Chapters The Unnamed First Chapter
"Everything's out of the back of the truck, right Babe?"
"I dunno, I'll check."
"Everything's out Alyssa; I just got out the last of the firewood out of the bed."
"Alright Johnny, can you go ahead and get a fire going?"
"Sure thing."
"This early, It's only six?"
"Yeah Dan, It'll start getting dark in an hour or so. Might as well get one going before we'd need to pull out flashlights."
"Mommy, can we make s'mores?"
"Sure thing Sweetie, after we finish setting up the tents and your uncle gets a fire going".
"YYYYAAAAYYYY!!! Hurry up Unkee Johnny!"
....A Few Hours Later...
My two brothers and I sat around the crackling fire. The first day of our family camping trip had drawn to a close and We were now just sitting around the fire while Alyssa put my niece Kylie to bed.
"Is she out now?" Danny asked his wife as she rejoined out little round table.
"Out like a rock," she replied, nodding, as she sat back down in her lawn chair, "that little girl could sleep through the end of the world and then some." "How was it that you were able to come anyway, Johnny?" She then asked me, "I thought school was going on for you?"
"They decided to postpone till this... issue passes," I replied, "it's kinda hard to find substitutes when people are turning into ponies left and right and a week is now 365 days long." It's not like I'm complaining: any reason for time out of school is a good enough reason for me.
"What tomorrow supposed to be anyway? Thorsday?" Tim asked, chuckling. "By the power of Asgarde!" He then proclaimed, holdin a beer bottle up like Mlojiner.
"Yeah," Alyssa nodded, "and after that it's wagnesday."
I couldn't help but chuckle at names. Whoever this Discord guy was, he does have some peculiar sense of humor: Thorsday, Wagnesday, Fried-Zucchini-Day.
"At least they know who's causing this," I said, taking a swig out of my can of coke.
"Who?" They all asked nearly simultaneously.
I sighed. Of course, how could I forget that I live with people who wouldn't even watch the news if 9/11 version 2.0 was happening. "Apparently, a villain from that show My Little Pony called Discord. He's apparently the physical embodiment of chaos which can warp reality for his own amusement. And from what I've seen on the web: all he does is giant pranks that're amusing and completely harmless, like slip n' slide roads and chocolate milk rain."
"My Little Pony..." Dan muttered quietly, thinking. "You mean that show Kylie likes?" He then blurted out.
I nodded. Kylie was the only reason I knew who Discord was; she constantly kept trying to get me to watch the show with her when I babysitted. I'll admit it's a good cartoon, but it's not the kind of show I enjoy. I'll stick to my Walking Dead and Game of Thrones, thank you very much.
"And now he's here on Earth," Alyssa said, "turning people into ponies and making calendar maker's lives a living hell."
"That hits the head on the nail," I replied, taking another drink,"I don't know why, I guess it's just because he's chaos incarnate."
"And knowing our luck," Tim said jokingly, "one of us might just get turned into a pony, probably Johnny with his 'luck of the Irish' .'"
We all shared a big laugh at that. All my life, I've had the worst luck imaginable. I always lost coin tosses and Rock Paper Scissors. No matter how much time I spent around a sick person, be it five minutes or a few hours, I ALWAYS catch the bug they have. The kid in front of me in the lunch-line at school always got the last unburned piece of pizza. Sure, it's a pain in my behind but it at least keeps life interesting.
I scoffed, "I may have the worst luck this side of Vegas, but, there's like... six billion people on the planet. My chance of waking up as a pony is the same as y'all's."
For the next hour or so, we continued to talking about whatever came to mind: movies, the weather, politics, what we would do with a million dollars, all that good stuff. When the fire was in its death throes, we all decided to hit the hay and me and Tim climbed into out shared tent. Tommorrow, we'd be going down to the lake after breakfast and breakfast was pancakes! My favorite!
And with thoughts what was to come in my mind, I quickly drifted asleep, bundled up in my nice warm sleeping bag.
