Whereby an OC is awesome and villainous and attractive...
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Whereby an OC is awesome and villainous and attractive...
My name is Badass Firestorm Hurricane, 27 years old. It’s pretty unusual for a pony to have three names, but I guess I’m pretty unusual in more than one way. For one thing, mares and stallions just can’t seem to keep their hooves off of me; it’s totally annoying. Everywhere I go, it seems that somepony wants to get in bed with me, but I guess that’s just because I’m me. I can expect a lot of that sort of treatment tonight, since it’s Nightmare Night, and I’m on my way to Pinkie Pie’s party.
I had spent all day on my costume. It was a spitting image of the Queen of the Changelings. I had seen her first hand, you know; I was in Canterlot when she invaded. I was actually the one who suggested that Princess Cadance and Shining Armor use the power of love to defeat her. (Author’s note: It’s head canon, so you’re not allowed to contradict that!) I had two Changeling-style wings, stockings with holes in them, and even an exact replica of her crown (all done from memory).
As I stood outside the door of the Sugarcube Corner, I hesitated for a moment. What if somepony else has a costume of the Queen of the Changlings? I quickly got over that fear, however, as I realized that in the off chance that this actually occurred, my costume was sure to be better. I knocked, and a bouncy pink pony answered. “Hi, Badass Firestorm Hurricayne!” she squealed, quickly pulling me into the shop.
"Pinkie, please, I've told you a hundred times—you don't have to say my whole name every time. 'Badass' is fine."
She nodded and stepped aside to allow me to trot into the store. It seemed everypony in Ponyville was there. I recognized all six of the Elements of Harmony (of which I could have been, but I respectfully declined). I trotted up to them and waved.
“Badass!” Princess Twilight Sparkle exclaimed. She bowed respectfully, which I returned. “I’m so glad you were able to come. I like your costume!”
“Thanks, Twilight. Go on any adventures recently?” I asked casually as Rainbow Dash handed me a glass of punch.
“Well, it wasn’t really an adventure, but Equestria was attacked recently.”
“Really?” I raised my eyebrows.
“Yes, I’m afraid so. An ancient evil named Tirek took everypony’s magic. It was getting pretty bad there toward the end. It’s too bad you were vacationing in Prance at the time; we could have really used your help.”
I humbly ignored the compliment. “How did you defeat him?”
“It wasn’t easy,” she replied gravely, “Luckily, the Tree of Harmony was enraged when the Golden Oaks Library was destroyed, and it avenged its felled brethren.”
“That’s good. I—” I stopped. Something was strange. I could feel tingling in my hooves. It quickly spread up my legs and through my entire body. I felt numb and slightly woozy.
“Somethin’ wrong, sugarcube?” Applejack asked with concern.
Before I could answer, I felt an invisible force tearing me away from the plains of reality and into an unseen wormhole. I passed out.
I wearily sat up. I was sitting on a hard tiled surface. Desperately, I tried to remember what had just happened. Nothing. I couldn’t remember anything. Starting to panic, I attempted to remember anything, but it was in vain. I couldn’t even remember my own name!
Breathing rapidly, I looked down at my body for clues as to my identity. I had holey hooves, and clear, whispery wings. Something in the back of my mind told me to panic. Very slowly, I reached up to my forehead to feel a hard, twisted horn. My insides froze, for I knew who I was.
I was Chrysalis, queen of the changelings.
I got to all four hooves and looked at the world around me. The buildings around me were made solely of bricks and cement, with concrete sidewalks in front of them. I was standing on black asphalt. Asphalt… That’s when it hit me. I was on Earth! Just like that show!
I glanced wildly around for any sign of a human. My chest was on fire with the excitement at the thought of seducing a human with my changeling magic. I wondered how absorbing human love felt. Would it be different than using pony love for sustenance? Did humans have more or less love than ponies? Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be any humans on the street at the moment, so I would have to wait.
A pair of giggling human women holding overstuffed shopping bags exited one of the nearby shops. My eyes widened in panic. If I was to seduce them and suck out their love, I had to change into somehuman they cherished! I froze in panic, trying desperately to think of what to change into. I closed my eyes and focused on the first human that came to mind.
