The Walk, the Run, the Talk, the Pun (revised)
In the night, my soul hurts and I tremble
The end is near for me
Trying purple pills and liquor
But there is no remedy
She had been trying to hold her hand steady, but the amount of shaking made it necessary for her to put the gun in her right pocket of her jacket. Her legs was shaking as well, but she kept going. There was no turning back from this.
And yet, Rainbow Dash had a pretty neat life. She had been going steady with Applejack for about two years now, and it had only been nine months since she decided to move in with her at Sweet Apple Acres. That meant more work and less play, but Rainbow managed. She had also been looking after Scootaloo more and more, and four months earlier, she asked Scoots if she wanted to live with her and AJ. It was a bit scary, to go from having a sort-of-sister to a sort-of-daughter, and to upgrade a girlfriend to almost-fianceé, but Rainbow had managed- or at least she thought so. But the fact that she was walking away from the Farm with a shotgun in her pocket, determined to use the weapon on herself, proved how wrong she had been.
If there ever had been an option to turn this situation around, it probably was way too long ago to even be remembered. But she remembered how it began...
It was the nights.
The endless nights, were sleep was impossible. The only feeling was panic, and all the walls were closing in as the distance to the girl of her dreams who was peacefully sleeping on the other side of the bed, felt like miles. When there was a big hole in the wall, from which darkness poured in, filling the room with a tide of nothing. It ate up everything. All events of the previous day where indifferent to the darkness, It showed no interest in past events. It only wanted to feed, and the supplies were insufficient.
In the end, she started to cry. The darkness feasted on her tears, but it wanted more.
Sometimes, it made her girlfriend wake up. "It's alright, sugarcube. Ahm here. It will be ok"
Applejack then laid her arms around Rainbow, drew her close, and whispered in her ear, "It's alright, Sugarcube. Ah'm here, and it'll be OK."
Those words filled Rainbow with shame, and anger. No, it will not be ok! I don't deserve this! I don't deserve you.
And the darkness feasted more.
If you got nothing to offer
there's no use in playing the game
Then the darkness took the days aswell. Rainbow started to hate the days. The long days, where the sun never set soon enough. Where every smile, every cheerful, laughing face felt like an insult. But what did they know? Why were they all allowed to smile, when she was not? Now the darkness had moved inside of her. It started to block the Sun's light from her eyes, and shut out the kind and friendly words, only to feed on the nasty ones.
"Lazy bitch."
"Useless."
"I hate you!"
"Stubborn brat."
"Selfish pig."
"You never loved me!"
With a steady stream of words, the darkness feasted and grew.
Finally, the darkness took the joy of having Applejack and Scootaloo, away from her. That was two days ago, when Dash found herself indifferent. Her girlfriend had surprised her with roses, a nice dinner, plus some sexy lingerie- and although she said the right words, and did the act of a lover, she felt absolutely nothing. Nothing.
And her little girl, coming home from school with near-twenty drawings on the theme of "I love you Rainbow" for her birthday. She said the right things again and gave hugs. But the only feeling she had was, "So this is it?"
And the darkness feasted more.
I have walked along with the devil
But my soul was tough to sell
Today was the final day. She was tired of the nights, she hated the days, and she loathed herself for not caring at all for her own family. OK- it wasn't technically a family. There was no marriage and no adoption papers, but it felt like a family. That was what Rainbow called a family- Not that she deserved to call them so.
She didn't deserve this...
She didn't deserve them.
...
She didn't deserve to live.
So there she was, walking on unstable legs through the orchards of Sweet Apple Acres, with her girlfriend’s shotgun in her pocket. For a moment, she thought that it was a bad decision to stay on the farm for this, for they would find her pretty quick. But on the other hand, they wouldn't find her until it was all over. What was the lyrics to that Joni Mitchell song that A.J. liked to sing- "A big paradise, turned up a fucking lie?" ...Yeah. A fucking lie.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been walking, but this place was as good as the other. She had been heading to where the river made a little turn, the location where Applejack had first told her about the feelings she had.
That was her original choice of a place to die, but that would have been a bit too cheesy- not to mention how pissed A.J. would be if she found her there. Instead, she walked a little more down the riverbank until the forest resumed around her.
