Princess Cadance Turns Right

by Between Lines

Rating: everyone
Tags: Shining Armor, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 1332

One day, just like any other day, Princess Cadance turned right. For Twilight, Luna, and Celestia, that was when everything went wrong.

Sometimes, looking good can be hard.

Other times, it's impossible.

Today, for Princess Cadance, it just became impossible.

Literally.

Now, three princesses will confront a world they do not, cannot, understand.

But that won't stop them trying.

Published 2014-05-12 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-12 23:10:01 UTC

Woah! Uh, okay...

"Woah!" Twilight took a few steps back, blinking rapidly. "Uh, okay..."

"Twilight, what's the matter?" Though it was Cadance who spoke, her concern was clearly mirrored on the faces of the other two princesses.

"Oh, uh, nothing! Nothing at all." As soon as Cadance turned towards her, she felt her nerves settle down. Maybe it had been a trick of the light.

"Very well, Twilight. I understand if this is a trying time for you." As Celestia spoke, however, Cadance turned to face her, and Twilight saw it again.

"Woah! Okay!" Again she cantered back, soliciting a trio of worried gazes.

"Twilight Sparkle, are you quite well?" Luna took a step forward, even taking Twilight's head in her hooves and examining it like a prize melon.

"I'm fine, really!" Frantically, she swatted Luna away from her precious skull. "I was just... startled, is all."

"What startled you, Twilight? Did you receive a premonition or omen?" Once again, as Celestia spoke, Cadance turned right to face her. Twilight was prepared this time. Luna was not.

"SWEET STAR--mmmph!" For an instant, Twilight found herself wondering if smothering a princess was a capital offense. Judging by Luna's glare, it might just become one. Too late now.

"Yes, er, um, Luna's right! Cadance, could you give us a moment? We, uh, you see..." Frantically, Twilight wracked her brain for excuses. "Your birthday! Yes, your birthday, there's something I want to discuss with Celestia and Luna. Regarding your birthday. Which will be a surprise. The thing, not your birthday, of course we'll celebrate your birthday! Hahahaha! We always celebrate your birthday, with sur--mmmph." For a moment, Twilight had to appreciate the irony of having Luna's hoof shoved in her own mouth.

"Yes, Twilight is quite correct. We just remembered something of great import that we must discuss posthaste. In private. Perhaps you should check if Shining decided between mint and cinnamon for the icecream?" To her credit, Luna actually sold her poker face, even managing to avoid such Twilight classics as grinning so hard it hurt.

"Oh, um, okay. I mean, weren't we about to sing...?" Despite her protests, Luna and Twilight were already pushing her out the door.

"Oh, we have songs every week. This is, um, much more important!" Twilight nodded with her best bobblehead impersonation. "Much more important, you know how fast icecream runs out! Reservations! Gotta plan!" The door slammed, and Twilight sagged against it. "Sweet Celestia, did you see that?"

"Most assuredly, though I cannot fathom what it was that I indeed saw." Luna shook her head slowly. "What is the saying? Like a deer in the headlights?"

"Luna!" Twilight gasped, glancing around. "That's speciesist!"

"But do deer not freeze in 'headlights?'" She glanced between the mortified Twilight and her facehoofing sister. "I do not understand, what did I say?"

"Nothing, Luna," Celestia sighed. "I'm almost afraid to ask what has two grown mares jumping and gossiping like two schoolfillies."

"Oh... I'm sorry." And in that moment, Twilight became the textbook image of shame. Had her picture been taken, it could have been used as the universal standard for future measurements, and established a whole new branch of quantified psychology. Sadly, the only pony who could have realized this was Twilight herself, and she missed it for obvious reasons.

"I am still confused about deer," Luna interjected.

"You two..." Celestia shook her head and sighed again. "These are all things to discuss later. Right now I'm curious what has you both in such a state."

"Well, you see--" Twilight began.

"Cadance's hair is strange." Again Luna found herself the subject of incredulous looks. "What?"

"Luna!" Twilight hissed. "You can't just say her hair is weird!"

"Why not? Oh!" Her expression brightened. "Does this relate the deer?"

"Yes! I mean no! Kind of, ugh!" Twilight turned pleadingly to Celestia. "Help me out here?"

"What Twilight is trying to say, my sister, is that you have again missed a key point in the tact of the times." By now, Celestia's normally placid expression had graduated to mildly annoyed. "What I wish she would explain, is what is so troubling about Cadance's hair that we must sit here chattering about it."

"Well, it's weird! Like, really weird. From the left that is." Twilight blinked. "Wow, that sounds silly."

"I have stood on Cadance's left many times, and noticed nothing wrong." Celestia observed.

"Exactly!" Twilight bounced up and down, excited to arrive at the crux of the issue. "That's just it! You know how her hair always frames her face so perfectly? That nice graceful curve over her brow, with the far side cascading past her cheek?"

"Of course. She's worn her hair that way since she became a mare." Celestia shook her head, scowling. "I again fail to see the point."

"When have you ever seen her hair differently... regardless of which side you're on?" Twilight waited, a grin spreading on her face even as comprehension dawned on Celestia's.

"That... is quite odd." She tapped her chin. "Funny, I never noticed it before."

"Wait, sister," Luna mused, tapping her own chin. "When have I ever seen your own mane from the other side?"

Deathly silence fell.

"Good sweet Celestia." Twilight whispered, before quickly wincing and offering her mentor a sheepish smile.

"So, our manes have simply been switching sides this entire time?" Luna began to chew her lip. "Why?"

"Wait." Twilight stepped forward, a manic grin starting to spread on her face. "We don't know anything for certain right now. What this calls for is experimentation!"

Both princesses took an alarmed step back.

"Okay, Celestia, try it again!" Quietly, Twilight and Luna watched as Celestia entered from the right exit. "There it is! It switched again!"

"Fascinating," Luna whispered, barely audible above the scratching of Twilight's quill.

"Are neither of you worried that Cadance might walk in on us?" Celestia commented, fiddling with her mane as though it might suddenly flip without warning. Which, of course, seemed to be the exact thing it had been doing.

"Nay, sister. Mint and cinnamon is a code phrase I developed with the guard upon my return. He will stall Cadance as long as he can, and I have every confidence that we shall not hear from her until the eve, if even then." She let out a girlish giggle. "Their dreams do leave little to the imagination."

"Luna!" Twilight gasped, before turning a sickly shade of green. "Too much information!"

"Yes, I am with Twilight on this one." Celestia gave her mane one last fuss, and sighed, letting it do as it would. "Whatever the case, I am more concerned that our manes seem to always display out best sides, without our even realizing it." She turned her head skywards. "I fear we may not be the masters of our destiny we think we are."

"But, who would do this, or why? And why did they lose control of Cadance's hair? Or did they choose to let us see its bad angle?" Twilight frowned at her clipboard, at least until a particularly happy thought stumbled into her mind. "I have no idea, which means more research! Quick, to the library!" Like a bolt of purple lightning, she was off.

"Weren't we supposed to be doing things today?" Luna wondered.

Several hours later, Cadance stumbled back into the meeting chamber, her gait unsteady and her face smiling, her inexplicable hair still perfectly framing her face. "I-I'm sorry everypony! You see, Shining--it's really the funniest thing, you know--he..." She trailed off as she beheld the empty chamber, the sun having set many hours ago.

"...girls? Hello?" There was silence. "Oh come on! I wasn't that long!" She took one last glance around, then flushed. "Okay, I totally was."

Author's Note

I originally intended this as a oneshot, but depending on public reaction, I might just take this joke and run with it. It's got a lot of potential, I'll give it that.