Off the Record

by The King of Hearts

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Sex, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Doctor Whooves, Romance, Original Character, Comedy
Length: 34805

Following a tragic event, a young man stumbles across people claiming that they need to get him to a place called Equestria. But, he ends up falling out of their transportation on the way there, only to land on top of someone called Nightmare Moon.

Story has changed to M, and shit is going to be WAAAAYYYY more risque than before. Just wanted a change of pace is all. Check my blog regarding this change for more info.

A young man enters Equestria after the death of his parents, and finds himself as a pony blessed with both wings and a horn. Unfortunately, his inability to use them, leaves him with only the power of being a douche at inappropriate times.

Once becoming acquainted with the inhabitants with the colorful cartoon ponies, he decides to spend as little time as possible in this place, by learning magic to teleport himself home. However, by Twilight Sparkles measure, it will take him the better part of three years to learn enough to be able to use the spell he needs.

So, he bides his time by making new friends, and a multi-colored enemy in the town. From there, many, many things happen.

From a Wonderbolts conspiracy, to Discord's return from stone, and even some Cutie Mark Crusader world saving.

It'll be a long road.

...Maybe he should have stayed home.

A cut down, enhanced version of the main story i have posting with, simply because things are getting a little long and out of hand. This version is going focus more on the character development, rather than the episodes themselves. This will lead to new story arcs, while completely removing others. Hopefully this story looks a little better than the last one, as I push through it.

Published 2014-05-13 21:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-20 17:00:10 UTC

Prologue

/\/\/\/\
\/\/\/\/

“You call yourself… human?” She asked curiously, approaching him, and walking a circle around the smaller white and gray stallion, “That’s a very interesting claim, Alex.”

“Does it make me crazy?” He asked, hiding how excited he was at having his attitude validated, "What do you know about them?"

“Well, I don’t know much.” Celestia explained, never having read up on the subject too much herself, “But what I do remember is… strange.”

Everypony listened expectantly.

Celestia didn’t explain herself right away, as she looked him over, comparing him silently to the humans she had read about.

He wasn’t red and black. From his already displayed attitude, he didn’t seem too one-sided. But that was yet to be seen.

“Generally, they have been described as perfect beings, when inside of Equestria,” Celestia explained, “Attractive, amazing with magic, the center of all attention… superheroes, essentially.”

Twilight grimaced. That sounded like something out of a horribly written book.

“However, I’m afraid I’ll have to do some digging to find any more than that. This is all off the top of my head.” She finished, looking to Alex, “So tell me, how many of those things do you feel describe you?”

“Well, he’s not that attractive.” Pinkie spoke up.

“Can you fly? Can you use magic?” Celestia asked, wondering if he would have inherit ability in those challenges.

Flapping his wings as best he could, it quickly became clear he wouldn’t be airborne any time soon.

“What about magic?” Twilight asked, tapping his horn with her hoof.

“I use magic with this, huh?” Alex asked, looking up at his horn and pursing his lips.

It only took four and a half minutes of grunting and shaking arms to determine that he indeed, had no ability in the magic department.

Huffing he sat down on his rump and crossed his arms.

“This is stupid. I wanna go home already.”

“Well, if Alex is indeed a human, he’s the worst one we’ve ever had,” Celestia giggled, seeing his frustration only increase.

Deciding to calm down, and take things a little more seriously, Celestia looked to the offended pony, and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

“If you’ll let me, I can walk you through your past.” Celestia explained, “We’ll be able to see everything that happened the night you arrived.”

“Everything huh?” Alex asked, playing the night before through his mind once again.

“Yes.” She nodded, “However, if you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it.”

“…No.” Alex shook his head, sick of hearing all the doubt, “Let’s do it. I’d like to see just what happened myself.”

“Wonderful.” Celestia smiled, as her horn lit up, and touched to his, “Just close your eyes, and let me in.”

“You’ll see absolutely everything?” Alex whispered in her ear, half worried about her seeing the death of his parents, and half worried she’d see… something else he did in the shower that morning.

"Yes." She whispered back, "And don't worry. I'm excellent at keeping secrets."

Not wasting another moment, she cast the spell, and blackness overtook the two of them.

\/\/\/\/
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Off the Record
/\/\/\/\

During the most traumatic experiences of a person’s life, the world seems to fall silent. The amount of information moving through your brain becomes so immense, that your body stops paying attention to the other senses. Your vision blurs, your ears ring, and you become numb.

It’s the calm before the storm.

As the information is processed, the shock, and the awe of your situation starts to sink in.

You feel your heart start to beat once again.

You can see the man at your front door more, and more.

And his words start to make it past the both deafening, and comforting ringing.

“I’m so, so sorry.”

“C-can I see them?”

“Son, you don’t want to see them.”

Your breathing starts to become ragged, as the situation sinks deeper and deeper. The shaking starts in your chest, but quickly moves to your arms and legs, as the emotions finally start to bubble over, which usually goes one of two ways.

“Get out of here,” The young man said, taking a step back into his house, “I-I don’t want to hear another word.”

“Alex, you can’t be alone right now,” The officer said, taking a step into the house, “I’m going to stay here with you until your Uncle arrives, alright?”

“Get out.” Alex repeated, his tone darkening to a place the officer knew all too well.

“Listen, we just—“

The officer had reached out to place a hand on Alex’s shoulder, but wasn’t able to make it, as a fist was thrown into his cheek, sending him staggering backward out the door once again.

“Leave me the hell alone!” Alex shouted, slamming the door and quickly locking it.

Rolling his tongue around his hit cheek, the older man tasted his blood that was now filling his mouth. But, there was no anger. Only sadness, and pity.

Standing up, John brushed the dirt off of his pants and reluctantly walked back to his pickup, while milling over Alex, and the state he was in after today.

Alex was a good kid, everyone around here knew it. He was good-looking; a spitting image of his father at eighteen, being shy a few inches of six feet tall, with black hair, and blue eyes. And, while he had a bit of a reputation of being a joker, and a whiner, he was more or less dependable.

Starting his truck, he closed his eyes and exhaled. Today had been truly horrible for the kid.

Just a few hours ago, before he had gone off duty, John had been called to a disturbance at a small diner just a few blocks away from the local high school, where Alex had to be pulled off a fellow student that was twice his size, because the student was with his ex-girlfriend, that had broken up with him only a few hours before the incident.

But, since they lived in such a small town, John knew that he didn’t need to arrest Alex for assaulting the teen. They could simply work it out with some parents present.

The drive back had been awkward, as Alex was taken back to his house from the diner by the officer.

John didn’t have much information at that point about the fight, but was filled in quickly. After the full explanation, he was happy with his decision to simply take Alex home. The hot blood between young men in these kinds of situations was commonplace, and there was no need for anyone to get a criminal record over a scrap like that one. He could even recall a time when he and Alex’s own father had been given the same break in high school, after a big fight broke out on the campus between his group of friends, and couple of douchebags. It was a fact of life at that age.

Arriving at the house, John asked to speak with Alex’s parents. However, they had taken the truck into the city so they could stock up on groceries. So, he told Alex he’d be by later to discuss the incident.

But, when he did come by again, it wasn’t to see his parents.

Getting home from dropping Alex off, John had relaxed in front of his television for a few hours, while his wife prepared dinner for the two of them. However, just before the meal was completed, he received a call from the local dispatch, asking him to respond to a fatal collision on the highway, where a couple had been hit by a drunk driver on their back side, sending their vehicle tumbling over itself, and killing the occupants.

John quickly headed out, idly hoping that his meal would be ready by the time he got back form controlling the flow of traffic.

It wasn’t until he reached the site of the accident, that he realized something was very wrong.

He recognized the truck that was in a mangled heap on the ground.

It belonged to Alex’s parents.

They had been returning from their day in the city, when an intoxicated driver started to drive aggressively behind them, unsatisfied with the speed they were moving at. However, when they stayed at their lower speed, he decided to run into their back bumper, while increasingly erratic in his steering.

It all came to an end when he swerved into the back left of their car, sending them out of control, and making it start to roll over itself.

The crash itself was over within seconds, and it only took a few more moments for someone to run to the truck, and see the horrific scene inside of the crushed vehicle.

So, after all was said and done, John decided to be the one to speak to Alex. Other officers were on duty to do it, but he figured it would be better coming from a close friend of the family.

And, in the end, he was happy that it had been him that was punched. The last thing that needed to happen was to have a rookie cop drag Alex in for throwing a fist on the night his parents were killed.

Looking at the dark house, John sighed and pulled out from the driveway. He decided to head out and find Alex’s uncle, Chet. It would be hard news to deliver twice in one night, but Chet and Alex could really use one another right now.

/\/\/\/\

Alex looked at his hand, and winced at the pain he had just inflicted on himself.

The last five minutes had been filled with nothing but cursing, and destruction, as he refused to process the information he had just been given.

A table lamp, a wooden chair, a back window… It all culminated with the flat panel television hanging in the living room.

The first punch he put in to it did little damage to his hand, only cracking the screen itself. However, he wasn’t satisfied with that level of damage, and started to let out every ounce of anger into the panel of glass. Eventually, the screen was filled with so many cracks, that shards of glass were starting to imbed themselves in his hand, while jagged pieces still attached to the screen were causing deeper slices.

Staggering back, Alex fell back on to his living room couch and exhaled raggedly.

He was crying.

It had all been too much.

”Son, you don’t want to see them.”

Those words echoed through his head, as his stomach started to churn.

His parents, the people who had raised him, cared for him, and loved him, had been in an accident so bad, that he wasn’t even allowed to go see their bodies. How fickle was life, that the most important people in it can just be erased, in the blink of an eye?

They were just bodies.

Shaking his head, this was all too much. Alex had to get the hell out of his house. If he stuck around, he was either going to throw up, or destroy something else.

Standing up, Alex walked by the front door and slipped on his shoes, before heading to the back door, and stepping outside.

The entire back side of his property ran along a massive forest that he had spent most of his life playing in. So, he knew it like the back of his hand. He could spend hours in there without worrying about a soul coming to find him.

His mind was in shambles, and he wanted nothing to do with the world right now. All he needed, was to find some peace in the darkness, and silence of the woods.

Not missing a beat, Alex ran as fast as he could toward the tree line. Nothing was more important to him than getting inside. He didn’t know why. He should have been with his uncle right now… But logic was too far gone from his mind. He had an objective, and god himself couldn’t stop him from completing it.

/\/\/\/\
Later
\/\/\/\/

The night had passed slowly, and Alex had completely lost track of time in his wandering.

The truth behind his situation had sunk deeper and deeper into his chest until he felt like his heart was about to simply give up. Every little possibility ran through his mind, as he considered just what he would have had to do earlier in the day to prevent this from happening in the first place.

He could have told them to go tomorrow, or he could have skipped school and gone with them, changing the schedule of their day enough to have put that car in front of them.

Of course, for all Alex knew, that guy would have just ended up hurting someone else. But, right now, he would have been happy with that result. He knew how terrible it sounded to wish this kind of pain on someone else, but when you’re going through the situation, you don’t care about others. You want your life back.

Feeling the pain in his arm start to pulsate once again, Alex looked down to his mangled knuckles, and regretted his decision to completely destroy the television. He was feeling guilty for having so much focus on himself, at a time when he should have no other thought than to his parents.

The truth behind every catastrophe like this one, is the horrifying unknown that’s to follow. And the pit growing in his stomach because of that was getting larger and larger by the minute. It took all of his willpower to keep himself from losing his composure completely.

But he wouldn't. If he learned anything from his father in his lifetime, it was that endurance in the face of adversity was a true test of character. He wouldn't break. Not right now.

“Hey!”

Interrupting his thought process, Alex heard someone yelling off in the distance.

At first it was hard to make out. But it was definitely coming from a woman.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he focused on the voice, only to confused when he finally made out what she was saying.

“Alex!” The voice shouted from somewhere in front of him, “Come back!”

Figuring that this had to be someone looking for him, Alex decided that this was the time to find them, and head back to his house.

Maybe he shouldn’t be alone anymore.

/\/\/\/\

Alex followed the voice for further than he had first anticipated. All he could figure was that whoever was calling him, had a real set of pipes on her. But he had no idea who that could possibly be, as he didn’t really have any close friends with such a loud voice, or the kind of tone she possessed. He considered the possibility of it being his ex-girlfriend, feeling guilty for seeing that guy so quickly after their breakup.

“Alex…” The voice called from nearby one final, dejected time, “Please come back…”

Breaking the tree line, Alex saw a petit young women standing in a clearing, wearing a black hoodie and short shorts. He didn’t recognize her at all, but figured her to be a police officer, or something along those lines.

“I’m right here,” Alex called, exhaling slowly, “Sorry for running off, I just—“

He was cut off when this young woman ran to him, and wrapped her arms around his chest.

“Thank Celestia!” She mumbled in to his shirt, nuzzling his chest for a second, “I thought you were going to do something stupid!”

“I’m- I’m sorry?” Alex asked, stunned by her sudden, and powerful affection toward him, “I don’t think—“

“I know you wanted to see your parents, but things here aren’t right for you, and we need to get back to Equestria,” She said, pulling backward and raising a hand to his face, “Thank you for taking this seriously.”

Alex was about to apologize, and tell her she must be confused, but before he could even open his mouth, she pulled herself up, and kissed him softly.

Alex could have argued with this… But when a girl is kissing you for little-to-no known reason, sometimes you just let it happen.

Pulling backward, she smiled so warmly, that Alex almost felt himself fall in love with her.

Her face was built perfectly, dominating any girl he went to school with, including his ex-girlfriend. She was simply stunning.

A few strands of hair sticking out from under her hood were strange, as it seemed to be individual sections of red, yellow, and orange. There was no one in his town like that. But it only intensified her attractiveness to him.

Her most hypnotizing trait of all, was her pink eyes. They were a color Alex had never seen on anyone before, so he immediately assumed that they were contacts. But the way she looked at him with them, gave him pause on that assumption.

“Come on,” The girl said, tugging on his shoulder, dragging him into a thick series of bushes, “We parked back here.”

Deciding to let her do her thing, Alex followed behind the bombshell, since it was obvious she knew something about him.

“I found him!” She shouted, as they passed beyond the bushes, back into the trees, “Let’s get back right now!”

Alex went wide eyed as he approached what looked like a blue, wooden phone booth.

“I’ve started the engines! Get him in here!” A man’s voice called from the inside, with what Alex recognized as a British accent.

“We gotta save your friends!” Another female voice called from inside this small box.

Alex was completely lost right now. Why were two people hiding in a telephone box, in the middle of the forest? What sense did that make? He was starting to get a little sketched out.

“Let’s go,” The girl said, walking behind Alex, and pushing him into the small box.

“W-wait, in there?” Alex stammered, as she shoved him into the box.

What came next was a little different than the past few minutes with this strange girl. The inside of this blue box, was incredibly large. Some might even say it was bigger on the inside.

But he was not having any of that.

“Let’s get home!” The girl said to the tall man standing in the center of the large room.

“You got it,” He smiled, throwing a lever on what looked like some kind of a control panel, as what sounded like a dying engine roared to life.

Of course, at this point, Alex was catching up with the situation, and was starting to panic. This wasn’t natural. The inside of this tiny and yet somehow massive box, wasn’t right. He needed to get the hell out of dodge.

Backing up slowly, he started to feel for the door he had just come in through.

“I’m sorry we had to go through all of that,” The girl said, as she turned to Alex, and frowned at his horrified look, “What’s wrong with you?”

“Who are you?” Alex finally asked, taking another step backward toward the door, “What is this place?”

“Alex, it’s me!” the girl said, approaching him slowly, “Colors?”

“Oh no…” The tall British man said from the control panel, as he carefully stepped down toward the two of them, being careful not to fall flat on his face, “That’s not our Alex.”

The girl looked back to him, as her eyes went wide in realization, “You mean—That’s the one from the past?”

The man nodded.

Alex didn’t care at all about what they were saying, and knew that he needed to get out of there.

Taking the final steps backward, he kicked the door open with his right leg, and stepped out of the massive box. But, where he expected grass, and a cool night air, he instead found rushing winds, and stars. Stars everywhere.

The last thing he remembered hearing was the girl’s voice.

“Alex!”

/\/\/\/\

“What’s wrong?” The dark voice asked, as it approached the six colorful girls, “I thought the Elements of Harmony were supposed to stop me! I suppose my Element is just stronger!”

Nightmare Moon, the long lost sister of Princess Celestia, had just returned from her thousand year slumber on the face of the moon, and she was ready to exact her revenge on the ponies who shunned her, and the beauty of the night. She planned on starting with these six girls, by turning them into her minions. And from there, she would move in on Canterlot, and destroy the mare that sent her away.

“Do you have any last words, my little ponies?” She asked, smirking at the fear she could read on their faces.

“I have faith that the Elements of Harmony will be able to defeat you!” Twilight Sparkle, the prized student of Princess Celesta herself, said, “We’re just missing something…”

“Well, ah’ hope y’all can find it.” Applejack, the resident workhorse mumbled, seeing little hope in this situation.

“I knew I should have stayed home today…” Fluttershy squeaked, taking a few steps back to hide behind Rainbow Dash.

“Maybe we just need to ask her nicely!” Pinkie Pie giggled, hopping forward to meet the large mare, “Are you suuuuuure you don’t want to be my new best friend?”

Pinkie wasn’t completely sure, but it looked like Nightmare Moon may have been annoyed with her request.

“Maybe not, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash said, running forward, and biting her tail to drag her back.

“Awwww!” Pinkie whined.

“We’re just—Missing an element!” Twilight said, exhaling in defeat, “But the book didn’t mention a thing about a seventh element!”

“Well, that’s all the time we have girls,” Nightmare laughed darkly, stepping toward them further, as they all shied backward, “I hope you enjoy the next thousand years of darknes—“

Suddenly, from a massive hole in the ceiling, a white pony fell in from the sky, and landed square on Nightmares head.

Nightmare, without any elegance, fell flat on her face, as her legs sprawled out in all directions, and her tongue rolled out of her mouth.

Silence.

“Uhh… What just happened?” Rainbow Dash whispered, trying to contain her laughter.

“What is this?!” Nightmare shouted, shaking her head at the taste of dirt now on her tongue, as she stood up, “I will have no part in—“

“I can feel it!” Twilight called happily, standing up, “That pony over there is the seventh!”

“Are you kidding me?” Nightmare scoffed, growling as she looked back to him, “That doesn’t make any sense!”

The six girls didn't respond, as they were all levitated off the ground, and started to glow brightly.

Following suit, the unconscious pony was also lifted off the ground, but it was as if he was being lifted by his stomach. And, as he was raised up, he wound up flipping around himself a few times, until he settled upside down, with his rump pointing at Nightmare.

The magic Twilight could feel started to increase exponentially, as each of her friends added another rush of power into her crown.

“Is anypony listening?” Nightmare bellowed, still upset that this seemingly random event was exactly what they needed to save the day, “This plot is simply horrible!”

Pinkie giggled, realizing that Nightmare was referring to the white Pony’s butt, not the story .

“Don't worry, Princess,” Twilight shouted over the humming of the magic surrounding her and her friends, “We're going to bring you back to us!”

The following explosion left everypony completely deafened, as a massive rainbow blasted out of the girls, into Nightmare Moon.

Nightmare, at this point, was simply too upset with things to even put up a struggle. Things always seemed to work out for the good-guys.

The attack was over in a matter of seconds, and all that remained in the place of Nightmare moon, was a small, shivering filly. Something that surprised everypony, except of course, the unconscious upside down dude.

/\/\/\/\

“Jesus…” Alex mumbled, feeling all of his blood rushing to his head, as he swing freely in the air, “What’s going on…?”

At this point, his entire mind was fuzzy, having no recollection of the immediate past. So, seeing all of the strange colors, and the weird upside down ponies, he decided that this was a dream.

Yes.

So, he closed his eyes, and drifted back off.

School was in a few hours, after all.

/\/\/\/\

Wishing it was a Dream

/\/\/\/\
Wishing it was a Dream
\/\/\/\/

Alex yawned and stretched out his arms, but didn’t dare open his eyes. The sun was shining in his room, and he didn’t want anything to do with that horrible morning sunshine. So, he stretched, stuck his arms under the pillow, and focused on getting a few more minutes of sleep before his mother came in to wake him up…

Wait.

His mother.

Didn’t she…?

Had it all been a dream? Were his parents actually fine? He couldn’t remember falling asleep that night, but at the same time, the pit in his stomach told him that it hadn’t been a dream. And the more and more he recalled, the more worried he got.

Opening his eyes, he prayed he'd see his bedroom, and a happy day waiting to greet him. Out of anything in this world, that was all he wanted.

He was going to open his eyes, and see exactly what he wanted to see!

In five…

Four…

Three…

Two…

One…

Now, what met him on the other side of his eyelids was not what he expected to see, to say the least.

At first, the two possibilities had been, ‘It had all been a dream, and his life would continue happily,’ or, ‘It hadn’t been a dream, and his parents were still gone.’

But, life always has a way of throwing you a wild card like: ‘You wake up, and everything looks like a cartoon.’

At this point, Alex started to consider the possibility that this was simply nothing more than a dream itself. Maybe that was why his head was so wonky. You can never remember things the right way in a dream! That's why he was so messed up in the head right now!

