Tirek growled. The monsters of Tartarus were going to give him his punishment. “Lord Tirek, the centaur, you have been summoned here for the crimes as follows,” the lead monster began. She was a fury, a wizened old bat-lady. “You have escaped from Tartarus, stolen magic and other crimes.”
“It’s hearsay!” Tirek’s lawyer called out. The massive hydra flicked one of its tongues in and out, as if it could taste dissent.
“No it isn’t,” the other head interrupted.
“Sh. They don’t know that,” the first head whispered back. It continued talking to the court as if nothing had happened. “These crimes are all hearsay. He did nothing of the sort.”
The other head gave the first a look. “He didn’t?”
The fury banged her gavel on the desk. “Order. Hydra head number two, you may not speak till the other head has finished speaking. Hydra head one, if you don’t stop contradicting the other head you will be banned from the court.” The first head cast the second a dark look.
Tirek’s prosecutor, who happened to be a cockatrice, walked in front of the judge. “Madam the fury-”
The fury cast the cockatrice a dark look. “It’s Alecto. Get my name right, or you can leave the court room.”
The cockatrice nodded. “I call, Twilight Sparkle to the stands!” The unicorn in the corner activated his magic to pull the witness to into the courtroom.
A lavender Alicorn appeared in a flash of light, and looked around the court room. “Huh? What? Where am I?”
The cockatrice strutted in front of the unicorn. “Miss Sparkle-”
“Pardon, but could you block your eyes? I can’t look at you without turning to stone. Also, why are there so many creatures not scientifically possible here?”
The cockatrice growled and put on a pair of sunglasses. “There. Better?”
“Yes. Also, where am I?”
“You’re in the depths of Tartarus.”
“Why am I here? I have so many questions to ask you.”
“You’re here to help preside over the trial of Tirek. Now do you swear to tell nothing but the truth-?”
“It’s the whole truth-”
The cockatrice slapped his face with a wing. “Never mind. You can send her away.” The unicorn in charge of witnesses nodded and sent Twilight back before she could say anything more.
Tirek’s lawyer spoke up. “If the accuser can’t find a witness, does that mean Tirek gets off easy?”
Alecto shook her head. “No. Even if he can’t produce a witness we can still administer a punishment.”
The cockatrice nodded appreciatively. “I still have five more witnesses.”
Tirek groaned and placed one of his shriveled hands on his face. His lawyer patted him on the back, knocking him over due to the size of the hydra’s claw. “Don’t feel bad. We’ll get you amnesty.” It turned back to the cockatrice. “Call out your next witness. We don’t care if you bring in all of the Elements of Harmony. We will beat you.”
The other head grinned. “Beets are tasty.”
The cockatrice smirked at the hydra. “How kind of you to mention them. I call Rainbow Dash to the stands.”
A flash of light later the cyan Pegasus stood in the chamber. “Huh? Why am I here?”
The cockatrice grinned. “You are here to help with the trial of Tirek. Did he or did he not steal your magic?”
The Pegasus shook her head. “No. I was twenty percent cooler than him. He tried, but I beat him easily.”
Tirek looked like he was about to disagree, but the hydra stopped him. “Don’t. If she says you didn’t things go all the better for us.” The cockatrice nodded sadly and had the Pegasus sent back to her home. “Do you have another witness or can we go home?”
Alecto glared at the hydra. “No heckling in the courtroom. While heckling is an excellent occupation for any self-respecting monster, you shall not heckle in the courtroom. Mr. Cockatrice, do you have another witness or do we get to go home?”
The cockatrice looked hurt. “You said no heckling.”
Alecto grinned. “I’m not in the courtroom. I’m in the room just outside it. But please, bring in your next witness.”
“Fine. I call in Fluttershy!” The yellow Pegasus materialized in the courtroom.
“W-w-where am I?” She asked timidly.
“You’re in Tartarus to help us with a trial. Now, did Tirek-”
“Oh no. I can’t be here. I need to take care of my animals. I nee-” She vanished with a flash, and the cockatrice growled.
“You weren’t supposed to send her away.”
The unicorn shrugged. “She was scared. We’re a courtroom. She doesn’t have to work here if she doesn’t want to.”
“Fine. But don’t do it again. I summon Rarity to the- Actually I summon Applejack. Rarity would just say we aren’t fancy enough.” The unicorn nodded and the farmer appeared.
“Ah now, why am I here? Y’all might want to give me some explanation or someone will be in trouble.”
Alecto flinched visibly. “Send her back. I hate getting kicked by farm ponies. The last one kicked me into last century.” Applejack disappeared, and the hydra grinned.
“Thank you judge Alecto. May we pass sentence?”
Alecto shook her head. “The cockatrice still has one witness.” The cockatrice nodded and threw off his glasses.
“I won’t need these for this. I call Pinkie Pie.” The party pony landed suddenly on the cockatrices head. “Ow. Pinkie Pie, do you Pinkie Promise to not lie during this session?”
“Okie dokey lokey. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. There. What do want to ask me?”
“Pinkie Pie, did Tirek steal you magic?”
“Silly. I don’t have magic. He couldn’t have stolen it.”
“Case closed,” Alecto said. “Pinkie Pie, you may leave.” The pony did so quite eagerly. “Tirek, you have not been found guilty.” The hydra grinned. “However, for previous crimes, we must still give you a punishment. For these crimes, you have been sentenced to be tickled on the highest mountain in Tartarus for seven long weeks.”
“No,” Tirek cried. “Anything but that. Anything.” Alecto shook her head. “But I hate being tickled,” Tirek screamed as he was carried out of the chamber.
Author's Note
I wrote this one-shot in my spare time because I was bored. In most Greek Mythology, the punishments of Tartarus are things like forever rolling a boulder up a hill or something they hated. I figured that Tirek would hate something as little as tickling. Alecto is actually a fury from Greek Mythology and was in charge of administrating punishment. Why Tartarus has a well thought out court system, I don't know.
