Can't Let You Go

by FoughtDragon01

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Rarity, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Changelings
Length: 13042

Rarity was gone, a hard fact for Spike to accept. He thought that he had finally gotten over his love for her, but when an unusual opportunity gives him a second chance, he realizes that his love for her is as strong as ever. Perhaps worryingly so.

For Spike, it wasn't easy coping with the fact that Rarity was gone. It seemed like it was just yesterday when he finally mustered up the courage to confess his feelings for her. Now that chance was gone. Thankfully, as the years passed by, all of Equestria changing around him, he found himself slowly coming to terms with the reality. Before long, he thought that he had finally gotten past the pain. Past his love.

However, when changelings are integrated into Equestrian society, a strange opportunity presents itself to him, one that brings to light a realization: He was never over his love for Rarity. In fact, it was as strong as ever, and he'd do anything to satiate it.

She wasn't gone. Not anymore. He was given a second chance, and he wasn't going to waste it.

Note: This ignores the S4 finale.

Published 2014-05-14 20:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-15 22:39:21 UTC

Chapter 1-1

“I’m sorry, miss. We still don’t have any openings.” The stout unicorn behind the bar wore a calm mask that failed miserably to hide his annoyance as the chitin-laden creature before him leant further on his counter.

“But you must have something!” she said, persisting. “I don’t even need to be out here. I can work in the back, take stock, work a night shift, anything!”

A single sigh—the closest thing to pity that he’d shown—passed through his muzzle as he shook his head. “We have more than enough employees as is to fill those roles.”

An annoyed grimace cracked across the changeling’s face. “Then why do you still have a ‘Help Wanted’ sign in the window?” she demanded, jabbing a perforated hoof towards the storefront window, and the sign in question that adorned it.

Still, the stallion’s stone face failed to move. “I’ve been meaning to take that down.”

It seemed that every answer he gave only further fueled the changeling’s irritation. “I saw you put it up this morning.”

He didn’t even miss a beat. “And others were very quick to hop on it.” After the changeling heaved a particularly annoyed sigh, he continued. “If you come by again next month, I’m sure we’ll have a position for you, Ms…?”

“Lexxus,” she growled. “I’ve told you my name before. Last month, when you said the exact same thing!”

A short pause. Finally, he simply shrugged. “I never said that it was guaranteed.”

Lexxus heaved a tired sigh as she stepped out of the tavern. The warm, midday sun offered little comfort in the wake of her most recent disappointment.

With a flash of green magic, she opened up her saddlebag and brought out a small piece of paper along with a quill. She quickly brought her blue eyes across the list and all of the crossed out items that filled it.

The bakery was out. The local shops were out. A short-term internship at the mayor’s office was out, but that honestly wasn’t too surprising. And now, the tavern was out too. Another quiet sigh passed through Lexxus’ lips as she crossed it off of the list. A shame. She was hoping for that one. She knew all too well how its patrons loved to flirt with anything that moved once they got a few drinks in them. Drunken affection was just as filling as the sober kind. And she’d have gotten paid as well. Not much she could do about that now, unfortunately.

It wasn’t easy. She already knew going in that adjusting to such a drastically different lifestyle wouldn’t be easy, but she just didn’t think that it would be so… not easy.

“Hey!”

Lexxus’ eyes snapped up at the shrill voice. It was close, startlingly so, but as she looked all around her, she couldn’t find the source.

“Down here!”

Eyes still wide with surprise, Lexxus looked down. Sure enough, she found a young colt standing not even a foot from her. He stared up at her with unnervingly wide eyes, wearing an equally wide smile. Even though he was undoubtedly thrilled by the sudden encounter, Lexxus wasn’t certain if she shared his enthusiasm.

Nervously, she chuckled, eyes quickly taking a cursory glance of her surroundings before falling back on the young pony. “Well, hello there, little one,” she gently said.

“Hi!” he chirped, practically trembling with excitement.

This wouldn’t have been the first time that a foal ran up to her like that, face filled with wonder. In fact, ever since her arrival, most colts and fillies seemed to gravitate towards her, slaves to their own curiosity. Obviously, a changeling must’ve been a rare sight for them, and they’d scramble to get as close a view as possible. Of course, their genuine excitement towards Lexxus certainly wasn’t unwelcome; curious foals always had been fairly easy treats and this colt was no different.

Still, while the extra dose of emotion was an appreciated snack, there was a single question that had yet to be answered, a fairly important question at that, for both him and her. “And where are your parents?”

“Short Stop!”

Both Lexxus and the young colt flinched at the sudden shout. At least that answered her question.

Looking towards the source, Lexxus found a yellow unicorn trotting towards the two of them. She was radiating worry as she approached them, but Lexxus could still sense something else behind all of that. It was something that she had quickly grown accustomed to sensing after setting hoof in Ponyville: the bitter taste of disgust, and it was aimed right at her.

She wasn’t terribly surprised. While she did manage to find a surprising number of ponies who were relatively comfortable with her presence, she still sensed that lingering, bitter taste of disdain hanging in the air, and there was little that she could do to change that. The fact of the matter was that some ponies were still scared of her kind, and this mare seemed to be no exception.

“What did I tell you about running off like that?” she chided.

Lexxus’ gaze fell back down to the colt. She immediately felt that excitement of his dwindle away, embarrassment and shame taking its place. Slowly, nervously, Short Stop shuffled his hooves along the dirt road, keeping his eyes on the ground. “Not to do it,” he quietly answered. However, he was quick to snap his head back up, pleading eyes fixed on his mother. “But mom,” he whined. “I wanted to see the changeling shapeshift like the heroes in my comic books!”

The mother quickly shut her eyes, breathing a quiet sigh. Somehow, Lexxus suspected that this wasn’t the first time she had to deal with antics like this. However, just as she was about to let a playful, little smirk come across her face, the mother turned her gaze towards her. “I’m terribly sorry about this,” she quickly said.

Though the mare wore a friendly enough smile, Lexxus could still sense the annoyance that leaked through that mask, as though this was somehow her fault. She could’ve said something, reminded the mare that she could sense emotion and to not treat her like an ignorant fool, but that just would’ve created an unnecessary scene. Instead, Lexxus put on her own smile, nodding. “It’s quite alright. No harm done, yes?”

“Wait, wait!” Both pairs of adult eyes looked back down at the colt between them, though his eyes were still fixed firmly on Lexxus. “Can… can I still see you transform? Please? That’d be so cool!”

Lexxus didn’t know whether to smile or frown at the request. While the foal’s curiosity did seem genuine enough to mean no harm, she didn’t know if she was comfortable with having her natural-born powers reduced to a form of entertainment not unlike a circus act. She still had some sense of pride left.

Still, she supposed a single trick to satiate a single colt’s curiosity wouldn’t hurt. That, and it’d likely—hopefully—help her get on the ponies’ good side. After all, everypony loved a playful spirit.

“Well, I suppose it would do no harm,” Lexxus finally said. She brought her eyes back up to the mother. “Assuming you wouldn’t mind, of course.”

Even if she couldn’t sense her emotions, Lexxus could still tell that the mare struggled to find an answer as her mouth contorted into a frown. She brought her gaze back down to her son, only for the colt to put on his best pair of puppy-dog eyes. If she had intended to say no, then she had no chance anymore. Finally, she sighed, looking back up at Lexxus. “Just don’t make it anything… obscene.”

“The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.” And just like that, the little colt’s excitement spiked up. She didn’t even need to look at him to know that he was just shaking in anticipation. Of course, that still left her with the task of deciding who to impersonate. She had a number of choices, but in the given situation, she had the perfect one in mind.

Short Stop could only hold his breath, his mother nervously standing aside as a flash of swirling, green flames engulfed Lexxus. In the blink of an eye, the flames dispersed, leaving in its place not Lexxus, but a mare that Short Stop recognized all the same. His mother, on the other hoof, could only stare, gobsmacked, as she laid eyes on… herself.

