The Battles of Blue and Red

by ArtColter

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Human, Anthro
Length: 3239

Rainbow Dash loves Team Fortress 2. But what will happen when Discord decides to throw our favorite ponies (himself included) into the middle of the battle.

A MLP/TF2 Crossover.

Rainbow Dash has been busy lately. Every waking moment not spent helping creating the weather or helping save Equestria is spent in her house, her bedroom, playing a video game.

That game is Team Fortress 2, a game of battle, skill, and weaponry, and Rainbow can't get enough, she is addicted. But there is a small problem: spending so many hours in front of a computer screen isn't helping her image of uber-athleticism. And there's no way she would tell her friends about this magnificent piece of gaming.

Unfortunately, she no longer has a choice in the matter, when Discord decides to give Dash a taste of her own pranking medicine. However, this doesn't go down as Discord planned, as now he, the Six, Spike, and Big Mac are trapped inside the game itself.

Now they have no choice but to join the Soldier, the Heavy, the Medic, the Sniper, the Engineer, the Scout, the Pyro, the Spy, and the Demoman of the Blue Team in their never-ceasing warfare with the Red Team. How exactly are the Equestrians going to get back home, and what will they learn from their experiences, if the experiences don't tear them apart first.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-17 02:55:30 UTC

Chapter 1: One Snap Too Far

It was a great day to be lazy. The skies were clear, the weather was warm, and there was absolutely nothing important that needed to be done.

For most of the ponies in Ponyville, this would be an excellent day to go outside, take in the warmth of Celestia's Sun, perhaps hang out with friends or family.

But not Rainbow Dash.

While the pegasus wunderkind would usually do similar things on such a day, recently she had been too engrossed to do so. Engrossed by what, you may ask. Engrossed, totally consumed, by a video game.

It wasn't until recently that Rainbow had discovered the form of entertainment known as video games. Sure, she had been to arcades, taking particular joy in flight simulators and the like, but that was only temporary. This was much more than that.

The events that had led up to this discovery had been quite serendipitous, similar to when Twilight had introduced her to the series of Daring Do novels and gotten her hooked on the tales of the great adventurer.

She and her friends had been at the castle in Canterlot, visiting Princess Celestia. The first night there, Rainbow was having trouble sleeping, mostly due to the fact that the bed was not a cloud like she was used to. In her state of restlessness, she decided to wander the halls of the castle for a spell to see if she could tire herself out. During this little trip, she heard quite a commotion coming from one of the other bedrooms, one with two guards posted outside. Coming to a halt, she realized that it was indeed Princess Luna's room, and the one making all the racket was the princess of the night herself. Intrigued, she asked for, and was granted, access to the room.

Inside, she saw Luna sitting in her bed, her back against the headboard. She had her two eyes so glued to the glowing screen of the laptop sitting on her lap that she didn't even register Rainbow's company.

"Come now," Luna was half-yelling into some kind of microphone which was attached to a pair of headphones sitting on her head, "watch thy flank!" The princess' fingers rattled away at her laptop's keyboard while she used her magic to work her wireless mouse.

"Uh...princess?" Rainbow asked hesitantly, "What are you doing?"

"Colt of a whorse!" Luna yelled, yanking the headset off and looking at Rainbow for the first time, "Oh, we are most sorry, we didn't hear you come in."

"What were you doing, Luna?"

"Ah, we were just playing a spirited round of our new favorite game. Come, we will show you."

Rainbow made her way over to the bedside and looked at the laptop screen. On it was a picture of nine men in various outfits carrying all sorts of various weaponry and other devices. Above them, in blocky orange lettering were the words 'Team Fortress 2'.

"I overheard somepony in the market talking about this game the other day," Rainbow said, "he said it was really good."

"Indeed it is," Luna replied with a big grin, "I've spent every night for the past week playing nothing but this game. It is very addictive."

"What is it about?"

And so, Luna explained to Rainbow the point of the game, the backstory of the war between the Red Squad and the Blue Squad, and about the various characters, or classes as Luna called them. Rainbow was particularly taken by the description of the Scout, the fast, spry, cunning man behind the scenes who every once in a while would crack somepony's, or somebody's skull with a baseball bat.

"Oh my gosh," Rainbow breathed once Luna's explanation was over, "this game is awesome."

"Tis indeed. Perhaps thou should play it for thyself. Do you have a computer, the game is quite cheap to buy."

"No, I don't."

"Fear not," Luna said with a wave of her hand, "we will take care of it for you, if you really want us to."