“That makes so much more sense!” Alex laughed to himself, sitting up from the bed, determined to enjoy his first ever lucid dream, “What’s up with my arms?”

Lifting his hands to his face, he quickly realized that he didn’t have hands at all. After a few seconds, he came to the realization that they were hooves. He had hooves? What kind of dream was he having?

Looking around the room, he quietly appreciated the style this house had been built in. Everything was made out of wood. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. In fact, it looked like this entire room was inside of a hollowed out tree! How fascinating.

Looking to his left, at some reflecting light, he noticed a mirror standing behind a large bed sheet, that only barely hung on to the reflective surface.

“Well, I’d better go see how I look right now!” He said happily, setting his back legs on the ground, as he attempted to stand up and walk forward, however, it simply wasn’t with him, and he fell down, shaking the foundation of the house with his hard smack.

“Ow…” Alex mumbled, as he watched the sheet fall from its place in front of the mirror, and down to the floor, “Jesus, is that how I look?”

In the reflection, Alex was met with the face of a horse, which, wasn’t entirely unexpected. However, it wasn’t quite detailed right.

Even though his best artistic ability was stick figures, he knew that a horse’s face would look a little different from how it was presented to him right now. His head was much shorter than the usual long face a pony was known for. And his nose curved away from the rest of his face, which again, was unlike a horse. And finally, his neck fell straight down from his head, to connect to his body. Usually, the neck pulled backward to reach the rest of the body.

It was almost as if he were eighty percent horse, but twenty percent human.

Aside from those observations, he took a closer look at his body in the reflection, and noted a few of his dominant traits.

He had short black hair, his same dark blue eyes— But as a horse, he had a white coat with a large grey spot encompassing his right wing. Also, to top everything else off, he had a horn, and a pair of wings.

“Both?” He mumbled, knocking his hoof against the point on his head, “Why not just one? What does that make me? A Pega-corn? A Uni-sus? Geez… Who comes up with this garbage?”

Shaking his head, he decided that he was thinking too much about this, and decided to move on with whatever was coming next in this dream of his…

“I could really use a girl in here!” Alex said getting back to the bed by moving his body with his front hooves, while his hind legs dragged behind him, as if they weren't usable.

“I’ll see if he’s awake, Twi,” A voice said, just as Alex made his way back into the bed.

The door to the room opened, and in walked a cyan blue mare, with a pair of wings, and a rainbow mane. This must be the sexy part of his dream! But, something was giving him pause.

Hmm... A pony?

“Do you have to be a horse?” Alex asked, before she was able to open her mouth to greet him, “I mean, I’m for whatever! But, you know, I’d feel a little creepy banging a pony in real life, or a dream, you know?”

“Excuse me?” She asked, her voice cracking in surprise at his forwardness.

“Oh, no, that voice won’t do at all either.” Alex shook his head, thinking of the perfect voice for her to have since, well, this was all a dream, “You sound too man-ish. And if you HAVE to be a horse, I guess you could slim down the rump a tiny bit. Maybe get yourself a bigger chest as well— Hey! Your face turns red too! I like that!”

Indeed it had. The face on the mare had gone from relaxed, and quite happy looking. To what Alex assumed was more of an angry-aroused tone. Again, not his favorite, but he could live with it!

“This is your dream, huh?” The mare asked, taking a few steps toward him, puffing out her chest slightly, “And while I’d love to climb in that bed, and just go crazy with you… there’s one problem.”

Alex knew. This was his dream, after all.

“You’re a lesbi—”

”This isn’t a dream!” The mare bellowed, slapping him hard across the face, before turning, and storming out of the room.

Alex felt his heart start to race. That hurt.

You weren’t supposed to get hurt in dreams.

Pushing himself backward in the bed, he felt his heart start to race much faster than it ever had. All of his senses were lying to him right now, for this to be what he was actually seeing.

His parents had died… and he must have gone insane. Gone to the world of colorful ponies in his head!

“Oh god, why couldn’t I have gone to a different cartoon? Or maybe gone to some crazy-land that wasn’t a cartoon?

“Why couldn’t I be in a Batman movie or something?” Alex whimpered, blinking several times in hopes of seeing the world come back into regular focus, “Then I could hang out with the actor who played the best of the Batmen... George Clooney.”

Laughing for a second to himself, Alex relaxed for a moment in his self-proclaimed amazing comedic abilities. He was just so damn funny sometimes.

Alex turned his attention back to the door, as he hear someone else approaching him.

“Um, hey!” A voice called from the door, as a purple pony stuck her head through the door, being careful not to upset the obviously horrified person, “You’re not dreaming, by the way.”

Alex looked at her uncomfortably.

“What?” She asked, trying to see if there was anything stuck to her face, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Alex wasn’t sure if he should respond.

If he was tied up in some mental institution somewhere, they’d never let him go if he was talking to ponies. So, silence was the option chosen.

“Are you okay?” She asked, suddenly much more concerned for him, “You hit your head pretty hard back there.”

Alex pursed his lips.

“Uhh… Well, my name is Twilight Sparkle!” said nervously, looking at him hopefully, before accepting that he might need a little bit of time to clear his head, “So… let me know if you’re feeling better. We just had some food delivered.”

Alex perked up. It may have surprised many people to know this, but he loved food. It was so flipping good. And he was starving!

“Could you… bring me some?” Alex asked quietly, perking up the purple mare, “I’m Alex, by the way.”

“Sure!” She beamed, happy to get a response out of him, “I’ll be right back!”

Watching her out the door, Alex realized just how happy he was that she brought up the subject of food. Without that, he would have hidden in this room all day, until he either starved to death, or grew a pair. He couldn’t say which would have happened first.

Quickly returning with some hay sitting on a plate, she dropped it on the bed side table for him.

“Is that enough?” She asked, thinking it to be a perfect portion size, as she fluffed it with a spell.

“How was that food flying?” Alex asked, looking for some kind of string it all could have been attached to.

“Magic, of course,” Twilight said matter-of-factly, “What kind of spells do you know?”

“Oh, none,” Alex shook his head, confident that lying about it would be a bad thing to do, especially because she was talking about fricking magic.

“More of a flyer?” Twilight asked casually, happy that he was opening up so much, “I was surprised to see you had both!”

“Not actually able to fly,” Alex answered, laughing nervously, “Anyway! Just what is this food?”

“What is it?” Twilight asked, scrunching her nose at his confusion over the staple food in a pony’s diet, “Its hay!”

“I don’t want to be sound rude,” Alex began, looking at the hay and gulping audibly, “But I’m- allergic.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” Twilight apologized, levitating the food away from him a bit too fast, causing a piece of hay to land on his nose, “Oh no! I’ll get it!”

Forgetting about the plate, she refocused her spell to lift the hay from his nose. But, this left the plate to shatter on the floor.

Twilight fell back on her rump, beet red with embarrassment.

“I’m usually better at magic than this…” She said, looking up to him apologetically.

Alex cracked a smile.

Twilight perked up again at the sight of his happiness, “Oh good, you can actually do that!”

“I can smile,” Alex nodded, as he once again ran his situation through his mind, “But when I’m done explaining myself to you and your rainbow friend, you might wish I’d stayed quiet.”

“Well, before we wish anything, what can I get you to eat?” Twilight asked politely, “I think I could dig up something for you.”

“Maybe a ham sandwich?” Alex asked hopefully, craving one like crazy.

“Ham?” Twilight asked, tilting her head, “I don’t think I know what that is.”

Oh no…

“Are ponies omnivores by any chance?” Alex asked hopefully, realizing that he might be in a world without his favorite thing. Bacon.

“Goodness no!” Twilight said, shocked that he would ask such a question, as if he knew nothing about ponies, “We’re strict herbivores. Why would you ask such a thing?”

Alex was feeling the situation through, and wasn’t sure if he should lie, or tell the truth.

“What would you say, if I told you I wasn’t a pony?”

“Uh…” Twilight said, looking out the door to see her friend, Applejack standing just outside, giving her a ‘coo-coo’ gesture by circling her ear with her hoof.

“He’s crazy!” Pinkie Pie whispered a little too loudly, giggling inappropriately.

“Look, I’m not crazy! I’m not from around here! I’m- I’m a human! Not a fricking horse!” Alex started to ramble out, as he made Twilight more and more nervous, “I can’t even walk! I don’t know how to do this whole four-leg thing! I just fell flat on my face last time I tried!”

His attitude flipped in an instant, as he went from fairly calm, and collected, to almost out of his mind.

“Maybe you hit your head a little harder than we—“

“I’m not crazy!” Alex shouted suddenly, only worsening his case, as he felt a tear form in his eye.

“Are you two alright?” A white pony asked, asking into the room, before seeing Alex in the bed and smiling to him, “Oh, my thanks for helping us deal with that simply horrible Nightmare!”

“I- I have no idea what… what the hell is this place?!” Alex shouted, his composure now completely gone, “I need to go home!”

“Alex, please calm down!” Twilight said, raising her voice to a point she hoped he’d be able to wrap his head around.

“I’m- I- I know…” Alex exhaled, his expression just showing how horribly he was feeling, “I’m going out of my mind right now.”

“Is everythin’ alright in here?” An orange pony asked, entering the room, “Ah’m hearin’ a whole lotta yellin’.”

“You sound like Hannah Montana,” Alex sighed, dropping his head back on to the pillow.

“Uh, thanks?” Applejack said, having absolutely no idea if she should feel complemented, “Name’s Applejack, by the way.”

“Well then, do you have any apples on you by any chance?” Alex asked, willing to eat anything aside from hay right now.

“Sure do!” Applejack beamed, pulling an apple out of her saddlebag by the stem, and tossing it next to him on the bed, “Go tuh town!”

Rolling over to where the apple had landed, Alex reached out to pick it up, only to feel it bounce off his hoof, when he tried to wrap his fingers around it.

“Okay… Let’s pretend I’m not crazy,” Alex said to the three girls in the room with him, “How would I go about eating this thing?”

“Jus’ use yer’ mouth!” Applejack said, acting as normally as she could, considering how insane he sounded, “Like this!”

Reaching into her bag with her mouth, she tossed the apple into the air, just to have it fall back down in to her mouth, where she ate the entire thing in a single bite.

“No offense to you guys,” Alex sighed, “But I'm really hoping this is still a dream.”

/\/\/\/\

A Different Kind of Problem

////
A Different Kind of Problem
////

After his awkward conversation with Applejack and Twilight, Alex was left alone in his room to think about just what the hell was going on, which was a truly through thought process for him.

He remembered his last moments on earth, from the news of his parents passing, to the girl kissing him, and him falling out of the massive blue box.

From there, he was cold… until he blacked out, and woke up in the bed… and accidentally tried to bang that rainbow pony.

These events ran on repeat, as he tried to escape from his situation, back in to his head.

Time passed, and before he knew it, the sun was going down out the window, and he was facing a problem.

He had to pee, and was scared to ask any of those girls to come back.

“What should I do…?” Alex mumbled to himself, feeling the pain on his bladder increase slowly, hoping he wouldn’t have to explain his wet bed to them.

But, on the other hoof, he would have to ask that purple pony to carry him to the bathroom… if they even used them!

What if he had to poop outside from now on?! He was shy!

One time a deer made eye contact with him while he was peeing, and he tightened up for the next three hours.

And now, every time he tries to pee outside, he thinks of those cold, prying eyes, staring right at that which made him a man.

“Why can’t I walk?” Alex groaned, not daring face plant again, lest he get the attention of the girls partying just outside his room.

So… this was it. This is how it was going to be for him.

He was going to pee in this bed, right here.

Here is comes…

“Heya!” A cheery voice called, bursting into the room, and closing the door behind her, “I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Uh, hey, um… Pinkie?” Alex stammered, not having the time to ponder on her strange name, “Could you help me, by any chance?”

“Sure I can! That’s why I came in here, silly!” She giggled, seeing his face crunch in confusion.

“You came to help me?” Alex asked, figuring this must have just been another kind of magic, “How did you know I needed help?”

“My eyelid twitched!” She explained proudly, “See?”

Leaning to within an inch of his face, Pinkie closed her right eye, and demonstrated the muscle spasms she experienced.

“That told you that I, specifically, needed to pee?” Alex asked incredulously, amazed at the skill she had, and how it saved him from the embarrassment of everyone knowing that he couldn’t pee on his own.

“Oh nononono,” She shook her head, feeling she hadn’t been clear enough, “It told me that somepony nearby had to pee. So, I had to ask everypony first!

“So…” Alex began, hoping she wasn’t going to say what he thought she would.

“So, through process of elimination, and a little bit of help from Twilight and the gals, we figured it out that it was you!” Pinkie smiled brightly, as the sound of a rubber duck being squished seemed to emanate from her cheeks.

“So… how do I go about peeing then?” Alex asked, grossing his fingers—well, hooves that there would be a simple answer to this question.

“You’re a fella’, so you just need to stand there and let your thing do all the work!” Pinkie explained, elaborating by showing him the flow of pee from her invisible penis, to the ground.

“And I have to do it… outside?” Alex asked, grimacing.

“Oh, well, you can pee in the toilet I guess.” Pinkie rolled her eyes, “But I’m aaaaaaaall natural. I love being in the open air to get my business done!”

Alex felt his heart leap.

Not at the outside pee stuff. His heart wasn’t leaping because she pees outside.

It was the mention of toilets in a world filled with horses.

Not that other stuff.

Seriously, stop thinking that.

“Where’s the bathroom then?” Alex asked, knowing he was going to have to trek through the main room where the rest of the girls currently were, “How far do I have to crawl?”

“It’s right here, silly!” Pinkie laughed, having a lot of fun with his confusion as she opened a door that doubled as a bookshelf.

“Why would Twilight even have a door like that?” Alex asked, looking at all the rest of the bookshelves that were exactly the same as that one.

“I don’t think Twilight even knows this one is here,” Pinkie explained, “Twilight only just moved in here yesterday. So, both of you are new to the town!”

“I still feel a little newer,” Alex shrugged, as he started to slide his way off of the bed, and on to the floor, “I wish I knew how to walk as a horse.”

“Pony,” Pinkie corrected, as she watched Alex crawl himself over from the bed, “And haven’t you even tried to walk yet?”

“Well, I tried standing on my back legs, and if I can’t do that, I definitely can’t do four,” Alex answered, passing Pinkie on his way in to the bathroom, “I’ll work on it.”

“But horses can walk as soon as they’re born!” Pinkie said, as her right arm started to bounce.

“Yeah, that’s how it is in my world too,” Alex nodded, deciding to give this the old college try, as he placed his left front leg on the ground, followed by his right.

“Oh no,” Pinkie shook her head in response to his question, “Ponies can’t walk right when they’re born here. I was talking about your world!”

“Oh, well that makes sens—“ Alex stopped midsentence, analyzing what she had just said to him, but decided to shake it off, he had a feeling that this mare was a cousin to craziness.

Making his way on to all four of his legs, Alex started to move on hoof at a time, cautiously shifting his balance to avoid falling over, as he made the last few steps to the bathroom.

“You might do a little better at walking once you’re all done in there,” Pinkie chirped, her smile not wavering for a moment, “Sometimes I lose my balance when I have to go.”

While Alex appreciated the advice, something told him that wasn’t the case.

“Thanks,” He said simply.

“Need any help doin’ the deed?” Pinkie asked innocently, not even creeping him out with her forwardness.

“Oh, no,” Alex shook his head politely, happy to finally make it to the toilet, “I think I can work that out for myself.”

“Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie said, grabbing the large bookshelf in front of her, and pushing it closed to give him some privacy.

Alex was happy to finally sit down on the throne, he had been wishing for since he literally woke up in this world. The relief of his pressure was the best thing he had felt in literally months.

“Alex!” Pinkie whispered, “How’s it going? Can you walk better yet?”

“I- I don’t know yet Pinkie!” Alex called out nervously, feeling the stream abruptly come to a stop at her intervention, “Would you mind giving me a little, you know, privacy, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, right! Sorry!’ Pinkie said, in the same tone of everything else.

Bouncing out of his room, Pinkie looked at her friends in the center of the room and beamed, “I taught him how to pee!”

Nopony had an answer for her, except a hanging open mouth from Fluttershy.

The next few moments were filled with awkward silence, as they all heard the water flush, and the door creak open in the other room.

Those noises were followed by the clicking of hooves, as he made his way to the door of the bedroom.

Everypony looked to the door, as Alex poked his head out, standing perfectly normally.

Sighing, Alex looked to Pinkie, and then around the room at the ponies he had met today, before looking back to Pinkie in defeat. “I can walk better now that I’ve gone…”

“I told you!”

/\/\/\/\

Formal Introductions

/\/\/\/\
Formal Introductions
\/\/\/\/

So, here he was, standing in front of several girls, having just announced that he made a good pee. Which was an accomplishment for him, but perhaps not in their eyes.

Of course, these girls seemed more or less supportive, especially the pink one he had just been talking too, which made him a little more comfortable.

But, well, considering the whole situation he was in, he was still really damn uncomfortable.

“So…” Alex coughed, stepping out from the doorway, to the six mares in the room, “Is everyone here a horse?”

The girls looked between each other, sharing odd glances that only further confused the human-turned pony.

“Is that a ‘yes?’” Alex asked, frowning at his ignorance to this horrible situation.

“Just the opposite,” Twilight finally spoke up, biting her lip at answering such rudimentary questions, “All sorts of creatures live in this world, not just ponies.”

“Well, yeah,” Alex nodded, not having phrased his question properly, “Are you the only… sentient beings?”

Twilight shook her head instantly.

“There are, mules, cows, zebras, dragons, gryphons—“

“Gryphons? Dragons?” Alex asked, crinkling his nose and frowning, “I don’t like that. Can you change that?”

“Excuse me?” Twilight asked, looking back to her friends for some kind of support.

“Well, I’m still kinda banking on this being a dream,” Alex shrugged, still on the fence of his situations reality, “But if I’m crazy, I’m gonna ride the hell out of it.”

“Do you want to go see a doctor?” Twilight asked suddenly, completely oblivious to the state his mind was in right now, “because, well—“

“Because you’re flippin’ crazy!” Dash cut in, sounding as stuck up as she could, “You sound like you’ve lost your mind!”

Alex frowned at the tone she was taking with him. He had no desire to be treated so poorly- especially by a rainbow pony in a cartoon world.

"Is this because I came on to you?" Alex asked, cooling himself down somewhat, "Come off of it! I thought I was dreaming!"

"You think my voice is too manly?" She asked, cocking an eyebrow, not happy with his returned tone.

"Well, just a little cracky!" Alex responded, considering that, in his mind, to be pretty manly.

"And you think my rump is big?" She asked, swishing her tail, and showing off a weird tattoo on her bottom.

"Well, to be fair, I have no idea what it should look like," Alex defended again, clearly staring at her ass for a little more than a comfortable amount of time.

"And what was that last part about my chest?" She asked, having not been very offended by that statement, but rather confused.

"Well, where I come from, chests are, well, considered to be better when they're bigger. On a woman." Alex explained, unsure of how insane he sounded, "I'm not of that belief myself. I prefer a handful. Nothing more."

As Alex spoke, he was very happy that these girls had no idea what he was talking about. Had these been human girls, he would have been slapped at least four times by now.

"Then why did you want mine bigger?" She asked again, "I'm slimmer than everypony here in my chest."

All the girls had some kind of protest, but they were ignored by the ponies speak in front of them.

"It was a dream!" Alex whined, tossing an arm in the air.

Dash only scowled.

"Look, I'm not trying to be an ass here, it was a simple mistake," Alex said, extending a hoof for her to shake, while still reading as rather angry, "Are we good?"

Sighing, Dash extended her own hoof, and locked hers together with his.

"Fine." She nodded, not showing any change in emotion, "Rainbow Dash."

"Alex," He responded, before making yet another inappropriate joke, "And for the record, if i were attracted to horses, I'm sure you'd be at the top of my list."

"Well I don't think she'd be--" Rarity spoke up, before Dash shot her a look, silencing her. The last thing she wanted was for him to have more fuel.

Looking back to him, she forced a smile, as he did the same thing back to her.

The two took a moment to each consider the other.

This guy was different form most, but she knew his attitude. He was the type to be self-centered, a jerk, and full of himself. She knew all of this because, well, she was the same.

His forced smile faded somewhat, as Alex thought over this mare. The first thing she said to him was so rude, it stuck in his head. She was forever going to be the bitch to him. He felt a little guilty, but at the same time, she had asked for it. He had a similar attitude, but was way funnier than her, so it was okay.

One thing they both knew, was that their types of attitudes were destined to clash. Theirs would not be a good relationship.

Awkward silence filled the room after the forced happiness faded from the two.

"I think I should go." Dash said after a moment, "I have some stuff to do."

Nopony had anything to say to her, as she turned toward the door, opened it, and promptly closed it behind her.

Everypony else wasn’t sure what there was to be said. Alex had certainly given a strange first impression. The only one who had anything to say, was Pinkie.

“Don’t worry Alex! Dashie will come around,” Pinkie smiled, hopping over to him, “But maybe you could be friendlier to her, like you were with me! And try not to sound so crazy!”