“‘Short Stop! What did I tell you about running off like that?’” the duplicate said, putting on a noticeably mocking tone. Short Stop certainly thought it was funny, rolling on the ground in a fit of laughter. His mother, however, didn’t know whether to feel confused or angry, so her mouth twisted into a frown that evenly displayed both.

“I… I do not sound like that!” she said. Her annoyance, however, only seemed to put a smirk on her duplicate’s face.

Another flash of green flames, and Lexxus was back to her natural state, though her amused smirk had yet to leave her face. “I don’t know. We changelings rarely ever skimp on the details. What do you think, little one? Was I spot-on?”

While the mother struggled to find anything to say as a comeback, her son struggled to get back on his hooves during his laughing fit. “That… that was awesome!” he got out between breaths. “Do another one!”

Lexxus had to admit, she was enjoying herself quite a bit. It was definitely one of the more light-hearted moments she’d had since arriving in Ponyville. However, she didn’t need to be a genius to note that not everyone involved was having the same amount of fun. A quick glance towards the mother was more than enough to prove that.

“Now, now. I believe that’s enough,” she said. “I’m certain that you and your mother have places to be, yes?” She shot a quick glance towards the mare; the grimace she wore spoke far louder than any words possibly could. Lexxus supposed that a nasty dose of anger aimed her way was a small price to pay for the purity of a foal’s happiness.

Short Stop could only droop at the news, though he wasn’t able to offer any more protests before his mother pulled him away from Lexxus. “She has a point, honey. You have a doctor’s appointment to get to.”

“But mom,” he whined again.

“Ah, ah, ah. No more buts. You’ve had your fun. Now come on.” Though it was clear that he was reluctant, he offered no more protests and followed his mother deeper into Ponyville.

As she watched them walk away, Lexxus’ amused smile curled back down into a frown. Though the colt’s genuine enthusiasm was a nice breath of fresh air, her encounter with the mother was more or less exactly like her encounters with other ponies. They’d all wear happy smiles and spout pleasantries in a futile attempt to hide their discomfort around her. As much as she appreciated the effort, she would’ve preferred if they were just more upfront about it. At least that way, she’d have a better chance of getting them to explain why exactly they were so scared of her.

She knew that it all went back to the invasion, but she wasn’t around for that; she was born long after all of that had transpired. After hearing about all that had happened though, she wasn’t terribly surprised that some ponies weren’t as quick as others to accept her kind, especially the ones who had personal connections to the attack.

She understood that, even though the invasion itself happened literally decades ago. She didn’t want to force the ponies to like her; she just wished that their fear didn’t interfere with her trying to live a simple life.

With Short Stop and his mother gone, Lexxus returned to her list. As nice of a distraction as they were, she still needed to attend to the all-too familiar task of going over what options she had left in her little job hunt.

Then again, ‘option’ might’ve been the better word to use. There was only one thing left on the list that wasn’t crossed off: Golden Oaks Library. She heard from others that it was under new management and a bit understaffed, so it almost seemed odd that she’d put it off until it was literally the only option she had left. But she also heard other things about the library; specifically, things about its previous owner.

She knew that the Element of Magic and current co-princess of Equestria used to run the library. She also knew that the Element of Magic held a particularly strong disdain for changelings, one that still lingered even to this day.

Lexxus didn’t know too many of the details, only that the some of the princess’ closest friends and family were prime targets in the Canterlot Invasion. Needless to say, more than a few ponies would likely have had a few choice words if a changeling ended up working in a place with such a respected history. Still, with her back against the wall, she didn’t have much in the way of choice. She supposed that if the current owner agreed to let her work there, it’d be a start.

Unfortunately, there was a small wrench that refused to remove itself from her plans. A dawning realization that sent a hoof flying up to her face. “Ugh, today’s Sunday, isn’t it?” she groaned. “The library’s closed.”

Inconvenient, yes, but at least that managed to free up the rest of her day. Still, it left her with nothing else to do. At least for now. She just needed to wait until tomorrow rolled around. So until then, Lexxus just needed to kill time. That hardly sounded difficult. It was a lovely day and she already had a plan in mind. With a quick flutter of her wings, she took to the sky, heading towards the town outskirts.

Her changeling colleagues could say whatever they wanted about Ponyville, but none of them could deny that when it came to breathtaking views and calming locales, larger cities couldn’t hope to hold a candle to the humble, little town. Though she no doubt had a plethora of places to choose from, when she simply wanted to relax, Lexxus had a special spot in particular. It was nothing fancy, but as she flew over the hillside, that special spot rising into view, it filled her with a sense of welcome all the same.

A simple tree atop a hill. Again, it was nothing extravagant, but it was certainly a calming place to relax. It was especially lovely at that time of day, as the sun overhead created an excellent patch of shade, leaving it just warm enough to be comforting, and cool enough to avoid roasting her.

It also had another little perk that she, as a changeling, was especially appreciative of. As virtually everypony knew, save for infants and maybe the brain-dead, changelings fed off of emotion, but not as many knew that the emotion didn’t necessarily need to be directed towards them. There just needed to be enough of it lingering in the air for a changeling to absorb. Of course, the former was far more potent and filling, but the latter was good enough to keep a changeling from starving to death.

It was another reason why Lexxus enjoyed Ponyville so much; she heard from other colleagues that larger cities, while more densely populated, leaving a plethora of ponies to feed off of, were often shrouded in indifference. The overall tone hardly ever felt cheerful and happy, leaving changelings trudging through air that was literally laden with inedible emotion.

Ponyville, however, was almost always a place of happiness and joy. Even after changelings first arrived to the small town, it didn’t take long before its denizens welcomed them into the ranks, save for a few outliers. That same happiness was so potent that it leaked out beyond the town limits, and that lone tree was the perfect perch to relax on while enjoying the snacks that slowly drifted towards it. It was completely effortless, completely harmless, and left everypony none the wiser.

Slowly, Lexxus settled onto her favorite branch. At that time of day, the sun’s rays shone through its leaves in the perfect way to bathe the branch in light. Relaxed and composed, she simply sat back and shut her eyes.

Normally, that’d be around the time when she’d drift off to sleep, but something refused to let her, something that had been bothering her for quite some time. Her little job hunt had been enough to keep her mind off of it while it lasted, but as she sat in that tree with nothing else to distract her, that niggling itch at the back of her mind shoved its way to the front: her connection to her Queen.

In order for changelings to be fully integrated into pony society, a consensus was met that required Queen Chrysalis and other hive leaders to ‘sever’ the connection that all changelings shared with their respective rulers. This was one of the first steps in eliminating the fear of ‘espionage’ that hung over every pony’s head like an ominous storm cloud. It was undoubtedly the largest change that needed to be made, possibly even larger than the actual integration of changelings into pony society.

Lexxus could still remember the night when it happened. She and every other changeling had been told beforehoof of that drastic change. Even then, it had done virtually nothing to prepare them for the experience. There had been no build-up, no warning. Her head just exploded with a pain that she had never felt before, even as she was love-starved. It felt as though a searing hot knife had sliced away a part of her brain. She supposed, in a way, that was exactly what had happened.

She couldn’t remember what it was that she was doing, it all just swirled together into a massive blur at that point. The only thing that she remembered clearly was the pain. It was an unbearable, burning sensation in her skull, one that was only amplified to insurmountable heights as she felt the pain of countless other changelings experiencing the exact same thing.

What were mere seconds in reality had felt like hours in Lexxus’ mind. With each passing second, she had felt something slipping further and further away from her. It was the subtlest of changes, one that she couldn’t stop. When the pain had finally subsided, she immediately knew that something didn’t feel right. She could still sense her comrades, but there was something that was no longer there.