“Oh my god,” one of the girls shouted, pointing at me, “Is that Johnny Depp?!”
“I think it is,” the other girl said, equally amazed.
“Yeah, whatever,” I replied.
“That is so cool!” the first girl exclaimed as they both ran up to me and rubbed my massive pectorals, “I love how he just doesn’t care.”
It’s a good thing I thought of Johnny Depp. All the chics love the Depp (for whatever reason).
“I think I’m in love.”
“Like, totally.”
That was my cue. With a flash of green light, I changed back into my insectal form. The women quickly released me, and gasped at me in horror.
“Ha ha ha!” I laughed evilly, “Your love is now mine! Cower in fear, bipeds, and bow down before your queen!”
“Eww, it’s a bug.”
“Yeah, like, gross…”
“Yes, it is I, Chrysalis!” I laughed. I pointed my horn towards them and activated my magic. Their eyes grew green as I prepared to become intoxicated with their stolen love.
Nothing.
“What are you doing, bug?” one girl said.
“Uhm, stealing your love for nourishment?” I responded hesitantly.
“Sorry, Crystalisk. You’ll have to do better than Johnny Depp for that.”
“But… all the girls love Johnny Depp!” I exclaimed, “Why is it that all the male humans complain that their girlfriends love Depp more than them?”
“Oh, we do. But if you really want to get some love, you’ll have to do better.”
“Like who?”
Both girls sighed and gazed off into space. “Sean Connery,” they both said dreamily.
“Really?”
“Oh my god, like, yeah! Depp may not care, but Sean Connery really doesn’t care. Have you ever seen a man wear a kilt and then totally not care who sees?”
“I haven’t,” the other girl agreed.
I sighed. Maybe acting villainous wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Or maybe I just needed to find some men. At least they’re only interested in sex appeal. I could just be Jessica Alba or Megan Fox or Michelle Obama or something… I opened my mouth to ask the girls where I could find some male humans, but a loud rumbling noise stopped me. It appeared to be getting closer, and I gazed with intelligent wariness towards the sound.
Over the crest of the hill, a rampaging rhinoceros came stampeding towards us!
“Get behind me, girls!” I cried, “I’ll keep you safe!”
The girls looked at me in fear and awe as they crouched down behind me. I lit my horn and assumed a defensive stance.
“Do something!” the girls shouted.
“Wait for it!” I replied.
The rhinoceros came closer and closer, intent on impaling me with its horn. As soon as it was three feet away, I encased it with green magic, and sent it hurling over the horizon. A great fiery mushroom cloud erupted where it landed, basking us all in the orange light of my victory.
“Those damn rhinos should learn—no one's horn is hornier than mine!”
“Wow, that is such a cool catchphrase!” one of the girls exclaimed, “You can totally sleep with us if you want!”
Yes, yes I know.
Lyro lifted his hooves from his keyboard and scratched his neckbeard thoughtfully. What to do next? He wasn’t sure if he really got his OC’s personality down, but he was pretty close. He grabbed a bag of Cheetos and leaned back in his computer chair, glancing at his My Little Human collection for inspiration. What if all the humans on Earth decided to sleep with his OC, but Badass, being the humble mare she is, only choose two or three of them?
A knock sounded on the door of his basement bedroom. “Lyro!” his mother called, “Do you want some dinner?”
“Go away Mom!” the mint unicorn replied with annoyance.
“Can I come in? You’re not playing with your dolls again, are you?”
“They’re not dolls! They’re action figures!”
“Why can’t you play with Star Trot like the rest of the stallions your age?”
“Go away, Mom! I’m writing a Pony in Earth fiction. It’s a very respected fanfiction genre!”
“Am I ever going to get any grandfoals?”
Lyro ignored her and cracked his hooves. Time to finish his masterpiece.
I saw an incredibly handsome man approach me. I looked into his vibrant blue eyes and blushed. He was sexy and ~~hot~~, ~~rugged~~, ~~tall~~, had a very developed personality and…