There, she found a small glade. Yup, this would do. As she produced the gun from her pocket, she sank to her knees. This was it, then. She opened her mouth, and supported the pipe of the gun to her teeth. She sat like that for some time- and then her tears began to flow. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! No regrets. This was it.
And with that, she pulled the trigger.
I have walked along with the devil
But my soul was tough to sell
Ain't got cash, do have a shotgun
Gonna blow myself to hell
____
There is an old Swedish saying "If there hadn't been an IF, the old hag would have butted the bull"
Sometimes, it seems like the world is constructed by "what if"s.
What if I hadn't, what if she didn't, what if it never, and so on.
Usually, this is the source of mankind’s tragedies. Unfulfilled goals, bad decisions, moments that changes lives- and if you had done something different, you wouldn't be sitting here with...someone, and he, she, it, or whatever would still be here. But if, hardly ever is there.
But in this story, there is an actual if. Because at the same moment Rainbow walks away from the farm, and is turned invisible by the ripe cornfields, a rusty old truck that was once red drives up to the house, and stops. Applejack jumps out of the driver’s seat. If this had been a normal day, she would have been busy with her chores, or doing business in town.
But this was not a normal day.
And, in fact, it hadn't been in a while. Because Applejack was worried about her girlfriend. She wasn't stupid- of course she did noticed that Rainbow didn't sleep and cried in the night. She had felt like she talked the talk with her heart in some other place for a while as well. And whatever happens, or whatever they do, it never seems to be enough. Whatever was on Dash's mind, it was something huge- too much for one person to deal with.
Applejack has had her share of grief and sorrow. She lost her parents for Celestias's sake! Of course she's been crying. But she is a hard worker. In the end, there was only one way back- you work with it. You deal with it. You take care of it. And in the end, it will go away. It will get better. It always does. When life gives you trouble, you fight back, bite it off, swallow, and move on.
But not this time. Not with Rainbow. Because beneath all the bragging, attitude and pride, there is a delicate and fragile core. And Applejack is one of the few that's been allowed to see it. And at times, she is the solid rock that Rainbow get support from.
But sometimes, when one barely have time to take care of oneself, it's harder to see other people’s problems. And if you see them, you think they will pass.
That's what Applejack did. It had been a rough season, and all her energy had to be focused on the farm. Rainbow had to deal with her demons on her own. And when Applejack finally noticed, it was too late.
She tried everything, but she couldn't get through. And now there was only one thing left to do.
To check up on her, every day, just to make sure she didn't do anything stupid.
...
She had a bad feeling, even before she opened the door.
"Honey, Ahm home early!" she yelled
No answer. Shit!
Alright...let’s not jump to conclusion. There might be a perfectly normal explanation.
She found an open bottle of Whiskey on the living room table. And an empty glass next to it. This bottle...it was full last Friday. She was pretty sure about that. Now, the amount of liquor has lowered with a third. Oh no...oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Okay...okay...it looks bad...but...it might just be a drink. ...maybe not just ONE...but Rainbow wandering around drunk is bad,
"But ah can handle it!" The last part Applejack said loud to herself.
Then she saw a note, on the edge of the table.
A lot of the words had been crossed out, so the only part readable was at the bottom:
I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. It's not your fault. Tell Scootaloo that Mommy will always love her. Goodbye, Applejack.
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
What has she done? Where has she gone? And what will she...do...
"The gun. Where is the gun? WHERE THE HELL DID AH PUT THE GUN?" she shouted to the empty room.
"Not that drawer, not there... not there...WHY THE HELL DOES SHE NEED TO MOVE MY THINGS THE WHOLE TIME!"
Damn. It's gone. This is bad.
"THIS ISN'T BAD, ya twit, it's right down catastrophic!"
Now there were another car coming in to the yard. Applejack ran out of the house, only to see Fluttershy, Big Mac, Scootaloo and Applebloom go out of Mac's car. Since they were a pretty large family these days, a car with a lot of space was required. Applejack ran straight up to Big Mac, grabbed him by his collar and screamed to his face.
"WHY THE HECK DID YA BRING THE KIDS HERE NOW YA BASTARD!?"