Queen Chrysalis, her ruler, was gone. No longer was she an eternal presence in the recesses of her mind, instead reduced to a mere memory, a hole that couldn’t be filled by anything else. Though she still had the countless other drones buzzing about in the back of her mind, she had felt stranded. Alone.

The ponies had another word for it. ‘Independent’. That word had been the most abused during the lead-up to this mass changeling migration. By separating the bond that they shared with their ruler, changelings would’ve truly been able to live their lives the way that they wanted to, without the fear or difficulty of having to go against the mentally-issued orders of their superiors.

It sounded nice, being able to make choices without having a voice in her head to influence them, but she hadn’t expected things to be so… scary. After spending so long with a natural obligation to follow orders, after spending so long simply acting as a means to an end, it was incredibly jarring to suddenly find herself on her own, both physically and mentally.

In the time that followed, though the ponies seemed willing to welcome her, she still felt empty. Without her bond, there was just a hole that couldn’t be filled. Her entire life before this had been devoted to pleasing her Queen. That was her purpose. Her eternal goal. To please her master. Now, she had no master to serve, no one to satisfy. She found herself without purpose. She felt small. Useless.

Perhaps that was why she was so annoyed with how nopony in Ponyville seemed to want her help. It went far beyond simply making life in general a bit more difficult; they were denying her a purpose in life. A reason to live. To exist. If she could just help somepony, satisfy somepony in the minutest of ways, at least that would mean that she was of some use, however small.

Slowly, Lexxus’ eyes cracked back open. She hadn’t fallen asleep, but she had grown lost in her thoughts for a moment. Peering through the tree’s leaves, she could see that the sun had moved a fair ways through the sky. The shift in light left her covered in a lovely patch of shade. She must’ve been out of it for around an hour or so; so perhaps it had been a little longer than a ‘moment’.

Stretching out the kinks in her back, Lexxus yawned before sitting up against the tree trunk. A quiet chuckle passed through her lips. She would have never gotten away with slacking off like this if she was still working under Chrysalis. The Queen would’ve had the chitin off her hide if she was caught in such a lazy position. The thought brought a small, bittersweet smile to her face. Though she no longer had the bond, she still had the memories, and that was enough to at least bring some sense of happiness.

Speaking of happiness, Lexxus took note of the lingering emotions still hanging in the air, smacking her lips as she drew in trace amounts. Still sweet, though it wasn’t as potent as it was an hour ago. The midday rush must’ve been ending. Ponies were likely either retiring to their homes, or returning to work. Soon, there wouldn’t be much left to feed off of at all, not without moving back into the town proper.

However, as Lexxus took in the remaining emotion around her, she sensed something else. Something mixed in with the positive emotion. It was bitter, yet not enough to be completely inedible. In fact, as it became more prominent, Lexxus could taste a bit of sweetness there as well, but it was faint, drowned out by that bitterness. It was a rare emotion, but she quickly recognized it: nostalgia. The kind that invoked both good memories and bad. Not just that, but it felt closer than what was leaking out from Ponyville. Far closer. In fact, it felt like it was right next to her.

Quickly, and a bit nervously, Lexxus crawled to the end of her branch and peered down to the ground below. It took virtually no time at all for her to find the source of that bittersweet emotion.

What sat against the base of the tree trunk wasn’t a pony, but a dragon. He was clearly an adult, a fair bit taller than Lexxus, but still fairly young. Even in the shade, his purple scales glistened in whatever light they managed to catch.

Lexxus nearly said something right then and there to the sudden visitor, but stopped herself when she saw something in the dragon’s clawed hand. Something shiny and golden. It took her a moment to realize that it was a locket of some kind, one that held a small photograph. From her perch, she couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but it seemed to be a photo of a single pony. A white one, from the looks of it, but she couldn’t make out much more than that. Still, it was more than enough to tell her that whatever this dragon was feeling, that photo was the cause of it.

With her attention focused on him, Lexxus could really notice how often his emotions fluctuated. It was odd. For seconds at a time, she could taste the sweet, satisfying essence of joy and love before it plummeted into the bitter, inedible valley of sorrow and regret, only to have the process repeat again and again, the emotions rising and falling in a constant cycle. Lexxus had always been told that every emotion had a story behind it; if that was true, then this story in particular seemed to be a long, painful one.

“You know, I’m usually the only one here nowadays.”

A sharp, shocked gasp escaped Lexxus’ mouth before she could hold it back. Still, she managed to keep herself from panicking. Not many others reacted so kindly to her spying on them in the past. She had gotten lucky, she supposed. “You knew that I was here?” she asked.

The dragon didn’t look up from the photo, but shrugged all the same. “Eh, I heard you moving around up there after you woke up from your little nap.” A short chuckle left his mouth, though that did nothing to hide the pain that he felt. “No worries, though. You’re not the first one to use this tree as a napping spot.” The dragon finally took his eyes off of the photo and looked up at Lexxus. She dare not move as he took the time to get a good look at her; allowing others to freely observe her in her natural form still took some getting used to. “Oh, you’re a changeling, huh?”

Lexxus instinctively flinched at the question, shutting her eyes as she braced herself for that bitter pang of suspicion and disgust. Surprisingly, that disgust never came. Not even traces. In fact, there was something there that she never expected to sense so easily. Friendliness. Politeness. A healthy, open attitude towards a complete stranger. Not as potent as a more powerful sense of friendship, obviously, but it was leaps and bounds above the usual bitterness that she was used to.

Cracking open her eyes, she saw that the dragon’s expression didn’t betray his attitude. He wore a small smile. A comforting smile. Not even the kind of smile that ponies too readily wore to try and hide their discomfort in her presence. It was genuine. It was… different.

Still, her nerves succeeded in getting the best of her. “You aren’t nervous?” she asked as though she didn’t already know the answer.

The dragon casually waved a hand. “Nah, you’re fine. We’re both here to relax, right?” With a quick flick of his thumb, the dragon shut the locket before placing its golden chain back around his neck. He placed his hands behind his head, using them as a cushion as he rested against the tree trunk. “I don’t know about you, but that’s what I plan on doing.”

As he lay there, basking in the late afternoon sunlight, Lexxus slowly nodded, not that he was able to see that. He was so calm, yet she still sensed that pained nostalgia. However, it was subdued. Repressed. This dragon was clearly used to hiding his emotions, and was surprisingly good at it.

“Anyway,” the dragon spoke up, keeping his eyes shut, “I don’t know how late I am on this, but welcome to Ponyville.”

Once again, Lexxus flinched, though not for the same reason as the first. She simply didn’t expect him to keep talking to her, let alone offer any sort of welcome. “Um, I’ve been here for a month already, but thank you. That’s actually one of the only welcomes I’ve gotten so far.”

“Oh, that’s a shame. Yeah, that’s a pretty big difference these days. Not too long ago, you’d have had a huge party thrown for you as soon as you showed up.”

Lexxus could only arch a confused eyebrow. “For what?”

The dragon simply shrugged. “You know… for showing up. Used to have a crazy pony here. Absolutely bonkers, I’m telling ya. She loved throwing parties for any reason, but some of her favorites were welcome parties.”

“I see. Where is she now?” Lexxus thought that it was a simple enough question, but she quickly learned that that wasn’t the case. She nearly fell out of the tree as a sudden spike in sorrow slammed into her like a punch square to the chest.

Despite the very clear change in emotion, the dragon showed little on the surface. A slight frown tugging at his lips was all that leaked through. “She’s where everyone ends up sooner or later.”

Lexxus took a moment to recover from that immense blast of emotion. Clearly, she had just struck a very sensitive nerve, one that she didn’t want to come anywhere near again any time soon. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

He just shrugged. “It happens. Nothing worth getting up worked up about now that it’s all said and done, right?” Again, the dragon looked up at Lexxus. “So, are you gonna come down here eventually or are you fine with us yelling at each other?” He let out another chuckle as he saw the surprised look on Lexxus’ face.

