Repentance
He felt empty.
Not because Tirek took all of Discord’s magic, it was because he lost something far more valuable. Everytime he looked at the ponies and dragon trapped in their bubbles, he felt empty and in pain. He felt the same pain as his own precious friend, his best friend, his wonderful, lovely friend, Fluttershy, who now sat in silence. Tears of sadness ran down her sun colored cheeks refusing to look at him.
What has he done?
When he looked at the golden medallion around his neck, he felt betrayed, hurt and alone. The thought of him that agreed to Tirek’s plan made him feel disgusted in himself and angry. The thought of him ruling Equestria again seemed to have offered something more by betraying his first friends as the cost, but now he had neither magic and his friends.
He was forced to watch as Princess Twilight was forced to choose between giving all of the alicorn magic to Tirek for the release of her friends. They all cried and begged her not to do it, for it could mean the end of Equestria.
“We’re not worth it!” Fluttershy cried, knowing that she might not survive her ordeal if it meant protecting everypony. He turned to her, sadly revealing his mistake.
“I had magic and friendship...and now, I don’t either” he said pitifully, shielding his face with shame. He did not want to look at her. He did not want to see her disappointment towards him nor her tears shedded for his selfishness.
He deserved to be powerless and trapped. He deserved worse.
Being in trapped in stone again, wasn't even close. The friendship he had with her, should have meant more to him, but in the end….it did not.
His mouth gaped in shock when Twilight agreed to give up her magic for her friends. He saw Fluttershy go down to the ground finally released alongside with her friends, except him. He was not their friend anymore. He turned his back on Twilight, not in hate, not in disappointment, not in a way that she will pity him but….not wanting to leave.
He was surprised yet again when she emphasized that even though Discord betrayed her, he was still considered a friend.
Why?
Wasn't she angry with him?
Wasn't he her enemy now?
Has she gone desperate?
He was set down, the bubble popped and he was there alongside his former friend. Her head low as it was before. His eyes lower at her, his precious dear sweet Fluttershy, that not long ago that they were going to have another one of their tea party. He missed those days, the days she sent him letters almost every day,the days in which he helped her in her humble cottage, the days of them laughing at his own shenanigans. Her smile and even the way she scolded him but…..
“I’m sorry.” he whispered to her. For everything. For not realizing it sooner.
She looked at him for a moment, was it sign of pity? He did not deserve it. Was it a sign of-....no, it couldn't be, how could she? but deep inside in his own heart he knew. It was the same look from when he was released from his prison for the second time.
It was forgiveness.
“I know” she replied, the tears cascading down. Her tears are the saddest tears he ever seen.
Ponies shed their tears when Tirek took their magic but they were not the same from somepony he cared about. He felt guilty, he wished that Tirek should have taken something more than his magic.
Guilt. Shame. Regret. Sadness. Anger. He was drowning in them.
He only agreed to stop Tirek just for her. He wanted to see her face when she congratulates him on job well done. He wanted to prove that her friendship meant something to him which he disregarded and thrown away as if it was garbage.
Thoughts of her plaqued his thoughts at the back of his mind as he captured ponies just for Tirek.
Did he listen?
Maybe once, twice?
Did he listen when she cried for him when he locked her and their friends in the cage?
No….he wished, he heartfully wished, begged to any power that can hear him to give him another chance. Even when he provided the last Key to Twilight, who reminded him what really mattered more than chaos itself, he still felt...empty.
“You make delicious cucumber sandwiches, Discord” Fluttershy applaud taking another bite.
They were in Princess Twilight’s castle, in a private room just for them to have. It provided a sense of comfort for the two friends. Yet, to Discord, the sandwiches caused him great pain, it was a reminder of what he had done. Making the tea kettle and cups float around them wasn't enough to make him happy anymore. After a few months, he thought he would forget what he had done, a distant memory, locked away in the vault of his mind. Yet, it resurfaced everyday, every hour, everything he does to make everything right again.
It’s not enough.