While Alex wasn’t a fan of being babied by… well, anyone, she did have a point. He was being a bit of a cock right now. And he hated roosters.

“You’re right,” Alex nodded, looking apologetically amongst the girls in the main section of the cartoon library, “I guess I should be taking this a little more seriously.”

“Good!” Pinkie beamed, looking to her friends with a wide grin, “Everypony, this is Alex! He’s a hooman!”

While Twilight would have normally cut Pinkie off at such a crazy statement, she decided to let Alex have this moment, on the off chance what he had been rambling about was true.

“Ah’m Applejack!” She smiled to him, before touching a hoof to her chin, “Ah’ may’ve already told’ja that though.”

“Nice to meet you.” Alex smiled.

The next pony in line, was a yellow Pegasus with Pink hair.

“I’m Fluttershy,” She said, hiding behind her long hair, as she did in many situations, “Um, it’s nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Alex said kindly, clearly seeing the anxiety inside of this girl, “I’m sorry if I was a jerk.”

“Oh, that’s fine,” Fluttershy smiled weakly, “I have to deal with mean ponies sometimes, but I always manage.”

Alex only nodded to her. Not sure where he stood with this mare as of now.

“My name is Rarity,” The elegant white mare said, “Thank you for your help today in dealing with that dreadful monster.”

“Well, I wouldn’t call myself amazing,” Alex shrugged, smiling to her, “But if you feel like you need to say that I am, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Attractive and modest,” Rarity laughed, tossing her hear to the side, “I’m glad to see you acting a little more serious, however.”

“I’ll try to keep that up for you guys from now on.” Alex said seriously.

“And I’m Pinkie!” She introduced for the second time, “And I’d be happy to teach you to pee any time!”

“I appreciate the offer, thank you.” Alex shook his head, trying to hide the blush creeping up on his face.

“And don’t worry about Dashie, I’ll try to get her to come around,” Pinkie said happily, “She’s lotsa fun when you get to know her!”

Alex nodded, and then looked to Twilight, and nodded embarrassedly for his previous attitude, “Sorry again about the attitude.”

“Just promise me you’ll keep it to a minimum.” Twilight said, happy to see him being polite, and a little saner.

“I’ll try my best.” Alex said, looking to the front door of the library as it swung open.

“I got those cupcake you wanted, Rainbow Dash!” A small purple dragon called, stepping inside with several boxes held in his arm, “I had to wait for Mr. Cake to bake them, so you’d better be greatful!”

“Dashie’s gone, Spike.” Pinkie giggled, feeling a little bad for the, “The white guy scared her off.”

“What?!” Spike whined, dropping the boxes on the ground, “Rainbow Dash left because that pony is white? That sounds a little racist!”

“She hasn’t run away from me, Spike,” Rarity pointed out, not wanting Spike to get the wrong impression of the mare, “So she’s not a racist.”

“That makes her a sexist then!” Spike shot back, still missing the point entirely, “I can’t believe I went all the way out to grab her this and—Oh, you’re the new guy?”

Alex nodded, tilting his head and examining the stout body of the seemingly mature creature.

“He’s Alex,” Twilight introduced, seeing that he was genuinely inspecting Spike for what he was, “And I think we’re about to hear a very strange story from him.”

“We are?” Spike asked.

“You are?” Alex said, snapping his attention back to her, “Oh, right! I guess you guys wanna hear my side of everything, right?”

“Well, if you don’t mind,” Twilight nodded.

“I’ll try to summarize it for you,” Alex said, recalling everything from the night before, “It’ll end up a half a million words if I tell every little detail.”

Trying to step toward them, Alex stumbled, causing everypony to gather around him instead, as he clearly still had trouble moving.

“Well, last night, I was out in the middle of a forest behind my house because… Well, some stuff happened, and I was trying to get away from it all,” He explained vaguely, not wanting them to think his parents was the cause of his mental instability, “And while I was out there, I ran in to a girl about my age, just standing in the middle of a field calling my name.”

“You ran in to her?!” Pinkie asked, loving the excitement already, “Did you knock her over?”

“Not like that.” Alex answered her quickly, before getting back on track, “All I could hear was her voice, and she was calling out ‘Alex,’ over and over. So, I made my way over to her, thinking she was someone out looking for me. But, even though I’d never seen her before, I was still the one she was looking for.”

“I thought ya’d never seen’er before.” Applejack observed, thinking she had missed a step somewhere in the story.

“She knew me, but I’d never seen her before. She even kissed me!” Alex said, somewhat missing the warmth she had, “After that, we were told we needed to get back to some place called Equestria- don’t ask me why that weird name stuck out in this story, and so—“

“You’re in Equestria,” Twilight cut in, watching Alex put a few puzzle pieces together in his head, before smiling lightly.

“So… This isn’t me being insane?” Alex asked nopony in particular, “They mentioned Equestria before I fell out of that box, and now I’m there? That means there’s a link between then and now! I’m not in some insane asylum!”

While Alex was very excited about this development, everypony else was trying to get their head around what he had just told them.

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me,” Rarity said, scratching the side of her head.

Alex stopped his celebrating, realizing that he could have been a little more clear.

“Well,” Alex said, thinking through his explanation for a moment, “They mentioned Equestria before I came to this crazy world. I was still sane when they told me. Which means, for me to appear in this world, and have it be named Equestria… it means that I’m actually here, and not in some dream world! The blue box I fell from must have been passing between the worlds, and I fell in!”

“What blue box?” Pinkie asked.

“Oh, right,” Alex frowned, having not explained that part yet, but not feeling like taking a year to get it across, “We went in a blue box, they told me I wasn’t the right Alex, I backed up, fell out the door, and then… blackness.”

Everypony was still hopelessly lost, and they were all coming to terms with the fact that they were probably going to be staying that way for a while.

“Well, I’ll have to speak to the Princess about all of this. Maybe she knows something we don’t.” Twilight said, having no other advice to offer him.

“There’s a princess pony?” Alex asked, imagining a small mare with a massive cape, crown, and staff, “Sounds a little cliché, if you ask me.”

“I- I don’t know how to respond to that,” Twilight said, still mystified by the odd things he said, “It’s just the way it is.”

“Right, sorry,” Alex waved a hoof in front of him, “Forget I said anything.”

“Alright!” Pinkie announced, jumping up on a table, “Who’s ready to get their party on?”

“Yes, please do turn the music back up” Rarity said, feeling like dancing a little more before she headed home.

“Put on the last track, if ya’d be so kind,” Applejack asked politely.

“Is there any more punch?” Twilight asked, making her way over to the snack table.

“I could go for some of that myself,” Fluttershy smiled, following the purple pony away.

Looking back and forth at the ponies now engaging in this rather tame party, Alex had only one thought.

“I need to pee again.”

It's Called Ponyville? Seriously?

It's Called Ponyville? Seriously?

/\/\/\/\
It’s Called Ponyville? Seriously?
\/\/\/\/

After the party had concluded, Alex was left wondering exactly what he should be doing at this point. Really, all he needed to do was find the portal back to his world, so he could move on with his life, and never ever tell anyone that he was in a magic cartoon pony world. They’d lock him up over that one.

Well, assuming he wasn’t already in an institution. That possibility was still out there.

Looking out the front window of the library, Alex considered the place he was in right now.

It seemed like this town was more on the rural side of things. However, he had no idea if urban places even existed here. He’d have to make a list of questions to ask about this dumb place.

“Hey, Alex?” Twilight asked carefully, still a little worried that he might be completely insane, “Do you mind if I take you somewhere?”

“The hospital?” He asked, turning from the window and grimacing, “I’d really rather not.”

“Not the hospital,” She shook her head, watching him relax somewhat, “I’d like to take you to Princess Celestia.”

“That’s a nice name,” Alex said idly, “Is she the god of space or something?”

“Well, just the sun,” Twilight corrected nonchalantly, as Alex shook his head and laughed.

“Just the sun,” Alex exhaled, looking to the setting sun in front of him, “Who does the moon?”

“Well, Princess Luna, I guess.” Twilight answered, knowing she hadn’t controlled the moon in over a thousand years, “But not right now.”

“So the other Princess does both, I guess?” Alex asked, indeed guessing.

“You’re getting it!” Twilight laughed, before frowning when he didn’t respond to her, “Maybe I should take you to a hospital.”

“Nonono,” Alex answered quickly, seeing how nervous she was at his conflicting attitudes in the last few hours, “They’re going to ask for a stool sample, and I haven’t figured that part out yet.”

Cracking a smile, he put Twilight at ease.

“Let’s go see this Princess.” Alex said, gesturing to the door, “I’d like to see around the outside world as well.”

Nodding, Twilight opened the door and allowed him to leave first. She knew Celestia would have a spell that could give everypony a basic grasp on his mental health. If he was indeed sane, like he half-insisted, then they would have some very interesting questions to answer. That was for sure.

/\/\/\/\

“This is Ponyville,” Twilight said, walking down the road as Alex carefully took his trip one step at a time, “Home to well, as I’m sure you can guess, Ponies.”

“It’s called Ponyville?” Alex asked, scoffing as pretentiously as possible, “Seriously?”

“That’s a bad thing?” Twilight scratched her chin, as the stupid questions all started to become commonplace.

“Well, it’s like having a place called ‘Human Town.’” Alex shrugged, “Just sounds like someone got lazy.”

Passing a large set of buildings, they both took a moment to get themselves used to the new surroundings.

“Hey Twilight! Hey Alex!” Pinkie beamed, jumping out of a nearby window, and without missing a beat, began bouncing beside the two of them, “Where are you two going?”

“I’m taking Alex to the town hall to see Princess Celestia,” Twilight gestured, pointing to the large building in the center of town, “She’ll be able to tell us if he’s… C.R.A.Z.Y.”

Alex wasn’t sure if he should be insulted that she assumed he couldn’t spell.

“Oh, he’s not crazy at all!” Pinkie giggled, “Just a little bit of a horse’s patoot! My ear told me so!”

Geez. It was like he wasn’t even here.

Twilight wasn’t fully acquainted with Pinkie yet, as they had only met the day before last. But she knew there were going to be some disagreements between them coming up. There was no conceivable way she could read a ponies sanity by using her ear.

Finally arriving at the town hall, Twilight walked up to the large doors, and cracked them open.

Inside, Twilight, followed by Pinkie and Alex poking their heads over hers, could see Princess Celestia speaking with the mayor of the town.

“The next matter we must discuss, is the daily delivery of confectionaries to Canterlot Castle. I wish to enter into a contract with the resident bakers in the town.” The large white mare said, using a quill to write on an opened scroll.

“I’m sure we could have that drawn up for you in about an hour,” The Mayor answered her, giddily writing on her own piece of parchment, happy to have so much business coming from the capital of Equestria, Canterlot.

“That older mare sounds like Spike,” Alex observed rather loudly.

Both Celestia and the Mayor turned toward the door, and frowned at the three eavesdropping ponies, each of which held a different expression on their face.

Twilight was blushing, and grinning apologetically, as she looked away from the gaze of the two.

Pinkie reached her hoof in through the door and waved to them both.

Alex, on the other hoof, was obviously checking out the Princess.

“Ah. You must be our mystery pony.” Celestia said warmly, standing up and ignoring his eyes that were drilling into her rump, “I wasn’t aware you were awake yet… or that you were an alicorn, for that matter.”

“Yeah, alicorn… sure.” Alex mumbled, not recognizing the term, as he finally looked up to her face, “I’m a little bonkers, to be honest with you.”

Celestia studied him, having no trouble seeing his odd attitude.

“I’m Alex, by the way,” Alex said, stepping out of the doorway and extending a hoof.

“Princess Celestia,” She said, ignoring his hoof, and instead bowing her head to him, “I’d like to personally thank you for helping us defeat Nightmare Moon last night.”

“You’re the Princess?” Alex asked, realizing how obvious it really was, considering her larger build, massive horn, and elegant butt-tattoo, “I guess I shouldn’t be staring so much then.”

“Think nothing of it, I’m used to it.” Celestia smiled, silently enjoying the attention she was receiving.

“Princess, I was hoping you’d be able to use some magic to determine his mental stability,” Twilight spoke up, stepping next to Alex, “He’s been saying some very odd things.”

“Like what?” Celestia asked, her interest piqued at what this odd stallion could possibly say to call his sanity into question, “Please elaborate that for me.”

Twilight looked to Alex, and waited for him to speak up.

“Oh!” Alex nodded, catching on quickly to her expectant gaze, “I’m a human, I came to this world in a blue box that I fell out of, I seem to have transformed into a horse… and I guess I’m not going to be getting along with that Rainbow Dash. That’s my story.”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. That was a word she hadn’t heard for at least a hundred years.

Human.

“You call yourself… human?” She asked curiously, approaching him, and walking a circle around the smaller white and gray stallion, “That’s a very interesting claim, Alex.”

“Does it make me crazy?” He asked, hiding how excited he was at having his attitude validated.

“Well, I don’t know much.” Celestia explained, never having read up on the subject too much herself, “But what I do remember is… strange.”

Everypony listened expectantly.

Celestia didn’t explain herself right away, as she looked him over.

He wasn’t red and black. From his already displayed attitude, he didn’t seem too one-sided. But that was yet to be seen.

“Generally, they have described as perfect beings, when inside of Equestria,” Celestia explained, “Attractive, amazing with magic, the center of all attention… superheroes, essentially.”

Twilight grimaced. That sounded like something out of a horribly written book.

“However, I’m afraid I’ll have to do some digging to find any more than that. This is all off the top of my head” She finished, looking to Alex, “So tell me, how many of those things do you feel describe you?”

“Well, he’s not that attractive.” Pinkie spoke up.

“Can you fly? Can you use magic?” Celestia asked, wondering if he would have inherit ability in those challenges.

Flapping his wings as best he could, it quickly became clear he wouldn’t be airborne any time soon.

“What about magic?” Twilight asked, tapping his horn with her hoof.

“I use magic with this, huh?” Alex asked, looking up at his horn and pursing his lips.

It only took four and a half minutes of grunting and shaking arms to determine that he indeed, had no ability in the magic department.

Huffing he sat down on his rump and crossed his arms.

“This is stupid. I wanna go home already.”

“Well, if Alex is indeed a human, he’s the worst one we’ve ever had,” Celestia giggled, seeing his frustration only increase.

Deciding to calm down, and take things a little more seriously, Celestia looked to the offended pony, and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

“If you’ll let me, I can walk you through your past.” Celestia explained, “We’ll be able to see everything that happened the night you arrived.”

“Everything huh?” Alex asked, playing the night before through his mind once again.

“Yes.” She nodded, “However, if you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to do it.”

“…No.” Alex shook his head, sick of hearing all the doubt, “Let’s do it. I’d like to see just what happened.”

“Wonderful.” Celestia smiled, as her horn lit up, and touched to his, “Just close your eyes, and let me in.”

“You’ll see absolutely everything?” Alex whispered in her ear, half worried about her seeing the death of his parents, and half worried she’d see… something else he did in the shower that morning.

As soon as she cast the spell, blackness overtook the two of them.

/\/\/\/\

Prologue

\/\/\/\/

Memories

/\/\/\/\
Memories
\/\/\/\/

/\/\/\/\
Prologue End
\/\/\/\/

Alex couldn’t believe everything he had just witnessed. He had a front row seat to the last twelve hours of his life, and had watched every moment replay, as clear as it had been the first time. He was shocked this kind of… magic existed.

That sounded so odd to him. Magic.

Now that his flashback had ended, he wasn’t sure where there was to go. He had expected to wake up surrounded by those girls, but he just surrounded in darkness, waiting to open his eyes.

“Maybe I need to focus…” Alex mumbled, reaching up with his hands and rubbing his temples, before looking to his fingers, “Hey! I’m a human in here!”

“Well, this is your mind, Alex.” A celestial voice said through the darkness, “And you’ve done a very good job convincing me of your story.”

“Well that’s good to hear,” He laughed, looking around to see where she was talking from, “Where are you?”

“Well, we’re actually in my mind, while we’re in your mind,” She explained vaguely, as he frowned in frustration, “Well, what next then?”

“I’m going to wake you up,” She said, with a brief pause in her simulated breathing “However, I’d like to clear some things up with you first.”

“Sure, shoot.” Alex said, sitting down on the black ground.

“Your parents were… killed.” She said carefully, seeing his expression soften, “This is something I should keep to myself?”

“Please.” Alex nodded, his voice showing small signs of strain, “I’d rather not have the pity party.”

“Of course,” She nodded, moving on to the next order of business, “Now, about your return home, I’m afraid that might be a problem.”

Alex exhaled. Great.

“While the magic exists that could get you home, it’ll only work if you cast it,” She explained, unsure of how to interpret his blank expression, “The spell requires the caster to imagine their home. The sights, the smells, and the feelings it elicits are all critical to the spell succeeding.”

“Okay, well, how hard is magic to do?” Alex asked, hopefully.

“The spell you need to get home is advanced. In fact, I myself would have trouble casting it.” She said quietly, her face apologizing to him.

“How old did you say you were again?” Alex asked, biting his lip, hoping he was wrong about the number he remembered being thrown out.

“Well, for your sake, I’ll simply say, over a thousand,” She said to him as he squeaked sadly.

Now longer blank faced, he was now dejected.

“So… a thousand years, huh?” Alex mumbled, “That’s not so bad.”

“If you were to focus on that spell in particular, you would be able to cast it in only a few years,” Celestia offered, happy to see his expression perk up.

“Seriously?” He asked, before realizing just what ‘years’ was, “That’s… pretty long too.”

Celestia understood his frustration, but needed to move on with the conversation. Their minds were linked, and she was afraid of what he might see of her.

“So, assuming you wish to learn this spell, do you have a preference on where you’d like to be while you’re taught?” She asked, considering the possibilities for him.

“I mean, I have no idea what’s even going on,” Alex shrugged, looking around the dark room, “I’d appreciate a recommendation.”

“You may return to Canterlot, our capital, with me, and I will teach you as best I can with the little time I have,” She began, as she gauged his reaction, “Your other option, however, would be to stay here in Ponyville with my student, Twilight Sparkle. She is completely capable of teaching you the spell you need, and would have much more time to spend with you, helping you along.”

“Does she know she’s being considered for this job?” Alex asked, surprised that this Princess would just throw her student into a job like that without any conversation between the two.

“I’ll get your answer first.” Celestia said simply, “I didn’t want to get her hopes up, only to have you decide to come to Canterlot with me.”

Alex thought to himself for a moment, considering his options.

He could stay here in the town he had been in for… a day, with a group of ponies he met briefly. Or, he could go to this Canterlot place, and study with who he assumed was the strongest being in the world.

“What do you think the time difference would be?” Alex asked, relishing in the use of his fingers once again, as he fiddled with them, doing nothing in particular.

“Twilight would be able to teach you much faster than I,” Celesta explained, shaking her head, “She has little responsibility, and could devote more than double the time I could.”

“Well, I guess we have our answer!” Alex laughed, shrugging at the little choice he had, “She’s pretty cute too, so I guess I could survive.”

“Cute?” Celestia asked, verbally raising her eyebrow.

“Well, as cute as ponies get,” Alex said, considering just how attractive he felt the girls in this world to be, before catching himself at the odd thought process, “I’m getting used to this whole world way too fast if you ask me.”

“Well, you’ll be staying with her at the library, so I hope you treat her with the level of respect she deserves.” Celestia said sternly, genuinely believing him to be harmless, but still taking steps to intimidate him.

“Oh, of course!” Alex nodded quickly, feeling stupid for talking that way in front of her teacher, “I’m incredibly respectful—Uh, ma’am!”

“Good.” Her voice echoed, “Are you ready to return?”

“Yes please!” He nodded, standing up and walking in a quick circle.

Her voice vanished, leaving Alex alone to wonder what was going to happen next. Was he going to just… wake up? What were the chances that he was going to just wake up at home, with his mom banging on his door?

Zero.

He knew that by now.

Suddenly, a large white doorway appeared in front of him, pouring light in to the darkened room.

“That must be my exit!” Alex smiled, standing up and walking toward the new door.

Stepping inside, he quickly realized he wasn’t awake. He was instead in a room to the opposite of the last one. Instead of never-ending darkness, he was surrounded by white.

“What now?” Alex moaned, walking through the room, hoping he was just passing through on his way out.

“Sister!” A voice called, echoing through the massive, and empty room, “Look what I found!”

Suddenly, just as it had in his own room, a large image appeared before him, giving him a first person view of an unknown pony, that sat reading a book, before looking up to see the source of her name.

“This bug was trying to eat my sandwich!” A small black filly with both wings and a horn announced, levitating an ant in front of her, “How shall we dispose of it?”

“Sister,” A familiar voice said to the frustrated filly, “He was simply hungry—Looking for food for his family.”

“Really?” The small girl asked in shock, realizing that she was about to hurt a creature that only wanted to help its family, “I was not awake he was feeding those he loved! Thank you Celly! I’ll help him!”

The girl bounded off, only to be heard giggling a moment later, as she followed behind the ant with the sandwich levitated just over it.

Alex could feel an overwhelming warmth pass through his body as the screen faded from in front of him. He almost felt like that was his own little sister.

