The Contest of Multiversal Cuteness

by Razalon The Lizardman

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Random, Crossover, Alternate Universe, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4913

The CMC compete in a contest of epic(ly adorable) proportions.

This story is a oneshot spin-off to Singularity.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are persuaded forced scared stiff by the scariest thing ever conceived so they agree to compete with other creatures from across the multiverse in a contest where the winner is whoever can act the cutest for the audience.

Disclaimer: The author is not held accountable for readership death by cuteness-induced diabetes.

Published 2014-05-13 19:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-13 19:30:05 UTC

Read at your own risk

Apple Bloom was jostled from her sleep by a light tapping on her muzzle. She instinctively raised a hoof to bat away whatever was pulling her from the sweet embrace of sleep. The tapping resumed, a bit more forcefully this time, so Apple Bloom batted it away more forcefully herself.

“Leave me alone,” she mumbled. “Ah’m tryin’ ta sleep ‘ere.”

“Pika Pika!”

Apple Bloom cracked one tired eye open to see what made the noise, only to shoot both eyes wide open in shock upon the sight that greeted her: a small, yellow creature with beady black eyes, red cheeks, knife-like ears, and a lightning bolt-like tail. The creature only stared curiously at her as Apple Bloom backpedaled away from it as fast as her hooves would let her, only to trip over something behind her and fall onto her back.

“Huh, wha . . .?” It was Sweetie Belle, who had also been asleep. The white filly stood up and yawned.

“What time is it?” she groggily asked.

“Sweetie!” Apple Bloom called, scrambling to her hooves. “Look out, there’s a monster in front of ya!”

“Wha- Apple Bloom?” Sweetie Belle groggily replied as her vision cleared. “What are you doing in my bedroom . . .”

“Pika-chu?”

“Eep!” Sweetie startled in reaction to the yellow thing in front of her and made a beeline to Apple Bloom’s side, trembling in fear. “Princess Luna, help!”

The creature tilted its head in confusion. “Pika-pika?” it said.

“Don’t worry, Sweets,” Apple Bloom said, and stood in front of the fear-stricken filly, levelling a furrowed gaze at the creature in front of them. “Ah’ll protect ya from this ‘ere . . . whatever it is!”

The creature sighed in exasperation. “Pi-ka,” it said.

Since the creature wasn’t moving, Apple Bloom decided to take in the surrounding environment. From the red curtains behind the yellow creature, to the stage lights overhead, but especially the various props and costume racks littering the area behind them, she easily deduced they were in some kind of backstage area. She then returned her attention to the yellow creature.

“Okay, Ah’ve got three questions fer ya,” she stated. “One, who are ya? Two, what are ya? And three and most importantly, where the buck are we?”

The creature stared blankly in response, seemingly unsure of how to respond. Then its ear twitched and it turned to its right, and smiled. “Pika-chu!” it said, waving one of its stubby hands.

“So, you two are finally awake, huh?” a familiar voice asked from Apple Bloom’s left; one that was very much welcome.

“Scootaloo?” she said, turning to see her friend with a smile only to recoil in surprise when she saw two other creatures walking alongside the orange pegasus filly.

At Scootaloo’s left was what appeared to be a pink puffball creature. Two stubby arms adorned both sides of its body, and it waddled forward on a pair of floppy red feet. Its face sported a pair of beady blue eyes and rosy pink cheeks. Its expression was unreadable, though Apple Bloom guessed it was curious about she and Sweetie Belle judging from the way it was staring at the both of them.

The creature on Scootaloo’s right, by comparison, was very distinctive. It was a stubby-legged, blue quadrupedal creature with tri-pointed orange appendages growing from its cheeks, a blue flipper-like appendage growing on top of its head, a gray one of similar shape for a tail, and a symmetrical mouth and beady black eyes adorning its face. It too appeared to stare at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle with curiosity.

“Uh, Scoots,’ Apple Bloom said as the orange pegasus filly and the creatures approached, “who’re they? An’ fer that matter, where are we?”