“Oh, no. I-I can come down,” she stammered. Now that he mentioned it, they were speaking rather loudly for what was supposed to be fairly casual conversation. Compensation for the distance between them and all that. She had to admit, she had her doubts about getting so close to what was very clearly a strong creature, but so far, she had sensed no animosity, or any negative emotion, from him that was aimed towards her. He was nice, to put it simply. She supposed it couldn’t hurt.

Fluttering her wings, Lexxus quickly made her way from the branch to the ground. She touched down a few modest feet from the dragon, maintaining a respectful distance. She’d have liked to have still been leaning against the tree, but the trunk wasn’t wide enough to do that without scrunching right up against the dragon, and that would’ve been just a teensy bit awkward for the both of them. So, she settled for resting on her haunches.

With the two comfortable, the dragon held out his hand in greeting. “Name’s Spike, by the way.”

For a moment, Lexxus’ eyes widened ever so slightly in surprise. “Ah, so you’re Spike,” she said, shaking his hand. She knew that he had looked familiar. After all, it wasn’t particularly difficult to recognize Princess Twilight’s most trusted assistant, she just didn’t want to jump to any large conclusions. “I assumed that you would be in Canterlot with Princess Twilight,” she continued.

Spike waved a nonchalant hand. “And you wouldn’t be the first. To be honest, she wanted me to come with, but I convinced her to let me stay.”

“Really? Why?”

“I’ve just reached the age where it’s time to live on my own. She could say what she wanted, but she and I both knew that we’d be at each other’s throats if we stayed together for too long. A dragon’s gotta leave the comfort of the mother eventually, you know?”

Lexxus nodded in understanding. Yes, she did know a bit about dragons, including the rather antsy behavior they tended to develop if they live with their ‘mother’ for too long. They were, after all, fairly independent creatures, far more so than ponies or changelings. “Yes, that makes sense, I suppose.”

“Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? Besides, I think it worked out for the best. Ponyville kinda grows on you after a bit.”

Lexxus’ eyes briefly drifted back over to the quaint town in the distance. It certainly did have a rather unique feel about it, as though all of its inhabitants added their own special touch to it. “I can see why,” she finally said. Most changelings likely would’ve had a problem with the bright colors and bustling activities when compared to the dark, dank corridors of the Hive, but Spike was right. It did have a rather welcoming feel to it. “It’s a very nice place.”

A short chuckle emanated in Spike’s throat. “Glad that you think so.”

For a moment, the two sat in silence, though one was clearly more comfortable than the other. While Spike relaxed against the tree, Lexxus could only stare at him. There was just something about him that simply wouldn’t stop bothering her. Honestly, if there was one thing about being a changeling that tended to annoy her, it was her almost innate desire to pinpoint her target’s emotion. At least it used to be so simple before; if a pony seemed happy, they were happy. If they seemed sad, they were sad. But this dragon, he seemed so calm, so relaxed, but there was pain behind that façade, and it went far beyond simple nostalgia.

“Something wrong?”

Lexxus snapped out of her thoughts at the question. Only then did she realize that she was staring at Spike for what must’ve been a minute straight. “You’re really not scared of me?”

Spike simply raised a confused eyebrow. “Why would I be?”

“I’m a changeling.”

“And?”

“You’re like prey. A source of food for us. That doesn’t bother you at all?”

Spike was quick to shake his head. “Nah.” Soon, though, he looked up into the sky as he rubbed his chin in contemplation. “Eh… I can kinda see where you’re coming from, but that description still feels a bit iffy.”

Lexxus couldn’t keep a confused frown from cracking onto her face. “What do you mean?”

Spike waved a hand lackadaisically through the air as he put his thoughts together. “I mean, it’s not like you rip the emotion out of us. You feed on what we give off, right? So it’s not like it’s super-draining on us.”

“Well… yes, but—”

“And that’s another thing,” Spike cut in. He slid further up against the tree, taking up a straighter posture as his expression hardened into one of concentration. “I never really did understand the idea behind that.”

Now it was Lexxus’ turn to act confused, tilting her head to the side as she tried to understand his words. “The idea behind what? How we feed?”

Spike nodded. “I mean, yeah, I know you absorb whatever you sense into your chitin, kinda like solar panels, but I guess I’ve always had trouble figuring out how exactly you sense it. I mean, how do you sense and work with something as… intangible as emotion?”

It took her a moment, but Lexxus soon nodded as she understood where Spike was coming from. “Couldn’t you say the same thing about magic?”

Spike let the question stew in his mind, scratching his chin all the while. “I guess, but magic can be seen. It can be molded, it can be worked with, you know? But emotion’s like…”

“Like an invisible magic that you just happen to eat.”

Clearly, she had just made a fairly good point, as Spike took the time to properly process and analyze what he had just heard. Finally, he simply nodded, sighing. “Yeah, good point, I guess.”

“At least you seem to have the right idea,” Lexxus continued. She was hardly surprised when another confused frown came across Spike’s face, and promptly kept going. “If we’re talking about what we feed on, it does make a bit more sense to refer to it as an ‘energy’ rather than simply ‘emotion’.”

As Lexxus went on, Spike kept nodding. “Yeah, I’ve heard about that. Positive emotions give positive energy—duh—and negative emotions are about as healthy as poison, right?”

“That’s a rather… simple way of putting it, but yes.” But instead of easing the conversation to an ending, Lexxus only seemed to throw more fuel onto the verbal fire.

They kept going on like this, time becoming lost to them as they went back and forth, Lexxus confirming, denying, or simply reinforcing whatever ideas Spike had on changeling anatomy. Maybe she didn’t do a good job of showing it, but she was pleasantly surprised by the dragon’s knowledge, even if some of it was just a tad off, such as his belief that changelings could use their fangs to directly drain emotion from their victim. That one, admittedly, got a bit of a chuckle out of her.

Not just that, but as Spike went on, she could sense something else emanating from him. Nothing bitter though not necessarily any form of affection. It was more of a kind of respect, if she had to guess. No doubt, he felt rather overwhelmed and unsurprisingly confused by just how different and intricate a changeling’s anatomical structure actually was; for every similarity they shared with ponies, there were about five things that set them apart in rather distinct ways. Lexxus had to be honest, she hardly understood most of it herself; after all, it wasn’t as though she needed to be intimately aware of how her own body functioned in order to complete her missions, so it was just as much a learning experience for her as it was for him.

After some time passed by, their conversation was finally coming to a feasible end as Spike gave his last two bits. “…then that leads to a bunch of speculation ‘cause you know nopony’s actually found anything yet, then the hole of questions keeps getting deeper and deeper, and the whole thing just ends up giving me a huge headache.” Tilting his head back, Spike pinched the bridge of his nose. “Oh man, I think I’m getting one now.”

As he rubbed his temples, Lexxus just shrugged. “To be honest, I hardly understand it much either. I just eat.”

That managed to get a chuckle out of Spike. “Yeah, I feel ya there.” There was another short pause before he quickly shook his head, getting his thoughts back together. “Oh, man. That went on for a while, didn’t it? Sorry about that. I’ve been surrounded by motor-mouths growing up.”

Lexxus couldn’t keep herself from giggling at his sudden, sheepish behavior. “No, it’s okay. I’m actually surprised, honestly. I didn’t think that anyone would know so much about changeling physiology.”

Spike could only let out a sheepish chuckle, one that perfectly matched his abrupt change in behavior. “Yeah, well, when you live with study-crazy ponies for most of your life, these things just kinda happen.” Breathing a nice, heavy sigh, Spike brought his gaze up to the sky. Just as he started feeling relaxed, a small jolt of panic shot through his body as he noted the position of the sun. It was beginning to set, the once magnificent yellow ball now a warm orange as it hovered just over the horizon. “Oh, shoot, I should’ve been back by now.”