It looked like I had stepped into your cliche bar as I passed through the door. Well, cliche except for the fact that is was full of impossible people.
An Argonian stood behind the counter, wiping a mug. Squads of XCOM, Wehrmacht, and NCR troopers sat drinking the various booths. A pair of World War Two GIs were having a game of pool and the Courier and Lone Wanderer were playing darts on the far wall.
No one there seemed to notice me as I made my way over to the bar and sat down on one of the stools. "What do you want?" the Argonian Barkeep began as he made his way over to me, his eyes still focused on the mug he was wiping. But when he saw me, his eyes went wide.
"My sincere apologies," he said, bowing, "I didn't realize that it was you! Here's your usual." With that, he snapped his fingers and a shot glass filled with a clear liquid blinked existence on the counter in front of me.
"Thanks... I guess" I said, "how much do I owe?"
"You owe nothing sir, consider this one... on the house."
"Thanks!" I smiled. This dream is better than the ones I usually have. No dragons to slay, no chaos daemons trying to suck me into the warp, not even a damsel in distress to save. I let out a content sigh, this was just going to be a nice relaxing dream with no sanity reducing weirdness.
"Aren't you going to drink that? It'd be a shame to waste a good drink?" I looked back up at my bartender and he was no longer a lizard, he had become a dark blue pegasus. I stared at him in utter confusion; why in the heck was a pony here? Maybe it's just because I got ponies in the brain because I got ponies on the brain due to...
"I asked you a question: You going to drink that?" He asked again, breaking me out of my trance.
"Yeah, no need to get your panties in a knot," I stated, picking up the shot glass. "Bottoms up," I proclaimed and gulped it down.
I immediately regretted that choice. Whatever liquor that was, it left me coughing as it burned its way down my throat. "Je*cough* sus Christ! what *cough* was that stuff!?!" I'm no lightweight but, jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! It feels like someone set fire to my insides!
"You don't look too hot, man," the pony said, a look of concern on his furry face. "The bathroom is over there if you need to hurl," he added, pointing a hoof towards a door next to the dartboard.
"Thanks for the info," I croaked out.
"You can say he looks positively blue ," a thickly accented voice said behind before he was drowned out by a chorus of drunken laughter.
"Leave him alone Fritz!" The bartender shouted, "He's already going to have a tough enough time when he wakes up!"
Wait, what the heck does he mean a tough time? "What the hell are y'all talking about?"
"You'll see," The pony replied.
DONG DONG !!!
"What the hell is that?!?" I shouted at the top of my lungs in a fruitless attempt at being heard. Whatever that noise was, it was LOUD! I couldn't even hear myself think and I doubt anyone here could have heard a single word I said.
"Well crud, it's time for you to go," the pegasus shouted, "Look Johnny! Remember one thing: don't panic!!!"
"WHAT!?!"
"DON'T PAN-"
"I think Johnny's coming to!"
"Okay, go back outside now. We don't need to give him a heart attack too."
'Too'? What the hell does she mean by 'too '? I slowly opened my eyes to find my brother's wife squatting down next to me, looking down at me rather awkwardly.
"Ummm.... Johnny, this is going to sound odd but... Don't panic, okay?"
"What are you talking about?" I asked my mind still groggy.
Alyssa then picked up a small mirror that I had brought with me and showed me my reflection, my jaw promptly hit the floor.
All I saw was blue, blue, more blue: a dark blue muzzle, blue mane, light blue eyes, and a not-human face.
"Seems like your luck rubbed off on us."
I snapped my head to the right to see two more ponies, one white with a blonde mane and the grey with a two-toned blue mane, standing in the doorway of the tent. Well, more leaning against each other to avoid falling than standing.
"...Tim... Danny?"
Both of the ponies nodded.
I sat there in silence, staring at my brothers as my brain tried to process everything that was going on. A million questions were flying through my head at a mile a minute: how do I walk, what do ponies eat, what are my friends going to think, and most importantly, how do I react to this? It's not every day that you wake up in the body of a blue cartoon horse.