“I’m not sure,” Scootaloo replied with a shake of her head. She gestured to each of the three creatures. “And neither are they.” She pointed to the yellow one. “That’s Pikachu.”

“Pika-Pikachu!” the yellow creature cheerily said.

Scootaloo pointed to the blue one. “That’s Mudkip.”

“Mudkip,” the blue creature happily echoed.

“And that’s-” Scootaloo stopped upon seeing the creature was gone from her side. “What the!?”

“Ah! Get away from me!”

Everyone turned to see the pink creature poking Sweetie Belle with one of its stubby arms. The white filly was lazily batting her hooves at it in a futile attempt to make it stop. “Please, don’t eat me!”

“Relax, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, trying her best to sound comforting. “He won’t eat you . . . right, Kirby?”

The creature turned to Scootaloo with a blank expression. “Yoo!” it finally said, and backed away from the cowering form of Sweetie Belle.

“Good,” Scootaloo said with a sigh. She then turned to Apple Bloom. “Sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up, Apple Bloom; me, Kirby, and Mudkip were looking for an exit.”

“Did you find one?” Apple Bloom asked.

Scootaloo shook her head.

“Great, now what?” Apple Bloom whined, burying her face in her hooves. "My family’s gonna be worried sick ‘bout me when they see Ah’m gone.”

”Oh, not to worry Apple Bloom,” bellowed a voice from all around them. ”Time is non-existent here, so when you’re returned home it’ll be as if you never left.”

The group of six all swiveled their heads around in alarm, looking for the voice’s owner. Upon seeing nothing Pikachu, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom each got into a defensive position as they braced for a possible attack. Meanwhile, Mudkip and Kirby just continued staring around with blank expressions, and Sweetie Belle continued trembling with fear.

“Who’s there!?” Scootaloo called. “Show yourself so we can clobber you until you cry!”

“Pika-Pikachu!” Pikachu angrily supplied, electricity sparkling from its cheeks.

“. . . Yeah!” Apple Bloom said after a moment of hesitation. “What they all said!”

A snicker sounded all around them, which made the three defenders tense up.

”You really are adorable when you try to act high and mighty,” the voice stated. It was that of both a male’s and female’s voice polymerized, and it truly did seem to come from literally every direction at once. ”Which is why I selected you all for this contest of epic, gag-inducing proportions!”

“I don’t care ‘bout no contest!” Apple Bloom yelled, stomping her hoof. “We should be home restin’ in bed right now.”

“Pi-Pikachu!” Pikachu supplied, equally angry.

”Well, that’s too bad,” the voice stated, coldly. ”You’ll be returned home once this contest is over and a winner is declared.”

“What makes you think you can just foalnap us and make demands like that!?” Scootaloo shouted, annoyed. “And where are you, anyway!?”

Another snicker sounded. ”Can’t you tell, you adorable little chicken?” the voice asked very condescendingly. ”I’m everywhere at once, for I am the universe!”

The group of six just stared blankly ahead before to each other in confusion. “Ohhhh?” Kirby intoned.

”Indeed, Kirby, I am. Or, to be more precise, I am an alternate, sentient universe from the ones that all of you hail from. I extracted you from all of your universes in order to conduct what I call ‘The Contest of Multiversal Cuteness!’”

Pikachu tilted his head in confusion. “Pika . . . chu-chu-pikachu?”

”Not quite like the kind you’re used to, Pikachu. This contest will focus entirely on your cuteness, specifically how effective you all are at making the audience go ‘d’aaaaaaw!’ or ‘they’re so kawaii!’ or ‘I’m gonna snuggle them!’”

“Wait, what audience?” Apple Bloom asked.

The stage curtain rose up, affording the group of six a view of the stadium beyond which, to their horror, was filled to the brim. Creatures of various shapes, sizes, and species littered the audience. Some were recognizable based on their species, but most were completely alien to the group of six. Some were organic, some were mechanical, and others still were seemingly indefinable. And they were all staring straight at the (now dumbstruck) group of six victims.

“D’aaaaaaw!” said one.

“They’re so kawaii!” said another.

