare Do Well anyhow?" asked Apple Bloom. "You'd think he'd have changed his name back."
"Licensing issues," said Gosalyn seconds before NegaWing leaped out of the shadows. "Yah!"
"Hello, girls, nice to see you again," sneered the stallion, holding up a giant butterfly net.
"Run! It's NegaWing! I'll hold him off!" yelled Gosalyn immediately, as the Cutie Mark Crusaders froze momentarily just as the net came down. "Lemme go, you creep!"
"Ahahahahaha, no," deadpanned NegaWing as the fillies struggled in the net. "You four are going to be BAIT."
"When mah sister gets a hold of you yer gonna be sorry!" yelled Apple Bloom.
"That's right, and when Rainbow Dash gets here, you won't stand a chance!" added Scootaloo.
"And when my sister gets here, well..." Sweetie Belle thought for a long moment. "She'll whine at you a lot!"
The others looked at Sweetie Belle and she shrugged. "It's all I've got."
"Well far be it from me to not make an announcement." Pulling out a bullhorn, he cranked it up to 11. "Citizens of Ponyville, Mare Do Well. I've got hostages; four little fillies who are dying to be something special. They're special all right: special as in it'll lure you all out. Come to the clock tower on the edge of town, and no funny business. Mare Do Well only. Or they'll meet with the ground. Permanently."
Despite herself, Gosalyn swallowed. She knew NegaWing was dangerous, and by herself she had nearly died several times. It wasn't like she was worried for herself, but for her newfound friends. "Leave the Crusaders alone, and take me instead!" demanded Gosalyn.
"No. You four are my insurance. Collectively. Call it a bargaining chip." And he sauntered off, carrying the four fillies in the net away.
=====
Rarity had just finished putting away Mare Do Well's things when the announcement was shouted over a bullhorn, and her blood ran cold at the announcement. "Sweetie Belle!"
Barging out of the Boutique, she was met in the center of town by Rainbow Dash and Applejack, both wearing the same expression was she was certain she was wearing: abject horror. "That varmint's got Apple Bloom!" aroclaimed Applejack.
"And Scootaloo too!" added Rainbow Dash.
"He must have Sweetie Belle too! And my little cousin, most likely."
"What do we do?" exclaimed Rainbow Dash. "He said if he doesn't see Mare Do Well he'll drop them and that clock tower is really high up. I can catch them, but he might have something like a bomb!"
Rarity scowled. "Well... if Uncle Drake is any indication he'll go right for NegaWing. But that'll only save us a little time..." Wait... looking over at the Boutique, she ran back inside, followed by the two.
"What's the deal Rarity? We're wastin' time!" exclaimed Applejack seconds before a change of clothing was thrown at her and at Rainbow Dash.
"I knew I saved these for just such an occasion," said Rarity, suiting up quickly.
Rainbow Dash looked at the outfit that was meant for Fluttershy, and said, "You're ready for a supervillain from St. Saddle, coming here and kidnapping ponies we care about, and have Mare Do Well costumes just in case?"
"Yes."
"How do you prepare for that?" Demanded Applejack.
"Darling, my family are S.H.U.S.H. agents. I'm prepared for anything." And she struck a hidden panel on the wall, as the Boutique opened up secret panels, revealing S.H.U.S.H. gadgetry. Throwing a rope to Applejack and a gas gun to Rainbow Dash, Rarity pocketed a few more items before putting on her hat. "Let's go."
=====
"Tick tock tick tock," smirked NegaWing as he set up a barrel of dynamite below the four fillies, who instantly stopped struggling, and began staring in mortal terror. "You see, I'm not the same as those losers who were easily distracted. I'm a lot smarter than them. When that do-gooder Mare Do Well shows up, he'll be in a classic dilemma: save the girls, or take me in. Of course saving the girls means everypony gets blown up."
"You won't get away with this, Negacreep!" yelled Gosalyn. "When Mare Do Well gets here, you'll be sorry!"
"Sorry? Sorry I even came here in the first place," sneered NegaWing. "Now then, all we have to do is set the timer. Ten minutes should do..."
"You know, if it weren't for the fact that were strapped TO a bomb, this would be really cool," admitted Scootaloo.
"Maybe we'll get our cutie marks this way?" inquired Apple Bloom.
"Oh yeah, in what? Getting blown to smithereens?" retorted Sweetie Belle. "I don't think Cutie Mark Crusaders Explosive Survivors makes a difference."