Lexxus quickly backed away as he shot up to his feet. Only then did she realize just how close she was to him; she must’ve unwittingly inched her way closer during their little talk. With him on his feet, she could really get a feel for just how tall he was. He was already around eye level with her while he was sitting down, but on his feet, he was nearly twice her height.

With his body on full display, the light of the setting sun keeping him illuminated, she could see that he also took excellent care of himself; muscles nicely toned though not too bulky. That, combined with his height certainly made him seem intimidating. Commanding. Dominant. Something that Lexxus wasn’t necessarily adverse to.

Wait. No. No! Whatever thoughts that were about to invade her head were quickly shaken away as Lexxus yanked herself back into reality. Just in time too, as Spike turned his attention down towards her.

“Uh, sorry, but I’ve gotta get going,” he said. “Gotta get the library in tip-top shape for business tomorrow.”

In any other situation, Lexxus likely would’ve just nodded, said her goodbyes, and left it at that, but a single word managed to get a vise grip on her attention. “Wait. The library?” she repeated. “As in, the Golden Oaks Library?”

Spike nodded, a small, proud smile on his face. “Yep, that’s the one.”

“You own it?”

“Well, technically, yeah, but I think I’m just watching it for Twilight until she’s done with whatever princess stuff she’s doing down in Canterlot.”

“I… see.” Lexxus’ mind raced as she tried to work up the nerve to ask for a job there. She didn’t care if she had to dust, mop, or spend hours shelving and reshelving, just something to help someone. ‘Can I work there?’ Four simple words, yet they wouldn’t leave her throat. Something was holding them back, but she didn’t know what. Anxiety? Fear? No, it was something else, and as Lexxus battled with it, it seemed that her opportunity was going to pass her by.

Fate, however, seemed to have different plans.

Spike turned towards Ponyville, staring down at it from atop the hill. It looked like he was about to leave, but before he did, he turned back towards Lexxus. “Uh, hey.”

The young changeling immediately snapped up to attention. “Y-yes?”

“What’s your name again? I don’t think I ever got it.”

The breath hitched up in Lexxus’ throat. It was such a simple question, but something about it being asked right here, right now, made it hit far harder than it should have. That strange, spontaneous feeling returned, brewing in her gut in a pit of anxiety as she worked her mouth to answer. “L-Lexxus.”

Spike nodded again as he let the name sink in. “Lexxus. Got it. Well, you seem pretty cool. If you ever wanna chat again, you can always stop by the library.”

Lexxus wanted to smile. She wanted to laugh, to shout for joy, anything, but she was left in such a state of shock and disbelief that she could only stand there, eyes wide and mouth agape. “You… you mean it?”

“Yeah,” Spike said all too heartily. “I mean, it is open to everybody. Besides, I’d hate for you to feel left out here. Ponyville’s all about community, and if you live here, then you’re part of the community. Trust me, give it some time, and you’ll love it here.” When Spike received a slow nod from Lexxus, he turned back towards town, starting down the hill. “Anyway, I gotta get going. Like I said, if you wanna talk again, you know where to find me.”

As he walked away, Lexxus quickly shook herself out of her little stupor, working up enough nerve to shout one last time. “A-and if you ever need me, I’ll be, er… up in this tree!”

Spike waved back at her. “Gotcha!” And just like that, he was gone, disappearing from sight as he descended the hill.

“Well, that was… different,” Lexxus muttered. Again, she was left alone, but unlike other times, she felt different. Far different. Gone was the general indifference that she felt towards those around her. Gone was the defeated acceptance of feeling alone. There was something in its place. Something far more uplifting. It was a feeling that she sensed from others many times in the past, but rarely ever felt herself. However, as she felt a smile tugging at her lips, she knew exactly what that feeling was. Happiness. It felt nice.

Never did she think that she’d meet someone so friendly so easily. It almost felt like a dream in a few ways, not that she was complaining. For once, she didn’t feel completely alone, and better yet, there was another benefit.

Coating her horn in its green glow, she took her list and quill back out of her saddlebag. Her eyes bypassed all of the crossed-out items on her list, all of the failures, and jumped straight down to the bottom, where she put a nice, big circle around Golden Oaks Library.

Chapter 1-2

Spike tossed and turned in his bed, blankets long since thrown over the side. His face was locked in a pained frown. He kept mumbling in his sleep as though it’d make them come true in his dreams, painful as they were. Finally, he woke up, his eyes snapping open as a deep gasp passed through his lips. It had been the same dream: the one in which he relived those last moments with Rarity. Despite the frequency with which he had them, the end result was always the same.

He'd wake up in bed, his heart pounding against his chest, a cold sweat trickling down his forehead. Sounds from his dreams still lingered in his mind, echoing loud and clear as he struggled to clear his thoughts. It was a process that he had long since grown used to, but it never grew any less painful.

As he lay in bed, his head finally clear, he glanced over to the space next to him. Though it was empty, he could still make out the depression from where she was sleeping.

Must be making breakfast again, he assumed. It wouldn’t have been the first time that he was the last one to wake up; he was a rather heavy sleeper. Sitting up, Spike rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he glanced out the nearby window. Rays of the early morning sun shone over the horizon, the sun itself not even visible yet. He pinched the bridge of his nose, a quiet groan leaving his mouth; he was waking up earlier and earlier as of late.

Spike tossed his legs over the bed, standing up as he let out a much-needed yawn. After placing the blankets back in their proper place on the bed, he made his way towards the door. On his way, he passed by a small photograph resting on a desk next to the doorway. It was a group photo of himself, Twilight, and the others on his thirteenth birthday. By then, he was already at least a head over the girls, and now that he was older, that height difference had nearly doubled.

He had placed it there for a reason, so that he’d never forget about the good times that he had while he trudged through the bad. It was a simple photograph, but infinitely important all the same; it was a moment in time when all of them were together and happy.

He used to spend hours staring at that photo, recounting all of the fun times that he had with the girls, but now, it was little more than a passing glance as he walked by. It was all he needed to get through the day.

Spike’s short trek through the library brought him down the stairs and, soon enough, into the kitchen. Even before he reached it, his nostrils filled with the mouth-watering scent of a well-cooked omelet. Sure enough, when he walked through the doorway, there she was: the mare of his dreams. She was already busy cooking up breakfast, humming a soft, happy tune as she flipped a vegetable omelet onto a plate.

“Morning, Rare,” Spike said through a yawn.

The white unicorn didn’t take her eyes off of the food, instead switching her attention to another pan, this one cooking an omelet encrusted with gems. A quick flip of the spatula and the eggy delight found a home on its own plate. “Back from the dead, are we?”

Spike could only scratch the back of his head, chuckling a sheepish chuckle as he made his way towards Rarity. “Yeah, well, you know how it is.” He wrapped a single arm around the mare’s neck, bringing her in close for a quick kiss on the forehead. “Did you get a good sleep last night?”

Giggling, Rarity coyly worked her way from under Spike’s arm, making it a point to stick her rump in the air. Not that Spike was staring. “Oh, I’m absolutely fine, but thank you for asking. Though I must admit, however well I’ve slept hardly compares to you.”

As Rarity made her way to the kitchen table, plates floating beside her, Spike could only look on, a confused eyebrow arched. “What do you mean by that?”

Rarity settled the plates on the table before shooting Spike a sly look. “Sometimes I simply take a moment to watch you before I begin my day, wondering what exactly is going on in that scaly head of yours. Though I can get a fairly good idea some mornings; you say the most adorable things in your sleep.”