“Let me at ‘em! Let me at ‘em!” shouted another, trying to pull itself up onto the stage only to be restrained by a few other nameless creatures. “I’m gonna snuggle them!”

The group of six instinctually darted to the side of the stage out of the audience’s sight, to which they all groaned in disappointment.

“Mr. Universe, Ah-”

”Please, call me Aza,” it said. ”It’s the name I’ve given myself.”

“Fine.” Apple Bloom ground out. “Aza, Ah appreciate that y’all think we’re cute enough ta be a part of this ‘ere contest, but Ah’m a big filly dangit!” She stomped her hoof hard against the wooden stage floor. “Ah won’t stand fer this!”

“I won’t stand for this either!” Scootaloo declared, standing beside Apple Bloom, her chest puffed out.

“Yeah, what they said,” Sweetie said, hesitantly.

“Pika-chu!” Pikachu shouted, standing beside Apple Bloom with a furrowed gaze upwards.

“Mud-kip!” Mudkip echoed, also staring upwards with a furrowed gaze.

“Yew!” Kirby declared, copying the Pokemon.

“So, what’re ya gonna do now, Aza?” Apple Bloom teased the sentient universe.

The sapient universe said nothing in response. Instead, it answered by summoning the most horrifying thing it had on standby in case such a situation presented itself. In front of the fillies, Pokemon, and puffball materialized a bipedal clown with red hair, green and blue and yellow clothes. It looked down upon the group of six and opened its mouth in a vicious smile, revealing a set of sharp fangs that struck genuine fear into the group’s hearts.

“Hey,” Pennywise said in a raspy voice, “do ya want a balloon?”

”And now, males and females of more species than can be counted, it’s with great joy that I declare the first ever Multiversal Cuteness Contest to begin!”

A loud cacophony of screams of various types thundered throughout the audience, everyone full of excitement and energy in anticipation of getting to see the cutest characters ever conceived flaunt their adorability for them. Once the ear-blasting cheers died down enough Aza continued.

”Now remember everyone, the more cute and huggable you think a contestant is the more you should cheer, d’aaaaaaw, and scream girlishly for them to have a chance at winning. These six want to win more than anything people, so don’t let them down!”

Another thunderous cacophony of cheers sounded throughout the crowd. Behind the stage curtain, the group of six waited with extreme trepidation to be called out on stage.

“I can’t believe this is happening to us,” Sweetie belle whimpered from where she cowered on the floor.

“Mudkip-kip?” Mudkip asked.

“Pi-Pika-Pikachu,” Pikachu clarified for him.

“C’mon Sweetie Belle,” Scootaloo urged her friend, a small smile adorning her features, “this really isn’t that bad. We might even get our Cutie Marks from this if we’re lucky.”

“Oooh?” Kirby tilted his head in confusion.

“Ah don’t know ‘bout that, Scoots,” Apple Bloom said to her friend. “Ah mean, if’n one of us had ‘being cute’ fer a special talent, then wouldn’t we have gotten a Cutie Mark fer it already? And ‘sides, what would a Cutie Mark fer being cute look like?”

“Yeah,” Scootaloo said glumly, “I guess you’ve got a point there.”

“Heh heh,” Apple Bloom giggled. “A ‘Cute Cutie Mark’.”

Scootaloo held back a snort of laughter.

”And now, time to get this show underway!” Aza announced, drawing the group’s collective attention. ”Please, make some noise for our first contestant; the little pegasus that could . . . never fly, Scootaloo!”

Screams of excitement roared from the audience, whereas Scootaloo just fumed in response to what Aza said. Nevertheless, she trotted out onto the stage in front of everyone, having to fold her ears back to stem the tide of a billion cheers directed straight at the stage. Once in center stage she turned to face the audience with a stern expression, determined to not make a foal of herself in front of what amounted to all of existence itself.

”Alright, Scootaloo,” Aza said, ”you have ten seconds to make this audience fall head over whatever-lower-limbs they have for you with your cuteness. Ready. Set. Go!”

