The Best Night Ed-er

by Dr Atlas

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Comedy
Length: 3984

When a trio of ponies win a gravy drinking contest, they win tickets to an upcoming Gala in a land they have never heard of before.

"Okay boys, here's the plan, once we get the right suits, and learn the right moves, we'll be able to scam all the right suckers at the Gala. Now come on! We need to get this party started."
"But doesn't it start at the Gala Eddy?"
"Shut up Ed."

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-20 01:24:53 UTC

Bingo!

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there were two regal sisters who-

*pito* hehe

Uh..who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land. To do this the el-

*smack* ppfffffhehe

the eldest used her unicorn powers to raise the sun at dawn; the younger brought out the moon to begin the night. Thus the two sisters-

*Crash* hahahha!

Ugh…the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, all the different types of ponies. But as time went on-

*Mash* Haha that one got in your nose!

As time when on...the younger sister became resentful. The ponies relished and played in the day her elder sister brought forth, but shunned and slept through her beautiful night. One fateful day, the yo-

*Ka-bam* Missed me that time!

….The younger unicorn refused to-

I can’t throw it with your stupid head in the way.

To lower the moon to make way for-

*Smash* AHAHHAHAHA! Did you see that one!

DAWN! The elder sister tried to-

*CRASH* OH oh...now try doing it with this!

Oh, forget it...What else is in here...Ah. She vowed that she would-

Try doin’ it slower mono brow.

THE. ELDER. SISTER. HARNESSED. THE. MOST. POWERFUL. Wait, most powerful?...Most powerful magic known to ponydom: The-

*Smack* Did you see that one!

The e-

*Smack* or how about that one

THE ELEM-

*Smack* Or how about that-

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A red unicorn with a black ski cap put the book down that he was reading and faced his two friends, one of them being a small yellow pegasus, and another being a big green earth pony.

The yellow one was the first to speak. “Nothin’ What?” He then pushed a cart full of pastries down the hall of the train, causing it to crash into a stack of luggage, he then put his hooves behind his back and looked around innocently.

“BINGO” The green pony yelled with two donuts covering his eyes.

The yellow pegasus laughed nervously. “Hehe...Bingo...Yeah, good one.”

The red unicorn continued glaring at them. “Can't you see I’m trying to read!”

The yellow pegasus rolled his eyes. “Eh..read shmead. Reading gets ya no where in life sock head.”

“Yeah Double D.” The green pony said, taking a bite out a donut that had been in his eye “Rhmdn ish fur mhphhs hm mhhhmhpp.”

“What?” Double D said. He looked at the pegasus “Do you know what he said Eddy?”

Eddy just glanced at the green pony. “Ed probably said something about how readings for losers.” He grinned at his own little joke.

“Nope” Ed said after swallowing his pastry. “I said TVs are way better.” He stuck his green tongue out and stretched it to grab the other donut in his eye, then he slurped it into his mouth. “Oh...Uh Comhmic Buhms.”

Double D took a deep breath. “Look, you may think books are ‘stupid’, but they provide knowledge that may not be found anywhere else. Why, I had to ask for special permission to have this book, it is a very valuable piece of literature.” He held up the front cover for them to see.

Ed scratched his head. “Equinstria, A re-frence guild for pones?” He said.

Double D put the book down, “Actually Ed, it says ‘Equestria: A reference guide for ponies’, it's a reference guide for the land, I was able to find it at the library, it talks about all the history of this place.”

“Why would you want to know the history of this place?” Eddy asked, laying his back on his bed. “Its not like we're staying here forever, its just a few days.”

Double D opened the book and laid it on his own bed. “Well Eddy, I would very much like to know about a world that we have never seen before we go in it, and admittedly it was the only book I could find about this ‘land of Equestria’, it was as if this place prefered to be branched off from the rest of the world.”

“I wouldn’t blame it,” Eddy shrugged “the Colt-de-sac ain’t the best place to live.”

“I’m talking about the entire world Eddy, the book even said that the sun and the moon are controlled by two alicorn sisters.”