Spike quickly turned his head towards the window, trying and failing to hide the faint hint of red spreading across his cheeks. Unfortunately, that cute little dose of embarrassment didn’t last long before a more somber sense of shame came to replace it. Though she didn’t explicitly state it, she didn’t need to in order for him to catch on. Sighing, Spike turned back towards his marefriend. “I woke you up again,” he said, shame behind his voice. “Listen, I’m sorry. I just—”

Rarity could already sense his discomfort even before he opened his mouth, and quickly held up a hoof, effectively shushing him. “Spike, it’s quite alright. Honestly, I’ve been meaning to wake up earlier as of late, so you’re actually doing me a favor. With the library starting to see more activity lately, I’d need to adjust accordingly sooner or later.”

Spike fixed his face to say something else, but simply nodded. “Right, right.” Slowly, he walked over towards the table, taking a seat in front of his meal. He brought his gaze down to the breakfast. The gems sprinkled throughout his omelet glistened in the morning sun shining through the window, making them seem all the more delectable. Not too long ago, he would’ve simply been unable to take his eyes away until his plate was cleaned to a near sheen. Now, he didn’t feel much of anything. He just sat there, staring at his plate, a small, somber frown on his face.

It just didn’t make any sense. It already didn’t make much sense before, but the more he thought about it, the less sense it made. He shouldn’t have felt like this. He knew he shouldn’t have. He was living the dream. For as long as he could remember, he’d dreamt of the day when he’d finally be able to call Rarity his, when he’d be able to wake up next to her every morning, and fall asleep with her every night. Now here he was with the mare that he sought after for so long, and he couldn’t even muster a smile, even with his favorite breakfast staring him right in the face. It just… didn’t feel right. That was all he could say to describe it; for some reason, it just didn’t feel right.

“You aren’t going to eat?”

Spike snapped up to attention only to find Rarity getting up from her seat, an empty plate floating in her magic. He looked back down at his plate. Even without touching it, he knew that it had gone cold. The most he could do was force a small smile and a quick, casual shrug. “Heh, sorry,” he muttered. “Guess I’m just not feeling that hungry today.”

Judging from the suspiciously raised eyebrow, it wasn’t difficult to assume that Rarity didn’t believe that. “Hmm, that doesn’t sound like the Spikey I know now, does it? You are nothing if not a bottomless pit.”

Again, Spike mustered a short laugh, scratching his head. “Yeah, well… sometimes you just have those days, ya know?”

A small, sly smirk tugged at the corners of Rarity’s mouth as she approached the sink. “‘Those days?’”

Spike was quick—perhaps a bit too quick—to nod. “Yep. Anyway, don’t worry. I’m fine,” Spike assured. “What about you? Did you get enough to eat?”

“Oh, but of course,” she said, placing her plate gently in the sink.

She sounded confident in her answer. In fact, she was confident in her answer. Still, Spike couldn’t get that concerned frown off of his face. “Are you sure? You know I can always whip something up if you’re still a bit hungry.”

A playful roll of the eyes was the most in way of reaction that Spike received. “Now Spike, you know that a lady must maintain her figure.” Her face softened into a sultry gaze as she turned back towards the dragon. “After all, I know that you certainly appreciate it.” A short chuckle escaped her muzzle as Spike tried to hide the inevitable blush. “But honestly, dear, I’m fine.” With an extra bit of pep in her step, she trotted up to her dashing partner, playfully grabbing his cheeks. “You need to stop worrying so much. Too much stress never does the body any good.”

Even with his cheeks squished, Spike managed to utter, “Right, right.”

“Now come on.” Rarity leant in, planting a quick kiss on Spike’s lips before releasing him. “You finish your food and I’ll get started on reorganizing the books. The sooner we can finish our work, the sooner we can have our… us time.” A quick wink and Rarity sauntered out of the kitchen, leaving Spike to finish his meal in peace. Or rather, that was the plan.

In truth, Spike was in anything but peace, and nothing he did, nothing that she did, helped distract him from that. Ever since his talk with Twilight, everything just felt… different. Wrong. He couldn’t stop looking at Rarity in the wrong way. Every cough, every slight stagger in her walk, sent small jolts of panic up his spine. She’d always say that she was fine, but she just didn’t seem as bright as she did before. If Twilight really knew what she was talking about, then it was only a matter of time before Rarity...

Spike immediately shook his head, clearing his mind of those negative thoughts. He wasn’t going to think like that, not now. Rarity was going to be fine. Everything was going to be fine. He’d make sure of that. He brought his gaze back down to his food. Finally picking up his fork, he cut away a piece and popped it into his mouth.

Another frown appeared on his face. He was right. It had gone cold. A tired sigh passed through his lips as he got up from the table, plate in hand. Approaching the garbage bin, he tilted his plate down, letting the omelet slide off, joining the waste in the bin below. After tossing the plate into the sink, he made his way back out into the main lobby.

Just like Rarity said, she was already working on reorganizing the books, numerous floating around her as she placed them back into their respective shelves. Spike’s mouth curled up into a small smile as he watched her work. At this point, though, he had no idea if it was genuine or if he was simply trying to put on a happy mask. It was just a smile, no more, no less.

“Ah, so you were hungry after all?” Rarity playfully asked when she laid eyes on the dragon.

Spike stretched out his arms as he approached one of the many bookshelves lining the library walls. “My stomach thought so, I guess.”

A short giggle escaped Rarity’s lips. “See? Just like I said, darling. Bottomless pit. Even you don’t know your own limits anymore.”

“Yeah,” Spike muttered. “I guess not.” Sighing, Spike looked up the bookshelf before him. Just by scanning his eyes across it, he could tell that they were all out of order again. School foals were like miniature hurricanes when they needed to gather research material.

Off to his side, he heard Rarity scoff. “Spike, let me ask you a question. It’s something that I quite don’t understand yet.”

It was a simple enough request, yet it somehow managed to send a jolt of panic up Spike’s spine all the same. “Uh, y-yeah?”

“I understand that they’re young, but surely it isn’t too difficult for foals to place these books back where they found them. Honestly, the number that I’ve found on the floor is simply appalling. Twilight would blow a gasket if she saw the library in such a state.”

Rarity couldn’t see it, but Spike’s mouth twisted back into a frown, his eyes falling to the ground. “Yeah, I’m… I’m sure she would.”

“Actually, how has she been doing lately?”

And just like that, Spike’s eyes shot back up to Rarity. She, however, still kept her eyes focused on her work. “Huh?” Spike dumbly uttered.

“You never did tell me how your talk with her went.” Finally, Rarity brought her gaze down to Spike, a hint of worry behind her eyes. “She is okay, right?”

Spike’s face twisted into a slight grimace as he thought back to Twilight, to the things she’d said. Her warnings. He quickly shook them from his mind, putting on another happy face. “Uh, yeah, she’s fine,” he said, only stating a half-truth. “We just did some, uh… some catching up, is all.”

Despite his attempt at a casual attitude, the worry in Rarity’s eyes had yet to go away. “Are you certain? She didn’t seem very happy when she saw me.”

The wide, dumb grin on Spike’s face only grew wider and dumber as he scratched the back of his head. “I-I mean, yeah, she’s been a bit stressed out by all of her royal duties, but, uh, she’s doing great. Really.”

Rarity’s face softened from that concerned gaze, resting into something stoic and unreadable. It was a face she had gotten into the habit of wearing whenever she thought of what to say next. Still, Spike knew for a fact that her concern wasn’t completely gone. “I… see,” she finally said. “Well, perhaps we should spend more time with her the next time she visits.”

Again, Spike’s face fell into that pained frown as he looked back up at the bookcase. “Yeah. Next time,” he muttered.

If there was anything else that Rarity wanted to say, then it’d have to wait. A sudden knock at the door grabbed the attention of both of them. Immediately, the unicorn’s face lit up. “Ah, it seems our customers are finally arriving.” After placing the last of her books in their respective places, she trotted up to the door, pulling it open to greet the new visitor as well as the new day.