After taking a moment to clear her throat, Scootaloo sat down on her stomach and, with bright shimmering eyes, began rocking her head back and forth in a manner befitting a clock; an ungodly adorable, flightless, utterly huggable clock.

For such an act of adorability, Scootaloo received a thunderous applause from the audience as they cheered for her with all of their heart. By the time the ten seconds were up, Scootaloo was beaming and basking in all the admiration she was receiving from everyone.

”Thank you for that supremely gag-inducing display, Scootaloo,” Aza said joyously. ”If I had a body I’d be suffering diabetes right now, as would the audience.”

Scootaloo stood up and began making way back toward the rest of the group, smiling at the continuous cheering being directed at her from so many people at once.

“Y’all did great out there, Scoots,” Apple Bloom said to her once she reached them, patting her friend on the back. She adopted a fierce grin as she continued. “But don’t think Ah’m holdin’ back just cause yer my friend, cause Ah’m winning this contest or bust Ah tell ya!”

Scootaloo returned Apple Bloom’s fierce grin with one of her own. “We’ll see, AB.” She looked forward at the stage. “We’ll see.”

“Pi-pika-pikachu?” Pikachu asked Sweetie Belle, but the white filly was too terrified of being called next to even hear his question.

”Alright, now that everyone’s calmed down a tad, let’s continue with the show!” Aza said. ”And on that note, let’s introduce our next contestant! So, everyone, please give a warm welcome to the tiny marshmallow with a squeaky voice. The one and only, in her own universe that is, Sweetie Belle!”

Said unicorn filly eeped and fell over like a tipped cow while the audience roared in applause.

“C’mon, Sweets,” Apple Bloom said, and nudged her friend toward the stage. “Get on over there and knock ‘em dead!”

“I don’t wanna kill anybody1” Sweetie stammered, and resumed cowering on the ground.

“It’s just a figure of speech, Sweetie belle,” Scootaloo said, exasperated, and proceeded to nudge the frightened filly as well. “Just get out on the stage so we can go home!”

“Pika-Pikachu,” Pikachu said, doing his best to console the unicorn. “Pi-pikachu-chu.”

“. . . Yeah, what he said,” Apple Bloom agreed.

Sweetie Belle just whimpered.

By now the audience’s cheering had dissipated and they were left confused as to why no one had come out on stage. They began murmuring amongst themselves, and Aza could hear quite clearly the disappointment in their tones.

”Folks, it appears we’re experiencing some complications concerning our next contestant, so if you’ll just wait a moment I’ll get things going again.”

The crowd continued murmuring while Aza spoke to the group.

”Let me guess,” the sapient universe whispered to them, ”stage fright?”

“She’s been scared ever since she first woke up here,” Apple Bloom replied, laying a comforting hoof across Sweetie’s back. She scowled upwards. “Not that Ah blame her, of course, what with you foalnappin’ us and all.”

”Oh, boo hoo,” Aza mockingly replied. ”Here, let me take care of this.”

Before anything more could be said, Sweetie disappeared from under Apple Bloom’s fore leg, causing her to fall over onto the floor before panickedly searching the space around her for Sweetie Belle.

“What- where’d she go!?”

“Pika-pikachu!” Pikachu shouted, pointing out onto the stage. Sweetie Belle lay there, still cowering, while the audience resumed cheering.

“What the- how’d y’all do that?” Apple Bloom asked Aza.

”By shifting the space within myself to situate her over on the stage,” Aza replied.

“Does it hurt?”

”Not at all! Now then, let’s resume the show, shall we?”

Sweetie’s friends sighed and looked out to the white unicorn, who’d peeked through her hooves for but a moment before hiding behind them again.

“C’mon Sweetie Belle!” Scootaloo called to her. “Pony up and give it your best shot!”

“Yeah Sweets,” Apple Bloom called as well. “Y’all can do it!”

“Pi-pi-pi!” Pikachu shouted excitedly, tossing the white filly a pair of shades that happened to be among the props backstage.

“Mudkip-mud!” Mudkip echoed.

“Zzzzzz,” Kirby snored, having fallen asleep.