Big Mac looked, understandably enough, surprised.
"Ehm...School's out early today...we were coming here anyway so...something wrong?" he blinked.
"Something wrong? SOMETHIN'S WRONG? YA BET YA SORRY ASS SOME..." Applejack realized she was still grabbing him, and that she was shouting in front of her sort-of-daughter, her sister, sister-in-law and brother, without them knowing any reason.
"Rainbow...is gone. Ah think...ah think...she's goin' to...shoot herself." she said quietly, releasing him.
"Come here sweetie- and ya too, Apple Bloom. Yeah, Ahm sorry Ah shouted at ya, but...Rainbow has gone away to...do something terrible. We need to find her! Quick! Search the farm! She might be close by!"
But ya don't need a special place when you want to kill yerself. Anywhere secluded will do.
Now there were panic everywhere. Applebloom, Big Mac, and Scootaloo were running around like crazy, searching the farm.
Applejack just sat apathetic on the porch. The only one who did any real and good thinking was Fluttershy, who walked over to the back yard to fetch Winona.
"Good girl! Search! Search Rainbow! Good girl!" she said sweetly.
It was on. Winona was always up for a hunt, and ran quick through the farm, the others in tow. The scent lead them down to the river, and Applejack knew this place all to well... The place where she had told Rainbow...
Oh, no she did not...not here...Ah swear, ah will kill 'er mahself if this is the spot...no?
Winona stopped for a while, sniffed around, before she took off down the river bank- five people and a dog running. Fluttershy was also wearing a red dress and high heel sneakers. If someone would have looked at them, they would probably be laughing, because it did look a bit ridiculous.
Now they reached the small forest. Winona seemed to be uncertain of the direction, but Scootaloo's eyes were the sharper ones this time.
"There! In there- the Glade!" she shouted.
Yep, there she was- no mistake when that hair was around. They ran, they shouted, and they saw Rainbow fall to her knees, placing the gun in her mouth.
Then they saw her pull the trigger.
____
Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. She was still in the glade, but everything was silent around her. No...not exactly silent... some low buzzing in her ear. A bit irritating. And then she sees it. A person, sitting on her knees, in profile to where she stands, with a gun in her mouth.
Rainbow was looking at herself.
"Ooh, this is much better than I thought it would be! Luckily, I brought popcorn! When there's a great show, you need great snacks!" someone said.
That voice... that irritating, superior, gleeful voice...there's was only one person in the whole world with that voice.
"Discord," she growled.
"Hello, Rainbow Dash! I must say, it's really been a pleasure following you lately. This has been the most fun I've had in years! Oh, your anxiety, your pain... It's been hilarious," he smiled with a nod of his head.
Rainbow stared at him.
"Discord...What the fuck are you doing in my afterlife?" Rainbow hissed.
"Oh, but, Dear... this isn't the afterlife! I mean, technically, you're not dead. Not yet, at least"
"WHAT?"
Discord arose from his armchair, "You see, being a divine incarnation of chaos, I can control time...in small parts. I can stop the time of someone temporarily, if I wish. The last minutes are my favorite moments to extend for people! Oh, people’s feelings in the face of death- that is the most fun part of someone’s life! To see the hope in the eyes of people believing in the afterlife...but also the fear of those believers who suddenly fear the hope was in vain. The downright fear of the ones that DON'T believe, and then there are some that are downright bores. The ones that believe in reincarnation. They just...take it. They are so boring to watch. But then, there are those really special ones. Like you."
"Me? Why me?"
"Oh, but that is not strange at all! You and others similar, who can't see what a rich and full life they have, and choose to throw it all away for some stupid reasons. And then, in the final moment, they realize what they are doing. What they are throwing away. But then it's too late- and that is just SOOO fun to see!"
Rainbow was silent for a while.
"Well, I hate to disappoint you. But I don't regret a thing. I want to die," she said finally.
"Oh, no you don't. I know you, Rainbow Dash. I've seen the bottom of your soul the latest days. You don't want death, you fear it!"
Rainbow stared at Discord in silence.