“How can two alicorns do that?” Eddy gave Double D a stern look, thinking that his friend was telling lies.

“Well Eddy, alicorns are very powerful ponies, I mean, have you ever seen any. They look extraordinarily powerful to.” Eddy shook his head.

Ed raised his hoof in the air. “Oh! Oh! I have.” He reached behind his back and pulled out an issue of ‘Attack of the cheese locust’ “I saw them in this comic book, it started on page twelve, when our hero, Twi-Spark, had just found out about the evil mastermind Swisalis, how she was disguised as the lovely Candescence the entire time she was with her, and that she was to be married to a plate of armour. One of Twi-Sparks most beloved objects”

“Um Ed?” Double D was about to say more but Ed continued.

“So Swis dropped the disguise and showed her evil, dark, cheesy self on page twenty, when Twi-Spark found the real Candescence in the smooze cave, and brought her to the wedding just before they said ‘I do’, and that is when the alicorn Solarestia striked down on the evil swis queen, but the queen was far too strong, as the pate of armour had already given her enough cheese to become even more powerful than her, making Solarestia fall and forcing her to tell Twi-Spark to get the helements from the armoury in order to defeat the cheese queen and her army.” Ed then closed his comic book and tucked it away behind his back. “And thats when I first heard about alicorns.” He ended with a smile.

Eddy and Double D just stared at Ed in confusion. “Uh.” Double D started. “That was a very…uh….nice read Ed.”

Ed still smiled, and Eddy slumped on his bed. “How boring can a story get.”

Double D scowled at Eddy. “Eddy, I’ll admit the story was a bit...bland...but perhaps the ponies behind it-”

“Which were Meghan Mccarthy who wrote the dialogue and Sarah Wall who did the artwork.” Ed said with a smile still shown on his face.

“Er..Yes, them.” Double D couldn’t understand how Ed could remember something like that, he usually can’t even remember the days of the week. “Anyway, they must of taken the idea of it from a previous event that had happened, most stories now and days are based of off that sort of thing, they might even take it from other stories, some so similar that they could have the same plot and everything, yet the public doesn’t seem to notice, or they probably do and are just too bored to read anything else.”

Eddy looked at him questionably. “How does that even work?” He flew up to Double D. “Were not even in that season yet, so how can they know about that story.”

Double D shrugged and buried his face in his book again. “I’m sure its merely coincidence.”

Eddy just rolled his eyes and sat back down on top of where Ed’s bed was. “Can ya wake me up when we get there, I’m tired of sleeping on these things.”

Double D went back to reading his book. “You must be patient Eddy, we still have one more town to stop at until we reach Canterlot.”

“Where we will be meeting all the suckers at the gala.” Ed said, Ed then popped his head out of Eddy’s bed, causing Eddy to flail around and land on the floor. “Right Eddy.”

“Oh, I’ll give ya a sucker to meet.” He landed on Ed’s head, pushing it back to his own bed.

Double D just rolled his eyes and continued reading, though his eyes started to drift to the window, looking out at the vast land a night. A land that he had never even knew existed, a land that-

“Hey Double D. You remembered the tickets, right?”

Double D got out of his trance and looked at Eddy. “Tickets, I thought you had them in your possession?”

“No. I gave them to you, remember.” Eddy tapped the top of his head.

“Eddy, you insisted that once Ed won that gravy drinking contest that you would hold on to them and not let Ed-”

“Found them.” Ed yelled.

Double D and Eddy looked at Ed to see that he had indeed found them, all three of the tickets were in his mouth.

“ED!” Eddy yelled, grabbing him by the throat. “Let go of those tickets! There our only chance at getting more cash then you can ever think of, which isn’t saying a lot.”

“But I won them Eddy.” Ed said. He then slipped out of Eddy’s grip ran around the train cart with the tickets still in his mouth. Eddy’s face turned red and he ran after the green pony.

“Give me the tickets Ed!” Eddy yelled.

“There mine Eddy, I won them!” Ed yelled back.

“You won them only because I signed you up for the contest.”