"How about Cutie Mark Crusaders Explosive Wranglers?" put in Apple Bloom as NegaWing set the timer.
"Naw, that makes us sound like Cowponies." A beat as Apple Bloom glared at Scootaloo. "Just saying!"
"Will you four shut up!" snapped NegaWing. "I'm trying to set a timer fuse here!"
"Oh yeah, well... well your breath stinks!" Everyone looked at Gosalyn. "What? I'm running low on ideas, it's been a long day."
Suddenly a shadow fell upon the group, and NegaWing turned just in time to see a violet-clad figure fire a Gas Gun at his face. The boxing glove smacked into NegaWing and he went flying off the clock tower. "Mare Do Well!" chorused the four fillies as she started to work on their bonds carefully.
NegaDuck fell to his doom. Or rather would have, if he didn't pull a cord on his vest and a glider popped open. "So, going for a sneak attack, bad idea."
Twisting around, he landed safely and pulled a bazooka from his jacket pocket. Lining up the sights of the superhero working on the ropes, he smirked. "Sayonara, Mare Do Well."
And then, suddenly NegaWing saw stars as a pair of legs smacked into him. He rolled comedically, recovering as he looked at his opponent -- a second Mare Do Well who was already whirling a rope around her head and lassoing his gun. "Hey, no takers," snapped NegaWing, pulling the trigger.
The explosion rocked the base of the tower, making it groan and creak as the Mare Do Well up top worked hard on the ropes. "Any time now, Dad!" Urged Gosalyn as the rickety old tower began to shudder.
Dodging several more shots, and wondering just how much ammo a single shot bazooka could carry, Mare Do Well threw out two throwing stars which jammed itself into the bazooka. NegaWing threw it aside seconds before it exploded and Mare Do Well rose on her hind legs, gesturing at him. "Oh, you want it that way, Dark Clod? Well then, allow me to oblige!"
Taking the full lunge instantly, the pair fought dirty in a cloud of dust, kicking and biting and throwing each other to the side. Mare Do Well and NegaWing rolled as he checked the sun. "HAH. Too late. In a minute, those kiddies are going to go BOOM. And there's nothing you can do to stop it. Loser."
Mare Do Well spared a moment to look at the tower, only to get smacked in the face by NegaWing as she was thrown to the ground. "Looks like I win."
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" exclaimed a voice and NegaWing looked up in alarm. "I am the explosion that ruins your day! I am the Mare Do Well!"
The telling marker of smoke never appeared, however, as a voice proclaimed, "Heee-yah!" And a kick threw him off the other Mare Do Well. "Taste my wrath, bub. You're out of your league this time!"
"So... it was a diversion then!" Looking up, the other Mare Do Well had removed the bomb and threw it to the side, pulling the fillies to safety. "Good thing I had a Plan B."
And pulling out a remote, he pushed the big red button. Instantly, the building lit up with explosions as the fillies screamed and Mare Do Well spun in alarm. "Gosalyn!"
The Mare Do Well up top grabbed Gosalyn, and Apple Bloom but as she reached for Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, they fell out of her reach. With twin cries, the fillies pummeted towards the ground, but suddenly a winged form grabbed them out of the air, dressed in violet. "That was a close one, huh, kid?" said a familiar rough voice as she carried Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo to safety.
Scootaloo's expression lit up as they came for a landing. "Rainbow Dash! You did come for me!"
Landing safely, Gosalyn and Apple Bloom turned towards her as she unmasked herself. Apple Bloom's expression lit up. "Applejack!"
"Ah'm glad we made it," said Applejack, nuzzling her sister as Sweetie Belle turned towards the fight which had renewed in earnest, the Mare Do Well with the rope hitting NegaWing repeatedly.
"If you're Rainbow Dash, and Applejack's that Mare Do Well..." Sweetie Belle gasped as NegaWing was lifted up by a familiar glow of magic and thrown into a tree as the costumed crusader ripped her hat off, gasping for air as she pulled the ruined mask off her face from NegaWing's attacks. "Rarity!"
"Nopony lays a hand on my sister, or my family!" exclaimed Rarity angrily.
"Rarity? You're the Mare Do Well in this town?" said Mare Do Well, shocked. "You and your friends? I never would have guessed!"
"Dear Uncle, there's more to life than just being Mare Do Well," smirked Rarity as she lifted a gas gun. "You should know this by now."
Mare Do Well's expression under his mask softened as he looked over at Gosalyn. "Yeah, there is," he said softly.