The resulting freakout could best be described as screaming and flailing of forelegs.
Of Cutie Marks and Pancakes
CRUNCH!!!
"How in the hell did you two get this down so damn easily???" Dan angrily shouted as his face made friends once again with the gravel around the camp.
I could help but snicker, he'd been trying to walk for the last twenty minutes with little success. While me and Tim got it down lickity split and could probably run circles around him if we wanted to.
"It's just like crawling on your hands and knees," I yelled from where I was sitting with Tim and Kylie under a nearby tree. The two of us had been asking her question about ponies while we waited for Alyssa to finish cooking breakfast. Without the internet, who better to ask about our current condition than someone who knows the subject?
"KINDA HARD WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE HANDS!!!"
"Keep trying Bro!" Tim shouted as well. He then leaned over to me and whispered, "If he spends any more time in the dirt, I may have to tell Alyssa he's been seeing more people." We both shared a snicker at that much to the confusion of Kylie. What kind of family would we be if we didn't poke fun at each other now and then? A functional one? What fun would there be in having a 'normal' family... Though would that still apply to is anymore considering our present condition?
"So Kylie... You called these butt tattoos 'cutie marks,' right?" Tim asked, gesturing down at the stylized sun that adorned his haunches. On my own flanks, there was what I assumed was a constellation. Astrology has never been an interest to me so I don't know which one it is. Or is it Astronomy?
Kylie nodded, "Yep Unkee Tim, they show what a ponies special talent is." Special talent? Why in Oblivion do I have stars on my butt then??? I've never owned a telescope in my entire life! And Tim's been a welder since he graduated high school, how does that equate to a sun?
"And from what you're saying, we can walk in clouds too?" I asked. I remember some ponies being able to walk on clouds and having a city of clouds, right?
She nodded, "You and Tim can 'cause you're pegasuses," she said, "Daddy can't, he's an Earth Pony." So that's what answers that question and opens up some new ones. I looked up at the wild blue hounded through the tree branches and stared at one of those fluffy buggers. "Soon... Soon," I quietly muttered, glancing back at my wings, "After I figure out how to work these."
My stomach suddenly let out a deep reverberating grumble. "Quit your belly-aching, belly! You'll get fed when it's time!" I snapped down at my stomach, earning a giggle from my niece and an eye roll from my brother. My gut had growling on and off for the last ten minutes and it was now getting plain annoyi...
"Pancakes are Ready!" Alyssa proclaimed, from her skillet on the campsite patio's table.
"How convenient ."
"Indeed it is," I replied, grinning as I stood up. Not ten after my stomach grumbles, food is ready. Maybe getting turned into a pony turned my luck about and, for once, everything is finally going my way?
"What are you talking about?" Tim asked a confused look on his face.
"Didn't you say 'How Convenient'?"
"No," he replied, "Maybe you're just hearing things?"
I nodded, that makes sense. These new pony ears must be really acute for me to be hearing things.
And with that, we all made our ways towards the table.
I arrived just after Kylie, followed soon by Tim, and eventually Dan. The delectable smell of those divine disks filled my nose, making my mouth water. And from what I could see, she made a decent sized pile of them too!
I hopped onto one of the concrete benches that flanked the patio's table and sat on my haunches, just barely fitting in the bench. I'm not eating on the ground like a dog.
"I didn't know how many to make, " Alyssa paused, probably thinking of the right words, "current circumstances. I just made the usual amount." Ah yes, the small mountain of food it takes to feed my family on a daily basis. Needless to say, three fully grown men have a tendency to eat A LOT. And even though I was a cartoon pony, I was still hungry enough to eat myself.
Alyssa quickly divided up the pancakes between all of us and I soon found a paper plate sitting in front of me, it's occupants just waiting to eaten. But that presented another problem: How the heck do I eat with no hands?
I looked at both my brothers: they were both in the same predicament. Tim was staring at his plate and Danny was attempting to pick up a pancake with his forehooves with little results.