“I’ll never do it again, you know.” he said suddenly. She looked up at him seeing his head down in the same shame she saw when they were trapped together. She put down her half eaten sandwich and placed her hoof over his lion paw in reassurance but he retracts it away as if was a burn. His paw under the table.
“Oh, Discord.” she whispered softly, knowing all too well what he was thinking. “....we forgave you, all of equestria forgave you...I forgave you.” she said flying up to him at eye level. He let out a sigh and turned away. His claw reaching up to his face staring at the wall in front of them.
“Not a day goes by when I remember what I have done, even after months of his defeat, I still remember my foolish agreement” he starts. “Taking those ponies to him and worse, when I even betrayed you”
She tilts his head up back towards her. Her eyes glossing. The hurt from her friends eyes, the regret he feels when he looks at her from time to time. She always knew that he was battling through it. She expected him to open up sooner, but she could tell how awful he felt.
“I don’t deserve your friendship after what I have done to you and our friends.” he stated, grabbing her hooves into his. “I shouldn't even be here, you should have all sent me to Tartarus along with Tirek” He said grimly.
“N-nonsense!” she whimpered, wrapping her hooves around him. He felt her warm tears touch the back of his fur. He lifts his arms up, hovering over her back wondering if he should even touch her. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and buried his face in her shoulder.
“H-how could you forgive me?” he shakily said. His own tears falling. “You forgave me so easily, Twilight, the Princesses and even the ponies of Equestia...H-how could you?! I didn't even earn it!....none of it”
She hushed him gently, like how a mother does to a crying foal, and pushed away from him.
“Discord….I know what you are feeling, you done a mistake.”
“A big one” he emphasized.
“Yes” she agreed reluctantly. “You hurt me, you betrayed me and our friends, for your own gains”
“I know.” he sadly stated.
“But, I forgave you.” she smiled taking his paws. “When you said how much you meant to me, I knew how sorry you were.”
“How could you forgive me?” He said as if it was a betrayal. “when I don’t even forgive myself?”
“Discord...you must let go of your past” She said leading him to the window of their room. “Take a look at what you done”
He frowned looking outside, seeing the ponies walk by the castle and admiring it’s beauty. He even saw a few ponies that saw him and Fluttershy that waved at them. What does she want him to see? Everything was normal, everypony was going on with their short lives, as if nothing happened. How could they forget so easily? When he can't.
“you provided Twilight with the last key, you helped restore Equestria, you helped so much in the last few months to restore the trust you lost” She said with a smile.
“I-I….” He was in a lost of words. During the last few months he had been working nonstop into helping the Pegasus, unicorn and earth ponies with problems they might have. Keeping his powers and his chaotic ways to a minimal, anything to make them trust him again. He let out another sigh turning away from the window returning back to their table. “Those were just little things.”
“Discord...you're my best friend.” she smiled, following after him. He looked back at her in surprise.
“Yes.” Keeping her wonderful smile, the smile that seem to lighten up his day, even by a little. “My best friend, my gentle, sweet, kind, funny friend that could always make me smile.”
“R-really?” he suddenly felt the heaviness that he gain from his heart slowly began to lift. From the one mistake he had done, it slowly became something menial, it will always be in his mind forever but, he has the rest of his time to look past it by continuing to do good, in his own ways.
“What if….” he started. The doubts returning back into his mind. “What if I do it again?”
“I have a feeling you won’t” His friend said taking her seat back from across the table. She took the sandwich back in her hoof.
“You really have that much faith in me?” he gingerly said, making the tea kettle float pouring the hot tea in her cup. She let out a small giggle, her eyes softening.
“Completely.” she said with confidence. “you might make mistakes sometimes in the future, and it’s all right, you're not perfect. No pony is. Just remember, I will always forgive you and….you can also forgive yourself.”
Author's Note
My new revised and edited version
How easily Fluttershy and all the ponies forgave Discord, reminded me of something I did a long time ago.
I was forgiven just like Discord, and I was touched by this episode.
Please enjoy and comment below.
And to those who liked it before please do it again, and read over this new edited version.