Her friends’ encouragement was enough to convince the white filly to uncover her hooves and put on a brave face, though she was still afraid beyond all comprehension. “Alright,” she whispered to herself, donning the shades, “I can do this.”

”And your ten seconds begin . . . right . . . now!”

Sweetie took a deep breath and stood up on her hind legs, struggling a bit for balance before righting herself. She then tilted her head up and proceeded to do what could only be described as the most ungodly adorable, kawaii-tacular, totally impossible but-who-cares-because-it’s-so-frickin’-cute dance step ever.

Much like before with Scootaloo, the audience erupted into a chorus of cheers that drowned the entire theater with a cacophony of excited screams and manic cries of how kawaii the white filly’s performance was. Listening to all the praise helped diminish Sweetie’s earlier fear of being literal universes away from home, and she wore a beaming grin by the time her ten seconds were up.

”Well,” Aza said once her performance concluded, “that was truly something else, Sweetie Belle; great job!”

“Yeah, that was awesome!” Scootaloo exclaimed as she jumped for joy. “My ears are ringing like crazy but who cares because you rocked out there!”

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom agreed, her ears folded back extra tight. “Whatever she just said!”

Pikachu and Mudkip didn’t respond as they were too busy passed out on the floor with swirly eyes to take heed of anything that was happening. Kirby continued to sleep, little Zs rising from his mouth as he continued sleeping in spite of the previous joyful uproar.

“Thanks girls!” Sweetie exclaimed as she sauntered back over to them. “I feel so much better now!”

“That was pretty darn impressive, Sweets,” Apple Bloom remarked, folding her ears straight again. “But Ah reckon Ah can beat it.”

“Oh yeah, how?” Sweetie Belle asked half-sarcastically, all traces of her prior fear were gone and in its place was brash smugness.

“You’ll see,” Apple Bloom replied with a smirk.

”Alright, our next contestant will round off this contest’s equine representatives,” Aza announced. ”So, please give a warm welcome for the adorable Apple filly who fancies herself a big, grown up mare! That’s right, folks, I’m talking about the adorable little scamp known as Apple Bloom!”

“Watch an’ learn, Sweetie Belle,” Apple Bloom said, and strutted out onto the stage while the white unicorn filly stuck her tongue out at her retreating form.

The audience roared with applause as Apple Bloom walked onto center stage and turned to face them with a smug grin, fully confident that she would end up taking the lead once done.

”Alright, your ten second time limit starts . . . right . . . now!”

Apple Bloom turned to look upwards into the stage lights above her, to which the light shining down reflected off her eyes and highlighted her features all the better for the audience. She then proceeded to adorn the one face that all adult ponies fear, the one that can make them bend to their children’s will out of sheer adorability.

The puppy dog eyes.

To say that everyone in the audience almost blew out their eardrums was an understatement. The resounding cries of joy that arose from watching Apple Bloom’s face were so high-pitched, so deafening, so ear-splittingly loud that Aza was sure neighboring universes suffered a crack or two in their respective space-time continuums. Not that it mattered, of course; it had a contest to host!

”Bravo, Apple Bloom, bravo!” Aza said once the ten seconds were up and the crowd had calmed down. “Never before have I been so thankful to not have a mouth! If I did, I’m pretty sure I would’ve upchucked everything from watching that obscenely adorable display of cuteness! Great job, Apple Bloom!”

“Yeah, great job, Apple Bloom!” Scootaloo called.

“Yeah, great job,” Sweetie Belle muttered.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Sweetie,” Apple Bloom said as she returned to them. “Y’all did a great job yourself.”

“Still,” Sweetie sighed, “I really thought I had it in the bag.”

“Aw, don’t sweat it, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, putting a fore leg over her friend comfortingly. “It’s not like this contest really means anything. I mean, who’s gonna believe us if we say that we participated in a multiversal cuteness contest anyway?”

Sweetie brightened up a little. “Yeah, that’s true,” she replied.

“‘Sides,” Apple Bloom said, “y’all managed ta get over yer fear of bein’ here in the first place. That’s gotta count fer somethin’, right?”