As I sat there watching my pony brothers attempt to eat, an idea popped into my head. An idea that was, well, hypocritical. Leaning forward, I dived muzzle first into the plate and began to chow down like a starving dog. I looked up long enough to see Tim push his plate away from himself and everyone else staring at me confused.
"Whaf," I said through a mouthful of food, "it worfs."
"Johnny, just admit you need Alyssa's help."
"No! I'll get in the truck myself," I retorted, glaring up at Tim. He was staring down at me from the backseat of the truck. After breakfast, we had all decided to cut the trip short and head back home. And now everyone was sitting in the truck, waiting on me, besides Alyssa.
"There's no reason to be ashamed of needing help," Alyssa said, squatting down next to me. I shook my head, I don't want to get picked up like a baby. I may be a nineteen year old man turned into a pony, but I don't need help! I can figure out my own way up!
An idea that was so incredibly simple that I had to resist the urge to facehoof popped into my head: just jump up like cat does. I crouched down, staring up at my goal above. Okay, that's got to be about maybe a foot and a half above me. Just need to get the distance right...
"Umm... What are you do-"
"BOING!!!!" I proclaimed as I shoved myself upward. And I soon found myself soaring through the open door... and straight towards Tim. "LOOK O-," My warning was cut short as my snout soon found itself buried in my brother's ribcage. After pulling myself off of him, we both stared awkwardly at each other for a few seconds before breaking out into laughter.
A solid thunk signaled the door being shut and pretty soon we were all on our way home.
....Fifteen Minutes Later....
Do you know how boring riding in a car is when you can't look at the scenery? Needless to say, it's really damn boring. I lied in the seat, my head resting on the door's armrest, "I'm So Bored!!!" If there is one thing I can't stand it's being bored out of my skull
"Johnny, it's been fifteen minutes," Dan's voice deadpanned from the seat in front of me, "Take. A. Nap."
That's....actually a great idea, I always take a nap during car trips and now that he mentioned it, I did feel kinda tired. I let out a loud yawn, "Good idea," and I closed my eyes. Pretty soon, I drifted off to the land of unconsciousness.
*Ding*
The double doors in front of me slid open to reveal a mirror lined elevator. As I trotted inside, the door shut behind me and the voice of Morgan Freeman began to speak. "Next stop: Floor Twenty one: *bzzzztttt *"
"Wow, you're right... That man sounds amazing. "
My ears perked up, "Who said that?!?" I was the only one here beside me and my endless reflections.
"I said that, Johnny. "
"Show yourself!" I shouted, spinning about the elevator, only to see my reflections doing the same all around me... except for one. I skidded to a halt in front of the odd reflection. Great, now my reflections are becoming sentient. When's it going to jump out of the reflection and eat me?
My doppelganger facehoofed, "I'm not going to eat you ," it deadpanned.
The pony then pulled a move straight out of many horror B-movies and stepped clear through the mirror and I found myself face to face with myself.
"Hello Johnny," the pony said, smiling, "I'm Orion and you're me."
Author's Note
And the random tag comes into effect :P
Also, if anyone is willing to edit. I would ever so grateful
*Elevator Music*
Authors note:
IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK THREE MONTHS FOR ME TO WRITE!!! Hello Johnny," the pony said, smiling, "I'm Orion and you're me."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Orion sighed, rubbing his forehead with a forehoof. "Look Johnny," he began, "I don't know how to explain this exactly but... We're in the same boat here."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, still confused.
"I'm in your head, Johnny. When you took my body, you got me as an extra package. I'm now, as you would say, 'flying shotgun'."
"Oh... Okay," I said calmly.
"Wait..." Orion said, confusion growing on his face, "you're not going to panic over the fact the fact there's another mind in your head?"
"Not really," I replied, shrugging, "after all that's happened today with me waking up as a pony, this has to be the sanest thing that's happened since I woke up this morning." What, did he expect me to have a panic attack?