Instantly, another screen appeared, showing the same pony on a trek through some kind of ripped apart forest.

“Sister, may we stop and take a break?” A female voice asked, clearly out of breath, “My legs feel as if they’re about to break!”

“Luna, we must reach the village, and rid them of their parasprite infestation,” The voice said, as the screen showed her looking back to the upset mare, who was now identified as an older version of the young girl he had just seen, “They may not eat ponies, but they eat so much food that several ponies could starve to death.”

“You’re right,” The dark mare said apologetically, running to catch up with the mare Alex was watching through, “I’ll have plenty of time to relax while we’re celebrating the removal of those pests. I can see it now…”

“Maybe they’ll shower us with gifts!” The voice that Alex now recognized as Celestia’s, said.

“A feast!” Her sister answered giddily, “They’ll treat us like royalty!”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to be pampered once in a while?” Celestia giggled, looking to her beaming sister.

“So long as we have each other, I think I can survive on scraps!” Her sister said proudly.

Again, warmth washed through Alex, as if he were experiencing the same emotions of the Princess.

You shouldn’t be in here…

Alex looked around to find the source of the new voice, only to hear the large screen in front of him crack.

Snapping back to it, he watched the images on it flicker, and vanish.

At this point, Alex just wanted out of this new room. He quickly realized that this was a very private place for the Princess, and somehow, while linking minds with her, he wound up in her memories.

His mind raced as he tried to think of a way out of this room, but was cut off when he started to hear more memories from the princess, except that these were much faster, and had no images to go along with them. As he listened in on them, he could only describe them as a highlight reel, as they were always coupled with a dominant emotion that surged through Alex each time.

“Fight Discord?” Shock.

“We’re not that strong!” Doubt.

“Elements?” Curiosity.

“Get your claws off of her!” Anger.

“You will stay forever in that stone.” Triumph.
“Me? A princess?!” Disbelief.

“Luna, A princess shouldn’t spend too much time with the royal captain.“ Playfulness.
“You’re my guard… but I haven’t felt this good in so long.” Arousal.
“It wasn’t professional. Please forget it happened.” Regret.

“You’re very quiet…” Concern.
“He was killed by the King.” Empathy….
“Destroy him, Luna.” Vengefulness.

“Please stop crying… Come back to me.” Sadness. “What’s been wrong with you?” Fear. “The night must balance with the day!” Pain. “Don’t make me do this!” Crippling agony. “I’m so sorry!” Heart wrenching.

“I’ll never stop loving you, Luna. Nor your lost child.”

Shattered.

\/\/\/\/

Alex shot up from the ground with a yelp, as he looked around in panic to the familiar ponies around him. Twilight, Pinkie, and Celestia all looked at him with wildly different emotions on their faces.

Twilight was panicked, having no idea what had just happened.

Pinkie seemed to have a curious look on her face, observing his motions more than worrying.

Celestia only gave him a grave look.

Pressing a hoof to his face, he realized that his cheeks were stained with tears. Every voice, every emotion… each one was burned into his mind, like he had been stabbed in the brain with a cattle prod.

His eyes were locked with Celestia, as she gave him a soft, pained look.

“Princess, what just happened?” Twilight asked darting between the two.

“He simply fell into my mind for a moment,” Celestia explained calmly, looking from the distraught Alex to Twilight, “He’ll be fine. When you have as many memories as I do, it can be overwhelming to somepony that isn’t ready for it all, right Alex?”

It took him a moment of collection, but he finally nodded quickly. Still shaken up by what he had experienced.

“Good.” Celestia smiled, “Now, I’m pleased to announce, that he was telling us the truth of his origins, and that—“

Alex could hear nothing but ringing. The conversation between the Princess and Twilight was nothing more than white noise right now. Ringing and ringing.

Princess Luna was home now, wasn’t that what he heard the girls saying earlier?

Alex couldn’t believe how happy to made him to hear that this pony, who he had never met, or even heard of until a few hours ago, was home with her sister.

He could feel more tears run down his cheeks.

The love she felt for her sister was immeasurable, and it made him happy to know that all of those horrible, horrible emotions, were resolved today.

“So you’re living with me now, right?” Twilight said to Alex, seeing him in his own world, promptly snapping him out of it with a tap on the shoulder.

“Oh, yeah!” He answered, having no idea what she said, but giving a ‘yes’ anyway.

“This’ll be interesting for both of us, I guess,” She smiled to him, “But since I’m a teacher now, I’ve gotta go get some supplies!”

“Oh, I’ll help carry some of—“

“Please remain here, Alex,” Celestia said, with a quiet power that scared the hell out of him, “Pinkie Pie, would you please help Twilight with her collection?”

“Sure thing!” She beamed, “I know all the best places in Ponyville for supplies! Let’s do the tour right now!”

“Okay, Pinkie,” Twilight nodded, laughing to herself, “I’ll see you back at the library, okay Alex?”

“Yeah! Sure…” Alex mumbled, shaking his head as the two girls trotted out, having no idea just how much turmoil his head had experienced.

“Alex.” Celestia said from behind him, her voice stoic, “I must ask that you keep everything you heard to yourself.”

“About Bolt? And the baby?” Alex asked quietly.

“Among other things.” She mumbled.

“Your secrets are safe with me,” Alex said quietly, “All I ask is that you keep the death of my parents to yourself. I wasn’t supposed to see all that stuff about you anyway. I’m sorry about that.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I was careless, and let the barrier between us fall.” She said, walking around to his front and finally smiling, “But as for your secret, don’t worry. It’s safe with me.”

“I think I’m going to lie down and cry in to a pillow for a few hours,” Alex said, trying to make it sound like a joke, even though he fully intended to do it.

“Of course,” Celestia nodded, “But first, take this.”

A small card appeared from thin air, that she floated it in front of Alex, so he could grab it with his mouth.

“That card will allow you the purchase of anything you want,” Celestia explained, as he nodded along with her explanation, “You have no skills to earn money in this world, so Canterlot will hoof the bill until you return home.”

Alex nodded, and mumbled out a ‘thank you’ through the card.

“And if you ever need anything, simply have Twilight contact me,” She finished, “I’ll be happy to help however I can.”

Bowing to her awkwardly, Alex turned around and headed out the door without another word.

As strange as it was, he felt connected to Celestia. And it comforted him.

She had felt pain, suffering, loss… They were all very human traits. She wasn’t omnipotent in every sense.

And if the Princess of this world could have those kinds of feelings, so could everyone else.

Maybe he wasn’t in such a foreign place after all.

Acceptance

/\/\/\/\
Acceptance
\/\/\/\/

So, here Alex was, sitting in his new room, contemplating the absolutely ridiculous day he had had.

Everything had flown by him so fast, that he hadn’t given it time to really sink in.

He needed to learn magic, and cast a spell while thinking of his home. Why did this sound a little too much like The Wizard of Oz?

He would have done a lot better with some munchkins in the mix, he thought. A song, a dance, a road to follow.

It was all so easy for that damn Dorothy.

His mind wandered back to the possibility of insanity, but decided not to dwell on it once again. Whether or not he was in his mind was regardless. This world was better than his right now. No people pitying him… He could have some peace and quiet while he got over this pain.

The girls he had met seemed to be linked together somehow, by a set of magic—something’s. And somehow, impossibly, he was linked to that very same magic. Something about selflessness. He had no clue.

Twilight Sparkle was the head of the pack, being the one to take charge in the few situations he had seen them all in.

Fluttershy was the yellow one with wings that had the horrible anxiety problems. Hopefully she wasn’t always like that. She seemed sweet otherwise.

Applejack was the orange one… She did stuff pertaining to apples. Kicking trees or something. Weird.

Rarity was the elegant one. She had her mane done up much nicer than the other girls. Seemed like she could be a prude however.

Pinkie Pie was the one who helped him with his small bathroom problem. She was nice, energetic, and ate a lot of food. Like, way too much. But, this was a cartoon world. And perhaps cartoon rules applied.

Finally, Rainbow Dash. The name he could never forget. She was full of herself, obnoxious, rude… He knew her type. She strove to be cool, and would look down on the people who weren’t at her level.

He had been in that position in the past himself, but liked to think he had grown out of it, for the most part.

And then there was that little dragon, Spike. It looked as if he were a pet to Twilight. But, observation told him that he was more like a little brother to her. Or even older brother in the cases where his maturity showed.

How well would he get to know these ponies? Hopefully he didn’t get attached or anything.

“Hey Alex!” Spike called, walking in to the room with a plate of spaghetti Alex had asked for, “I got your food here!”

As soon as Spike placed the food on the table, he expected Alex to go to town on the food. But, he had pause.

“How… would I go about eating this?” Alex asked, tilting his head to the dragon.

“Well, you know!” Spike said nervously, unsure if he was truly so ignorant, “Your mouth!”

“No fork?” Alex asked, before catching the problem with that question.

“You don’t have hands.”

“I don’t have hands.”

They both looked at each other, unsure if they should be laughing, or if Alex should be crying.

“Do I just dive my face in there?” Alex asked, cocking his head at the food.

“Just grab one noodle at a time, and slurp it up!” Spike offered, hoping that would make sense to him, “Your coat is white though, so make sure you don’t get too much tomato in there. It’ll stain like crazy.”

\/\/\/\/

Rainbow Dash sat on the edge of the cloud holding her house, as she stared out toward the library.

Her introduction with that new pony certainly hadn’t gone well, and she had been feeling a little guilty about it all day. She had a tendency to get fired up in some situations, leading to poor decision making.

Still, even though it had been the heat of the moment, she couldn’t shake her feeling about him. He was a rude, obnoxious, and self-centered guy. Something she had seen plenty of in her days as a women. Of course, most of them were hitting on her. Not… whatever it was that he was doing to her.

Still, just because he had that attitude, didn’t mean she was supposed to be a dick to him.

“Maybe I should go back there…” She mumbled, feeling worse and worse by the second for the exchange they had, “He did say I was cute.”

Her mind was made up. She would head down there right now and work things out. She had a feeling they would be stuck sharing the town for a while, and he while he was an ass, there was no reason they couldn’t be amicable toward each other.

/\/\/\/\

“So, what do you think of everypony here?” Spike asked, as Alex carefully finished his last bit of pasta.

“Why do you say ‘everypony’?” Alex asked, clumsily dabbing his mouth with a napkin, “Why not ‘everyone’? It isn’t like every creature in this world is even a pony, right?”

“Don’t ask me,” Spike shrugged, knowing the confusion Alex had felt, “I’m a dragon, but I’m still being referred to when ‘everypony’ is used.”

“I’ll keep to everyone, thanks.” Alex said, sitting back on his bed and facing the dragon, “What were you asking me?”

“What do you think of everypon—everyone here?” Spike asked, trying be considerate.

“Well, I hardly know anyone. I mean, I’m talking to a flippin’ dragon right now,” Alex explained, “I don’t think I know enough to really have a strong opinion.”

“Fair enough,” Spike nodded, “I don’t know anypon- anyone here except Twilight.”

“Right,” Alex said, “You just moved here yourself, right?”

“Yup,” Spike answered, “From the capital, Canterlot.”

“Is it different?” Alex asked, having no idea just how towns might differ in this world.

“Oh, it’s way bigger,” Spike explained, recalling just how many differences there were between the two places, “And there’s actually a lot less mares there.”

“So… the town is filled with guys?” Alex asked, wondering why that would be the case in any town.

“Oh, no,” Spike shook his head, “There are way mare mares in Ponyville than guys, I mean.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me,” Alex laughed, “But at this point, I’m still not sure if the girls in this world are even attractive to me.”

“Well, what about Rarity?” Spike asked, “She’s a babe, right?”

“Aren’t you a baby dragon?” Alex asked, laughing at his enthusiasm toward the particular mare, “Why are you checking out mares?”

“I’m not really a baby,” Spike shrugged, “I’m only one by strict definition.”

“How’s that?” Alex asked.

“Well, a dragon can live to be a thousand years old!” Spike answered, “Relatively, I’m not even one percent done my life.”

“But, I mean, you sound so mature,” Alex said, feeling like he was talking to someone his own age, “All dragons so quick to mature mentally?”

“Dragons have the capability to be incredibly smart,” Spike explained, “Even by just ten years we can be on the same level as most adults of other species. That’s where I am.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then good luck with Rarity.” Alex smiled, rolling his head on his shoulders, trying to loosen himself up a bit.

“What do you think of the other girls?” Spike asked, happy to have a guy to talk to about this stuff, “I’ll bet you could get any of Twilight’s new friends!”

“Well, there’s no better way of accepting a situation like this, than you start calling dibs on the girls you’re stuck with,” Alex laughed, “What was the question?”

“Which girl would you pick?”

“I mean, they’re all horses,” Alex laughed, thinking over the several girls once again, “But I guess if I had to choose… I’d pick—“

“Rainbow Dash?” Spike cut in, “She’s pretty cute too!”

“Oh, I don’t think so.” Alex answered quickly, “She’s probably the furthest thing from what I’d be looking for.”

“Why?” Spike asked, hoping he wasn’t pushing too hard.

“She’s bitchy… I guess.” Alex laughed nervously, hoping that didn’t offend the ‘baby’ dragon, “I mean, she’s kinda manish too, and the hair is a big turn off for me.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Spike shrugged, now understanding that she wasn’t his first pick.

“Plus, she just has a horrible attitude.”

\/\/\/\/

Dash stood at the door to Alex’s new room in the library, her hoof raised about to knock. However, before she had been able, she heard her name be mentioned.

And, after a few minutes of listening in, she quickly realized that coming here was a mistake.

If he was willing to sit in there with Spike, and say such horrible things about her, then she wanted nothing to do with them.

Her instincts were right.

As she turned around and headed out the door of the library, she felt a pang of pain in her chest.

Was she really so bad?

Just the Beginning

/\/\/\/\
Just the Beginning
\/\/\/\/

Alex had gone to sleep in his new room, and found he was sleeping rather well, considering the extreme circumstances he was faced with at this moment. But, he wasn’t comfortable enough to sleep in. So, when he opened his eyes at the crack of dawn, five thirty in the morning, he was awake, ready to fumble his way through some kind of morning routine.

Which raised the question, what was he supposed to do?

Well, he would normally brush his teeth, have a shower, get into a clean change of clothing, eat breakfast, and head out the door to school.

There were some changes to his old routine, obviously.

Problem one. No tooth brush. And as far as he knew, magic could fix teeth problems. So… No dentists here? His opinion of Equestria was getting better and better.

Problem two. No clothing. He was naked here. That was something he could not dwell on. The more he thought about being naked in front of so many girls, while they were naked in front of him, the more he had a… small problem. Well, a much bigger problem than when he was on earth. But regardless, a problem.

Problem three. School. Was he just done with that now? There were advanced institutions for ponies his age, but nothing that mirrored his world’s school system. They seemed to be finished with mandatory school at a young age. So, in all of their eyes, he was the age of a graduated stallion, despite having only a fraction of the knowledge of one.

Well, after knocking most things off his list, he was happy that he had seen a shower in his bathroom. There was nothing he loved more than having a forty five minute shower, so, he decided that he would begin his day with that.

Opening the large bookshelf, he flicked on the light in the dimly lit room, and closed the shelf behind him. Oddly, this room was completely covered in tiles, despite the rest of the building being nothing but hollowed out tree. Still, he didn’t really know if having lots of moisture in a wooden room would be a bad thing, so he shrugged it off as ignorance on his part. It just seemed odd to have an almost completely porcelain room in an otherwise wooden house.

Hopping in to the tub, he closed the curtain and turned the water on, feeling it cascade down to his head, and on to the front half of his body. It was the single most relaxing thing he had ever come across in his life.

The time in the shower passed quickly, as he let his mind wander across the vast canyons that had been the memories of Princess Celestia.

A large portion of him had wished he hadn’t seen what he did. It almost felt disrespectful.

Not because he had invaded the innermost thoughts of the royal ruler of Equestria, no. But because these memories humanized her to him… well, humanized in the sense that it made her seem like a normal person, or, pony.

He wasn’t exactly sure how much he had been exposed to at this point, because the more he thought about it, the more things he could recall from her memory. He felt as if he had these bonds between himself, and hundreds of different ponies. Ponies like: Princess Luna, Shining Armor, Twilight Sparkle, many many guards… It was almost insanity to him.

But, there was one pony she felt an immense amount of pity for. And that was him.

Celestia had seen the last few hours of his time on earth, and understood just what he had gone through…

Just what he had gone through.

And his mind went right back there.

The place that made his heart hurt, and made him feel like throwing up.

It was truly an amazing thing, for him to be thrown in to a place like this, at such a terrible time. It was like god was giving him an escape.

And, of that were indeed the case, he would do just that. Escape.

No thoughts about his parents. He wasn’t in that world right now. He was in happyland. No sad bullshit here. Just bright colors, and overly-friendly people to cheer him up.

“I love you guys…” Alex said to himself, resolving to push this out of his mind, “I’m sorry I’ll miss the funeral.”

/\/\/\/\

After getting out of the shower, he spent a good fifteen minutes working on drying himself off, by rubbing up against the towel hanging from the door. Of course, his back legs were still quite wet, and his man parts would have to air-dry as well. But otherwise, he had done a pretty good job, considering this was his first time using a towel in Equestria.

Looking at the clock hanging from the wall, he frowned at the small amount of time he had elapsed doing this activity. It was only ten to six.

Looking out the window, the ground was now fully illuminated.

Celestia had done that. But it was difficult. It gave her a headache every time.

Shaking his head, he rid his mind of the thought, and decided to scope out this library a little more.

Stepping out of the room, and skipping his usual dressing, he walked into the main section of the building, and decided to walk along the path of bookshelves, checking out each of the titles of each book.

Magic this, magic that, magic, magic, magic!

“Geez,” Alex mumbled, “ Twilight needs to expand her reading materials.”

Moving on to the next bookshelf, he found books on math and science, geography, some encyclopedias, and even a large section dedicated to children’s books. It was nice to see similarity between earth and here in the selection of reading.

Looking up the small staircase sticking out of the wall, he figured that was the path toward the room Twilight and Spike shared. It was cute how she took care of him as if he were he little brother. Alex assumed he was some kind of orphan, considering the fact that Spike was the only dragon he had seen.

Shrugging it off, Alex decided that he wanted to see what Ponyville was like, when no one was out in the streets. He figured it would be relaxing.

Walking to the door, he awkwardly hooked his hoof through the handle, and silently opened the door. He didn’t want to disturb the sleep of the ponies in the library.

Closing the door equally silently, he turned around and inhaled the fresh air and smiled. That was something he absolutely loved. The smell of dew on the grass, and the soft light that would bathe your body first thing in the morning. He was happy that the little things were the same.

Turning right, toward the meat of the town, he headed into a street and passed several buildings, each one looking incredibly similar to the last.

After a short jaunt, he arrived in a small circular clearing, with a large building decorated with horses around the round rooftop. The sign above the door read ‘The Carousel Boutique.’ Walking up to the window, he peered inside and recognized the white mare trudging around in a housecoat as Rarity. She had been at that party yesterday.

Being the guy he was, he couldn’t help but wonder what she would look like without the house coat on, before remembering that he had already seen her with no clothing on. It was a little disappointing to tell the truth.

Where was the excitement if they were always naked? It was like taking the ice cream out of an ice cream sandwich. You still had two delicious cookies to eat, but the best part was missing.

Deciding that he didn’t want to get caught peeping, Alex moved on with his exploration.

After another short amount of time, he arrived at the town hall he had met Princess in last night. He had simply taken a different path to get there. From where he stood, he could see the pastry shop Pinkie Pie had come from, the Library, the boutique.

This was just like any town on earth. There was a store for whatever you might need, a school, a gym, a library… It was another comforting thing for him.

Turning away from all of those, he saw a small hill overlooking the town just a few block away.

It was a different kind of place he could go, and it would give him a nice overlook of the entire town.

Again, he covered the distance in good time, considering his new, and confusing legs.

When he finally made his way to the top of the hill, he turned around and plopped himself down on the ground, before feeling the air rush out of his lungs at the sight he was presented with.

The town was actually larger than he had first anticipated. It went out in the opposite direction for quite a while. There was enough room for ten or fifteen thousand ponies in this town at least.

Looking up to the sky, he noticed a strangely shaped cloud hanging on even level with him overlooking the town. It was incredibly close to the ground, and was shaped like a house.

“A cloud house, huh?” Alex said to himself, realizing that he’d never be able to reach a house like that without first mastering some magic, or his wings.

Watching it idly, he watched as the front door opened, and that rainbow Pegasus stepped out of the house.

“Oh shi—“ Alex mumbled, looking around for some kind of cover to hide from her. They were close enough together that she would see him for sure.

The only thing even remotely around him was a small shrub. So, he decided to go for broke.

Diving behind the tiny bush, he hid as much of his body as he possibly could. However, being a horse now, he had a tail. But he just wasn’t used to that yet, and wound up leaving it hanging out for the world to see.

Silence was all he could hear, and wasn’t sure if she had indeed seen him. His cue to come out from hiding would have normally been the sound of a closing door, but he was willing to wager that a door made of cloud wouldn’t make any sound at all.

“Who’s there?” A voice called from just above him, “Why are you hiding?”

