Friendship Fail
or
Never Saw It Coming
“I will give you my magic, in exchange for my friends.”
Twilight looked up defiantly, ignoring the sounds of shock coming from her friends. But they would understand. After all, any of them would have done the same for their friends.
Tirek grinned. “As you wish.”
The bubbles holding her six friends popped, leaving them falling down to the ground. Luckily, said ground was composed only of dirt and stone, and not something as hard as, say, marshmallows, so they didn't really hurt themselves. Nevertheless, Twilight rushed over to make sure they were all right.
“Your turn,” Tirek rumbled from above. Without further warning, he opened his enormous, gaping mouth and began devouring her magic.
Waves of glowing, singing light writhed through the air as the magic of the four alicorns was transferred to the monster from Tartarus. While it looked quite pretty, it didn't feel pretty, at least for Twilight. For the most of her life, her body had been saturated with her natural unicorn magic. This had been increased manifold by her transformation into an alicorn. Having it taken away, burning through every fibre of the body as it was forcefully extracted was really painful. Worse even, Twilight had spent the last hours overcharged with the alicorn magic of the other three princesses, leaving her not only with more magic to flow through her, but also with a much higher sensitivity to magic and, in this case, the sensation of it being taken. Twilight screamed in agony. Tirek, on the other hoof and hand, was laughing as the magic strengthened him, making him grow taller than ever before.
“Yes!” he exclaimed, certainty of his victory absolute.
“What about me?” a small, nasal voice asked, interrupting the villain's celebration.
Twilight looked up. Tirek looked down. It was a small miracle he had even heard it considering he had his head up in the clouds.
Floating halfway between them, encased in the same kind of bubble Twilight's friends had been in, sat Discord, looking down at Twilight with a mixture of sadness and confusion.
“Cut your sick games, Discord!” she called up angrily. “Isn't it already enough that you have betrayed us? Isn't it already enough that you helped Tirek take all the magic in Equestria? Why are you even here? Making sure that my deal with Tirek goes smoothly? Gloating?!”
“Wait a minute.” Discord's eyes narrowed to two slits as he frowned down at the magic-less Element of Magic. “Are you telling me that you don't know that Tirek here backstabbed me and I'm on your side again?”
“Well, duh!” Pinkie called up. “She wasn't there, after all.”
“Silence!” Tirek roared angrily. “You're spoiling my triumph!”
All heads turned up towards him. “Ahem. Where was I?”
“Laughing evilly,” Discord provided helpfully.
“Ah, yes!” Tirek resumed laughing very evilly. “You ponies are fools!” he boomed. “Now that I have the magic of the alicorns, there is nothing to make me keep my end of the bargain!”
The ponies gasped in fright as the familiar sphere of fire and dark magic appeared between Tirek's horns. With a deafening blast, a huge pillar of fiery death plunged downwards, completely annihilating the pony friends in split seconds. Or at least, by all means possible, it should have.
When the smoke cleared away, however, Tirek found his enemies clamping together in fear, but perfectly healthy, under a small dome of white light.
“How is this possible?!” he fumed. “You have no magic!”
Twilight looked around for a moment, then her fright and confusion was replaced by a confident smirk. “You're wrong, Tirek!” She shouted up at him defiantly. “I may have given you my alicorn magic, but I carry within me the most powerful magic of all! The magic of friendship!”
“No.”
Twilight blinked. “No?”
“No.” Discord repeated. “It was not the magic of friendship. You see, it's supposed to go like this: You strike the deal with Tirek, he lets your friends go free. You then insist that I go free as well and forgive me, accepting me as your friend in spite of my crimes because I have seen the error of my ways. Then I give you this medallion Tirek gave me” – he pointed to his chest – “and it turns out to be the final key to the chest. You open the chest, you get transformed into a new line of toys and then you blast Tirek with the magic of friendship.”
He shook his head. “You have failed my friendship test, Twilight. No retaking it, too, I'm afraid.”