Double D raised his eyebrow. “You mean I signed him up while you rubbed your hooves mischievously thinking about the prizes that you will win.”

“Same thing!” Eddy yelled, tackling Ed to the ground. “Ah ha! Got ya. Now hoof over the-”

“My tickets!” Ed used his back legs and pushed Eddy into the air, he then landed on the roof of the cart and landed on the ground behind Ed, Ed then ran over to Double D and hid behind him. “Tell him the tickets are mine Double D!”

“There mine Ed!” Eddy yelled, getting back on all fours.

“Actually Eddy.” Double D magically grabbed the tickets from Ed’s mouth and stuffed them into his hat. “Ed did win the tickets, I’ll admit it was a bit unfair for the other contestants with Ed’s….uh...habits.” Double D patted Eds head. “But he did win it fair and square, one way or another.”

Eddy rolled his eyes again and flew back to his top bunk bed. He didn’t want to say another word until he got to that Galla.

“Eddys mad Double D.” Ed said bluntly.

“Yes, I know Ed. You might as well go and rest Ed. We will surely reach our destination when we wake up.” Ed smiled and went back to bed, pulling the covers over him and turning away from Double D. Double D then gave a sigh of relief. “Thank Danny, now maybe” He yawned. “I can start reading this...this…” He then dozed off and laid his head on the book.

Okay, here's the plan...

“You and your nefarious scams!”

“Like you were pickin’ daisies. YOU built the stupid thing!”

“If you had payed attention to what I said and NOT push the red button!”

Ed watched in horror as his friends Double D and Eddy continued to fight. He couldn’t handle watching it. He had to do something. “STOP! I demand you tickle each other right now!” He yelled.

“STAY OUT OF IT ED!” His friends yelled back.

Ed turned around and held his hooves over his head, wishing for all of this to be over. “The evil dark side has consumed them both.” he whispered to himself. “Trouble. Bad. Pain!” He turned around to see that his friends were continuing to fight.

Hooves were flying until Double D finally pushed Eddy off him. “I’ve had ENOUGH!” The red unicorn yelled. “I’m returning home!”

Ed got on his knees and scooted over to Double D. “But we can't go home Double D.” He sobbed, holding his hooves like a begging pup.

“I’d rather face my consequences, Ed, than wander aimlessly with a so called ‘friend.’” And with that Double D turned around and walked away.

“FINE!” The yellow pegasus yelled. “Go home! Who needs ya! I’ll get to my brother’s house with or without you.” Eddy then opened his wings and flew in the opposite direction. Leaving Ed in the middle.

Ed looked back and forth in horror. “But guys. We need to-”

“SHUT UP ED!” They yelled as they continued to get further and further away from each other. Now they were no longer in Ed’s view. It was just him, all alone, by himself, with no one else around.

Ed couldn’t take it anymore, he took a big breath and laid down to cry his eyes out. He couldn’t believe that he had now lost his only friends, and now he was alone. “Say it ain't so” He said “We are three no more. Like hop and no more skip and jump, just up and no up and away, like blah without the other blahs”

“Hey Ed!”

Ed looked around, bewildered. “Eddy, Double D?”

“Will ya just get up stupid.”

“Must you be so ignorant Eddy?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well how else am I supposed to wake him up? I would have splashed water on him, but we don't have any-”

Ed stood up from his bed, smashing his head on the bottom part of the top bed while doing so.

“Um, Ed?” Double D said. “Are you alright?”

Once he was done looking at the stars, he grabbed Double D and started crying on his shoulder. “Oh guys it was terrible, there was fighting and yelling-”

“We know Ed.” Double D said, struggling to get out from Ed’s grip. “We were hearing you in your sleep, I’m pretty sure you had that dream again.”

Eddy facehoofed. “Will you just get over it. It only happened once, and even then we still-”

“But it was a very traumatic event for all of us to experience Eddy,” Double D interrupted. “it was the first time me and you had a real dispute and actually tried to hurt each other.”