Peeking through the bush, he could see Rainbow Dash approaching him through the air, with a determined look on her face.

Deciding to go for broke, Alex stood up suddenly, causing her to stop in her tracks.

“Oh.” She said simply, her expression replaced with a very unpleasant one.

“Hey there… uh…” Alex said, blanking for a moment on her name.

“Seriously?” She asked, her tone flat, as she considered whether or not she should just fly away.

“Well, regardless of your strange pony-name,” Alex coughed awkwardly, “How’s your day?”

Dash shook her head and turned around. She wanted nothing to do with this conversation.

Alex growled quietly as she flew away from him. How rude was this chick?

He hoped that the rest of his time here wouldn’t be so bad around her, and others like her.

Because if all of this world was indeed real, which he was leaning more and more towards, then he needed to make sure the stay was as pleasant as possible. He was going to be here a while, after all.

The Littlest Adventure in Town

/\/\/\/\
The Littlest Adventure in Town
\/\/\/\/

Alex had rested atop the hill for longer than he was able to comprehend. He had watched the town come to life, as ponies went to work, school, or out about regular business. He even watched the rainbow mare for a little while, as she went around kicking all the clouds above town, clearing the sky for everyone to enjoy the sunlight. It was a pretty cool job, he had to admit.

After some more time passed, he stood up from his place, and looked around the outside of the town.

Ponyville had many different sides to it, from a sprawling forest, to a massive mountain, reaching higher than any other in the region. Beyond those things, were a few farms scattered here and there, and eventually a massive castle on the side of a mountain. If Celestia’s memories were any help to him, that was Canterlot. A place she and her sister built together, more than a thousand years ago.

The castle had been destroyed by various incidents he couldn’t quite recall, and it had been rebuilt stronger each time.

Closing his eyes, he delved further in to the memories of the princess, in hopes of learning the geography of Equestria. However, nothing too specific came to mind. Just a few names here and there. Manehattan, Las Pegasus, Vanhoover.

Geez. Those were all names of places from earth, but with horse-twists on the names. There muct have been some kind of commonality between the two worlds he wasn’t aware of, for these places to exist.

Suddenly, a branch snapped just behind him, causing Alex to turn and face the source of the noise.

“Oh! My goodness… I’m sorry, I didn’t know anypony was up here.” A yellow Pegasus said, backing up bashfully.

“Oh, you’re Fluttershy, right?” Alex asked her, approaching her with a smile, “Sorry, I didn’t know this was your spot.”

“Oh, not at all!” She shook her head, backing away from him, “I won’t bother you. I was just coming up here to relax.”

“I’ve had my turn, I insist.” Alex shook his head, as she continued backing away.

“I’ll go, don’t worry,” She said, as her pace increased.

Alex huffed. He wasn’t about to lose. Oh no.

“I’m done!” He shouted, bolting down the hill past her, “Have fun!”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to tell him to come back, but understood that he wasn’t going to be coming back. He had been having such a nice time too… and here she was ruining that for him. She felt so guilty for that.

Watching him run in to town, she was at least happy to see him having better control of his legs. He was running already!

/\/\/\/\

Indeed Alex was running, as he powered through the town, passing ponies of every color and shape. None of them paid him much mind, as he made his way in the general direction of the library.

“Hey Alex!” A voice called, forcing him to turn and look at the bounding pink pony following behind him, “Where ya’ goin’?”

“I don’t know!” He shouted back to her over the wind ripping past him, “Just running!”

“Well good for you!” Pinkie beamed, “You sure learned how to use those legs fast!”

Alex looked to his legs, and realized that she was right. He was moving them without even thinking about it, as if his natural instinct had kicked in.

But, the more he thought about his legs, the more he considered their movement, as each one moved over the other, progressing him further and further. But, this kind of concentration on his movement led to one thing.

He overthought, and wound up tumbling over himself.

Pinkie went wide eyed as Alex fumbled for a few extra feet, trying to slow himself down, before he ran head first in to a cart of cabbage, destroying it completely.

“My cabbages!” The old stallion called, lifting one of the many ripped apart veggies above his head, “Everywhere I go! My cart is destroyed!”

Alex had no idea what he was referring to, but felt immeasurably bad for doing this to the poor old man.

“Ohmygosh!” Pinkie said, finally arriving at the crash site, “Here! Take this for the damage.”

Tossing him a sizable sack of bits, his mood instantly changed from sad, to very happy.

“Ugh,” Alex mumbled, rolling on to his back and wincing at the pain he was now experiencing, “Looks like pain is about the same in this world, huh?”

“Sorry, Alex,” Pinkie said dejectedly, “I guess it’s my fault you fell, huh?”

“Well, kinda,” Alex said, standing himself up and ignoring the pain as best he could to spare her now hurt feelings, “But where did you get that money?”

“I show ponies good times!’ Pinkie answered, shocked that he didn’t know that yet.

Alex narrowed his eyes.

She showed them good times.

“So… Like… what’s a good time?” Alex asked, tilting his head.

“Well, sometimes I get a big group of ponies, and we just go crazy!” She answered giddily, not truly answering his question.

“So like, a normal party?” Alex asked, needing more clarification, “Or like, an orgy?”

Pinkie gave him a determined look as she tried to think of the definition of that world. It wasn’t one she was familiar with.

“What’s that mean?” She asked innocently, making Alex blush.

“Well, it’s like a party… but, way more fun!” Alex laughed nervously, beating around the bush significantly.

“Oh!” Pinkie nodded, and smiled brightly, “Then it’s definitely an orgy!”

From her simply massive amount of innocence at this point, Alex had to assume that it wasn’t a sex party. Just a normal one.

“You probably shouldn’t say—“

“Whoops! Would you look at the time?” Pinkie exclaimed, gasping as she bounced past him, “I have an orgy to throw, and we have no apples!”

Alex was about to press the definition of the word, but she was gone too fast. And, to be honest, he thought it was kinda hilarious.

“Sorry there Pinkie,” Alex said to himself, looking around for the cart owner, who had apparently ran off with all of that money Pinkie had given him, “Well, I’m taking this buddy.”

Cabbage wasn’t his favorite thing to eat, but it was about a million times better than hay.

So, chowing down on the slightly dirt-covered shreds of cabbage, Alex filled himself up to an almost stuffed point. The more he ate here, the later he would have to worry about eating again.

/\/\/\/\

Trotting down the road, Alex could see the Library once again, as he walked past the Carousel Boutique.

However, before he was fully able to head home, he heard a voice calling from inside building.

“Spike! Could you grab that fabric for me?” Rarity’s very recognizable voice called form inside the building.

Heading over, Alex figured seeing the two of them would round out his trip in town.

Poking his head in to the building, he was surprised to see so many dressed presented in the main section of the store. Rarity really had some talent for making four legged clothing. Maybe he should ask her for something, so he didn’t always feel so naked.

But, it would probably just serve as a reminder that everyone else was naked, when he was in clothing. Which would lead to the dreadful pony-boner. No good there. Too big to hide.

Spike ran across the main room, before stopping when he made eye contact with Alex.

“Hey man!” Spike smiled, walking up to him, still holding the supplies in his arms, “Where were you this morning?”

“Went out for a walk,” Alex shrugged, “Lost track of time I guess. Did I miss breakfast?”

“Sure did!” Spike nodded, “Oatmeal with crushed up gems!”

Alex grimaced.

“Well, you can always have the apple cinnamon I guess,” Spike shrugged, as he headed back toward Rarity, “What were you doing out so early?”

“Exploring, enjoying the sights,” Alex answered, walking along behind the dragon, “What are you doing here?”

“Helping out Rarity!” Spike answered with a bright smile, “I’m hoping she’ll like me more if I help her out a bunch!”

Alex nodded, loving the enthusiasm the little dragon was showing.

“Hey, uh… Alex,” Spike said awkwardly, looking around to make sure nopony could hear him, “What would you say is the best way to attract a girl?”

“Oh, that’s easy,” Alex nodded, remembering some advice from a movie he had seen recently, “Learn how to use your tongue.”

Spike gave him a confused look, as Alex instantly regretted the very grown-up advice he had just given.

“What do you mean, tongue?” Spike asked, having no clue what he was on about.

“Uh, jus- just have a silver tongue I mean,” Alex laughed nervously, “And be confident! Chicks dig confidence.”

“Do you really think talking to her will net me some points?” Spike asked hopefully.

“Of course it will!” Alex nodded with a smile.

“What are you two boys talking about?” Rarity asked sweetly, as she walked out from the room to grab her fabric from the now tardy dragon.

“Oh nothing,” Spike shook his head, “Alex was just talking to me about using my tongue on girls.”

Rarity glanced to the white alicorn with a dark look, “Oh did he now?”

“A silver tongue, Spike!” Alex laughed nervously, backing away from the currently horrifying mare, “Talking!”

“Oh, right!” Spike nodded, not realizing the trouble he was getting Alex in, “Talking is key!”

“Well,” Rarity sighed happily, looking back to the dragon, “That’s all I need from you for today I’m afraid, so why not head home for the day? I’m sure Twilight could use your help unpacking her things!”

Spike sighed audibly, telling the two other ponies in the room what he thought of leaving Rarity’s presence.

“Come on, Spike,” Alex laughed, walking over and scooping the dragon up on to his back, as he had seen Twilight do a couple of times, “I’ll get you home.”

“Well, okay…” Spike said dejectedly, “I’ll see you tomorrow Rarity!”

“Of course, darling,” She smiled, as he stared back at her longingly, “Have a nice day now.”

Alex wasn’t able to speak to Spike much on the way back to the library, as he was obviously preoccupied with thoughts of Rarity.

“How long have you known that mare?” Alex asked him, hoping for more than a single word response.

“A few days,” Spike shrugged, not taking his eyes off of the boutique.

“And you’re already running over there at nine in the morning to help her out with work?” Alex asked, shocked at the dedication Spike was willing to lay down at the drop of a hat.

“Love works in mysterious ways, Alex,” Spike exhaled, still in his euphoric state.

“Well, let’s get you back to Twilight,” Alex said to himself, rapidly approaching the library.

“Oh!” Spike announced suddenly, turning to face Alex, “She wanted to see you, so she could start teaching you magic!”

“Really?” Alex asked in surprise, not realizing that she wanted to start with that so quickly, “Well… this will certainly be interesting.”

Trotting inside of the library, Alex didn’t even consider the leg-up he now had in the magic department.

And while he didn’t know it just yet, when he absorbed the memories of Princess Celestia, he picked up a few other things as well.

magical things.

X-Files theme.

Magic 101

/\/\/\/\
Magic 101
\/\/\/\/

Alex sat in the library, twiddling his hooves… Or whatever you would call the motion of fiddling with your hands, in this world, as he waited for Twilight to finally come down from her room, so she could give him a rundown on their plan to teach him proper magic. As insane as it sounded to him.

Already on the table was a small selection of books with the words ‘beginners’ and ‘newbies’ covering them. He was aware that he was, for lack of a better term, shit at magic. If there were different belts, like in karate, his belt would be the shit belt.

Opening the first book, he was pleasantly surprised to see several colorful pictures in the book, each one trying illustrate how magic would be cast. He didn’t even find it insulting that all of the pictures featured children.

Step one: Breathe deeply.

Easy! Breathe in, breathe out!

Step two: Concentrate.

Okay! Not breasts right now. He was concentrating!

Step Three: Clean your room, and be nice to your parents!

Alex frowned, how old were the horses reading these books? Three? Well… maybe the thick cardboard pages of this small square book should have been an indicator. Did Twilight really think he needed something so rudimentary?

Shrugging, he was about move on to the next book, when he heard the door upstairs open up, as Twilight trotted in to view.

“Are you ready to start?” She asked politely, making her way down the stairs and joining him at the table, “Oh! I see you’ve started reading! What have you learned so far?”

“Does cleaning my room really help with my magic?” He asked, earning a smirk from Twilight.

“Sorry,” She laughed, “That was my book when I was just a kid.”

“Did it work?” Alex asked.

“Not at all,” She smiled, shaking her head, “I think it actually made things worse, because I was so busy cleaning everything.”

“Okay,” Alex chuckled, “So, if cleaning isn’t the key, how am I supposed to use this stuff?”

“Well, just so you feel better, nopony can do it their first day, or even their first week,” Twilight explained, “After a couple of months, you’ll start being able to levitate very small things, and alter matter in tiny ways as well.”

Nodding, Alex tried his best to listen, but found some conflicting thoughts stumble through his mind. He had no idea what they meant, but had a small idea where they came from.

“So, the basic idea of magic, is to channel your inner powers, and use them to manipulate the world around you, from making things float, to well, teleporting from this world, to yours.”

Twilight continued her explanation of magic, as a small breeze started blowing on her mane. It went unnoticed by her at first, but the odd movement of a few strands of hair started to give her an itch. And, when she reached up to scratch it, the breeze was then blocked by her hoof. This was something she did notice.

“Is the door open?” Twilight asked, looking past Alex to the closed door of the library, “Or a window?”

Alex didn’t answer her. He was in some kind of trance.

Twilight stood from her place, and did a lap around the table, realizing that the source of the wind hadn’t been from a door, or a window. It had been coming from Alex.

Walking beside him, she tapped his shoulder in an attempt to get his attention. But, when she did, he was pulled out of whatever world he was in, and wound up sending a blast of air from his horn, blowing every book off the table, and into the air.

“Alex, how were you just doing that?” Twilight asked, as he looked to her with confusion in his eyes, “I only know one pony in all of Equestria that can manipulate the wind like that.”

Alex’s mouth hung open an inch, as he processed the question slowly through his mind.

Only one pony in all of Equestria could use this magic.

And he knew which pony that was.

“I’ve only seen Princess Celestia be able to do something like that,” Twilight said quietly.

“Is it hard magic to do?” Alex asked, wondering how wind could be so complicated, especially when he was able to cast it without even thinking about it.

“Moving the air itself is one of the easiest things to do, but only because it’s a byproduct of other spells,” Twilight explained, “When you shoot fire out of your horn, air moves around it naturally.”

“You can shoot fire?!” Alex asked excitedly, only to be ignored as she continued.

“But moving wind itself, like you just did, is almost impossible,” Twilight continued, slightly annoyed that he wasn’t more pleased with his accomplishment.

“Why is it so hard?” Alex asked, still lost over how wind could be so hard to conjure, “It sounds so easy!”

“When you do that, you’re not just moving air,” Twilight explained in a huff, “You created it!”

That one sounded a lot harder to do.

“I need to speak to Princess Celestia about this right away!” Twilight said, moving her head in a small circle, “See what else you can do while I’m gone!”

In a blinding light, Twilight vanished from her place in front of him, leaving him to assume that’s he had teleported to see Celestia.

“I wonder what she’ll tell her,” Alex mumbled.

/\/\/\/\

“Princess!” Twilight called, running in to the throne room, and interrupting the conversation Celestia was currently having with one of her advisors, “I need to speak with you about Alex right away!”

Celestia knew Twilight very well, and she knew that this conversation would be coming the moment Alex peered inside of her mind. He took in a lot more from her than he knew right now. It would become evident to him in the next couple of weeks just how much he took from her.

“Alex can use your air magic!” Twilight exclaimed, as Celestia feigned shock to her.

“Well that is quite the surprise, Twilight,” Celestia said, “However, do you remember what I told you about humans the other day? They can have amazing powers inside of them.”

“But he was useless!” Twilight argued, “A thoroughly bad human!”

“I guess he surprised us,” She chuckled, having no intention of revealing the truth to her, “Why don’t you relax here for a while? It sounds like you’ve had a busy morning.”

“Actually, I only taught him magic for about two minutes,” Twilight said, hoping Celestia wouldn’t be upset with her for doing so little work before rushing to talk to her about this sudden turn of event.

“Well, it was your first lesson, and I think you’ve earned a break.” Celestia winked, gesturing for her advisor to leave the room, “I’ll get us some cake.”

“You know Princess… I’m a bigger fan of pie,” Twilight said quietly.

“You’re not a princess yet, Twilight,” Celestia chuckled, “We’ll be having cake.”

“Yet?” Twilight asked, recoiling for a moment.

“Come.” She said simply, “Some black forest sounds lovely.”

\/\/\/\/

Alex sat in silence.

He hoped Twilight was coming back soon.

It had already been three hours.

...

...

...

He had to pee again.

The Ticket Master

/\/\/\/\
The Ticket Master
\/\/\/\/

Forgive a few errors. Was done late.

/\/\/\/\

“Thank ya’ kindly for all your help Twilight,” Applejack announced, wiping the sweat from her brow as she and Twilight pulled two carts full of apples from the thick of the orchard, to the barn, “Ah’ bet Big Mac that ah could get all the apples in the barn by lunch! If ah’ win, he’s gotta walk down stirrup street in one of Granny’s girdles!”

“No problem, Applejack!” Twilight beamed, giving Spike a quick scolding look for his eating the apples in the cart, “I’m glad the goal is for lunch time, I’m getting really hungry!”

“I know!” Spike agreed, tossing yet another apple in his mouth, as Twilight shook her head at him.

“You’ve been lounging around all day, while the two of us worked!” Twilight accused.

“Well, I didn’t want to miss snack time by working as hard as you two,” Spike said, lifting yet another apple from the pile in the cart, “Now if you’ll excuse me—“

Spike was cut off from his sentence when his stomach suddenly growled loud enough to pull the attention of the two girls walking in front of him.

“Are ya’ okay, Spike?” Applejack asked, looking to Twilight, who was significantly less worried about his condition.

“I- uh…” Burping loudly, Spike earned a grossed out look from Applejack, as Twilight watched the green fire materialize into a scroll.

Spike fell on his back, wondering what he had done in a previous life to deserve being the personal conduit for letters between Princess Celestia and her student.

“What does it say, Spike?” Twilight asked.

Turning his head, he lifted the scroll from his side and unrolled it, holding it above his face, while still lying on his back.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh, yadda yadda yadda,cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest!” Spike read, grabbing two tickets that were nestled in the scroll, “Wow!”

“The Grand Gallopin’ Gala?” Applejack repeated, “Shoot, Twi! Ah’ keep forgettin’ you’re the student of Princess Celestia herself!”

“Well, it certainly does have its perks,” Twilight laughed nervously, levitating the scroll and tickets from Spike, “Who should I take though…?”

“Yer’ not takin’ Spike?” Applejack asked instantly, perhaps seeing an opportunity.

“Well, he’d be included with this ticket,” Twilight answered, “Why? Did you want to come?”

“Oh, well!” Applejack said, flustered by the offer, “Ah’d really like tuh try mah’ hoof at sellin’ some sweets made here at Sweet Apple Acres! Ah’ could fix the leaky old roof in the barn, an’ get a new plow for Big Mac! And replace Granny Smith’s old hip!”

“Well,” Twilight shrugged, “If that’s the case, then I’d be happy to—“

“Woah! Hey girls!” Rainbow Dash cut in instantly, hearing their conversation from a nearby could where she had been napping, “Did I hear you guys talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?”

“You sure did!” Spike smiled, before Applejack could convey her ‘shut up’ gesture to him.

“Really?!” She asked excitedly, “Did you guys know that the Wonderbolts perform every year at the Gala?”

“I think so,” Twilight nodded, vaguely remembering demonstrations from the past years she had attended, “They always do such a good job.”

“Just picture it now!” Dash said, wrapping an arm around Twilight’s shoulders, “The Wonderbolts, flying through the sky, dazzling the audience… when in comes Rainbow Dash!

“I would draw their attention with the Super Speed Strut!”

Twilight cocked an eyebrow as the mare continued.

“Then I would mesmerize them with the Fantastic Filly Flash!”

Spike’s face crunched in confusion, pondering the odd name for a trick.

“And for the grand finale, the Buccaneer Blaze!”

Spike had no idea where she got this stuff.

“The ponies would go wild!” She continued giddily, losing herself in the semi-orgasmic fantasy of being noticed by her heroes, “And when they see it, they’ll have to ask me to join the Wonderbolts!”

“That sure sounds interesting…” Twilight mumbled, unsure if she was impressed with Dash, or sad that she believed her skills were so amazing.

“Don’t you see Twi?” Dash asked, suddenly in a panicked tone, “This is my one chance! You have to take me!”

“Well hold’yer horses for a sec,” Applejack cut in, deciding that this was the time to assert herself, “Twilight was tellin’ me about the ticket first!”

“So?” Dash answered, “That doesn’t mean you own it!”

Twilight felt herself shrink back as the two of them had it out in the middle of the orchard.

This ticket had changed from a blessing, to a curse in less than a minute.

/\/\/\/\

Alex had spent the morning since Twilight left, experimenting with different kinds of magic.

Again, the knowledge he had acquired from Princes Celestia was extremely helpful in many aspects of casting magic, but he still couldn’t muster anything more than a gust of wind. Which, he was confident would be good for some fart jokes, but aside from that, it was useless.

“Levitate!” Alex announced, pointing his horn toward a rock in the grass just in front of him, “…please?”

However, nothing happened.

Sighing, he blew a concentrated gust of wind in toward the rock in frustration, sending it tumbling away.

Seeing the rock roll away got the cogs in his head turning, as an idea started to form on how he could perhaps use magic—

“Get me outta here!” Spike called, running past Alex, and in to the library, slamming the door behind him.