While she was busy meeting and greeting, Spike took the moment to just look at her. As in, really look at her. As bothersome as that niggling worry was, he couldn’t deny that there wasn’t a single detail about her that was out of place. An immaculate coat, a brilliantly shining mane and tail, plucked eyelashes, and mannerisms that brought a sense of formality to even the rowdiest of locales. She was, for all intents and purposes, Rarity. She was perfect. Perhaps that was the problem.

“Spike? Spike!”

Spike immediately snapped out of it, looking down at his marefriend. “Uh, yeah? What do ya need?”

“I need you to check downstairs to see if you can find a copy of Magical Algorithms for Foals. I can’t seem to find one up here.”

Spike quickly turned his attention towards the stallion waiting by the front door, nervously smiling at the dragon. A slight frown cracked onto Spike’s face as he noted the pony’s unease, but he didn’t let it bother him too much. “Yeah. Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in a minute.” As he turned towards the basement door, he shoved all of those worrying thoughts back into the recesses of his mind. He wasn’t doing himself or Rarity any favors by letting them distract him all of the time.

In spite of his worries, in spite of everything Twilight told him, he was confident that everything would work out in due time. He’d do whatever he needed to in order to ensure that.

Chapter 2-1

Lexxus had never been to Ponyville’s library, a fact that, while unusual even to her, wasn’t necessarily surprising. Yes, she’d gone a whole month without visiting one of the town’s most notable landmarks, but with everything that she was already going through, coping without the queen and adjusting to this new life in general, she had far too much on her mind to even sleep peacefully at night, let alone engross herself in a book.

However, given her most recent developments, she decided to make the time for a visit. Of course, the circumstances in this particular instance were a smidgen more different than simply visiting to borrow a few books. A window of opportunity had finally been opened wide enough to give her a fair chance and she wasn’t about to spurn it.

It was a bit silly, honestly. Ever since her little chat with Spike, she actually had a bit of difficulty finding ways to distract herself for the rest of the day. It was that annoying sense of anticipation that made time suddenly tick by at a snail’s pace even if it was flying by mere moments before. As for what the anticipation was for, Lexxus liked to believe that it was simply because she finally had a decent chance at landing a job. However, she knew deep down that it wasn’t that simple.

There was just something brewing in the pit of her gut that didn’t sit right with her. Something about that dragon simply wouldn’t stop bothering her. Perhaps it was his genuinely friendly nature, perhaps it was that painful past of his, or perhaps it was something else entirely. What it was, she didn’t know, nor did she feel she needed to find out. She had found the closest thing to a friend since she came to this town, and that was enough. The most she could do was push those other bothersome thoughts to the back of her mind and focus on the task at hoof. So, as she flew over Ponyville’s busy streets, that was exactly what she did.

The actual trip to the library was a fair bit longer than she expected. Having to travel to Ponyville proper from the tree that doubled as her bed was already a bit lengthy, but it seemed that the library was a fair ways outside the town limits as well, which was a bit odd. Then again, ‘odd’ might not have been the right word to use, at least not when one knew the history behind the town.

During its long trial through time, Ponyville had several of its buildings torn down and rebuilt. Of course, the positions of some of these buildings changed during their reconstruction, so in a sense, the town ‘crawled’ from its original position throughout the decades. However, certain buildings, such as the library, persevered, withstanding the test of time and remaining untouched. This, of course, meant that they were left behind while the town moved further and further away. As a result, Golden Oaks Library sat quite a distance away from the town proper.

An interesting piece of history, one that Lexxus only discovered through talk from her colleagues, but ultimately inconsequential as far as she was concerned. The library was still in reasonable reach, and that was all that mattered.

Still, as the grand, repurposed tree came into view, she couldn’t help but note that it did look rather… lonely, for lack of a better term. Yes, it looked as though it was taken care of, still maintaining that bright, warm color to it, but there was still an air of isolation about it. Somehow, Lexxus found a way to relate to that lonely feeling.

Touching down in front of the library, Lexxus trotted up to the door. However, just as she was about to knock, something stopped her. Stranger still, she recognized that ‘something’. It was the same ‘something’ that she felt during her journey here. The same one she felt during her short talk with Spike.

Even though it felt like it came back in full force, it was still the subtlest of feelings, something that she couldn’t exactly place a hoof on. Her heart was fine. Her breathing was fine. Her body wasn’t shaking or trembling in the slightest. But something still felt… not necessarily wrong, just unfamiliar.

Lexxus blinked, focusing back on the present. She was just overreacting. No doubt, it was just her nerves getting to her. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Goodness, she couldn’t even count the amount of times Queen Chrysalis had left her absolutely terrified.

Chuckling at that little thought, Lexxus knocked on the door. Taking a small step back, as well as a deep breath, she casually crossed her forelegs and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

After spending a sufficient amount of time waiting without receiving a response, a small frown cracked onto Lexxus’ face. Stepping back up to the door, she knocked again.

“Hello? Spike? It’s me, Lexxus. From… from yesterday? Anyone?” Still nothing. He must’ve been there. He told her yesterday that he’d be. Perhaps he just couldn’t hear her from wherever he was. Or he simply wasn’t there at all. That was another very possible fact, inconvenient as it was. Still, she wasn’t going to find out standing out there. After all, though it served as a home, it was a public library.

Placing a hoof on the door, Lexxus pushed. Sure enough, it was unlocked, and gently eased open, granting her access to the building and all that was inside it. However, that may not have necessarily been a good thing.

As soon as the door opened, she was met with an intense blast of bitter emotion in the air. It wasn’t simply lingering about in trace amounts like it did outside. No, the air was completely flooded with the stuff. Not just that, but it was potent, contained and concentrated within the library walls. With the door open, it all poured out, washing over Lexxus like a tidal wave, practically choking her.

An absolute cocktail of negative emotion—sadness, pain, regret, anger—sent her to her knees as she fought back the urge to vomit. Using whatever senses she retained during this emotional assault, she staggered off to the side of the door. It wasn’t far enough to completely escape, but it at least got her away from the worst of it.

As the library emptied itself of its payload, Lexxus leant against the library, hoping that the cool bark would quell the absolutely pounding headache she was suffering. Now her heart was racing. Now her body was shaking. She couldn’t even get two breaths out before she broke into a coughing fit. In all of her life, during her exposure to the world outside of the Hive, never had she experienced such a powerful blast of emotion, positive or negative.

That all couldn’t have been from Spike. After all, with it being a public building, any number of ponies could’ve stopped by in a sour mood, inadvertently adding to that emotional maelstrom. Still, she couldn’t deny that it all felt far too similar. Far too similar to that pained nostalgia she felt coming off of him yesterday. She couldn’t even imagine how it must’ve felt inside.

Thankfully, more than enough time passed to let the library ‘air out’, so to speak. With the emotions back down to more bearable levels, Lexxus steeled herself and took those first tentative steps into the library.

The air inside was still bitter, unsurprisingly. Not enough to send Lexxus back to her knees, but still enough to make her uncomfortable. It was a shame. If it weren’t for that, she’d have immediately felt comfortable in the library’s interior.

Though it was no doubt around for decades, it still had a rather homely feel to it. Of course, various shelves lined the walls on either side of her, all of them filled to the absolute brim with books, but it was the personal touches that really made it feel like a home.

It did have a bit of a ‘lived in’ feel to it. Numerous stacks of books, some short, others tall, dotted the sides of the lobby. Lexxus likely would’ve wondered why those weren’t shelved as well, but she quickly noticed that all of the shelves were full. There seemed to be a few blank places along the wall where more bookshelves were supposed to go, but it didn’t look like any of them had been set up yet. The average pony might’ve felt a bit cramped in the admittedly messy room, but for Lexxus, it hardly felt any different than living in the Hive. At least the library had livelier splashes of color.