Ed looked at Eddy, eyes completely watered down. “It was horrible, you were wanting to go by yourself Eddy,” Ed then let go of Double D and pointed at him. “and you were wanting to go home, leaving me to stand in the middle while you guys-”

Eddy ran up to Ed and grabbed him by the neck “Ed! Listen to me, don't take this as me being a sap or something, but,” Eddy looked at him and Double D. “its gonna take a lot more than some dumb old fight to separate us. alright?”

“Right!” Ed yelled happily, then Eddy let go of him and slowly started walking away.

Double D’s jaw couldn’t close after that. “Why Eddy, that was-”

Eddy lifted one of his hooves in the air and waved behind him. “Yeah, yeah, can we just get off this train. Canterlot waits for nopony boys.”

“Actually Eddy,” Double D raised a hoof. “we’re not there yet.”

Eddy spun around. “Say what?”

Double D looked out the window and motioned the others to do the same. “This is the second to last stop before we get there.”

“What!” Eddy flew into the air and hit his head on the roof. “Ow...Why are we not there yet, we’ve been on this train forever.” He landed back down on his flank and rubbed his eyes.

“Actually Eddy, we've been on here for roughly fifteen hours.” Double D stated.

“Same thing!” Eddy yelled. “Where did we even stop at anyway.”

Double D looked around his bed. “Well, If I could find the-”

Ed popped his head out from the covers, making Double D land on the floor, he looked up to see that Ed had a map in his mouth. “Fund ieht.” He said.

Double D got up. “Um, thank you Ed,” He used his magic to yank the map out of Eds mouth. He looked at it in disgust. “Oh my lord. Ed, you've completely covered this in your saliva,” Double D opened it to see that- “Its eligible!”

Ed pulled himself out of the bed and landed in front of Double D and Eddy. “No thanks are necessary.”

Eddy crumpled up the map and threw it at Ed’s face. “Way to go mono brow, now how are we supposed to know where we are?”

“All off for Ponyville!” A voice in the distance yelled.

The Eds looked out the window to see that others were starting to get off the train. Eddy couldn’t get a clear view so he pushed his friends out of the way, making Double D land on Ed’s back. “Ponyville? What kind of town names themselves that?”

Double D got off of Ed and said. “Well Eddy, maybe the ponies in this town didn’t have many names to call it by.”

Eddy looked away from the window and shook his head. “Or maybe they couldn’t come up with a better name.”

“Come now Eddy, I think Ponyville is a great-”

Ed sprang into the air and yelled. “New town!” He grabbed Double D and Eddy and started running off the train.

“ED!” Both Eddy and Double D yelled, they remembered this happening before at the last stop they were at. Ed had wanted to get off to see the place, but they didn’t want him to wander off, now it seems that Ed wanted to take them with him. Eddy grabbed Ed by the ears and pulled. “Ed, we are not gettin’ off here!” Eddy yelled.

Ed continued running despite the pain in his ears. “But Eddy, there could be cool things in this town.”

Eddy let go of Ed’s ears, the force of it tripped him and he landed flat on his face on the pavement. Eddy and Double D wiggled their way out of Ed’s grip and looked around to see that they were not inside of the train anymore. Double D looked around the area and spotted a nearby flier, meanwhile, Eddy looked down at Ed in frustration. “What ‘cool things’ could this dump have then what we have in the colt-de-sack Ed?”

“Oh my, Eddy, look at this.” Double D levitated the flier to Eddy, still frustrated, Eddy grabbed the flier and looked at it in anger, then confusion.

“‘Welcome to Ponyville.’ What is this?” Eddy was about to crumple the paper and throw it away, but Double D pulled it out of his grasp before he could.

“Its a flier Eddy, it shows all the many enjoyments you can have in this town.” Double D started flipping through the pages. “Lets see...They have a school, and spas, and...”

“And…” Eddy crossed his hooves while Ed slowly got up from the ground.

“They have a forest and...ooohh, a library.”

“Yawn.” Eddy said sarcastically. “Does this town have anything good?”

Ed grabbed the flier and looked at it. Double D looked at him in annoyance. “Ed, can I please have-”

Ed’s ears lit up. “They got a candy shop here guys.”