“Friendship test?!” fulminated an increasingly irritated Tirek. “What do you mean, friendship test?”
“Why else would I have made an alliance with you? You weren't really in a position to offer me anything I couldn't get myself.” Discord snorted derisively. “You, in shackles, offer me, Discord, Spirit of Chaos, free as fire, no Elements of Harmony around to stop me, freedom and seriously think I would find your offer tempting?”
“But I tricked you. I took your magic!”
“According to our plan.” Discord nodded. “It was a scheme with two aims.” He held up two scaly fingers. “One: Help Twilight find her destined place as Princess of Friendship. Two: Ascertain that she really is my friend. That is also why I helped her find the first five keys to the chest and why I suggested using her friends to get her magic. However, the plan has failed. Twilight isn't my friend, the chest won't open, there will be no happy ending, Harmony loses. All because of one small detail we overlooked.” He shrugged. “I guess that's what you get for siding with a tree.”
“This still means I win! The magic is mine!” snapped Tirek. “Your plan failed and I will destroy Equestria!”
“Except no.” Discord turned down to the ground, where the ponies were still standing under the translucent dome, unable to get away. “Twilight, dear, would you look something up for me? What happens when I am free, the ponies are not my friends and there are no Elements around? I'll give you a hint: It is under 'E'!”
“Er...” Twilight started, but Discord immediately interrupted her.
“Correct! Eternal Chaos!” He did a giddy little twirl inside his bubble.
“Impossible!” Tirek shouted. Admittedly, if it weren't that bad of a pun, he would be starting to get a little hoarse. “You are my prisoner and have no magic!”
“Ha!” Discord snapped his fingers, and Tirek's bubble burst. “I'm Discord! My chaos, my magic, my rules,” he hissed, glaring up at Tirek through narrowed eyes.
“Besides,” he added confidentially, “do you really think you and Twilight would have come to a draw if you had my magic at your disposal?”
“But-”
Discord rolled his eyes. “We all have them, and they are for sitting, not for making music.”
Tirek only responded with an angry roar as he once again summoned his magic. The destructive beam of flames soared towards the draconequus, who lazily pulled out a remote control and paused.
Tirek froze. As did the beam of magic aimed at Discord.
Discord chuckled, twirled the remote around in his paw and grinned at his adversary. He pressed rewind. The ponies let out a collective shriek as Tirek began moving again. However he did so in reverse. The destructive spell retracted back into its origin and Tirek began speaking backwards very squeakily and very quickly. If it weren't for Discord's demonic cackling and the sheer weirdness, it would have been hilarious. That way, it was simply eerie.
Tirek's arms flailed as he began shrinking, releasing the magic he had taken in the process. The ponies hardly noticed their cutie marks reappearing and the dome disappearing as they looked up at the shrinking spawn of Tartarus. Soon, he was only as big as a house. Then, as big as Discord. At last, as small as a pony.
Discord unpaused. Tirek instantly fell to his knees, weak as he had been on the day of his escape from Tartarus. “Equestria is mine once again!” Discord laughed from above, down at the now frightened centaur.
“You don't have to do this!” Twilight exclaimed, causing Discord to turn to her, curious. “It isn't too late to reconcile our friendship,” she pleaded. “Think of Fluttershy!”
“It's too late for that now, Twilight.” For a fraction of a moment, Discord actually looked regretful. But then the moment passed like a bit of rain on a sunny day. “It's over now. Under the spreading chestnut tree I sold you and you sold me. That's what they say, isn't it? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some chaos to wreak!”
He rubbed his claw and paw together in the most malicious way possible. “This is going to be so good.” He waved the po—his subjects goodbye, smiling. “Arrivederci, my little ponies! Ciao, butt trumpet!”
With a flash of light and a clash of thunder, he was gone. Even before Twilight's ears stopped ringing, the first drops of chocolate rain hit the chequered ground.
Author's Note
Please don't kill me.
*hides in a banker*