Sweetie brightened even more. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

The fillies’ attention was then drawn by Pikachu and Mudkip waking from their stupor. The two pokemon got to their feet and rubbed at their ears as if they were still ringing, staggering a bit before regaining balance and facing the ponies.

“Are y’all alright?” Apple Bloom asked them.

“Pikachu,” Pikachu said with a nod.

“Mudkip,” Mudkip echoed with a nod as well.

”Our next contestant is the always electrifying and huggable lightning mouse pokemon!” Aza announced. ”You know it, you love it, furries have wet dreams about it! Give it up for Pikachu!”

The audience erupted into yet another chorus of cheers as said pokemon trudged onto the stage. Pikachu didn’t care at all for the contest, instead he just wanted to go home and forget any of this ever happened. Still, he decided he’d best not do anything to upset Aza or the audience, and so adopted a happy expression as he came onto center stage and turned to face the crowds of people.

”Okay, your ten second time limit starts . . . right . . . now!”

Pikachu positioned his legs close together and smiled for the audience while he proceeded to use his tail to scratch the top of his head in a manner that by all rights should’ve been outlawed for being too mesmerizingly cute and cuddly to be seen by mortal eyes.

Yet another uproar of cheers sounded from the audience as they all took in the sight. While not quite on par with any of the previous performances, it was still admirable and the lightning mouse pokemon definitely deserved a few accolades.

“Hey, I just noticed how reflective the stage’s wooden floor is,” Sweetie said, and leaned forward to gawk at said, previously unnoticed, shiny wood.

“Oooh, you’re right,” Scootaloo agreed, and leaned forward as well to watch it.

“Seriously?” Apple Bloom said. “Y’all are more interested in the stage than in Pikachu’s performance?”

Her friends didn’t answer, instead continuing to gawk at the stage floor. They did so all throughout Pikachu’s performance, all the while Apple Bloom deadpanned at their lack of respect for the lightning mouse pokemon.

”Well, Pikachu,” Aza said once the time limit was up, ”I sincerely doubt you’ll be winning the contest, but good job all the same.”

Pikachu sighed in exasperation and walked off stage, the audience’s cheers having already dwindled to nothing.

“Eh, Ah guess that was okay, Pikachu,” Apple Bloom said as he returned to them. “But I agree with Aza; it don’t look like y’all will win.”

Pikachu gave her a deadpan expression before stepping beside Mudkip, who had taken to observing a patch of fake grass among the props. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle finally grew bored of looking at the stage floor and looked ahead in anticipation of the next performance.

”Well, hopefully our next contestant will show a lot more passion in their performance,” Aza said, to which Pikachu rolled his eyes. ”Next up we have a different type of pokemon. But what kind is it, you may ask? Well, here’s some hints: it’s blue, aquatic, and the subject of more memes than fanfictions. If you guessed Mudkip, then pat yourself on the back because heeeeeere’s Mudkip!”

Once again the audience roared with applause, beyond excited to see the little blue starter pokemon in the flesh. But Mudkip was too busy playing with the fake grass prop to realize he had been called.

“Uh, Mudkip,” Apple Bloom said to the mud fish pokemon, “yer up.”

Mudkip sniffed the fake grass, completely ignorant to Apple Bloom’s statement.

“Pika-Pikachu,” Pikachu said harshly, nudging the mud fish pokemon toward the stage.”

Mudkip just stared blankly ahead. Everyone sighed in exasperation.

“Will you just go out there already!?” Scootaloo practically shouted, to which Mudkip levelled a furrowed gaze at the orange pegasus.

Mudkip reared back to shoot a water gun attack at Scootaloo, but before he could he, as well as the fake grass prop he was standing on disappeared, only to immediately reappear in center stage.

The first few rows of the audience were subsequently showered by Mudkip’s attack, completely drenching them from head to toe, or whatever equivalent they had to either body part.

The rest of the contestants held their breath in anticipation of how the audience would react while Mudkip merely stared forward at everyone he had soaked. The audience, both those he had and hadn’t soaked, just stared back confused themselves. Sensing no hostilities from the audience, Mudkip smiled happily at them.

