The Perks of Being Immortal
“--Certainly fine! It’s fine!” sang Princess Twilight Sparkle. “Yes! Everything’s going to be just fine!” She flew off. Or, at least, a hologram of her did. Twilight couldn’t fly yet. Sneaking off to avoid suspicion, she felt a hoof on her shoulder. “Princess Celestia,” Twilight greeted, spotting her mentor as she turned around.
“There’s no need for any formalities, Twilight.”
“Sorry, Pri--Celestia,” Twilight apologized.
Celestia chuckled, “No need for apologies either.”
“Sorry!” Twilight once again apologized. She realized that she apologized again. “I’m sorry I keep--” Twilight’s hoof flew over her mouth. She blushed from embarrassment. “Hey, can we go somewhere else? The other ponies think I just flew off somewhere.”
Celestia turned away, and said, “Yes, that would probably be wise. Come.” She entered the castle, Twilight on her tail, and headed towards the throne room. They passed through the halls, walked by majestic stained glass windows, and bumped into a pegasus guard whom Twilight thought was cute. Upon arrival, Celestia looked around, making sure nopony was in the vicinity. She stated, “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Yes?” Twilight asked eagerly. “Is it bad? What did Pinkie Pie do this time?”
“No, it’s nothing bad. And Pinkie Pie only d--actually, I’d rather not say,” Celestia replied. “It’s more…” she paused, searching for the proper word. “...Inconvenient. You see, Twilight,” she said as she paced in the throne room, “now that you are an alicorn, every so often you will--”
“Will what?” Twilight inquired, turning around. When she registered what happened, Twilight audibly gasped. “Celestia!” The supreme ruler of Equestria had spontaneously burst into flames.
“Oh no, oh no, ohnonononononononono!” Twilight shouted, rushing over to the fire. She cast a fireproofing spell, to no avail. Twilight levitated some of the water from the small decoration under Celestia’s and Luna’s thrones and poured it onto the burning mare. The stubborn fire refused to go out. Twilight started crying as the initial shock passed. “This can’t be happening! No!” She was sobbing hysterically by the time the flames died out. “What am I going to do?” A thought crossed the distressed princess’ mind. “Princess Luna!” Twilight exclaimed and ran from the throne room to find her mentor’s sister.
**********
Twilight galloped through the halls, and bumped into the pegasus guard again. “Sorry!” she apologized before getting up and dashing off. As Twilight neared the doorway to the balcony, she spotted the Princess of the Night. “Princess Luna!”
“Yes, my little pony?”
“Princess Celestia just burst into flames!” Twilight yelled. “It was so--”
“Hush, Twilight Sparkle,” Luna interrupted. “All--”
The Moon Princess was ablaze.
“AHHHHHHHH! Not you too!” Twilight ran to find Cadence. Passing through the halls, she bumped into the pegasus again.
“We’ve got to stop bumping--”
“Not now!” Twilight shouted as she ran past.
**********
Twilight searched high and low, left and right, and still could not find the Princess of Love. “Cadence!” she would call out every so often. Eventually, just as Twilight was about to start asking guards if they had seen her, the lavender alicorn stumbled upon the door to her brother and sister-in-law’s suite. The door was cracked open. Twilight knocked.
No response.
“Armor? Cadence?” She slowly and quietly opened the door and entered the bedroom…
...to find a pile of ashes sitting on the floor. “What?! No!” she cried out. “Nooo! Cadence! You guys can’t do this to me!” Twilight complained. She was again hysterically sobbing, her face stained with tears. “First Celestia and Luna, and now Cadence has even joined in!” When Twilight could no longer cry, she had one last question: “Why?”
**********
Princess Twilight Sparkle headed back towards the throne room. She took the long way, walking past several suits of armor. Twilight saw a few picturesque windows depicting adventures that she and her friends had been on. The alicorn saw a couple more showing Celestia, and even some with Cadence. Twilight found one or two portraying Luna. “Now you won’t get any more windows,” she remorsefully told the ponies in the pictures. “Try not to feel too much pain if the guards smash you…” then started mumbling to herself.
“Hey, Princess Twilight! I’ve been looking for you,” said the pegasus guard from earlier. “I was wondering if maybe you’d like to do something, maybe later this week,” he suggested. When Twilight didn’t respond, he went up to her. “Hey, are you--”
Twilight was still mumbling, “No. No. Nononononono,” to herself as she walked off.
“One ‘no’ would have been fine!” the pegasus stated.
Twilight kept walking back to the throne room, lost in thought. After a while, she finally broke into tears again. “I can’t rule Equestria alone! Armor will have the Crystal Empire, and he’ll have to rule on his own, so he can’t help me,” Twilight complained. “I can’t rule alo-o-one…” she sobbed. “Actually, I won’t be alone!” Twilight brightened up, “I’ll have,” then shuddered, “...ugh. Blueblood!” Now, the newly-crowned princess was yelling at the sky, “Why do you do this to me, Gemstone?!”
No comment.
To herself, “I’ll just rule alongside Prince Blueblood. And then, we’ll just get married, and have foals, and it’ll be just dandy!” Twilight exclaimed, a manic expression on her face. “And our foals will have foals, and their foals will have foals, and their foals will have foals, and their--”
Enough, Twilight.
“Fine!” She finally stumbled upon the entrance to the throne room. “But I’d better start making preparations for the wedding.”
“There will be nothing of the sort--unless, of course, that’s what you want.”
Twilight turned around to see a familiar alicorn. “Princess Celestia!” she shouted, rushing to embrace her mentor.
“Hello, Twilight,” she greeted.
“But, Celestia! You were on fire! How--”
The elder pony interrupted, “That’s exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, my little pony.”
“What do you mean, Princess?” Twilight asked.
“Do you remember Philomena?” Celestia inquired.
Twilight nodded. “Your pet phoenix?”
“Every so often, she must renew herself by bursting into flames and rising from the ashes,” Celestia said. “Alicorns do the same. In fact, all immortal creatures that possess magic will do this from time to time. It’s one of the perks of living forever.” Celestia sighed.
Twilight looked nervously at her mentor. “So, will I do this too?”
“Unfortunately, yes, Twilight. I wanted to tell you now so you won’t go on a crazy mental breakdown.”
The younger alicorn chuckled. “Now why would I do that?”
“I know you, Twilight. Now, shall we get going? The kitchen staff have been preparing the feast all day.”
No answer.
“Twilight?” Celestia asked as she turned to look at her student.
Princess Twilight Sparkle had burst into flames.