"I know everything about it. You are SOOO afraid. 'What if there is an afterlife? Will I be rewarded? Will I be punished?' That's scary. 'And what if there isn't an afterlife? Just darkness...silence...everything will go to black...' Now that's REALLY scary! You don't want to know. You hate the idea of growing old, to die...to be ultimately alone," he said.
"Smartass."
"Hey, it takes one to know one!"
"Well, I'm glad this isn't the afterlife. I'd hate to spend an eternity with you."
"Ah, always the attitude. Now you're making me sad, Rainbow Dash! Am I not funny? Am I not game?"
"Shut up. Shut up!"
"I could tell you about the afterlife! Oh, yes, I know. But I won't. I mean, where's the fun in that?"
"I... I don't care. Just let me die, okay? ...Not like anyone would care."
"Oh, but that's where you are wrong!" Discord snapped his fingers, and the view of the scene was changed. Now she was facing herself, and saw her friends and family run towards her. She gasped.
"You see? They are coming for you. They are trying to save you! Well... a bit too late, I'm afraid. Not much to do about it," Discord looked at his watch, "Oh, is that the time? My, my...time flies by when you're watching people die! But even at this time, I guess I have to speed it up. Now, do you know why you're depressed?"
"Yeah. Because nothing is fun anymore."
"Uh-uh. Wrong! It's actually simple. You are afraid to die. You are afraid to grow up, because growing up means growing old, means dying. So you try to stay young. Stay a kid. But then...you get a family. A girlfriend. A daughter. Okay, not technically...but it feels that way. And the important thing is: You need to be the adult. You need to take responsibility. And you HATE THAT!"
Silence. Rainbow had nothing to say.
"You’re Rainbow Dash! No work, only play. No dull boys here. But the thing is, you need to take responsibility. Your family needs you. And so, you are doing it. Because you love them. But then, one day, you realize...YOU'RE GROWING UP! You're growing old...you're dying..."
Rainbow felt a really bad ache in her tummy. This was true. These were her thoughts. But she never let them surface. She didn't allow herself to feel them, for it was too painful.
"So, you try to reverse. More fun and games! But then, there is the other side. The grown-up you, who LIKES the responsibility. Who wants to take care of her family, marry Applejack and make Scootaloo your daughter for real- and perhaps there will be more kids? And when those two clash...KABOOM! Up comes your fear, eating everything up."
Rainbow was in shock. This was all true. This was the answer. How the heck could she not see this? And now it was too late to fix...or perhaps not? She wasn't dead...so he said.
"Well, nice chatting to you. This is goodbye, I'm afraid- but don't worry. You won't feel very much."
"Wrong!"
"Wrong? How, Ms. Dash, is that?"
"You said I wasn't dead, and that means I haven't pulled the trigger. There's still time! I can change!"
Discord looked at her, stunned- then he burst out laughing.
"Oh, this is PRICELESS! You are much more fun than I've seen in a hundred years! It's I- I can't breathe! Can't breathe! It's so funny!"
"What is funny?"
"Oh, the hope in your eyes...that soon will fade. I mean...did you really think I picked you up BEFORE you pulled the trigger?"
Everything around Rainbow started to fade to black as she returned to her body. Hope was gone. She felt totally devastated. How could she believed that discord would do her a favor?
And now, she understood what the buzzing was. It was the stretched out sound of a gun shot.
Author's Note
This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, in fact, the end of the beginning!
Revision has begun, with the help of Drgnwolf! Eternally grateful for the help!
And now they have continued, now with the help of Lunalicorn!
The Joke, the End, the Hand to lend. (revised)
If someone would be looking at the scene of drama of this very moment, he or she would find it similar to the painting"The dying Dandy" by Nils von Dardel.
On the ground lies Rainbow Dash with some small drops of blood on her lips, but she has no bullet wound in the back of her head, as one would assume. It is uncommon, but not strange, that the bullet would become stuck in her brain. And with only a small amount of blood, the pale and beautiful woman, a blue sky, the green grass...
It makes the scene almost peaceful.
Applejack kneeled on the ground, with Rainbow's head resting on her knees. She used her left arm to comfort her girlfriend and stroked the rainbow-colored hair with her right hand. She's crying, but why wouldn't she be? The reasons are plenty, and one of them could be that she has lost another. First her parents died, and now Rainbow. And she could do nothing to prevent it from happening.