Eddy’s and Double D’s ears lit up as well. “Candy shop?” Eddy said.

“Yup, oooh, and a dress shop too. Can I wear a monkey suit?”

Eddy grabbed flier and folded it to compact size. “Did you hear that sock head, a Candy shop and a dress shop, that's almost perfect.”

Double D regained his composure from hearing a place that could sell jawbreakers was here and said. “I understand the importance of a candy store being here Eddy, but why a dress shop?”

Eddy flew into the air above both of them “Well duh, we’re goin’ to a party, right?” Ed nodded while Double D raised an eyebrow. “And everyone knows that when you go to a party, you need a suit.”

“But suits cost money Eddy.” Double D pointed out. “And this part of the world has a different currency called ‘bits’ which we have none.”

“So?” Eddy flew right in front of Double D. “All we need to do is find a pony whose stu- or uh, generous enough to lend a couple of spare suits for all of us.”

“Can I have a monkey suit Eddy?” Ed asked.

“But Eddy.” Double D interrupted. “It takes more than a suit to show you are someone of importance at the Gala.”

“That's where you come in Double D.” Eddy said while landing on all fours.

Double D pointed a hoof at himself. “Me? What am I supposed to do?”

“You’re gonna be the one that ‘teaches’ us how to” Eddy spun in the air a couple of times and landed in a suggestive pose and said. “dance.”

“Dance?” Double D began to sweat. “Why? And how will I teach you two how to-”

“You won't, what you’ll be doing is using that horn of yours to our advantage.” Eddy tapped Double D’s horn, causing him to quickly shy away.

“Oh no.” Double D said. “I will not take part in any of this if it involves the use of my magic.” Double D crossed his hooves and looked away from his friends.

Ed ran up behind him. “Aw come on Double D, can’t you use your cool powers just one-?”

Double D magically zipped Ed’s mouth shut. “And that's another thing, there not powers Ed.” He turned around and gave Ed a look of hatred. “Its magic that was given to me at birth, and I would much rather use it as minimal as possible. Mother and father would agree.”

Ed looked down in shame while Eddy rolled his eyes. “Can’t you just stop your whole pacimagicfist act and just help us out? This is a major part in the scam, would you want to disappoint us?” Eddy could never understand how a unicorn like him hated using his magic to the fullest extent, the smallest thing he would do is levitate stuff, and Eddy was hoping he could use his magic more, but Double D just hated using it on major things, he would even use his hooves to put machines that Eddy needed to use, with his hooves, and not his own magic. Eddy groaned and grabbed Ed’s head, holding it up for Double D to see. “Just try saying no to that face sock head.” He said with a smug grin.

Double D looked away at first, but he eventually took pity at Ed’s sad face, like he usually does. “Oh, alright.” Double D lit up his horn and unzipped Ed’s mouth. “But only this once.”

“YAY!” Ed lept into the air in joy, then he stopped mid way and said. “Now what do we do?”

Eddy flew up to Ed at eye level and said. “Simple, we split up. Ed, you go to the candy store and see if they have jawbreakers.”

“Gotcha Eddy.” Ed, still in the air, dashed off into the town.

Eddy landed next to Double D and said. “And you are gonna find somthin’ to make me and Ed dance.”

Double D rolled his eyes. “I’ll go to the library, I suppose, and what will you be doing?”

Eddy smiled. “Me? I’ll be finding a pony that’ll get us some snazzy stuff to wear at the Gala.”

“And just how will you accomplish that without any money?” Double D asked.

Eddy flew into the air. “Just watch me, I’ll be back here in two hours,” He held up both his hooves. “and I’ll be carrying three” He held up one of his feet. “brand new, pressed and ready clothes for us to wear. Now hop to it sock head.” Eddy dashed off, leaving Double D by himself.

Double D shook his head. “I’m surrounded by idiots.” He mumbled to himself. He lit up his horn and teleported the book that he had been reading to him, he then groaned. “I need to stop doing that!” He held the book in front of his face and started walking into town. “Just walk next time Eddward, you have hooves, you can use them too.”