Alex looked to where Spike had just come from, but saw nothing.

“Huh…” Alex mumbled, forgetting his current task, as he decided to go see what the problem with Spike was.

Opening the door, he looked around the library for the purple dragon, instantly seeing his tail sticking out from behind a bookshelf that had been pulled out from the wall.

“Hey, Spike,” Alex called, “I see you over there, guy.”

Spike didn’t answer.

“Dude, come on!” Alex said, his voice now showing irritation, “Out here! Now!”

“Uh… sorry,” Spike mumbled, slowly crawling out backward from his hiding place, “I just can’t handle those girls anymore!”

Alex frowned, “What’s going on?”

“Well, Twilight got these tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, and everypony is fighting over who should get the spare!” Spike explained, “All of her friends are fighting with each other, over who should be going! I just don’t want to see any more of it!”

“The Grand Galloping Gala?!” Alex asked excitedly, “She has an extra ticket?!”

“Not you too!” Spike whined, falling on his back, groaning in defeat.

“Dude, I have no flippin’ clue what that is,” Alex laughed, surprised this joked worked so well, “But nothing makes me feel better as a pony, than when a bunch of girls are fighting over something.”

“That sounds terrible!” Spike said, sitting up, “How could you want to watch friends fight?”

“Not friends, Spike,” Alex shook his head, “girls!”

“I don’t underst- ooooh.” Spike said, suddenly understanding where Alex was coming from.

“And!” Alex announced happily, running over to a cupboard and clumsily opening it with his mouth, “I found this while exploring the house today!”

Spike shook his head. It was cooking oil.

“Toss that in your bag, and lets go find those girls! When we see them fighting, we just toss it on!” Alex said giddily, as he ran out the door, leaving Spike to look at the bottle in his hands.

“I… Wanna see how this turns out.” Spike said, tucking the bottle away in his bag and following Alex out the door.

Making his way outside, Spike bumped into Alex, as he stood in place, absolutely covered in something thick and sticky.

“Whoops!” Pinkie said, looking at her oven-party-machine, “Looks like I put the cake patter in the confetti canons again!”

A bell rung, as the open tray flew open, exploding confetti outward like a shotgun, completely covering his body in white and red ribbon.

“Sorry, Alex!” Pinkie smiled, as if nothing had happened, “I thought you were Twilight! I’m trying to get that extra ticket to the Gala!”

Alex licked his lips, and idly enjoyed the flavor of the batter on his lips.

“I don’t suppose you can clean me up instantly, can you?” Alex asked quietly, touching his hoof to his sticky chest.

“Sure can!” Pinkie beamed, running over to running water fountain, and placing her oven cannon underneath it, filling it with the running water.

“Oh, I don’t wanna be blasted again Pinkie…” Alex said, giving her a grave look as he backed up.

“It’ll alllll be over in just a second!” She said, “Close your eyes and count to five!”

Alex bit his lip, and did just that.

One.

Two.

Three.

He was suddenly doused with a blast of water, completely removing any hint of batter from his body, instead splashing it back on to Spike.

“Hey!” He called, before licking his lips, and realizing how much he liked the taste, “Never mind actually!”

“Well, I’m off to find Twilight!” Pinkie announced immediately packing up, and leaving just as quickly as she had arrived.

“This friggin’ place…” Alex mumbled, collecting himself as he looked back to Spike, “You ready to go?”

“Sure am!” Spike said from under the batter, giving a thumbs up, as his tongue quickly ran over the batter covering him.

Shaking some water from his coat, Alex headed off with his partner, ready to find the cat fights that were sure to present at the place they were going.

\/\/\/\/

Alex and Spike had been at it for a little over an hour, but were unable to figure out just where Twilight was hiding, and where her searching friends were.

His long trek through the surprisingly large town, led him to a massive hill, leading up to a rather mountainous section of the town.

“Where are we?” Alex asked, looking to his companion, who was now almost completely cleaned off of his cake batter, “I don’t recognize this place.”

Spike looked around for some kind of indication, but saw nothing to give him an idea of what part of the town they were in.

“Let’s ask her!” Spike said, pointing to a large red mare heading down the road, dressed in some kind of black, lace covered outfit.

Heading up toward the mare, the two of them slowly realized just what they were looking at.

“Is that a dude?” Alex whispered to Spike, as they got closer to the red pony, “I mean… he-she sure is built like one.”

“I think I met him,” Spike whispered back, “That’s Applejacks brother… I didn’t know he was the type to dress up and go in to town…”

Alex and Spike, being the horribly unaccepting bigots that they were, decided that they wanted nothing to do with the transvestite stallion of Ponyville at this moment, to avoid the awkward situation that would surely come with him.

Standing awkwardly on the side of the road, they let Big Macintosh walk past them.

“Afternoon.” He said simply, not daring make eye contact with the two of them out of sheer embarrassment.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex nodded awkwardly, “Nice day…”

With that, Big Mac continued his way down the hill, as Alex and Spike started making their way back up once again.

“That was so awkward.” Alex squeaked.

“I hope I never have to do something like that again…” Spike whimpered.

The silence between the two of them was brief, as their attention was pulled to the top of the hill, when somepony started yelling down at that.

It was almost inaudible, but it didn’t need to be loud. They could clearly see a massive wagon filled to the brim with garbage careening down the hill toward them.

Alex looked over his shoulder to the cross-dressing pony, and bit his lip.

Spike, who was long out of the way, look to Alex in confusion.

“Get out of the way, Alex!” Spike said, as Alex ignored him, and headed down the hill toward Big Macintosh.

Alex knew he could probably get Big Mac out of the way in time, but at the very bottom of the hill was a busy intersection, where anypony could get hurt by the out of control wagon.

“Hey!” Alex shouted, as Big Mac turned around and went wide eyed, “Move!”

Of all the days to make a bet with his sister… This would be the last time he lost to her.

Reaching him, Alex stood his ground, “Get out of the way!”

“No.” Big Mac said, shaking his head, “I’m big enough tuh’ stop it.”

“I think I can stop it with a spell,” Alex said, placing himself in the way, “If it keeps moving… Try not to crush me stopping it.”

Big Mac braced himself, ready to stop both Alex, and the cart when they collided.

The cart was only a few meters away, when Alex pointed his horn at the wagon, and pushed as hard as he could, just as Princess Celestia had told him.

At that very moment, Rainbow Dash, while passing over, noticed Spike standing on the hill, while completely missing the wagon rushing down the hill.

“Hey Spike!” Dash called, “Have you seen Twi anywhere?”

Spike opened his mouth, only to freeze when he realized what was about to happen.

The spell Alex had case succeeded.

The sheer amount of force he put out from his horn was incredible, slowing the cart to a stop. However, he quickly realized that he had lost control of the spell, as the narrow passage of wind ripped up the hill, lifting the cart off the ground.

“Uh… You might wanna stop yer’ spell now,” Big Mac said, pointing to the filth flying out of the back, though the air toward a certain Cyan mare.

A small drop of rotten-something landed on her arm, drawing her attention to the commotion on the ground.

“Hey!” She shouted at Alex, completely lost at what he was doing right now, “You got some of your crap on me!”

Alex didn’t even notice her, as he decided to try and expel all of his magic at once, stopping this spell from going on.

Giving one massive push, every ounce of wind blew out from his horn, sending the cart spinning off in to the air.

“Are you even listening?!” Dash shouted, as the wagon lifted off the ground, and headed straight for her.

“Eep—“

Dash was hit by the cart of garbage, and was lucky to be in the softest section, which also happened to be the part of the wagon that was filled with rotting food.

It only flew for a few more seconds, before it landed upside down on the ground at the top of the hill, trapping the mare underneath both hundreds of pounds of garbage, and the wagon itself.

It only took Alex two seconds to put together what had just happened, and who he had just hit.

“Oh fuck.”

/\/\/\/\

By the time the wagon was lifted off of her, and the garbage removed, Rainbow Dash was a very unhappy, and very stinky mare. Her blue coat was now stained a dark, toxic green, along with her mane, which was every shade of rotten green you could imagine.

Alex, Big Mac, Spike, and the owner of the wagon all stood at the top of the hill with her, feeling nervous for what was going to come next.

Stepping out of the pile of muck, Dash made a disgusting ‘splat’ with each step she took toward the white alicorn, who was feeling his tail go between his legs so hard, that it was pressing up against his stomach.

“You.” Dash growled, running an arm through her bangs, slicking them to the side of her head, and sending residual garbage on to the ground beside her, “You.”

Pointing to him, she stepped directly in front of him, and knocked his chest with her hoof, leaving a green stain on his pristine coat… and another. And another. With each one having increased force, before he finally had to take a step back.

The rage she was feeling was obvious, as her ragged breathing grew more and more shaky, leading up to what they all thought would be an explosion of anger. But, she shocked them all, when her next words, were calm ones.

“Spike, please tell Twilight that I’ll pass on those tickets.” Dash said, obviously masking the hurricane of anger that was inside of her, “I need to go home, and shower for the next year.”

Spreading her wings, she gave a few flaps, and achieved a very unbalanced flight, as she tried her best to compensate for the extra weight of garbage, and her feathers being matted together in sludge.

“Sorry…” Alex said, just loudly enough for her to pick up.

Ignoring him, she went on her way.

“Thanks for the help,” Big Mac said simply, “If ya’ ever need anythin’, just ask for me at the orchard.”

Alex nodded, still unable to form a sentence.

“And this’ll be the last time ah’m wearin’ this, that’s for sure.” He finished, as Spike turned to face him.

“So, you’re not a cross-dresser?” Spike asked.

“Sure ain’t!” Big Mac laughed, “Lost a bet.”

“Thank god.” Alex laughed quietly, “You looked like a pony Frank-Furter.”

“I’m going to go home and wash up,” Alex said, looking at the gross smears on his chest, “Know how to get back to library?”

“Eeyup,” Big Mac said, pointing to the part of town it was located in, “Just keep headin’ left.”

Nodding, that was good enough for him, as Alex started on his journey without another word.

“Sorry for the trouble!” Spike said, running off to catch up with Alex.

The silence that followed between Big Mac and the owner of the cart was deafening.

“I thought you looked good in the girdle.” He said finally, winking to the large stallion.

“Uh, nope.”

/\/\/\/\

Alex was thoroughly put out by the turn of events of the day, and spent the next hour in his shower, scrubbing his chest.

This stuff just didn’t come out!

It must have been so bad for Rainbow Dash…

“I should really make it up to her,” Alex had mumbled for the fifteenth time, as he turned off the hot water, and stepped out of the stall.

Blowing some air across his body as he shook himself off, he dried himself off in a matter of seconds—there were plenty of perks to this place!

Walking out of the bathroom, Alex quickly picked up on some kind of argument going on in the main section of the building. It didn’t take much figuring for him to piece together what was going on.

Poking his head out the door, four girls were all talking to Twilight at the same time, each one next to her, as they all wildly gestured and paddled on about how they should be the one to go to the Gala with her.

It wasn’t the kind of fight that required cooking oil, however.

Twilight was just about ready to burst, as her friends continued endlessly.

“Hey guys!” Alex shouted, picking up on her distress, “What brings you all to the library today?”

Silencing the room, he was happy to see each one of them address him.

“Oh, Twilight had a ticket to the Gala, that’d let me make some new friends in the royal gardens!” Fluttershy explained.

“Well, I think it would be more prudent if I were to go, and meet the stallion of my dreams!” Rarity followed her.

“Ah’d like to make some money to help out mah’family!” Applejack cut in.

“But I wanna go party!” Pinkie called, “It’ll be the most super-exciting-wonderful party ever!”

Twilight just groaned.

Scratching his head, Alex looked at the girls in disbelief. Were they really having this argument? And was Twilight really having this much trouble choosing who should go?

“Are you serious?” Alex laughed, “This is an easy choice, Twilight.”

Looking up from the floor, she gave him a sad look.

“I should send them back,” Twilight sighed, levitating the tickets off the ground, and pulling a scroll over to her.

“What? No!” Alex shook his head, “I know who you have to take!”

“Who…? Is it you?” She asked, wondering if he was just being a dick.

“Applejack!” Alex answered, pointing to the now very happy mare.

“She said she had to raise money to help her family, didn’t she?” Alex asked, “I mean, from what Spike told me earlier, she wants to fix a barn, get a new plow, and replace her grandmother’s hip.”

“Oh yeah…” Twilight mumbled to herself.

“Meeting cute animals? Kinda selfish in comparison.” Alex said, looking on to Rarity, “Same with you, and wanting to find love.”

“Well… I suppose…” Rarity sighed.

“And Pinkie, you party all the time,” Alex said, “What’s a party here, over one there?”

“I guess you’re right.” She accepted, nodding slowly.

“So, yeah!” Alex smiled, “And unless you can get more tickets or something, that’s what you have to…”

Twilight gave him a blank expression.

“You did you ask for more, right?”

Peace Negotiations

/\/\/\/\
Peace Negotiations
\/\/\/\/

The day in Ponyville had been calm for everypony, after Twilight found out that all she had to do was ask for more tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala. She was able to get one for herself, along with one for Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Alex, and Spike, just in case he would be needing one.

All in all, they had been thrilled.

Well, Rainbow Dash hadn’t heard the news yet, but Alex was excited to be the one taking her the ticket she had been sent, hoping it would improve the rather shitty relationship the two had at this particular moment.

Just so long as she didn’t fly off the handle and be a massive bitch to him, he would be a peach!

And as long as he apologized, she would have no reason to be upset with him! It’s not he had been that bad to her or anything.

Of course, it had taken Alex one full trip to her house, before he realized that he wasn’t able to reach the front door, and the last thing he wanted to do, was shout her name from below for as long as it took for her to come check on him.

So, Alex had to ask himself, how was he supposed to get up there? It made sense that there would have to be a way to make it accessible to everypony. But, after some asking around to the ponies in town, he found out that you had to have wings to even step on a cloud. Which, made zero sense to him.

But, there was always Plan P. Pinkie.

Of course, when all was said and done with her plan, he would have been happier finding his own way up. But, he didn’t know that when he first approached her.

“Okie dokie Alex!” Pinkie said, pushing his rump along with her head toward a lone basket behind Sugar Cube Corner, “Just hop in there! You’ll be at Dashie’s house in no time!”

Pushing him against the basket, Pinkie looked up in the sky and gasped, “Whoops! I forgot the something! One sec!”

Watching her run in to a tiny shed on the opposite side of the yard, he heard the sound of Pinkie rapidly blowing air in to a balloon.

“What is she doing?” Alex muttered, carefully stepping himself into the basket, glancing in to his saddlebag to ensure the ticket was still jutting out from the closed flap, “I don’t see a party balloon float—“

His jaw hit the floor as Pinkie came bouncing out of the shed, squeezing a massive hot air balloon through the tiny door of the tiny building, with zero issue.

“We wouldn’t be going anywhere without this one!” She giggled through the string in her mouth, walking over to the basket Alex was in, “Hey! You got in all by yourself! I wasn’t sure if you could!”

He would have voiced his confusion more, had he not been actively trying to get used to this world for the past week. But, insanity was a fact in Equestria, and he needed to finally accept that.

“I’ll just tie the balloon to the basket… and there we go!” Pinkie beamed, tying off the hot air balloon in four different places, while keeping a small metal circle under her hoof that was also attached by rope to the balloon.

“Good luck with Dashie!” Pinkie said, taking her hoof off the metal circle, freeing the massive balloon to take off in to the sky.

Alex yelped in surprise as Pinkie allowed the balloon to fly free, forcing the question of ‘how was she able to keep it down with just one hoof?’ out of his head.

“Aren’t you coming?” Alex shouted to her, as he rapidly ascended away from the earth, “I can’t steer this thing!”

“It’s on auto pilot!” She called, just before he was out of earshot, “It’ll take care of you!”

Alex glanced around the basket and balloon for any kind of machine that could possibly be the ‘auto pilot.’ There was nothing. But, he had faith in the pony. And, as it turned out, he was right to have that faith. He was flown straight from the Sugar Cube Corner, to the front steps of what looked like a friggin’ cloud mansion.

The trip was swift, and his ride parked itself on the edge of the clouds, waiting patiently for him to conduct his business.

But, this was a challenge in itself. If he remembered what those ponies on the ground were saying correctly, only pegasi were able to walk on clouds. Not earth ponies, and not unicorns. But… What about ponies from earth? He could fall, and splat so hard against the ground, that he wouldn’t even feel the impact. He’d just be dead.

No.

Not in the mood to die.

He was just gonna go back to the ground. Forget Rainbow Dash right now.

Softly pushing some weight in to the side of the basket, he expected the balloon to return to earth, allowing him sweet freedom from this horrible place to high above the ground.

But, there was no movement on the part of his transportation. It almost felt like it was fighting him.

“Come on!” Alex grunted, running his head in to the basket more, trying to force it to start moving again.

However, his efforts were cut off when a piece of paper floated out from inside of the balloon above him, and landed softly on the floor next to him.

Squinting, he read the still-wet ink on the note.

Dear Alex,
Quit being a big pussy!

-Pinkie

Growling in frustration, he turned back to the cloud house, and plotted the easiest, and safest path toward the door, from where he was. Of course, there was no path per se, he just made sure he knew exactly where each hoof was going to land, and how many it was going to take him before he reached his destination—the door.

Reaching out his front left arm, he slowly patted the cloud, ensuring that he would be supported by the weightless substance. And, luckily, he was.

Leaping out of his ride, he landed with each hoof on the cloud soundly.

“Thank god…” He said taking the next step, happy to feel that the ground was both solid, and even.

Walking up to the blue wooden door, he raised his hoof, and knocked on it three solid times, hoping the sound would reach all the way through the house.

“One- One sec!” Her voice was heard, along with the sound of swishing water.

As each second passed, his blood pressure increased. By the time two minutes had passed, he was sure that a stiff breeze would give him a stroke.

Finally, the sound of feet, or, hooves coming down the stairs was heard, which was followed by the door opening, and a deep frown appearing on her face.

“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that—urk-“ Alex gagged, as a horrible smell wafted out from the door in to his face, turning him pale underneath his white coat.

“Smell something?” She asked, tilting her head, “I wonder what it could be!”

Carefully looking over her, he realized just how much her mane had been stained by the garbage she had been coated in yesterday, however, her coat itself was the usual color.

“Did you know that I had to dye my coat to get it back to the color it used to be?” She asked flatly, looking at his chest at the place she had smacked him yesterday, “Even you have some stains here.”

Looking down at his chest, he could see the darkened spots where she had been hitting him, that he had tried to completely wash off.

“Well, I have this big grey spot already,” Alex laughed, flaring his right wing and exposing it’s different color from the rest of his coat, “What’s three more?”

“Why are you here?” She asked, a scowl still riddled across her face.

“Oh!” Alex said quickly, “Twilight got some more tickets to the horse-dance-thing.”

“The gala?” Dash asked, her mood visibly perking up at his gift, “I got a ticket?!”

“Yeah!” Alex nodded, reaching in to his bag and chomping down on the ticket.

She snatched it out of his mouth before he had the chance to turn back and face her.

“Yes!” She cheered, inspecting the golden piece of paper carefully, “I’m going to impress the crap out of the Wonderbolts there!”

Dash continued to cheer to herself, while Alex stood by awkwardly, unsure if he should just head out. But, the note from Pinkie was still burning in his mind.

“So, are we good?” Alex asked suddenly, as Dash’s attitude suddenly turned back to its sour one.

“You think that delivering a ticket to me, would earn my forgiveness?” Dash asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I’m not trying to earn anything,” Alex asked, his tone notably more aggressive, “I was just trying to extend an olive branch.”

“So, after running every piece of hair on my body, you try and extend an olive branch?” She asked, scoffing, “You have to earn me as a friend at this point.”

“Earning you, would be like earning the bronze.” Alex spat back, “I came up here to patch things up with you, but it looks like you’re too stubborn!”

“I’m not stubborn!” She shouted, taking a step toward him, invading his personal space, “You’re just a dick!”

“Well enjoy your damn ticket!” Alex growled, turning around and throwing a hoof in the air, “I was gonna give you a real apology for the garbage, but I can tell you and that shit had a lot in common!”

“Screw off!” She yelled back, slamming the door closed.

Alex exhaled rapidly, as he cooled down from the state he had just been in.

That mare was infuriating, and yet he was trying so hard to please her! Bringing her the ticket himself, he was even nice to her! But no! She just keeps saying that he needs to earn her forgiveness, when all that she really needed to do was stop acting like a stuck up bitch.

“Geez, dude,” A voice said from his side, “You a friend of Dash?”

Alex looked over to the voice, and squinted at the new creature in front of his eyes, he recognized her as a gryphon. Something he never expected to see in his lifetime. But, at the same it, he never expected to see himself as a horse.

“She wishes.” Alex scoffed, walking toward the balloon, “Who are you?”

“Name’s Gilda.” She said, walking past Alex, “I was like that with her when we were kids.”

“Alex. And, you saw past that?” Alex asked, looking over his shoulder for a moment.

“Na,” She laughed, “It’s still there. You just gotta learn how to use that attitude to have fun with her.”