As had become the standard reaction, the audience immediately went into an uproar at the simple, but adorable all the same, display of cuteness. Everyone off-stage instinctually covered their ears, as the poor things could only take so much more punishment before they fell off.

Despite the fact that Aza hadn’t announced the start of Mudkip’s performance, the mud fish pokemon kept up its cute smile for the standard ten seconds of time, all while the audience screamed jovially at the top of its lungs.

”Well, that was quite the impromptu performance,” Aza said as it put Mudkip and the fake grass prop back where they were with the others. ”Regardless, I shall count it. That was quite impressive, Mudkip.”

“Mudkip Mud!” Mudkip cheered.

“Pikachu,” Pikachu sighed.

“Y’all did pretty darn good, Mudkip,” Apple Bloom complimented. “Ah don’t think it’ll beat me, but great job anyway.”

“Yeah, you did great Mudkip,” Scootaloo agreed.

“Mhmm,” Sweetie Belle said with a nod.

Mudkip smiled happily at all of them.

”And now for our last contestant!” Aza announced, drawing everyone’s attention. ”You’d be hard pressed to find a creature more soft and cuddly than him, and yet he’s still tough as nails when he needs to save Dreamland from evil. Everything about his appearance would indicate he’s sure to win, but it’s the performance that matters here. Can he pull off the win? Who is he anyway you may be asking? Why, it’s none other than Kirby!”

As the audience screamed its repetitive cheer in anticipation of the last performance, Pikachu took the liberty of nudging the still sleeping Kirby awake. The pink puffball cracked one still sleepy eye open.

“Pi-Pikachu,” Pikachu said, pointing to the stage.

Kirby shot wide awake in response and stood up with a determined expression. He then proceeded to waddle his way onto the stage, to which the audience’s cheering increased tenfold at seeing his utterly adorable exterior. Kirby turned around to face the audience and waited for Aza to speak.

“So, what do y’all think he’ll do?” Apple Bloom asked the others.

“Afraid Kirby’s gonna steal the win from you?” Scootaloo asked with a smug grin.

Apple Bloom shot the pegasus a deadpanned glare. “No, Scoots,” she replied. “Ah’m just curious an’ that’s all there is to it.”

“You weren’t curious about anyone else’s performances,” Sweetie pointed out.

“Well, no one asked ya!” Apple Bloom shot back.

“Yep, you’re nervous,” Scootaloo affirmed.

Apple Bloom growled at her. Pikachu stepped between the two friends and held his stubby little arms out placatingly. Apple Bloom glared at Scootaloo for a few more moments before turning to watch Kirby just as Aza spoke up.

”And your ten seconds begin . . . right . . . now!”

Kirby then proceeded to do his victory dance, and it left everyone who watched it spellbound. The audience, the other contestants, and even Aza were transfixed by Kirby’s performance.

Strangely, however, not a single cheer rose from the crowd in response to Kirby’s performance. In fact, nothing but dead silence resounded throughout the theater for the entirety of Kirby’s dance, which greatly confused all the other contestants.

“Um, Aza,” Apple Bloom asked the universe, “why ain’t anypo-err, anybody cheerin’?”

”Isn’t it obvious, Apple Bloom?” it asked back. ”They’re all dead.”

“What!?”

”Kirby’s dance was so cute, so adorable, so gag-inducingly sweet that it gave everybody in the theater diabetes, which apparently was so strong that it killed them all instantly.” It chuckled nervously. ”I imagine all of their families will be quite distraught when I return them all home.”

Kirby continued his dance non-stop, and it wasn’t until Aza made him disappear that the stage was cleared. ”Anyway, Kirby wins the contest, and I do hereby declare that his pink puffiness is the cutest creature in the multiverse.”

“Well, fine,” Scootaloo said while Sweetie and Apple Bloom looked depressed. “Can we go home now?”

”Yeah sure, whatever.”

And they all disappeared like Kirby, returned to their native universes.

Author's Note

R.I.P - X number of readers