"Softies," growled NegaWing, getting to his hooves. "You two are just a couple of buffoons in a cape!"
"Dear, your fashion sense is worse than ours, and that's saying a lot," scoffed Rarity as she replaced her mask and hat. "Now then, Uncle, I believe the stage is ours."
"Of course. As they say in the big leagues, Let's Get Dangerous!"
And with that, the two descended upon NegaWing in a cloud of furious athletic violence.
=====
"Rarity! Everyone!" Twilight paused at the giant shiner Rarity sported. "What happened to you?"
"Oh this? This is nothing, you should see the other stallion," said Rarity as she accepted an ice pack from Spike.
"Is everypony safe? We heard the explosions," said Fluttershy.
"Everything's all right, not to worry. NegaWing's in custody and the town is safe fer the time being." said Applejack.
"That's great, because we need a party!" exclaimed Pinkie Pie, erupting out of a nearby bucket.
"Did someone say party?" added a second voice as Flapperjack erupted out of a barrel and Mare Do Well stepped back in alarm.
"Flapperjack! What are you doing here?" demanded Mare Do Well.
"Oh, I'm just here on vacation, and I met my idol! Pinkie Pie taught me the valuable lesson of throwing parties for fun and not for my own personal gain. Isn't that right?" said the pegasus as he grinned at Pinkie Pie.
"Well, if he isn't causing any trouble, I say leave him be," said Rainbow. "Besides, there's other villains to corral now that NegaWing is behind bars."
"That reminds me, what did you do with Liquidator?" asked Launchpad curiously. "Is he okay?"
"He's being moved to Cloudsdale, where he'll be put to work making rain," said Rainbow with a smirk. "No more fast-talking ponies for him."
"I should be getting back to my new friend soon too," added Fluttershy. "Megavolt might be getting hungry."
Gosalyn looked at her cross-eyed. "You got Megavolt to behave?"
"Oh yes, I'm very good with animals," said Fluttershy, and Mare Do Well facehoofed.
"That's four of the Fearsome Five. Who's left, Bushroot?" said Launchpad. "What happened to him?"
"Well..." said Twilight, pointing at a nearby carrot farmer and Bushroot who were working on tending her crops.
"Aw hayseed, she's gone and partnered up with him! Looks like carrot-apple rivalry is back on," said Applejack with a laugh. "Well it's been a long day, and we need to get the little ones back home. They've had enough excitement for one day."
"Yeah I think Scoots here is tuckered out," said Rainbow, indicating the filly who was sleepily riding on her back. "Catch you all later."
"You'll be okay, right Rarity?" asked Spike, and Rarity smiled at him. "You look good in that, by the way."
"Thank you, Spikey-Poo, I'm glad. I'll be fine. There's nothing but a little cosmetic spells cannot fix. Come along, Sweetie Belle, Uncle."
Heading back to the Boutique, Mare Do Well was silent as they got into the building. Closing the door behind him, he pulled his hat off and mask. "Rarity, I wanted to apologize for how I was behaving today."
"Dad, apologizing? Are you feeling all right?" asked Gosalyn, but he held up a hoof.
"I came here, thinking that Mare Do Well, well, you and your friends, stole the show from me. I just didn't realize how much good you three can do. Equestria's a big place, and there's more room for one Mare Do Well in this world." He sighed. "I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're better than I am. At a lot of things."
"Dear Uncle, stop. You did nothing wrong." Everyone looked at Rarity who smiled. "Even if your heart wasn't in the right place, there has been a lot of good you have done for St. Saddle and its citizens. I think today will be the last time Mare Do Well appears in Ponyville though. It's tiresome living that life."
"So... you're going to leave it all to me then?"
"The one and original, Dark Wing of the night." said Rarity with a smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a letter to write."
=====
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that friendship doesn't just extend to your friends, but to your family. Even when someone is wrong in their actions, you need to show them how to do things properly, even if they upset you initially.
I also learned that family is important, more important than it seems like at first. Perhaps I can learn something from my Uncle, whom you know as Mare Do Well.
Admitting you are wrong in the first place, also means accepting your flaws and change for the better. I hope this letter finds you well, in that we know how hard it can be to accept the fact that your life can be turned upside down by family visiting.
Sincerely,
Rarity.
PS: Please send S.H.U.S.H. agents by to remove my equipment. I am formally retiring from active service.
Sincerely,
Agent Rarity, Codename Morgana Macawber
Author's Note
Edits and a second proofreading sweep done on 12/05/2014. Added tag for Crossover.