Rainbow grinned so wide that she literally make a squeaking noise.

Not a week later, Rainbow got a sizeable package delivered to her house above Ponyville. It was sent Express Mail from Canterlot, Princess Luna to be exact. Opening the box, Rainbow found inside not only a note from Luna, but a brand new laptop, a headset similar to the one Luna owned, and a wireless mouse. Included in the note was a code she could use to buy TF2, as Luna abbreviated it, for free online.

Since that day, which had been about three weeks ago at this point, Rainbow had completely immersed herself in the game, playing whenever she had the chance. Naturally, she usually played as the Scout, but not at the exclusion of learning all about how the other classes played.

So it was once again a beautiful, lazy, day, and Rainbow was indoors, playing TF2. Her fingers literally flew across the keyboard as she played one match after the next, never getting bored. She was just in the middle of a round of Capture the Flag, when she heard something unusual, and unfortunately familiar, in her ear.

"So this is what the speed demon does on her down time."

The voice, which didn't come from any of the other players, made Rainbow nearly jump out of her fur. The sudden shock also had the unfortunately consequence of getting her killed, and she had been so close to bringing the flag home, too!

A sudden puff of white smoke appeared in the bedroom, and out stepped Discord. The mangled mess of animal parts, with his black hair falling slightly over one of his golden eyes, smiled knowingly in Rainbow's direction.

"I didn't take you for a--," but he was cut off by a hand wrapping around his scrawny neck.

"Discord," Rainbow seethed, having slipped her headset down around her own neck, "what in Celestia's name are you doing here!?"

"Well," Discord tried to speak, but wasn't having the best of luck. Eventually, he gave up, and simply snapped his fingers, teleporting himself a few feet away and out of her grasp, "Better. Now then, I was merely bored and decided to see how all of my favorite Ponyville ponies were doing."

"Well then go bother Fluttershy," Rainbow raged, "You got me killed."

"You seem in perfect health to me," Discord mused, before spying the laptop, "Oh, what do we have here." He snapped his fingers again, causing the laptop to appear in his paw and claw, "Hmm.. Team Fortress 2... I've heard this game is quite good. Wait, don't tell me Luna got you hooked on video games.

The look on Rainbow's face was all Discord needed in answer. After a moment, he began laughing uncontrollably.

"Hahaha! Would you look at that? The wanna-be Wonderbolt has turned into a gaming nerd! HAHAHA!"

"Quit it, Discord," Rainbow reached out to reclaim her computer, but she was stopped.

"Oh wait until the others find out about this. I hope they find it as much as a riot as I do."

"No!" Rainbow's toned suddenly changed from anger to worry, "Don't you dare! They cannot know!"

"Oh, what is this now?" Discord mused, cocking his head so far that it came off his shoulders and came to rest perpendicular to his neck, "You're not embarrassed about a little game, are you?"

"I'm not embarrassed," Rainbow snapped back.

"Oh come on, it's not like you read that gag-inducing clopfiction."

"Not the point, Discord. Give me my computer back."

"Well, since you're my friend, I'll be happy to give it back. Unfortunately, I feel like being a dick today." Discord once again snapped his fingers, teleporting himself, Rainbow, and the laptop out of the house.

*--*--*--*--*

Applejack and Big Mac were in their big red barn, just about done fixing the broken axel on their wagon, when they heard seven little pops behind them, like little firecrackers. Spinning around, the Apple siblings beheld many faces in their barn, namely, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, Spike, and Discord.

"What is the meaning of this," Rarity questioned, her eyes immediately landing on Discord, "Did you do this?"

"Who me," Discord said innocently, a halo appearing above his head, which promptly shattered, "Yeah, it was me. But I have a good reason."

"Well you better."

"I just wanted you all to know about a little secret your friend Rainbow here has been keeping. She's --,"

Rainbow clamped both her hands around Discord's mouth and neck, rendering him once again unable to speak. With a roll of his eyes, he snapped his fingers, which magically made his mouth appear separate from his body.

"Like I was saying," the disembodied mouth continued, "Rainbow Dash is a gamer now! Please tell me you all find that just as hilarious as I do!"

"That's what you interrupted all of our days for," Twilight deadpanned.

"Well I thought it was funny." At this point, Rainbow defeatedly released Discord, allowing his mouth to rejoin his face.

"OK, fine," Rainbow said with a sigh, "Luna introduced me to this game called Team Fortress 2, and now I'm totally addicted. I know I shouldn't feel embarrassed about it, but I do, OK?"