Yes, that is a very blunt and cold thought.
But, at this moment, there are no reasons. There is no guilt, either- and nor is there any shame. That will come later. For now, there is only the question- the big "why?" that consumes all the other feelings and questions. And tears. Lots of tears.
Next to Applejack, also on his knees, was trying to support his sobbing sister- Big Mac. No words, as usual. That's not necessary. Just sitting there will be enough for now. He has never been a man of words, and confronted with tragedy, he prefers silence. What is there really to say?
Fluttershy is standing some yards behind them, but she is also crying. The ring on her left hand corresponds to the one on Big Mac's. As usual, she thinks that she's doing something wrong. She feels that, being engaged to Big Mac, she should be there next to him. But she also feels bad, becasue she must be comforting for her friends as well. But Big Mac might have to wait for care. He is busy holding his sister steady, and he will need her to be strong later. So why isn't she there for A.J. right now? Would two people comfort better than one?
All these emotions are confusing, and leave Fluttershy's mind blank. Instead, her instincts as an animal caretaker kicks in. And so, she's doing what's most important from that point of view. She's holding Winona.
The dog doesn't understand. Why is everybody so upset? She was a good dog, wasn't she? She found Rainbow Dash. Rainbow, which (to Winona) means playing! So, then- why is she lying stretched out on the ground? She wants to jump onto Rainbow and lick her face, showing her how much she loves her. But this other human was holding her back. She would've barked with dissatifaction, hadn't this human given her a stare. So she stays quiet as well.
Right behind Fluttershy is Applebloom and Scootaloo. Applebloom had seen death before- working on a farm does that to you sometimes. Not that it makes this situation any easier, so she's crying just as much as AJ. For her, there's no why. Not yet. There is just this enormous feeling of "NO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!".
Scootaloo, on the other hand, doesn't cry. This is her first real meeting with death. Sure, she has read her fair amount of superhero comics. She knows the concept of death, and she has seen Pulp fiction- She had stolen it from Rainbow and watched it at a sleepover with Sweetie Belle. But blood and dead bodies aren't really as fun in real life like they are on TV or in the comics. It was painfully real.
But still, in her first meeting with death, she doesn't cry. It's not that she's cold or in denial or anything. No, the thing is...she's confused. She can't understand this- because she alone knows something the others doesn't. It's one thing that makes the whole scene impossible. She knows what must be done, she knows what she has to say. But she is a kid, and she hates when people yell at her. She doesn't want to be punished. She knows it will hurt, and therefore, she hesitates.
She looks at her caretakers, the living and the dead one. There is no time but now. She must speak up and tell the truth, but... the words are stuck in her throat. And when she finally speaks...
"A.J. ...ehm...what's happened with Rainbow?" she says.
That is not a good start at all, and Applejack doesn't look at her. Big Mac is turning his head though, he looks annoyed. His eyes are saying "Don't ya know when to shut up?". And Scootaloo is still releuctant to tell everything. So she takes it in small bits.
"A.J. ...she has shot herself...has she?" Scootallo stammers.
Now Applejack answers. The crying has ceased, but that she's simply sad is an enormous understatement. Her voice is filled with all the sadness and sorrow that Equestria can produce in a year.
"Yes, pumpkin...she has." the blonde says.
Okay, that was that... Now...what to say next.
"How?" she finally asks.
"How? ...Whaddaya mean, 'How'?"
Yes, what does she really mean by that... How... Well, what else could she mean? How could Rainbow shoot herself when she... Scootaloo don't want to say it loud. But she can not back out of this, not now, not later.
...
Ok, I'll just show it, then. Scootaloo is turning red, but she produces the object from her school bag and holds it up for AJ to see.
"How could she...do that...when...I have..." the child stammers.
Applejack can't really understand at first. Then she stares at the object in Scootaloos hand. They all do, eventually. Except for Rainbow.
__
Raaaaainbow daaaaash....
Raaaaainbow daaaaash....
What?
Raaaaainbow daaaaash....
Sigh... Yeah?
Welcome to your afterlife.
So...this is the afterlife? It kind of looks like where I was before.