Of course, all of the little, quaint decorations in the world wouldn’t be enough to distract Lexxus from a single, obvious fact: Spike was nowhere to be seen. Not on that floor, at least. Her eyes drifted over to the stairs leading to the upper levels, no doubt where the owner’s personal quarters would be. If there was ever a place to check, that’d be the one.

Slowly, being careful not to knock over any of the book towers, Lexxus inched towards the stairs. “Um, Spike?” she called. “A-are you up there?”

This time, she received a response, and it was immediate. “Uh, coming!” Heavy footsteps and creaking floorboards rang from the library’s upper floor as Spike made his way towards the stairs.

As she stood there, Lexxus’ mouth curled into a small, concerned frown. If she didn’t know better, she’d have said that his rapid footsteps sounded a bit frantic, but she was likely just getting worried over nothing again.

In almost no time at all, Spike appeared at the top of the stairs, looking down into the lobby below. He fixed his mouth into a welcoming smile as he laid eyes on his sudden visitor. “Oh, hey. Uh, Lexxus, right?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Heh, I knew you sounded familiar,” Spike said, descending the stairs. “So, I’m guessing you wanna have another hour long chat on changelings?” he jokingly asked.

Thankfully, in spite of her nerves, Lexxus found it within herself to chuckle. It seemed like Spike’s playful demeanor managed to rub off onto her. “Only if you wouldn’t mind another lecture.”

Sucking his teeth, Spike waved a nonchalant hand. “Please. You wish you could hear the stuff I’ve had to sit through. Or sleep through.”

Though the two shared a quick laugh, it wasn’t long before Lexxus’ mouth curled back into a small frown. Spike may have been wearing a smile, but he was completely leaking sorrow. “Um, are you okay?” Lexxus meekly asked.

“Hmm? Uh, yeah, I’m fine. What made you ask?”

Lexxus opened her mouth, but no words came out. For a moment, she considered confront Spike about these emotions that she kept sensing from him. In the end, however, she decided that that was his business. “I… was just curious, is all.”

She could tell from his dubious expression that he didn’t completely believe her, but he dropped it all the same, instead taking a cursory glance around the library. A slight grimace cracked onto his face as he noted the numerous book piles waiting to be shelved. “Man, I’ve really been slacking,” he muttered. After clearing his throat, he turned back towards Lexxus. “So, what can I do for ya? Wanna check out a book or two?”

As soon as he asked the question, Lexxus’ eyes went wide as though it caught her by surprise. Her sense of casualness was promptly overridden by a familiar sense of anxiety. “Oh, um, about that,” she nervously muttered. “I’m… I’m not actually here for books.”

At that, Spike arched a curious eyebrow. “Really? Then what are you here for?” It likely wasn’t his intention to make Lexxus feel nervous or intimidated in the slightest, so when she seemed to shrink down under his gaze, her eyes finding their way to the floor, it was hardly surprising that he felt a tad confused. “Hey, are you okay?”

“No, no. I’m fine,” she quickly said. “It’s just that… Well, I was wondering. It just seems like you could use some help keeping this place tidy.” She motioned towards the numerous stacks of books surrounding them.

Spike took another glance at them as well, a hint of embarrassment flaring up in his cheeks. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’ve been having trouble keeping up.”

In an instant, Lexxus perked up, a wide smile on her face. “Great! I-I mean, not great that you’re having some difficulty with the library, but great that you could use help keeping it…” She trailed off as Spike’s confused gaze bore right into her very being. Quickly, she cleared her throat, regaining a calmer, more professional posture. She finally managed to shove that anxiety out of her system, so it was in her favor to just get it over with before it returned. “I just wanted to know if you’d be willing to let me help you. Around the library.”

Spike’s eyes went wide, his confusion giving way to surprise. “Really? You wanna help me? With this?” he asked, making a wide wave towards the entire library and the absolute mess it was in. Lexxus simply nodded, her face flat and stoic, effectively hiding the nervous, desperate wreck just underneath the surface. Spike took a step back, his hand finding its way to his chin. “Huh. Nopony’s ever asked before. Hmm…”

While Spike contemplated on his decision, the slightest of frowns made its way onto Lexxus’ face. She didn’t like that tone. It was a tone that she became very acquainted with during her search for a job. It was a tone that always signaled her inevitable rejection. Hearing that same tone from Spike, admittedly, was worrying, but Lexxus couldn’t show it. Not the slightest sign of weakness. To do so would’ve only hurt her chances. She needed to remain calm and composed.

Spike still kept his gaze skyward, still trying to make a decision. Finally, he just shrugged. “Eh, alright.”

Lexxus’ calm mask shattered under the disappointment as a tired sigh passed through her muzzle. “I see,” she said, voice low and somber. She honestly didn’t know what else she was expecting. Wishful thinking, she supposed. “Regardless, thank you for considering.”

Spike nodded, a warm smile on his face. “Yeah, don’t mention it. I just hope you don’t mind dust, ‘cause—” In the blink of an eye, his smile turned into a confused frown as his brain finally processed what he had just heard. “Wait, what?” It wasn’t every day that Spike found himself far too confused to properly speak, but as he watched Lexxus’ drooping, defeated form slowly shamble towards the front door, he promptly found himself far too confused to properly speak. “Was it something I said?” he muttered.

“Well, if you do change your mind,” Lexxus continued, growing closer to the door, “as I said before, you can find me up in that single, lonely—” And just like that, she came to a halt right before the threshold, her head snapping back up as she finally registered Spike’s answer. Eyes still wide with disbelief, she looked back at him. “Wait. You said ‘yes’?”

Slowly, cautiously, Spike glanced to his left. Then to his right. For a moment, he actually wondered if he did actually say what he thought he said. “Um… yes?” he finally said, the uncertainty finding its way into his own voice.

“Oh.” Clearing her throat, Lexxus quickly turned back towards the dragon in a horribly futile attempt to save face. “Well… thank you.” In her mind, Lexxus was joyously screaming bloody murder, putting on a little song and dance as a month’s worth of stress and worry practically flung themselves from her shoulders. She wanted to hug Spike so tightly that she left imprints on his scales, she didn’t care how ‘unprofessional’ it may have seemed.

On the surface, however, she was just as quiet as she was when she first arrived, that calm mask of her hiding the absolute mayhem occurring right behind her eyes. To even attempt any form of speech would’ve been akin to breaking down a dam. Spike was silent as well, though that was likely just because he hadn’t the slightest clue what to say next. As a result, the two stood in a fairly awkward silence that was occasionally broken by a random cough or the shuffling of nervous hooves against the hardwood floor.

Finally, after she was completely certain that she had herself back under feasible control, Lexxus took in a deep breath. “So,” she began, finally shattering the silence, “what exactly do you want me to do?”

“Oh, uh…” Spike scratched the back of his head as he took another glance at the library around him and the mess that it lay in. “Well, business has been pretty slow lately, so I guess now’s as good a time as any to clean the place up. I’m guessing you won’t mind any manual labor, right?”

“Not at all,” Lexxus answered, an eager smile finding its way onto her face. “Just tell me what needs to be done.”

Spike heaved a heavy sigh as he put his thoughts together. “Right. So… before we put all of these books away, they’re gonna need a good dusting. But even after they’re dusted, we won’t be able to put them anywhere until we set up the shelves down in the basement. They’ve been down there a while, so they’re gonna need dusting too. And they’re heavy, but I can take care of that. As for the books that are shelved? Well, they’re kinda, maybe, sorta, really unorganized, so we’ll have to fix that too. After we dust them off, of course, ‘cause they’ve been sitting there for a while. Actually, now that I think about, the whole library could use some cleaning. Place has been a giant dust ball for a couple of months now.” Spike very well could’ve kept listing off that large number of tasks that needed to be done, but he promptly stopped himself when he set his eyes back on Lexxus. “Uh, does that sound alright with you?” he sheepishly asked.

Lexxus’ smile didn’t falter in the slightest as she nodded. “Will that be all?”