"Why would you be embarrassed, Dashie?" Pinkie said, sliding right up to Rainbow.

"'Cause I'm supposed to be this badass athlete, and I've spent every spare moment the last three weeks sitting around in my room."

"C'mon now, sugarcube," Applejack chuckled, "this is Daring Do all over again. You think we really care what you do with your own time?"

"Oh bother," Discord muttered, "this isn't the laugh riot I was looking for."

"Um... Discord," he felt a tap on his shoulder, to which he turned and saw Fluttershy standing there with a surprisingly serious expression, "I believe you owe Rainobw Dash an apology."

"Ohhhh, do I have to...?

In response, Fluttershy raised on her eyebrows and leaned in a little bit.

"Oh, OK. I'm sorry Rainbow Dash," he said with just a hint of sarcasm, "and now I'll send you all back on your way." He raised his claw hand to snap his fingers once again, "Syke!"

*SNAP*

Chapter 2: Meet the Squad

In a blink of the eye, the nine arrived in a very dimly-lit room. Everypony, with the exception of Discord, looked around their new surroundings, attempting to figure out where they were.

"DISCORD!" Rarity shouted at the top of her lungs, "What have you done this time!?"

"Discord," Twilight said before he could respond, "I don't know where we are, but you obviously do. If you don't return us to Ponyville, I'm afraid I will have to report this behavior to the princess."

Discord, who had been a little taken aback at Rarity's reaction, was now just slightly amused by Twilight's vague threat.

"Oh, fine, princess," Discord said with as much sarcasm as he could muster, "one more snap, and I'll return everything to normal."

Discord once again raised his claw hand to snap his magical fingers.

*SNAP*

...

Nothing. Nothing happened at all.

"Well," Twilight said, crossing her arms.

*SNAP*

...

Still nothing.

"Quit fooling around!" Rainbow roared in as close to his face as she could manage.

"I'm not fooling around," Discord protested.

*SNAP* *SNAP* *SNAP*

...

Nothing was happening.

"Uh-oh," Discord said with a sigh, "looks like I've messed up big time."

"Don't tell me you can't magic us out of here," Rainbow pleaded.

"Fine, I won't tell you."

Twilight tried to flare up her own magic, but other than a few lavender sparks, she had nothing. Rarity took a shot at it as well, but she had even less luck.

"Good job, Discord!" Rainbow shouted, "Now not only don't we know where we are, but none of you can use magic here, either. We are so doomed!"

"That's not the right attitude to have, recruit!" A new masculine voice shouted from the shadows of the room, "You gotta have a little more confidence if you're going to do well on the field of battle."

"Whomever you are," Twilight said, "show yourself."

"Yes ma'am," the voice chuckled, before its bearer stepped into a patch of light. The man was Big Mac's height, with broad shoulders. He wore a blue army jacket, black pants, and black combat boots. On his head sat a trench helmet so big that it actually covered his eyes.

"S-S-Soldier," Rainbow breathed, terrified.

"That's what they call me, ma'am," the Soldier said, looking dead ahead and standing stock-still.

"Um... guys... I think Discord zapped us into the game."

"What?" Twilight asked.

"This guy, the Soldier, is a character in the game Team Fortress 2 that I've been playing. I think Discord snapped us into my computer, and the game."

"Guilty," the offending party admitted.

"So what are we going to do," Twilight asked to nopony in particular.

"Choose a class," the Soldier boomed.

"We'll do as he says," Rainbow said, "and since I know the game, I'll choose your classes."

"Now wait just a minute," Rarity protested, "I for one did not sign up to play a game. Now I demand to be returned home this instant!"

"Rarity, it's no use," Twilight sighed, "if we can't use our magic, I think it's best if we just play along for the time being until we can figure something out."

"Yeah, Rares," Rainbow popped up, "and I have a perfect class for you. Well-dressed, cunning, doesn't like to get their hands dirty. You'd make a perfect Spy."

When Rainbow said the name of the class, Rarity's outfit instantly changed. Now she wore a three-piece navy blue pinstripe pantsuit over a plain white shirt, accented by a black tie. Black high heels covered her hooves and black leather gloves were on her hands.

"Well," she admitted with a sigh, "I must say, whatever this 'class' does, they sure dress well."

"I knew you'd like it. AJ, you're a pony that likes to use her own two hands, likes to build things. You should be an Engineer."