“I… have no idea what you mean,” Alex shook his head.

“Maybe you will someday,” She said, approaching the door, “See ya’, Alex.”

Stepping back in the balloon, he was happy to feel it start moving back toward the ground once again.

“Oh, Gilda!” Alex shouted.

“What?” She called back.

“Plug your nose!” He warned.

“What did you sa—“ She began, before a horrible gagging noise replaced her speaking.

“Yeah yeah,” Dash mumbled.

“Holy mother of Celestia! You stink!” Gilda was heard, “Like, the worst smell I have ever smelled! You need to go see a doctor! Or take a bath in bleach! Holy crap!”

Alex did feel a little guilty now that he had a few moments to calm down, but, even a second recollection reignited the fury he felt toward her, and the guilt melted.

Peace negotiations had failed… but he was going to be seeing more of her. Whether he liked it or not.

Griffon the Brush Off - Part 1

/\/\/\/\
Griffon the Brush Off – Part 1
\/\/\/\/

“And then she went- zoom! And then she did this crazy flip!” Pinkie prattled on to Twilight, as the purple pony tried to read her book in silence in the park, “It was all so fast! I thought I was going to go crazy!”

“Mhmm…” Twilight murmured as Pinkie’s rambling lulled, flipping the page in her book.

“She’s just so cool! The way she rockets around is amazing! I mean, have you ever seen anypony move so fast?!”

“Eeyup,” Twilight answered, paying no attention to Pinkie.

“Oh man! I just wish I was talented like her! She’s just—“

Pinkie was cut off as the air above her and Twilight twisted and roared in response to a cyan Pegasus flying over the two of them.

“Oh! Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called, as the mare looked down on her from the sky, “Wait up!”

“Ugh,” Dash mumbled, pressing on with her course, “I’m busy Pinkie!”

“But Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called.

“Not now, Pinkie!” Dash shouted to the pony below her, no longer watching what was going on in front of her.

“You need to—“

Before Pinkie could finish, Rainbow Dash crashed into the side of a mountain, and elegantly slid down, covering her face in dirt as she hit the ground.

“I was gonna tell you to look out for that mountain!” Pinkie said smiling, “But I need a favor!”

Dash just exhaled and dropped her chin on to the ground, “What kind of favor?”

“It’s a surprise!” Pinkie giggled, “But I promise it’ll be super fun!”

Dash only sighed in defeat.

Pinkie was relentless when it came to getting the assistance of her friends, once her mind was made up on who was going to help her. Dash knew that she could run…hide in a cloud, or somewhere in Sweet Apple Acres, but Pinkie would be right there, having arrived before her, somehow.

And, after everything that had been happening with Alex, and her being doused in coat-staining garbage, she had no fight in her right now. So, she’d help Pinkie.

“Okay, let’s go…”

“Great!” Pinkie called, “Follow me!”

/\/\/\/\

“Just a bit more to the left!” Pinkie instructed Dash, as she slowly moved a cloud over the post office, “Okay! A little bit back to the right!”

Dash sighed as she moved the cloud back, growing more and more impatient with Pinkie’s indecision on the placement of this cloud.

“Now! Just a smidgemeter to the south!” She called, frustrating Dash with her vague instructions, “North! North!”

Dash growled, and pulled the cloud in the directions she assumed were south and north.

“Okay, now all you need to do is—“

“Pinkie Pie!” Dash exploded at her, sick of the task she had been given.

“That’s perfect!” Pinkie laughed nervously, “Okay! Just wait up there, and I’ll give you the signal! It’s gonna be so funny!”

Dash rolled her eyes, and did as she was told. She waited.

/\/\/\/\

“Is this everything?” Spike asked, grabbing the last scroll on the counter, and piled it in to his arms with a bunch of others, “They’re assignments for Twilight from the princess.”

“Mhmm,” The clerk said, reading through the massive stack of mail from Canterlot, ensuring that Spike wouldn’t have to come back until next week, “It looks like that’s all of it.”

“Thank goodness!” Spike sighed, “In Canterlot, because there’s so many ponies, the post office would always screw up our mail!”

“I figured a big place like that would have a better system than a place like Ponyville,” He said, scratching his chin, and feeling a small amount of pride for the efficiency of his establishment, “Doesn’t seem to make any sense to me!”

“Well, Canterlot is filled with big families, and a lot of them have incredibly similar names,” Spike explained, “In more than a few cases, ponies have the exact same names.”

“Well that makes sense.” He nodded, “Well, I have some more sorting to do before the day ends, so I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Sure thing!” Spike smiled, turning around to the face the door, “See you later!”

Opening the door, Spike walked down the porch, and on to the grass, happy to be headed home, so he could take a nice long nap!

Taking a couple of steps out in to the open, Spike’s trip was suddenly interrupted by a massive explosion just above him.

The noise Spike made could only be described as a screech, as the scrolls flew from his arms all over the ground.

Silence hung in the air, as Spike tried to wrap his mind around his shocking experiences. But, he was again cut off, by a loud, and echoing, hiccup.

And then another.

And another.

The familiar sound of giggling came from the entrance of the post office, as Pinkie Pie jumped out from her hiding place, and Rainbow Dash flew down from the sky, where she had just struck the lightning cloud.

“Oh Dashie! We scared Spike so bad, that we gave him the hiccups!” Pinkie managed to get out, before exploding in a fit of adorable laughter.

Spike himself, wasn’t upset whatsoever, and had to give it to Pinkie for playing a joke on him, yet again.

“Good one Pinkie!” Spike said, before hiccupping, “You’re—always pulling a—fast—fast one on me!” He said, his hiccupping falling in between each word.

“That was awesome!” Dash laughed, as Spike stood up and started to collect his scrolls. However, as soon as he picked up his first one, an accidental flame came from his mouth, and dissolved the scroll, sending it off to Princess Celestia, “Oh, Spike! Are you okay?”

“Sure am! Dragons are fireproof!” Spike smiled, picking up the last of his scrolls, only to have them be lit aflame as soon as he hiccupped, “…I wish the same could be said of scrolls.”

The two girls laughed at his misfortune, feeling a little guilty, but no so much that they’d stop their fit of laughter.

\/\/\/\/

By the time Spike got his scrolls back from Princess Celestia, and had them all sorted out, a good hour and a half had passed, and he knew that he’d be missing out on his nap for the afternoon.

On his way back to the library, Spike had heard passing comments on a prank spree running across the town . It didn’t take a genius to know who was causing that. By the sounds of it, they were all harmless jokes, and nopony was worse for wear. Something he was very happy about. Sometimes it’s easy to go overboard.

Stepping inside the library, the already familiar sound of Alex snoring filled the house, and it became apparent to Spike why Twilight had gone to read in the park. Everypony knew that he wasn’t trying to be that way, but it was almost obnoxious.

“Maybe I should take a note from him, and just go to sleep anyway,” Spike sighed, looking at the clock, reading six o’clock, but he was just too hungry for that. Maybe spend an hour cooking, and an hour eating, a half cleaning… that would be late enough.

“Hey Alex!” Spike shouted at their guest, caring not for his slumber, “What do you want for dinner?”

“Spaghetti!” He called out of the room.

“We had that last night!” Spike called back, “And for lunch!”

“Penne!” He shouted again.

“Hmm…” Spike said, looking in a nearby counter, “Well, it’s a different shape I guess.”

The snoring continued.

/\/\/\/\

Twilight walked back in to the library to the familiar smell of pasta, and the familiar presence of Alex and Spike sitting at the table, eating that pasta.

“Again?” Twilight asked the two, “Don’t you eat anything else?”

“It’s not all the same,” Alex shook his head to her, “You can cook pasta a million different ways! But, I’d always eat it covered in butter if I could.”

Twilight didn’t know how to respond to that off the top of her head, but shrugged it off, and joined them at the table, “How was it cooked this time?”

“Alex showed me how to make this alfredo sauce!” Spike said, using his fork to stuff a mouthful of pasta in to his mouth, “It’s really creamy!”

“It’s the one thing I can cook,” Alex laughed, gently lowering his mouth to the plate, and biting down on a single noodle to consume it, “But I’ve mastered it.”

“Maybe you should have a cutie mark in cream-based sauces,” Twilight laughed, looking at his rump to make sure he didn’t actually have that on his side… he didn’t.

“How was the park?” Spike asked, seeing her bookmark much deeper than where it had been this morning, “It looks like you got a lot of reading done!”

“Well, I would have got some more, but Pinkie has a tendency to talk, and talk, and talk…” Twilight sighed, “It’s a good thing Rainbow Dash came along.”

“I had a run in with the two of them.” Spike laughed, “They pulled a great prank on me!”

“I heard they were pulling pranks on everypony in town,” Twilight said, “I’m glad I was spared though.”

“The day’s not through.” Spike shook his head, “Be careful.”

“They won’t be able to get me here,” Twilight said, heading up the stairs, “But I’m going to do a couple of experiments upstairs.”

“I’ll probably be in bed when you finish,” Spike said.

“I will be too,” Alex said, unsure of why he would need to inform her of that fact.

“Well, try not to snore,” Twilight said half-jokingly.

“Sorry,” Alex scratched the back of his head nervously, knowing that he could have a problem with that, “I just need to sleep with my face in the pillow. It shuts me up.”

Twilight only waved as she headed up the stairs in to her study, leaving Alex and Spike alone once again.

“Isn’t she going to eat?” Alex asked quietly.

“Twilight tries to keep her figure under control,” Spike explained quietly, “She went through a bit of a... faze. “

Alex cocked an eyebrow.

“She gained a few pounds…” Spike coughed.

Alex didn’t need to hear any more.

“So, I’m going to clean up here,” Spike said, gesturing to the kitchen, “Why don’t you go find something to do?”

Alex wondered just what there was for him to do.

Explore Ponyville a little more, practice his magic, get to know Spike a little better.

Na.

Alex went right back to sleep.

/\/\/\/\

“Hey Gilda!” Dash smiled, opening her door to see her gryphon friend standing at the door, “Back again?”

“Yeah, I was thinking I’d be sticking around for a little while, if that’s okay with you.” She answered, stepping inside of the house, “I’ve had a bit of a disagreement with my last roommates in Cloudsdale…”

“That’s fine!” Dash smiled, happy that Gilda had been dropping by so much in the last week, “Do you have everything you need?”

“I just need to make one more trip there and back,” Gilda said, looking at the setting sun, “Mind helping me out?”

“Sure thing!” Dash smiled, “You won’t believe how fast I can get there and back!”

“Why don’t we make it a race then?” Gilda suggested, feeling her competitive spirit come out, as it usually did around Dash, “The loser has to carry all the stuff back!”

Dash smirked. This would be an easy win.

/\/\/\/\

Author's Note

I decided to cut this in half, to give Dash a chapter to be herself again, not a big bitch, as she will be next chapter.

And, well, I'm working crazy hours at work and probably won't get another chapter out for a week or two.

Griffon the Brush Off - Part 2

/\/\/\/\
Griffon the Brush Off: Part 2
\/\/\/\/

Pinkie was so excited to get back to Rainbow Dash’s house, so the two of them could continue their conquest of Ponyville in the form of amazing pranks. She hadn’t enjoyed spending this kind of time with anypony since… well, since the last time she and Dash had hung out. She may be a bit big headed, but when you got past all that, she was the most fun loving pony you would ever meet. Well, aside from Pinkie herself.

Having passed by the library, Pinkie, being the generous pony she was, offered to let everypony do some pranks along with the two of them. However, Twilight was trying to fix that experiment they had ruined last night for her, Spike was cleaning out some unused rooms in the library, and Alex was nowhere to be found- not that he would have wanted to spend time with Dash anyway.

So, knowing that Rarity was running her store, Pinkie left was left with nopony to ask that would be close enough for her to ask on the way.

So, she had headed toward the cloud house that was currently hanging close enough to the ground for Pinkie to easily call up to.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called, figuring that Dash would still be here, considering he weather jobs wouldn’t start for a few hours, “Are you ready for another day filled with great pranks?”

There was no response.

“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie called in her sing-song voice, “Wake up sleepy head!”

Again, she received no call back.

Inhaling deeply, Pinkie readied herself for the loudest call she could. But, just before she let it out, a feather covered head poked over the side of the cloud, and looked down to her with a somewhat menacing glare.

“Who are you?” The female voice asked with an edge of annoyance in her tone.

Relieved that she had spoken first, as Pinkie could now identify the creatures gender, she smiled, and introduced herself, “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! Are you a friend of Rainbow Dash? Because so am I!”

“The name’s Gilda.” She began, before she was cut off.

“Hey Pinkie!” The easily recognizable voice of Rainbow Dash called, as she also poked her head over the edge of the cloud, “This is my griffon friend, Gilda!”

“What’s a griffon?” Pinkie asked, surprisingly ignorantly.

“She’s a half eagle, half lion!” Dash announced excitedly, as Gilda puffed out her chest to the party pony.

“Wow!” Pinkie giggled, hiding her embarrassment over not knowing what species this creature was.

“Gilda’s my best friend from back in the days of Junior Speedster flight camp!” Dash explained, as the griffon rolled her eyes at the memory, “Hey, do you remember the chant?”

“How could I forget?” She groaned, “They made us recite it every morning.”

“So…?” Dash asked hopefully, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Only for you Dash.” Gilda said plainly, happy that nopony was around to see her do something so lame.

“Junior Speedsters are our lives,
Sky-bound soars and daring dives
Junior Speedsters, It’s out quest,
To some day be the very best!”

The two recited the chant perfectly, with Gilda having a little less optimism in her tone, while they simultaneously performed a complicated flight in a circle.

Pinkie exploded in to a fit of high pitched giggles, embarrassing Gilda greatly, while earning a bright smile from Dash, “That was awesome! And it gave me a great idea for a prank! You game Gilda?”

“I groove on a prank as much as the next griffon,” Gilda asked, rolling her eyes at the childish suggestion, “But you know Dash, you promised we’d get a flying session in this morning.”

“Oh yeah…” Dash said apologetically, “Sorry Pinkie, you don’t mind, do you?”

“Oh, no problem!” Pinkie smiled, hiding her disappointment, “I’ll, uh, just catch up with you guys later!”

“See ya’ Pinkie!” Dash called, as the two flew away from the pony.

Sighing, Pinkie turned away from the two airborne creatures, and started to head home.

She sure wished she could fly like them!

Oh wait… she could!

/\/\/\/\

Alex had gone back to his hill on the edge of town, and was relaxing before the next insane situation showed up. Spike had given him a pair of binoculars that he had been using to creep the ponies in town.

The morning in Ponyville had begun slowly, but had sprung to life quickly. He had watched a nearby pink pony stop by the library, and then start heading toward the house of Rainbow Dash through the binoculars Spike had loaned him.

After that, she appeared to have a short conversation with that griffon he had seen the other day, and Rainbow Dash. The two of them then flew off, leaving Pinkie alone on the ground. It was a sad moment for him, to see Pinkie get shot down like that, but she appeared to get her momentum back quickly, and ran back to the bakery. That was about a half an hour ago.

He was about to pack it in, and head back for the library, but Alex was surprised to see Pinkie come out of her house, pushing a large trampoline with her head to just underneath the cloud Dash and her friend were sitting on.

She then proceeded to climb on top of it, and start jumping.

Her altitude increased with each bounce, which was impossible, of course. But, she did it anyway.

In no time, Pinkie was poking her head through the clouds, and speaking with the two girls. However, it only took a few seconds before the two took off toward a distant cloud, leaving Pinkie stuck at the one she was bouncing under.

Screeching herself to a halt just before she bounced again, Pinkie jumped off the trampoline, and ran back to the bakery, where she pulled out a few dozen inflatable balloons, and somehow tied them around her stomach.

Running underneath the cloud the two were now relaxing on, Pinkie jumped, and instantly started to fly in to the air, impossibly.

Again, Pinkie exchanged some words with the two of them, before the two of took to the air again, and exploded away from the cloud, racing toward yet another place to sit down. However, when the dust cleared at the start line of their race, Gilda was still there. She then proceeded to pop several of Pinkie’s balloons, sending her back down to earth.

“Man… what a bitch.” Alex mumbled to himself, intently watching Pinkie for whatever she might do next.

Running back home to the shed behind the building, she instantly pulled out some kind of bicycle.

Alex knew it would get her in the air somehow, it was Pinkie after—Yup. There she went. It was a helicopter bike.

Again, Pinkie made her way to the girls, and talked with them once again.

And also, just as before, Dash took off in to the air and started performing all sorts of flight tricks, while Gilda turned around, and grabbed Pinkie’s flying machine by one of the bars holding the rotors.

She said what looked like stern words, and then grabbed the rotor of Pinkie’s bike, causing the entire vehicle to start spinning at an incredibly speed.

Releasing it, Gilda watched as Pinkie spun out of control toward the ground, where it crashed, ruining the bike.

Peering through the binoculars, Alex considered running and getting help. There was no way Pinkie would be able to walk away from a crash like that.

But, to his great relief, she did just that.

“Maybe I should intervene…” Alex considered, knowing that this would only raise hell with Rainbow Dash, “Yeah. I think I should.”

\/\/\/\/

“I can’t believe how mean she is!” Pinkie huffed, pacing back and forth in the library, “She keeps hogging Rainbow Dash all to herself! And she popped my balloons!”

“You know Pinkie…” Twilight began, unsure of how this conversation with her was going to end, “It sounds like you’re jealous.”

“What?!” Pinkie squeaked, in what sounded like an insulted tone, “M-me?! I’m the jealous—what?! You think that I’m jealous?”

“Green with envy,” Spike laughed, placing a few books on a shelf next to her, “Or in your case, pink with envy.”

“I’m not jealous!” Pinkie insisted, “She’s a big meanie!”

“Pinkie, have you considered that it might be your attitude that needs to be improved?” Twilight asked, looking up from her book, “Maybe once she sees you making an effort, you’ll see a different side of her.”

Pinkie pondered this suggestion, wondering if it had indeed been her that was in the wrong here.

“Hey guys!” Alex announced, opening the door and seeing Pinkie already here, “What are we going to do about Gilda?”

“Was she mean to you too?” Twilight asked, ready to put some more stock in Pinkie’s story.

“Well, no,” Alex shook his head, joining them at the table, “But I did see her almost kill Pinkie with that helicopter bike thing she grabbed.”

“Almost kill her?” Twilight asked in surprise, closing her book and giving the situation her full attention.

“Oh yeah!” Pinkie lit up, “I forgot to mention that!”

“You forgot…?” Spike asked in disbelief.

“Yeah! That big meanie pants broke my flycycle!” Pinkie said in an unusually high pitched tone, “While I was on it, and in the air!”

While Twilight was concerned with the development, she still didn’t want to get in on telling Rainbow Dash who she could, and couldn’t be friends with. For all she knew, Dash was well aware of Gilda’s attitude, and simply didn’t care. And if that were the case, then it would make for an incredibly uncomfortable situation when she told her to keep Gilda away from her friends.

“If only Dash knew that this girl was such a meanie-pants…” Pinkie mumbled, “She’s drop her feathery butt on the spot!”

Twilight was relieved to hear that.

“Okay… I think I know how we could ditch this chick!” Pinkie announced, smiling to herself, giving the others pause, “I’m going too…”

She slowed down for effect, clearly increasing the tension in the room considerably.

“Throw her a party!”

Alex opened his mouth to tell her plan was too crazy, and that it was going to hurt somepony! But… well, she had said party.

“What was that?” Alex asked, frowning, “You said… party?”

“Yeah!” Pinkie giggled, “None of you were here for it, but at Applejack’s birthday party a few months ago, Rainbow Dash went crazy with her pranks! Applejack was ready to scream at her by the time the party was over!”

“So…?” Twilight asked.

“So! We leave a few subtle cues on the invitation to the party, and Rainbow Dash will for sure prank her friend!”

“How does that fix anything?” Alex asked, just as lost as Twilight and Spike.

“If Applejack was ready to scream, imagine how quickly an irritable gal like Gilda would just explode!” Pinkie explained, a strange new look gracing her features, “And of course, she’ll blame them all on me! She’ll call me all sorts of names for pranking her… but really, it will be Dash she’s insulting!”

“Pinkie…” Alex began, shocked at this level of scheming.

“Are you sure you feel comfortable manipulating the two of them like that?” Twilight asked, knowing that she was indeed comfortable with it, just by the dark look on her face.

“Of course!” Pinkie said, turning her nose up, “You have to fight fire with fire, Twilight!”

Twilight wasn’t sure if she should be impressed with this master manipulation, or horrified. But, if it did truly force Gilda to show her true colors, then all Twilight could do was be thankful that her powers were being used for good, not evil.

“Come on you guys! We have to get this party together before the day ends!” Pinkie said urgently, looking at the clock that currently read ‘noon.’

“Do we have to?” Spike whined, having been excited for his afternoon nap.

Normally, Twilight would have also been out. But, she was just too curious to see if this plan would work.

“Come on, Spike.” Twilight said, levitating him on to her back, “You can rest when we get home.”

“There’ll be cake!” Pinkie smiled, knowing this would lure the dragon in.

“Really!?” Spike asked, his eyes now wide with excitement.

“Really!” Pinkie giggled, adding another step to her plan, “As soon as Gilda blows out the candles, just jump right in!”