It's just your brain messing with you. There will be an infinite feature plane any minute now.
Oh, and Bob is here, too. So, are you ready to face your crimes?
Crimes? What crimes?
We can call them sins, to use a term you humans are more familiar with.
I'm no sinner! ...not a very big one, at least.
Oh, but you are! You are indeed! Not only have you had the audacity to take your own life, you also betrayed your friends... multiple times.
How do you mean?
SILENCE! YOU DARE QUESTIONING YOUR JUDGEMENT?
Well, considering who I just met so...yeah!
YOU LITTLE MAGGOT! YOU DARE SPEAK UP IN THE FACE OF FATE? PERHAPS YOU NEED A LESSON?
Put me down! Put me...OOOOW!!! That hurt!
THAT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT YOU WILL SUFFER UNDER YOUR ETERNAL PUNISHMENT!
Are you at all going to tell me what I have done?
I TOLD YOU. WE TAKE SUICIDE VERY SERIOUS.
Yeah...besides that?
SHALL WE TAKE A LOOK AT THE LIST? IT'S SHAMEFULLY LONG. LET US TAKE IT LETTER BY LETTER. ONE, PRIDE. YOUR PRIDE TAKES SENSATIONAL HIGHTS, BRAGGING ALL OVER EQUESTRIA. NOT ONLY DO YOU DARE CALLING YOURSELF THE GREATEST ATHLETE IN EQUESTRIA, YOU DARE TO COMPARE YOURSELF TO THE GREAT PRINCESS CELESTIA?
I didn’t know that was a sin...
TWO! GLUTTONY! YOU CONSUME CIDER AND OTHER ITEMS OF JUNK FOOD LIKE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOMORROW OR CARING ABOUT YOUR ENVIRONMENT! IS IT TO MUCH TO ASK OF YOU TO THINK ABOUT SOME OF THE FUTURE GENERATIONS? ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO PAY FOR YOUR CONSUMPTION BY NOT EATING ANYTHING OR NOT HAVING A GREEN PLANET?
But... but... I only drink Sweet Apple Acres cider...
SO YOU THINK LOCAL PRODUCED AND ECOLOGIC WILL SAVE YOU?
Well...I think it should. Does it?
...Eh...
THREE! SLOTH. YOUR SLOTH TAKES THE WORD SIN TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. THE CRIMES COMMITED BY YOUR LUST IS A COMPLETE DEPARTMENT. YOU ONLY HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURCE BECAUSE IT'S ...FUN... YOU HAVE TOUCHED YOURSELF A MULTIPLE OF TIMES...EVERY DAY...AND YOU DO REALIZE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH A WOMAN IS HIGHLY CONSIDERED IMMORAL?
But...but...I...love her... Love is no sin, is it?
PICK A GUESS ON THE ANSWER ON THAT ONE. BUT NO IT ISN'T AIN'T A GOOD ONE.
FOUR! GREED! YOU JUST CAN'T GET ENOUGH, CAN YOU? MONEY, FOOD, CLOTHES...
Now what a minute here! I do not want to own clothes! I hate buying clothes!
YEAH, BUT YOU LIKE TO WEAR THEM, DON'T YOU?
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH THAT?
...WELL, THE PEOPLE IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN WERE NAKED, WEREN'T THEY? AND THEN THERE WAS APPLES. AND YOU LIVE ON AN APPLE FARM.
You cannot seriously charge me for THAT!
YOU WANT MORE? FINE! YOU ALSO STOOD YOUR FRIEND UP BY NOT COMING TO HER TEAPARTY! THAT’S JUST PLAIN RUDE AND...I MEAN, FIVE! ENVY! YOU ARE ENVIOUS THAT YOUR FRIEND FLUTTERSHY IS A BETTER FRIEND WITH DISCORD THAN SHE IS WITH YOU! AND SO YOU WANT TO PUNISH HER BY STANDING HER UP! THAT IS THE MOST UNFORGIVABLE OF CRIMES! NOW...
Now wait a minute here! I am not jealous of her being friend with Discord! And I know she will always be my friend, that is not an issue! But I think she is really straight-up stupid to hang out with that back-stabbing troublesome jerk, but that is really her problem!