"But that's not all," he added, a sad look on his face, "It appears that... as far as I can tell... because of the sudden mix or whatever, our minds are slowly merging.”
"WHAT!?!? " Merging... it means parts of my mind are going to kick the bucket and get replaced by his! If what he is saying is true, I won't be me, and I like being me! "Are you sure?" I asked, hoping that he was just pulling a sick joke.
Orion shook his head, "Yes I am. I first found out about it when one of your, uh... characters told me more of what was happening."
“...One of my characters?"
"He was another pegasi. Brown Coat with a green mane called himself..."
"...Roman Writ!? That was a pony my niece made for me back on my birthday last month." So, not only does a crudely drawn pony that was a gift from my niece live in my head, but it also had a conversation with the pony whose body I occupy at some point.
"Yeah, that was his name. Talking to him was weird, I'll have to admit."
"How so?"
Orion's right eye squinted a bit as he thought, “He just acted... weird. I found him walking into a wall like he was drunk or something. Well, from what I managed to get out of him, in the merge, we’re only going to be losing the worst parts of our minds. The best parts will remain.”
I remained silent at this revelation for almost a minute before something finally dawned on me, "Do you know where this elevator is heading?"
"It's taking us to my part of our mind. I need to teach you how to take care of my, well, our body." And, as if on cue, the elevator finally came to a stop with a quite ding . The door then slid open, and we stepped out onto the top of a large hill. The night sky over us was practically overflowing with stars, practically providing us with all the light I'd need for Orion's lessons.
"You sure do love astronomy," I said as I stared up at the sky. "Why else would stars be my cutie mark," he replied, "Now on to business."
"First off," Orion began, grinning, "I need to teach you how to take care of your wings. If you don't use them, the muscles will athropy. And your wings will sooner or later need cleaning, so preening is second on the agenda." The grin on his muzzle made me rather nervous about how exactly he was going to do. I had seen that kind of grin before; On the face of my ex after I woke up one morning to find myself tied to the bedposts.
He started by making me turn around and sit with my back to him. Taking care not to be too invasive, he spread open my wings one at a time, letting me feel where the muscles were.
“I know that you opened my wings once or twice without it being a reaction. But you were trying too hard... right now I’m going to focus on teaching you how to preen.”
With that, He had me turn back around to watch him do it. It took only a few minutes for him, but it took practically forever and a day for me to finish. And I swear on my mother's grave, I am not doing that in front of someone EVER again, because that by far the most-awkward thing I've ever done.
“Yeah...” Raindrops agreed when I mentioned this. “Preening’s a private thing. The only time I’ve ever heard it not being is if it’s between you and your lover or something along those lines."
“I noticed you were really careful about, uh, opening my wings,” I mentioned, hoping to steer away from the awkwardness.
“That’s because touching somepony’s wings the wrong way can be seen as, uh... hitting on them..."
Great, That just made things a million tines more awkward.
"Enough of that! Time for something I know you will enjoy: Flying lessons!"
Orion took practically no time at all making sure I knew how to flap correctly. I am proud to say that I managed to get the taking off stuff down pretty quickly.
Landing, however, was a lot more challenging.
My face quickly became good friends with the ground and after what felt like forever to me; I was able to get in the air from a standstill, hover for a bit, and land on my hooves instead of my face.
---- A little while later----
"So," I asked as the two of us flew idly about in the night sky, "What's my mind like, I really wanna know?"
"Its an endless hallway of filing cabinets," he simply stated. I just glared over at him; there's no chance in hell my brain would do something as trivial as ripoff Bruce Almighty.
"I'm not joking and you should see the NSFW cabinet," he laughed, "some of the stuff in there would disgust even Molestia." Not a minute later, I could feel myself suddenly begin to get dizzy as the landscape around us began to turn into a Salvador Dali piece before everything disappeared.
Author's Note
GAH!!! Words how do work!?!?
As the title states... Here's some elevator music
Also, is anybody willing to proofread