Applejack's farm clothes were replaced by a short-sleeve blue shirt, covered by a pair of denim overalls. A toolbelt, work boots, kneepads, yellow gloves, and a hardhart, which somehow sat over her Stetson, completed the ensemble.

"Not too shabby," the farmpony quipped, momentarily doffing the hardhat.

"Big Mac," Rainbow continued, "it's pretty obvious that you should be the Heavy."

Mac's own farm attire was switched with a short-sleeve blue shirt, covered by a black vest. Black pants, boots, and fingerless gloves covered the rest of him.

"Eeyup."

"Pinkie, I might regret doing this, but I think you should be the Pryo."

Soon, Pinkie was clothed in a heavy blue top and matching pants, which were held up by dual suspenders. Black boots and heavy-duty gloves completed the outfit, along with some sort of mask that draped in front of her neck.

"This is going to be fun, I can tell."

"Twilight, with your precision and timing, you should be the Sniper."

Twilight was soon outfitted in a short-sleeve blue shirt and blue jeans. Her hooves were covered by cowboy boots that seemed more along AJ's fashion. She also now wore a tan cargo vest and a fingerless glove on just her left hand. It was all topped by a beige hat that, oddly to her, had one side of the brim folded up.

"Um... I'm not sure about this."

"Don't worry, Twi, everything's gonna be fine. Now, Discord, being the being of chaos that you are, you'll be the Demoman."

Discord's outfit was simple compared to the others. Just a blue shirt and matching pants. What made it stick out was the heavy duty black vest, even larger than the one Big Mac sported.

Discord was surprisingly silent about this whole thing.

"Spike, the ever-loyal dragon and overall badass, you should take after the Soldier here."

In no time, Spike was dressed just like the Soldier they had already met, including the over-sized helmet.

"Now, Fluttershy," Rainbow continued, getting to the meek pegasus, "I know this isn't exactly your thing either, but I've got the perfect class for you, one that focuses more on healing than fighting. Fluttershy, you are the Medic."

Fluttershy was soon fitted with a long, sky blue coat, almost like a lab coat, worn over a plain white shirt and black tie. Her hands and forearms were covered by long, blue rubber gloves. The pants and boots were pretty much the same as the others.

"Oh...my..."

"And that just leaves me to play my personal favorite class: Scout."

Rainbow was soon wearing a blue t-shirt, black pants with the bottoms rolled up, and, in contrast to all the others, black cleats. A black hat topped her head, along with a headset not unlike one she would use while playing the game.

"Looks like everybody's suited up," Soldier said in his booming voice, "Hey squad, the new recruits are ready!"

"Vell it's about time," a man with a German accent complained, "Honestly, sir, can we get on with this already?" The source of the voice stepped out of the shadows. He was obviously the Medic, the only difference between him and Fluttershy were the small glasses he wore.

"Calm down, doc," a voice even boomier than Soldier's rang out, "we'll all get to do our thing soon." The man behind this voice emerged, a man even taller and wider than Big Mac or Soldier.

"Heavy's right," a younger, higher-pitched voice said, running out of the shadows to reveal the Scout, "it's time to crack some chuckleheads." Scout said this while flipping a baseball bat with his right hand.

"However," a soft voice continued, coming from right behind Rarity, "I don't exactly think these little girls are ready yet.

Rarity, surprised by the voice right on her neck, promptly spun around and slapped whomever it was behind her. After a second, they could all see a man in a suit similar to Rarity's, but wearing a blue mask. Spy shook off the blow, and reached down to pick up the cigarette which had been knocked clean out of his mouth.

"I think that was a bit uncalled for," Spy said, making sure his jaw still worked.

"Ha," Scout laughed, "she got you good pal."

"But he's right about one thing," the gruff voice of the Demoman said, making his presence known, "we can't just have these green recruits messing up our plans."

"Ah don't think they'll be that much of a problem," the Engineer, who sounded just like one of the Apples, said.

"I'm with him," the Sniper's thick Australian accent drawled, "a little training, and these mates will be good to go."

"Right then," Soldier began, but then he paused, "wait, where's Pryo?"

As if on cue, a stream of hot fire spewed forth, cutting right in front of Soldier. A second later, Pyro, in the mask and wielding his flamethrower, stepped out.

"Vell, he does know how to make an entrance," Medic quipped.

"Yes," Spy concurred, "though we've never been able to get a word out of him."

Pyro turned off his flamethrower, shouldered it, and simply shrugged.

"As I was saying," Soldier continued, "Sniper's right. There needs to be some training done first before we let you all out in the field. So that's our first order of business. Troops, move out!"