NOW YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU DON'T CALL M... I MEAN, SHAME ON YOU! YOU SHALL NOT CALL AN ANCIENT AND HIGH-SPIRITED GOD OF CHAOS THOSE THINGS! WHICH BRINGS US TO SIX!
...Oh no... Oh no no no... Shut UP!
HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT? HOW D...
I am done with this! Discord, it's you, isn’t it?
NO! NO! NOT AT ALL!
IT IS YOU! Your hiding in the bush, aren't you?
I AM THE VOICE OF YOURE JUDGEMENT! YOU MUST OBEY ME! DON'T LOOK IN THE BUSH! DON'T...
Hi Discord.
Hmpf. Hello, Rainbow Dash.
...Please don't tell me that you are a part of the afterlife after all.
Sigh...ok, I'm not. You're not dead, ok. I just wanted a little more fun.
You are such an asstard, you know that, don't you? I can't understand how Fluttershy put's up with you, you fucking jerk and... you call this fun? And... And wait a second here! What are you saying, I'm not dead? I shot myself in the mouth! I heard the band, I felt the pain! I must be dead!
No...If you were dead I couldn't take you away, could I? I am a god of chaos, but I have limits. No dead people. They stink.
Not dead...But...how?
Take a look over there. If you look at your friends. What are they doing?
They're...grieving.
...You may need to look closer at each and every one.
Ok...Big Mac is giving me CPR...Fluttershy is crying, Applebloom is crying, AJ is...shouting at Scootaloo? Scootaloo...is holding THE SHOTGUN? SHE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD AND SHE TOOK THE SHOTGUN? WHATS WRONG WITH THAT KID?
Well, if she holds the shotgun, what are YOU holding then?
Duuh, what do you think, I'm holding the Shot...No...Oh...
Damn.
What is it?
It’s...a starting pistol. It's mine...
Mhmm... Now, you can't start someone to death, can you? You got to be really dodgy on the heart for that... BOOM! ...Not dead? Nope!
You knew this the whole time?
...maybe...
AND YOU PUT ME THROUGH ALL THIS?
I told you, it was hilarious!
BRING ME BACK!
Oh, come on...it was fun, wasn't it?
NO!
A bit?
NO!!!!
Ehrm...please let go of me! I...Ouch! Ouch! Oowww... stop it! Stop it! Ok ok! ...ok, i bring you back. Stop hitting me!
And I don't want to see your stupid face for a month, IS THAT CLEAR!
...alright...I guess you’re not coming for tea on Thursday then?
FUCK OFF.
Oh... And tell Fluttershy I'm sorry I stood her up, but she is still dumb trying to hang out with you.
__
A week had passed since "the event". No one wanted to call it a suicide attempt, because hadn't coincidences been, Rainbow had been pushing up the daisies now. Hence, "the event".
First, they had taken Rainbow to the hospital, just to check her up. Then, Applejack had been shouting at her, crying, clinging to her, and kissed the breath out of her for a whole week. Scootaloo had cried, and pretty much never left her side either. But Rainbow and AJ hadn't actually talked. Until now.
It was a very pleasant evening. They was sitting in the grass in the very same glade "the event" had taken place in. Applejack had brought 10 bottles of cider. This was going to be a looong talk.
And it was. Rainbow told everything. About her fears of dying, loneliness, how hard it was trying to be an adult and a kid at the same time, and other stuff. Ok, there was one little piece of information she withheld. The involvement of Discord, was given to Applejack from Fluttershy. She had given him both the stare and some harsh words.
"But I don't think he really meant he wouldn't do it again...and I think he mostly apologized because I was mad at him..." Fluttershy had told AJ earlier.
During Rainbows monologue, AJ had been silent, sipping her bottles. Her face had darkened, though, and Rainbow got more and more nervous. But she couldn't stop now, she had to finish.
"And finally...I took the gun. I...I first took the gun, then...I..uh..I... drank the Whiskey. And then...then...I just felt like it was all my fault, and...there was nothing else I could do."
Applejack finished of her cider. Then she burped.
"Now, Sugarcube...mm...that was probably the most darn selfish thing Ah heard in years!"