“Really?” Spike asked in awe, shocked that he was being given such permission.

“Sure! Gilda would love it!” Pinkie explained.

Alex told himself one thing.

Never ever cross Pinkie.

/\/\/\/\

“Welcome!” Pinkie said to her guest walking in the door, as they placed a gift on the table next to the door.

“Welcome!” She repeated in the same tone, as the next guest did the same.

“Welcome!”

Alex stood next to Twilight and Spike, as they watched Pinkie go about her business, welcoming everypony to the party, before they started in to their own conversation.

“Do you think they’re even gonna show up?” Spike asked, not sure if this would be Gilda’s scene.

“Oh, she will,” Twilight nodded, “I asked Rainbow Dash specifically. She’s not one to ever pass up a party.”

“Are we sure this is such a good plan though?” Alex asked, worried about the conditions this party could leave the ponies in, “Like, what if Rainbow Dash chooses Gilda over you guys?”

“I don’t think she would,” Spike shook his head, “She’s the Element of Loyalty!”

“That doesn’t mean too much,” Twilight muttered.

“What do you mean?” Spike asked, tilting his head.

“Dash can be loyal to anypony,” Twilight explained, “She isn’t specifically loyal to the other Elements of Harmony.”

“Oh…” Spike said, not having understood that fact, “Well, this plan could really explode in our faces then.”

Alex didn’t have anything to add. As far as he figured, Dash would side with this griffon. They seemed to be in the same mindset when it came to treating others with respect. Although, he was able to admit to himself that his own view might be skewed by his dislike for her.

“Gilda!” Pinkie shouted, gathering the attention of everypony in the room as she extended her hoof, “I’m so honored to throw you one of my signature parties! And I truly, sincerely hope that I can make you feel welcome among us ponyfolk!”

Gilda simply grunted, and reached out to shake her hoof. However, as soon as her hand wrapped around Pinkie’s hoof, she was met with an unpleasant electric sensation that ran through her body, causing all her feathers to stick up on their ends.

Everypony exploded in to laughter at the cheap joke Pinkie had just played on the guest of honor.

“Oh Pinkie Pie!” Dash laughed loudly, stepping past Gilda, “The old hoofshake buzzer! You are a scream!”

Gilda, not wanting to lose her cool in front of Dash, did her very best to laugh off the joke, as much as it infuriated as it had made her.

“Yeah… good one Pinkie,” Gilda roller her eyes and adjusting the feathers on the top of her head.

“Are you guys ready to party?” Pinkie asked giddily, choosing to ignore the attitude Gilda was giving her.

Eyeing some candy on a table across the room, Gilda tried her best to make her way over without looking too eager, lest the ponies in town think she wanted to eat them—or something.

“Vanilla lemon drops!” Gilda smiled, “Don’t mind if I do!”

Lifting and tossing one of the candies in to her mouth, her tongue was immediately set on fire.

“T-this is—hot!” She shouted, looking back and forth for some kind of refreshment to wash the spice out of her mouth.

“G! The Punch!” Dash pointed, trying to contain her laughter, as the griffon ran to the massive punch bowl, grabbed the closest cup to the drink, and filled it. However, as she raised the drink up, nothing came out. She could only feel a liquid pouring down her chest.

Dash could only be heard laughing hysterically, as Pinkie spoke up yet again.

“Well what do you know?” Pinkie laughed, “Pepper in the lemon drops, and a dribble glass!”

“Priceless!” Dash managed through her cackling, “Priceless!”

Seeing somepony drop their drink on a counter, Gilda dashed to it, and splashed it all in her mouth, cooling the inferno she had just endured.

“Yeah. Hilarious.” Gilda grumbled, her scowl even bigger than it had been before.

“Well, if nothing else, this is a lot of fun to watch.” Alex whispered to Spike.

“I kinda feel bad for her…” Spike said, “But, if she’s as bad as everypony is saying, I guess I can sit back and watch.”

“What in tarnation are y’all talkin’ about?” Applejack asked the two, having heard the idle conversation between the two.

“Oh!” Alex said quickly, “We’re—um…”

“We’re pranking Gilda to make her explode,” Spike answered idly, still focused on the situation.

“Pardon me?!” She began, before Dash cut in.

“Hey, G!” Dash grinned, pointing to a large pile of gifts that the ponies from town had brought for Gilda, “Presents!”

Not needing to hear another word, Gilda was in front of the mass of gifts, finally feeling good about this lame party.

“Here!” Dash grinned slyly, “Open this one first!”

Taking the gift from Dash, Gilda grabbed the ribbon around the cylindrical package, and gave it a solid tug. But, as soon as the tension on the lid faded, it exploded forward, sending several toy snakes in to her face, puffing out her feathers.

“Now Rainbow Dash, you should stop playin’ all these jokes on yer’ friend!” Applejack called, somewhat concerned for the feelings of Gilda.

“What?” Gilda asked, her heart sinking at the accusation.

“Aww!” Dash said to Applejack, “Why did you have to go and out me like that?”

Pinkie, Alex, Spike and Twilight all exchanged glances. Their plan depended on anonymity. That was gone now.

“Rainbow Dash was pranking her?” Fluttershy whispered in to Pinkie’s ear, “I wish she had got her worse…”

Pinkie gave the yellow Pegasus an odd look.

“Gilda roared at me in the market today,” Fluttershy whispered with a sliver of anger in her tone, “I cried all the way back home…”

Pinkie couldn’t believe this. Gilda could treat anypony badly. But she could not- she could not treat Fluttershy like that.

A new plan was instantly hatched. And it was much worse than the original.

The only pony looking at her at this moment was Alex, so, Pinkie drew his eyesight to Dash and the door, while she mouthed the words, ‘One more.’

Alex narrowed his eyes. She must want to play another prank on Gilda… so, he nodded. He would communicate that to Dash as best her could.

Gilda, now in a much, much better mood, walked over and wrapped her arm around Dash, “You had me going for a minute there!”

“Yeah,” Dash sighed, somewhat unhappily, “I guess you got me!”

Flashing a glare at Pinkie, Gilda smirked.

Pinkie, just smirked back, putting a frown on the griffons face once again.

“Well, this is all of them!” Dash sighed, walking around the room and gathering the several party pranks she had set up, “Pinkie, where’s your garbage?”

“Outside.” She said darkly.

“Thanks!” Dash smiled, trotting out the door.

Alex, taking his cue, headed out behind her, to stall her… he hoped anyway.

/\/\/\/\

Alex watched as Dash disposed of her candies and other spiked foods in the garbage pail next to the house, and walked up behind her.

“Need any help?” Alex asked, coughing nervously enough to throw her off of his true identity.

“Oh, no thanks,” She said politely, dumping the last of the candy and disposable plate in the garbage that she had balanced on her wing, “So, what do you think of Gil—“

Making eye contact with him, her expression hardened.

“What do you want?” She asked quietly.

“I just came to talk!” Alex laughed nervously, wondering why Pinkie had sent him out, when she would have talked with Twilight way before she would talk with him, “About Gilda!”

Dash didn’t answer him.

“She was kinda rude to Pinkie earlier,” Alex said, scratching the back of his head.

Music was suddenly turned on inside the store, for what the two assumed was for the dancing portion of the party.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Dash said plainly, “But Gilda can come off as that sometimes.”

“She told her that she was a loser!” Alex added.

“What’s your plan here?” Dash asked, her tone getting angrier as she continued, “To drive some kind of wedge between me and one of my best friends from when I was a filly? How messed up do you need to be to try that?”

“I’m not messed up!” Alex argued, his own temper starting to flare, “That chick was really—“

“I don’t want to hear it!” Dash shouted, comfortable that no one inside could hear her voice over the music, “I don’t know if you paid enough attention, but I’m the Element of Loyalty! I trust all of my friends! And I’m not going to betray them just because you told me to!”

“I’m not asking you to—“ Before Alex could even finish his next sentence, Dash had walked past him, back toward the party, “One more prank, Dash!”

\/\/\/\/

Pinkie watched as Alex headed out the door to talk to Dash, and decided that it was time to play dirty.

“Who’s ready to dance?” Pinkie called, as everypony cheered in response.

Running over to her turn table, she turned on one of her many party-appropriate records, and watched as the guests of the party quickly filled the area in front of her, and started dancing.

Gilda, who had been mystified by the music at first, simply started to sway to the upbeat track while waiting for Dash to get back, so she could insist on getting away from this lame party.

Pinkie, now content with the cover she would have, slipped on to the dance floor, and made her way to within one pony of Gilda.

Clearing her throat, Pinkie spoke in a deeper voice.

“That griffon sure looks dumb with that color in her feathers,” Pinkie spoke just loud enough for Gilda to pick up on, while everypony else stayed oblivious.

Snapping around to find the source of the voice, she growled at hearing such an insult.

Moving to her other side, Pinkie changed her voice again.

“Do all griffon girls sound like men?”

Gilda snapped toward the other voice, in awe that all of these ponies thought so little of her. But, she found nothing.

Pinkie knew she just needed one more to push her to her tipping point.

“I can’t believe somepony cool like Rainbow Dash, would hang out with a loser like Gilda!” Pinkie said, bolting away, watching Gilda’s eye twitch in absolute rage.

“I’m back everypony!” Dash called, entering the room and jumping on the dance floor immediately, as if her conversation with Alex never happened.

“Dash, let’s blow this joint.” Gilda growled, as Dash cocked her head, “Aren’t you having fun?”

“No.” She said simply, having too much pride to tell her what she had just heard.

“Well… Pinkie went through a lot of hassle planning this party… don’t you want to—“

“Dash. Let’s go.” Gilda reinforced with a serious enough tone to silence Dash.

“You’re leaving?” Pinkie asked in to the microphone, as everypony on the dance floor started to call for her to stay.

“Sorry, guys,” Gilda spat, “But—“

“Well, at least stay for cake!” Pinkie begged.

Gilda grumbled.

“Fine.”

/\/\/\/\

It took a few minutes, but Pinkie finally brought out a simply massive cake, and rolled it in front of the griffon, who was obviously itching to get out of the bakery.

Dash looked at the top of the cake, and realized that her trick candles were still in the top of the cake.

But, the words Alex had said to her were ringing in her head. One more prank.

Dash looked to Gilda, and could obviously see that she was agitated. But, if she were to be upset by the prank, all the fault would be on her, since they were her candles.

Twilight lit the candles with a quick spell, as everypony stood around, waiting expectantly for her to blow them out.

Rolling her eyes, Gilda inhaled, and blew them out as quickly as she could, hoping to be done with all of this already.

However, the candles relit.

Shaking her head, she inhaled, and blew them out once again.

They flickered back to life, again.

Gilda growled deeply, as she tried one final time, with one final blow.

However, just as before, they lit back up.

Remembering that Dash had said all her pranks were gone, Gilda looked to Pinkie, who was smirking smugly toward her.

Finally, Gilda lost her cool.

“That. Is. it!” Gilda roared, as everypony backed up from the raging griffon, “I have had enough of you, and your stupid friends, Pinkie Pie!”

The room was shocked in to silence.

“I didn’t realize that when I came to Ponyville, that I’d be surrounded by a bunch of losers!” Gilda shouted, glancing around the room, “All of you think I’m not cool, huh? I heard you while everyone was dancing! Making fun of me!”

Everypony glanced back and forth in confusion.

“But let me tell you all something!” She continued, “I am the cool one! And a bunch of lame ponies like you could never hope to be a friend with either me, or Rainbow Dash!”

The smile on Pinkie’s face only grew wider.

“But you!” Gilda snapped at her, “You are the queen of losers! And let me tell you something! I will never come back to a party thrown by you, or any of your stupid friends ever again!”

Pinkie’s ears folded back on her head, as her bottom lip stuck out.

“Good! I hope you—“

“That’s enough, Gilda!” Dash shouted, silencing the raging griffon, “How dare you talk to my friends like that!”

Gilda was speechless.

“These lame ponies are my best friends!” Dash shouted, as Gilda backed up, “Nopony in this room would whisper about you behind your back! Especially when you’re in the room with them!”

“But I—“

“I can’t believe you would treat them like this, after they all worked so hard to throw you this party!” Dash continued, “Pinkie has been at this for hours, just to make you feel welcome!”

“Well—“

“So, if this is how you’re going to act, after everypony works so hard to make you feel welcome, you can go!” Dash finished, giving Gilda an expectant look.

“Fine!” She shouted back, “You are such a flip-flop, Rainbow Dash. Cool one minute, a loser the next!”

Turning around, Gilda walked out the front door, and flew off to get her things from Dash’s house, so she could get out of this backward-ass town.

“Not cool.” Dash said, turning around to face all of the ponies who attended the party, “I’m sorry everypony! I didn’t know Gilda was so… rude.”

“It’s okay!” Pinkie smiled, swearing to never share the details of what happened with anypony- ever, “We all make mistakes!”

A sad silence filled the room as Dash gave Pinkie an apologetic hug.

Fluttershy, who was now feeling like a million bits, walked over to Twilight and whispered in her ear, “Thank Celestia she’s gone… That griffon was such a bitch!”

/\/\/\/\

Feeling like Crap

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Feeling like Crap
////

Alex stood outside of the building, listening to the entire fallout between Gilda and Rainbow Dash. And it. Was. Awesome. There was nothing he liked more than being right after someone gave him such a monumental level of shit.

After another moment, Gilda stomped out of the building and made her way down the small staircase, glancing for a moment toward Alex, who had on the douchiest smirk on his face.

“What?!” She shouted, stopping in her tracks to glare at him, “Here to rub salt in the wound?”

Alex had planned on it, but something in her expression gave him pause.

“Well?” She asked, her voice cracking slightly, as if trying to maintain her composure.

“No,” He said, his smile fading in to a small frown, “Just go.”

The gryphon scoffed and flew off in to the sky, as Alex held his gaze on the place she had just been, his eyes glazed over as he thought about what had just happened.

“I’m gonna head home,” A voice said, as Dash stepped out of the door.

Even though he hadn’t been able to laugh at Gilda, Alex knew that he’d be able to get a good chuckle in at Dash’s expense, as his smirk returned.

The mare walked past him without saying a word, as she spread her wings to take off.

“What?” Alex taunted, “Nothing for me?”

Dash closed her eyes and exhaled slowly.

“Well?” He asked again, “Afraid I’ll say ‘told ya so!’?”

“Would you shut the fuck up?!” Dash shouted, turning around with a single tear running down her cheek, as her mouth hung open, “You think that you’re allowed to act like some smug little shit just because you were right about one of my best friends being a terrible person?!”

“Well-“

“Well, congratulations! You were right!” She shouted, stepping toward him as he slinked against the wall in a futile attempt to keep away from her, “I spent the last three weeks counting the minutes until I saw her, and now we’ll probably never even speak again!”

Alex looked away from her guiltily.

“Go ahead and laugh it up, because I’m going to go home and cry myself to sleep!” She said, turning tail and flying off instantly, “What a selfless guy you are!”

Alex watched her fly off as his stomach seemed to do a backflip.

“Fuck.” He said, sliding down to sit on his rump, despite the uncomfortable pressure it put on his tail, “Good to know three ponies feel like shit right now.”

After hearing the argument, Pinkie stuck her head out the door and looked toward Alex.

“Heya!” Pinkie called, jumping down the staircase with a bright smile, “We did it! We got rid of Gilda!”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Alex said, scratching his forehead.

“Are you pouting?” Pinkie asked, tilting her head, “Because getting rid of that Gryphon was one of the best things we could do for the town! She was playing mean tricks on ponies, stealing their food, and basically attacking Fluttershy!”

“I know.” Alex said simply.

“With her gone, everything in town is going to go right back to normal!” Pinkie said happily, sitting down next to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “Just think, we’ll be able to prank anypony out of town if this happens again!”

“We make a good team, yeah,” Alex finally said, pausing again as he replayed the conversation he had just had with the rainbow mare, “I was a bit of a dick to Rainbow Dash and just got chewed out for it.”

“So that’s what I heard out here,” Pinkie nodded, still smiling, “I thought Dashie was okay with what happened to Gilda, but I guess she was a little more shaken up.”

“Yeah,” Alex nodded, coughing as she stood himself up, “Maybe you and the rest of the girls should go check on her.”

“Why don’t you come with us?” Pinkie asked.

“She’d kill me, that’s why,” Alex laughed, “If I had said one more word to her, I think she would have ripped my horn off!”

“Oh, you don’t need to worry about her! There’s just a little tension between you two, if you know what I mean,” Pinkie winked, as Alex tilted his head in confusion, “Oh, come on! She’s hot for you!”

Alex scrunched up his face and leaned back slightly.

“Are you kidding me?” Alex asked, “She’d be happy if she never saw me again!”

Pinkie giggled.

“Just give it some time,” Pinkie said, shaking her head as she headed back toward the door, “My Pinkie sense has already predicted it!”

With that, she went back inside, ready to get the party going again.

Alex could only roll his eyes as he looked away from the building, and up toward Dash’s house, that hung in the sky just outside of town.

“Excuse me, handsome.” A voice said from beside him, as Alex turned to face a blue mare, wearing a cape and wizard hat. “Would you be so kind as to point the Great and powerful Trixie toward the mayor’s office?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah.” Alex nodded, obviously still winded from his short conversation with Dash, “I- uhh, which way was it again…”

The mare waited expectantly, as Alex scratched his chin.

“You know what, I’ll just walk you,” Alex said, “It’s not far from here, but I can’t see the tip of the building in this neighbourhood. Once we get moving I’ll be able to point it out.”

“Good.” The mare said simply, “Lead the way.”

“Uh… Sure,” Alex said, happy to be making up for the karma he had lost a couple of minutes ago.

Walking past a rather large cart, Alex observed it closely before Trixie spoke up to him.

“That’s my cart, in case you were wondering,” Trixie said, “I bring it with me for my show.”

“Show?” Alex asked, looking over his shoulder to her, “By the getup, I guess you’re some kind of magician?”

“Trixie is no mere magician,” Trixie scoffed, “Trixie is the greatest wizard in Equestria!”

“Oh, really?” Alex asked, having never heard of her.

“Indeed,” She said, her competitive side creeping out as she looked at his horn and wings, “How gifted are you magically?”

“Well, don’t let the horn and wings fool you. I’m kinda new around here, and have no idea what I’m doing with magic.” Alex laughed, looking over his shoulder to her.

“Wings and horn, that’s right. Trixie thought alicorns were almost strictly royalty,” she said, looking him up and down and frowning at his lack of cutie mark, “Are you Celestia’s son or something?”

“No,” Alex shook his head, “I’m not the baby Luna had, either.”

Trixie laughed, “You really are new here! Princess Luna’s been trapped on the moon for a thousand years. And before that, never conceived a child.”

“Oh, yeah. Right.” Alex said quickly, remembering the promise he had made to Celestia about what he saw in her memories, “Well, despite my wings and horn, all I can do is make wind with the both of them.”

“Wind?” Trixie asked, “You mean you can manipulate air? Such a feat is easy for the Great and Powerful Trixie.”

“No no,” Alex shook his head, turning them down on to the main street, well within view of Town Hall, “I can make it. It’s like, my only claim to fame in this retarded horse world.”

Ignoring the end of his sentence, Trixie dwelled on his claim that he could create air. It wasn’t an extraordinary spell in the sense of being dazzling or showstopping, but to truly create something with magic was neigh-impossible.

“Hmm.” Was all she said, taking what he had to say at face value.

The two walked for a couple more minutes until Alex was confident that he had his bearings.

“That’s the building you want,” Alex said, pointing to the town hall, “It’s pretty easy to see from most parts of town.

“Ah, of course.” She said, stepping in front of him.

“Trixie appreciates your help,” She said, looking him up and down slowly with a mischievous grin, “If you’d like, come find me after Trixie does her show tonight. She would like to get to… know you better.”

Then, with a wink, the mare headed away from him, on her way to the mayor.

Alex blinked a couple of times.

“Was she coming on to me?” He asked himself, frowning as he checked out her body.

She seemed to have a little more meat on her bones than the girls he usually spent time with. Not in any kind of significant way. She was just a tiny bit more filled out around her legs and rump.

”Hmm… nope, still not sexy.” Alex shrugged, “Can’t see a horse as sexy just yet.”

\/\/\/\/

Dash stood in her doorway of her cloud house, watching the gryphon as she hastily packed her bags.

“Gilda…” Dash said.

“I- I don’t wanna hear it.” Gilda responded quickly.

“We shouldn’t end things like this,” Dash said, stepping in to her home, “Why don’t we go get some—“

“You know what, Dash?” Gilda asked, pulling her bag over her back as she wiped the dampness from her cheeks, “I thought your friends were important to you! But, I guess you just pick favourites!”

“Gilda, I don’t pick favourites,” Dash shook her head, stepping further in to her house, “But I won’t let somepony, friend or not, bully my friends!”

“It sure is nice being the least liked in a group,” Gilda continued, as if Dash had said nothing, “Well, you don’t have to worry about choosing who you care about most, because I’m done here.”

Dash sighed, her eyes filling with tears as Gilda stormed past her, and flew out the open door in to the sky.

And just as she had promised Alex, she broke down.

/\/\/\/\