Rainbow turned her eyes away from her girlfriend.
"Ah mean...It's not like yer alone in this world, ah mean...were yer at any time thinkin' 'hey! Ah might TELL mah girlfriend Ahm feeling bad, so she doesn't have to figure it out for herself?' ...No, everything was about yer, yer, yer...Scoots and myself then? Uh? Yeah, yer heart wasn't in it! Ah took notice, but for freak's sake, Ah still am happier that yer were THERE, than..."
"You...you are right. I was just being... stupid. Being...Dash. I don't deserve y..."
"Not that kind of talk here, Sugarcube!"
Applejack moved herself closer and gave her girlfriend a kiss on her mouth and a slap on her cheek.
"Perhaps yer don't deserve me, and... Ah don't think ah deserve to have yer as a girlfriend either. Ah don't deserve someone who drives me nuts, who is the most selfish person ah ever known. Who just thinks one step ahead and never, NEVER thinks about consequences!
.... But it's not about having what yer deserve. Yer see, Sugarcube..."
AJ burped again.
"Yer see here, Pilgrim... Ah fell head over heels for yer. No one can make me smile the way yer can. No one can show me exactly how much fun it can be to be alive sometimes. Ah want yer. Ah want yer as part of mah life. Ah want yer to stay with me 'til ahm old and grey."
Applejack paused, noticing the small shivering on Rainbow.
”Ah know it's scary, Pilgrim. But it's the ride of a lifetime. If yer go being all afraid...how the hay are yer going to enjoy yerself?"
"I don't think I ever going to stop being afraid."
"Perhaps not. But yer will see one thing at a time. It will get better. It will still be fun! If yer only think about the end, how will yer enjoy the things? It will be worth it in the end, trust me. And if yer don't think that, Ah will beat yer with mah walking cane."
"Walking cane? Why would you need that?"
"Well, Ah don't really know... Ah stole the words from Granny. She told me this some four-five years ago, when Ah was depressed."
"You've been depressed?"
"Well...perhaps only sad...but it still made her tell me that."
Rainbow sat silent for a while.
"You know what... I'm the luckiest person in the world to have you as a girlfriend. I love you, AJ."
"I love you to, Dashie."
"You know, Scoots came up to me before. I think it's the fifth time she asked me if I'm not mad at her. I can't believe that kid, it's because of her I did not...do...that... and SHE want's ME to forgive HER! I'm the one who tried to... but she's not angry at me for it..."
They both went silent. Applejack seemed to choose her words carefully.
"Well, she is, sorta'... But yer see, even though yer being her caretaker, and the one who makes he go to bed, yer still her biggest Idol. Ah don't think she can bring herself to really hate yer... not yet at least. So, she turns her anger to herself. "
"Man...I really need to have a talk with her. I know I should, but...I guess I should be angry of her, but I can't really."
"Don't yer worry 'bout that. Ah told her off quite a bit. That kid's got yer genes, cause she just plain trouble. Bring a friggin' SHOTGUN to school? Because APPLEBLOOM was going to teach her to shoot? Damn...those kids... No, yer need all the support yer can get, yer can go and play the 'good parent'. Yer need that more than Ah."
"...I... I..."
"Yer know what, sugarcube. Ah think it's been enough talking for tonight. Come sit with me here. Ah don't reckon this will be off yer mind in one night only. But yer know what...we got all the time we need. For now, let’s just enjoy a really great summers eve, ok?"
Rainbow Dash nodded. There was no need to say anything. So what if tomorrow was as black as yesterday? This evening was good. And for now, that was all that matter. And that was ok.
Author's Note
This is the end! Beautiful friend, the end! What follows is the actual song. My own Shotgun Blues.
Revision has begun, with the help of Drgnwolf! Eternally grateful for the help!
Revision continued on the 29th of july with the help of Lunalicorn Thanks, thanks, and thanks again!
Oh, and you shuld really check out the songs that inspired this piece (exept for my own cracked mind)
[url= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2x9yzjubeoI]Shotgun blues
[url= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfRI1XjDFCU]They don't know
[url= http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TfqbuTBqX8]Last stop: this town
Big yellow taxi
Enjoy yourself, see you next time! /The Frank.
